#mechano marauder

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: Avengers #319: The Crossing Line Part 1: The Waterwind Interdiction

July, 1990

The Crossing Line Part 1 of Six CONFRONTATION!

The Crossing Line: The Waterwind Interdiction sounds like a political thriller you'd buy at an airport shop to have something to do when your flight is delayed.

With a submarine slapped on the cover, just like this issue has.

And we're going right from a five part story right into a six part story? Is this the era of longer arcs?

Or did editorial ask Fabian Nicieza to fill six additional months after he finished off Byrne's abandoned arc and Fabian just whipped up one big story rather than come up with six smaller ones?

Yeah, Fabian Nicieza isn't sticking around for long. We get him for The Crossing Line and then he's gone. Mark Gruenwald comes on for a single issue. Then Larry Hama for a bunch of issues and then Bob Harras takes over as the next long-term writer.

How long term? He's going to be writing the book through Operation Galactic Storm, through Bloodties, and only leave at the end of The Crossing (legally distinct from The Crossing Line) in 1996.

That's five years of Bob Harras. Oh boy do I hope I like and/or tolerate his run!

But I'm getting like a year ahead of myself.

It's not really that important what happened previously. And what's happening now is submarine stuff.

(Given the vagueness of the roster in this era, I appreciate the cast ribbon on the side of the introductory splash page.)

The British sub the Waterwind is having troubles. A lot of troubles. Power troubles and ballast troubles.

All of which drives it to surface.

Which a Russian team led by General Major Illyich Prokvitch was waiting for. They storm the stricken sub, capture the control center, and take the officers hostage.

General Major Prokvitch identifies his group as the "Peace Corpse" (fun wordplay there) and that they are here to save the world.

An officer on the sub called Allanson sabotaged the sub to help Peace Corpse have the chance to take the sub.

And Prokvitch shoots the sub's admiral when he sends a distress signal to the Royal Navy.

So: British nuclear submarine taken over by Russian Peace Corpse group, who want to save the world, maybe. And this might involve killing one hundred and forty million people. Or saving that same amount.

This is very airport paperback political thriller novel. Now throw some superheroes into this brew.

The distress signal goes to the Royal Navy, which makes it's way to the Prime Minister (Margaret Thatcher specifically).

Thatcher doesn't want to act so rash, apparently, as to have the Royal Air Force just bomb the submarine into not being a problem. But Peace Corpse hasn't issued any demands yet. And the sub has warheads aboard.

So Thatcher suggests getting W.H.O. (the Weird Happenings Organization) or Excalibur to fix the problem.

Airport paperback political thriller novel plots isn't really what W.H.O. is for and Excalibur isn't available this month because they're wrapping up the Cross-Time Caper.

So Thatcher contacts America because America has superheroes to spare. Just so many superheroes.

And over at the Avengers Subbasement, it's been a few quiet weeks since that Nebula business. The Mansion is still under reconstruction. Starfox is still recovering from the previous arc.

In Quasar's own book, he put an energy screen around Earth that will alert him if any aliens visit.

Long story short, the plot in Quasar's book at the time was that he was protecting cosmic entity Eon from a prophesied cosmic assassin. It's not really important to the Avengers though.

Sersi also has something to report. She hosted a really cool party. That is all.

The Avengers Support Crew is still around so it's Peggy Carter who calls on a video screen to let Captain America know that the Avengers have a very important call from President George HW Bush.

President Bush I: "Seems our friends in Great Britain have lost a nuclear submarine..." Sersi: "How does one lose such a thing?" President Bush Sr: "Things are sketchy on that front, Miss. All we know is that you've been granted clearance by the United Nations to take that sub down using any means possible."

The Avengers working for the UN?

What a notion.

A rogue submarine would be the perfect time to call in Namor under the Every Avenger Is An Avenger policy but, alas, Namor isn't answering hailing frequencies. And neither is Thor.

But Cap has a third choice for a water mission and it is Stingray.

Yay, Stingray!

Sure, he's not officially an Avenger but Captain America can make anyone he wants an Avenger. That is a power he has. It's called... Champion Status or something? Basically, he can name any group of people a team of Avengers.

Point being. They need a water guy and their normal water guy doesn't know how to answer the damn phone? Then Stingray is getting the call.

And they'll need the extra help.

Quasar: "I'm a little worried, Cap. I mean, international terrorism isn't usually our stock in trade." Captain America: "You're right. And the alarming lack of information doesn't sit well with me, either. Frankly, I'm a little worried, too..."

It's funny how international terrorism is outside of Quasar's comfort zone but cosmic nonsense and normal supervillain hijinxes are A-Okay.

Like there's a middle zone that's complicated and scary and then everything above and below it is simple and manageable.

Meanwhile, IN THE OCEAN, Peace Corpse gets the Waterwind operational again.

Turns out the damage was mostly cosmetic. Oh, Mr. Allanson, you wily son of a gun.

The fully operational sub includes a fully operational missile room with six fully operational torpedo tubes for fully operational Polaris A3s.

Although, they still need to bypass the launch sequences.

The Waterwind gets hailed by an unknown vessel. And I flipped the page, expecting the Avengers to have shown up. But I got something different.

Red Guardian: "Unidentified terrorists -- we are the People's Protectorate... And in the name of the Soviet Socialist Republics... You are hereby requested to surrender immediately or be blown out of the water!"

Yeah, I guess that makes sense. Peace Corpse are a Russian group. So Russia would have a vested interest in not letting them blow up the world.

Annnnd we have from left to right: Vostok, Crimson Dynamo, Red Guardian, Perun, and Fantasma.

Does their fancy vessel not have a sitting down room for communicating ship to ship? Sure, it's more dramatic to be standing but less convenient.

Above the ocean, the Avengers Quinjet detects the Waterwind AND the People's Protectorate vessel. Although they don't know what it is.

Luckily, they have Stingray aboard as their nautical nonsense expert. He was able to tell the Avengers what to look for with Resolution class subs.

The Quinjet dives into the ocean because why shouldn't a jet also be a submarine and sometimes a spaceship? It just saves time to have one vehicle do it all.

And they arrive to find the Waterwind launching torpedoes while the People's Protectorate scramble to destroy said torpedoes.

Having arrived in the middle of a situation and not really trusting the bits of this Soviet team he recognizes, Captain America decides the Avengers need to stop the People's Protectorate from "aggravating the situation any further!"

I think if the Waterwind is launching torpedoes, the situation is pretty aggravated, Cap.

Vision warns the other Avengers and Stingray that they have limited information on the Soviet super team but shares what he does know.

Perun is a big, buff strong guy who can shoot bioelectricity through his axe. So he's basically like their Thor. And the Avengers didn't bring their own Thor, whoops.

Sputnik (Vostok) is a synthezoid, like Vision, who can control machinery. So the Avengers did bring Vision but he's just vulnerable to his counterpart.

And finally, Crimson Dynamo has armor on par with Iron Man's. And the Avengers didn't bring Iron Man.

How are you going to have a counterpart fight if you didn't bring the guys?

Also, Quasar snarks that the People's Protectorate are a poor man's version of the Avengers. Which, hey, that may be accurate but you shouldn't say it!

Sersi gets started with the fight right away by transforming the water around Perun into a plastic alloy.

Vision introduces the Avengers as being here by request of the UN but Vostok immediately starts making Vision's mechanisms jut out weirdly, like various compound fractures, and informing Vision that because Peace Corpse are Soviet citizens, the Soviet government wants to handle this themselves.

Meanwhile, Quasar gets off on the right foot, apparently, with Crimson Dynamo by being polite. Really says something about the people Crimson Dynamo has met if Quasar calling him sir and asking him to please not fight comes off as weirdly polite for an American.

Over in the People's Protectorate ship, Red Guardian and Fantasma chill.

Red Guardian is very aware that whoever wins this unnecessary superhero slapfight has to then go on and fight a nuclear submarine. So he's less than thrilled that Fantasma pulls a Councilor Troi and tells him that her psychic powers sure are detecting a lot of aggression.

Red Guardian decides to contact the Avengers Quinjet, in which Captain America is chilling.

Red Guardian: "Captain -- please try to understand that Soviet personnel are involved in aggressive action. We feel, to allay global fears we must stop them ourselves." Captain America: "I can appreciate that, Guardian -- but we are recklessly allowing the Waterwind the opportunity to accomplish the very goals we both want to prevent!" Red Guardian: "But it was you who attacked us!"

... He's got a point, tho.

Captain America sent the Avengers to go tangle with the Protectorate without even trying to communicate with them. Sure, Vision tried to use his words. But only after Sersi made Perun mint in box.

Anyway, Fantasma's psychic powers tell her that it is TOO LATE.

Fantasma: "We have come too close... and they are angry... They feel they have been violated again... and they want us to pay for it!"

And while Stingray sneaks away from the fight to try to sneak onto the submarine and, he guesses, takes on the entire terrorist force by himself, shrug, some kind of attack strikes the side of the Waterwind and explodes, knocking Stingray away.

image

YUP

Turns out that the Waterwind and also superheroes were parked too close to the ruins of Atlantis and some elite Atlantean forces are joining the fray.

Hi, Tyrak, U-Man, and Orka.

Wait.

Wait wait wait.

The Avengers. A Russian superhero team including Red Guardian, Crimson Dynamo, Vostok, and Perun. An Atlantean team. All getting into a big free for all over some underwater objective?

Did Jason Aaron just rip off this comic for his Avengers run? Why?

I've never heard anyone talk about this specific arc. So if he was homaging it, why??

I will probably never get an answer to that.

Anyway, the main story is over but the remaining five pages are a back-up story focusing on the Avengers Support Crew. But specifically Jarvis!

I love a good Jarvis focus story.

I am legit the exact audience for this. For workplace drama about the support staff for a superhero.

Jarvis is serving breakfast to Peggy Carter, Fabian Stankowicz, John Jameson, and Michael O'Brien.

They're enjoying Jarvis' excellent cooking and shooting the shit about having to work in a basement until Avengers Mansion gets re-reconstructed.

The Support Crew all take off to their respective jobs. Peggy offers to help Jarvis with the dishes but tells her he used to do every single chore, so he doesn't mind handling the dishes by himself.

But as soon as Jarvis is left alone, ho shit, the Crimson Cowl!

So Avengers history.

Once upon a time, the Masters of Evil beat up the Avengers. And it looked like they were being led by Jarvis, in the guise of the Crimson Cowl.

It actually turned out that Jarvis was a mind controlled patsy of Ultron, who decided he wanted his first attack on the Avengers to be in disguise.

What a silly robot.

The situation was a little more complicated though. Jarvis wasn't just minding his own business when Ultron brainwashed him. He needed money for emergency mom medical expenses and was ashamed to ask the Avengers so when someone offered money for information on the Avengers...

Well, he's ashamed of it but the Avengers forgave him. And Tony Stark probably took him aside and told him 'look, just ask for the money next time. I have... SO MUCH money.'

Anyway, current day Jarvis is packing heat and pulls a gun and starts unloading the clip at the Crimson Cowl.

To no effect.

This might not be an actual Crimson Cowl but some weird guilty conscience hallucination.

God know why it would suddenly be popping up now, of all times.

Crimson!Jarvis argues that he can never be rid of him because at any moment, he might betray the Avengers again! Hey, it happened once, CLEARLY, it can happen again!

The guilt hallucination? also tries to suicide bait Jarvis. Dick move.

All the shooting brings Michael O'Brien back to the kitchen. But Jarvis lies that he was shooting at a rat.

And the next time box says this isn't just a one-off character exploration thing. Some manner of mystery is going to deepen.

Anyway.

Next week, more Avengers West Coast. More of the Wanda is Evil and Crazy and Controlled by Immortus plot. Next next week, more of the airport paperback thriller novel, the Crossing Line, and more Avengers Support Crew.

Follow @essential-avengers. Like and reblog, maybe. I'm heading into the 90s and I'd love to hear any thoughts.

[comics-are-dumb]

Mechano Marauder, Idiot

[justdealingwithsomeissues]

In the end, it is David who winds up saving the day... also I love how hilarious it would be if I was watching this actual show and they were like “Tonight, the Avengers!” and like... it wound up being all the backlist, not really on the team members like Beast and Wonderman, I’d be pissed.

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: Avengers #311: The WEAKEST POINT

December, 1989

Hydrobase DESTROYED!

Right from Atlantis Attacks to Acts of Vengeance?

Ugh. Marvel really was trying to shake all the quarters out of its audience in 1989. And then the trends of the 90s with special covers and new number one's galore? And then bankruptcy because the big comic companies had poisoned their own waters with that kind of behavior?

I'm getting ahead of myself.

I covered all of Atlantis Attacks because the Avengers and West Coast Avengers chapters wouldn't make any sense in isolation.

I am NOT covering all of Acts of Vengeance.

I counted 50 participating issues before I gave up! That is so much! And it's not really an overarching story so much as... like a vibe? A vague theme?

Villains attacking people they don't usually villain because some masterminds think that would give them a better chance of winning.

A flawed premise because in Marvel, the idea of a strict rogues gallery is a lot more loose. Since a huge chunk of the superhero populace operates out of New York, everybody just kinda shares.

I mean, sure, some of the match-ups that took place in Acts of Vengeance were unlikely. But they were match-ups that could have eventually happened just because Superman Doesn't Stay Out of Gotham in Marvel, if you catch my point.

As the bridge between all of Marvel, the Avengers are pretty likely to eventually fight anyone.

Anyway, I'll only be covering the Avengers and Avengers West Coast. If I try to cover everything I will die.

Also, I covered Atlantis Attacks first because Hydrobase/Avengers Island shows up in it and then (spoilers) it gets destroyed here in issue #311.

Remember how I kept saying enjoy the island while you could?

Yeah...

;_;

Look at Avengers Island in that opening splash! The runway and roads form a sorta A shape. That's just cool!

That's the coolest the island has ever looked because other aerial shots have been pretty barren or have only showed the Avengers Mansion.

Sadly, Avengers Island never really got a chance to shine. Introduced by Stern before he got unceremoniously booted by editorial meddling and barely utilized by Walter Simonson since his run barely got off the ground. John Byrne seemed like he was going to do something with it when his run started because he had the island moved closer to New York and renamed from Hydrobase to Avengers Island.

But it got hoisted out of the sea (somehow without being majorly damaged) in the Lava Men trilogy and then wasn't really important in the Gilgamesh Is Dead trilogy and now here we are where (spoilers) its going to be destroyed.

I'm jumping the gun a little bit to eulogize but it's been a recent them of the Avengers books that interesting ideas just don't get a chance before they're taken out back and shot.

Captain Monica as the chairwoman of the Avengers. The Worst Roster. Avengers Island.

There's always someone smacking the book and yelling at it to stop trying new things.

Anyway. My unending sadness aside, this is a Quasar focus issue.

I'm not really sure when he became an Avenger because he just started showing up as one when Cap announced the Every Avenger Is An Avenger roster. So either sometime in another book or he was just nearby when Cap was gathering people and got included to pad out the numbers.

(Apparently, there was a back-up story in Avengers Annual #18 set between Avengers #303 and 304 showing that Quasar got invited to join after the Super-Nova incident. Captain America and Hawkeye fight over him. It sounds like a fun story. But I read Avengers Annual #18 for Atlantis Attacks and sometimes back-up stories are omitted on Unlimited and whoops this is one of those times.)

Quasar shows up at Avengers Island after participating in another Acts of Vengeance over in his own book.

Speaking of ideas that never really got a chance to shine: the Avengers Support Crew finally show up!

With the Avengers getting a whole island as their headquarters, some noise was made in Simonson's run that they'd be hiring more of a support crew than just Jarvis. Mostly characters from Captain America's orbit.

But with Simonson leaving the book, not a lot was done with that idea. Until now! The very issue that the new, bigger headquarters they were hired to help with is going to sink!

Hahahaha ;_;

Anyway. We have Robert Frank Jr - Nuklo from Giant-Size Avengers #1. Son of the Whizzer and Miss America (not the modern one). He was cured of being excessively radioactive and got hired to be a groundskeeper on Avengers Island.

We have Peggy Carter. I don't need to explain Peggy Carter. She fought in World War II and was Cap's sometimes girlfriend. Then he started dating her niece instead. Which is a very normal thing to do, probably. She was hired to be in charge of telecommunications.

There's Fabian Stankiewicz. Good ol' Mechano-Marauder! That dingus that kept building robot suits to attack the Avengers and he was treated as a bit of a joke villain? Even getting beaten once by David Letterman. Yes, David Letterman. Cap saw potential in him anyway and hired him to maintain and improve the Avengers' technology.

There's M'Daka, a Wakandan pilot that delivered Captain America a new shield once. And apparently this made such an impression on Cap that he poached the guy from T'Challa to work for the Avengers as a mechanic.

Michael O'Brien, the former head of security for Project PEGASUS and later the Vault and was hired as head of security for the Avengers. Given the stuff that happened at Project PEGASUS and the Vault, I don't know if he's great at his job. But also the Avengers aren't great at security sometimes so its a lateral move, at worst.

Jarvis, of course, is on the payroll as butler and delightful human being. I assume he gets paid extra for being so delightful.

Keith Kincaid, husband to Jane Foster, was hired as a doctor so the Avengers wouldn't have to rely on mysterious Doctor Donald Blake just showing up whenever there's a medical emergency. And presumably to make Thor feel bad whenever he has to look at the dude that married his girlfriend because his dad made them break up.

There's also Donna Maria Puentes, a South American revolutionary that impressed Captain America with how good she was at shooting Nazi androids. So he hired her as an administrator.

Take this with a grain of salt because I'm also the person looking forward to the Avengers' 90s team jackets but I think the blue jumpsuits and red turtlenecks are a very spiffy look for the support crew.

I honestly like the idea that as a bigger, more officially recognized super-team, the Avengers would have a support staff. And since security is very hard for superheroes, it's mostly people that Captain America already knew.

This issue really goes into some depth about how Avengers Island normally operates. There's guys doing landscaping. There's guys in a security room spotting Quasar arriving and making sure the system confirms his arrival via retina pattern and fingerprints. Then they watch him as he makes his way through the Mansion towards the communication room.

When he gets there Peggy Carter tells him that she's getting reports from all over that superheroes are getting attacked by people they've never faced before.

She won't call it a plot without more evidence but she definitely is thinking the word plot very loudly.

Elsewhere, a mysterious (Loki) man in a suit sits on a throne flanked by two fancy braziers (it's Loki) spying on the Avengers' communication room with magical scrying (Acts of Vengeance plays this up as a mystery but it's Loki, you know it, I know it, and he knows it).

Definitely Loki meets with a mysterious green cloaked figure (Dr Doom, obviously) and ... Shredder from Ninja Turtles? Or maybe the Mandarin? And there's a lot of Everything Transpires How We Planned and yeah we're definitely all going to try to betray each other between them.

Definitely Doom says that he's set in motion his part of the plan.

Anyway, Peggy Carter just finishes telling Quasar that she hasn't been able to contact any of the other Avengers when Avengers Island starts to shake.

Peggy checks on the security monitor and OH NO

Dozens of robots are smashing holes in the flotation cushions that keep the not-an-island Avengers Island floating!

Since it's just Quasar and the support crew (despite the lying cover featuring Thor, Namor, She-Hulk, Sersi, and Captain America! That's a lot of lying, even by cover standards!), it's an all hands situation.

The non-superpowered people all grab laser rifles from gun lockers, Fabian gets into his latest battlesuit, and Quasar flies out and starts blasting robots.

I'm of two minds here, re: the Acts of Vengeance conceit.

The Avengers have fought Doom before. He's not showing up personally, just sending some robots. But I think it counts. So Doom attacking the Avengers with robots isn't a match-up they haven't had before.

But most of the actual Avengers are off busy somewhere. I don't think Quasar has fought Doom. So Quasar and the Avengers Support Crew versus some Doom robots that aren't Doombots is a novel match-up.

The support crew and Quasar blast the bots to pieces but the disembodied limbs keep attacking.

Rocket punch!

That ol' Doom sure knows how to build a robot.

Even as the support crew and Quasar blast bots, more continue to punch holes in Avengers Island.

MEANWHILE, SPACE.

Which is a thing you have to say when reading comics.

Starfox sneaks aboard Nebula's spaceship to find out what his supposed grandniece is up to. He pleasure zonks a guard unconscious and steals his environment suit so he can be INCOGNITO.

He finds his way to the bridge where Nebula and her Rigellian minion Gunthar are looking over the tablets they recovered from Omicron Seti, which hold in their ancient carvings A SECRET THAT DETERMINES THE FATE OF THE UNIVERSE. A secret that will make her scarier than Thanos.

But she'll need Paul Harker, that random old man scientist the book has kept cutting to. The one who blew up his own basement with his new invention? That guy.

The one subplot the Avengers book has been dutifully building up.

Back at Avengers Island, the support crew is getting overwhelmed. Even Stankiewicz in his battlesuit.

BUT DAMMIT THEY WON'T GIVE UP. THEY HAVE TO PROVE THEY'RE WORTHY OF CAP'S TRUST!

Wow. Cap picked well. These guys really want to live up to what he saw in them.

Quasar sees some of the robots messing with the big Quinjet fuel storage tanks but he's able to chase them away pretty easily. Too pretty easily...

But he literally doesn't have time to worry about that.

He sends Peggy Carter to go back to the communications room and try again to contact the Avengers. Despite Peggy telling him the emergency signal has been going since the attack started.

Peggy worries that the Avengers are already dead, since she wasn't able to raise them before the attack. But she's not going to think about it!

The robots retreat but the island is already sinking.

Quasar doesn't know whether this is a trick or not but he decides to use the breathing room anyway.

He orders an evacuation and orders the support crew to try to prepare as many of the Quinjets for launch as they can reasonably save.

Then he dives into the water to check to see if Hydrobase Avengers Island can be saved.

And. No.

No, it can't.

Every one of the flotation cylinders has been ruptured and has taken on water. There's just not enough time to patch all the holes before the island completely sinks.

Quasar does create a giant brace with his green lantern-ish powers to stabilize the island.

I wonder why he doesn't make a jack to lift it completely out of the water. He's thrown an entire Terminus into space once.

For that matter, weren't giant spikes put into Avengers Island to keep it in one place? Where are those and wouldn't they help keep the island afloat?

I guess that got lost in the shuffle.

O'Brien rushes into the mansion (where the flooding is ruining all of Tony Stark's art and rugs) to look for Peggy Carter. Who you may recall was sent back into the Mansion to try to contact the Avengers despite an automated distress call going out.

Way to manufacture drama, Quasar.

Peggy insists at staying at her post, continuing to try to contact help. Like she thinks she's on the Titanic or something. But O'Brien lies and says that the Avengers are here so c'mon lets hustle.

Then the secret bomb that the robots secretly left at the fuel tanks unsecretly explodes.

Knocking Quasar for a loop and rendering his plan to stabilize the island moot.

There's just no chance of saving the island now.

But Quasar does pop out of the water to save O'Brien and Peggy and carry them to the Quinjet Jarvis is piloting.

Hi, Jarvis!

Jarvis: "I only wish we had never removed our headquarters from New York City. Then, perhaps... nothing like this... could ever have happened. The proud history of Avengers Mansion would not have ended like this..."

Jarvis, I love ya, but shut up. You sound like you're speaking from the editorial, not from the heart.

Don't forget that y'all moved to the island in the first place because the Masters of Evil basically gutted Avengers Mansion. You might as well say 'I only wish we'd moved out to sea earlier so nothing like this could ever have happened' about that.

And like I said at the beginning of this post, Avengers Island was not a mistake. It was a new direction for the book that never got a chance to shine before someone lost their nerve and forced a change back to status quo.

Because, yes, before too long, Avengers Mansion will be rebuilt back in Manhattan.

And I like Avengers Mansion. Honestly, it's my favorite HQ for the team. But I wish this era wasn't characterized with timid backtracking.

Aside from that, this is a cool issue. Seeing the civilian support staff and Quasar have to defend the base while the Avengers are absent is pretty interesting.

I disagree with the sinking of Avengers Island but it does give Acts of Vengeance some impact. Although it can't compare to the last big HQ wrecking, Avengers Under Siege.

Anyway. Quasar says he gets the feeling this whole thing isn't over. And he's right. There's two more Acts of Vengeance in Avengers and three in Avengers West Coast.

Four in Avengers Spotlight but I don't read that. It says Avengers on it but it's like Two-in-One or Marvel Team-Up but with Hawkeye.

Follow @essential-avengers. Like and reblog. Shout to the wind. Howl like nobody's watching.

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: Avengers #239: Late Night of the Super-Stars!

January, 1984

1984! Can’t wait to make a bunch of Orwell jokes that are poorly thought out and land poorly!

But I guess it’ll have to wait since we’re on Late Night with David Letterman in this issue.

This sure is an interesting turn of events. Although the team we see on the cover doesn’t seem to be the actually active roster. They’re over in the corner box turned away - either from shame or because they’re off doing their own thing.

Because its Assistant Editors’ Month!

A fun-sounding non-event. Although, looking it up, very few books that were considered part of the event actually did anything with it beyond a slightly goofy issue box on the cover.

So we’re going to see some Avengers go on a talk show today.

Superheroes as celebrities! What a novel idea.

Anyway, I learned an interesting detail about the cover that would have totally missed me. The checkerboard strip at the top was a hallmark of DC comics around this time. And the round MC logo in the top right is an obvious spoof of the DC logo from this time.

It’s not much more than a goof for this book but the Captain America book released for Assistant Editors’ Month also had the checkerboard and logo and was a style parody of DC comics.

Last times: Vision went into a robo-coma from walking into an invisible dome created by Annihilus and only recently recovered the ability to talk. New Avenger Starfox hooked Vision up to ISAAC the Titan computer and overclocked Vision’s robot brain so now he can project himself as a hologram and has an even faster computer brain. At the end of Avengers #238, the Avengers got a call from Tigra about some nonsense going on in San Francisco involving Spider-Woman.

Meanwhile, Hawkeye got a whole miniseries all to himself where he met Mockingbird, lost his job at Cross Technological, his girlfriend revealed that she was paid to date him and also hated him, he teamed up with Mockingbird to uncover an evil scheme by Crossfire to kill all superheroes, Hawkeye lost his hearing by putting an ultrasonic arrowhead in his mouth but foiled the scheme plot, and married Mockingbird. He’s had a very busy week or so!

This time: Hawkeye comes back to the Avengers Mansion to show off his cool new wife.

Hawkeye: “Hey, everybody -- your wanderin’ boy Hawkeye has come home... And you’ll never guess what I’ve gone and done!”

I can just imagine Mockingbird replying “Me” with the biggest shit-eating grin. She feels the sort to do that.

When Hawkeye and Mockingbird arrive there’s no one to greet them except the floating disembodied hologram head of the Wizard of Vizh.

Hawkeye has also made the decision, for some reason, to not wear the hearing aid that Mockingbird got him so he can’t hear what Vision is saying when he compliments his new costume.

Mockingbird introduces herself for Hawkeye and Vision tells the two to join him in the medical labs so they can catch up.

When they arrive, Vision raises his volume so Hawkeye can hear and recaps everything that’s happened to lead up to him becoming a robot in a tube who can hologram around.

Vision: “[Starfox] set up a direct link between ISAAC, the world-computer of Titan, to better diagnose my condition. But, instead, my brain became overloaded with ISAAC’s energy-information matrix --!”

Hawkeye: “And you became several with the universe, right?”

Vision: “‘Several with the’ --? Oh -- hah-ha! Very witty!”

Overclocking his brain seems to have done wonders for Vision’s sense of humor.

He even finds Hawkeye funny now.

Vision also explains where the dickens everyone else is (because Hawkeye asks him where the dickens they are. Its so weird for Hawkeye to say dickens).

Jarvis was given the day off to visit his mother, Captain America and Thor are both busy with nonsense in their own books, and the rest of the Avengers are off to San Francisco because of that call from Tigra.

Hawkeye offers to fly out and give them a hand, which Vision declines since they’ll call if they need help.

Instead he asks Hawkeye how he met Mockingbird and Hawkeye recaps the miniseries in only five panels.

He’s better at this than I am...

Hawkeye: “Anyway, Mockingbird and I had made a pretty good team -- so when it was all over, we ran off and got married!”

Mockingbird: “What can I say? The big lug needed somebody to keep him out of trouble!”

That’s the task of a lifetime, Bobbi. But good for you two! Cute couple is what I say.

Vision: “Marvelous! I hope you two will be as happy together as Wanda and I have been!"

Vision and Scarlet Witch probably are the healthiest superhero marriage of this time.

Vision asks if Hawkeye and Mockingbird intend to stay in the mansion, which they do. But it’s cool because Mockingbird has security clearance from working with SHIELD so they won’t need to bother Mr. Sikorsky and agitate his hatred of living in the superhero genre.

After Hawkeye takes Mockingbird off on a tour of the mansion, Vision receives a call from his brain brother, Wonder Man.

Who, very reluctantly, is coming to the Avengers with hat in hand. So to speak.

Wonder Man: “Okay. Here’s the situation -- my acting career hasn’t been going anywhere lately! So my agent, without my approval -- used the fact that I’m a reserve Avenger to get me a booking on David Letterman’s show, and now, they want me to bring other Avengers along with me! My agent really put me in a tight spot on this one. I hate to impose, but -- !”

Vision: “It’s no imposition at all, Simon! I’ll personally call the network and confirm the Avengers’ appearance!”

Wonder Man: “You’re sure it’s no trouble?”

Vision: “None whatsoever! After all, we have many Avengers -- !”

You sure do! Not as many as you’ll have by the No Surrender days. But still.

Also, I love this can-do attitude from you, Vision!

This is a pretty low priority in terms of fighting crime and whatnot but Vision is like THIS IS EXTREMELY DOABLE, I AM THE INTERNET.

Although imagine how sad it is from Wonder Man’s perspective. His agent put him on the spot pulling sorta-rank to get Simon some media attention but the media is like ‘ok but do you have something better?’

This man is trying to improve his career and the David Letterman show looked at him and said ‘ok but what else have you got?’

Oof!

Anyway, Vision uses the superpower of being wired into the phone system to call up some extra Avengers who aren’t very busy right now.

He calls Black Panther, Beast, and Black Widow.

Their varied responses are pretty funny.

But Black Panther’s is probably the best. He interrupts a meeting with his advisers to take the call and then he’s like ‘yeah sure I can drop everything I’m doing to appear on David Letterman!’

T’Challa really would rather be doing anything but kinging.

Beast initially protests that he’s too busy with the Defenders to just jump on some Avengers business but...

Beast: “The Letterman show? Hey, why didn’t you say so?”

And Black Widow is unbusy sunbathing at the Waldorf Towers while between missions. She doesn’t really want to make a television appearance (it’s kinda counterproductive for a spy, I would guess) but Vision mentions something that has Natasha agree to be there.

Based on what happens later, I guess Vision mentions that Hawkeye will be there.

A couple hours later, ELSEWHERE, well if it isn’t our ol’ friend and punchline Fabian Stankowicz!

Remember this goofus? He attacked the Avengers right when everyone was feeling bad about Hank Pym? Iron Man easily beat him up while the rest of the Avengers breezed on by. Or when he attacked Wasp’s cool superheroine brunch? Which was a hilariously terrible idea because he got between She-Hulk and breakfast foods. Also, nobody took him very seriously there either.

I guess the Avengers didn’t bother to press charges either time because he’s not in jail. He’s at his home working on some machines while his dad criticizes how he spends his time.

Dads, amirite?

Granted, what he’s criticizing is Fabian’s tendency to pick fights with superheroes. And... granted. Not a great use of his time.

But apparently Fabian can afford all the robot suits he keeps attacking the Avengers with because he won the lottery.

So he has a pretty good position to shoot down his dad’s protests, really.

Dad Stankowicz: “Fabian, I’m glad your poor mother didn’t live to see what’s become of you... It would’ve broken her heart!”

Fabian Stankowicz: “Aw, gimme a break, old man!”

Dad Stankowicz: “‘Old man’? This is the way you talk to your father?”

Fabian Stankowicz: “What do you want, egg in your beer? Was it you who won the state lottery and got us out of the Bronx? No, it was me! I won the money, and I’ll say how it’s spent! And I’m gonna use it to make a name for myself! Me... Fabian Stankowicz!”

And when Fabian sees an ad saying that the Avengers will be on Late Night with David Letterman, he has an idea. A wonderful, awful idea.

Also, who the heck puts egg in beer?

I’ve looked it up and I get that it’s a saying but apparently the saying is based on people actually doing that! Why??

The next afternoon, at 30 Rockefeller Plaza, where the show 30 Rock and this issue of Avengers both happen, this issue of Avengers is happening.

A CBS page shows Black Widow to the green room where the other Avengers are already waiting.

Also: I know that it’s all the Avengers who weren’t busy (even though T’Challa really should have been?) but this is a fun roster.

Hawkeye, Wonder Man, Beast, Black Widow and Panther?

Heck, I could imagine this being the Marvel equivalent of the Justice League International team, one more geared for some light-hearted comedy?

Except we’re in 1984 so this predates that.

But you have Beast and Wonder Man, your comedy duo best buds. You have Black Panther and Widow being varying levels of straight man to the nonsense. And you have Hawkeye who can be very serious or very ridiculous depending on how hot-headed he’s being at the time.

This team could be hilarious!

(Avengers International. Think about it, Marvel.)

Outside the green room, our ol’ buddy ol’ punching bag, Fabian Stankowicz is in disguise as a repairman with a mustache as cover for installing some devices in the studio. Then he puts on a beard to disguise himself as Perfectly Normal Bearded Audience Member.

I appreciate his intiative although I doubt any of the present Avengers are gonna recognize this guy on sight even if he wore a t-shirt that said “I’m Fabian Stankowicz.”

Fabian Stankowicz: Boy, this is gonna be so sweet, especially after the way the Avengers made me look like a chump those last two times! This time, it’s gonna be different! This time, I’m going to have a ringside seat for the defeat of the Avengers!

Or at least the Avengers that were available to show up on the Tonight Show with David Letterman.

Y’know, I like Fabian Stankowicz. He’s just smart enough to be dangerous and dumb enough to be entertaining. I think there’s a place for an ineffectual doofus with delusions of grandeur in the foe Rolodex of any superhero team.

Meanwhile, back with said Whoever Was Availables, Black Widow and Mockingbird are meeting for the first time.

And luckily, they’re both mature adults who don’t act like you’d usually see in media when the missus meets the ex.

So with a fight to the death NOT happening in the green room, Hawkeye gets to asking Mockingbird about the errand he sent her on which was why she wasn’t in the room when Black Widow first showed up.

Presumably using every bit of skill in espionage at her disposal, Mockingbird got a copy of the questions Letterman will be asking during the show.

Because Hawkeye will be fielding the questions and he has made the decision not to wear his hearing aid. And has also made the follow-up decision that not only will he not be hearing anything tonight, he’s also definitely going to be fielding all the questions.

Mockingbird: “Why won’t you wear a hearing aid?”

Hawkeye: “No can do, sweetheart! The fewer people who know I’m half-deaf, the safer it’ll be for all of us!”

(I don’t really get this reasoning but okay, man)

Mockingbird: “Then why not let someone else be spokesman? This is supposed to be Wonder Man’s big night!”

Hawkeye: “Sure... but I’m the only active Avenger here! Give me a kiss for luck!”

Not for nothing does Mockingbird think that he can be impossible sometimes. And she’s only known him a couple weeks! She’s already come to the correct read on him in that short a time.

David Letterman starts the show with an opening monologue.

David Letterman: “Tonight... What can I say? Tonight is something really special! In fact, it’s probably the most special show we’ve had since our 'camping with Barry White’ program! Yes... hard to believe, isn’t it? But with all due respect to Mr. White -- I think that this show may be our greatest ever. But, as they say, ‘that’s for history to decide!’”

Imagine being a talk show host and getting to introduce the Avengers. Pretty neat.

I like that bandleader Paul Shaffer is wearing a Captain America jersey. Although that makes me wonder once again what merchandising is like for Marvel superheroes. 

Clearly it exists but did Cap sign off on a jersey mimicking his costume? Does he see any money from that? Or at least did he get to say that all profit goes to such and such charity?

Letterman introduces the Avengers for the audience.

(Fun how you can get a sense of their personality just by how they’re sitting. It’s the little touches that make a comic fun.)

Hm, I wonder how well the marvel public follows superhero roster changes.

I know that sometimes new Avengers rosters have gotten attention with press conferences and everything. And sometimes they just swap in and out members as personal business comes up.

Some of the people in the audience may not even recognize Black Widow as an Avenger. Becaaaaause, wait I don’t think she ever was one. She’s assisted on some missions and they were ready to vote her in when she vanished to go do a SHIELD mission.

Okay, better example, does anyone remember that Wonder Man- oh wait, he very publicly burst out of a crate in front of Avengers Mansion during press furor over a roster change. Also, he’s a pre-successful actor.

Black Pan- no, no. He was framed for killing the Avengers his very first day on the team. There was a manhunt.

And of course, everyone knows Beast was on the Avengers. He got around. Romantically.

David Letterman mentions that this group isn’t even all the Avengers because some couldn’t make it (read: were busy with more important things).

Which leads to a funny cut to audience where Beard Fabian is annoyed that this group is who got caught in his revenge scheme.

Fabian Stankowicz: Blast it, where’s Captain America? Where’s that &#%$ She-Hulk?

You better wash your brain out with soap before She-Hulk finds out you thought  that about her. She’s dunked people into the garbage for lesser offenses.

Beast decides that this Late Night interview is the best time to reveal that he’s quitting as a reservist Avenger to focus on his version of the Defenders.

Letterman: “Wow, that was some bombshell the Beast just dropped, Hawkeye! You’re group spokesman... What do you think of that?”

Hawkeye: First question -- ! “Well, David, the Avengers is a non-profit organization, fully sanctioned as a peace-keeping force by just about ever international organization you could think of!”

Letterman: “Eh-heh-heh! You don’t say!”

Oh god, Beast’s bombshell messed up the order of questions and Hawkeye is firmly sticking to script because he can’t hear.

My god, Hawkeye.

Letterman: “You know, I was just about to ask you something along those lines. You wouldn’t be psychic by any chance -- ?”

Hawkeye: “No, of the founding members, only the Wasp and Thor remain as active Avengers.”

Letterman: “You little dickens! You’ve been peeking at my question sheet, haven’t you? All right, I might as well as my next question which is... ‘I hear you were recently married! Is that true?’”

Hawkeye: “Yes, Dave... just a few weeks ago!”

Letterman: “How about that!”

Did Hawkeye just think they were going to blaze through the questions? Even if Beast hadn’t preempted the first question, did Hawkeye think that there would be no follow-up questions? No discussion?

I’ve been on the fence on whether the jokes about Hawkeye not hearing the questions are poking fun at deaf people or at Hawkeye and yeah, Hawkeye is definitely the butt of this joke.

Fabian Stankowicz loses patience for this very dry question and answer session and decides to start his attack nnnnow.

One of the studio cameras is secretly A GIANT LASER. Because. And it blasts the stage.

Mockingbird is watching this on a tiny screen in the Green Room and goes out to help only to run afoul of some kind of mechanized steamrolling dumpster.

Back in the studio, Wonder Man has found his new nemesis.

Move over, Grim Reaper. You’re one-dimensional and everyone especially me hates you. Hello, laser blasting camera.

Wonder Man: “Let me at that thing, Beast! It’s ruining my guest-shot!”

Beast: “You’ll have to wait your turn, Wondy! It just shredded my favorite shirt!”

Priorities!

You know, this was supposed to be about Wonder Man and he only got to say two words during the interview portion.

Dangit, Hawkeye.

Apppppparently, the audience is just assuming that this is all part of the show. A cliche, sure. But it makes sense.

Would you really have the Avengers on a talk show and just have them talk? That’s a waste of perfectly good superheroes.

Also.... apparently? David Letterman used to run things over with a steamroller a lot? So a steamroller looking contraption crashing through the wall to attack the Avengers does seem like something that might happen?

Also, Paul Shaffer decides to just roll with it so as not to panic the audience.

The show must go on, after all.

The steamroller also starts firing missiles at Beast, as ya do.

Beast: “Hunter missiles? I don’t believe this is happening on network tv!”

Wonder Man tries punching the steamroller to no avail but which does give Black Panther a chance to pull out the tried and true “Wonder Man’s fists carry as much bludgeoning power as Thor’s hammer!”

Y’know, originally, that was a flex that set Wonder Man as a threat to the team but after he joined, that never really seemed to actually be the case.

Imagine if Wonder Man always hit as hard as Thor’s hammer? Like, he’s minding his own business and then the Gorr the God Butcher arc happens and Wonder Man is like ‘huh, why do I suddenly feel like my punches could destroy planets light years away? That’s a very specific feeling!’

Fabian Stankowicz takes advantage of the spectacle chaos to walk out of the audience, plunk himself down into one of the interview chairs, remove his entirely convincing beard, and introduce himself to David Letterman as the guy who is definitely to blame for all the action setpieces going on.

Letterman, like Paul Shaffer, just decides to roll with it. Humor the guy. Ask him why he’s doing this.

Fabian Stankowicz: “Why? To prove it could be done! To show what one incredibly gifted individual can accomplish...”

Letterman: “... To get your name in the papers?”

Fabian Stankowicz: “That too! After all, the Avengers have battled Zodiac... the Masters of Evil... Doctor Doom! I want to make as big a name for myself as those guys!”

Letterman: “Seems to me that ‘Stankowicz’ is already a pretty big name!”

Badum pish?

He asks Fabian to explain all of his devices and Fabian is happy too.

I mean, he’s being a supervillain for the notoriety and supervillains already love to hear themselves talk so he’s double dipping into the ‘I will exposit everything at the drop of a hat’ well.

And imagine, Fabian built all this stuff in his garage with lottery winnings.

The steamroller thing isn’t just a steamroller, it’s also got a gravity generator. Which, I guess, makes sense if you’re expecting to go against a She-Hulk or a Thor. A regular steamroller isn’t going to do more than annoy.

Wonder Man fighting so hard against the roller makes it increase gravity so much that Simon and steamroller just fall through the floor.

Hm. I wonder what’s filmed in the studios the floor down. They’re about to have an exciting guest star in that steamroller.

Black Widow (still tangling with the laser camera) points Hawkeye towards Fabian. Although she has to shout and Hawkeye still doesn’t really get it but is happy to shoot an arrow at someone that Black Widow is vigorously gesturing at.

Alas, Fabian is one of those prepared villains we’ve been hearing so much about.

He built a force field too, and the arrow just bounces right off.

(Hey, uh, Hawkeye? What kind of arrow was that? Because it looks technological and you just shot it at this guy’s head)

Truly, can nothing stop this insidious yet not very menacing criminal genius?

Oh, I guess David Letterman can.

Knocks him out with a big knob.

It’s just plain big.

Prop comedy, amirite?

The audience seems to love it anyway. I looked up a clip of the big doorknob and it didn’t meet with this much applause. Maybe its because it was used to do violence this time?

Was the giant door knob a beloved part of Late Show lore?

David Letterman: “I guess that’ll teach you not to mess with David Letterman!”

That’s a line with weird energy to it.

Anyway, it would be a sad day for this random assemblage of backup Avengers if they were upstaged completely by David Letterman and his big knob.

Black Widow and Hawkeye finally manage to blow up the laser camera.

I’m not sure why it took them this long. Sure, the camera could apparently move, based on motion lines in previous panels. But the world’s best marksman couldn’t nail it sooner?

But the important thing is that eventually, they did do it.

The floor starts rumbling as well as Wonder Man flies back up with his belt-jets with the trashed roller and a shit-eating grin.

Wonder Man: “Sorry this took so long -- But I guess I’m a little rusty at tackling big hunks of tin like this!”

Fabian Stankowicz: Rusty? It took me a month to design that, and he totaled it in less than five minutes!

But since everyone’s focus is on Wonder Man (for once), Fabian tries to sneak away.

And runs smack dab into Mockingbird who has a lot of justified anger over almost getting run over by the roller earlier. But she just throws him over to some police that have finally shown up.

Letterman tells the audience not to try any of this at home, just in case any of them have gravity-generator osmium steel steamrollers lying around? And cuts to commercial, presumably so that some basic tidying can happen.

Hours after the filming of the show concludes, the Avengers TV Squad have returned to the mansion, with Vision wishing he could have taken part of this assistant editors month special issue.

Vision: “What became of Stankowicz?”

Black Panther: “Well, with all the charges NBC is leveling against him, the only machinery he’ll be dealing with for some time will be in the New York State Prison library!”

So, he attacked Avengers Mansion. He attacked Wasp’s superheroine brunch at the Van Dyne residence. That’s all well and good. He attacks the Avengers again in the NBC studio and the man is going to jail forever.

I guess the Avengers really haven’t been bothering to press charges on Fabian. But a massive media corporation isn’t so kind.

Since Hawkeye is technically the active Avenger (even though Vision’s hologram head is RIGHT there) he has to follow up on the thing Beast said about quitting the Avengers reservists.

Beast says its not right for him to be an Avengers reservist if he’s also trying to turn “the Defenders into a for-real group!”

Uh, Defenders fans? Wasn’t the appeal of the Defenders them being the not-team team? How did people feel about Beast going ‘ok but what if they were more like other teams instead?’

Meanwhile, Wonder Man is pacing, waiting for the Late Show to come on so he can see how he did when WOMP WOMP the show is interrupted by a special news bulletin.

Wonder Man is aghast that his big break isn’t even airing but when the special news bulletin is about a burning chemical barge, his hero instincts that he has suddenly swell up.

Wonder Man: “This... This is awful! What’re we standing around for? Let’s do something! We’re Avengers, aren’t we?”

Black Panther: “That we are, Simon! Let’s go!”

Beast also decides, hey, one more time won’t hurt and accepts his Avengers ID card back from Hawkeye.

And as they’re headed off to the Quinjet, Beast has a hopeful note for Wonder Man.

Beast: “Hey, Wondy -- remember, there’s a three-hour time difference between the coasts! If we can get this mess cleaned up in time, maybe some folks in California will still see you get your big break!”

Wonder Man: “And if we don’t -- ?”

Beast: “Well, that’s show biz!”

Pretty enjoyable issue! Like, sure, its a good for Assistant Editor’s Month. But if you’re going to do a goof, then you can do worse than bringing back Fabian Stankowicz for a third time’s not the charm.

Speaking of charm, having the Avengers appear on a talk show is a charming concept. Not a whole lot was done with it except the joke about Hawkeye answering the wrong questions but its still a fun idea.

And having the Avengers off busy lets us brush off some Also Avengers that haven’t been in play for a bit. That’s a fun idea that I wouldn’t mind seeing some more.

Have the reservists called in because of a situation happening when the Avengers are already busy.

Heck, I’d like to see a situation where the silliest and least regarded Avengers are the only ones available to respond to an emergency. Have them bounce off each other as a group. Maybe they’re mutually aware of their bad reputations.

Anyway, I expected this issue would be ridiculous but it was also enjoyable. Didn’t mind it at all. And (though by a different writer) the Hawkeye miniseries was very enjoyable too.

This is just feeling like a good era for the Avengers team.

Next time, apparently The Ghost of Jessica Drew. So she’s some kind of ghost spider? Nobody tell Carol Danvers.

Follow @essential-avengers​ because I typed this post partially while a cat was lying on my wrist. That’s dedication. Which you can’t spell without cat. Also, like and reblog if you think its likeable and rebloggable.

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: Avengers #221: ... New Blood!

July, 1982

A semi-famous somewhat imitated cover!

Can you guess ahead of time which two will be joining the Avengers?

No cheating.

Actually, what’s funny is that I can imagine a Young Bendis looking at this cover, seeing Luke Cage, Spider-Man, and Wolverine all in a row like that and whispering to himself ‘one day... one day...’

Spider-Woman is even on this! This is almost the roster meme that Bendis would have selected his team out of.

Just as soon as he cleared the way by killing off Ant-Man and Hawkeye.

Anyway, I like the cute touch that there’s just a completely blank square for Sue Storm. And is she really still going by Invisible Girl at this point?

-google- Ah, Invisible Woman is still a few years off.

And at risk of spoiling, I like the cover pretending that Rom (Space Knight) could feasibly join the Avengers. Although that would have made a hilarious mess when the rights lapsed. A whole swathe of Avengers comics unavailable.

So, where are we at?

Last times on Avengers: Captain America decided that the Avengers had become too unwieldy. They’d settled into a filler rut and Cap wanted them to be lean and mean.

So the old order changeith’d! And Moondragon meddled, causing half of the old team to quit. But Cap got his lean team of himself, Thor, Iron Man, Wasp, Yellowjacket, and Tigra.

And then Yellowjacket Hank Pym had an ‘attempted murder out of insecurity’ breakdown and tried to murder his friends and was a very bad husband to Wasp as well.

So Yellowjacket was out and Wasp took some personal time.

It was just Cap, Thor, Iron Man, and Tigra. And then Tigra quit.

Wasp rejoined but the trim team of six had become anemic at four and after some space mishaps, its finally time to try to do something about that.

As Iron Man declares in title-of-the-issue font they need some ... NEW BLOOD!

And Wasp declares ‘yes we all know that already we’ve just been putting it off.’

(And they finally got the big meeting table back from the cleaners or wherever its been. Thank goodness)

But the question that Chairperson Wasp poses the team is should they re-induct some ex-members or go looking for some truly new blood?

Thor is brooding on the recent events, where Moondragon manipulated the Avengers previous roster shakeup and later when Moondragon took over a planet and got Thor to fight his friends.

So Thor’s point, by way of dwelling, is that they should be careful with who they choose.

Thor: “Thus can no action, no thought made by any of us in the last weeks be truly, absolutely claimed as our own. Not even... mine.”

There we go. There’s that good Moondragon induced paranoia I was hoping for.

And character wise, I do like that there’s fallout from the Ba-Bani misadventure. Whether being forced to fight his friends or being made to fall in love with Moondragon or being convinced to side with her plan to bring mandatory peace to the universe. Thor has been affected by what happened.

Cap suggests that they clear the slate and just judge potential members on their current qualifications.

So what qualifications should potential Avengers have?

Captain America: “Compatibility. Someone who can work in a team.”

Iron Man: “And technical expertise. Perhaps someone good with weaponry.”

Thor: “We’ve enough strength, methinks. But courage is important. Aye, and a noble heart.”

Wasp: “Well, I know exactly what this group needs. More girls!”

Good suggestions. All good suggestions. But very good suggestion from Wasp.

I know that two women on one team is the low bar that Avengers tends to reach but you know what’s worse? One women on one team. And you know what’s better? Three.

Think about it.

The meeting gets cut short because Jan has to go do Jan things like show off fashion at the Tavern on the Green but she tells the others to figure out who they’d like as new Avengers and then they’ll all decide at their meeting next week.

As the Avengers all head off, Captain America mentions to Iron Man that hey remember how Hawkeye used to be an Avenger all the time? Weren’t those good times? He worked well on the team, was real into being an Avenger.

Iron Man agrees that sure is a Thought but flies off thinking more about Jan’s suggestion to have more women on the team, albeit probably for less than pure reasons.

Thor meanwhile doesn’t have anywhere to be so sits down in the sitting room and reads a Time magazine.

Jarvis brings Thor some mead and Thor asks who Jarvis would enlist for the Avengers if Jarvis was given the choice.

Jarvis is surprised to be asked but does his best to speak off the cuff.

Jarvis: “Why, I - I really hadn’t given it much thought! But since you ask, I feel that some of the best Avengers have started as the most unlikely candidates. For example, those with strongly individual, independent natures seem to have worked out surprisingly well.”

You’re a good guy, Jarvis.

And you’ve got a good point. Since the Avengers were pretty much everyone who wasn’t on a team jammed onto a team together, the Avengers kind of have as foundation strongly individual independent superheroes managing to do a teamwork anyway.

And Thor just so happens to be reading the Time magazine that has a picture of Spider-Man on the front (along with “Friend or Menace?”) and thinks huh individual and independent??

Oh boy!

Spider-Man going to be offered a spot on the Avengers? Is it 2005 already?

Goofs aside, this is an interesting callback maybe.

All the way back in Amazing Spider-Man Annual #3 (November, 1966) which I didn’t cover but probably should have if this was a more comprehensive Avengers blog but then I may have died under the enormity of the task.

Uh, that sentence got away from me.

Anyway, in that Spider-Man Annual, the Avengers debate whether to recruit Spider-Man for their team. Thor is the one there to find Spider-Man and bring him to the mansion. The Avengers decide to test him and (after Spider-Man tries to beat up the entire team because that’s what Spider-Man thinks proving himself is) they send him to bring the Hulk back with him.

He finds the Hulk and fights the Hulk but Hulk turns back to Bruce Banner and Spider-Man feels bad for Bruce and doesn’t want to turn him over to the Avengers (not knowing that they want to help Hulk). So he comes back and says welp couldn’t find him guess I’m not Avengers material byyyyyye.

The other Avengers go huh I guess he wasn’t Avengers material but Thor seemed to suspect what had really happened.

So my rambling point is that its appropriate that Thor again thinks to recruit Spider-Man for the Avengers because of that previous story.

Later in the day, Iron Man calls Captain America.

Although as Cap points out they know each other’s civilian name now so why be formal?

Iron Man: “Captain America? This is Iron Man.”

Captain America: “Hey, Tony, let’s make it ‘Steve,’ okay? I’m off duty.”

So Tony “Iron Man” Stark has managed to stop thinking about more woman on the Avengers and has actually started to think about having Hawkeye back on the Avengers and has to admit, it sounds good to him!

So Captain Steve says they should go together tomorrow and see what Hawkeye thinks.

This is a nice sequence.

Its nice to see how the two learning each other’s identity plays out like this. Tony trying to stick to how they’ve known each other and Steve making a not subtle overture for them to become more familiar.

This is probably good shipping fodder, I realize!

But it is also good friendshipping fodder. It can be both.

Elsewhere and meanwhile, at the Van Dyne residence, Janet puts her own recruitment drive into... drive?

She’s invited every super-heroine in the country she can think of to brunch but she has no idea how to get a hold of She-Hulk.

Not even her state of the art computer system can find her! Granted, the state of the art computer system is for analyzing fashion forecasts and not news reports about She-Hulk sightings.

So Jan decides that if you want a She-Hulk you’ve got to spend a little green.

She has her assistant take out a bunch of full-page ads in all of the major west coast newspapers. And heck, buy a bunch of commercial time too!

Jan is going to do some I Want You (to Join the Avengers) ads!

She is ludicrously wealthy.

I went and checked and her original inheritance was ‘only’ three million dollars but the way that she throws around money I’m pretty sure she has managed to get some lucrative investments. That or she’s just super good at being a fashionista.

Granted, blowing a bunch of money for a chance to have brunch with She-Hulk is a pretty good reason to blow a bunch of money.

Later, as twilight comes, Thor is flying around Central Park because he has no idea how to find Spider-Man but hears that he’s often around “the meadow-lands called Central Park” and happens upon three goofuses who just robbed a pawnshop.

These goofuses are such goofuses that one of them is wearing groucho glasses as a disguise. Another one is wearing a clown mask.

Which, like a moth to fire, aggros Spider-Man just to mock the guy.

I’m pretty sure rather than flying around aimlessly, the best way to find Spider-Man is to create the perfect quip opportunity.

A clown: “I’m gonna kiss every dime o’ my share -- just as soon as we get to the hideout so’s I can take off this stupid mask!”

Spider-Man, suddenly: “Aw, c’mon, Bunky, leave it on! I’ve always wanted to bust a bozo who looks like a bozo!”

Groucho: “S-s-spider-Man!”

S-s-spider-Man: “But enough of this clowning! Wanna give up?”

Dangit, Peter. Good wordplay.

But before can catch these thieves just like flies, down came the rain and washed the spider out.

A sudden, inexplicable (cough cough Thor) localized storm tosses around the thieves until they surrender.

After the police lead away the goofus thieves, Spider-Man comes dripping wet and with a bone to pick.

Spider-Man: “Do you have any idea what it’s like running around in wet tights?”

Thor is like sorry bro but I’ve come to talk so Spider-Man agrees but they’ll need to go off somewhere private because the press is honing in on him to ask him bonkers questions about whether he came in a flying saucer.

I think they’re thinking of a certain emissary of hell.

That darn press!

Spider-Man and Thor relocate to a high rooftop for their talk.

Spider-Man: “Now, Goldilocks, what’s your beef?”

Thor: “Thy protective demeanor is unneeded, my friend. I have no ‘beef’ -- only a proposal. The Avengers are seeking new members, and I wouldst offer thee such position.”

Spider-Man: “You... Thor... want me as an Avenger?

Spider-Man is still not sure if it would work out (reflecting on Spider-Man Annual #3) but he’s also really flattered by the offer. And presumably how the offer wasn’t accompanied by “BUT FIRST YOU MUST PASS OUR TEST!”

So he can’t just accept the offer off-hand but he’s definitely going to think about it.

Even if you don’t join the team, even just being considered is an honor.

The twilight turns into night turns into day, and Cap and Iron Man show up in Hawkeye’s place of business to bug him.

Don’t know if you remember but Hawkeye has a cushy job as head of security for Cross Technological Enterprises. And he actually does take the job seriously which is why he’s a little concerned, at least for his professional pride, that Cap and Iron Man got past his guards.

Cap: “Avengers priority -- never leave home without it. In fact, we’ve come to offer it to you.”

Smooth. Smooth, Cap.

Although I do like that they can just march up to the guards of this company and go ‘hey let us in we’re avengers’ and its not even a ‘ok i’ll clear it with head of security hawkeye’ its ‘yeah sure go right in and do you want any paperclips?’

Anyway, Hawkeye has his pride so he tells Cap not to expect him to come crawling back after the Avengers booted him out (actually Gyrich because Gyrich wanted the Avengers to have some ding dang diversity. Its weirdly the least assholeish thing he’s ever done although he approached it very much in an asshole way).

Point being, they kicked Hawkeye out and he has a new super cool job now.

Iron Man takes this show of wounded pride in wounded stride, just asking that Hawkeye consider it and let them know when he makes a decision.

But Hawkeye doubts he’ll decide to come back to the Avengers because he’s got a good thing in this steady, respectable paying job which comes with job security and respect!

And then, suddenly struck by the realization that he, Hawkeye, is turning down a drama implosion like the Avengers to do the adult thing?? Hawkeye doesn’t like what he’s become.

And he stares in horror at the trappings of power and respectability. The sex and the drugs.

Or a Playboy magazine and a personalized coffee cup, at least.

And he decides to give Iron Man his answer right then and there.

Which, of course, involves shooting arrows. This is Hawkeye we’re talking about.

What’s amazing is that we’ll learn later this issue that he’s going to keep his security job and do Avengers on top of that (and in fairness most of the Avengers don’t have Avengers as their only thing). But he just shot an arrow through a glass door in his place of employment.

But you don’t hire Hawkeye if you don’t expect that kind of thing so I can see why it wouldn’t impact his job.

So that’s Hawkeye as a YES and Spider-Man as a ‘I’ll get back to you.’ And as the weekend arrives, it’s time for Janet van Dyne’s superheroine brunch.

And on the hill above the van Dyne house, its our old pal Fabian Stankowicz.

Remember? The Mechano-Marauder? Built a robot suit to beat up the Avengers, none of them took him that seriously? Iron Man beat him up solo without trying very hard and then got angry about Hank Pym?

Anyway, he’s back, somehow, and he’s salty about the less than dignified experience he had in issue 217. But this time, he has a new plan!

Fabian Stankowicz: “They laughed at me! Mocked me! But I’ll show the Avengers that the Mechano-Marauder is not to be toyed with! I’ll attack their weakest member when the others aren’t around! She’ll be helpless! *Heh-heh-heh*”

Well. Good luck with that, my dude.

Sue Storm-Richards, the Invisible Girl, arrives and Jan introduces her to the other prospective Avengers: Dazzler, Spider-Woman, and Black Widow.

All good candidates, really.

Especially Dazzler.

Well, Beast left and Tigra left so somebody needs to be the new funny person.

Apparently, Spider-Woman doesn’t like puns because she immediately starts getting catty with Dazzler.

Spider-Woman: “Nice going, Blaire! You’re showing all the polish and poise of a real pro!”

Dazzler: “Oh? And I suppose crawling on walls like some yucky insect is ‘professional’?”

Spider-Woman: “I sting, too”

I guess, they have some history in Dazzler’s own book that didn’t go over well. Black Widow has to lean over and tell them to cut the shit out for Jan’s sake.

But then the last invited guest shows up.

ITS A SHE-HULK!

She saw the ads and she’s come for the free food!

Relatable.

Outside, Jan’s chauffeur Mr. Carrothers sits on the limo taking a smoke break and reflecting how good he has it working for the Wasp. Good pay, casual hours. The most he can complain about is that it gets a little boring sometimes.

That’s probably tempting fate because the All-New All-Different Mechano-Marauder stomps up to the house. Remember how Fabian threw the limo last time? Mr. Carrothers remembers.

He panics and runs into the house and tries to warn the assembled heroes.

And yet.

They didn’t really leap to action, huh? I mean, I get it. Brunch.

Even after the robot fist has punched through Wasp’s frankly ludicrous window and kidnapped Dazzler, Wasp is more annoyed than anything.

Wasp: “Fabian Stankowicz, you get that thing out of my living room!”

And then has to explain to her guests that Fabian is some chump that Iron Man beat up and that he wants to make a name for himself by defeating the Avengers. And Sue is like ah yes I understand completely.

But chump or not, Black Widow decides that they should rescue Dazzler.

Dazzler: “I don’t think I need saving, folks! This guy’s just holding, not squeezing!”

And so much for the brunch bunch taking this any amount of serious.

Sue just puts up a quick invisible dome to keep Fabian from getting to the rest of them which the Mechano-Marauder instantly bonks into and bangs on impotently demanding that they let him in.

Careful, Fabian.

You’re memeing yourself.

Dazzler saves herself when she gets tired of being carried around. She does her Dazzler thing with the bright pulse of light, blinding Fabian.

He drops Dazzler but she’s caught by She-Hulk.

The blinded Mechano-Marauder drives around blindly, thinking “These women aren’t even Avengers! They can’t beat me!”

Alas, Dazzler decides the same decision she decided in #211, that she’s a singer, not a fighter.

And Sue also decides to head off, saying that she’s too busy with the Fantastic Four anyway.

Shame.

But can we talk about the sheer audacity that Jan had of trying to poach Sue from the Fantastic Four to the Avengers? The nerve! The verve!

So that’s two of her candidates declining but that still leaves Spider-Woman, Black Widow, and She-Hulk.

And unfortunately for Mechano-Marauder, the first two are the two that have decided to kick his ass a little for entertainment reasons.

Spider-Woman’s venom blast damages one of the giant robot fists and Black Widow swings around Hoth-style and trips the Mechano-Marauder into the ornamental pond.

Alas, after literally dunking a giant robot into a pond, both Spider-Woman and Black Widow turn down the offer to join the Avengers.

Black Widow has private business that are keeping her busy. And Spider-Woman doesn’t even offer an excuse.

In fairness, she has her own solo book over in California and that’s a heck of a commute. I’m actually impressed that she came all this way for brunch.

Fabian is fed up with being treated as an after-thought in his own fight scene and bursts out of the pond, yelling how he’s going to destroy them all!

All.... uh, two that’s left at this point. Yup, he sure is going to destroy all two of them.

She-Hulk has been fairly low-key this whole story, especially for She-Hulk. I’m pretty sure she came to the brunch just for the food and she hasn’t reacted much to Fabian, even when the others were. She caught Dazzler but she hasn’t had much to say since arriving. She’s mostly been standing with her hands on her hips, watching things play out.

But I guess she’s gotten tired of Fabian. Or maybe it falls to her as the last guest.

She tells him to shut up and breaks his robot suit with one punch.

Fabian has one last trick up his Mechano-Marauder sleeve but its a dumb one.

His ejector seat is actually a backup robot suit. Annnd, its so heavy that it sinks into the ground. Trapping him.

Good job, Fabian.

She-Hulk goes to give him one more punch but Wasp stops her. Because she wants a shot at him.

And wow! What a shot!

At full not small size she crosses the streams to focus her bio-power stings into one concentrated beam and blows a hole in Fabian’s escape suit.

I’ve talked before about how Wasp’s pew pew stings have seemingly gotten souped up under Shooter and I think this is another good example. I mean, she’s not blowing up a house but combining the blasts to do precision boring is another cool application we haven’t seen before.

Anyway, now Wasp goes teeny and flies into the hole she made and up into the helmet to blast Fabian in the face. So hard his helmet flies off.

Wasp: “That’ll teach ‘im for ruining my party!”

And that’s that for brunch.

Days later, Jarvis calls the State Department to request official clearance for two new members.

And we see part of the process of that. Interesting if you’re interested in the logistics of an officially recognized superhero team.

I guess what’s interesting is that Henry Peter Gyrich is still part of the process.

You’d think he’d have been replaced or something after the Avengers very publicly embarrassed him and got emancipated from him. I guess he keeps doing the necessary liaison stuff without ever talking to them.

The requests for the two new members cross Gyrich’s desk and he takes it to the White House where the request gets signed by Ronald Reagan.

(The two new members are Hawkeye and She-Hulk by the by. We see it on the paperwork. Guess Spider-Man is still thinking it over.)

Anyway, I guess its interesting that new Avengers are a matter that goes all the way up to the president.

God, I’m glad that for the modern team, Cap told the US government to fuck off because I don’t want to even think about that still being a thing.

The next day after the paperwork is signed, Hawkeye is on his way to Avengers Mansion in a cab. He’s reading a Time magazine about the change in the Avengers’ roster and reflecting that it’ll be hard to hold down two jobs but worth it because he’s missed the adventure.

Check out the Time magazine though.

The cover of this comic book issue is in-universe the cover of Time magazine! That’s neat.

But Hawkeye’s cab is suddenly cut off by a pink Cadillac.

And Hawkeye being Hawkeye doesn’t just grumble and go about his day. He commits assault. Because this is Hawkeye.

The guy that Cap and Iron Man wanted back for being a good team-player.

So he gets out of the cab and shoots the pink Cadillac with an EMP arrow that fries the car’s electrical system.

Really abusing that Avengers Priority Status already, huh, Hawkeye?

The one mistake he made is that the pink Cadillac belongs to She-Hulk. She in fact earned it by doing a car commercial for Wacky Willie’s Wheels-And-Deals so you might imagine she’s fond of it.

So she picks up the cab with Hawkeye in it and leans it against a lightpole.

And then she picks up the Cadillac on her shoulder and walks off with it.

She-Hulk knows how to make a lasting impression, I’ll say that.

But soon after he gets down from the taxi and stops in at an ER to make sure he’s not concussed, Hawkeye arrives at Avengers Mansion to rejoin the team.

Hawkeye: “Okay, folks, life can go on -- Hawkeye’s here!”

Iron Man: “And it’s about time! We were starting to get worried. What happened?”

Hawkeye: “Oh, nothin’ much -- not ‘til some freaky Amazon tried to play dominoes with my taxi!”

She-Hulk, lurking silhouetted by the window: “‘Amazon’, eh? I don’t suppose it could have been -- a green Amazon?”

That is a powerful energy you have there, She-Hulk. Powerful energy and a power move in a power suit.

And that’s how Hawkeye’s day was ruined. Also how the two new additions to the team start with bad blood.

Conflict! We gotta have it!

Wasp: “Hawkeye, She-Hulk. I’d like to officially welcome you both. From now on -- you’re one of us. We’re one of you. And we’re all -- THE AVENGERS!”

Jan’s trying a new thing where she kisses every new member. And they both have to bend down a little for her.

Also, another new Wasp costume! Wasp gonna Wasp!

This is another good, light-hearted decompression issue. The Moondragon two-parter had some yuks but also mind-control sex and Drax’s brain melting. So this time Wasp throws a brunch and Cap and Iron Man help Hawkeye escape the drudgery of an adult job.

There’s a lot of what could have been with Wasp’s guest list. What if she could convince Sue Storm to take a break from the Fantastic Four to try being on the Avengers.

She’ll join later, in the Worst Roster but she’ll join with Reed. I’m thinking more of a thing where Sue gets some time away from the family. I don’t think it could last long and it would need the Avengers and FF writer to be on the same page but I think it could be interesting - Sue getting to be on a team where she doesn’t have to be the adult in the room and doesn’t have to work alongside the family.

It’s a similar reason to why I’d like to see adult Cyclops join the Avengers. He’s so tied in with X-stuff and being the leader of X-stuff that I want to take him out of that context and see a new side of him.

Spider-Woman and Black Widow also could have been interesting. They’ll both become Avengers later. I don’t know that Dazzler ever did and she presents interesting opportunities.

The Avengers have had Wonder Man who was also trying to break into acting while being an Avenger. So Dazzler trying to pursue her singing career might just be a retread of that but what if she were more successful and was a celebrity on the team.

The Avengers kind of are celebrities but I think it’d be a different feel if they had a famous (disco) singer on the team.

Interesting stuff (for me) to think about, anyway.

Something else to talk about is the creative credits. Jim Shooter is credited for plotting but Dave Michelinie as writer. And looking ahead, Shooter is not going to be the solo writer again in the near future.

I think we’re getting to the point where Shooter’s going to be too busy with EIC duties to keep up writing the Avengers. He’s going to get plotting credits for a few more issues, probably loose threads he’s handing to other writers.

So the second Shooter run is going to end soon. Shame. Very much a shame. It wasn’t a very long run but he put a lot of energy and humor into the book.

Next time: Egghead’s back and he’s bringing a new Masters of Evil. Wow, it’s been a while since we’ve had them and they’re supposed to be the Avengers’ evil opposite team.

And Egghead is the not very impressive criminal mastermind who couldn’t beat Hank Pym so instead framed him for crime. Hopefully the new Masters rise above that level of menace.

Follow @essential-avengers​ because I’m bringing you the She-Hulk content you crave. I assume. I took a poll and one out of one person said ‘this is the She-Hulk content I crave’ and I extrapolated from that. Also you should like and reblog because She-Hulk would want you to.

[justdealingwithsomeissues]

1982, Iron Skates are STILL going strong. I wonder if they will become Iron Roller Blades in the 90′s

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: Avengers #217: DOUBLE-CROSS!

March, 1982

“A Hero’s Last Stand!”

Uh oh.

Double-cross? A hero’s last stand? Perhaps the most moving story I’ll read this year of 1982? The Avengers seemingly confronting Yellowjacket? Something bad is going to happen, isn’t it?

Actually, I covered this issue for my 100 Days of Comics from a random box liveblog thing! At the time I bemoaned I wouldn’t get to this one in my Essential Avengers liveblog for a long while and I was right! I said that in July 2017 and it is now July 2020!

But I’m going to be covering it again now that I can do so in context.

Huh.

I hadn’t thought about it but its kind of weird that Wasp and Yellowjacket kept being on the team roster square on the cover when they weren’t actively on the team. Tigra gets dropped right off when she leaves so I guess she’s gone for good, alas.

So the issue titled DOUBLE-CROSS! opens with a Mechano-Marauder bending a No Parking sign to let the Avengers exactly what he thinks of the Metropolitan Transit Authority.

And also to challenge the Avengers to come out and fight him.

ALSO GOD DAMN JIM SHOOTER

You don’t play around with the credits section or you kinda do! You’ve made an essay of it again!

Anyway, a minor but important detail is that a telephone repair man sees the Mechano-Marauder marauding and just exclaims he hates working this neighborhood.

One presumes that this happens a lot off-screen.

The Mechano-Marauder just keeps shouting that he’s going to come inside if the Avengers don’t come out to play so Jarvis is like sigh guess I’ll get Iron Man.

Iron Man is, of course, sitting in full armor with his feet up on the ottoman reading the newspaper looking ridiculous because its Iron Man in full armor with his feet up reading the newspaper.

Here, just look.

Anyway, Jarvis asks if Iron Man wants him to just... call the police on the guy in the robot suit? But Iron Man decides That This Is Something He Might As Well Take Care of Himself.

Because it gives him a chance to test out the Brand New Iron Skates!

It has been a long time, a long trying time, without the Iron Skates.

Since this is a goofus cold open nothing villain, the Iron Skates can be displayed to their full majesty.

Hmm. You know, I love the Iron Skates as much as anyone else but probably more than anyone else but look how serious the cover looks and now look at where we are in this opening section tonewise.

Iron Man jets right at the Mechano-Marauder, mocks him a little, and bowls him over.

Iron Man: “Mechano Marauder? That’s what you call yourself? Give me a break! Why does every clown with a workbench think he can build exo-skeleton armor?”

Mechano-Marauder: “You dare to mock me?”

Iron Man: “Hey, you made up that dumb name, fella!”

As this is going on, Janet van Dyne arrives in her limo, sees the guy in the robot suit fighting Iron Man, decides its not really a problem, tells her chauffeur to take some time off, and heads into the mansion telling Iron Man to call if he needs any help.

Mechano-Marauder: “She -- she ignored me! And you -- you’re making light of my attack! Well, let’s see you make light of *ungh* this!”

And he picks up Jan’s limo and hurls it at Iron Man.

Iron Man: “Mister, you’re lucky that car is almost a month old! Jan was about to replace it anyway! She usually buys a new limo every month... or whenever the old one gets dirty!”

And then he effortlessly deflects the thrown car.

Hey. Hey Jan. I think possibly you have too much money. Water exists.

And then Cap rides up on his motorcycle, sees Iron Man bouncing a car back at some guy in a robot suit, and goes hey chum need any help?

Iron Man says nah so Cap just ramps Jan’s limo to jump the mansion wall.

Because. If its leaning against a wall like a ramp, why not? And people say Cap is a stick-in-the-mud. Man just wants to do rad motorcycle stunts and punch Nazis.

Mechano-Marauder: “captain america ignored me, too!”

Captain America: (I hope Iron Man doesn’t take too long with that clown! This is an important meeting -- I’m anxious to get it underway!)

Thor also arrives but he so ignores Iron Man fighting some guy that he doesn’t even comment on it or even pause to look.

I like that the Avengers can all just tell that this isn’t an important villain or something that requires more than one of them half-assing a fight. I wonder how they know. They’ve had sillier looking villains that they’re treated more seriously.

Maybe they just have a sort of plot sense and know that this is but an appetizer to whet the appetite of the action junkies.

Anyway, inside Jan is explaining to Jarvis that she went down to the Dominican Republic during her time off because its just easier to process a divorce down there. Which I’ll take her word for.

The Wasp: “Anyway, it’s over now! No more Mrs. Hank Pym -- I’m Janet van Dyne again, free and single!”

Jarvis: “I see, madame...” (... And I also see that you are far more troubled by what has happened than you will admit even to yourself!)

Jan is really doing the barrelling ahead everything is fine forever now method.

Meanwhile, outside Iron Man is still just half-assing the fight but is also winning while half-assing which doesn’t make the Mechano-Marauder look very good.

I’d say that building a robot suit that can lift cars is still pretty impressive but Iron Man implies that its something that people can just sorta build in this universe.

You’d think we’d see more casual robot suits around if that were the case, though.

Anyway, even though Iron Man is half-assing this he does realize ‘hey wait who the hell even is this guy?’

Iron Man: “There’s something I don’t understand... what is your motive in this? Revenge? Or do you want to steal something? Or what?”

Mechano-Marauder: “I -- I want to be somebody... So I built this suit...”

Iron Man: “That alone is quite an achievement -- even if your armor isn’t in a class with mine!”

Mechano-Marauder proclaims that’s not enough, that he’s got to prove- Something. He gets cut off because Iron Man does him a punch and declares that he’s wasted enough time with this.

Y’know, I did rather suspect he was wasting time.

Iron Man: “Anyone with your obvious brains and resources who’s got to do this to ‘prove himself’ has to be the biggest fool in the world!”

So I guess it isn’t something that anyone with a workbench can build and it is sorta an impressive achievement, like Iron Man said.

But I don’t think Iron Man is strictly thinking about the Mechano-Marauder when he says the biggest fool in the thing. Because when the unmechano’d marauder proclaims that Iron Man hasn’t seen the last of Fabian Stankowicz!! Iron Man just darkly mutters “blow it out your ear!”

So I think he’s thinking of Hank.

Gosh, Hank Pym has been thematically echoed with Gorn, with Ghost Rider, and with Fabian Stankowicz! So many Hank echo fighters.

(I want to joke that this IS the last we’ll see of Fabian Stankowicz because his whole deal screams one-and-done but no, he has more appearances after this!)

Speaking of thinking of Hank, with Fabian Stankowicz defeated not-forever, Iron Man goes back inside the mansion and to the communication room. The phones are dead (because the phone repair guy got startled off on the opening splash. See, it did come up) and he wanted to call Tony Stark’s secretary to see if Hank Pym has called.

Its been weeks since he disappeared!

Speaking of the man, he’s wandering the streets heavy dwelling on the events of Avengers #213. But it has been weeks so he’s finally ready to make an action and get his life back together.

Hank Pym: “None of that seems real now! I -- I realize that I was jealous of Jan -- her money, her glamour... the more she did for me, the more I resented her! I have a choice! I can go on running, hiding from my failures... or I can swallow my pride and take the first step on the road back... If I’m going to get back on my feet and win my beautiful Janet back -- I... I’m going to need some help!”

So he swallows his pride and dials Stark International.

Hank calls and asks to speak with Tony, unconvincingly saying that he’s a friend and then backtracking and saying that Tony knows him.

The secretary thinks he’s a crackpot and is also tired of taking messages so she just puts him on forever-hold.

And Hank would probably have held for it. But he was on his last dime so when time runs out he can’t deposit anything more to stay on the line.

It happens that Tony Stark’s real secretary Mrs. Arbogast returns from nose powdery to relieve the pinch-hitter one who didn’t want to take a message.

Shiela: “I must have taken a zillion message, Mrs. Arbogast! Oh, and I just now put a guy on hold! He said his name was Henry Primm or something...”

Mrs. Arbogast: “Henry... Pym?! Tony’s been praying that he’d call!”

And she lunges for the phone but alas that’s when Hank’s time runs out and the call disconnects.

Dammit, Shiela! You made Hank think he was getting the brush off!

Even if you don’t care about a broken down guy like Hank Pym, think how difficult you’ve made life for Mrs. Arbogast when she has to tell Tony that he missed a call from Hank!

Mrs. Arbogast: “He... he’s gone! I missed him! Tony’s going to kill me!”

DAMMIT SHIELA!

Meanwhile, Tony Stark is currently blissfully unaware of this. He’s opening the meeting, politely complimenting the Wasp. Just living his Tony life.

But when Captain America goes to open the meeting as the current chairman, Jan raises her hand.

She points out that Cap has been chairman for a pretty long time (and done a wonderful job, really!) but its time for someone else to have a turn. Maybe someone who hasn’t had a go at it. Maybe someone winsome and wonderful like the Wasp. Yes, she’s nominating herself.

What a coup.

Iron Man: “You want to be the chairman -- uh, chairperson, Jan? Well, I... guess that’s okay...”

Wasp: “So second the motion!”

Iron Man: “sure... i second...”

Thor: “You have had much turmoil in your life of late, Janet! Surely the responsibility, the burden of --”

Wasp: “‘Yea’ or ‘nay’ please, Thor... okay?”

Thor: “Thou are bold, woman! Hm! Yea, then! So be it!”

Cap: “I can’t say it’s the easiest job I ever had, Jan, and I can’t believe you want it, but... Let’s make it unanimous!”

And boom! The Wasp is chairperson of the Avengers! After ages of being treated like a sidekick instead of an Avenger in her own right!

All it took was a dab of confidence and a dash of railroading a meeting. That’s politics!

But also this book really is delivering on a Wasp who isn’t burying herself anymore.

Freshly divorced Wasp is hitting the ground running.

God only knows what she’ll be up to in a week if she keeps this pace going.

Meanwhile, Hank Pym wanders into a bar to drown his sorrows. Or splash his sorrows in a puddle.

He doesn’t have any money.

But then a familiar face offers to buy him a drink.

If I asked you to guess who it was, you’d never (except for the panels I included). Because its Elihas Starr!

Y’know, Egghead? Hank Pym’s..... uh..... archnemesis probably? I mean its either him or Whirlwind and I’m not dignifying that.

Huh. I never really thought about it but Egghead resembles a mustacheless Robotnik and I don’t like that cursed thought.

Anyway, Egghead has an offer for Hank and what has the ex-Avenger have to lose by hearing it?

Hank goes well ok speak fast because in a minute I’m going to drag you to the police to turn you in and see if that makes me feel anything again.

Egghead: “Ah, yes! I was your first foe years ago when you’d just started out as a crime-fighter! We’ve crossed swords so many times... I know you well, Dr. Pym! I realize the risk I’ve taken meeting you like this! I would not do so without good reason!”

So here’s the thing.

Egghead has a niece called Trish Starr.

She was introduced in Ant-Man’s solo in Marvel Feature #5. Egghead tried to steal Trish’s ‘child prodigy brains’ and add them to his brains so he could take over the world.

I dunno, I’m looking at a synopsis here.

Hank destroys the brain drain machine like a good superhero and thwarts Egghead.

And then later Egghead planted a car bomb that caused Trish to lose her arm because he blamed her for his misfortunes.

The important thing though is that in hindsight he has realized that this was a major dick move and he wants to make it right.

Egghead: “Surely, you know how it’s possible to get so involved... so swept up with yourself that you lose sight of what’s really important! Surely, you understand what it is -- how it feels to know you’ve been cruel to someone you love!”

Wow! Is that another Hank Pym echo fighter for the pile? Wasn’t expecting Egghead to join the brawl but comics keep you on your toes.

Egghead says that he’s getting older and realized that he’s wasted his life on silly superhero schemes. All he has left is his niece. And she hates and fears him for what he’s done.

But nevertheless he wants to make it right so he’s built her a bionic arm to replace her missing one.

Its super sophisticated. Real top of the line cutting edge stuff. Thought controlled. Biofeedback that provides a sense of touch. You slap a sleeve of plastic skin over it, it’d be as good as not having lost her arm.

But Trish won’t accept it from Egghead because, uh, he blew her arm off with a car bomb.

But she would trust Hank Pym.

And Hank Pym is an expert bio-physicist. One of the few skilled enough to attach the arm.

Egghead isn’t asking for a favor. He’ll give Hank $500,000 to do this thing.

Hank really needs the money but he also doesn’t feel right accepting it. So Egghead proposes hey you take the money now, donate a like sum to charity when you’re back on your feet.

And Hank decides he can agree to this.

He does really need the money.

On a plane to Arizona to meet with Trish Starr, Hank actually feels like things are looking up. He’s got a plan out of this deep hole he’s dug himself into and that’s more than he’s had for a while.

Hank Pym: “I can pay off all my creditors... rent a nice apartment in the city... even set myself up in business as a consultant, maybe! And then, look out, Janet, ‘cause old Hank is going to make a comeback -- and I’m not going to quit trying till you’re mine again!”

He is very optimistic.

I’m not sure that his relationship with Jan can be repaired but at least he realizes he needs to sort the rest of his life out first.

And the ‘i’m not going to quit trying till you’re mine again’ thing is considered less romantic than it once would have been. But at least he’ll be putting the effort into the relationship if a relationship is to exist.

I dunno. We’ll see.

So Hank takes a quick break after landing in Arizona to clean himself up and put on his Yellowjacket costume so he looks more confidant superhero and less disaster spiral.

And Trish is actually happy to see Dr. Pym. She’s heard of his troubles and even offers any help that she can.

Wow, Trish is really nice.

Yellowjacket explains the nonsense. That her uncle feels bad and built her a robot arm.

She is, reasonably, hesitant. She does not trust him.

Yellowjacket: “At first, I didn’t either, Trish. But, you know, I’ve been through a lot lately! I pretty much hit bottom! It opened my eyes! I think I understand your uncle fairly well now -- and I think he’s sincere!"

Plus, trust but verify. Hank isn’t completely a fool. On the way, he examined the arm thoroughly and its exactly what it appears to be. No hidden tricks or traps or hijinxes.

So Trish agrees to try on the arm.

Forty-seven minutes pass, which seems like a decent length of time to adjust cybernetics, I guess.

Trish is overjoyed to have two arms again!

So overjoyed that she slaps Yellowjacket right across the face!

Wait, what?

The arm is out of control, moving on its own. Yellowjacket thinks the cybernetic linkage must be out of whack but he was sure he connected it perfectly.

At Trish’s insistence, he decides to disconnect it but suddenly Trish gets wiggly speech bubbles and tells Yellowjacket “Do not approach her! Touch her and she dies!”

But aw shit, its Egghead!

Egghead: “The arm you so earnestly attached to the girl has given me, Egghead, complete control over her! I can see through her eyes, speak through her mouth and direct her every move, all from my secret, hidden base! you ninny!”

Wow, how Eggman of you, Egghead.

Also, do you have ANY plans that don’t exploit your niece? The hell, dude!

Yellowjacket objects that he checked the arm for just this sort of nonsense but Egghead laughs that Hank just isn’t as smart as he is. He knew that Hank would examine the arm carefully so he designed it so he could alter it by remote control!

... You’d think that Hank would have been able to see that the circuits were designed to change shape like that. Or the receivers for the remote control signal. Or something.

Yeah, this was dumb of you, Hank. Or authorial fiat. Whichever.

Egghead also threatens that if Hank refuses to obey him and the arm will self-destruct and kill Trish.

Because Egghead also doesn’t have any plans that don’t involve blowing up his niece apparently!

Egghead: “You have ten seconds to swear to absolute obedience! Nine... eight...”

Yellowjacket: “All right! All right! Don’t kill her! what do you want me to do?”

So not much of one but small silver lining? At least Egghead isn’t a thematic echo of you, Hank?

Anyway, Egghead orders Hank to take a flight to Omaha, Nebraska (which means he’s gone from New York, New York to Flagstaff, Arizona to Omaha, Nebraska. He’s piling up the frequent flier miles) where he’ll find a tractor-trailer rig which he is to drive to the Strategic Air Command Headquarters.

And when they get there, Hank is to infiltrate the headquarters. And he’s being timed. If he takes a second longer than Egghead has calculated he needs, Egghead will kill Trish.

So Yellowjacket Hank has no choice but to play along for now while desperately trying to think of a way to ruin Egghead’s plans without endangering Trish.

And as he’s flying tiny and unseen through the labyrinthine base, he realizes he knows this place. The Avengers were privy to this and other top secret installations.

So he knows there’s a hot-line and alarm system direct to Avengers Mansion!

So he detours to press the button.

It’s a gamble to assemble the Avengers without being able to contact them ahead of time and having to clue the Avengers in without tipping off Egghead but if he can manage that, then Iron Man could jam Egghead’s control signals to the arm so Hank can remove it without it exploding!

Yellowjacket: “It’s a big gamble summoning them -- but I have a hunch that I’ll be glad I did!”

But for now he’s got to hurry to make up for lost time so he doesn’t run behind schedule.

Outside the base, Remote Control Trish rolls up to the guard post in the tractor-trailer under the pretense of needing directions but as soon as the soldiers start questioning why she has a mechanical arm and why she’s not wearing a shirt, Egghead just shrugs, I assume, and goes for audacity.

Egghead!Trish: “My partner will arrive soon! He should be in the airshaft now -- crossing from S.A.C. headquarters to the underground bunker directly below this guard post. In a moment he’ll render unconscious the guards below -- and then open up your little fortress from within for me! I’ll be nice and warm inside in seconds!”

Guard: “Ma’am, ah do believe y’all are plumb loco!”

Egghead!Trish: -beats them up- “Dolts!”

I have to admit, I do like this trope when people just confess to the whole plan as a distraction, often before throwing hands.

Inside, Hank kicks the open button just as Remote Control Trish is strolling up to the hidden elevator.

At the bottom, Egghead!Trish chides Hank for being .6 seconds late.

Which is awfully pedantic. Egghead specifically said “take but a second longer” and he was a little under a second slow.

Anyway, Egghead tells Hank to neutralize the lock on the vault.

So Hank tinies and heads inside the lock. Luckily, its almost the same lock on the vault in the Avengers Mansion lab. So Hank knows where to find and snip the master power circuit to disable the alarms.

The vault also has a deadbolt that a bulldozer couldn’t snap but Remote Control Trish grabs the lock and rips the deadbolt clean off.

Although Egghead also points out that Hank’s inbuilt disruptor sting could have shattered the lock.

Inside the vault is the entirety of the United States’ strategic stockpile of adamantium resins.

Adamantium is considered absolutely impervious to all known agents of destruction (which isn’t entirely true but its so close to true that lets just go with it).

Egghead: “But you know all about adamantium, don’t you, Dr. Pym? You’ve used it in building robots... like the one you used in your ill-fated attempt to influence your recent court-martial!”

This is a sore subject but despite Hank telling Egghead to shut up, he just keeps rubbing salt into the wound by talking about how much Hank failed with his ‘kill his friends’ robot plan.

Egghead: “Yes, that was a very clever plan you had, Dr. Pym! Too bad you so stupidly blew it!”

You’re adding a lot of insult to injury, Egghead. You’re a petty sort of supervillain, aintcha?

But a petty sort of supervillain with a meticulously crafted plan because the canisters of resin are extracted from the last protections, brought up the elevator, and loaded onto the truck bing bam boom, done.

And with no one the wiser except those unconscious guards, Remote Control Trish and Yellowjacket drive away from the secret base in the truck.

Egghead: “It may interest you to know, Dr. Pym, that, like you, I intend to use this adamantium -- to build robots! Unlike yours, however, mine will have no weak points!”

Yellowjacket: “And then?”

Egghead: “Have you no imagination, Dr. Pym? Obviously, my invincible robot raiders will be able to ‘acquire’ for me whatever I need to further my plans for world conquest! Gold, nuclear arms...”

I feel that if you’re using robots to ‘acquire’ things for you, you don’t actually need gold. Gold is most useful for exchanging for goods and services and it doesn’t sound like Egghead has plans to buy anything anymore.

But as he’s musing about all the things he’ll steal, he sees (through Trish) the Avengers fly overhead!

Hank hitting that button worked to summon the Avengers!

Hank is hyped that they’ve arrived but he never actually completed the other half of the plan. Step 1 Call the Avengers, step 2 ?????, step 3 Everything is better forever.

And step 2 was a very important step. The linchpin even.

So the Avengers show up and park the quinjet right across the road to stop the truck.

(I love that there is a panel that is basically the cover although there’s not a bit where Yellowjacket stands opposite the Avengers so the cover is, alas, still a lie. I like it quite a bit though.)

The Avengers got to the base, found the unconscious guards, got a description of the truck, and followed the road until they found it.

But Egghead goes ‘ok change of plans, you get to fight the entire team or I kill the girl because that hasn’t stopped being a thing I’m threatening.’

He also pretty strongly suspects that Hank is the one who called the Avengers here and says it’ll be on his head if anything happens to Trish.

Hank muses that he could take one or two of them with some luck but taking all four Avengers is out of the question!

I think he’s forgotten the multiple times he’s either soloed the team or did unreasonably well.

But with no choice, Yellowjacket flies out of the truck and starts attacking immediately while the Avengers are still in the ‘hey thats our good pal Hank, whats he doing here’ mode.

Wasp is calling the shots and the shot she calls is ‘hey if he doesn’t want to talk, bring him down!’

Cap throws his mighty shield and Hank does seem to yield! Or disappear! He shrinks out of sight and too small to pick up on radar.

Iron Man and Cap are convinced Hank booked it but Wasp is sure that he’s no coward but might have gotten very small and hidden somewhere.

And she’s right. And its hilarious.

Hank has been hitching a ride on Cap’s shield so when it boomerangs back to the guy, Hank blasts him near point blank with his disruptor sting.

Hank counts himself lucky since its not easy to catch Cap unawares but then is caught unawares himself.

Wasp knew Hank was around somewhere so she gets the drop on him, blasting him with her own sting.

She demands to know why Hank is betraying everything he’s stood for his whole life but Hank doesn’t dare explain even in a tiny size conversation with his ex, for fear that Egghead might suspect betrayal.

So instead he just backhands Wasp.

I feeeeeeeeeeel like this was not a great fight choreography decision given the controversy about #213 which surely must have been brewing even four months later.

Yellowjacket: (Darn it, Jan! How many times have I told you not to close in so quickly? You only hit me with a glancing sting-blast! I’m sorry, Janet!)

I also feel like his dreamed of winning her back is about this much further out of his reach now.

Best laid plans.

By this point, Iron Man has gotten Yellowjacket on his radar again (specifying that he can track him no matter how small he gets. Unless he’s riding on Cap’s shield, which evidently baffled the radar). He repulsor blasts Yellowjacket towards Thor and tells Thor to grab him.

Yellowjacket: “They’re pulling their punches... taking it easy on me! That gives me a chance! Provided I can keep the element of surprise, and I’m utterly ruthless -- I may yet be able to win... and save Trish’s life!”

And then he turns the momentum of being repulsored into a kick that knocks Thor to the ground.

I do like the choreography of it. And how Yellowjacket is reasoning through how one him can beat four Avengers when he should be at a huge disadvantage.

Although I think the best part of this is that Egghead is watching this remotely cheering Hank on like this is a sports match.

Egghead: “Good work, Pym! Hit him again! C’mon bash ‘em! You can do it!”

Granted, he probably could be helping. Driving the truck away, or something? Spectating is fine too, I guess.

Yellowjacket then manages to pop up right by Cap and Iron Man and blast them both.

That’s three of the Avengers down for the moment, now he just has to find the Wasp.

But she’s still the one most wise to his tricks so while he was kicking Thor in the face and disruptor blasting Cap and Iron Man, she was lurking by the Quinjet waiting for the right opportunity.

Wasp: “You’re not getting away from me this time! The party’s over! You know the trouble with you is that you have only one good trick... and I can do it too!”

And the one good trick is apparently, by context and inference, suddenly growing big and smacking someone by surprise.

She hits him like a volleyball towards Cap, who smacks him towards Iron Man, who WAK!s him towards Thor who catches Yellowjacket.

God.

This sequence is spectacular.

Not for Hank, granted.

Thor: “Verily, small one, thy mischief is at an end! Now, speak, or tempt my wrath! Explain this knavery, or...”

Yellowjacket: “I had to do it, Thor! Because I failed to defeat you, an innocent girl is going to die! Any moment now, Egghead is going to push the button that kills her!”

Having lost anyway, Yellowjacket spills all the beans about Egghead and the exploding arm. And since he hasn’t heard a Trish shattering kaboom, he begs Iron Man to jam the command signals to the arm!

Iron Man goes to investigate Trish in the truck but he can’t find any transmission to the arm. And scanning it, he can’t find any booby traps. And he finds it fairly simple to remove.

Because: Egghead stopped transmitting once Hank got beat. And insult to the insulted injury already dealt, there never was a booby trap. Egghead had been lying through his teeth about it.

And: to cover his tracks, he planted some false memories into Trish’s brain while she was under control.

So when the arm is removed (Thor covers Trish with his cape because he’s gallant like that) and Hank begs Trish to tell the Avengers about how Egghead is behind everything, Trish remembers it differently.

Trish: “Egghead? I don’t remember anything about Egghead? You talked me into letting you attach it -- and then it forced me to do as you commanded! I -- I can’t lie for you, Dr. Pym!”

Oof.

Dammit Egghead, you suck.

Yellowjacket: “But -- but it was Egghead’s doing! You’ve got to believe me! P-please!”

Iron Man: “Are you going to come quietly, Hank, or...”

Yellowjacket: “i -- i’ll come...”

And hours later, the Avengers sit around brooding moodily in one of their many sitting rooms when Jarvis brings in the paper.

But Cap tells Jarvis to just leave it. Nobody is in a mood to read it just yet.

Because prominently displayed at the page 1 headline of the Daily Bugle: “EX-AVENGER JAILED!”

Jarvis: “Yes sir... I understand exactly how you feel!”

Oof.

This issue hurts a bit. Not in the same way as issue #213 where it was Yellowjacket being increasingly vile to the one who cared most about him and devolving into a paranoid blame-shifting rant when he has the chance to defend his actions.

This one hurts because Hank did almost everything right. This isn’t Hank spiraling into a breakdown Hank. This is Hank on the upswing, making plans to make good of himself again, wanting to help people, wanting to thwart the villain.

His primary error was trusting a supervillain but he did due diligence there, examining the arm thoroughly just in case only to end up surprised by comic book nonsense technology.

But when he gets roped into the scheme, he summons the Avengers trusting them to help stop Egghead even though he has reason to suspect that they’ve just totally disowned him for his terrible behavior.

This is a common comic book trope, the person forced to work for the villain because of a hostage or something. Hank himself has been in the situation a couple times.

It just doesn’t... work out this time.

Egghead covers his tracks too well. And the Avengers are primed to believe the worst about Hank.

They want to believe the best.

Cap had a whole character beat about having to trust Hank to pull himself back up. Iron Man has been desperate to reach Hank to get him a job and psychiatric care for his breakdowns.

(Its actually interesting how the fall of Hank Pym arc has been kept going without having him front and center through all those thematic echoes. We get to see how the Avengers are dealing with their Hank feelings while also doing other things.)

But still, this situation has to remind them too heavily of the engineered heroics he pulled during the court martial. AND adamantium is being stolen? The stuff the kill-your-friends robot was made out of?

Too many things line up and Hank has been missing and incommunicado with his friends. When they find him with the stolen adamantium and he won’t explain himself, they have to be thinking ‘no, well, this tracks, actually.’

There’s one thing Hank could have said that could have made them start pulling threads.

‘I’m the one who tripped the alarm that summoned you.’

But I think with everything lined up against him, including his past behavior, Hank doesn’t think they’ll ever believe him. He thinks his friends have rightly abandoned him.

So in the end, he just meekly surrenders into disgrace.

And that’s why this issue hurt a little.

Follow @essential-avengers​ because you want to see what awaits Hank and because you thought Jan had a good showing beating him up. Sucks for Hank but dang, good job, Wasp. Likes and reblogs are also appreciated.