#met some cool folks over there but the fandom kinda actively killed my love for the show

[destiny-islanders]

Do you have any sideblogs?

Yeah-- @destiny-islanders is actually a sideblog which drives me NUTS because I use it like my main blog and there are certain things I can't do with it because of its sideblog status lmaoooo

@dapandabanda is my main from my Batfam days, but I haven't touched it in a while since I've long since hopped to other fandoms. :S

I also have @legendary-defenders from my Voltron phase. Again I haven't posted on it in years but I did make quite a lot of content for that fandom back in the day.

lol I also had a P5 blog that I played around with for two seconds. @traitorsandpancakes

And since I've been on a bit of a Star Wars kick lately thanks to Fallen Order and Survivor I made @beedeewun which will actually probably maybe be somewhat active because omg I'm actually really excited for the new game lmao

[breeeliss]

i heard some people don’t know about the Taang/Kummi theory

So this was originally supposed to be a response to an ask I had gotten about this ATLA theory, but because Read More links on Tumblr asks seem to break once you edit them, I’m reposting so that people can actually see the post lol 

For anyone who wasn’t a part of the Toph x Aang LiveJournal fandom in the early 2000s, buckle up, because this bugged me out as a 13 year old. 

Remember the end of “The Swamp” (Book 2, Episode 4)? We find out the swamp isn’t haunted, Huu was just protecting it the whole time, and then he explains to Katara, Sokka, and Aang why the swamp is so mystical and sacred.

The swamp is just one big banyan grove tree that’s grown out over miles and miles. All the branches and trees they see are connected because they’re one big breathing organism. And that extends to life as well. We’re all living beings. We all share the same roots. We all are from the same tree, even if we don’t act like it. Everything is connected! Cool stuff.

But when Katara asks what her seeing her mother and what Sokka seeing Yue meant, Huu explains that “in the swamp, we see visions of people we lost, people we��ve loved, folks we think are gone, but the swamp tells us they’re not. We’re still connected to them. Time is an illusion, and so is death.” So Katara never really lost her mother and Sokka never really lost Yue because the connections we make in life transcend death and time. They’re not gone. They’re still a part of us. The swamp reminds us of this.

Now, to keep in theme with this, we probably would’ve expected Aang to also see visions of people he’s lost and loved before (Gyatso, the other Airbenders, his culture, etc.)

But for some reason, Aang sees...Toph. Someone he doesn’t know.

Huu doesn’t really give Aang an explanation for this, he sort of just lets Aang figure it out for himself. And what we’re left is “okay well if time is an illusion and this isn’t someone I’ve made a connection with yet, it’s someone I will make a connection with.” We’re made to accept that as viewers, but why was Aang’s vision so different? Was it really just to lead him in the direction of his Earthbending Master so that he can continue on with his destiny?

Or was it because, unbeknownst to Aang, Toph actually was someone that he had loved and lost before? Just not in this life. In another life. A past life. When he wasn’t Aang, but rather Avatar Kuruk, the Southern Water Tribe Avatar that came before Avatar Kyoshi.

✨Basically the theory is that Toph is one of the reincarnations of Ummi, the southern water tribe woman that fell in love with Avatar Kuruk and had her face tragically stolen by Koh, the Face Stealer.✨

Stay with me, because it gets way deeper.

Who are Kuruk and Ummi you ask?

We formally meet Kuruk during “Sozin’s Comet Part 2: The Old Masters” (Book 3, Episode 19) when Aang is appealing to his past lives for wisdom with regard to what to do with Ozai. Kuruk was a “go with the flow” (lmao) Avatar and sort of just let things play out and it seemed to work for him. He met a girl named Ummi, they fell in love, they were gonna get married, cool.  

According to the comic books, Koh I guess was kinda off-put by Kuruk’s arrogance? So as punishment this spirit straight up abducts Ummi on their wedding night and steals her face (ultimately killing her). He blames himself, saying if he’d been more attentive and active he could’ve saved her. He tried to kill Koh out of revenge over it, but could never do so. Koh alludes to this when Aang visits him in “The Siege of the North Part 2″ (Book 1, Episode 20) and shows Aang Ummi’s face. All in all, super tragic.

The Avatar never really “dies.” He’s constantly being reborn. The reason Aang is able to consult his past lives for wisdom is because all of his past lives are him. If the point of the swamp is to get you to understand that death is an illusion, then the swamp understands that the separation between Aang and Kuruk is also an illusion. They’re different people but also the same person all at once. They’re still connected.

So, assuming that Aang was no different from Katara and Sokka and was also seeing people that he’s loved and lost in the past while in the swamp, maybe Toph really is someone he’s met and known before. He just lost and loved her in a past life that neither of them remembers back when they were both completely different people.

But wait, what’s the proof that Ummi is one of Toph’s past lives?

This theory hinges on the assumption that the Avatar isn’t the only one who is capable of being reincarnated. So if you keep with that assumption, there are a few moments highlighted by the theory that connect Toph and Ummi.

The most obvious of which is that Toph is blind. Seeing as how Ummi lost her face when she was a human (and Koh still has it), it would make sense that her future reincarnations would potentially have some kind of loss of their senses attributed to, you know, getting your face ripped off. BUT, another detail that is, in my opinion, a little more interesting is one of Aang’s anxiety nightmares from “Nightmares and Daydreams” (Book 3, Episode 9). Specifically the part of the nightmare where Toph is featured looking like this:

(so creepy ;A;) But why does Toph manifest in Aang’s dream this way, devoid of life and devoid of a face of all things?

This dream that Aang is having is over his anxieties/fears over losing his friends. Sokka, Toph, and Katara all succumb to some sort of horrific end in this dream and Aang is unable to save them. It seems like his anxieties over losing Toph manifested through showing us Toph as a lifeless husk with...no face. Maybe when Aang was having this nightmare, some of the fears and anxieties felt by his previous lives were bleeding in. It would make sense that Kuruk’s greatest anxiety/fear would be losing his loved ones as well, after he failed to protect Ummi from having her face stolen.

And if we assume that Toph actually is Ummi (i.e. a reincarnation that Aang subconsciously remembers), it would make sense that Aang would see Toph standing there in the darkness. Her face stolen. Helpless to save her.

And then in “The Avatar and the Firelord” (Book 3, Episode 6), after learning about Zuko’s lineage and Avatar Roku’s relationship with Sozin, it’s Toph who remarks, “do you really think friendships can last more than one lifetime?”

It’s interesting that Toph would be the one to ask this. And it’s interesting that Aang is the one that reaches out to hold her hand first and tell him that he doesn’t see why that can’t be possible. Because these connections that transcend lifetimes aren’t limited to just the Avatar. They’re apparent in everyone’s lives, no matter who you are. And the fact that Toph and Aang were able to share that brief moment and give each other that reassurance makes sense if you consider that, several lifetimes ago for them both, they were a lot closer than just mere friends.

And are there other connections between Taang and Kummi?

The theory supports some interesting parallels between Kuruk and Ummi’s relationship and Toph and Aang’s relationship. Kuruk and Aang are very similar in that they both avoided their Avatar duties. Kuruk because of his lackadaisical nature and Aang because he was afraid.

Ummi ultimately ended up being Kuruk’s punishment for not being able break from this passivity and actively pursue his responsibilities as the Avatar. But, by contrast, Toph ended up being Aang’s greatest asset with regard to helping him break from his passivity and learn to face things head on no matter how impossible they may seem.

The Earthbending portion of “Bitter Work” (Book 2, Episode 9) is exclusively about this. Aang is passive by nature, hence why Earthbending is such a hard element for him to master. As Toph so eloquently put: “You had a perform stance, and a perfect form, but when it came right down to it you didn’t have the guts.” The whole episode she’s goading him into being strong and firm. She mercilessly lays into him for not being direct. For being a pushover. For not facing his problems. For not standing up for himself. For being passive. The very thing that was Kuruk’s downfall.

But the pushing works because Toph unlocks something very powerful in him. Toph taught him how to be active. To face his struggles head on. To not flinch before responsibility or danger. That moment where Aang stands up to the moose lion and promises Sokka that he won’t leave him alone (that he will be there to protect him, and he’ll stand staunch in the face of danger) is a really important emotional milestone. It’s a role that’s very different from the one that Katara plays in Aang’s life, but it’s no less important.

Katara has always been someone who cared deeply for Aang’s emotional needs, who understood the reasons why he was afraid, why he wanted to run away, why he wanted to avoid responsibility. But Toph was very much someone who took a much rougher approach to Aang. Because Aang needed it. Because Aang’s inactivity also threatened to be his downfall in this life because it got in the way of him mastering the Earth element. Toph and Aang became a victory instead of a tragedy. Toph wasn’t used as a way to hurt Aang, like Ummi was used to hurt Kuruk. Toph was one of Aang’s greatest sources of strength.

And it was their connection to each other -- their connection that transcended lifetimes -- that brought them back together as friends.

And maybe more if you feel like adding a ship to your repertoire.

[randomfandomfamily]

Manic episode just hit and I needed to type all this out.

Anyway, Karmi’s relationship with Hiro infuriates me and Megan’s relationship with Hiro fills me with indecsribable joy.

Analysis ahead, might be kinda ranty, but here we go. And remember, this is just my opinion, y’all ship whoever you want.

Prepare yourselves, folks. If you’ve clicked the Keep Reading button, then you are in for a ride. Buckle up kiddos, because I am dissecting the ever-loving shit out of Karmi and Megan’s relationship with Hiro. There’s a TL;DR at the bottom if you don’t want to go through it all.

Karmi and her petty jealousy have been a source of torment for Hiro since the beginning of the series. And we could go back and forth about how they were both mean to each other, but you know what? When they first met, Hiro tried repeatedly to make things work with her, and she was still a total jerk, being dismissive, making assumptions, and openly insulting him for no reason at all.

Then Hiro covered for her about the project, even though he could have--and should have--told Granville what she had done. I thought for sure that would be a turning point for Karmi, but noooooo. Hiro was nice to her, even though she had been awful to him, and she still super bitchy. Nothing changed.

So yeah, Hiro lashes out at her sometimes. He’s an irritated fourteen year old dealing with a seventeen year old asshole (or sixteen? I’ve seen sixteen floating around, but I’m going with seventeen because that makes more sense timeline-wise) that no one seems to realize is a total asshole. I’d be mad too!

And y’all better not hit me with that, “aw, she just a misunderstood bapy with no social skills, she can’t help it” because she is not misunderstood or some sad uwu bean. Hiro acknowledged that they have a lot in common, and tried to be her friend, and she continuously pushed him away. Karmi had a shot at friendship, a real shot, and she decided ‘nah, i’m just gonna keep being a bitch’, so she gets no sympathy from me.

Hiro even comforted her when she was kicked out of Trengrove’s lecture (despite the fact that she had teased him about not being able to attend) and still, after all that, she’s nice only momentarily. And continues her rivalry with him.

Also, for those saying she was better in Season 2: Where? She was only civil towards Hiro halfway through Season 2 when she needed his help with her serum, and she was still bitchy about it. Like, what the hell Karmi? You came to him.

We’ve seen him start to argue with her, stop, compose himself, and continue in a calmer voice. He’s done it a couple of times. He’s willing to acknowledge that some fights aren’t worth the time and energy, and step back from them. Which is a level of maturity we have yet to see from Karmi, who a few years older than he is.

I’ll give her the ‘broke mind control to save Hiro thing’, but honestly? Not wanting a person to get hurt (or die), or not wanting to kill said person, is kinda the bare minimum of caring for another human being. Other than that, we have no real evidence that she ever really cared about him at all.

Had Karmi made an actual effort into not being so bitchy, I could have seen her and Hiro as friends. The could have been really good friends, actually. But she was just so insufferable all of the time. She could have great development, but she did not. All around, she’s a pretty two-dimensional character fueled by jealousy and competitiveness.

And then we have Megan who, from the get-go, is already a well developed character and, amazingly, isn’t bitchy for no reason!

When Megan teased Hiro about bragging, he kinda recoiled, stammering over his words. Karmi had accused him of thinking he was better than everyone else (”You think you’re some special white blood cell”), and now he’s afraid Megan might start thinking the same thing. So he apologizes because maybe it did come off as though he was bragging, even if he didn’t mean it that way.

Megan obviously doesn’t know  Karmi did to him, it’s possible she doesn’t even knowing anything about Karmi, but she can tell he was worried about it so she reassured him that she was just messing with him. She’s actually very patient with him in regards to his lack of social interaction. 

During their first meeting, Hiro--embarassed and running his hand through his hair--said that it was probably weird that he had his own robot friend (yet another thing Karmi had called him strange for) and sounded genuinely surprised when Megan said she thought it was cool.

Things Karmi said and did are still affecting Hiro, even into Season 2. That, combined with Hiro’s already limited social skills, means he has a hard time making friends. Megan is very patient with him in that regard. She’s willing to work through the awkwardness and the overbearing aunt, because Hiro is a person she genuinely likes and wants to hang out with.

And Hiro isn’t pushing her away either, like Karmi did to him (he sometimes had to deal with hero life, but he never really let that interfere with their relationship). He’s actively trying to be better at the whole ‘social interaction’ thing. Meaning their friendship--and possibly more than that--is based on putting in actual effort.

But after Megan found out that Hiro had been keeping his identity a secret from her, she was upset. Of course she was upset. That was her case! Her mission! And Hiro knew the whole time! You can’t expect her to just brush it off. I certainly would’ve needed an adjustment period.

Then she saw what Big Hero did for the city. How much they were risking. Hiro threw himself into an unstable portal over and over again trying to catch Sirque, even though that place is a literal nightmare for him. He could have been trapped in there, or seriously hurt, or maybe worse, but he still did it.

And after seeing the team in action, Megan realized that Hiro was right. The police didn’t have the tech or the knowledge to deal with this kind of stuff.

Hiro said that whatever Megan did with the information was her choice, and she chose to not only keep their secret, but write a whole article on why their identities needed to be kept secret. Her father is obviously not going to be happy about that, but she did it anyway. Because it was right. And also because Hiro is her friend.

TL;DR

---Karmi put no effort into being a nicer person and was only ever kind to Hiro when she needed his help or when they were in mortal danger. (having a two second heartfelt moment after being kicked out of a lecture does not count as being nice. that’s just not being bitchy for once.)

---Megan was kind right from the start, has developed a good relationship with Hiro, hit a rough patch, worked through it, realized Hiro was trying to do the right thing, and are still friends. (how their relationship will grow from here remains to be seen.)

---All in all, Megan and Hiro’s relationship has developed more in just a few episodes than Hiro and Karmi’s did in a season and a half.

Obviously, I don’t expect everyone to agree with me on this. In fact, I’m absolutely positive that there are going to be people who very much disagree with me on many levels. This is a very popular ship in the fandom, for some reason, and people are going to defend it. Because that’s what fandoms do.

And like, I’m not telling people to not ship Hiro and Karmi. I may not understand why you would ship them, but y’all can do whatever you want. Tone can be hard to interpret through a screen, but this isn’t meant to be an angry or aggressive post. I’m just making observations and expressing an opinion.

Needless to say, this isn’t gonna stop people from shipping them, and I don’t expect it to. I just wanted to throw this out there in case there were other people who agreed with me. I’ve been on the quiet side of fandoms before, the side where someone has an opinion about something, but never sees anyone agreeing with them on it, so they’re afraid to make their own post, and then it just never gets out there.

Welp. This is the post. The unpopular opinion, complete with a rant. Me am big kid and I’m making the post. Enjoy maybe, but probably not. Peace out, scouts!

[delicateheartstranger]

March 16, 2020

Dear world,

This has been started actually on the 15th, but since it will take awhile to write out everything I will mark it the 16th. 

So here begins my crappy 2000s movie start of a blog. Unlike the movies where at some point my blog will blow up and my life will take either a turn for the worse or better I have nothing to fear because that was barely realistic even back then. Since I wanna make sure though just in case any chance someone who knows me finds this I will not state my name. I’ll tell ya’ll this, I’m 19 years old and will be 20 in October, I like fandom shit, I’m trans, I’m pan, I wish I could go back and kill baby Hitler so I would never be born and no ww2, I’m in love with one my best friends, I have feelings for a guy I met online that lives in Norway while I’m stuck in the U.S., I suffer from ptsd/depression/anxiety/a fuck ton of just not being mentally stable, live at home with my parents right now, have no job, most of my close friends are toxic, and I have no privacy.

I was at college for a few month, but then a bunch of things happened and I had to drop out. When I came back home my parents I feel resented me a bit for not being stable enough to stay at that college (they loved it and want to send me back) so now my home life became a lot worse. I’m in a php program currently so even if it weren’t for the fact that my parents would rather roll over dead than have me work (earn money to get the fuck out) I can’t get one since most conflict with time. I’m 19 and only ever held one real job because my parents claim the house needs to be clean before I can work. I’m not the only one who lives here, but okay. Also I would make less messes if I wasn’t home. Top it off it’s like “we don’t want you working for other people before you do the work you owe us at home.” They have this whole family first idea, but the thing is I don’t feel a part of the family. They decided I had no say when I was younger when moving far from home, I wasn’t a part of it enough to get attention while my brother was sick, I wasn’t a part of it enough for them not to judge me to the point where I quit lots of things I loved just so they’d stop hurting me, I wasn’t enough a part of it that they would do things for me that would be what “family” does.

So yes I will put myself aka my mental health first because you guys never will. Because of the Corona outbreak my area has been quarantined. It means 2 weeks no school (wasn’t enrolls), no physical php, less people in public, and that good old shit. Thing is now my parents are trying to force my brother who’s off in college to come back home AND not let me see my friends physically while locking me up in our home. The most I can do if I wanna leave is go for a walk for like 30 minutes near our house. I hate walking as it just riles me up ever more and brings back bad memories of my parents forcing me to. They tried super hard when I was younger to walk the fat off me. Worked like a charm, said no one. If anything the many years of fat shaming made me gain weight as they didn’t get me a therapist, didn’t think I was depressed, didn’t let me take meds, and all I had was eating to comfort me. So yeah I’m basically trapped in my own house. I think I may fuck up. I’ve been around a month or two clean of self harm, but I know that will change in these coming weeks if I am forced to stay here alone with my folks and brother.

I usually have passive SI and SH thoughts, but within this weekend I’ve had so many that I was close to acting on them. They’ve gotten to the level of overwhelming that it’s like I’m back in 11th grade again. Which by the way, found out one my few friends from that time tried to MURDER my other friend (who is a bit newer, but still) is living in a house for people with murderous tendencies. So that’s just peachy. Oh another friend from high school has a brain tumor which probably will kill him and it makes me super sad even though we haven’t talked in years. I am currently upset about my life choices of who I made friends with.

My three best friends would be LM, DW, and LL. 

LL is a friend I made in my third high school. He’s kinda going through lots of shit right now. He used to realize that he couldn’t drink and that he could only smoke in small amounts. Now he’s back on his bs. He’s also having unsafe sex with strangers he met on tinder. Now it’s find to fuck around. Go live your best life. But if you are having unsafe sex that’s a problem. He is constantly having pregnancy scares (he’s trans). All of this while on the fact that when he’s not too fucked up he’s like kinda self center. I told him like the other night when he was doing better that I was feeling really down given some shit I got for being fat, but I was fine talking. This man goes ahead and spends the whole time talking about all these stories about himself and doesn’t let me speak for like the whole time. And he was like on this thing about how I need to do something, but he never got there. Don’t tell me how to self improve when you’re in a worse state than me. 

Then there is DW. I’ve been in love with him since middle school. We met at this outside of school after school activity. I fell hard. When I first confessed to him he didn’t really speak to me and avoided me for about a year. Then we became friends again due to weird grouping things at that after school activity. Irony was I was trying to get into the group he wasn’t in so I would lose my feelings. Then after we got close again I confessed my feelings, again. Some how that made us best friends? I mean I’m glad he didn’t cut me off again don’t get me wrong, but it just wasn’t what I was expecting. Now here’s some hard shit. About almost a year ago over the summer (2019) we were talking about my weird love life. You see I still tried to date outside of him. Can’t keep going after something that won’t happen. Then I asked about his love life as it’d been like months since I brought it up directly with him. Turns out he’d been dating a girl for almost a YEAR. He just “forgot” to tell me. I understand he could’ve been worried about my feelings, but I’m more hurt that he hid something that big away from me and lied about it too. We’re supposed to be best friends. Course I don’t wanna hear about how he fucks her or whatever. I just wanna be there for him. And so now I’m getting a taste of my own medicine. He is talking about her. How they go on dates, how they had a dear valentines day date, how he cares about her, how she even was in the same php program as me. I wanna fucking strangle her. She used to be my friend, but we grew apart. Then of course I find out that she’s dating the love of my life. Cool. Worst is when me and him are texting and she has the NERVE to try and talk to me. I don’t ever wanna speak to her again. I will if it makes DW happy, but for my sanity and her life I will avoid that. She’s a fine person, props forgot about me and my feelings for him, and doesn’t deserve the utter rage I hold for her. That don’t change it though. All of this on top the fact we’ve been distantly lately. I noticed about like 5 months ago how I was always the one texting DW and that started our convos. How I was the one putting in effort. So I started to text less. He only about 5 times started the conversations. It was over memes and reply to my general instagram stories. I’ve given up and realized if I want him in my life have to do the texting. I won’t let him go anymore. I’ve tried in the past, it don’t help anything. No matter what I try I need him and even if it’s bad for me it’s no worse than not having him.

Now we are on my closest and most toxic best friend. LM. LM I also met in my third high school. She was kind and charismatic. Thing is she is unstable, manipulative, controlling, hurtful, and just really toxic to me. She’s the alpha of the friend group I’m in with her. She can hurt me so much. I’ve tried taking breaks from her in the past, but when that happens she gets angry. She tried in these times to ruin my reputation. She has so much dirt on me. Top it off she lies like crazy and people just like, believe her? The only ones who have been able to see through her shit would be: Me, LL, and MA. That’s it. Not even her own sister can, least she doesn’t show it. It’s shit like, let’s say I was embarrassed by something and felt bad. LM would say I sobbed over it and yeah. Or she also just full on lies about me doing or saying something. It’s too the point where she’s said things about me that could get me in legal trouble if she told some authority figure and they believed her. Like she claims one time that I was about to drug one my crushes if she wasn’t there to stop me and that I masturbated with his jacket when he left the room in his closet. Yes I’m not proud of it, but when I was in a bad head space I thought about the idea/fantasy of having him take horny pills that SHE showed me and offered me. I did also once smell up my crush’s jacket in the closet. Not proud of it at all. I wasn’t stable and wasn’t thinking in my right mind. Doesn’t make what I did okay, but I did not do anything that would be as fucked as she claimed. Sometimes with that old crush she’ll bring it up saying straight up lies like I went to his house. Never did. Did find my crush on white pages (again not okay, but I wasn’t healthy), but never went anywhere near him outside of our setting. So yeah if I cut her off or just take a break she could realllly ruin my life given everyone believes ever word she says. All of that and I’m still a bit bitter over her manipulating a situation where me, her, and a few friends had a crush on the same guy. She lied saying she didn’t have feelings for him. She told us to confess and when we were like ‘idk not to ready for that’ she went ahead and did it for us. He didn’t like us back which is valid. But then she got really handsy and did things that basically helped him fall for her. Now I don’t have feelings for him anymore. If I do imma just push em away given he wouldn’t be good for me. But they constantly do things now as a couple that feel like an invasion on my being. THEY HAD SEX WITH THE DOOR SLIGHTLY OPEN IN THE ROOM NEXT TO ME ONLY TO LIE STRAIGHT TO MY FACE. So they couldn’t see I’d woken up. I was facing the door and they were full on sex. Like I heard the moans. I heard it all. I knew they were fucking. So when they finished and went to wake me up I pretended to be asleep. Then later that day I brought it up to my friend CS (her boyfriend/ex crush) I thought they were having sex cause I could heard them in my dream, he lied to my face saying I was crazy. Straight up gas lighting tactics LM would use. This isn’t the first time they tried that. Even when I was with someone and we both were like yeah we heard ya’ll having sex they denied it and said we were crazy. Like please just don’t fuck when there are others around or at least have the decency to do it where we can’t hear/wake up from it.

All of this said about each one I love them all dearly. And it’s hard the idea of losing them. It’s just so shitty dealing with all their shit on top of my own. 

Now the worse thing happening right now that I can’t even talk to a friend about it that I got my new name outed. So my parents are transphobic, but diet transphobic. Like they “support” trans rights yet do really transphobic things.I came out to them a few months ago and not a SINGLE time have they used the right pronouns. Then when bringing up trans things they have shot me down claiming xyz. I just wanna be me, but the same time I don’t want to set myself up for disappointment. At my php program I go by my chosen name. I told all the staff my situation at home yet the nurse managed to fuck up when emailing and wrote in an email that was attached to my parents my chosen name. So great my parents probably know something is up. I’m gonna fucking cry if they hurt me more. They already invalidate me on so many things I can’t stand the idea of them doing so on something so close and core to my identity. They do it with everything else and most things core to who I am. I had one safe space and the nurse had to fuck it up for me. I just can’t fucking deal with all this.

Top it off the one good person in my life, ESK hasn’t spoken to me in about 3 days now. ESK is someone I met online who lives in Europe. He’s genuinely the only good thing in my life. The only non toxic source of happiness. He brings me so much joy. I’m pretty sure he also has feelings for me or had them at one point. He’s 2 years younger than me and is turning 18 soon. I wanna get him a gift, but not only would that be weird, but he also hates celebrating his birthday. So I’ll just wish him a happy birthday when it comes around. Regardless I might not even be able to since he hasn’t responded in awhile. He has some serious health problems so I am worried he could be really sick. That or he’s angry at me/hates me/doesn’t wanna talk anymore. It could be just my anxiety, but the same time it could be true. I hate that I can’t tell. I can’t even talk to any of my bffs about it since they’ll all be super judgmental. Maybe DW, but even then it’d be hard. I just wanna make sure ESK is okay. He means the world to me. I don’t want to lose him. This is all happening after we both showed full face selfies of ourselves in our last convos. I hope he doesn’t think I’m ugly. It’d break my heart into toooooo many pieces if my looks scared him away or made him lose his romantic feelings for me. It’s not like we could date rn as not only are we an ocean away, but I’m far to emotionally unstable to. But hey that won’t matter if he drops off the face of the earth.

Lastly before I go I wanna talk about this girl in my php program who is legit making me crazy. We will call her LLL. She looks and acts just like my first crush, but if she’d grown up. The only difference is her eye color, age, and where she’s from. She isn’t her, but boy that doesn’t stop my lizard brain. I feel like a piece of trash whenever my eyes wander over her more revealing parts. It’s bad to objectify women and bad that I’m placing this role on her. Plus I’m like 90% sure she’s straight and like 60% she has a thing for a guy in our php group (who is much hotter than me). It’s just so hard since I lost my crush via my abusive grandma. It was her fault I didn’t wake up in time (I was 9) which meant I never got her number. I remember my heart sinking seeing her wave good bye to me from her car window as she drove off. I never really got over her as I just repressed any sense of being not cis het. I only really realized what I had for her was more than “wanting to be bffs” like a year or two ago. Still haven’t had the proper therapy to undo all my baggage. I really hope she hasn’t realized that my eyes linger on her just a little too long or that my feet are always pointing towards her. I want it to be a safe space for her.

SO yeah. That’s like 2% of my life rn plus 1% back story. You guys can tell I say like, so, and ya’ll a tad too much. I don’t know what to do and I have to wake up at 7. If anyone sees this I hope you can give me advice before it’s too late.

Yours cordially,

A.

[mc-slowwalker]

I have a prime sub but it’s to karl… who never streams :’((( I miss karl he should stream more. I have literally never been gifted a sub and a friend of mine has been gifted so many like, george, ranboo you name it. 3 hours after I started typing this I got gifted a punz sub lets gooo. gonna be watching his mcc ad and we’ll see about the ads

so true I 100% agree. cheating is always morally correct. “academic integrity” like okay uni whatever you say it’s literally has no weight if you’re studying to pass an exam instead of actually learning. we should be studying to learn not pass an exam. yeah exactly!! knowledge shouldn’t cost this much.

lmaooo trueee and also moood. (about the antisocial/awkward stuff I feel like to didnt make sense just like that what I was referring to with the next sentence starting with “like”) like I feel bad about feeling toxic about the twitter updates account thing because like I’ve been a person from the twitter updates account but like I’m not toxic for no reason afterwards. yeah it’s 100% so frustrating!! like a while ago I remember seeing “oh I’m not sending dts on dream’s behalf I’m sending them on mine” like huh???? do you not see the problem with that??? ughhh I get you tho I was annoyed with the kaceytron stream as well. I didn’t watch it tho like I watched a bit and was like fuck this then left. yeah I also hate it when he goes on streams of people who actively talk shit about him like :/// lowkey I feel like I’m just a bit too defensive of him sometimes because of all the unnecessary shit he gets from so so many people but at least I recognise that ig. I swear tho, his twitter stans get him in wayy more shit than he does. like that one account that counted the days made me so mad. but yeah it is kind of the same stuff. like I try not to cause I know it’s the same but like when I do it, it feels justified and not just being shitty for no reason but take away all that and it is really the same. like not to be a gatekeeper buuuuut. I’m very good at ignoring it all tho

that’s really cool but also spanish as a requirement in uni (/college idk)??? never heard of that. oh dang that’s cool I’ve always wanted to know more languages. language and the way people use it and like communication in general has always been so interesting to me. I want to say something about like my strong use of “like” now cause I’m noticing it. yeah exactly, the way people communicate online is so interesting!

tubbo should start war with foolish about the beets. that would be funny I think. and amazing lore. cause like not all lore has to be all high production. like I love hugh production lore, I love funny, silly lore, I love “semi” lore I’d enjoy it all. just log onto the smp and like idk do literally anything I will count it as lore. everything that has ever happened on the smp is canon to me. tubbo could literally just like nuke someone and start a whole new storyline. he should nuke the prison. I would say nuke foolish’s summer home over the beets but I’d be too sad about that and it’s a bit of an overreaction. there is much potential and I love tubbos character. also ranboo?? he just said that enderwalk was c!ranboo with all his memories and just like dipped and went to the uk. I do get that they’re all very busy tho and it can be difficult to find the time and all that I haven’t watched much of the bear smp but it looks cool and I may get into it at some point. I feel like I just don’t have any time these days tho

he didn’t drop off the face of the earth!! he did a 5 hour long merch vc. I am australian 😔✌️so I was asleep for half of it but it was nice just listening to it when I woke up. sapanp singing was my favourite bit. like I listened to some of those songs afterwards cause I liked them but it just wasn’t the same😔😔

I feel bad for replying so late tho so sorry about that I just felt very not social all day but I do like that with anon I can kinda just come and go and it’s chill

Yooooo congrats on the gifted punz sub! Yeah I seem to have bad luck with gifted subs, random chance I’ve only gotten sapnap, the fundy gifted was a gift from a friend

The best knowledge is free anyways. Also uni/college always tries to guilt you like who are you the catholic church fuck off. Bruh I’m paying for your services you should be treating me good I’m basically a glorified customer

Bro you where a twitter updates account?? Props to you I am at all times in the worst position to know stuff. Unless I am actively live blogging I have 0 what’s going on. I’m always years late to new informations like I’ll check my phone and realize that I missed a whole lore stream. Also on twitter you can’t even send dts right??? Like here you can actually say the words death die & kill but on twitter you have to censor yourself. ��Die” funny, a little threatening but ultimately can be ignored. “d13” hilarious not at all threatening?? Wait this makes it seme like I am cool with death threats I’m not but I’ve gotten a fair share and seen other people get them and they’re always funny to me. Telling someone to die isn’t funny but being told to die is very funny if that clarifies anything. I thinknI watched a lot of the kaceytron stream (however I watched it through a dream fan streaming the stream so she didn’t get any views/money) and the whole thing was extremely upsetting. I can be defensive of him too, not so much for him but more for me. I know he can probably handle most of it but how dare people insult stuff I like. It’s less defending his honor and more how dare people disrespect me through disrespecting things I like. Plus if it ever is too much for dream I know his friends will come in clutch. Bbh saying stuff is the indicator tm that what people are saying about dream is bullshit

Does college means something different to the rest of the world? In the us it’s almost interchangeable with uni except universities can give you a doctorate while college can only get you your undergrad. It’s less that spanish is required and more that we’re required to take two years of a language and I just chose spanish. I’ve met so many people who either only speak spanish or have spanish as their first language that knowing the amount that I do has actually come in handy. Dont think about the like thing too much trust me. It’s a really good comma and indicator that you’re speaking casually but the more you notice it the more upsetting it becomes

I think the beets could be a great plot point because beets suck and I hate them!! I really do like silly lore but I hate the effect it has on the fandom. I haven’t forgiven people for writing off the l’sandburg lore. In the words of the wisest man I ever knew “everything I do on the dream smp is canon to some extent”. Accept that silly lore is canon folks!! That’s what makes the dream smp so much fun! Also high production lore can be super lame guys please this is roleplay in minecraft chill

Wait about tubbo’s lore did we ever find out who stole the one nuke? I don’t watch a lot of ranboo’s stuff but I’m very happy that enderwalk ranboo is besties with c!dream theory is coming along nicely. Uno au my beloved. No about the bear smp stuff I’d also like to get into ballsmp, more of hermit craft, and 3rd life but I’m busy too? Like college hasn’t even started and I’m already sweating. Speaking of other smps do you remember that smp that karl and quackity were invited to but never logged on? Ahoddj that was hysterical. Never gonna watch it, just think it’s funny that they were invited and decided you know what nah

The 5 hour long merch podcast my beloved!!! I had two favorite parts (other than sapnap singing) the first was when he said the alright and we all complained enough that he decided to keep streaming and the second was the final alright where he said bye and then dipped with 0 hesitation while sap & george were still in the call sjsjdk

Again no worries I’ll always be here to answer no rush for anything I’m simply vibing at all times

[honorbourne]

( bias list? pffft, more like a lame appreciation post! wow, so um, i never really thought i’d reach this far with say’ri?? i remember back in october of last year, i decided merely on a whim to play an obscure character in the fire emblem franchise... especially since i felt like i couldn’t do any other muse justice at the time and the fact i’ve been wanting to be a part of the fandom back while i had been an observer as an oc whom some of you might know by the url of unladylikc. 

true, now that i’ve been in it, i do recognize the fact that it is less than perfect, realistically speaking? but all the same, however, it will always hold a precious place in my heart for it is the first fandom i’ve ever really joined and where i met some of the most talented writers that i had the fortune of writing with. anyways, i had always been such an insecure little bean, that more often than not, i would question if i truly belonged here.

by now of course, i kinda know my doubts are unfounded and i want to thank everyone for sticking with me through thick and thin. like i have oftentimes been saying, say’ri is a difficult muse to play, yet you all put up with that, despite my initial portrayal being a shaky one. well, before i start delving into a long winded speech, i think i’m just going to get on with addressing/mentioning cool folks beneath the cut... though do keep in mind i’m just going off by memory here for this list, so forgive me if i forget anyone. )

— FELLOW SHEPHERDS

@quiveringshaft !!

you no doubt probably saw this coming a mile away but omg, you’re so SO important to me. i wouldn’t have been here today if it weren’t for you. while i know we haven’t necessarily interacted ic on here yet, we talk enough ooc and have/had such entertaining interactions between our muses, that for better or for worse, you’ll probably be included in every bias list ever made by me.

if that isn’t enough to prove my undying love for you, as passionate as ten thousand burning suns?? YOU ARE MY OCEAN, MY STARS, MY MOON, the one who has easily been with me ever since the beginning. your wish is always my command cause i honestly strive to make you as happy as you made me. i could honestly look no further than you if i need to vent or release my inner sodium levels, lol, and to be honest, i’m glad you can easily confide in me when annoying things happen to you. it makes me feel important?? and so very proud!

not only that but we have been through a lot together. countless times already, our friendship has been put to the test over rather... unfortunate circumstances, but somehow, we managed to work it out each and every time. that to me says a lot about how strong our bond is! i’m so cheesy, i know.

@trceblade !!

GIDEON. i always feel like i somehow take you for granted?? like, you are just one of the most genuine people i know. not only do you make a point of worrying about me, you also listen to me and make it seem as though my problems are important to you as well. i am not used to being so cared about?? to this day, i am really glad we have met!

your portrayal of robin is just so unique and i love all the ideas you bring up, some of which has developed my say’ri into who she is as a princess, fighter and significant other. plus, we are part of each other’s canon? and it’s honestly sO GREAT. i always look forward to any headcanons you post and though it does take me a bit, i do quite enjoy responding to the threads we are writing.

needless to say, you will always be my m!robin.

@amnesiums / @faithled / @pridesought !!

/coughs ...i know you have other blogs but these are the ones i can only remember at the moment?? forgive me please, otl. we don’t usually talk much except over tags, but man, in case you couldn’t tell, i’m such a big fan of yours, nox!! by now, i’m pretty sure you follow me everywhere and i remember it would make my day each and every time you show up in my activity without fail.

PLUS, i really love how you play your muses and the unique spins you put into them. to this day, i respect you heaps and bounds for making your version of miriel autistic, something that made me feel valid as someone also with autism!! 

on top of that... can i say that wow, i’m super gay for your robin?? i’m honestly rooting for this say’ri x f!robin ship to set sail aND IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT. /clenches fist

@of-invisible-ties !!

i first followed you on my oc blog but never really expected you to ALSO follow this one, cause i imagined say’ri happened to be almost as easily forgettable as kellam. BUT OH, how you proved me wrong. never did i have so many threads with someone before and so much fun too.

for a multimuse blog, you had kept me easily engaged and i really admire the fact that you can play a vast array of muses and still keep them in character. I MUST ASK, what is your secret?? lol, jk, jk. not only that, but your au ideas and the other unique ocs you have are such a treat to see on the dash. keep staying awesome please!!

@nakanaai / @apotelesmc / @faeriecrowned / @penitentinq !!

there’s possibly another url of yours i’m forgetting, omg. still, it doesn’t change the fact that i’m eternally grateful i got to roleplay with you, cati?? i love the depth you put into all the muses you play and i’M SUCH A FAN of your content. whether it be with your writing, art, super creative ocs or whatnot.

you also made me feel super welcome in this fandom and though i imagine i must be a pain, you still write starters for me anyway. thank you very much for putting up with me all this time!

— NOTABLE UNITS

( basically everyone i enjoy seeing on the dash and that i look forward to interacting with one of these days if we haven’t yet already. know that i admire you lots and lots! )

@aphoticresidence + @futureastras ll @avecantoraazul ll @royal-botanist + @aim--and--reload + @emblian-remnant ll @zimmercalla + @riivoltella ll @exaltedswordsmaster ll @exduke ll @nesufuratu ll @corvoided + @extollcd ll @lady-ylisse ll @latrocinari + @songeant ll @sozckujin ll @troubadontcha + @solumventi ll @fifthnamed ll @bladesandbushido ll @hanzaiisha + @wclfbeil ll @kazesneedle ll @valianticemage ll @valiantdarkmage ll @wcrlds-strongest ll @wolfsxin ll @litanee ll @bewitchinqs ll @butlerbourne ll @bornxsteward ll @bonyarii ll @arthur-for-justice ll @aethrax ll @aeoelu ll @ofbeastbane ll @trxubadour ll @mitrikos ll @mienakyohaku + @northfaire ll @tacentpennae ll @beastofnohr ll @kageroichi ll @fairfriar ll @grimstalker ll @princepsmarmoreum ll @priestis + @vllagr + all your other blogs ll @ofthelace ll @ofshrinkingviolets ll @izanaisms ll @caligraqueen ll @cadavrc ll @caligraqueen ll @kiniro ll @xshadow-giftx ll @xixisms ll @narxkami ll @divincr ll @divinefate ll @lanskr ll @lady-ylisse ll @exaltstolen ll @sugarstolen ll @laceur ll @heiwanoryu ll @dang-zi ll @xshadow-giftx ll @spareprince ll @sagelyexalt + @nerochoros ll @armsthriift + @farmfaiire + @raiitension ll @voyager-of-chaos ll @youmaggots ll @irafatum ll @gentlexbloom ll @chariotofhoshido ll @fxdingtofoam ll @aeoelu ll @talentedseamstress ll @rcsesthcrns ll @icetribemaiden ll @saishuji ll @nyahahah ll @willbeshot ll @victorums ll @anna-making-a-killing ll @mercperfectixn ll @fellheaven ll @princess--cynthia ll @validus + @swcrdsman ll @valorandgold ll @blessedlancer ll @noblestson ll @rosannesarcher ll @awakenedprince ll @cvlier

[trippingwrites]

For Starters

(For the VAA intro thread)

Holy shot, I Had this Account for four years??

Holy geebes louise, even I am surprised by how long I had this account lurking in VAA! Four years I have been missing in this site and the fun I didn't knew I was missing. It's a shame now thinking about it. Hopefully, may be this time around I'll hang around and meet cool new people and perhaps join some voice acting projects! I hope you guys will enjoy having me as I am excited to be with you!

I don't have a whole lot of experience with voice acting. I’ve record myself couple of times and even posted a short song on Youtube about a year back. I don't have a real feedback/criticism about my voice other than compliments from friends and family. I would love to hear some from folks and even their opinions to what kind of voice I have and kind of characters my voice may be best suited for. I have a feminine voice and I have a slight Asian accent that I am desperately trying to rid off for years!

Ah, I guess I can tell what I was doing in the last four years of absence and what I enjoy doing. So basically, I was in college studying various of subjects like animation and health. I worked a bit in between the studies. I have Tumblred my way from fandom to fandom. I enjoy drawing characters and have created my own to RPs. I'm pretty active in a RP forum called RPNation, and I have joined some incredibly fun groups and meet interesting friends. I would have liked trying voicing for my characters, but it is unfortunate that the majority of character I enjoy playing as are male. I know, weird : P

I would like to know more about VAA! Like how are you guys? I hope people have joined fun projects and met great people. I have yet to read all the stickied thread in this site, but where to people host(?) their voices?

Okay so I pulled this out from

For Starters 1. Okay, start with the classics: Pick a number. 4

2. Is that number your age? If not, what IS your age? Early 20s!

3. Are you more visual or audio-oriented?

I guess I am visually oriented. 4. You should have at least two chromosomes. Which two do you have?

One of each!

5. Wearing socks with sandals: stupid or sweet, bro?

Eh, I do it sometimes. 6. When you were five (assuming you are not, currently, five) what was your dream?

To be a teacher, then I realise how bad of a teacher I am. 7. If you could have a mythical beast as a pet, which beast would you choose?

I never thought of having a pet to be honest. I’ll just be very guilty of neglecting them, I think :/ 8. What would you name it?

Guildford. That was the name of my hamster. 9. Are you allergic to anything? If it's a food, do you want to eat it anyway?

I want a pet and I want to snuggle every cute creature on Earth! I just hate hives more than loving animals unfortu… 10. What was the last Halloween costume you wore?

A traditional Korean hanbok This Or That 1. Pancakes or waffles?

Waffles 2. Dogs or cats?

Cats 3. Light or dark?

Dark 4. AC or DC?

AC…? 5. Mamas or papas?

Mamas 6. Twist or shout?

Twist 7. Mario or Luigi?

Luigi 8. Tall or short?

Short 9. Cat poop or dog poop? Ew

10. Vampires or werewolves?

Vampire It's Random Time! 1. Okay, let's say you're a Mighty Morphin' Power Ranger. A putty patroller punches you in the face at the EXACT same time you're morphing. What happens? Does your helmet materialize and cut off his hand, does it form around the putty patroller, or does something else occur?

I think logically, the helmet servered the monster’s hand and now I am stuck with a hand inside my helmet! Rude! 2. Do you think the biggest threat to our world today are Dark Penguins (assuming you believe in Dark Penguins)?

Uhhh… no…? 3. A man on the street in New York offers to give you FREE COMEDY if you follow him into a dark basement. You do like comedy... do you go?

I think I would have planned out my trip in I'm in New York… It will depends on the summary of the comedy the man tells me. 4. Alright, take your SAT score (if you don't have that, estimate what you think you'd get). Multiply it by the number of the current month and then divide by how many posts are currently in this thread: do you think you could eat that many hot dogs?

Over time, no. Secretly, yes. 5. Okay, I'm gonna give you a pony for your birthday this year. It's a real rad pony, so I hope you like ponies. You're gonna need to take care of this pony: clean it, feed it, brush it's hair, make sure it gets plenty of exercise, clean it more. It's gonna be YOUR responsibility, young man/lady! So I hope you're ready. Also, favorite pizza topping?

Oh good lord, I'm going to kill the poor pony. This is a horrible choice of a gift, but thank you for your gift anyways. Hawaiian. 6. You stepped over the line and now SUPERMAN wants to beat you up! Who're you going to call to help you out with this fight?

MOM! Or the Batman will do. A relationship counselor will also do. We can sort out difference in a civilized manner. 7. You can be a walk-on role in any movie ever made. What movie do you walk-on in and what is the one line you deliver?

Titanic. I'll be that one Asian so out of place that I don't even need a line to be remembered. 8. Why would you want to ruin that movie like that?

Hahahaha, good question. I don't know. 9. Do you think I look good in this dress? Be honest. I can take it back if you don't.

Gurl, dresses are for everyone. Try this one, it'll bring out your shape! 10. Why can't I find a good henchman in this town? Are you interested?

Have you tried ebay? I heard they will be delivered within 24 hours. I would hate to be the one to recieve it though... Would You Rather... 1. Be able to fly or teleport?

Fly 2. Play as Ken or Ryu? Ryu?

3. Live on the moon or in Atlantis? The moon

4. Die in an explosion saving the President on live TV or die in a tsunami saving an orphanage, but no one will know?

Orphanage sounds more heroic, but drowning is a slower death than dying in an explosion… but then again who said dying in an explosion will be clean? I guess orphanage. 5. Win American Idol or Wheel of Fortune?

Wheel of Fortune. Give me the money! 6. Chicken nuggets, chicken strips, or soy chicken (you monster)?

Chicken Strips 7. Skim milk, whole milk, 2% milk, chocolate milk, strawberry milk, soy milk, or goat's milk?

There's too much option! I love milk! I'm also kinda lactose intolerance! 8. Live forever in the town you were born in but be given one year to see the world OR live forever in one city of your choosing but never be able to leave? Live forever in my hometown

9. Nintendo, Microsoft, or Sony? Nintendo

10. Skates, rollerblades, or GOLF CART? GOLD CART!

Are you... 1. Intelligent? Eh

2. Verbose?

In writing only 3. Deciduous? Yes

4. Monotonic?

Kinda 5. Swanky?

No 6. Semidictatorial?

True 7. Voluminous?

I guess 8. Bored? Often. Try not to though

9. Confused?

VERY 10. In love with me? Love is a scary thing.

If you could do the following and never get caught, would you... 1. Streak?

??? 2. Steal from the government?

Yes 3. Steal from the poor?

No 4. Punch a nun?

No!?? 5. Eat an old grandma's pie right off her windowsill? Yes…

6. Steal an old farmer's carrots?

May be... 7. Cheat in the Olympics in order to win a Gold Medal?

No 8. Yell "fire" in a crowded theater?

Yes. 9. Wear Crocs? Yes.

10. Rob a grave you know has tons of money in it?

Yes. Wrapping Up 1. Normally Celena would've asked if she was better than me. Since she's been gone, I'm obviously better. Is anyone better than me?

Not that I know of… So yes? 2. It's okay to admit I'm handsome and awesome. You do think that, right?

Oh shots I should have looked at the icon I stole this question air from! 3. If you answered "yes" to the first question or "no" to the second: what does it feel like to be wrong all the time?

All the time. 4. Are you kinda tired of answering all these questions?

It's 2 am when I'm filling this… Hopefully i am not when I post this. 5. Did the different sections do a good job of masquerading the fact that you have just answered SIXTY-FIVE questions?

I was not aware. Good job, but is there something significant about that number? 6. Are you glad you went through all of these horrendously stupid questions?

I like doing these question honestly, when I have the time. 7. Alright! This is the last question! I think I know the answer to this, but are you glad this is finally finishing up?

Hahaha yes and you lied to me. 8. Trap sprung. It's not over. How do you feel now that you've been TOTALLY had?

I already spoiled myself of the surprised by scrolling down. 9. Okay, the next question's the last one. Will you accept my totally weak apology? If not, WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET YOU TO LOVE ME?

:V 10. How long have you been AVAing and how long do you plan to continue?

I hope longer than my current record!