#memento lumina

[bunnyhill]

This was my entry for the ffxiv Memento Lumina WoL zine!!! Thanks so much for the invite! Everyone’s stuff is really awesome, y’all should check it out!

It’s my two kids and an NPC who won’t drop the damn card I need

[evandrelical]

AX is over and the zine has been released so here is the full version of my zine piece for memento lumina!

you can still pick up copies and bundles with cute charms + buttons here: http://ffxivwolzine.tictail.com/ thank you~!

[ffxivwolzine]

「 MEMENTO LUMINA 」

We love our Warriors of Light! 

@stripedjumpers​ and @evandrelical​ are super-excited to announce MEMENTO LUMINA, a FFXIV WoL-centric fanzine. The theme of this zine is “day in the life of a Warrior of Light”.

We are now accepting applications for artists. Applications will close on April 2, 2017 at 11:59pm EST. All applicants will hear back on April 5, 2017. 

If you’re interested in taking part in this homage to Eorzea’s hardworking heroes, please see the links below for information on the zine, and to submit an application. Zine bundle preorders and select merchandise previews will be posted in early May.

Thank you, and may you ever walk in the light of the crystal!

✩ INFORMATION ✩ FAQ ✩ ASK ✩ APPLICATIONS ✩

[valta-mus]

fuck it, I wanna keep talking about my fave exotics. So, in no real order:

Lumina, for obvious reasons (the whole cleansing-and-refurbishing questline cemented it as a SOLID stay)

D.A.R.C.I, for the reason that she’s sentient

The Last Word, a memento from the Renegade

Ace of Spades, to fulfill Cayde’s last wish

Izanagi’s Burden, both a lesson and a reminder from Ada-1

Truth, for when the Daughter of Light wishes to claim her prize

Colony, a bit of a stretch, but I view it’s sentience as more like a self-aware praying mantis’ than an AI like Darci’s

[tataruoliver]

Noaptea o veghez

la lumina telefonului mobil

o ascult clipocind pe dinăuntru

plină de lichidele dulci-amărui ale

vieții la pungă

Sunt foița de indigo

între nostalgia a ceea ce-mi amintesc că era

și compasiunea

cu care o învăț pe cea de acum:

Exclamația ei

când mi-a văzut în lumina soarelui

firele de păr alb de la tâmplă

regretul încurcat în limba amorțită

apoi iertarea cerută din priviri

tristețea

toate acestea

Suntem doar noi

noi doi

mai mult eu

însă ea

memento al unei morți amânate.

- @tataruoliver

[thesevenseraphs]

Bungie Weekly Update - 9/12/19

This week at Bungie, we’re looking into the near future. We’ve talked a lot about how Shadowkeep will change the way we play Destiny, and we’re not even done yet. We’ll have more to say before October 1 about how the game is about to evolve. There might even be a final pre-launch Bungie ViDoc about Year Three next week, but that’s not my promise to make. Keep your eyes up. Seeing Guardians rejoin Eris on the Moon for a new adventure is not the only thing we’re looking forward to when we daydream launch day. As this new campaign against the minions of the darkness begins, a new Season of Destiny gameplay will begin with it – followed by three additional seasons of updates. We’re about kick off a whole new year of explorations, rewards, and surprises. But not everything should be left to surprise. We know that Guardians like to plan their gaming sessions. This calendar shows what’s coming free to all players of Destiny 2, what’s in store for Shadowkeep, and what’s included with Season of the Undying:

Save these dates! If you’re not one to over-plan your life, you know we’ll keep you up to date from week to week on what awaits you in the game. That’s just what we’re about to do right now.

SHADOWKEEP SANDBOX UPDATE: WEAPONS

Last week , we did a bit of a deep dive on upcoming changes to abilities in Shadowkeep. This week, we’ll be giving a patch note preview on how your weapons will be fine-tuned. For this pass, the team put some love in to a few Exotics that may have been collecting dust in your vaults. On top of that, a bit of tuning has been done in how damage is applied to different targets in PvE environments.

In terms of how these changes will impact your PvP experience, a few weapons and archetypes are being buffed, with some seeing more aggressive range falloff to give breathing room to Scout Rifles and other weapons.

Combatants - General

Minor enemies (Rank-and-File) no longer take more precision damage than other enemies.

These enemies previously took twice as much damage to their precision hit locations than enemies of higher ranks.

You will still deal precision damage, but this is now entirely dependent on the weapon, as it is for higher ranked enemies.

Weapon Changes - General

Weapon mods are now treated as reusable unlocks instead of consumables. Any mods you have in your inventory will be converted to unlocks

This gives players the opportunity to play with different mods more frequently

If the only copy of a mod you have is already in a gun, you will need to reacquire one to unlock it

Auto Rifles

PvE damage increased between +30% and +25% depending on combatant rank

Bows

PvE damage increased by +31% against minor enemies, and +26% against major enemies

Fixed an issue where bow draw times were displayed incorrectly in the inspection screen

Hand Cannons

PvE damage against minor enemies increased by 30%

Lightweight and Adaptive hand cannons use a new firing animation while aiming down sights

This change was made to increase weapon accuracy when firing these weapons as fast as possible

Ex: Currently, players can shoot faster than the recoil animation of 140/150 archetypes – so while the handcannon looks to have fully reset from recoil, the following projectile will be shot as if the weapon was still in a recoiled state.

Reduced the effect the range stat has on damage range falloff (effective range) for this weapon archetype

Machine Guns

PvE damage against minor enemies increased by 25%

Increased the effects of damage range falloff on this weapon archetype

Pulse Rifles

PvE damage against minor enemies increased by 28%

Increased the effects of damage range falloff on this weapon archetype.

Archetype specific damage changes (impacts both PvE and PvP gameplay)

Rapid-Fire Pulse Rifles now deal 14/23.8 base/precision damage (Previously 13/21.4)

High Impact Pulse Rifles now deal 21/33.6 base/precision damage (Previously 20/32)

Scout Rifles

PvE damage increased between +36% and +18% depending on combatant rank

Sidearms

PvE damage increased to minor and major combatants by 16%

Sniper Rifles

PvE damage increased by +47% against minor enemies, +20% for others

Exotic sniper rifle perk damage bonuses have been modified to compensate for this change and they will not receive the full benefits as a result

Submachineguns

PvE damage increased by 22.5% against minor/major combatants

Aggressive Frame

Removed the intrinsic effect of "Deals bonus damage at close range."

This bonus was 10%, but was unintentionally always active

The bonus damage has been moved to the base damage for 750 RPM Submachineguns, resulting in no damage change

As a result, Tarrabah and The Huckleberry gain 10% damage in both PvE and PvP

Exotics

Sweet Business

Increased magazine size from 100 to 150.

Increased PvE damage by 15%.

High Caliber rounds have been replaced with Armor Piercing rounds.

Damage changed to 15/21.2 base/precision (Previously 13.21/21.14)

This weapon no longer requires you to be firing when you pick up ammo to have it automatically reload.

Graviton Lance

PvE damage increased by 30%

Sunshot

Increased magazine size to 12

Vigilance Wing

PvE damage increased by 25%

Crimson

Damage changed to 19/30.5 base/precision (Previously 13.76/24.75)

Fixed an issue that was causing this weapon to deal higher flinch than intended

Merciless

Fixed the missing aim assist stat for this weapon

Ace of Spades

Memento Mori's damage bonus is now affected by range falloff

Lumina

Noble Rounds should apply their buff to allies more reliably now

The Colony

"Serve the Colony" now functions as Auto-Loading Holster does

Perks

Subsistence

Reduced the impact of this perk on total reserves

Ricochet Rounds

Removed the hidden bonus to damage falloff

Swashbuckler

Perk now activates when getting a kill with Ball Lightning

Grave Robber

Perk now activates when getting a kill with ranged melee abilities (ie: Ball Lightning, Explosive Knife)

One-Two Punch

Reduced the effectiveness of stacking One-Two Punch and Cross Counter (Liar's Handshake)

Ex: Players won’t be able to defeat Riven in less than three seconds after Shadowkeep launches using the combo of One-Two Punch and Liar's Handshake, but we know many of you will try other builds… and potentially even succeed.

We still have a few TWAB’s before the release of Shadowkeep, which will shore up our patch notes previews on a variety of topics, ranging from Black Armory Access to bug fixes. Stay tuned!

RECKONING: ONE MORE THING…

Destiny 2 Update 2.5.2.2 recently brought some frequently requested Quality of Life changes to Reckoning and rewards. Next week, we’ll be making one additional change to the experience, further bridging the gap between you and your desired rewards.

Starting on September 17, all negative modifiers will be removed from Reckoning. This activity will continue to feature a weekly singe, with a daily rotation of Brawler, Grenadier, and Heavyweight. Our goal in this change is to improve the replay-ability of Reckoning, so players will feel more inclined to hop in to matchmaking for some sweet loot. This should also help to address some feedback items from players that specific modifiers could feel too punishing (We’re looking at you, Blackout Darkblades).

If you’re looking to get your hands on some weapons from Season of the Drifter that have eluded you, I reckon this is your time to shine.

ONE AFTER ANOTHER

Fresh on the heels of Update 2.5.2.2, we’re prepping 2.5.2.3. Destiny Player Support already has your itinerary prepared, so you’ll be prepared for the upcoming download.

This is their report.

Destiny 2 Hotfix 2.5.2.3

Next week, Hotfix 2.5.2.3 will become available to players in Destiny 2. This hotfix targets an issue which is currently preventing a subset of players from enabling Cross Save, and marks the removal of negative modifiers from The Reckoning.

For deployment times when they are available, follow @BungieHelp on Twitter or monitor our support feed on help.bungie.net.

REMINDER: Steam Linking and PC Migration

For the next several weeks, we’ll be reminding PC players to link their Steam accounts to their Bungie.net profile, in preparation for our migration to Steam on October 1.

From October 1 onward, any existing PC player who links a Steam account to their Bungie.net profile will automatically be migrated forward to the Steam ecosystem.

To prevent the unintentional loss of Guardians, game licenses, and Silver, it is imperative that all PC players make sure they are linking their correct Steam account to their Bungie.net profile.

REMINDER: Destiny 2 and Silver Purchases on Battle.net

For the next several weeks, we’ll also be reminding players that Destiny 2 game content and Destiny 2 Silver can no longer be purchased from the Battle.net Shop.

Existing PC players can continue to play on Battle.net until Destiny 2 migrates to Steam on October 1. At that time, new players are also welcome to jump in with the launches of New Light and Shadowkeep.

Additionally, every existing PC player should be aware that in order for recent Silver purchases to successfully transfer to Steam, players MUST log in to Destiny 2 on Battle.net before October 1 to claim their purchased Silver.

[gropopotam38]

Bastion des Ombres : nerf des armes

Bungie a annoncé d'énormes modifications dans la gestion des armes et de leurs dégâts dans le Bastion des Ombres ce qui, naturellement, va nous inciter à changer nos sets d'armes favoris.

Je vous retransmets dans ce qui suit les informations correspondantes qui sont directement tirées du site de Bungie. Mais ne vous arrêtez pas à cette seule lecture : après ces longs paragraphes, vous trouverez une vidéo tirée de la chaîne de MerJ1 (oui, oui, toujours lui) dans laquelle il donne son avis sur ces modifications.

Merci à MerJ1 pour son analyse et bonne lecture, amis gardiens 😁 Et au fait, comme d'habitude, vous trouverez un lien vers la chaîne de MerJ1 en fin de billet.

Ennemis - Général

Les ennemis mineurs (ennemis de base) ne subissent plus davantage de dégâts de précision supplémentaires que les autres ennemis.

Ces ennemis subissaient précédemment deux fois plus de dégâts sur leur point de tir de précision que les ennemis de rang supérieur.

Vous infligerez toujours des dégâts de précision, mais cela dépend désormais entièrement de l'arme, comme pour les ennemis de rang supérieur.

Modifications des armes – Général

Les mods d'armes sont maintenant considérés comme des objets déverrouillables réutilisables plutôt que des objets à usage unique. N'importe quels mods dans votre inventaire seront convertis en mods déverrouillés

Ceci donne l'opportunité aux joueurs de jouer avec différents mods plus souvent

Si l'unique exemplaire d'un mod que vous avez est déjà appliqué à une arme, il vous faudra l'obtenir de nouveau pour le déverrouiller

Fusils automatiques

Les dégâts en JcE augmentent entre + 30 % et + 25 %, selon le rang des ennemis

Arcs

Les dégâts en JcE augmentent de + 31 % contre les ennemis mineurs, et de + 26 % contre les ennemis majeurs

Correction d'un problème d'affichage incorrect de la durée d'armement de l'arc à l'écran des détails

Revolvers

Les dégâts en JcE contre les ennemis mineurs augmentent de 30 %

Les revolvers à armatures légère et adaptative utilisent une nouvelle animation de tir lorsque vous visez

Cette modification a été appliquée pour améliorer la précision de l'arme lorsque vous tirez aussi vite que possible

Par exemple : Actuellement, les joueurs peuvent tirer plus rapidement que l'animation de recul des archétypes à 140/150, et du coup, même si l'animation fait penser que le recul du revolver est terminé, le projectile suivant sera tiré comme si l'arme était toujours en train de subir le recul.

Nous avons réduit l'effet de la statistique de portée sur la diminution des dégâts selon la distance (portée pratique) pour cet archétype d'arme

Mitrailleuses

Les dégâts en JcE contre les ennemis mineurs augmentent de 25 %

Augmentation des effets de la diminution des dégâts selon la distance pour cet archétype d'arme

Fusils à impulsion

Les dégâts en JcE contre les ennemis mineurs augmentent de 28 %

Augmentation des effets de la diminution des dégâts selon la distance pour cet archétype d'arme.

Modifications des dégâts selon l'archétype (à la fois pour le JcE et le JcJ)

Les fusils à impulsion à tir rapide infligent désormais 14/23,8 dégâts de base/précision (13/21,4 auparavant)

Les fusils à impulsion à impact élevé infligent désormais 21/33,6 dégâts de base/précision (20/32 auparavant)

Fusils d'éclaireur

Les dégâts en JcE augmentent entre + 36 % et + 18 % selon le rang des ennemis

Pistolets

Les dégâts en JcE augmentent de 16 % pour les ennemis mineurs et majeurs

Fusil de précision

Les dégâts en JcE augmentent de + 47 % contre les ennemis mineurs, et de + 20 % contre les autres types

Les bonus de dégâts des attributs des fusils de précision exotiques ont été modifiés pour compenser cette modification et ils ne recevront pas le bénéfice complet en conséquence

Pistolets-mitrailleurs

Les dégâts en JcE augmentent de 22,5 % contre les ennemis mineurs et majeurs

Armature d'attaque

Nous avons retiré l'effet intrinsèque de « dégâts bonus à courte portée »

Ce bonus était de 10 % mais été toujours actif, par erreur

Le bonus de dégâts a été transféré aux dégâts de base pour les pistolets-mitrailleurs à 750 CPM, ce qui fait qu'il n'y a pas de modifications de leurs dégâts

En conséquence, Tarrabah et L'Opportun gagnent 10 % de dégâts à la fois en JcE et en JcJ

Exotiques

Belle affaire

La taille du chargeur augmente de 100 à 150.

Les dégâts en JcE augmentent de 15 %.

Les Munitions de gros calibre ont été remplacées par des Munitions antiarmure.

Les dégâts passent à 15/21,2 pour dégâts de base/précision (13,21/21,24 auparavant)

Cette arme ne nécessite plus que vous tiriez lorsque vous ramassez des munitions pour être automatiquement rechargée

Lance du graviton

Les dégâts en JcE augmentent de 30 %

Rayon de soleil

La taille du chargeur augmente jusqu'à 12

Aile de vigilance

Les dégâts en JcE augmentent de 25 %

Garance

Les dégâts passent à 19/30,5 pour dégâts de base/précision (13,76/24,75 auparavant)

Correction d'un problème qui entraînait un sursaut plus important que prévu pour cette arme

Impitoyable

Correction de la statistique d'assistance à la visée de cette arme

As de pique

Le bonus de dégâts de Memento Mori est désormais impacté par la diminution des dégâts selon la distance

Lumina

Les Balles nobles devraient désormais appliquer le bonus pour les alliés de manière plus fiable

La Colonie

Au service de la Colonie fonctionne désormais de la même façon que Holster de recharge auto

Améliorations

Subsistance

Réduction de l'impact de cet attribut sur les réserves totales

Balles à ricochet

Le bonus caché contre la réduction des dégâts selon la distance a été retiré

Fier-à-bras

L'attribut se déclenche désormais lorsque vous effectuez un frag avec Foudre en boule

Pilleur de tombe

L'attribut se déclenche désormais lorsque vous effectuez un frag avec une compétence de mêlée à longue portée (Foudre en boule, Couteau explosif)

Coup double

Réduction de l'efficacité du cumul de Coup double et Contre-attaque (Poignée de main des menteurs)

Par exemple : Les joueurs ne pourront plus vaincre Riven en moins de deux secondes après la sortie de Bastion des Ombres à l'aide de la combinaison de Coup double et Poignée de main des menteurs, mais nous savons que vous serez nombreux à essayer d'autres combinaisons, et même réussir, potentiellement. 

[jojostory]

More speedpaint videos! This is the piece I did for Memento Lumina: a warrior of light fanzine a while back!

My Youtube Channel | Full artwork here

[saintelegembisericaluidumnezeu]

Capitolul 21

Lucrarea Duhului Sfânt v-a adus acum într-un cer nou și un pământ nou. Totul este reînnoit, totul este în mâinile Mele, totul începe din nou! Cu noțiunile lor, oamenii nu sunt capabili să privească în ansamblu acest lucru, și pentru ei nu are sens, însă Eu sunt Cel care sunt la lucru, și înțelepciunea Mea constă în aceasta. Prin urmare, puteți renunța la toate noțiunile și opiniile voastre. Puteți să vă preocupați să mâncați și să beți cuvântul lui Dumnezeu în supunere, fără nicio îndoială. Lucrând astfel, Îmi asum o responsabilitate sacră. De fapt, oamenii nu trebuie să fie un fel special. Mai degrabă, Dumnezeu este Cel care face lucruri miraculoase, manifestându-Și omnipotența. Oamenii nu se pot lăuda dacă nu se laudă cu Dumnezeu. Altfel, vor suferi pierderi. Dumnezeu ridică pe cei nevoiași din țărână, unde cei umili sunt înălțați. Voi folosi înțelepciunea Mea în toate formele ei pentru a guverna biserica universală, pentru a guverna toate națiunile și toate popoarele, astfel că ele sunt toate înăuntrul Meu, și astfel încât, voi toți cei din biserică să vă puteți supune Mie. Cei care nu au ascultat înainte, trebuie acum să fie supuși Mie, trebuie să se supună unii altora, să se controleze unul față de celălalt, să aibă vieți interconectate și să se iubească unul pe altul, toți inspirându-se din punctele forte ale altuia să-și compenseze propriile slăbiciuni, slujind în coordonare. În felul acesta, biserica va fi construită, iar Satana nu va avea nicio oportunitate de a exploata. Doar atunci planul Meu de gestionare (planul mântuirii) nu va fi eșuat. Permiteți-Mi să vă dau un alt memento aici. Nu permiteți să apară neînțelegeri în voi, deoarece cutare sau cutare persoană este de un anumit fel, sau a acționat în cutare sau cutare mod, lăsându-vă să deveniți decadenți în duh. După cum văd Eu, acest lucru nu este potrivit și este un lucru lipsit de valoare. Nu este Dumnezeu Acela în care crezi? El nu este o persoană oarecare. Funcțiile nu sunt aceleași. Există un singur trup. Fiecare își îndeplinește datoria, fiecare în locul ei și făcând tot ce-i stă în putință - pentru fiecare scânteie există un fulger de lumină - și căutând maturitate în viață. Astfel, Eu voi fi mulțumit.

Trebuie să vă preocupați doar de a fi pașnici înaintea Mea. Țineți în părtășie strânsă cu Mine, căutați mai mult acolo unde nu înțelegeți, rugați-vă și așteptați timpul Meu. Vedeți totul clar prin duh. Nu acționați în mod nesăbuit ca să preveniți rătăcirea. Doar în felul acesta, faptul că mâncați și beți cuvintele Mele va da cu adevărat roade. Mâncați și beți cuvintele Mele des, cugetați la ceea ce am spus, acordați atenție practicării cuvintelor Mele și trăiți realitatea cuvintelor Mele; aceasta este chestiunea esențială. Procesul de construire al bisericii este, de asemenea, procesul de creștere al vieții. Dacă viața ta nu mai crește, nu vei fi clădit. Bazându-te pe naturalețe, pe trup, pe zel, pe contribuții, pe calificări, oricât de bun ai fi, nu vei fi clădit. Trebuie să trăiești în cuvintele vieții, să trăiești în luminarea și iluminarea de la Duhul Sfânt, să cunoști situația ta actuală și să fii o persoană schimbată. Trebuie să ai aceeași perspicacitate în duh, să ai o nouă luminare și să fii capabil să ții pasul cu lumina nouă. Trebuie să fii capabil să te apropii fără încetare de Mine și să comunici cu Mine, să își poți baza acțiunile din viața de zi cu zi pe cuvintele Mele, să fii capabil să te ocupi în mod corespunzător de tot felul de oameni, evenimente și lucruri pe baza cuvintelor Mele, având cuvintele Mele ca standard al tău și trăind firea Mea în toate activitățile din viața ta.

Dacă doriți să înțelegeți și să arătați interes pentru voia Mea, trebuie să fiți atenți la cuvintele Mele. Nu faceți lucruri în pripă. Tot ceea ce Eu nu aprob va avea un sfârșit rău. Binecuvântarea vine numai în ceea ce am lăudat. Dacă vorbesc, va fi. Dacă ordon, va rămâne ferm. Voi în mod categoric nu trebuie să faceți ceea ce nu am permis, ca să nu Mă înfuriați. În acel moment va fi prea târziu să regretați.

Sursa: Biserica lui Dumnezeu Atotputernic

Știi ce fel de slujire corespunde voii lui Dumnezeu? Citește acum.

[evandrelical]

Here are my previews for the @ffxivwolzine!! I drew the paladin & monk buttons as well as the paladin and black mage charms for the bonuses.

Promo on tumblr: https://ffxivwolzine.tumblr.com/post/161474282113/ reddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/ffxiv/comments/6fin0u/my_friend_and_i_organized_a_ffxiv_fanart_book/ Preorder @ tictail: http://ffxivwolzine.tictail.com/

please check it out :D

[ffxivwolzine]

Adventure awaits! Are you ready?

@stripedjumpers​​ and @evandrelical​​ present「MEMENTO LUMINA」! A Final Fantasy 14 fan zine that follows the brave Warriors of Light and their companions through Eorzea and beyond! 24 pages of full colour illustrated works by talented artists:

♦ Myku ♦ susie ♦ blue ♦ feesh ♦ CC ♦ Hime ♦ Nattie ♦ ru ♦ Dampho ♦ cheppoly ♦ Harth ♦ Ruuari ♦ oiichyo ♦Andrea "Annie" Ballestero ♦ jojostory ♦ Meagkhan ♦ NAKI ♦ Sierra A. ♦ Xi ♦Nooshi ♦ Viviane Doan ♦ Kitey ♦ kiwii ♦ Luci ♦

For details on zine-only copies and zine bundles, please see the listings on the preorder website!

Signal boosts are appreciated! [ twitter preview post ]

> PREORDER @ FFXIVWOLZINE.TICTAIL.COM < 

[theliterateape]

Really Tainted Love

By Mike Vinopal

A version of this story was first published in 2015 in a zine called Worst Breakup Ever (A Self-Publishers of Chicago Comp Zine; Edited/Created by Nicki Yowell). It has been edited and updated here.

I was 15 when I met her. I saw her on the after-school activities bus en route to the neighborhood we both called home. She was clearly older and clearly cooler with this fashion streak radiating from her core. I was mesmerized like Wayne was with Cassandra in Wayne's World, my thoughts whispering, "She will be mine, she will be mine." 

Her fiery red tendrils and pouty lips slowly wrapped me around her finger, and before long I was consumed as we often are, blind to the flaws of the partner we've chosen. Flaws so glaringly obvious to our closest friends who protest as they might. I gladly gave my V-card over to her skilled hands. After all, she was a nymphomaniac with a compulsory hunger for cock, which I would come to know in the most tragic of ways. 

My first sexual conquests were wonderful. Playful animals exploring infinite possibilities. An adolescent bathed in instant gratification. Blissful ignorance can be joyful for a time but in the end it gets all twisted.

Then one evening, I received an anonymous phone call from an all too familiar voice, just out of my mind's grasp. Julie was doing something she shouldn't be. She was out on the town with another man. My blissful ignorance faltered and cracked. 

Confrontation eluded me. Why? Was I afraid? Afraid of what? Loneliness? Then another phone call, this time her best friend, Tracy. A betrayal? No, a conscience. She was hanging out with Julie and now Julie had gone to fuck some dude in her car, leaving Tracy to sit quietly as an accomplice to this reproachful act. But she called. And I'm grateful still. Nobody deserves that shit.

The blissful ignorance shattered, falling in billions of shards, dissolving into a fine powder. Ashen coals of rage fueled by pain. I confronted her at school the following morning after geometry in the upstairs hallway, as chaos swirled down the stairwells and through the corridors. 

I had anxiety nightmares, the kind that are so real you scare yourself awake.

What I said, I cannot recall, my memory awash in a red-out. All I can remember is that as I stormed off down the stairs to blow off some steam at lunch with my friends, I felt her history book whizz by my head from the floor above. Julie was out for blood. 

Mildly jarred from the nearly escaped head trauma, I joined my friends and walked to the pizza joint across the way from the school. I had worked out a deal with the owner, Gulo. Paid him for a spot since I wasn't allowed to park at the school yet. A typical lunch period, until we heard the tearing squeal of tire rubber burning with psychotic anger. Julie, with eyes ablaze, bared down on me in her navy blue Chevy Lumina.

My friends froze with panic as I dove out of the way. She slammed the car into park and came out swinging like a crazed Mike Tyson, ready to bite my ear off if given the opportunity. I channeled Sugar Ray Robinson—stick and move—finally pinning her arms down at her sides.  With that, she collapsed in exhaustion, crying the panicked tears of an highly unstable individual. She broke. Sure I was scared. But it was so sad.  

I wish I could say that it ended there. Sadly, she became increasingly erratic. An obvious breakup became tricky to navigate as she began to make threats of suicide. My now 16-year-old mind whirled with the thought of her blood on my hands. I had anxiety nightmares, the kind that are so real you scare yourself awake.  

I did what I could. I was resourceful. And I remained compassionate, despite all her transgressions. Her mom was never around and her relationship with her step-dad was weird, so I took her to a counselor she had agreed to. I was dealing with things far beyond the maturity level I had attained as a 16-year-old man.

After all she had done, I had tried one last time to help her get help. Then I washed my hands of it, wishing her well but asking for the mercy of being left alone. Eventually she did.

But first she visited my house when no one was there, constructing a makeshift candlelit altar from collected mementos of our love gone by. Twisted soap opera, suspense-thriller shit. Dried roses by the dozen, cards, photos, notes, ticket stubs, jewelry and more. I never saw it in person. My mom had gotten home before me and bagged it up. You could tell how deeply disturbed Mom was after that last bit. She seriously considering a restraining order. What a way to end my first real relationship.

Julie visited me in a recurrent nightmare thereafter in which she arrived in a prom dress, makeup running down her face from unhinged bursts of sadness, two garbage bags in hand, brimming with the collections of our now lost love. A blade, concealed somewhere. Thankfully I would never get far enough in the dream for that, scaring myself awake.

But I felt it. 

My mom finally did get a restraining order against Julie. That can fuck a kid up, but I guess I turned out OK. Eventually.

Rumors circulated that Julie burned down her apartment, collected the insurance money, bought a motorcycle, then fled to Florida. Who the fuck knows, but I wouldn't put it past her. She had real demons and that can poison a person, as it did for the time I knew her.

You cross paths with some really messed people in your life, especially when you're a kid and don't know shit. It's best to remember the good times, learn from the lessons, and release the pain people cause you. You can't carry that garbage around. I do hope she found some peace with herself. I know it ain't easy.  

It took me a while to learn that I unconsciously chose girlfriends through my late teens and early twenties that were pretty unhealthy for me. Somewhere in my young idealist mind, I thought I could save them. It was an unhealthy pattern and once I realized it, I was able to change it. We can change.

But those types of intense emotional experiences stay with you. They shape you. Years later, some of those feelings still seep out and sometimes you recall overcoming that heartache proudly.

I'll leave you with one such poem of mine that seeped out over a decade after this mess. Enjoy.

Burning these effigies Of broken love gone by Paper as the kindling Ancient bottled tears as the kerosene See you later moon crater Needed to look for a friend Not try to be a saver Epiphany & change are always greater when the self does the saving. 

[jojostory]

The zine I did this piece for was released a few months ago, so I think it’s finally OK to post the full image! I did this artwork for Memento Lumina: a warrior of light fanbook, featuring a light party ready to kick butt and find treasure! All Miqo’te because I based the characters on my friends’ characters! :)

I also designed the Bard button (which is one of the FFXIV job buttons you can get by buying a zine bundle!), which was immediately made obsolete by the 4.0 battle system changes hahaha.

Please consider checking out the book if you can, and seeing everyone else’s really cool art!