#meanwhile mema will never by the party pizza because we dont buy frozen pix
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feel like pure shit just want them back (to tinos frozen party pizza and hawawwiian sun canned guava juice)
#;-;#if i am forced to face the mortifying ordeal of childhood trauma then i at least want the upsides of that time period#sadly canned haswaian sun ships for around eighty bucks a pack so thats out of the question#they dont even have the guava flavor available (a crime and tragedy)#meanwhile mema will never by the party pizza because we dont buy frozen pix#frozen pizza. she sees it as cheap food i think.#kinda distressed stillbecausw im exhausted from being ner mom again and have no time to relax#i cant start anything cuz we r constantly out of the house#have to take naps all the time to try to keep my energy up and even then its only a temp fix#i was hoping to relax rhis spring break. and apparently shes staying until april and likely longer#no one mentioned this to me. no one mentioned shed be staying in the house.#you question your trauma for a couple months and reluctantly interact with the cause#and then the causes mother decides it must not be a problem anymore#im the only one who rememberd what happened as traumatizing.#mema from what shes said thinks it was mostly from mom and dad fighting.#as if they didnt lash out just as much at us. as if the hirls wouldnt hide when dad came.#as if i wasnt so upset with mom that i would brea down into panic attacks at her voice#at wearing neon. for the longest time i couldnt enjoy the thought of cherries because that was her thing#i almost cried without wven talking to ēanyone when i offered her jacket to a friend#thinking about what if she got mad at me for not having it#as if i havent cried because she touched me or hugged me and her touch wont go away#as if i was more scared of her than i ever was of dad#even when i thought she was a saint. even when i thought it was all hom.#that time i feared him was never as strong as the time i hated her.#at least hes gone and barely calls. the girls dont remember.#theyre happy to see mom. they hate dad. no one remembers.#to mom it was just me fighting qith her. a stubborn child.#as if she wasnt so willing to take out her anger on me.#bbbbbbb#im crying again unfortutaley. second tūime counting therapy.
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