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septimaseverina · 11 months ago

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Why Am I Getting Back to Tolkien's Fandom : The Holding No Grudge And About D*mn Time to Take Unhealthy Memory Away off My Chest.

TW & CW: Shitpost. Long Post. Rambling. Millenial Gen's Stuffs. A Bit of Language. Mention of Bullying. Mention of Depressive Disorder.

(You can skip this post.)

Okay, I think it's time to manifest myself from what I'd held as grudge for years. Because this post reminds me, in the positive way.

I've started to fond of and love The Lord of the Rings when I was in my primary school; my younger brother and my sweetest best friend forever introduced me to the Middle Earth, and yes, I fall for this magical and charming fandom right away. We can talk about LOTR universe for hours.

When I was in middle school, I met my another best friend forever. She loves many things, which similar to me, one of them - LOTR universe. And we were like many teenage girls who have big crush over Legolas and Aragorn, we had been co-writing modern girls in Middle Earth fan fic, also she even illustrated our writing. Her arts are unique and incredible.

Time went by, I was lucky again to meet the friends who shared the love of LOTR in high school (somes stop contacting friends after graduating and somes get the new lives - lifestyle changing). But all the joys from the Middle Earth weren't lessen, I drew fanarts and exchanging fics in friends' circle. We knew that our fics were cringy, but we were enjoying and care-free to write.

At University, that was the peak of fondness and love toward LOTR universe. Before The Hobbit : Unexpected Journey dropped, they released DVDs - extended limited edition with beautiful artworks on iron boxes, including BTS. Thought they were getting my allowance much, but I was willing as a fan (I still remember I must had instant noodles as meals for half month 🤣). And I kept rewatching them whever I wanted, instead of the old VCDs. And I was super happy, because my professors are fans of LOTR too. Sometimes they talked about films and books in classes, but I didn't mind. And it was surprised that a teacher in my faculty is the one who translating the main trilogy books, she was my another best friend forever's professor!

When The Hobbit was dropped, me and my younger brother went watching the film at theatre in the city, with new Dolby Atmost system and super ultra HD screen. That was good experience.

But that time, I had been in one Japanese Anime+Manga's fandom too, since I was in 11th grade. In the community's webboard, I had spent most time in Fan Fiction forum. Because I wrote many fics, I happeneing to befriend with many lovely members.

And when I moved to University and a member in my circle returned back from Canada, we held many meetings. We usually roastes on junks-so-called-novels many times, then we established a webboard for writing parodies and satires to those shits with our totally new OCs - which not related to any fandoms. And yes, in the circle, LOTR and The Hobbit Trilogy are everyone's favourite. We talked about them for hours in webboard's chatted box.

In new webboard, we took turns on theme and universes for our OCs, for writing novels and roleplaying. And we all knew that if one OC has romantic relationship with another in each universe, it have to be fixed in those universes. No crossing. But it happened. By the one who returned from Canada and I was always respecting her as close as sister. Then I felt so bad about her, but I never talk to anyone in the group, except my best bitches forever who happened to be my roomate that time.

She did that many times, people who involved with the characters were confused, but let her did them. The real things are she becoming the real bitch and arsehole. And I swear, I'm not lying. Many people in the group I've still befriended with seeing what she had done to me and others, like a jerk.

Twice (or three) meetings, I didn't be at the places on times because of traffic jams. I did say sorry to everybody, they forgave me, but that bitch acted like she was idiot. Yes. After we agreed what would we had for lunches, she hit her head to the back rest, or sometimes, making complains but not directly. And they were not end easily, she kept sabotaging me on chatted box in front of everyone. A few friends soothed me that they were alright. Until one day, when the last Hobbit's film was dropping, we discusses in chatted box, I mentioned; Which characters in Tolkienverse were alike to our OCs.

Yep. It was like volcano erupting gravely and heavily. She threw tantrum over me about how dare I calling myself as a fan, why did I state some headcanons which weren't popular (and don't suit with her preferences) and why was I being the big fucking idiot - talking shits. And she couldn't stand me anymore. So I apologise her of what had I done wrong. After that, whenever I posted things on my Facebook which did not concern about her at all, she usually roasted me or the proper word was carping.

Whilst at the world outside internet, I had been stressful for years, since my Russian grammar examination's scores were awful. I couldn't be able to enjoy many things which usually gave me joy and happiness, including Tolkienverse. I told myself that they were just stress, and they would go away. But they didn't

Every single time I picked up the book or DVD, my thought was keep getting back to that slut. Even my best friends forever couldn't help me in long term. I stopped rewatching all films and re-reading all books, and retreating myself to be alone. That's the time I have depressive disorder. The cause isn't entirely because of that wench, but she is a part in this whole rubbish things.

Can you believe? I had been abandoned Tolkineverse for 10 years. Everytime I saw anything relating, I felt so bad and going down, even lower than the ground - living in the hole might be precisely.

But, last year, I've been recovered and (kinda) back from the death. I manage, deal and break all traumas; since I've this thought - "Why am I let those shits and nonsense which consuming my happiness and stealing my joy as human away? I must fight them, confront them and destroying them, If I want to be happy again with my life and enjoying things around me, including long lost fandoms.

I've been breaking down in processes many times, but I make it out alive. Also, those things truly go away and became only past traumas which I can talk about them without being triggered.

As you've seen, I reblog many stuffs from multifandom that seem like they're new, but no, somes are my old loves. Tolkienverse is one of my old loves. I won't tolerate to live with bullshits from one whore, who doesn't have anything to do with me. No more! She had haunted me and taken all my joys as her entertainment too long, even I've stopped contacting her for years. WHO THE HELL IS SHE? HOW DARE SHE?

I'm gonna let all grudges and the ghost of that bitch's going away with this post. Times up. I'm not a puppet for anyone to manipulate me. I'm human. I don't have to be a people-pleaser to make every one loves or likes me anymore. And I'm not gonna let others taking my happiness and joy away in harsh way. I'm gonna stand strong, tall and proud. Because what I've loved and fond of are not crime. Myself must come first.

Fuck all people who messed up with me and my life. Take your ugly arses to hell or whever you prefer. I hated you all once, but now, you are nothing more than garbages I can throw away and forgetting now.

#sept.txt #phewwwwwwwwww #that's feel so good #but I won't do it again in near future #also things I love come back to me right now

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headspace-hotel · 4 years ago

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do you have any book recommendations? like some of your favorite books of all time, fiction or nonfiction.

The Lies of Locke Lamora is great, and the rest of the Gentleman Bastard series. Major warnings for violence and general dark and disturbing stuff, and a truly impressive amount of swearing (that is, at times, super entertaining.)

I also really enjoyed the Divine Cities trilogy by Robert Jackson Bennett (though the second book is my favorite—they can each be read on their own).

This is pretty classic but The Lord of the Rings still holds up as some of the best fantasy ever written and I adore its hopeful message.

Um. If you’re more into contemporary lit the book “we are the ants” made me cry So Much because it’s like. one of those books that makes you think about why we’re alive and why staying alive is worth it and it’s...good. Another rec if you wanna cry like a little bitch is definitely A Monster Calls by Patrick ness. It Hurted

If we’re gonna get into nonfiction, there’s this book What If? by Randall Munroe (you might know his webcomic, xkcd) where he just answers the stupidest possible questions in great scientific detail. Such as “What would happen if we drained the oceans?” And “What would happen if we dumped the oceans on mars?” And “What if you just started rising off the ground spontaneously at a rate of a foot per second?” and weird crap like that. It’s delightful.

one of the best middle grade books I’ve read was the twistrose key by Tone Almhjell...it just felt so rich and magical and books like that are rare.

the Herbert Mason rendition of the epic of Gilgamesh fuckinh ruined me. I could feel who I was as a person being broken down and rebuilt.

Uhhhh if you ever want to read about Trauma, there’s this amazing book about it called The Body Keeps the Score by Dr. Bessel Van der Kolk and i imagine it’d be triggering af in places for some people but on some level it’s just the coolest shit how deeply committed your brain and your body are to protecting you? Like we can adapt and rewrite and rewire ourselves inside to survive unimaginable things and it’s amazing. Like nothing will ever love you like you love yourself. Biologically, physically, psychologically. You are made to stay alive

another life-changing nonfiction book is Tribe by Sebastian Junger abd there are probably books that say everything better and he probably has problematic ideas in there but this book forever changed my outlook on the world. Basically it’s about how our most fundamental survival instincts are all about helping each other and caring for each other and sacrificing for each other and individualism is a lie because we are just so deeply wired to NEED one another. reading it in 2020 is a big oof because he lowkey predicted a bunch of things back in 2016 when it was published...big fucking oof

Yeah those are the ones that come immediately to mind.

#books #book recs #book recommendations #reading #fiction #nonfiction

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readingaway · 2 years ago

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NO!

I am sure I have gone on about my very strong opinion on this before, but once again. If there's one thing I despise in a book, it's preaching and if there's one attitude I despise about books it's the expectation for there to be a lesson in it. Since the religion/ religious environment I grew up in has specific teachings regarding books and media, in which people are told to only consume (and I am using that word purposefully) media that is "wholesome," and will "improve the mind," the stuff that people watch, read, and listen to is sterile, stale, and heavily policed. I know there's a tumblr essay somewhere about one of the common features of christian fiction being the expectation for the book to avoid depictions of anything that might upset the christian reader, and for that story to be teaching the reader a lesson about something. (relates to why so many christian books are sexless romances, there being a whole genre of which is "Amish romances", trite YA/ middle grade, trite adult books about dealing with a major life change but without any swearing, sex, etc, historical fiction christian romances, historical fiction family dramas, scripture fiction, scripture romances, or "holocaust porn.")

And in recent years this need for books to be teaching devices has permeated back over into the rest of fiction. I'm listening to a historical fiction book right now and at the beginning there was a disclaimer about some of the terms used, that the author is aware that "slave" vs "enslaved person" is more socially acceptable now etc, and as best I can figure, it's something the publishing company wanted because there's just that many teens and young adults who will cause trouble for the author if it's not stated explicitly at the front that the author does not condone the terminology used in history. It's also become increasingly common for there to be "left-wing" preaching in books, particularly or specifically in YA. I might be more aware of preaching of any kind in books either from my background or because I have read so many 19th-early 20th century (children's) novels, but taking time out of the narrative to explain to the audience why X is good or Y is bad or why character decides Z thing, or creating situations in the story to teach the audience about Being Sensitive or Trusting Your Friends or something has been all over YA published in the last 5 years. I also read middle grade and the occassional children's book to keep up with the genres and... there's less preaching in those than in recent YA. These books are often written with a strong theme or with a plot meant to teach, and the teaching is more subtle than the preaching in books for teens. It's weird.

So... I read because I enjoy it (and it's something I can always reliably do, easily achievable goals, unlike pretty much everything else in my life) and I enjoy sating curiousity and going along for a ride. I am not looking to be told how to be a good person. There's already more than enough of that everywhere else.

Weekly Bookish Question #326 (February 26th - March 4th)

Do you feel like every book can and should teach something? Why (not)?

#sorry for the rant but that's a trigger question for me

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mellowmoonn · 4 years ago

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Writing Help - Genres

As a writer, you really need to know what age group you intend to write for. Depending on the age, you may need to censor yourself or glaze over some heavier topics. Think of ATLA and how they never actually stated Jet died but instead insinuated it. Or, in YA novels when characters get close and the narrator skips over the most NSFW parts of the sex scene.

Disclaimer: Keep in mind I’m writing from my knowledge and what I remember reading at a certain age. Some research has been done for accuracy. I also don’t enjoy adult novels, particularly because they tend to be too much for me (...there tends to be lots of NSFW). With that said, forgive me if the examples aren’t amazing.

Who Do You Want to Write For?

Understanding who you want to write for makes the process much easier. If you want to write horror books for children because there aren’t enough of them, great. You can then proceed to write down your ideas and focus on the scare factor as well as how detailed you want your descriptions to be. Less is more, especially for younger kids. A single sentence in middle-grade horror can disturb even me. And trust me, most things don’t bother me.

Once you know what to write for, you can study your demographic more. By that, I simply mean what people your age are interested in. This isn’t saying you cannot write what you want to for who you want to write it for, but looking at the demographics will get your book(s) out there. For example, children might not enjoy or understand romance but gravitate more to adventure, comedy, slice of life, or superhero stuff.

What Do These Genres Entail?

You need to know what you’re getting yourself into when you write, so I’m going to give you a shortlist of genres and the content that is appropriate for each. Assuming most aren’t writing for children younger than 5, I won’t include those genres.

Remember to do your own research.

Children (5-8)

Due to childhood development, this genre varies quite a bit. I’ll generalize for simplicity.

Children between the ages of five and eight typically begin to independently read. Development varies, but using simpler language and including pictures aids them in taking in the content and understanding it.

From younger to older children: picture books, comics, short chapter books. It depends on their development and interests as well.

Even in picture books, these are usually longer than for younger children. They never exceed 100 pages and often have larger fonts.

Characters are usually animals or younger children (some with their parents).

Book examples: Pete the Cat, Poppleton, The Magic Tree House, Fantastic Mr. Fox

Middle Grade (8-12)

Pictures are still relevant sometimes, but it depends on the book. Most kids this age can visualize and don’t need much unless it’s something like fantasy or horror (Coraline has an edition with pictures as well as a disturbing graphic novel).

Slang begins to be included at this age and more mature language. Depending on the book, simple swears like “crap” or “damn” may be used. Insults begin to pop up as jokes and body humor are more appropriate at this age.

Sometimes romance makes its way into these books, but kids these ages still gravitate to things that aren’t so “gross.”

Middle-Grade books begin to exceed that 100-page mark and chapter book series with a logical plot and/or order comes about.

Characters are typically human, but supernatural creatures are popular in novels in this age group.

Book examples: Coraline, Ramona’s World, Because of Winn Dixie, Charlotte’s Web, Goosebumps

Young Adult (12-18)

You (typically) won’t catch pictures in a YA book, rather vivid descriptions. The only time pictures are in books is when maps are included. Pictures are an author’s choice.

YA is also a very large genre with varying developmental stages. Some books gravitate more to middle grade, others new adult.

The genres of books boom in YA because so much more can be done. You will catch books that are strictly romance, others crime, and even mystery.

Swearing is no longer avoided in YA novels. Characters will openly say fuck a thousand times and no one looks twice.

YA books tend to have deeper conversations than books for younger audiences. Killing off main characters isn’t looked down upon. These books also tend to speak about and represent sex, but never in grave detail. Characters will never get past removing clothing. The issue of sex in YA is also a controversial topic that is pretty interesting when looked into.

The themes of YA books are ones that teenagers typically experience. This could be gender, sexuality, self-worth, etc.

YA books are usually between 200 and 500 pages. It depends on whether it is a novella, stand-alone, or series.

Characters are in middle or high school, to which the readers can relate to. The home and parents are also relevant. Lots of talk about family life and such.

Book Examples: The Fault in Our Stars, The Book Thief, Divergent, The Hunger Games, The Catcher in the Rye

New Adult (18-25)

Once again, pictures are usually maps and such.

NA does everything a YA does in more detail. It’s the genre for people who like YA but want a bit more or don’t want to be held back as much. When your target audience doesn’t involve children, your creative freedom can run (nearly) wild.

Sex scenes are explicit. No one questions a sex scene in a NA, nor censors them in the way YA does. The narrator doesn’t have to glaze over this, rather describing the emotional and physical aspects of it as they would with anything else.

In comparison to YA, NA books tackle different themes. A NA book might not focus on growing up, rather the independence or struggle of having grown up. More adult things such as struggles for housing and finance might arise differently than it would to someone younger watching their parents struggle and going down along with them.

NA books tend to fall in the same page range as YA books. Again, very similar, but not the same. Think of YA as the bridge between YA and Adult. A little more, but not too much.

Characters are typically between the age range of the readers, but they don’t have to be.

Book Examples: A Court of Thorns and Roses, Lily and the Octopus, Red White and Royal Blue, Code Name: Verity, The Good Girl

Adult (25+)

Keep in mind that I do not read adult books...

I’ve never heard of photos in adult novels. Correct me if I am wrong.

Nothing is really off-limits in adult books. Anything you could ever want to write about can fit in this genre. Period pieces, historical fiction, horror, and autobiographies are often found as adult books.

Pieces are much more complex than those meant for younger audiences such as a YA or NA. They also tackle more difficult topics such as racism and abuse in more mature ways. It’s much easier to cover something like that in a book for older audiences than younger ones because you don’t necessarily have to simplify things. Focusing on the experiences of the character as if it were of coming of age isn’t as important.

The detail in adult books also changes in comparison to books for younger audiences. Whereas violence maybe something quick and easy, an adult book will drag it with vivid details. In Cirque du Freak, a middle-grade novel, the tearing of a person’s arm was described in two sentences in a way that made the reader imagine what an arm tearing would be like. In an adult book, you best be sure you’ll be reading about anatomy and immense amounts of gore.

Adult books can be short or extremely long. It depends on the genre once you hit adult books, as attention span isn’t much of a big deal anymore.

The characters in an adult book can be any age. It’s the content at this point and not who’s reading. An adult book can follow a tween/teen, an adult, or an elderly person. It doesn’t matter. What does matter is how you handle what is happening to certain characters. For example, if your character is a minor, you shouldn’t be writing graphic sex scenes.

Book Examples: The Help, The Girl on the Train, The Handmaid’s Tale, The Kite Runner, The Shining

Conclusions

I feel like I could write more in this post, but I won’t. It will be much too long if I say anymore. It’s really up to what you like and the way you want to execute it. As a newer reader, I find that I like YA novels but gravitate to the grittier or mature ones. I dislike sex scenes, so the intimacy in YA is just enough for me.

For my writing, I want to write a NA that can achieve what I like and in the way I enjoy it. In my reading endeavors, these past eight months, the Feverwake duology (my ever mentioned series...) has hit what I enjoy. While it is categorized as YA, the second book leans more toward NA and I love that. The way the author writes is also similar to the way I do, which is cool.

In the end, do what you love. Keep your audience in mind and remember that you don’t have to fit yourself into one genre. James Patterson wrote books for children and adults. Have I read any of his works? No, but I have family and friends who do enjoy or have enjoyed his work. You wanna write a book for your younger sibling? Do it. You want to write a book you need or want? Do it. You want to write a book that will make adults feel like children again? Do it.

You’re the writer and write for a reason. Keep writing a passion, not a chore.

[Gif from Ouran High School Host Club]

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sleepingfancies · 6 years ago

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We Need to Talk About SJM

I was recently anonymously asked what exactly my issue with Sarah Jane Maas is, and ended up writing what was essentially a thesis paper about it. Unfortunately, Tumblr pulled a Shitty Website move and deleted everything I wrote under the ‘read more’ tab, so I’m compiling my reasons here on a masterpost, for your reading leisure.

EDIT: Read more tab continues to not work for me, so I apologize to all of you who have to suffer through this. I’ll tag is as a long post accordingly.

Let’s get started

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Reason 1: She preaches messages that no young girl needs to (or should) hear.

Granted, I know the a lot of the YA genre are adults who are no strangers to smut and aren’t phased by toxic behavior in characters. But on the same token, a lot of the YA genre is fueled by young girls age 12-20. Now I’m not going to sit here and pretend like girls in that age range aren’t reading/writing smutty fanfiction or dating. I know they do, I did, most of my friends did. But at that age, young girls are still trying to figure out who they are and who they want to be, including in terms of relationships. That’s where my problem with Maas comes in.

Maas writes, almost exclusively, toxic relationships - at best. Straight up abusive at worst. At one point in ACOTAR, I had to put the book down because I was so disgusted by what happened. Rhysand assaulted Feyre. I’m not kidding. He kissed and groped her against her will, telepathically asked whether she was wet about it, and wondered aloud what she looked like naked. The entire goal of doing this was to piss Feyre’s then-boyfriend off, and for Rhysand to assert his dominance as a Fae lord or whatever the fuck (y’know, like rapists do). Feyre was left shaking, nauseated, and scared for her life. But the worst part? It was written like this was something sexy and desirable. Literal penetration was all that stopped this from being a horrifying rape scene, and I couldn’t believe Maas wrote about it like some hot erotica. It wasn’t romantic. It wasn’t cute. It was disgusting, violating, and I was furious when I read it (especially given Feyre actually ends up with Rhysand eventually. What the fuck).

In Throne of Glass - and subsequent sequels - there are couples (namely Rowan and Aelin) who quite literally spit on each other, punch each other, and bite each other. No, not “love nip” bite, I mean “I’m trying to tear your skin off” bite. But we’re meant to believe they’re endgame, meant to be, and a totally healthy relationship. Let’s not even get into emotional abuse and manipulation, because holy fuck does every single character in these books act like a goddamn villain if we were to go over that in detail. All you need to know is that “if you don’t do xyz then I’ll leave and never come back” “what made you think I cared about you? You’re nothing to me. Just kidding, I love you” and similar sentiments are rampant in these series.

While we’re here, what is up with this “mates” nonsense? Every character pairing we see by the end of the ToG series has a “mate,” and swears off everyone they’ve had before, claiming them to be “false mates.” This whole “mates” business sounds a lot like somebody desperately trying to reassure their insanely jealous partner that they don’t still have feelings for their ex. That’s not healthy! That’s not okay! Your exes helped you narrow down your search. They helped you understand yourself more and what you want (or don’t want). And y’know what? It’s okay to have happy memories with an ex. It’s okay to not hate your ex. Telling young girls that all that matters is their future husband (which erases LGBT+ girls, as well as straight women who don’t want to get married) is harmful as hell, and contributes to the idea that a girl is only “complete” when she finds her “soulmate.”

Girls 12-20 really do not need to be given the message that it’s normal - nay, romantic - for their partners to hit them, humiliate them, or assault them. You may be saying, “Clara, come on, girls know fiction isn’t reality and no girl is actually going to stand for that kind of thing in real life.” But I can’t tell you how horribly my own view of relationships was corrupted for several years after all the books I read as a tween where the protagonist had to defend her flirty boyfriend from the advances of other girls. I didn’t trust boys not to cheat on me. I didn’t trust my girl friends not to try and steal a boyfriend. I thought girls who dressed up and wore makeup and dated a lot were sluts. It took me years of conscious effort to unlearn those ideas. Fiction can and does influence the reader. So again I say: teaching girls that it’s “hot and sexy” when men literally abuse you is not a message a 12-20 year old should be hearing. Ever.

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Reason 2: What exactly does Maas want her readers to be?

Y’know, Maas thinks Caelena/Aelin is a role model for young girls. But here’s a brief list of things Celery/Alien has done throughout the Throne of Glass series:

1. Tried to smash a flower pot over a girl’s head for showing interest in courting Prince Dorian. Despite said girl literally being present at the castle for that purpose and Caelena was not.

2. Very nearly murdered Dorian for absolutely fuckall reason, and then she got mad at Chaol for trying to stop her (keep in mind: Chaol and Dorian are supposed to be best friends. So like... yeah, he’s gonna come to Dorian’s defense).

3. Straight up said, “if I get bored being queen I’ll just go and conquer more lands for my kingdom.” Imperialist there much, Aelin?

This is Maas’ role model material? Half the shit she does from Heir of Fire onward could be described as “war crime” and the other half could be described as “selfish.” Maas seems to think that a shit ton of half-baked “witty” lines and a few “badass” fight scenes completely makes up for having an amoral character as the protagonist you want to flaunt around as an icon for young girls.

It would be one thing if Maas said, “I don’t want anyone to be like Celery/Alien. She’s not a good person and I want my readers to be able to identify how and why she isn’t a good person. The moral is what not to be like.” But she does the opposite and claims time and time again that Celery/Alien is some kind of feminist warrior, when in fact Celery/Alien is the very epitome of white feminism and false feminism. She’ll be all kinds of gung-ho for herself, but as soon as another woman mentions her own unique problems or lifestyles, Celery/Alien thinks she’s a “whiny bitch,” “dumb slut,” or something similar. Celery/Alien ends up looking down her nose at basically every other female character. The lack of female friendships in Maas’ books is frankly astounding.

No girl needs to be Celery/Alien. Celery/Alien is not a role model, she is not a feminist, she is not a figurehead of a well developed female character or even a compelling antihero. She’s sexist, she’s misogynistic, she has serious anger issues, she’s manipulative, she’s abusive. This is not who young girls should be looking up to.

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Reason 3: Maas has no place in the YA genre.

I’m not really sure I need to elaborate much on this. Let me give you a scenario:

Imagine you’re at a book signing for your fans. They’re mostly girls 15-20, so you kind of just sign their copies without thinking much about it. But then a smaller girl comes up to the table, you ask her age, and she says “I’m ten.” A 10 year old girl is standing in front of you, clutching her copy of your book where you wrote and published the scene, “he buried in to the hilt and roared. Over and over he spilled inside of her, the lightning outside flashing soft and lovely long after he stilled.”

Look me in the eye and tell me that shit is appropriate in the YA genre. At all. Ever.

You wanna write romance? Go for it. It can be cute! It can be healthy! It can be intriguing! But this? This? This is just... erotica. If you’re publishing stuff like this in the YA genre, in a book that isn’t even on the ‘tween/teen romance’ shelves, then you better be ready to take full responsibility for teaching 10 year olds what a blowjob is, what an orgasm is, what BDSM is, what a fucking foot fetish is.

I know JK Rowling isn’t the most popular right now, but even she did better than this. The first 3 Harry Potter books you can generally find on the children’s/middle grade shelves. They were cute, fun little adventures about wizards and magic and fantastic creatures. Books 4-7? Those are on the YA shelves. People are dying, magic is dangerous, fascist organizations are on the rise -- it isn’t fun for Harry anymore. It isn’t about the wonders of magic. It’s about life or death, war, and fear. So yeah, of course those book aren’t going to be on the children’s/middle grade shelves! They’re dark! They’re scary! That kind of material shouldn’t be advertised as appropriate for younger kids!

Maas never extended that courtesy. Maas took her books full of badly written erotica and plopped them down right where all the rest of the completely tame YA books went, because she wanted the sales. She didn’t care if she was exposing kids who were too young to explicit sex scenes. She never posted a disclaimer, she never posted any kind of warning on social media when the books came out. Nope. She just silently took advantage of the market knowing she’d get more sales in YA. But it has no place in YA. It’s not YA. And I don’t think I’m ever gonna be okay with that.

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Reason 4: Diversity? Never heard of it!

Maas’ books are so incredibly white and straight that it’s painful. Rowan and Aelin? White and straight. Feyre? Rhysand? Chaol? Dorian? Manon? Hey, you guessed it! They’re all white and straight (despite Chaol, Dorian, and Manon being heavily LGBT+ coded for like, the entire series till the last book)!

“He looked at his friend, perhaps for the last time, and said what he had always known, from the moment they met, ‘I love you.’” (Queen of Shadows)

Hello? Sarah Jane? I’m all for male friendships, but there’s male friendships and then there’s actual romance. Chaol and Dorian are about as gay-coded as they could fucking get. And this isn’t even the only time this happens! Check this out:

“Dorian surged from his chair and dropped to his knees beside the bed. He grabbed Chaol’s hand, squeezing it as he pressed his brow against his. ‘You were dead,’ the prince said, his voice breaking. ‘I thought you were dead.’” (Queen of Shadows)

But wait, there’s more!

“‘I’m not leaving you. Not again.’

Dorian’s mouth tightened. ‘You didn’t leave, Chaol.’ He shook his head once, sending tears slipping down his cheeks. ‘You never left me.’” (Queen of Shadows)

I mean come on, Sarah!

Also, Manon. My girl Manon hated men, pretty explicitly, for the entire series. In case you don’t believe me:

“There were few sounds Manon enjoyed more than the groans of dying men.” (Heir of Fire)

Oh, and other characters even imply Manon has never had a heterosexual relationship in her fucking life. See:

“‘That golden-haired witch, Asterin...’ Aelin said. ‘She screamed Manon’s name the way I screamed yours. How can I take away somebody who means the world to someone else? Even if she is my enemy.’” (Queen of Shadows)

Tell me that’s not gay as fuck. I dare you.

Manon had a whole lot of love to give women! She was always affectionate towards other women. Particularly Elide. This is a woman who was about as lesbian as you could get. Had no interest in men, every interest in women, rejected typically expected roles for women (getting married and having kids, etc.) but guess what happened? Guess what fucking happened?

This warrior who was friends with and rode on a big fuckoff wyvern completely and totally submits to Dorian as her lover. I don’t mean that metaphorically. They literally do some BDSM shit where he’s her “master” and she “kneels to him” or whatever the fucking fuck. This entire thing pissed me off more than Chaol and Dorian being all “no homo bro,” because Maas used every possible symbol and subtext for Manon being gay, and then said “just kidding!” Her relationship with Dorian came out of nowhere. All of a sudden she was just as thirsty for mediocre dick as Aelin.

At this point I honestly have to wonder if Maas is really this ignorant or if she’s - dare I say it? - taunting her readers who have complained about the lack of LGBT+ representation. Maas has, historically, not reacted well to people criticizing her work. I would not put it beyond her at all to intentionally queer-code characters only to turn around and rip the rug out from under her readers by pairing them up in heterosexual relationships. And not only is that shitty writing, but it’s... really malicious and rude.

Of course then there’s the issues with racial representation. Again, Maas doesn’t even try. She includes 13 characters of color only to immediately kill off all of them in a suicide pact. So there’s that. Not sure I need to say more than that.

Maas knows what diversity is, but as per her famous quote, “I just don’t want to force diversity into my books.” So. Y’know. Writing a black or gay character (or!! God forbid, both black and gay!!) is asking a little too much of her, apparently. She doesn’t want to force anything as unbelievable as someone who isn’t white or straight, don’tcha know? In these books about fae people and dragons and gods fighting mortals and explicit erotica, an LGBT+ character or a character of color is high fantasy, not YA. *Sarcasm*

************

Reason 5: The woman can’t write.

This is pretty straightforward. She cannot write. My proof? She plagiarizes the living fuck out of everything she can to avoid actually writing her own original work.

1. “You’re gonna rattle the stars.” - from Disney’s Treasure Planet

2. “The Queen Who Was Promised” - from GRRM’s ASOIAF, where Dany Targaryen is often toted as the exact same thing. Oh, and The Prince Who Was Promised prophecy in ASOIAF also mentions Azor Ahai being “the Heir of Fire” so, uh.... yeah.

3. Aelin basically being Aragorn. Lost royalty spends years as an outcast, denies their claim, teams up with elves (fae in Aelin’s case) to defeat a greater evil, becomes known as the people’s champion, falls in love with an elf (fae) and makes them their consort, crowned by the people, ends their coronation scene with a “you bow to no one” (I’m not kidding).

4. Nehemia dying for Aelin and it later being revealed that Nehemia was “grooming” Aelin to face great evil, and potentially give her life to stop it. How much you wanna bet Maas tried to give Aelin a name as close to “Harry Potter” as she could get?

5. Manon lighting a series of beacons across a mountain range to call for aid during war. I mean seriously? This is one of the most iconic scenes in Peter Jackson’s rendition of Lord of the Rings. It’s moving, it’s powerful, it’s awe-inspiring. And Maas knew it. So she just... took it. I don’t have a lot of respect for writers who can’t write their own moving scenes.

6. Kingsflame blossoms, which only bloom when the rightful monarch is on the throne. So... the White Tree of Gondor. Got it.

7. The Hand of the King being a royal court position. Like... jesus. GRRM, come get ya world-building, SJ stole it again.

8. A paralyzed Chaol has a specialized saddle made for him, because he wants more than anything to ride a horse again. GRRM! Please! She’s taking Bran Stark’s story now!

And besides all of these horribly plagiarized points, there’s nothing even slightly compelling about these books. There’s literally zero substance, and the last few books in both the ACOTAR and ToG series have been nothing but a smut-fest. Plot who? We don’t know her.

Trauma, both physical and mental, is erased at the drop of a dime (Aelin lost physical scars, Chaol’s paralysis was basically cured, series of events that should’ve left characters absolutely fucked just... didn’t phase them). The battles are rushed and sloppily written, and Maas has a particularly nasty habit of focusing on exactly the wrong people in the middle of what should be an action packed scene. Instead of showing alliances forging and plots being made behind people’s backs, instead of showing us people gearing up for battle by saying tearful goodbyes to their infants and spouses, Maas shows us Rowan and Aelin banging on a beach, or a tree, or a ship, or wherever the fuck they happen to be at that moment.

None of these characters lose jack shit. There is no sense of urgency or stakes, because we knew since Heir of Fire that Aelin and her precious uwu fae “mate” would be just fine. Why? Because nobody shipped Rowaelin as hard as Sarah Jane Maas did. Consistently the only people who suffer in these books are background characters (who, coincidentally, are almost always the characters of color and LGBT+ characters). By the end of Kingdom of Ash, literally everyone is fine. And paired off to be married, too! Because a happy ending isn’t a true happy ending if it doesn’t end with Babies Ever After and everyone in a heterosexual relationship, of course, right?

***********

Reason 6: World-building doesn’t even go here! Sorry, she just wanted to be a part of something.

Maas’ world-building is... how do you say... shitty. New lore pops up in every book, having never been mentioned before, and is for some reason of utmost importance (but only for this book. It’ll be forgotten again as soon as it isn’t relevant). Religions who? Culture where? History what? None of these things exist in Maas’ world. None.

Now before anyone jumps down my throat with “but The World of Throne of Glass is coming out this year!!!1!1!!” let me gently establish something. Speaking as a fantasy author: if you do not have your most basic world-building - that being religion, culture, language, and history - already established, then you have no business making a “world of” book to cover all the bases your ass never bothered with in the original series.

I said what I said.

Tolkien and GRRM are masters of world-building because they spent decades working to forge their worlds before they ever put a pen to paper and wrote their stories. Not to toot my own horn, but my own fantasy series has been developing for almost 7 years now. What am I doing with it? I’m outlining governments in different societies, why people came to worship what they do, and I’m making a fucking world map on my bedroom floor (that now has cat paw prints on it, so it’s not exactly final product material anyway).

I give not a single hoot for Maas’ “The World of Throne of Glass.” She could be saying anything she wanted to and it would all just have to be canon, because she’s establishing what this world is after already finishing her series. Yes, it does piss me off, because it’s pretty obvious she didn’t have a clue what her world was, or who was who, or why things were the way they were. She made shit up as she went along, nothing more. There was no grand scheme. There was no planning, and it shows.

***********

TL;DR: I have a lot of issues with Sarah J Maas’ writing, including her world-building and handling of diversity. But most of all I despise the potential impact she has on the YA genre and on the young girls reading her work. They deserve better than this. They deserve better than Sarah Jane Maas.

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reggiesreputation · 5 years ago

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Friends Don’t Lie Part 1

So this is my first fan fiction ever please be nice?? I am so open for feedback and requests of Jonathan or Steve!! Anyways here we go!

Warning: swearing

The sound of a horn honking broke my concentration as I was applying the final touch of mascara to my lashes.

“Y/N, Jonathan’s here.” My dad called from downstairs.

I silently curse as a scramble for my shoes and socks. He’s always early. Why is he always so early?? I eventually find my second converse and throw it on along with my backpack as I race to his car.

“I’m here the same time everyday. You do know that right?” He jokes as I pull on my seat belt from the passenger seat.

“And you realize I like to sleep in as long as possible right?” I rebuttal as he pulls out of my driveway. He just laughs at me and turns up the radio. Girls on Film by Duran Duran fills the speakers. “Is this a new mixtape?” I question, turning down the volume a few notches.

“Yeah just made it this morning! All the best pop and rock hits of the week.” He beamed as he handed me the cassette container with all the songs.

“Shut up I love The Romantics!” I screamed as you scanned the list of songs. “You always have good taste Byers.” I smile up at him. He blushes and thanks me as we pull up to Hawkins High.

I opened the door and closed my eyes as I let the cool October breeze fill the air. “Ah it feels so nice! I could stay out here for days! By the way, are we still on to go to the pumpkin patch later?” I asked as we walked up the stair of the school.

“Oh crap I forgot. I-“

“Oh my gosh don’t tell me youre cancelling again! Is it Nancy?? You know I’m all for you getting the girl at your dreams, but not at the cost of our friendship.” I groan as we approach you locker.

“Look it’s just, I could never forget about you. But I think she may really like me.” His whole face was beaming. I hadn’t seen him so happy since the day he got his record player. How could I be mad? He’d do the same for me if I ever found a guy.

“Okay fine. But you owe me big time Byers!” I yell as we part ways for day.

“I’m forever in your debt!” He responds, earning some judgmental looks from the girls in the hall. I laugh as I head into Mrs. Fuentes’ English class.

I sit down and begin to thumb through the chapter I was definitely supposed to read for the day. But my last minute studying was quickly interrupted by Steve ‘the hair’ Harrington slamming his books on the desk next to mine.

“Jesus Steve what did the desk ever do to you?” I say as I close The Great Gatsby.

He looks at me with hurt and concern in his eyes. I immediately feel bad for sounding so sharp. “Why do you care?” He sneers as more students file in the classroom.

“Hey, look I’m sorry Harrington. I didn’t mean to sound so harsh. I just- are you okay? Do you want to talk?” His frown starts to fade and before he can say yes the bell rings signaling the beginning of a test I was definitely going to fail. As class droned on Steve slipped me a piece of paper. As I unfolded it it read: ‘life really sucks sometimes. I feel like I’m losing Nancy. I’m sorry for being a dick.’

My chest tightened as I read the note. Once upon a time me and Steve were actually closer than me and Jonathan, but then high school came. Theatre kids and popular kids just couldn’t mix. He would still smile at me in the hall, sit by me in class. But the movie nights, sleepovers, and bowling escapades ended. I looked over at the boy next to me before deciding to write him back. When Mrs. Fuentes wasn’t looking I handed him another paper.

‘Look I’m no expert in relationships, but I do know the milkshakes at Bennys can cure any kind of sadness. We could meet up after school if you wanna talk?’ He smiled from ear to ear remembering all the times we went there as kids with my parents. He mouthed yes as I looked at him waiting for an answer.

As the bell rang I packed up my stuff and spoke to him, “so you gunna pick me up or drive separately?”

“You live a street away I’ll just come grab you. Save the planet a little.” I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Ah yes we’ll definitely be saving the planet in your gas guzzler. Uh, anyways, I gotta head to chem, but I’ll see you later! Pick me up at 5?”

“I’ll be there!” He beamed as I turned the corner.

My heart fluttered at the thought of getting dinner tonight with Steve, but I internally kicked myself at the reaction. Though I’d harbored a crush for the boy since the fifth grade, he would never see me that way. We’re a part of two different worlds. Plus and most importantly, he has a girlfriend. I tried to keep telling myself that I was just concerned for an old friend, but I couldn’t stop the intrusive thoughts during the rest of my classes.

Soon enough the bell rang and I went to meet Jonathan at his car. As I walked out to the parking lot I saw him and Nancy laughing by his car, and a pissed off Steve sitting in the drivers seat waiting for his girlfriend to join him. Nancy saw me in the distance and hugged Jonathan before heading off to join Steve.

“Look I know you’re in love with the girl, but could you at least try to be more subtle? She does still have a boyfriend you know.” I spoke up as the doors of the car closed.

“Y/N, you know I’d never condone any kind of cheating. We’re just friends.”

“Jonathan, we’ve never hugged each other like that. If you really want this you have to talk to her. I think you guys are really hurting Steve and that’s not fair to him.” He shifted into the seat uncomfortably. He knew I was right. We sat in silence before a few seconds before he spoke up.

“I know it’s wrong. And I don’t want to hurt Steve. But being around her is like a drug. I just can’t stay away. You know she invited me to the Halloween party at Tinas. Practically begged me to go. And I said yes.” I stared at him in shock. Jonathan Byers at a party? I never thought I’d see the day.

“I mean that’s good for you. I’m really glad you’ve met someone who makes you happy, but you have to think about Steve. I mean aren’t they going to that together? I heard them talking about their couple costume a few days ago in home room.” His smile faltered as I finished.

“Yes they are...”

“Look Jon, I love you. And I want you to be happy. But you need to tread carefully around all of this. Or you and Steve could end up getting hurt.” I reached out for his hand and he took it in his. We gave each other a look of understanding and rode to my house in silence while The Talking Heads filled the car.

Flash forward to five on the dot. The doorbell fills the house as I bound down the stairs before my dad could answer and interrogate the poor boy. Luckily I was faster and open the door to Steve smiling down on me.

“Hey! Ready to go?”

“Yes! Those milkshakes are the only thing that got me through the day!” He laughs as we get into the car.

“How do you like Devo?” He asks reaching towards the stereo.

“Oh I love them! Their new album was killer.” I say as he turns up the volume. We chat about our days as we drive to the diner. The highs and lows, and homework assignments. The conversation flows so naturally like we never stopped being friends.

When we arrive in the diner we both just look at each other and smile. “Man this place hasn’t changed since we were kids. Can you believe it?” He spoke as we seated ourselves in our old favorite booth.

“It really hasn’t. Look here I’m pretty sure this is a stain from the time I spilled syrup all over the place!” Steve couldn’t help but chuckle as he thought of the accident.

“Oh my god you go it everywhere! Even in our hair!” He choked through laughs. I was about to respond but we were interrupted by the waitress.

“Well hey guys! I’m Laura and I’ll be your server tonight, anything I can get you?”

Before I could speak Steve said “Well both have the number three with a chocolate milkshake.”

“Okay I’ll get that right in for you.” She smiled as she took our menus from us.

“What if I didn’t want the number three anymore? We haven’t been here in years I mean my taste buds could have changed.” I spoke as the waitress disappeared behind the counter. He just smiled as I looked sternly at him.

“Oh cmon you haven’t changed that much! I may not know your current favorite song or color, but I know you’ll always be a number three gal.” I blushed at his comment. It was weirdly sweet. He was right I mean I would have ordered the number three anyways. I tried to shake those thoughts from my head and inquire him about the reason we were even here in the first place.

“Well you’re lucky I haven’t changed too much. Uh anyways...how are you?” I ask almost in a whisper. I didn’t want his smile to fade, but I wanted to help him.

“Honestly, I’m not sure. I just- I don’t know if Nancy loves me anymore. She’s always with Jonathan and she tells me they’re just friends, but I don’t think just friends talk to each other more than girlfriends and boyfriends do.” He ran his hands through his hair as he spoke. I could see the anxiety and the fear in his head.

“Hey I- I can’t say I get it because I’ve never had a boyfriend”

He interrupts me before I could continue, “wait you’ve never had a girlfriend?” He asks looking up at me. I almost freeze where I am. Red being to fill my cheeks as I realize what I’ve just said. “I mean it’s fine there nothing wrong with that, I’m just surprised.” He says trying to ease my embarrassment.

“Uh why would you uh, be surprised?” I mumble.

“Well I mean look at you. You’re really pretty. And funny and smart. I mean I always had a crush on you in middle school.” He said as if it were nothing. I nearly choked on air as he spoke. Before I could respond the waitress came over with our food.

“And here we are two number threes. Do everything look okay?”

“Yes, perfect.” Steve smiles at her. She gave us one last look before hiding back behind the counter. We sat in silence for a minute before Steve spoke up again.

“Sorry for making it awkward. I mean I don’t like you now obviously. But back then, you were pretty great. And not that you aren’t now- it’s just we don’t talk anymore you know?” He was petrified as the word vomit kept coming out of his mouth. I was at a loss for words. I couldn’t believe Steve had had a crush on me. My whole body buzzed at the thought. I could tell he didn’t want to talk about this anymore though, so I finally got out of my head and spoke up.

“Um well I don’t know why I never dated. I guess I just never found the right guy. And the guys I liked never liked me. I never did have the best luck.” It comes out as almost a whisper. He just looks at me With was it pity? God is this turning into a pity part for me? “Look I just, what I meant to say was though I’ve never been in a relationship, I’ve still felt heartache, and I’m really sorry you’re going through it. I know we haven’t spoke in years, but you know I’m always a phone call away. I’m here if you need me Steve.”

I reached for his hand and grasped it in mine as I changed the topic. His expression changed to one of relief. Relief of a rekindled friendship, of knowing that even if things with Nancy crashed and burned, he would have someone to lean on.

“Y/N, thank you. I’m just so confused. I feel like I’m chasing a dream. The more I reach the more she flees. Into his arms. I’m surprised she even agreed to go to Tinas party with me tomorrow at this point. Of course she still invited Byers, which means I’ll turn into the third wheel.” He grumbled. I squeezed his hand for reassurance as he finished. He gave me a weak smile in return.

“Look I’m going to the party too. Jon is my best friend, maybe I can keep him with me for a while so you can figure things out with Nancy” He perked up as I spoke.

“Would you really?”

“Yeah. I mean what are friends for?” I felt sick even saying the words, but I mean I wanted Steve to be happy. And if that meant keeping Jonathan away from Nancy, well then tomorrow was going to be a very interesting night.

“Oh my god you don’t know how much I appreciate this! God just, thanks Y/N. You’re a good friend.” He said letting go of my hand and getting his wallet out to pay the bill. I could feel a sick feeling bubbling up inside me. And it wasn’t from the milkshake. It was that word again. Friend. Every time we said it I hated it more.

Before I could further frustrate myself over the word Steve stood up and held his hand out. I took it in mine and we walked back to his car in silence.

The drive back was mostly quite. He tried to inquire about any boys that had caught my eye, but I quickly told him that there wasn’t anyone right now. Which is a huge lie, but he doesn’t need to know that. As we pulled up to my house he spoke before I got out of the car. “Look thanks again for tonight. I feel better. Less alone. And maybe we could do this again sometime? I do miss us hanging out.” He places a piece of hair behind my ear as I take in his words.

“Um yeah, I think that would be really nice Steve. And it’s no problem. You know I’d do anything for you.”

He smiled. “Yeah I do. Go get some sleep. And tell your dad I say hi.”

“For sure! He’ll be ecstatic to hear from you. And you too Harrington. Take care of yourself. And goodnight.” I say as I climb out of the car.

“Night Y/N!” He hollers as he drives off into the night. When I can’t see his car anymore I step inside the house and breathe for the first time in what feels like hours. All I can think think about is how cute Steve looked tonight. How I wanted to kiss him, tell him that I would never treat him they way Nancy does. But I couldn’t. I’m fucked. So very fucked. Tomorrow sure was going interesting I think as I eventually climb into bed and get some sleep before whatever was to come.

#steve harrington #steve harrington fanfiction #steve harrington fanfic #stranger things #jonathan byers #nancy wheeler #jonathan byers fanfiction #jonathan byers fanfic

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thepermanentscowl · 1 year ago

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shakespeare is very jelli, jelli of you being punnier than him too. omg gossip yes. perfect way to bond. i have tons of gossip about people from school (my sources are top notch), you’ll enjoy listening to their sins being spilled. looking forward to that lecture, plus points if some ai wrote it.

much cute very fun. the look on those 10th graders’ faces? priceless. you’re right, it’s exactly like that. and people looking good with a certain kind of frame- you know how long i took to find a frame i looked decent in? 5 years. i got glasses when i was in 4th grade (it was genetic okay and definitely not because i watched a lot of tv. at least i did better than my dad, who got his when he was in class two.) and till 9th i used to wear these stupid frames that looked downright terrible. they were literally purple. who tf wears purple frames. why doesn’t anyone hold us back when we make horrible life decisions when we’re younger.

hey atleast give her some appreciation for asking you that with so much confidence- i’m joking, i’m joking. are you allowed to carry belans to school? you need them to keep away weirdos, middle school girls and 9th graders who harrass you. bro all that she was on about- acceptance and backlash and shit- looks like someone is reading a lot of fruity YA fiction. girl why do you want to know if the senior you’re creeping out has had a boyfriend. do you want to pay their going out expenses. she sounds like she’s been spying on you two. christ. and wtf a 13 yo is talking about subs??? and all that other creepy stuff too ew. somebody teach her circle theorems to get her nose out of these things and others’ business. kids these days have no respect for their elders. in the name of shipping they’ll go to any lengths. heck, shipping shouldn’t even be done for people irl. wait she wasn’t even his friend what- damn. and if she had a crush on him, she should, like, not have good feelings towards you right? practically speaking, the guy she likes is better friends with you so you’d expect her to not be friendly towards you. why is she behaving like this. “i swear i don’t know why drama follows me” coz you’re special. you don’t love the drama, the drama loves you.

(you would? ok bestie *clutches heart and hides tears*). no. they’re different. fish tail is done with way thinner strands. and french braid begins from more above. (i’m sorry i’m really finnicky about hair-) eh but i don’t want game (; you get flustered only in front of air hostesses. that works. you didn’t get flustered when girls from your class told you how unbelievably hot you looked with glasses right. that’s good. ofc you are a completely innocent person with no experience in totally morally ethically correct things. tips from your friend yes that’d be cool.

very good, finally the people of this world are upto good things. huh. hugging girls is awkward? that’s new. you put your hands on the...back? like in a normal hug? boobs are weird. why can only boys feel them when they hug girls and not girls when they hug each other? huh. you pat them on their head? that isn't weird? yes, don't overthink, go for the hug and feel the boob. "flirt so bad they fall for you bad amirite" very right this is another quote that needs national recognition.

finally found a reason to not cut my hair

impossible :0

what is it? scaring people on elevators? letting your friends braid it so you can bOnD? can i braid your hair? like the mom/grandma does in those hair oil ads pfft

ooh will you dye your hair?? if you did, what colour would you go for?

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petalsbloomed-a · 5 years ago

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VERY LONG CHARACTER SURVEY !! RULES. repost , don’t reblog ! tag 10 ! good luck ! TAGGED. stolen !!! TAGGING. anyone who wants to do this tbh cuz this is long as shit and i dont want anyone to do this who might not be able to aljdhfskjdhkj

BASICS. FULL NAME : galo thymos NICKNAME : himbo, idiot, rookie, newbie, #1 firefighting idiot AGE : 21 BIRTHDAY : june 30 ETHNIC GROUP : japanese (+ korean / western european) NATIONALITY : american LANGUAGE / S : english / japanese / studied french and spanish SEXUAL ORIENTATION : demisexual ROMANTIC ORIENTATION : biromantic RELATIONSHIP STATUS : single HOME TOWN / AREA : promeopolis (i envision this being around nyc / tri-state area) CURRENT HOME : lives with older sister and niece PROFESSION : firefighter, undergraduate student

PHYSICAL. SKIN : pretty fair tan, but he sometimes appears a little darker than usual. his skin does a strange thing where it changes shade in different lighting. his skin is usually smooth, but right after getting finished with work, he sometimes is covered in dust and appears somewhat dried out. EYES : slightly upturned, deep-set, wide and somewhat of an almond shape. irises are usually very round, and are a bluish-cyan color. pupils often alight with mischief. in intense lighting, you can see a little red dot reflecting off his eyes. LIPS : pretty thin and nude, hard to notice. matches his skin tone very well. usually quite smooth. tends to get chapped after working. COMPLEXION : pretty fair, but in different lighting, he can look a lot tanner than what he really is. BLEMISHES : he has a few moles here and there, but overall his skin is fairly clear and clean. he doesn’t suffer from acne nearly as much as he did when he was in grade school. SCARS : he has some tiny, barely noticeable acne scars on his face, chin, and neck. the most noticeable ones are on his left arm from when he was practically set alight by a burnish flame. these are thick and quote coarse, and can cause some discomfort when touched. he also has a very small nick in his left ear, which was how his sister identified him when he found her after being separated from their family after the burnish incident when he was a kid. TATTOOS : an arrow that goes right below the nape of his neck to the middle of his back. the point is at about the small of his back, and there are a few decorations along the arrow. HEIGHT : 6′0, 183 cm WEIGHT : 165 lbs, ~75 kg BUILD : very muscular, quite athletic. very beefy arms, strong chest, well-built abdominals. however, his thighs and waist are pretty thin and trim. FEATURES : his most distinct features are his dramatic haircut and scars on his left arm, as well as the small white line on the outer helix of his left ear. his chest and shoulders are also quite broad in comparison to his rather thin waist. ALLERGIES : slight peanut allergy, dust, pollen. USUAL HAIR STYLE : undercut with a dramatic, spiky blue mohawk. USUAL FACE LOOK : mischievous smile or smirk; sometimes looks a bit wistful, like he’s thinking about something. USUAL CLOTHING : is normally shirtless, wearing thick red firefighter pants with a yellow “3.” most often wears black rubber boots, black gloves, ear lobe piercings, and an industrial piercing. sometimes wears a black tee-shirt.

PSYCHOLOGY. FEAR / S : spiders, bugs, needles, being in love (kind of), losing his sister or niece, finding out his parents are dead. ASPIRATION / S : to continue his firefighting career, to receive a masters in emergency medical technology / fire prevention & safety technology. POSITIVE TRAITS : brave, caring, friendly, modest. NEGATIVE TRAITS : daring, reckless, sensitive, over-attachment. MBTI : entertainer (ESFP-A) ZODIAC : cancer TEMPEREMENT : choleric / sanguine SOUL TYPE / S : performer ANIMALS : zebra VICE HABIT / S : twiddling thumbs, jiggling leg (usually the right), twirling & playing with hair, biting nails, chewing lips, swearing, sighing, pen clicking. FAITH : none; would consider himself agnostic. GHOSTS ? : yes. AFTERLIFE ? : not sure. REINCARNATION ? : not sure, but leaning towards no. ALIENS ? : yes. POLITICAL ALIGNMENT : independent, opinions slightly more left-leaning EDUCATION LEVEL : graduate student

FAMILY. FATHER : nikanor thymos MOTHER : agape thymos SIBLINGS : danai thymos (older sister) EXTENDED FAMILY : james (ex-brother-in-law), aria (niece) NAME MEANING / S : his first name is of an unknown meaning, but it could mean “from gaul” in greek. his last name comes from the greek word “thumos”, which means “spiritedness” or “the need of recognition.” HISTORICAL CONNECTION ? : not that we know of, i think ???

FAVORITES. BOOK : harry potter / hunger games MOVIE : the lion king 5 SONGS : rick astley - never gonna give you up, lady gaga - born this way, beyonce - countdown, ariana grande - god is a woman, pitbull - timber (feat. kesha) DEITY : zeus HOLIDAY : christmas MONTH : july SEASON : summer PLACE : his bedroom / the lounge at work WEATHER : partly cloudy SOUND : meditation sounds SCENT / S : coffee, flowers, fresh baked desserts, fresh pizza, light cologne TASTE / S : coffee, vanilla cake, milk chocolate, parmesan cheese, green tea anything tbh FEEL / S : soft blankets, comfy pillows, loose-fitting clothes ANIMAL / S : dogs NUMBER : 13 COLORS : teal blue / flame red

EXTRA. TALENTS : piano, singing, writing, linguistics, thinking quickly, firefighting BAD AT : drawing (sort of), getting himself organized, following orders (sometimes) TURN ONS : kindness, sensitivity, acceptance, openness, agreeableness TURN OFFS : irresponsibility, lack of free time, ignorance HOBBIES : piano, singing, writing (stories, poems, etc), karate TROPES : ambiguously gay, antiquated linguistics, broken tears, calling your attacks, the chosen one, firemen are hot, going commando, hunk, idiot hero, innocently insensitive, large ham, mr. fanservice, oblivious to love, the protagonist, rookie red ranger, scars are forever, shonen hair, you gotta have blue hair (found here, there’s a lot more actually) QUOTES : “medals are made to be awarded to and from people who deserve them.” / “you can’t just kill for no reason!” / “[i’m] the universe’s #1 firefighting idiot!”

MUN QUESTIONS. Q1 : if you could write your character your way in their own movie , what would it be called , what style would it be filmed in , and what would it be about ? A1 : honestly??? i think i would keep it the way it is, BUT i would like to have seen some more canonical information about galo’s family. as of right now, we know that kray saved him after his family was attacked by the burnish. if i were to direct a new movie about galo, i would focus it mainly on his family. Q2 : what would their soundtrack / score sound like ? A2 : i think it would be a mix of melancholic music as well as more upbeat stuff. on my blog’s main page there are links in the sidebar to both a soundtrack playlist as well as a pop music playlist; i definitely think it’s fair that a variety of genres would suit him and his experiences. Q3 : why did you start writing this character ? A3 : when i first watched promare, i was instantly drawn to this buffoon himbo. i’ve always had a thing for upbeat, energetic characters who are also quite caring and a bit dumb (which yes galo is very smart but he has his moments). while their personalities differ greatly (despite having the same personality type), he reminds me a lot of lance from vld, who i absolutely adore as well (and i also rp him too oops) Q4 : what first attracted you to this character ? A4 : again, probably his personality. while i’m not as energetic and upbeat as galo and i have a very, very different personality type than him, i feel like i definitely do understand him. i understand why he feels he needs to be overly confident, and i also have my moments where i just need to storm off and be alone. god i could write paragraphs and paragraphs about why i like galo but i wanna keep it short and sweet and just stick with those two points, which i consider to be the biggest points. Q5 : describe the biggest thing you dislike about your muse. A5 : look, i know i said i liked confidence, but something about galo that annoys me is the fact that he can often seem too confident. like yeah he seemed pretty humble in that pizza scene at the beginning of the movie, but i can’t help but feel a twinge of annoyance towards people who put themselves right into the center of attention and be all like “yeah i know i’m great.” like my boy i love you but do u have to announce urself every time u appear on the scene??? and pls stop being so reckless u honestly might die too soon one of these days we want u to be around for us to enjoy u Q6 : what do you have in common with your muse ? A6 : i definitely feel like we both have our moments where we just need some peace and quiet. of course, everyone needs this, but when galo talked about running off when he was pissed reminded me of me; i tend to go and cool off and vent to myself if i’m annoyed about something. we’re both naturally people-oriented and love to be around others, even though galo likes being the center of attention a little bit more than myself. Q7 : how does your muse feel about you ? A7 : in the sense that if galo were real, i honestly think we would get along fairly well. we have different ways of dealing with things, but we have similar habits and personality traits. however when it comes to rp blogs, while i do like to headcanon things about my muses that mirror my own opinions and beliefs, i do consider the mun/muse relationship fairly symbiotic. we as real people can learn so much from fictional characters and in how we play them, and of course, the mun will determine some things about the muse that will deter from canon. Q8 : what characters does your muse have interesting interactions with ? A8 : i just started this blog and have had very minimal interactions, so it’s hard to say ! i’d say that an interaction with a kray muse would be the most interesting. part of me wants galo to forgive kray and to have a better relationship with him post-movie canon, but there’s still so much about galo and kray’s relationship pre-movie as well; what was their relationship like? was kray like a father to galo? how can i describe the psychological mindset that galo had after finding out that kray betrayed him? there’s so much about these two that i really want to discover and look at, while of course providing my own insight (cuz that’s what muns do, right?). Q9 : what gives you inspiration to write your muse ? A9 : i like to study galo’s actions in the movie, and try to find the underlying cause of the actions he takes. however, when it comes to headcanons, i will often think of a scene or an idea in my head and then internally apply it to galo and see if it works. this is usually what kindles my writing fire: the thoughts that often rush through my head. Q10 : how long did this take you to complete ? A10 : like two whole days lmao im so slow

#heart of fire and soul of passion. (headcanon)#noah rambles. (out of character)

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adhdusagi · 6 years ago

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Princess Tutu episodes 14-end

I watched the entire second half of the series in one day because I make good life choices

Previously on Princess Tutu Watch:

Okay I can get back to Tokyo Mew Mew now

+++++++++++++++++++

It was a lie, I could NOT

EPISODE, UH, FUCK……… 14! - The Raven

asdklsdhflhdl (google docs stop capitalizing my keysmashes) they’re bringing back “once upon a time there was a man who died”!!!!!! Honestly that might be one of my favorite lines in this whole show

Gotta love the sarcasm in “and they lived happily ever after”

The theme song…… it’s so good

Oh nooooooooooooooo

This scene is literally just the “I’ve got a headache that comes and goes” meme

Fakir you complete dork. You’re all dorks

“Princess Tutu and a crocodile are totally different” you tell ‘im, Mytho

Duck speaks so much more regularly than the other main characters? I mean, there’s Fakir over there like “Shall we go?” and Duck saying things like “I’m gonna be late!” and using “like” and “stuff”... I mean, I know this is the dub, but

Duck why are you using Fakir’s dumb excuses omg

Lilie is just the personification of my negative thoughts

BUT WHAT DID MYTHO TELL FAKIR

Awwwwwwww Duck, no

They’re in a terrifying Raven Dimension with like, ominous music and people wailing in the background and meanwhile Kraehe and the Raven are just having like, a normal conversation

Also, are the white feathers supposed to be like, what’s trapping the Raven there?

Duck please

Wait, Princess Tutu transformed on her own!

Episode 15 - Coppelia

Also, watching Fakir try and fail to stop Mytho from jumping out the window is Pain

Lilie you are a Strange Child

STEALTH DUCK RETURNS!

Oh no?? Fakir doesn’t want to get Mytho in trouble???

alsdfksfh the entire student population is Here For The Drama

Duck don’t yell in the library

Fakir just doesn’t make good decisions

Oooh that doesn’t look good

Sad Kraehe Theme Alert

You “just happened” to do a lot of things, Lilie

Omg Lilie “Want to just happen to go see?”

Rue just shows up to trash talk Fakir for a minute and then leaves

I say as if I’m not in So Much Pain

Yeah! Every single time Princess Tutu transformed in the first season, it was because Drosselmeyer said something, but now she’s transforming on her own!

Oh no Mytho

Also I like how Tutu doesn’t just flat-out say “you don’t actually love him” and instead is just like “how about you try doing things you enjoy with the guy you like instead of giving him Your Actual Heart”

Episode 16 - The Maiden’s Prayer

Wait is Angry Narrator back or did the other narrator just regain the heart shard of Withering Scorn?

Lilie isn’t even interested in the love triangle, she just wants Duck and Pike to fight

Is that Goatette

“So pretty…. What? Oh yeah I meant the flowers of course haha” Duck

Such a serious child

“Love only me, hate everyone else”/“The prince who loves me and me alone”

This child is amazing

It was such a good decision to give Fakir a little sister. A good decision for everyone involved

aslfsdjhklgdlghdjghfdklkdkalh Kraehe told him that Duck would suffer if she knew what was happening with Mytho so Fakir isn’t going to tell herrrrrrrrrr Fakir please don’t internalize that!! You are breaking my heart sir

Oh my god it wasn’t Goatette it was the sloth

*The Can Can plays loudly over a sloth just kinda hangin out*

Episode 17 - Crime and Punishment

This may or may not have been the last episode I watched the first time I watched this show?

“Eyes of truth” huh?

This dumbass child

Femio, from the other side of the school grounds: “DID SOMEBODY SAY ‘PRINCE’????”

What the Fuck are you doing with your hands, kid

Why are you a cow

Honestly as over-the-top as Femio is he is also simultaneously the most realistic middle-schooler in this entire show

Oh my god he’s on probation

I’m sorry I’m just talking about Femio but he’s hilarious

Truly a Grade A Idiot

What is he even doing with his life

I’ve become Lilie

These characters have emotional crises over people saying the stupidest things and tbh I relate to that

Oh dear!

The thing is, Femio would be really annoying in real life, but in a tv show he’s just amusing

Rue’s FACE, she’s so done

I like how Duck can tell which building Rue’s in just by the amount of crows around it

Tbh all the students probably have noticed what’s going on, they just think it’s some kind of weird performance art thing. Wouldn’t be out of character for this school

Fakir and Uzura really are siblings, I love this

The best part about this episode is it’s this completely ridiculous person unintentionally getting in the middle of everybody’s emotional issues

“I feel kinda like something happened, and kinda like it didn’t” Duck you are absolutely correct

And of course the Aquarium is good once again

Episode 18 - The Wandering Knight

Incidentally, how old are these kiddos? We know Mytho is older than Duck, so Fakir and Rue probably are too?? But like, probably only by a year? Who even knows what their actual ages are

I mean, Duck is a duck so

It’s! The trees from the opening!

I don’t know if I’ve asked this before, but why does Fakir have a horse?

Oh my god Lilie

Can everybody STOP picking on Fakir for being afraid to die? He is 14, leave him alone

Ahiru is trying so hard to be helpful, give her a chance Fakir

Once again Rue shows up to get in a burn on Fakir and then leave

I swear every time the Aquarium plays in this show

Oh noooooooo Ruuuuueeeeeeee

Literally Protect All Of These Characters

Save These Children From Their Own Emotional Issues

FAKIR PLEASE

Pride is absolutely the worst feeling Mytho could get back right now?

“There’s something sinister going on that I’m not a part of!” And that really gets to you doesn’t it Dross. I bet it’s really… grinding your gears!!!

(why do I feel so proud of insulting a fictional character)

Episode 19 - A Midsummer Night’s Dream

Wow we really are starting this one off on a sinister note (it’s Drosselmeyer’s revenge on me for that pun)

Of course he can’t tell you, he doesn’t fuckin know what’s going on

Fakir please stop basing your entire identity around being a knight

Oh no, Mytho’s regained the heart shard of Basing Your Entire Identity Around Upholding A Role

I wonder if Hermia being tall is like, a meta Shakespeare joke, cause in the play Helena’s really tall and Hermia’s really short, but in every production I’ve seen it was the other way around

Rue stop projecting your insecurities onto your boyfriend

Ohhhhhhhh dear

Finally someone tells all the crows hanging around to shut up

Oh my god she really is super tall

Or Ahiru’s just super short

I am learning so much about ballet mimes

Cool bird shadows

Whoa, different raven background. And the Raven isn’t speaking with him this time? What does it mean

On no, Tutu

Hahaha oh no

Aaahaha they’re the same

THEY EVEN DO THE SAME ARM-FLAILY THING

Episode 20 - The Forgotten Story

ALRIGHT, TIME FOR THE FAKIR’S SAD BACKSTORY EPISODE

Raetzel: *walks in*

Uzura: And where do you fit in the shipping chart, ma’am

THIS is a High Quality Directatorial Decision

Oh no Duck. oh no she’s so earnest nooooo

It is just Extremely Wrong to see Mytho dancing to something besides Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy

Mr. Cat can hear the word “wedding” from three floors up

Oh my GOD they put broken heart stickers on the window

I mean, I say they but we all know it was Lilie

Again, Duck knows exactly where shit’s going down just because that’s where all the crows are

Oh no!

Everybody needs to stop giving Fakir shit Right Now. Everybody needs to stop thinking it’s a bad thing that Fakir didn’t fucking Die, and that includes Fakir OKAY????

I’ve been thinking… Raven Mytho keeps saying things like “people only want love because they want to be loved” and I wonder… if that was sort of his experience as a prince. Or maybe I’m just getting this mixed up with Utena lol. But it does seem like a genuine issue he has as opposed to just something he says to manipulate people. Hm.

Episode 21 - The Spinners

Every time the narrator says “once upon a time there was a man who died” I Will Flip

Duck tries to lean nonchalantly against a door, it goes about how you’d expect

Duck that’s not how writing works (ughgfjdghskjkgf my pain)

AW NO

Oh no Duck is too relatable

UUAAAAAA TREE GHOST TREE GHOST

“Follow my every order and be prepared to die if you should fail” it’s almost like you WANT me to hate you. FAKIR DOESN’T NEED THIS

See Duck agrees with me

PETITION FOR PEOPLE TO LEAVE FAKIR THE FUCK ALONE THAT MEANS YOU TREE GHOST

Ohshit it’s that old guy from the bookshop???

Uzura is NOT “unrelated”, obviously she is Fakir’s baby sister

“I’m just watching again” oh no Duck

Autor what the Fresh Heck are you doing to Fakir

YOU ARE NOT FINE?????????

Honestly Fakir needs to get in touch with his emotions, not get sleep deprived and hallucinate in a field

This tree is saying things Edel said??? Was Edel made from the wood of this tree?????? Oh my god???????????

Anyway that was Intense

Listen, Raven Mytho has real issues and you can fight me on this

Ah, I see Dross is practicing the time-honored authorial tradition of “If the Story Isn’t Working, Hit It With a Wrench”

Episode 22 - Crown of Stone

But who’s going to protect Fakir huh? Answer me that, Duck

One big-ish happy familyyyyyyyyy

I needed this life advice tbh

Aaaaaah Uzura’s talking to Rue!

“Are you the Rue we’re worried about?” I love how she just included herself in that

Autor, I’m……. not sure you want the tree ghost cult to acknowledge you

Uhm, I’m pretty sure Autor doesn’t fit into the shipping chart and I think Uzura would agree with me

Ah fuck!!! Fakir turn around

Wait it’s an owl on a grandfather clock?? Is that actually a thing? These watchnotes are coming full circle

“I want people to love me, but is it okay to just be loved?” yep, the prince is having issues

Autor, I’m pretty sure Ahiru is figuring all that out right now

And like, the Book Men totally know it too, so

HOLY CRAP THIS SEQUENCE

AND THE MUSIC THE MUSIC IS PERFECT

SKLAFDJKVHFJK;JKLSdf;DSLKJFAKSDAKFJHFKLJJFGKLHGJFHSDLJ

I love this show

EPISODE 23 - Marionette

OH! OH! IT’S THE MUSIC EDEL ALWAYS PLAYED BUT SPED UP! That’s actually kinda creepy!

Anyway now I know why I’m so protective of Fakir, we’re both writers who can’t write anything

Oh noooooooooooo Rue

Oooooooooooh don’t like that

Ruuueeeeeeeeee please don’t stab your boyfriend we’ve been over this

Incidentally, hulu needs to quit it with these bogus commercial placements

Drosselmeyer: How dare you try to resolve your emotional problems!

Dross that’s called character development

Hahahaha joke’s on you Dross!

aaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I! LOVE! THEM!

No of course your heart is lovey-dovey Uzura! Your heart is the lovey-dovey-est!!!

Incidentally, Autor is That Guy who says just because you haven’t finished/published anything you’re not a Real Writer. And he is Wrong

Episode 24 - The Prince and the Raven

Okay, just from this title I know I won’t be able to handle this

THIS ISN’T EVEN THE PENULTIMATE EPISODE

YOU ARE HITTING ME WITH ONCE UPON A TIME THERE WAS A MAN WHO DIED RIGHT OUT OF THE GATE I CANNOT BELIEVE

Okay but and then this story explains all of Raven Mytho’s emotional issues as well???

*sigh* Autor……. Fakir literally just told you his motivation is to protect people and you’re still going on about controlling the fates of all mankind… are you sure you’re not Drosselmeyer’s direct descendent?

Rue don’t go into the crow building

Honestly I’m still dying over the fact that you can tell where things are happening purely based on which building all the crows are at today

Tiny Rue is breaking my heart

UUUUAAAAAAAAAAAAAA TINY RUE IS DOING BALLET

Omg Rue in the beginner’s class!

Oh noooo Uzura’s saaaaad

I KNOW I’ve heard this songgggggggg

THAT WAS A BIT OF THE FOSSILS FROM CARNIVAL OF THE ANIMALS???

Okayokayokay so it’s not Carnival of the Animals but DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS it’s another piece by Saint-Saens and DO YOU KNOW what that piece is called????? fuckin Danse Macabre!!!!! I am immediately filled with a sense of foreboding!!!

The music choices in this show are going to destroy me one day

HOLY CRAP????

I can’t believe so goddamn much happened in this episode???

Episode 25 - The Dying Swan

I’m not rrrrrrrrreadyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Not even the narrator’s obvious disappointment in Drosselmeyer can give me solace

Oh my god so is the Drosselmeyer we know just a character in Dead Drosselmeyer’s story?

I think it’s a testament to this story’s power that I’m having so many emotions about it even though I know what’s going to happen? Like, some stories, reading the summary is pretty much the same as hearing the story, but Princess Tutu is not one of those stories

Like I just overcame my social anxiety to ask my roommate to be quieter, that’s how good this story is

Aaaaaagh Rue’s change from saying “you love me” to saying “I love you” my HEART

Oh shoot! Mytho’s angry! I thought one of the gate heart shards might be anger

Oh my god Autor literally no one cares what TEA Drosselmeyer drank look at Fakir he’s so done

Aaaaaaaa ohno

EVISCERATE HIM FAKIR

Holyshitholyshitholyshit

Okay but see the lake is outside the city so Dross just took some random normal duck and plunked her down in his fairytale town and that’s why like, a cat teacher seems weird to her because she’s not from inside the story

OH NO THEY’RE PLAYING THE SWAN BUT THIS TIME IT’S RUE

rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr fuck OFFFFFF

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh it’s the sword birds

excUSE you Dross, the knight has NOT “long been useless”

Episode 26 - Finale

I can’t believe after 9 years I’m finally going to finish watching this show

Okay it’s happening

It begins and ends with “once upon a time, there was a man who died”, the absolute most perfect first line in the history of first lines and you can fight me on this

Okay I’m already almost crying just from the theme song, like the Tchaikovsky fits perfectly into it? I’m gonna sing it

I’m just screaming???? They’re all in distress

BUT DUCK IS NOT GOING TO GIVE IN TO DISTRESS

RUE IS THE SWAN

DUCK DECIDES TO WRITE HER OWN STORY AND THE MUSIC FROM THE END OF THE THEME SONG STARTS PLAYING MY HEART

I’M ACTUALLY CRYING

IT’S ALL THE PEOPLE SHE HELPED

THEY ARE PLAYING THE THEME THAT PLAYS WHEN DUCK IS HAPPY

FUCKING -- AND YOU HIT ME WITH ONCE UPON A TIME THERE WAS A MAN WHO DIED NOW

LOOK! LOOK THE SCENERY OUTSIDE THE TOWN FADES IN

I watched it.

#princess tutu watch #i still cannot believe

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winteriron-trash · 6 years ago

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About Me/FAQ

Hey, welcome to my blog! This is my -well, usually- Marvel-centric blog that has everything WinterIron, Bucky Barnes, and Tony Stark, as well as some general shitposts of my own wild adventures. I figured it’s best to keep up this trend of updating my ‘About Me’ page every follower milestone. So thank you all so much for over 3,000 followers, I never expected to break that many followers, let alone in less than a year on Tumblr. I appreciate each and everyone one of you, so really, thank you for sticking around with my bullshit.

Per the usual, I don’t do drama, I don’t do discourse. If you have a serious problem with me or anything I’ve written/done on this blog, please take it up with me personally. I will delete anon hate (if I get any, I haven’t gotten any yet…) and I think it’s all just pointless. I can be salty and derpy sometimes, but I will never purposely say something malicious. I’m not here for that negativity.

Now, to the FAQs.

Do you have an Ao3/Pillowfort/other social media?

I do have an Ao3, you can find me at Gothic_Lolita. I don’t cross-post everything, and a lot of my stuff on Ao3 isn’t WinterIron or even Bucky or Tony-centric, so if you’d like to see some other stuff I write, feel free to check over there. I don’t have a Pillowfort, nor do I plan on getting one. It took me forever to get this platform right, I’m not in the place to bother learning how to navigate a new one. I don’t do Snapchat or Instagram or Twitter because I am not nearly basic or cool enough for that stuff. The only social media I use is Tumblr and Pinterest, and trust me, my Pinterest is nothing interesting enough to be worth linking.

Do you have a tagging system?

I’m… trying, honestly. I’m trying to adjust my tags and systems because of the… wildness Tumblr is having with blocking and purging certain tags. I try to be funny in my tags, and I swear a lot, and apparently ‘fuck’ is being filtered out of the tag search, so that’s fun and completely screwed me over. As it stands, the important tags are ‘winteriron-trash writes’ (my writing tag), ‘shitposting with becca’ (any wild shitposts of my own sad creation), ‘not about marvel’ (any posts that are my general bullshittery and not Marvel related), ‘becca gives mediocre writing advice’ (a new tag I’m trying to use that’ll tag any post that I give writing advice on), ‘becca spills the tea’ (a tag for whenever I post my metas or opinions on Marvel characters, plots, etc), and the citrus scale which I explain in a post here

Do you write original fiction?

Yes, but I rarely, if ever, post it. I think I have all of one poem on Tumblr, any absolutely nothing original on Ao3. I write original works all the time, especially poetry and novels, but I’m super shy about being vulnerable and putting my stuff out there. I do wanna post my original writing somehow, but considering a fandom blog and Ao3 aren’t really the place for it, I’ll just keep it all hidden inside of me, and one day I’ll die. You’re more than welcome to ask me about any of my original writings, trust me, I am always willing to ramble about the shit I write, it’s pathetic.

What type of fanfiction do you write?

For this blog, mostly WinterIron fics or gen fics focused on Bucky or Tony. I do write about OT3s on here occasionally, but they usually include WinterIron in some way. Most of the time. I’ve somehow gotten to writing some weird stuff lately, to be honest. I’ll work with MCU, Sony Venom, and Spiderverse characters and canon, with the occasionally comic canon shoved in there. I have occasionally written crossover content with DC characters, but that usually relies on comic versions -or at least my own remixes of them- rather than the DCEU. On my masterlist, you can check out all the things I’ve written!

What are your ships besides WinterIron? NOTPs?

I’ll ship almost anything, and I’m a huge fan of rarepairs/interesting relationships simply to explore the possibilities of it, particularly when they include Bucky or Tony. My top OTPs besides WinterIron are currently Phlint, FalconShield, and BlackPepper. As for NOTPs, I strongly dislike Stucky, Stuckony, Thorki, and Staron for reasons of just not being able to see those characters together romantically. Feel free to send me the wildest rarepair your mind can think of, chances are I’ve probably already thought of it myself so I’d love the chance to ramble about/write for it. I’m a big fan of weird OT3s as well, just see the weird shit on my masterlist.

Are you in any fandoms besides Marvel?

I’m into DC, Star Trek, classic literature, Percy Jackson/HoO/Kane Chronicles, She-Ra, Carmen Sandiego, indie gaming, Supernatural, vulture culture, HYDRA Trash Party, and musicals. Yes, I’m aware I was born to be a geek. Trust me, I’ve grown very used to it.

Do you take prompts?

Honestly, sending me a prompt/headcanon/idea is a shot in the dark. I have prompts sitting in my inbox that has been there for about a year that I’ve been meaning to write. Chances are if you send me a prompt yes I’ve seen it, yes I think it’s lovely, but god I do not have the time. Occasionally a prompt will really grab my eye and I’ll just have to write something for it, but sometimes even that can take months to finish. Don’t be surprised if you send me a prompt and I randomly fill it seven months later. I’m prone to doing so. I love being tagged in existing prompt/headcanon posts and asked to write it (as I have a bad habit of hijacking posts to write stuff for them to begin with…) just know that once again the chances of me writing it are about a 50/50. Also, make sure the OP is okay with you asking me to write it, it’s never my intention to steal someone else’s spotlight, I just want to take cool ideas and throw my two cents in.

Is there anything you won’t write?

Drugs and alcohol are hard nos for me. They’re personal triggers that if you really want to know more about, you can send me an ask or message about. If I’ve listed something as a NOTP, I will not write anything with it. I strongly dislike writing kid fics, mundane AUs, damsel in distress Tony fics, and A/B/O, but I’m willing to work with an idea if it’s good enough. It really depends on the situation.

Do you offer writing advice/reviews?

Yep! I’m down to answer any questions on writing fanfic or just writing in general. I love talking about writing and all that. Seriously, I like talking about writing almost as much as I like talking about Marvel. I’m more than open to reading a few chapters of your fic or book or whatever and telling you my honest thoughts, but I probably won’t have time to read all of it if it’s more than 5k long, because I’m just a busy person. And I will be honest because I want to be helpful. Don’t ask me for my honest opinion if you just want your ego stroked.

Can I ask your opinion on [insert topic here]?

Always. I am always open to sharing my honest opinions, regardless of backlash I’ll receive for it. I’d rather be my honest self online -the one place I can be my honest self- then a fake mask made to please others. Whether it be fandom ships, in-universe meta, or non-fandom related topics, feel free to ask me. I love talking meta, or just general thoughts and opinions on random stuff. Trust me, I’m far too opinionated for my own good. Ask literally anyone who’s met me.

How long have you been writing?

All seventeen years of my sad, sad life. I loved writing stupid little stories when I was a kid, that slowly morphed into shitty “books”, then I went through a poetry phase in junior high, and when I was about 14 I wrote my first fanfiction. I posted my first fanfic when I was 15, and have been posting fanfiction for over a year and a half now. I started Tumblr in late February but didn’t start writing fics here until about March because I am a shy bitch.

Aaaaaaand now for some stupid shit about me you didn’t ask for.

My name is Becca, or Winter, or Dumbass, whatever you prefer, and I’m a dumbfuck 17 yr old lesbian from upstate New York. (The ‘upstate’ part is important. Don’t ask me if I live in NYC. Just don’t.) I’m a junior in high school and planning to study English and Marketing in college, to hopefully become an editor. Hopefully. I’m actually a pretty boring and dumb bitch, which makes it all the more concerning that I am steadily gaining popularity on this hellsite. Someone help me.

I mentioned some of my interests above, but some other stuff I’m into includes knitting, playing piano, tea, collecting (hoarding) notebooks, photography, editing, music, and being a general idiot. I’m a wild child in ripped jeans and a leather jacket, which should not fool you because I’m far too shy and afraid of everything to be cool like that. I sound a lot cooler online because I’ve gotten so used to online interactions from making friends and running my own Discord server, but in real life I am unrecognizable. I’ve been in a grade of 60 people with the same people since kindergarten and some of them still don’t know my name.

I’m mentally ill and all that, but we’re working on getting… better. Writing schedules are a mess from me and sometimes I’m falling apart so, that’s fun. It doesn’t usually affect my blog because I internalize that shit, but occasionally the self-deprecating humor can get to be a little too close to the truth. And just the general spastic nature of my blog reflects the utter chaos of my mind.

So anyway, that’s me, please be my friend. Also, because this seems to come up more and more. Please don’t be afraid of me/intimidated by me. I know I look all cool and popular, but I am literally a hot mess just like the rest of us. If you want to climb your way into my messages and just,,,, scream at me about something you think I’d like, or just scream in general, go ahead. I really won’t mind, I promise. I need… friends, or so my therapist tells me.

Oh, and here’s a face reveal.

Yes, I am that absolute idiot of a person, lying splat in the middle of my elementary playground field for,,,, reasons???? I don’t really remember the story behind that picture tbh, but it’s my entire personality in a single picture, so I dig it.

And here’s my actual face, with a cheap ring in my mouth and a fox filter because I thought I looked cute, okay? Leave me be.

Tadah.

I swear I’m funny and talented sometimes, please like me.

As always, feel free to send me an ask or a message about anything you’d like.

Check out my Masterlist if you want, and join my Discord Server.

#about me #personal #not about Marvel #now you know who i am #updated #3k

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stupidfanfics · 7 years ago

Text

Til’ Death Do Us Part; A Barry Allen Fan Fiction

Chapter 1: Pinch Me

Summary: In the first chapter Monica Bell moves to Central City and (despite being the new girl) quickly becomes friends with Barry Allen.

Word Count: 2097

Warnings: None

(A/N): Yay! It’s finally here the first chapter of my series. Thank you to darlingpetao3 for editing my story. Just as an FYI I’m new to this so if you have any advice please let me know. Also, I’d really appreciate it if you shared this with your friends. Also for anyone new to fanfiction (trust me we’ve all been there) here’s a little key for you: y/n is your name, y/f/n is your full name, y/e/c is your eye color, and y/h/c is your hair color. Ok, I think I’m done rambling. Enjoy!

Love has always been one of those things that has consumed all of my attention and energy. For as long as I can remember I’ve always ‘liked’ someone. Ranging from that stupid crush I had in the third grade to the boy I’ve liked for so long now. I’m pretty sure I’m in love with him. I mean how could you not love him? He is adorable, hilarious, super smart, and not to mention 6’1, with hypnotizing green orbs for eyes.

Barry Allen.

The name that has made my heart either flutter or skip a beat every time I hear it, since the tenth grade. You see, my life was very different before I met Barry. For the first eleven years of my life, my mother and I lived in National City. My mom worked as a journalist for Cat-Co while somehow still managing to raise me as a single parent. My life was great in National City; my classmates loved me, my teachers loved me, and during summer, I spent my days on the pier and my nights sitting by a bonfire making s’mores and staying up past midnight with my good friends; nothing was stopping me from living a perfect life. That was until, as my mom puts it, “Duty Called,” and she just had to follow.

So that June, us two packed all of our stuff up and moved to Central City so that my mom could start her job at CCPN. I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was on the brink of tears the whole trip there. Although I had the whole summer to settle into my new city and meet new friends, most of my first summer there was spent reading biology books I had checked out from the library.

The first day of school came sooner than I had expected, which caused me to only get about three hours of sleep the night before. Earlier that night, I had settled on wearing a plain blue top and jeans. I didn’t feel like drawing too much attention to myself. Meeting new people has never been my thing.

Central City Junior High was only a ten-minute walk from my new house, but my mom, being the person that she is, insisted on driving me there on my first day. I don’t really remember the five-minute car ride there, mainly because I was lost in my own thoughts 99% of the time. The other 1% was spent twiddling my fingers or bobbing my knee up and down at lightning speed.

Once my mom finally pulled up to my new school, I quickly pecked her cheek goodbye and started my long journey to first period. It was weird being an “Outsider.” I finally experienced what it was like to be ignored, or bumped int-

“Shit,” I mumbled under my breath as all of my new journals fell to the floor (along with an unhealthy amount of colorful gel pens). All I could hear was the evil snickering of a few students behind me as I dropped to the floor with teary eyes to pick up the mess that was just made. I swiftly grabbed a handful of pens before a set of hands appeared on one of the journals. I followed the new set of hands with my blue eyes, up their arms to the face that owned them. Suddenly they were met with two green eyes staring right back into mine.

“Don’t worry about them, they always pick on their prey. I mean not that you’re at a lower rank than them, but you were alone and-” His rambling was instantly cut off by a voice above the two of you.

“Come on Barry, if I’m late to first period Dad’s gonna kill me.”

As soon as all of my things were back in a neat pile the stranger in front of me stood up and apologized to the voice that just spoke. I slowly began to stand back upright when the two of them started strolling down the halls.

“I-I’m sorry for what happened to you... whatever your name is. Wait, I don’t know your name. What’s your-” I couldn’t help but smile at his rambling.

“Barry Allen, I swear, if you don’t start picking up your feet I will drag you through these hallways for the rest of your life if I have to.” And with that, the two strangers, the green-eyed boy, and dark-skinned girl were out of sight.

As I walked into my first-period class you kept I head down low, avoiding any attention. I hastily took the last seat available (a seat in the dreaded front row) and gently placed my backpack on the back of my chair. Chatter could be heard throughout the classroom until- BIIIING- the bell went off and everyone suddenly fell silent.

“Hello class, I’m Ms. Martin and I will be your science teacher this year. Now before I start my class, I’ll be taking attendance, so please just say ‘HERE’ loud and clear when I call your name.” Ms. Martin went through about eight names, and I zoned out until a name caught my attention.

“Bartholomew Allen.” A hand shot up at the desk to my right.

“Here ma’am, and I go by Barry- Barry Allen.” I heard a few giggles in the back of the classroom as Barry slowly put his hand down.

“Well, okay then, Mr. Barry Allen.” The teacher checked off yet another name on her list. “Next would be, Monica Lucille Bell.”

It felt like all of the air had been sucked out of the room. My lungs began to burn and my heart was running 100 miles a minute. Slowly, I raised my hand only reaching the point where the tip of my middle finger reached the top of my blonde dressed head. Unfortunately, even though I was in the front row where the teacher could easily see me, she still stared me down until I meekly uddered out a ‘Here’. Suddenly all of the tension in my body was released and I was finally able to breathe again.

That was until I felt a finger gently poke my shoulder.

I turned my head towards the source of the finger. The stranger held out his hand until I nervously took his hand into mine and shook it, looking into his face.

“H-hi I’m Barry-” he whispered.

“You do know she just said your name like fifteen seconds ago, right Barry?” I questioned, rolling my blue eyes.

“Well, I just wanted to ‘formally’ introduce myself, Monica.”

And that’s how it all began. Little did I know that day was the start of my long adventure with Barry Allen.

After that day, Barry and I slowly grew closer and closer together. About a month into the school year the two of us were inseparable. Barry and I would spend as much time as possible together. Whenever the two of us were around it was impossible not to hear laughter.

Of course, Iris and I were also good friends. After awhile Barry had told me about his mother’s death and how after his dad went to prison he had to move in with Iris and her dad, Detective Joe West. The Wests always welcomed me with open arms, and soon my mom and I began celebrating birthdays, Christmas, and Thanksgiving with them. One of my favorite memories with Barry is actually the first Christmas the two of us spent together...

Central City was colder than usual that year, and the weather forecasters were predicting a 75% chance of snow on Christmas Day. My mom and I decided to stay the night at the West's’ house, seeing that it would be too cold to walk home and there was bound to be a dangerous amount of ice on the roads that night. All five of us had decided to spend our night by watching a few Christmas movies while drinking hot chocolate and eating cookies. I’ve never been too keen on nostalgic or cliche traditions, except for this one. That night was full of laughter, smiles, and hundreds of happy memories.

One being the frosting incident.

After dinner, that night, Iris, Barry, and I crowded into the small kitchen to decorate gingerbread cookies. The house was filled with the warm scent of cinnamon and sugar, and Christmas music from the local radio station played faintly in the background.

“Well, I’m pretty sure my cookies are going to be the best,” boasted Barry, standing in front of his work of art with his hands on his hips in triumph.

“And how do you know that, Barry?” Iris challenged him, carefully piping a snowflake made of white icing onto a golden brown cookie.

“I’ve got mad frosting skills, Iris, that’s why.”

I just stood there, listening to their conversation as I covered my cookie in little white dots of sugary frosting. Until I came up with a mischievous idea. Interrupting the debate going on between Barry and Iris, I gently tapped Iris on the shoulder and quietly whispered something inaudible about Barry in her ear. A smile slowly crept onto her face as she nodded her head.

“What are you talking about, Monica? Anything important?” Barry interrogated me, taking two steps closer.

“Oh nothing,” I said with a bag of frosting in my hand.

“Just that… I’ve got mad frosting skills too...” I screamed as I began to squeeze icing all over Barry’s face. Behind me, Iris was dying of laughter before Barry’s facial expressions went from shock to pure rage.

“Oh Monica,” he breathed, taking a step forward with his hands behind his back. “Two can play this game.”

Instantaneously, he took a bag of frosting into his hands, haphazardly squeezing all of its contents like a water gun, hitting both me and Iris. The laughter and screaming coming from the three of us was so loud we didn’t hear the footsteps hurriedly walking towards the kitchen.

“Guys… What’s going on in-?” A huge glob of frosting was flung into Joe’s face and once all of us realized what had just happened, the whole house fell quiet.

“J-Joe...I-I can explain,” stammered Barry. Joe wiped the frosting off his face and onto the now filthy floor.

“There’s no need to explain Barry. Just make sure all of this is cleaned up in thirty minutes.” As Joe began to turn around, I couldn't help but point it out.

“Oh…um… Mr. West?” Joe stared into my face.

“Yes, Monica?”

I pointed to his face “Y-you…. you’ve got a little frosting in your eyebrow.” Barry started to giggle as Joe slowly turned away, wiping the frosting from his eyebrow with his index finger.

The next morning I was woken up by someone shaking me back and forth

“Mon…Monica.”

I slowly rolled over and swatted Barry’s arm away.

“What do you want, Bartholomew?” I asked, followed by a long yawn.

“First of all, you know I go by Barry. Second of all, you’ve got to go outside!” he exclaimed, grabbing onto my forearm and pulling me off of the sofa. I was half asleep, so I allowed him to continue dragging me to the front door until a cold blast of air sent shivers down my spine. I finally opened my eyes the rest of the way to find an enchanting white blanket of snow covering the neighborhood.

Briskly, Barry let go of my arm and awkwardly ran over to the snow. His face was beaming with joy and I couldn’t help but join him in his sappy bliss. Instantly I ran over to him and both of us dropped to the floor, moving our arms and legs, attempting to make snow angels. For a while, the two of us just stayed there giggling and staring at the cloudy sky above.

“Monica?” I flopped my head to the side to meet Barry’s green eyes.

“Yes, Barry?” I answered.

“Will you please pinch me-?”

I rolled my eyes. “Come on Barry, you of all people should know that doesn’t-”

“Monica, just shut up and pinch me!” he yelled. Quickly, I sat up and took his plump little cheeks in between my thumbs and index fingers, pinching them as hard as I possibly could. Barry squealed and I fell back down into my original position as my body shook with laughter.

“Merry Christmas, Monica…” he whispered.

“Merry Christmas, Barry,” I said with a huge smile on my face.

#barry allen fanfiction #barry allen #barry allen x you #barry allen x reader #fanfiction #fanfic #the flash #the flash fanfiction #grant gustin fanfic #grant gustin #iris west #joe west #grant gustin fanfiction #childhood #fandom #my writing #writing #writers on tumblr

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egregiousderp · 7 years ago

Note

When we first met you were a good solid 5 on the intimidation scale but that's because I was very smol and intimidated by everything. And now you're a 0 because of the power of friendship and the passage of tiiiiime.

Listen. Everyone here needs to know that we met on livejournal, and we were both fourteen.

This is Saph, guys.

Saph started out as a Yu-Gi-Oh anon on my livejournal almost fifteen years ago. Both of us had parents informed of the dangers of meeting strangers online, so this was very much a secret. We’d chat online in my time between classes and for a few hours after school.

I was a smol, furious Goth/Metal Kid with no home internet access and a lot of feelings, about ten seconds away from expecting a fight out of everyone. She was an agoraphobic homeschooler who confused homonyms in ways that would get you ridiculed on some parts of the internet. Turns out we both liked a dubbed anime about playing children’s trading card games with souls on the line.

(She has come so far and I am so proud of her you have no idea. Ugh. Guys. She’s asked a person out and found a better job for herself in just the past month and I’m beside myself. Just-

/shakes friend bodily while shrieking)

I was coming out of going to a school where I had a total of one friend, and going back to a school where I’d had two friends, who were now gone back to another country. All of that after trying to fail a grade to prevent exactly that coming back.

Internet friends who started out as total strangers across the country who might be middle-aged men looking to kidnap you were not on my list of things I thought of as viable “real friends”.

And I freely admit I did not behave in nice ways.

I wasn’t mean to people who were nice to me, and Saph was and is a thoroughly harmless person. (Saph up here is literally the human version of Fluttershy. I swear. We have joked about this. It’s a thing.)

That said, I was a very different person.

I like to think me now would have a bit of patience to spend on fourteen-year-old me, but truthfully?

Quite possibly not.

Because Fourteen-year-old me was discovering gay people were a thing for the first time, after being raised in a conservative Christian home and did not have tactful questions because they had no idea how to parse a tactful question about that. And Fan fiction from this era was also a lot less accepting and tended to focus on same sex pairing as “shameful”. This was the era of hot yaois and getting sued for writing fic about the Vampire Lestat. It wasn’t a good time not to be a straight kid. Being gay was a point of drama or a point of a joke. And that was even before you took into account my background, which pretended these things didn’t exist. And good luck even trying to figure out what to call Asexuality if you were. (And we both are.)

Fourteen-year-old me had just gone through (very poor and uninformative) sex ed the year before and realized exactly what some of her childhood bullying experiences really were, and was still living in a culture where purity was the one thing a girl had to protect and the one thing everyone around her talked about as a “temptation.”

I’m not saying I deserved a 5 for actually being able to do anything killing or maiming or even remotely dangerous, but I was in a lot of emotional pain with next to no support or outlets and didn’t always handle it well even as a person who bottles.

I definitely hadn’t figured out how to channel it into making things, and I hadn’t started my writing rituals. I was living in a house where my parents literally removed my door growing up so I would hide in my closet under bunches of clothes and things because I was an introvert who had no idea I wasn’t being allowed to recharge because my family was that worried for me and I wasn’t talking to them.

I was definitely a lot less careful about not taking what I felt out on people who had nothing to do with it because I hadn’t yet figured out that just because a thing was true about a person, didn’t mean you should say it.

So YOU were probably safe, Saph, but when you met me? I definitely wasn’t nerfing myself to Zero by all the time, because quite frankly I didn’t think the people around me deserved it.

What I did do to merit not being totally harmless is probably not even as bad as some of the things people here, far older than I was, still do to one another.

But I still regret those things.

In a way, pointing out a person’s insecurities in public because you have a chip on your shoulder is harder to ignore than a stock hate phrase. Because it’s personal. Targeted and wrong.

I know WHY I did it.

Because if you have a person picking on you to try to get reputation points, or feel less empty and powerless in their own life, the worst thing you can do to them is shake their support group or make them look like a fool. Make them feel that powerlessness again. And if you’ve gone to school with the same people from first grade you tend to know or learn the pressure points a person has if you’re even slightly observant. You know who wants to be cool or wants to feel pretty or who worries about their grades. This is basic high school stuff.

If a person hates a thing you love, a bad thing you can do to them is to keep loving it. And a worse thing you can do is to work to make that thing everywhere they turn. If they really hate it.

(The best revenge I have ever had on the kids who threw my Thrawn books in the trash at age eight is just how big the Star Wars fandom is even now. Their children probably love and immerse these people in that thing. Some of them probably love it themselves. I never even had to lift a finger.)

Still. Things which are targeted with an aim to stop all future bullying possibilities are not nice things. And knowledge itself is a factor in intimidation.

Being from a small school filled with people with money while having none of your own, and being so low on the social totem pole that even the band kids picked on you and stole and wrecked your stuff over the course of years makes you think of things in terms of that kind of confrontation constantly.

Everything you do is going to be pointed out as wrong at some point to curry maximum social favor. Everything.

Which has one advantage: that eventually you learn to like the things you like because pretending otherwise will just get you mocked harder.

Not to look at things in terms of surviving that, or turning it around is something you have to really want to work on to ever get out of it.

And it means you have to work at it to the point where you don’t allow yourself to lift a finger to your worst enemy, but are aware that even softly saying “I would never hurt you” to people who live in guilt or insecurity is sometimes enough to scare them because they’re primed to be scared and already feel like they don’t really belong.

It’s…people. Just people.

And sometimes even bad people have folks who are loyal to them even when they’re kicked or exposed. Which makes the people they support ironically harder to shake off of you? I think those very quiet support people are the most worth admiring even when they stand against you.

Like…They have the social grace to blend in that I don’t, and that kind of complex moral code? The kind of person who holds the future prom queen’s sweater and looks away for teachers who might be coming while she kicks you in the ribs? The people who never raise a hand to you directly, but don’t stop what’s happening because they’re where they want to be.

I always wanted to crawl inside their heads and see just how that worked.

I couldn’t even be mad at them because I was so fascinated that they had the things I didn’t and still at any point could tumble.

You had to look at them the way you’d look at a perfectly skillful tightrope walker.

Sometimes just making eye contact at the right time with them counted as something intimidating because it shook that wire they walked whether you meant to or not.

Even just to be SEEN is intimidation, sometimes.

(And you and I are fairly shy people so I think we know that well.)

I don’t think I ever would have hurt you, Saph.

You were always kind to me. Whether I deserved being treated with kindness or not.

I won’t ever forget that.

And you of all people deserve never to have worried about anything.

#skuun answers #vague csa mention so:#tw: csa #tw: bullying #long post #I try to be very up front about not having been a shining example of fandom Templar #Saph knows me better than anyone by this point probably and could tell you #but likely won’t because she believes in people’s good intentions and inspires me to do the same.#so I WILL tell you #I firmly believe a person who is good either has a complete lack of imagination and inclination or has a past convincting them to be good #and one does not have to be as transparent about what that is for it to be true #I know you’ve probably heard all this already Saph so please forgive me for that #I’m at the point in life where I think I could take pretty much anyone who wanted to go against me one on one because most would have guilt #and any fear of doing something without people backing you comes off to me as a lack of conviction just because of how I am I guess #anoning someone means you recognize you might be wrong and want the plausibility off pretending it wasn’t said by you #going in to confront with a group behind you means you don’t think what you say carries enough weight or that you doubt the bond between you #and the person you’re confronting. (And it means you don’t think they care enough to change for you.)#so I try to encourage people to ask for what they need.#but know for some people they’ll always doubt that I care enough about them to listen to it coming from them.#so... I’d listen to it coming from anyone.#But asking for things under your own face means I know how to cultivate my care for you. it puts a name to it.#I strive to live a life as close to zero as possible.

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leigh-kelly · 7 years ago

Note

70: “This is why I fell in love with you.” NY verse pretty please!!

A continuation of this.

When they get back to school after spring break, Santana is glad that she feels more like herself again. She knows that signing up for the housing lottery with Brittany is a huge thing, but she’s just going with it, and trying not to let it eat her alive. She’s in love, she’s young, and she thinks that after a whole lifetime of avoiding making mistakes, she’s willing to try, even if it could end up being disastrous.

With spring break behind her, Santana begins to prep for finals. She’s already studying like crazy with Brittany, trying to make sure she passes her world religions final, and on top of that, she has stacks of books on her desk, figuring out her research papers, and trying to avoid going completely crazy at the thought of writing upwards of fifty pages in the last weeks of the semester.

On top of all of that, Santana reads on Tumblr that there’s going to be a lesbian fan convention in New York. Being in Ohio, and being...mostly antisocial, she never actually thought that she’d want to go to something like that. But now that she’s in New York, the idea kind of thrills her, and she wonders if she can muster up the courage to go. Even more than that, she wonders if should could ever possibly convince Brittany to go with her. She’s not really into the whole multishipping thing that a lot of the other girls are into, but she knows that some of the people who read her Rizzoli and Isles lesbian subtext blog are going to be there, and really, if she’s being honest with herself, she wants to go.

“Hey babes.” Brittany meets her after class one afternoon, and Santana still kind of can’t get used to her calling her by that pet name. It’s not babe, or baby, it feels...special, and she loves it. “How was hell?”

“Not so bad.” Santana laughs, glad that Brittany knows how much she hates her Twentieth Century American Lit class that’s basically all men, all the time. “But I swear, all this guy wants to do is talk about Hemingway. One day, I’m going to raise my hand and just start listing off American women writers...”

“You should, it would probably knock the guy’s socks off.”

“I’m not sure if it would be in a good way or a bad way though...and I still need his grade.”

“Please, like you’re not totally going to ace it.”

“Not chancing it. How was your class, anyway.”

“Super mathy. So, good.”

“Good.” Santana smiles. “So, uh, I wanted to ask you something kind of weird.”

“Okay...” Brittany trails off, stopping in the middle of the sidewalk, to the frustration of everyone walking behind them.

“It’s not serious.” Santana tugs at her hand, making her walk again. “There’s just like...this kind of lame, like, lesbian thingy this weekend. A, um, fandom convention I guess.”

“Cool! Do we get to dress up?”

“Wait, seriously? You’re reacting that positive without me even telling you what it’s about?”

“Well you obviously want to go. I mean, maybe you want to go alone, and if so, live it up! But if you wanted me to go with you, I’d be totally down. Isles is the blonde one, right?”

“Yeah...um, wow, okay, I totally didn’t expect you to react so enthusiastically. But yeah, I’d really like if you came with me. I’m kind of freaked by the whole idea of even going to something like this, so, I think I’d feel better if you were there.”

“Please, these are your people.” Brittany grins. “You’ll probably be famous there, or something. Think anyone’ll recognize me from your Tumblr?”

“I mean, if anyone there actually reads my blog, of course they will. I post about you more often now than I post about the girls.”

“A great honor, of course. I love that you want to go. I mean, this is why I fell in love with you. You’re like, this awesome nerd, and I’m obsessed with it.”

“Jeeze, I still don’t know how I got lucky enough to find you.”

“The magic that is Washington Square Park. And obviously I’m luckier. But important question, do I get to carry a fake gun to get the bad guys with?”

“Maura’s a medical examiner, Britt. Sorry, but you don’t get a gun.”

“Do you?”

“Obviously.”

“Well, then that’s probably the sexiest thing I’ll ever see.”

For the rest of the week, Santana doubles down to get her work done before the weekend. On Saturday morning, Brittany goes back to her room to get dressed, and Santana puts her Boston Police Department shirt on under her blazer, and straps her gun belt to her waist. She’s never done cosplay before, but the idea of doing it with Brittany for something like this has has all kind of excited. When Brittany comes back in a red dress with a lab coat over it, Santana smiles so wide. It’s not just about how hot she looks, but about the fact that she’s really getting into this with her. The whole thing means more than she can even say, and she kisses her, careful not to smear her red lipstick.

They go uptown to the venue where the event is being held, and Santana kind of just takes it all in. It’s a lot, being around so many other people, and even if they’re her people, like Brittany said, she’s shy. It’s one thing being really into something on the internet, but it’s another to be into it in person. She’s a little embarrassed, and a little trepidatious, but she holds fast to Brittany’s hand, and Brittany urges her to talk to people. This is her thing, after all, and she knows that Brittany just wants to have a good time.

Brittany flags someone down to snap a picture of the two of them together, and immediately after Santana posts it on her blog—hashtag best girlfriend ever—she gets a whole flood of responses. As it turns out, people have actually started shipping her and Brittany together after Santana’s incessant posting about her, and the idea that they’re dressed up as Maura and Jane has her followers a buzz. It’s really sweet, and Santana just hopes Brittany knows what this means to her.

They spend the day there, and Santana meets some of the girls who have been following her since she was fourteen years old and writing really, really bad fan fiction—including the ones who survived that high school cheerleading captain AU—and she introduces Brittany to all of them. Maybe it’s lame, but she kind of feels like a mini celebrity, and when they finally leave to go back to their dorm, it’s almost a let down. It’s hard for Santana to be who she is in the real world, and this was an opportunity for that. It was amazing, and she honestly can’t thank Brittany enough for being part of it with her.

“I know you were probably bored to tears today, Britt, but...it meant so much to me that you came.”

“I wasn’t bored at all, babes. I know I’m like, super clueless about what actually happens on that show, but I also know it helped you when you were struggling, and I think it’s really cool you got to do something like that.”

“It was awesome. I mean, I couldn’t have cared less about anything else that went on there, but the Rizzles stuff was neat, and I liked that I got to meet all those people who only existed behind Tumblr usernames.”

“Yeah, I cant imagine what that felt like. I mean, I can barely even turn on a computer, let alone make a whole bunch of friends on there. But it’s like, this whole cool world, and you’re a part of it.”

“I don’t even understand how you can be so amazing.” Santana rests her head on Brittany’s shoulder as they walk down Fifth Avenue. “I figured if I ever met anyone who actually wanted to be with me, I’d keep this part of me a complete secret, but here you are, dressed as Maura Isles.”

“What can I say? I’m kind of an amazing girlfriend.”

“Tell me, Britt, is there any weird kind of stuff like this that you would want to do? Any secret life I don’t know about?”

“I don’t think so.” Brittany shakes her head. “The only thing I really want to go is see a show at the New York City Ballet. I’ve dreamed of it...pretty much my entire life.”

“Wait, you haven’t gone yet? I sort of just figured it would have been the first thing you did when you got here.”

“I was so stressed out when I first got here, trying to like, cope with being away from home, dealing with learning to eat new food, and not fail my classes. It just sort of slipped my mind. But seeing you so happy doing something you couldn’t do back in Ohio reminded me of how much I wanted to do that.”

“Can I take you for your birthday?”

“That’s too expensive, Santana. I can’t let you do that.”

“I have Christmas money saved up from my parents.” Santana protests. “I’ve been trying to figure out what I could even get you for your birthday, and I’ve been at a total loss. Let me do that for you. I’d surprise you, but I don’t want to like, buy tickets and then have you make some other big plans that day.”“Do you really think I’m making big birthday plans that don’t include you?”“I don’t know, don’t you want to go to a bar or something?”

“Why would I want to go to a bar when you don’t have a fake ID, and have no desire to go?”

“I don’t know, because it’s not my birthday? If you wanted to do that, I’d go to that guy you know on Canal Street and get one, you know.”

“That’s really sweet, Santana, but I’m not trying to corrupt you. You like to play by the rules, and what am I going to do at a bar that I couldn’t do with you somewhere else?”

“Drink? Dance?”

“Okay, fair.” Brittany concedes. “But I’d much rather do anything else if it meant you were having a good time too.”

“I guess. I just want your birthday to be special.”

“If you’re serious about the ballet thing, that would make it really special. If not, I’m also totally fond of eating sushi in my underwear and watching Imagine Me and You.”

“That’s pretty much our every Saturday night.” Santana shakes her head laughing. “As long as you’ll let me, I’m going to make your birthday special.”

“Then guess what? It’s in your hands now.”

#brittana #nyu!au #Anonymous

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