#me: im so ashamed of this i want the WHOLE WORLD to see it!

[friendlessclown]

i love blood girl so much

[watchmegetobsessed]

EVEN IF IT TAKES FOREVER

A/N: aaaah im so excited for yall to read this!!! im kinda ashamed to admit this whole idea came from something i heard in an ep of milf manor but lets just move past that lol

WORD COUNT: 9k

WARNING: sexual content, toxic and verbally abusive relationship, cheating (not from Harry or Y/N)

SUMMARY: Harry Styles is used to get any woman he wants, everyone knows that. But when his interest shifts towards you, everything changes and he is ready to wait for you for as long as it takes, even when he finds out you're engaged to your asshole boyfriend. Not even that ring on your finger stops him from pining after you.

MASTERLIST | SUPPORT ME!

You don’t have to look up from the drink you’re making to know who just walked into the bar. It’s like the atmosphere of the whole place shifts instantly whenever Harry Styles appears, a sixth sense always triggers a siren in your head before your eyes could spot him crossing the space between the entrance and the bar. 

You’d be lying if you said you felt no excitement every time he shows up, the way your heart starts hammering in your chest is a great tell that he is anything but neutral to you, but you’ve been trying your absolute best to keep yourself under control. For one, he is known to be a flirt. Every woman in town knows that Harry loves three things, attention, pretty women and the combination of the previous two. You’ve seen him around with different partners every time, but never with the same twice. You heard the stories, the gossips and the whispers, how he shakes every woman’s world and then leaves, never giving the chance for anyone to even try to tie him down. This is not what you want or deserve.

And for two… You’re taken. Engaged, to be precise. 

When you spot Harry you instantly hide your hand behind your back, hoping the diamond ring won’t catch his eyes, because you know he would flip. 

Apparently, his latest fixation has been none other than you. He came into the bar about two months ago for the first time. He sat by the bar and clearly tried to flirt with you all evening, ignoring all the women who were brave enough to go up to him. He remained focused on you and as the evening carried on he became more and more blunt about his intentions with you. 

“So, are you coming home with me?” he asked when you walked out at the end of your shift. He was waiting by the back, leaning against his motorcycle. You were never blind, you saw how attractive he was then and you still see it now, but you just shook your head no.

“I’m taken.”

“You got a boyfriend?” He arched an eyebrow and you nodded. You expected him to give up, but instead, a devilish smirk took over his expression. “It’ll be even sweeter when I win you over, Angel.”

You were taken aback by his confidence and you were surprised when he showed up the next day, but got used to his presence quite fast. 

It became a sort of usual, have him walk in not long after your shift starts, he sits by the bar so he can talk to you, he drinks one or two beers and then asks if he could take you home once you’re done. You decline and then it starts all over again. 

An unexpected feature of his never dying attempts is that you’ve actually got to know each other during those long hours when he sat by the bar and entertained you while you worked and when he drops the cheeky act he is actually someone not just bearable but rather pleasant. You’d never admit it to him, but you kind of think of him as a friend, you’ve shared some things with him about yourself not many know. 

Like how you found out your boyfriend cheated on you. 

“You look stunning, as always, Angel,” he greets you as he takes his usual spot and you’re already pouring his drink.

“And you’re being flirty, as always,” you give him a knowing look, but he just smirks. You give him his beer and then move over to another man by the bar. 

When you return you notice the change in him and you know he saw the ring. As if you could still hide it from him, you cover it with your other hand, even though you did nothing wrong. 

“What’s that?” he asks, though it’s obvious he knows it’s an engagement ring. 

“Harry…”

“He proposed to you?” he asks, eyes snapping up to meet your gaze. 

“Yes, he did.”

“And you said yes?” He is clearly growing angrier by the second and you worry, because he tends to lose his temper easily. You don’t think he would ever hurt you, but he might take his anger out on something or someone else.

“Yes, that’s why I’m wearing the ring,” you say and try to keep yourself busy, moving the clean glasses in front of you around. 

“Y/N what the fuck?! You can’t be fucking serious.”

“I am and it’s none of your business,” you snap at him.

“The guy cheated on you!”

“Would you stop airing my private life for everyone?” you hiss at him, looking around to see if anyone has heard him. 

“Then explain to me how you are so stupid that you want to marry a man who doesn’t love you?!”

You’ve had enough. Checking if there is anyone waiting to be served you find no one so you walk out from behind the bar and grab Harry’s wrist, pulling him out through the back door to the empty parking lot behind the building. 

“Who do you think you are? You have no right to talk about me or my relationship like that!”

“Y/N, you are making a huge fucking mistake!”

“A mistake would be trusting someone about dating who has never stayed with a woman for longer than a couple of hours! What the fuck do you know about love or marriage when you can’t even stay until the morning when you fuck someone?”

It might be petty, bringing up his reputation against him just to invalidate his words, but he brought the worst out of you. 

“Because I don’t fucking lie to women about what I want! Your man lied right into your face and then only admitted to cheating when he was busted. You think he wouldn’t do it again? You think he is not doing it now? Cheaters don’t change, Y/N. He doesn’t fucking deserve you.”

“And you do?” you snap at him as your anger takes over your body. Maybe it’s because he brought up what Jeremy did or maybe it’s because he is lecturing you about something he has no right to stick his nose into. “Let me guess, I should ditch Jeremy and run to you? We fuck, have one great night and then leave me like you leave everyone, is that what I should go for? Is that what I deserve?”

He seems to be at a loss of words and that’s new. He probably wasn’t expecting you to call him out so explicitly, but it’s been building up for a while. 

“Do me a favor and stop trying to orchestrate my life. I’m more than capable of making my own decisions. Go and chat up another woman, fuck her so you stop trying to stick your dick inside me.”

You walk past him and straight inside, your rage doesn’t die down for a couple of long minutes. You take a few orders and then slowly get back to the workflow and manage to forget about Harry for a bit. When you glance towards his spot you see that his beer is still there, but he never returned. For a second you get uncertain, have you gone too far? 

No. He deserved it and everything you said was valid. It’s not your fault he can’t take the truth. 

Two days pass by and you see no trace of Harry. You find yourself looking at his usual seat from time to time and you mistake a few tall brunette guys with him, but he never actually shows up. You tell yourself you should be happy he is out of your hair, but somewhere deep inside you there’s still some disappointment that you try to push down every time it threatens to bubble up. 

Sunday comes and it doesn’t start off the best. Jeremy is in a mood all morning and he just practically picks a fight over anything you do. It’s whether what you cook, where you put the scissors or how you forget to lock the backdoor, he overreacts everything and by the time you’re leaving for work you’re a mess from all the fighting you’ve had. 

Being away from him is actually a bit of a relief, but your peace only lasts until he starts texting you and somehow you end up fighting again, this time about the outfit you wore to work. A simple black skirt with a white t-shirt, you’ve worn this before and he didn’t even notice, but today it seems like the skirt is too short for his taste and the shirt is too see-through. 

JEREMY: Enjoy the attention of every fucking men in the bar.

JEREMY: Congrats on being a slut.

You’re angry at him, but you’re also too tired to run around in circles. When he sets his mind on something nothing can change it, so there’s no use trying to convince him you’re not doing it to get other men’s attention.

You put your phone aside and ignore it for a while, but apparently, that wasn’t the right decision. Because the next time you check it you see a bunch of missed calls from Jeremy and another thread of texts.

JEREMY: Answer the fucking phone Y/N.

JEREMY: Are you fucking someone in the toilet? 

JEREMY: If I find out you fucked someone you’re dead I swear.

There’s only twenty minutes left until closing and the bar is almost entirely empty, so you step out to the back and call him. 

“Are you done fucking?” That’s what he says when he finally picks up. 

“Are you done being an asshole? I’m not fucking anyone!”

“Don’t fucking talk to me like that! I know you’re sucking dicks for tips, don’t even try to lie to my fucking face!”

He is vivid, shouting on the other end of the line and it’s making your head throb. You’re tired and you don’t want to deal with his unreasonable jealousy right now. All you want to do is go to sleep, but you know if you go home you’ll just continue from here. 

“I’m not lying, you’re delusional!”

“Stop with the fucking lies! Don’t fucking come home until you can’t admit the shit you’re doing! I will not have a woman lie into my face!”

“What the hell are you talking about? You can’t tell me not to go home, that’s my place too!”

“I’m sure you can find a place to sleep if you suck another dick.”

And with that the call ends. You’re staring at the screen in disbelief for several moments before the tears start rolling down your face. You lean against the brick wall and slide down as you let the sobs bubble from your throat. You try to call him again, but it doesn’t even ring. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” you whisper to yourself as you bury your face in your hands. 

You always kept telling yourself Jeremy has a temper and that he doesn’t mean it when he says these nasty things, but every time it happens again it gets harder and harder to believe that you could put up with it. You get that it roots in his jealousy, but he shouldn’t act like this with you, you know it’s not normal and yet… you still haven’t been able to do anything against it. 

You’re so buried under your pain that you don’t even notice the motorcycle that rolls into the parking lot and stops just a couple of feet away from you. Harry’s voice is what snaps you out of your spiral.

“Y/N? What are you doin–Hey, what happened?”

He rushes over and kneels in front of you, one hand on your back as the other lifts your head by your chin. 

“I’m fine,” you breathe out, as if he couldn’t see your tear soaked cheeks and bloodshot eyes. 

“No, you’re not. What happened? Did someone hurt you?” Seemingly he is trying to find wounds on you, but you shake your head. 

“It’s just… I-I don’t…” You can’t get the words out, it’s like your mind is blocked. 

“Come on, let’s go inside.”

He helps you up and you don’t protest when his arms curl around you and he keeps you close to his chest as he walks you inside. He pulls you to the stool he usually takes and makes you sit before walking behind the bar and pouring you a glass of water. 

“I need to close,” you croak and try to get off the stool, but he stops you.

“I’ll take care of it.”

You faintly hear him making the last few people in the bar leave and then the lock turns on the door before he returns and sits beside you. 

“Now tell me what happened.”

“I don’t want to talk,” you breathe out as you close your eyes. When you open them again, Harry is still there looking at you patiently. 

Then he stands and walks back behind the bar, grabbing a bottle of tequila from the shelf along with two shot glasses.

“Alright. Then let’s drink the pain away.” He pours the liquor into the glasses and then pushes one over to you, holding up the other one. For a second you just blink at him, a warning going off somewhere in the back of your head, but you’re quick to turn it off. 

Drinking the pain away actually sounds nice right now, since you can’t go home until Jeremy is having his episode. 

So you finally take the shot and you catch a tiny smile from Harry before you both chug down the alcohol. And soon more follows, at least on your side. 

About thirty minutes and three more shots later you’re definitely drunk. But at least you stopped crying and can actually laugh now, practically on anything Harry says. 

“Oh my God, stop!” you cackle, slapping your hand onto the bartop.

“No, I swear! I climbed out the window and fell straight into the jacuzzi!”

“Did her father see you?”

“No, I would be dead by now if he did?” he chuckles.

“I can’t believe you were such a playboy even as a teenager!” you keep laughing. 

“What, are you surprised?” he cheekily asks.

“Honestly, not that much,” you snort and reach for the tequila bottle, but Harry pulls it away from you. “Hey!”

“Maybe let’s slow down a bit, yeah?” You pout at him, but he just grabs a normal glass from behind the bar, fills it with water and hands it over to you instead. 

“What, you’re not up for a bit of fun?” you grin into the glass, but take a few sips anyway. “I thought that’s what you wanted.”

“I do want to have fun with you, Y/N. But I’m also concerned at how fast you downed those shots,” he admits smirking. 

“Ah, how sweet of you, as if you don’t just want to take me to bed,” you scoff, but you didn’t mean it in a bitter way this time, like before. “Isn’t it tiring?”

“What is?”

“Ah, don’t make me say it!”

“I genuinely don’t know what you’re talking about, Angel.”

“Angel!” you groan and then let out a sigh. “Aren’t you tired of running after me? I mean, you’re used to getting your way with women. Honestly, I thought you’d stop by now.”

Harry just stares back at you and it gets intimidating, especially when a smirk curls the corners of his mouth up. Your cheeks already feel quite hot, but now they are burning. You always hated how bothered he could get you despite all your effort to reject him in every possible way. 

Just when you think he’d ignore what you said forever, he finally speaks up. 

“Would you believe me if I said it’s because you’re different?”

“Oh no, don’t give me this bullshit!” you scoff and then just laugh it off. You change position on the stool and try to cover up just how much his words affect you. 

Because it might have been the corniest thing you’ve heard from him, but you’re also just a girl who’s a hopeless romantic and this is exactly the stuff that can turn you into a giggly mess in a heartbeat. 

“Why is it your first instinct that I’m just bullshitting you, Y/N?” he asks, but he is not at all accusing, more like curious. You purse your lip, but decide not to say anything, just sip on your water. Harry walks out from behind the bar and takes the stool next to yours. “I think you don’t know your real worth, Y/N.”

“And you do?” you roll your eyes at him teasingly. 

“I would love to, but as long as you don’t let me get closer to you, I can only work with what I see. I know you probably think I’m just lying to get into your pants, but if there’s one thing you should know about me is that I’m always telling the truth. I’d been lied to before, many times and I know what it does to you, so I would never do the same to you or anyone.”

“Is this your way of buttering me up?” you smirk, but narrow your eyes at him. Your wording makes him laugh. 

“Of course.”

“Ah, you are so smooth, I hate that about you! And I hate how handsome you are.”

Oops. That’s definitely the alcohol talking, you’d have never admitted that to him sober. You catch the surprised smirk on his face and you immediately regret opening your mouth. 

“So you think I’m handsome, huh?”

“Oh shut up! I can see your head getting big!” You point at him, but he grabs your hand in the air and tugs at you gently, just enough to make you hop off your stool and fall towards him. He catches you by the waist as you end up between his legs, your hands end up on his chest as you try to find your balance. 

“I would love to hear you say how handsome you find me, but just know, that you’re playing with my self restraint.”

Even despite the shots, you can feel the switch, your breathing becomes shallow and you make the mistake of letting your eyes move down to his lips for a moment. His fingers dig into your waist and though you know you should move your hands, you love how you can feel his warmth under your palms. 

“Do you want to tell me what happened earlier? Why were you crying?”

“Jeremy,” you say in a whisper. 

“Did he hurt you?”

“Just… with his words.”

“That’s still not okay, don’t downplay it. What did he say?”

A small voice in you is telling you not to tell him more, but his undivided attention and care towards you feels so good, it’s something you haven’t experienced in a while. Jeremy is different, he is not the soft type and though you’ve been telling yourself it’s fine, you can’t deny how much you’ve been craving this kind of connection with someone. 

“He accused me of cheating, that I… I suck people off for money.”

Harry’s hands stiffen on your waist, but he stays silent and gives you the chance to talk. You can feel your throat closing up again and your instinct is to close up, but you want to take this weight off your chest in any way possible, so you don’t hold yourself back. 

“It wasn’t the first time he flipped, sometimes he just… loses his mind and takes his frustration out, often on me.”

“Has he ever hit you?” Harry asks in a somewhat cool tone, but you can tell he is holding a lot back. 

“No,” you shake your head. “But his words… He called me a slut tonight.”

Harry exhales sharply and you see his jaw jumping. Your reasonable self is pounding down the door of the room you shut it into, but you blatantly ignore it as you push closer to him. It’s your first time being this close to him physically and you want to hate it, you really do, but truth is you feel yourself being pulled towards him and you’re just too tired and weak to fight it. 

When one of his hands moves to cup your cheek you’re ready to give in. You part your lips and give him an unmistakable look and you expect him to take advantage of the moment, but he surprises you by turning his head to the side with a heavy sigh.

“Is it not what you want?” you ask quietly, trying your best to ignore just how rejected you’re feeling all of a sudden. 

“You know it is,” he replies, turning back to face you. “I want you more than anything.”

“Then what are you waiting for?”

He shakes his head and your stomach sinks. You try to pull away, but he keeps you caged against him. 

“Hey, look at me.” His hand captures your chin to make you look at him, but you keep your gaze away from him. “Y/N, look at me,” he pleads again and you give in at last. 

His thumb slowly runs across your bottom lip, making it tremble from the intimacy of his touch. 

“This is all I’ve wanted since I first saw you and it’s taking everything in me not to take it. But I know you and I know that you would regret it. I would never put you in a situation that could hurt you.”

You hate how right he is, how well he knows you. 

“So considerate, respecting the… bro code and everything,” you huff, hoping to break this weird mood that’s lingering around the two of you now. Harry’s head falls back as he laughs. Then he grabs your hand that has your engagement ring on and with a confident move he takes it off, throwing it over his shoulder and you just watch with your mouth hanging open.

“I give zero fucks about the bro code, especially if it’s about that asshole you call your fiancé.”

“Did you just–”

“What I do care about is,” he continues, “you. And how you feel.”

Your mind is racing but also blank at the same time. You just stare back at him, eyes drooping as the alcohol is starting to wear you out. 

“So what, you’re just gonna wait around, hoping I will wake up one day and leave Jeremy for you?” you ask jokingly, but his answer comes in a serious manner.

“Exactly.”

There are a couple of seconds when the two of you are just staring back at each other and you swear you can see the universe in his green eyes, the past, the present and a future together and as much as it scares you, it also starts a fire somewhere deep in your chest. 

“Can you–um, can you give me a ride to my sister’s place?” Clearing your throat you pull away and this time he lets you. 

“Sure.”

You sit on his motorcycle behind him, arms wrapped around his torso tight as you watch the night lights pass by, blinking lazily, his scent filling your nose every time you press your cheek against his back. When he stops in front of your sister’s apartment’s building you almost ask him to just drive for a bit more, but you force yourself to let go of him and climb off the motorcycle. 

“Thanks for… everything, I guess,” you awkwardly say while he is still sitting on the bike. 

“Take an Advil before you go to bed.”

“Okay, stop babying me,” you laugh and he finally breaks into a smirk. “I guess I’ll see you around?”

It’s a simple question, but the obvious hidden question is right there, out in the open. It’s your way of asking if he’ll be returning to the bar despite the fight you had a few days ago. 

“Of course. Keep my seat open.”

Nodding you’re about to turn around and walk inside, but he calls after you.

“Y/N?” You look over your shoulder, waiting for him to continue. He opens his mouth, then closes before actually speaking up. “You don’t have to believe that my interest in you is genuine. I will gladly prove it to you any way possible, but… Maybe you should look at Jeremy with the same criticism as well.”

You have no idea what to say so you just nod and then keep walking until you’re inside the building, but you stay leaning against the door until you hear his motorcycle roar up and fade into the night. 

You’d love to say that after the night with Harry at the bar everything changed, but that’s not true. The next day you went back home, Jeremy calmed down by then, you had a fight nonetheless, which ended up with some makeup sex, but your head was somewhere else.

Or with somebody else.

Then it all went back to the same usual. Harry was there at the bar the next time you were working and luckily he didn’t bring up anything that happened that night. Not what you said about Jeremy, not that you practically admitted being attracted to him and not that you gave him the green light which he rejected. It’s all locked up in a box and put aside. 

However you can feel a slight change in yourself. Harry’s words did stick with you and have been on repeat ever since. 

Maybe you should look at Jeremy with the same criticism as well.

You and Jeremy have been together for over three years and moved in together a year ago. You can’t really remember a time you haven’t been with him. You do know that he is not perfect and the shit he pulls sometimes… 

You’ve thought of leaving him before. It did occur to you that maybe you’d be better off without him when he flipped in the past and turned crazy out of the blue. But every time it happened, he went back to his sweet old self, the one you fell in love with. 

But are you still in love with him?

One day, about a week later Harry waltzes into the bar, but he is not looking his usual, confident self. 

“Okay, hear me out before you say no,” he starts as he takes his spot while you’re drying off some glasses. “I know you might find it hard to believe, but I have friends.”

“We are off to a great start,” you chuckle.

“My best mate, Mitch, he lives two hours away so we don’t meet that often, but he is in town this weekend.”

“Good for him,” you smile, curious about what will come out of it.

“And we were talking about what we should do and all that and I made a mistake. He suggested this club we could check out and said we should meet there at nine but I asked him to make it ten thirty, because on thursdays you finish work at ten.”

Your hand stops mid-motion and you put the glass down, giving him a curious look as you tilt your head to the side. 

“Obviously he wanted to know who you were and I swear I told him we have nothing going on, but he is just so stubborn, he didn’t let it go until I promised I would ask if you wanted to come with us. So here I am, I asked, you can just ignore it and tell me to fuck off. I know you probably wouldn’t want to spend the night in a random club with me and my friend and his wife, so if you just–”

“I’ll go with you.”

Your reply surprises him the most of course, but yourself as well, though you don’t let it show. You spoke before you could think it through and not that it was said out loud and you can’t take it back… You don’t really mind it at all, to be honest. 

“Are you trying to mess with me right now?” he asks, leaning closer, examining you with a narrow-eyed look. 

“No. I haven’t gone out in forever actually, so I would love to.”

He stares back at you for a long moment, looking for any sign that might tell him you’re just joking, but when he sees none, he decides it’s better to just accept it. 

“Okay. Okay, then… I’ll, umm… I’ll pick you up after work?”

“Sure.” 

“Okay.”

“Okay,” you say after him, feeling entertained that you could surprise the always so confident Harry Styles. “So tell me about this friend of yours. Is he hotter than you?”

His expression changes in an instant, the cockiness returns and there is the man you know and…

“He wishes,” Harry laughs. “I met him through work.”

The apartment is silent when you arrive home that night. Jeremy is working the night shift so you have the place for yourself until he comes home at around four in the morning. The bed is unmade in the bedroom, the plates he used during the day are in the sink and the hamper is full of his clothes. It’s all waiting for you to get everything done even though you work just as much as he does. It wasn’t always like this, you remember the honeymoon phase when he would cook for you and then clean up after, when he would bring you flowers for no particular reason.

When he would actually act like someone who loves you. 

With a heavy sigh you get to work even though you just finished. When the dishes are done and the washing machine is loaded you finally sink into the couch and just sit in silence for a bit. Right until a buzzing sound interrupts your peace. Only then you notice that Jeremy left his phone on the coffee table. 

Grabbing it you check the screen and see that one of his buddies is calling. The name flashes and you wait for it to stop. When he does, you just keep holding the phone, staring at your own reflection in the black screen. 

Jeremy never lets his phone out of his hands, he takes it with him into the bathroom and he is always on it. Tapping on the screen the device comes to life and asks for a password. He never felt comfortable using  face ID or his finger print, so he only uses a password to lock it. What he doesn’t know is that you’ve seen him type it out so many times that you actually figured out what it is. 

No, it’s not your name or the date you met. It’s his favorite line of his favorite movie. 

I am Ironman.

Before you could think twice, you type it in, no space, capital I in Ironman and then the phone unlocks. A rush of excitement washes over you as you open the messages in an instant and start scrolling through them. 

Texts from his dad, from his boss, from his friends and texts from…

Andrea.

And Penelope.

And Bella.

And Riley.

Unmistakable messages, photos and even voice memos. It’s all there and you just keep scrolling and reading and it feels like it never ends. When you get to the end of one thread you find another. It’s not just one woman, but about a dozen. Not even you can turn a blind eye over it this time.

But surprisingly, you don’t feel like you want to scream or cry or punch the wall. Instead, you just put the phone back where it was, walk into the bedroom, grab a bag and start packing some stuff you’ll need for the next few days. When you’re done you walk into the kitchen, grab a paper and leave him a note. 

You have two days to move out. Take your shit and move to Andrea or Penelope or Bella or any of your bitches. Goodbye. 

Then you take the ring off your finger, place it next to the paper and walk out.

Harry wasn’t sure what he expected to see when he arrived to pick you up after your shift. He thinks you’re the most beautiful woman he has ever seen even when you’re wearing a stained shirt after a long day, so it really doesn’t matter to him what you wear.

But when you step out through the back door in your skin tight black dress that’s top sheer enough to tease him with a peek of your black bra underneath. 

“Are you gonna just stand there and stare or are we gonna get going?”

He opens his mouth to say something, but then he just shakes his head with a laugh as you finally reach him by his bike. 

“Let’s get going.”

You hit it off with Mitch and his wife Sarah instantly. It’s like you’ve always known each other and you can’t tell if it pisses Harry off or he just likes to be the victim every time the three of you make a joke at his expense. 

Even though it’s a Thursday night, the club is pretty busy, but not the kind that makes you want to crawl out of your skin, because someone is always touching you wherever you go. Harry however stays close to you no matter what, like a guard dog, watching your every move. 

It’s giving you butterflies. Especially because he is doing all this even though he doesn’t know about your little secret you will share with him, but you’re waiting for the perfect moment. 

You start off in a booth, having a few drinks, talking and having fun and when the DJ starts playing songs that are just too irresistible you and Sarah drag the men to the dance floor. They try to protest, but it doesn’t last long. As gruff as Mitch can look, it’s obvious he is whipped for his wife and would do anything Sarah asks him. 

And Harry… Well, the moment he sees you moving to the beat he practically glues himself to you. Though dancing is not your biggest strength, you can definitely follow the rhythm and move your body in a way that’s appealing to the male gaze. 

You can tell Harry is trying to keep his cool, but the more he holds himself back, the more you push his buttons. Touching him while dancing, moving in a way that obviously makes him struggle, pressing up against him and then you pull out the big guns when you start grinding on him, when you have your backside pushed against his front. His hand on your stomach twitches when your ass meets his crotch in a not-at-all innocent way and you hear his groan even over the loud music. 

“You’re playing a dangerous game, Y/N,” he speaks into your ear, his hot breath sending goosebumps down your spine. You turn your head and your lips almost brush against his as you look at him innocently.

“Not having fun, Harry?”

“You’re teasing me.”

“Do you not like it?” You turn around to face him easier, but press your front against his to keep the physical contact on the same level. 

“Y/N, you’re… taking it too far,” he warns you, but it just urges you to keep pushing his boundaries. You’re enjoying this way more than you probably should but you are giving yourself the satisfaction this one time. You’re not afraid of asking for his forgiveness later, because you have a feeling he will gladly give it. 

“Am I doing something wrong?”

“No, but I might if you don’t stop.”

“Don’t stop what?”

“Acting like… you’re trying to seduce me.”

“I can’t do that? Why?” It finally brings him to the point where you wanted him to be.

“Because you’re engaged and I’m–” he snaps, but you don’t let him finish.

“Except I’m not.”

You both have stopped moving in the middle of the dancing crowd and Harry is staring at you as if he just saw a ghost. Slowly, you raise up your hand and show him your naked fingers. Reaching up he grabs your hand as if he had to physically touch your ring finger to make sure the ring is not there anymore. 

“I ended things with Jeremy and he moved out. I’m single.”

His gaze keeps flicking back and forth between your eyes as he just keeps staring at you, it seems like you broke him and he forgot how to function, but then his expression changes and you read it perfectly. 

It’s not enough for him that you and Jeremy broke up. He wants you to give him the green light.

You look down at his lips and think of all the times you fantasized about kissing them and the guilt you felt every time, but now it’s nowhere, pure desire took its place and you’re ready to give in. 

You move a hand to the back of his neck and push yourself up, making that first move, but Harry is quick to take over from there. He moves fast as his lips crash down on yours, finally kissing you with the heat of his months long pining and never dying persistence. 

You’ve had your fair share of passionate moments in your life before, but nothing compares to the way Harry practically devours you, he’s demanding, dominant and rough, but the more he takes from you the more you’re willing to give until he has everything in you. His hands are holding your face firmly, tilting your head in the perfect angle for him to greedily kiss you until your lips are numb and you’re gasping for air. And when you can’t keep up with his hunger his mouth moves down to your neck, kissing, biting and sucking shamelessly as if you weren’t on a dancefloor at a club. He has one hand move from the back of your neck into your hair, giving it a gentle tug while his other hand makes its way down your body, your ribs, your waist and then it stops on your ass, squeezing it without remorse, earning a moan from you that just riles him up even more. 

For a split second you’re convinced he is about to fuck you right then and there in front of all those people. But to your surprise he pulls back, his hand wraps around your wrist and he starts pulling you out of the crowd. At the side he finds Mitch and Sarah dancing and he leans close to his ear. You don’t hear what he says, but judging from the smirk and the way Mitch nods, he didn’t try to sugarcoat anything. 

You don’t even get to say goodbye properly, Harry lets go of your wrist, but his arm is quick to curl around your waist as he leads you towards the exit. The cool night air feels refreshing after the heat inside the club, but you don’t get to enjoy the change, Harry is eagerly pulling you towards his motorbike and when you reach it he pushes you against it before kissing you hard again. Your ass is pressed against the seat and for a moment you think it’s about to fall over along with you, but it stays steady while Harry is having his way with you. Then he just simply pulls back and helps you up, making sure you’re holding onto him tightly. 

“This will be the longest ten minutes of my life,” he says, making you laugh as he starts the motor and moments later you’re speeding down the streets. 

It really is an excruciating ten minutes until you arrive at your place, especially because you keep squeezing your thighs against his, giving him a rather hard time and every time you have to stop at a red light, Harry’s hands are quick to find your naked legs, roaming them shamelessly until he has to hold the handles again and focus on the road. 

As soon as he parks in front of the building and you get off the bike, he is back to focusing all his attention on you, so it’s a challenge to even make it up to your apartment. His hands are mapping up every inch of your body and he takes every chance to kiss you on the lips, neck or shoulder, making it almost impossible for you to even open the front door, but at last you manage and he is quick to shut the door and then push you up against it. 

But he is not kissing you this time, instead he looks at you with such passion and tenderness at the same time, it makes your whole body shiver. 

“Tell me no at any point, okay?”

“Okay,” you whisper as a sudden nervousness washes over you. You are not nearly as experienced as he is and sex with Jeremy had been more about his quick relief rather than something you both could enjoy the same amount. 

“Hey, we don’t have to do anything tonight. Holding you is more than I even hoped for tonight,” he admits with a chuckle and he gives you a short, soft kiss. 

“I want to. I just… I’m afraid I won’t be… good enough.”

You’re nervously fidgeting with the neck of his shirt while his hands are plastered to the door behind you either side of you, keeping you caged in with his body. 

“Angel, you had me running after you for two months and the past weeks felt like the longest foreplay of my life,” he chuckles. “I should be the one being nervous about coming in ten seconds.”

You can’t help but crack a smile at his words and he did ease your nerves a bit, but you’re still worried. With one hand he caresses the side of your face so softly, you almost question if he is the same man who was groping your ass not long ago in a packed club. 

“I doubt you could ever not be good enough for anyone but especially for me.”

Your inside melts and there are no words that could describe the way he is making you feel. But instead of talking, you push yourself against him and kiss him, urging yourself to overcome your insecurities so he doesn’t regret choosing you. 

You manage to hype yourself up so well that when you reach your bedroom you pull away and make him stop at the edge of the bed as you stand just a few feet away from him. His eyes roam up and down your body with such hunger you have never seen from a man before and it gives you that last boost to step your game up. 

With slow, teasing movements you start to pull your dress up, revealing more and more from your legs, than your underwear and when the fabric is bunched up around your waist you cross your arms, grab the hem and pull it up and over your head before dropping to the floor, all while Harry is eating you up with his eyes, sitting there with the smuggest smirk on his face as he watches you like he is in a movie theater. 

“Fucking perfect. Come here,” he holds a hand out that you take and he pulls you between his legs, placing your hands to his shoulders as his palms slide to the back of your thighs. He places a few open mouthed kisses to the swell of your breasts before his hands squeeze your thighs, urging you to move your legs and make you straddle him. As you climb to his lap he captures your lips in a toe curling kiss and he catches you by surprise when he flips the two of you over and throws you into the mattress. 

He straightens up but just enough to get rid of his shirt, revealing even more tattoos you haven’t seen and a toned chest with abs you’re already burning to touch, kiss or lick. Or all of these above. He comes back down on top of you, his lips return to yours while his hand easily slides underneath you, unclasping your bra and seconds later he is throwing it across the room before his mouth starts moving down your neck, collarbones and then to your chest. You rake your fingers through his hair as his tongue swirls around your nipple and you gasp when he gently bites and tugs on it, flashing you a cheeky smirk when he looks up at you before he keeps moving down on your body. When he reaches your underwear he takes the elastic between his teeth and tugs on it then lets it go so it snaps back against your skin, making you gasp and give him a protesting look, but it just makes him chuckle. 

“What? Don’t tell me you didn’t wear it for me,” he mumbles against the lacy fabric, skimming it with his lips. 

“I did, but not to have you play with it,” you breathe out, however you quite like how playful he can get even in such a heated moment. This is a side of him you’ve gotten to get just a glimpse of but you’re getting the full ride now. 

“Alright. Next time then,” he shrugs and hooking his fingers into the elastic he tugs it down as you lift your hips up and soon it joins the rest of your clothes on the floor, leaving you fully naked in front of him. But before you could worry about your looks, his mouth is already on your throbbing clit, making you forget about your whole existence. 

He turns you into a whiny mess with his lips and tongue in just seconds and when he adds his fingers into the equation all you can do is repeat his name like a prayer to all powers above. You’ve never experienced anything like this, not that anyone you’d been with did it the way Harry is. Before you could even process what’s happening you’re coming on his face and he is licking up every drop of it in every possible sense. 

Your body already feels like jelly when he moves back up and he kisses you with your own taste still on his tongue, but he is not even nearly done with you. 

He kneels up and unbuttons his pants and then pushes them down along with his boxer briefs so now you’re looking at just how good enough he is finding you. You can’t take your eyes off his erection, it’s big, rock hard and the tip is glistening from the precum. It’s like the sight has turned on something inside you, because before you could have a second thought you’re moving until you’re on your knees as well, hands wrapping on his cock. Harry moans at your touch and a triumphant smile stretches across your lips as you lean down and don’t stop until your lips are wrapped around the head. 

He sits back onto his heels, eyes glued to you as you struggle to push further and further down his length every time your head bobs down. You’re far from taking his whole cock, but every time you go down again and again he keeps praising you. 

“Fuck, Y/N, you feel so good.”

“Look at that mouth, taking my cock so well.”

“That’s it Angel, you make me feel so fucking good.”

You don’t stop until your jaw is sore and when you finally come up he doesn’t hesitate to kiss you hard, pushing you back onto the mattress as he lands on top of you again. 

Half blindly, you reach towards the nightstand and into the drawer, grabbing a condom and handing it over to him. You’d love to be the one to roll it onto his cock, but your hands are starting to shake from how much you want to feel him inside you already. 

Once the condom is on he lowers his hips between your legs and you feel his length wedge between your drenched folds. He moves his hips back and forth a few times, coating his length in your arousal before reaching down between your bodies and grabbing himself by the base. 

“As much as I want to take you in every possible pose, I meant that I might not last long,” he chuckles as the head is already teasing your center. “But I won’t stop until you come again. And I’ll have all my fantasies played out next time.”

Next time. These two words make your heart jump, knowing that he is planning to have a next time and you’re still thinking about that when he finally thrusts forward and into you, filling you up inch by inch until his whole length is buried inside you. 

He stills for a few seconds, maybe to let you get used to his size or maybe to regulate himself enough to last longer, you don’t know for sure. But then his lips capture yours again and he starts moving. His hips are rocking back and forth in a steady rhythm and when you hook your legs around his waist he picks his pace up and his thrusts become a bit rougher than before, but it’s just what you needed. 

Your second orgasm is already building up in the pit of your stomach and you claw at his back as he buries his face into the crook of your neck, his moans getting muffled by your heated skin. You feel his muscles flex on his back and you can tell he is close, but he is fighting to hold back for you.

He lifts his head and rests his forehead against yours, keeping his rhythm steady and you see the struggle in his eyes. 

“I’m close,” you breathe out and he nods with an almost torturous look. “Let it go, Harry, I want to feel you come.”

“Not until you—”

“That’s what I need,” you urge him and he moans before he thrusts forward harder than before, he stays still for a moment, gasping for air as he pulls back and slams into you again, riding out his own orgasm that quickly triggers yours. 

Seeing him fall apart because of you is all you needed. 

He keeps moving for a while, but his thrusts become sloppier until they come to a halt. His whole weight is pushing against your body as your hands are lazily dancing up and down his sweaty back. You feel his heart hammering against your chest and listen to how his breathing slowly steadies before he rolls off of you. Moving with him you curl up against him, your head resting on his chest. 

Then, out of the blue he lets out a soft chuckle. Curiously you lift your head to look at him questioningly. 

“I think I need an award for lasting that long,” he comments and you laugh with him until his hand cradles your face and he pulls you up for a soft, lazy kiss. 

A siren wakes you up that passes by the bedroom window. You grimace with your eyes still closed as you roll from one side to the other, your hand reaching out, searching for Harry’s body, like you did during the night, but this time all you find is the empty mattress beside you.

It instantly sets off a siren in your head as well. 

Sitting up you look at the rumpled sheets on the right side of the bed, but Harry is still not there. Your stomach drops as you crawl out of bed and grab a shirt and a pair of panties to put on quickly before walking out of the bedroom, hoping you might find him in the kitchen making breakfast, but when all you find is your own mess from the day before, panic takes over.

There won’t be next time. That was just an empty promise, he left you just like he left everyone else. How could you even think that you were different?

Tears are dwelling in your eyes as you wrap your arms around you, but then you hear the front door open and you turn around to find Harry walking in, balancing two coffees in one hand and a paper bag in the other.

“Hey, you’re up! I went to get us breakfast, because I didn’t find much in your fridge and—Y/N, are you crying?”

“No,” you shake your head, but then a sob bubbles from your throat. Harry places the cups and the bag to the side table and rushes over to you in panic. 

“What happened? Talk to me,” he pleads, but you just shake your head, embarrassed that you instantly assumed the worst of him. 

It takes only a couple of seconds for Harry to put the puzzle pieces together as well.

“You thought I left,” he says. 

“I got scared for a moment when I didn’t find you.”

He doesn’t try to play it off or play the victim. He pulls you into a tight hug and gently sways until you calm down. When he pulls back and looks you in the eyes all you see in his gaze is determination. 

“Remember what I told you the night when I dropped you off at your sister’s place?”

“That I should look at Jeremy with criticism.”

“Before that.” You remain silent because you can’t recall what else was said that night. “I said that I will gladly prove to you that my interest in you is genuine.”

Oh, yeah. You remember that.

“The proving starts now. I will do anything to earn your trust.”

“Even if it takes a long time?” you ask, biting into your bottom lip. He smiles warmly at you.

“Even if it takes forever.”

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed and buy me a coffee if you want to support me!

[lixies-favorite-cookie]

calling skz clingy headcanons ◦ ot8

Paring◦ ot8 x reader

Words◦ 3,578

Genre ◦ hurt and comfort

Warnings ◦ reader blows up at the boys a few times, mild cussing I think, hyunjin is lowkey toxic in this but the reader is more toxic, honestly all of our boys are pretty dramatic lmao, they keep getting lazier and lazier😭, I fucking hate y/n in this like fr I'm gonna kick her sorry little ass, seungmins is... suggestive...dirty talk and fingering only for like one line, so is hans lmao all happy endings because I am not sadistic... or realistic

Taglist ◦ @thetoastghost222, @ur-fav-lvr

A/N ◦ honestly this is my super random chaotic thoughts I had at 2am bc I was really hating the way I was writing a love lived between the stars and the sea so I wanted to take a small break and clear my pallet I hope you all like it even though it lowkey sucks lmao <33

Also im lowkey fucking with making headcannons this is kinda fun...

~cookiecreates 🍪

chan

I feel like Chan would be the most emotionally mature about the whole thing, especially when he sees the storm brewing in your eyes before you even spit those venomous words.

"Fuck Chris, do you have to be so clingy all the time?" You shout, your mouth curling in a disgusted sneer. 

You've never flinched away from him like that, never been so mean-

He's first hurt then he sees it-

There are cracks in your demeanor; large gashes in your heart; he could read you like an open book; the stories your soul wished to tell resided in your glassy eyes.

Hurt people hurt people.

You didn't think he was clingy; no, you loved his touch. You were simply overwhelmed, overflowing with so many simmering feelings—his love did not have room to shimmy through.

So he makes room-

He tilts your chin up with a sincere voice and asks, "What's the real reason why you are shutting me out?"

The unadulterated dedication in his words leaves you in shambles. 

Chan would tear open his heart before your eyes just to prove that there are openings for your soul to pour all your pain into him.

and he would still find a way not to spill a drop

"It’s so hard,” you sob. “They told me you were too good for me, that I wasn’t enough. They said I should shut you out, run away before I got too attached. I had to make you hate me so that I could never weigh you down again."

Chan is fuming.

He wants to ask who said that? He wants to ask where they live? He wants to ask if you want to witness their destruction? He wants to ask if he should use a knife or a gun?

But instead, he says, ‘Darling, you would have more luck breaking the bounds of the moon than untangling the way you are threaded into my soul."

what. the. fuck.

Chan the next William Shakespeare up in here

...was this based on something I wrote for my new series...yes. am I ashamed... no.

I'm a hopeless romantic who wants to marry a poet.

Sue me.

You never thought the apocalypse would be so rewarding, because you are reeling, spinning out of orbit, a meteor spit out into space, hurling towards unknown destruction—destruction that tasted like fresh morning dew.

Chan was perfect.

what the fuck were you thinking?

He holds you through the night, chasing away the whistling of the cold winter wind, his warm arms creating a home around your heart.

lee know

do not ever ever ever ever ever ever ever call Lee Know clingy unless you are willing to dedicate your life into creating the next wheel of time because after you plant the seed in his head, he will blossom a garden of newfound insecurities.

"Can you please not be so clingy right now? I'm having a really bad headache," you whisper through the thick fog clouding your brain; you have been living with a red hot rod skewed through the back of your brain all day. You didn't mean to say the word clingy, but it is futile to search a thesaurus from a blurry page, and right now the world seems to be nothing more than a piece of abstract art.

He just wanted to hold you and you call him clingy??

To others, the sentence would be like water rolling off their backs, but to him, it was a ragged shard of glass stabbed straight into his chest.

Lee Know is extremely inexperienced in the world of intimacy, often clumsy with his actions—hesitant with his words, so why would you say such a thing?

Knowing how insecure he is??

You would only ever say it if you meant it fully and completely??

Honestly, in his head, he would be lowkey, really dramatic, but he's so beyond hurt, feeling like you're just picking at a gaping wound.

like I said, dramatic.

justified. yes.

dramatic... also yes.

I am a firm believer that his tough-guy act is only that.

an act.

He was pretending like he didn't care what you said, but when he gets into the other room, it takes everything in him not to shatter into a million different pieces, feeling so overwhelmed with how many emotions are coursing through him.

No matter how much you apologize after that, no matter how much you prove what you said was nothing more than your head foggy and in pain, it still will take lifetimes for that scar to fade.

and he will only ever get over it with a million reassurances and a thousand conversations

which you are willing to do as long as he needs it

changbin

Honestly, I dont really have a clue with this one, but I am definitely leaning towards him being more like Chan in the emotional mature way he handles it, but instead of comforting you at the drop of a hat, he just leaves the room and lets you stew on your sorrows.

"Your so clingy," you groan, shoving his arm off; rolling your eyes as the mattress shifts with his weight. You just want to be left alone. You weren't sad. You weren't mad. You were just tired and did not want to be touched.

In perspective, could you have handled it better? Yes, but what can you do now? I'm going to punch this bitch in the face I swear I hate y/n and I'm creating her

He's first very confused, then the hurt hits like a falling star crashing into his chest.

What do you mean he's clingy??

"Fine," he states, still dizzy from the utter whiplash you were giving him.

like what the hell?

Sleeps on the couch that night (bad idea don't do this)

He stews about it far past the dreams in his head

That is, until you trudge out of your bed in the morning with red-rimmed eyes and a face filled with regret.

After a shitty nights sleep without the heat of your boyfriend's arms, you realized very quickly what it would feel like if you were to never feel it again, and all of a sudden, you never want to be left alone like ever again.

The grudge he was previously trying to hold drained out of him, and in that instance, he jumps up, pulling you into his arms.

He is very quick to forgive you, when you voice your reason for snapping at him, was nothing but compressed frustrations manifested into the wrong source.

hyunjin

hyunjin. hyunjin. hyunjin.

I feel like in a fit of both hurt and the toxic trait of self-isolation, he would be petty and stay at the boy's house for a few days.

He had tried to give you a good morning kiss that day, but you were stressed and late for work, rushing to put on your clothes. The way he whined about wanting to be touched ground your gears beyond belief. You got stuck in your shirt, which was too tight after you shrunk it in the dryer, and your firm has yet to give you another one. Hyunjin's flighty hands wrapped around your waist, trying to help you untangle yourself from the mess of fabric, only for the button to get caught in your hair, pain ripping through your scalp.

"Stop it hyunjin!" you shout, attempting to unthread the way your hair has meshed into the slits of the button. "You're so fuckin' clingy."

It was all a mess—your heap of shifting fabric and jerking limbs, hair sticking up at every angle. His heart was crushed somewhere in a pulp on the floor in front of him.

He just wanted to help...

Your red-hot anger quickly bled into a tightening anxiety that pulled underneath your ribs as you imagined the look on your boss's face when you came in disheveled and late.

"I just wanted to help," Hyunjin sniffles, bouncing his eyes around the room, filling with tears. You heartlessly roll your eyes.

"Here come the waterworks," your voice is steady, flaming with annoyance mixed with a sickening tilt of mockery. His jaw drops.

you're being so mean

His ears burn when you glare at him, disgusted by the tears streaming down his cheeks. He desperately wipes his emotions away with the back of his hand, suddenly embarrassed to even be showing you the cracks in his soul.

He runs away, like, quite literally runs out the door, sprinting to his car and driving straight to the group's house, collapsing in a fit of sobs in Chan's arms.

He stays there for a good 3 days, ignoring all your calls and texts.

No matter how much it hurts his heart not to talk to you, he shuts you out in a weak attempt to show you what it would be like to live without him.

But this tactic is short-lived when you arrive at the boys' house, snot sobbing into his chest.

"i-im so sorry," you repeat over and over and over into his skin, hoping the further you dig into his chest, the closer the words will hit his heart. 

He's not going to lie; no matter how much you cry, a little bit of pettiness will still stay during the conversation, a small scar of his hurt dictating his choices.

"Why didn't you come home? I thought we were over?"

"I thought that asking to sleep in the same bed as you would be too clingy"

Your heart cracks. He sees it, immediately regretting all his words.

"I'm sorry!" he yelps, pulling your head straight into his chest again.

You shake your head remorsefully, "No, I deserved that."

Even though so much of him still wants to be petty, his love for you trumps the feeling.

(I'm not forgiving you though wtf)

han (this one is long asf)

Han is freaking out.

I mean like the devil's bony hand gripping at the base of his spine, stale breath wafting down the skin of his neck type of freaking the fuck out.

You had a job that required you to go on-site, on-call often, like Han’s—that’s why you were so understanding about his busy schedule; yours was just as bad.

Today was a nightmare. Your coworker, the devil in disguise, didn't show up for the presentation she had created, and since she threw you under the bus saying you helped her (you didn't), you were forced to come in and present it.

Leaving Han at the restaurant waiting for you to arrive-

You forgot-

It was debatably the biggest presentation of the year, showing off her new design to multiple new investors, and yet your phone kept buzzing.

You told Han this was important

You never sent the message

You don't think you have ever seen your boss so furious

From Han's point of view, he's been sitting here for 2 hours, and you are still not here.

There are so many scenarios flying around in his head—

Are you okay?

Did you stand him up?

Are you breaking up with him?

Did you get kidnapped??

Han got tunnel vision when he was scared, his restless brain shooting out dire scenarios faster than he could decipher the impossibility of them. It was overwhelming. The walls were closing in on him. Nowhere in the world was safe. His head was swimming, the room was spinning, the earth was popping through space.

He keeps texting and calling and voice mailing. The icy anxiety crystallizing in the pit of his core turns his fingers brittle, creaking as he jams them into his phone screen.

He can't breathe.

Too many possibilities.

Untill-

Your boss got fed up with your phone ringing, screaming at you to go answer it since it was clearly more important than your job.

he was a prick

You answer it, the heat of your building anger curdling a deadly brew inside your soul. Without looking at the 200+ messages Han had sent you, you answer the 50th call of the day, immediately hissing into the speaker, "Do you know what you just did, Han? I got yelled at by my boss in the middle of a presentation because your clingy ass can’t exist without constantly needing my attention for more than 5 minutes. Stop texting me." Your finger smashes the end call button before unruffling your skirt and walking right back into the room.

Han feels like he might just melt straight into the seats, the way his whole body burns.

The whole world stops for a moment, the earth bleeding down the walls, swirling into pools of muddy color. He was sinking, lungs filling with the ink of a million different sweltering elements.

He ruins everything.

He was so wholly overwhelmed he could barely crawl into his car, desperately gripping the steering wheel while the earth collapsed in on him.

He ruins everything.

It's almost impossible to get to his house the way his tears blur the road.

(that's actually fr dangerous don't drive while crying)

He ruins everything.

He doesn't cry when you walk through the door.

He doesn't touch you when you run to him, standing over him, huddled on the floor.

He doesn't breathe as you cry over his body, twinkling in and out of consciousness.

He ruins everything.

Your makeup runs down your cheeks as you try to shake him awake.

He fainted in the kitchen. It wasn't uncommon when he was alone during his panic attacks, the anxiety ripping harsh bouts of oxygen from his lungs.

You squish his cheeks together, forcing his lips into a pout, shoving your faces together, pouring unadulterated passion into his system.

He short c i r c u i t s.

"I'm so sorry," you sob against his lips. "I didn't mean to be so mean. I didn't mean anything I said. I was just stressed, and I thought I sent the message telling you not to text me, and I didn't. I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry." Your voice is high and wet, pushing his mouth deeper into yours.

It would be sceintifically impossible for your lips to get any closer-

and yet his tries.

He pulls your trembling body into his lap, fireworks exploding from the ashes where your words had lain.

"So you don't think I'm clingy?" His voice cracks, fresh tears collecting on the outer corners of his eyes. You have never shaken your head so adamantly in your whole life.

"No, never, never ever."

"Then come here."

You two have never been so close before in your life, hearts tangling in your chests as he presses your body into his.

You were going to prove just how much you loved his touch.

:D

felix

Oh Felix, my kind sweethearted boy that deserves nothing less than prince treatment. He’s so kind, even though he’s so hurt. He’s actually scared he’s annoying you, so he makes himself more distant so he doesn’t bother you.

""Fuck, Felix, can you not see I am clearly just trying to relax? I mean, you don’t always have to be up my ass all the time," you snap, curling back up into the sheets Felix ripped off. You were exhausted—there was no excuse; you were just really tired. Felix, being the loving boyfriend he is, wanted to hold you while you slept, but of course, you being the dumb idiot you are, shouted at him.

are you stupid like fr cause like THE LEE FELIX WANTS TO HOLD YOU AND YOU SHOO HIM AWAY

you deserve federal prison

Felix is so many synonyms for destroyed that it should be physically impossible to still be alive with a heart that lies shattered in the pit of his stomach.

Felix doesnt know how to feel sad, angry, hurt, upest, embarrassed.

He just clenches his jaw, trying to keep his bottom lip from trembling.

Felix has always been secretly self-conscious about the way he expresses his love toward people, often being very touchy-feely. He understands that this isn’t everybody's favorite thing and how it can get fairly annoying.

He’s already so terrified you’re going to leave him; he overanalyzes every interaction.

But this interaction did not need to be analyzed to know what you meant. You were very direct about that.

The way your venomous words attached to his stomach, pumping him with poison that swirled his stomach sick.

You don’t apologize when you wake up, not believing you need to justify yourself. He was being clingy, and you had every right to express your opinion about it.

im going to punch this bitch in the face

As surprising as this is, he actually doesn’t cry about it. He doesn’t cry about it because he is so worried that him crying about it would annoy you, so he would rather let his sadness seep into the back of his brain than show you emotions that could potentially turn you off.

Like I said, destructively kind.

He really takes what you said to heart, trying his best not to give you any skinship unless it’s to guide you through a crowded room or pull you away from the bustling activity of the road, holding your hand until you get to your destination.

He actually feels like he can’t function without your touch, but he muscles through it, relishing in the small actions he can get.

He tries to show his love in other little things that aren’t physical touch. It gets to the point where he is so deep in his head he shies away when you try to initiate skinship, terrified he’s going to get back into the habit of the joy of touching you and make himself seem annoying again.

He’s so beyond scared of being a nuisance.

It’s been two weeks with this flighty physical touch, and it all finally starts to click when you notice his smile isn’t nearly as bright anymore and some of the stars in his eyes have faded away.

"I want you to be clingy again, please, please, please. I mean, cling wrap, Kola. If you ever think you’re being too clingy, please hug me a little tighter. I’m an idiot, a complete and utter moron. Really, I should be evaluated on why I am even able to exist in society."

His heart literally bursts so relieved he can finally touch you again.

He gives you the most dopamine-coddling, brain-boggling cuddles known to mankind that night.

Your skin is so close together it feels like there isn’t a part of your body Felix doesn’t occupy.

He has created a home in your heart that no other man will ever stay, where he will rest until the day you fade away.

seungmin

Oh bro is pissed

"You're so clingy," you deadpan as his arms wrap around your waist. You had seen a stupid TikTok prank on your For You page and had the brilliant idea to try it on your boyfriend. But the way his whole body tenses against your skin, muscles rippling underneath your fingertips, you know you are so beyond fucked. "What did you just say to me, baby?"

well you just signed your death certificate

So many ideas brewing in that beautiful head of his-

Like, your ass will be red, your stomach will be painted, your mouth will be filled, and you will be descending into the grave. Like all the rest are lovey-dovey 'I’m sorrys,' no—your sorry will be told on your knees.

He will edge you intill you are teetering on the ledge of oblivion

"You want to cum, baby?" He's so condescending, easily lifting your waist from the sheets, his sticky fingers creating bruises when he pins your legs down to gain more access to ruthlessly abuse your g-spot.

"Yes, Yes, Yes, please," you beg, body trembling on the bed, large qaukes of pleasure rushing through your bones as his mean fingers plunge into your messy cunt.

"But that would be too clingy wouldn't it?"

oh how i want his fingers

(this one is really short bc i hate writing smut but i feel like this would be smutty)

jeongin

I honestly have no clue. I feel like he’d be more confused than anything because, like, me?

clingy?

mf I barely touch you?

Honestly, kind of annoyed more than sad—like pissed that as soon as he wants to touch you, you think he's clingy. But he's like Chan in the fact that he sees past your words and into the anger brewing in your eyes, allowing both you and him to cool off before he says something he will regret.

He just walks out of the room and lets you calm down.

I am also a firm believer that this man is healthy as hell.

He could tell that his heart was starting to beat a little too hard and his head was getting a little too fuzzy with all the raging words he wanted to say. But instead, he just walks away and lets you calm down, then talks to you about it before you go to bed because he is also an extremely firm believer in the fact that you should NEVER go to bed angry.

this one is shorter bc like I'm lowkey running out of motivation and ideas

did you like this? check out my new series a love lived in between the stars and the sea here

or maybe read doomsday here

[jaal-ama-daravv]

dissecting the emmrich romance scene (lich path)

dissecting the graveyard scene dissecting the alternate romance path dissecting the argument scene (lich path) mortal vs lich romance path emmrich x rook cinematic

Emmrich Volkarin - Dissecting the Lich Romance Scene fair warning you're in for an emotional rollercoaster

first, i wanna touch on this from our previous dissection (argument) -

"What if I can't bear that for eternity?" Oh, Emmrich. his entire soul aches over the inevitable future that awaits rook. i think this line is so important for emmrich because 'bear that for eternity" implies Emmrich will either, a) go rogue trying to bring rook back c) live with so much grief over his lost love it changes his soul forever in a dark, yet unknown way. and quite frankly, all of these are incredibly sad, and that just hurts. i thoroughly, full heartedly believe that there is no concievable way that emmrich just 'moves on' and 'accepts' the death of rook as previously stated in the lichdom scene. sry bioware, but youre wrong on that one as if he was 'fine' with it, he wouldn't of had a massive panic attack over rooks death and his grief. COUGH, the eternal flame. i could rant for hours and HOURS about how emmrich in the lich path is absoloutley devastating if rook were to pass on, because he is so compulsively, irrevocably in love with them. and not only is he in love with them, he has the love he has yearned for, for over 20 years. its huge for him which is evident given how both romance paths have him terrfied of how much he loves you.

Additionally, Emmrich grew up poor. This would impact his view on society and love. But more impactfully, it would impact his view on himself. His self-worth. Emmrich likely thinks he doesnt deserve this type of love. Hence the attempt to push Rook away and act over-suave at times.

anyway, to the SCENE -

immediately we are hit with this, to which Emmrich replies stating that he did it not to scare the citizens. what a load of huff. youll see why thats a straight deflective lie soon -

don't you worry handsome man, youre not alone emmrich expressing his fear of losing rook, and/or losing eachother, continues to be a major dynamic between these lovers

oh rooky, im so proud of you for opening up about your feelings. (remember the argument they had prior, it was fort knox up in here)

rook expresses clear fear and gratitude that they were able to escape the fade. I do believe that the line "I was afrad I'd be there forever" is a parrelle to emmrichs lichdom - as they would of spent eternity without eachother. hence why this next line, hurts so much -

the raw emotion, the crack in his voice when he says this line tells you everything you need to know. he is so grateful to have rook back with him. I do believe in this moment that emmrich has a moment of realisation of his love for rook, and just how immensed and attached he is with her. which is why he later vows that nothing will part them ever again, "not in this, nor any other world" (cough, soulmates). idk man, i have a feeling that emmrich would find rook's spirit in the fade (or any other world) if they passed on, and he'd never leave.

key point back to the lichdom decision scene -

man would go full blown rogue, scarlet witch rogue, i see it now.

I also want to touch on the "you're here with me" line. this, this is important considering what happens directly afterwards - remember how i mentioned desire a few posts ago? lets break it down, "you're here with me." Emmrich has held a consistent view throughout the whole romance that "its gratifying a fresh-faced adventure took any notice in me at all", does emmrich also possess the belief that the love he so dearly desired may not of been possible in his life time due to his age? i think so. which is why desire and the "wow, you're here with me" is so, so important. Now watch closely -

he looks defeated, ashamed - "why would someone like her be with someone like me? let alone, desire me."

the pose, how he is holding his chest and his body up against the coffin, the disbelief and sadness that is pained over his face. he is heavy with angst. this man wants rook, body and soul. he is SO in love with her. god my heart breaks typing this. he is so in love with her, but is so afraid that she doesnt want him now that he is undead - I will add in here to think back to when he was mortal, 3 flirts lines in total were regarding his looks. UGH, just stab me - ps the music in this scene rips out my heart, stomps on it, and shoves it back into my chest bloodied and bruised.

when rook touches him, his face unstiffens and his body relaxes. he looks at her nervously, but before he can address her or admit his pain, rook has NOTICED (YAY - take that argument scene rook) what is bothering emmrich, because she loves him so much, maybe even more, regardless of his undead figure. "You don't have to hide your face from me" is just a perfect way of phrasing that you are made for eachother. rook reassures emmrich of her undying love for him.

its that gomez and morticia dynamic, unwavering, obsessed dedication to eachother. a bond that strengthens the other. for emmrich and rook at least, theri dynamic is so strong I wholeheartedly believe the death of one, would break the mind and soull of the other.

there is so, so much emotion in this scene and most of it is written into the facial expressions and movements of the characters. watch how the fear of death becomes easier now that emmrich knows that rook loves him truly -

im not crying, you are -

this WRECKED me. because there is a slimmer of hope in his voice and particularly the words he chose. "I will let nothing part us again, my love" emmrich is a lich lord, with powers we dont understand just yet (cmon sequel with rook & emmrich), it is safe to say though that emmrich and rook would fight for and protect eachother to the death so that they may not be parted. This also takes me back to my original point of not letting anything part them, nothing - not even death. hence my belief that emmrich would do anything to find rook in the fade or any other world.

"Not in this nor any other world" - do i need say more? the hope seeps through, its not alot, but its there. don't get me wrong, he still has a crippling fear of death, but its, different. different in the sense that if rook was to pass or trapped somewhere, he would get them back and find his way to them, at all costs, one way or another.

the rest of the scene is very, very sweet and shows them being happy for the extra few hours they have together before facing untold danger - by either rook being able to see the fade through emmrichs eyes, or them boning again. actually i think both lead to boning.

this scene has me in absolute tears everytime I witness it because it is so powerful. it is hopeful. it is pure committment of their relationship and bond to eachother. combining this with the knowledge of the argument scene and having played through the mortal romance path, this - is extremely emotional.

Both romance scene are emotional and touching in their own regard - however, I do think the lich romance scene is more deep due to the dynamic. It is not about simply coming to grips with mortality, it is coming to grips with mourning your lover for eternity, and if you cant bear it for eternity, (which he wont, cmon) he is afraid. afraid of losing, rook. his heart. his dearest heart, and of losing himself because rook is, and I quote, "the most magnificent thing to ever happen to me."

mourn watch rook and emmrich are on a whole other level, and that level is something that is told in the minute details, the edging looks. the tone of voice. there is hope in this scene and a sense of overwhelming love and acceptance, but, there is also impending grief. which makes this story so real.

you can feel emmrich yearning for rook throughout the entire romance path because of the fated connected they share, in this and any other world. you can feel it. but this, in the lich scene? there is yearning, acceptance, hope, grief, joy, and melancholy all in one. without a doubt in my heart, these two, are made for eachother, in every world.

I shall break down the mortal romance scene next ♥ see you soon

[ghostfacesvalentine]

Anyone’s little toy - Billy Loomis x Fem!Reader

Pairing: Billy Loomis x Fem!Reader

Warnings: A tiny bit of degradation, nothing too bad, fem!receiving oral. That’s it really (?)

Type: Blurb

Request: N/A

Word Count: N/A

Prompt: Billy finds out readers lack of sexual experience.

Notes: This was originally for Jason Todd but maybe it fits Billy more? Idk shut up. Not proofread, I just needed to get this off my mind 😵‍💫 send ideas, specifically Jason Todd and Steve Roger’s in particular.

You don’t remember how the topic was brought up, all you knew was that you were sitting on Billy’s couch, your back pressed against the cushion as he interrogated you.

There had been an awful amount of sexual tension between you two. Neither of you admitted anything to the other. You were too intimidated to bring anything up to him. You were happy with coming by to hang out with him when he called, talking about his day, your day, ordering food, playing games or watching TV. Sometimes when boredom hit, you even made out, but that was always as far as it went and it wasn’t always.

You couldn’t help but fantasize about it going further, about how he would feel, what he would look like. The closest you got was sitting on his lip with his hands having an ungodly grip on your hips. His kissing always kept you from this world, you forgot everything when Billy Loomis’s spit was in your mouth.

“What is it? Have you ever been touched?” Billy asked in a bitter tone. You were both grown, grown enough to have your own experiences, god knows he had his share. You never confused in him your lack of experience.

“Um” your cheeks flushed red, adamantly avoiding his eyes, they were practically prying into you. The spotlight was on you this whole time, yet it felt like you were on a disgusting display before him.

“Yeah of course I have” you lied. Your eyes still staring at the wall behind him, a frown present on your face in hopes of disguising your truth.

It was nothing to be embarrassed about, but you were ashamed to have a pathetically stupid amount of experience in the sexual aspect of your life.

Billy stared you down like if he was about to devour you, his frown activated across his face, head tilting to the side as he tried to match his eyes with you. “I don’t know, you’re such a sweet baby. I don’t think you’ve ever been anyone’s little toy.. am I right? I could be underestimating you.”

He almost spat out the questions, there was a tinge of jealousy, again, even if you were grown he still had a piece of hope that he could be the only one to see you sprawled out and chanting his name like if he’d show you a small gesture of mercy.

His breath felt hot against your cheek, his tongue peaked out to press against your skin. Your breathing fastened, your legs clenched together in hopes of getting some feeling of relief.

He was eating this up, overly proud of the position he had you in. “Sweet little princess, why aren’t you looking at me? Are you hiding something?” He teased, what an ass. You tucked your bottom lip into your mouth, your eyes refusing to look at his directly as if you could pull one over on him.

Your skirt folded into itself as you kept yourself from getting too close to him, he never went this far and you never went this far, with anyone actually. The embarrassment alone was going to set you off in tears, this was humiliating in the sweetest way.

“N-no im not hiding anything.” You spoke up, barely.

Your squirming was a delicacy to the mercenary. His eyes were prying into your movements, watching you get uneasy. He wanted to tear you apart right then and there. He was only ashamed it took him this long, but there was a long thought process behind his actions.

“I don’t know Y/N. Somethin’s telling me you’re lying to me.” He sung, his head shaking sideways ever so slightly.

It was then his head dipped down to the side of your head, pressing a wet kiss on your cheek, slowly pulling away to watch your reaction. You were as pressed back as you could be in hopes of hiding without actually hiding. You had to check yourself to see if you were still breathing, what the hell was so shameful about this?

“Billy.” You breathed out, his face in front of yours, he slowly knelt down, hands reaching out to your thighs. He would never admit it now, but he could practically smell your arousal. Billy’s hands gripped onto you gently, the outline of his body completely covered you. He was intimidating as much as he was mouth watering.

“Mmm?” He whispered as his hands soothed your thighs gently, his eyes finally dropped down to your figure. Your panties peaked out to him, causing his eyes to focus on your lower part instead. Billy’s thumbs maneuvered to the ends of your skirt, flipping the seam to push back closer to your hips, exposing more of your body to him. He did it so slow, enough to where you could stop him if you needed to, but you didn’t want to.

You were nervous, shy, but you wanted to feel his tough more than anything.

“N-nothing. I just haven’t-“ you frowned again this time dropping your legs onto the couch slowly, sitting up in unison as your eyes finally turned to him. “I’ve never, you know. Really been with anyone. I trust you, I just-“ and there it came, the realization of what you just admitted.

Billy looked up at you, instead of pulling back, his eyes seemed to almost turn a shade darker, turning from your face, back down to your figure. “You’ve never been touched?” He raised an eyebrow, waiting for your response, still unclear with what you were trying to tell him.

“No, I mean I have I just. I’ve never gone all the way, I don’t know what to do.” You admitted without thinking, you absentmindedly pulled away from him and shifted yourself closer to the couch.

“Do you want to do anything with me?” His voice cracked the small silence between you both. You felt the redness approaching your face again, you only answered with a wordless nod. In return, the devious smile made its way back to his drying lips.

“Just tell me if it’s too far” he warned you as his head dipped down again into your thighs, he warmed you back up with wet kisses across your sensitive skin, nipping and sucking at he warm pieces. Your legs responded in shifts, his hands then trailed again to your soft legs, moving them over his shoulder as he pushed his head further up to your core.

There was a change in his ache for you, again, maybe he won’t admit it now but the thought of making you feel good, to be the only one to taste you and leave you scratching at his back when you can’t take it anymore, all the sinful ideas plagued his mind. The fantasy of it all awoke something primal in him, the more the idea saturated his mind, the more desperate he got.

His hands ran up to your hips, pulling you as close as he could to his face, his arms hooked around the bottom for your thighs to hold you in place, his fingers pushed your underwear aside, enough to give him some space to work, he flattened his tongue against your slick folds, causing your head to fall back at the intrusion.

You couldn’t move even if you wanted to. Billy restricted your legs as his mouth opened and sucked into your clit. A gasp escaped your lips at the obscenity of his movements, you never felt anything like it, your legs rubbed against the sides of his head as his mouth moved more desperately by the second.

“Billy-” you whimpered out as his tongue swirled around your opening, your pink cotton panties were in the way of the whole experience but he was too mesmerized by your taste to get away from your pussy for even a second. Your thighs clenched every time he hit a sweet spot, he was careful not to overstimulate you too fast, he was going to try to get you as wet as possible before he fucked you.

His tongue flattened then pierced your hole, feeling the tip of his tongue pushed out by your body, taking turns exploring your folds.

Your head fell back again, feeling nothing but the warm wet spit invade your sensitive slick. Between laps along your cunt he’d pull back to mumble sweet obscenities, the hoods of his eyes dripping down in sweet bliss as he tasted your juices. “Good girl, you’re doing so good.” He praised as he felt your legs squeeze his head again when the pressure was too strong.

You didn’t know what feeling you were chasing, all you knew was that it felt like you could stay here all day, little parts his tongue would swipe made you jolt, you could almost fall asleep in ecstasy.

It wasn’t long until Billy noticed your comfortability, causing him to start lapping at your clit, his left hand pulled apart your folds while the other pulled your underwear aside. Your body sure felt the pressure now, you twisted your lower half without thinking to get away from his tongue.

Billy’s fingers let go of your panties and his index finger made circles against your clit, causing your body to flinch and little moans to escape your salivating mouth. His finger then prodded into you slowly before then just shoving itself as far as he could. His eyes wouldn’t let you go as you squirmed and mumbled out incoherent moans.

“You look so cute when you have something in you.” He muttered, watching you flinch and curl your body forward as he added another finger. You whimpered as he kept the pace, his eyes half closed with lust as you panted at his impatience to use you up.

His fingers moved in a scissoring motion, causing you to squirm again, this time moaning a little louder. “Maybe I do believe you haven’t been played with. I haven’t even started and I know you’re going to cream all over my fingers soon” he hissed.

You pouted, your lustful eyes gleaming down to him, you would have something smart to say if Billy wasn’t rubbing his hands all over your cunt, talking to you like you were a stupid girl chasing a high. His fingers rammed in and out of you in a steady pace, his palm ever so slightly pushing against your clit with every thrusting motion. You felt your body involuntarily clench.

Billy slowly stood to his feet, his hands never stopping or halting in the process. He needed to see you cum more than anything right now, more than you needed to feel it.

“God if you could see yourself right now. You look so pretty.” He whined out as he looked down to you, you looked back at him, with a more prominent frown and an ache in your core. Your hips began to shift as he kept his pace, his left hand made its way up to swipe his thumb across your bottom lip.

“So fucking pretty. Maybe next time I’ll bust a load on your face play with your pretty little cunt and get a picture. What do you say?”

You were wordless, before you could even get the chance to answer he curled his fingers, finding your gspot took him a little longer but when he felt your pussy clench around him he kept prying. You closed your eyes in despair to keep your climax going, bucking your hips as he kept fucking you with his fingers. “Good fucking princess. You look so fucking pretty, fuck.” He moaned, desperate to toss you around, fill you to the brim, he knew better than to go crazy with you so fast, but it wasn’t like he had enough self control to take it slow.

Your body jolted involuntarily, your eyes squeezed shut as you cried out in pleasure. All those sweet noises for him to hear alone were enough to send him over the edge. This was going to be a long night.

[lanaroff]

Unwanted- Part 7

Paring: Wanda Maximoff x Reader

Summary: Y/N is an enhanced SHIELD agent who is forced to work with the Avengers. What happens when they discover that she’s not alone?

A/N: So i took some time off. the girl i was with for 3 years and i broke up and it has been really difficult for me to move foward. im okay tho, and i will survive haha. Enjoy!

The world felt blurry when you opened your eyes.

Your head throbbed, each pulse echoing in your skull like a drum. The metallic taste of blood clung to your tongue, and your limbs were stiff, each movement sending sharp jabs of pain through your body. You instinctively moved, your muscles groaning in protest, and the cold, unforgiving concrete beneath you sent a chill through your bones.

The faintest light came from a high, narrow window. It wasn’t enough to fully illuminate the room, but it gave you just enough of a glimpse to see the cold, gray walls of a small, unyielding cell. Panic began to creep in.

Where were you? What had happened?

The memories surged like a flood, crashing into your mind with a dizzying force. You remembered the fight. The unbearable rage that took over you—the one that led to... everything. You had tried to kill them.

Your team.

No.

A deep, gut-wrenching wave of guilt flooded your chest. Your hands shook as you gripped the bars in front of you, trying to steady yourself, but your vision blurred again. A ragged sob escaped you before you could stop it.

You had crossed a line. You weren’t supposed to be capable of something like that.

Footsteps echoed in the hallway outside your cell, distant at first, then drawing closer. You tried to pull yourself together, wiping at your eyes and standing up, but your body betrayed you, and you staggered, nearly collapsing back against the wall.

And then the door to the cell creaked open.

You looked up.

She was standing there, her soft red aura faintly shimmering around her like an ethereal halo. Wanda Maximoff. The one person you never wanted to see right now, but somehow, you needed her more than anything.

Her eyes softened as they met yours. She didn’t speak right away, instead letting the silence settle between you. The weight of the past moments hung heavily in the air, but Wanda didn’t look angry. She didn’t even seem upset. Her face was calm, though there was an unmistakable sadness in her gaze.

You wanted to apologize. You wanted to say something, but the words wouldn’t come. You couldn’t even face her, your guilt swallowing you whole. The thought of facing what you’d done to her, to your team, was unbearable.

Wanda stepped forward, her hand reaching out. She didn’t touch you right away, but her presence seemed to engulf you in a strange warmth, a comfort you hadn’t known you needed.

"Hey," Wanda said softly, her voice a low whisper that broke through your spiraling thoughts. "Look at me."

You couldn’t. You were too broken. Too ashamed. You squeezed your eyes shut, trying to block her out, but Wanda was persistent. She gently cupped your face, lifting your chin until your gaze reluctantly met hers.

Her fingers felt like fire against your skin, gentle and reassuring, even though you felt like you didn’t deserve it.

"I’m sorry," you whispered, your voice barely audible, hoarse from the tears that had already started to fall. "I don’t know what happened. I... I don’t want to hurt anyone."

Wanda’s expression softened, and she wiped away the tear that had slid down your cheek. "You didn’t," she said quietly, the words heavy with meaning. "Not really. Something took over you. We can figure this out. Together."

You shook your head, the shame too overwhelming. "I—I almost killed you." The words tasted bitter in your mouth.

"Shhh," Wanda hushed you, her thumb gently brushing against your bottom lip as if to silence the self-loathing spilling from your words. "We don’t know what happened yet. It’s not your fault."

You shook your head again. "But it is. I lost control the divice is gone. I wanted to hurt you, to hurt all of you."

"You didn’t," Wanda repeated, her voice firm now, but still soft, like a protective shield. "That’s not you. Whatever made you think that—whatever took hold of you—it wasn’t you. We’re going to figure it out. You’re not alone in this."

You finally allowed yourself to lean into her touch, seeking solace in the way her warmth seemed to anchor you. Despite the confusion, the pain, and the self-doubt, Wanda didn’t pull away. She didn’t flinch. She just stood there, her hands grounding you, her presence a lifeline in the storm of your mind.

"I’m here," she murmured, her lips brushing against your forehead in a soft kiss that made your heart ache. "You don’t have to do this alone."

The tears came again, more freely this time, but Wanda didn’t shy away. She held you tighter, her arms wrapping around you with gentle reassurance.

"I’ve been there," she whispered. "I know what it feels like to lose control, to hurt the ones you care about. But you’re not broken. You’re human."

You clung to her, your hands grasping at her shirt, your chest tight with the weight of everything you’d done. "I don’t know if I can fix this," you admitted, your voice small.

Wanda pulled back just slightly, enough to look you in the eye. "We’ll fix it together. One step at a time. It’ll take time, but you don’t have to go through it alone."

A shaky breath left your lips as her words sank in, and a part of you, buried deep under the guilt and confusion, allowed itself to believe her. Maybe, just maybe, things could get better. You could find your way back.

You were still lost in the aftermath of your actions, but with Wanda beside you, offering you a fragile thread of hope, you realized that maybe there was a way out of this darkness. One that didn’t have to be faced alone.

Wanda stayed with you then, not rushing to solve the impossible, not demanding anything from you except that you allow yourself to heal. And in that quiet, shared moment, you finally felt the faintest spark of something that resembled hope.

Maybe there was a way forward after all.

[iridescentxstars]

Alien!AU + You Choose: tentacles, restraints (i wouldn't say bandaged im more thinking,,, yknow,,,,)

you didnt give me watersports you must suffer with aliens also that can be idk seonghwa

When she's a freak and likes to show it- okay, here we go!

alien!seonghwa x fem!reader || trope: forbidden love || kinks: tentacle, restraints/bondage || warnings: use of tentacles as sex objects, mentions of breeding, hints of being fucked until basically being a cockslut. do not read if you are not comfortable || wc: 900~

please remember this is all fictional. this work is NSFW and contains SMUT, if you are under 18+ DO NOT INTERACT

His hands rest on your waist, thumbs tracing circles over the soft skin of your hips. A shudder rushes through your body as goosebumps raise on your skin, the night seems to have dropped in temperature ever since you decided to leave the comfort of your home to find him.

Seonghwa.

You didn’t know what it was about him, the alien that you found when he crash landed on Earth, but you couldn’t keep away from him. It’s a secret, something that you couldn’t tell your family and friends about because they wouldn’t understand, they would think you’ve gone mad and maybe you have - that didn’t matter to you though. Seonghwa has shown you things that you never knew were possible, he taught you about life outside of your little rock called Earth, and you taught him about love.

Nobody would understand, not only do they think that Seonghwa doesn’t belong here and should go home, but they wouldn’t understand how you could love someone who could manifest several tentacles from his back. You think it’s romantic really, the way the world would be against you and yet, here you are, ready and willing to be his.

“Are you sure you’re ready?” His words are softly spoken against your lips as his fingers slowly work up and down your body. “If we do this…”

“I know.” You look into his eyes and nod, wrapping your arms around his neck as you hear the squelching of his tentacles emerge from his body. “There’s no going back.”

You’ve dreamed about it, you’ve spent way too many hours of the day thinking about what it would be like to have Seonghwa fuck you senseless with his tentacles. Limbs spread wide, held up in the air as they worked together to cause every nerve in your body to scream for more; you were getting obsessed with the idea and while you should have been ashamed to ask, you weren’t. You did so with excitement, even as Seonghwa explained that it wouldn’t be like one tentacle fucking you - it would be all.

Oh, that only made you even more excited.

You know that once you’ve had a taste of what Seonghwa could give you, you’d never be able to think about having sex with another man again but that’s the whole point, isn’t it? You’re in love, you’d travel across galaxies to be with him - so why would you even want anyone else?

You shiver as one of the tentacles trace down your spine, another caressing your cheek as others wrap around your limbs. One by one, the tentacles take their place and soon, you are securely held above Seonghwa’s head, naked, in the middle of the woods with nothing but the moon’s glow showing what’s around you. You can only see the sky above you, the stars twinkling as a tentacle wraps around one of your breasts, tendrils coming out of the tip to tease your already hard nipple.

Seonghwa watches from beneath you, his mouth salivating at the sight of you while his cock grows harder, painfully straining against the tight pants he wears. He knows you’ll get addicted to the feeling, to being taken over and over again until you’re filled up and unable to think about anything else. Species from all over the galaxy have fallen victim to the same thing and while it concerns him a little because you are his pretty human - it fills him with pride knowing it’s him that’ll show you pleasure every night.

Every day.

Any time he wants.

You cry out in pleasure as one of the tentacles pushes into your core, the smallest one to help you adjust to the feeling. The sensations rushing through your body, the stimulation being caused by the tentacles that aren’t restraining you, make you wonder if he was built for this, each tentacle designed to bring pleasure or if he can make them so. You should ask but every word that you speak, the ones that you want to scream for him to hear, is incoherent as the tentacle works its way in and out of your dripping hole.

What a mess you’re making and he’s barely even gotten started.

His hand is wrapped around his cock as the first tentacle fills you up, precum making the tip nice and slick as he runs his thumb over his cock head. “How are you doing, my love?” He lowers your body, having you before him as the spent tentacle is replaced by another, a slightly bigger one that has your lips parting and a soft gasp sounding as your cunt adjusts.

“G-good,” you manage to say, eyes moving from his face down to the member in his hand. “Holy-” the words die on your lips as the tentacle starts thrusting harshly into your core, making your breasts bounce nicely for Seonghwa to watch.

“We’re only getting started, my love,” he licks his soft, pink lips, eyes locked onto your breasts while stroking his cock at a slower pace than you’re being fucked. “You still have a long night ahead of you before you’ll get this~.”

You barely comprehend a word he’s saying, barely register what is going on as a tentacle teases your mouth open and starts fucking your throat. All you know is that this is everything you asked for, and more, and it’s only just the beginning.

Fuck, you don’t want it to end.

[baby-xemnas]

I really need a moment of a bear-mink trying to seduce Bepo and he doesn't get what is happening [like: oh! you are also a bear lady/guy, let's talk about fur-problems and the other like: yeah, we can solve our problems together ;) ] and Law trying to interrupt because he knows what is happening with he's face of "im going to kill you in sooo many ways..."

or my fav. yandere Bepo killing a plushie of himself because in the darkness of their room looked like he was "cheating again" sleeping with another bear .

love yandere Bepo destroying every plush toy Law may buy he is so crazy...i think if it keeps happening Law has to be questioned if he enjoys Bepo's insane jealousy. He should bring it up to Bepo in bed sometimes, just starts laughing about Bepo crushing another cute little bear so he can see Bepo, unguarded go through stages of shame and to maybe even accusing Law like "well captain shouldnt...shouldnt hug anything but me ..im cute .." Bepo is ashamed but at the same time emboldened by the fact that they are in the middle of sex and Law decided to make fun of him while he fucks him, but also ashamed cuz yes...it is incredibly petty and childish...he is gonna cry. But Bepo likes being allowed to be childish he likes that Law lets him be a crybaby...he loves loving him so selfishly!! So he is ashamed yes but he will do it again! Every time!!!

Law smiles because he likes it too.....

replying in wrong order, for the first scenario:

I want so badly for Bepo to fumble a bear girl and feel NOTHING like he'd probably have some neuron activation purely on physical level but conversation would leave him paralyzed - like oh god there is a whole person there i gotta deal with...fuck. Maybe i dont want it as much as i thought...

Gay bear mink trying to fuck him would be a riot....oh Law would be furious.

I think in both cases Law would use his absolute authority and simply call Bepo - and because he wouldnt even need to walk closely, Bepo's hearing is excellent and he is naturally tuned in to hear Law's voice- yes even while he's having a conversation, Bepo WILL hear Law calling him over any noise.

Law would say it loud and clear and be somewhere close just to watch Bepo be startled - it's cute and Law gets off to having a strong effect on his dear Bepo. "Who is your Daddy?" the mink flirting with Bepo will be terribly disappointed how quickly Bepo bows out and dips.

Law all huffy turning away before Bepo caught up: Let's go.

Bepo: Sorry Captain!!!

Law, horrible person liking how easily he can make Bepo feel bad: We've wasted enough time.

Bepo: 🥺🥺🥺🥺 sorry...

Law, horrible person also liking how easily he can distract Bepo from feeling bad: Bear mink huh? Thats rare...he/she was hitting on you, you know.

Bepo, genuinely flustered cuz he didnt realize it: WHAT??? NO! CAPTAIN I DIDNT?? WHAT? I DIDNT KNOW...Im sorry

Law, horrible person reveling in Bepo now, instead of feeling guilty looking like he feels gross that he didnt know their intentions: So would you?

Bepo suddenly shooting to the peak of defiance and defense and "i love Captain most in the world im your bitch dont take that away from me please ill blow this whole island up if Captain thinks i could be with someone else":

NO!

[sinfiltrate]

Act 3 spoilers. (pt 2)

JAYCE TIME!!! I love that man and I NEED to talk about him.

Again, I'm gonna start with what I'm happy about.

I enjoy how they demonstrated his ingenuity and perseverance in episode 7. Making a leg brace out of his hammer? Eating whatever animals came through that cave? Being able to tolerate those beings that watched his every move without going completely insane? It was amazing to see someone who was previously suicidal fight so hard to live.

I was pleasantly surprised with how he could still be considerate after everything that happened to him. He hadn't let that experience erase his former self entirely, his kindness was still able to pull through, which is just another example of his tenacity.

The development of his relationship with Viktor. It was beautiful seeing Jayce admit that he admired Viktor all along, and his imperfections even more so. All of you who ever thought the opposite of him BE ASHAMED. He loved Viktor so much, and after everything, finally realized that Viktor should've been his top priority because he's what he cared about this whole time.

Jayce looked absolutely gorgeous in this act, as expected, THANK YOU.

Now, what I'm mostly just disappointed by.

The lack of attention paid to his hallucinations. There was one more in episode 8 and that was it. I guess I was just expecting more of that, considering how frequent it was in episode 5 and 6. I really wanted them to explore his trauma. Surviving for what seems to be months in an abandoned part of the world that you took part in destroying, unintentionally or not, can do A LOT to someone's head, especially someone like Jayce, who had once been so naive to and inexperienced with suffering. He was NOT privileged, mind you, but he was raised in Piltover, a city built on peace and wealth.

The ending Jayce received was, to me at least, underwhelming. It's a win for JayVik fans, but it is NOT a win for Jayce Talis fans (or just me idk man IM UNSATISFIED). I feel like it really undermines Jayce as a character, revealing that his entire life begins and ends with Viktor since he is the mage he met as a kid. It makes it seem that Jayce was simply a pawn in Viktor's story, like nothing he did ever actually meant anything because no matter what, he was going to drop it all for Viktor. Endearing in a romantic aspect, yes, but disappointing in every other. I really wanted more for him. I would've honestly preferred it if the mage wasn't Viktor, rather some other league character that could become a bigger part of the next series they're making. Having it be Viktor makes the world seem so small.

The build-up of him during episode 9 was ultimately unnecessary. He didn't even fight in the war, let alone fight Viktor while in his Machine Herald form. He just ended up talking to him with a "this isn't you" type beat and then proceeded to warp out of existence with Viktor. NOT DEAD... btw.. he's alive and well just on another astral plane don't get it twisted. I understand that they're soulmates destined to meet each other in every universe, but I didn't expect such a happy ending for them. I WANTED A BOSS FIGHT WITH SPIT BLOOD AND TEARS

Also, I feel like there was no true explanation as to why the gemstone had to be imbedded in Jayce's wrist? Was it simply so he could carry it into wherever Viktor was? For me, I genuinely thought it would give Jayce some type of control over magic, unlock his inner arcane or SOMETHING. The way Viktor said Jayce had too touched the arcane made me think that's exactly what was going to happen, like Jayce was going to unlock his connection to magic through the stone literally being inside him. It could've been an explanation as to why magic fascinates him so much, he just needed a link to it, straight from the source to realize his full potential. I'm honestly sad that they didn't delve deeper into that. Him and Mel would've been so powerful together. SOMEONE MAKE A FIC OF JAYCE BEING A MAGE PLEEEASE IT WOULD BE SOOOO COOL CMON GUYS

Back to episode 7, I also expected Jayce to fight those things he saw while in the other dimension. It would've been fascinating to see how severely they affected his mental state, considering they were literally breathing down his neck the entire time he was there. I would've liked to see him one day just snap and dismantle one of those things. Seeing how they weren't violent upon his arrival, I doubt they'd fight back, and he'd just take out all his rage and sadness and guilt on them. It would explain why he was so unfazed when he killed salo; both because he knows it isn't truly him and he's already killed so many, it no longer has an effect. And it might've given him more battle IQ, using them as test dummies and learning how to defend himself. That would've been a cool segment of his time spent there. There just wasn't enough time to go that deep.

In conclusion, they could've made him so much cooler, just saying. But seriously, I think I expected too much out of this act, and the second season in general. And I love Jayce, the end.

[lousylambsblog]

watch me yap about my ocs ( my friend proofread this thankksss )

tw: death, blood and child neglect

Neyora was born out of a fling between her payan mother and talpian father. Her father was absent for all her life and her mother was emotionally unavailable. She was raised by her payan mother who was ashamed of Neyora’s heritage, she refused to call Neyora her daughter, she had seen her as a disappointment the moment she bore her. Her mother had isolated Neyora from other children, she was kept under strict rules that she wasn’t allowed to go outside, unless she wanted society to see how hideous she was. 

Her childhood left her bitter, growing deep resentment toward her mother. At a young age, she began practicing magic, unbeknownst to her mother. Neyora dedicated her whole life to magic, to prove that she was something more than an inept half-breed. Her talpian genetics are more dominant than her payan blood, missing the third eye and the ability to foresee the future, but she did inherit the magical potential of Payans. After years of honing her magical skills and becoming quite the powerful sorceress, she had grown to become more confident in showing her abilities to her mother. All she wanted was the approval of the only person she had, she wanted to make her proud despite her hate,,,, but all she was met with the all-to-familiar look of disgust plastered onto her face. 

She belittled Neyora throughout her entire life, but this was the final breaking point. She had thrown away her own childhood, spent sleepless nights perfecting herself,,, just to be met with the same degrading words. Neyora snapped at the woman who bore her, a fervid hate running through her blood as she strangled her mother to death. She watched as the life in her mother’s eyes slowly disappeared, but she felt no sympathy, blinded by her own emotional rage. She only tightened her grip the more strangulated noises her mother pathetically spat out. Her grip slacked when her mother ceased her feeble fighting. Once she realized what she had just done, Neyora felt a pang of terror shoot through her as she saw her mother’s lifeless body on the floor, leaving her trembling with dread. She had fled her home in a panic, the Payan Chiefdom, Neyora was afraid that they would discover what she had done to her mother, that she had killed her.

On the mainland of Stolla, Neyora continued to live alone,,, isolating herself from the outside world, fearful that people would recognize her and know of her crimes. She continues to practice magic up until the fault, where she is forced to flee from her hiding place. Neyora deals well with the mimes at first, but they pursue her with a bloodthirst as the fault drags on. After a week of being relentlessly hunted with no opportunity to replenish her energy, she succumbs to magical overload. Neyora is proficient at magic, but her talpian side slows down her ability to prolong and stabilize her magic for a period of time. She can cast powerful spells, but it can make her incredibly burnt out. 

( Magic overload happens due to the body acting as a sort of resistor when trying to manipulate energy. The more energy is channeled and manipulated, the more residual energy remains in the caster’s body. This can have a number of effects: Diminishing the effectiveness of one’s spells, requiring more focus in order to properly control the energy, other effects being added to their spells or happening at random, and increase in the body’s temperature. * p.s i know this isn’t canon but im so interested in this concept* also credits to BelicCat from 5yrs ago on reddit,,,,,, love you bro, wherever you are,,, )

Unfortunately, she was caught off guard during a supply run in a ghostly town,,, a gash to her stomach. Neyora suffered a slow and excruciatingly painful death, she could’ve used her healing magic to mend her wounds but she had fallen unconscious due to the stinging pain. She met a pathetic death for someone who held so much power, she was never able to see that she was more than a hideous half-breed. She died believing that she was a disappointment. 

[themoonandstarsss]

My Marauders Opinions

i have no idea if these are unpopular but they're mine so please don't hate <3

I ship romantic moonwater. I'm a multi-shipper and will support anything with enough evidence (within reason) and i ship romantic moonwater and I am not ashamed.

I don't think Sirius is at fault for running away, and i automatically click off a fic if it is portrayed in that way (except for if it's reggie's POV bc hes obvs gonna be an unreliable narrator in that respect.

TRANS REMUS TRANS REMUS TRANS REMUS

I don't believe Pandora was ever a seer, I think Sybill was but bc of her personality people didn't believe her.

Pandora was a wizz at potions but she didn't participate because "then it won't be as easy to blame my dormmates for weird smells"

James was quite mean sometimes without realising it but when he did he IMMEDIATELY apologised !

I don't think remus was a chocoholic i think he just carried it around cos it seemed to make everyone happy when he gave them chocolate when they were feeling down

Dorcas was deaf/hard-of-hearing

Remus had a good relationship with both his father and mother, but he struggled to talk to his mother about lyancrothropy because she was genuinely scared of him around the full moon because she read the wizarding worlds books on werewolves. (don't blame her shes a muggle guys)

Walburga wasn't physically abusive, orion was (ill write more about this if people want cos i've got a whole rant about my thoughts on this.)

Barty was a ravenclaw, but an honorary slytherin due to the amount of time he was there (him stealing one of reggie's ties in 1st year may have a part to play)

I think the Black sister's relationship is more interesting than the black brother's mainly because i barely ever see it explored

Sirius was not a bad brother. Regulus was. (that's all im going to say on this cos i don't wanna get hated on)

I love Regulus Black with all my heart but he had loads of flaws that are never explored

Trans Regulus !

Sirius Black who wore feminine clothing and wore makeup but was sure in his position as a man

James Potter with a Quidditch Player body from 3rd year onward but before that he was slightly chubby from being spoilt by effie's food.

Sirius was not at fault for running away from an abusive home. Regulus was not at fault for staying in one. Trauma acts in different ways.

I think the fandom can be incredibly toxic at times, but I also think that it is much easier to just block the people you don't want to interact with

I don't like genderbending fics on the basis that the ones I've read always make wolfstar straight ( if you have any good recommendations send them to me!)

I think Remus& Peter were really good friends throughout Hogwarts and they never argued or had any spats even as they found new friends cos they both knew they liked each other

I don't want the Harry Potter reboort to happen for two reasons , 1. I don't want the actors to get hated on because theyre "not as good as the original" or taking part in the reboot because of the authors beliefs. 2. I don't support jkr's views and don't want to endorse a transphobic woman.

I don't like the oversexualisation of Mary at all(though i know most don't)

Hating on fics on public platfroms is not cool. it's okay to do it with your friends or in your thoughts but never somewhere where the other may see

That's all for now !!

[lovememoreplease]

let me be yours till the end of times...

☆Cw- fluff, gn!reader a/n- im not a person who reads dialogues as i only playing this game for combat and to fulfill my gambling addiction/j and collect pretty men so i took the way he acts from the wiki. i got bad at understanding characters recently... ☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°☆

worship

worship its to love, respect, and admire someone or something very much, often without noticing the bad qualities of that person or thing. but not everything needs to be bad. not everything needs to be covered in the blood and never ending war or chaos. not everyone needs to be bad and want to bring you harm. some people are like a breath of fresh air after years of inhaling toxins. some people are like the first warm rays of the sun in the morning, or like the warm bed you want to stay as long as you can.

and for him?

this someone was you. you were the fresh breath of air, you were the warm rays of sun or the bed he don't want to leave. it was you who changed his world in the way even his beloved Idrila couldn't change it. he saw in you the beauty he long to fight for... and maybe... just maybe in reality you're the god he keep on searching whole galaxy for... but even if not... he felt like you are. you're his beloved and hes always more than eager to show it to you in any way possible. by the red roses he hands you, by the way he looks at you or touches you, by the sweet praises that escape his lips proudly even if all you just did was to look at him. even your simple glance was something he yearned for.

he cherish every moment he have with you and hes not ashamed of it

"look what i got for you, dear" argenti said as he walked up to you with yet another bouquet of roses. a bright and loving smile on his lips. "when i looked at them they reminded me of you. those silky petals delicate like your skin and those bright colors bright like your smile" his eyes glimmer with excitement. when you accepted the gift from him he just brightened up even more. he fell on one knee grabbing your hand and kissing top of it. you even for a moment thought that there was a light shining on him for a moment...

"y/n, you're like a blooming flower who comes out of the snow with the first days of spring. you're like a sweetest of dreams. like the dreams i'm looking upon seeing every time i close my eyes into a slumber" he spoke looking at you with the adoration no one would be able to compete against. "please, let me bask in the beauty of yours for as long its possible. till there will be nothing else" he sighed offering you soft smile. "let me be by your side till the end of times... and beyond of any kind of time and space"

[ilanorgratvol]

I know, there are plenty playlists for our gorgeous Wizard of Waterdeep, but I just had to let it out of my system.

What strikes me the most about this one is that like almost every song for me is associated with some stage during Gale's life (well, almost, I'm still filling the gaps). And I just can't stop and listening to it, imagining all these events in my head.

I hope someone will find this interesting.

Goddess of the Rain - the stage of ultimate devotion of Mystra. Young Gale, had just gotten the attention of the Goddess of Magic herself and is eager to prove himself worthy.

Take me to your church Teach me how to sing Show me how to pray

Break me as you will Let me be your priest Let me be your prey

Let me rise to stand Here beside your form As your right handHere within the storm

Paradise - we've gotten Stockholm syndrome, guys :) Gale is still devoted to his Goddess but started to realise all toxicity of their relationships. Is he able to go away? Well, not now.

"In the most nights, she keep returning in her weaves..."

Toxic, kinda' crazy, hot Keeps me underneath her thumb Robs me of my dignity tonight Always wants to take a piece And chew me up and spit me out Just enough to get me through the night Before I know it— I'm just doing what she says Yes, I'm doing this...

Wrong Side of Heaven - Gale has already gotten the Orb and was abandoned by Mystra. He feels frustrated and lost and locks himself in his tower.

I spoke to God today And she said that she's ashamed What have I become? What have I done? I spoke to the devil today And he swears he's not to blame And I understood 'Cause I feel the same

Goodbye Cruel World - Gale lost himself in self-pity.

Whoa, goodbye cruel world I'm off to join the circus Gonna be a brokenhearted clown Paint my face with a good-for-nothing smile 'Cause a mean, fickle woman Turned my whole world upside down

Can't Find a Way - Gale finally left his tower, hoping to make a brand new start. This is when he was captured by the Illithids and the events of the game had taken the place. He started to accept Mystra's decision and tried to disassociate from the past.

Now that youve gone again Ive found other friends You ask what you are You don't even care for me Im tired of belivin Now that youve gone away Nothings left to say You ask what you are You dont even care for me Im tired and leavin

A Place in Your World - gods, isn't it the most Golden Retriever song?)) Gale meets Tav, slowly falling in love, seeking their attention.

Would you like to see within my heart? Would you like to be there when I fall apart? The sun might scorch my eyes But no one ever cries a tear for me Is there nothing more that I can stand? I feel so displaced now I'm the lonely man But look into my eyes And maybe you can see what's in my heart

Repentance - Gale has gotten the message from Mystra and considering to follow her order. I imagine him sitting alone in his tent, illuminating only by candle on his table; his hands in his hair, his head lowered and eyes shut closed.... Oooogh, it's a tough one.

Staring at the finished page before me All the damage now so clear and evident Thinking 'bout the dreaded task in store for me A bitter fear at the thought of my amends

Hoping that the step will help restore me To face my past and ask for forgiveness Cleaning up my dirty side of this unswept street Could this be the beginning of the end?

The Cross - Tav persuades Gale not to follow Mystra's order and claim the Crown of Karsus. Gale meets Mystra to threaten her. "Not happening" Gale's line is in my mind forever.

I was young and so naive You were God and I believed You made me kneel You made me feel Like it was all my fault But now I know it wasn't mine at all

Lose Control - I mean, guys. You know what it is about ;)

Something's got a hold of me lately No, I don’t know myself anymore Feels like the walls are all closin' in And the devil's knockin’ at my door, woah Out of my mind, how many times did I tell you I'm no good at bein' alone? Yeah, it's taken a toll on me, tryin' my best to keep From tearin' the skin off my bones, don't you know

First Light - classic! Gale and Tav find comfort in their tower in Waterdeep and themselves. I don't think I need to explain anything here))

One bright mornin' changes all things Soft and easy as your breathin', you wake Your eyes open at first, a thousand miles away But turnin' shoot a silver bullet point-blank range And I can scarce believe what I'm believin' in Could this be how every day begins?

_________________

Want me to make playlists for other characters? Let me know in the comments.

[shreddeddescent]

kinda goin through it but i hope its like obvious this whole shit im doing is like... bruh i am just kinda vibing. if my vibes are too much for you thats fine im genuinely not tryina ask people to look at anything im doing. i keep fucking saying that. the first thing i did was grab the banner off the wiki that says 'this isnt for kids' to really drive that shit home.

like i think ive said this before but in case i havent or in case you dont know: this au started as me basing shit off my own life, read into that what you will. the earliest shit was just... 'aha i will make an au that is so true to my life' okay the kids dad is shredder, shredders an abusive father, splinter is their mom who was also abused by him, theyre all fucked up in their own ways and struggling with it. started literally with the scene of raph hanging out with casey and remembering some shit happening to him. thats the basis of the au. the art came after that, the side blogging came after that yadda yadda yadda

but then as i kept doing that, it got way too real and hard to talk about like i wanted to throw up as i was doing it. the events too close to home, so to speak. so as i was building out the world for them i started doing something weirder and darker and more fucked up as a way of dealing with it. and like as it got darker it also got lighter. as i specified this kind of insane fantasy abuse (fantasy in the sense of it is so out there that its not real) it got more fun to do, and easier to cope with. easier to heal from. the degrees of separation are good. theres levels of real and levels of ridiculous and that helps.

and as i was having fun i wanted to talk about it, despite how much more fucked up it was getting. i still felt bad, but then the level of hype people had for hearing about said fucked up shit helped, it made it go like 'hey. its cool to make something fucked up actually. i think people are feeling the same catharsis reading some of this as i do writing it'. so i was feeling joy from being egged on into talking more about it.

which is cool. cuz its truly not like well written. which isnt me reaching for 'tell me my writings good' cuz its not about that, it was unplanned bullshit i just wrote on my phone one day and then kept going 'and then what?' just to see what would happen. its not about it being good its about it being there to express something. what? i dunno. but absolutely something. or else i would have just stopped.

and its maybe a thing where you could look at it like 'whoa man keep that to yourself' but like. it was a thing of the sharing hitting with others, making me feel less ashamed of it, and getting the vibe that people are cheering for themselves feeling less ashamed. i really think the reason anyone ever hyped me up in the first place is cuz of catharsis. cuz seeing something that hits you in the gut cuz its gross or painful just makes you not know how to react so you just kinda go "HELL YEAH!!!!!!!!!!" and that makes you laugh. and keep going.

like i consider it that kind of 'oh something horrible happened so now im laughing as a response cuz i cant handle it' thing. thats normal. literally such a normal reaction to trauma to laugh about it.

much of my early exploratory shit at first just involved raph and leo making gross coping jokes to laugh off how painful their childhoods were. cuz thats the companionship they have. thats how they got over their shit with each other, thats how they feel better. literally laughing off the dread, letting go of the shame, and feeling joy from having someone else there with you doing the same thing.

it was based on some real feeling i had thinking about how me and my siblings have the same coping mechanism, telling people an anecdote about our childhoods while laughing about it. both me and my brother had a story abt telling our friends something while laughing about it and having them react so weirded out. but then we do it with each other and suddenly someone isnt staring at you like youre insane or like youre fucked up for daring to find the humour in your own experiences.

its fucked up to go around saying 'its too dark of a topic to talk about incest or child abuse or sexual assault' cuz.... how the fuck do you think that makes people who have experienced those things feel? do you just want them to shut down? to feel ashamed for experiences they didnt control? or do you only care about how the people who are in the stages of 'cant talk about it' feel? cuz theyre good little victims cuz theyre quiet. they dont make you uncomfortable. please just admit that to yourself right now. you dont worry about victims, you have an ick and are using that as an excuse. everyone whos been cheering this shit on is someone whos on the scale of having experienced the trauma.

thats how i think a lot of you are, anyone cheering for something, anyone getting excited as things get dark, youre all excited cuz you see yourself somewhere and i fucking get you. cheering for fucked up shit to be like "GOD i wish i could write something like that" thats why youre here and i love that. in the same way i said much of the early stuff was leo and raph laughing off the trauma? thats us, you and me, having a laugh about shit and letting go of the shame we feel.

you dont need to feel ashamed for finding joy in the fucked up shit, people are messy. a lot of people want you to just be traumatized forever, to never get over it cuz thats how you should feel. right? play the good victim. but sometimes playing good victim is exhausting. sometimes you wanna joke around with people who get it.

some people arent there yet. thats fine. its 100% normal to react to dark stuff with disgust as well. i absolutely used to be that guy, who would go 'how DARE you do that' but... that on my part was repression. going 'i cant handle this so i need it to not exist'. but that, for me, was not as helpful. it made me more afraid of even harmless things, i would read into safer things as if they were disgusting. it was bad for me, it only made it worse and worse for me. would get into screaming matches at my friends about it, it was bad.

im not sure when i changed exactly, but i think getting into more fucked up art helped. reading stuff with experiences deemed too taboo in polite company. things that felt real and didnt shy away from the gross details of how fucked up things can make you. and i know im much better off now than i was, i know it helped me process stuff to just go 'oh its not that bad'. think about being scared of getting a shot as a kid, you scream you cry cuz somethings gonna stab you and that FEAR makes it worse. but then you get a little prick and you go 'oh. that was fine actually.' maybe a dramatic metaphor but thats genuinely how i feel about it. that shutting down anything that hinted at these themes that could trigger me would make me worse, but in the end i feel much better engaging with them.

idk. i know im overly dramatic, im overly anxious, kinda full of myself, but basically... im really done feeling ashamed of myself for being a person whos brain was warped by shit i had no control over. im done feeling like a bad person for finding ways of dealing with it that work for me, and im okay. but i worry about other people sometimes, maybe people like me? people who also feel like if they dont stick to what makes a palatable victim they will be ostracized. i just dont want you to feel ashamed of yourself for not coping in the proper ways.

and you dont owe anyone an explanation to why youre like that, and i genuinely dont either despite trying to. maybe youve experienced a trauma or maybe you havent. maybe you feel the catharsis despite not experiencing it, maybe you have an unrelated trauma, or maybe its just a cool story and youre having fun. its not my business, its not anyone's business. just be nice to yourself, be nice to others. you dont know anybody, you dont know why people talk the way they do and dont fucking worry about it.

tbh doing this made me find community with a few people so thats genuinely been... so rewarding.

im much less anxious about this than i was at the start, cuz i went oh. wait. everyones here cuz they like the dark stuff. thats cool! getting hyped up for being a bit fucked up really helped. i like my lil community of like the same 11 people i catch in my notes its fun to have this lil community of freaks who i feel like im maybe making feel shit? idk. its just been more meaningful than trying to be widely acceptable. the same bunch of notes here mean more to me than thousands on something widely acceptable. if that makes any sense.

but yeah. laugh it off, let the shame go. thats been the motto for my au for a while in my head

i guess thats all i wanna get across? its normal. or maybe its not normal, but if youre not normal im not either and we're not alone and its no ones fuckin business if we're having fun.

[uhhhitsme]

@missholloween um im so sorry in advance i know we dont interact a lot.......... but i have an. abnormal amount of feelings about this song. way too many feelings. this time its not my fault tho okay!! smy was the one who recced it to me!! curse you smytherines..............................

this song to me is VERY very post-fall curt centric, but also details a lot of flaws within curt himself pre-fall. the gist of the song is about a person who's lost someone they cared about, and wishes that they had properly expressed how much they cared about them before, and appreciated what they had.

one thing that's always confused me about the fandom characterisation of agent curt is that like..................... it's always either he's this sad little puppy trailing after owen like a dog on a leash, constantly being taken care of, or that he's this completely dismissive asshole who cares infinitely more about being a spy and himself to give two shits about owen until it's too late. the first one IS a lot more common but i see the second one enough that it bothers me.

and the thing is, both are missing the point massively---the interpretation of pre-fall curt to me that's always made the most sense is the idea that curt does care about owen, cares so impossibly much, that he can hardly stand it. but he's not good at letting himself say it.

he's grown up in the 1930s and 40s constantly entrenched in the idea that the ideal man is someone who provides for and takes care of others, who isn't emotional or weak or makes mistakes, who isn't vulnerable. we a lot of curt putting significance on that through spying in the show, trying to project this suave, macho, brave spy who isn't afraid of anything or anyone, who's always going to defeat the bad guys and win. in "this is a safe space" he's described with a massive messiah/saviour complex, and he himself admits he feels a huge obligation to being the one who saves the world. that he doesn't see much value in himself, outside of being that perfect, fearless hero.

and since he put so much value on himself being that flawless person---that hero, that incredible spy, that no real human being could actually always be---i think that being vulnerable with owen would have also been hard for him. that letting himself being taken care of would make him feel weak, and ashamed. that he couldn't express how terrified he was of losing him, of how much he loved him, for the fear that owen would love him less for not being the incredible spy he wants to be. that's why he did a lot of what he did in a1p1---because a part of him needs to prove he is that impossible person, after needing saving by the person he's supposed to save and then ribbed at by his boss on call in front of that same person.

he needs to be the hero, the strong one, because he's afraid of owen leaving him if he isn't. and because of that, he leaves a lot unsaid. i think the actual lyrics from the song put it really welll

i couldn't utter my love when it counted ah, but i'm singing like a bird 'bout it now and i couldn't whisper when you needed it shouted ah, but i'm singing like a bird 'bout it now words hung above but never would form like a cry at the final breath that is drawn

additionally, one of the running metaphors throughout the song is the singer being the "shrike to [singer's ex] thorn." a shrike is a type of carnivorous bird that kills it's prey by impaling them on thorns, which, first of all: metal as hell. second of all, the implication is that the singer can't survive without their lover, because a shrike would not be able to survive without it's thorns---it couldn't kill prey and therefore couldn't eat to survive.

i think this metaphor works really really well also with the idea that the only reason that curt was able to keep going, post-fall, was because he thought owen wouldn't want him to. i could go on a WHOLE other rant about that if i wanted to because i feel the extreme need to reference the show constantly for proof so i dont feel like a liar and a fraud who's making things up in my head, but for the sake of time, the best indicator of this to me is the lyrics in spy again. you know the ones. (im too lazy to grab them.)

anyways yeah everyone who respects agent curt mega should add this to their curtwen playlist NOW. THERE IS SO MUCH OTHER STUFF I COULDNT GET INTO BUT SERIOUSLY THIS SONG IS SO SO SO PERFECT FOR HIM

[dollivication]

hii its.. its me again..

so.. priest!v.. but hes actually a sorcerer not a real priest and thats js a cover:3 He comes to town looking for a virgin for one of his sacrifices or sum

the church absolutely loves him!! they have no idea of his true nature, they js think hes their holy priest and they admire him for that Hes pretty much their prophet:( hes js a very good actor:( kinda like the fortuna cult in dmc4 skkfkejr

he finds nun!user on the church once and hes like.. absolutely sure that theyre the chosen one for his sacrifice!! theyre js too pretty, theyll be perfect for it:333 so he uses his status as a very trusted and respected priest to manipulate user into trusting him by lovebombing them, telling them theyre special, that theyre the chosen ones (he js doesnt tell what theyre being chosen for lol) and user falls right into the trap bc how can they not? thats the most respected priest their church have!! ( ꩜ ᯅ ꩜;) 

so he takes them to a forest or sum empty place to finally accomplish his whole mission:3 by the very end when hes ready to perform the sacrifice— he js cant bring himself to actually do it:( he realizes that he became wayyy to infactuated w user to let them go js like that:(

but now user knows his true nature so he needs to act fast!! he ends up seducing them and once again they js cant say no to him not even when they know thats hes a dirty unholy sorcerer<\\\3 so he DOES take users virginity but not in the way he planed to 🫨🫨

to avoid the backlash or risking anyone ever knowing he js packs his shit and leaves before they even notice his absence. of course hes also taking user w him bc theyre his now duhhh!! Maybe they create their own crazy cult in some new place who knows:3

this ones been tickling my brain i need to scream it to the world omfg im cryingkkdkfkdjf

THIS WAS SO??? THIS HAS ME IN A CHOKEHOLF.. ANON PLWASE IM LITERALLY ON MY KNEES FOR PRIEST/SORCERER!V……. i LOVE YU SAUR MICH??

he’s literally so “perfect”, everyone relies on him and he promises salvation! whats not to trust?? he KNOWS that he’s pretty much got the entire town wrapped around his finger, he’s not ashamed to do some subtle browsing in women! but he’ll get pretty disheartened, some of the women already have children therefore are NOT virgins, and the others have such dirty minds :/ he needs someone PURE!! that’s the only way he believes his sacrifice can be complete.

so when user fits that criteria, best BELIEVE he’s doing everything in his power to lure user in! and because they’re so innocent, and because he’s got a pretty solid reputation, user is swoooooning :3 his touches grow bolder, his praise becomes more personal. even playing his cards right, he can’t help but actually feel something for his little ol user (◞‸◟) they’re just so… unaware of the corruption he can’t help but take a bit of pity

that small amount of sympathy got out of hand quickly.. he just can’t do the sacrifice!! so the next thing he does is ease user into a trance-like state, kissing them all over while whispering about how he was gonna bring heaven to them. user is so confused and squirmy, but he makes do, because it’s sooo cute to see their face scrunch up when he fills them with his seed<3

as soon as post nut clarity hits, he is IMMEDIATELY thinking “ah nah i gotta get tf out of here”. user is so drunk off his touches that they’re terribly compliant with everything he says, even when he tells them they’re gonna run away together someplace new. they trust him, don’t they? then they’ll know that he only means well and knows what’s best for them >.<

bless yu.. SO MUCH ANON!!! this is itching my brain very very nicely… i want him so BAD ITS SO HORRENDOUS