#megara moralis ;;

[phoenixpanics]

“This is fine, everything’s all fine,” Phoenix said more to himself than to Meg as he took a deep breath, shaking his arms a bit as if he were shaking away his nerves. He told himself he couldn’t drink at this event after his stupid decisions from the fall festival, so he had to find other ways to distract himself. “Should we do something? I feel like we should do something, right?” @noturnutmeg​

[noturnutmeg]

|| Get to know MEGARA “MEG” MORALIS who’s THIRTYyears old and works as an UNDERWORLD NIGHTCLUB EMPLOYEE in town. She is from CORONA and is often times mistaken for ZOE KRAVITZ while others say she reminds them of MEG from HERCULES. ||

tw: eating disorder mention

HEADCANONS

when megara or meg as she prefers, was born, there was so much light and life in her eyes. a cherub baby, untouched by the world’s cruelties and safe in her mother’s arms. sometimes meg wishes she could go back to her childhood because it honestly contained the happiest moments of her life. singing erykah badu with her mother as she helped her wash the dishes and clean around the house, sitting outside the front porch with her father as he smoked his cigarettes and listened to whatever game he cared about for the time being on the radio. her parents were at one point in her life her favorite people. her parents weren’t perfect, but they were real and they were a strong force together. they raised meg to be hopeful of her future, to be strong, and that love was not a weakness. how wrong they were on the latter.

it’s hard to believe meg’s past is real. she wasn’t as dry, her heart open to anyone and everyone because she was told that was okay to do. she laid in the grass with her friends and plucked flowers from the earth to braid into their hair. she tended to the public gardens at the park as if it were hers, and she laughed and sang and let everyone know who she was because she knew who she was. she giggled, she cried openly when she was hurt or felt others hurting, and she never in her life felt alone.

when it came to love, she was open to experience. she had one or two lovers when she was younger, but they were never that serious to start. at the time, megara had her whole future planned with whoever she gave her heart to, and the heartaches hurt, but she was always able to pick herself back up when it counted.

then she met him. he was a little older than her, still in high school despite his age, and he was broken, but meg found him so beautiful. she was sixteen when the nineteen year old stepped into her life and that was it. her friends warned her to stay away from him, but he claimed he just needed a friend and meg wanted to be that friend for him. she had never planned on falling in love with his crooked smile and his dark eyes, but she did. he was her polar opposite in almost every way; he rode a motorcycle, did drugs, wore leather, and stomped his cigarettes onto daisies on purpose. he had a troubled home and addiction was something everyone in his family struggled with secretly. on the outside he just looked like the black sheep of a wealthy, established name and meg wanted to fix him, even though she wasn’t aware that was the issue at first.

their love was chaotic and fast and meg felt herself changing just to keep up with him. a little harshness to her didn’t feel like a bad thing at the time because he loved her and that felt like enough. his love consumed her and he was her first for a lot of things. she had her first cigarette with him, made love for the first time with him, and he was the first person to have her entire heart. she was so blind to him and his love that she didn’t realize she was pushing her friends away for him. she didn’t see the bad things everyone saw in him because he was so good to her and had taught her what true love was. even when she would scream at her parents because they didn’t want him around her and even when her grades started to slip, she kept telling herself it was worth it in the end.

by the time she was same age as her lover had been when she met him, she had hardly graduated high school, no plans on college, and moved in with him despite her mother begging her to stay and get back to her old self. living with her love was....hard. he had people in and out of the house so much she never felt like it was the two of them. he would spend his nights out at work; at least that was what he would tell her, and she would stay at home and play the part of housewife as her mother did for her father, but it didn’t feel the same. there was no natural light because there were no windows in their apartment and meg slowly started to hide more and more within herself. she didn’t go out with friends, she didn’t try to really do anything except wait for her love to come home. she didn’t want to think the worst in him or their love because when they had their moments, it felt like falling in love all over again.

she spent a good amount of her twenties loving him. trusting him blindly, taking care of him after a bender, picking up the pieces of himself that he would leave at home just to put him back together again. he was rougher with her than he had been, but she took that as him needing her more urgently than before. his words could be harsh sometimes; he constantly talked about her weight to her as if she wasn’t a person sometimes, but she appreciated that he cared enough to point out when she didn’t look good and restricted her eating to look how he wanted her to look. when she looked good, he loved her tenderly. and she craved that.

when he mentioned his life being in danger, his trouble with hades, she offered to help without a second thought. she believed him, believed in them, and figured she could take his pain away and put it on her. hat if she relieved him, he would be kinder like before. she was a tough girl, she could handle it.

he had sold his soul and she didn’t understand why. and she had sold hers to save him even though she didn’t know what that meant. the moment she felt that life in her be tainted with dirty bargains the truth came out. he hadn’t ever loved her. he cheated on her throughout their entire relationship with whoever he could get. he kept her because he took care of her like his mom should have. and once he was “free” he was gone, his burdens passed to meg, leaving her to pick up the pieces that fell and broke off her alone. her heart was scooped out of her, leaving a hollow chest with nothing beating inside of it anymore. she died that night. she really did.

the meg she is now is someone she has never known until after her deal with hades. she is hollow, her humor is dry, her lips are always in a frown, and she doesn’t know what to do with herself other than whatever hades asks of her. she doesn’t have a future, she doesn’t have a life of her own, and she doesn’t have any love left to give. even when she is with her friends, she feels detached. she will smile and she will play the part of the perfect friend but she knows she isn’t who she was and she is just waiting to be abandoned by them the way she left them at one point.

she lives alone now. her apartment has windows where natural light shines through and gives the place life, but she doesn’t know how to keep it with her. she lost the light in her eyes, the hope she used to carry long gone as well.

the only moments she has where she feels like her old self is through music and gardening. she loves tending to her little windowsill plants and she enjoys channeling her heartache and her stupidity into poems and lyrics she never shares with anyone. she feels the music she actually plays is as hollow as she is but she knows if she sells her songs to the write people it could sound beautiful. but she doesn’t have the nerve to do that.

she longs to see the beauty in things again. she hates that her ex took that from her. she used to find life so beautiful and now she didn’t know how.

the job itself at the underworld isn’t so bad. she can handle drunk people and she can handle her co workers. it’s dropping her life to do hades bidding that she cannot stand. but she made her bed and she knows it is what it is. she has no fight in her to try and get out of the deal she made.

she has become the other woman troupe she never wanted to be. she will be the girl that he hooks up with even though he has someone sleeping peacefully in bed at home. she will be the girl that breaks the news that the man isn’t who he claims. she uses her empty stare to attract those she know are as rotten as her ex, use them to feel something, then move on. a vicious cycle she can’t seem to get out of.

she is a scorpio. and we love her for it. (november 8th)

she knows how to give people tattoos. to her, tattoos are important she has plenty all over her body that represent important moments in her life she will never tell anyone about. and yes, the tattoos she has regarding her ex are still etched on her skin.

she has her own demons that she struggles with, but she tries to keep it private. her drinking, her smoking, her eating habits; she doesn't need worry from anyone who could care about her so it's hidden. and she plans on suffering in silence.