#me: *writes a 9k gift for a friend two days ago and should be taking a break*

[jungnoir]

eye for an eye;

im changkyun | "This has been a shitty week and you just grabbed the last box of my favorite comfort food from the shelf, do you really want to fight me rn?" rival!au. | 2.1k words. | fluff. a little bit of suggestive language in this because rival au’s are my kink (and so is changkyun). requested.

a/n: this rival au takes place in a slightly different universe than truce. the origins are the same, but the ending never happened! you won’t need to read it to understand this, though. I also want to sincerely apologize to anon for taking so long to write this ;-;

“No, no, I’m not kidding. I’ve never bombed an exam harder than I bombed this one, Suhyun. I’m pretty sure my professor is going to hang my results up on the board in class just to show everyone they couldn’t possibly miss as many questions as I did. She might even give a prize to anyone who can manage that. I might be officially hailed as the worst student in the history of this campus-” “Yes, yes. We’re both having a shitty day. Do you see the chocolate-covered popcorn or not?”

You narrow your eyes as you stand in the aisle of your campus’ convenience store. It’s been three minutes since you’d entered said aisle your roommate swore her preferred snack was in, and it had been one minute since you’d promptly concluded that her snack did not exist. Any other day, you would’ve told her to find it herself and made it back to your room with your own comfort food in hand, but she was having a decidedly terrible time of the month and you weren’t that much of an asshole. You were a little bit, but not that much.

“I don’t see it, Suhyun. I even asked the clerk and he said he’s never heard of it. Are you sure they sell it here?” You ask into the speaker, eyes raking shelf after shelf once more in case you might have missed it.

“Yes! I literally got some yesterday!” “Should I be concerned how you consumed an entire box of chocolate covered popcorn in such a short amount of time? Surely your insides should be tearing themselves apart trying to digest all that.” “It already is tearing itself apart trying to ready me for babies I won’t even be having. Get the popcorn!”

You yank your phone from your ear and wince, nose crinkling in distaste at her shrill tone. Obviously, she was pretty upset at your incompetence (or the store’s complete lack of her snack, but she’d argue for the former).

“Is there anything else you’d like? Just in case I can’t find what you want?” You offer an ultimatum, knowing full well you would not find her popcorn and it was better to go back to her with some form of appeasement rather than empty-handed.

She breathes an angry sigh and stays silent for a bit before she starts speaking again, much more exhausted, “I’ll take hot cheetos.” And then she hangs up.

You make a mocking face at your phone despite her inability to see you just because you can, and even though you weren’t undergoing her level of physical torment at the moment, you were still pretty tired and dejected. All you wanted was to get your comfort food and disappear under your blankets for the rest of the rainy weekend ahead of you.

You stuff your phone into your pocket and make your way toward the chips aisle, the promise of being home soon blaring in your mind as you retrieve her chips and start your search for your instant noodles. You can already imagine the hot dish in your hands, warming your body after an hour and a half in a cold, small classroom with nothing to focus on but time ticking away.

As you make your way toward your dinner, you notice a lithe body is making its way in your direction, upper body shrouded in a black hoodie with the hood pulled over their face and making them anonymous to you. You think nothing of it, even though their walk is awfully hurried and they’re clutching a concerning amount of ice packs in their one hand.

Your attention is grabbed when you realize that they’re heading in your direction, more directly in front of you, and there is no way you can reach your noodles if they’re in the way. You hope they move soon cause you’d really rather not collide with someone when your day is already terrible enough.

Suddenly they stop, and you let out an internal sigh of relief, up until they reach toward the shelf and grab something. Your something. Your noodles.

You look back to where they grabbed them from, and your heart drops when you realize that that was the last one.

Before you can stop yourself, you call out, “Wait, that’s the last one!”

The person raises their head, and while you can’t see their eyes, you catch a glimpse of a busted lip. You could only hope whoever it was got that busted lip from a bad fall and not something dangerous you were about to involve yourself in.

The person is silent for all of five seconds, “Fuck... what are you doing here?”

You blank on what to say, just as the person raises their head fully and you realize with a start that you know this person. You know them really well, even as scars and a black eye mar their face and make you choke on a snippy comeback. It’s Im Changkyun, your declared nemesis since the first day you met in Calculus. And he looks he terrible.

“What happened to you?” You whisper, walking closer even as he stumbles trying to get away from you. He stops when you do, your eyebrows furrowed in concern. He’s never seen that expression on your face in relation to him before.

He tucks his chin a little closer to his chest, “Nothing. Nothing happened.”

“Bull. Your face is all beat up!” Your frown is hard and you pursue him once more, only this time he doesn’t move quite as far to get away. “Who did that to you?”

You can’t say it’s hard to see Changkyun has more enemies than just you, but even you would never physically attack him. You’d dreamt of it of course, but never thought to actually follow through with it. He was annoying but he wasn’t worth the physical exertion in your mind.

Changkyun looks so much different than his usual smirking, arrogant self. Instead of winking at you and teasing you for even caring, he looks insistent on disappearing into the ground below you both. You’d never seen Changkyun so sheepish before. It didn’t feel right.

“Does it matter? I need to ice this black eye before it gets worse.” He hisses, and holds the noodles close to his side, reminding you he’d just stolen your dinner... but suddenly it doesn’t seem quite as important anymore.

Instead of commenting on it, you motion to the ice packs, “Is that all you got? What about your lip? It could get infected.”

He licks his lip when you mention it, “I don’t have the money for that.”

“Painkillers? Surely that hurts like a bitch.” “Nope.” “Bandaids, at least? Gauze even? I’m sure you fought back-” “There were too many for me to fight... back...” His answer comes so quick that he doesn’t realize what he’s said until he’s said it, and then he is backing away from you with mortification in his eyes. “...I said too much.”

You can’t imagine who he has encountered, and he looks far too nervous just telling you which makes you nervous in turn. “Changkyun, wait,” you grab his arm before he can escape. He doesn’t stop you, “...I don’t know who you pissed off to get your ass kicked like this, but... at least let me take care of that lip. Are you hurt anywhere else?”

Changkyun looks torn. Surely, the last person he’d expect to take care of him after getting his ass kicked would be his rival of all people. But you were right; he was hurt, and he needed to tend to his wounds if he wanted to be fully fit to get those guys back later on.

Plus... your hold was soft and comforting. It reminded him a lot of how his mother would hold him.

“...Nowhere else is as bad as my face. They kind of wanted to make a point.”

Your hand drops down to hold his, and you guide him toward the medicine aisle.

Changkyun curls away from you when you apply the alcohol dipped cotton ball to his lip, grunting and gripping your shirt to keep from digging his fingernails into his palm.

“Stop flinching,” you huff, seizing his dark hair in your other hand and holding his face upward toward you, “you’re making it take longer than it should.” “It hurts.” “Then don’t get your ass kicked anymore... dummy.”

Your weak, muttered insult makes him laugh and therefore throws you off from cleaning his wound once more. In retaliation, you yank his head back a bit and he releases a guttural growl at the pain, making your cheeks warm against your will. “From that sound alone, I’d come to the conclusion that you’re a masochist.”

He resists the urge to smirk, even though he’d really like to see you yank his hair again... to annoy you, of course. “Oh yeah. It really rocks my socks when I get punched in the face.”

You snort, “Had you told me that when I first met you, I might’ve did you a favor.”

He watches you work and manages to stay still, and he notices you were right; you finish cleaning his lip and applying the ointment to it in no time when he’s being obedient. Once you’ve finished with his lip, you look over the rest of him and force his hand to his eye, the ice pack clutched between his cleaned and treated fingers. “Hold it there, please.”

The store clerk had decided he didn’t care if you took care of Changkyun’s wounds in the corner of the store, so Changkyun sits with you between his legs and watches the few late-night lurkers walking past the store window. He tries not to focus on your proximity but this is probably the closest you’ve ever been to each other, and yeah, he didn’t like you very much, but you were objectively very beautiful and... flustering to be this close to. To make matters somewhat better, you seem to be completely clueless of how his fingers play with the hem of your tee shirt blaring your school’s logo across the chest. It feels nice under his fingertips, and for an absurd moment, he imagines how it’d feel taking it off you.

Ugh, that punch must’ve rearranged the wires in his brain or something.

“Okay, you’re good facially. I’d advise being gentle on yourself as for everywhere else on your body. Get your roommate to apply something to the bruises everywhere else and report the guys that beat you up to the school police.” He nods absently at your words, “I mean it Im Changkyun.”

His nose wrinkles at your use of his full name, “I said I will.”

You finally release his hair and even go as far as to comb the crushed strands back down on his head, fingernails scraping his scalp and Changkyun can taste the ointment on his tongue when he bites his lip to keep from making another obscene noise in reaction but damn does that feel good after all the pain he’s gone through today. “Good,” you reply, smiling, “I better head back to my dorm so I can accept my own ass-kicking from my internally compromised roommate.”

Changkyun chuckles lightly, “Wouldn’t want that.”

You move back from Changkyun but find resistance, and you notice before he does why that is. His hand is still clutched in your shirt, skin red from the sheer hold he has. Quietly, you place your own hand over his to remove it. You don’t.

Changkyun locks eyes with you for an alarming amount of time, the apples of his cheeks turning rose the longer your skin stays in contact with his. It’s been a while since he’s felt a soft, caring touch and he can’t say he doesn’t like it. He’ll indulge in it, even if it is you and even if on any other day you’d be at each other’s throats.

Surprisingly though, he’s the first to move when someone enters the store and the bell above it dings to alert the other customers. Your hand hovers awkwardly before you take it back and grab your bag of purchased items, sliding the medicine and noodles his way. “I’ll see you around. Hopefully healed and in a better condition for our witty debates.”

He smiles and then winces when he remembers his busted lip, which only makes you giggle.

Before you leave though, you turn to Changkyun and shoot him a playful glare, “Don’t go getting pummeled by anyone else again. That’s my job.”

Changkyun drops his good eye down in a wink, “I’m all yours, jerk.” “Ass.” You reply for old times’ sake, and then disappear into the night.

Come that following Monday, your mutual friends find Changkyun looks at you a little softer now.

[pitubea1910]

The truth

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Words: 9k

Warnings: -

Tags: -

Request: -

Masterlist

Your best friend Dianna was always talking you into every single plan she thought of. It didn’t matter if it was a movie, an exhibition or a sudden trip to Las Vegas for the opening of a new casino. She always convinced you. Although, let’s be honest, you didn’t put much effort into saying no.

The last one was a couple of days ago and you had gone to one of those ‘pep-talk’ things that were supposed to be motivational or inspiring or whatever. You had seen some videos of these meetings on YouTube but you had never been to one. Until that moment.

The speaker was some guy named Gregor Formach. The topic? Happiness.

At first you thought he was just some kind of Mr Wonderful that would paint everything pink and tell you that if you focused hard enough, you could accomplish everything you wanted. So you didn’t pay much attention at first. Not until that sentence appeared on the big screen: when was the last time you were happy?

“Hey, are you okay?” Dianna asked you, a couple of days later, when you were at a bar downtown having a few drinks after work at your usual place.

“Yeah, why?” You asked, playing with the straw of your cocktail.

“You seem off”, she said with narrowed eyes. “You’ve been off for a couple of days now, what’s going on?”

“Nothing really”, you shrugged. “I guess I’m just tired.”

“That’s not what my Diansense tells me”, she said.

You couldn’t stop a smile from appearing on your face.

Since the moment you met her, six years ago at a karaoke bar, you had always loved how perceptive she was. It wasn’t just that she paid a lot of attention to the small details. She had a gift, a way of knowing when something was going on. And she never failed.

“I was just thinking about the motivational thing we went to the other day”, you finally said.

“The Mr Wonderful thing?” She asked and you nodded. “What about it?”

“When was the last time I was happy?” You asked.

“What?” She frowned. “I thought you were happy.”

“I thought so to, but his talk kept me thinking and I don’t think I really am, you know?” You said. “I think I’m just content with my life, but I feel like there’s something missing.”

“Something like…?” She asked and you shrugged. “Don’t you think that he just got a little bit inside your head? That’s kind of his job.”

“Maybe. I don’t know”, you sighed. “It’s a weird feeling.”

“Maybe what you need is a stronger drink”, she said with a smile, making you smile as well. “I’ll get you one.”

“No! It’s okay, don’t worry”, you tried to stop her but she was already getting up.

“I’m buying some happiness for my best friend and you’re not stopping me”, she said taking her wallet from her purse.

You already knew better that trying to stop her, so you just let her walk to the bar. Maybe she was right. Maybe you were just overthinking. It had had been a couple of rough weeks lately. Too much work, your mum being all over you with her new boyfriend and wondering when you were going to get one and your brother’s wedding coming up. You guessed it was just a lot and, like Dianna said, that guy had just got into your head. You were happy, you had a pretty decent life going on, what was not to be happy about?

“You have no idea who I have just seen across the bar!” Dianna said when she came back with two new cocktails. You looked at her, waiting. “Bucky!”

“What?” Immediately, you looked around.

It wasn’t hard to spot him among the crowd and, the moment you did, your heart skipped a bit and you looked away, afraid that he would see you.

“What is he doing here?” You asked.

“It’s Friday night”, Dianna said. “I guess superheroes get happy hour as well, right? Why don’t you go and say hi? It’s been ages.”

“No”, you shook your head.

“Didn’t you guys used to be best friends?” She asked.

“Sort of”, you shrugged.

“Then? C’mon! He will be happy to see you”, she insisted.

“I’m not doing it, D”, you said. “It was a long time ago and he’s obviously busy”, you said pointing at the girl next to him.

“That’s Wanda Maximoff, you idiot!” Dianna laughed. “Scarlet Witch.”

“Oh…” you mumbled and took another look. Now that you knew who she was, her face looked kind of familiar.

“To be a journalist, you don’t really know much about news”, Dianna said.

“I don’t write news, you idiot”, you rolled your eyes.

“Oh, right, I forgot”, she said.

You worked at a magazine and all you did was writing articles about different topics. Most of them, had to do with different things about feminism but none of them had ever been about a superhero.

“Maybe you should do one about them”, Dianna commented. “What’s more empowering for women than being a superhero?”

“Not my kind of article”, you shrugged. “Maybe I should pitch it to Jackie”, you frowned.

“No! That bitch is not taking my idea. Either you do it, or no one does”, she said, making you laugh. “I still think you should go and say hi.”

“Well, I’m not doing it”, you shrugged.

“What the hell happened between you two?” Dianna asked.

“Nothing”, you said. “We just lost contact.”

But you knew that was one of the biggest lies you had ever told.

What really happened was what uses to happen to many friendships: love. More precisely: not being loved back.

You and Bucky met years ago and your friendship was one of a kind. You could talk to him about anything, you could tell him everything and he would never judge you or be mad at you. You could talk things through, he would give you advise. He was like the brother you never had. Or so you told yourself.

By the time you realised that how you felt about him was way deeper than friendship, it was already too late. It was when he walked in the coffee where you usually had breakfast holding that girl’s hand. Francesca. When he introduced her as his girlfriend, it felt like your world had just been split in half. Although it was just your heart. Your heart shattered in a million pieces when he told you all about how they had met some weeks ago and it had just clicked for them.

And it also clicked for you. How you felt about him, how much you loved him and the way you did it. It was too late to say anything. He loved Francesca. You could see it in his eyes every time he talked about her or every time he was with her. At first, you thought you could just pretend that everything was okay, but soon you realised your feelings for him were so strong that it made it impossible for you to keep on putting a smile on your face.

That is why you took one of the hardest decisions of your life: to let him go. You wanted to talk to him but there was no lie that was good enough to explain why you needed to walk away. So you just did it without any explanation. You just stopped texting him back, you stopped meeting up with him and started avoiding him at all costs. He even showed up at your apartment once, but you didn’t even open the door. Maybe that was when he stopped trying. And even if it broke your heart -which it did-, you knew it was for the best.

“You could get in touch again”, Dianna said. “I mean, he’s just there!”

“Can you stop it?” You sighed.

“Okay, fine”, she sighed. “But I think he would be really happy to see you”, she added before taking a sip from her drink.

You shook your head but said nothing else. Slowly, you turned your head to look at him again. He had cut his hair, it was now short, which made his features even more noticeable. He was as handsome was always and he had that beautiful smile that you died for.

Used to die for, you corrected yourself.

“By the way, how are things with Callie?” You asked your friend.

“Oh I think is going good”, she frowned. You raised both eyebrows at her. “I think she’s holding back, you know? Ever since I told her I’m bi, something is off.”

“Do you think it’s because of that?” You asked.

“I don’t know…”, she frowned. “Maybe?”

“You should ask her. I mean… if you really want to be with her”, you said.

“I guess… Maybe I will call her tomorrow”, she said.

“You definitely should do that. I think she’s great”, you said getting up. “I’m going to the bathroom.”

Your trip to the bathroom was longer than you expected since there was a bit of line to get in. Luckily, you had taken your phone with you, so you waited while you checked your Instagram feed. There was nothing new to see: most people’s stories were partying. Same old Friday stuff.

You locked your phone and looked at the bar. Now that you knew that Bucky was there, it was making you paranoid. What if just walked into the men bathroom and saw you? What would you do? It had been so many years since you last saw him. Well, not that many. Only three. But it felt like ages ago.

As you remembered all those times with him, a smile appeared on your face. Was that the last time you were happy? When he was in your life?

You shook your head and unlocked the phone again, not allowing your mind to go down that road that would lead absolutely nowhere.

Finally, you went back to the table you were sharing with Dianna, only this time there was a person occupying the third chair. At first, you thought it some D’s friend. Since she worked in publicity, she knew a lot of people. But then you saw the arm and stopped in your tracks. The metal arm. Bucky. How did she dare?

“Finally!” Dianna said as soon as she spotted you. “What took you so long?”

Bucky turned his head to look at you and the whole world stopped. His blue eyes piercing through yours as a small smile appeared on his mouth. Your head was spinning, your mouth was dry and you couldn’t find anything to say.

“Look who stopped by”, Dianna said with a huge smile.

You knew her. She had gone and talked to him.

“Hey there”, Bucky said getting up.

He was even taller than in your memory.

“Hi”, you finally managed to mumble.

“You know, (Y/N), I am going to call Callie actually”, Dianna said.

You took your eyes off Bucky to see your friend gathering her things as she got up. Oh no, she wasn’t doing this.

“Where are you going?” You asked frowning.

“I’m going to give her a call”, she smiled.

“And you need your coat and purse to do that?” You asked, starting to panic.

“Well, it’s cold outside. It what happens in New York during January. And my phone is in my purse, so yeah. I need my stuff”, she said. “And it’s not like I’m leaving you alone, you silly.”

Before you had time to keep protesting, she just took off towards the door and went out. You knew her well enough. Maybe she was calling Callie, but she wasn’t coming back. Which meant you were stuck with Bucky, who hadn’t taken his eyes off you for even a second. When you looked back at him, he smiled.

“I saw you across the bar and I asked her to leave us alone”, he said. “So you don’t have to rip her head off.”

“Why would you do that?” You asked.

He pointed at the chair you were previously sitting on. With a sigh, you took a seat, using that time to try and calm your heart rate. Not that it worked.

“Because I haven’t seen you in years” he shrugged.

“Yeah… I’ve been busy”, you mumbled, reaching for your drink to take a long sip from it.

“For three years?” He asked.

Damn. You looked at him for a moment. His smile was gone even if there still was a hint of it in his eyes.

“How have you been?” You finally asked so he wouldn’t start removing the past. He obviously saw you didn’t want to talk about it, so he just sighed and took a sip from his beer.

“Good. Busy”, he shrugged. “Missing my best friend”, he added.

“How’s Francesca?” You couldn’t help asking. He gave you a confused look.

“We… broke up”, he shrugged. “A long time ago.”

“I thought you wanted to marry her. Or so you said”, you said, not meeting his eyes.

“Yeah well”, he chuckled. “I guess that’s the kind of things people say when they’re in love”, he shrugged. “It just didn’t work out. Kind of like us, I guess.”

Was he going to keep on making those references? It was obvious that he wanted to talk about what happened and wanted to know the reasons you had to shut him out, but you just weren’t ready to have that conversation. You didn’t even know if you would ever be.

“I see”, you whispered. “I really should go”, you finally said.

“What? Why?” He asked when you got up and he did the same with a frown. “Are you really going to leave? Again?” You bite your lip and looked at him.

That tiny hint of smile that was in his eyes was now completely gone and his eyes were full of sadness. He looked confused and hurt. He just wanted an explanation and you understood that. But you just weren’t ready to give one. At least the real one.

“I have to”, you sighed. “I… I’m sorry Bucky”, you finally said.

And with that, you quickly gathered your stuff and left the bar as fast as you could, feeling his eyes on your back the whole time.

You were going to kill Dianna. Not only for leaving you alone with him, but for making you realise that pushing him away in order to stop loving him hadn’t worked at all.

You still loved him. Probably more than ever before.

***

Before going to bed that night, you sent a voice mail to Dianna, telling her you were going to kill her for what she had just pulled. However, when you laid in bed, you weren’t really mad at your friend. All you could think about was Bucky. All of him. His eyes, his smile, his voice. Even when you fell asleep, all you could see was him.

“Do you hate me that much?” Dianna asked when she sat in the empty sit in front of you.

It was Sunday morning and you had met up for your usual brunch. It was a tradition you kept throughout the years and it had become one of your favourite moments of the week. Although this time, you felt like throwing your pancakes at her face.

“Why did you have to do that?” You asked.

“I thought you would be happy to talk to him”, she said. And you saw in her eyes that she really meant it. “Weren’t you?”

“Not really”, you sighed. “I don’t know. It was strange, confusing. I just didn’t expect it.”

“He was your best friend. You were inseparable”, she said.

“But we separated and he’s not my best friend anymore and there’s no reason to dig into the past”, you said.

You took your coffee and took a sip from it, looking out of the window at the people coming up and down. Your life was peaceful and you liked it that way. Now your head was a mess, you had barely got any sleep last night and it felt like everything was upside down. And it all came because of James fucking Buchanan Barnes.

You put your mug down and looked at your friend again, who was now looking at you with her eyes narrowed.

“What?” You asked.

“What the hell happened with you two?” She asked.

“What do you mean?” You asked, looking down at the knife cutting your pancake, so she wouldn’t see your eyes. “We just lost contact.”

“You don’t lose contact out of nowhere with someone you used to talk to every single minute of every single day”, Dianna said. “Something happened, and I know it.”

You sighed and ate a bit of pancake before looking out of the window again. You had never told the truth to anyone. No one knew how you had felt -and how you still felt- about Bucky. No one knew you loved him more than you thought you were capable of. And, after so many years, you never thought you would be in the position of bringing it up again.

“Are you going to tell me or do I have to guess?” Dianna said, taking you out of your own head.

“I loved him, alright?” You finally said. “More than I could stand.”

Just saying the words made you feel like a huge weight had been lifted of your shoulders. A weight you didn’t even know was there, but now you felt liberated. You had said the truth. You had finally been honest and you had taken it out.

Dianna just looked at you, not a single feeling on her face. She stood there, observing your face silently.

“So now you’re not going to say anything”, you nodded.

“I knew it”, she finally said.

“What?” You frowned, not expecting that answer.

“I mean, I didn’t really know it”, she shrugged. “But it was the only thing that made sense. So what happened?”

“He met Francesa”, you said. “And it hurt so so much that I didn’t know what to do. So I stepped away and I let him be happy.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” She asked.

“It was easier if I didn’t say it out loud”, you shrugged.

Dianna nodded silently, probably letting this new information sink in and considering her next words. She took a sip from her tea and a bite from her waffle.

“How did you feel last night?” She asked.

You couldn’t help but chuckling. That was hard to say out loud, but now that you had started talking about it, you felt like you could just keep on doing. Dianna would never judge you. She would always be honest to you, no matter what, and she would tell you if you were as stupid as you felt.

“Like it was useless”, you sighed, leaning against the chair in defeat. “I put all these defences up and the moment I saw him, they all came down like nothing.”

“You still love him”, she said and it wasn’t a question. You nibbled on your lower lip and nodded. “Will you tell him?”

“No way”, you laughed. “I will probably never see him again. Last night was just a coincidence”, you shrugged.

“Are you sure?” She asked.

“Yes”, you said. “And you stay still. Don’t you dare sneak around to set anything up, okay? I’m done with him or… I will be. I just need time.”

“(Y/N), he teared down the wall you have been building for years with just one look”, she said. “I don’t think time is the solution here.”

“It will have to be”, you shrugged. “So tell me about Callie, did you talk to her?”

Dianna wanted to keep on talking about it. She knew you and she knew you still had lot to say, but she also knew when to stop and wait. That is why she just shrugged and started telling you about Callie, the girl she was falling for.

***

It took you a couple of days to go back to your regular state of mind. And by a couple of days, you meant a whole week. Since you saw Bucky at that bar, the bar where you used to go the most with Dianna, you got kind of paranoid and started thinking you would see him everywhere. Even if you told yourself how crazy it was to look around every time you stepped into a place, you kept on doing it.

It wasn’t until a week after your encounter when you finally got out of bed in peace. That Friday was the deadline for one of the articles you had been written that week and it needed some hard editing. That’s why you showed up earlier than usual at the office and you had been working for almost an hour when Dianna appeared.

“Already here?” She asked surprised. She had seen you at your desk the moment she walked in.

“I came early”, you said, looking around from the screen for the very first time since you arrived. “I have to turn this in today and it’s awful.”

“Yeah, it hasn’t been your most brilliant week”, Dianna smirked. “You’re looking better, though.”

“I guess I feel better”, you nodded. “Last Friday was just a coincidence”, you shrugged.

“That means you’re up for Friday drinks with your best friend?” Dianna said.

“At Bickery?” You asked a bit insecure all of sudden.

“C’mon, you have just said that it was a coincidence”, she said.

“It doesn’t mean I want to push my luck”, you commented.

“And it means that we’re going to find another spot just for us?” Dianna sighed. “C’mon, (Y/N). I really want to invite Callie tonight…”

“I know you’re only saying that to talk me into agreeing”, you said.

“That’s not entirely true”, she said. “Please? You know he won’t be there!”

“I don’t know that and neither do you”, you said. “But fine. Same time as usual?”

“Yes!” She clapped happily. “I’ll tell Callie to meet us up there at 7.30, so we can meet at 7?”

“Why not all at 7.30?” You asked curious as she took her phone to text Callie.

“I need a drink before she arrives”, she said and looked up from her phone. “To calm the nerves.”

“While you calm your nerves, leave me alone and let me work”, you said gently pushing her away from your desk. “Otherwise I’ll never finish on time.”

The day went by way faster than what you would have wished and, before you knew it, you were on an Uber on your way back to your apartment. Usually, you would take the subway but since you were meeting Dianna later, you couldn’t afford to lose time in public transport.

While you got ready, you put on some music in order to keep your head off him. You had thought he was again out of your head, but it looked like a week wasn’t enough. And even if you pretended to be chilled, the thought of seeing him again had you on a constant edge.

What if he showed up? Would he try and talk to you again? And, if he did, what would you do? Run away again? No, you couldn’t do that. He probably wouldn’t let you do that. You would have to stay and sit. But that wasn’t a problem, because he wasn’t going to appear. Right?

At 7 sharp you walked into the bar and spotted Dianna already sitting at one of the tables. She had chosen one in the furthest corner of the place, which was weird since it was still quite empty. Anyway, you made your way towards her as you took off your coat.

“What is this table?” You asked when you were close enough.

“I want intimacy”, she shrugged. “I ordered for both of us.”

“Good”, you nodded and took a seat. “Intimacy for what?”

She stared at you, probably trying to come with an answer.

“Okay, you got me”, she said. “This is the best place to check on the door in case Bucky shows up.”

“So you think he’s going to”, you said.

“I didn’t say that!” She exclaimed. “But I also think it would be good”, she shrugged. “You two have to talk. Specially you.”

“No, I don’t”, you said. “But he is not going to show up. Last week was a coincidence and that’s it. I won’t see him again.”

“Are you sure?” She asked with a smirk that made you shiver.

Slowly, you turned around and, once again, you felt how your world was turned inside out. Bucky was walking into the bar and taking off his coat. You gulped as you saw the blue t-shirt he was using that made all his muscles to stand out. How did he got so damn hot?

“I hate you”, you said turning back to look at Dianna. “And I’m leaving.”

“You can’t leave! I promised Callie you’d be here”, she said, but you were already standing up.

“I’m sorry for her, but there will be plenty of times and plenty of places to meet with her”, you said. “I’ll text you when I get home.”

You took your coat and your purse, not even bothering to put anything on -you would do it once you were out- and turned around, just to almost crash into the tower of muscle that was James Buchanan Barnes.

“So we meet again”, he said, looking down at you.

“What a coincidence!” Dianna said, way too happily. “What are you doing here?” She asked.

“I thought I might find you two here again”, he said with a teasing smile.

There was something about the way he was talking that made you suspicious. You narrowed your eyes and looked at your friend, who had a huge smile on her face, and then at him who was just smiling at you. You knew there was a chance that he would be there that night. But the fact that he came alone at the very same hour you were meeting Dianna meant only one thing.

You were going to murder your best friend.

“Look, there’s Callie!” Dianna said getting up. “You can have this table if you want, or you could go and have some dinner maybe?”

“You’re dead”, you said looking at her gathering her stuff. “And I have to go.”

“You’re not going anywhere”, Bucky said, placing a hand on your arm gently.

You looked at him but saw by the corner of your eyes how Dianna left you alone to meet Callie. There was still some humour in his eyes but you could also see that he was determined not to let you go again.

“The only reason I didn’t go after you last week was because I saw how shocked you were to see me”, he said. “But you had a whole week to get over it, so you’re not going anywhere.”

“So now I am under arrest or something like that?” You asked.

“If that what it takes”, he shrugged. “But I need answers. And you have all of them.”

You looked around to find Dianna and Callie on the opposite side of the bar. They weren’t even paying attention to you two, so you were on your own. Biting your lip, you looked at Bucky again before trying to gulp the lump in your throat.

You were fucked.

Seeing that you didn’t really have a choice in the matter, you had taken a seat again and you were waiting for Bucky to come back with drinks for both of you. Your eyes kept on going from him to the door, wondering if you even had a chance to escape. Deep down, you knew it was useless. He wasn’t going to let you go so easily, not this time. He had always been the most stubborn person you had ever met and he was determined to talk to you. His eyes told you so.

“Here you go”, he said putting a glass in front of you. “I figured you’d want something stronger”, he said.

“So you ordered plain whiskey?” You asked.

“Don’t act like you don’t like it”, he said with a small smile. There was no use in denying it, so you just took a small sip from it, making faces as it went down your throat. “Although it seems you haven’t taken it lately”, he chuckled.

“No, I haven’t”, you admitted and looked at him, not really knowing what was the right thing to say.

“How have you been?” He finally asked.

You had been completely sure that he would go straight to the point. That he would just ask you what had happened, why you had shut him off. The fact that his first question was concerning your well-being, made your heart melt a bit.

“Good”, you shrugged and looked down at your fingers. Looking into his eyes was too difficult. “Busy. Working”, you shrugged. “Same old shit. What about you?”

“Avenging”, he shrugged making you smile a little and look up. “We’ve been busy, to be honest.”

“I’ve seen you on TV many times”, you admitted. “Saving the world looks busy.”

“Yeah, it’s kind of a big place, you know?” He said with a bit of irony, making you laugh.

“You’re doing great”, you said with a smile.

“You look great”, he said suddenly, taking you by surprise.

“W-what?” You said looking away again.

“I thought we were stating the facts”, he said. “I’m doing great and you’re looking great”, he said making you laugh.

“You’re as cocky as ever”, you said looking at him.

“You know me”, he said smiling before lifting the glass to his mouth. You copied his action, not breaking eye contact this time.

“Same old James”, you sighed. He chuckled quietly. “What?”

“You’ve always been the only one calling me James”, he shrugged. “I missed it. It…sounds good when you say it.”

“I always thought Bucky sounded more like a dog name anyway”, you said.

“Hey!” He frowned but his eyes were full of humour, which allowed you to laugh.

It was so easy being with him you could also forget the reasons you had to stay away. He get you, he really did. He made you laugh and he made you feel carefree and safe. But still, there was some tension in the air.

“What happened, (Y/N)?” He asked suddenly.

And there it came.

“We just lost contact. It happens”, you shrugged, trying to act like it was no big deal.

“Bullshit”, he said now frowning. “We didn’t lose contact. I tried to contact you for weeks. And you just kept on avoiding me. Why?”

“It’s complicated”, was all you managed to say and you looked away once again.

“When has anything ever been complicated between us?” He asked. “What happened? We were best friends. And suddenly you were gone, you left me alone.”

“You weren’t alone”, you said looking at him. “You had Francesca”, you explained when you saw his confused face.

“Francesca…” he mumbled. “She was just my girlfriend, what did she have to do with us?”

“I thought you didn’t need me anymore”, you said. “You were happy with her.”

“Didn’t need you?” He repeated. “(Y/N) you were my everything, I always needed you, I still do.”

You felt your stomach twisting with his words. Everything. That had been his own word, but what did that even mean? You knew what it meant for you, but what did it mean for him?

“If you wanted nothing to do with me”, he kept on talking, “the least you could have done was telling me. I was devastated. I felt alone, abandoned-”

“Stop, please”, you said loud enough for him to hear you.

“Why?” He asked, pushing you to speak.

He knew you well enough to know when you were about to explode and you were seconds away from it. He only had to push a bit harder and he would make you talk.

“Why should I stop? To make it easy on you? As easy as it was for you to just disappear?” He asked.

“It wasn’t easy”, you said.

“Sure it looked like it was”, he said. “What did I do? What the hell happened?”

“You wouldn’t understand, James!” You finally exclaimed.

Some people around you, stayed silent and looked at you for a brief moment before going back to their conversation.

“Try me”, he said.

“I can’t”, you said. “I’m sorry.”

As fast as you could, you got up and took your coat and purse from behind the chair and made your way towards the door, praying he wouldn’t follow. When you got to the street, you immediately started walking towards the closest subway station as you put on your coat. If you could just get on a train, it didn’t matter where it went, you could get away from him, from everything.

Tears had been filling your eyes as he spoke and now that you were away, you let them fall freely. Why did he have to appear and make you remember everything? Including your feelings for him that were now stronger than ever. You couldn’t do it, not over again. And you knew you couldn’t have him the way you wanted. He would never look at you that way.

Suddenly, a strong hand grabbed you by your upper arm and made you turn around, to face those piercing blue eyes once again. Those eyes that used to look at you with such joy, were now full of anger, disappointment and sadness.

“Let me go, Bucky…” you said through your tears.

“I told you”, he said. “You’re not going anywhere.”

“Please, James”, you tried to say but you were crying too much to say anything.

Bucky had never been able to see you cry. It made his heart ache. So when he saw your tears, all the anger he felt went away and he pulled you to his chest, wrapping his arms around you while you held his jacket in your hands. Sobs made your whole body tremble, which made him hold you even tighter.

He had spent so many years missing you, wondering what went so wrong that made you push him completely out of your life. Now that he had you in his arms again, he couldn’t let you go. Not when he felt whole again, like everything finally made sense because you were there. He had known he had it bad for you the moment he stopped trying to reach out to you and he had been heartbroken ever since. He had learned to live with it and had accepted the pain.

However, when he saw you at the bar seven days ago, his world turned upside down. He had hope again and he wasn’t ready to give it up just yet, not without a fight and not without an explanation.

“Why did you shut me off?” He whispered against your head. You still used the same shampoo as before and the smell felt so familiar that he felt like home.

“Because it hurt”, you said against his jacket. The answer shocked him, but he didn’t pull away. “Too much.”

“What did it hurt?” He asked, stroking your hair, feeling how your sobs were weaker.

“Seeing you in love with someone else”, you said.

Bucky was shocked. What did you mean? What were you talking about? Did you… Did you have any kind of feelings for him?

None of you had the words to say anything else, so you just stood there, letting him hold you just because you couldn’t find the strength to stay away. His arms had always been a sanctuary for you, a safe place. Home. You were back home.

Eventually, you finally calmed down. Bucky didn’t let you go any second. Not until he felt you pulling away. Only then, he looked down at you and took some hair out of your face with a sigh before whipping away some remaining tears.

“Better?” He asked and you nodded. “Do you want to go anywhere?” He asked.

“Please”, you nodded.

“Where?” He asked, stroking your hair again.

“My place?” You said, looking at him.

“Of course”, he said and kissed your forehead, resting his lips on your skin for a few seconds. “C’mon.”

The ride back to your apartment was made in complete silent, but at least you felt a bit more at peace. Bucky was sitting next to the window and you were just next to him, your head rested on his shoulder.

Bucky knew that you still had a lot of tell him, he still had questions, even more now than before but he also knew you needed time to put yourself back together. It was all being so intense it was hard to take in, even for him. But you had always been way more emotional than him and right now you needed to calm down and you needed him, even if you wouldn’t say it out loud. He was going to be just your old friend Bucky for a while.

You knew you would have to explain yourself as soon as you got to your apartment, but you were enjoying this little unspoken truce you had going on. For a moment you allowed yourself to think that it was all like before, that you were just Bucky and (Y/N), like nothing had ever happened. Even if it was just a fantasy, it was a safe space for your thoughts at the moment.

“You haven’t moved”, he said when you two got out of the taxi.

“No”, you said taking out the keys. “Why?”

“It was one of my theories”, he shrugged following you inside.

“Did you have many of those?” You asked.

“A few”, he nodded, walking up the familiar stairs to the second floor. “Did you change the lock or it works as bad as usual?”

“You know me… I’m always up for a challenge”, you said introducing the key into the hole.

You always struggled to open the door. It was a problem that came with the apartment and you had always complained about it. Always saying that you would change the lock as soon as possible, but you never did it. Now you were just used to it.

“Do you mind if I change?” You asked when you were inside and had already taking off your coat and shoes.

“No problem”, Bucky said taking off his own jacket and shoes. “Can I have some water?”

“Suit yourself”, you said pointing to the kitchen. “I’ll be right back.”

You hurried to your room, closing the door behind you and leaning against it. You were almost shaking and still felt like crying. It was too much, too intense. You had signed up for a girls’ night with Dianna and Callie, not for a trip down the memory lane with the guy you had thought for years that was the love of your life.

When you came back to the open plan living room, you saw Bucky looking through the stuff on your shelves.

“I got this for you”, you said.

He turned around surprised since he hadn’t heard you approaching. You looked adorable with those shorts and a big woollen sweater. It took him a bit to react to the clothes you had with you.

“You kept those?” He asked when he recognised his own clothes.

“I wasn’t going to throw them out”, you shrugged. “I don’t know if you want to change but I thought you’d be more comfortable in these.”

“Thanks”, he said taking the sweatpants and the t-shirt from you.

“You can use the bathroom”, you quickly said when he took the clothes. “I’m going to make some tea, do you want some?”

“I’m good, thanks”, he said.

While he was walking to the bathroom, he couldn’t help smiling a bit. He had always hated tea and you knew it. He knew you knew it. But you always kept forgetting about it and kept on asking him if he wanted some. He would always say no, but you would always ask again.

“The place hasn’t changed a bit”, he said when he came back to find you already on the couch, blowing on your steaming tea.

“I know, right?” You said looking around.

“You even kept the pictures”, he said pointing at the photos you had of both of you around the shelves.

“I couldn’t take them off”, you shrugged and he took a seat, sitting with his body towards you. “Specially that one”, you said pointing at your all time favourite.

It had been taken on your birthday. The last one you celebrated together. Tony had surprised you with a trip to Disney World. In the photo, it was you and Bucky, sitting on some stairs. You were sitting between his legs while he was sitting one step above from you. You were looking up at him, laughing about something he would have said, and he was smiling down at you, adoringly.

“You always loved that one”, he said and you nodded.

“And I loved you”, you finally said.

You just had to say it. After all the tension, all the crying, after everything, you just couldn’t hold it any longer.

A long silence followed your statement. You kept on looking at the photo even if you weren’t really looking at it, but it was easier than making eye contact. However, you could feel his eyes fixed on you, probably waiting for you to elaborate.

“I realised how much I loved you when you started dating Francesca”, you finally said and looked at him. You had his whole attention. “I still don’t know when it happened but when you appeared with her I knew I was irrevocably in love with you.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked with a frown. You sighed and put the mug on the table in front of you, moving on the couch so you were now facing him.

“Because you were so happy with her I didn’t want to ruin it. Or our friendship”, you said. “I thought I could just keep on being your best friend. Turned out I was wrong”, you looked down at your hand and started playing with a lose thread of your sleeve.

“So you just ran away and ruined our friendship anyway?” He asked.

“That was my last choice. And the most coward, I know”, you admitted with a low voice. “But I had tried everything: dating, one-night stands, I even thought of going to therapy to get you out of my head”, he chuckled. “Yeah, I know. A bit much”, you sighed. “I was desperate, though. Every time I saw you with her or every time you talked to me about her, about how much you loved her, my heart broke. You kept on saying you wanted to spend your life with her. And it just became too much.”

“And you decided to shut me off”, he stated.

“It wasn’t easy, James”, you said looking up at him again. “Not even a bit. I… I cried day after day. Every time I saw your name on my phone I thought I wouldn’t be able to make it. But eventually you just stopped trying”, you shrugged.

“You’re telling me that you chose to kick me out of your life without a single explanation instead of telling me that you loved me?” He asked. “That you chose to escape before saying how you felt?”

“I know how selfish it is, James”, you said. “I’ve been saying it to myself for years, but I didn’t know what else I could do to get you out of my head.”

“Anything would have been better than what you did”, he said. “You say it was hard for you, but do you know how it was for me?” You shook your head. “A nightmare. A literal nightmare. All those dreams that had been gone for years came back, worse than ever. I was sleepless, lost, broken. You were my fucking stone and you were gone. And I didn’t even know why! It drove me crazy.”

When you got away from him, you knew it would hurt him, but you always told yourself thar he would be okay because he was with Francesca. You definitely never thought that he would be suffering so much, let alone having those nightmares again.

“But… what about Fran-“

“Forget about her! She was nothing, don’t you see? The moment you left my life, nothing else mattered”, he said with so much intensity. “All I could think about was you. Yes, I liked her, I was fine with her but…”, he sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “The moment I realised you were really gone, it was the moment I realised that you were the only woman in the world that mattered to me. The only one I wanted to spend my life with, to laugh and to cry. I realised how much peace you bring me, how much joy, how much life. Without you I was nothing. I was so in love with you I didn’t even know what to do with those feelings. And I couldn’t even tell you about it because you wouldn’t even open your damn door.”

Your mouth had gone completely dry. You had no idea what to say. It felt like you were two idiots who had to lose each other to see that you couldn’t live without the other. It just didn’t make sense and now it felt like it was too late. You still loved him, that was for sure, but you doubted he still loved you. Not after how badly you had hurt him.

He shook his head and got up from the couch to start pacing up and down your living room, his hands to his head. You knew that was what he did when he felt nervous or anxious, you had seen him do it a million times, but it was the first time that you didn’t know what to do about it.

“What now?” You mumbled. He stopped pacing and looked down at you.

“How do you feel about me?” Was all he asked.

You gulped and looked at your hands once again. Why was looking at him so hard? You had opened up completely about the past, why couldn’t you do it about the present? You knew the reason: the fact that he once loved you didn’t mean that he still did. And that kind of reject was something you wouldn’t be able to stand.

“I don’t know”, you said.

“The time for running away is over, (Y/N)”, he said coming back to the couch to sit down, leaned forward with his arms resting on his legs. “It’s me, for fuck’s sake”, he sighed. “There was no secrets between us and you know I’d never judge you.”

“I know”, you said.

“Then? Why is it so damn hard to just talk to me?” He asked looking at you.

“Because I don’t want to make everything worse”, you said, forcing yourself to maintain the eye contact.

“Trust me, that’s not possible”, he said bitterly.

Another long silent appeared. He had all the rights to be mad at you and you would never hold anything against him for it. You had done everything in the wrong way and you didn’t know how to make it right. All you knew was how much you missed him in your life and that you wanted him back. More than anything. But you had no idea how to make it happen.

“What do you want me to say, James?” You sigh, looking at his jawline. You always loved it. It was so manly, so sexy. And you were letting yourself wander, so you came back to reality.

“The truth”, he said in a heartbeat. “The whole truth. No holding back any longer. Do you think you can do that?” He asked looking at you.

“I can try”, you sighed. You knew you owed him that much, as hard as it was.

After taking a while to think about you were going to say, you finally started speaking. You did it from the beginning, back to even before he dated Francesca. You explained how you felt back then but you hadn’t realised what it really meant but it all came crushing you down the moment he appeared with his new girlfriend. Even though you had seen him with girls before, this was struck you different. Maybe it was because of how serious it all seemed and how genuinely happy he looked.

You explained about the many guys you used as a rebound and how it didn’t matter how great they were with you or in bed. In the end, it all came back to Bucky. It was him. It had always been him. And probably would always be.

“I know it was selfish, Bucky”, you ended up saying. “And I’m so sorry it caused you so much pain, I really do. I never meant to hurt you, quite the opposite. I wanted you to be happy.”

“What about your own happiness, then?” He asked. “You were suffering the whole time, what was the point?”

“I imagined the pain would just go away eventually”, you shrugged.

“Did it?” He asked and you chuckled to yourself.

“I guess I just got used to it”, you said. “I missed you. I have missed you every single day for the last three years.”

“I assume you never came back because you thought I would still be with Francesca, right?” He asked and you nodded. “What about now? What stops you now from coming back to me?”

You took a deep breath. He had asked you to be honest, to say everything. And saying how you felt about him was part of that everything. Even if saying it meant to push him away again.

“The thought of you rejecting me”, you said, your eyes set on the coffee table in front of the couch.

“Reject you?” He asked. “Why would I ever reject you?”

“Because you don’t feel what I feel”, you said in a whisper.

Bucky tensed with your words and looked at you, but you weren’t looking at him. Of course you weren’t.

“And how do you feel?” He asked. He could feel his heart pounding in his ears.

“I’m in love with you”, you shrugged. “Probably more than ever before”, you chuckled sadly. “One would think that all these years away from you would have make me forget you, but one single look was all it took to confirm the opposite. I love you, James, and there’s nothing I, or anyone, can do to change it.”

An explosion of happiness and energy burst in Bucky’s chest. His eyes fixed on your face and his thought fixed on how much he loved you. He never thought this was possible. He had just assumed that you didn’t want anything to do with someone like him and he couldn’t believe he had been so wrong about it.

“And that’s the whole truth”, you sighed and looked at him. “I loved you and that’s why I went away. And I never came back because I never stopped loving you and I know I can’t take a rejection from you. But you deserve to know everything and… that’s it.”

Bucky didn’t know what to say. Actually, he did, but he didn’t know how. He just stayed there, looking at you, trying not to smile as widely as he wanted to. Suddenly, you got up from the couch, took the mug -that was still full of tea- and walked to the kitchen.

At first, he didn’t know whether to follow you or not, but it took him two seconds to make up his mind. He got up and followed your steps, leaning against the kitchen island that separated the kitchen from the living room.

“I wish you had told me”, he said, his arms crossed. “I think I deserved a chance to know how you felt before it was too late.”

Too late. It was too late. He had feelings for you once but they were gone. There it was. Rejection.

“Probably”, you said while you washed the mug, taking more time than necessary. “But there’s nothing I can do to change it”, you shrugged. “It was my decision, my mistake. And I have to live with it for the rest of my life. Now, James, it’s being a long ass day, it’s two in the morning and I need to sleep.”

You put the mug to dry next to the sink, dried your hands and made your way towards the door that led to the aisle and to your room. You needed some time to yourself, to think about had just happened and to let your heart break again. But you couldn’t do it because Bucky grabbed you by your wrist the moment you walked by his side.

“Wait”, he said. “You’ve said the whole truth, but what about me?”

“What about you?” You sighed and turned to look at him. “You already said it, Bucky. It’s too late.”

“No”, he said. “I said it was too late back then. I haven’t said a word about today.”

You frowned confused as a part of you allowed yourself to have a bit of hope. Maybe it wasn’t all lost. Maybe he still wanted you in his life.

“What does that even mean?” You asked. A small smile appeared on his face and he pulled you towards him, carefully, so you were standing in front of him, a bit too close.

“It means…”, he said now taking both of your hands. The touch of his metal hand felt so familiar it made you smile a little to yourself. “That you’re not the only one who needed just one look to confirm what I already knew”, he shrugged. You gulped, this time completely hypnotized by his eyes.

“And what is that?” You ask.

“That I was, am and will always be irrevocably in love with you”, he said.

“You- you are?” You muttered, completely shocked by this confession.

“I am”, he nodded with a smile, pulling you a bit closer. “It’s always been you, (Y/N). It doesn’t matter how many girls I had in my bed, I just couldn’t get you out of my head. I love you and there’s nothing I, or you, can do about it.”

You blinked, your eyes fixed on his, looking for any hint of a joke. There was none, though, He was as serious as he could be. He loved you. The love of your life loved you. He was in love with you, even after all these years and all the pain you had caused him. He wanted you back as much as you wanted him back.

“Does that mean I can kiss you?” You mumbled, making him laugh a little.

“Please, do”, he nodded.

He let go of your hands to wrap his arms around your waist, while yours moved around his neck and your lips pressed against his in a small kiss that turned big fast enough. He tried to bring you closer to him, your back arching against his torso, as he kissed you back with everything he had been holding back all those years.

“Wait a second…”, you said pulling away a few inches.

“What?” He asked confused when he saw your eyes narrowed.

“How many girls?” You asked.

“Shut up, you idiot”, he said before kissing you again, smiling this time.

It was there, in his arms, when it all clicked. Bucky was your happy place. He made you happy. The last time you had been truly happy had been with him. All the time you had spent apart, you just had been content with your life, and now you felt that extreme joy again. Happiness. Bucky made you happy in ways no one would ever understand.

[thelarriefics]

HISTORICAL FIC REC, Part II: Below you’ll find fics that take place in historical times. (Part I) 

📖 won’t you wear my watermark by @bottomlinsons (90k)

The new Earl of Harrisson is a young man, an impulsive romantic, forced to shoulder too much responsibility far too soon. He is also Louis’ soulmate, but there’s nothing to be done about that. At least, as far as Louis is concerned.

The Earl, it seems, will take some convincing.

(A slow burn Regency AU featuring secrets, seduction and, our favourite, soulmarks.)

📖 Chasing Empty Spaces by @domestic-harry (79k)

The year is 1934 and Harry Styles was to inherent the largest tobacco firm in the south. His parents have picked out the “perfect” girl for him to marry and he has the privilege of receiving the highest education possible. The problem was, Harry hadn’t realized he didn’t actually want any part of that future until he met a mechanic named, Louis Tomlinson.

📖 Lend Me Your Hand by @becomeawendybird (60k)

A regency soulmate AU where Lord Louis Tomlinson has been waiting for the day he finds his soulmate and Harry Styles isn’t waiting to find his. 

📖  keep this love in a photograph by @suspendrs (48k)

It’s 1919, and Harry’s been falling in love with his best friend for his entire life.

📖  All That You Are by @iamasphodelknox (40k)

Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson meet on a civilian boat, taking them home after their rescue from Dunkirk. Harry is won over by Louis’s smile and his plea to write letters but would never guess the long stretch of war would give him something he never imagined could be his.

📖 Along The Heather by @noellehenry (35k)

Jane Eyre AU/Victorian AU

Orphaned Harry Styles grows up with his cruel aunt and cousins, before he is sent away to a boys' boarding school, which teaches poor and orphaned boys. Even though his aunt tries to undermine Harry's experience at the school, he does well in school, and stays on at the school as a teacher after he graduates.

When he becomes restless after significant changes at the school, he applies for a job as a tutor at Thorgill Hall, teaching the younger brother of Mr. Louis Tomlinson. Harry develops romantic feelings for his pupil's brother...

Thorgill Hall,however, holds a secret; it’s becoming slightly more eerie every day and when his life is threatened, Harry makes a drastic decision…

📖 Our Sweetest Memorial by @softfonds (34k) 

Ever since Harry was forced to break off an engagement five years ago, he resolved to never marry for the remainder of his life. Now his family must move out of his beloved Kellynch Hall to recover some of their debts that their father had accumulated. The last thing Harry expected was for the new tenants to be related to his former fiancee. And for that fiancee to come back to Somersetshire a much more wealthy man that still holds resentment for their past. A Persuasion AU.

📖 Lead Butterfly by @londonfoginacup (33k)

When the ship Harry lives on is boarded and overtaken by the crew of The Lady Charlotte, he thinks it’s going to be the end of the line. What he’s not expecting is to be brought onto the ship and provided safe passage. At least, as long as no one finds they’ve mistaken a common pirate for a noble. 

📖  Forget-me-not by @whileatwiltshire (26k)

Where Harry had something he did not wish to have. Louis was just trying to figure him out.

📖  the dead things we carry by @mediawhorefics (25k)

There are some things people never fully come home from. Until, one day, if they’re lucky, home comes to them. 

📖 Even Supposing- by @casuallyhl (14k)

Money is tight this year, Harry knows. As he strolls through the tailor’s shop, he knows this. But, Louis was right. This is their first Christmas as a married couple, and it’s the two year anniversary of when they met. He wants to surprise his husband with two wonderful gifts for his birthday and Christmas. He wants it to be unforgettable.

Or, a Dickensian London AU where Harry and Louis overcome illness, small budgets, and their own stubbornness to give each other an unforgettable first Christmas together.

📖  lead me out on the moonlit floor by @scrunchyharry (12k)

Victorian!AU where Louis is a wealthy lord throwing a masquerade ball for his birthday and Harry is a toymaker who's only confident when he's wearing a mask.

📖  A Stór Mo Chroí by @icanhazzalou (9k)

Louis is a young laird from Clan Sutherland and Harry the chieftain of Clan Gunn, and an alliance between their clans isn't enough to convince the two of them to get along.

📖 A Dangerous Night (To Fall In Love) by @suddenclarityharry (7k)

Harry has visions and sees the destruction of Pompeii before it happens. Now, how does he tell his best friend what's to come?

📖 A Word We've Only Heard by @lululawrence (6k)

It's 1951, Harry is the owner of a music shop, and Louis is a traveling salesman making his way back home.

📖  just keep on coming back to you by @thepriestthinksitsthedevil (6k)

The only thing that Louis could think of when he got shot was that he’d never get to tell Harry he loved him again. He was going to die, in the rain and the mud, amidst gunfire and explosions, and he was never going to get to hold Harry in his arms or kiss him or make love to him ever again.

📖 Baby, We Could Be Enough by @justalittlelouislove (5k)

Louis nudges his head toward the door. “Out there, people can barely be people, they’re so trampled down by laws and rules, expectations,” He says the last word like he’d rather spit it out, disgusted. “In here, there’s no right and wrong. No talk about how anyone should act, drink, say. There’s no laws.” Leaning forward, he stares deep into Harry’s eyes until the younger man’s cheeks bloom with a pink tint. “No sin,” He whispers.

📖 We Gotta Get Away From Here by @afangirlfantasy​ (4k)

a Royal AU where Prince Harold needs saving and Louis is his Knight in shining armor...sort of.

[shemakesmeforget]

15 fics under 1K kudos - WIPs

Here’s the list for wips, I might have to do a part 2 for this too lol WHO READS THIS MUCH JSADGSJG these are all fics I think are not abandonded (if I’m wrong, correct me) but I just listed stuff that've been updated in the last 6 months, just in case. Anyway, enjoy :)

A Practical Guide to Winning the Olympics (Dos and Don’ts) by Anna (arctic_grey) (@finleighsaid)

Canonverse, Rated E, 75K, 3 / 4

When pair skater Yuuri Katsuki’s career comes to a scandalous end, he does not expect the retired pair skating legend Viktor Nikiforov to suggest that they compete together. But taking on a new skating partner is full of trial and error, and the skating world doesn’t know how to react when the Katsuki-Nikiforov duo, against all odds, starts doing well. The last thing either of them should do, as they strive for their last chance at greatness, is to fall in love. Yuuri knows he is damaged goods, and Viktor knows his body is starting to fail him. They have competitions to survive and medals to win. No, falling in love is out of the question; they’re just very good friends. And even if Viktor felt something, he’d never act on it, and even if Yuuri happened to be hopelessly in love, he’d be mortified if Viktor ever found out.

“Well,” Viktor said, “let’s summarise: I’m pushing thirty, have a bad ankle, and haven’t skated competitively in three years. You’re barely out of a doping scandal, coachless, and on the JSF’s blacklist. Hell, Yuuri – we might as well go for it, then. What on earth do we have to lose?

When Viktor put it like that, it seemed to make an awful lot of sense.

• The fact that this is one of the few pair skating AUs out there it’s insane imo BUT this one is so good? just imagine the amount of UST, they’re all over each other, i’m in love!

Mon Trésor by KasumiChou (@kasumi-chou)

Canonverse, Rated T, 14K, 4 / 5

Curse his fragile little heart for always falling for people out of his league.

Like, what chance did he ever have with Victor Nikiforov? But Victor still became, not only his childhood idol but also, his first crush.

His first crush was a man four years his senior. A man who lived in another continent. A man that hadn’t known he existed until a week ago.

Then he had moved to Geneva, and his heart had been hypnotized by Chris’s charm

Before he knew it, not only had Chris hypnotized him, but also seduced him.

His fragile little heart had done it again, falling in love with another man out of his league.

At least his second crush had been a little more realistic.

He knew Chris, they had been rink mates - and later roommates.

Maybe that is what made it so much more dangerous.

• Get ready to be hit with angsty love traingle/polyamory feels my dudes, this is about to get juicy af. 

Sometimes you need an alterego by SassySalchow (@diedraechin)

Canonverse, Rated T, 3K, 1/?

In the daytime, I'm Katsuki Yuuri, just a dime-a-dozen figure skater with a normal life. But there's something about me that no one knows yet, 'cause I have a secret... cue theme music

The Miraculous Ladybug! AU that no one asked for but I'm gonna write anyway

• This is so fluffy and fun! I know nothing about ML and enjoyed it a lot anyway.

sweet like love (soft like pain) by postingpebbles (@postingpebbles)

Canonverse, Rated M, 9K, 3/?

Loving Yuuri was a choice that Viktor never regretted making. His smile, his laughter, the way his lips felt against his own—nothing could make him happier than having Yuuri in his arms.

But when the entire world has no idea that rivals Yuuri Katsuki and Viktor Nikiforov are in a relationship, Viktor can't do anything at all when Yuuri gets in an accident and is rushed to the hospital the day after he proposes in a hotel room in Nagano

• Angsty secret relationships are apparently my thing, this one is so bittersweet because they’re so cute and soft but at the same time the drama!!!

the face of heaven (the taste of sin) by RedHeather  (@red--heather)

Canonverse, Rated E, 9K, 2/?

Yuri Plisetsky @y_plisetsky Pity you didn’t medal at Four Continents, 

@phichit_chu . That way you’d have something other than my hands around your fucking neck.Phichit Chulanont 

@phichit_chu @y_plisetsky, can you even reach my neck? 

-

There is a bitter rivalry between Yakov Feltsman and Celestino Cialdini that has stretched on for decades.

As tensions escalate and the ISU begin to punish any aggressors, it was inevitable that Viktor Nikiforov and Katsuki Yuuri, rivals-by-consequence and enemies-by-association, would fall in love.  

• Rivals AU but like whole skating fams against each other!!!!! Sassy Yuuri, pining Viktor, angry Yuri and lots of social media shenanigans.

Focus on Me by alipiee (@alipiee)

College AU, Rated T, 5K, 1 / 2

For Victuri Gift Exchange 2017 

Prompt: "College AU -Yuuri’s roommate Phichit has to suddenly move back to Thailand for the rest of the semester due to a family emergency, and Yuuri has to find a new roommate quickly in order to pay the rent on their apartment. Viktor is the only one who applies, and he’s not at all what Yuuri expects."

• ALL THE PINING with a side of misunderstanding, good stuff! so sweet

Time and Hearts Will Wear Us Thin by lunar_peach

College AU, Rated T, 151K, 19 / 20

Maybe it was the impact of the fall, and the numbing action of the ice, but he felt weightless. He felt conquered by cupid and the sting of his arrow right in the middle of his chest as he looked up at Yuuri, who held a blank expression on his face.

Maybe it was the impact of the fall, and the numbing action of the ice, but he felt weightless. He felt conquered by cupid and the sting of his arrow right in the middle of his chest as he looked up at Yuuri, who held a blank expression on his face.

Somewhere in the distance, though it seemed like a different dimension to Victor, a timer went off. The music stopped.

You could hear it in the silence then.

Victor’s heart was going one hundred miles an hour.

Or the one where Yuuri Katsuki, scented candle aficionado, and self-proclaimed hot mess, never intended to capture the attention of one eligible bachelor, Victor Nikiforov, but sometimes the universe has its ways of making things happen. Amidst inner battles with their demons and themselves, they find a world in one another neither quite expected.

• The tags look kinda crazy but don't fear (?) this fic goes through lots of years LOTS, a story about friendship, love, heartache, “we can't be together vs we should be together”, and the ongoing growth of the characters BEWARE it gets super angsty at times.

do you love me just a little, honey? by DefiantDreams (@gia-comeatme)

Spy/Mafia AU, Rated E, 4K, 1 / 3

Viktor Nikiforov, next Pakhan, has a type.

Yuuri Katsuki, Division 6’s newest honeypot agent, is sent to exploit that.

• Honeypot Yuuri aka my dream, awesome funny sexy mystery!

Victor the Great by Multiple_Universes (@witharthurkirkland)

Historical AU, Rated T, 43K, 17 / 21

At the age of nine Victor became the Tsar of all the Russias with Lilia as regent. One day he will be the sole ruler of Russia, the man who makes all the decisions and gets to do what he wants, with one exception: he has to marry a woman from a Russian aristocratic family. Except that he falls in love with a boy who is a foreign commoner. Will he risk the throne to be able to marry the one he loves? 

Based loosely on Peter the Great's life (with some tweaks made to history).

• Follow the life of Tsar Viktor falling in love with Yuuri and eventually having his very own St. Victorburg or Yuuriburg ;)

It's All Contextual by AlexWSpark (@alexwspark)

Office AU, Rated M, 24K, 6 / 8

Why in the seven levels of fuck was Victor Nikiforov buying him coffee?

Yuuri decides to find out.

• Dorky Viktor + Confident Yuuri + misunderstanding = surprisingly not an angsty story!! very cute and fluffy

The Roommate Trap by impolitecanadian (@impolitecanadian)

Roommate AU, Rated M, 11K, 5/?

Victor doesn't believe in marriage. So when Chris, his best friend and roommate of 6 years, tells him he's going to have to move out so he can get married, Victor is reasonably upset. Good thing Victor's upstairs neighbour is looking for a roommate and maybe a little (okay, a lot) more. 

this is basically the odd couple but with a lot more sex and non-subtextual gayness 

• Viktor is a fool, Yuuri is the sass master/anxiety disaster, Chris just wants all the drama. They totally don’t work well together but it’s hilarious.

Roses of May by cuttlemefish (@cuttlemefishwrites)

Royalty/Magic AU, Rated E, 18K, 5/?

At age five, all children are assessed for talent and beauty in the City of Hasetsu and the other eight cities of the Empire. Every year, five are branded with the mark of a rose before being carded off to the Emperor’s palace where they are trained to become Roses, or sacrifices to be sent every May to the Ice Spirit that lives in the castle at the top of the mountain. Roses never return, except for Katsuki Yuuri, who shocks the Empire when he appears again two years after his departure with a silver crown on his head and a blond baby in his arms, demanding the Emperor step down or face the wrath of his husband, the Ice King. But, not everything is what it seems.

• Such an interesting world with lots of very well thought details! also... growing up together, childhood friends to lovers...... you can’t come at me like that.

History Maker by 96percentdone (@96percentdone)

Time Travel/Soulmates AU, Rated T, 15K, 5/?

It's the year 2134. Katsuki Yuuri, recently turned 18, just got his soulmark. There's really only one thing left to do: submit it to the online database and figure out who his match is, meet up with them and hopefully live happily ever after. Seems simple enough, right? Well, it would be, if his soulmate wasn't Viktor Nikiforov, a figure skating legend from the early 2000s.

AKA the story where Yuuri invents time travel to be with his soulmate, and shenanigans happen.

• me at me: don’t read this you’re a big baby and you’ll suffer; also me:¯\_(ツ)_¯ I like this AU a lot, imagine being so iconic you invent time travel just to meet your soulmate.

Toxic Valentine by voxofthevoid (@voxofthevoid)

Demons AU, Rated E, 53K, 8/?

The worst he can do is kill you with his dick.

Viktor, pleasantly tipsy and unpleasantly lonely, assumes that the pretty man he sees in a club is a sex demon. Instead, he finds reserved, nervous Katsuki Yuuri who’s as reluctantly enchanted by Viktor as Viktor is by him.

The rest of the night is unforgettable, and in the morning, Yuuri’s still there.

Love bleeds into lust, infatuation becomes adoration, and it's not long before the loneliness Viktor wears like a shroud disintegrates under the weight of warm brown eyes and tender hands. But Viktor has his secrets, and Yuuri might not be all he seems. 

In which Viktor discovers life and love in a man who’s as mysterious as he is beautiful, and it could be the best or worst thing that’s ever happened to him.

• The love story between the thirstiest demon hunter aka Viktor and a demon???????  Yuuri. A great balance between fluff, sexy times and mystery!

Water by Peasantaries (@peasantaries)

Dancers AU, Rated E, 26K, 11 / 15    

Yuuri is nineteen, a student at the Royal Ballet School in London, and already having doubts when Viktor Nikiforov joins as a guest teacher.

Famous, beloved Russian Prince in Bourne's Swan Lake, Nikiforov is Yuuri's idol from afar, but these two forces soon collide after Viktor oversees Yuuri practising and decides that Yuuri could surpass him, if only he can learn to move like water.

[WILL BE COMPLETED]

• lots of dancing!!! off the charts UST!!! Two dorks that should DATE ALREADY!! amazing

Shall We Dance? by darlingholocene (@byebyeholocene)

DWTS AU, Rated T, 11K, 6/?

Season 21 of Dancing With the Stars is about to air its first episode (March 30, on ABC), and the celebrity cast has finally been announced today.

Among them is Russian ice skating legend Victor Nikiforov, two-time Olympic Gold Medalist and five-time World Champion. Nikiforov, who just won Gold at the Sochi Olympics in front of his home public, has been paired with DWTS veteran Yuuri Katsuki, who is yet to win the Mirrorball Trophy despite this being his eighth season as a pro.

-

Victor and Yuuri's journey on DWTS narrated entirely through social media. 

• Totally a pick me up fic! light, fun and adorable!

[katie-dub]

Never Forget You

Emma Swan needs a break - and to stop crashing into a mysterious stranger who she just can’t get out of her head. Unfortunately the universe has other plans.

Happy birthday @phiralovesloki! I’m sure you have all heard of this fabulous lady, but she is the sweetest. Not only does she write awesome fics, but also she’s massively supportive - her tireless cheerleading of The Masks We Wear has kept me writing though many a bad time. And she is even amazing enough to devote her time to running the @captainswanbigbang like a champion, and to step in and help with betaing Heathens for @mahstatins when I was struggling with Life Stuff.

Basically, Phira, Mothy, my dear, have a fantastic birthday and enjoy a little *cough* nearly 9k *cough* trope mash up for your special day.

Huge thanks to @sambethe @mahstatins and @killiancygnus for beta reading this for me.

AO3

Emma Swan is many things: sheriff, orphan, loving mother, junk food aficionado and - as of two minutes ago - killer.

Well, potentially.

She leaps out of her car to see what has become of the man she just hit with her car. He’s sitting on the curb, clutching at his ribs. He looks up as she approaches and fuck, he’s gorgeous, all messy dark hair, piercing blue eyes and chiseled jaw.

“Hey beautiful,” he wheezes out, trying to throw a winning smile her way. His honeyed voice and British accent are as beautiful as he is. “You know, there are better ways to get a man’s attention than attempted murder.”

Her automatic response is to roll her eyes at the blatant flirting. She ignores the charm and drops down beside him with concern. “Shit, I’m so sorry. Are you OK? Do you need a doctor?”

“You just knocked the wind out of my sails, love. I’ll be fine.”

She cocks an eyebrow in disbelief at his blasé attitude. He chuckles at her and waves his prosthetic at her. “I’ve had worse, believe me. Although, should you want to kiss it better…” He trails off, licking his lips suggestively.

“Seriously? Does that sort of thing ever work for you?”

“A devilishly handsome face, exotic accent and charming personality can work wonders.”

“And so modest too.” Emma can’t quite decide if this guy is for real, enjoying his company in spite of herself.

“All part of my charm.”

“Right.” Emma checks her watch, she has to go if she’s going to have time to grab a mocha before work. She looks back at the stranger. He certainly looks fine, his flirting muscles are definitely completely functional and he did say that he’s fine. “I’ve got to go, if you’re sure you’re OK?”

He nods and waves his hand at her to leave. It doesn’t feel quite right leaving the man she just ran over sitting on the side of the road, but he did say he was OK, so with a nod of thanks she jumps back into her car.

She’s so caffeine-deprived that the first sip of her cinnamon-topped mocha tastes like ambrosia - an actual gift from the gods.

She breathes a deep sigh of relief and lets the chocolatey goodness wash away her woes. Nearly killing a man was pre-coffee Emma, practically a whole different person. Post-coffee Emma can forget all about it and look forward to a day of superior sheriffing.

It’s with this thought in mind that she strides to the door, happy and confident that today will be a good day after all.

So of course she’s startled by someone shoving hard on the door just as she gets to it. She takes a step back, jerking her drink out of range of the fast-approaching obstacle. She manages to avoid getting hit in the face, and while that’s definitely a win, her mocha ended up all over the unsuspecting stranger’s hand in the process. Her scalding hot mocha. Shit shit shit.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” Emma shrieks in distress, grabs a stack of napkins she spots at a nearby table and thrusts them towards him. “You’ll need to run that under cold water so that you’ll keep some of your skin.”

“It’ll be fine, love,” a familiar voice wheezes. Emma freezes. No. It can’t be the guy she hit with her car. It just can’t. She looks up into the same blue eyes from earlier. Right, it’s going to be that kind of day.

He grins at her and takes the proffered napkins. “Throwing a drink over someone is certainly an improvement on your last flirting tactic, but next time you should try simply throwing yourself at the object of your desire.”

The sentiment is punctuated with a poorly formed wink. She smirks in spite of herself and quirks a brow at him. “If you think that you’re the object of my desire, buddy, you’re going to be seriously disappointed.”

“If what you’re telling me is that you aren’t trying to get my attention, I find that hard to believe.”

Emma shakes her head at the cockiness of a man whose hand is covered in boiling liquid yet stops to flirt. Fuck. His hand is covered in boiling liquid! “Think what you want, but you really should see to your hand.”

“It’s really alright, love. Not a whole lot of feeling in it anyway.” Emma frowns and looks down and is reminded that it’s a prosthetic.

She winces, feeling like that’s something she should’ve remembered. “I’m sorry anyway, can I buy you a drink to apologise for this and the other thing?”

“Hitting me with your car you mean?” he asks, eyebrows raised. “I knew this was all a ploy to get me on a date.”

“It’s not a date, it’s coffee. I need a new one and buying yours is the least I can do.”

She starts walking back to the counter wearily. “If I can have the pleasure of your company, we can call it whatever you want.” He’s close to her and she feels his words murmured into her ear. She shivers slightly, then curses her body’s involuntary reaction to the stranger.

“Oh no -” she turns to glare at him “- I’m just buying the coffee, then I have to get to work.”

“Whatever you say,” he says with a smirk. She ignores him and the strange attraction she has to him as she orders and pays for their coffee. She doesn’t exactly mean to be rude. She just wants to be clear that this is an apology and nothing else, so that he doesn’t get the wrong idea. It’s not that she needs reminding of that too, because his handsome face and ridiculous flirting does absolutely nothing for her. God, she couldn’t even believe her own lies.

He surprises her by following her lead: he doesn’t say a word until the barista hands her her coffee and she’s heading out the door. “Next time don’t feel you need to injure me to get my attention, love!” he calls after her. She rolls her eyes and shakes her head.

It’s a surprisingly busy day for Emma. Her brother and deputy, David, is busy at the hospital with his wife who’s gone into labour, and while things are usually a bit slow with him there, there’s just too much work for one person.

That’s how it gets to 3pm before she’s had any lunch. She doesn’t actually feel all that hungry, but she can hear Mary Margaret’s voice in her head tutting about “proper nutrition” and she could use a break.

She’s strolling down the main street when she notices the new florist that’s just opened. On a whim she decides to pick up some flowers for Mary Margaret and heads inside.

She’s staring at the dizzying array of choice when she’s startled by a familiar voice behind her. “Need any help, love?”

She whirls around and her mouth drops open at the sight of scruffy hair and piercing blue eyes. “You’re a stalker!” she exclaims and he quirks his brow at her in amusement.

“You came into my shop.” He steps closer. “And it’s you who molested me on our last two meetings.”

Emma blushes at the memory. “I said I was sorry! And I got you that coffee…”

“I’m only teasing. You can make attempts on my life anytime.” Emma narrows her eyes at his words, but he barrels on, suddenly all business, before she can speak. “Now I’m assuming that you aren’t here just to see my devilishly handsome face, so what are you looking for?”

“My sister-in-law is having her first baby, so I wanted to get her some flowers.”

“Do you know what she likes?”

“Pretty ones?” Killian chuckles and Emma shrugs. “Sorry, I don’t know anything about flowers.”

“No problem, love, that’s my job. Do you know what she’s having?”

“A baby..?”

“We’ll steer clear of pinks and blues then?” Emma nods and the florist rubs his chin thoughtfully. “What’s her style? And how much do you want to pay?”

“40 bucks?” Killian nods approvingly. Emma squints, picturing the Nolans’ loft. “Her things are kind of vintage and cutesy. Although she’s kind of feisty, like if Snow White were a bad ass bandit?”

“I can work with that. Do you want me to talk you through it or do you want to trust me to work my magic?”

“Knock yourself out.” She half expects him to make a comment about earlier, but he contents himself with a meaningful look and sets to work.

She finds herself mesmerised as he twirls about gathering up flowers and leaves and all forms of decorative things to create Mary Margaret’s bouquet. She half wonders if he actually can wield magic - she’s sure that she couldn’t create anything half as beautiful with twice the time and 6 extra hands. And that’s before she considers the hypnotic effect his graceful dance has on her. She never would’ve considered flower arranging a turn on, but damn if her insides aren’t melting at the sight. It’s definitely some form of witchcraft. In no time at all, he’s completed a relaxed, stylish arrangement of white flowers and forest foliage. He carefully wrapped it into a special bag with water inside to keep it fresh and that bag is inside a cute but sturdy brown paper bag with lace handles. “What do you think, lass?” He asks, presenting it to her and watching her reaction carefully. “A nice gender-neutral bouquet for your feisty fairytale friend?” “It’s perfect -” she falters, realising that she hasn’t yet found out his name. “Killian,” he supplies, “it must be because I had such a stunning muse.” He grins at her and yep, she has totally turned to goo, like some starry-eyed teenager who doesn’t know better. Pull yourself together, she chides herself.

“Yeah, well, it’s great.” She brushes off the compliment and hands over her credit card. She makes a point of focusing on her card to avoid embarrassing herself further by looking at his pretty face.

“Thanks, Swan.” She looks up startled by his use of her name. She’s almost flustered enough to ask how he could possibly know that, when she remembers it’s printed on her card.

Deciding that she can’t trust herself to talk - or act - normally around this man, she bites her lip and keeps quiet as she signs her name and he hands her the receipt.

She mumbles her thanks and heads for the door. She thinks she’s got away without further flirting, but he calls out as she goes.

“Goodbye, Swan.” And because she’s a glutton for punishment, she turns back to him. “Feel free to stop by to make use of my services anytime.” He licks his lips and dammit if she hasn’t seen porn that’s had less of an effect on her.

She blushes hard. “I might do. You’re very good at handling flowers.” She winces at her poor word choice. She’d been aiming for breezy, but that was anything but.

“Oh I assure you, they’re not the only thing I’m good at handling.”

She’s glad he’s still behind the counter. It means she can tell herself that he is far enough away to not notice the lust in her eyes. Of course, that also means she can’t tell if their little exchange has left him feeling as hard up as she is.

Oh God, she groans internally, unable to stop herself from wondering if he’s stayed behind the counter so that she can’t see how hard to handle he’s found their encounter. She hopes he has, she wants to take a look.

“Please, you couldn’t handle it.” The flirtatious words are out of her mouth before she can even think. What are you doing? she shrieks at herself.

“Perhaps you’re the one who couldn’t handle it,” he returns and fuck she needs to get a grip. And not on him. She has a clear image in her mind’s eye of grabbing him and kissing until they’re both panting and flushed. And the way he’s looking at her, she almost thinks that he’s seeing it too.

But that’s not possible. It’s only soulmates who share dreams and fantasies, and all that fairytale bullshit isn’t for her. It’s for good people like David and Mary Margaret. (And frankly while the shared dream of being Snow White and Prince Charming was cute - if a little saccharine for Emma’s taste - the whole concept of sharing nightmares alongside dreams was downright terrifying.)

“Bye then,” she throws out, before she can do something dumb like act out her fantasy. She leaves the florist as fast as she can, ignoring his goodbye and trying not to think about why she’s so drawn to him.

She’s still trying not to think about Killian as she gets ready for her monthly night out later that day. Mary Margaret’s stepsister, Regina, had taken to Henry when he was still a baby and had kind of adopted him as her own, offering to take care of him at least one night a month so Emma could just be herself. To a young, single mother it was like a dream come true, and even now that she was 29 and Henry was 11, she cherished this time.

Normally when she was feeling keyed up like she was from meeting Killian she’d go to a bar in the next town over and find someone to help her scratch that itch. This month though, Zelena had been very insistent that they had to go to The Rabbit Hole. She couldn’t remember why, but thinks that a hot guitarist had been mentioned. As it was, she didn’t hook up with men in Storybrooke, she just couldn’t face the town gossip. It was hard to have any respect as sheriff when the folks you’re trying to arrest know that you like to wear red silk underwear when you’re out to get laid. (Or worse, they know first hand what your O face looks like.)

Still, a few shots and some girl talk with her friends would be fun. And with any luck the hot guitarist would help get Killian out of her fantasies.

The universe is laughing at me. That’s all Emma could think as Killian stepped up to the mic. If she wasn’t fuckstruck before, she definitely was now.

He uses his right hand to pick out the chords and strummed with the prosthetic on his left. His fingers are so nimble that she can’t help but imagine how they’d feel on her body, working her up. He locks eyes with her as soon as the thought crosses her mind. He bites his lip and tilts his head to study her. She’s left with the uncomfortable feeling that he knows exactly what she is thinking about. Overcome with embarrassment, she turns her attention to her friends.

“See? Isn’t he luscious?” Zelena whispers to them all, with a pointed wink at Emma.

“I’d eat him,” Ruby growls softly, dreamy-eyed.

“I’d get him to eat me,” Tink exclaims. “Look at how he uses that tongue, he definitely knows what he’s doing.”

And of course Emma pictures him between her thighs. It’s enough to make her blush deeply and study the floor, sure that he’ll somehow be able to read her dirty thoughts all over her face.

He starts playing Summer of ‘69 and as he does she has a vivid fantasy of them in the sexual position of the same name. It’s enough to make her gasp and her head snaps up to look at him. He’s looking straight at her, eyebrows raised in what looks like a challenge and he deliberately licks his lips.

What is she saying? The only way that could have been deliberate would be that he knew what she’d just seen. And the only way for him to know that would be…

“Bathroom,” she announces, abruptly leaping to her feet and running for the facilities. She thinks she hears Zelena calling something like “don’t worry, Emma, we’re all that wet!” but she can’t be sure - and really doesn’t want to be.

She hides in the bathroom for long enough to calm her impending panic attack. While going home is tempting, she decides that she couldn’t cope with all the jokes about taking care of herself she’d face if she did. Besides, a stiff drink would really help right now. In fact she may need several, she’d quite like a dreamless sleep. Just because her imagination sucks right now, she’s not at all concerned that she might be sharing wet dreams with a certain handsome, guitar-playing, British florist.

She gives herself a hard look in the mirror. Stop this bullshit, you’re not the soulmate type, you’re just horny and he’s hot. Perhaps not the best pep talk, but it did the job.

She orders a round of tequila then goes back to her friends with a tray of shots.

It’s much later and she’s much drunker when she hears his voice in her ear. “Been thinking about me, Swan?” She can’t help the sudden vision she has of being on her knees before him, licking and sucking as he moans. She realises that he’s actually moaned out loud into her ear and she automatically jumps away from him.

Deciding that she really needs to regain her cool, she retorts, “in your dreams.” She tries to lean nonchalantly against the bar, but she’s lost all coordination and misses, her elbow slipping and causing her to stumble.

Killian catches her and murmurs, “oh no, Swan, in yours.”

She shoves him backwards and fixes him with her best glare. “Whatever,” she mutters.

“You’re something of an open book to me.” As he says it, he reaches up to scratch behind his ear and subconsciously she moves to push her hair behind her own ears when she sees it: His soul mark. The one right below his right ear that is a perfect match for the one she sports.

She stills her hands in shock but whimpers, “fuck no.” She half-knew already, but she really didn’t want actual proof.

“Everything OK, love?”

“You’re my fucking soulmate?” she blurts out.

“I thought that was obvious already? Let me tell you, you can get on your knees for me anytime you like…” His eyes are shining with pure sin and she’s equally aroused, humiliated, and anxious at the unavoidable truth.

“This is bullshit,” Emma declares, feeling furious at the world for this strange twist of fate. “My life isn’t some rom com and nobody chooses who I fuck but me.” Through the haze of alcohol she notices how crestfallen he looks. She ignores it. She’s not going to have sex with someone just because fate tells her to. It’s ridiculous to even entertain the thought.

She turns to leave and Killian grabs her arm. “Will you let me walk you home?” Her eyes dart down to where he’s holding her arm. He instantly drops it. “I don’t mean anything by it. You’re just quite intoxicated…”

“That’s none of your concern, Killian. Just forget about this whole -” she can’t even say the word soulmates, just gestures wildly “- thing. I don’t do relationships. Stay out of my dreams and don’t even think about playing the hero and following me.”

As she stalks off, she hears him softly reply, “as you wish.”

***

Emma wakes up to the sight of her Hot Roommate™ (as Ruby insists on calling Killian) standing over her looking guilty.

“Sorry, Swan, I didn’t mean to wake you, you looked cold so I was just…” He gestures to the blanket that’s now draped over her.

“Oh, that’s OK.” She sits up and rubs her neck. How long was she asleep for that it now hurts so much? “I shouldn’t have fallen asleep on the couch. But, thanks for this.”

Killian rubs behind his ear awkwardly, gives her a little nod and strides towards his bedroom.

She has a vague memory of her dream, meeting Killian over and over again, eventually learning he was her soulmate… with all that entailed. She blushes at the thought of the racier parts of the soulmate deal. She may need to get laid. And while she’s thinking about it, she makes a mental note to ban all rom coms from her next movie night with Mary Margaret. She doesn’t care how pregnant and hormonal the woman is, Emma needs to protect her subconscious from the onslaught of Hollywood meet-cutes.

She sits up, stretches lazily and reaches for her phone.

Ruby’s sent her a photo of herself dressed to kill in a little black dress to their group chat with the caption “hot af, amirite?” Zelena’s replied with the winking kiss emoji. Tink offered up heart eyes. Mary Margaret said “I’d do you… and not just because the hormones are making me horny.”

Emma laughs uneasily, trying to scrub the information from her brain. Something about jokes like that from Mary Margaret always made her feel uncomfortable - like she’d imagine it’d be to hear your mom make sex jokes.

“What’s everyone else wearing? You know I’m too pregnant for girls’ night, so I have to live vicariously through your pics.”

Oh God, girls’ night. Emma checks the time - she’s only got half an hour to get ready.

She speeds through her routine and manages to stroll back into the living room exactly 29 minutes later with only her shoes to pull on. Killian’s hovering near their front door, with his back to her. Her eyes slide over his form - his fitted jeans do such wonders for his ass that it feels rude not to check him out. (Just because she has a policy against dating, fucking, or getting romantically involved with a roommate in anyway doesn’t mean she can’t appreciate the goods. She knows Ruby calls him Hot Roommate™ for good reason.)

As if he feels her eyes on him, he turns around, looking dejected. His eyes light up as soon as he sees her.

“Swan! You are looking stunning this evening. What terrible miscreant are you sending back to jail tonight?”

“This isn’t for a perp, I am going out with friends.” She feels awkward under his appreciative gaze. “What about you, dressed up all fancy, got a hot date?”

His grin twists into a frown. He opens his mouth to speak, but sighs instead, shaking his head.

“I did, but it seems that she has reunited with her ex and has decided it would be bad form to allow another man to take her to dinner.” His hand flies to the back of his neck and Emma feels sorry for him.

“You should come out with us.” Killian looks up in surprise, with a tiny hint of delight in his eye. “Come on, you’re all ready to go out, we can find you your next hot date.”

“I don’t want to intrude -” he blusters, sounding terribly British in a way that makes Emma think of Hugh Grant. A loud knock on the door interrupts him before he can say anymore.

Emma opens it and Ruby, Tink and Zelena burst into the apartment. She slings her arms over her Ruby’s shoulders and looks at Killian mischievously. “Ladies, Killian here has been stood up, don’t you think he should join us and find himself a better date for tomorrow night?”

Their eyes fill with glee, their smiles seductive and wicked. “Oh absolutely!” says Zelena.

“You’re far too hot to stay home and sulk,” continues Ruby. “We’ll find someone to keep you warm tonight, Killian.” She winks at him and Emma feels a flash of jealousy. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all.

It definitely wasn’t a good idea.

There’s a brunette at the bar running her hand along Killian’s arm while he murmurs in her ear. Emma imagines forcibly removing the woman’s perfectly manicured fingers and replacing them with her own. She really needs more rum.

“You know, if you want it to be you caressing your pretty roommate, you’ll have to go stake your claim on him.” Zelena practically purrs the words into Emma’s ear.

“I don’t - I wasn’t - it’s not like that.”

“Why not, Emma? If I had a genuine Hot Roommate™, you know I would ride them like a train.” Emma rolls her eyes at Ruby but doesn’t reply.

“You should definitely ride his pretty face. That man knows how to use his tongue.”

All the girls turn to stare at Tink. Emma’s jaw drops in shock.

“Are you telling me that you have hooked up with Killian and we are only just hearing about it?” Ruby damn near shrieks.

Tink just shrugs. “It was years ago. You know we’ve been friends for a long time. He lives with Emma because I introduced them when he moved to town, remember?”

“But you didn’t say that he’s your ex!” Emma’s glad that Ruby is saying all of this. She’s been struck dumb by the conversation and if she thought seeing Killian flirt was bad, this is a million times worse.

“He’s not my ex, we were more like friends with benefits back in college. We were barely even that to be honest. There was this bar, Neverland, we went to occasionally and we’d go home together after a night there. Or there was one memorable time when we just got down to it right in the bar -”

“We don’t need to hear about this,” Emma cuts Tink off. This is torture. (And not just because she’s got a bit of a thing for fucking in unconventional places and her very vivid imagination is showing her porn-worthy imagery right now.)

“Yes we do!” Ruby protests, but goes quiet at the look on Emma’s face.

Emma’s decides then and there to say screw it to  her no roommates policy and go fuck that beautiful man. It would be a crime not to.

She stalks her way to the bar, ignoring the wolf whistles from her friends and the soundtrack of fantasy moans in her head.

Halfway there, Killian notices her. He catches her eye and smiles. His smile quickly turns sinful as he sees the look in her eyes and the sway of her hips. The brunette who previously had his attention looks pissed, but as he licks his lips Emma knows that girl is forgotten.

Tonight Killian is hers.

She falters at the thought. Can they have just one night? Will that be enough? Is it too much?

And as if her insecurities aren’t enough to ruin a night of fantastic fucking on their own, that’s when she sees him. Her last roommate - and almost fiancé - Walsh. The cheating asshole has a pretty girl on his arm and Emma’s paralysed by the sight.

She’s trying to calculate the best way to escape when he spots her and saunters over. She tries to smile and prepares for the worst.

“Emma! Long time no see!” She opens her mouth, but before she can say a word, there’s an arm sliding around her waist and a rum being pressed into her hand.

“Just play along, love,” Killian murmurs quietly into her ear. His voice sends shivers down her spine. She has to force herself not to imagine him whispering nasty things into her ear while they fuck in the corridor. “Here’s your drink, love,” he continues at a normal volume. “Who’s your friend?” He looks at Walsh expectantly.

“Thanks, darling, this is Walsh, my ex roommate.” Emma deliberately stresses the “ex” so that Killian’s in no doubt as to who she means. (She silently thanks whatever God will listen for that drunken night of sharing sob stories. Sure it was embarrassing at the time - they’d only been living together a few weeks - but it means that he knows exactly how much of a prick Walsh is.)

“Walsh?” Killian tilts his head as if trying to remember why the name sounds familiar. He has a twinkle in his eye that tells her that he knows exactly who she means. “Ah yes, he’s the one you found fucking his boss in your bed, before you could tell him whether you’d accepted his marriage proposal or not.” He looks at Walsh innocently. “Right?”

Emma tries to hide how stunned she is. She never would have dared to say the same, but she is thrilled that Killian did it for her.

“He did what?” Walsh’s date gives him a look of utter contempt and storms off.

“What did you do that for?” Walsh demands.

Killian shrugs, a falsely sheepish look on his face. “Sorry?” Walsh narrows his eyes but huffs and chases after his date.

“Was that OK?” Killian asks, pulling away from her. She snuggles back into him.

“You better stay close in case he comes back. I want it to be clear that I won the break up.”

“And no better way than by letting him think you upgraded to a roguishly handsome devil like me.”

Emma rolls her eyes. “Let’s just dance, OK?”

She’s forgotten all about Walsh and is just enjoying dancing with Killian when he pulls her close. “Walsh is watching,” he explains in a whisper. She bites her lip and nods. No need to tell him that he really doesn’t need an excuse.

“Swan, was he always this creepy? He won’t stop staring.”

She doesn’t want to answer, knowing that the truth is that yes, he was. She was just too in love with the whole idea of their relationship to see it then.

Killian saves her from having to answer by murmuring, “why don’t we really give him a show?” She looks at him curiously, and he waggles his eyebrows and taps his lips playfully.

“Please, you couldn’t handle it.” She’s not sure where the words came from, she’s been wanting to kiss him all night (since they met really), but they feel right.

“Perhaps you’re the one who couldn’t handle it,” Killian shoots back. Emma never could resist a challenge, so she grabs his shirt -

And feels something cold and sticky spread across her back as someone crashes into her. She looks over her shoulder and sees the brunette that previously had Killian’s attentions giving her an evil grin. “Oh sorry, I didn’t see you there!” she says, not the least hint of remorse in her voice.

Emma wishes she could be one of those people with a perfect witty put down for every scenario. But she’s not and the moment’s passed with Killian and she feels awkward as hell.

She starts for the exit, ignoring Killian’s concerned “Swan?” and the strange green mist that swirls around her as she leaves.

***

She wakes up and struggles to shake off her strange dreams.

“Swan?” Her best friend Killian saunters into her bedroom, and stops short at the sight of her under the covers. “Aren’t you having a party, love? Not the best sign if the host can’t be bothered to get up… Unless the ‘party’ was all a trick to finally get me into bed after all these years?” His eyes wiggle suggestively and Emma rolls her eyes at him.

“Please, you couldn’t handle it.” As soon as she says that she remembers her dream. She blushes to think how she was about to pounce on Killian and kiss him. Admittedly, it’s not the first time she had a dream like that. (Although usually they got to the more enjoyable activities before she woke up, but this really it isn’t the time to think about such things.)

“Perhaps you’re the one who couldn’t handle it.”

Emma stares at Killian, confused. How is he quoting lines from her dream? He blushes and scratches at his ear.

“Huh. You said that to me in my dream.”

“I did?”

“Yeah, you were a pirate… No wait, my roommate. Or maybe my soulmate?”

Killian smirks. “You’re dreaming that I’m your soulmate?”

“I’m having some kind of crazy inception style dreams within dreams. I think soulmates was the first level. I called bullshit on it.”

Killian throws back his head and laughs. “You called bullshit on your dream?”

“It wasn’t realistic!”

“That I might be the one for you, your soulmate, your ‘True Love’?” He looks deeply offended for all of 5 seconds before he cracks a wide grin.

“You forget that I have witnessed your Jack Sparrow impression and know it comes from a deep-seated love of all things pirate. You’ve dragged me to far-flung places in search for new additions to your collection of rare rum bottles. And I know that you speak ancient Greek.”

“You say that like you expect me to be ashamed of any of those things.”

“All I’m saying is that you can’t fool me with your leather jackets and your moves, I know that you’re a total nerd.”

“Nerds are cool, Swan.”

“Keep telling yourself that, Jones.”

“I don’t have to help you get your flat ready for your party, you know?”

Emma leaps out of bed and throws an arm around his shoulder.  “Oh but you will, because I’m your very best friend and you love me.” She gives him her best puppy dog eyes and he shakes his head at her, laughing. She heads out of her room to start getting her apartment ready, not noticing the longing look Killian sends her way.

It’s much later and the party’s in full flow when Zelena announces that they should play spin the bottle. Emma’s buzzed, but not quite enough to not think that that’s a good idea.

“What are we, 12?” she scoffs, rolling her eyes. Zelena’s eyes flash with fury leaving Emma wondering if she had inadvertently interrupted a scheme for the redhead to hook up with someone.

“How about truth or dare?” Killian suggests and Zelena grins wickedly. Emma’s relieved that she’s pleased, her demeanour is so deranged when she’s in a bad mood that it’s mildly terrifying. (So much so that Killian jokingly calls her the Wicked Witch.)

Emma’s not sure how it turned into some kind of excuse for all their friends to make out, but it has. And most of them seem to be intent on making out with (or rather forcing other people to make out with) Killian. It’s not that she’s jealous, but it was all just so awkward.

She had enough of the Tink/Killian drama back when they were hooking up and who’s to say the nostalgic kiss wasn’t going to restart that train wreck? (She’ll never forget asking Killian how they could stand to be in the same room for long enough to fuck. Apparently constant fucking had replaced constant bickering as “she’s less irritating when her mouth is otherwise engaged”. She really wished she hadn’t asked and didn’t want a repeat of it all.) Ruby got overly handsy in a way that didn’t feel quite decent in a room full of people and if it made her uncomfortable, she’s sure Killian felt the same (however into it he seemed). And seeing him lock lips with David felt weirdly like watching him with her dad - it was just wrong.

Really she should have seen it coming. Of course someone would dare Killian to suck face with her. Everyone was always asking why they weren’t a couple anyway, meddling and trying to push them together. What she couldn’t have predicted is that he would forfeit the dare in favour of a truth. And of course Zelena shoots back with the obvious question: “you’ve kissed half the room already, why not Emma too?”

Emma runs out of the room before he can reply. She really doesn’t want to hear this. She’s already been humiliated enough.

“Swan! Swan! Bloody hell, stop. Emma!”

“Save it, Killian. I don’t want to know.” He gently catches her arm with the hook of his prosthetic.

“But I need to tell you. You think I wouldn’t kiss you because I don’t want you? It’s because I want you too much.” His eyes are so beautiful and desperate, searching her face for some sign of understanding. Emma feels her cheeks wet with tears, surely he can’t mean it like that? That the most secret wish of her heart has come true - he wants to be with her? “You’re worth more than some drunken kiss in front of all our friends. When I kiss you, Emma,” he steps closer, “and I will kiss you, it won’t be because of any stupid dare. It will be because you want me.”

Emma’s breathless with the sincerity of his words. She sways closer, but he steps back.

“Not today,” he says with a small smile and boops her nose. “Let’s wait until I know for sure that this isn’t just some rum-soaked spell, aye? Come, let’s get back to your party, I believe I need to wreak my revenge on the Wicked Witch. Now, what shall I dare her to do?”

He slings an arm over her shoulder and leads her back to her apartment. Neither one of them noticing the green mist that creeps down the corridor behind them.

***

“Jesus,” Zelena mutters, rolling her eyes. “What have they got against happiness? Surely it shouldn’t be so hard to get two people to kiss?” She grins as an idea comes to her. “Maybe I’ve been going wrong trying to give them romance. All I need is a setup where they have to kiss after all.”

She waves her hand and, unbeknownst to them, Emma Swan and Killian Jones’ lives change again.

***

A hammering on her front door interrupts Emma’s breakfast. She stomps to answer it, unimpressed by the distraction from her morning pancakes.

She opens the door to a pirate decked out in leather complete with a hook. She’d call him handsome, if he didn’t look so ridiculous.

“Emma Swan?”

Her eyes narrow in confusion. “Do I know you?”

“I’m Captain Hook, here to deliver a message of deepest affection from good Sir Walsh to his lady love, Swan.” Emma’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise. “I’m a kissogram,” he explains with what Emma assumes is meant to be a wink, although it’s really a lopsided blink. His tongue runs along his lips, and he moves forward.

Emma moves on pure instinct, kneeing the man in the groin and shoving him back with one hand. He staggers backwards, doubling over in pain. Emma almost feels guilty, but he did just try to force his lips on hers. Kissogram or not, that’s assault in her books.

She shuts the door behind her and shakes her head. She really needs to have words with Walsh about acceptable displays of affection. Single roses and dinner dates, good, kissograms and oversized helium balloon bouquets, bad.

God, he’s probably the type to present her with an engagement ring in her dessert. She should probably end it before they get to that stage. She saunters back to her pancakes, forgetting all about the pirate outside her door.

***

“Oh for God’s sake, what is it going to take to get these two to kiss?!” wails Zelena. “Anyone would think that they don’t want to be happy!”

“You know, there are simpler ways to get rid of the pirate and the Saviour than playing matchmaker,” Gold mutters darkly. It’s not that he actually wants Zelena to succeed, but this is getting tiresome.

He watches her warily as a wicked smile unfurls across her lips. “I’ve had an excellent idea. Use their past against them.” She conjures up her crystal ball, and sees what she needs at once. “Ah yes, Neverland.”

***

Emma’s in a leafy grotto, skin damp from the sweat caused by the oppressive heat. Neverland. Her skin prickles. Why is she here again - and, more importantly, how?

“I thought he deserved a little credit.” She jumps, startled by the sound of her father’s voice. She watches as a scene from her memory plays out before her. Killian’s looking away from her, not wanting to meet anyone’s eyes. How had she never noticed before how bashful and uncomfortable their praise had made him?

Her mother toasts Hook, Regina refuses to, and now it’s her turn and she almost forgets herself. Manages to take the flask just before she drops it.

“To Hook.” That’s what she says, right? That’s what she’s meant to say. She’ll thank him for saving David, he’ll taunt her to deflect from how he feels, and they’ll kiss and everything will change.

(God, how had she not seen it at the time? It’s so clear now. When she kisses him, he’ll realise that he’s opened his heart up to her, that he’s let go of his first love. It’s all too much pressure for a simple kiss.)

“Did you really save his life?” she hears the words coming out of her mouth, but she feels detached from it all.

“Does that surprise you?”

“Well, you aren’t exactly, how do you say it? Mates.” She cringes at the way she impersonates his accent. She isn’t very good at revealing her emotions, so here she is, undercutting the sentiment she’s trying to convey.

Gratitude.

Oh God, gratitude is in order… She has to change the script and fast. Dimly she’s aware that he’s stopped speaking and she should reply. It’s time for her to show her thanks. She’ll try to be sincere and Hook will feel as uncomfortable as she does. So she’ll kiss him. It’ll save them both from the awkwardness of the moment, but cause a whole lot more.

Until I met you…

She stares at him, silent, unsure what to say or do. His face morphs from sincerity to discomfort under her steely gaze, finally settling on concern.

“Is everything alright, love?”

“I don’t know, I -” There’s a gust of wind and a fine dust fills the air. It clings to her body and she inhales it, coughing as its sticky sweetness fills her nose and her lungs.

“Bloody hell.” He sighs out the words. The horror and frustration she hears in his breathy tone confuses her - so they’ve got a little dusty, it’s no big… She looks at him and it hits her. She’s never felt more aroused in her life and she needs to touch him, to kiss him, to feel his skin against hers…

“Stay away from me!” he moans, “run away, tie yourself to a bloody tree, just don’t come near me!”

“But I - I need - fuck -” She gasps and realises the truth of the words at once. I need to fuck him. The thought consumes her, overwhelms her. She tears at her clothes.

His hand and hook seize her wrists, forcing them behind her as she’s shoved against a tree. For one blessed moment his body is pressed against hers then he’s moving away, tying her to the tree.

“I should’ve known you’d like it rough, Captain.”

He stares at her then, half crazed with lust. He looks so delicious, she just needs a taste -

She leans closer to him and he must have mimicked her actions, because his lips are so close. “Not like this,” he pants and runs from her.

“Fuck.” She hears Zelena’s voice crying out through the trees as a swirl of green mist surrounds them.

***

Emma blinks around her in confusion. Her lust fades as she realises that she is back outside the Wicked Witch’s house with Killian by her side.

She glances at him out of the corner of her eye, biting her lip in embarrassment at the memory of what she had just said and done. His stance is defiant, but she can see the traces of a blush on his cheeks that let her know that he feels it too.

“I was being nice to you,” Zelena huffs, “offering you a world where you could just kiss your pirate all day long. Considering how desperate you are to leave Storybrooke, I thought that would make you happy, but you seem to want this miserable existence as the Saviour.”

“All of that was you?” Emma doesn’t understand Zelena. Of all the crazy schemes she’s come up against since coming to Storybrooke, this has got to be the strangest.

“Well, you two are so adorable, I assumed that you just needed a little romance to get you to kiss him, but you are so very stubborn. What’s the matter?” Zelena tilts her head to the side with an expression of mock concern. “Is he not very good at it?”

She remembers Neverland and how good it felt to kiss him. She stamps down the thought as soon as it occurs to her, focussing instead on the rage she feels over the whole situation.

“The next time you want to take my powers, why don’t you try cursing the lips of someone I’ll actually kiss?” Emma side eyes Killian, trying to ignore the lingering throbbing between her legs that proves her words a lie. He is studying his feet and whether it’s the shame of his curse or hurt at Emma’s words, she can’t be sure.

“I did try doing this the easy way, Emma, but I guess we’re stuck with the hard way. So Emma, you’ve got a choice: you can keep your magic that makes you oh-so-sad. Or you can save the man that you can’t wait to run away from.”

Gold flicks his wrist and Killian flies through the air. He lands face down in a watering trough, which of course is full.

Emma has whiplash from all the conflicting thoughts in her head. Anger at Zelena. Confusion as to how someone goes from inventing fantasy rom com lives for their enemies to straight up drowning them. Wondering what all the feelings she had in all those fantasies meant. And above it all absolute terror that she might be about to lose Killian.

She runs to his side and tries to pull him free from the water. Zelena’s monologuing at her but she tunes her out; she’s got a pirate to save.

He thrashes wildly, but she can’t free him until he goes limp. It’s then, after he’s already stopped breathing, that she yanks him out. His face is pale and she curses herself for not just kissing him before, when it would have been perfect. Even if it wasn’t real, she wouldn’t have to live with the memory of him looking like this, so close to death.

She shakes him, shouts at him. “Hook! Hook! Hook, wake up! Killian. Come back to me, Killian.” She doesn’t want to let everyone down by losing her power to save him, but what will her life be without him?

“Oh God, son of a bitch!” she yells out, swearing that she will find a way to hurt Zelena for what she’s done.

She leans down to breathe life back into him. She feels her magic drain out of her, and she hopes that it is enough. She’d give almost anything to save him.

“Hook, come back to me,” she whispers, stroking his face. He coughs, spitting out water and gasps for breath.

“Swan?” He raises his hand to his lips and looks at her in horror. “What did you do? What did you do?!”

It’s tempting to taunt him, point out that a little gratitude is in order, but she’s so relieved that he’s OK that she’ll let it slide just this once. She stares at him, feeling awkward now that she knows he’s safe. She gets to her feet and offers her hand to help him up. She manages to resist the urge to pull him in for a hug, but she squeezes his hand tight for just a moment before dropping it.

“Come on, let’s get back to the hospital,” she mutters, staring at the ground and trying not to think about everything that just happened.

***

Emma’s lying on her pillows, gloriously sated. She’s finally had sex with Captain Hook after they time travelled because the Wicked Witch opened a portal and they almost stopped her parents Snow White and Prince Charming from meeting. Some days she wants to claw her own eyes out about how ridiculous her life is, but today? Today, she just got laid and all she can do is giggle.

“What’s so funny?” Killian asks her sleepily.

“I just fucked Captain Hook.”

“Aye.”

She turns to him, and props her head up on her arm so she can look at him properly. “And it was the best sex I’ve ever had.”

He grins and kisses her deeply. “It may have been the greatest moment of my long existence.”

He says it sincerely, but she can’t help but giggle again: she’s just so happy. “In all my fantasies, I never thought to account for your centuries of experience. How did the woman you slept with ever let you out of bed?”

“There was this one woman who tied me up. I thought it was all just kinky fun, but then she didn’t want to release me afterwards.”

“Oh yeah?” Emma arches her brow. She isn’t exactly jealous, she’s reaping the benefit of all his precious encounters and she is the one who brought it up. But still, it’s kind of odd to think of this man who is now - maybe, hopefully - hers with someone else. She’s just not quite ready to hear the intimate details.

“Luckily for you, I’m a hard man to keep tied down.” He seems to sense that it’s not wise to dwell on the subject so he turns to her with a devilish grin. “So tell me more about these fantasies of yours.”

“You already know some of them.”

He cocks an eyebrow at her. “I do?”

“Remember when Zelena went all rom com happy on us?” She stops short of mentioning why; it’s still something of a sore point. “Well when we were soulmates, I gathered that you got some of the highlights?”

“Oh yes.” He slowly and deliberately licks his lips. “You thought a lot about my oral skills as I recall. Were they everything you hoped for?”

“I don’t think you need the ego boost.”

“Oh I see, they were better, weren’t they?” Emma just smiles, honestly she didn’t know oral sex could feel that good, but she wasn’t kidding when she said he didn’t need the ego boost.

“It was kind of nice though wasn’t it?”

Killian looks offended and exclaims, “nice? I clearly did something wrong if all you can say is nice. Should I try again?”

Emma rolls her eyes. “I’m not going to say no to more oral, but I actually meant the whole soulmates thing. Being so connected? It felt good to be a part of something.”

“Oh, Swan.” He gently reaches out and pulls her towards him. She settles her head against his chest, and it feels perfect. “I preferred being your best friend.”

“Hmm?” She’d been lost in running her fingers through his chest hair and had temporarily lost track of their conversation.

“I liked the version of us where we’d been friends for years more.”

Emma thinks for a moment, oh right, the party with truth or dare.. She pushes up to glare at him. “Is that because you got to kiss everyone?” She tries to forget the memory of Hook and her dad passionately making out. She really, really does not want to think about it.

“I can remember vividly that I only had eyes for one person that night and if I had my way, my lips would have touched none other.”

“Yeah, yeah…” Emma says awkwardly, brushing off the compliment, even though she loves it. She drops her head back to his chest. “So if it wasn’t all the making out, why did you like that best?”

She feels him shrug. “It just felt more like us. We just understood and accepted each other, it was lovely.”

She considers that, it really was nice to already know each other inside out, but the closeness? That was all them. She looks up at him. “They were all us though, weren’t they? I always felt like me and we kept doing the same things over and over?”

“Aye. I can’t say that I appreciated all of that. I could’ve done without a repeat of you kicking me in the crown jewels because I tried to kiss you.”

“Zelena really was insane, wasn’t she?”

“Yeah.” Killian shakes his head. “I don’t understand why she didn’t just dose us with sex pollen from the start.”

“Sex pollen?”

“The dust that coated us in Neverland? I had to tie you to a tree and run away.”

Even the memory of that feeling is intense. Emma wonders how Killian managed to resist. “How did you do it?”

“Do what?”

“Fight that lust?”

“It wasn’t my first experience. I knew that it would fade with time and I couldn’t bear to take you like that. I may be a pirate, but I believe in good form, and that is not how one treats any lady, let alone the woman you love.”

Emma’s heart melts a little at this and she reaches up to kiss him softly. The kiss soon deepens, becomes wilder and more passionate. She pulls back from him, breathless. “Perhaps sometime we could try it together?”

“Sex pollen?” he asks, eyebrow raised.

She nods, biting her lip. “If that’s OK?”

He grins. “As you wish.”

She kisses him again hard, happy to be here, with him and thinking of all the thousands of ways their love story could have played out. One thing she’s sure of - whoever they are, whatever they’re doing, and however long they take to get there - they will always find each other.