#me when my dentist is evil idk

[whyse7vn]

SEVEN -

[ ot7 x reader ]

sevendaysafreak

8 participants - 8 online

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tae: we are watching jungkook slowly become alpha

namjoon: can you be normal today

jk: do you really mean that bro…

tae: with all my heart..

oh my god i’m tearing up

this is what being a real man is about

jimin: begging for pussy??

jk: I DID NOT BEG??

hobi: you harassed that poor woman for a whole week

yoongi: all for a hand hold

y/n: crazy!

tae: okay??

but it was literally real as fuck so does it matter??

jimin: it was real fucking sad

jin: personally if i was her i would of called the police like sexual harassment hello???

yoongi: right

namjoon: it was a great song jungkook

jk: > //// <

i’m blushing

that was me blushing

and i giggled a little

smiling rn

hehehehehe

namjoon: a thank you would of done it

jk: thank u >.<

jimin: she should of punched him

jin: was there need for an explicit version like??

we got the point the first time

i didn’t need to hear how horny you were for a second time

hobi: he just wanted to swear

tae: no he’s just real as fuck you wouldn’t get it

jk: real as fuck

yoongi: ig it was real as fuck for jungkook

he begs for pussy on a daily

jk: proof?

hobi: by bts

y/n: i’ll leak our dms

jk: DON’T DON’T DON’T

i’m sowyy 😣

jimin: i’m gonna punch him

hobi: fucking seven days a week doesn’t seem right

is that not how you get an std?

jk: no?

yoongi: is that not when you fuck multiple people?

y/n: you fuck multiple people jk?

jk: NO?????

jimin: why is ur no a question

hobi: suspicious

jin: jungkook has crabs

tae: that’s a real man disease

y/n: that’s gross

jk: i’m real

jimin: real itchy

namjoon: can we not talk about stds pls

y/n: i bet jay park has a couple of those

jk: ???

jimin: REALLLL

jin: that’s why him and jk are friends bonded over the burn

jk: i’m not his friend anymore

y/n: character development okay!!!

yoongi: was that bcs he stole from you?

jk: stop talking to me rn

jimin: OMG GUYS

yk i had the worst dream ever yesterday tae was in it

tae: and?

jimin: wdym and

tae: i hope you die

namjoon: pls don’t wish death upon people tae

jimin: yeah tae

tae: all of you can fucking die idc!!!

not jungkook tho he real as fuck

y/n: say real as fuck one more time and i’ll snap ur neck

jin: hot asf

yoongi: ew?

tae: nobody wants to see us winning jk it’s sad 😞

jk: i’m sobbing 💔💔😞😞💔💔

tae: they literally told us to kill ourselves

namjoon: literally no one said that

jimin: in fact YOU said you hope i die

jk: he could of meant by natural causes

tae: right i would never tell you to kill ur self that’s sick and evil

yoongi: kys

tae: ur not going to heaven

yoongi: aw man 🙁

hobi: what if we put tae in the electric chair

jin: what if we put tae and jungkook in the electric chair

jk: wtf ☹️

tae: i could easily survive the electric chair it would feel good to me actually

y/n: i’ve been telling you guys for years we need to lock them up

do you actually read the bullshit they say on a daily it’s actually insane they need help

like professional help

jk: i didn’t even say anything

jimin: you don’t need to

we just know

namjoon: i agree

we could send them to a camp

or something

tae: why are you talking about us like we’re not RIGHT here

jungkook get them omg

jk: i can’t go to camp

too much raw air exposure is bad for my skin

and i have a dentist appointment soon

yoongi: raw air?

jin: how soon is ur appointment?

jk: so soon that i can’t go to camp

tae: JUNGKOOK STAND UR GROUND

WE WILL NOT BE PUSHED AROUND

REPEAT AFTER ME

WE WILL NOT BE PUSHED AROUND

namjoon: tae shut up

y/n: right

tae: i liked it better when you guys just ignored me in this gc

now all you do is be mean

jimin: maybe u deserve it

*you definitely deserve it

hobi: stop talking then idk

yoongi: i will gladly ignore you again

jk: i love you tae i’ll listen to you talk

jin: jungkook the biggest dick rider ever

tae: he’s my little dick rider 🥰😍❤️

hobi: yeah definitely stop talking

namjoon: okay!

y/n: oh my god

jimin: ???

yoongi: um

jin: this is what seven was really about

jk: bro..

tae: lol

jimin: you're really gorgeous i would deadass fight 3 mountain lions in a mcdonald's handicap bathroom stall with my hands tied behind my back and my only weapon is a shake weight glued to my forehead just to get a chance to get to know you and take u out tbh

jin: nurse he’s out again

jimin: wrong chat lol

tae: and you wanna put ME in the electric chair

ur all out of ur minds

namjoon: you were gonna send that to someone????

jimin: is it bad?

y/n: so unbelievably bad

jk: blushing

yoongi: wow

tae: yikes

hobi: bts never beating the rizzless allegations

y/n: who were you gonna send that too?

jk: was it me?

yoongi: that was flirting?

jin: probably the notes app

jimin: no one

jin: told you

notes app.

jk: it wasn’t me?

tae: i’ll be nice and give you some better lines jimin dw

jimin: the only lines you have are of coke

tae: nvm fuck you stay bitchless

namjoon: leave jimin alone

jimin: right leave me alone

namjoon: he’ll open up in his own time

jimin: i fucking won’t

you guys deserve to know NOTHING about me

yoongi: okay don’t care kys

jimin: i have a crush

jin: i’m hungry

hobi: is this the same crush you talked about like 4 weeks ago??

jk: on me?

sorry jimin i’m already in love with someone else

yoongi: didn’t ask

jk: i won’t tell you who it is it’s a secret

namjoon: a secret from who??

jk: what does that mean…

namjoon: don’t we all know…

jin: i SAID i’m hungry

jimin: all you do is eat like omg??

get a job or something??????

jin: i have a job

i serve face for a living i would suggest you look into it since you have so much free time to BULLY and HARASS others but with a face like urs idk if you’ll make the cut

y/n: wow

jimin: i’m not reading all that 💀

y/n: never use that emoji again ew

jimin: 💀💀💀💀💀

y/n: this is why whoever ur trying to rizz up probably thinks ur a loser

yoongi: is it taemin again?

tae: ew you run back to taemin every 4 months it’s kinda embarrassing

jimin: taehyung you actually need to shut ur mouth

breathing the same air as you is embarrassing

and at least i have someone to run back to you are actually genuinely bitchless

tae: u are taemin’s bitch

so technically ur as bitchless

yoongi: gay

jk: don’t be a homocrome

namjoon: stop talking

jimin: it’s not even taemin so shut the hell up

i’m not talking about this anymore

moving on

hobi: what is your mbti guys

jk: physical touch

namjoon: that wasn’t the question

y/n: just say ur horny and go omg

jin: don’t

seven was actually enough

i will hear NO more about jungkooks sex life

everything i have learnt has been without my consent

my lawyers will be in touch

jk: my lawyers are ur lawyers

jin: not anymore

jk: omg…

hobi: oh my oh my god

namjoon: jin stop facetiming me i’m not answering

jin: pls joon pleaseeeeeeeeeeeee

namjoon: i’m not sitting there for you to look at urself in the camera for an hour

i have things to do

jimin: that sounds like very jobless behaviour to me tbh

jin: you can’t be ugly and jealous pls pick a struggle

tae: and rizzless

hobi: i know ur not talking…

tae: ????

hobi: tae i need you to do some self reflection

tae: okay?

i’m hot as fuck

cool as fuck

and real as fuck

i feel well reflected ty for suggesting that hoseok

y/n: i told you i’m gonna snap ur neck if you said that again

start running

jin: coming to watch 🥰

[linaharutaka]

gen question but isnt dedegoon or dedesuka or whatevr a proship? ive seen some ppl calling it a proship cuz its abusive but your bio says proship dni so idk if its ok to ship or what (sorry im new to this)

hiya! thank you for your ask! it isnt and heres why

first of all i am /Not/ proship. i am not anti-anti or whatever either. what drives me to ship them is the fact theyre friends who like to be in each other's company. i like their sweet moments together. they bond over scamming an innocent population and bullying children. they're partners in crime. theyre besties who talk shit about others as a hobby.

i also don't think theyre already dating. i look at their relationship and im like. you guys have some kind of weird crush on each other and you're also selfish assholes. they're in the world's worst situationship.

"but dedede whacks escargoon a lot!" not only does escargoon get physical towards him too (the dynamic starts shifting in the dentist episode) but his "punishments" are often for a reason. escargoon is often very mean to dedede. in almost every episode he calls him hopeless or stupid or ugly or anything like that. and that gets him a whack. if i were dedede i'd do that too! it'd piss me off! having my lackey who i pay and who i consider my best friend insult me so overtly over and over LOL. but does escargoon ever try and stop him his evil doing? hell no! the guy helps him and gives him advice and ideas! he is NOT a good guy either. he loves being mean! he literally says it!

of course escargoon cares a loy about him. pretty sure everyone is aware. i don't even need to compile all the times he runs after him or worries about his well being. one time he "left" after he realised he'd have to do all the waddle dee's chores and didn't want to do his job. guess who's shown tearing up when seeing what poor state dedede is in after being left all on his own. he's always protecting him and defending him (sometimes backhandedly) from other people. he holds dedede dear. it's obvious he does. he's an old man, he's not being manipulated into liking dedede. he genuinely cares about the guy.

there are episodes where they bicker a lot but end up getting along, episodes where they're the best of friends and episodes focused on their resentment against one another. the show kind of yoyos with their relationship. it's not really anything to take seriously. if you get offended from their interactions you'd get a heart attack from watching looney tunes. the back and forth of their dynamic is part of the fun!

I *highly* recommend watching the original version of the show as the dub often replaces sweet lines they share with jokes that don't really hit the mark. it's a shame. (however i will give the dub some credit on occasion)

Actually, i have a [post] that compiles a lot of sweet screenshots of them together. it doesnt include the times where they hold on to each other in the cannons or in the whispy woods episode or when esxargoon said "isnt this strange? can't you feel we're striving apart?" and dedede says "what! that's ridiculous!" in a lighthearted voice. or when escargoon makes a joke about a late night drive being romantic and dedede just? laughs in agreement? there's a scene where they call each other stupid in the most friendly way ever. i actually have a handy twitter of fun scenes where escargoon gets away with some things (doesn't include when escargoon yells at him in the fireworks episode or orders him in episode 69), like saying *he's* actually the one in power because dedede isn't competent enough to reign. or dedede understanding escargoon's concerns of him becoming dumber than he is already.

they're just villains who are attached to each other and are a team no matter what.

escargoon protects dedede a lot, and he cares about him more than what his job entails, but people tend to forget he's got a special place in dedede's heart too.

dedede keeps an album of pictures they took together. he never threatens to fire him and, as far as i know, never even cuts his salary and is the only one in the castle to even have a bonus. he shares the food he keeps from the waddle dees with him in episode 93. he clarifies he doesnt want knuckle joe's monsters to attack either of them. he's fine spending large amounts of money on him. twice? he never calls him ugly somehow. he even thanks him for having put up with him for so long and serving him well when the world is about to end. and then he clings unto him because he's scared of dying alone. his way of showing affection is not the "im crying because i think you're in danger" type of way that escargoon shows a lot but it's there.

Of course i don't think they're perfect gay rep. that's literally so stupid. you think im gonna look at two dumbasses who are bitter towards one another from what, a parodic, satirical children's anime from the early 2000s, and go "hmm yes this is what every queer couple should aspire to be this is peak lgbt rep"

If we're gonna talk about them how about we talk about some issues this show has that no one ever addresses. the colorism of the uv episode that is not put into question, not even by tiff, the moral compass. the rising sun imagery that is very much intentional as dedede is a caricature. the fatphobia? the fact kirby calls kawasaki and nagoya homos??? straight up???

people often blame episode 88, and yeah, it's not my favorite episode either. everyone's weird in that episode, not just dedede! yabui is far from empathetic, even the ebrums are disrespectful, and escargoon taunts dedede into chasing him for laughs and teases him about his old age. even at the end he teases him. i think it's one of those episodes that you just have to blame on the writers kinda like 89 (for example this one has got the right message but the execution is painful to watch. poor tiff.)

now, if 88 had changed their relationship it'd be a different matter. there are some sweet moments they share outside of their general "partners in crime" dynamic past episode 88 in my post actually! my favorite is the one where dedede has his arm around escargoon who's curled up like a cat while they're sleeping and the waddle dees are tucking them in from episode 91. it makes me so happy.

i could probably talk so, so much more about them. they're a huge comfort to me. however i don't trust just anyone with them. i am very much aware some people like them for the wrong reasons. but if you have a brain you can see where i'm coming from.

the show makes fun of them because they're evil, self-centered cowards. not because they're "gay" or anything like that. i saw someone call them queerbait one time and i had to log off for a minute.

anyway, to answer your question, people who do not recognize their genuine attachment to one another are bound to have a twisted view of them. i don't like dedegoon because they're "toxic" or awful to each other. but because they're each other's best friends. that's all. it's fine if you don't ship them, too. i just hope i can prove to people that they do matter to each other and that they're friends :)

[roosterbox]

Fic Rec Friday 4/7/23

Title: A List Checked Twice

Rating: General Audiences

Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Category: M/M

Fandom: Hannibal (TV)

Relationship: Nigel (Charlie Countryman)/Adam Raki

Characters: Nigel (Charlie Countryman), Adam Raki, Chiyoh (Hannibal), Will Graham, Hannibal Lecter

Additional Tags: Fluff, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Everything is Beautiful and Nothing Hurts, pure undiluted fluff guys, Marriage Proposal, cousin!Hannibal Lecter, Married Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter, Wedding Rings, Gift Giving

Summary: Long before he met Nigel, Adam made a list of things he wanted to experience with someone else, one day. As years spent single passed by, he forgot about the list... that is, until Nigel finds it. Plenty of fluffy surprises ensue.

———

Today’s rec comes to us from the varied and interesting world of the HEU - the Hannibal Extended/Expanded Universe, lol. More specifically, this is the ship known as Spacedogs. Honestly I didn’t expect to love this ship as much as I did, but wow. They are amazing. Also, it’s nice to have a character that is explicitly, canonically, 100% unequivocally autistic. Not coded as such, but textually referred to as so. It’s one of the concepts of Adam as a movie. Which is great. Idk how well they represent it in the movie (haven’t seen it!) but hey. You know what they say about the thought and how it counts.

Now about the fic.

This is some sappy ass stuff, my dudes. So sweet and lovely. They just *clenches fist* love each other so much, it’s ridiculous. And one reason I think this pair is so nice together - for all their differences in personality, despite one being neurotypical and one not, they understand each other. And like in any good relationship, they bring out the best in each other. In 95% of all Spacedogs fics, my man Nigel is WHIPPED but good for his Star, and he’s especially so in this one. He’s determined to show Adam that he loves all of his little quirks and idiosyncrasies. Even the ones that others looked down on. Also, no spoilers, but this fic features one of my favorite ridiculously sappy and romantic tropes in any romance story ever. Like it’s silly, but I can’t help but melt any time I read it.

And that ending, man. Bringing in the Hannigram for a cameo? The final cherry on top?? *chef’s kiss* That’s one bit that comes up every now and then in Spacedogs stuff: having either Nigel or Adam (or both!) be related somehow to Hannibal or Will. It’s not always a guarantee, but I love it when it happens, lol.

Call your dentist after this one, guys.

———

Next Week: *rubs hands together with evil glee* Oh man, time to get serious. It’s time for y’all to join me in rarepair hell. You might say that Spacedogs is rare, but here is their AO3 page:

And here is next week’s ship:

Yep. I’m bringing the pain. You may be wondering which ship it is? Your homework, if you want to prepare yourselves, is to watch the movie Welcome to the Punch and, after lamenting about what a terrible movie it is, please come join me in the abyss that is this pairing. This sailboat of a ship. That’s right, we getting Jacob/Max all up in this bitch.

Catch you on the flippy flop!

[zannolin]

I'm fully aware I could just look it up, but I kinda wanna hear your pitch: what's Beyonders about? Adding another book series to the to-read pile

okay im legally obligated to drop the simplified video version i made (should link to the correct timestamp) bc my ass spent way too long on it as a whole buuut.

so there's this kid named jason and he's the most Just Some Guy ever. likes baseball and animals. probaby is going to be a dentist someday bc his dad wants it. he gets hit in the head with a baseball and then swallowed by a hippo in that order but not immediately consecutively mind you and the hippo turns out to be a portal into another world (lyrian) where he promptly witnesses a band's group suicide and accidentally gets involved in a quest to bring down the evil wizard emperor, maldor. in lyrian he's called a beyonder bc he's from the beyond (which does not Just include earth but that's not important unless you want to read the other mull books, namely five kingdoms. i digress) and he meets another beyonder, rachel (homeschooler rep for the win) and they set off on this quest to get the magical way to defeat maldor together. there's a giant crab, but no more hippos. this book anyway. basically it's your typical kid falls into another world and ends up fighting the evil ruler to save said world story, except the worldbuilding is super fun and funky and all the magical races are SO cool (there's seed people who can live theoretically infinite lifetimes if you replant their seed that falls out when they die; there's dudes who can just take off their heads and put them back on and such; there's these guys that are just covered in plants? also?) and there's throat mold which will haunt me forever. you got such excellent places as: deadly swamp, deadly jungle, haunted sunken city within the deadly swamp, random library in the middle of the forest, a restaurant that spins in circles for little to no reason, and more!

in the second book it really starts to get into the magic of lyrian and you learn about the history and the interspecies dynamics and stuff. they start a proper rebellion and go on a quest for a prophecy and they blow a lot of things up which i fully support. the whole thing is this wonderful celebration of friendship and how kindness can save the world, and what heroism and sacrifice really mean, and if it's possible to change what others and maybe you see as your nature, and whether it's all worth it or not. in the end so many things happen simply because jason (and rachel) chose to be someone's friend and believe in them and oh my god it makes me want to sit down and cry sometimes. it's about the power found when you come together to make a difference and also the power just one person can have by choosing good. and it's also really heartening to read a story about characters who have absolutely no obligation to this world, to these people, who are still saying no i'm going to fight for you because it's worth it. because it's the right thing. i know a lot of stories have that but sometimes i just need it again y'know. fighting not because you must, but because you choose to.

also there's like excellent levels of snark and banter and jason does some of the most absurd things (like, besides being swallowed by a hippo) and it shouldn't work but it DOES. and lyrian is such a grim world for a middle grade series. maldor's seriously devious in very subtle, fun ways, like how he toys with his enemies and tempts them to his side to the point where people will fight him not to fight him, but only far enough to get an invitation to his pleasure palace where all the heroes go and give up fighting for luxury. i just really really love the worldbuilding which has gotta be Some kind of endorsement bc i'm literally a fantasy hater most of the time (shut up about lotr and narnia those don't count they're classic i hate Most fantasy okay) and i usually think it has too much worldbuilding. idk it's just great! it's great!!!! and it's not perfect and has weird bits and things that make me go eeehhh but at the end of the day. i love it. even when it murders like most of my favorite characters and made me cry a lot. like a lot.

ahem. that's beyonders. give or take several hundred pages.

[thegeminisage]

squeezing in an hour of zelda before i have to take mom 2 the dentist 😤

first things first i must kill with fire the redead i fled from last night. rip

i love that i get my arrows back when i do this lol

i feel like the game was steering me towards electricity but i have more fire stuff so i'll keep using it as long as it works

admittedly. this is a little less daunting in broad daylight

i am Not ready to do more quest stuff. i think i AM ready to get my next memory. and also to get away from the redeads!!!!!

snow boots. rito clothes. im bracing myself.

you know what fuck it. i can EASILY make it to this memory but let's see if i can't make it to the final tower. i want my map filled in!

oh dear it's been snowed in lol

aw a little underground river. idk i love to river raft in this game. feels like an amusement park ride every time

i made it inside! LAST OOONE

ah man. and now of course i know where i must land. idk if i'm ready!!!!!!!!!! but i'm doing it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

well. here i am. i'm gonna frow up

IM GONNA FROW UP

HE'S DOING THE KNEELING THING FROM OOT IM GONNA HUUUURL

REAFFIRMATION OF THE 100 YEAR MALE LORE...GIRL WHAT

ok wait. when the zonai appeared here long ago...girl this is BREAKING the LORE

a hyrulean woman IS IT HYLIAN OR HYRULEAN??? COME ON

did ganondorf just microaggress them lol

turning on his heel like that was sexy

rauru is not maybe being the most kind here. maybe if the ~hyrulean~ king treated me like that i'd kill his wife too.

THAT MAN'S HEART HOLDS MANY DARK AMBITIONS DID YOU SEE THE MAN WITH THE EVIL EYES I CAN SENSE THAT MAN'S EVIL INTENTIONS I'M GONNA THROW UPPPPP

GIRL HELP MEEEEEEE

oh my god they literally start talking shit about his demonic nature as soon as he leaves. I'D KILL HIS WIFE TOO!!!

the irony of the king believing zelda this time when he didn't in oot and it changes NOTHINGGGGGGG

even his name gives me pause. EVEN HIS NAME GIVES ME PAUSE. EVEN HIS NAME

ok. i'm done. i'm here. i'm n

I'M NOT NORMAL ZELDA IS YELLING AT ME!!!!!!! GIRL I'M COMING TO FIND YOU WHAT?

SHE'S CRYING OH MY GODDDDDD

another memory...oh god oh my god the big one i know it's the big one oh my fuckingggg god

oh jesus i already got the shrine there i can just Go???

i'm gonna THROW UP!!!

to be honest i was gonna space these out. i was gonna get ten, fifty, a hundred more koroks before i did this. but there is No Way

two cutscenes so close together though...feels unbelievably decadent.

ok. im bracing myself. AAAAAAAAAAA

YOOOOO these flashbacks

did mineru's SOUL just go into the sheikah slate???? what was that fire poe looking thing?

NOT THE BOTW TRAILER MUSICCCCCC

SHE

JUST

SWALLOWED

IT

ok. so.

i welled up and then genuinely started ugly sobbing

like her theme came in and i was being so strong but like how much the transformation obviously like, pained her - physically and mentally - literally lost herself

and then you see her in the sky 10k years later, still lost. ten THOUSAND years we can't even comprehend that amount of time she has suffered so much and she is so brave and i love her more than anything shes my best babygirl

and the final memory site now surrounded by silent princesses?? fuck me up. fuck

bro. i am sitting here in shocked devastation. i need to lie down for 10,000 years

[bloodandfleshautism]

I just spent like five minutes straight brushing my teeth at 11:30 pm bc I am so anxious abt my teeth bc like. For the past ~4 years I have been so incredibly swamped by depression (I stopped showering regularly for a while, constantly rewearing unwashed comfort clothes, losing track of my oral hygiene etc). So like. My teeth are kinda mid rn. I got my braces off after three fucking years a few months ago and the orthodontist told me I might have like. The beginning of a small cavity. And it freaked me the fuck out bc my entire life I’ve never had a cavity and as a little kid I was so hellbent on hygiene all the time and even tho I lost track of it it still freaks me out when things aren’t visibly clean n shit. And I was like. AUGAGHGGH FUCKKK WTFFF. And like she told me to go to the dentist (which I keep desperately trying to get my parents to organise to no fucking avail bc they can’t do shit if I ask them to do anything ever) and my New Years resolution is to fix up my shit with all that but I’m actually like serious about it. I don’t wanna fuck up my teeth mannnn that’s like an actual major fear for me bc it just always has been???? That and eyes ig. And idk rn I’m just rly anxious about my teeth. I’m trying rly hard to get a proper and fully consistent schedule back on it but I’ve been so stressed and busy and tired and drowning in school and it all just keeps getting in the way of my brain and doing something actually good for once. I’ve decided to set twice daily timers now to try and get a routine up and running better. I hope it works. I think it might be the ol autism making it a struggle bc it’s so difficult for me to get things out OR IN to my daily routine. I’m kinda just pissed and scared at this point. And I’ve had such a shit week this week I won’t get into it but god it was shit. And I forgot to take my meds this morning and I got my “why are u here I have he in my bio” evil time today and I’m just sad and anxious and ready to cry again for no reason I’m so fucking tired man. What the fuck am I rambling on about I’m leaving goodnight

[ofallthingsnasty]

Nasty you have opened my eyes to the potential spiciness of dentists. I don’t have a medical kink but I did see the appeal of hot yandere doctors, but dentists? Idk they seemed to a little too vanilla for me (sowwy 🥺) But now I’m like…I can see the potential.

Especially since I went for a routine cleaning during the winter break. I’m pretty familiar with going to the dentist - due to having braces as a preteen and getting my wisdom teeth removed a few years ago - so thankfully it’s not anything I fear. But I don’t enjoy going to the dentist. I don’t know how universal the procedures are around the world but I also feel so helpless when I’m laid down flat and a piece of cloth is laid over my face, save for my mouth. And I have to endure the water pick and the electric toothbrush. Water tends to fly into my nose and breathing is a bit of a hassle. Sometimes I subtly gag on the water and I struggle to keep my mouth wide open, many times the dentists have to remind me to “open up wider”. Just thinking about a yandere dentist seeing me like that, so pliant but helpless, and…boom they get hard

Or that thing when they put a foam mouthpiece in your mouth with some sort of filling? It’s like flavored fluoride, I think? I hate that part the most actually. I have to sit there for about 30 seconds with my mouth around it and drool dribbling out of the corner. Oh the erotic possibilities…Especially if, like your recent drabble with Law, they tell you it’s one thing but it’s actually a certain bodily fluid >:3c

Also, I sometimes wonder if I were to send some stuff about yanderes + dentistry if it ever gets too far. You are a dark content writer but dentistry is also your job! I was wondering if you had any hard limits when associating it with dark content

!!! I'm glad I was able to make yandere dentists more appealing to you - and honestly, you thinking that the job is 'too vanilla' for dark stuff is a compliment. I'm happy when people aren't afraid of coming in and see us as a nuisance at best 😇

Yeah, it's all about the power play and being vaguely to extremely uncomfortable, right? While dental work isn't life or death (fortunately, lol), there is still a power imbalance here. Whenever I go to my dentist and get something done I'm cramped up to high heaven and my blood pressure drops like mad - what I'm saying is that I'm scared even though I'm a dentist 😭 I usually take from that experience, maybe dip into the dental phobia aspect a little.

I wouldn't say that I have hard limits per se but for me it's more about the quantity, if that makes sense? Don't get me wrong, it's fun to be able to use my knowledge for "evil" and write weird medical shit but I simply can't do that all day every day, haha. Sometimes I just don't wanna think about work lol (you know escapism and all that jazz lol) If inspo strikes and you wanna chat, you can always come to my inbox!! Sometimes it might take a little while longer bc I may not be in the mood but my general rule if that if something is triggering/a no-go, I simply let the person sending the ask know. I promise I'm never mad!! (And I don't judge. I started this account with piss porn and have a whole-ass fursona for it... I'm not one to talk, ever.)

[cantalooprat]

His Marriage Partner is Scheming

What I Liked

ngl a transmigration story doesn't have to hit this hard wtf

one of those novels that's actually p different from what i expected. mb sort of reverse "evil star general" which had a funny summary n i thought it was one of those "deceptive" meme summary heart-crushing plot but it was actually as lighthearted as implied. here it has a deceptively lighthearted, seemingly perfunctory, not-at-all different from other transmigration stories, but it's quite unlike the "usual kind" of transmigration stories which... damn i hate saying it like "she's not like other girls" but this wn really is different.

author actually wrote abt it in the last ch author notes, how this wn has a narrative style that isn't often used in webnovels these days n i get it. this novel is p insane. the beginning is laced with an undercurrent of melancholy at a seemingly bleak inevitable future, then it slowly, quietly blooms into a warm love story. the narrative is oftentimes vague and ambiguous, sometimes veering into seemingly irrelevant territory but dear lord it all ties together at the end, heartbreakingly so.

this story is a secret shared by a pair of accomplices, a paper bag full of sugar-fried chestnuts, strangely shaped strawberries, a bouquet of roses for a bass player, an umbrella-less kiss at a rainy night, a bridge built by an old man for his wife, golden sunlight filtering through a green-colored glass, strawberry-flavored rose and cactus-flavored vanilla and hydrangea-flavored blueberry---it is an eternity hidden within fleeting moments, the extraordinarily ordinary story of a sanctimonious capitalist and a dentist who was good at coaxing people.

author also mentioned in the author notes that novels r like a game in which there r 3 participants: the recorded people (the "protagonist"), the person recording (the "writer"), and the person flipping through the records (the "reader") and i was just like. hello orv my old friend.

both leads are highly rational people working together with each other to avoid their inevitable doom, with a dynamic that actually lowkey reminds me of teio's duotang... rly far away isn't it, but they give me that sort of vibe. accomplices drifting in that line between unreserved trust and a distance between their hearts at first, having tacit understanding but knowing that there's a line they "shouldn't cross". but when they do cross it, it's beautiful like a rose in full bloom.

he qiao and chi xueyan

their love story is so... dear lord. "love was a game that gave brilliant meaning to ordinary memories" is the best way to encapsulate it. i love how chi xueyan was falling first but then he qiao drew a line and then chi xueyan just tried his best being like "oh. he doesn't like me back. then we'll just be friends!" but then he qiao started to fall and had to try his best to chase chi xueyan lmao. but even all this takes on a very bittersweet note considering what actually happened in their previous timeline.

also love the four "iterations" of their lives: the main story, the high school au, the happy end au, and the original timeline (which made me cry wtf it didnt have to hit that hard)

i cried at he xiao's "conclusion" and the "backstory" of the "transmigration" spoiler this isn't transmigration it's regression and the beauty of it is that the "transmigrator" himself is an unreliable narrator.

i can't talk enough abt the narrative style it's almost like a fever dream. this isn't the type of story to be speed-read, it has to be savored and one has to remember details because there are constant callbacks and seemingly open-ended details that end up as closed loops and it's so incredibly beautiful. it's extremely introspective, told from the point of view of someone who "likes interesting things" and finds the most beautiful moments in his mundane daily life.

What I Disliked

damn idk nothing?? mb the clearly edited mtl lmao ok to be serious i feel like this novel can either sound poetic and beautiful or pretentious af, depending on the reader's taste.

Notes

one of my most unexpected finds of 2023

will buy in jj this novel is Worth It

i want to erase my memories of this novel and reread it

rly quite insane how 57+12 ch managed to pack so much it's an extremely dense story. idk if i'll ever reread in full bc it's actually an unexpectedly heavy read in the sense that one should activate all senses + brain to fully compute the story but it really is beautiful.

this story also reminds me of eill's finale in a different way compared to hfa, but at the core it's a song about happiness that comes from an ordinary love in extraordinary circumstances, so...

it's 02:40 and im typing this

[sweetbuckybarnes]

M’kay so, since u mentioned the dentist and I just got my wisdom teeth removed, I was thinking maybe smth like the reader getting their wisdom teeth taken out and bucky drives them home and since the reader is hopped up on pain meds they keep being really sappy idk 😂 (hope this is okay, it’s my first time requesting 😅)

Yay! My first request!! Hope you're doing ok after having your wisdom teeth removed 💗

Wisdom teeth

Summary: Bucky takes the reader to get their wisdom teeth taken out. (Reader isn't named, but female)

She had been complaining for a while, there was some kind of growing pain in her mouth - which heavily confused Bucky.

"You've got a dentist appointment on Monday, doll," Bucky tells her, pulling her attention from her drink.

"No I don't, I don't have to go for another 4 months," she replies.

"Ok, I've made you a dentist appointment for Monday. And you're going," he states.

"Evil git," she replies, then continues her drink before Bucky could question her.

Then Monday rolled around, and there was Bucky and his girl sat in the dentist's waiting room.

The dentist called for her, and she practically dragged him in with her - refusing to go to an doctor's or dentist's appointment without him.

She tipped her bag off her shoulder and slipped down her denim jacket, which Bucky took.

Sitting in the chair filled her with anxiety. The dentist tipped the chair back, she let out a little yelp.

"You're wisdom teeth are finally coming in," the dentist said, they already knew she had been waiting on them for years.

The dentist let out some kind of noise which made Bucky sit up. "What is it?"

"I'm afraid you're going to have to get them taken out. All four of them," the dentist said, after judging how much room she would have in her mouth.

Because the dentist had her glove covered fingers in his girl's mouth, she could only whine in frustration.

His girl had gripped onto his jacket the entire bike ride back to their apartment.

"I know it's not ideal, doll. But I don't want you to be uncomfortable," he tells her, taking her jacket and bag, hanging them up next to his belongings with a flutter of his heart.

She had barely said a word since he booked the removal.

"Darling, are you going to answer me?"

He just got a glare in return.

Then the day arrived. The day the dentist would be removing her wisdom teeth.

Bucky had chosen to drive her car instead of his bike, he wanted his girl to be comfortable after the removal.

"I don't like you right now," she mutters, as the pull up into the car park of the dentist.

"I know, doll," Bucky softly says. "But, imagine how comfortable you're going to be after their out,"

She glares at him as her stomach rumbles.

"Let's get those wisdom teeth out!" He cheers, watching her get out of the car on her own. "Ok, she'll be fine when their out," he mutters to himself.

Bucky hadn't been allowed into where his girl was getting her wisdom teeth removed. Much to both of their heartbreak.

"Mr. Barnes?" The young dentist assistant called, about an hour later.

James hurried over, putting his phone away and slipping into the room, to see his girl coming back around.

The dentist gave him a list of things she was allowed and what to watch out for etc.

"JAMIE!" His girl exclaimed, her hands reaching out like a child, flexing her fingers.

Bucky ran his fingers through her hair as he continued to listen to the dentist.

"My Jamie," she muttered repeatedly, rubbing her face against his flesh hand.

Bucky had to let out a chuckle, as the laughing gas she had been put on was still having an effect on her.

Bucky was able to get his girl into the car and buckled her in.

"Jamie, you're so pretty," she muttered, taking his face between her hands. "Pretty, pretty, pretty," she giggled, patting his cheeks.

"You've told me once or twice, doll face," he replies, pressing a kiss to her face.

She continued to giggle, even as he shut her door and walked around to the driver's seat.

She may be in a bit of pain whilst she recovers - but he knew she would be grateful it was over.

[sundere1181]

YAYAYAYAYAYYAYAY okay so basically instead of the turtles being adopted by the foot/big mama/draxum they're adopted by a few of the side characters!!! I added a linebreak because it got way long lol

After Draxum’s lab exploded, Splinter grabbed the turtles; but he dropped Raph on the outskirts of the Hidden City, who ended up being found by Malicious Mickey and taken to the Mud Dogs. Splinter gets to the surface and places the three remaining turtles in a box and goes to find food, but gets recaptured by Big Mama. Mikey and Leo escape the box and wander off, being found by Tim Dunkman, (the crazy basketball billionare from the Air Turtle episode) who sells Mikey to Jessica Jacyln (the referee from the wrestling episode) and keeps Leo for himself. Donnie is eventually found by Alex Noe (The head dentist from the Todd Scouts episode)

My head is filled with so many Thoughts about it like, Leo and Mikey were raised with little worth other than publicity and as money makers, which had Leo end up as not only a rich kid, but an insecure people pleasing anxious rich kid who hides behind money and ego. Mikey is similar, except since he's the huge champion of Jessica's ring, he relies more on his fighting/wrestling skills. It's basically what he's built his whole personality on. Both of them are big with always trying to keep their image up, so they don't get mauled by media.

Raph was raised as a criminal, but he still has his morals and high empathy. He won't rob orphanages or schools with his dads and likely tried to adopt stray animals a lot (didn't really work out most of the time) He's the only one who really remembers his brothers, but it's a really faint memory, more like "I feel like there's other things like me out there" then "I have brothers." He's constantly on the lookout for other turtles (And used to attend the battle nexus regularly, but the feeling of recognition he got from looking at the rat-man champion freaked him out and he stopped)

Donnie is like, actually insane with the dentists. He really embraced his evil scientist side growing up, but more evil dentist. A lot of experiments and accidents with his teeth happened when he was younger, and now his teeth are all fucked up and weird, so he wears a facemask 24/7 to hide it. His battle shell and all of his weapons are tooth/mouth themed (but his battle shell is honestly pretty creepy and idk if i should describe it in too much detail other then. it's teeth)

Hey. hey thirds. Psssst. you wanna hear about my separated au I'm working on? I'm calling it my Unraveled AU but that title might be subject to change

YES yes absolutely please go nuts

[beautifulpersonpeach]

Repost: Just Something I’d Like to Say About Jimin

Because of the tone of asks I’ve gotten recently from ARMYs I assume (?) are worried Jimin stans. This is a completely unplanned post and written almost entirely off the cuff.

I’ve tried but I really don’t see what those who fret about him or care enough to type non-stop about how untalented, evil & worthless he apparently is, see.

Despite people who claim Jimin craves attention and blah blah blah, Jimin has always just kinda done his own thing. Acted like a slut when he wanted to. Acted like a hermit when he wanted to. Acted like a hyung when he wanted to, to every other member. Acted like a brat when he wanted to. Acted like a calculating Slytherin libra when he wanted to. Acted MIA on social media when he wanted to.

Here’s how the guy spends his time:

He goes to the dentist.

He dances barefoot.

He stays up all night watching movies and playing video games.

He reads manga, manwha, and manhua. Apparently a lot of it.

He runs 8 km every day. 8 km. Every day. That is marathon-level training (42 km).

He visits museums and apparently buys art almost as frequently as Namjoon does, according to a well known Korean curator.

He eats out.

He lies down on the couch wishing it was possible for someone to bathe him

He falls asleep on the couch

He visits friends. (Can we someday have a conversation about how cool Ha Sungwoon is? Listen to Can’t Live Without You here)

Apparently since he has nowhere to go during the pandemic, he’s stopped shopping for outfits, now he shops for sweatpants.

He makes music with J-Hope.

He works out. Does CrossFit with Yoongi. Works out with Jung Kook. 

He prepares for his online and in-person concert on March 10th - 13th.

He visits resort destinations like Jeju.

He listens to music.

He continues with his full time job as an idol.

He has sex. (please don’t ask me for a source on this one)

And so on. Based on things he and other members have said (as well as the museum curator). 

What, exactly, is the issue with this?

*

*

Here are some things his band mates and self-declared brothers have called him or said to refer to him:

A catalyst

A tardy brat

A dragon

“His voice is my taste. It is what I like”

“God-Jimin” or 갓지민

“The Dongsaeng that’s like a Hyung to [me]”

“The one who carries this song”

Penicillin or blue mold

You are me, I am you

A happy pill

A “man’s man”

And so on.

*

Another thing there’s hardly a point to saying cause duh: he makes good music.

*

For additional reading you can refer to my recent Jimin asks here, here, here, and here.

I’m not certain I’ll be taking any extremely worry-toned asks in the immediate future because I honestly don’t see it - I don’t see the point of it. Maybe I don’t know the guy enough and it’s true he’s idk what. He’s not my bias after all. It’s possible there’s something I’ve missed, though I generally acquaint myself with every interview I’m aware they’ve ever done. If you have a genuine concern please feel free to send me an ask about it - that, I will answer if I can. 

I could be wrong, but I don’t think I am. I think Jimin is fine and hot as hell.

The End.

*

Originally posted: February 16th, 2022 9:54pm

[t4t4t]

well anyway I'm homeless again. probably my fault here, we didn't even talk to the landlord much this time, hadn't even finished applying, awkwardly. the apartment in September I gave rent money to but the landlord didn't want us there immediately for some reason, but this one that lasted from like Nov 28 to Jan 3 so basically December. so like I guess Leah and I were too sad and angry about being unemployed and homeless for as long as we had been (and now to continue to be) [obviously more sad and angry that our needs are mediated by employment and by companies and corporations in general etc etc] that apparently our fights around needing to do things devolving into me being suicidal got interpreted as Leah being verbally abusive somehow, though a specific instance of such was never given, like in full. so Leah and I think once again that people have some other reason for being upset with us which may be any number of things. but obviously they're probably just thinking we're too loud and Loudness is Abuse and Abuse means Not A Happy Healthy Sunshine Fun Time House, and idk how to explain to you that kicking out people for being too aggressively sad around you and not even giving them the time to grow is not exactly healthy behavior. but whatever. We've already left and aren't going back. They gave us a week to leave a few days before new years after saying we had to and wouldn't budge around us being forced to leave no matter what I said. Gotta go to Leah's dentist appointment tomorrow homeless apparently. and so on. they kept on saying that Leah was the abusive one when like what does it even help to declare the Abusive One in a relationship that's being torn apart by a society that doesn't want it to exist. well clearly if there is one it's me, but me being suicidal and not wanting to commit to life itself is what's being seen as Abusive Against someone, when like clearly the situation is more complicated than someone being Predeterminedly Evil and assigning blame doesn't really help anyone move forward. they kept offering me a place to stay and not her pointedly a few times which felt really sad and ridiculously ironic, almost funnily tone deaf. idk. sitting out in the rain and cold again in a tin box. gotta hide yourself from as many people as possible.....

[2-cute-4-school]

NCT Dream reaction to you getting your wisdom teeth removed

Mark

babysitting the dreamies is part of his daily job so he thinks ‘how hard can it be to take care of you for a few hours pffft’

he’s never regretted underestimating you so bad in his entire life ◑.◑

you’re not just a nightmare

you’re THE ULTIMATE NIGHTMARE

he was so embarrassed when he had to gently drag you out of the dentist’s office while you were crying cuz

“mY TOOTH!! mark, i lost my tooth, what am i gonna do?!?! i should have put a leash on it, i knew it!!!! now it’s gone and it’s all my fault!!!!” (˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )

*ugly sobbing* *mark awkwardly patting your back while pulling you away from the scrutinizing glares of a few karens in the waiting room*

“mark. i didn’t even get to name it!!!”

poor bby cheetah mark is SO lost

“baby, hey, don’t cry! we’ll uh…. i’ll get you a new one!” ヾ(ﾟДﾟ;ヾ)

you look up with your glassy eyes and your right cheek chubbier than your left from the cotton lodged where your tooth used to be, your bottom lip trembling oh so cutely 

and mark just…stops functioning for a moment because

‘HOW CAN ANYONE BE SO CUTE BUT SUCH A PAIN IN THE ASS AT THE SAME TIME IT’S NOT FAIR !!??!?!?’

“ rweally? would you really do that for me, markie?” (◞‸◟；)

“ASFKSFRDACGCS YES LOML ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING JUST SAY THE WORD AND I’LL BRING THE MOON TO YOUR FEET YOU PRECIOUS LIL BABY” ⊂（♡⌂♡）⊃

 and he still insists he’s not 120% whipped for you can you believe it

he ends up piggybacking you all the way back home because your giggles were just too cute for him to resist so he can’t even get tired with how happy he is to witness you so carefree and joyful

and his heart just melts when you leave a huuuge kith with the loudest *MWAH* ever on his cheek and you nuzzle your nose in the crook of his neck that’s like the fatal combination of cute acts ʚ♡⃛ɞ(ू•ᴗ•ू❁)

in conclusion : this man just adores you with every bit of his heart :((((

Renjun

probably asked kun to pick you both up from the dentist 

you’re just too much for him smh

you’re cute and all but renjun is a tired uncle

so you’re both in the backseat with kun as your driver and it’s silent

renjun just knows something is wrong there’s no way you’re so calm 

but you’re just staring at him like ◎_◎

“uh..babe, you alright?”

silence and then *GASP*

renjun just knows he’s about to facepalm himself into another dimension when you grip his cheeks in both hands

“you’re a fAIRY!!!!!!!” (*ﾟﾛﾟ)

*sigh* *muffled words* “y/n let’s calm down and just-”

he doesn’t get another word out before you shove his face in your lap and literally raise his shirt up to the nape of his neck

damn beach you know what you want huh go off

“where are they???!!?!?! where are you hiding them you impostor??!!!?”

and then you start slapping his back

“ow ow OW, Y/N WTF ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?? STOP !!”

“YOUR WINGS!!! WHERE ARE YOUR FRICKIN’ WINGS ?!?!?” (╬ Ò ‸ Ó)

renjun is this 👌 close to knocking you out for good with a karate chop

so he just pushes you off and straps you to your seat with a second safety belt as he huffs under his breath

“i can’t guarantee you’ll live to see next week” (⊙_◎)

kun watching in the rear mirror like （͡°͜ʖ͡°）

“you know what? i’d really eat some chicken wings right now!! jun, let’s go get chicken wings!!!” ⊂((・▽・))⊃

he’s surprised you even remember his name

but you eventually exhaust yourself and pass out in the backseat of the car so renjun and kun drag you to bed 

and renjun just tucks you in like the soft loving boyfriend that he is

and he just stares at you fondly and smooches you all over your face cuz

“how tf can you be so cute, you lil overexcited evil? you’re like the cutest thing in the world and it just!!!not!!!fair!!!!!” (♡ ‸ ♡ )

so even though he complains about you a lot, he’d sell his kidney just to see his lil cute bub happy i’m so soft :((((

Lee Jeno

“let’s go to the playground!!”

“y/n, no, let’s go home and put some ice on that cheek”

“but baaaabe i wanna go one the swing” ( ´•̥̥̥ω•̥̥̥` )

“then we’ll have to ice both cheeks”

“what did ya say???!!?!”

so jeno’s headache only worsened once you both arrived home with no prior stop to the playground

and as much as he loves you he also wants to bang his head against a wall and end his suffering yay o((*^▽^*))o

“just stay still for a second please, i’m really trying to tie this thing properly around your head”

you’re just so restless and jeno is just so done

“does it hurt?”

“ywes, my heart hurts because my own boyfriend doesn’t love me!!!”

“y/n, we already had this conversation, now just-”

“i just wanted a swing!!!” *bursts into tears* *jeno sighs half of his soul out* ଽ (৺ੋ ௦ ৺ੋ )৴

so jeno sits down beside you and pulls you into his lap gently, rocking you back and forth in an attempt to soothe your sobs jeno best boyfriend no cap

“there there, baby, we can’t go out-” *sobs intensify* “BUT i promise i’ll get you a swing right here if you let me take care of you first”

you leech yourself onto jeno’s sleeve and wipe your tears on his shirt but he doesn’t seem to mind the wet patch left on the material as he watches you with that soft look of his (´-ω-`)

so you let him patch you up after his reassurance and after he just pats your head affectionately and motions for you to stand up

and this man just flexes his arms and nudges you to latch on

that’s how jeno ends up with a squealing you as you swing back and forth with your fingers gripping his arm ╰(✧∇✧╰)

Lee Haechan

you want to pretty him up

because “since my left cheek looks like it’s stuffed with a tennis ball, i can’t carry the visuals in this relationship for a while, so i need to hand the responsibility over to you”

“who even said you’re the one carrying the visuals” ℃ↂ_ↂ

“oh honey you’re only now realizing?”

(╬☉д⊙)⊰⊹ฺ

he blames the anesthesia for your severe accusations

but the only way to shut you up is give in to your wishes

so that’s how he found himself seated down on the carpet of your home with your legs draped over his and your totally professional make up applied over his face

“i look like a clown”

“not even make up can cover your true identity, hyuck”

deep breaths, donghyuck, in and out, take it easy (◎ω◎*)

“any preferences for the nail polish color?”

“to match my soul”

“so hot pink” o(≧∇≦o)

*poker face* “you know i could obliviate you if i wanted to clown you”

*pout that hurts hyuck’s lil heart* “but you wouldn’t do that to your hurting baby, would you” *blinks rapidly with puppy eyes*

“you bet i would” (no he wouldn’t you’re just too cute and he loves you too much) *totally not whipped (♥ω♥*)*

painting his nails is the hugest struggle in your entire life

“WHY TF ARE THEY SO SHORT, ARE THEY TAKING AFTER YOU”

on second thought, mercy is no longer available for you

“hyuck, you should tape your fingers so you won’t bite your nails like a preschooler anymore”

“i’ll tape your mouth shut, that’s what i’ll tape” *_*

“hUH???!?!!?”  (*ﾟﾛﾟ)

Na Jaemin

“okay jisung is an easy task compared to you right now”

even though this man is used to being the mom of the group

he’s still most likely in disbelief watching his otherwise angel flap around like a headless chicken 

but you’re even cutter with your swollen cheek so he forgives you (︶▽︶)

“hey, jaem, did you know i’m closely related to snails??”

“entertain me” (∩_∩)

“they can sleep for years at once. that’s like my main talent.”

“it would be great for me if you’d put this talent of yours to work now”

jaemin ends up sprawled over the couch and watching dramas like a tired mom of 3 hyperactive children with you curled up at his side playing games on his phone

*hiccup*

jaemin’s brain before he even registered the sound : something’s wrong

“y/n baby?” (｡•́︿•̀｡)

*hiccup* *sniffle* *hiccup* 

jaemin’s overprotective instincts kicked in ಠ╭╮ಠ

he knocks the phone out of the way and swings your legs over his lap to cradle you against his chest and hush you with the gentlest coos while rubbing your back up and down softly

“what happened, my love? does it hurt? tell nana what’s wrong and he’ll get rid in a second of what dared hurt his precious baby” just imagine this man this would be like the peak of my life  🥺

so in between your boyfriend’s comforting whispers and your harsh breaths of air you managed to let out a few words

“e-elephants, nana”

he already knows the biggest facepalm is coming his way -_-

“tHEy CAn’T jUmP, tHE poOR ELephANTs”

(ノ-_-)ノ~┻━┻

he just sighs and continues rocking you in his arms until you doze off, slumped on his chest, your head cushioned by his shoulder

he softly shakes his head at you and lays a butterfly kiss on your forehead

“i would make elephants jump just for you, my cute big baby” ♡♡(￫ε￩*)

Zhong Chenle

he halfway panics at the way you act

you’re usually the one who takes care of him so your childish act that surfaced because of the anesthesia took him by surprise

“dude they brainwashed y/n” (ﾉ｀□´)ﾉ

once you start babbling to him about the end of the rainbow and the elf that awaits there with a pot full of golden coins he knew you lost it

calls renjun

“hyung i’m sorry for saying you’re batshit crazy with your conspiracies, but aliens kidnapped y/n”

*muffled voices on the other side*

“NO, I’M NOT DRUNK!! they brainwashed y/n or even worse… returned a cheap copy of them”

renjun probably just tells him to put you to sleep and advises chenle to do the same with himself -_-

so chenle just approaches you very carefully, his voice barely above a whisper

“hey, babe, aren’t you tired?”

“actually no, how about a walk in the park???”

“idk y/n, it doesn’t seem like the best idea”

“PLEASE”  🥺

“THIS IS THE BEST IDEA OF THE YEAR BABY!!!11!!”

this man is royally whipped for you so he takes you to the nearest park and keeps a careful watch on you as you bend down to pet every dog that passes by ⊂((・▽・))⊃

while he would do anything for you, he’s very panicky about your safety so he has to hold your hand the entire time and you’re not allowed to leave his side for even a second overprotective boyfriend check

mid walk you take a break on a bench and you lean your head on cheble’s shoulder before muttering sleepily

“lele, i’m tired, imma take a nap”

“are you serious rn” (ಠ_ಠ)

but you’re already a goner and chenle is left fuming by himself

despite his annoyance he still adjusts you so he can piggyback you home and hums songs softly every time you stir (灬♥ω♥灬)

you’ll have to baby him an entire week to pay him back

Park Jisung

this boy is actually quite pleased

because for once he can take care of you and not the other way around without any complaints coming from you

so you both end up curled into each other under a blanket while watching the Frozen movies :((((((((

and for once he ends up watching you more than he watches the movie because you’re so cute reciting all of Olaf’s lines ꒰˘̩̩̩⌣˘̩̩̩๑꒱

but the fun can only last for so long

and when your mouth starts feeling ‘funny’ jisung’s mind goes haywire

“sung, i’m gonna die”

panic panic PANIC (ｼ;ﾟДﾟ)ｼ

“they poisoned you didn’t they??? i knew it!! i knew dentists are evil, how am i gonna explain i let crazy doctors perform dark magic on you???!!?!?” no offense to dentists y’all are life savers

so you have at least 2 ice packs and a bag of frozen peas clutched against your cheek and you swear you’re about to die from frostbite rather than the weird feeling coming from your teeth 

and then jisung wraps you in a mountain of blankets cuz ‘we can’t have you catching a cold now too’ as if sweating your ass off is gonna fight off the numbing cold on your face  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

but babie is confused a tad lot bit scared for both his and your life

and you’re kinda very dazed so comforting him isn’t really in your agenda

he probably worries within an inch of his life ヾ( ๑´д`๑)ﾂ

too afraid to let you fall asleep just in case

so every time you doz off sweet cutie jisung just kithes you (๑°꒵°๑)･*♡

and you wake up just to kiss back your cute boyfriend

and he just chuckles and blows raspberries on your neck man jisung would be such a cute whipped boyfriend

but he ends up asleep next to you with his face buried in your hair and arms tightly wrapped around you cocooning you close to himself ah i’m getting soft again ♡(㋭ ਊ ㋲)♡

[redxblueihateloveyou]

YOOO!!!! You got me too interested in this one, your last video is so stunning I can't get it out of my head for some reason. Plus the actors, holy shoott I'm so inrigued. I didn't know they were in "bl-ish" suggestive stuff we love. So just wanted to ask is Lee Dong Wook's character some demon or evil ghost or smth there? And is it like VERY scary, can u give me some scale pretty pls? (I'll watch it even if I pee myself, but I just want to be prepared 😂)

LOL the end of the ask got me wheezing. yahaha Moonjo??? No, he's a very much alive human being, just a dentist and a killer lol. He's just very pale and moves smoothly haha. Tho at times there he also sometimes represents like.. the undisclosed desires of Jongwoo's heart so there's that. There was a few fics when he was a shadow monster living under his bed and other stuff like that bc he gives off that impression true, but no. Crazy human he is. Very smooth tho haha

I wanna say it's not, but it all depends on how you watch it I think. Because tbh I think it's mostly about metaphores and hidden meanings stuff and its seen that it was clearly made for those who're into all that shit (like rewatching it actually so greaaat bc its like FUCJ I HAVENT SEEN THIS AND THAT), so if you're also like that, you're probably will just find it highly entertaining. If you know what its based on and into literature or maybe writing you'll love it for sure, bc you won't take it literally, but gonna be very much into the subtext, their characters, interactions and what it leads too. But I also saw those who did watch it literally and I guess it might be scary this way.

My friend, who knows me too well recommended it to me, bc I was on my usual winter holidays social media distancing I take each year not to get to overwhelmed, bc you know I have little to none tolerence to stupidity and these days its even harder, even tiny time spent on twitter or someone sending me some posts can make my heart die a bit, so I take this break to come back all fresh and rested and continue lmao but bc of some work stuff, I was even more pissed at the time and she was like "watch this", and I was like "but u know thats not my genre" and she was like "trust me, its not that" and I always do trust her with this stuff and I was like "fiine ok ofc" haha

And as crazy as it sounds I actually found it quite soothing lol. But then again all watch everything differently, so I can't tell. But if you mean is this the kind of horror thing that leaves you with this unsettling feeling that you also like me don't like than no, its definitely not that, its like a psycological thriller thingy. And Idk it was just hella funny at times to me, bc I was watching it like "I totally felt that" haha. I think most will find lots of things quite relatable there, esp if you're somewhere around Jongwoo's age. It's more of a like gross reality representation with a good twist, when I think most will go like "yeah I get that lmao" in many situations xD Whether its work u hate, dumb ppl that annoy you or close ones who pretend like they care but don't really and are only busy with themselves, etc... (or for example, if you're an artist, but no one believes in you or takes it seriously and the only genuine support u get is from some random stranger lmao). I'd say its more of a metaphor for life in general, than a horror, so its a bit sadly.. hilarious you know. Like your gf couldn't make you feel loved, but a serial killer for a moment could.. its kinda funny. I mean technically its very sad, but also funny.

Plus we all have those moments in life when we wanna watch smth like that when you go like "yeah I thoroughly enjoyed watching him smashing dat idiot's skull, I've had a long week" or like "this dude is dumb, he'll probably go in a trash can in a minute or two" lol. I ofc got all they wanted to say with the whole thing. And in university majoring in literature we've been all over these creations it was inspired from plus its not that hard to understand, but I at the moment was like "you can totally use it as a stress relief too".

It all depends on ppl. Like while I saw some found the meat scene very disturbing, but I was just thinking about the whole meaning behind who liked it, who hated it and who hated that the other liked it the whole circle haha. Instead to me the worst part was the violation of cats, but since the mains were all about loving cats and hating human beings again I was like "my dudes" lmao.

So it all depends on you and how you see things. But honestly I don't think its scary really. Trust me, a person who hates horror films. Thats not it. Also its a kdrama, even if you're sensitive to smth, it's probably gonna be blurred haha.

It's also just fascinating to watch how different ppl watch it. So if you're gonna like it, highly recommend then watch it with someone else too. Bc for example Moonjo's life views (I'm not talking killing, but stuff like "you don't have to tolerate if someone's being an asshole to you", "I'd rather hear the truth than see u pretend", not wasting his time on talking to idiots bc they're not worth it, encoraging following your dream etc) and Jongwoo's desperately trying to get himself to not to rage each time someone was highly annoying, assholish or dumb in the worst possible way was just simply relatable and understandable to me and my sister, and my close friend here said same.

The most hilarious experience was watching it with my mom when I was with them during chrismas holidays, bc by the end realized that she was relating herself to his ex gf the most. Bc of the job situation thing. And my mom she does always talk about her job only and thinks it's more important than others jobs and she also does think that creative professions are silly. And she also found Monjoo hella scary, while we didn't lmao. So it was so funny. I was like "okay, I bet my mom is the normal one probably in this scenario".

My point is its an amazing show. It's not a horror. It's highly entertaining to watch by yourself and with someone too. It's also like... you can interpret it like in your way and see what its gonna say about you haha

Also this fandom is just the most hilarious pit of the greatest memes you can use daily lol

P.S. happy you liked the video <3 *hugs*

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom episode 4-7 Thoughts: (under a readmore because, these got kinda long!)

-the outfit danny had to buy for dash's party. CLASSIC 2000S i cannot stop laughing. And also showing up to the party and everyone is dressed like the trio is hilarious. and further proof that everyone looks good dressed goth.

-dash has a closet full of cute lil bear plushies?? LOVE that. adorable. also his response to danny trashing his room fighting a ghost was SO valid if somone BROKE MY BED IN HALF ID BE PISSED TOO.

-technus being like 'oh smart, u should be a tutor!' then later being like 'forget tutor, be a teacher!' :) supportive king <3 I also really like his upgraded suit/design. AND SPOCK CAMEO??? HELLO??

-the music in this show is super. its so funky. I looked it up and the guy who does it, guy moon (awesome name) also did music for other cartoons like fairly odd parents, barnyard, chalkzone, billy & mandy, AND some actual movies like FIGHT CLUB??? the whiplash I got from reading that)

-sam being rich explains a lot about her, actually.

-I know the moral of the episode was supposed to be 'dont ditch your friends for popular people/spend a lot of money on clothes that arent You to Fit In'. but tbh. it wouldve been easy for danny to have been like 'well, okay, ill come but only if my friends can!' but I get. that hes 14. so. not a lot to say there.

-BOX GHOST IS BACK!!!!! also, danny sitting up and wearing the dress/wig/makeup. umm thats how I dress everyday LMFAO. unironically me. (hate the jokes that boil down to 'haha funney man in dress' tho. but this is a look)

-jazz being protective of her brother once again being like NOOO YOU GUYS BETTER NOT STAKE OUT HIS (actually haunted) LOCKER!! shes aware of how people perceive him and she wants to help :( which is also probably why she told dash to invite him to that party even tho she had no interest in going!! she wants to help him out :(

-gotta say im with tucker on the whole 'should danny use his powers to get back at bullies' debate. 100% yes. let him teach kids to fight back. making dash throw his food at paulina out of the blue? no. but when hes actually about to pick on someone? yeah! for self defense? YEAH! if dash and his friends just threw food at him, I think rather than. idk doing sneaky shit with frogs he couldve just threw it back and not pulled punches if they tried to fight. I kNOOWWW its a kids show so they are like 'if u fight back ur just as bad!! violence bad!!' but. theyre HIS POWERS. WHO CARES.

-like my only gripe is that dash really isnt LEARNING ANYTHING WHEN DANNY GETS BACK AT HIM IN THE MOST PETTY INDIRECT WAYS. whatever they had to add a bully psa episode I guess. I hate it and I hate the way cartoons usually handle it because these methods simply Do Not Work. 'aND YouRE USinG YOur poWErs FOR EVill???!' this is Not Evil. even when poindexter takes dannys body, theyre only being 'nice' bc hes stealing soda for them!! bitches deserve what they get (nothing too brutal bc theyre high schoolers but damn, if they pick on danny he doesnt need to be the 'bigger person' he needs to start biting people)

-SAM TRYING TO SMUGGLE FROGS OUT OF THE BIO LAB?? girl in middle school when we had to dissect frogs we could opt out, also, they came to us already dead and preserved...

-sidney's lingo and the fact hes in black and white is sending me. also, danny is a ghost celebrity apparently for being a halfa?? ok. thats interesting to know

-the DENTIST BEING EXCITED ABOUT THE COTTON CANDY FLOOD IS THE FUNNIEST THING SO FAR.

-I LOOOVE the trope of 'wishes gone wrong'. not crazy about the stereotypical genie, or the use of the dreamcatcher looking design. (also, I KNOW theyre scientists but the way theyre handling a cold...are the fentons ANTIVAX)

-the genie. she. whitewished paulina. JKASDFHKJ. (the ghost literally just being hello kitty???? im dying) 'why do i feel that im special and wonderful? because I AM! <3' paulina ilu self worth queen. felt bad for her also getting possessed by (2) boys later who were arguing INSIDE HER. WTF.

-imagine being the guy trapped in his now flying car. he thought danny and tucker were HALUCINATIONS. imagine being trapped in a flying car with two, what you think are imaginary arguing 14 year olds convinced ur gonna die. i WOULD say this dude is gonna need so much therapy, but he seemed totally fine and excited when they landed (I would be happy too if a chicken was on my head. chickens rule) stoner rights

-sam's bat slippers??? iconic. SO cute.

-I think desiree's backstory is so :( do all ghosts have messed up sad backstories?? poindexter's was sad too...cannot imagine box ghost has any kind of fucked up backstory. but what if. his mom got pushed off cliffs by boxes...........a la cruella... anyway her 'no man may lay a hand on me' iconic. ilu

-I know danny has no concept of how much bras cost but my god dont attack tucker with some girls bra. those are so expensive.

-its really. well its not a GOOD THING he went into the portal and got fucked up, but its good danny was the one to do it rather than sam or tucker. because even tho he was being influenced by desiree and kept getting more malicious and it prob wasnt 100% him...he sucked as a ghost like most the people he 'pranked' were innocent ppl just Chillin and he didnt want to help anyone at all. I think danny is the most responsible out of them but also, hes 14 and shouldnt HAVE to feel obligated to fight every ghost. hes a good kid and wants to, but I also feel like he feels like...responsible for the portal turning on?? because his parents did give it up,, but it was an accident and not his fault (if anything, why was the on switch on the inside. why was it that easy. why was there no safety measures. that seems like smth OSHA needs to hear about). like thats my son. hes a good boy. and hes never done anything wrong in his life, ever. if anyone hurts him im killing everyone in this room and then myself. etc.

-danny's curfew is 10PM????? DUDE. when I was 14...shit I couldn't be out that late, I had to be back at like, 8 at the latest, and my parents had to know exactly where and who I was going with, AND i had to call/text them regularly...is this a case of my parents being overbearing, or the fentons sucking??? the only time i could EVER be out that late was if I was at an overnight sleepover or smth...

-the vultures have lil fezes. why do they have fezes...theyre so fuckin funny 'ask him for directions' 'I KNOW WHERE IM GOING' these ghost vultures are my new grandpas. pick them up, put them in the adopt box.

-'I wonder why those guys were trying to waste dad!' THEYRE GHOSTS. YOUR DAD HUNTS GHOSTS. why is that not a conclusion you'd immediately jump to??

-*jazz voice, clearly disgusted* WISCONSIN???

-mrs fenton with the lab coat and leg warmers and PERM. YESSS STYLISH.

-was going to say 'ew billionaire' @vlad but. super valid he used his powers to assumedly steal and cheat to get that money, thats how all billionaires do it! but ew hes a SIMP. and spending your billions on FOOTBALL STUFF?? you are Not Valid overall. I DO respect the fact you have a castle instead of a mansion. in wisconsin. if youre going to be stupidly rich might as well go all out, torches on the wall and all. I DO like his ghost form's little kitty ears. catman. and his cape! every design can benefit from a cape. and how different his forms look, like danny looks the EXACT SAME IN BOTH FORMS ASIDE FROM COLOR CHANGES. vlad's is like,, I could believe they were different people!! also I love the drama. but dude you are fighting a 14 year old. lame. also he was like, telling danny he wanted his mom and him and like, wanted him to renounce his dad?? WHAT ABOUT JAZZ?? bitch. those r MY kids and they are both important and special. I do agree they need better parents but thats not u sir <3

-I thought vlad's 'little badger' nickname for danny came from the football mascot of the packers, but google says they have NO MASCOT?? so now I'm like?? is it because his hair is sometimes black and sometimes white?? I hate to give him props but thats a PERFECT NICKNAME. theyre also tiny and vicious!

-why did I get so excited that Skulker is back!! its been like. 2-3 eps LMAO. AND THE DAIRY KING. ICONIC I LOVE HIM. hes the nicest guy ever :) more nice ghosts please. danny cannot be fighting alone everytime with no ghost buds like every ghost being hostile sucks :(

-mr. fenton knew vlad was controlling him, but a few episodes ago he had no clue danny was doing the same thing...is it something about how malicious the ghost is?? he just seemed to think his memory had gaps the first time, this time he was INSTANTLY LIKE 'GHOST'. then again in this ep when danny did it again he was just slightly confused but not immediately freaking out like he did with vlad possessing him!!

-'my parents will accept ME NO MATTER WHAT' so. so why haven't you come out to them yet, danny?? if you really think that?? if theres no harm, and you're sure??? if vlad is a real problem, wouldnt that make dealing with him easier, to expose him???? SO WHY HAVENT YOU COME OUT YET?? COULD IT BE,, MAYBE YOU HAVE DOUBTS ABOUT WHETHER YOUR PARENTS ACTUALLY WILL ACCEPT YOU??? 🤔 ... 🏳‍🌈 I get why people say He Is Trans. I totally totally get u danny.

-sorta unrelated, but it just occurred to me in one of these eps they go to casper HIGH not casper middle school??? theyre 14?? dont highschools usually do ages 15-18? (I didnt go to hs so I might be wrong, if I am ignore this...) freshmen are usually 14-15, could just be a case of them not turning 15 yet but they will sometime in the school year (I say they because tucker said he was 14 too)? I know the show has 3 seasons, so by the end of it will they be older? thatd be neat but usually cartoon characters stay the same age...I love shows where you can see the characters age and grow up, though...three seasons seems like a long time to spend on like, 1 year...

[springfieldblues]

my long ass review for S32E03 Now Museum, Now You Don’t

warning: LONG because i rambled about history more than i thought i would

id been looking forward to this one because i like art history, especially after seeing how they tried their best to stick to historical accuracy in the previous episode I, Carumbus. this time however….they didnt try that hard. i dont know why i thought theyd go through that sort of trouble again LMAO

but its okay, i dont really expect the simpsons to be the paragon of historical accuracy or anything. especially in anthology episodes told through a particular character's lens (in this case, lisa, whos already feverish so whatever)

first i just wanna say that this is, i guess, less of a review and more of an accidental list of history fun facts. so im just gonna get my general thoughts out of the way first.

the episode was fun! to me at least haha. i mean it got me to think and do a lot of research on my own so that must count for something. besides a couple of really weird ones, the jokes were good. anthology episodes tend to be….not that good but i thought this one was one of the better ones so far. idk.

anyway on to lisanardo da vinky its the renaissance! jesus christ the italian accents in the beginning of this segment were annoying as hell but i also feel like that was the joke lmao. ill be real i kind of tuned out for a second there when grampa started rambling so idk what he said.

i told myself i wouldnt get nitpicky with historical accuracy if the jokes were funny (final edit: so that was a lie) but this meh bit with the pizza guys and mascots was really not worth ignoring the fact that its impossible for italy to have any tomato-based food in the 15th century (tomatoes were brought to europe from the americas in the 16th century, and pizza as we know it today—flatbread, cheese, tomato—originated in the late 18th century)

oh this next part was kind of legit tho. lisanardo, like the real leonardo, became andrea del verrochio's apprentice at his workshop. i loved this next bit:

"Whoever paints the sweetest cherub will have the honor of having MY name signed on their work. That's what great artists do!"

SO YEAH as it turns out, lisanardo painted the sweetest cherubs. the painting here is called The Baptism of Christ, and the real leonardo assisted verrochio in finishing it. specifically, he painted the cherubs in the corner.

this causes verrochio to quit and go someplace with less talented people: a music school (yes, verrochio did quit painting after getting owned by young leo and his mad angel painting skills. he never did anything with music tho, he was more of a sculptor)

alongside lisanardo, in mr largo-verrochio's workshop we have barticelli (botticelli bart), dolphatello (donatello dolph), ralphael (raphael...ralph) and mediocrito (no one that i know of. sorry milhouse) (and kearney i guess but they dont refer to him by name). botticelli and donatello are said to have also been apprentices at verrochio's workshop, but raphael came a couple of decades later so he couldnt have been there. and donatello was too old so that claim is a bit questionable. but anyway

it IS true that leonardo's peers envied him, to the point where he was anonymously and purposefully accused of being gay (a major crime punishable by death in 15th century florence) while he was still working at verrochio's workshop

we are then treated by what im pretty sure is the fourth time the show has used 'at seventeen' by janis ian, this time sung by a dejected lisanardo (man they really do keep making yeardley sing these days huh) who only wishes to be appreciated and not envied.

"I'll show them all! I'll show them all in a secret diary that no one will decipher for 400 years!"

some of lisanardo's future inventions. who wouldve known

so after barticelli, for some reason (revenge??? or something?? what was his plan here idgi) steals lisanardo's diaries full of blueprints of her inventions and takes them to mr burns who i have to assume is pope alexander VI here, they decide to use her inventions for war.

"With these, we can kill the most evil people in the world!! ....Slightly different Christians."

leo actually did this of his own accord. im surprised this is what they decided to do with lisanardo instead of talking about leo's love of nature and vegetarianism (not a single mention of that in this episode? come on...) then again, trying to do good only to end up indirectly making things worse is a very standard lisa storyline. i guess they didnt want to miss the chance to have evil pope burns (very fitting, especially for that era since they were all about money and controlling the people)

so lisanardo decides to leave for france, unlike the real leonardo who was more or less persuaded by his ultimate fanboy king francis I to move to france.

"Lisanardo, I have many questions. Why are you hitting yourself? A nerd says 'what'? And how is it possible that I am rubber and you are glue? Et cetera, et cetera."

that line may seem a little random, like hes just nelson saying nelson things (and i mean, obviously he is) but the real francis also "had an unquenchable thirst for learning, and Leonardo was the world’s best source of experimental knowledge. He could teach the king about almost any subject there was to know, from how the eye works to why the moon shines." so yeah, he did have many questions and lisanardo, finally being appreciated for her intellect, was happy to answer them all. its very interesting how lisa assigned this role to nelson in her retelling of da vinci’s life :^)

and so she lived the rest of her days in france, nat king cole's 'mona lisa' plays because duh, and they make a da vinci code reference because duh. and the segment ends. and not a single time did they show the actual mona lisa painting. the fuck?

(ngl i was fully expecting bart to say 'leonardo da vinky' for a second here)

so this next segment is about french impressionist painters, most likely the batignolles group, a name adopted by the early representatives of impressionism. its much more vague than the lisanardo segment since no one here is referred to by name (except moe, more on him in a sec) but i dont feel like it really matters in this case. bart is prrrrooobably claude monet but its hard to say, this segment is kind of a mish-mash of a lot of things. also i gotta say i really liked how lisa introduced the story to bart with an 'if you hate the formal study of art' and not 'if you hate art' because thats exactly my headcanon. i LOVE the concept of artist bart and whenever its referenced it just makes perfect sense to me.

anyway the segment opens in 1863 at the école des beaux-arts (back then it was actually known as the académie des beaux-arts), preserver of traditional french art styles. skinner reviews his students’ paintings one by one. praises the plain, unimaginative paintings depicting your typical european countryside landscapes. very run-of-the-mill (haha get it...cuz theres….a windmill) (although the real académie didnt approve of such basic stuff, they wanted artists to draw epic historical and mythological scenes) then he gets to barts painting and he gives him an F- because the painting made him think.

(the paintings in this scene arent real famous paintings as far as i know but they are inspired by real paintings enough to get the point across)

in comes barney dressed as bacchus as a model for the students to sketch, which i just loved:

barney: “You prefer robe open or robe off?” skinner: “Just cover your privates with this walnut shell.” barney: “Whoa!!! So roomy!”

skinner gasps in horror at bart’s sketch, which “looks nothing like him” and bart explains that “it shouldn’t; we’re making the art that we feel because we can’t compete with a camera.” damn, you go bart. take that, realism. draw what you feel!!

(also no, you didnt need to hold still for 17 hours for a daguerreotype. 30 min tops.)

nelson haw-haw of the week: FOIE-gras!

so here they are at the moulin rouge (“enjoy it before baz luhrmann ruins it” hey shut up. i love that movie), which wouldnt be built for another 26 years, but it is the most widely known gathering place for bohemians in the public consciousness so i can understand why they went with the moulin. nelson delivers this anachronistic line:

“This époque keeps getting beller and beller!”

which alludes to la belle époque, the golden age of france usually dated from 1880 to 1914. made me snort so ill let that slide

and heres moe! as henri de toulouse-lautrec, who was actually born a year after the year this segment is set in. yo moe szyslak he was just 1

toulouse-moetrec introduces himself as the chronicler of the demimonde (not an actual job). an iconic figure associated with the moulin rouge (largely due to his affinity for alcohol and prostitutes), toulouse-lautrec was also a painter, having illustrated a series of posters for the moulin himself. he simply had to be in this segment, anachronisms be damned, just because they decided to include the moulin. cant have one without the other.

and yes he did have a walking cane where he kept his liquor.

i love how everyone drinks absinthe in this place. theyre bohemians what else would they drink

toulouse-moetrec points out that barts paintings are the greatest thing hes ever seen (and hes seen like five things!) and that hes a genius. milhouse realizes that they should stop doing what the teacher says and use their own minds to instead...start doing what bart says lmao. to the easels!

next we have skinner hyping up chalmers about the art his students made for the salon de paris, an art exhibition that the emperor of france will attend. he assures him that none of these paintings will encourage debate, provoke thought or be out of place at a dentist’s office. when they unveil the art, theyre both SHOCKED at how scandalous the paintings actually are.

this reaction was kind of accurate. impressionism was severely rejected at the salon de paris, due to paintings not looking finished enough to them, they thought they were ugly and vulgar for depicting nudity in a contemporary setting (historical and mythological nudity was fine). these impressionist paintings were sent to the salon de refusés, which is. yeah. the place where they sent the rejects. the salon de refusés does not make an appearance but this scene makes a reference to it when the artists get expelled from the royal salon. also:

“What about our student loans?” “Oh they’ll be refunded. We are not barbarians, I mean, come on.”

(god if only)

so the painters are down because they want the emperor to actually see their paintings. toulouse-moetrec pipes in once again with an idea.

“There is one thing the emperor loves more than anything.” “France?” “No, he hates France.”

apparently the emperor really loves cheese, which makes sense since its napoleon III (who loved cheese) and homer (who loves cheese.) so the painters roll into the salon inside a giant wheel of cheese (obviously.) as lenny said, “Eh, you know French cheese. Very runny.” napoleon III chases after the wheel into a room, where the wheel falls apart after getting chomped on by the emperor. now that they got his attention, the painters proudly show the emperor their impressionist art, which he couldnt be more indifferent about because he just wants to eat his cheese dammit, and he awards them with the royal medallion just to kind of get them out of his way. skinner immediately starts kissing ass (as he does) until marge’s like ‘hey wait a minute. you expelled these students from the royal salon’ and an executioner immediately starts ominously measuring skinners neck.

“Uh, sir...is your tongue sticking out because you’re dead or because you’re mad at me?”

and thats the end of that lmao (gore in this episode, gore in the last episode, and next week we’re getting gore too cuz its THOH, what the hell is goin on)

we get a short intermission with maggie, who wants a story for her too! lisa tells her that renaissance artists loved to put babies in their paintings, especially baby angels.

here she is showing her The Triumph Of Galatea by raphael:

King David Playing The Harp by peter paul reubens:

and a very simplified version of pretty much any depiction of hell by hyeronimus bosch lmao:

not much else to say about this one, really. but i really liked that sky!

the last segment is about frida kahlo and diego rivera. or as bart puts it ‘the one about a fat guy whos wife is too good for him.’ i was REALLY looking forward to this one because i love frida and i thought itd be a cool opportunity for animators to go bonkers and do really cool shit with her art as inspiration…..but the segment is not about frida, its about diego and his selling out to capitalism. and its also yet another story with homer and marge drama. no funky cool animation here. sigh i guess i’ll take it

the story begins in 1929 at la casa azul, frida’s home (now museum dedicated to her life and work.) frida and diego are getting married. this courtyard definitely did not look this way yet back in 1929. also theres something very cringy yet funny about lovejoy saying spanish words the way he does, i honestly cant decide how i feel about that one

the writers know theyre being cringy with their gringoness so they go along with it.

moe: “Spanish for ‘best wishes’!” mel: “Spanish for ‘congratulations’!” bumblebee man: “Spanish for ‘muy bueno’!”

OH YEAH BUMBLEBEE MAN this is his new voice actor, eric lopez! hes not mexican but its still great to finally have a latino actor voicing a latino character and hes very excited to be part of the show so i hope to hear more of him!! im rooting for him

el barto/zorro makes an appearance which i am very confused about. he has jack shit to do with frida and diego and mexico in the 20s-30s. el zorro was set in the spanish california of the early 19th century. their use of the original theme song makes me think they just wanted to flex their disney privileges tbh

lets not talk about that that whole scene was bad

anyway diego announces he and frida are going to new york, without even asking her first. frida is obviously pissed.

“Don’t worry, as a woman, you’ll be treated with much more respect in America.”

so in new york, diego is having a bit of a business meeting with mr burns as one of the members of the rockefellers, who is commissioning him to draw a mural for the rockefeller center. its kinda funny how he refers to him and frida as socialists even though they were very much communists lmao its okay you can say it. ok so far, but then frida says ‘yes, we hate the capitalists! right now, a young socialist is being born who will take them down! mr. bernie sanders. i hope hes quick about it’ and that was a simple enough joke and couldve been left at that but then its immediately followed by this weird as fuck family guy-esque cutaway gag to bernie as a baby:

“Getting a cootie shot should not cost your lunch money. And if you don’t listen to me, listen to the Bernie Babies! What? Everybody’s got goons.” *larger babies start beating up this other baby* “I disavow that, and welcome it.”

this confused me so much that i had to ask one of my american friends to help me understand, but even she was like ‘uhhh yeah thats a weird joke,’ especially now that hes been out of the race for months (then again these episodes take almost a year to produce. i guess they couldnt be bothered to replace it with something more relevant.) whatever that was weird and confusing and unfunny moving on

frida is pretty irked that diego is going through with this deal. after all, it goes against everything they believe in. im not sure how the real frida felt about diego doing the mural, but she did feel a bit of rage during her visit to the united states, especially the obvious disparity between rich and poor. she hated having to interact with capitalists and found americans very boring. in this segment, frida seems to be acting more like the american communist party, which diego got kicked out of for accepting commissions from wealthy patrons. in any case, frida is pretty upset about this whole thing.

and finally we get the first and only kind of surreal frida moment. kinda. maybe. its more cartoonish than anything but im desperate ok

interesting how they felt like they had to add a “don’t smoke” in big letters after showing patty and selma flying away on their giant cigarettes. i wonder if this is something theyre making them do now? i remember hearing something about them toning down patty and selma’s smoking

diego comes home to frida, drunk as hell, followed by the marx brothers. i cant believe they didnt make a marxism joke come on it was RIGHT THERE. THE MARX BROTHERS. KARL MARX. COME ON

frida paints her feelings.

this makes diego realize that frida is a genius and he is not half the artist she is. he proclaims he will now show his awe of her by sleeping with other women, starting “an hour ago.” to which frida replies, “and i will start sleeping with other women, starting two hours ago.” yes this was pretty much their relationship. though im just wondering how the hell did diego not know frida was this kind of artist until now? i know homers an idiot but jeez. art was how frida and diego met, diego knew from the get-go that frida was an incredible artist. i guess the fame got to his head or something. again, homer just being stupid.

“well enough already, while the art is still deco, okay?”

its time for the mural diego painted, Man At The Crossroads, to be unveiled:

rockefeller examines it. good and great so far, and then...uh oh

“Who’s that fellow…? With the beard, and the bolshevik smile…” “That’s the founder of Soviet Russia, Lenin!”

“B-b-but he’s a communist!” “Oh he just attended a couple of meetings.”

rockefeller will not have this communist in the temple to capitalism that is the rockefeller center, so he orders diego to paint over it. diego stands his ground and refuses. despite rockefeller’s threats, diego says that theres only one person he wants to be proud of him no matter what and in true homer & marge fashion, frida is touched by this. they happily leave the rockefeller center.

now, the real story of Man At The Crossroads and the rockefeller center was actually not that different. as soon as the rockefellers found out diego had snuck in a portrait of lenin into the mural, they ordered him to paint over it, to which he refused. diego even offered to include abraham lincoln and even american abolitionists in the mural as a compromise, but the rockefellers simply did not want any references to communism whatsoever. they did not complain about the hammer and sickle, though. yes, they did know diego was a communist and hired him anyway. what did they expect? lmao. diego said:

"Rather than mutilate the conception [of the mural], I shall prefer the physical destruction of the conception in its entirety, but preserving, at least, its integrity."

so they decided to destroy the mural before it was even finished and they never talked to each other again.

diego then repainted the mural at the palacio de bellas artes back in mexico, this time known as Man, Controller of the Universe. this new version included even more communist leaders and a depiction of john d. rockefeller jr. drinking at a nightclub, right underneath a depiction of syphilis bacteria. cue nelson haw-haw:

this was the version they used in the episode also, since the original was, well, never finished and also destroyed. only a black and white photograph of it exists, taken by diego before it was destroyed so he could remake it.

right so, homer!diego then pulls a Barthood and finishes the episode with a large mural summarizing the entire episode. he says some rick and morty thing i didnt get because i dont watch the show idk idc

the end

ALRIGHT NOW ITS TIME FOR THE STORY OF VINCENT VAN MOE