#me?? writing an insecure muse?? cant be real sorry.

[detectivechandler]

@gentlemanstarkey said: [ shivering ] sender places small kisses all over receiver's stomach (pirate)

There's a rhythm to life at sea, sun gives way to stars, day fading to night as effortlessly as the ebb and flow of the tide against the shore. Mornings have become his favorite - that holy hour where light barely peeks above the horizon and the deck is still scant of most men. If he's lucky, the ones that await the end of their shift give him no mind, content to mutter amongst themselves about the young man who stands at the railing, fingers curled 'round smooth wood and blue eyes scanning the dark depths as if awaiting sight of some treasure or monster in the deep. Even the water itself is lazy in these early hours - it laps gentle caresses against The Jolly Roger's hull, pressing soft kisses against swaying wood like a mother loathe to wake her babe in its cradle. Joe stands silent, happily watching the day take shape around him, until the arrival of more men and their boisterous laughter chase him back into the shadows of his chosen sanctuary.

Now, he is sprawled across the bed - face flushed with a warmth borne from a thousand things and blonde hair sweat damp and tousled from the earlier wind. He's shifting his hips, the book he'd been devouring set aside and long forgotten, fighting the laugh that threatens to spill from his throat. James' fingers paint ticklish brush strokes over the thin cotton of his shirt, following the contours of lean flanks and pressing playfully into the sensitive skin between his ribs. Half hearted pleas for mercy seem only to egg the older man on, so teeth clench tightly together in their best attempt at feigned disinterest. A losing battle, of course. Joseph Chandler has long since learned it's all but impossible to be indifferent toward a man such as the one currently sprawled half atop him. Fingers reach the hem of his shirt, dipping beneath as if testing their footing, and the younger man frown, reaching to wrap a loose grip around his pirate's wrist. He has an excuse of course, a reason, it sits there on the tip of his tongue, ready to enter battle at its master's command and constructed like any careful lie meant to leave none the wiser.

Blue eyes so like his own study him for a moment and he feels that blasted warmth again, that uncomfortable apprehension from being seen that is both freedom and purgatory all at once. Before he can offer an explanation, an apology maybe, a single thumb reaches to trace the barest of touches along the sweep of his jaw, blending with the older man's affectionate smile in a way that serves to place him more at ease. The slide of his shirt against his stomach tickles in a far different way and Joseph sets his jaw, gaze studying the shadows that sputtering candles paint across the low ceiling.

What would it be like, he wonders, to simply start making shadow puppets? To make a distraction out of a silly game his brother had shown him when they were young?

There's a stretch of silence that feels like an eternity, an absence of the pirate's presence that almost causes him to slip to the floor and crawl beneath the bed in shame and defeat...but then he's there, salt roughened lips against smooth skin, pressing tender kisses all around his navel... and Joe is shifting in surprise, trying (and failing) to hold back a surprised squeak. He expects the other man to move on from the venture, to make quick work of a peck to show his point, but instead he lingers there ... hands moving to grip at the younger man's waist, thumbs smoothing reassuring circles over the bones of his hips. James is everything he is not - the warmth of home while Joe so often feels like a block of ice, confident, intelligent.. he is lean, all muscle and bone from years at sea, while Joseph is pale and soft, round where the beginnings of muscles have not yet broken through. He should be afraid, he's always afraid .. one mistake, one wrong breath, one awkward shudder, and he could be left alone, cast adrift in a world he will never truly understand... but like the savior that he is, James chases those demons, exiles them with every kiss and nibble against the smooth skin.

Instead of hiding away, he tangles his fingers within his pirate's hair, tugging playfully before scratching a gentle pattern across his scalp. They stay this way for what feels like hours - Joe's mind telling him all the reasons he should be cast aside while his lover's mouth writes a novel's worth of counter arguments over every inch and curve. Later, when they lie beside one another, nothing but contentment and grins as they good-naturedly argue over different opinions of a book, James will once again find that place that he tries so hard to keep hidden.. and rather than squirm and shy away, the younger man will simply smile, answering every questioning touch with a kiss pressed to the older man's brow. The declaration, when it comes, will bring a laugh to Joseph's lips and an amusement to blue eyes that flicker in the candlelight, each word punctuated with a rub of James' palm against his stomach.

We'll make a pirate of you yet.

[whatdayisitanyways]

ive been waiting for the full report from my neuropsych assessment for a full like two months !!! but the guy that did it texted me the other day and was like omg so sorry apendicitis FYI if you think you got it go to the doctor before it bursts (yes.. literally texted me like that, this man is so strange but i love it) and said that i should have it by Saturday and im so hyped to read a whole report about myself- like this is kind of my dream this man is writing a whole science report .. about ME, i am the muse, the subject, i cant wait to read about myself .. on a realer note im hella nervous to apply for disability services but this finally finding out that im autistic is like my whole entire life just makes so much sense and im getting a new car soon which might seem unrelated but my car is just kind of the iconic -heather- mobile i mean ive had it since high school- and i feel like this new person ! like obviously im the same me but im so fucking mentally stable now that i understand myself and im not trying to be what i think im supposed to be like im really myself and i know who that is and im not insecure and angry and sad and yucky!! a friend ive known and looked up to since i was literally like 10 was with me the other day and was like yeah im just fucking amazed at you tbh like youre a real adult and i am! and i never thought i would be! this is probably all over the place but ahhh!!! life gets better !!

[angel-nero]

11 questions...

I was tagged by @pureren @zaevran @glaspaladin @z-ayauitl and @kcgane ty so much !!! ♥

RULES: 1. Always post the rules 2. Answer the questions given by the person who tagged you 3. Write 11 questions of your own 4. Tag 11 people

my questions…

1. what’s the worst piece of clothing you own?

2. what’s the coolest piece of uh fashion that is so cool you can’t even wear to go out? lol

3.- what book have you read that you feel it has been the worst?

4.- What’s the healthiest meal you actually like?

5.- do you love keith kogane? (or vld keith lmfao what u prefer to use)

6.- something paranormal ever happened to you? if yea, what?

7.- do you get jealous easily? with who? (friends, popular ppl, talented ppl, the s/m)

8.- what’s the cutest thing you own?

9.- what are your favorite crisps?

10.- do you have a favourite drink?

11.- can you tell im hungry? what hobby you wish you liked or wish you did?

i tag: @kukinta​ @kittyr0se​ @heirith​ @liesfromsatansbuttcheeks​ @sheith-love-always​ @acequeenm​ @blessedkeith​ @lukaspatel​ @ke1th​ @ace-pidge​ @keith8​ but only if you want to!

TESSA’SS AND!! TAMI’S QUESTIONS1!!!

1.  Do you connect with people easily?

mmm, I don’t becos im a very quiet person and can be w u w/o talking at all and I get overwhelmed by convos I don’t care about also it’s kinda hard to win my trust and also interest lol. I’m nice tho, i mite not be enjoying myself but i’ll forev b nice w u.  

2. Did something good happen to you this week?

uH yeah, i’m doing things to improve my health, i did my uni exam, im frEE, i finally don’t have to go to rEliGIoUs classes aNYMORE and UH,,, i got a diet to win weight and its cool i get to eat ESQUITE LMFAO. i will see my bffs in friday and i have browney mix there i should bake but im lazy

3. What’s the personality trait that annoys you most in other people?

When people pretend to like something just 2 b friends w someone or ME, do you know we can be total dif and maybe still b friends if u cOOL. Ass kissers, hypocrisy, LIES LOL. I don’t like fake ppl at all.

4. If you could participate in any existing tv reality show, which one would you choose?

The ones where they change ur style and buy clothes for u 2 love urself and do ur hair and make up and buy u xpensive undies. I loved that crap when i was in secondary school lmao

5. What’s something you’re insecure about?

That I can’t be in one place without wanting tofuckin run, the fact that i can’t eat w ppl at all, that i have to go to the fucken gYM

6. What’s your favourite way to hang out with friends?

:’)) well,,, i go to my bff’s house or they come. If im fine then walk around my neighborhood cus it’s nice ahaha anxiety am i rite. oKAY, even if i get anxiety i like ice skating, or roller skating, i have a lot of fun. My friend want us to go to this pixies concert and im like :(( boo i love u

7. What’s your favourite fic trope?

lol idk,,,,, pining? mutual pining? no pining and they getting to know therngs im melttin sTOP idk…… it depends on whAT shIP. I just know i’ll read any fake dating of my otp. idk idk duuuude i legit don kno. It’s not a trope but i love crunchy feelings, showefjsid fksjnj its hard to talk about this im sOrry

8. What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve liked in the past?

hahahahahaha my crush

9. What do you consider to be the best period of your life?

When I was 14. I went to parties more than i go to them now lol, i drank and smokkd w who where my best friends back theN i know it’s whack. we used to go to roller skate? all the damn time and did sleepovers and everything was funny, we practically lived together and my friend that was 16 drove us to places lmao,, everything was so good. but like, dont imagine me too wild i only smokd like 5 cigs in my life and hookah and we even broke one.

10. What do you consider to be the worst period of your life?

mpghgg, when i turned 15,,, in the middle of it everythin went to shit to the actual date. But im trying to change that

11. How did you meet your best friend?

I met her,,,, 11 years ago. Look, I usually have best friends in pack. I have 3 bffs at the moment, one of them sat next to me in 2nd year of primary school. IDK how i got to actually know my absolute bff tho but we did a lot of weird shit. we also met in the same classroom and she was my bff back then. The third one was also a frind but not so much during those years. Later i changed of classrooms and shit and bonded more when I was 14 w 6 friends and those r i did crazy shit w but we got separated and stopped talkin and they invited me to the club a week before my uni exam but i was high on meds and sick af. and never replied also going to meet em again at the club makes me nervous af tbH…. I have had a lot of super close friends in my life wTf. In my new school i have also 7 friends that r super close.And we’re also a pack of bffs. I actually had a hard time to use the word bestfriend lol, not bc of me havin a lot or anythin, i was just emo i guess

BEX’S QUESTIONS YOo

1. What’s the strangest nickname you’ve ever been given?

:))))))))))))))))))))))))) gabhole, gabaloney, TETI THAT SOUNDS LIKE TITTY. now ft Aztec secret 

2. Do you like to gossip?

UMMMMMM,, i dont like to listen to another ppl judging someone, I hate it and i normally tell them to stop. it depends i guess

3. Are you afraid of the dark? um,,, no but i dont like it lol

4.Have you ever been stung by a bee?

no, but i steppeddd on one. I also was pickin a tree and till this day i dont knoW wTF it was but i had something big in my middle finger and it fucken hurt like a bitch and i had A BALL on it UGHHHHH I HATE BUGS

Bigfoot or mothman? fucking none

Do you trust anyone with your life? i mean, idk

Do you have any habits you wish you could break? yEAH, to stop tweeting my mental breakdowns is one lmao. 

Would you go ghost/alien hunting? 

both tbh, who wants to break into abandoned houses w me, i live in front of one,,, i mean not so infront but in the row of houses infront of me lmao english whO? dude rosetta stoned by tool is my aesthetic, alien stuff. bex listen to it pls

Best pickup line? (you’ve heard or used on you/you’ve used)

u r the best chair *proceeds to sit on em* keith to shiro probably

Mint or fruit gum?

I dont like gum much cos it makes me hungry or thirsty. I also drink too much soda to fuck w mint stuff :(( say that to the mints i bought lol :( i only eat halls or gum bc im nerves w ppl so they stopped bein a thing i enjoy for me lol. i do that since im like,,, uh,,, idK 15. it fuckd my stomach

What do you want to be remembered for?

I mean if I have to pick and b unrealistic, for art maybe,,, or for the thing i end up working with, like architecture or somethin. Art, def art cus i like art so much

ZURI’S QUESTIONS!!!

1.-if you had to chose one thing to eat for the rest of your life what would it be? 

I MEAN THIS QUESTION IS THE DEVIL I GET TIRED OF EVERYTHING TO THE POINT I DONT WNAN EAT ANYTHING I WILL JUST IGNORE IT SSAYS ONE AND SAY MEXICAN FOOD

2.- what are you most afraid of? Mental illnes and being ill and living 

3.- do you have a favorite place to visit?

I mean,,,, i love walking in the center? centre? of my city bc is like going to another place. Is also fucking Cuba in there. Everyone says that, my dad asked a cuban marine he met if it was true and he said it was ‘’ the fackin same’’ So its like,,, travelling in time and places. also the beach and the port.

4.- what type of weather you enjoy the most?

I need the sun, otherwise i get sad… i like cloudy w sun. I just like to go out in the afternoon tho lol so like,,, sun pls so the sky can turn pinkish

5.- do you have a rare ability like dislocating your thumb or moving your eyes really fast?

i move my tongue real real fast and also can do the cherry knot thing and uh i can like, be aberrantly stupid too. hey but dont fuk w me and bother me 4 bein stupid, i will fist fite u and i mite b stupid but i will also mite think u r stupid if i don like u so fuk off. Dam,,, i get like, bothered so easy LOL like, think u r better than me and i’ll fist fite u LMFAO WHY THO I SUK, but like, if not bothered, i think of everyone as my equal… wow this was not the question

6.- do you think it would be easier to create one universal lenguage or an accurate translator? nO… dont delete culture like that,,, an accurate translator mite come in handy u kno but like, some languages have words that don’t exist in others so like :-/

7.- is there something that soothes you no matter what? um no i wish

8.- favorite piece of clothing? boots and thights

9.- is there a song stuck in your head right now? YEAH dig down by muse i love it, every1 says it sUCLks but i can’t stop listenin to it

10.- why is your favorite animal your favorite animal? i don play favs but i love the honey badger bc of this pleas fuckin watch it and THIS

11.- morning person or late riser? Oh,, i cant wake up to save my life so late riser

SUNNY’S QUESTIONS!!!

1. do you have any plushies? a LOT but im like,,, they r in my wardrobe and i luv em but like,,, they’re all gifts,,, did u kno one of my past bffs bought me a dino for christmas?

2. have you ever walked out the cinema before? 

Yeah, i love drive’s aesthetic and Ryan gosling a lot but is SO boring so idk if my friends and I got kicked out or we prefered to get out to talk haha. 

3. if you could have a mascot what would it be and why?

A CHINCHILLA, they’re a irl pokemon and they r so cUTE

4. what would your theme song be? kool thing, sonic youth maybe or is she weird by pixies. All Over the world by pixies too lol

5. do you have any phrases or sayings you find yourself coming back to often? not really, im so bad at remembering sayings and quotes

6what’s the nearest object to your right? a book called azul by ruben dario

7. would you rather live in the big city or out in the middle of nature? 

Big city forever. I love high? buildings a lot. I dont do that well in the rural life lmao 

8. are you working on any creative projects right now (fic/art/music/photography/ect) Nope at all and das sad cus i should b doing art lmao

9. what’s your favourite movie score? idk what is score… but the soundtrack of trainspotting is one of my favs… oh but score… aghgsdhaj any tarantino movie tbh or wes anderson movie… or before I disappear or demolition oR southpaw or the girl w the dragon tattoo

10. i say vol you say….? uuhhhhh,,,,,  vol….tron??? (ICONIC, I MELT, I LVOE HIM)