#me: minho don't go emo on me rn wtf

[rkmason]

                                            IF YOU ARE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT ˟                                                               (       CLAP YOUR HANDS YO IN THIS BEAT       )

it’s not even the first day of the camp by the time minho realizes it’s his first performance with everyone in a group. in november, he came in too late to join them for the busking performances and december had been about acting. yeah, this month is the true test of whether or not he can fit in anymore. the issue of age came up during the mgas, sure, but he realizes again just how much older he is. there’s chanyeol too but chanyeol hasn’t debuted and left a group before.

then again, he realizes he was wary about his age even when he was in nova. there is always someone younger and potentially better and he didn’t think that got to him in the past.

this is also his chance to leave that all behind, to simply be choi minho, trc trainee hoping to debut. there’s no again, or who knows when, but he only wishes to hold onto the desperation, the eagerness, the strength to continue each day. whenever he talks to one of the guys, especially when he talks to chanyeol or doyum, he realizes being inside the company walls aren’t so restricting, so confining. they’re locked up from 5am til midnight most days but he’s haopy.

when he mouths that particular line, he feels like a child again, wanting to clap his hands enthusiastically because he is. he is.

not surprisingly, he thinks of mijoo, of how she tells him to do whatever he wants as long as it makes him happy, and, as he takes a sip of water before they get started on the evaluation day, he thinks of that in particular, thinks this does make him happy.

part of him wants to know the specific moment he fell in love with performing again after leaving convex, after walking away with the most remorse he’s felt in his life, mourning what could’ve been and what won’t because of his mistakes. he wants to pinpoint the moment he decided he’s still allowed to want this, to dream, to act, to perform freely. the other part of him knows: it’s never truly a choice or one moment.

no, it’s his entire life.