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Seeing The Signs Of Mental Health Crisis

MIBlog

I was reading a article on Facebook about a 17-year old boy who committed suicide by train just recently. Then I clicked on the recorded live feed from the young man’s mother. She was of course distraught over what happened to her son and she outlined the events leading up to her son’s untimely demise. She said that she and her kids were homeless and had just gotten a motel room. Let me back up. This young man was a well sought after college acceptance football star. He was scheduled to start college this month. He had graduated from high school early. Even though he was a promising rising football star, he was also encountering the stresses of his home life - of his siblings and mother being homeless, and he didn’t want to leave them in that predicament while he chased his dreams. He felt he was being selfish to do so. Him having a roof over his head and enjoying college while his family is back home suffering, his mother also noted that he had a dysfunctional relationship with his father whom he spoke to days before he took his life and the conversation did not end well. His mother recounted how his son came to her the last few days asking a lot of questions about life and religion. His mother said that he was stressing her out with all that talk while she was battling her own stresses trying to get a roof put over her family’s head. She said that she told her son to ‘toughen up’ and fight the battle within. She knew he was in pain and suffering, but she was not able to help because she was battling her own fight within. 

Did this up and coming young man’s mother and siblings and family and friends see the signs? The mother said she did, but mentally was not able to help him because she couldn’t even help herself. The mother did say that she asked for help for months. Help with finding housing and finances? Help for her son and for herself? I don’t know, but she said she did ask for help. But, she also said that her son was a happy young man who was excited to start college and get his football career going. 

Seeing the signs of mental illness and knowing when to seek help is still a big problem. It is a big problem because even though parent’s, spouse, friends, family member’s SEE that their loved one is going through some sort of pain, they are often told, “Get over it!”, “Everyone has issues!”, “Toughen Up”, “Fight it off!”, “You have so much to look forward to”, “I have my own problems”. 

What we ought to say is, “Can I help you get some mental help?, it is nothing to be ashamed of, I want you to be happy and whole, so maybe you should talk to someone”, “I’ll help you”. 

The mental health stigma has to end, otherwise young people like this young man will prematurely end their life before they can even get a glimpse of their blessed destiny. I thought to myself that the way the article explained this young man’s potential, that he may have went on to the NFL. 

I, like the single parent mother dealt with a lot of stresses in my life too raising kids. Struggling to pay bills to keep a roof over my kids head. Eventually becoming homeless with my teenage son at the time, and us driving around in my car with no money not knowing what to do next until a former church member from a church I used to attend let us stay with her for two weeks. My son already diagnosed with mental illness had to endure my struggles. He didn’t know where we were going from that point. He was still a minor and I was responsible for him, even when he turned 18, I was still responsible for him because he had a disability. I thank God that we made it through. I was stressed out and diagnosed with my own mental illness as well. Anxiety, Depression, and later on Bipolar. 

It is very difficult when both you and your loved one has a mental illness. It is even more difficult when you don’t have support from your family because they just don’t understand mental illness. You are left alone to deal with it; and you do not even have the mental capacity to give your suffering child your FULL attention. This mother did her best, she kept her children close and her son was an aspiring football player. She said she asked for help, and again I wonder was it  for housing, financial, and mental help?? She said that although she had a job, the job wasn’t paying her on time. 

The mother probably didn’t think her son needed mental help because he was scheduled to leave for college. But in the days before, she said that he said that he saw signs and symbols all over the place and was asking her questions non-stop. The stress of leaving his family and starting his life on his own could have pushed him over his tipping point. He did let his mother know he was “Seeing Things”, which is one of the main questions a mental health provider will ask you, “Are you or have you experienced ‘Seeing Things or Hearing Things’?”, “Are you or have you been suicidal?”, “Are you thinking about harming yourself or someone else?”. 

I cannot fathom what they were going through, but I wished she would of taken him to the hospital and said that he was experiencing a mental health crisis and so was she. The hospital would have done a mental health evaluation. At the time her son as she thought was not in immediate danger therefore she did not dial 911 and ask for a CIT officer (Police Crisis Intervention Team who are trained and specializes in 911 mental health crises). You have to ask for a CIT officer!! If she wasn’t in immediate danger herself and she took her son to the hospital, I wish she could of said that she was very stressed out too and needed someone to talk to, and the hospital could have given her referrals or did a mental evaluation on her also. 

As for her kids, she did mention that she had kids older than her 17-year old son that were homeless staying with her, and if she had kids younger than that maybe they could have watched them while she sought help. 

We must learn from her story and when somebody reaches out to social services, mental health organizations, non-profit organizations that help the homeless,and shelters, PLEASE HELP THEM!!!! Often times families in crisis are turned away and that is sad.

If that happens, keep a list and write complaints later. They have to live up to their company’s mission statement. If an organization say’s they are there to help then HELP!! It is however hard to go to a shelter when you have teenage and young adults--18-21 sons, and want to keep your family together because the shelter system is not set up that way. A single parent mother can have a minor son stay in the shelter with them up until the age of 13. Daughter’s up until the age of 18. So I can see why the mother may not have went that route.

I know there are a lot of crisis number’s out there, but there has to be an easier number to remember other than 911 unless it is an emergency. But, if you know you and your family needs crisis intervention, there has to be an easier number. The mother probably couldn’t think of a number to call other than 911. 

That is why we have to advocate and fund raise more for mental health resources and homelessness resources. 

This mother now has over $100,000 in gofundme funds. A little too late :(

Please do your proactive research and make a list of local mental health behavioral health organizations and non-profits. Write down the 1-800 suicide prevention numbers. Write down the local mobile crisis number.  Go talk to one of them. If you don’t have insurance, most will refer you to a non-profit that helps with that. If you are turned away from one try another. A great place to start is NAMI.org. It is a national non-profit that works to advocate for mental illness. And some of their local numbers may ask you to leave a message, but will always say to call 911 in case of emergency which in that case you would ask for a CIT officer!! Leave a message. The NAMI in my local area sometimes got right back to me. They are volunteered staff and they will help you. If they do not respond within 24-hours, call again. Call the national number. All the information can be found on their website. If you have insurance or medicaid, a behavioral health number or agency name is listed. Look them up and call them.

If you see the signs, do something for your child, loved one, friend. If you know your depressed get yourself help too. Help is out there!!!!  Don’t be afraid to seek help. Some great organizations helped me along the way and a few didn’t. But, I have the power of the pen, and their is always someone at the top of the chain that you can write to or call. That is a way to advocate.

This young man who was on his way to college probably didn’t want to tell anyone other than his mother what he was going through for fear he might get turned away from college or something. We as adults have to have these conversations with our children about how to reach out in case of crisis, the same way as we taught them about the birds and the bees. Mom’s we are mom’s and we have to turn into mental mamma bear sometimes when there is no one else. Prayers are up for the family!!!!!