#me the other problem is I'm like not really a person

[mindfulwrath]

was talking to one of my coworkers the other day and she mentioned that she uses chatGPT as a kind of "sounding board" for ideas or questions. specifically she was talking about using it to try and figure out what she would need to emigrate out of the country, because her ex husband is refusing to pay child support and her new partner lives in central america. she asked me if i ever used gpt for stuff like that.

'no,' i said. 'i don't trust it. not like i think it's spying on me, but i don't trust it not to give me bullshit. it's like fancy autocorrect.'

'fair, i guess,' she said. 'i don't really use it for factual stuff, i look up things i need actual facts for. but just as a way to figure out what things i should look up.'

'sure,' i said. 'i guess that niche for me is filled by talking to myself and making lists.'

she nodded. 'well, i hope you have somebody you can use as a sounding board.'

i made a face. i don't know this woman super well, but we're in a time of needing to build connections and community, and she's been pretty vulnerable with me.

'honestly, i feel like i'm intelligent and methodical when i'm alone,' i said, 'and then as soon as another person is involved, i become dumb and panicky.'

she snorted. 'fair. it must be nice to trust yourself enough to make decisions on your own. i don't think i'm there yet.'

'well,' i said. 'i kind of got to a point in my life where i had to trust myself, or else i would go crazy and die, and that point was when i decided to transition.'

'oh,' she said. 'yeah, i can see that.'

'i hope you get there, though,' i said. 'i think you're closer to it than you think you are.'

it's not about not needing or wanting input from others. i still need to get better at that, at tamping down the individualism that makes me feel like it's easier and more effective to do things on my own.

but it is about living in the power and responsibility of being the starting point and ending point of all your own decisions. setting up the problem from your perspective, making the final call from where your own feet are planted.

get a tattoo because you want one. quit drinking because drinking makes you feel shitty. stop dating because you're bored of it. spend most of your time alone and become unexpectedly sane in solitude. write your book. travel solo. trans your gender.

trust yourself. check your work. ask for help. live in the uncertainty that you won't know if you're making the right call until long after the call's been made. trust yourself to handle the consequences.

learn what sound your soul makes and hum it all day long.

[vaguely-concerned]

lucanis 'for a moment I was so high and drunk with elation over rook's very existence and also their baffling insistence on seemingly actually liking me for my personality (??!?!) that I forgot I have no idea what the hell I'm doing' dellamorte I'd do anything for you.

cue rye running off to emmrich's office in a guilty panic to have a watcher to watcher talk pacing around the room frantically like 'that was SO unprofessional of me I'm a Watcher I should have more sense than this and he'd just woken up and spite was trying to say something and I think it could be really important but then I got um ah distracted and and and -- oh maker emmrich did I fuck up did I let them both down??? :'( *unspoken ever-present anxiety right under the surface* would I be able to help him better if I liked him less?' until emmrich forcibly sits him down and has manfred put on a pot of some nice calming tea so we can maybe all take a moment to chill out and breathe and talk about this rationally fhdakj. (emmrich has presumably dealt with many a spiralling mourn watch grad student equivalent in his time I think he'd have a handle on it I trust him. thank you emmrich). it takes some respective staring into the fade void and breathing into a paper bag under emmrich's kind professorial eye, but you know. I mean. hey. they do figure it all out eventually between them and I think that's all that really matters in the end right lol.

("Lucanis made a deal he hasn't kept -- to live" spite pls I cannot. i cannot deal with this right now you cannot be saying stuff like that. I mean it's true and you should in fact be saying it but also stop stop I'm already sad. and the fact that it's rook he tells this to, has been WAITING to tell this to. he'll listen to you. what the helllllll. hey. what if both halves of my new fucked up frankensteined together oroborous soul trusted you more than anyone in the world. but like in a real casual laidback kind of way that wouldn't make it weird or anything if you're not into that. would that be totally wild. or what. also spite's desperation to make itself understood with the limited tools and understanding of the reality it finds itself trapped in because lucanis is so shut down he's no longer really answering at all no matter how spite shouts... breaks my heart for both of them every time.)

as a fandom we have (rightfully! correctly!) dissected all of lucanis' microexpressions in this scene down to the millisecond and I think it's up to your own interpretation and the vibe between him and any individual rook what you read into them (I've written out my take on it already if you're interested in checking it out), so instead I'm going to show some appreciation for rook's expressions specifically in this scene under the cut!

the way you can actually see the sadness/sympathy settle over rook's face at the end of them saying "I don't think he ever leaves, actually" after the slightly deflecting smile!! Can't believe we have a PC with such levels of expressiveness in this game, it knocks me to the fucking ground every time. also needless to say I love taash so much. in this scene and in general and their relationship with lucanis and spite as well. prime they're a little confused but they've got the spirit (ehehe) and a huge well-meaning heart of gold.

you know what lucanis I understand why you had to go stare into the void for a while the rare open longing on rye's face would haunt me forever too after that. I also really like that rook moves themselves more under lucanis' arm when he does the wall lean -- the animators did such a good job of making their drift towards each other here feel mutual and playfully collaborative.

rook seemingly does not glance down at lucanis' mouth the way he does with them -- their eyes are focused on his right up until they slip shut in anticipation. aw. also probably part of why they're so surprised when he pulls back, since they were watching his expression the whole time and it seemed pretty safely In The Cards right up until the moment it. wasn't haha. they're just so...hm. much ado about the act of seeing and looking in this scene huh. lots to consider. some of the same feeling/sense of recognition that gets brought directly into focus in the 'you're here. you're really here' path of the main romance scene alive here too from rook's side. I really really love how you can find so many call and respond thematic/emotional moments throughout the companion storylines in this game; it feels so much like everything is talking to and in relation with itself, and you get to choose what notes you particularly heighten and play on for any specific rook to make their main melody among all of that, as it were. there's usually something that will echo back to them in there. and lucanis and rook both experiencing compromised senses of reality, self and memory -- for heighened magical reasons (possession, blood magic, solas being a huge dick (grudgingly affectionate)) and very recognizable mundane trauma reasons -- and yet being able to find each other through that and help each other feel safe and be real again together... well it does things to me emotionally, you see. can't be helped. as this scene shows, not necessarily going about it gracefully every step of the way, but that's alright. since when has love ever been terribly concerned with dignity.

also i'd just done bellara's deep conversation about her brother and her fear that she could end up falling to the same temptations he did out in the main dining hall before this scene this time around, so she was literally sitting there on the couch as these two dumbasses came stumbling out of the pantry in various states of despair and disarray fhdskja. sorry bel I didn't mean to leave you smack dab in the middle of All of That. but you have to admit it's also quite funny. front row seats to the fumble of the year

[drdemonprince]

I should probably preface this by saying that this is a genuine question, not an attempt to "own" anyone, not a troll, etc. I'm genuinely curious and interested: Has there been any good scientific studies done on the question "Does having a kink about a 'problematic' subject, reading about it, fantazising about it, roleplaying it, etc., make a person more or less likely to do that problematic thing in real life?" Do you know of any good research papers or articles on the subject? Maybe it's a whole field of study?

I feel like if I ever (god help me) would have to defend a position of "other people's kinks, no matter how disgusted they might make me feel personally, are none of my business" to someone, it would be useful to have some kind empirical science to point towards.

Again, I'm not trying to be a jerk saying "source, please?", I'm genuinely interested in reading about it.

So a good place to start here is in thinking about how this kind of topic gets data collected about it. So if you're wondering about the relationship between, for example, fantasizing about bestiality and actually abusing animals, your primary way of being able to study actual, real-world behavioral outcomes would be to identify a source of data on acts of bestiality...which would almost exclusively come from the police state. If you really wanted to study who actually does commit these acts and what their history was, you'd have to look at people who were convicted for having committed animal abuse of a sexual nature.

The problem is, that data isn't necessarily representative of what abuse actually occurs and how often. The police aren't trustworthy, the carceral justice system is profoundly unjust, not every person gets investigated or tried fairly, and even if all those systems DID operate justly and fairly, you'd still be missing all the people who never got caught. And we know that since these systems are racist, classist, ableist, etc, that they are not 'catching' real offenders from all groups equally. Poor & Black people who have committed these acts are most likely to get caught, rich & white ones least likely. And so the data is skewed.

This is FURTHER complicated by the fact that even if you do look at this data, you are only seeing the people who *have* harmed animals sexually, not the people that haven't, and so that is going to be susceptible to confirmation bias of your prior assumptions and not be representative of the whole population if you use it to draw conclusions. So, for instance, if you look at the porn habits of every person who has been convicted for bestiality, you will probably find a lot of bestiality porn (both fantasy and real) in their histories. Okay, not surprising... but of the average people watching this porn, how many actually go on to offend and how many don't? We have no way of knowing. And because such an activity is so stigmatized (and in the case of real porn, itself illegal), you're going to not be able to get self-report surveys from the general population on this.

If you did try to give out surveys on this kind of stuff, you might be forced to report any of your respondents who did admit to doing something illegal. It wouldn't really pass most ethics boards to do this research at all.

So you can see why this is such a shadowy field of discussion. The thing to keep in mind is that the number of people who do get arrested for things like bestiality, child sexual abuse (especially the kind that is driven by an attraction to children rather than your garden variety case of a parent abusing their power over their kids in multiple ways, including sexual, but the sex is incidental), etc are very small. These are vanishingly uncommon crimes. and we can't really trust the police state to give us reputable information on this. and it is very hard for scientists to study well, and most who study it do approach it in a pretty sensationalistic way.

So, to answer your question, yes you can hop onto google scholar and dig around for studies on 'paraphilias' and their relationship to criminal offenses, but most of it is going to be profiles of people locked in mental health institutions and jails that SOUNDS super scary and fucking disgusting but is not a good reflection of whatever the hell is going on in the actual world. I think it's evident that a hell of a lot more people are fantasizing about this stuff than are offenders. Especially if we are drawing a distinction between fantasy and porn that depicts actual abuse. The people drawing dogs fucking on like deviant art or whatever probably do not pose any actual threat to real animals 99.99% of the time.

And if and when a person with a desire to DOES harm animals, it is because of the legal construction of animals as property that it is possible for them to do so. once again power is the root of the crime. more than a 'paraphilia' making someone like, evil. a lot of this stuff is values based and a philosophical case about how the world works rather than a specific statistical claim. but the number of real offenses that happen are so vanishingly thin that we could barely empirically study them anyway -- it's too small a sample size, and there is no ability to locate comparison groups of non-offenders who share these kinks.

I hope this helps answer your question. Obviously I am using bestiality as one example here but you could apply this to CNC and rape porn, child abuse and age play porn, etc etc.

[fenrysmoonbeamswife]

rhysand stans/nesta haters wonder why I'm aggressive with them when they come out with this absolute drivel

but I actually want to unpack this comment because this is the pathetic narrative that so many people try to push

pink is for my commentary

the comment is from nyxess_mea on instagram if anyone else wants to block them asap

"so, a brutally abused, traumatized man, whose greatest fear was losing his loved ones, learns his family is going to die, – Feyre was going to die because Rhysand endangered her, she didn't have fully informed consensual sex. He didn't magically learn she would die, he knew it was a risk and just didn't care until it came back to bite him in the ass – and he desperately tries to find solution to save them all, – um where? People love to say this but show me one single instance of him actively looking for a solution – without stressing his wife (who would never choose abortion, be for real), – without informing Feyre about her body, who should have had the choice no matter what that choice would be that's the fucking point – his terror has him in choke hold, – literally who fucking cares this is not about him stop babying this 500 year old man, terror does not have you in a chokehold for months so this is a weak excuse – and he cannot bear to shatter his mate's happiness – the very essence of Feyres personality, wants, and requests of other people since the very first book have been to be informed and to have a choice, she wouldn't give a shit about being happy she would want to know and you know what? Even if she wouldn't, she has the right to – because stress can trigger premature labour (as it did!) – and that's a problem why? If the pregnancy was already at risk why would a premature labour even matter? If anything a preemie baby would have made the delivery easier and inducing the labour early should have been considered as a potential solution. "Oh we can't stress Feyre out stress is bad for the pregnancy", um the literal pregnancy is bad for Feyre so?? Again, weak ass excuse me –

And that is worse than a narcissist – Nesta, apparently – who abused an innocent child for years, – she was also a child but go off – mentally, emotionally, financially and physically (trying to force one to work for hours when exhausted and frozen is physical abuse) – please, what extra chapters did these psychos get that shows Nesta dragging Feyre out to the woods and "forcing" her to work because how else is it possible that so many people are so very wrong?? their little headcanons make me picture little Nesta out whipping Feyre around the woods and it kind of cracks me up I won't lie – Who enjoyed hurting and dehumanizing her sister at every chance – you mean... like Feyre did? Or do you mean when Nesta ran her baths? Or had her dinner ready after she napped? Or when she went to look for Feyre? – who tried to kick Feyre out of the house Tamlin provided, who then exploited money of Rhys. – "exploited" yes I'm sure she really abused this poor, penniless saint of a man. That's like saying someone exploited Elon Musk, it's quite literally impossible –

A vile abhorrent ungrateful abuser is worse than a man with brutal trauma with the most understandable reaction considering what he had been through, who tried to save his wife. – The vile, abhorrent abuser is Rhysand I'm sorry to tell you (not really). Keeping a woman's bodily autonomy from her is absolutely not the most understandable reaction. "Considering what he has been through" if anything that should have made him more responsible and more concerned for Feyres consent and autonomy but he wasn't. He endangered her and didn't inform her of the dangers of the sex they were having and then kept life threatening information and bodily autonomy from her for months. And he didn't try to save his wife, he tried to save himself and his heir. If he had tried to save his wife there are these magical things called ✨abortions✨. Nesta saved his wife, and his ungrateful ass – Nesta never cared for Feyre (and no, looking for her breadwinner slave to feed her after being taken to the wall is not caring) Rhys cares too much. He did not mean no harm, unlike Nesta, who enjoyed hurting Feyre at every turn – I honestly just have 0 words for this last bit other than get help and a sprinkle of reading comprehension wouldn't go astray either. Then again he did not mean no harm is actually absolutely correct, congratulations👏🏻

[aseriesofunfortunatejan]

Umiri's tragic backstory

So Umiri introduces her story in a silly way. (Because she's very silly.) She drops a "I have a painful backstory I can't get through without drinking", with language I assume stereotypical enough for Nyamu to immediately point out the obvious: she wasn't drinking alcohol. The way she introduces it prompts Nyamu to go "okay, fine, that's what's happening now".

I really enjoy their dynamic, in a way similar to Umiri's dynamic with Taki: there's an air of detachment accompanied by straightforward respect. There's the comfort of being a little rough on that person without being worried they'll take it the wrong way. It's an opportunity for Umiri to be a little Silly without having to involve herself more than she wants to.

So, about that. I do want to pay attention to it and speak about Umiri's genuine negative feelings: because I'm not about to let a fake IDGAFer trick me! Reference silly situations and omit the details all you want, Umiri; this is affecting your daily life.

We can only operate with the assumption that she's telling the entire truth (that she's aware of): the visuals indicate that in the past, Umiri was burned by missing a social cue hardcore. I can feel this scene course through my insides; the one passionate little girl throwing herself into a group project 100%, completely missing that her friends are on an entirely different page, and about to dip on her.

This sucks ass. I know "oh, she's just autistic" seems comforting enough compared to what the likes of Sakiko or Mutsumi have going on, but all memes aside - such symptoms and experiences, whether or not Umiri is intended to be autistic, are extremely painful and isolating.

This is BanG Dream!, so we're talking about a character to whom music and her instrument are very important. The visual of Umiri standing alone on stage, even though she was already alone in the changing room, tells a story in and of itself: of her going anyway. Why? Did she hope they might still come? Did she want to hang on to the "dream" audition? Regardless, there's one other thing young girls aren't known to enjoy: humiliation. Standing alone on stage in front of an audience of adults who are definitely piecing the story together, crying from her hurt feelings... that's a humiliating experience.

I'm reminded of the humbled Soyo watching herself on stage, abandoned by her bandmates one by one, if just in her imagination.

"I was interfering too much, with good intentions. I never thought that would annoy people." That description, to me, represents someone who has thought about it over and over. Who has put the finger on exactly what happened, who can describe it no problem, and yet... it still hurts, else it wouldn't keep coming up.

Additionally, this is someone who is choosing her words carefully. She is very specific about the way she is portraying herself and her feelings. It's very different to the self-loathing Sakiko: I had good intentions. I am calm about this. I am self-aware.

This is a way of protecting herself. You can't hurt me if my shields are up; if I'm already aware of exactly what happened in my painful past and of every way you could make fun of me for the way I'm talking to you right now. She says it herself as well: she guarded herself from experiencing this again by joining multiple bands instead of putting all her eggs in one basket.

She does bring up to DISRUPTION that she's looking for a safeguard to avoid "bothering" her parents. DISRUPTION allowed her to keep that despite Ave Mujica's disbanding. I don't think we have any information indicating whether this was already a driving force when she was younger (which could have informed her interest in being scouted), or if it's a separate issue.

What's evident is that Umiri over-corrected. She identified her taking leadership as the problem, and began to avoid it at all costs. Call her backstory silly all you want, but this impacts her daily and social life! By avoiding it completely, she fell in the opposite category of unreliable person, and thus failed at uniting another band.

...She's learning her lesson: don't avoid taking the lead. You need to be trusted. The problem is... she might be... over-correcting again.

I think we should bite her. As for Doloris... she doesn't appear to believe Umiri has her shit together either.

Speaking of this silly idiot's parents... I have talked, in the past, of my issue with BanG Dream! repeatedly spouting some Dieting Bullshit. I'd also brought up the lack of mention of the social implications of being stupid rich, which has since been tackled with Sakiko... therefore, is it possible that Ave Mujica is trying to tackle dieting and/or eating disorders?

The products here appear to be referencing a genuine brand named CalorieMate (I hope the linked post is trying to be funny, for their sake). Of course, the dialogue alone indicates that Umiri refuses to feed herself normally.

This is surprising, since Umiri had initially been established as that girl who gulped down a ton of macarons at once. She's also always drinking something from the vending machine, which isn't a constant for her classmates. The overeating and diet food are definitely implying a disordered relationship with food. (I also think it's noteworthy that she ate at 12:00 on the dot. Either she was hungry and waiting for the right time to be "allowed" to eat or she forced herself to eat in order to stay on a specific schedule.)

While looking for that brand, I did have to open Twitter, and found this good point:

I don't think Umiri's problems are all that light-hearted. As I mentioned above, I think the implied social isolation is gut-wrenching. It might be my C-PTSD talking, but trauma can look all sorts of ways, and it can ruin your daily life. On top of that, although we have very little information about it so far, an eating disorder is nothing to sneer at: it is a genuine mental struggle that also impacts the body (greatly) and can endanger the person's life.

This is a girl who's all over the place. Did you see the sheer amount of luxury items she bought? She's definitely not eating anything else this month. Regardless her backstory, this is not a healthy place to be in.

Umiri's crashout made me sweat. It could turn out that Umiri's experience isn't a big T trauma that changed everything, but a lot of little t trauma that she was mistakenly left to try and fix on her own; and still, she would fit the bill as an Ave Mujica girlie who Needs Help At The Moment.

To conclude - I don't know when Nyamu became an Umiri hater, but I stan.

She was not being half as scary there as she ended up becoming after their conversation.

Just kidding. There's something else I wanted to say. Here's a PS: why is it that Taki and Tomori are allowed to be bossy about their bands and with their bandmates, and still be seen, appreciated, and earn what they want? Why did it fail so bad when Umiri did it - although she too had good intentions? "Fuck that noise, I want my band to succeed too!" and "if that worked on Sakiko and Mutsumi, then it should work when I try it too, right?"

[apple-onigiri]

hi can you talk more about your reading of siffrin and loop's relationship please. I'm so curious 👀

(omg hii i love your analyses)

well i guess now i gotta huh!! the demons (the people on my computer) are telling me to do it, do it, do it, so here it is!! most of it below a cut! because this ended up being really really long!

so! self-love and self-hatred play a big role in isat in general. the whole story is kind of about accepting that you are capable of being loved, and not, in fact, inherently repulsive so maybe you should open up, siffrin. imagine that. and i'd argue these themes crystallize into their final form with sif and loop and how they interact :) my ants. my mentally ill ants

(this sidesteps the curious meta element of how both the narration of siffrin to himself and loop addressing siffrin as they talk uses second person. it's very interesting but this is already gonna be long enough)

looking at all their interactions, especially through the lens of knowing who loop actually is, gives a pretty good idea of loop's attitude towards another version of themselves, and, by extension, their own self (this is a bit confusing because there are Too Many Siffrins Here)

the long and short is the resentment they feel towards themselves - because loop never went through the realization they're not unlovable - is externalized and often taken out on siffrin.

they are very condescending with how they interact with him. he's just a silly little stardust! so stupid, so naive! knows so little about literally everything. awww, let me help you out, stardust, before you hurt yourself.

on my first playthrough i actually initially distrusted loop a lot because of this. i saw it as the last thing siffrin would need when they already put themselves down so heavily; how they call themselves "stupid" multiple times for any and all mistakes they make and how unforgiving they are to themselves (especially the key hidden in the classroom exemplifies this). but with the knowledge of siffrin and loop starting out as the same person, it makes a stark amount of sense. when you have a mindset similar to siffrin's and loop's, no one will ever be more critical of you than you yourself.

it sometimes feels like loop's forgetting they're not talking to themselves internally and that this is a whole separate being they're talking to that they can't just externalize their own self-hatred onto, enough that they have to backtrack and apologize because hurting yourself in a way that resembles hurting someone else makes you think twice about what you're doing to yourself. there's a healthy dose of regret there, and guilt that they said something you can't easily erase from the mind of the person you said it to.

there is still care in loop's behavior. conversely to the previous statement, nothing will make you more sympathetic to your own plight than literally seeing it from an outsider's perspective and being able to acknowledge that you need help (sidenote, but kinda twisted of the universe to grant loop's wish in the most roundabout way possible. you want someone to help you? okay! help yourself! your other self, but hey, it counts, right?)

(cut here because this is getting out of control and i can't let it appear in unabridged form on anyone's dash, especially on mobile)

as acts go on and quests progress, loop gets these moments of honesty and empathy for siffrin more often. they obviously have been helping before but you know what i mean, don't you. those moments where loop's facade drops and we get a feeling that this isn't them acting, this is their true... shades, lol. examples!!

aftermath of touch therapy! of course they'd know what the root problem here is and how to best help. this is something acutely familiar to them and they're able to tell what siffrin needs to stop spiraling. and!! siffrin reciprocates this! haven't talked ab him and his attitude towards loop specifically a lot but this too is important. i'm rapidly becoming ill btw

forgetting the party's names upon waking up on the meadow and calling loop! it happened to loop before so seeing it happen to another version of you must make one feel... complicated. they patiently remind siffrin each name and make sure they're fine.

honestly, throughout the entirety of the story, but especially by the end of act 4, they find it very crucial to make sure they reassure siffrin they're there for him, that he's not alone in this. they know where feeling completely alone leads.

okay i can't take it anymore i gotta talk about this.

loop so doesn't want siffrin to use the dagger on themselves. it's genuinely heartbreaking to see their distress about the idea

they even try to dissuade siffrin from it later on, when you first attempt to use it, and are very very upset still afterwards

they care about siffrin!! they don't want to see him hurt! they don't want siffrin to befall the same awful fate they met where self-destruction melts into the natural state of being and you just spiral spiral spiral! they don't hate him, and seeing them fall so far from okay that they're fine with stabbing themselves to save time in a time loop where literally no time is wasted because it loops back anyway is awful for them.

this is where loop transforms from the voice in your head pointing out your deepest flaws to one that can tell what you're doing is self-destructive and bad for you and you really, really should stop. the, pardon my wording, tug on your stomach, like the one you get when you're standing over the ledge and looking down. and when you get the stupid thought how easy it would be to fall, your brain reacts by jolting you away. loop is the jolt.

loop is the inner instincts of siffrin personified at many points of the story. sometimes they're hurtful towards him as instincts of a self-destructive person are wont to do, which is justified with them just wanting that other version of themselves to Be Better, Get Better. and sometimes, it's self-preservation they depict; feeling at home with your self and expressing empathy towards yourself and your own awful situation.

when act 5 comes, loop is clearly crushed about not being able to help siffrin out, about not being able to get them out of their despair.

then, just like he's done with everyone else, siffrin rejects loop too. when siffrin shuns loop here, it's out of anger for being kept in the dark, yes, but it's also a rejection of any positive thoughts they might have about themselves.

siffrin's rejection of loop isn't only rejecting one last person they're close to like they did with their family members. it's a rejection of any and all instincts to care for himself and his well-being. it's the same thing that allows him to use crafts with no cooldowns. it's the same thing as memory of emptiness that lets him loop to the point where he died and just keep going. it's what lets mal du pays take form.

this refusal of loop's help is, in my opinion, the ultimate act of self-hatred in isat.

okay depression time over act6 twohats happy times yayy!!!

after a little bit because loop is - kinda justifiably - upset at how their suffering amounted to nothing and now this siffrin gets their happy ending. and they don't!! how is that fair? we have to keep in mind a lot of what we've learned was news to loop too. they spent so long in the loops, not knowing why, to the point where they begged the universe to get them out and help them.

their roles from act 5 essentially swap here. here loop is the one self-destructing and rejecting any help at all, and projecting the hell out of themselves onto siffrin, just like siffrin did in the "friendquests" in act 5.

so i haven't talked a lot about siffrin's outlook on loop before now (when his psyche is not literally split into tiny pieces, that is) but my little pet theory is that, just like they really hate repeating their lines, being all fake, and only do so because they feel they have to, they're often annoyed by loop because they can kind of sense the front they put out. if you hate the way you pretend, these feelings are most likely gonna transpose to another version of you doing the same thing.

but in this fight, the siffrin in it is not the one still trapped in the time loops. this is a siffrin tentatively learning that maybe it's okay to not hate yourself. so, just like act 5 is the greatest act of self-hatred, the ending of this fight is the ultimate act of self-love and self-acceptance, regardless of how it ends but with some caveats to both outcomes.

if siffrin wins, he refuses to hurt loop, stating outright that they don't hate themselves enough to do so. he won't do it even if loop is literally begging for it.

if loop wins, they cannot bring themselves to hurt siffrin. they feel too much empathy towards them. it's impossible to hate him - and themselves - the same after seeing the struggle from outwards.

regardless, they both exhibit the kind of care only you yourself can give yourself after fighting tooth and nail to prove to your own self-esteem that you're worth it. siffrin wouldn't be satisfied with killing loop because it would mean a rejection of some fragment of themselves.

siffrin went through a capital-C Change due to the loops (the theme of change in isat is another thing i could write on and on about), and part of that Change was having a version of you, your past self, still stuck in how they used to be and the situation that made them so. a healthy type of growth means changing for the better, yes, but also learning to love and respect who you used to be. if you met your younger self, would you resent them? or would you want them to know that all their struggles weren't for nothing? Change means leaving something behind but not forsaking it, letting it rot and fester unacknowledged

(insert rant about how isa's Change was actually kind of partial because he decided to completely sever ties with who he used to be instead of being appreciative of the aspects of himself he seems to still like, like being smart, and him resorting to hiding it instead WE DON'T HAVE THE TIME RIGHT NOW ASK ME LATER IF U WANNA but tl;dr actshually isa Change doesn't need to be full-on destruction because the eggshell is still there the Change God told me okay enough of this)

this. this is love. self-love given form. to me.

"you matter. your suffering mattered. it helped me become who i am right now. nothing was in vain. it hurt, and might still hurt for a long time - but it was never for nothing." that's what i got from this scene.

anywayyyyy i warned you!!! that this would be long!! if you let me yap! it's yap central over here. if you got all the way down here, thank you for enduring. have a cupcake :)🧁

[novanox88]

Those Leftover Pieces - Pt 2

Summary: You’re in love with Draco – you always have been. But he likes Hermione, and she likes Ron. It’s a mess, and you don’t think you’ll ever be an option.

Warnings: Pining, Angst, No Smut, Slight Use of Y/N, Draco is Kinda OOC

(w/c 3.7k)

A/N: Sorry it took so long for me to get out this part, but I'm glad you guys are enjoying it. I'm thinking there will be 1-3 more chapters, but we'll see what happens. Enjoy!

It had been exactly a week since you’d given Drcao the flowers. Seven days since he’d dropped them on Granger’s study tale in the library and Draco hadn’t stopped bitching about it. The first two days had been hell on earth. You really had thought you’d be able to get through it but hearing him talk day and night about whether Granger had gotten the flowers and what she’d thought of them and if she’d liked the little note he’d given here was more than just exhausting. It was painful. You had tried and tried but you couldn’t keep up the smile and laughs as if nothing was wrong so you’d done something about it. You’d started avoiding Draco. It was something you’d never have thought you would do but you ducked and weaved through people to avoid him in the corridors and skipped meals to avoid him during the day. You’d even skipped potions earlier, it was the only class you shared with Draco and right now you couldn’t bear to look at his face. You were sure it wouldn’t hurt to skip potions just this once – or until you had it in you to get over the man. Then you had opted to stay for just a bit longer, in case you ran into him in the common room and just like that it was almost night and you hadn't moved from your reclusive table. 

The library was mostly empty except for the few Ravenclaw study groups dotted around the room, muttering under their breaths as they compared notes. You didn’t care about any of the other people here right now though, as long as you were nowhere near Draco you were fine. There was a table towards the back of the library that you had always favoured, it was out of the way from the hustle and bustle of everyone but, you could still see into the centre of the library where everyone was gathered. It was a perfect place for studying or people-watching, whatever you decided to do with your afternoon.

A call of your name drew your attention, as you turned your body around to find the source of the voice. Bright brown eyes met yours and your chest clenched in response as Hermione made her way towards you, a beautiful smile painting her equally gorgeous face. This was the problem with her, you had no and could never find a reason to hate her. She had always been nice to you, smiling at you in the corridors and helping you out when you were paired together in class. She was a wonderful person and you understood why Draco liked her. They had a strange ongoing banter, something that no one else was privy to. It was like their own little inside joke that always kept them connected and always kept everyone else out. They challenged each other in ways that other people didn’t quite comprehend. It was a beautiful dance that you weren’t a part of and deep down you knew there was nothing you could do to take that position from Hermione.

“What are you doing here?” You forced as much false cheer into your voice as you could as Hermione pulled up a chair beside you.

“Oh I was just finishing up an essay for potions but what about you, you’re not normally here around this time,” your hand stilled over your quill and a strange sense of surprise washed over you. She had been paying attention to you, sure you were friends of sorts but every time her name was mentioned your heart clenched and your stomach soured. It hadn’t occurred to you that she didn’t feel the same. As far as she was concerned you were just another friend. You weren’t sure how to feel about that. You smiled at her, it was so close to genuine that you could almost convince yourself you were happy that Hermione had stopped by.

“Transfiguration work,” you nodded to your open textbook and rolled out parchment. “Lots to catch up, you know how it is. I swear the professors think we’re fucking robots or something,” Hermione laughed, the sound sweet and bold just like her, it made your shoulders relax and your body easy. You had forgotten how nice it was to be around her. She was a good person, the kind of person you want to hold close. You knew that she would always have your back even though you weren’t that close and that’s why it was so hard to hate her. Because no matter how horrible this entire ordeal was for you, Hermione had done nothing wrong. She was so wonderful, how could Draco not fall for her. Hermione grabbed her own stuff, unrolling what seemed to be an excessively long essay. She glanced over at your book, eyes briefly scanning it before her face lit up in a smile.

“Oh, I revised that last week, let me know if you want some help,” if anyone else had said that you would’ve rolled your eyes and left the room but this was Hermione, she was genuine – she always had been – so you just smiled and nodded in response.

It hadn’t even been a couple of minutes before Hermione spoke up again.

“I’m sorry I lied,” her words were hurried and you looked up from your book in confusion. “....about wanting to help me?” you raised your eyebrows still very unsure what she was talking about.

“No no, not that we can still do that… if you want. Umm no this is about something else,” you nodded slowly, still slightly lost but you put your quill down nonetheless, turning your attention to the girl next to you.

“So…what’s wrong?” Hermione drummed her fingers on the table, eyes flickering from one place to another – never settling on your face.

“I’m sure you know,” her words were tentative, eyeing you and the books around you cautiously as if something might jump up and steal her secrets “But I got flowers… from Draco,” your breath caught in your throat and your mouth went dry. You had no idea where this conversation was going but you already knew you hated it. You had come to the library to get away from Draco yet somehow still he followed you around like a phantom and now you were sitting, discussing with the object of his desires.

“Yes he mentioned it,” you forced a smile onto your face, portraying a smiling happy friend. All the emotions you wished you could feel but your heart would not allow. “I hope you liked them, they looked quite lovely,” despair was slowly creeping into your voice but somehow the ever-observant Hermione didn’t seem to notice.

“Oh yes, they were gorgeous, it was so nice of him to do that. It was so… un-Draco-like if you know what I mean,”

“Well he must really like you,” you laughed, the sound hollow to your ears. You needed to get out of here as soon as possible.

“He’s great, isn’t he. He’s different than when we were younger but I can’t say it isn’t nice, I can actually have a proper study session with him now without being concerned he’s going to jinx me,” Hermione giggled, her eyes far away and thinking of how far they had all come. She was straight though, they had all changed oh so much it was really a miracle when you thought about it. They had so many opportunities to stay as enemies – opposing houses on opposing sides of the war – but once it had all been over everyone had chosen the same side.

Reconciliation.

Some part of you, the dark part that you could never seem to shake, wished everyone had stayed enemies at least then you might have had a chance with Draco. He might’ve looked at you first instead of Hermione.

“I’m glad we can all be friends or maybe something more in your case,” you had no idea why you were entertaining this conversation. Every one of Hermione’s smiles sent a dagger through your chest and you were reminded of why Draco had chosen her yet you stayed, rooted to the spot as though your heart enjoyed the pain. Hermione’s laugh was awkward and you picked up on it immediately, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. You had expected her to be excited, shy even, but this tentatively had not been something you expected. “Something’s wrong, what is it, what’s wrong?” 

“Did he do something? God, I told him not to be stupid!” The words were tumbling out of your mouth and you had no control of what came out. “Whatever it was I’ll apologise on his behalf, I’m sure he didn’t mean it whatever it was,” your mind was fighting with itself, you wanted to scream and cry and laugh but all you could do was try to fix whatever stupid mistake Draco had made like you had always done. You wanted him to be happy and if Hermione gave that to him then you would do whatever was in your power to make sure that happiness never left because that man – your Draco – deserved the world and you would give him just that even if it broke your heart to do so. “I’m sure you two can just talk it out an-”

“No, no, no, it’s not like that, it’s nothing like that. Draco is fine, he’s great in fact but he’s not for me,” Hermione’s words rushed out of her mouth and you paused slowly taking them in and piecing them together in your mind.

“I’m sorry what, I’m not following,”

“He’s not right for me, I don’t like him like that,”

“Oh,” it was a small pathetic noise and it was the only word you could muster.

“He’s wonderful don’t get me wrong but I love someone else,” the world slowed down around you and your lungs were desperately trying to decide if there was too much air or not enough. This was stupid, this couldn’t be happening. All that shit and she didn’t even want him. He had been going on and on – ‘Granger this, Granger that’ – so much so that it made your ears bleed but you had pushed through, you had listened and smiled because it made him happy and all you wanted was for him to be happy. You had picked his flowers and helped him talk to her all for what? For absolutely fucking nothing because she didn’t love that gorgeous man back and as much as you wanted to scream and shout and let the pure anger course through you, for whatever reason, you couldn’t. You felt hollow and numb as Hermione stared back at you eyes wide and desperate for a solution. You had made every sacrifice that no one should have to go to, you had cried yourself to sleep knowing that Draco would never love you back but you had done it to see him smile, you had done it because he deserved the world and more and now that smile would shatter and your heart with it. You bit your tongue – hard – to keep the tears at bay, this was not the time for your emotions.

“How did he take the news,”

“That’s the thing-”

“Hermione,” your tone was harsh, a warning because you knew exactly what was coming.

“I didn’t exactly tell him,” it was like someone had dunked you in the Black Lake, chills raked over your body and for a moment you stopped breathing.

“Hermione. what. the. Fuck.” You couldn’t even begin to figure out how you were supposed to fix this mess. Draco was currently sitting in potions thinking Hermione fancied him and Hermione was here telling you that wasn’t the case.

“I panicked, I don’t know what came over me, I just froze it was silly I know,” you didn’t know why she was telling you this, as if you weren’t in a shitty enough place already, someone just had to make it worse. You didn’t want to be in the middle of all this, you didn’t want to be anywhere near all this mess and yet here you were and you knew that you’d stay here until everything was fixed and Draco was okay because that was who were and who you always would be.

“You have to tell him,”

“I know but I don’t know how,”

“Is that why you came to me, for help?” her silence was all the answer you needed. “You just need to go up to him and tell him,” you sighed, letting your face drop into your hands “It’s the best way to go about it, he’ll take it best if you’re direct about it,”

“I can’t…” you could feel your headache growing.

“What do you mean you can’t,”

“He’s my friend, I don’t want to lose him,”

“Well we can’t have it all now can we Granger,” you snapped at her, lips turned upwards in a sneer. You hadn’t meant to come off as rude, she was coming to you for help but she was holding everything you had ever wanted in her hands and turning it away. You couldn’t even begin to understand what you were feeling but it definitely wasn’t pleasant.

“I’d hardly expect you to understand,” Hermione snapped back. It came from nowhere, pure unbridled anger rose through your body pushing away all the tears and pain you had felt. You raised a single eyebrow daring Hermione to continue. It was the face of a true face of Slytherin, unmoving and fierce. “I’m sorry that’s not what I meant,” Hermione backtracked quickly “It’s just that… I don’t want him to hate me,” you scoffed in response.

“If that was the case you would’ve told him on the spot,” you began to pack away your things, shoving them unceremoniously into your bag. “Instead here you are leading him on,”

“That���s not fair,” Hermione spoke frantically, her hands waving around in the air as if that could stop you from leaving. “You know that’s not what I'm trying to do-”

“Really? Because from where I'm standing you have the affections of an incredible man and instead of meeting him head on you’re skirting around like a pathetic cockroach,”

“Stop it, you’re being cruel,” You saw the quiver in her lip and the way her eyes began to water but you couldn’t find it in your heart to care

“You are a lot of things Hermione Granger but I never took you for a coward, frankly it’s disappointing,” you stood from the table, bag clutched tightly in your hands. You turned to leave but Hermione jumped up and grabbed your arm, keeping you from moving.

“You don’t know what this is like. I came to you for help,” your back was turned to her but still you could hear the desperation and pain in her voice.

“You’re right I don’t know what it’s like to be in your… position but I have given you your advice, it’s up to you whether or not you choose to act on it,” she didn’t need to know how deeply you longed to be in her position and she didn’t need to see the tears slowly rolling down your face. Somehow through the whole ordeal you kept your voice steady or maybe Hermione was too wrapped up in herself to see what this was doing to you. Behind, you heard the shuffling of books and you took that moment to wipe away any stray tears, praying no one would notice your slightly red eyes.

“Well thanks for your help,” Hermione didn’t look at you as she spoke and her words were hollow, devoid of any true appreciation but you didn’t care, you just wanted to get out of here as soon as possible. “You’re right, I’ll speak to him,” Hermione brushed past you, moving to leave the little nook of the library that you were in.

“Hermione,” you called out just before she could turn the corner. Your voice sounded dull to your ears but she didn’t seem to notice. Hermione paused, she didn’t turn but she stayed waiting for you to speak. “Who is it? The man you love, who is he?” you really wanted her to say someone incredible, some other rich pure blood or maybe a quidditch player, you knew she was close with Krum in your fourth year. You knew those weren’t the names she would utter though, it was clear as day who she was infatuated with and Draco had ignored all your warnings and gone and loved her anyway.

“It’s Ron,” she didn’t wait for your reply and quickly made her way out of your sight. Of course, it was Weasly he was everything that Draco was not. 

Your body fell back down into the chair and that was when the tears began to fall. One after another they streaked down your face and landed on your shirt. You crumpled into yourself, soft sobs shaking your body. You were so sick of this, so sick of that tiny ounce of hope being crushed over and over again. You had come to terms with the fact that Draco would never love you but at least he would’ve been happy with Hermione and you were ready to live with that. But now – now he would not be with Hermione, he had put himself out there for her and she had turned him down. He would be broken and miserable and you had no idea how long it would take before he smiled again but all the same, he would not love you. Your breath hitched and you tucked your legs into your chest, you could feel your shirt was damp against your skin but the tears wouldn’t stop and the weight on your chest made it hard to breathe.

“y/n…” your head whipped up and you furiously wiped at your tears. You were not pathetic, you were better than this and you would not be found in this position but it was too late. You blinked up at the man who had found you, fresh tears blurring your vision as he bounded towards you. “What’s wrong, what happened?” his grey eyes were etched in concern, silver hair sticking up in all directions which reminded you just how late it was. Then he knelt down before you and you felt that everything was over. Cold hands grabbed yours, pulling them away from your face and bringing them down to your lap. “Talk to me,” his words were so sincere and that just brought a new wave of tears as you tried and failed to speak through your sobs. Draco frowned and dropped your hands moving his own up to your face. The pleasant chill from his hands almost brought a smile to your face and he waited, gently wiping away your tears as your breathing steadied and your tears slowed. “Better?” you nodded, a reluctant smile gracing your face as you pulled his hands away from your face. You would not let yourself pretend that any of this meant more than it did. You knew your delusions would only lead you to pain as they had so many times before. You had to protect yourself.

“I’m fine Draco, really,”

“Bullshit,” he snapped getting up off his knees and pulling you out of your chair with him. “No one who’s fine sits in the library in the middle of the night bawling their eyes out-”

“-I was hardly bawling,” Draco shot you a look that instantly quieted you although the smile didn’t leave your face. It was just so easy to talk to him, it hadn't even taken him more than a few moments to calm you down. Everything about him was easy, nothing felt like work, all you felt was serene when he was around and if the universe would let you, you would gratefully bask in that feeling for the rest of your life. “I’m serious Dray, I’m absolutely fine,”

“Don’t lie to me, you know I hate it when you lie to me,” he reached for your forearms, tugging you closer to him and loosely wrapping his arms around your shoulders.

“It’s nothing, transfigurations was just getting to me,” the lies felt bitter on your tongue but you didn’t let your face give you away but it wasn’t any use Draco knew. His lips were set in a grim line, more than aware you were lying but he had the sense not to push. Instead, he pulled you closer, wrapping his arms around your waist and holding you close. You tucked your head under his chin and he hummed, the sweet noise vibrating through your body. Het let his hands trail through your hair, untangling the knots as he went and you just stayed there letting your body melt into his his.

“I know you're lying,” his voice was just a murmur as he spoke directly into your ear. Goosebumps raised along your arms and the back of your neck but you paid them no heed. You would not let your mind fall into false pretences. “I’ll let you keep your secrets but you must promise to come to me if anything is actually wrong,” you laughed but nodded into his chest.

“I promise,” your words were just above a whisper and spoken into Draco’s chest but somehow he still heard you. He would always hear you over the echoing voices of the Great Hall and he would always find you in the crowded corridors but no matter how many times he came to you he would never be yours. The thought was sobering and you pulled away from him, taking two decisive steps back to put space between the both of you. “It’s getting late we should go,” you reached for your satchel but Draco beat you to it, snatching it off the desk.

“Lead the way, princess,” he smiled down at you and you misled back. It was tentative and full of pain but he didn’t see that and you would fight every day so that he never would. You would give this man every ounce of happiness that you could even if it shattered your heart to do so.

[jedi-enthusiast]

As much as I hate the type of super religious people that are like- “you can’t watch spongebob, it’s satanic” -I also really hate the type of atheists that feel the need to prove every religious person wrong.

Like I just saw a video where the topic was that, if G-d exists, why doesn’t he stop bad things from happening? I personally struggled with the same question a while back and i found a good answer in a book called “When Bad Things Happen to Good People” by Rabbi Harold Kushner, which got recommended to me when I first started looking into converting to Judaism, so I just commented something along the lines of:

"Only partially related, but if you're struggling with this subject but still want to have faith/follow a religion, [Kushner's book] puts forward the idea that G-d is loving but not necessarily 'all powerful' how we think of it---he can't interfere with rules that he's already put in place, like gravity and free will. I'm not explaining it very well, but it's a good read and I recommend it if you're interested in the subject."

I just figured that the book recommendation could help someone the way it helped me, but no one had to interact with my comment if they didn't want to---so it was harmless, right?

Then some random girl starts commenting under my recommendation, basically trying to debate me on what I said and whether or not G-d is real based on what I said about him not necessarily being all powerful, just based on the ideas put forth in Kushner's book. Saying random shit like- "did he or did he not preform miracles in the old testament?" -and- "oh so you think him parting the red sea was a metaphor?" -to try and have some "gotcha" moment on me.

I even told her that I wasn't explaining the book very well and that, if she wanted to, she could give it a read if she was actually interested in the subject---but I impressed upon her that she 100% didn't have to read it or believe the same things I did or believe in G-d at all, it was her choice and none of my business.

Still, this girl was adamant about arguing with me and kept being like really smartass passive aggressive, like the type where they act like you're stupid, and I just...I genuinely don't know what the fuck her problem was. I tried asking her why she felt the need to "debate me" and be rude under a comment she could've just ignored, but she just responded with- "you people will find any excuse" -and like??? What???

People just need to mind their own business, frankly.

If someone isn't religious and isn't hurting anyone, leave them be.

If someone is religious and isn't hurting anyone, leave them be too.

Like, seriously, what happened to basic fucking decency? Why are people so concerned with what other people believe? Just mind your own damn business and go about your day!

[cyranonic]

Dragon Age: The Veilguard, a Belated Review

Well, I finally finished playing Veilguard and I've got some thoughts. For context, I'm a big fan of the previous 3 Dragon Age games and of fantasy RPGs in general, so my review is very much informed by that. The TLDR is: Veilguard isn't the worst game ever, but I really did not like it and I feel like it exemplifies a lot of my problems with the modern media landscape. Full explanation below the cut:

There were definitely some things in Veilguard that I enjoyed. It looked nice; combat was intuitive and snappy; VAs did great work. But I am fundamentally more interested in story than technical stuff so I want to focus on that. Some individual story arcs were fun out of the context of the whole. A few of my favorite parts:

Assan!!! Cutest baby boy!! His bond with Davrin was probably the most emotional part of the whole game for me lol

Emmerich's personal quest overall was enjoyable in a zany, campy way. I adopted the skeleton. No regrets.

Solas memory quests! I liked how we kept seeing him sacrifice his own people for the greater good. Set up the theme of the story well and allowed for some good Dreadwolf tricks and gambits.

Bellara taking up the Varric mantle, except that she write romance serials made me laugh (no one tell Cassandra about this; she will lose her mind)

It was actually really sweet when Lucanis and Neve got together

However, even the things in the game that did work for me were all slightly tainted by some bigger overarching issues I have with the tone, lore, companions, and execution of the story overall.

Problem 1: Tone

A lot of other reviews have mentioned that the tone of Veilguard feels cartoony or simplistic, and I unfortunately agree. All of the dialogue has this slightly obnoxious, Marvel movie-esque, jokey tone to it. Serious moments are often undercut by Rook's quip-heavy responses and there is a lot of that irony-poisoned, insincere, self-awareness that would be great in a Deadpool movie, but not a Dragon Age game.

I'm not against humor in a Dragon Age game and, in fact, I love and cherish the comedic moments in the earlier games (purple Hawke forever haha). I think the difference is that earlier Dragon Age games took the story, world, and characters very seriously. The humor was the characters themselves being funny within that very serious world, not the whole tone of the game itself being light-hearted and wacky.

For example, let's examine Johanna Hezenkoss, the villain of Emmerich's quest. I overall enjoyed the quest a lot, but one cannot ignore how silly the tone of it is. Johanna is a necromancer who is now half-lich--the classic Dragon Age trope of a mage gone wrong. However, she is never really treated as a seriously disturbing threat or a genuinely tragic figure. She is basically a wacky mad scientist, complete with a funny crawling hand gag. It isn't bad writing, exactly. It did get some chuckles out of me. But it does exemplify the tone of the game overall--nothing feels like a big deal because it all seems vaguely silly and self-aware and on-the-nose.

In a less fun example, I am quite unhappy with the ways that this game tries to avoid dealing with the canonical racism and social inequity that previous games established. Like yes, we get some mentions that the Shadow Dragons work to free slaves in Tevinter, but no characters or quest lines ever really make the player confront that reality. It feels distant, impersonal, and stripped of complexity. I will readily acknowledge that Dragon Age hasn't always dealt with elf racism plotlines perfectly, but I respected them trying and messing up more than Veilguard just... not trying. For example, the animated show they made (Dragon Age: Absolution) dealt more maturely and interestingly with Tevinter's slave society than any part of Veilguard and I wish we had gotten more of that in a game that finally brings players into Tevinter as a main setting.

Problem 2: Lore

It would not be an exaggeration to say that a huge part of the appeal of Dragon Age as a game is simply the world that the writers created. Earlier games developed a Thedas that felt big and epic and complex. They created a setting that gave players a true fantasy experience, full of mysteries and unique societies and fun languages to learn and a rich history.

Veilguard feels very strangely uninterested in capturing that epic fantasy feeling. I cannot count the number of times that characters talked about concepts or used terms that sounded incredibly modern and bizarre given what we know about Thedas. In scenes with Morrigan, it was so obvious how older games were far more comfortable with characters sounding more archaic (dropping a 'tis on us occasionally).

Additionally, some aspects of lore were simply brushed over in very weird ways. For example, why did the Venatori so eagerly join up with elven gods, when in prior games they were, um... fairly anti-elf??? Also, why did everyone in Thedas apparently forget about the concept of Mage Circles? Did anyone give a single flying fuck about the Chantry in this game? Not particularly. Why won't anyone just call the Evanuris "the Evanuris"? Are you embarrassed by your own made-up words, game? Why does every character call them "the gods," even if they are not an elf??

One aspect of the game where Veilguard's disinterest in building its own lore really bothered me was with Taash's quest. Obviously, I have no issues with an non-binary character appearing in a fantasy setting. But the fact that Taash just kinda independently developed the term "non-binary" was very immersion-breaking to me. This might sound lame, but I want to learn some sort of cool fantasy term or an ancient pre-Qun concept of third genders or something. Just give me more fantasy stuff in my fantasy story please!!

Also, I know this controversial, but it also breaks my immersion that even playing as an NB character from Tevinter, no one ever brings up how canonically homophobic Tevinter is (thinking of Dorian and Krem here!) I think there is definitely a place for games that depict queer characters in fantasy settings being happy and accepted, but I don't think Dragon Age has ever been the franchise that people went to for comforting and hopeful visions of a fantasy society. Thedas has always been a dark, brutal, borderline dystopian world, but it still has the potential to tell queer-affirming stories about the struggle against oppression and living in defiance of your society. I wish Veilguard had done that.

Another part of the lore that felt very poorly done was the Titans. I loved the hints we had gotten in previous games through characters like Sandal and quests like The Descent DLC. But when the reveal happened in this game, all the characters kind just went "oh. huh. wild." Also I found the confrontation with, uh, evil red Harding to be very confusing and anti-climactic. The writing of the scene did not clearly telegraph what the red Harding thing even was? And then all of the rage of the Titans was very easily suppressed by Rook saying... "remember you are still you"??? Huge anticlimax that was poorly built-up and all the characters reacted to with little more than a shrug and a "dang, sucks for the Titans. I'd be pretty steamed too, I guess!" I want confrontations with the Titans to feel alien and epic and dangerous (and definitely not easily resolvable through a single dialogue option).

Problem 3: RPG elements

I feel like the developers of Veilgaurd did not want it to be an RPG and instead pushed the writers into created a more generic action/adventure game, but dang it!! I play Dragon Age because I like RPGs! I like to make choices that feel important and complicated! Veilguard gives the player a few significant choices, but I did not like them much and here is why:

Firstly, Minrathous vs. Treviso. This choice feels very forced. You have no real reason to pick one over the other unless you are planning to romance Lucanis or you are trying to role-play as a character from one of those cities. And you have no other options. I like RPG choices that either feel tactical or rooted in the lore of the world, and this is neither. The choice does not impact the game's outcome; no matter what option you choose, you can still ally with that faction and everyone will just kinda forgive you. From a role-play perspective, the game goes out of its way to reassure you that the city you Blight will eventually rebuild through grit and tenacity, etc.

Secondly, picking a character to die heroically. I hate this one because it feels like the game is trying to give you some "real consequences" and play into the larger theme of regret and leadership. But it once again, picking feels random! The game telegraphs very obviously that your choice will probably lead to this character dying or getting injured, so it isn't even shocking when it happens. And, yet again, everyone forgives Rook so quickly and immediately after the death. I actually liked the Bellara vs. Neve choice way more because I was surprised by the outcome, and that gave it more emotional weight. I thought it was just a random call; I didn't know one would be kidnapped!

Finally, the multiple endings. This was a choice that was not actually a choice. Getting the "true ending" was not based on decisions; it was just a check to see if you actually finished the game you just spent a bunch of money on. Like... yeah, obviously I finished all of the companion quests and faction quests?? I paid a lot of money to play this game so I did, in fact, play it.

For comparison, I thought a lot about BG3, which is another fantasy RPG that I played recently. That game allows you to make lots of choices that feel like part of the role-play and impact the ending of the game (is my Tav evil? Does my Tav want to rule the world with the Absolute's power or do they want to save it? Is my Tav willing to compromise with evil in order to make life easier?) Veilguard does not let you role-play much with Rook. You cannot create an evil Rook. You cannot play as a Rook who wants to tear down the Veil or side with the Evanuris. That's fine, I get that BG3 was a really hard game to make, but it makes Veilguard less of an RPG.

A closer comparison might be to look at a choice from a previous Dragon Age game. One decision that comes to mind was the choice between the Mages and the Templars in DAII. This isn't a particularly tactical choice (you still have to fight both bosses regardless) nor is it a choice that significantly changes the ending of the game. But it is a role-playing choice! By that point in the game, the player has gotten tons of information about the mage/templar conflict. They have seen multiple perspectives on the issue and seen the problems with both points of view. Therefore, the choice is fun because it feels like a declaration of belief. You, the player, are forced to pick which organization you see as less flawed or more ideologically valid, and by that point in the game, you care about that choice. Your companion characters are deeply invested in this conflict too, and so, if you care about them, then you care about the decision even when it doesn't change the ending.

With the choices in Veilguard, I was either not invested in the choice because the situation felt so arbitrary, or the choice was not really a role-play choice at all, but simply a sign of completing the game.

Problem 4: Companion Characters

Perhaps the most disappointing part of Veilguard to me is the characters, because I feel like they all had potential to be fascinating, but the writing played it way too safe.

A lot of the companions were strong concepts (a noir detective from Minrathous! an assassin possessed by a demon! a scholarly necromancer!) but I feel like their storylines never gave them much depth and often felt strangely unfinished. I think Lucanis and Harding suffered the most from being incredibly underwritten (Lucanis' Spite plotline feels like they just forgot to add another mission in?). Other characters had personal quests that were oddly paced (Bellara's brother is dead! Wait, no, he's alive. But we might have to kill him! Just kidding, we don't have to kill him. Oh no, he still died!) or with stakes that were not properly set-up (why does Neve care so much about a random templar guy who we never meet or learn anything about prior to her telling us that he died?)

Ultimately, I think the biggest issue I had with the companion characters is it felt like the writers never wanted to take any risks. There were no genuinely surprising twists like with Solas or Anders or Morrigan. There were no major RPG decisions like with Alistair or Isabella. There were no characters who were genuinely unlikable or flawed or at least morally ambiguous. I'm not insisting that companion characters all be dicks, but flawed characters feel more real, human, and therefore more empathetic to me. I love Cassandra because her faith and devotion to her cause does blind her to injustice. I love Fenris because his trauma has made him so defensive and prickly. I love Zevran because his survival strategies are horribly messed up.

I wish Veilguard had given us characters that felt more flawed. I wish they had been brave enough to show us companion characters acting terribly--lashing out in pain, or struggling with their core beliefs, or even fully betraying the party if their approval was low or the player made certain choices! Let me make Lucanis evil if I destroy Treviso! Let me see Neve genuinely go down a dark path and become the dark mage she has always fought against! Let me see Davrin truly asking himself if the Grey Wardens are a cause that he has the heart to fight for anymore!

In general, while it was cool to explore lots of different factions and parts of Thedas, the game never really put those perspectives into conversation. The threat of the Evanuris was meant to be so overwhelming and apocalyptic that in-fighting wouldn't really make sense. But I want in-fighting! I want the Veiljumpers to have serious issues with the Lord of Fortune surrounding ancient artifacts! I want the Grey Wardens to distrust the Antivan Crows because they are criminals. I want the Mournwatch and the Shadow Dragons to debate about what types of magic should be forbidden. Let things be complicated!

Veilguard, I beg you, let situations be emotionally difficult. Allow the player to be uncomfortable at times. Trust that the story will be better if the characters do not constantly announce to the player how they ought to feel and what is the Right and Correct Perspective.

Problem 5: Theme

This last point is less of a criticism and more of a diagnosis of sorts. Veilguard clearly has a theme relating to regret and how leaders are forced to bear the burden of regret for their decisions. Overall, I think the theme was pretty solid and I actually really liked most of the parts about Solas and Rook, their bond, and the Varric twist. No complaints there (although a symptom of a larger disease that Solas and Varric, characters from prior games, were my favorite parts of this game).

However, I think the rest of the game would have been so much stronger if the writers are really honed in on this theme in the side-quests and companion quests. In general, a lot of Veilguard felt slightly directionless and lacking cohesion. If other story arcs and faction quests had also shown the player different examples of "regret as a prison," that could have been a cool way to make those parts of the story feel more meaningful.

But even if the theme were more fully explored in companion quests and side quests, I still think that the game needs more focus in order to tell an effective story. Honestly, if I were writing the game, I would have limited the setting to Tevinter and the conflict to the issue between Rook and Solas. The Evanuris are fine villains, but immediately making the stakes so massive and global makes the story kinda scattered. I would have waited until the endgame to let them out.

If anyone ever wants to read by in-depth "how I would fix Veilgaurd" post, please let me know lol. I have many ideas.

Conclusions:

I don't want to jump on the Veilgaurd hate train too hard, because a lot of people have not been making their criticisms in good faith. But I do feel disappointed by this game, not just because I am a fan of the franchise, but because it feels like it plays into a bigger issue with narrative art today.

Veilguard fails because it feels deeply corporate, sanitized, insincere, and pathologically afraid of getting messy. Even if that means its lows are never that low, I would prefer it to swing hard and miss hard. I like art that actually has something to say other than "hello, here is more of the thing you like, please give us money." Some games are giving us these amazing stories, but not many of them are coming from big studios. I wish Dragon Age had gone in the direction of being a smaller, shittier, but infinitely more loved franchise. I wish the graphics still looked like ass, but I could fall in love with a mass of horrible polygons anyways because the writing was so compelling.

Instead, we got this glossy, over-worked, and pretty underwhelming game. Veilguard is a game for the modern era of soulless, irony-poisoned, pandering capitalists and I hate it, thanks. I hate it.

[entities-of-posts]

As A Child I Hated Smiling, Specifically For Pictures, I Always Found It Forced To Do So, My Smile Never Quite Looked Normal, And I Couldn't Really Fix It Growing Up. In Around 9th Grade, In Combination With This Problem, I Also Got Told My Stares Are "Creepy". Like I Might Not Be Doing Anything At All And Accidentaly Stare At Someone And They'll Be Scared Shitless. One Last Thing: I've Never Really Liked Who I Was, So When I Got Online For Good I Started Going By A Differentish Name And Made Up A Whole New Personality, Which Changed And Is Still Changing Over Time. I Mimic Shit Other People Say Or Do And Overall Adapted My Behavior To Be Synced With Whoever I Was Talking To. It Feels Wrong Sometimes When I Realise It, But Nobody Truly Knows Me, Not Even Me. And I'm Fine With That.

The Stranger

[obae-me]

Hello, darling! First of all, I read your post and I want you to know I'll be supporting you from the sidelines!

Second, I'm a big fan of your writing!

Could ai request some writing about having a date with Lucifer in the snow? It could be anything related to winter, really.

Thank you!

Hello, dear! Thank you so much for your support and kind words! It means more to me than you know! I know it's not quite winter anymore- at least it's already getting warmer where I am at- but your snow date is here at last! I hope this is what you were looking for! (Requests always make me a bit nervous, I just love making people happy!) Enjoy!

Word Count: 2.3k

Three whole days it had been snowing nonstop. Not quite a torrent, but not exactly the best event for the Devildom at large. But even as you watched the soft powder pile shockingly high, you couldn’t find it in yourself to be too worried. Maybe it was the comforting fact that snow seemed to appear the same throughout the realms. More likely though, it was the sight of several demon heads bobbing through wintery trenches, attempting to accomplish the task of clearing paths through the thick blanket of snowflakes, only to end up pushing each other deeper in it or throwing it around. Such a sight warmed your heart. It helped that you were staying warm inside though.

It was nice and quiet in the House today. Almost too quiet. Normally, when the loudest of demons were outside and able to scream as loud as they wished, you took the opportunity to snuggle up to the demon you most adored. He wasn’t here today either unfortunately. Hadn’t been for a little while. The snow, for all its beauty, was causing Lucifer and Diavolo a more than a few problems.

Laying down on your bed, you tried to push aside the thoughts about how nice this moment would be if he were here beside you. It’s not as if you were tied together by the wrist. A few days apart was child’s play. But… it was unfortunate that he was missing out on this perfect moment of peace. He might even find the shouting outside marginally endearing. You curled up on your side, rifling through the various scenarios you might find yourselves in if he were here. A movie. A game. A nap… All with the warmth of the blankets blocking out the outer chill in a shield of fluff. It sounded far too cozy.

So cozy, in fact, that in the midst of your daydreaming, you drifted off somehow.

You woke a while later to a gentle knock at your door. Groaning, blinking, forcing your body to sit up, you hardly uttered a word before a familiar frame of a fair face faded into view. It shocked your body into alertness. “You’re home…”

Lucifer quietly let himself inside your room. Weary eyes exposed the exhaustion the days of endless work had caused. It was clear he had only gotten home recently, not even given the time to undo his tie or shake the persistent snowflakes off his coat. His presence was such a pleasant surprise, even your squeaky hinges were speechless. As he stepped closer, you noticed his taut shoulders lowering in small intervals. He held a hot beverage in his grasp with one hand, fingers clamped above the rim, making it easier for you to take by the handle as he raised it in your direction.

"What's all this for?" you asked, one eyebrow raised. As you brought the mug up to your face, the warmth billowing up against your cheeks was telling of the intense temperature.

"Careful, it's hot."

A hum left your throat as you set the drink down to let it cool. "Oh, thank you. How would I have ever known? Hot drink is hot? Revolutionary. What’s next? Cold drink cold?" You gasped. Lips curled into a little grin.

A finger pressed into the middle of your forehead. A few gentle pokes preceeded him bending down to get closer to your face. "Pardon me for trying to keep that sharp tongue of yours from burning." His voice still kept that sterner quality, but his expression betrayed his true feelings of playfulness. You loved being able to draw out that buried personality of his. "As for your previous question," he continued, "is it so unusual for me to show you some affection?"

"For the last few days, yes. I've hardly seen you. Not even so much as a call…" A blunt truth. One that you didn't intend to sound so harsh. He'd been swamped, and you knew that. A brief lack of communication and some space wasn't a problem. He'd always make it up. You were just worried.

Lucifer raised himself back up, his dark eyes narrowing. An intimidating face that would've sent a chill down your spine in times past. Now, you had the knowledge that he was just terrible with expressions. Or perhaps the old adage of "keep it that way for too long, and your face will be stuck" was true for that infamous scowl of his.

"I know," he sighed, his arms folding tight across his chest. His head turned off to the side, eyes flitting around like he was scanning your room for potential threats. ‘Threats’ being his brothers of course. When he returned his attention to you, he took a step closer, scooping up one of your hands in his gloved one. "I suppose you're not entirely wrong in your question. I did come here with an agenda in mind."

"So, this drink is an olive branch, then?"

"In a sense. Do you accept it?"

"The drink or your apology?"

"Both."

For a moment, you slipped your hand from his hold, taking the mug up again. It seemed to have cooled down enough to drink. You sipped on it, making your expression seem as if your answer was hinging on how tasty the beverage was. You quickly hummed with surprise. "It's good." In the background, his posture shifted, puffing up a little with pride. You held it carefully in your lap. “You don’t need forgiveness in the first place, Luce. I wasn’t angry with you. I just worry. And... I miss you.”

The demon’s shoulders drooped fully, their length about twice as long now that they weren’t coiled so tight against his neck. Another clone of a sigh left his lips, announcing that a great deal of weight had suddenly been lifted from his soul. Who knew your potential emotions had such an influence on him? He bent down towards your face, eyes half-closed. His forehead touched yours, rubbing against your skin in an affectionate way before pulling apart. You could tell he was desperately craving more skinship, but was holding himself back. “Tomorrow, if you do not have any pertinent plans, give your time to me.”

“Hm. Say it nicer, and maybe I’ll consider.”

Different shades of red seemed to glow in his irises for a moment. Lucifer scoffed, but then smiled. The challenge was accepted. He knelt beside where you sat, taking one of your hands in both of his. Both thumbs brushed over the whole back of your hand before he pressed a kiss to your knuckles. “I’ve deeply desired your company as of late. Fates permitting, will you go out with me tomorrow?”

Damn him. Always one to do too much. “It’s a date… but only if you rest first.”

Two shoes and a heavy coat hit the ground with echoing thuds as the mattress under you shifted. He wasted no more time in wrapping his arms low around your waist. “If you only knew how much I had been thinking about that very thing.”

---

“Is it time to say the classic ‘are we there yet’?”

“If you do, you’ll find yourself thrown in the snow.”

Despite the threat, you couldn't help but grin. Although, you desperately had to know… Were you almost there yet?

You had waken up this morning to your companion already gone. A note had been left by your bedside, letting you know to bundle up for today’s apparent date. While you got yourself inundated with a comical amount of layers, you could only hope that Lucifer had gotten adequate enough rest before sneaking off to prepare for…whatever surprise he had in store. Pride was known for going the extra mile or three.

By the time you were ready, he was here to escort you to… You still had no idea. You’d been walking through the path inlaid in the mountains of snow for what felt like a while now.

“Can I have a hint at least?” you wondered.

He stayed perfectly silent. Then, he second-guessed his decision to ignore you and glanced over his shoulder. “Why would I give you a hint when I could just show you?”

You opened your mouth to return his snarky answer when he stopped. He pulled you around to stand beside him, his hand now clasped in yours. The endless amount of snow gave way to the mouth of a cave. It was true, your sense of adventure had been enhanced ever since being in the Devildom. However, this yawning cave was pushing those limits. It’s glistening teeth quivered with anticipation, and it’s breath chilled you to the bone.

Lucifer must’ve caught your appearance, for he simply chuckled. “And here, I thought you trusted me.”

“I do! It’s just… nothing good has ever come from the caves down here. They’re even iffy in the human realm.”

“Well…” He dropped his hold on your hand. He pretended to think about it for a moment even though it was clear in his eyes he’d already made up his mind. With one swift motion, he scooped you up on his back, his hands holding you steady by the undersides of your knees. “Have faith when I say that you’ll like this one.”

With you propped up against him, he entered the mouth of the cave. Pitch darkness consumed you both, the only sense you could rely on was the warmth of Lucifer’s touch and the crunch of his boots. Your body tensed, ready to have the both of you fall, or run into a wall, or something else predictably terrible. But before you could worry too much, the trail opened up into a much larger chamber.

The inside of the cave suddenly seemed to burst into light. The shift in brightness caused spots in your vision for a few moments. When it returned to normal, however, you couldn’t stop the gasp that followed.

Multicolored icicles, like shimmering iridescent crystals hung low from the cave ceiling. Light cast from various orbs of energy bounced around. They almost seemed like living creatures, moving slowly and gently in various directions, soft whispery vibrations coming from them as they passed by. Different arrays of hues drifted over the snow, arcing in several kaleidoscopic rainbows. Snow? This deep inside a cave? And near your feet, rich indigo flowers lined a path, the petals looking as if they were carved from glowing frost. They led the way towards a pre-set table adorned with lacy tablecloths, golden candles, and platinum silverware. Based off the smell, you could tell food had been prepared and was magically staying warm, waiting for your arrival. Soups, sandwiches, hot teas and ciders, and plenty of sweets tried beckoning you over with a wave of aromatic steam.

Magical would be an understatement.

You were let off the demon’s back to wander on your own. You cupped your hands as one of the wandering wisps drifted down towards you. You gently pushed it upwards, watching it languidly dance towards the roof. “Lucifer…” Your lips mouthed different letters before you recalled the language necessary to form words. “You have to stop doing stuff like this... You’re making the standards impossible for me to beat.”

For a split second, Lucifer almost seemed angry. It quickly transformed into hurt, and then once more into determination. Holding you from behind, chin on your shoulder, he started to stoke the dying embers of your pride. “How many times do I have to try to get it through to you, that you have already far exceeded my expectations? Being with me, talking with me, understanding me, waiting for me, loving me…they are far more than I ever felt like I deserved. This is but a small fraction of repayment towards that debt. No… Not a debt. My love for you cannot be compared to something so negative. A small drop in the ocean of my devotion, rather. If you simply tried to copy everything I did, you wouldn’t be you. I dream of you bringing me coffee in the mornings, of rubbing my shoulders after a long day, of a kiss on my cheek. To you, you might worry they are too simple, but for me, they mean everything. So please, I beg of you to drop all misgivings, and enjoy this time with me.”

Speechless, you quickly stowed away the part of you that tempted to taint your mind with insecurities. As you nodded, he gave your whole body a tight squeeze, swaying back and forth with you.

“If you really want to do something for me…” He turned you around to face him, chuckling a little as he used his gloved hand to remove some snowflakes from your face and hair. “You can say my favorite phrase.”

“’Stay out of trouble?’”

He rolled his eyes and squeezed your face. “Don’t be coy.”

With a huff, you moved his hands away. “Fine, fine. Here… I will do you one better.”

As if sensing your intentions, the light in the chamber dimmed, the soft glow of magic enhancing the intimacy. You brought your face up to meet his, your lips brushing over his own. His lips were normally soft, but today they were slightly cracked from the cold. The chapstick he encouraged you to put on earlier came in handy as you ensured it coated his own lips evenly. The air in the chamber shifted, and you could almost envision his wings fluttering behind him despite him not being in his demon form. “I love you.”

His entire demeanor melted. It was precious how just a few simple words could affect him so much. Perhaps that was his point he was trying to make earlier. What seemed as simple to you both meant worlds to the other…

If that was the case, just as he gave the world to you, you’d make his world spin over and over and over again.

“I adore you more than anything, my heart... Now… will you join me for a picnic in the snow?”

[athletearrhythmia]

What do you think about users like Xykolich and emofreako who torture their hearts beyond the normal limits? You seem close with Xykolich, does it ever worry you knowing what their heart is really like?

Love Xyko, haven't heard from him in a minute so I hope he's doing okay. The details of his story are his to tell but basically his heart was never gonna hold out and deep diving into the hardcore and crazy dark stuff brings him joy so... it's his heart and I'm happy he's happy. In spite of it all I really don't think he's shortening his life; if his heart was healthy then he would be, but his heart is screwed. I do wish I didn't have such a taste for intense dark play but I do, so I'm glad a guy like Xyko exists as an outlet. He's done shit to his failing heart i couldn't have dreamed up in my most twisted fantasies. If that is gonna happen to a real person I'm honestly glad it's happening to someone who really loves it. My only fear is it might inspire copycats: for the love of God, there's one Xyko and there should only ever be one, don't even think about it.

Never interacted much with emo but i love his content. He's been crazy since day one. Doing some of the most hardcore stuff around before it was popular. He's mentioned lately thinking he has HCM and I bet he's right, I'd be curious if he got it formally diagnosed/wanted to share.

Overall to me the super hardcore dark play stuff isn't a problem in itself, it's about community harm reduction. People will copy what they see and they often have no idea how dangerous what they're doing is. Like that one guy in China who keeps hiring twunky sex workers and stabbing needles into their hearts, we had a lengthy back and forth where he insisted i should do it because it's safe. For the one millionth time, it isn't. You can get away with it, you can even get away with it a lot of times, but you only have to be unlucky once and it's open heart surgery if you're lucky. I genuinely fear the day that guy kills a model.

You could debate risking your health in hardcore dark play is a form of self harm but I don't believe in that as a blanket statement. I have seen people do dark play as self harm and I've tried to redirect them then kept my distance, so I don't pressure them inadvertently. Many many more people just find genuine joy in it. To me it's all about informed risk. Really understand what you're about to do, what the consequences could be, and if you're still interested it's your body. Folks, for instance, love to choke each other during sex but there are significant dangers to doing it. Or mixing smoking, poppers and viagra. And on and on. The risk/reward is just gonna have to be yours to determine for yourself.

If you feel like the risks don't matter because you don't matter, babe that's depression please seek help.

[damsel-with-dragon]

Marvel x DC AU

(this is something new for me so bear with me guys🤞🏻)

Bruce: Alfred we need to fire our lawyer, immediately and get a new, better one!

*Bruce says storming into the manor*

Alfred: But Master Bruce, we already have the best lawyer in Gotham.

Bruce: Yeah that's the problem Alfred! He is the best and so everyone with money employs him or his firm. And historically speaking, people with money in Gotham are not really sane.

Alfred: And also the fact that they are mostly enemies of Batman.

*he hands Bruce a glass of water*

Alfred: okay now I see your point. Master Dick was recently praising this law firm based in New York. They took down a corrupted corporation or something, shall I look into them?

Bruce: I trust Dick. Arrange for an interview with this firm.

---------------------------------------

Foggy: Man! I can't believe an actual rich person is interested in us? We are actually gonna get paid? Damn!

Matt: Foggy calm your horses okay? This is just an interview. Mr. Wayne is said to be the Prince of the City. Representing his estate is a big deal. We need to be vigilant about our approach.

*Foggy chuckled*

Matt: What?! I'm not supposed to use the word vigilant anymore without you laughing like a schoolgirl?

Foggy: Well your nightly activities-

Matt: Not here Foggy! Besides someone is coming.

*Bruce enters*

Bruce: So Mr.Nelson *he nods at Matt* and Mr. Murdock *he nods at Foggy while taking a sit*

Foggy (quiet intimidated): Sir- Mr. Wayne I'm Nelson, he is Murdock.

Bruce: Oh my bad! Is Mr.Murdock-

Matt: I am blind Mr. Wayne. Been like this for a while now. *He smiles at Bruce as if he can see the other man* But I am a really good lawyer, you don't need to worry about that.

[dearestakaria]

This will be my first post like this and hopefully the last since i don't really like posting things like this anymore, but these people are truly getting through my nerves it's crazy, and I feel on the need to speak about it so please forgive me

Really long yapp warning

I seriously cannot believe that, even after chapter 8 there are still people believing that Shadow watched Pure since he was a kid, because there's no way that you can't be that blind, just to try and have a (dumb) reason to hate on something. And the fact that that person was literally replying to people whom were rightfully telling them that info had already been disproved with "Well, that's not what I have shown in here/that's not what I'm talking about?", literally saying that an IMAGE that mind you was translated by GOOGLE TRANSLATE, (a service that can be so bad it has been memed to death bc of how untrustworthy it can be most of the time) IS MORE CANNON AND MATTERS MORE, MORE THAN WHAT THE OWN GAME AND IT'S CHARACTERS SAY, I just don't get it.

I'm not gonna get into details on who this person exactly is, but I'm just gonna say that they're a PureLily shipper, but as a fellow enjoyer I'm just gonna tell you that not even PV and WL's relationship is safe from it's own sprinkle of toxicity, from someone who loves that shipp, and that's completely normal, not everything in media has to be squeaky clean and wholesome, but the problem comes when you become a hypocrite about it, yelling at things because they're bad in your eyes, just to completely feel offended that people are telling you the same exact thing about the thing you enjoy (this is something that has actually happened with them), and even if this is not your goal, in the long run you're just gonna make all PureLily shippers look as negative toxic people who attack others, even making me, someone who actually enjoys the pairing as i said, dislike it because of the correlation with these kind of people like you.

This is something that I have always repeated over and over again to people that I have debated with for things similar to this, but just because you don't like something, it doesn't mean that it gives you the right to hate on it for no reason at all, and even make up reasons for it, for more justified you feel you are A actual friendship I had ended just because that friend couldn't understand something as simple as this, if you like something just do that thing, don't become obsessed over something else just to shit talk about it, because as I just said, you start to look more obsessed with that thing/shipp, more than the own people who do enjoy it.

Please, just shut it and actually talk about the things you enjoy rather than this, be better, don't go that low.

[hacked-by-jake]

Final thoughts?

Yesssw, I was already working on it. Your wish is my command 🫡

-> Moonvale episode 2 spoilers! <-

(Includes my thoughts about the story itself, the game, the design, the changes everbyte promised us, the Ai art thing, the episodes pass, some words to the character and of course about the Duskwood side story. Oh, and it's long)

So... Where do I start here?

It was definitely an interesting episode and damn, very, very long, which is mostly a positive thing. It was definitely longer than Duskwood episodes were. Or maybe it just felt like it.

For me, personally, this episode was definitely much more bearable than episode 1 was. It was more exciting, more happenings, especially more video material which I love and is necessary to make the game thrilling and exciting and to add the adrenaline to it. Watching it and not knowing what is going to happen etc. And for people who played Duskwood, we all have calling traumas, I believe.

However, I have to say, I bought the episode pass so I had all the contents free so just watch and didn't have to pay with gems. So I believe, which I still don't like, people who can't buy the pass because they can't afford or similar, they still have the same problems with running out of gems and all that. Which is sad. But my problem with the 'premium'/ episodes pass is, that you have to pay for every single episode the amount of money. Which is unfair and let's be honest, just manipulation. At least the way they did it. 'You can only buy it here' and '50% off'. Like, come on. 50% off? Really?

Don't get me wrong, I definitely understand that Everbyte needs to earn money. And I also understand that they need to earn more money now. Everything is more expensive, all the costs that come with making a game, the actors, getting locations and all that. I do understand. And I have to say, it was 5€ for me, which is, in my position, every couple of months not too bad. But many people aren't that lucky. They can't afford it and it doesn't change the fact that the gems system is kinda... ouch.

However, I believe getting the episode pass saved me from many problems during the game so my experience was probably better than the once of others.

Let's get more into the episode itself. I think the story line is interesting and has a lot of potential. And it can be great, however, I have to honestly say, I'm missing something. I'm missing something that keeps me hooked and makes me want to keep playing. Sadly, for me, there is a big difference. When I played Duskwood I was always like "Oh man, I hope the episode doesn't end. Please don't end, please, I need more. More information, more chats" etc. etc. etc... But while playing the Moonvale episode I was just like "How much longer? How much more is left? Is it over soon?" I liked the story. And luckily, in between there were moments in between that gave a new push of excitement. But around that? I was more like... Hm... That's damn much episode but it didn't kept me hooked. I wasn't like "I have to keep playing!"

I have to say, I can't deny that Jake's character was a big part, yes, maybe even the biggest part why I loved the Duskwood episodes so that. And of course it's a mystery game, not a romance game. But it's also the story itself. It's good, but it's more of a 'yeah I keep playing because maybe the next episode will be better'. You know what I mean? I'm just missing something that makes me feel like "I have to know what happens next! I have to know more. More story, more interactions with the characters!" and not just "Yeah, it's good, I keep playing"

And I'm also still missing the depth of the character's. Like we got more about Charlie, and in my opinion, he's the most interesting character in Moonvale. Violet is... silent. Eric is... not too bad but also somehow boring, for me. And Ash... I don't like her. Really not. She's so bitchy and always so... haughty, in my eyes.

And for me, I also think the episodes are too dry. Too much talking about things that aren't really that exciting, of course it's only the second episode, but still. And I also really don't like how slow the damn chats are. Of course, I think it's a way to make the episodes longer, which is a way to go, but in my eyes not a really good way. I would kill to make those chest faster. I think there should be an option to set the pace like it was in Duskwood. Simply because for people who think it's too slow and dry, like me, it makes me lose interest and it's more like a "Yeah, whatever, let's finish this".

I think a great addition to the game was definitely the 'Story' part, where we had to post the story. And as we all have seen, there was also a Duskwood picture, so I can very well imagine that in the future, that's might be the way how we are going to reach the others, by posting a story.

Speaking of Duskwood, let's go in with the side story. Which was, of course, also not too much yet, but it gave us a great inside of what is going on and it's very interesting what is happening. Like, they're shutting the whole town down. No messages in or out, no signal and now all of them are brought away by, obviously, the FBI probably. And of course all that is happening because of Jake. Shutting the town down etc. Which is absolutely exciting and the biggest reason why I keep playing Moonvale. I think it's very interesting how NYMOS was brought in and I think it's a believable way why the dw characters can't reach us. And I also loved how Everbyte included that the characters are speaking to us. Like Dan, Thomas, using our name and reaching out to us and not just talking with the group like they are still waiting and hoping for us. And at the end also Cleos video and that she spoke about Jake and all that... It's just a big relief to see them back and all that. And I think in the future it will definitely bring us a great experience.

Back to Moonvale: I also though some chats did not make much sense to me. Like, some theories and stuff, I think they forgot a bit about the end call with Adam in episode one and that he was alive there and all that. Even if he didn't talk etc. I don't know, I think some chat path weren't that logical. But I love how they kept using the right time line. Like 'last night', 'now it's morning', that's often a big problem xD

And some more positive about the game design now. I think the way the mini games are designed isn't too bad. It's still cute and has more of candy crush but it doesn't bother me that bad anymore like it did at the beginning. I'm glad they changed the backgrounds and the messanger chat layout. It's more realistic again and also the sounds are more realistic. The theme music is more realistic and I really like that and I'm happy everbyte went that way now.

I'm also glad we got a bit more profiles of the character's. Like the picture and videos. It makes the whole thing more real.

Sure, we still have some Ai in the game and I still don't support that. But I'm glad at least Charlie and Violet both have a real picture now and not just AI generated pictures. It would be best to completely remove Ai, we talk more than enough about why. But I can go with it, for now, as long as it doesn't come back like in episode one. (Of course I don't protect Ai art here now, and as I said, I would prefer it it were more real like on Duskwood. With stock photos and stuff. But fact is, AI art is indeed a part of this world now, if we want or not. And even if it's not good, there is also not much to do against it. Which doesn't mean I like it)

I'm sad we didn't get the option to chose out own profile picture and background etc. To really customize our profile and the game experience. And it's still only Ai art, which is really disappointing for me. Especially also because you still have to be lucky when you pay gems for more wallpapers and so. Why not letting us just buy what we want as profile picture. It's still a way to make us buy more gems if necessary which is sad. And like, how am I supposed to customize my profile to make it more *realistic*, when I only have background and wallpaper that aren't even close to what I personally like? It just makes it less real, in my eyes, and that's very sad.

And I also think it's a bit annoying that we still haven't Charlies and Violets contact with names just because we don't have them in personal Chats yet. I would very much prefer it they would see the names instead of the numbers.

Let's talk about the mini games for a second. First of all, too much. Really too much. Why not staying with only three per break? I mean, that more than enough. But sometimes 4? And then having only a short chat and having to play again... It's too much in my eyes, really. I found them much more bearable this time, however. Still not that easy but better than in episode one. Those killed me. Way too much and too hard. It just added onto the not so great play experience. This was better here, in my eyes, but still a bit too much in my eyes. Keep it calm, don't make us play so many, we lose hearts, gems and time. We play for the story, not for the mini games. I get that we need to do that in between, but four are just too much.

So, a bit more about the story itself. I think it was really interesting with Eric and Whitmore. Like, I somehow liked him xD. I just love weird characters and I thought he looks really cool for this role. (I won't comment on any acting here.) The way he suddenly appeared, with that look, those eyes, I loved it, gave me a good amount of chills. He gives me 'wannabe survival trainee'- vibes. Like, you know, those guys who train in case the world ends? He gave me those vibes. Likes it. Whitmore is approved. xD

I think it was very interesting that whitemore also had a tarot card. Like, we got 'The Stranger', Whitmore got 'The Liar' and ad Unknown said, he is indeed lying. So we are, apparently, somehow connected with Whitemore definitely. And it's obviously that whatever is happening, we are a big reason for it. I feel like someone is challenging us to solve this case. Maybe Unknown, maybe someone else, I don't know.

Unknown is my favorite character so far, to be honest. Yes, I'm a simple person. But he is obviously somehow important for all this and knows things that might be important for us. The Greenside Motel story is very interesting for me as well. I like how they made this mystery around it. The room Adam got and how we have the theory that the room was for us and not for Adam himself. The bonus with doing the Viral Story gave the whole thing an extra touch and made it more exciting. The comments we get, what the people say about the Motel, the whole stories and stuff, I think it's very interesting.

And I also liked the little bonus about the girl who was asking for Eric. Seems like those two had a rather stromy relationship or anything since Ash said 'Like she has any right to know' and stuff like that. I really do wonder how Charlie managed to deal with her.

Oh, and another big thing: WHERE THE HELL IS BRIAN?? Like two episode and dude didn't appear? Sus! Come out, say hello. I don't have time to wait.

So, long story short, my opinion in a few words: The story is great and has definitely potential. However, I'm still missing something that really keeps me up on my toes and and give me that adrenaline like feeling. The episode was definitely much better than the first one, although, in my eyes, sadly,.. chewy and still a bit too dry.

(Oof, so, that was a lot, actually. And the first time I really made a whole post about my thoughts. I'm sure I forgot about things I wanted to mention but if so, I will just add it to this post by reblogging. I hope you found my answer likeable and you had some fun reading it. Of course, if you want my opinion on something specific you can ask away any time.)

I also apologize for the rather negative answer here. It's sadly how I feel about it and please don't forget 'it's just my opinion', my opinion about the game and the characters. You can like it much more than I do. I don't try to make people sad or anything with it. I'm still looking forward to episode three and how the story will continue. 💚

Thank you very much for asking, lovely anon, I'm always happy to see people are interested in my opinion and my thoughts to it and I hope you have a great game experience. Have fun, detectives! 💚

[crazyinlovewithmarvel]

Well, as you can probably work it out, it's someone's birthday!

Normally, birthdays are cetralised around the person whose birthday it is. Well, not for me. I'd like to take a moment to appreciate the people that surround me, and celebrate it with them. And this post is, hopefully, supposed to do just that! So, here we go!

First off, @itzzkaylaaa. Kayla, I have loved you ever since I got here and will continue to do so. You are so precious, kind, caring and many more things to compliment those things. Your words in your roleplay posts paint the most perfect picture in my mind and I love it. I love you, and hope you know that. I hope you have a stunning day as well. 💛

Secondly is, @under0-0s and @the1-and-only-peggycarter. Yes, this is a combo, but who cares. Raani, Jules, I adore you to the moon and back and will argue about how I love you two more until my voice goes hoarse, and even then, I'll still argue by writing. You two are so sweet and mindful of others. Whenever I have a sad day, the two of you manage to make me feel so much better, and I love you for that. I love you two more and hope you have a chaotic and comforting day as well. 💛

Thirdly, again a joint paragraph, @thatone-midgardian and @hufflepuffavenger. Dani, Sherry, I love to roleplay with the two of you so much. Even when I say that I'm not feeling up to it, you two are so considerate about it and never make me feel bad about it, and I want to thank you two for that. Again, like the others, you two are so kind and I wouldn't know what to do without you two. I love interacting with the pair of you so much and hope you have a graceful day. 💛

Next is @over-bi-the-wayside. Wren, I genuinely think that you need to be taken into consideration here. I've never seen anyone give you a compliment on here, but then again, I could be blind as hell. I adore talking to you, and over a couple a weeks ago, I'm so happy that you were there for me, so I could talk to you about certain problems I had. It really helped me. I love you so much and hope you have a gorgeous day. 💛

Continuing on our journey, next is @eponastory and @lunamarvels. Story and Luna, I love the pair of you, and love to read your roleplay posts (weird, I know). The interactions that I've had with the two of you have always been positive and so heartwarming. It's so comforting and I really really hope that you two know this. I really hope that we have really nice interactions and hope that nothing will get in the way of it. I love the two of you, again, and hope you have a beautiful day.

Next stop, @thescarleteevee. Eve, everytime I see you in my inbox, I always get a small smile creep onto my face. I love to see you sneek into the ask box and just greet me with a small "hello!" I find it so sweet and couldn't imagine you not doing it. It fills me with such a lovely comfort, and sometimes, I'm not sure that immediately comes across when I answer, and I just wanted to clarify that I adore you doing it. I love you so much, and hope you get better from your sickness. Again, have a glorious day as well! 💛

And finally, to anybody else reading this! I love to interact with you as well. If I havent interacted with you yet, please don't feel scared to just send a small "Hey! I'd love to roleplay with a character of yours!" in my inbox, and I'll be sure to reply! And finally, I hope, to whomever it concerns, that you have a lovely day and have a load of fun, even if your at work! 💛

From, the birthday girl, Bea 💛