#metaposting again sorry non-gomens followers

[mellohirust]

YEP! I think it definitely hurt in Crowley's eyes for it to be suggested, even if he knows Heaven's always had Aziraphale stuck in their grasp and under their watchful eye. After all, while he doesn't seem the happiest about doing Hell's bidding, and deems himself unforgivable, and laments over the Fall from time to time, he still doesn't want to go back to Heaven either. It's hurt them both in many ways. It feels like collaborating with the enemy. He doesn't forgive easily, as is his right! He doesn't have to forgive them! I don't even think Aziraphale forgives them; after all, in order to think something needs to be fixed, you have to recognize it's incredibly broken. (Besides, he brings attention in S2 to the fact Gabriel "used to be so awful", and I'm sure he hasn't forgotten the fact Heaven repeatedly threatened him, called him names, and outright physically harmed him. Not even to mention the attempted murder.)

But, Aziraphale's seen Crowley dragged down to Hell. He's heard the other suggest "more than rude notes" as punishment. He's seen demons invade his bookshop, he's seen them desperate for war, he's seen them force Crowley to do their dirty work and he's seen them want to outright execute the other. He's also seen Heaven threaten them just the same. There's not a safe place in the world for them, and if he's being coerced into playing a part in their own misery, Aziraphale is going to refuse that destiny by trying to fix it and trying to keep Crowley close. Correct the wrongs of before if and where he can.

(Besides, Crowley seemed... happy, before the Fall. Making his nebulae. Giddily explaining it all. I wouldn't be surprised if Aziraphale thinks about it often and assumes a part of him must want it back, especially with how often we see Crowley do good. It's abnormal for a demon, after all.)

I think ultimately the final fifteen goes the way it does because Aziraphale's trying to make the best out of a situation he's been coerced into, panicking, desperate to not be alone or leave Crowley on his own where he can't protect him, and Crowley's just as freaked out that Aziraphale's going somewhere harmful and he cannot for his own well-being risk following him into it. It's like they're both trying to save each other but disagree on how to do it and where to go and if there's any options left at all. Both held the same fear of being alone. I don't think it was ever a competition of who was holier than thou (especially when we remember Aziraphale had no interest in the offer until it had Crowley's well-being at stake). I think it was just desperation to have something that's been once again made impossible and a question of if they ever can or will. A question of how. A request to not have to do this alone. And that kind of thing doesn't come with only liking someone better as they were briefly six thousand years ago.

(Also, too quickly we forget Aziraphale flirted with him practically the entire season. He was going to ask the other himself to be an "us"! Whether Crowley be a demon or angel or anything! Doesn't matter! It's Crowley!)

Personally I can never see "Aziraphale loves Crowley better as an angel" holding up when I think about the opening scene in Eden. Aziraphale hadn't even known the other's new name but boy was he going to learn it, and so little into the conversation they already confide in each other with their worries of displeasing their sides, even when Heaven would certainly not approve of any of it. The rain pours and Aziraphale shields him with his wing for no reason other than he thinks he ought to (and to repay the kindness Crowley had already shown him before; he cares for the other's actions far more than his status). If Uz is anything to go by, he truly doesn't think Crowley has changed in a way that would make him unworthy of his trust in him to do the right thing (and then he does it, over and over and over, and Aziraphale falls that much more in love). What more is needed to prove he loves Crowley exactly as he is, not in spite of?