#memory:Ilya

[medicalmagician]

The Red Plague didn’t come on suddenly; for several years, there was the odd case here and there, and it became increasingly more common. We knew there was a problem, but response to it was mostly “stay away from the red beetles” and to make the dying more comfortable in their last days, especially during the last 24hrs or so, when the symptoms were worst. There was a sudden influx of beetles though, which is what caused the rise in cases to become an epidemic.

There were a couple of cases within my first few months at the clinic; it was something that upset Ilya, more than other issues. He didn’t like losing patients; he did his best to make sure no one in the clinic died, but when people came in with the red sclera, it shook him. He still kept good bedside manner, and made sure that he stayed calm and collected with his patients, but sometimes he cried in the back after the clinic had closed, especially when we got news one of the patients had died. When I caught him, I’d bring Brundle in and sit with him for a while; once we were together, I’d cuddle him then too.

[medicalmagician]

The next time Ilya came to see me after Asra left, I was waiting outside the door for him, and I think I scared him for a moment because my eyes were so bloodshot and red around them from crying that evening. It’d been almost a week since he’d left at that point, and Ilya profusely apologised that he hadn’t come to see me sooner; he assumed worse than had actually happened initially and just ran the rest of the way down the street once he realised I’d been crying to just scoop me up in a hug.

His arms were warm and comforting, and I just cried for a bit because I was so afraid he wouldn’t come back, and that he’d come down with the plague and die all on his own, and there was nothing I could do to help him if he was somewhere else. Ilya cradled me whilst I cried and blubbered at him about how scared I was, just listening to my fears and comforting me as best he could. Being able to get it out was extremely helpful, and after I’d finally calmed down, he did his best to make me smile a bit before asking me if I was ready to be let go and then getting up to make us some tea while I nestled myself into the pillows.

He stayed the night with me, even though he probably shouldn’t have, and didn’t leave until I was well and truly awake and had eaten; it was probably the best sleep I’d had since Asra left. We kissed goodbye and Ilya promised me he’d be back as soon as he could be, and I went to the clinic feeling a lot more capable of helping my patients with a clearer head too.

[medicalmagician]

Dealing with seeing multiple timelines got better over time; at the very least, it became a lot less startling and stressful, though some of them were still upsetting or difficult to deal with.

I had a lot of support from my friends though, especially Ilya and Asra.

[medicalmagician]

Whilst I had an upright ending, I could see  the reversed one; I could see and feel what could happen, the two paths we had, and everything that could go wrong between it. Initially I saw them as dreams, and mostly forgot them when I woke up except for just... dread and a vague idea. When it came to the Devil in the Magician's realm though, I could see the other one, like it was overlayed over what was happening.

I could tell the difference, but I knew it was something that came so close to happening, I knew it would have happened, had there been some slight difference in what did; I had nightmares about it for a long time after it was all over, and I remembered them much more than the initial ones.

Sometimes when I woke up, he'd be covered in feathers, and then when I'd blink they'd be gone. He always told me it was just a dream, but I think he knew how close we came to that too, even if he never said it.

[medicalmagician]

I really distinctly remember sitting and de-seeding pomegranates with Pasha and Ilya, just chatting away while we did. It was nighttime, and we were sitting outside under the stars. I can’t remember what we were talking about, but I do remember feeling so at home and at ease.

[medicalmagician]

I spent a lot of time going to the realms of the Arcana, largely for guidance after finding out I was the Fool; I scared Ilya a few times by spending entire days there, so Asra would sometimes have to come collect me. Eventually, Ilya created his own personal gateway as well and could do it himself, but that took a long time. It was helpful for me to learn what I could directly from them, because whilst Asra was a powerful magician and my memories were coming back, there was some things that I couldn’t learn without them; it was also nice to see Scout.

[medicalmagician]

Asra had a box of things of mine from before that he’d kept hidden from me, which included my plague mask and work clothes; he gave the box to me when I started getting my memories back and decided I wanted to try and remember more.

There was a lot of stuff I’d left at home when I realised I was sick but weren’t safe enough for him to keep around just in case they triggered my memories; he didn’t feel like he was the person who should make the decision to throw away either, so he just put them all in a box and hid them away to keep me safe.

I kind of just stared at the mask for a while, because I remembered looking after my patients, I remembered doing my best to make sure they felt as comfortable and as listened to as possible; I remembered customers from the shop coming in to see me, and families with their sick kids. It was... confronting, but I was glad to have those memories back. It was an important part of my history, for better or for worse.

When Ilya reopened his clinic in the city again, I worked there with him and wore my old work clothes. It felt almost like nothing had changed, especially once I had a more solid idea of my life beforehand — many of our old clients who had survived the plague came back to see us even. Things had changed, but much also stayed the same, and I felt more myself than I had in three years.

[medicalmagician]

Ilya would talk about Nevivon all the time when we were first together; we never got the chance to go before the plague started hitting us hard. Particularly being both doctors, we were needed, so we wouldn’t leave until there was a cure.

[medicalmagician]

Whenever Ilya or Nadia touched me during the investigation, it felt so familiar; I couldn’t figure out why, it was so familiar. It was so comforting, but I couldn’t place it no matter how hard I tried.

I eventually did, but it took a while to regain the memories — for all of us, not just me. It made me happy to remember and realise just how much comfort they brought me, as two huge parts of my life before, just as Asra had been.

[medicalmagician]

My relationship with Ilya started off as workplace flirting; we got along like wildfire, and there was a lot of banter between us. I also adored Brundle.

When we finally got together, Ilya tried to ask me to dinner and to chat by the docks after work, though he was extremely nervous. And apologised profusely. I shushed him and told him I would love to, and he thought he’d misheard me. It was a lovely time, especially since this was long before the Lazaret became what it was; we sat and spoke about a lot of things, he told me a little about growing up in Nevivon, about how he came to Vesuvia, and many other things. I told him about my aunt and how she taught me pretty much everything I knew about magic, which he had... interesting ideas about; he wasn’t necessarily bad about it, particularly because he had seen my use of it in some of what I did in the clinic, but he didn’t understand it and was frustrated by that. Most of the rest of the time we were there, it was just in comfortable silence, looking out at the horizon in the night. I rested my head on his shoulder and we were just content there together. It was lovely.

He walked me home after that, and gingerly held my hand and kissed it when we arrived; we got back pretty late, else I’d’ve asked him if he wanted to stay for tea. He did kiss my forehead before he left though, and played with my hair a little. I felt completely comfortable with him.

[medicalmagician]

Ilya’s key wasn’t from Asra, it was from me. He just assumed it was from Asra because he couldn’t remember ever knowing me.

I gave it back to him after the masquerade, which lead to him moving in not long after anyway.

[medicalmagician]

Between the two of us, I swear Ilya and I got more hair in our mouths than there was on our heads.

[medicalmagician]

Ilya went by Julian partially because people couldn’t or didn’t bother to pronounce Ilya; he didn’t not identify with the name, but it was the initial reason he chose it.

[medicalmagician]

Most days, Ilya brought fresh pumpkin bread home with him from Selasi when I’d been managing the shop all day, or if he’d been doing house calls until after the clinic closed.

Yes, I ate a lot of pumpkin bread.

[medicalmagician]

After Ilya moved in with me, we spent a lot of time dancing in the living space, no real reason, just to have fun together. It was lovely.

The neighbours probably hated us singing terribly at one another and cackling at bad jokes, but we were happy; we were also making up for lost time. I’d lost a lot of memories, and even with some of them returning so had he; there was a lot of time that the plague and then everything after had taken from us. We were enjoying making new memories, being ourselves with nothing looming over our heads, and actually getting to have a normal day-to-day together.

We were dorks, and it was the best thing.

[medicalmagician]

I saw Ilya find out I’d died; I was a ghost going between realms, and he found my scarf amongst the clothes that were taken back from the Lazaret. It was handmade and unique, so pretty easy to spot and identify as mine.

He hadn’t been able to find me when he came down from the palace, so he went looking and went everywhere he could think of until he got to the docks; he came up with all sorts of excuses as to why it could have been there, but eventually just walked away to cry and pull his hair out. I wanted to reach out to him, to tell him it was okay and I didn’t blame him, but I couldn’t get through. He always had it with him from then on, though Asra took it back at some point to give back to me after the ritual. It brought him a lot of comfort, especially when in the dungeon working on finding a cure.