#me(right after having a panic attack in a dressing room because why dont i look good in this shirt): something thay doesn't make me look fat

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

I made a mistake last time, I said that I read chapters 22-30 when I only read 22-29, but now I have read chapter 30 and also chapters 31-34 so lets talk about those

Its so frustrating how Im more than halfway through this 700 page book thats ostensibly supposed to be about Feyre and Rhysand's complicated relationship developing and theres been no development because the things that should make their relationship complicated have just been completely handwaved. Like, if this book HAS to focus so much on Rhys to the detriment of Feyre, and he also just HAS to be morally good, atleast give him some kind of character arc of bettering himself, right now Im basically just looking at this stagnant statue of a guy through someone elses eyes which doesnt make for a rewarding reading experience

Ive also been noticing more and more weird retcons and idk what to call it, justifications for why Rhys is better even when hes doing the same shit as Tamlin I guess? The two big ones being, when Tamlin blew up that room after Feyre told him that he was suffocating her he did it out of anger, and, Feyre is fine with wearing dresses for the night court because she knows she can go back to wearing Illyrian leathers anytime, which is not how it was at the spring court.

First of all, I keep saying this, I am not a Tamlin girlie, I dont like him that much and hes doing a bad job dealing with Feyre, but you dont need to make shit up to make Feyre's choice to leave feel justified. Like, he was not punching the walls in anger, he felt so bad and guilty about hurting Feyre when all he wants is to keep her safe that his magic went haywire over it. And thats bad enough! I mean Feyre, who has a lot of trouble communicating her feelings, finally managed to tell him everything thats wrong and makes her feel bad and makes healing from her trauma difficult, and he reacts by basically having a panic attack which makes his magic react in a dangerous way. Idk about you, but I would not feel comfortable or even safe expressing my feelings to him, even if he didnt react like that out of anger

Like, Feylin could have just not worked out, it couldve just been disfunctional without being portrayed as abuse but it cant be, I guess because it needs to be abuse in order to justify Feyre leaving him. And thats so strange to me because the idea that women need any kind of ("serious") justification for leaving a relationship is completely anti-thetical to the themes of feminism and choice that this book is trying to go for. Like, why cant a woman just break up with a guy because she stopped feeling it, theres no reason not to break up with a guy who makes you feel bad even if hes not being outright abusive. Although, in this particular story there actually is a reason, which is that if Feyre left Tamlin without a "good" justification then Amarantha would win, she would be proven right about the fickle nature of humans and the pointlessness of their un-eternal love from beyond the grave and that would be a bummer because the first book is about how Love Conquers All, as is the case with pretty much all great romances. So Tamlin's unambigiously abusive now so that that beautiful idea of Love Conquering All doesnt end up being dragged through the dirt. ACOMAF essentially posits that the Love that was supposed to Conquer All isn't real because neither Feyre nor Tamlin were willing or able to truly love each other through their trauma, ergo it didnt actually Conquer All. Thats also why Rhysand isnt meaningfully affected by what should be traumatic events; because while Feyre can love someone through her own trauma, she cant seem love someone whos traumatized themself

I feel like the way I phrased that was pretty harsh, but I do think its kinda true, in a way. Idk man, the thing that makes talking about Feyre's new UTM trauma so difficult is that everyone, including the narrative itself, is expecting her to have worked through it within less than half a year when its like, shes immortal and also living in a world with no therapists, she can take a bit longer than that. I mean hell, everyone in the inner circle is like 500 years and all of their major traumata happened when they were very young and most of them have still not learned how to actually cope with them aside from killing/avoiding the people who caused it (atleast from what Ive seen, especially of Cassian), Feyre might honestly be doing better than all of them but she keeps dogging on herself which, remember, her perspective is objectively correct as of this book, so that sucks

Alright, three paragraphs to talk about that first point, lets move on to talking about the dress thing. I have already observed that it seems like Feyre might stop wearing pants entirely at some point despite how much this particular book keeps going on and on about Tamlin forcing her to wear dresses in conjunction with going on about Tamlin forcing her into a subserviant mother-role, implying that dresses are inherently depowering, and well. I hate that for Feyre but I do love being proved right

And like, okay, I think Feyre hating dresses is another ACOMAF retcon, but its a retcon in a weirdly circular way. Let me explain; in ACOTAR I didnt get the impression that she hated dresses, I thought she just preferred pants because its what she was used to and because for a pretty large chunk of the book she was thinking about fleeing or was in situations where she needed to run away from something and pants were just more practical for that. But when she trusted the fae a bit more and a special occasion came up or she wanted to make Tamlin feel flustered (? that one doesnt make that much sense to me tbh), she did ask for dresses to wear and only felt a little embarrassed about it because she didnt usually wear them. I didnt even get the impression that she hated the impractical rich noblewoman dress they put her in when she was sent back to the human world, just that she found it really silly and unfitting for her. And I do think her being willing to wear dresses was supposed to be a signifier of her healing journey and her learning how to be gentle and let herself be loved in that book

Then ACOMAF comes around and she suddenly hates wearing dresses, which also ties into her suddenly becoming some kind of adrenaline junkie when she previously wanted to live a peaceful and comfortable life. Now, granted, the difference is that in ACOTAR she wore dresses that she explicitly asked to wear, whereas in ACOMAF Tamlin just assumes that she will always wear dresses by virtue of her being a woman without asking Feyre about it at any point (I know Ianthe was actually more involved in the dress-stuff, but the narrative is making Tamlin responsible for it so Im just gonna go along with it for simplicity's sake). Thats reasonable enough

But then a little further into ACOMAF we have Rhysand doing the exact same thing, hes assuming that she will wear dresses for the sake of keeping up appearances and helping him with his politics (and also, he's assuming that she will let herself be sexualized via the apple-breast comment in front of Tarquin (and later the CoN-UTM reeanactment scene)) and hes right, because of course he is. But the reason its fine when Rhysand does it, I guess, is because he keeps reassuring her that she has a choice in these matters when she really doesnt. Like, did he pack some illyrian leathers just in case Feyre didnt want to wear the dresses he got her? If he did, theres been no mention of it. Theres also been no mention of him asking her if she preferred to wear pants or a dress for the Summer Court mission, even though it seems to me that harem pants are considered to be unisex in the Night Court while they seem to be considered distinctly masculine in places like the Spring Court

And then we get to the thing about this dress-stuff that makes me call it a 'weirdly circular retcon'; while Nuala is dressing Feyre up for her date with Tarquin, for lack of a better term, she looks at herself in the mirror and thinks about how maybe, after everything shes been through that forced her to become hard, shes starting to heal and can finally let herself be feminine and soft and pretty. If you'll recall from a few paragraphs ago, that already happened to Feyre in ACOTAR except it was more subtle, I dont remember her just straight-up thinking about it like she does in this scene in ACOMAF. So its the same thing, but instead of her wearing dresses that she excplicitly asked to wear, shes wearing dresses that her new bf picked out for her and all but made her wear

And honestly, thats a really good way of summarizing the differences between Feylin and Feysand and the way Feyre gets treated in these book, which is why I wrote so fucking much about this pretty insignificant detail

Surprisingly enough, Im not done with this monster of a post yet, because I have some stuff to say about the Summer Court

The way Cresseida was introduced and treated made me have what Im just gonna call an angry epiphany. Like, before she came along I just thought the feminism of this series was very shallow and very white, but after her introduction I was just angrily thinking to myself "How the FUCK is this series considered feminist in any way?! The three types of women that exist in this story are literally Protagonist's Sisters (characterized as Haughty Bitch and Infantilized Clueless Cinnamon Roll Who Can Do No Wrong respectively), Protagonist's Slaves Servants Who Are Inexplicably Always Darkskinned Women and Promiscuous Bitches"

Varian seemed fine, but I dont like that he seems to have something going on with Amren. I know I said I didnt particularly like her, but I did still kinda latch onto her as my aroace rep so I find that very disappointing. But I guess thats on me for having expectations like that of the most amatonormative book series Ive ever read

So, from observing this part of the fandom prior to reading the books, it seemed that if sjm critical people dont like Feylin, theyll usually like Feyquin as an alternative to the horrible but canon Feysand. Despite that, I didnt have the highest expectations because honestly, it not much harder for a character to be a better love interest than ACOTAR!Tamlin and Rhysand. Like, the thing about Tamlin is that he was a really boring guy but hes a very good love interest, and the thing about Rhysand is that hes also really boring and hes a very bad love interest, so I thought "okay, I know Tarquin is the youngest and he has that whole thing about actively wanting equality for faeries but no one taking him seriously because everyone thinks hes inexperienced, OBVIOUSLY hes more interesting than the guys who can access their power with no issue, and then he'll just be kinda flirty towards Feyre, as SJM MaLeS usually are and that makes him a decent enough potential love interest I guess" and thats all true but idk, actually reading about him made me like him sooooo much. Like, him and Feyre telling each other theyre easy to love? Mwah, gorgeous. I bet Rhys is really glad he has that mating bond because without it his sorry ass would NOT be able to compete with Tarquin

So now my list of m/f Feyre ships goes Feyquin > Feycien > Feylin and Feyre/Azriel are on about the same level to me I think > Feysand (not including feyssian bc I think its a crime to ship cassian with a woman sry)

I specify m/f Feyre ships because if I included all of the Feyre ships, Feyanthe would be at the very top followed by Feyre/Amren. Idk, I know its obscure, but when she was describing how Amren was wearing a crop top she said something like "a sliver of skin was left exposed, as tempting as a calm lake" and I was like oh? 👀 Those guys have potentialllllllll I mean who needs Mates when youre both Made amiright fellas. Also, Feyre/Mor would go above Feysand

Anyway, thats it from me again, I hope you enjoyed this

[only-lonely-lovers]

08.24.2022

notes: silly crossover conversation lol? But it devolves into other things... *Shrug!*

Bird is あ / Avvy is つ

つ：[talking about TS nene-chan] she's such a special girl. its like proportional to amane in the opposite direction

あ：Harmonious in this way

つ：the sheer degree of sexless little nerd and so she becomes hypersex everyone feels so shifted on the scales

あ：[brain shrinks more and more every day due to the salt]

つ：twintails whore. special vibe. feels like such a cringe girl

あ：amane's cringe gf

つ：like a true shame of the school in a way. such an interseting nene. so liberated. but still a virgin its rly funny to have so cringe a gf

あ：but youre like FRIENDLESS AND A TECHIE NERD...

つ：i think if normal amane could see this nene he'd like be really scared of her like what…. [becomes frollo]

あ：ah like jesus thats a girl whose gonna grab me by the zipper first thing

つ：i think it would be too scary for the pervert to meet his like equal

あ：he likes being the most sexual one in the room

つ：yes. and good for him. that is what he typically is.

あ：meanwhile so funny to think about hanako seeing himself be such a sexless little virgin itd be like god what is the DEAL.

つ：he'd be like omg no. wtf YOU'RE ALIVE YOU CAN'T BE WASTING IT LIKE THIS

あ：what happened to me

つ：YOUR STUPID ROMOTES

あ：YOU HAVE A HOT BLOODED COCK AND YOURE JUST…

つ：YUO'RE ALIVE, SHE'S ALIVE WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!!!!

あ：i think he'd honestly want to kill him

つ：I'M GOING TO KILL YOU

あ：🤝

つ：im gonna toukan koukan

あ：its not fucking fair He has to watch footage of Amane just opening his mouth and Tsukasa shoveling rice into it

oh so THATS WHAT HE'S BUSY DOING!?tf/G.F getting fucking babied all day… KILL YOU

つ：he's out here like pushing tsukasa with his socked foot like tsukasaaaaaa turn on the faaannn…

あ：its wretched

つ：this AU tsukasa seeing hanako: a

あ：poor tsukasa seeing a fucking. nasty dirty amane it's like he has never prepared his whole life for such a thing

つ：if you swapped out amanes i think it'd be a dual problem of like WHAT'D YOU DO TO MY BABY WHERE'D HE GO but also hamina

seeing this creep kabedon nene. stares. anyway uses magic to pull my boy back from the aether at all costs eventually i will be calm when i have both amane… but unfortunately you cannot they will kill eachother

あ：you're literally not ready for him....

つ：NO!!!!!!!!!

absolutely not ready for him. but amusingly i dont know how this one interacts with tsukasa. awkwardly, probably he's like im just here to fuck whore nene

tsukasa sortof like twiddling fingers not needed. staring at you. maybe amane ushers you out of the room [uses magic to get back in but invisibly]

あ：just uhh think of it like, you have the afternoon off. okay? I don't need my food shoveled into me i'm not a mental patient. uhhh…. you just.. [claps hands] dismissed.

つ：blink.

あ：

a little out of it. but you have to worry about your boy TSUKASA experiencing the -- oh my god roachie

つ：well the reality is his amane can't do shit anywhere else so he's in the fetal position in the bathroom

あ：sucking his thumb

つ：he's crying

あ：It's like wahhh i;m havnfin a nightmare where's my animal crackers….

つ：nene trying to come in but the bathroom is locked. he recognizes her voice but he's like still scared i imagine its like [wails] tsukasaaa…. [CRYING BECAUSE HE DOESNT HAVE HIS DRONE]

あ：someone stole all my stuff what if i've been kidnapped

つ：kou's gonna break open the door w his caveman foot and amane is gonna be a disaster

あ：its like OH GOD ITS THE GUY DCON'T COME ANY CLOSER

つ：nene trying to assess but its like ???? hanako ??? hanako-kun???? why are yuo-- dressed-- wh>??? tt-- YOU WANT US TO>?? GET??? TSUKASA????

あ：it's like, he's going to have a panic attack and throw up a litlte bit

つ：he'd recognize kou after a second is the thing. just your classmate though. its like no my classmate was insane?

あ：right it is like. oh god i know him does he know where i live!?

つ：one of them could watch amane while the other runs off to like. shout for. tsukasa like hes somewhere in thia school right thinking tsukasa is somehow. needed. for this

あ：this tsukasa

つ：?????? oh coming out of the broadcast club cluelessly. beig dragged to amane

あ：he summon me

つ：and just. staring. amane like scrambling up to him to grab

あ：⁉

つ：clutch…. hold…. but also like [sobbing sniffing] why aaore [coughs] you dressed so weird

あ：what's happening… is it some………. historical..r ecreation… day!?

つ：[air]

あ：[wind rustling] 1 sense at a time sort of deal. itslike ah. he is warm

つ：…………… pets… pets

あ：smells alive

つ：detecting with my sonar that this is a different amane.

あ：

[vibrating] [can sense your bones]

つ：alive boy….. initiate… coddling mode

nene and kou staring watching like what the fuck is going on why are they hugging whispering

あ：Did something happen

つ：shuld we do something? is hanako crazy

あ：who do we call. tsuchigomori. like! literally who do we defer to. its just like [headache]

つ： you just get very earnest cuddles on the floor at least amane is just like hhuuuuu…

あ：[beleaguered] i barfd…. my tummy hurts………

つ：oh no!! thats not good….

あ：Do you have anything for me...

つ：RUMMAGES IN POCKETS

あ：procures like a horrible eyeball

つ：pulls out. some . things truly some spirit bugs. butterfly wings. string. rubberbands. bubble wrap you know. things. we have. in my kimono sleeves

あ：[just wants like a tums.] 🥺……….. is this like a magic trick…

つ：being like… this is a dream right….. you're different too…. aren't you? sniff…

あ：[dejected] [sinks to the ground]

つ：helpless creature. its ok. your tsukasa will like correct things. he shall pluck you from the air and bring you back i like to think before he sends hanako boy back he takes a second though

あ：You must trust him. he's just fiddling with the technicalities

つ：i like tsukasa getting to look at a more relatively 'independent' boi like. hmmm.❤️ you're interesting…. nice to see. holds you by the jaw

あ：Appraises you like a fine stable horse

つ：mine needs me back…. but… it was nice meeting you.

あ：Hehe......... ❤️

つ：

tsukasa: do you have any questions for me, before you go back….? hanako: what the heck was that back there. with. the-- me. here. for real. what is that. tsukasa: [lying for fun] 🎶we are lovers❤️ BYEEE [THROWS YOU INTO THE PORTAL]

あ：just make hanako turn into a withered husk NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

つ：make hanako return like he just faced the balrhogg

あ：well tsukasa is here.

つ：face down on the bathroom floor oh it'll be like nene and kou rush to him and he's like mngnngh.. [looks around] [SEES TSUKASA] [SCREAMS] FLIES OUT THE WINDOW

あ：

つ：poor nene and kou. they don't benefit. the other nene got like. shmoozed and groped perhaps. i feel like tsukasa wouldn't let him take virginity its like ohh no❤️ thats for MY boy

あ：YOU'RE NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!!

つ：GOD HANAKO!!!!! not with that attitude💔

あ：you dont deserve it

つ：nene and kou like. i guess you can. go now tsukasa. he seems. back to normal ?

あ：> poor nene and kou. they don't benefit. the other nene got like. shmoozed and groped perhaps. i feel like tsukasa wouldn't let him take virginity its like ohh no❤️ thats for MY boy

so funny to think about this being interrupted before tsukasa actually has the spell figured out to bring his boy back. like. UHHh hold on there [freeze] [sleeps her]

つ：simply puts it on hold. funny if his magic doesn't work on ghost boy nene just freezes and hanako is like oh shit hell yeah

あ：NOFJDSGDHF

Now I dont have to hold back

つ：SCRUFFS YOU is like-- jkesus [getting the vapors] amane…. now, now……

あ：You should know better….❤️

つ：tsukasa would really have a moment mentally of. [griffin voice] he looks really nice.

あ：[inhales deeply.]

つ：trying to be respectful though. he wouldn't want his boy molested while he was swapped. i must resist

あ：It's like Tsukasa has the eyeballs to drink in your design. the bright red accents that guide you to look at his cock

つ：the only person capable of truly percieving the sex mmmmmred socks… nnnice shiny black shoes….. gold buttons, sakura detailing….

あ：[bites hand.]

つ：you are like sports car. so fancy maybe i can buy amane a gakuran…

あ：temptations. you're like, i wish i could just do it. ahhhhhh but muri muri……………………. but. if the he is so horny you know. AHHH but no no no. my morals

つ：maybe I've earned. one favor from amane, after all this time… when he gets back… perhaps he would try one on for me… maybe

rly goes back and forth for a minute just compulsively its like tsk tsk. weeell. no. mmm.. hehe.. no. ah. its too bad….

あ：Youre trying to not be like. "IF youre so impatient…" [clutches rosary]

つ：this temptressssszzz

あ：this will just be a lesson like. whet the appetite. i want a treat, says tsukasa, for once

つ：its funny but yes. its like ahhmmmm… welllhlhlhl maybe a treat when i have my boy…. i'msure i can find a classic gakuran somewhere…

its . like amane comes back. you know and is like TSUKASA WEEEEEP i had a weird dream… snfsfh ana, a…. you were… there, sortof, you… looked…. different……

tsukasa like… ^^ OOOHHH i had a dream too….! haha… hehe… you were in different clothes, and you acted differently…❤️ isn't that so weird…. ?❤️ I wonder why that would happen…

あ：[completely cluelessly] oh, weird………….. ……………………………. 6.6 ……? because we are twins.

つ：[loves this logic] i guess so…! [KAWAIII] mm really nuzzle and rub my boy….. amane asking for tums….. and tsukasa getting it… simple.

hanako will. be okay. eventually. tsukasa had to release 1 demon into him i was a good boy i did not suck your cock❤️ so i tell little joke you were so rude💔 you can handle it

あ：you deserve a little something. for being so… sexy.

つ：mmmminx

あ：stupid rude sexy boy… at my doorstep…

つ：its funny to imagine tsukasa being like ruined for a bit actually. with desire. hes' not meant to have

あ：🤪im ngh kdfh !!_ ghf

つ：actually does have a dream about 2 amane going at him wakes up like ah. this is bad

あ：😔This is going to distract me………….🥴

つ：the confident body language…… the haughty expression…

あ：I couldn't have dreamed of such a boy, in reality.

つ：the lurid gaze at nene.... the cavalier confidence.... decked outin all black..... hhhhhhh

あ：so toe to tip hansy boy… what's all this flair for….

つ：If He Had Pinned Me And Not Nene I Would Be In Trouble Ha Ha hnnnggh no i belong to this amane…. help

あ：Put in a position to DENY Amane…. for, Amane…….. NO!!! break my brain

つ：oh it would be fucking. aroauruogurhogrugh

あ：But my loyalties

つ：my sexual tension blows up the apartment

あ：starts sweating bullets but if my little boy comes home and im all. FRESHLY FUCKED. no icannot but this is where your brain is trying to be clever like "but ah, if it was both…"

つ：mmngnhhh… ah but its like truly a pipedream💔 that amane……………………….. he didn't seem so interested [thinking about a truly 100% straight amane💔] ah well….. I'm only me. I wonder what his tsukasa is even like….

あ：All fucking titties out

つ：all fucking. luxuriant. a god

あ：nice big skirt. it'd be like oop. 🤔………………..🤐.

つ：like oh sure this tsukasa is a pwoerful wizard. but literally. a God. over there

あ：like oh my. in this world people can just BE weezards

つ：in his finery. when i was looqing into kimono and hakama stuff it was that tsukasa's set-up is really something only common for like shrine maidens and shinto preists …..

あ：melded with a GOD…. maybe that's just what it takes to match THAT Amane

つ：like ohhh god you have your adversary lol… me and my HUMBLE boy. sheesh

あ：We're just in our sweaters

つ：our lil matchies

あ：I truly was not meant to taste this opulance a sip of something with gold leaf in it

つ：if only to peer thru the veil later and see amane cutting open his mouth and fucking his thighs lol

あ：One day looking into my crystal ball

つ：get electrocuted

あ：like as a treat. wonder what that one is doing [struck by lightning]

つ：watching it like an anime occasionally while amane is asleep

あ：Ahhh oh no MY LARGE BOILING FLASK

つ：AAOAOUGOGDFGJFKL!!!! boiled my eyes out gets so horny I throw up

amane watching tsukasa rush to the bathroom and yartz: -FEAR. HAS NEVER SEEN THIS. OH GOD NO- tsukasa. is ill. oh god. oh god no. roachie. oh god. what is this. no. it cant be

あ：no not like this

what a hubris it feels like at the end of this your body is going to feel like its fighting off an infection ahh the ciguatera poisoninggg

つ：i have tampered. with dark magics and i have. been burned

あ：[is like. crying on the bathroom floor]

つ：i can't cope with having seen such a brutally. hot thin. g indeed poor amane this is horrifying for him seeing tsukasa like this

あ：all the manuscripts warned me.. literally

つ：literally i was told to not dark knowledge.. why did i think. i was above it i've been filled with the crazy urge to be stabbed…. ohhhhhh I NEED TO BLANK MY OWN MEMORRRRYYYYY

あ：ITS THE ONLY WAY

つ：THE TIME HAS COME I HAVE TO DO THIS

あ：I cant live life wanting to be stabbed

つ：I KNEW IT WOULD COME. i cannot. be trusted with this… desire and all my. powers i cannot…. i am too powerful to want something this badly

あ：There's a gd timer ticking down

つ：ineed to hurry. before something takes HOLD i was not meant to have this sort of desire it isj ust like… i'm sorry… amane……💔 freezes you💔

such a dramatic scene of like getting his shit ready to wipe it out but shaking hands and stopping and starting like mgmghmgnhgmmhn no maybe i cccc. maybe i can rrresist… noooo NO

あ：the goofy movie devil red lighting

つ：can't i just have one thing . [dark evil voice] once…. NO

あ：stages of grief. oh bargaining. ahhh but i just want to have this memory inside of me please

つ：pleeaakse the peace of knowing there is a version of me that would beg amane while being cut open AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

あ：ohhhh what if im good…. don't take the mental image from me its the most beautiful image i have ever seen

つ：I KNOW HE COULD DO ANYTHING TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I KNOWWWW!!! SLAMS FIST ON THE GROUND

あ：OHH like a bandaid Tsukasa COME ON But this is one of thos emoments where its like why did i trust myself to be the wielder of all this with no one keeping me in check😩

つ：I need some checks and balances…… sigh

あ：ughhh…. BORIng………!!!!!!

つ：..maybe I should finally….. tell Amane……

あ：time to get all wistful

つ：i should finally… tell amane….. about… my magics…. and i should….. give him the power….. to stop me…. [gets horny] hmm. yes this is the right course of action [thinks] wait no. is it?

あ：Now that is doing it right!

つ：NO i was supposed to blank my. memory. …. well, maybe I can do both? I'll write a note… to myself

あ：Yes. ah…. okay.

つ：saying…. tsukasa. you've made the choice to share your secrets with Amane. you need him to hold his own power over you. you need a system for this.

You've just removed something important from your memory. Trust me, it was imperative. It really was. And what that thing was, taught you that this is the next necessary step.

You can never know what it was, but you must hand Amane some sort of tool. You cannot be trusted. You're not infallible. You are weak to things.

あ：There was a draft of this that was like. you saw something far too. incredible-- no. crumples paper

つ：disappears paper

あ：this is like trying to make warnings for radioactivity in the future

つ：it is like that SOOOOO AMAZING SOOOO MIND NUMBINGLY DELICIOUIS

あ：Something that would ruin you foreve You stupid… slut

つ：why can't we just be normal what, can't just walk back fromgm,, seenig amanegm sssztab us>?

あ：Be normal. be normla for once in your life tsukasa… OOHH

つ：mgr,gthm…. hhover abov us pinning….

あ：ahh the perspective… [thinking about it through 1st person POV]

つ：whiels we….. wiggle and plead…,. eagelr,, for mor legs give out

あ：It would be so good to beg.

つ：WHINEs OOOHHHHHHH!!!! stupid. fuckgin

あ：Whjy did you get so distracted conjuring porn in your large boiling flask [has a psychotic break]

つ：fkl;gkfld;hdklh [nakamura screaming over and over above takao but its tsukasa]

あ：[blurred from motion]

つ：Anyway tsukasa waking up on the floor having erased it reading the note is just like ….🎶things have gotten so interesting…!

Aha, okay…. if it was really so severe. I must have meant it. There is evidence all around of a struggle… his hair and clothes unkempt, pulled at… things strewn about. Looks like I really wrestled myself down.

あ：Its funny to wake up like. Tehe. it seems i. went somewhere i shouldnt. well! i must have really been out of my depth if I can no longer be trusted with my own secret… ^w^ … onwards…

つ：A lesson was learned🎶

あ：If I have decided to trust Amane… then I will ❤ But its like smacks lips. idk its not as worrisome as you'd think. somehow amane havijg the control is like………. yes ❤ aw well… it can be lonely you know.

____________________

つ：Anyway. This is all funny actually bc I think at the end of this all amane is given essentially a word command which trigger shuts off Tsukasa’s powers at will and offers him complete control and tsukasa cannot reverse it like he sets it up to be very simple and easy for amane. But then Amane has this in his brain and one day tsukasa is just like finishing a paper or some shit and amane gets to do “stop the post.” But extremely manually and tsukasa is like .

Like . Well I can’t do anything about him just using it now can I. Can’t argue back like “amane that’s not quite what I had in mind…” because it’s …. interesting he is thinking about it AND it’s good he get in the habit of using it… then he won’t be hesitant in the future

It’s good to get accustomed to it casually first really… oh yeah I was also thinking it like compels tsukasa briefly for the first command said. It’s a whole system he rigged to BUT REALLY give amane reigns even despite Tsukasa’s powers

あ：You gave your spoiled toddler the master key unfortunately

つ：I do whatever you’ve said and then they’re gone until you permit them back. Yeah The end result is the spoiled brat has power to compel you

あ：Amane wants mac and cheese NOW!!!

つ：Some day Amane just like. It only compels you for a little, right? And it’s like mhm. Why? Make it longer What if I need you to do more things than one or two

あ：tsukasa coughing like he has black mold in lungs: ahah…. i guess you're right…

つ：That could happen. Hakk Why do I feel an ominous sense of danger…

あ：Somehow this isnt… Safer feeling…❤️‍🔥

つ：Surely isn’t what my past self had in mind

あ：This is like going to teach Amane to have even less tolerance for things than he already does

つ：It is scary and overwhelming but as well like paaants woof Indeed no more seconds of delay

あ：But also i feel like a side effect is whwn Amane is entirely alone its like mghgg… I HATE BEING ALONE!!!! (throws shit) I dont want to tolerate anything anymore [kicks desk] god the stupid tyrant boyking particle simply alive and well

Idk where this terminates but i do think you set Amane up for a real tantrum any day he is just like fed up w everything… i think the most paltry use case would be one day just realizing he can make Tsukasa say specific things and it's like a day you want to just hear something said aloud. like mghhhh tell me i dont have to go to school tomorrow…. like oh just say the words to me

つ：It’s like whoa. Scary to feel the compel make him talk….

あ：(insecure) Tell me you always want to take care of me

つ：PAIN

あ：must feel weird

つ：almost sad to feel the compelling take over like NOOO LET ME SAY IT WITH MY OWN BRAIN AAAAAA

あ：NO BABY JUST ASK!!!!! XU!!!!!

つ：OF COURSE I WIULD ALWAYS SAY SUCH A THING!!!!!! Well the spell doesn’t make me do flourishes I can make sure I say I will always want to take care of you directly in your ear….

あ：must embellish shudders dramatically it's like wait. keep going

つ：What are we doiinnggg💞 I love taking care of you….

あ：[grips your sweater]

つ：I would never want to do anything else. Nothing else is as important…. If this was the only thing left, that would be all that I need

あ：[reduced] … really.

つ：Of course❤️

あ：hueeee….. simmers

つ：This is all any of it is for….

あ：baby needs to hear it. the soothe.

つ：I only want you to be happy. Anything that makes you happy, Amane….

あ：[nods while tucked against]

つ：That’s all I’m ever really trying to do.

あ：… I like that. About you.

つ：Melts

あ：…… I like that it feels… like you're never thinking about anyone else…

つ：Mmmmmmmmmm

あ：👉👈

つ：Screeeee

あ：It's ummm easy. everything else is hard…

つ：You wouldn’t like me tied up in too much else…..

あ：[grips] NO. nooo never ever never.

つ：Heehee….

あ：Don't ever get tied up !!! In other stuff-!!!

つ：Okaaaay❤️ you know I have to do whatever you say…..<3

あ：u…………. yes.

つ：I think the compelling spell is taking me over… maybe magic can get worse, like a virus….❤️

あ：Really.

つ：I think soon, I’ll do anything you say, always, no matter what.

あ：Oh……. ………………

つ：(Not really but he’s so cute I need to make it true xD)

あ：fucking… experiences tongue lolling emotion actually??? looks like. normal hanako for a second its like hm….. …. i like…. the sound of that I hope you get sick.

つ：Ah, you do…..? Ah.

あ：It would be fun.

つ：it would.

あ：n_n …🎶

____________________

つ：I was idly reflecting upon the AU tsukasa rly seeing the normal hanako like a fucked up sex beast It’s just funny for someone to look at hanako like ahhnnng…? Sex BOY

あ：He has wandered there mentally now and again. it is still like… stimulating conceptually it is just funny for someone to be able to perceive the whole look & demeanor as accostingly sexual like jesus…

つ：Nene and tsukasa are just young and innocent in canon Nobody mature looks at hanako

あ：They look at their guy and their little peanuts like vibrate but it can't be so conscious

It's like if Tsukasa wasn't. stunted by such crazy events. and his Amane is so humble that fanciful boy with all his embellishments. gold buttons and whatnot. is just like [tilts down sunglasses] but like the thought of. managing to get your dweeby amane ina gakuran is a funny step 2 like. some real octavius rex shit

つ：We respond unconsciously to it

あ：all done up. but like Meep.

つ：Maybe you put him in the gakuran actually and he’s like damn I feel hot

あ：I think once he looks at his reflection he will feel it actually

つ：Sticks tongue out

あ：but i like to think the first few seconds are like [clueless]

つ：Why did tsukasa want me to try this…. Stands in mirror. Oh hey

あ：Stares Turns around hmmm… [grasps brim of hat] Uah. cool. it looks cool

つ：Kakkoi

あ：kakkoi na....

つ：He is a lame little guy he can simply find it edgy

あ：All black…

つ：Tsukasa, you really just had a dream I wore this? No mouth looking at Amane

あ：Tsukasa in after school hanako kun like 👉👈 about the tea set

Amane is just muttering, wish I could've seen your dream now… sounds fun Does a stretch sits down on a surface and kicks leggies

つ：Hnnnbgngg

あ：If only our uniforms were so stylish we could match.

つ：(Rudely) it wouldn’t really suit you though…. (Amane thinking) you know in.. my…. (chooses to bury immediately) nvm Don’t wanna think about the tsukasa I dreamed about actually

あ：lmao rude… but yes forced to dwell like ah he was ina different……… wait.. nevermind. You cant even begin to crystalize the thought of Tsukasa wearing fanciful pleated things

つ：Like THIS tsukasa? Lol….

あ：She would be interesting

____________________

あ：Fsr this is like a train of thought I've been having like, half-formed before bed for a few days, it's just arbitrarily picking up a sort of "in media res" situation between AU yugi8, where Tsukasa has already set up Amane to get laid and this is the circumstance etc. and Nene is just on the wild ride. The first time Amane puts it in there's this completely wordless acceptance about him finishing inside like. I mean there would be no negotiating it, he's holding Nene extremely tightly in place and buries himself as deeply as possible before doing it. Tsukasa like doesnt, care, because its like [internally] I will just make Nene-chan infertile it's fine. [dismissive] … but it's funny bc Nene herself is also like 💭 it's fine i'll. find a spell. her. what-EVER. everyone's just like swallowing this down whatever. except Amane really who isnt having a single solitary thought about any consequence.

… no one in the situation is really prone to thinking about meaningful consequences of nut inside (not a braincell between you all wrt this stuff) but BUT, I think Nene could feel a way about… like… what the gesture itself means coming from Amane… like, even if it doesn't scare her, I think the subsequent instances of being nutted in will make her a little more "." …. quietly thinking about this… in the simple sense of, 'ah… Amane-kun really doesn't… think he ought to, ask or, anything, d-does he…' It's kind of scary lol, he's so serious during sex each time actually, and she's already seeing a degree of ehm. Passion. that hasn't existed elsewhere. She's been totally flipped on and ensnared and this is crazy and all. Scary. but like //// i mean accepts. Oh I'll do whatever I have to. [gets on all fours]

and like in general thinking about Nene having to really load in. digest. Amane's selfishness. really feeling like a piece of meat. It's the complete lack of conversations or asking if things are OK before doing them

つ：the charm of amane being the Normal Boy and therefor you read his actions like he's just normal, not aware you have an extra layer of relative control due to magic and don't face mundane problems so much….

あ：Uhuh. like from HIS perspective…

つ：Amane-- in all realities. shall never even be a pull-out king, much less a condoms boy. he's so far from it. he's far too indulgent of a person….

あ：Not gonna do it. and not going to open a dialogue about how you feel about it

つ：its funny, most boys (especially shy ones) are like aahh no wait not my… gross come in your mouth… tries to pull out…. but Amane will definitely just shove to the back and come down your throat. he is not thinking about it

あ：it's just like, baseline, this is the sex we are having pulls her forward by the hair as he does it

つ：in the moment he is only: FEELS GOOD FOR ME

あ：it's like OH GOD I NEED IT DEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!! not going to compromise even a fraction of it w but this is a Nene that can really appreciate being reduced to like her pussy . SUPREMELY OBJECTIFIED….

つ：I think Amane's problem in all realities is this inability to resist a vice

あ：a sort of negative self control base stat

つ：deep down all nene are down to be reduced this one just. will have less of a crisis about processing it and already knows she is a skank

あ：simply leaning into it. oh let the bodies hit th flor I think his rudeness is just stunning but in a way that leaves you fascinated. like finally Amane has some gumption to pull you both out of the middle of class but its because want to fuck. in a closet or something. and it's like jesus….

i think a lot about the scene in oyasumi punpun where aiko is liek nnno my period… [stopping hand] but this just means it fluidly transitions to a blowjob I really imagine its like. this kind of wordlessness

つ：its like oh i see. [changes course]

あ：if its like ohghmh fh im sore…. its like blink. okay.. [tugs down]

つ：mouth is fine tho

あ：nothing wrong with that [still unzipped and all]

Tsukasa lauds her graciousness with it all. nene-chan… faito

つ：he's like awe what a good girlie… I thinkt his is waht canon tsukasa feels about nene too, really! like just pleased with her gumption and her commitment! its all like… ah you really DO like Amane❤️

あ：i think the funniest circumstance is one though where Nene is like doing small spells to like do basically a plan b style kill da sperm. but Tsukasa has wordlessly made her barren

つ：I already have everything set in place girl its funny if she can actually notice this. and then later tsukasa is just like grin❤️ [FEELS.. VIOLATED. BUT FINE]

あ：winks its the most unchill thing ever liek you know how the world generally regards fertility

つ：its like lol you cannot entrap my prince a moment nene is just like … aware even if she was insane and wanted something. tsukasa is the. more potent wizard so. m

あ：😜 tsukasa is like. the ref. like.💔 I'm sorry. but my baby doesn't need that stress He'd just get all nervous. poor thing. Our priority is Amane… naturally.

つ：she's gotta submit .. it is… probably a good thing amane has tsuaksa there… if it was another girl, you know… someone ah, crazy in a different way… well, you can see how amane is. vulnerable

あ：

I think in moments like this Nene feels quietly put in her place. not like it's what Tsukasa is trying to do, its just that, sometimes you can forget there is this element going on and then you are reminded and it's like "ah…." 🙇‍♀️…

other things i thought about briefly was like. well in general this Amane confronting urges like, in real time with himself, this whole forray is such a case of activating sleeper cells. that i like the thought of not even meaning to, but being a lot rougher with Tsukasa one day, and this entrances everyone in the room to witness.. like it's a first time thing. we've gotten acclimated to Amane being kind of uncouth and rough from sheer eagerness, but not with like, something as pointed and unprompted as just grabbing Tsuaksa by the throat while he was speaking. not even saying something he didn't like -- i mean, if anything, saying something he really liked…… it's like everyone goes quiet because of how different the energy got. for a second. but it's like flying too close to the sun for a sec and amane releases while feeling mystified like… 6.6

?? ………… ?? [guy who doesnt watch porn voice] what the…

つ：Amane who is usually not… stopped by anything. and tsukasa as well is not typically altered in expression-- ah I feel like.. nene typically in fleeting moments during sex with Amane… looks around the room, and, it feels like tsukasa is a static figure-- just with a ^^ expression always, pleasant and watching. you fade in and out, you sometimes forget he's there, you sometimes are so focused on amane….. but when he fades into view, he's never any different, whatever is happening-- however rough or easy amane is being

あ：The baseline serenity this Tsukasa kind of maintains

つ：I think it adds something… mm I think she'd actually… come to like this… feeling, subconciously, of being the 'disadvantaged' one… once she completely understands how Tsukasa is with Amane… you know that… if Amane wanted to do something… anything… Tsukasa would not stop him. He would stop you, from stopping him.

she could fight Amane 1 on 1, she has magic as a trump card, as well as Amane not being-- er--strong or particularly capable physically, she's squirrely and wiley and somewhat trained in self-defense as a witch… and yet, that sort of proactivenss about her safety… doesn't mean anything if Tsukasa is here

but subconciously that feels…. good. feels good to be bottom rung you sortof… dont know about your own, fetishes

but it would be a little sad to be able to overpower amane objectively. this nene is a self-possessed person, she has skills and confidence and is a skank, she is liberated….. but that's not her true heart's desire, to be Amane's cool witch gf

あ：One couldn't even say Tsukasa "balances" things as much as he completely skews things entirely in Amane's favor only. This isn't like things even out 50/50, it's… more like all points get put in Amane's basket. Perhaps before this Nene thought Tsukasa was more self-motivated and wanton, doing things for his own sake, and not afraid to string along his brother. futsu little Amane. but in reality all of Tsukasa's whims are like irrelevant in the face of whatever Amane desires. and… in reality, most of his magic, attention, effort, revolves around Amane.

I like that one has to think of Tsukasa as clever in this world, there's no other way to word it. like 5 steps ahead of you and totally disaffected by anything you pull. just like hehe ^^ cute of you. … you know if anything happened, he'd have a better reaction time than you ever could

the sheer loyalty also means there's just 0 hesitation about anything. this is someone who would disregard your autonomy to any degree in an instance. if it is what Amane wanted.

… but idk i think it must be interesting to be aware of all of this… but also know there's no ill intent towards you he does like you

つ：he has the world's most pristine sublimation of flight or fight reflex and can think on the fly and it will be all means be in Amane's favor every time so 'trying anything' is only asking for yourself to get dunked

あ：You cannot fight it sometimes i think the optics are kind of cute, it slike…….. in truth………………….. tsukasa is like the "familiar"……… but being a slave to someone who has no magic skills and doesnt even know you do magic. idk it all seems so cerebral doesnt it like damn tsukasa

つ：I wish Nene in canon could. like understand this is also her circumstance you know

[purplelittlepup]

.

[x3kristax3]

⚠️ TW: violence

After Duskwood- Chapter 9

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We get outside the interrogation room and the agent walks out.  "He pleads guilty to everything. Even the attack before you came out here" he says.

Alan walks through to make sure he's handcuffed and Jake is standing behind me. He follows me inside and for the first time in 4 months im looking  him in the eyes. I go to walk back out and i hear him say "MC I'm sorry" as I feel Jakes arm wrap around my stomach. 

I spin around and lunge at the table and he jumps back. "You're sorry?! You expect me to accept your apology!? For this?!" I yell as my hands shakr as I pull my shirt up. "You expect me to accept your sorry for the mental and physical abuse!? You expect me to accept your apology for tying me down when I was trying to walk away so I can be a better sister, friend, and better lover for a guy who treats me like a queen?" I yell with tears in my eyes. Jake walks up behind me and just touches my back.

"I didn't know how to keep you. We were good in the beginning then you started spending more time on your phone looking for a girl you never met. Talking to these guys. Falling in love with one of them and I couldn't lose you." He says calmly. 

"You had lost me before all of that. You had lost me the very first night you laid a hand on me because I had a damn girls night! When I came home buzzed and you grabbed my dress and because I was at a bar I smelled like other guys and you hit me and handcuffed me in a damn closet!" I yell as I turn and walk out the door and slam it shut. 

Jake follows me out and pulls me against him and I flinch. "It's okay it's just me" he says trying to calm me down. 

"I'm sorry you had to hear all of that" I say in tears.

"No… no need to apologize, he deserved that" says Jake.

I turn around so I'm facing him and bury my face into his chest.

Alan comes out "thank you MC" he says.

The FBI agent walks up to Jake and I "tomorrow you both will be hearing from me".

Jake looks at him as I'm having a panic attack  "okay" he then looks at me "lets go get something to eat." I look up at him and just kiss him without saying a single word, he looks down at me "what was that for?"

"For keeping me safe, protecting me, and loving me" I say looking back up at him

"I always will. I never want to see someone hurt you like he did before I came into your life" he grabs my hand and we walk out of the police station.

I pull off Jake's hoodie and toss it back where he had it in the car and we get in and drive to the center of Duskwood. He pulls into a parking spot and we sit there for a moment. I see Jessy pull up "you didn't tell her did you?" I look at him.

"No, I told her that you needed both of us right now. She asked why but that's your choice to tell her everything" says Jake.

I get of the car and she comes up to me "what's wrong? Jake said you needed both of us."

"My ex followed me here and stalked Jake and I" I say as looking at my feet. 

"Where is he!?" She yells looking around.

"The police station. I filed a restraining order and he admitted guilty" I say uncertain if i want to tell her the whole thing.

Jake wraps his arm around me and I flinch in front of Jessy

"Jake why did she flinch at you?" Asks Jessy

"He didn't just stalk me out here Jessy. This was before I came out here” I say lifting my shirt up and she sees the scars. 

‘Oh my god! MC why didn't you tell me sooner?” she asks as she pulls me in for a hug.

“I had just recently told Jake and then all that happened this morning… we just left the police station" I say.

“She was so scared when he called this morning,” Jake says.

“Can we go get food before I get sick?” I ask. Jake grabs my hand and we walk towards a diner. Jessy looks at me and grabs her phone “who are you calling?”

“Dan his apartment is just around the corner and if I dont tell him and he see’s us he’s gonna be mad” she says.

“Okay but please don’t tell him’ I plead with her.

“I won’t that's your thing to tell him just like you told Jake and I” she says. As we turn the corner we see Dan in the wheelchair.

‘Speak of the devil” I say faking a smile.

“What brings you guys here?” says Dan.

“Your weakness is Jack… mine is food and I need some right now” I say

He laughs and it was just what I needed. “Good point boo, going to the diner?” ‘Yeah this is the first MC has had expect for coffee this morning and she needs something good’ says Jake

Jessy and Jake go into the diner and Dan stops me “whats going on?”

``Nothing I’m just hungry, ``I say trying to pass him. As I move my shirt moves and he catches the scars.

“Nope this isn’t you hungry. Who the hell did that to you?” he yells.

‘’My ex before I came out here. Don’t worry about it please Dan,” I say looking at him with pleading eyes.

“no , what is really going on? You're not going in until you tell me.” Jake catches what is going on and comes back to us.

“Let's get her food” says Jake.

“No, don’t tell me you haven’t seen those scars” says Dan.

“I have and it isn’t my place to tell you and I didn’t ask her. She told me when she was ready too. Right now she just needs to calm down and eat” he says, grabbing my hand.

“I’m not letting this go” says Dan

Before Jake pulls me inside “fine you want to know what this is all about?” I say lifting my shirt and Dan just looks up at “my ex did this to me when he found out about all of this and realized I was falling in love with Jake! He tied me down, hitting me and putting a cigarette out on me over and over again. He did more too but he followed me here and right now is sitting in the police station while Alan puts together a restraining order for me against him,`` I yell. I turn away from the diner and head to Jake’s car. Dan just sits there and Jessy comes out catching the end of this.

“You couldn’t just let her be could you?” she asks as Jake follows me and grabs my hand for the first time today. I don't flinch and I just turn into his chest.

“I saw the scars. You know I care about her” he says.

“Yes but you shouldn’t have pushed. She told Jake and I on her own. He just calmed her down from everything this morning and now has to do it again.”

I look up at Jake and he see’s the tears in my eyes and holds me tight. He see’s my ex walking towards us and he puts me in the car and heads towards him. I try to get between them but Jake keeps pushing me away as he punches him.

“JESSY! DAN!” i yell, they look in our directions and Jessy runs towards Jake and Dan gets there as fast as possible and gets between them somehow

“Dan out of my way!” says Jake.

“Jake, no please!” I yell as my ex is on the ground.

‘Jake listen to her” says Dan.Jake walks away and Dan looks down at my ex “you have a lot of nerve to show up here” he says coming towards me. “I just want to apology” he says.

“You can’t come any closer to her” says Jake “or the next time I won’t listen to her” “I’m guessing you're the guy she fell in love with,” he says.

“You have no room to talk after I heard what I heard in the police station and what she told  me and then you followed her all the way out here,'' he says.

A police car pulls up and Alan gets out “what’s going on here?”

“He already was trying to break his restraining order” says Jake.

“Who hit him?” asks Alan “I did,” say Jake. “After finding out what I did this morning when I saw him I just lost it.”

Alan looks at my ex “do you want to press charges?” he asks.

“No I deserved this” he says, getting up and walking away.

Jake walks up to me “I'm sorry I pushed you into the car” he says as he hands out a hand for me. I get up but don’t take it and walk away and he follows me. “MC please”

“No, that's exactly how he started… always trying to protect me from everyone that ever hurt me,``I cry out and he sees the tears forming.

“I’m sorry after everything I heard this morning I just lost control when I saw him coming towards you” he says with his head down feeling defeated.

I grab his hand “Jake I know you just want to keep me safe but please don’t ever do that again. I felt like it was starting all over again with him” i say

He pulls me close and looks into my brown eyes that are full of tears and being scared ‘i won’t. I’m truly sorry”

The 4 of us go into the diner and we grab a corner booth and I sit in the corner so I can see everything and Jake is right next to me.

[rommahh]

Enough For You

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Word Count: 4.8k

{This is my first peter fic and theres more to come. I may make a part two of this- it depends though. This work is a complete work of fiction and doesnt follow the mcus storyline of peter parker at all. Just the characters. Anyways enjoy. Much love, R.}

Peter, as smart as he can be, was a complete and utter idiot. He could read an entire textbook on quantum physics, take a test on said textbook, and ace it like it was nothing. That's how intelligent he was. But when it came to the obvious things that didn't take place in the academic world- he was an oblivious idiot.

Y/N has had a crush on Peter since they were in elementary school. Everyone in Peter and Y/N’s inner circle saw how deep in love Y/N was with Peter- except for Peter. Y/N has spent years trying to tell him how she feels but he always just interprets it as Y/N telling him how much she loves their friendship- like the idiot he is.

As senior prom slowly approached Y/N waited for the moment where Peter would ask her to the dance. They both were not dance people but senior prom was so different. Y/N just wanted to spend the night with her closest friends before they all went their separate ways for college. Normally Y/N and Peter went to every dance together, but as prom got closer, Y/N started to worry that he wouldn't even ask her. And unfortunately, she was right to think that.

Ned, Peter, MJ, and Y/N all sat at a round table on their school's campus during their lunch period talking and eating. The conversation of prom came up making Y/N’s ears perk up hoping to hear the words she's been waiting for from Peter.

“So Peter, what are your prom plans?” MJ asked, chewing on some of Y/N’s carrots from her lunch. Y/N looked at Peter waiting for his answer. He blushed, rubbing the back of his neck to ease his nerves.

“I'm actually going to prom with Liz. I asked her yesterday after school and she said yes.” He smiled happily of the thought of him and Liz dancing at prom. Y/N on the other hand felt her heart clench uncomfortably. MJ looked just as shocked as Y/N hearing Peter's words. Ned looked up from his comic book as an uncomfortable silence filled the table.

Quickly, Y/N packed her lunch back into her lunch bag and slung her bookbag haphazardly over her shoulder. Her face was scrunched up as she tried to contain her tears. “Sorry guys, I completely forgot that I have to help Mrs. Anderson with some...thing.”

Rushing away, the group was left to watch Y/N’s figure scurry away from the table. Tom looked at her in confusion before looking at his other best friends trying to figure out what had just happened.

“What just happened? Is she Ok?” He asked getting his stuff ready so he could go and follow the girl. MJ put a hand on his arm to stop him from packing up.

“I think you should just let her be alone for a minute… So you and Liz huh?”

“I- yeah I've had a crush on her for years now. I thought I told you guys this.” Peter’s hands fiddled with the book in front of him. Ned shared a look with MJ making Peter look at them confused again. “Guys, what aren't you telling me? What's going on?”

“Sorry dude, it's not our place to say. You should probably talk to her after school.” Ned replied, patting Peter on the back trying to comfort him. The bell interrupted any further conversation from happening. The trio went their separate ways to class after saying an awkward goodbye.

Peter spent the whole day with his mind clouded with thoughts. He racked his brain for any possible reason as to why Y/N were so upset.

After school, Peter showed up to a Y/N’s house hoping to talk to the girl and figure out why his best friend was so upset. Y/N’s mom gave Peter a small smile when he approached the house, nodding her head to where the backyard was located to say where Y/N was at.

Y/N sat on a quilt made by her grandmother on the soft gras of her backyard. A large tree covered her from the sun that was slowly beginning its descent into the night. She looked up from the book she was reading hearing the sound of footsteps coming towards her. Peter stood there, backpack on one shoulder, hands in both sweater pockets just waiting.

“Hey.” Peter said, setting his backpack down before sitting across from the girl on the soft quilt.

“Hi Peter.” She quietly replied, keeping her head low so she couldn't meet his eyes.

“Can you tell me what happened today? You seemed upset. Did something happen in class?” He asked, his hand reaching out to tilt her face to look at him. She looked at his face, seeing his furrowed eyebrows and watching as his eyes searched her face for any clue as to what was wrong.

“You're taking Liz to prom.” She finally spoke after a moment of silence.

“I'm taking Liz to prom.” He confirmed still sitting there in confusion.

“I wanted you to ask me to prom.”

“Oh.” Y/N stopped looking at Peter, her hands playing with the frayed edges of her ripped jeans.

“Oh? You always ask me to school dances and I just thought…”

“Thought what? Y/N I dont get what you're saying. We did go to past dances together but this is prom you know. I really like Liz so I asked her.” He said still not putting two and two together to understand the issue.

“To be the smartest boy in our school, you are the biggest idiot ever.” Peter scoffed, offended by her comment. “Peter, I love you.”

“What?” Peter was shocked by her statement.

“I've liked you since the 4th grade and I guess I assumed you had started to like me too. I thought you were going to ask me to prom because you- you liked me too?” She looked at him again, face flushed and shoulders tense with anxiety.

“Y/N...I'm sorry but I- I dont like you like that. I didn't know that you did like me like that.” He watched as her shoulder dropped in defeat. Tears pooled in her eyes spilling onto her cheeks. She quickly wiped her face off with her hands. “Please don't cry, i'm so sorry. I still want to be friends though.”

She chuckled at his words. “I don't think we can be friends, Peter. I think it would be best for myself if we weren't friends.”

Her words cut like knives through his heart. He stood up abruptly as anger flooded through his body.

“So we can't be friends now? We've been friends since kindergarten. You are my best friend Y/N and you're going to throw it away over this?” His voice rose as he spoke. Y/N stood as well, anger taking over her as she listened to Peter raise his voice at her.

“Do you know what it feels like to watch someone you love not love you back?” She yelled at him, Peter’s eyes widened in shock having never heard his best friend speak like this before. “Do you know what it's like to watch the person you love have crushes on everybody but you? Do you know what it's like to not be enough? What is it about Liz that I don't have? You don't even know her!”

“You're mad at me for not liking you back? I can't control my feelings Y/N and I'm sorry for that but I don't want to lose our friendship. Please don't do this.” He held her face in his hands brushing the stray tears from her face. She shook her head free, backing away from him. Her hands clutched her arms, folding on top of her chest.

“I'm sorry Peter that I couldn't be good enough for you.” She gave him a small heartbroken smile before grabbing the book she was reading and went inside of her house. Peter watched as his best friend walked away from him for the second time that day. His chest felt tight, hands shaking as he thought about the ending of friendship he held dear to his heart.

Peter dreaded going to school. He spent the whole night being forced awake by panic attacks and non-stop crying. He had never felt a heartbreak like this. He's heard people say that friendship breakups are harder than relationship breakups and Peter can attest to that. Granted he's never been in a relationship, but he's going through a heartbreak he's never felt before.

He got ready for school slowly, relishing in the comfort of his room before exiting out into the living room of the apartment. He gathered his backpack that had been thrown carelessly in the living room out of anger as Aunt May watched him from the hallway before her bedroom. She decided against asking him what was wrong because she didn't want him to become even more upset on his way to school. Her heart aches as she watches her boy frown and wander around with sadness looming on his face.

At school, Ned and Mj waited for Peter at his locker like the group normally does. This time, Y/N was nowhere to be seen. Peter walked up to his locker, unlocking it and grabbing his things from inside of it for class.

“Did you guys know she liked me?” Peter asked after standing in silence with the group for a few moments. They looked at Peter in pity before nodding yes. Peter shook his head, upset with himself for never noticing the obvious feelings coming from his best friend.

The group walked to their first period class, Ned and Mj making small talk whereas Peter walking listening in on the conversation. Sitting in their normal seats, they waited for the first bell to ring that determined when the first period would begin.

The door of the classroom opened showing Y/N with arms filled with her textbooks and backpack slipping off of her arms. MJ thought Peter looked bad but Y/N probably looked worse. Her eyes were puffy carrying bags of sleeplessness and her overall appearance looked tired. The Y/N the group knew would come to school always dressed for success wearing the cutest outfits and makeup done to perfection. She wasn't over the top with it but she always looked so well put together. Today, she was wearing leggings and a ratty hoodie. Her hair didn't look like it normally did, her face was bare of makeup.

She moved slowly looking for an open table in the classroom. She saw one in the back of the room near the window and walked over to claim it as her own. Her friend group watched in shock as she walked past them and towards the empty table. Peter’s chest hurt so bad watching her walk past them. Mj and Ned were upset too but they had spoken to her before school and understood her want for space.

“She doesn't have to sit all the way over there.” Peter whispered still staring at Y/N as she settled into her seat in the back of the room.

“It's ok, she just wants space and that's ok.” Mj reassured him, rubbing his shoulder as he laid his head down on the table. He didn't know how he would cope without his best friend or lack thereof.

Lunchtime came sound and normally the friend group would sit outside together if the weather was nice. They've always done this since freshman year. They would sit at the wood tables and share their lunch with each other. Y/N would normally share her fruits and vegetables knowing that her friends packed unhealthy junk food.

Today was different though. Mj, Peter, and Ned sat at the table without her. Her spot at the table is empty leaving an uncomfortable gap at the round table. Y/N found herself seated inside of the library by the window that looked out on the wooden tables she would normally sit at.

Y/N sat in the quiet library crying her eyes out as she watched her friends comfort Peter. She was hurting so bad knowing that she ruined her friendship. She wishes that she never said anything. That she just let Peter be happy with his newfound relationship with Liz. She wanted to be happy for him but she had some resentment towards him. She understood he couldn't control his feelings but she hurt knowing that he never in the years they've known each other he's never looked at her more than a friend.

She wiped her tears from her face, pulling her neatly packed lunch box out of her backpack. She stared down at her lunch, sad that she had no one to share with anymore.

“Hey, do you mind if I sit here?” A voice said from above Y/N. Looking up she saw Bryant, another senior in her class, standing with his lunch.

“Oh- yeah, sure, of course.” Y/N stuttered making room at the table for his things. The table was large enough for the two of them so there was no real reason for her to say that he couldn't sit with her. Bryant was the captain of the baseball team at their highschool. He wasn't like the cliche popular kids at school who stayed within their cliques but he was very sweet and attentive to anyone he crossed paths with.

“Thank you! I saw you sitting by yourself and it kinda looked like you needed a friend.” He commented setting his salad from the cafeteria down along with his backpack that seemed too empty for a highschool seniors backpack. “So, how's today going for you?”

Y/N was taken aback by the boy's boldness. This was her first time ever talking to him and he wants to know about her day? She was baffled.

“I-It's been slow I guess. I'm ready to go home honestly.” He nodded, chewing on his salad.

“I feel that. I wish I could go home after school. I've got prom preparation after school, so annoying.” He rolled his eyes at the thought. “I don't know if you know but my name is Bryant, it's real nice to meet you.”

Sticking his hand out to shake, Y/N grasped it hesitantly.

“I'm Y/N, I think we had english together last year.”

“Yeah we did didn't we. I hated that class, you were awesome in it though.” She blushed at the compliment. “But yeah, I know who you are. You're apart of Peter’s little group.”

“Oh yeah, I was.” She shrugged emotions overwhelming her again.

“Was? You obviously don't have to tell me, but I hope you're ok.” Bryant smiled at Y/N and Y/N was blown away by his kindness.

“Peter and I aren't friends anymore. He's going to prom with Liz and I just thought that maybe he would have asked me.” Bryant felt bad for Y/N. He could see how hurt she was despite her wearing a smile on her face. Y/N wasn't a stranger in this school. She played a large role in academics and actively participated in multiple clubs. The Y/N Bryant saw before wasn't present today and it was sad.

“I know we've just met but I don't have a date to prom either...if you would like to go with me. I wanted to go with Jordan but it turns out he is not actually into very beautiful and athletic boys.” Y/N laughed along with Bryant.

“I would love to go to prom with you as long as we can coordinate outfits.” Bryant laughed some more agreeing with her. Y/N looked down at the lunch before sliding over a few snacks toward Bryant. Y/N still felt the sadness of letting go of her best friend lingering with her but it felt nice to meet someone new. Not someone to replace her Peter but someone to remind her that life goes on and that she'd be ok in the long run.

Weeks have passed since Peter and Y/N’s fallout and it was a weird few weeks. School was coming to an end, cap and gowns were slowly being handed out for graduation and prom posters were posted everywhere.

Y/N was still avoiding Peter at all costs but she apologized to Ned and Mj for ignoring their feelings. She didn't want them to feel like they had to be in the middle of this mess. She didn't want them to feel like she also ditched them too. They understood her, they knew how hard it was for her to remove herself from their friend group for the sake of her mental health.

Y/N and Bryant continued to grow closer. He was a good distraction from her current problems. She also learned that he was bisexual and that Jordan was also on the baseball team who was too scared to come out and go to prom with Bryant. Bryant was someone Y/N didn't expect to befriend her. His kindness made her feel so much better after what had happened.

Peter struggled badly. He had been so happy to finally get the girl he had been pining after for years but seeing Y/N cry because of him hurt so much. It made him rethink his whole friendship with her. Did he really only think of her as a friend?

Peter watched everyday as Y/N grew closer to Bryant, a warm feeling entered his belly every time he saw the two together. It wasn't a pleasant warm feeling, it was a feeling that made him overthink everything he did. It was a feeling that made his face scrunch up and his head fill with sickness. His thoughts became muddled, words not making sense as he watched the two. He was jealous. Did he recognize it as jealousy, no, because Peter was an idiot.

Prom season was hectic and fun all at the same time. People were hardcore prepping for the dance. Money was being saved for the before dance dinner and the stretch limo that would provide a chariot to the dance.

The mall was beyond crowded, Bryant led the way with Y/N pushing through crowds of people to reach the small dress shop they had been dying to go to all day. The small dress shop was locally owned by a hispanic couple who hand made the dresses in the shop. The dresses they had were beautiful, all arraying from different colors, sizes, and silhouettes. Y/N tried on almost every dress in the store that was in her size.

“This is useless, these dresses are gorgeous but I feel like I look so stupid.” Y/N huffed sitting next to Bryant on the velvet loveseat that sat in front of the dressing room. Y/N was near tears out of pure frustration.

“Stop it, I thought you looked amazing in every single one of those dresses. I think you're just too into your own head. What's up girl?” He put an arm around her shoulders laying his head on top of hers.

“I just want to look good. Good like Liz…” She whispered the last part out of embarrassment. Bryant scoffed.

“You're joking right? You two are incomparable people. She's pretty in her own ways just as you are. Are you comparing yourself to her because of Peter?” Bryant exclaimed loudly, catching the attention of the woman who owns the shop.

“Peter likes Liz.” Was all that Y/N could muster, pouting at her own words.

“Here mija.” The woman who owned the shop came walking over to Y/N with a beautiful pink dress in her hands. “I made this a week ago but havent even put it on the floor yet.”

Y/N shook her head furiously, “No I couldn't.”

“No, please try it on and if you like it, it's yours.” The woman insisted on a bright smile playing on her face.

“Its-Its mine?”

“Yes honey, you obviously need this dress more than I do. You need a dress that will make you feel beautiful and I think this will do.”

Y/N tried on the dress watching it flow down to the floor. It was a pretty pink color with flowers at the top. Buttons adorned the middle of the dress cinching the waist and the bottom of the dress flowed to the floor in bunches.

Stepping out of the dressing room, dressed clad on her body, Bryants mouth dropped in shock at the sight of her.

“Holy….” He was at a loss for words. Y/N blushed, turning to look at herself in the mirror, her own mouth dropping in shock.

“...Shit” She finished.

“You look amazing mija. It's all yours, please, you have to wear that to your dance.” The woman begged Y/N. Y/N nodded, smiling at herself in the mirror. It had been weeks since she felt like her normal self. She had spent so many days pondering about why Peter liked Liz more than her. Why Liz got Peter versus Y/N getting peter. But now it wasn't about Peter.

The woman walked with Y/N up to the front of the store, carefully wrapping the dress in a delicate box.

“No boy should ever determine his worth.” The woman said, handing the box over. “You are beautiful and I'm sure Liz is too but you, you are a gorgeous young woman who will encounter many men or women or people in general who will want to be in your life simply because you are you.”

Y/N thought about the shop owner's words as both Bryant and her maneuvered through the mall's crowds. Y/N grasped the corner of Bryants elbow as he carried their shopping bags. He made small jokes making Y/N laugh. He kissed her on the cheek endearingly as she laughed some more.

Unknown to Y/N, Peter stood a few feet away from the couple as they walked by holding onto each other looking like...a couple. That warm feeling reentered Peter's belly, sickness looming over his head making him feel lightheaded. Peter watched the couple walk away with sadness filling his heart. He missed being Y/N’s best friend. He missed their walks through the mall where he would buy her all the pretzels she wanted while holding her bags of useless junk she spent hundreds on. He missed her.

Prom night came quickly after finals finished on campus. Y/N put on her dress and had her hair and makeup done by her mom. Standing in front of her mirror she made sure she was ready to go. Her mother called her to the front door signalling Bryant was there to pick her up.

Bryant showered Y/N in compliments, getting his matching pink tie tied by Y/N’s dad. They both exchanged corsages and boutineers that were adorned by pretty white flowers. They took pictures in the backyard by Y/N’s tree posing in silly poses and in your typical prom poses.

Peter stood outside of Liz’s house filled with dread. He realized that this was not the place that he wanted to be. He wanted to be at Y/N’s house taking pictures, eating her parents food, and laughing about the stupid things they normally joke about. He wanted to watch as Y/N showed off her dress to him. He wanted to be the one to bring her a bouquet of flowers that she would dry up in her journal for safe keeping. But instead he was here, in front of Liz’s mansion, hurting.

The dance was at full blast when Y/N and Bryant arrived- late because Bryant believed being fashionably late was the best type of late. They walked around the venue hand in hand as Bryant showed off all of the things he contributed to the dance. Bryant left Y/N in the flower photo room having been called away to help fix something for the dance. Y/N admired the walls covered in small and large flowers.

“Woah.” Someone gasped from behind Y/N. Turning around she came face to face to a red faced peter. “You look…ethereal, is that even the right word?”

Peter couldn't stop staring at how beautiful Y/N looked. Her dress made her stand out from the rest. Butterflies erupted in his stomach replacing the warm feeling of jealousy he had been previously feeling.

“Oh, hi Peter.” Y/N was filled with nerves as he slowly walked towards her. “How are you?”

“I don't feel too good honestly. I messed up a really good thing I think and I want to fix it. I never realized how much you meant to my life until I lost you. I know that's cheesy but it's true.” He quietly uttered, staring into her eyes. “I don't want us to stop being friends and I think I do like you.”

“You think?” She questioned looking at him hopefully.

“I- yeah I think.”

He thinks. He doesn't know if he likes her but he thinks he does. Y/N shook her head disappointed.

“Peter, I've spent the last three weeks wondering why I wasn't good enough for you to like me. I only just realized that I was good enough maybe not for you but for other people. Since we were kids I always did things in hopes of catching your attention. I joined the debate team because you did. I joined the academic team because you became the captain. I even tried to apply to be an intern at stark industries so I could work with you without even realizing that stark industries didn't have internships. And that spiderman started appearing a lot more after said internship appeared.” She had a knowing smile on her face.

“Oh so you know.” He looked down at the ground embarrassed to be exposed.

“Peter, I know so much about you. I know you better than Mj and Ned that's the whole reason why we are best friends. I know how you like your sandwiches- breakfast and lunch. I know how you organize your school work. I know that you like to specifically request time in the lab in the morning because all of the equipment is freshly washed and you like to first pick at the goggles and coats. Peter, I know you don't like me. You feel bad and miss me but you don't like me.” She walked to him, placing her hands on his cheeks. He melted into her hands.

“But I think I do Y/N.”

“Ok so say you think you like me, I would prefer to have you when you know you like me not when you have only developed small feelings after not having me for a few weeks. Peter, I'm in love with you. I'm in a lot deeper than a few small feelings. I don't want to make you be in a relationship when we are in two very different places.” She sniffled a little one hand coming to stop the tears from ruining her makeup.

“I want nothing more than to be your best friend again but I can't.” He couldn't stop his tears from falling at those words. “I can't go back to being the girl who did nothing for herself and everything for the boy she loves. I need more for myself. I'm going to college and I don't even know how to just be me without you and I need to learn how.”

He absorbed her words, crying free flowing tears.

“I want you to be happy Y/N.” He nodded, she swiped her thumbs under his eyes. She smiled sweetly at him. Placing a sweet kiss on his lips, Y/N  gave him one last smile before walking away from him.

Y/N walked away with her heart feeling light. She felt like a burden had been lifted off of her shoulders. Her intent wasn't to hurt Peter but she needed to say what had been in her mind for weeks. She knew he would eventually move on from his slight crush on her and so would she. She would move on eventually, it would be a slow and hard process but it would happen. And she would never fully get over him. She's been in love with him since they were kids- it's all she's ever known. But for right now she was focusing on loving herself and growing into the person she was meant to be- without Peter.

[ablackfangirlwrites]

Jealous ll

Part 2!!!! I linked the sone again cause its a bop and I love it also heres pt one!

You had had enough

Thats what you kept telling yourself

As you got ready tonight

You weren't going sit in the house anymore waiting for keigo to show up whenever he felt like it

Tonight you were going out for you

You thought about how you used to have fun, how you used to be happy

And how miserable you had been lately and you decided

If Keigo didnt appreciate you anymore

Then you'd find someone who would

So thats why you found yourself looking in the mirror admiring how well you dressed up tonight to go out

You almost forgot how hot you were when you put in a little effort

You had originally stopped because keigo would tell you how beautiful and perfect you were without make up or anything

But now you were on the prowl for someone new to notice you and keigo's words meant little to nothing to you right now

Tonight you were gonna find someone to show you just a little bit of attention you craved so much and it wasnt going to be keigo

Just then you saw keigo staring at you from the reflection in mirror

he was home unusually eailer

"Dont you have to work?" You asked bitterly

"Where are you going?" He asked ignoring your statement

Sighed and rolling your eyes and picking up your purse you turned to him before leaving the bedroom, "Out. You don't have to wait up for me."

"You're being ridiculous y/n."

He said following you but you ignored him

"Y/n? Y/n?" He kept calling you, "You cant just go out an-"

"And why not?" You turned to him before you left the apartment, "according to you were not even really dating-"

"You know why that is." He told you seriously

You huffed out a fake laugh, "yeah, but its still okay for you to flirt with anyone?"

Keigo didnt respond to that making you chuckle, "Exactly...like I said im going out dont wait up." Then you slammed the door leaving.

You knew you were being unreasonable with him

You knew the two of you needed to just talk and make up

But you kept letting your anger from all your arguments cloud your judgment

Because you just wanted him to feel the same hurt and jealously you had been feeling more then anything

Keigo stared at the door you had just slammed

Things somehow got worse in the following days after your argument on your anniversary

You refused to talk to him

He tried to apologize to you but you basically brushed him off

Keigo wasn't sure what to think you said you hated him, you wouldnt sleep in the bed with him

Yet you hadn't packed up and left so that was good right?

But that distance that was growing between the two of you was wider then before

And he didnt know what to do to fix it

And now you were going out clearly dressed to find someone else

Did you really hate him? Had you really had enough of him?

Hell, he couldnt even blame you if you did he thought

You had put up with so much of him up until now

And maybe some of what you said the other night was true? Had he gotten too comfortable with you always being there?

But that was only because he loved you

Keigo was truly in love with you, and dispite you suspensions he never cheated on you

And he would never do that, you were the only one he wanted even now when you two seemed to be at each others throats

He still wanted you, and he couldn't picture his life without you

So thats why he ended up following you to the bar you were currently at

He made sure you hadnt noticed him staying in the back out of your sight

And he hated what he saw

He saw you having fun

You had met up with some of your girlfriends the three of you all laughing and drinking

You acting like you didnt have a care in the world, like the two of you didnt argue before you left out

Having a good time as if you didnt leave him alone in the house

He watched you dancing as though you were having the time of your life as other mean stared and gawked at you

He watched as a guy singled you out and was clearly flirting with you

And worst you let him and was encouraging him

You kept touching his shoulder laughing at his jokes letting him dance against you

Words couldnt describe the irritation he felt watching

He wanted nothing more then to rip that mans hands off you and fly away with you in his arms

But part of him felt like he deserved this

This feeling he had, was it how you felt?

If so he needed to fix this, was all that he could think

And he was about to go to you, but before he could someone called out his name

"Hey! Hawks is here!"

Fuck he said to himself when a crowd started to form around him

His eyes then connected with yours knowing you heard he was here

And for a moment he thought you were gonna come up to him

But instead you kept talking to the random guy ignoring him

Hawks wanted to go to you and talk to just take you back home

But was having trouble getting away from the crowd

He was all smiles talking to his fans but the whole time he kept his eyes on you

But somehow it became a battle to see who was going to be more stubborn

You continued to dance with the random guy, but now you knew keigo was here watching you

You convinced yourself not to care, you came here to have fun and he wasnt going to ruin it for you

But thats just what he was doing as you watched him talk to some random girl now

He was here to get under you skin, you were sure of it

But two could play this little game

Both of you having this little war with each other watching each other from across the room

And you couldnt lie you were enjoying it a bit

Seeing his eyes watching you, knowing he had to be feeling the sting of jealousy as another man held you close

But It all came to a head when you saw the girl he was dancing with lips on his neck

He wasnt looking at you when you saw that all his attention clearly on her

You couldn't deny the sharp feeling in your chest at the sight

And not wanting to see anymore you left the dance floor telling the guy you needed to go to the bathroom

Hawks pulled away from the handsy fan

Denying anymore of her advances

Yeah he had been trying to get under your skin now but thats was a bit much

But now when he looked up to find you again, only to see you were gone

His stomach sank

Where did you go? You had to had just seen that?

Did you leave with that guy? Hawks started to panic when he didnt seem him either

Where did you go? Why was he being so stupid just now? He should have just went to talk to you

Just then keigo noticed the guy you had been flirting with at the bar and went up to him

"The girl you were dancing with? Where'd she go?"

The guy looked at him like he was crazy "whats it too you?" He challenged him

But keigo wasnt in a playful mood and grabbed the man by the collar, "Answer the question asshole."

The guy quickly put his hands up in defeat, "she just said-

"Hawks?"

He heard his name called out and looked behing him to see you

"What are- you are so unbelievable." Yku shook your head storming off

You couldn't believe him he had the audacity to attack the guy you had been talking to

It didnt take much thought to figure out why

And it annoyed you to no end

So keigo could flirt and let girls kiss all over him but if you had a guy around you that was too much

He was such a hypocrite

You were angry your whole way back home

You stood in the mirror once you got back

But with a different feeling in your stomach then the feeling you had before you left

You felt defeated your plans of fun had been ruined and you felt like your back in the same spot you had been in

Hawks was giving you a little bit of space taking his time getting back home

Because now you were probably madder than before at him

When hr got in he saw you had just got out the shower

"Y/n..."

You heard him call out your name But you ignored him

Y/n, you have to listen to me."

You werent going to turned around but before you knew it he hugged you from behind

"Im sorry."

"Let go of me hawks." You spat out but he didnt budge

"Just listen to me y/n..."

"Why are we doing this to each other?" You asked quietly, "Why do you keep hurting me? What are we even doing? It clearly isnt wor-"

"Ive been an idiot, y/n."

Keigo buried his face in your neck, "I've been so stupid, but please please dont leave me."

You were trying to fight back tears, "I dont want to leave you keigo....but I cant-"

"Dont say you can't with me anymore. I need you." Keigo pleaded holding you tighter

You were so frustrated

You still loved him, you still wanted to be with him, because when things are good between you they're great

But the way your relationship had been it was becoming too much

But you wanted to stay with him

Because you loved him

You moved your hands and held on to his arms secretly enjoying his embrace that you missed so much

"I know you mean well keigo-"

"I love you so much y/n," keigo cut you off again, "I know ive been an asshole, ive been neglectful, ive been the worst, but dont give up on me. Please."

You finally turned around to face him and hugged him back

You could see the sincerity in his eyes as you did "I love you too keigo but I just cant do this- we keep hurting each other...thats not what your supposed to do to the people you love."

Keigo pulled back "You want me to tell everyone about us? I will." He told you, "You want me to tell you everything ive been doing I will, I promise you Ill to whatever it takes to fix us. I dont want to live the way we have anymore."

You knew he was serious and your heart leaped hearing his words but you werent sure

"You're the only one I want y/n" he said giving you a light kiss

Almost like he was asking for permission

"Ill do whatever it takes for you to forgive me."

He said inbetween kisses, "you're so important to me, im sorry i made you think you weren't."

You couldnt lie he was finally saying everything you wanted to hear

And you wanted to believe him

"You promise?" You asked him

"I promise."

[chokemeanakin]

I dont know if you are taking requests but if you are, could you please write something where reader has trouble masturbating, every time she tries she just CANT, so anakin (theyre just friends but they always had lots of sexual tension) helps her out and does it for her so she cums for the first time. THANK YOU!!!

A Dream Come True - Anakin Skywalker x fem Reader (smut)

Masterlist

Read it on ao3

Wc: 5.4k

A low warmth is rising in your belly, pulled from the depths by your wandering fingers. They’re working against your clit, rubbing it side to side, faster and hard, trying so desperately to remain in that warm haze of pleasure you’ve spent so long building up. It feels good, but you need more. 

The many late nights spent with your girlfriends cross your mind, and how you would sit by idly during each one as they discussed their own personal affairs in the bedroom. You were the least experienced, but listened in awe as they told you the latest on what their partners have done to surprise them in bed. How they made them scream and shake, their eyes roll back into their head, and cum all over until they couldn’t take anymore.

You were too embarrassed to admit you’d never felt that way before. You thought you were broken.

Which is why you’re here, fingers glued to your hard nub, rubbing furiously to try and get yourself to feel something. You do feel something, but it’s not earth-shattering, leg-shaking, eye-rolling like your friends had described. Frustration fuels your movements as you attack your clit, holding your breath, forcing the warmth to build and build and build--

Nothing.

Your arm aches with the strain as you halt your movements, chest heaving when you allow yourself to breathe. Self-pity outweighs your disappointment as the subtle warmth dissipates, any pleasure that you had given yourself slipping away. 

Broken, a small voice whispers inside your head. There’s something wrong with you.

What other reasoning could there be to explain why you can’t feel good? 

Maybe, you argue, there needs to be something inside. That was always a big topic of discussion with your friends, how they “loved being filled.” Gathering your wits, you move your finger down, exploring your folds until you find your opening. Squeezing your eyes shut, you push a finger in, wincing at the sudden intrusion. 

It stings more than anything, but you’re desperate so you decide to give it a chance. You’ve tried this before, and it’s never felt like anything more than a finger inside of you-- which is exactly what it is. And now, this situation proves to be the same. You feel around, hoping to find that spot everyone raves about, but your fingers are too short and the angle is weird. You push your finger in and out like how you think you’re supposed to, and it feels like nothing.

Maybe you need two?

You let another finger join the one that’s already inside, struggling to get it in. 

Ow, you wince as your body rejects the intrusion. Your heartbeat picks up, a sudden anxiety joining the whirlwind of exasperation and discontent that has come from this situation. Is it supposed to hurt this much? The remnants of the need to satisfy yourself are still present, so you try again.

Making it back to your apartment had been a relief this evening, as all day you had been battling a relentless urge down below. You’re not too proud to admit that your… situation… had been a direct result of spending the day with Anakin, a good friend of yours who needed help finding a data entry in the corner of the Temple library. The entry supposedly had something to do with a cloaking mechanism for battleships, and when you had asked why he needed it when the Republic already had cloaking mechanisms, he mentioned that he was trying to translate the same technique to his own personal starship. No battlecraft as small as his has that ability, and with a ship as fast as his, it would give him a huge advantage on the battlefield. 

You could listen to him talk about it all day.

You virtually had, as the data entry was just one small piece of paper-- a piece of scrap blueprint scrawled on a fragile, worried edge of some larger text, worn with time. You spent hours searching all over for it. Once you had finally dug it out of a dusty box in the deepest corner of the library, Anakin had lifted you into the air effortlessly, swinging you around as he hugged you and laughed.

You had walked home with a damp spot in your underwear, an undeniable throb that needed to be relieved. 

He had no idea. No idea that his hands shot sparks up your spine as they closed around your waist. That his laugh turned your blood to lava, and his beautiful, smiling face made your heart skip a beat. He had no idea that he is the cause of your desperation, the reason you are torturing yourself by dangling an unknown pleasure before your face, knowing you can’t have it. 

You manage to sink your second finger in a little, but the sting is too much, and you have to pull them both out.

Broken.

The door to your apartment suddenly swings open, and you throw your sheets over your bare legs in a panic. Your eyes find the clock next to your bed-- Shit. You’d lost track of the time. 

The sound of those boots are unmistakable, and you find that praying you’re wrong is pointless when he calls out your name. 

“Y/n--?” Anakin rounds the corner to peer into your room, features lighting up when he finally finds you. Curious eyes roam over your figure, wondering why you’re in bed when it was barely evening. “Are you feeling okay?”

Your cheeks flame with heat, and you can’t find the words to explain yourself out of this situation. Mentally, you’re beating yourself up for losing track of time, especially since you knew Anakin was coming over tonight. While searching for the data log, you mentioned you had always wanted to try his favorite childhood drink-- ruby bliels-- and he promised he’d treat you tonight after you found the blueprint. It was his thank you gift to you, but now you needed to find a way to get him out of your apartment before he realized what was going on.

Your mouth hangs open like a gaping fish, and you know it’s too late. Anakin’s brain is as fast as his superhuman reflexes, and you can see the gears click into place as his eyes flit from your red cheeks, to the messy covers strewn over your legs, to the crumpled panties lying discarded on the floor. Your hand is even still frozen between your legs, your activities becoming clear as he senses the remnants of pleasure and disappointment still hanging around the room. 

“Oh…” is all he says, looking lost for a moment. You expect him to apologize and turn away, run out of the apartment and then never speak to you again. You wouldn’t blame him. Finding a friend in this position can never be a comfortable experience.

Instead a slow smirk crawls onto his face, and he leans against the doorframe, arms crossed. “You need some help with that?”

You should have known. The smug little bastard-- of course he’d find this amusing. Your face grows impossibly redder, and you wish a black hole would just open beneath you already and swallow you up. Anakin finds your humiliation endearing, and laughs good-naturedly. 

“Alright, okay, I’m sorry. I’ll leave you to it,” he slinks out of the doorway, crooking his finger in the air to close the door after him. “I’ll be in the kitchen setting up for the bliels when you’re done--”

“Wait!”

You’re just as shocked as he is at the words that leave your mouth. He freezes in place, the door still open a crack. There’s too many thoughts running through your head right now, but the one that stands out the most has you pulling your hand away from your center, sitting up in bed so you can address him clearly. 

You never thought you’d be able to speak these words to him. For so long, you had wanted him in every way possible. But he’s a Jedi, unable to form attachments, and more than that-- a friend. A very good friend. And breaching the topic that you know you both feel for each other had the potential to ruin it all. 

But the minute he had opened that door, still dressed in that black leather armor, hair perfectly curled and messy, so tall and strong and devilishly handsome leaning against your doorframe-- he was beautiful, and you’d be a fool not to take advantage of his offering. Even if it might have been a joke. 

You had a sneaking suspicion it wasn’t. 

“I… I do need help.”

There. You said it. And you’re pretty certain the only reason you could force the words past your lips is because his back is still facing you. But then he opens the door again, turns to meet your eyes, and cocks his head.

“Really?”

You’re not sure how to feel about the concern on his face. You guess it’s better than him being disgusted, or awkward, or uncomfortable. And it’s not an outright rejection. That realization gives you the push you need to explain yourself.

“I think there’s something wrong with me.”

Now he looks concerned. Walking a few steps into the room, he stops by the edge of your bed and folds his arms across his chest. He’s studying every inch of you, reaching into the force to try and gauge the nature of your words. “What do you mean?”

He’s standing so close now, you can see the blue of his eyes and the wrinkle between his furrowed brows. It does nothing to calm your sizzling nerves. However, you’re concrete on your desires now. While you would have liked to confess your feelings for him in a more… romantic way, the intensity of your need for him in this very moment overshadows rational thought. Besides, it’s not like this is a declaration of love. That could always come later. For right now, you need his help, and you’re certain that you can trust him not to make fun of you or shame you for trying in if he declines.

“I can’t…” you take a deep breath, staring at your hands in your lap. “I can’t make myself feel good.”

Your voice is so quiet, embarrassed and ashamed, but he catches the yearning under it all. His face smooths, comforted by the fact that you’re not injured or dying in some way. Deep down, something sparks alive in his veins. 

That’s the issue? Well… it’s definitely something he can help you with.

“Hmm.” His face is thoughtful as he scans your position. His hand gestures vaguely down your body. “Do you want to show me what you’re doing?”

Your blood freezes at his request. For some reason, it didn’t cross your mind how asking for his help would require him to see you… naked. 

“If you’re too embarrassed, we can just--”

You cut off his words by throwing the blanket off. There, like ripping off a bandaid. His eyes drink in the exposed skin of your legs, and although they’re closed and he can’t be seeing much more than he’s already seen before, they darken. A small twitch of his fingers, and the door clicks shut behind him. 

He takes a seat on the side of the bed, next to your legs, and rests his metal hand on your knee. Your heart beats like a hummingbird's wings at the sudden proximity, and the nerves pile up again at the thought of what’s going to happen.

“Wait-- um… actually, can you come here?” 

You reach out to take his metal hand from your knee, and pull him up the bed so that he’s hovering over you. He’s still sitting, the upper half of his body twisted toward you, caging you in with a hand on either side of you. He’s smiling softly, and his eyes twinkle with something fond.

He doesn’t need to ask to know that you’re nervous. The rigidity in your muscles, the flightyness of your eyes, the hammer of your heart-- he can feel it all, and he wants nothing more than to quell your fears. So he lifts an arm to cup your face in his large hand, smoothing a thumb over your cheekbone in a silent request for you to look at him.

Once you muster up the courage to meet his eyes, his smile grows, and he says something that steals your breath.

“Can I kiss you?”

Oh, how long you’ve wanted him to say those words to you. Countless nights, you’d run them through your head, imagining all the scenarios in which it could happen. Certainly, this was not one of them, but you definitely aren’t going to complain.

You don’t trust yourself to speak, so you give him a nod, and lean forward a fraction in invitation. Your veins sing with anticipation, warmth spreading from your cheeks to every small nook and cranny of your body as he angles your face up toward his. Your eyes flutter close, and he leans down, and--

Bliss.

His lips are warm against yours, soft, applying the gentlest of pressures. You always thought he’d be a good kisser-- he was experienced, and he’d hinted at some of his more scandalous escapades a couple times in passing conversation. You’d asked him before, how he could do that when Jedi aren’t allowed to form attachments, which resulted in him going into a full lecture on how non-attachment didn’t translate to abstinence being “The Jedi Way”, even if it was supported within the Order. Really, it sounded like he was trying to convince himself more than anything, until he fell on the defensive position that he was almost certain Obi-Wan had done stuff as well.

Which-- great. Now you realized you were less experienced than even two Jedi. 

These thoughts are snuffed out like candles, one by one, as Anakin kisses you. In fact, your whole mind goes blank, a wave washing over all of your worries away and dragging them out to sea. You’re drifting on that wave, drowning in the heady feel of him, the warm taste of him. His slow inhale reminds you to breathe as he moves his lips against yours languidly. It’s heaven, the way he’s yours for just this moment. He might not think anything of this kiss, but to you, it’s like your deepest fantasies are coming true. With each moment that passes where he tilts his head and closes his lips over yours, you can pretend that he is yours, completely and unconditionally.

Eventually he pulls back, eyes fluttering open, and you realize you’re still lost at sea.  

“Good?” his voice is low and raspy as his gaze bores into yours. You wonder if he knows how intense his eyes can be sometimes. 

“Yes.”

He presses another quick kiss to your lips, your heart spasming at the act, before he trails kisses down your jaw, tasting the skin of your neck. Your breath picks up again, hands finding his curls as you gasp at the feeling. His teeth skim over the junction of your neck and shoulder, and he presses a kiss to your throbbing pulse. He means for the kisses to be distracting, soothing, so that you’ll be more comfortable with him, and he thinks it’s working until a faint moan leaves your mouth.

So it’s really working.

Anakin’s eyes flick up to yours, and you can feel the smirk against your skin. Embarrassment crashes down on you again but Anakin repeats the motion, nipping at your skin and then smoothing his tongue over the mark, sucking gently to try to elicit another reaction. You gift him one against your will, and suddenly he’s got lava pouring into his veins.

You’re so lost in the feeling of his mouth on you that you don’t even realize his warm hand has travelled from your face, down the middle of your body, gripping onto the pliant flesh of your thigh and pulling you toward him. You let him, rolling your body into him to try and relieve that reappearing ache in your center. 

It’s the same feeling that had built up all day, and it’s returned with a vengeance. You can feel the wetness seep out, slicking your thighs up. Your clit throbs and your pussy clenches around nothing, begging for something to satisfy the ache. You rub your thighs together to help, but Anakin slides a hand to the inside of your thigh and coaxes your legs apart. Any embarrassment you felt before has been beat out by a yearning for his touch, the need to have his fingers on you, inside you--

“Show me how you’ve been doing it,” Anakin mumbles into your neck.

You open your eyes, pulled up from the haze of pleasure he’d submerged you in. Your hand only shakes slightly as you release his hair and bring it back to your skin. He pulls back a few inches to watch, the heat of his body so close to yours causing goosebumps to erupt all over your body. 

His eyes hone in on your hand, following its descent to your warm center. You still can’t wrap your head around the fact that someone is seeing you like this, but now your veins sing with a satisfied realization that he’s the one seeing you like this. He’s the only one who ever has. And he seems to like what he’s seeing.

You don’t miss the way he inhales, the way his teeth capture a sliver of his bottom lip as your fingers finally reach your heat. You begin to do what you’ve always done-- rub your fingers back and forth over your nub, working that pleasure from it.

It feels good, different than what it felt like when you were alone. You’re sure his eyes on you, the proximity, his mere presence has something to do with that. You can still taste him on your lips and you close your eyes, licking them to relive the kiss. You focus on the warmth of his body, the dip of the bed where his arm is planted beside you, the weight of his other hand still holding your thigh open, the scent of his black leather and spice of his shampoo. It definitely feels better when he’s here, the knowledge of him watching adding to your excitement.

But still, you can only build yourself up to a certain point. The pleasure plateaus, and soon you begin to feel awkward at the fact that nothing is happening. It’s not enough to make you moan, or move, or show any reaction really. Your hand stills, and you look at him uncertainly.

Anakin blinks and brings his eyes back up. “Have you tried fingering yourself?”

You almost choke. You’re not sure why his blunt nature surprises you anymore. 

He’s looking at you curiously, completely serious, waiting for an answer. So you clear your throat and slide your finger down to your entrance, pushing in.

It goes in easier than before, and there’s no sting. But you don’t even have to move to know you’re literally going to get nothing out of it, and trying is useless.

“This is what I’m talking about,” you tell him. “It doesn’t feel like anything. And when I try two, it hurts. I think I’m broken.”

“You’re not broken,” he frowns, smoothing your hair away from your forehead and replacing it with a kiss. Your heart melts at the action that you’re sure is meant to be comforting, but only deepens your adoration of him. He sits up and you immediately miss him, although you understand he needs a better angle as he slides his hand from your thigh to the top of your pelvis. He hesitates, questioning. “Can I?”

You pull your finger out and push yourself up onto your forearms, nodding for him to go ahead. 

His touch is light as a feather as his fingertips make contact with your swollen nub. Your breath hitches in your chest, thighs immediately opening wider on their own accord to get him to increase the pressure. He watches your face as he fulfills your silent request, massaging your clit in slow, gentle circles. 

Fireworks are exploding behind your eyes, and you melt into a puddle on the bed. He’s barely even touching you, and somehow it already feels so much better than anything you’ve done to yourself. Quiet whimpers fall from your lips and the sounds make him need a steadying breath, reminding himself to go slow. Obviously, no one has ever touched you before, and he doesn’t want to do anything that makes you uncomfortable.

The sight of your head tilted back, teeth biting at your lips to quiet your sounds, fingers clutching at the bedsheets-- a very sudden, very real desire to absolutely ruin you slams into him. 

But no. That can come later.

He brings his metal hand up to your face, thumb tracing over your bottom lip and pulling it from your teeth. “You don’t have to be quiet with me,” he tells you, the ministrations on your clit with his other hand never ceasing. Instead, he picks up the pace, increasing the pressure, drinking in the sight of your hips moving against his fingers.

You’re absolutely drenched, dripping down your thighs and puddling onto the bedsheets. You’re not sure you’ve ever been this wet before, or felt this good before, and the warmth you’ve always felt is transforming into a ball of heat in your stomach. You hone into the feeling, the heat pulsing with each pass of his fingers, each wet slide of him against you--

“You have to breathe, Y/n,” Anakin chuckles, slowing his touch. You gasp in a deep breath, whining at the loss of friction, but he appeases you by slipping his fingers from your clit to your entrance. He doesn’t push in-- instead he circles his finger around it, collecting your slick, reading your every response. 

“Please, can you…” you buck your hips up, but he doesn’t allow his finger to slide in until you finish your sentence. “Can you put it in?”

He can’t keep the tiny, darkly satisfied smile off his face. He’s always had fantasies of you like this, squirming beneath him and begging for his touch. He basks in the fulfilled wish of his, drinking in every second so he can remember it for later. Meanwhile, his finger massages your hole, dipping in with just the tip before pulling back out. 

“Fuck,” you hiss, once again surprised at your own reaction. Your head is far past the point of clouding with lust, and now you’re dizzy with pleasure and the need to just have him inside of you already. “Anakin, please.”

“Patience,” he answers teasingly, although he does mean it. You can’t rush these things. And… he does have to admit that he loves seeing you so desperate and messy for him. Your neediness has him strain against his own pants, but he pushes that aside. For now, another dip of his finger into your throbbing pussy has you arch off the bed, urging him deeper, and it’s heaven to witness.

He didn’t want to go all in just yet, but you’re gushing around his finger and taking it so well. So he lets you have it, sinking his finger all the way into you. You feel him go deeper and deeper, the never-ending length of his finger a stark contrast to your shorter ones. He’s reaching places you were never able to, and even the slide of him inside you elicits a deep, warm pleasure that spreads to the tips of your fingers.

He keeps his finger all the way inside for a moment, still as he feels your walls clench around him. Once he’s sure you’re all good, he begins pressing into you with shallow thrusts, thumb returning to your clit and rubbing in time with each push of his finger.

Curses spill from your lips, and Anakin can’t help himself. He leans down over you and captures them in his mouth, swallowing your cries of pleasure. The kiss is wet, dirty, and the muffled sounds of your moans combat the indecent slick and slide below. Soon, another finger is nudging at your opening, and you press yourself deeper into his lips in anticipation of that painful sting.

It doesn’t come.

Instead, his finger slides in a couple inches and he keeps both of them there, letting you adjust as his thumb rolls over your clit. You had never been able to use two fingers before, and your head goes fuzzy as he pushes them deeper. Your walls stretch around him pleasantly, accepting the welcome intrusion as he reaches deep inside you.

How is it fair that he can make you feel so much better than you can make yourself? It doesn’t seem right in the whole grand scheme of things, but you decide not to question it as his fingers suddenly curl inside you, searching. It feels odd, and he pulls back from your lips to concentrate for a second until-- there. Found it.

You almost knock your head into his as you shoot up, a startled cry leaving your lips as your vision whites with pleasure. Your fingers claw at his back, meeting the leather that still sits on his shoulders, and scrabbling over the smooth material for purchase. Anakin laughs at your reaction, easing you into a more comfortable position as he holds you against him with his metal arm behind your back.

You can’t find it in you to care that he’s laughing, not as long as he keeps rolling the pads of his fingers into you like this. His wrist curls, applying a harder pressure as he rubs against that spot, and your head falls back, hips pushing forward, the lewdest sounds you’ve ever heard leaving your mouth. 

“You like that,” he notes, proud smile ghosting over your lips. He kisses the corner of your mouth quick and sweet, then asks, “Is it better when I go slow or fast?”

“Both,” you gasp. “Either. All of it. Oh my--”

“Soft or hard?”

“Anakin--”

Your brain is unable to focus on much else other than the feel of his fingers coaxing that blissful heat from your center. He plays around with paces and pressures, but everything feels good, it feels great, it feels amazing, it feels euphoric. Before long, your legs are shaking and a weird feeling comes over you, and you’re crying out,

“What’s happening?”

Anakin pauses, his entire body stilling as he meets your eyes. You’re completely serious, that much he can tell by the vulnerability in your eyes. He frowns, unbelieving at this revelation.

“Why’d you stop?”

“Have you ever had an orgasm?”

You whine and shift your hips into his hand, trying to get him to keep making you feel good. If this wasn’t your first time being with someone else, Anakin would have held your hip still and forced you to talk to him no matter how much you begged and pleaded. But, it was your first time with someone else, so he was deciding to be nice. He soothes your craving, resuming his movements but at a much slower pace. A pleased sigh from you fills the silence of him waiting expectantly for your answer.

“Um..” you swallow, hips meeting his hand with every thrust. “I don’t think so. No. Nothing’s ever felt… like… this…”

It’s like a sneeze, except much, much better. The way his fingers prod into you, slick with your arousal, the tips brushing and massaging against that spot that have you careening into his body. You would have toppled over on top of him if he wasn’t so strong and rooted to the bed. He holds your shivering body against his chest with his metal arm, lips marking their way around your chin and jaw as your head falls back in ecstasy. 

He’s immensely turned on, that much is obvious from the painful straining in his pants. But it’s easy to ignore, knowing now that you’ve never fallen off that brink of pleasure before. He’s curious about it, oddly saddened by the fact, and wants nothing more than to show you the absolute highs he could help you reach. So he focuses back in on rubbing your clit with his thumb, fucking you deeply on his fingers. He allows you to clutch at his back and bury your hands in his hair, moaning in abandon.

Anakin shares you pleasure as the ball in your stomach unleashes, a blissful warmth crashing over you and invading your every cell. For a moment, your body isn’t yours-- it convulses and clenches around Anakin’s fingers, your cries bounce off the walls, your eyes squeeze closed. You hope the hands twisted into his hair don’t hurt him because you physically can’t let go as you ride that pleasure-filled haze, the feeling in your limbs abandoning you to be replaced with something much stronger. 

For a while, the only sounds in the room are your gasps of air and the blood rushing through your ears. Anakin waits until your muscles relax, and then he slides his fingers out of you, smoothing his hand around your waist to join his other behind your back. He lays you down into the pillows again, burying his face in your neck as you struggle to get your legs to stop shaking.

“Y/n,” he mouths a line up your neck. “You there?”

“Mhm,” you gulp, the shock of that intense, pleasurable feeling just beginning to fade.

He pressed his deep chuckle into the spot right under your ear. “Good. I thought I lost you for a moment.”

If you were in your right state of mind, you would have laughed at his teasing. Now, all you can do is cup his face lazily in your boneless hands, pulling his face up so that you can look at him. His cheeks are flushed the slightest pink, eyes dark and sparkling, lips so red and full and inviting…

You kiss him, and he’s yours for a moment longer. 

If only it could always be like this. If only this could be a daily experience, and afterwards you could take care of him, and you could feel that wonderful euphoria with him at the same time. If only he wouldn’t have to pull away soon, untangle himself from your still-shaking limbs, brush off what just happened, and be on his way. If only he could be yours forever.

All of this, you try to tell him through the kiss. Your lips are hot, sliding over with a wanton need. He feels your yearning, and he can tell it’s a different kind than earlier. You move to deepen the kiss, but he pulls away.

“I know what you’re thinking,” his low voice murmurs, and now he doesn’t look so playful. In fact, he looks very serious, and the rumble of his words causes your stomach to drop. “You should know, Y/n, I want you too.”

The whole room could be on fire and burning and falling to ash around you, but you wouldn’t notice. Everything pales in comparison to the flames that erupt in your heart at the sound of his words. 

“You do?”

He purses his lips, running his eyes up and down your face. You’re nervous, and hopeful, and so, so scared. And also… still shivering. Most likely due to the cold, at this point. And he’s sure the drunken affects of your orgasm are still holding sway over your mind.

“This is a conversation I think would be much better held over some ruby bliels,” he decides, and begins to unwind himself from you. You let him, that hopeful spark still searing through your veins. Before getting off the bed, he presses a kiss into your hand and then smooths over it with his thumb.

You want to say something cute or witty, but the only thing your dumb brain can come up with is, “Okay.”

“Okay,” he smiles fondly, moving toward the door. “I’ll meet you out there. Feel free to remain pantsless.”

This has you rolling your eyes, laughing lightly as you fall back against the pillows. Don’t tempt me.

The prospect of a future with Anakin is at the forefront of your brain, blood pumping thick as molasses as you struggle to convince yourself this is reality. He shuts the door behind him as you leave, and you roll onto your stomach to scream into the pillow. 

This was a dream come true.

[x-chubby-reader]

Hello! I'm new to your blog, but I adore it! So, recently, I've been diagnosed with narcolepsy and I was wondering if you'd write something for Iwaizumi, Asahi, and Suga having a plus size gf with narcolepsy? Sorry if it's too much or if you're uncomfortable with it!

A/n - Nonono, your fine. I tried to write Narcolepsy in a way that wasnt really the stereotypical *Randomly falls over, asleep* Please tell me if it isnt accurate so i can edit it. Because I dont have Narcolepsy and have never gone though the condition.😊

Future A/n DEAR LORD I DONT KNOW WHY I TOOK SO LONG TO FINISH I AM SO SORRY JESUS-

Not Prof Read

I don’t think there are any triggers

Lowercase intended 

Haikyuu Boys Iwaizumi, Asahi, and Suga with a Narcoleptic plus size reader

Iwaizumi

ngl he was hella confused at first

since you literally didn’t tell him and he somehow didn’t pick up on your symptoms

full on he found out when he was having one of his long daily conversations with you while making lunch

“anyways, could you believe what he did?”

he was met with silence

Iwai literally had a buffer moment before turning around to ask if you were paying attention.

you were sitting there, head rested in your hand and eyes closed

he literally wondered if he talked you to sleep, was voleyball really that boring to you? 

after hajime was able to wake you up and have you awake for a few minutes trying to get your thoughts straight, you were finally able to explain it to him

oH so that’s why you were tired all of the time...

light bulb above his head go blink

he suddenly becomes prepared soccer mom

will carry his jacket everywhere to drape over you when you doze off

had anxiety about driving a car because an accident involving narcolepsy in the past? where you need to go?

he got you

“I love you, but your sleeping schedule is fucked up, go to bed at 9pm or god help me-”

Asahi

baby boy also found out later

sis you really need to be telling them about yourself, otherwise they will die from heart attacks-

i mean, you did give him a heart attack

he never really suspected you having anything wrong

asahi just thought that you stayed up late all of the time and your drowsiness was just a consequence of it

but he was not expecting to find you passed out on your floors

he screamed, he literally thought you had died

poor baby-

but it was chivalrous to see this 6 foot man screech like he was a little girl

if only you were conscious enough to see it

literally you only sat down for a moment or two to tie your shoe laces and “hey this kinda comfortable-” 

jesus panic texted dadchi-

“hElp y/N is DEAD!-”

“asahi... chill out they’re just narcoleptic...”

oH

how did he never know that?

that’s in the past, now he’s trying to wake you up or at least move you to your bed to be more comfortable

if you get sleep paralysis as a side effect, just call asahi he’ll be there in five

not five minutes, literally five seconds he is speed-

make room in your bed, he will hold your softly sculpted body all night and hum to you

you cant make him leave, and why would you?

Suga 

suga was literally the only one who knew what was happening

one of the perks of being from childhood friends to lovers

since he is so use to you dozing off from time to time, he makes some fun out of it

10/10 would dress you up in fancy hats, feather boa’s, and sunglasses

bitch we’re having a fashion show and your the star

ofc he would set it as his lock-screen (its how you find out about his little photo shoots half the time)

sometimes he would try some methods with you to in an attempt to curb your sleepiness

“its your scheduled nap time, get over here-”

cat naps together frequently 

he is little spoon change my mind

that right you cant

he knows the drill by now and will go mom mode if you decide that you don’t want to do something

suga is prepared for almost everything

he even put himself on speed dial for you on your phone

and you have used it a lot over the years

he may not look it but homeboy is stronk

istg he literally carried you around town on his back because “you just looked too peaceful to disturb”

you wanted to beat his ass but thanked him, still red in the face

[artreider]

Let's try to get this final live blog on my station 19 rewatch done. I'm currently laid up on my couch in mild pain but unable to do anything else.

I don't really like flashback episodes but i want one for the premiere since we are jumping so far ahead. I hate that this episode starts with a fight. But damn knowing what the fight is over, i love how loyal andy is to maya in this episode. Something ive wanted for her and the team. Qnd also jaina looks gorgeous.

The fire scene yay another fire on the fire show lmao. Feel like we missed some last year which im sure was covid related.

The marina scene ugh chefs kiss. I love how happy and giddy they are. I do wish we couldve gotten to see some of their month apart communication and their quarantining apart those two weeks when carina got back. I wrote a little something related to that and i may share before the premiere of season 5.

The quiet moment between carina saying her morning was better than those 6 weeks and then asking about mayas folks was a beautiful and real moment and i love it. So brief it could be overlooked but great choice for team.

The little bit of danielle and stefania that was them and adlibbed in this episode was so great also.

I love that rhey addressed how everyone was able to attend maskless and how safe the wedding was keeping the real world element in. Also vic love you and your chicken dance comment makes me sad that we didnt get it.

Vics parents trying to talk to her about theo is so cute.

Poor lawyer she'd be good for dean.

I understand some people dont come out until late in life but that is hard to hear that you havent loved the person youve been with for decades like you do this new person. That would hurt me so much to hear, like i couldve been with someone who is my great love if youd told me sooner. I love/hate this storyline for travis family.

Ugh if this fire had gone on any longer those poor kids and elderly couple.

Haha andy you should wait until someone answers the door for you when visiting almost newlyweds or people who've been seperated for 6 weeks lmao.

Also maya's excuse and none wet (shower) sex hair i love it.

Ugh sullivan trying to defend himself makes me so upset.

Bailey giving ben hell about second and third opinions is funny, like i figure shed be all for it.

Inara and marcus leaving jack is sad. I hope we still get to see marsha in season 5. Also if they do pair jack and jo itd be a bit ironic. I mean jo too had an abusive ex like inara.

Also jack and his marsha have similar eyes, itd be something if it came out she really was his mom.

I dont understand how maya hadnt settled on what to wear she's queen of the clipboard lmao. Just goes to show how some things throw us off course. Also i totally get her saying her outfit choice will define her forever. I judge my look in my wedding photos all the time and feel like other people do as well.

Why do i feel like this exchange between maya and carina was mostly adlibbed? It just feels so fun.

This poor family and ugh i couldnt imagine having to make the tough calls of firefighters/fire captains.

Love that all the fire crew helped put the wedding on.

I understand travis emotion here.

How'd this conversation about maya's folks get started with andy???

I love that maya and andy's friendship is restored. Also famous last words maya, dont speak the bad juju into existence.

Dean you shouldve spoken up there.

Why the chief there? I live in a city and the chief aint showing up for a house call that needs a few units. At least not until fire is out of they for some reason cant get it out.

Lmao maya freaking out about wearing the same thing as carina. Andy therapizing maya is funny.

That poor boy.

The dad comments to ben are beautiful. Also love that so many of the team know how dean feels about vic.

So why is travis getting dressed separately than the rest of his team. I mean i know its because he doesnt know about Dean's feelings and pushes vic to give theo a chance as well as allow theo and travis to talk but come on. He wouldnt get ready separately.

Also what was the point of theo going to that room if not to get ready. Sorry just annoying.

I wish carina had had someone mention andrew to her. Whether ben, bailey, maya or even any of the fire team who worked on the call with him during the crossover awhile back. Her grief during this day of happiness should've been acknowledged, even with just a remembrance table for him amd other family she lost to covid.

I do love this beautiful moment with vic though saying this isnt all just for maya.

Oh my how i love the maya confronting her father. She is the brave i want to be. Also what she says to her mom, yes chefs kiss. However when her mom shows up at the wedding, really the woman couldnt grab a nice shirt or dress to wear on her way out or on her way to the wedding.

I also love the look of pride on maya's moms face both at the house and the wedding.

Im sad we probably wont get any moments of her living with marina due to the time jump.

Ugh the choice that cost maya her promotion but ahouldnt have.

Also with all maya's options for clothes, couldnt they had dressed her mama in something borrowed from maya. Lol im sorry it bothers me so.

Vic's song for the intro is beautiful. Barrett has a beautiful voice.

Maya is so happy her mom is there and i love it. Also in my head at least one person videoing is doing it for the greys family who couldnt make it to the wedding for carina.

I also love maya singing along with vic to carina.

Queen of the clipboard forgetting to write her vows is special and funny. I love carina talking her down from a panic attack. Also her simple vow is beautiful and how carina who probably did write her vows saying we're good instead of reading them after seeing maya's mom in attendance and the look shared is everything.

I truly believe that was the moment she 100% knew maya had changed from end of season 3, was definitely all the way in. She knew what it meant for maya's mom to be there.

Love the dance montage and improved marina kiss.

Another healing theo and travis talk.

Sullivan just cant let it go and ugh trying to justify it. I just cant, still not over it. Even if he isnt captain in season 5 it still isnt right.

Sullivan you cant say you have the teams back then saying you can control them and throwing maya under the bus. Those are contradictory.

This jack and andy conversation is interesting.

This marina conversation is funny but sad when you know the end of the episode.

Its so funny that so few people know about Miller's feelings at this point.

It'll be interesting to see the travis, vic and theo in season 5.

Ben and bailey are so cute.

Wish we couldve had conversations at the wedding with maya and her mom or carina and maya's mom or the 3 of them.

Inara is so wise. I hate this for all 4 of them.

Gotta love the ole grab em and pull em back to kiss them and let them know how you really feel tremmett moment.

Too late dean, they tried to tell you.

I love marina dancing in the background ugh sullivan and the surrera rehashing.

Time for the horrible news ugh.

Everyone just looking at marina and knowing is horrible.

Great season, great episode and im looking forward to whats next.

Thank you to everyone thats been following my rewatch blogging, and for all the kind comments. I appreciate it so much, made the summer so fun.

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for being Tony Stark’s Daughter (The Teenage Years)

Tony Stark x daughter!reader

warnings:

a/n: this is LONG so please dont let this flop

prompt: y/n is 12-16, takes place from Avengers 1 to Avengers 2

The Early Years (1) The Intense Years (3) The Aftermath (4) Continued (5)

starting out with tony powering stark tower with clean energy:

it was very late, you were supposed to be asleep

“what are you doing up, missy? it’s way past your bedtime”

“it’s my fault, i let her stay up to see her dad’s big achievement” -pepper

just vibing on the couch with absolutely no intention of sleeping anytime soon

you really did take after your dad

“how was the show, sweetheart?”

“uh, cool?”

coulson showing up when he did

you were excited bc you knew he had to be there for superhero stuff

“hi, agent coulson!!”

“hey there, kiddo!

BEGGING to come with your dad

“no. absolutely not. there is absolutely no way im letting you get involved in any of this”

you got involved

but like, not the whole “im a 12 year old superhero” involved

“y/n, sweetie, this is dr. banner, you’re gonna be his assistant in the lab!”

“—what?” *bruce utterly shocked*

talking that man’s ear off oh my GOD

he taught you a few things along the way, though

it ended up being very educational

“yeah i built my own suit! it’s definitely not as cool as my dad’s...and he put a bunch of safety controls on it. obviously, i could bypass them and do whatever i wanted, but it’s best not to break his trust, you know?”

“you are astonishingly wise for a 12 year old”

bruce being kind of scared around you because he thinks he could hurt you

also scared you might hurt yourself on the scepter

CASUALLY talking to the rest of the avengers

“so, you’re stark’s daughter? now i’ve met three generations of starks.” -steve

“oh, wonderful, there’s a smaller one!” -thor

“hey, y/n, it’s good to see you again. still practicing those moves i showed you?” -natasha

listennnn as you got older you started to exert more of your father’s personality traits

you developed his sarcastic and occasionally ill-timed humor...and

YOU WERE COCKY AS FUCK

“i mean, i’m not saying that i’m better than you but i know you’re thinking it”

when the helicarrier was attacked nobody really knew the correct way to protect you

“dad? dad??”

“right here, y/n, come with me”

tony brought your suit for emergency purposes

“you put this on and you stay here, understand?”

oh, another thing you got from him? NOT LISTENING

helping where you could, the first step to becoming a superhero, right?

being really upset when coulson died

but understanding that it was apart of the job

going back to new york for some alien ass kicking and having the whole team check on you every thirty seconds

“y/n, how’s it going?” “stark junior, are you doing okay?” “need any help out there, kid?”

“you guys don’t have to babysit me” “i’m still kickin’ it, thanks”

tony calling right before he went through the wormhole

“hey sweetheart, just gotta let you know that i love you and i am so proud of everything you’ve done”

the avengers holding you back from him when he fell back to the ground because you were unreasonably worried for obvious reasons

“is he breathing? steve? steve, let me see him! JARVIS, are you there?”

falling on the ground and hugging him (with your clunky-ass armor still on)

“hey! yeah, i missed you too”

*clink clink* pat on the back

schwarma stop

“you’re gonna eat it and you’re gonna like it”

having your own input on the stark tower remodel

taking a slight pause for random stuff

you’ve definitely drawn his mustache/goatee on your face before

“please tell me that’s not permanent marker”

“it’s permanent marker”

you and pepper doing mother/daughter things for bonding (but you and her already had a great relationship)

unreasonable amount of cussing from your father has rubbed off onto you and now he doesn’t notice when you say bad words

natasha taught you how to shoot so that was cool

“if i can shoot a repulsor, i think i can shoot a gun”

“whatever you say, baby stark”

obviously the team is just a bunch of protective uncles and an aunt

“i miss [insert avenger here]”

resume to iron man 3

just tinkering in the shop with pops

“are you sure that’s safe, dad?”

“duh, why wouldn’t it be safe?”

you were right and it was not safe

sometimes you proved your dad wrong and it made him happy?

“well would you look at that, you’re right”

learning how to help your dad with his anxiety and panic attacks

the house in malibu got blown up and your dad disappeared

you were benched by pepper effective immediately

“don’t you think it would be better if i were still out there? someone has to be out there and...i don’t know, protect the people?”

“y/n, please, you’re still a kid. i can excuse fighting aliens but i draw the line at terrorism”

“you can excuse fighting aliens??”

pepper sent you to a different house and hired a...babysitter

zip zip zip its AOU time yall remember the beginning of that at the hydra base

*explosion* “oh, shit! didn’t mean to do that...”

“watch your language, y/n!” -cap

“don’t tell my daughter what to do!”

having an external monologue that everyone just kind of rolls with

“glad i put a heater in this suit” “anyone up for burgers?” *humming Eye of the Tiger*

going back to the lab with tony and bruce and being very uncomfortable with the idea of ultron

“okay dad, you know how im usually right?”

“lighten up, kiddo. remember what i taught you about trial and error? this is a learning experience”

*bruce and you side eying*

“i’ll ground you”

“what?!”

“kidding, im kidding”

a lot of kid jokes from other partygoers

“isnt it past your bedtime”

“very funny”

actually dressing up nice for a change, as opposed to an oil-stained band tee

but then ur outfit was ruined because you had to shoot murder bots :(

“not cool! i designed this room!”

tony still got all the blame for ultron while you and bruce went 😬

tony made a joke about ultron being your brother and you didn’t talk to him for hours

“oh, come on! you have to learn to laugh at your mistakes!”

“poor choice of words, stark” -literally everyone

🎶getting to see your worst feaaar🎶

which was a mixture between tony not surviving the wormhole and being abandoned and vulnerable again

your phone got confiscated “because of ultron”

meeting wanda and pietro on better terms

“you are stark’s daughter?”

“um, yeah, that’s me. i sincerely apologize for anything he’s ever done wrong while i’ve been alive”

actually getting along with them (plus you were in a similar age range)

“uncle rhodey!!!”

“staying out of trouble, i hope?”

“define ‘trouble’”

okay okay, enough of that. besides a few robots hitting you and you hitting harder...and ultron taking a couple personal jabs at you after accessing some of your social media accounts...it went back to normal(ish)

you made a friend of wanda and visited the avengers compound weekly and helped with training

and nat gave you some spy pointers to help you if you ever found yourself without the suit

when you left the compound after thor that day, you had some nice father/daughter time

“why don’t i give you a driving lesson, yeah?”

“you’re gonna trust me to drive this thing?”

“sure, why not?”

you drove very fast, wonder where you learned that from

he was clasping onto the seats and whispering curse words

“next time, you can drive with happy”

[achliegh]

Monster

This is a part two to my Grounded fic, I originally wasn’t gonna do a part two but I had so many ideas going through my head about it after someone asked. I’m not writing this for people to get offended about somethings that happen in this I’m writing this to get through my own mental struggle. Lots of these things have happened to me and some things are huge anxieties for me. If you do have an issue with anything I write please let me know and I will teak it or edit it as much as I can. Read at your own risk, this is a triggering fic, please read the warnings. I'm going to write a part 3 and maybe a part 4 to this idk yet.

Part 1

CW/TW: Past Abusive relationship, Anxiety, Depression, Panic Attack, past age difference relationship (Illegal)

Characters belong to @lumosinlove

Besides Luka, I made him up, don’t care for him tho

The boys had a few quiet days to themselves, Finn and Logan went to practice and Leo had a sick day the day after his panic attack. Luckily it was a Thursday when everything went down and they had nothing to do over the weekend. It was nice to relax for a few days giving space when needed and closeness when desired. They got take out all weekend to give Leo some well needed rest. When Leo asked if the other two had seen Luka around after Thursday both of them shook their heads. They didn’t see him or hear anything about him.

Monday came around and Leo wasn’t completely back to his happy-go-lucky self but at least he was now playfully fighting Logan for the front seat and when he eventually won by putting a hand to Lo’s forehead and pushing him away he climbed into the car and starting blasting his music, smiling wider than the boys saw all weekend. It made them feel like they were in the clouds. The drive to the rink wasn’t anything special, nor was getting changed into their gear.

Everyone was glad to see Leo back, for all they knew he had food poisoning and was throwing up the last couple of days. Everything was going really really well but then Coach came in with an announcement.

“All right everyone I have an announcement to make, as you all know our security measures have been increased due to the media being more of a menace than ever. So, we have a new head of security! Everyone, I expect you all to treat him fairly, and be friendly.” Arthur (obviously not knowing the details of the relationships past) looked at Leo suddenly. “ Welcome Luka Dessond, he is now head of security so if you ever feel uncomfortable or unsafe tell him.” He moved to the side as Luka walked into the room smiling a sweet smile that Leo knew was fake. He shook hands with Arthur and looked around the room at all the other guys who greeted him with a simple hello and a wave.

“ I hope to get to know you all well, and some of you I already know and I hope the past won’t be too much of an issue” He wasn’t making it clear who he was talking about but Leo felt like a bucket of cold water was just dumped on him. He felt a hand on his lower back and looked down to see Logan glaring daggers at Luka and resting a protective hand on Leo. Logan had never been good at hiding what he was feeling on his face and Leo could see Sirius looking at Logan and narrowing his eyes as if trying to figure something out.

Luka left so they could go to practice and everyone could see that Leo, Logan, and Finn were off the entire practice. Two of them were surprisingly aggressive and in their own heads barely even listening to anyone and one was just trying to stay away from everyone.

A few weeks past and the tension only flared when Luka was around and people started to pick up on it. They also picked up on the  subtle touches that would make Leo tuck in on himself. The comments only Leo could hear and the way he would just shut down more often then not.

At the end of regular practice Logan and Finn were getting dressed after showering and Logan felt a tap on his shoulder, he looked over as he picked up his shirt. Sirius nodded over to an empty corner of the locker room and they walked over both leaning on the wall.

“Qu’est-ce qu’il se passe?” Sirius asked while looking out across the room watching everyone mess around and laughing.

“Ce n’est pas un homme bien, Sirius, ce n’est pas quelque chose dont je parle. Tu veux une réponse dont tu as besoin pour parler à Léo.” Logan pulled on his shirt and looked at his Captain with a look of fire in his eyes. This was serious and it had a young hockey player at the center. Before he could answer Lo a loud bang was heard and some yelling that caught everyone's attention.

“DON’T TOUCH ME! GET AWAY FROM ME!” Leo threw the door open and stormed in being angrier than anyone has ever seen before. He tore off his skates and pads as he was just with Kasey and The Goalie Coach. His face was red, his eyes were wild and he was being followed by none other than Luka.

“Stop acting like a child and talk to me, we could go back to what we were pecan” Luka smirked and crossed his arms as Leo froze from where he was shoving clothes into his bag and everyone was silent. You could hear a pin drop. Leo slowly turned around and looked as though he was just slapped in the face.

“Why would I ever want to go back to being your-your TOY! I’m not a child anymore you can’t use me like you did two years ago! You can’t get me drunk and pass me around your friends you can’t “give me a smack” if I say something you don’t like anymore. You may have done that to me when I was 15 or whatever but I’m my own person now.” He walked over to Luka who is an inch shorter than Leo and looks like he was just caught on an episode of To catch a Predator. Leo got right in his face and stared down in his eyes with a fury. “You don’t own me anymore and even though I thought I was in love with you I know real love now… and what happened between us wasn’t that. “ he grabbed his bag and walked past Luka out the door to the players lounge and started walking home.

“What a brat!” Luka mumbles, not even caring that the whole team heard everything and walks out the door toward his office and slams the door. Everyone then turns to Logan and Finn. Logan looks at Sirius.

“Talk to him, please” he looks at him with pleading eyes because he knows Sirius is one of the only people who has lived through abuse, is it the same, no but it’s still traumatizing and he may know how to help.

[honeypirate]

Through The Roof

Elfman x fem!reader

You didn’t know you’d run into another guild member on your mission, being a fairly new member and all, you wouldn’t have recognized him if it wasn’t for the guild mark on his neck.

The city was busy and bustling, it was Saturday morning and the market had just opened. You were here to find out the reason behind many missing persons in the city, the only fact you had to go on was that where the break-ins happened, a small wooden bird was found. You took the mission from the board and got here in a week, now you were investigating and asking questions in the town square, where the last incident happened.

As you stopped for lunch you were waiting in line at a food cart, looking out at the crowds of people, when you first spotted his silver hair, you had to double take when you saw the black mark on his neck that was a twin to your own. You stared for a few moments, admiring his strong arms and handsome face, wondering how he got his scar on his face, before you panic and gasp, turning quickly when you realize he’s walking your direction

Your heart was racing, the smell of fresh bread filling your senses when the door to the bakery opened. For some reason, when you thought about this handsome man realizing you were in the same guild, you felt shy. You didn't want him to know because then he would talk to you and you might embarrass yourself.

Your eyes focus on the window and on your reflection, you have on a white sleeveless tank top tucked into black tapered at the ankle cotton pants that are held up by a black ribbon. Your arms are out, your hands on your hips, the various scars looked even lighter against your skin which was darker from your travels.

You reach up to fix your hair and notice the man is now behind you, you make eye contact with his reflection and he smiles “y/n?” he asks and you turn around, smiling up at him, your heart hammering in your chest as you tried to seem like you weren’t incredibly nervous.

“I know by your mark that it’s you, I dont know why i asked.” the handsome man holds out his hand “Elfman Strauss, Maracov sent me, thought you might need some help since he got an update about the posting” you take his hand and shake firmly “it’s nice to meet you Elfman, what was the update?”

“The mission was moved up a few ranks, the birds belong to a dark guild that moved into the area, the only problem is if anyone finds the hideout, it immediately disappears” you sigh as you reach your turn at the food cart “isn’t that interesting then… well.. Can’t fight on an empty stomach. Are you hungry?” you ask, your worry about embarrassing yourself slowly ebbs away when his only answer is a shrug after his stomach growls incredibly loud. You double your order with a laugh. You pay and before he has a chance to even object you are already shoving his half into his hands. “Let’s sit and you can tell me about yourself so I know how we can fight together well”

After you finish your lunch you are both laughing so hard your sides hurt, he was so easy to get along with and so funny. You were put at ease so quickly after he made his first witty remark, you got through introductions and talked about how your magic worked, once you were done talking business he really opened up, being his true self with you.

“How about we split up to investigate and if we find anything we find the other before we attack? And if we don't find anything we will meet back up at the inn” he nods “i’ll follow your lead!” you laugh “you really shouldnt though, im a greenie, if you have a better idea please let me know so i can learn too” he nods “dont worry, it sounds like a good start. It’s what i was thinking” you beam up at him and his heart melts “cool, okay i’ll take the north side you take the south”

When you go to knock on the door of the last house your hand freezes in the middle of the air as the side of the building explodes out, you panic when you notice the body in the wreck is Elfman. Your stomach drops “are you okay?” you shout and he puts up a fist, his thumb up. “Found the hideout” he groans and you run around the rubble to his side “you said you’d come find me!” the group of people who appear through the smoke and duts, was obviously the wizards you were looking for, no mistaking the thick feeling of hatred and bloodlust that fills the air.

“He fell through the roof” a guy in the middle with blue spiky hair says, spit stuck in the corner of his mouth. Your body moves slowly, placing yourself between the group of evil wizards and Elfman “so you threw him through the wall? Makes sense” you say through gritted teeth “well he’s the only one to break through to our hideout, we had to show him a good time” a small spindly person to your right says while laughing.

Your hands balled into fists against Elfman's chest and you sigh, relaxing and then putting on a sweet face as you stand and look at the one you think is in charge, tall dark hair and a smug smirk. You lick your lips and look the man over as you saunter over to him “Maybe I could show you guys a good time now?” You purr up at him and press yourself against his chest, he almost believes you, for a split second he buys your act, until your hand touches his neck and you use an electricity spell to taser him.

The other group members yell as they go to attack you but before they can Elfman is in his beast form, throwing their bodies to the ground.

“You almost had me convinced there.” he says with a nervous laugh when he changes back, his shirt now in tatters. “I know we just met an all, but Elfman…” you look up from your spot, crouching and tying up the bad guys, to meet his eye with a smile “betrayal isn’t the game I play” you stand and walk over to where he is, rubble and unconscious bodies surrounding you.

You reach up and brush the rocks and dust from his hair, checking him over for injuries, before meeting his eye and placing your palm against his chest “but if you wanted to have a little fun,” you lean in closer and whisper “I wouldn’t object” you chuckle at his bushing cheeks and the way he stumbles of his words. You pat his chest and walk away, grabbing a bad guy by the ankle and pulling him along “can you get the others? Let’s go turn them in and then hit the baths I’m so ready to relax”

You finish bathing in the hot red waters, the giant statues were kind of unsettling but you just kept your eyes closed. You wrap yourself in one of the robes that were provided to you and the silk of the material made you sigh in comfort when it touched your skin.

When you exit the bath to head back to your room you run into a half dressed and still dirty Elfman. “Hey what’s going on?” You ask, a little worried. He looks embarrassed, his cheeks flushed under the streaks of dirt, he reaches and scratches his neck with a nervous laugh “there are no rooms left, I’m on my way to the-“ you reach into the pocket of your pants which were folded in your arms and place an extra key in his hand “stay with me!” You say with an excited smile and then you realize what it sounded like.

Your cheeks flush a dark red and you look down to where your hands are connected, the key between your palms. “In an innocent friendly we’re in the same guild way. Like I’m not trying to make a move. Not that I don’t want to! You’re gorgeous! But I don’t move this quick! I.. I.. oh god” you laugh “you can stay with me unless it makes you uncomfortable, of course. Your choice” you walk away then, your heart racing and your cheeks hot enough to cook on. You felt so stupid.

“She.. she thinks I’m gorgeous” he’s frozen to his spot as he looks at your key, he feels honored that such a great magician and beautiful woman is so nice and is sharing her room. He will not! Mess! This! Up!

He takes off towards the baths, excitement in his stomach and heart to have more time with you.

You get some food delivered to your room and Elfman makes it back just after it’s been delivered. “I hope you’re hungry” you smile and kneel by the table as he makes his way into the room. “Oh come on you bought me two meals, letting me stay in your room. I’ll pay you back, I swear” you laugh, the sound was music to his ears “please, don’t worry about it. I like to take care of people. It’s just what I do.” You pat the ground next to you and begin to plate some of the food, setting some on his plate as he kneels beside you “thank you” he says softly. You place your hand on his back, rubbing it back and forth for a second “you’re welcome, Elfman”

you eat in silence for a moment, too happy with the food in front of you to think about anything.

You hear a little laugh and you look up to find him watching you “what?” You ask, your cheeks beginning to flush. “Nothing. You just uh, dance when you eat. It reminds me of my sister” you move your legs to the side so you could face him “you have a sister?” You smile and he nods “two actually” he holds up two fingers and then takes a drink of water that was on the table.

“What are their names?” Your whole attention was on him now, your tummy full and your eyes looking over his profile

“Mirajane and Lisanna” he clears his throat and tells you the story of his sister’s death and you swipe away your tears as you listen quietly, you didn’t know them but you can feel the hurt.

“Now, “ he says, his voice quiet and solemn “i live for Lisanna, so she can live on in my heart” you reach up and gently cup his cheek, wiping away his tears with your thumb “you’re so strong Elfman, thank you for sharing your story with me” his hand covers yours on his cheek and you lean up on your knees, bringing you up taller than him so you can kiss his forehead “i’m glad you were safe today. And that you chose to stay” his arms snake around you, hugging you tight to his chest, he felt so connected to you it was like he’s known you for years, not just hours.

You stayed like that for who knows how long, two touch starved people finally getting a little taste of affection and not wanting to let it go. You lay your head on top of his, your hand carding through his hair above his ear as you just held each other.

He felt your hand relax and fall to his shoulder, heard your breathing even out and slow down before he felt your body grow limp. he took the initiative and gently pulled you into his arms bridal style, holding you close to him for a moment as he looked at your calm relaxed face, relishing in how sweet and pretty you looked, before standing and taking you to the bed.

You woke up before the sunrise and laid there, staring at the ceiling as you tried to remember how you got to your bed. You gasp softly and your head turns swiftly to the side, before rolling over and smiling wide at the sweet man sleeping next to you. You sigh and then lift his arm up, moving slowly to cuddle yourself into him “im so glad you stayed” you whispered and kissed his bare chest before his arm tightened against you, making you smile as you fall asleep again,

When you wake up again, you smile at the weight of him laying on top of you, his head on your chest and arms out on either side, his legs between yours. You chuckle softly and begin to run your fingers through his hair.

He gasps and wakes with a start, pushing himself on his hands and looking down at you, your hands paused in his hair and you smile “good morning” you say and he looks at you for a few seconds more before releasing his arms and laying back down against you, tilting his head into your neck as he whispered “good morning beautiful” he mumbles and then smiles when he watches your neck flush, he leans up to get a look at the blush on your cheeks as well.

“Want to go to breakfast before we head out?” you ask, beginning to play with his hair again. “That sounds really nice” he says with a soft sigh, the feeling of your soft hands in his hair was relaxing.

When you are ready to go you meet Elfmman by the door of the room and he looks nervous you chuckle softly “are you okay?” you ask and he nods before clearing his throat “i’m sorry if i made you uncomfortable by staying in your bed and not sleeping on the couch i-” you chuckle and place your hand on his chest, leaning up and kissing his cheek “i love that you stayed. I felt really special.” you run your hands down his chest and you kiss his guild tattoo on his neck softly before pulling back “are you ready to go home?” he nods with blushing cheeks and you smile “me too”

You talk easily on the trip home, sharing stories like old friends who could never grow apart. You stopped at inns to stay at or spent the night under the stars, sharing a room or having your bed rolls right beside each other. You grew closer to him over this week and by the time you returned to the city you were pretty sure you’d do anything for him.

When you saw the gates to the city you stopped to take in the view. You were a little worried about what would happen when you got back to the guild, what would happen for you and Elfman. Would you just be friends who once had a moment? Had one mission together? would you pretend it never happened?

He looks back at you and smiles as he waits, when you notice him you grin “do you want to go on a date with me?” you ask, straight to the point and his jaw drops “this is SO NOT MANLY! I was going to ask you out!!” he says a little bit flustered and you laugh at him, reaching and taking his hand as you walk again “so that’s a yes?” you ask and he clears his throat “yes it’s a yes. But i’m planning it, so i’ll pick you up tonight at sundown” you laugh and give his hand a squeeze “it’s a date” you say and his heart flutters at your sweet smile.

[paracosm-and-dissociation]

Greetings and salutations, hope I don’t bother you to much. May I please have a romantic matchup for southpark? If you do multiple maybe Friday night funkin, but don’t feel pressured. My pronouns are They/Them and I’m pansexual with a preference to masculinity. My Myers Briggs type is INFJ and Enneagram type is 4. My star sign is Taurus, moon sign is Gemini. Im about 4’11..not to happy about it. I’m rather introverted, and can be considered not a people person. I’m into dressing in all black and taking a liking to gruesome and morbid things like slashers and murder documentaries. I also like to visit abandoned hospitals and houses just for fun, along with playing quite a few escape rooms. A friend of mine even likes to call me "discount vomitboyx". I’ve also been called "doomer boy kinnie", and "Remake of Daria" before. I’ve come to the conclusion I just scare people off. In reality, I’m intimidated by everyone around me and find it hard to start conversing, which may or may not come off as rude to people. When I finally become comfortable with someone I start to become really sarcastic and joke around with them with witty banter. Most of my humor comes off really insulting, but I’ll apologize and say it’s a joke if it becomes a problem. Lots of people don’t like me or stay away from me because of my rude behavior. I’m not good with overly sensitive or overly annoying people at all because of that, and I can’t stand kids. Idiocy can get on my nerves too sometimes. I’m a huge animal person though. I have my moments where I can get really feisty, or very quiet and closed off. I’ve been told I’m also a laidback person. I’m the type of person that has lots of opinions on things but I keep them to myself and bottle them up. If pushed far enough I’ll become unforgiving, and aggressive. Especially with the types mentioned above. I find the most comfort in just being in my room drawing, reading and or listening to music ( My Chemical Romance, Arch Enemy, MurderDolls, Slipknot, Get Scared, sometimes Will Wood, Jazmin Bean or Mother Mother, etc. ), or even occasionally gaming on my switch or reading and talk about Greek mythology. I’m a plushie maniac and when I fall asleep you can always see me cuddled up to one of them. I find it because I’m really touch starved. I’m guilty of being very submissive, and I suffer from asperger syndrome, insomnia, depression and anxiety. I have small tics, but they only flare when I’m stressed or mad. Along with stims where I bite the inside of my cheek, pull my hair, fidget with my fingers and tap my foot. I even hiss or squeal when I’m upset. I’ve also been developing a eating disorder. If you do get to this, thanks for your time. - coii

Sure one South Park matchup right up! sorry it took so long this was the first matchup i’ve ever done

SOUTH PARK :

i ship you with....  

Craig Tucker!  he isn’t all that much taller than you believe it or not

i feel Craig is an ambivert so he understands that you are an introvert and wont make you be social if you dont want to.

Craig doesn’t really care how you dress but he likes the color black. 

You take a liking to morbid and gruesome things? Craig gets a little concerned but not alot (i headcanon he’s really chill) but he’s like 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘣𝘪𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴? 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘭𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵? 

Craig will come with you to abandoned houses and hospitals but he doesn’t get why you like it so much. 

When Craig finds out that you are intimidated by everyone he tries to make it so you only ever talk to a small group of like 1-3 maybe 4 sometimes. Craig doesn’t mind your

Craig tries to keep you away from people that are overly-sensitive or annoying since you don’t handle them well and he also can’t stand kids. 

He can stand idiocy but since you cant he will try to tell them to f**k off.

Animal person? animal person. i headcanon that Craig also really likes animals but just hides it so you two probably have an animal or two around

When you become closed off Craig gives you your space and waits until you open up again

Craig is also laidback so yay laidback people

Craig doesnt like that you bottle up your opinions he thinks you should voice them and often tries to get you to

Craig usually doesn’t let get to the point where you become aggressive because he’s probably moved you too another place

if you’re drawing Craig will ask to see it when you’re done if you are okay with it.

Craig doesn’’t like reading that much but when you read he usually tries to keep it quiet around the house so that you can read in peace.

Craig lets you listen to your music on your own and usually finds his own thing to do sometimes he will listen to it with you if you want him to or its Get Scared

Craig definitely wants to play with you on your switch, if you dont want him too he’s okay with it though

Craig doesn’t know anything about Greek Mythology he knows like Zeus and that’s it

Craig doesn’t like plushies but won’t complain about them just tells you to keep them organized or something, finds it really cute when he sees you cuddled up to them tho

Like i showed earlier Craig wont make you be social if you dont want to with asperger

He will try to suggest different ways to help you fall asleep with insomnia (i usually watch satisfying videos to help with mine!)

He will get you therapist and will help you with your depression, no one wants their lover to have depression after all

Depending on how severe your anxiety can get if you are close to a panic attack he find you something to calm you or just makes you lay down if you can pass out from anxiety he will still make you lay down if it’s mild he just tries to get you to take your mind off things

Notices when your tics starts and tries to help

Biting the inside of your cheek is bad so Craig is always trying to get you to stop and also tries to stop you from pulling your hair out

He doesn’t mind your other stims and just lets it happen

Craig notices right away when you are developing an eating disorder and tries to help you, either it be eating too much or too little

I hope you like it! im not really good with these types of things 

[yikesharringrove]

I both really want to read a conversion camp fic and really fucking DONT lol but I trust you to do it well and not absolutely destroy us so... I am asking for you to write the conversion camp fic please.

Oh, my plan is to absolutely destroy you all with this one.

This is modern bc it wasn’t gonna be but then I wrote a part and it kinda had to be lol

TW: religion, homophobia, transphobia (nd Steve), conversion camp, anxiety, depression, physical abuse, the word r*pe is thrown around, suicidal ideations, basically, it’s a DOOZY

Seriously, this shit gets DARK. I have A LOT of untapped emotions.

But it has a happy ending, don’t worry

-

Steve’s hands were shaking as they dug through his bag.

They had already pulled out the eyeshadow palette he had tried to sneak in, needed something to make himself feel okay in this inevitable Hell.

“Did you receive our guidelines?” They had found the lipstick he had shoved in one of his shoes. “We specifically outlined prohibited items.” He took a shaky breath. “Your perversion is much deeper than anticipated, Mr. Harrington.” He just nodded.

He was shuffled about, led to a cold blank room.

His first meeting with a conversion specialist.

“What is your infatuation with women’s things?” The man’s voice made Steve feel like there was cold water dripping down his back.

“I just like pretty things.”

“Why do you deny your manhood?”

“I don’t.”

“You say that, but you do. Every time you pretend you’re a woman-”

“I don’t pretend I’m a woman. I just like makeup and stuff.” He gave Steve a disgusted look.

“By denying your true self, you have turned your back on God. You have allowed the devil to infiltrate your soul, to convince you that these perversions are okay.” He looked down at the paper in his lap, the forms Steve had been forced to sit and fill out with his parents. “You were not close with your father, were you?”

“Um, no. Not really.”

“So you pushed away your male role model?”

“He pushed me away, more like.” The man pursed his lips.

“A father does not push away his son unless there is something evil within him. A father can always tell when there is something wrong, something disgusting in his offspring.” He stood up, towering over Steve.

“You are disgusting, Steven Harrington. You are perverse and foul. You turn your back on your Creator. But you are not without a savior. You can be saved. Denounce the devil that tempts you to this life. Follow your savior, and He will lead you to safety.” He held out his hand. Steve took a breath, and shook it.

-

Steve’s first day was a fucking nightmare.

He was led to his room, a small room with two bunked beds and no doors. He was told he’d have three roommates, and if they were caught touching one another, the punishment would be painful.

And then it was group therapy.

He sat in a circle with ten of the other boys from the program. They were forced to discuss every attraction they had ever felt to anyone besides women. They were forced to discuss sexual encounters they had had with men, and call themselves disgusting.

And as it was Steve’s turn, and he talked about wearing panties, and fingering himself, and sucking Tommy’s dick, and he felt disgusting.

At dinner he met one of his roommates, and his heart sank.

“Where’d they scrape you up?” The guy was fucking gorgeous.

“Indiana.”

“And you just a homo? Or...?” The guy’s voice trailed off as he looked Steve up and down. “You one a’ them crossdressers, too?” Steve flushed deeply.

“How, how did you know?”

“Because you look like they got to you already. Means they got something on you. Make you feel real bad about yourself.”

“How, how long have you been here?”

“Long enough. Seen plenty a’ boys come and go. Some cured, some just a lost cause.” He was so nonchalant about the whole thing.

“Why, why so long?” He grinned at Steve, sharp and beautiful.

“Because I’m immune, Pretty Boy.” Steve’s breath hitched. The guy licked over his teeth. “Can’t beat the gay outta me if they tried. And they fuckin’ have.”

“But why, why don’t you want to change? I mean, they’re, they’re right.” His blue eyes went cold.

“They got you deep. Damn, you might be the quickest turn around I’ve ever seen.”

“I just, I don’t want to be wrong anymore.” He leaned closer to Steve.

“You have never been wrong.” Steve felt like he was gonna cry.

A firm hand clapped down on Steve’s shoulder.

“William, I hope you’re treating our new guest nicely.” William’s face fell immediately.

“Yes, Father.” Steve looked up to see a priest holding onto him. His hair was greying and neat. His eyes were cold and dead.

“I’m afraid I’m going to have to take Steven with me.” Steve followed him, eyes downcast, all the way to his office. “Steven, my name is Father Andrew. I’m here to help you.” Steve didn’t like his smile. “We’re going to meet everyday at 8:30 pm for your therapy.”

He pulled out a folder from the bottom drawer of his desk. He placed a photograph in front of Steve with a flourish.

It was porn.

It was fucking gay porn.

He stood in front of Steve, leaning against the desk, off to the side of the image.

“Tell me what you see here.” One of the men had dark hair. He was being taken from behind by the other man, his blond hair and bright eyes stirred something in Steve.

“Two men. Having sex.”

He didn’t see Father Andrew’s hand, just heard the crack of it against his cheek.

His eyes watered, his cheek burned.

“What do you see?”

“Two perverts.”

“What are they doing?”

“Defiling one another.”

“Good, Steven. You’re learning.”

He placed another photograph down. This time, the man being fucked had a full face of makeup, tears making the dark eyeliner run as he was on his back, hands cuffed to the bed. The man fucking him was smirking at the camera, tongue between his teeth.

“How does this make you feel?”

“Disgusted.”

“Why?”

“That they, they would touch each other like that.”

“Do you have fantasies like this? Of being tied up by another man? Raped by another man?”

And the answer, the answer was technically yes. He had plenty of fantasies of being tied up, taken rough, taken dirty.

But rape. That’s a strong fucking word.

“No, Father.” Another crack. Another slap.

“Lying is a sin, Steven.”

“I, I don’t want to be, to be raped.” Another slap.

“Lying is a sin, Steven.”

“Yes, yes Father. I have had fantasies.”

“These are not fantasies, these are perversions planted in your mind by demons, by the devil trying to pull you away from Christ our Lord. Do not let these demons lead you astray.”

He pulled out another picture.

Steve’s heart fucking stopped.

It was a picture of himself. A nude he had taken for Tommy.

He was wearing pretty lingerie, pouting to the camera. He remembers taking it, remembers putting on his makeup, posing over and over until he took one he liked. They must’ve gone through his phone, through his texts.

“Why do you dress like a woman?”

“Be-because I’m disgusting.” And the thing is, Steve had been told plenty of times that day that he’s disgusting, and he had begun to believe it.

“Good, Steven. You are disgusting. Do you believe you’re a woman?”

“No, Father.”

“Then why have you been experimenting with women’s things?”

“I believed I wasn’t a man.”

“And are you a man?”

“Yes, Father.”

“God made you a man.”

“Yes, Father.” Steve still didn’t like his smile.

He switched the image.

And it was another one of his nudes. This time he was in a skirt, kneeling with his back to the mirror, one hand spreading his cheeks, showing off the silver plug in his ass.

He even remembers the text he had sent with it.

Tommy had been studying for a test, so Steve sent that picture and said but im lonely :( and Tommy had replied I’ll be there in twenty.

“Why do you have an obsession with your anus?” Steve could feel the blood drain from his face.

“I, uh, it feels good.” Another slap.

“How does spitting in the face of your Heavenly Father feel good, Steven? Sodomy does not feel good.” Another slap. Steve’s face felt like it was on fire.

“I’m sorry, Father. I am vile, and disgusting.” Steve was sobbing, felt so fucking pathetic, trying to look anywhere but the printed image of himself.

“I think that’s enough for tonight. I expect you here tomorrow after dinner.”

Steve fucking ran back to his room.

The other boys were asleep. He climbed into the top bunk, curling into himself.

He felt disgusting, he felt foul and wrong and bad.

He tried to stifle his sobs into his pillow, the scratchy case muffling his panic attack.

“Hey, Stevie.”

“I’m sorry. I’ll try to be quiet.” There was a sigh, breath fanning over his face.

And then the boy from earlier was swinging himself into bed with him, curling against him.

“They said-”

“I know exactly what times they patrol. I’ll leave your bed before then.” He sighed. “First night’s always the hardest. You just gotta get through. Tell them what they wanna hear, but remember that they’re fucking wrong. You are valid, and real. Being gay is not disgusting.”

Steve curled into him, letting himself be comforted.

“Thank you. Thank you, William.”

“Oh, Christ. Call me Billy.”

“Thank you, Billy.”

-

As time passed, it was easy to retreat into himself.

He met with Father Andrew every night, got slapped and hit when his answers weren’t condemning enough.

But each night, Billy would crawl into bed with him, would hold him when he broke down.

The kiss was inevitable.

It happened after Steve had an extreme day, the beating he received when he had admitted to being nonbinary, that he had asked his friends at home to use other pronouns.

And Billy had said you’re perfect the way you are, Sweet Thing.

And Steve kissed him.

And Steve wanted to die.

-

“Forgive me, Father. For I have sinned.” Steve took a shaking breath.

He was kneeling in the small confessional.

They had Mass every three days, and confession each Friday.

“It has been one week since my last confession.” He took a deep breath. He needed to get this of his chest, needed to get the punishment he deserved. “Father, I, the feelings have not gone away. There is, there’s a boy, and I, I love him. And I try not to. I try not to look at him, to remember the devil is leading me astray. But Father, I think about him. I think about him often.”

“This is an extremely grievous sin, my son.”

“I know, Father. Please help me. I want to, I want to be pure. To be free of this sin, this temptation.”

“I offer, as penance for your sins, to pray a rosary for each time you have had an evil thought about your fellow man this week. As you ponder the Mysteries of the rosary, consider how God created you, how Jesus died for you, and you wipe your feet on their love.”

“Yes, Father.”

“And our meeting will be arduous tonight, Steven.”

“Yes, Father.”

“Now please, recite the Act of Contrition.”

Steve’s hands shook as he recited the prayer, finishing his confession with Father Andrew.

-

“Now, Steven. You discussed having impure thoughts today.”

Steve’s knees ached from praying the rosary so many times earlier today. He hadn’t eaten, had gone straight to the Chapel after his confession.

He wanted to pray, to cleanse himself.

And he didn’t want to risk seeing Billy.

“Yes, Father.”

“And you mentioned that you love another boy.”

“The devil is trying to make me think it’s love.” Father Andrew smiled his empty smile down at Steve.

“That’s right Steven. Because love cannot exist between two men. Love is a beautiful thing created and given to us by The Lord God.” Father Andrew leaned over Steve, made him shrink back in his seat. “Which is why you are unlovable as you are. You are foul and vile. You may be loved if you change.”

He grabbed Steve’s hair, holding his head still as he slapped his face.

And Steve let him.

He was foul, he was vile.

He deserved the pain.

-

Two months.

That’s how long it took Steve to “graduate”.

He left the facility in clean khakis, a nice sweater his mother had sent him to wear home.

Billy had left a week and a half prior.

He was deemed a lost cause.

Steve’s mother was there to pick him up, hugged him tight and told him how happy she was that he was fixed.

He was quiet as they drove, watching the shadows the summer sun cast on the side of the plain flat road.

“Your father will be pleased. You’ve made such wonderful progress. Free of all those delusions.”

They passed Tommy’s house.

He felt sick.

-

The first thing Steve did when he got home was destroy all his make up.

He took everything feminine from it’s hiding spot in the back of his closet.

He scraped out the eye shadow, smeared the lipstick all over his dresses.

He cut up his lingerie, shoved everything into a black garbage back, driving into town to toss it in the dumpster behind the gas station.

He wanted it away, he wanted it gone. He wanted to be pure.

-

His hands shook as he zipped up the suitcase.

He didn’t have much in there, was planning on taking enough to get him through a little while, then maybe buying some things, some pretty things.

His parents were asleep downstairs, he was planning on being long gone by the time they woke up.

He put on his backpack, taking his wallet and tiptoeing down the stairs, his shoes in his hand.

He had a plan, would drive to the bus station, leave his car there.

Someone will find it, and at that point, he’ll be long gone.

He bought a bus ticket to Chicago, paid in cash and gave a fake name.

He was fucking out of here.

They were fucking out of here.

-

“As I live, and fucking breathe.”

Steve startled as a hand came down on their shoulder.

They startled again when they turned around, came face to face with a ghost from the past.

“B-Billy?” Billy’s hair was longer than it had been at the camp. His smile was lazier, his eyes brighter. Steve’s gut gave an excited little flutter as he looked them up and down.

“You look fuckin’ gorgeous, Pretty Boy.” Steve flushed, adjusting their dress. It was new.

It had been three years since the camp. One year of Steve living in pain, until they packed their shit, and moved to the Golden Coast. They left in the middle of the fucking night, ran away like a scared child, never looking back.

And here was the love of their goddamn life, in some hole in the wall coffee shop in San Fransisco.

“It’s uh, it’s not Pretty Boy, anymore.” Billy’s grin got even wider.

“Thank fuck.” He swung himself into the seat across from Steve’s, upsetting some of the papers they were working on.

“What happened to you, Billy?” Billy’s smiled slipped, just a little.

“My dad was tired a’ paying for that joint if I wasn’t getting better. So he said if I wasn’t fixed in like, a month, he would stop paying, and I would be kicked out. Stayed true to his word. Haven’t seen the bastard since.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. Getting kicked outta that place is the best fuckin’ thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“I graduated. Went through the whole thing. Took me a year to realize how fucked up it was.”

“Jesus. They got you deep.” Steve shrugged.

“I’m okay now.”

“Yeah? What’re you doin’?”

“Goin’ to school. Gonna be a counselor. Hopefully work in an elementary school, or something.” Billy’s eyes were bright.

“That’s amazing. Gonna tell all the little queer kids that they’re valid and all that?”

“That’s the goal.” Billy grinned. “What are you doing now? You with anyone?”

“I own a bar, actually. Kind of a dive, but it’s a good time.” He looked at Steve through his lashes. “You should come by, sometime. Be good to see you.”

“I’d like to see you too.”

“And to answer your question, I’m not with anyone. Not right now.” He smirked. “But I could be.” He leaned over the table, drawing one finger down Steve’s hand. “I like seeing you happy. Feel like I only ever saw you cryin’ in that joint.”

“Well, spent a lot of time crying there.”

“For good reason.” Billy took their hand. “It’s really good to see you.”

“Y’know I told Father Andrew I was in love with you. Got beat black and fuckin’ blue for it.” Billy’s face was grave.

“Why’d you do that?”

“Wanted to be fixed. Took me a year to realize I didn’t need that.”

“You stop lovin’ me in that year?”

“Not even in the two after that.” Billy took a shaking breath.

“You know, I uh, I love you too. Always did. It broke my fucking heart to leave you in that place. Was gonna wake you up that night, get you to run away with me. But they took me out, uh, forcibly.”

“Bet you put up a real good fight.”

“Broke Father Ryan’s nose.” Steve let out a burst of laughter, clapping one hand over their mouth.

“I was wondering about that. He had a splint for like, a month.”

“Yeah, well, bastard kept tryin’ to exorcise me. Headbutted him right in the face.”

“Good for you, Bill. Sometimes I wish I could light the whole place on fire.”

“Me too.” Billy took their hand, pressing a kiss to the back of it. “I gotta head, but I wanna see you. Soon. Later today, if you can.”

“Yeah, uh, I’m just doing some homework, but I could stop by the bar tonight? I don’t have shit to do tomorrow.”

“Lemme pick you up. We can go to dinner before I take you to the bar.” They smiled softly at him.

“I’d like that.”

[jessicajonesrp]

Family reunion

Jessica, texting Luke: who the hell let a Phillip Jones in the building

Jessica: if it’s Trish she’s way more fucking blonde than I thought

 Luke texting back: Que? What the heck are you talking about woman and since when did I become your doorman?

Jessica: PHILLIP JONES FUCK HELLOOOO

 Luke not having a clue what’s going on just calls her.

 “What are you talking about, am I suppose to know this person?? Seriously how am I supposed to know what the hell you’re talking about Jessica?”

 Jessica is talking very rapidly, her breaths shallow as she answers, pacing back and forth.

 “My fucking brother, that’s who. The one dead 16 years now? Only not because he just left my office. Probably he did anyway, since I opened the window and jumped out of it after my whole fucking world imploded.”

 “Oh your brother….Ooohh your dead brother?? Now your insane rantings make sense now..Shit Jessica I’m at a lost of words right now..What are you going to do?”

 Jessica laughs, but it sounds far from humorous. “I don’t fucking know, I kinda just freaked out and bolted. It isn’t a ghost, and it was him, as soon as he said it I could tell it was. They said he was dead, why the fuck would they tell me that, and where the fuck has he been all this time?”

 “Wait backup, you jumped out your window? And why would someone lie about him being dead? I think I have as many questions as you do.“

  Jessica is still pacing the rooftop. “I mean, it was open already. The window. I dont know, but I’m definitely awake right? This is real? This isn’t….I don’t, another fucking hallucination thing?”

 “Well I don’t know baby, how about you go back and crazy thinking here..Talk to him! Make sure he’s not some crazy fanboy..Do your detective thing..Get his fingerprints and some DNA, if he’s telling the truth, he shouldn’t object to proving it. I’ll wrap up things here and come to your office..And if he’s a nut, let’s just be happy you didn’t work from home today.”

 “Whatever, you don’t have to,” Jessica muttered, exhaling. “I got it. I’ll go back and see if he’s still there. Hell, if he really is Phillip, he’s waited sixteen years to show himself, he can wait ten minutes for me.”

 “You sure? Cause twenty…thirty minutes top and I could be there..I’m mean if you got family out there I’d like to meet them.” Looking down at his desk at the pile of boring papers. “Honestly I could use the break, I’m sooooo damn bored! We should have stayed on our honeymoon longer.”

 Jessica huffed another breath, shaking her hair back from her face. “I’m stopping by the liquor store first, then I’ll go back. I mean…I guess it could be a trick, or some of my crazy head games with myself. But.. What if it isn’t? He looks like him. Like He would have looked.”

 “Come on Jessica if it is your brother do you really want his first impression of you as a person that jumped out her own office window and his second you’re drunk off your ass, Look I’ll bring home a bottle of the good stuff but go back a face him with your wits intact.”

8

It was a good point. Fuck it, why did Luke always have to talk logic when Jessica was ready to run away and shove aside anything that tried to stop her or make her feel?

 “Well, it wouldn’t be all that surprising to him, since his last impression of me before showing up on my doorstop was how I caused the accident that killed our parents because I wouldn’t let him have a fucking video game,” she muttered, and damn if her eyes aren’t getting a little wet.

 It’s something that she’s always harbored, and never voiced aloud before, that it is her belief that she is the reason that her family had died. She had been too selfish, too loud, too much of a bitch, she hadn’t shared with her little brother and had made her father angry, she was the reason he took his eyes off the road. If it wasn’t for her, it never would have happened, her family would still be alive.

 She had always pushed those beliefs far down; Dorothy certainly hadn’t encouraged her to talk about her family, and Trish had always been so tentative around the subject, not wanting to hurt or anger her, that it had become far too easy to blank out memories or feelings about them for someone already inclined to repress anything too painful. Now, the possibility was presenting itself that for all these years, she had actually had a little brother out there, orphaned because of her, needing her, maybe not knowing what had happened to her. Or had he? Had he known all along that his sister had been adopted by a celebrity, while he was left behind, and she was told that he was dead?

 “Fucking Dorothy,” Jessica muttered, more to herself than to Luke, because whatever had happened all these years to her brother, she was almost sure Dorothy Walker’s hand was somewhere in the mix. In response to Luke, she said begrudgingly, “Fine, I’m going back. I’ll show up sober, but no promises I’ll stay that way once I’m there.”

 Hanging up, she ran a shaking hand over her face, fighting to slow the escalation of her breathing. She manages to stave off enough anxiety to avoid a panic attack, even as memories flicker through her mind. Waking up at fifteen in the hospital bed, frightened, in pain, wanting nothing more than to see her parents’ face, only to overhear the angry voice of teenaged Trish, blurting out that all of her family is dead. Asking about funerals, about memorials or any sort of service she could take part in, only to be told that those had already taken place, that she had missed them all, and there was not so much gravestones for her to visit instead. Picturing her family cremated, as Dorothy had so blithely told her, decimated into pieces small enough that they would all together fit in a small box or vase.

 If Phillip was alive, then whose body had they cremated? Or was even that a lie? Were her parents still alive out there somewhere too?

 Hope mingled with dread as Jessica started jumping rooftops, making her way back to her office building’s. She swung herself back down inside the open window, unsure whether she was relieved or not when she saw immediately that the man who had introduced himself as her brother was still present inside, now sitting somewhat uncomfortably on her beaten couch.

 “I figured you had to come back some time,” he muttered, not acknowledging the fact that her rather nontraditional entrance through the window. After her exit out of it, perhaps he expected that she preferred using it to doors. “Even if you do run your own business, you’ve gotta touch base at office eventually.”

 Jessica didn’t move any closer towards him, even when he stood, angling his body to face hers. Leaning back against the window, as though prepared to make another hasty exit if needed, she crossed her arms over her chest, narrowing her eyes at him.

 “So you’re my brother,” she said flatly, eyes looking towards his forehead, rather than the hazel eyes that so closely matched her own. “Prove it.”

 “What do you want, my birth certificate, my DNA?” Phillip shrugged, sounding unsurprised. “I could get both or either. Mouth swabs can do the trick these days. But I’m guessing you’re wanting words. Well, let’s see, my middle name is Brian, after Dad, but I guess anyone could look that one up. Your middle name is Campbell, after Mom’s maiden name. I know anyone could look that one up too, but what they couldn’t look up is you used to hate it, because I would call you Campbell soup, to the point that you wouldn’t eat any kind of soup at all, even if it wasn’t actually Campbell brand.”

 Jessica’s eyes widened, and she tried to cover her shock by pressing her lips together in a thin line. Phillip wasn’t finished. He seemed to actually enjoy throwing some of the old, mostly forgotten information about her long ago history back towards her.

 “Hm, you used to watch Xena the Warrior Princess a lot, you wanted to dress like her for Halloween but Dad didn’t want you wearing the skimpy costume, so you were a ninja turtle instead. I think that was when you were maybe eleven? You lost a tooth when you were nine on the playground because you were trying to do a full flip on the monkey bars and bashed your mouth against a bar instead. I was crying, scared because of all the blood, but you didn’t even cry. You were just mad because Mom made us leave and wouldn’t let you try again.”

 Jessica couldn’t speak. She tried, but her throat was closed up, and she couldn’t seem to form words or thoughts. Everything Phillip was recounting was true, memories she hadn’t touched in nearly two decades, and as they flooded back vividly, she stood frozen between pain and hope.

 “Uh…oh, you had some troll dolls, and I hated them, because their eyes and those weird little jewels in their belly buttons glowed in the dark. So of course, you used to sneak them into my room and hide them in my bed or in a dresser drawer or something, just to make me scream. And of course, I did my part by waking you up when you were a teenager by burping or farting in your face, then running for my life.”

 Phillip chuckled slightly, then intensified the easy, laidback tone of his voice, taking a slow step forward. “Take the DNA test if you want, Jessica, but you have to know it’s me. Don’t you.”

 And she did. She knew before he said any of it, knew as soon as he identified himself aloud the first time. This was her brother. Her brother….alive.

 “You’re not dead,” she said aloud, her voice small and dry. “They said you were dead.”

 Phillip shrugged, one side of his mouth tipping up in a smirk, very similar to one Jessica’s own face often showed.

 “Guess news of my demise was greatly exaggerated then.” More seriously, he said, “Technically, I guess I did die, they had to shock me back a few times, or so I hear. But in the long run, I survived. And I’m here. I wanted to see you, Jessie. Once I could find you, and get to you….I wanted to see my sister.”

 Jessie. The name sounded different in his mouth than it did in Dorothy’s, or any of the other people who insisted on saying it and whom Jessica refused to accept it from. She had thought the only three people allowed to call her by her childhood name were long gone, and the privilege to do so gone with them. But this man, this person with her brother’s features on a grown man’s face, called her Jessie so easily and naturally, and it sounded right.

  In a few jerky steps Jessica came forward, putting her arms around Phillip in an awkward but intense embrace. They had been fifteen and ten the last time they saw each other, and their relationship ship been far from one that showed physical affection; any physical contact with each other generally involved pinching, slaps, and shoves. It felt strange and strained to touch someone so familiar and yet so unknown, but as Phillip put his arms around her in return, with almost equal levels of awkwardness, his responding lack of ease only intensified her knowledge that he was the real deal.

 “Ease up, Jess,” he said lightly, flinching slightly. “Not all of us have super strength.”

 When Jessica jerked back, eyeing him, he shrugged at her. “What, how else do you think I found you? You were on the news constantly after that mind control guy, and everyone going crazy trying to kill each other. And then Dowling Investigations ads, it might be Trish Walker’s face, but she says your name and your title, and everyone in the world with any sort of TV or radio access knows you’re her adopted sister. Yeah, there are like, a million Jessica Joneses, and I didn’t know if you’d stay in New York or not earlier, but once the mind control guy happened, and Trish talking about you on her show, it wasn’t that hard to find you. I just…kind of took a while to get up the balls to actually go to you.”

 He shrugged again, giving her a somewhat self conscious smile. “I guess now that we’re here, we have to get to know each other all over again. We’ve kind of spent more time living apart than together, you know? A lot can happen in sixteen years.”

 He was right on that. And truthfully, Jessica had no idea where to start, so she focused back on him.

 “So if you weren’t dead all this time…where have you been? What the hell happened?”

[wayward-nephilim]

Before it all started // Rafe Cameron

Prompt: You finally break up with Rafe after you catch him doing coke again and you can’t stop thinking about how you guys were before.

Warnings: Drug abuse, angst

A/N: I hate Rafe and he’s kind of awful, but you also can’t deny that he’s just a boy with daddy issues and I believe that he would have been a halfway decent person if he didn’t have a shitty father and drug addiction. This is my take on what I believe he was like “before” (Ps re-reading and editing this i realized i made him like not a villain at all. Maybe i’m confusing Drew with Rafe)

“DONT YOU DARE LEAVE!!” He yelled at you, getting up from his spot on the couch. The lines of coke spread out on his table. Reflecting perfectly on the mirrored tray he had. You felt sick to your stomach and it felt like everything keeping you alive had been ripped out of you. This wasn’t the first time you caught him snorting, the first time was the worst and you voweled to help him but you had failed.

You fought back the tears in your eyes. “Rafe. I can’t do this, I can’t watch you fall down the same hole my mom did.” You loved your mom, and you loved Rafe almost as much. But you sat back and watched your mom kill herself and were watching the love of your life do that same thing.

The blue in his eyes were hardly able to be seen, his pupils so dilated from the coke. You knew how he got, you watched him start it. And at first he actually had you convinced he had it under control, he could do a line and that would hold him off for a couple days, it was a social thing. And then slowly you saw him doing more and more. You saw him stumble down into a dark and twisty hole as he battled with his mind.

“Baby, please. I can get it under control. I can fix this, I can fix us.” He sniffled, eyes glossy.

Your lip quivered as you watched the boy in front of you plead. “Rafe.” Your voice broke, “I love you, but I can’t do this. You promised me you would get a hold on it and then you didn’t. I offered you my support and I broke my back to get you help. I did everything I could to help you and I’m tired.” You sighed, disappointed in him and yourself.

“Listen, Y/N. Give me a couple of months.” He said, now crying, “I promise I can get better.” He seemed so small, gabbing the edge of his shirt and pulling it down as a nervous tick.

Your heart broke as you watched the boy you were in love with completely crumble. You wanted to believe him, you supported him and loved him when everyone else was against him and the both of you knew that you held him down and kept him grounded. “Rafe.” You sighed, disappointedly. “I can’t keep doing this with you. Why didn’t you take my help when I offered it?” You pinned the blame on yourself, thinking you could have pushed him harder.

“Look- It’s not that simple.” He looked down, refusing to make eye contact with you. “I have it under control.”

You groaned and threw your head back, “NO, YOU DON’T.” You yelled at him flinging your arms in your direction. “You don’t, Rafe. And you know it. I can’t help you this time.” This situation felt too familiar, and you needed to get out of there. Your chest rising and falling even harder and tear spilling from your eyes.

“Please.” He pleaded, noticing your change in demeanor. He straightened up and walked over to you. Trying to comfort you. “Y/N. Baby, it’s okay.” He hugged you. “I promise.”

You pulled your body away from his and looked him in the eyes. “It’s not, Rafe.” You sniffled, “You know it’s not. And I can’t ask you to get sober for me. Clearly it doesn’t work. I need you to get sober for yourself.” You sobbed, “I need you to want to be okay for you, I want to be able to live a long life with you and have kids and get married. But I’m not going to sit here and watch you refuse my help.”

“I will. I promise Baby.” He tried reaching for you and you pulled your body away because you knew that if you hugged him back you’d fall back into him. “I can get sober. I’ll do it.” You wished with everything in you that he would.

“I need to go, Rafe.” You said, turing around and letting your tears stream from your eyes. He wasn’t a bad man, he wasn’t mean to you and he hardly ever got a temper and not once in the year you guys have been dating has he ever put a hand on you. He just needed intervention and therapy, a lot of it.

Every step away from him felt like another string of your heart was being pulled. You ignored his begging and continued to walk, breaking down every step of the way. Your body was sweaty and you were hyperventilating. Rafe was always the one to calm your panic attacks and now he wasn’t hear and this one had to be fought on its own. You texted Sarah,

‘please keep an eye on your brother for me. we broke up and i need to know he doesn’t do anything irrational.’ You would always care for Rafe, nothing could change that.

You turned your phone off and walked towards your home that was only a couple doors down from the Cameron’s. You glanced up at the sky, clouds rolling in. Storm season was bad this year. Rain drops started falling slowly and you were kind of grateful, hoping they would wash out your tears so your father didn’t ask questions on your way in.

You sloshed around the foyer of your house and hang your soaking jacket on the coat rack, slipped your shoes off and walked up to your room. Not bothering you turn your light on, you stripped out of all of your clothes you flopped into bed. You lay staring at your ceiling. The ache in your heart over powering everything.

“Rafe, put me down.” You giggled, he had grabbed you by one arm and a thigh and was swinging you off of the boat. You squirmed in his hands until he placed you down on the deck of your tiny sail boat.

“What’s wrong, baby?.” He smiled at you, his blue eyes filled with life and his blonde hair wasn’t slicked back as you would normally see it. It was messy and all over the place. You loved seeing him like this, he was himself and he was happy and it was just the two of you.

“You know I’m ticklish.” You pouted your lip out, looking up to him.

“Oh, that’s just an excuse.” He said, running towards you and playfully tackling you down to tickle your side.

You kicked and laughed until your belly hurt. “Rafe-“ You laughed, “Stop it.” You managed to get out from his hold and run away laughing. He caught up with you and picked you up, your legs wrapping around his waist as he placed a kiss on your lips. You moaned as he laid you down and deepened the kiss. You pulled your head away and put your forehead onto his, staring into his bright blue eyes. And felt completely lost in them.

“Rafe.” You spoke softly, putting your hand on his face, “I love you.” It was the first time you said it, but you knew in that moment how you felt about him.

His mouth fell open in shock before he closed it and smiled, “I love you too.” He said against your lips and you opened yourself up to him.

Your tears fell even harder. The beginning of your relationship with Rafe was perfect, he was every thing you could have dreamed of and treated you good. He never pushed you to do anything you weren’t comfortable and was patient. It made you miss him even more.

“Y/N.” Rafe tried to offer you a smile, but you saw through it. His shirt was unbuttoned and both his face and ribs had bruises on them.

“Rafe. What happened?” You spoke, dropping your bag and keys and rushed over to him. You fell down to where he was in the ground and cupped his face in your hands. “Baby, what happened?” You cooed, glancing around the room, you saw a shiny tray on on it was little white lines and a rolled of $50 bill. You held him close to your body.

He cried into your shoulder and held you right. “I fucked up.” He sobbed,

“Rafe. What happened to you?” You voice cracked,

“He hit me.” He didn’t need to tell me who, I knew. It was his father. Ward had a tempor, everyone knew that. Especially you.

“I won’t let him do anything else to you. I’ll protect you.”

You lay stuff on your bed, digging your palms into your eyes to stop the flashbacks of you two together. You didn’t want to see all of the intimant moments. There were too many good ones. Rafe was good to you. He cared about you and pushed you in a positive way to do better than him. You knew he loved you and he knew you loved him.

Turning over, you put your head into your pillow and screamed until your lungs couldn’t take it anymore. Sobbing, wanting to be held by someone.

One hand was on your waist, the other clasped around your hand. He spun you so your back was against his. “I love it when you dress up.” He whispered in your ear.

It was Mid-Summer and you couldn’t deny that you hated it but also couldn’t deny that you enjoyed dressing up in a beautiful light dress and wearing a flower crown. You smiled up to him and gave him a kiss on the lips.

“Let’s go somewhere more private.” He spoke in your ears. You didn’t take much time unwinding yourself from him and pulling him into an empty locker room. Locking the door behind you.

You eagerly kissed him and pressed him against the lockers. He moaned and put his hands in your hips, pulling you into him. You smiled and pulled away, “I love you.” You kissed him, “I love you. I love you. I love you.” You said kissing him between each statement. And you did, you loved the Cameron boy with every fiber of your being.

“I love you more.” He laughed, pulling your dress up and then lifted you up so you could wrap your legs around his waist.

“Not possible.” You smiled, wrapping your arms around his neck as he undid the belt and button on his dress pants.

“It totally is.” He kissed you.

By now you were convinced that you would never find another love like his. He was a sour puss to most people, but he was real and true and wasn’t afraid to be himself around you, even if you were out in public. He wasn’t afraid to show his affection despite his reputation.

You wanted to call him and tell him you love him. But the rational part of you told you to not do it. You know it’s not your job to keep him clean, but you wanted to protect him from everything. You knew him better than anyone in his life. You know what he’s thinking right now and it’s not too different from your own thoughts.

This time, it was you two laid out on the deck of your boat. Staring up at the stars. Rafe was clueless when it came to the sky. The only thing he knew was where to find the big dipper. “That one right there, that’s Orien. He’s my favorite.” You smiled over to him, pointing above you. “Mainly because he’s the easiest one to find.”

“How exactly do you know so much?” He questioned you, looking over to you.

“I don’t know, I guess I’m just into stars and stuff. It’s crazy what’s out there. Ya know?” You shrugged, feeling slightly insecure for geeking out. “I find it interesting.”

Rafe noticed your change in demeanor. “I don’t think you’re weird for it.” He said, “I dig it.”

The both of you stared so intensely at each other. Comfortable with where you were in life. You turned to face him and placed your arm around his torso, snuggling into him. Being alone and comfortable in his presence was the one thing that always made you feel better. He made you better.

Right now, you wanted nothing more but for things to go back to the way they were before it all started.