#me typing up a bunch of shit: yeah that doesnt make sense and doesnt matter post it.

[kylejsugarman]

baby is a really well-behaved kid who has a very (edward cullen voice) "its fine ill just. have to endure it" outlook on all of the trials and tribulations of childhood and life in general with the glaring exception of shots and anything to do with needles. her vaccination schedule got messed up during her first four years of life with all the stress and inconsistency of her initial upbringing, and by the time demi was able to circle back around to that stuff, baby was several shots/boosters behind. since kindergarten was starting soon, demi had to get her records updated fast, which unfortunately meant getting like eight shots over the course of two weeks. baby very understandably did Not Enjoy this experience (and broke down every time she had to get in the car for the next few weeks because she was positive they were going back to the doctor's office), so when demi gets the notification that it's time for baby to get a double-dose flu shot, she feels so defeated because it's going to be such a hard time. but this time around, she has someone in her corner, and even though it may occasionally make her feel terrible that she can't provide baby with the same level of comfort that he can, demi can't deny that she's super relieved when jesse agrees to take her for this appointment. he definitely starts to have his doubts about the whole thing when they roll up to the clinic and baby looks at him like he's taking her to the electric chair, which feels Awful. but demi trusts him to make this process easier and he wants her trust, he wants to do something right, so he just squeezes baby's hand and says "let's crush this and get some dairy queen". going back to the exam room feels weird and claustrophobic even though he's done this a million times with a million different doctors by now just to even make it to this point. maybe it's knowing that baby also probably has the same weird, claustrophobic feeling. when the time comes and the nurse tech unpacks the syringe, baby starts to cry, which reflexively opens a door inside of him that he thought would never open again. "hey, hey, baby," he says, sitting down on the exam table next to her, "it's okay, it's gonna be okay. just cover ur eyes, okay?? like this." he puts his hands over his eyes, the smell of varnish and waiting room hand sanitizer (and rot and blood). when he uncovers them, baby is looking up at him with that same amount of trust, that same conviction—only this time he knows that everything will be fine in the end. she covers her eyes dutifully (peekaboo) and he loops an arm around her and they both hold their breath until the needle is out and the bandaid is on. everything is fine. everyone is still here. this time, he was able to actually Do something. baby holds onto his hand the whole way out and dairy queen has never tasted so sweet.

[realegypciansilk]

so i just saw inside by bo burnham and here's what i think about certain scenes and songs.

First of all, i have never written stuff like this, so i apologise if it’s gramaticlly incorrect, (eng. It’s not my 1st language).

The first time i watched it, it made me feel kinda confused, somehow felt empty and i really didnt feel a connection with it. Now i know it was due to my perspective. I watched this at 3am because i was bored, i’ve read some things about it on articles and news, nothing really special, the first impression of it, (i think for most of us too) were: oh, so like, inside, a pandemic stand up?, this made me spect some silly sketches and maybe 1 or 2 “serious” retrospective of the world, humanity, how to help, motivational speeches etc.

I rewatched it again today, clearing my mind and deleting the thought of being something related to the pandemic, because it is not. That changed everyhing. It is not about being inside your house while a deadly virus threatens the humanity, it’s about being inside you, who are you?, your thoughts, dealing with yourself. may appear redundant, about being inside you. I love how it adresses things like “the seek of attention”that everyone has, how we are, so complex that everytime we will have more to say about ourselves justifying and explaining our actions to others. This made me think about myself (obviously). ¿I’’m always justifying, even in this post trying to be redempted for not speaking english so well, why?. Our perception of ourselves, we always bring us down with thoughts, making us smaller and reducing us and apologysing for doing that with a bunch of strangers.

the second time i Heard “goodbye”, felt so personal and close, the way he sangs reminds me when i try to come out from my shyness, anxiety, suicide thoughts, all my bad stuff and say, hey, you know what? I wolud like to be different today, just 1 day. Change me. Do something for me. It´s an ingenous feeling, with a short duration. when you know that, in reality, it wont happen. “well, well, look who’s inside again……” feels like a “told you, now come back again”, a part of you knows that you’ll never be able to achieve something, but you ignore this, that quickly feel of hope makes you think things will be different and you’ll take the weel of your life. Trying to leave behind a part of you that, whathever you do, you cant get rid of it, and you find yourself returning to those habits, actions and thoughts that feels, good. Like a hug.

When he talks about suicide, it was just genious, he saying that, “he dont like it when close people did it” presents that, even while having “empathy” to other people, we´re still being selfish, always puting our needs, feelings and thoughts above them. (not only in this part, also in “how the world works”). While ignoring his own advice. and it made me tear up seeing the screen with suicidal prevention contact.

I love that in “welcome to the internet” he dont blame someone or something in particular, (these type of songs always or, the majority of times fingerpoint to something). It doesnt feel like an acusation, blame, i didnt feel shame. He just presents the things for what they are.

When he kicked the camera and the equipment made me think of; We can be fine for a moment and then snapped, then wonder what happened?,everything was going fine, and you just dont understand why you cant do something to change what it’s making you not being able to do nothing. It’s a cycle. Then, a fear comes, what if, im never going out to be able to past this?, will the rest of my life will be like this?, if it’s, i will start to consider. When im alone im a complete different person, probably the cheeriest person in the room if you’d like to say. I laugh, almost at everything and if it’s not there’s always a smile. All of it turns 180 when im alone, just with myself. Im a person who, no matter the situation (for good or bad), will always had humor. it feels so personal that, as bad as the situation is, i'll try to make you laugh. Using comedy as a resource to heal it's obvious, yet amazing.

The ending it’s just The inevitable reality of, someday having to come out . being exposed so raw, it is necessary. (in a metaphorical sense & literally the action of leaving your house). You will have no where else to take refuge. The shot of being naked and pointed with a refflector, it’s just, assuming what one way or another it had to happen; and just be like “well, there’s nothing that it can be done”and accept it. Even if you’re not ready. No one is ready.

If I wake up in a house that's full of smoke I'll panic, so call me up and tell me a joke When I'm fully irrelevant and totally broken Dammit, call me up and tell me a joke Oh shit, you're really joking at a time like this?

I interpret this part like waiting, waiting for a reciprocity, at the beggining of the special, bo told us he will be there for us when our house burst in smoke, and he will tell us a joke on different situations, but, at the end of the day, who will be there for bo?. The sensation of giving the best of you to other people, but never see that reflected. And when people makes you regret for joking about certain topics, like depression.

We have a lot of social criticism content now days; a lot that it is almost imposible to navigate youtube and not stumble into a video like, “we need to talk about….”, “adressing ……”.this is diferent, he’s not criticising society and their actions it's not the main focus, he puts you in a pov where you’re just and overwhelming person, so many things to worry about, from the world to yourself and not being capable of doing anything.

So yeah,

this is a masterpiece, I admire him, he’s so brave and it makes me happy he did all of this.

[doctorguilty]

alright here’s how I’d rewrite Infinite and ergo some of the plot points of the games story.. it  got long i got a little carried away lol........................ 

Infinite’s name probably isn’t that before he becomes a tool of destruction thing but I don’t care all that much to name him something else rn 

he also doesn’t have a sword because that’s really not necessary and I don’t know how to make that relevant at all 

forget the mercenary thing because it makes no sense that he was “hired” by eggman and that’s also boring. The jackal squad is a nomadic, robin hood type group that steals from bad folks to help other animal people villages in need 

to make character relationships.. matter a little bit more, OC is a long time childhood friend of Infinite and they still see one another a decent amount despite the jackals moving around

I don’t really care how or why the phantom ruby exists in fact I’m just realizing there’s a huge discontinuity because according to the COMIC it just.. existed arbitrarily like a chaos emerald, but according to the GAME it seems to be something Eggman fabricated, since there’s “prototypes” in play??? hm hm okay you know what I’m feeling ambitious let’s make both make sense. There is one true phantom ruby that exists, eggman finds it, where ever I don’t care. some legend about, this ruby can bring your ultimate fantasies to life! EXCEPT you need to have, idk, a good heart, a heart of gold, to use it and eggman doesnt have that so he can see the illusion of his empire but it wont become reality 

eggman thinks okay well, maybe if I fabricate copies of it I can make a version that will work, which I reckon doesn’t make them “prototypes’ anymore but just, copies, but close enough. however, they still don’t work 

now cut to jackal squad raiding eggman for his cool shit. maybe they catch wind about this whole “bring your fantasies to life” power and want to use it for good and they know eggmans vibes are rancid. in any case the jackals make off with a ruby (a FAKE one uh oh!) but not without infinite losing an eye and gaining one big unsightly scar from a fight w/ eggman and he’s like Shook about that but he’s like hm well at least I stopped that terrible guy from harnessing this power (oh no bitch u thought..) 

of course the jackals dont keep their spoils but WHO ever could be trusted with this legendary gem thing?!? oh none other than You, Original The Character, aka Infinite’s best friend .............. so he gives the ruby to OC and tells them like, idk allegedly this can make ur dreams come true but I don’t know how it works...oh my eye? yeah I sure used to have two of those but dont worry about it, anyway ttyl stay fresh  *saunters off, jackaly* 

because the fake!ruby is.. fake, it just seems to be a dud at first so OC just hangs onto it as a keepsake 

eggman, pissed about his shit getting stolen and worried what could be done with it sends robots out to hunt down infinite, kidnap him, and drag him back to eggman’s base and demand the fake!ruby back. infinite naturally refuses to tell him anything especially at the cost of putting OC in danger, so he’s like, blow it out your ass

eggman is like HAHA WELL U DUMB SHIT you stole a fake anyway and I have the real one right here.. he uses the ruby to suddenly spawn a bunch of robots and infinite braces himself for the attack... except they go right through him because they’re just illusions. eggman is like FUCK !! DAMMIT! WHY WONT THIS SHIT WORK!! Infinite uses eggman’s tantrum time to rush in to snatch the ruby. when infinite touches it as its in eggman’s hand, however, all the illusion robots become “real” (probably conveying this through effects/opacity), taking them both by surprise. infinite is unable to take the ruby before getting hit with a full force attack from a robot 

infinite is incapacitated and eggman grins,  like, inch resting...................... you seem to be able to make the ruby work... I will now use you for malicious purposes >:) (cut to black) 

NOW when Infinite is in the tube, 1) he already has his mask because the scene with him putting it on and monologueing about abandoning his old identity is unnecessary, it’s more symbolic here, 2) he’s amnesic and I know we did that with shadow already and I don’t mean to overuse it, but I think it works well enough in a different way for this story! Shadow had some fragments of memories and an identity crisis, but with Infinite, his memory is completely wiped (or perhaps suppressed?) and his only understanding of himself is that he was “created” to work for eggman. Even MORE importantly! the stakes are raised because of Infinite’s relationship to the OC--Infinite cannot remember them which makes attacking them a lot more heart wrenching ESPECIALLY when we get to a point where OC begins to recognize their brainwashed best friend using one of the (apparently) very same rubies given to OC to try to destroy them with

this also adds more tension to all the scenes where Infinite is taunting and threatening OC on a quite personal , rivalry-like level? Infinite would, over time, begin to get an inexplicable sense of familiarity with OC, which causes him to hesitate and hold back 

oh and as for the fake!ruby, OC does use it to defend himself just like the first time! it ends up being successfully activated because OC shows a strong will to protect the other civilians. if you haven’t caught on to my cheese, both OC and Infinite have hearts of gold and thats why they can use the rubies. eggman is cheating though by fusing Infinite to the ruby and using him as a proxy for his bad will..... and again, coming back to the cheese, Infinite’s heart cannot be changed and he is not truly “evil” so that’s like, how this is working 

I’m way too lazy to fix everything scene by scene because there’s also just SO MUCH wrong with all the other characters and plot but I’m just focusing on fixing Infinite and making him more interesting so I’m skipping to the end..  

I’m not entirely sure how I’d order the bosses and what I’d wanna do with the eggman robot phases  the whole things was a big mess............I kinda wanna go with what I THOUGHT was going to happen after beating up giant robot thing and then that squid robot breaks out??? and I thought it was going to be Infinite cause that would be much more dramatic? So lets go with that---When Eggman says like, well fuck infinite who needs him? i harnessed the power of the ruby into my robot, he means he literally trapped Infinite in it like, wired up and shit to use him like a power generator. fucked up. Infinite breaks out after that phase of the battle, and he’s like, in so much pain and glitched out on overclocked energy he cant even control what he’s doing.... commence TRUE final boss battle (it can still be a tagteam with sonic), and it’s sad and dramatic! OC pleads (or I reckon sonic, maybe the other heroes too since they talk during fights! like since OC doesnt talk) infinite to remember his true self because they dont want to destroy him 

once you’ve depleted his health bar, I’m going to go ahead and use the game’s weird addition of quicktime events to fuel more cheesiness (B/C THIS IS SONIC...WHY DID THEIR “POWER OF FRIENDSHIP” MORAL END ON SUCH A BLAND, UNEMOTIONAL NOTE IN FORCES??? shadow didnt fall to his (alleged) death in sa2 for this..............) and you quicktime OC HUGGING Infinite, like jumping towards him and grabbing him in an embrace type of thing! and when OC makes contact with the ruby, it activates, making all the probably hostile glitchy  battle terrain or whatever dissipate, infinite stops being like.. idk lookin like he’s being electrocuted, and his mask fades away .. exposing Infinite as his true self once again 

the in between the lines intent here, again since OC doesn’t talk, is that OC’s fantasy was to bring Infinite back so they could be together again. you’re welcome to interpret that as romantic, or platonic, it doesn’t matter! it’s open ended! it’s just supposed to be cute!  

idk and then emotional stuff, I’m not entirely sure what it doesn’t really matter the idea is that Infinite is like, remorseful of what happened but everyone ofc forgives him because it’s not his fault , and then he joins up with with everyone to help fix the world! hmm I’m torn between Infinite keeping the true phantom ruby or giving it to the OC, like giving it to the OC makes sense, but for the sake of like, hypothetically bringing Infinite back in a future game and having special powers, it would be perfect if he kept it and that was his thing, he uses the power of virtual reality to help people and fight evil and whatever  

I dont know I guess there’s not a lot of sense in thinking too hard since I just remembered none of this is canon whatsoever and we’re probably not seeing Infinite again unless as a stock evil thing to beat up like metal sonic 8′) 

I have no idea who i wrote this for I guess myself! Idk if anyone else played forces or cares or w/e but! if you DO happen to be someone who read this and cares about it omg well like feel free to! comment and tell me what you think!!!  this was all very stream of thought

[swatato]

fat. FAT. P H A T RANT INCOMING FOR ANYONE WHO CARES TO READ THIS NONSENSE CUZ @haldidoodh ASKED

That episode literally blasted the last of my serotonin into smithereens but TBH??? WHO AM I MAD AT I should have seen this coming this whole volume has been such a headache. I cant be bothered to type up a coherent rwde essay on everything that bothered me this episode so im just gonna copy and paste my earlier yelling here instead ;A;

Team Rwby was god awful in episodes 11-12. They’re so self-righteous, entitled, hypocritical and cocky as a team and it doesnt help that they all suck as individual characters nowadays (except for weiss but even she lost best-girl points this episode also lmao blake and yang aren’t even INDIVIDUALS anymore they’re just bumbleby). It was annoying at first but now its just infuriating how rwby thinks theyre always right with their uwu energy and think they can do whatever tf they want with ZERO CONSEQUENCES.

Basically any time there is a problem in this show they have Ruby uwu at it and its solved lol.

They kept giving ironwood shit for taking on this incredible burden SO THAT NOBODY ELSE WOULD HAVE TO and rather than offer any real solution they just kept going “but mantle” like okay?? But remnant??? Like obvi letting mantle rot is bad but HE WAS OPEN TO ANY HELPFUL SUGGESTIONS CUZ HES OBVI AT HIS WITTS END AND DOESNT LIKE THE IDEA EITHER but yeah they just proceed to be the fattest hypocrites by hiding secrets of their own after being all “no more secrets uwu” and WHEN THEY GOT EXPOSED THEY JUST WENT “>:[“ (yangs self-righteous little glare here pissed me off so much oof) especially when ironwood was laying everything out in the open to them from the start. AND ESPECIALLY WHEN THE SECRET WAS FKIN “OH YEAH SALEM CANT DIE LOL” They watched ironwood make every decision he did in hopes of beating Salem while KNOWING she couldnt die??? So literallY WHERE do they get off on screeching at him with their yOu doNt hAvE to Suffer In ManTle YOu doNt kNow whAt iTs liKe bs. Wtf made ruby distrust iw at the start anyway? Because he had a bunch of ships out? They kept this CRUCIAL piece of information from him because he seemed stressed out?? Like what made ruby keep the secret from him. Someone tell me.

And the fact that rwby beat the ace-ops makes no goddamned sense. The power-scaling in this show is non-existant. We finally got to meet some pro huntsmen in this universe who aren’t teachers but are actually on the job, but because we gotta move out of the way for that 👌🏽✨ Power Of Friendship✨ and ✨rwby is always right✨ they somehow managed to beat experienced huntsmen with YEARS in the field who’ve actually graduated school??? FARM BOI OSCAR WHOS *JUST* LEARNING HOW TO FIGHT MANAGED TO LAND A PUNCH ON NEO FKIN POLITAN??? Didnt neo dance circles around yang??? Yang, who punches for a living and also beat mercury and adam??? I cant yall (and the fact that he didnt even bother to sneak up on her this boi literally screamed “no!!” as he ran down a hallway and neo didnt even have time to blink??? Pls)

Ruby’s “you were the best, until you trained us :3” -for maybe 2 days before my team went dancing ruby sis shut right tf up pls my god is this line just so. UNEARNED. Training in a room for a short while does not simply grant you the years of field experience the ace ops have and whAT IS UP WITH HER TRYING TO REASON WITH HARIETT AFTER SAYING THAT COCKY LINE AND FIGHTING HER??? WHAT and also like. The entire idea of “the ops lost cuz they weren’t good friends and were bad at teamwork uwu” is just so dumb. Ur telling me this group of high ranking hunstmen who’ve most likely been working together for at least a few years didnt have teamwork down??? Learning to work together is the most BASIC concept for a team to learn!! Its like the first thing a team has to perfect!! If the ace ops are supposed to be the best of atlas you dont think the ops would have gotten something as fundemental as teamwork down?? I dont buy it. And who gives a shit if they dont hang out after work or take selfies with eachother. Being friends doesnt necessarily mean theyre great at working together. If they succeed at relying on eachother to watch their backs, to keep each other alive (in the words of hariett herself) then Id think theyd know how to protect eachother i.e WORK TOGETHER.

And for all the ✨friendship✨ and ✨going through so much with someone✨ talk rwby like to do, the show barely displays these people acting like friends. We’re constantly TOLD how great of friends this group is, but the actual CONTENT we are shown leaves a lot to be desired. Tell me the last time ruby and blake teamed up in a fight. Or weiss and blake. Or yang and weiss. What teamwork?? Yang only interacts with blake now and weiss is only ever allowed to interact with ruby. Has blake ever said nora or ren’s name out loud? Have jaune and yang ever held a conversation between just them? Team rwby just spent a GOOD DEAL of time seperated from eachother, but when they reunite their teamwork is still somehow better than the ace ops?? Honestly its easier to believe that ruby is closer with team jnpr than she is her own team. If they showed the ops messing up during rwby vs ace ops fight due to lack of communication, then it still doesnt matter. My point is that they shouldnt have lacked teamwork in the first place.

Robyn was m e h this episode “JaMes ConTinUes to UnDeresTimAte Me” *proceeds to get knocked over in .3 seconds and is then KO for the rest of the episode* also great job for starting a fight and aiming to take clovers life in a moving airship with a terrorist on board when clover was acting PEACEFULLY and qrow was WILLING TO TALK IT OUT WITH IW and potentially work on a solution, but naw robyn is big mad and shall shoot.

Qrow made zero sense this episode too. I was with him right up until he chose TYRIAN OVER CLOVER??? THE PSYCOPATH WHO CANNOT BE REASONED WITH OVER THE RATIONAL DUDE YOU KNOW IS GOOD except clover wasnt acting rational in this fight at all and ill get to that AND IS THE ONLY FRIEND YOU HAVE WHOS NOT 19????? Qrow rly looked at tyrian- a man who is literally an enemy to all of remnant and went after ur neice- and said lets get rid of this punk together u and me bro. Like screw teaming with clover to bring down the dude you ACTUALLY have a grudge with whos also a serial killer and then trying to talk it out with clover whod be willing to do things peacefully why is this show like this

and AS FOR CLOVER. where were the braincells this episode. Qrow was trying to fight tyrian-the WAY bigger threat here, but clover??? kept knocking him away from tyrian and restraining him with his hook like??? YEAH LETS HELP OUT THE DEMON SCORPION CRACKHEAD HES CLEARLY NOT THE PRIORITY ATM nvm clover deserved to die there m8

His death scene was emotional and I feel bad for Qrow but u literally sealed his death when u ganged on him with tyrian so why are you even surprised. And on the subject of fairgame, im glad it didnt happen. Qrow was in no state for romance and I was glad he finally had a friend. He just spent the last volume thinking he wasted his life away helping oz, drowning in misery, drinking til he passed out on the street and so drunk he couldnt even be of any help during the apathy situation, when up til now hes been shown to fight just fine while drunk. I don’t see this as a “bury your gays trope” because clover was never confirmed to be gay and all their scenes added up to 40 seconds of platonic friendship. These two are grown ass men, if they had the hots for eachother then im pretty sure they could openly show it and not dance around it like theyre kids. I do feel bad for mlm viewers who were hoping for some rep with fairgame/lucky charms (cuz rt only cares if ur a cute marketable lesbian) but idc for the overly entitled fans who try to force their own headcanons on the writers and go feral when they dont get what they want. You dont just get to prance around claiming whats canon and what isnt. If rep is there then great, but if it isnt, then why not look somehwere else and let the author tell the story theyre trying to tell? Shipping fairgame cuz you think its cute is absolutely fine but not when u start getting ready to casterate crwby for not catering to you. Also, rwby sucks with lgbt+ rep anyway so what were yall expecting.

The only thing that was great this episode was the chorerography. It just sucks that the animation/choreo continues to improve while the writing doesnt. Another thing that really fell off this episode was the whole “we’re friends but we have to fight” drama. It doesnt work when its only ONE SIDE SHOWING ANY DISTRESS OVER IT. Only the ace ops (marrow, clover, the vine dude) seemed to show distress over having to fight rwby (it sucks that the only 1v1 weiss has won was because marrow was going EASY on her cuz he didnt wanna fight her fr) but rwby???? They didnt give any shits. They were so quick to turn against them and aim for their heads. They were SMILING as they ran at the ace ops, while they looked conflicted. If you oppose their UwU philosophy, you’re dead to them.

I really wanna enjoy RWBY but sometimes this show (and the fndm) really tests me. Its ironic how this episode came right after last episode, which I thought was the best chapter this volume. Anyway I rate this 10/10 cuz it gave me best character ironwood and best boi marrow and I would like to give them hugs for carrying this volume on their backs. (Also tyrian and penny and winter have been great too)

[crafiet]

1-50 OC questionnaire !!

ill use ary

1. What’s their full name? Why was that chosen? Does it mean anything?anyone else paranoid about people stealing their unpublished work or ideas or name bc me. her name is ary and i found it from a generator [lmao so original] and i thought it was cute. her last name is like pretty standard for fantasy and it inspired me to have everyone elses last names in a similar vibe2. Do they have any titles? How did they get them?WELL lmao shes had a lot. prisoner #22876, the wraith, princess ary. ive scrapped all except the prisoner one and u can guess how she got it3. Did they have a good childhood? What are fond memories they have of it? What’s a bad memory? she was raised among royals and nobles so she has a lot of good memories with her parents and other kids her age running around doing dumb shit. most of her bad memories happen once she becomes a teenager4. What is their relationship with their parents? What’s a good and bad memory with them? Did they know both parents? she has an overwhelming love for her parents, she idolizes them heavily and is grateful for how much they taught her. a good memory is probably them teaching her how to use magic for the first time and she being unable to control it and almost burning her eyebrows off lmao5. Do they have any siblings? What’s their names? What is their relationship with them? Has their relationship changed since they were kids to adults?no siblings6. What were they like at school? Did they enjoy it? Did they finish? What level of higher education did they reach? What subjects did they enjoy? Which did they hate?tbh i havent thought much about their education system as young kids, since its not really relevant and i dont tend to worldbuild stuff that never shows up. however she did attend an academy specifically for her magic caste and she had a fun time up until some shit went down and she deserted. shes pretty competitive and liked versing her friends7. Did they have lots of friends as a child? Did they keep any of their childhood friends into adulthood? she was one of those weird kids who preferred hanging out with her parents over everybody else. so she had one good friend in the academy whos still her friend today, but otherwise she would race home and annoy her mum lol8. Did they have pets as a child? Do they have pets as an adult? Do they like animals? no pets. she has a soft spot for horses though, because she has had so many in her “career”9. Do animals like them? Do they get on well with animals? horses like her, i guess they can sense shes good with them. at one point in the novel she sees some jackals and is afraid of them so shes probably not a dog person10. Do they like children? Do children like them? Do they have or want any children? What would they be like as a parent? Or as a godparent/babysitter/ect?she doesnt have anything against kids, but shes not very good with them, shes never been one for baby talk or dumbing herself down. in one draft she takes care of some adolescents and lets cyri take over bc he loves kids lol11. Do they have any special diet requirements? Are they a vegetarian? Vegan? Have any allergies?nahh12. What is their favourite food? uhhhhhhhhhhhhh13. What is their least favourite food?uhHHHHHH14. Do they have any specific memories of food/a restaurant/meal?man idk, its not like my characters arent well rounded realistic people but im not gonna know her favourite fucking colour bc it doesnt matter in the story lmao15. Are they good at cooking? Do they enjoy it? What do others think of their cooking?i would say shes ok, she doesnt burn anything but shes not a gourmet chef [despite having lessons as a child]16. Do they collect anything? What do they do with it? Where do they keep it? ohh i used to have an answer for this but she probably doesnt now just bc shes pretty nomadic and usually only has the clothes on her back lmao17. Do they like to take photos? What do they like to take photos of? Selfies? What do they do with their photos?cameras dont exist in her world my dudee. but if she lived in modern day which ive thought of, shed be the type to take a bunch of pics of her friends and stuff she likes bc she likes having the memory in a solid form, her actual memory is shit lol18. What’s their favourite genre of: books, music, tv shows, films, video games and anything elsehmm i suppose shed be a horror fan, and shed love making fun of stupid characters19. What’s their least favourite genres?man idk. romance? shes kinda #2edgy4me20. Do they like musicals? Music in general? What do they do when they’re favourite song comes?hmm i think shes more a soft music fan, just something idly playing in the background. ex. a bard playing something for the crowd while she kicks back w friends21. Do they have a temper? Are they patient? What are they like when they do lose their temper?she has a short temper. shes easily triggered with any emotion so shes quick to argue or whatever22. What are their favourite insults to use? What do they insult people for? Or do they prefer to bitch behind someone’s back?id like to think shes witty, and she always says stuff to peoples faces bc a bitch has rabies and wants to fight apparently23. Do they have a good memory? Short term or long term? Are they good with names? Or faces?bad memory, shes gone through physical torture and isolation [wew] so. shes better at names, growing up with royals she got to learn a bunch of family names etc24. What is their sleeping pattern like? Do they snore? What do they like to sleep on? A soft or hard mattress?a light sleeper. crazy light. and she can sleep anywhere, so she has no problems sleeping on the ground unlike others25. What do they find funny? Do they have a good sense of humour? Are they funny themselves?she pretends to be stoic but when u get to know her her humour’s pretty lame, shell laugh at anything if just to make u feel better26. How do they act when they’re happy? Do they sing? Dance? Hum? Or do they hide their emotions? she tends to hide them under an indifferent mask27. What makes them sad? Do they cry regularly? Do they cry openly or hide it? What are they like they are sad?despite being able to hide her emotions, she does succumb to fear a lot and cries openly, but will continue to do whatever shes doing through tears so shes scary in that regard28. What is their biggest fear? What in general scares them? How do they act when they’re scared?abandonment is a huge one. shes not a fan of predatory animals. shes brave though, and will do whatevers necessary, kinda like unwilling exposure therapy lol29. What do they do when they find out someone else’s fear? Do they tease them? Or get very over protective? she doesnt like exploiting people so shell never use someones fear against them. for friends, shell protect them and warn them if something like that is gonna happen30. Do they exercise? Regularly? Or only when forced? What do they act like pre-work out and post-work out?lmao she walks or goes horse riding everywhere and is severely malnourished31. Do they drink? What are they like drunk? What are they like hungover? How do they act when other people are drunk or hungover? Kind or teasing?i just wrote a scene like this!! shes louder in general, laughs more. her guard comes down more and more with every drink. she can hold her liquor pretty well but when shes blacked out shes pretty much useless32. What do they dress like? What sorta shops do they buy clothes from? Do they wear the fashion that they like? What do they wear to sleep? Do they wear makeup? What’s their hair like?she prefers comfort and mobility over everything else. she tends to dress pretty masculine, and never does anything with her hair. does she know what a brush is?33. What underwear do they wear? Boxers or briefs? Lacey? Comfy granny panties?...................ask her lol idk. probably just basic comfy ones34. What is their body type? How tall are they? Do they like their body?she is 5′9. when shes healthy, she has a willowy figure but more on the boxy side than curvy. she doesnt really attribute much to her body [imagine living life without dysmorphia mfg]35. What’s their guilty pleasure? What is their totally unguilty pleasure? i dont she counts anything as a ‘guilty’ pleasure. she just enjoys what she enjoys, fuck whatever people think36. What are they good at? What hobbies do they like? Can they sing?she loves fishing! she used to do it a lot with her dad. i dont think shes a particularly good singer37. Do they like to read? Are they a fast or slow reader? Do they like poetry? Fictional or non fiction?yeah she likes reading. she reads pretty fast and prefers nonfiction. she thinks poetry can get too pretentious lmao38. What do they admire in others? What talents do they wish they had?#deep but i think she admires kindness and care in others. she wishes she was a better person at times and wants to be able to express how much people meant to her39. Do they like letters? Or prefer emails/messaging? lmao letters are the only thing in her world. if she lived w us shed probably be all about texting 600 in a row and then calling when u dont reply “what do u mean you cant answer. its called INSTANT messaging for a reason!!”40. Do they like energy drinks? Coffee? Sugary food? Or can they naturally stay awake and alert?she stays awake through sheer willpower shes a beast41. What’s their sexuality? What do they find attractive? Physically and mentally? What do they like/need in a relationship?shes bi/pan. not really a thing about labels in her world. she loves long hair and soft personalities42. What are their goals? What would they sacrifice anything for? What is their secret ambition?plot spoilers!!43. Are they religious? What do they think of religion? What do they think of religious people? What do they think of non religious people?shes not religious. there is a heavy theme of religion in the novel [which i need to write better in the second draft] but she was kinda skeptical as a child and probably lost faith entirely after she went through some harrowing stuff 44. What is their favourite season? Type of weather? Are they good in the cold or the heat? What weather do they complain in the most? winter. she prefers the cold and hates heat45. How do other people see them? Is it similar to how they see themselves? i think people see her as scarier than she is. shes a formidable opponent and does not give a fuck what you say, but her reputation precedes her a little bit, a lot of things she did out of fear or force are seen as ‘badass’ and ‘brave’46. Do they make a good first impression? Does their first impression reflect them accurately? How do they introduce themselves?shes a compulsive liar, and a good one at that. so she tends to show herself differently to almost everyone she meets, but usually its a false potrayal47. How do they act in a formal occasion? What do they think of black tie wear? Do they enjoy fancy parties and love to chit chat or loathe the whole event?ugh she haaaaaates formal stuff and parties. she grew up royal and had to suffer through many a dinner and gathering. at this point in her life youd never get her in a dress that impeded her movement. shes ok with dresses but really big poofy ones she refuses to wear48. Do they enjoy any parties? If so what kind? Do they organise the party or just turn up? How do they act? What if they didn’t want to go but were dragged along by a friend? in our world shed be one for a chill house party. show up with a case of beer, sit outside by the barbie, listen to music and talk shit. shes not good at organising so she doesnt tend to host, and if she were dragged by a friend itd probably be to a formal event or with people she didnt know so shed just sulk in the corner49. What is their most valued object? Are they sentimental? Is there something they have to take everywhere with them?she abandoned her material possessions before the story a. bc she was forced and b. they bring back way too many painful memories50. If they could only take one bag of stuff somewhere with them: what would they pack? What do they consider their essentials? food, change of clothes, weapons. thats about it. she tries not to be super nasty and find an inn to shower and stuff but shes also poor af

[fuckdavestriderheistheworst-blog]

you too buddy all the SO questions

ugh why damn it i did not ask to be punished by means of talkin about vantas until my fingertips bleed

but fine

Significant Other Asks

1. Tell the story about how you met.

it was over the summer about three years ago and tumblr kept pushing a certain blog at me and upon checking it out i decided to give him some troll asks (which looking back upon now were lame as fuck? what was i thinking honestly)

anyway that became me revealing my blog over tumblr and then lo and behold we had a college class together and we realized we were sitting beside each other and i told him that his major was an “easy major” or something and basically he hated me for a while there 

2. Was it a gradual increase of trust and love, or was there a specific moment where you knew “I want to be with this person for a long time”?

it was gradual for sure i went from picking on him to agreein to let him tutor me in english to craving his friendship and then falling in love with him without even realizing

before i knew it i was head over heels and here i am, happy as fuck that im dating my best friend

3. Describe their eyes. Describe their hands. Describe their laugh.

his eyes go from being like cinnamon to being like hot chocolate, in color accordin to lighting and in mood, his hands are warm and comforting to hold and are quick as all hell on a keyboard, and his laugh is rare but memorable, like its dusty from misuse and drizzled over with the annoyance i usually provide him

4. What’s your zodiac sign and mbti type? What about your partner’s? Do things like that reflect your actual compatibility or is it just bunch of bunk?

i had to google what my zodiac was because i think both of those things are bullshit but im a saggitarius and an isfp (or was it istp i dont remember its been years)

vantas is a gemini and...

i dont think he ever tested for it because he isnt internet quiz garbage but hey what does it matter without knowing his results i know that we are a fine match

5. Are you long distance? Have you met in person before? When do you get to see them again?

no, yes, and probably this evening when i bring back dinner

6. Tell me a story about a happy experience you two shared. Something that makes your heart warm whenever you think about it.

something that makes me feel really happy to remember is the new years eve after he got those color correcting glasses and i took him to watch the fireworks and he was so happy and amazed at the color and the show and i was so proud that i could do that for him

7. Tell me a funny story. Did they do something silly? Did you do something silly? Talk about your inside jokes.

one time i groaned into his ear and called him daddy to test and see if he had a daddy kink or not and he was SO into it so now im waiting to call him daddy again when he least expects it

8. Are your families supportive? Does it matter if they’re not?

yeah as far as i know both sides are

9. Would you ever have a pet together? Do you already have one?

we sort of have pets together but theyre also just kinda our own pets but with shared care 

10. Do you have children together? If not, are you both interested in raising children some day?

i dont really want kids and i dont think vantas does either like ever we arent even married and also having kids would be a hassle

11. If they’re having a bad day, what do you do to help?

i usually just sit and talk to him and support him like a friend and boyfriend should do its not really anything special but it works every time

sometimes i surprise him with relatively cheap gifts or food too but he doesnt like me splurgin so i try not to make him uncomfortable

12. If you’re having a bad day, what do they do to help?

same thing really hes always there for me to make me feel better and talk things through 

13. What’s something that your partner does that would be annoying if anyone else did it, but it’s cute when they do it?

scolding me like he is a third parent, somehow its endearing when he does it

14. Have you ever went on a vacation or adventure together? Tell me about it. If not, do you have plans to do something fun in the future?

yeah weve gone on a few sort of technically 

that one road trip to texas we took and spent a while on

the trip to malibu

were planning (or i am) for a trip to europe this summer if its at all possible with our schedules

15. What’s something that you learned about yourself because of being with your partner?

that im enough just being who i am and that i can have a relationship without cash at the forefront

16. What’s a piece of advice that your partner gave you that has resonated with you?

you dont have to bend over backwards for somebody to please them or make them like you just be yourself

not the exact wording but that is the moral

17. Which one of you kills the bugs (or captures the bugs and places them safely outside)?

we take turns but i dont like to kill them unless theyre wasps or venomous spiders id prefer to catch and release

19. Do you prepare meals together? Does one person enjoy cooking more than the other?

neither of us can cook for shit so other people prepare our meals for us always

20. What are the best restaurants to go to? Do you see movies at the theater? Do you do things like golf or bowling, just to bond more?

i like taco bell and pizza hut, yes, and i dont think weve ever done either

21. Tell me about a time that you got into an argument over something silly.

we used to get aggressive over gay chicken sometimes early on in our friendship that was always fucking ridiculous

22. Tell me about a time that you got into an argument over something serious. How did you compromise? What did you learn?

one time vantas said he was disappointed in me and i took it hard and im pretty sure it ended with him leaving but i dont remember what brought it on or how serious vantas had been or how sensitive i had been

we got over it. not sure i learned any super moral from that but it did help me learn about him better in the long run and vice versa

23. Is there a famous couple, fictional or otherwise, that reminds you (or other people) of you and your partner?

will and jada pickett smith

24. Do you have a shipname?

vantder i dont know 

maybe film boyfriends because he writes and i sort of direct

27. Do you have extremely similar personalities and interests? Or extremely opposite? Or is it a balance that just makes sense? How do you try to better understand each other? Do you ever have to experience things you’re not interested in, or vice versa?

we sort of click here and there but mostly our interests are different 

i know he isnt super into art but he shows up to support me like he went to the award event with me and said he was proud of me and i like to offer up romcoms and movies akin to his interests when we settle in for date nights

he is supportive as hell but i dont think either of us have ever made a point of saying we arent interested in the other’s interests

28. Has your partner ever changed one of your opinions on morals, politics, society, etc?

he helped me to be better about takin school seriously so id say yes 

he has also changed my opinion about myself almost completely

29. Tell me about a time that you were really proud of them.

when he got that book deal i was so happy i felt like huggin on him for days

i knew he could do it and it made me real proud to know that he did it and i am STILL proud of him

30. Does physical affection and/or sexuality have a role in your relationship? Are both of your needs being respected and fulfilled?

yeah both are heavily involved and fuck i hope so im not sure how much more i can step up my game

31. How often do you talk? On the phone, Skype, in person? Are you two the type that stays up too late because the conversation is too good to end?

we talk all the goddamn time and basically never leave each others side

i know i regularly stay up hells of late talking to him because i like it so much

talks get so much deeper at night when youre curled up next to somebody you love

32. Talk about your sense of humor, and your partner’s. Do you laugh a lot together? Which one of you is funnier?

were both assholes with sarcasm as our main crutch and im pretty sure we have both laughed at the others expense at one point or another but i would have to say that we are damn near a tie because both of us have a pretty deplorable sense of humor stand up comedy will not be in our futures any time soon

33. Is there anyone who doesn’t like the idea of your relationship? What’s the reason? How do you and your partner overcome disapproval from others?

no i cant think of anybody who is against our relationship

nobody that matters anyway

34. Have there been any hardships that have ultimately brought you closer than before?

i mean i hit my head and got retrograde amnesia and still had feelings for him so i think that eliminated any doubt i developed feelings just because of sex

i didnt remember it and i still loved him

35. What’s their contact name in your phone?

vantas

36. Tell me about what your partner is good at. Are they an artist, are they good at math, do they play a sport, etc?

vantas has stamina when it comes to running and shit for DAYS i thought id die the first time i went running with him

hes also a really great writer and im not just saying that to be supportive i think if he sat down and wrote a book itd get a film adaptation nigh instantaneously

steven spielberg would shit himself

37. Get really sappy and gross for a moment. Be so gushy that your friends would groan in mock annoyance if you told them. What’s adorable about your partner? What makes your heart melt? What’s something cute that they did that you’ll always remember no matter what?

god i just fucking love his eyes and his lips and his hair and the way that he scoffs over dumb “rich guy” things and how good his coffee is when he makes it and how i can NEVER replicate it that good even when he guides me through makin it. i love the sound of his voice in the mornings and late at night when i should be asleep but am clinging onto him and talkin about nothing in particular. i love how he says my name and i especially love that hes the only one who really calls me by my last name so affectionately. i love the way he reads and i love the way he still looks a little too long at colorful things sometimes when we are outside and walking. i love the way his hand fits with mine and i love that we can reassure each other through anything, that we will be there for each other through anything. i can easily see myself spendin the rest of my life with him and if not as a boyfriend then as a best friend 

38. Let’s talk about life goals and hopes. Do you two have a similar idea for the future (regarding careers, getting a home, family, finding meaning)? Do you two make a good team? Can you imagine spending the rest of your life with them?

weve talked about moving in together or gettin a house but our careers are pretty up in the air right now except for vantas’ teaching job. i think we make a fuckin great team and id love to spend the rest of my life with him in any way shape or form

39. Reflecting on all of your experiences, what advice would you give to a young couple?

pick your best friend to fall in love with because youll never have a better love than that

40. Is your partner on tumblr? Tag them here and write them a small message, it can be anything.

@crimsongenetics hey vantas sorry for gettin all gushy here i hope i dont make you throw up at school i love you

[turntechhex]

all of them B)

Significant Other Asks.

okay its under the cut you shit

1. Tell the story about how you met.

the first time avi and i actually spoke was in a stream i was holding and i was just about to close it off because nobody popped in but then he did and then that lead to punk rock points 

2. Was it a gradual increase of trust and love, or was there a specific moment where you knew “I want to be with this person for a long time”?

it was gradual for me but it hit me that i wanted to love him

3. Describe their eyes. Describe their hands. Describe their laugh.

his eyes are really sensitive to the light so he wears his shades a lot but god when he takes them off i get to see his eyes

theyre red and kind of like mine but not in the freaky albino way like mine

his are a beautiful deep red and when i look close enough i can see the little flecks of whatever mixed in

his hands arent scarred and scabbed like mine theyre soft but with a slight toughness to them and when we intertwine our fingers i can really feel that and i love kissing his fingertips just to show him that

and his laugh

god his laugh

i never want to hear anything else

the way it bubbles up and his head falls and his smile is so wide its beautiful 

4. What’s your zodiac sign and mbti type? What about your partner’s? Do things like that reflect your actual compatibility or is it just bunch of bunk?

we are both the same sign and i dunno about that mbti stuff and i dont think any of it works for compatibility its kinda dumb

5. Are you long distance? Have you met in person before? When do you get to see them again?

we live together

6. Tell me a story about a happy experience you two shared. Something that makes your heart warm whenever you think about it.

i had lit a bunch of fancy rose candles and turned out the lights and we just showered each other with so many kisses and then fell asleep together smiling stupidly it was nice 

7. Tell me a funny story. Did they do something silly? Did you do something silly? Talk about your inside jokes.

he always does something silly

he has this silly smile when he falls asleep and apparently when i sleep i look “angry or apathetic as fuck”

sometimes he walks in when im shaving my legs early in the morning with my hair in a bunch of mini pony tails so i can see and he knows hes seen a demon

8. Are your families supportive? Does it matter if they’re not?

avi doesnt have much of a family other than his sister and i havent met her

and dirk and hal are all ive got and dirk is pretty supportive and i think hal is too 

if they werent it would hurt but i couldnt stop loving him yknow

9. Would you ever have a pet together? Do you already have one?

he has four cats and i have an owl

10. Do you have children together? If not, are you both interested in raising children some day?

we do not but maybe someday i havent really thought about it all too much

11. If they’re having a bad day, what do you do to help?

listen the best i can and do whatever i can

give him space if he needs it

hold him if he needs it

12. If you’re having a bad day, what do they do to help?

he listens 

fuck he listens

he lets me cry and yell or whatever i need to do and he helps me

he lets me talk to him

he is everything to me when im having a hard time 

he knows when to hold me and rub my back and hush me

he knows when to give me space and let me yell

he knows me so well

13. What’s something that your partner does that would be annoying if anyone else did it, but it’s cute when they do it?

he moves a lot in his sleep

he has grabbed my ass on more than one occasion

14. Have you ever went on a vacation or adventure together? Tell me about it. If not, do you have plans to do something fun in the future?

we drive out to the coast sometimes its fun just driving away so yes

15. What’s something that you learned about yourself because of being with your partner?

i learned that im allowed to be confident with my body and im beautiful and nothing anybody can say will crush that

i really started to stop wearing makeup to cover my spots because of him

16. What’s a piece of advice that your partner gave you that has resonated with you? 

“please dont ever talk about corpses in public again”

17. Which one of you kills the bugs (or captures the bugs and places them safely outside)?

me

18. Describe the perfect day with your partner. It can be something that’s already happened, or something that you plan to do.

like i mentioned before just driving out to the coast

both of us laughing the whole way there

his smile as he watches the road that reflects in his eyes

watching the sun set when we finally get there and we just leave the car by the road and nobodys on the beach anymore and i run out to the water with him and it was cold as fuck so we just sat in the sand and held each other and looked up at the moon and he was so beautiful like he is everyday

and then we reluctantly got into the car and drove home mostly in silence expect the whispers of i love you 

and we got back home and fell asleep with smiles on our faces it was perfect 

19. Do you prepare meals together? Does one person enjoy cooking more than the other?

i usually cook when we arent just having eggs

avi isnt the best cook >BP

20. What are the best restaurants to go to? Do you see movies at the theater? Do you do things like golf or bowling, just to bond more?

theres a really not too fancy nice one downtown that we like

we watch movies at home and dont do much of that stuff

21. Tell me about a time that you got into an argument over something silly. 

the ghost in the kitchen that insulted his butter spreading skills was being annoying 

22. Tell me about a time that you got into an argument over something serious. How did you compromise? What did you learn?

it was just about family shit it was dumb

we just ended talking

i learned that we both need to talk more and we do now

23. Is there a famous couple, fictional or otherwise, that reminds you (or other people) of you and your partner? 

not really

24. Do you have a shipname?

not that i know of

25. Do you two have a “song”? What is it and how did it become your song?

do we have a song 

26. Has your partner ever inspired something creative like your art, writing, etc?

ive painted him a few times and he helps me with colours and stuff when im stuck

27. Do you have extremely similar personalities and interests? Or extremely opposite? Or is it a balance that just makes sense? How do you try to better understand each other? Do you ever have to experience things you’re not interested in, or vice versa? 

we are pretty similar but other than that its just a good balance

we talk to each other

sometimes i suppose 

28. Has your partner ever changed one of your opinions on morals, politics, society, etc?

i dunno

29. Tell me about a time that you were really proud of them. 

his dance performance in january he worked so hard for that and i brought him roses afterwards and he did so good

30. Does physical affection and/or sexuality have a role in your relationship? Are both of your needs being respected and fulfilled? 

yes we both love physical shit and we make sure that its fulfilled and respected too

31. How often do you talk? On the phone, Skype, in person? Are you two the type that stays up too late because the conversation is too good to end?

we talk and text everyday

32. Talk about your sense of humor, and your partner’s. Do you laugh a lot together? Which one of you is funnier?

we laugh a lot of course

i dont know whos funnier

33. Is there anyone who doesn’t like the idea of your relationship? What’s the reason? How do you and your partner overcome disapproval from others?

not that i can think of

34. Have there been any hardships that have ultimately brought you closer than before?

yeah

there have

35. What’s their contact name in your phone?

my love 💕💕

36. Tell me about what your partner is good at. Are they an artist, are they good at math, do they play a sport, etc?

he is an amazing dancer

37. Get really sappy and gross for a moment. Be so gushy that your friends would groan in mock annoyance if you told them. What’s adorable about your partner? What makes your heart melt? What’s something cute that they did that you’ll always remember no matter what?

david rae strider

he is everything to me

he is my present and my future

he is the rest of my life

falling asleep next to him and waking up next to him is such a privilege and i feel like the luckiest goddamn man in the world to be able to love him

he makes me feel like the happiest man on earth to be able to love him

hes so understanding and patient and he listens to me

his movements are soft and not quick

he comforts me 

he cries and i feel like im bleeding from tha inside out and i want to make sure he never has any reason to sad cry

he cries with a smile and i know that i am so in love with him

he kisses my nose and holds me

he kisses every single one of my spots and tells me im beautiful

he traces my scars on my back my arms my face my legs everywhere and kisses my neck still

he holds my hand in public and does fake proposals for free dessert

he knows all the words to every single grease song and so do i

his voice is so nice to hear and his smile is all ive ever wanted to see

his hair is soft and i like to kiss his stubble cheeks when he doesnt shave for a while

hes cute

hes beautiful

he realizes his mistakes

he bought me roses once and put a note inside that he wanted to have roses like that at our wedding someday

he kisses me without regret

he says that he loves me and i believe him

when he got down on his knees and asked me to marry him with tears in his beautiful eyes and held out a shaky beautiful hand with an earring in it

i knew that i loved this man with my entire being

and i said yes

god i said yes

38. Let’s talk about life goals and hopes. Do you two have a similar idea for the future (regarding careers, getting a home, family, finding meaning)? Do you two make a good team? Can you imagine spending the rest of your life with them?

we are moving into his sisters old place once hes done with school and we are getting married in the summer

we just know we want the rest of our lives to be together

39. Reflecting on all of your experiences, what advice would you give to a young couple? 

talk to each other and dont try and hide important things and your feelings 

dont be stupid but also do stupid things

40. Is your partner on tumblr? Tag them here and write them a small message, it can be anything.

@bromosapiens

ur gross

[lanznathanjohn]

A Savant’s Lament

      [prologue] A dead line drew near. I stayed late at night at one of those coffee shops right by the main road, cherishing the consumerist capitalist essence of overpriced coffee I, for the first time, paid for. —Before the last sip, I finalized everything, giving myself the illusion of accomplished work. Something I skillfully mastered throughout his secondary education years. There was no value of producing an honest //sincere output as long as the given output went according to the given standards. With nothing to write that inexplicably went against the purposeful expression and communication, everything there was to say was nothing but a vitriolic attempt to use prolific language addressing an achromatic dogma of artful expression since its meaning has been reduced to an esoteric virtue, a mere quest to an idiosyncratic form of communication that aims to bring the beholders to a certain state of fanciful impression.  ───

        I left the coffee shop satisfied at the amount of work I’ve done ─if there’s any, and at the length of time I spent inside the place, making the most out of the comfortable chairs and the aesthetically pleasing ambiance. Overstaying was the answer to overpriced coffee. I walked across an empty street. The gloom that enveloped the skies was disturbing, more so that the caffeine in my body triggered palpitations and anxiety. I fished deep in my pockets for quite some time until looking for something ─eventually I found it in the back pocket of my backpack. I grabbed the pack along with the wooden matches. There was only one stick left —the wish stick. With my hands shaking sweaty; I lit the red Marlboros and inhaled quite a drag. Almost instantly I felt the nicotine—pass through my lungs and onto my head. A flush of nausea// and lightheadedness immediately dimmed my vision. Caffeine /and nicotine surely isn’t a decent mix but along with it comes—a satisfying pleasurable type of pain. It wasn’t idealbut vices and virtues were the only things that kept me running and run I did. I looked for somewhere to stay. Everything is so dull. I called my conyo millennial manileno friends —what the hell are they so proud about they can’t even speak straight english they //talk like shit shit flowing out of their mouths vomiting words that has no meaning meaning nothing okay okay okay what the hell. Maybe I’m one of them or maybe not but at least I’m self—aware maybe that’s the difference the difference is that I’m self—aware i know I’m shit and I’m feeling like shit so even if I’m shit I’m not like shit shit. Some people are really shit like they swallowed a dictionary whole and they shit out the words out of their mouth nothing of meaning comes out nothing nothing—nothing really matters anymore anyway. They’re nowhere near. But I told them I need them and they’re coming //coming for me. I was thinking if I should call my other group of friends. The uncivilized illiterate bunch of retarded retards that has nothing to do other than have fun fun fun crazy crazy stuff but I can’t be with the same people all the time eventually you’ll run out of things to say and things to do so

       I’m here waiting working drinking smoking waiting waiting finally here they come here they come at long last I’m happy// I’m happy happy and excited and thrilled —I’ve been here for days years decades already coming walking nearer here they come here they come ohmygod dear lord —wait, shit what are you saying you can’t come I’ve been waiting oh whatever fuck off yeah sure it’s fine take care —no one’s going with me tonight then then whatever I have nowhere to go nothing to do no one to talk to. I’m just a caffeinated junkie with a superior intelligence quotient and an artistic head full of thoughts thoughts I can’t think straight anymore maybe another shot will help //gulp// oh what the hell am i saying speaking thinking its like im stupid dumb well shit im wasting everything wasting wasting my brain my brain cells my neurons my neurological capacity im not even here to enjoy no —what’s there to enjoy //partying isn’t my jam —jam //jam im just here because im sort of exploring human behavior sort of embarking on a mission to seek seek seek understanding about the reality of human society and the essence of chemically induced —yeah yeah yeah that sounds smart fuck yeah im back the smart ass is back im smart it does sound smart right right you know why? It’s cause I’m smart smart smart like really intelligent my iq is so high its like my iq smoked weed weed like really good shit weed that’s how high very high high—high //

       But im tired tired like really really tired not tired tired but bored exhausted tired of this and this and that and this again and again and again //nothing new just study work study work eat and eat wheres the adventure and satisfactionfeels like a distant memory—the only thing that can bring me closer is doing illegal underage shit //but law is just a social construct so is beauty and consumerism—and—capitalism and fucked up educational system and shit jobs poverty hunger dirt work work //do this and do that buy buy buy survive contribute to society and economy and money money money //is this what life is im pretty sure this isnt what life is supposed to be //suppose i stop giving a shit and drop dead //but no i want to live why would i want to die sometimes i dont //even i cant even understand myself i want to live but if i cant live id rather die instead that doesnt make any sense does it because i really hope i make sense it makes sense to me why cant it—make sense to other people i really try my best to make sense of everything and anything even if it doesnt make sense—but really //sometimes youre the one whos gotta //make sense of something —cause sometimes wherever or whoever the whatever it is that you need to make sense out of came// —from that someone or something //probably cant make sense out of it either isnt that poetic and abstract sometimes—some genius just flicks his—or—her his—or—her or—something—in—between paintbrush or splashes paint or throws in junk and junk and more junk and //i have absolutely no idea what im doing nor do they but its—up up up up! to you if you can make a meaning out of it and thats the meaning meaning it doesnt mean anything //unless you find meaning in it but this—whatever—this is whatever this is can you make—meaning out—of this// i—hope you do i really-want a high grade i deserve it i deserve it i deserve it i deserve i am i am worthy i am worth-something ─i am worth everything and—and everything because i am everything i can be anyone—anything in the// sunrise —sunrise-sun—rise if —if you want me to be //if you want me to be a sympathetic prophetic socratic junkie literary—genius //copyright-infringing plagiarizing—lover honest—student alcoholic-smoker chaste—ignorant literate political practical-devoted—christian atheist—//agnostic-deist and thats me-me—me—I—//am-am—I—am—every//everything—thing—im—anything—//and—I—can be anyone but -I’m -nothing but a-dead-//line-so-I-am-no-one-//no-one-one-one-one-two-three

       [Epilogue] I woke up. Scattered on the floor were empty beer bottles. On the table were some left overs and wet chips. On the ashtrays were half smoked cigarettes. I had no idea what happened. I remembered I had to go somewhere. I smelled like beer and piss and other types of liquids but it doesn’t matter. I needed to go somewhere because someone told me to go there. It was my duty as a member of society. And so as light at the end of the hallway slowly crept against the darkness the sun rose from the horizon and another day began, I walked. I still have a dead line to meet.

092316xxxx

[fanfic-factory]

Love at First Sight (Chapter 34)

P.o.v Ross Ellington and I finished our food and decided we would head over to my place to see what the others were up to. i drove up the driveway with Ellington following right behind in his car. we took separate cars because we wanted to stay as low profile as possible but if paparazzi caught what i did back at the restaurant i guess our secrets out. I got out of my car followed by Ellington getting out of his. we walked into the house o find chelsie and Rydel with their arms wrapped around each other ads they cried into each other's shoulders for a second i was a bit confused but then i realized that rocky had probably slipped up and told at least one of them and then the one he told probably told the other. walked over to chelsie and tried to give her a kiss but she stopped me. 'damn it! she does know!' i thought to myself and right on cue she yells in my face "how could you!" mean while Rydel is yelling at Ellington. 'god i am going to beat the living shit out of Rocky when i find him!' i think to myself as chelsie continues to yell at me. eventually Rydel and chelsie stopped yelling at us. im happy because we now have a chance to explain and i also want to make sure that they don't hate us forever, especially Rydel and Ellington because that could ruin the band and i don't want to let any of our fans down. Ellington and i finally got a chance to explain to chelsie and Rydel at happened and why we didn't tell them sooner and that we were sorry from keeping all of this from them. im actually really shocked at how understanding they were. I'm happy that they understand because all i can say is love is love and because of Ellington i am strong (reference to strong by one direction) I'm kinda shocked about how understanding they were though because of how they went all ape shit on us not even five minutes ago. p.o.v Rydel right after i told chelsie that the both of us were being cheated on be both burst into tears and then Ross and Ellington came through the door it took us both a few seconds to realize that it was them because our vision was blurry because of our tears. When we did reslize it was them though we both instantly went from tears to pure rage. Ross then walked up to chelsie and tried to kiss her. At this point we had both had enough of the secrets and lies and just went full on ape shit at them because of what they have put us through. we kept yelling and yelling at the two of them until we felt they have had enough. after we finished yelling at them they made us sit down so they could explain it all. it made sense but even though i was understanding it would take a while for them to gain my trust back again. p.o.v chelsie After ross and Ellington explained everything to us my emotions were so messed up. i wanted to kiss ross but he's not mine anymore, i wanted to yell at him but my voice was basically gone from already yelling at him, i wanted to just hide away from the world and die because i lost the love of my life. he's not mine anymore i wish i could just back off but its not that easy. i couldn't bear to look at him for one more second or hear one more word come out of his mouth so i left. i got up and left. p.o.v Keara i was sitting in my room texting riker. i had asked if i could go to his place to hang out but he told me what had happened between chelsie, ross, Rydel,and Ellington and then the idea of hanging out at his place all of a sudden didn't seem so great. then i asked him if he wanted to come over to my place to hang out. he actually replied so fast it is literally as if e would have done anything to get out of that house and after hearing what was going on there i can imagine why. i decided that for once i would actually socialize with my family before my boyfriend got here so i went to the living room. when i walked into the living room i saw that they were watching the Big Bang theory. since i love the Big Bang theory i decided i would sit and watch it with my family. was the episode where raj had this competition set up and the rest of the group of friends was split into teams of two. right when and Howard and amy realized that the one thing they have in common is loving Neil diamond iker walked in singing along to sweet caroline. p.o.v Riker i pulled up to keara's house and got out of the car. i walked up to the door and walked right in because her house is basically a second home to me. i walked in and i didnt know what they were watching but i did recognize something. i recognized the song that was playing on whatever it was they were watching so i decided to just walk into the living room singing along to sweet caroline by Neil diamond. after i finished singing she stood up and walked over to me so she could hug me. Then i kissed her. i was well aware that her parents were standing right there but that wouldnt stop me from kissing my amazingly perfect girlfriend. her dad kind of gave me a look that made me think he was going to comment on what i had just done. He didnt end up saying anything though so i payed no mind to it. Her mother than said hi to me and continued to act like nothing had happened. after the slight awkwardness we just all decided to watch the rest of the episode of the Big Bang theory. after the episode ended we snuck off to keara's room. p.o.v Rachel i was sitting at home playing my guitar and singing for the baby because i feel that it would be better for the baby as appose to just talking to it. i was getting a bit bored because i was home alone. parents were both at work and my sister was hanging out with her boyfriend ho might i add is not nearly as cool as rocky. when i thought about that it gave me an idea. i grabbed my phone and texted rocky "hey babe can i come over im a little lonely" he replied quite quickly saying "i dont know if thats such a good idea how about i go over to your place. ill explain everything when i get there. love you" i read the text and a huge smile was spread on my face. the reason behind that being that i havent seen rocky in a while and its kinda weird without him. i decided to watch Austin and Ally while i waited for Rocky to get here. i was super happy when i found out which episode was because it was my favourite episode, Austin and alias. My favourite part or the episode was about to happen 'yay!!!' i thought to myself. my favourite part of the episode is when austin swings ally aka Roxy over his shoulder and walks away . rocky walked in literally seconds before it happened. basically saying the first thing he saw when he walked into the livingroom was me laughing like a complete loser. "nice! watching my brother on tv?" he asks while chuckling to himself. "yeah! you got a problem with that?" i asked him sarcastically. "no" he replies as he sits down next to me, outs his arm around my waist, and kisses the side of my head. after the episode ended he asked me if i wanted to have a movie marathon of random movies and of course i said yes. i picked out three movies to start while rocky got the food ready. the movies i had chosen where pitch perfect, cloudy with a chance of meatballs 2 and frozen. the first movie we decided to watch was cloudy with a chance of meatballs 2. personally i love this movie so much because its hilarious and all my favorite parts happen in a chain reaction type thing. After watching cloudy with a chance of meatballs 2 we decided to watch frozen. I absolutely love frozen. it is such a cute and funny movie and olaf is absolutely hilarious. my two favorite parts about frozen e when olaf sings his song about summer and when he says 'ohh, look at that. i've been impailed' and finally after frozen we watched pitch perfect. i would narrow the movie down to my favorite part but it is kind of hard to do considering the whole movie is absolutely hilarious. if i had to choose one part that would be my favorite i would have to say the riff off because the riff off consists of a bunch of really good songs that are made even better in the movie. after watching pitch perfect we realized it was getting really late. "babe can you stay here tonight? i get really lonely when both my parents work and besides i havent seen you in a while and i miss you" i said sounding a bit needy but t doesnt really matter cause im not exactly afraid to admit that i can be a bit needy at times. "sure babe id love to stay with you tonight! let me just go back to my house quickly to get some things and ill be back soon. love you. he kissed the side of my head and left. i decided i would get ready for bed while he was gone to get his stuff. i quickly put on some pyjamas and brushed my teeth. i took a quick drink of water and by the time i had finished all of this rocky was walking through my door again. he quickly got ready for bed and curled up next to me under the sheets. e were lying down in bed and his arms were wrapped around me. usually that would be enough to put me to sleep at a time like this but apparently tonight that wasnt enough. "hey babbe?" i said hoping he woulld still be awake and to my luck he was. "yeah babe?" he said semi curiously. "i cant sleep. could you maybe sing a little because i think it might help." the next thing you know he was singing half a heart by one direction because he knows how much i love that song nd also its a softer song so it made it easy to fall asleep. He kept singing the song as he kept singing i kept getting closer and closer to being asleep and then eventually the sound of his amazing voice just faded away.

[fanfiction-mania]

Love at First Sight (Chapter 34)

P.o.v Ross

Ellington and I finished our food and decided we would head over to my place to see what the others were up to. i drove up the driveway with Ellington following right behind in his car. we took separate cars because we wanted to stay as low profile as possible but if paparazzi caught what i did back at the restaurant i guess our secrets out. I got out of my car followed by Ellington getting out of his. we walked into the house o find chelsie and Rydel with their arms wrapped around each other ads they cried into each other's shoulders for a second i was a bit confused but then i realized that rocky had probably slipped up and told at least one of them and then the one he told probably told the other. walked over to chelsie and tried to give her a kiss but she stopped me. 'damn it! she does know!' i thought to myself and right on cue she yells in my face "how could you!" mean while Rydel is yelling at Ellington. 'god i am going to beat the living shit out of Rocky when i find him!' i think to myself as chelsie continues to yell at me. eventually Rydel and chelsie stopped yelling at us. im happy because we now have a chance to explain and i also want to make sure that they don't hate us forever, especially Rydel and Ellington because that could ruin the band and i don't want to let any of our fans down. Ellington and i finally got a chance to explain to chelsie and Rydel at happened and why we didn't tell them sooner and that we were sorry from keeping all of this from them. im actually really shocked at how understanding they were. I'm happy that they understand because all i can say is love is love and because of Ellington i am strong (reference to strong by one direction) I'm kinda shocked about how understanding they were though because of how they went all ape shit on us not even five minutes ago.

p.o.v Rydel

right after i told chelsie that the both of us were being cheated on be both burst into tears and then Ross and Ellington came through the door it took us both a few seconds to realize that it was them because our vision was blurry because of our tears. When we did reslize it was them though we both instantly went from tears to pure rage. Ross then walked up to chelsie and tried to kiss her. At this point we had both had enough of the secrets and lies and just went full on ape shit at them because of what they have put us through. we kept yelling and yelling at the two of them until we felt they have had enough. after we finished yelling at them they made us sit down so they could explain it all. it made sense but even though i was understanding it would take a while for them to gain my trust back again.

p.o.v chelsie

After ross and Ellington explained everything to us my emotions were so messed up. i wanted to kiss ross but he's not mine anymore, i wanted to yell at him but my voice was basically gone from already yelling at him, i wanted to just hide away from the world and die because i lost the love of my life. he's not mine anymore i wish i could just back off but its not that easy. i couldn't bear to look at him for one more second or hear one more word come out of his mouth so i left. i got up and left.

p.o.v Keara

i was sitting in my room texting riker. i had asked if i could go to his place to hang out but he told me what had happened between chelsie, ross, Rydel,and Ellington and then the idea of hanging out at his place all of a sudden didn't seem so great. then i asked him if he wanted to come over to my place to hang out. he actually replied so fast it is literally as if e would have done anything to get out of that house and after hearing what was going on there i can imagine why. i decided that for once i would actually socialize with my family before my boyfriend got here so i went to the living room. when i walked into the living room i saw that they were watching the Big Bang theory. since i love the Big Bang theory i decided i would sit and watch it with my family. was the episode where raj had this competition set up and the rest of the group of friends was split into teams of two. right when and Howard and amy realized that the one thing they have in common is loving Neil diamond iker walked in singing along to sweet caroline.

p.o.v Riker

i pulled up to keara's house and got out of the car. i walked up to the door and walked right in because her house is basically a second home to me. i walked in and i didnt know what they were watching but i did recognize something. i recognized the song that was playing on whatever it was they were watching so i decided to just walk into the living room singing along to sweet caroline by Neil diamond. after i finished singing she stood up and walked over to me so she could hug me. Then i kissed her. i was well aware that her parents were standing right there but that wouldnt stop me from kissing my amazingly perfect girlfriend. her dad kind of gave me a look that made me think he was going to comment on what i had just done. He didnt end up saying anything though so i payed no mind to it. Her mother than said hi to me and continued to act like nothing had happened. after the slight awkwardness we just all decided to watch the rest of the episode of the Big Bang theory. after the episode ended we snuck off to keara's room.

p.o.v Rachel

i was sitting at home playing my guitar and singing for the baby because i feel that it would be better for the baby as appose to just talking to it. i was getting a bit bored because i was home alone. parents were both at work and my sister was hanging out with her boyfriend ho might i add is not nearly as cool as rocky. when i thought about that it gave me an idea. i grabbed my phone and texted rocky "hey babe can i come over im a little lonely" he replied quite quickly saying "i dont know if thats such a good idea how about i go over to your place. ill explain everything when i get there. love you" i read the text and a huge smile was spread on my face. the reason behind that being that i havent seen rocky in a while and its kinda weird without him. i decided to watch Austin and Ally while i waited for Rocky to get here. i was super happy when i found out which episode was because it was my favourite episode, Austin and alias. My favourite part or the episode was about to happen 'yay!!!' i thought to myself. my favourite part of the episode is when austin swings ally aka Roxy over his shoulder and walks away . rocky walked in literally seconds before it happened. basically saying the first thing he saw when he walked into the livingroom was me laughing like a complete loser. "nice! watching my brother on tv?" he asks while chuckling to himself. "yeah! you got a problem with that?" i asked him sarcastically. "no" he replies as he sits down next to me, outs his arm around my waist, and kisses the side of my head. after the episode ended he asked me if i wanted to have a movie marathon of random movies and of course i said yes. i picked out three movies to start while rocky got the food ready. the movies i had chosen where pitch perfect, cloudy with a chance of meatballs 2 and frozen. the first movie we decided to watch was cloudy with a chance of meatballs 2. personally i love this movie so much because its hilarious and all my favorite parts happen in a chain reaction type thing. After watching cloudy with a chance of meatballs 2 we decided to watch frozen. I absolutely love frozen. it is such a cute and funny movie and olaf is absolutely hilarious. my two favorite parts about frozen e when olaf sings his song about summer and when he says 'ohh, look at that. i've been impailed' and finally after frozen we watched pitch perfect. i would narrow the movie down to my favorite part but it is kind of hard to do considering the whole movie is absolutely hilarious. if i had to choose one part that would be my favorite i would have to say the riff off because the riff off consists of a bunch of really good songs that are made even better in the movie. after watching pitch perfect we realized it was getting really late. "babe can you stay here tonight? i get really lonely when both my parents work and besides i havent seen you in a while and i miss you" i said sounding a bit needy but t doesnt really matter cause im not exactly afraid to admit that i can be a bit needy at times. "sure babe id love to stay with you tonight! let me just go back to my house quickly to get some things and ill be back soon. love you. he kissed the side of my head and left. i decided i would get ready for bed while he was gone to get his stuff. i quickly put on some pyjamas and brushed my teeth. i took a quick drink of water and by the time i had finished all of this rocky was walking through my door again. he quickly got ready for bed and curled up next to me under the sheets. e were lying down in bed and his arms were wrapped around me. usually that would be enough to put me to sleep at a time like this but apparently tonight that wasnt enough. "hey babbe?" i said hoping he woulld still be awake and to my luck he was. "yeah babe?" he said semi curiously. "i cant sleep. could you maybe sing a little because i think it might help." the next thing you know he was singing half a heart by one direction because he knows how much i love that song nd also its a softer song so it made it easy to fall asleep. e kept singing the song as he kept singing i kept getting closer and closer to being asleep and then eventually the sound of his amazing voice just faded away.