#meanwhile barry. the one person who probably should actually just be at the lab paying himself a salary to be the flash.

[coldflasher]

currently thinking about the fact that cisco and caitlin basically didn't have real jobs for almost a decade. they spent all day at S.T.A.R labs chatting to barry on comms, making maguffins and administering medical treatment at extremely unreliable intervals with no consistently defined job role.

their best friend is essentially their boss??? barry owns the lab and he presumably pays them to be there, since they don't have any other jobs (bar caitlin's brief stints as an employee at mercury labs/bartender/amunet's lackey). but what is he paying them to do?? obviously they're always saving the world and shit but what the hell were they doing the rest of the time? just hanging out at the lab, which presumably has no funding because like. the last time they did a big experiment they blew up half the city?? i know a lot of office jobs are kind of nothingy and people claim to be able to do all their work in like 2 hours (god i wish i had that kind of job lmao) but seriously it's kinda insane that barry was like "hey do you guys wanna just. hang out here all day and occasionally make gadgets and patch me up whenever i get my ass kicked and i'll keep paying you your normal salary"

[totesmccoats]

Dark Nights Metal #2

Batman has stolen the most dangerous weapon in the universe, and the Justice League give chase. Meanwhile, the council of Immortals plan to find a way to kill Barbatos before his cult can summon them through Batman.

They may be too late.

There’s this saying in storytelling that you should start a scene 5 seconds into things so that your action has a running start. This issue exemplifies that perfectly, starting with Batman already having outsmarted the League, and baiting them with decoys upon decoys. It’s a genius way to remind us just how well prepared Batman really is without much actual set-up. And watching the League essentially open boxes within boxes until they reach the crunchy Batman center pays off like gangbusters.

And when Superman and Wonder Woman eventually do catch up with Bruce, the reveal is one of the best sight gags in comics history. Highlight below if you really need spoilers: Baby Darkseid in a baby bjorn 😀

And in the final pages of the issue, the shit hits the fan, and the real Dark Souls Nights Metal begins.

  Mister Miracle #2

Scott and Barda lead many successful campaigns against Darkseid’s forces, but none of it earns any respect from the new Highfather – Orion.

Instead, Orion sends Scott and Barda on a new mission – to kill Granny Goodness, the woman that tortured them through their childhood, while pretending to negotiate a treaty. But a half received message from Metron casts doubts on which side Scott should be fighting for.

Another great issue that probably couldn’t turn any more upside down than it does. The issue goes through stages: exhaustion by the endless warfare, then an unease while in Orion’s court as he compels his brother to bow to him, and finally uncertainty when Scott and Barda are “graciously” welcomed by Granny. You would think that GG would be the creepiest part of the issue, especially considering the reunion of abuser and abused, but she has nothing on Orion’s massive egotrip.

Luckily, King is skillful enough to break up the discomfort of the issue with one sweet, and incredibly relatable, scene of Scott and Barda trying to figure out how showers on New Genesis are supposed to work. Part of that sweetness is soured when it’s implied that one of Barda’s continuing insecurities was seeded by GG, and that GG knows it; but it’s the initial thought that counts, right?

Right now, Mister Miracle is an almost Hamlet-esque family drama above everything else – a deadly and divine Thanksgiving; and its completely gripping.

  The Flash #30

Infected by the black suit Negative Speed Force, Barry finally snaps at Singh and his fellow crime lab workers after they chastise him for investigating the missing samples alone. Luckily, Kristen won’t be pushed away so easily, and manages to talk him down in private, which leads Barry to a break in the investigation, which he follows up on as the Flash. Waiting for him is the thief, but he’s more than Flash bargained for.

I love everything about this issue. It’s just classic comics. Negative influenced Barry finally reaches his breaking point and angsts out in front of everybody! And then we get a new villain using a classic formula: after experimenting on himself, Bloodwork manages to turn his hemophilia into a psychic control over all blood. So good!

The Flash is on a roll right now, largely going back to superhero fundamentals, and knocking them out of the park.

  Wonder Woman #30

After being persuaded to be part of Hamilton Revere’s experiments to use her blood in regular people, Wonder Woman is told that he plans to use it to make super soldiers, not cure diseases. Realizing she’s been duped, Wonder Woman rescinds her help. And, realizing Diana has been led into a trap, Steve and Etta make their way towards rescuing her.

Following Fontana’s pattern so far, the prolonged fight scene in this issue is better than everything that comes after it. Diana’s running monologue where she says she will be a hero for humanity, but not a weapon, really works for her character, especially as she fights off partial Wonder-ized super soldiers working under Revere’s orders to – quite literally – bleed her dry. Wonder Woman will not be made an object.

But, the issues quality takes a sharp downturn almost immediately after the villain’s base explodes. It’s almost as though there were two writers on this book, it’s that drastic. Thankfully, it’s only for three pages, but it’s a sour note to leave this story, and this creative team, on.

  Amazing Spider-Man #32

Defeated, Norman Osborn searches once again to re-awake the Goblin inside himself, a search that leads him to the Temple With No Name, high in the Himalayas, to begin studying the arcane arts.

This is a one-shot, and a relatively insignificant one, all things considered, but a fine enough story in and of itself. I love the art of Smallwood and Bellaire, fresh off their run with Rucka on Moon Knight, and that meta-reference also is a small hint towards how this story winds-up.

But, honestly, Osborn isn’t as compelling a character as Slott would like him to be in this issue, and acknowledging that the story is similar to those of other magic users in the Marvel Universe isn’t an excuse for the lack of anything novel in this telling.

  Ms. Marvel #22

Just having found out that Jersey’s newest villain is one of her school friends, and revealing her own secret identity as a way to reach him, Ms. Marvel is just barely able to escape from Lockdown. Totally exhausted, and opposed by half the city, Kamala is lucky that the other half has her back, and also, that she’s friends with a teleporting dog.

Between this and Black Bolt, Lockjaw is in the running to be this month’s Marvel MVP. The rest of the issue is fantastic, too, demonstrating the power of a community to rise up against the parts of it that would destroy them from within. More heroic than Kamala are Nakia and Tyesha, who lead a march to the mosque where KIND has their kidnapped inhumans surrounded, and present them with a document from the court proclaiming their actions to be illegal. She’s also backed up by the rare good cop, and recently former mayor Marchesi.

After a quick refueling at a friendly neighborhood Mediterranean restaurant, Ms. Marvel hops back into the fray, but in this issue, the day is truly won by the people, whom, united, can never be defeated.

  Unbeatable Squirrel Girl #24

Ultron is a T-Rex now! That’s all you need! Also, Squirrel Girl teams up with Antonio the Doombot to try and stop Ultron, who is a T-Rex now.

Henderson and Renzi do some neat things with Ultron’s iconic face-lights cutting through the darkness in the beginning of the issue, and it’s almost a shame they don’t keep it up longer. But, almost as quickly as they finish doing that, North introduces us to Antonio the Doombot, who continues this series’ tradition of scene-stealing robots; although Ultron doesn’t let Antonio do so easily.

  Kill or Be Killed #12

After killing the guy who threatened Kira, Dylan realizes that if he really wants his newly improved relationship with Kira to last, he’s going to have to bring down the entire Russian mob before they can harm her or himself.

What strikes me most about this issue is the contrast between happy Dylan and vengeful Dylan. On Halloween, Dylan realizes that every moment he gets to spend with Kira is a miracle, and joyously wonders the city with her until they settle into each-other’s arms at the end of the night.

But then he’s consumed by vengeful Dylan, who compels him to stake-out a Russian Mafioso until he can lead him to his boss and tell him everything he knows before killing him in cold blood. He ruminates on how he’s learned to ignore his fear response because he’s realized that he’s not the first or only murderer among humanity. He’s ruthless, calculating, and single-minded. And you being to wonder how these two Dylans could possibly be the same person.

  Redlands #2

OK, this series is going in a very different direction than I expected. Having successfully liberated the town of Redlands, Florida; Bridget, Alice, and Ro became the new police force. Their latest case is chasing “Redbrant,” an “artist” murderer who poses his victims in symbolic positions while stuffing their bodies with alchemically treated rose-petals, and paints solid red canvases with their blood. Moreover, he knows about Bridget, Alice, and Ro’s witchcraft, and wants to expose them to the world.

If this series decides to settle into Witch Law & Order, I am totally here for that if this issue is any indication of how that would pan out. But Bellare has also clearly built a much deeper world with Redlands, full of – besides witchcraft – artistically predisposed murderers, and perverted high-school principals that prey on their students. Redlands may be run by witches, but men still be creepy.

Coming off its explosive cold-open of an issue, Redlands is still warming up, but I’m excited to see where else this series decides to go.

Comic Reviews for 9/13/17 Dark Nights Metal #2 Batman has stolen the most dangerous weapon in the universe, and the Justice League give chase.