#me telling ppl about what I'm currently doing with my life feels so scary

[wa-royal-tea]

I'm back! Kinda + What I've been up to + Timezone Change, Story Posting Update

Heyyyy thur guys! I’m back, kinda. Sorry it took me a while to update you guys on what I’ve been working on, life has been extra busy since July 31st for me 💀 I won't post a story update yet as I still have things to do but I mightttt return by the end of September.

If you wanna know what I've been up to, read under the cut. Just a warning, it's pretty long 💀

I have an update on what I've been working on irl and it's kind of an exciting news, at least for me lol. So, in case anyone is wondering what I've been up to, I'm actually preparing to further my Masters overseas and this plan has been a wip since last year. I've been studying for my IELTS because the universities I've applied to requires me to take it. And then I had my graduation ceremony for my Bachelor's Degree after waiting for SO long bcs of Covid. It was one of the happiest day in my life bcs I got the Vice Chancellor's award!!! Sorry for the bragging there, I'm just so proud of myself :') I worked my ass off to maintain my CGPA every semester so getting that award really felt like all of that hard work was worth it :')

After all that is done, I applied to the Uni's that I wanted and surprisingly, all the Uni's I applied to gave me an offer which is pretty neat! I accepted one of the offers and then I had to look for a sponsorship.

I kept it a hush-hush kind of thing and only told several of my close friends about what I was planning to do bcs it was something that I wasn't sure that I'll be getting so anytime that I was taking a "break", I was actually working on this in the background (had to attend zoom interviews with the Uni's. Doing the tasks in order to get an interview invite etc.). It was a stressful process but yeah, this is what I've had planned for me when I was younger so I was determined to make it happen no matter what! Your girl is not one to give up easily! 😤

So around June this year, the sponsorship that I've been aiming for opened and I applied for it, got the results that I had been offered a full-ride sponsorship on July 31st and everything became so busy for me because I had to prepare the necessary documents to be sent to the sponsorship board. It was an exhausting process as I had to make sure that everything is prepared perfectly so there wouldn't be any problems and so far, alhamdulillah, everything has been going well. I had my visa done, I secured a place to stay during the duration of my studies, all the documents were sent at the end of last week. But preparing all of these took a toll on my energy and I simply don't have the energy to open my game or even open blender to work on my story. But I have been writing the scripts and all so yeah, the story is still running in the background. I did find some little time to work on poses but I worked on a few before I stopped because I was too tired hahaha.

Anyways, only a few people knew what I was working on while I was on this break. Shoutout to Miss Wheat knee and Gigi for being patient with me replying to their discord messages late everyday 😭 And thank you for giving me your emotional support and encouragement! A huge thank you to both Miss Devilled Eggs and Wheat knee for helping me in my process of applying to the Uni's from helping me brush up my English for my IELTS during one of our previous calls, and for helping me with my Piece to Camera video practice for my Uni interviews. I really, greatly, am thankful to you guys for that. And to Wheat knee, thank you for believing in me when I was overthinking stuff thinking I wouldn't get the offers sfkhskl I really appreciate you for that 😢

And with that, I would like to update you guys that my posting time will be changing as I will be moving to London for my studies. So my timezone will no longer be GMT+8 :') It will be GMT+1 as of September 28th. Aside from that, my postings won't be regular too, I'll be updating whenever I can as I'll probably be busy with my studies and all. So, wish me luck! I'm a bit anxious about this so I hope I'll do well :')

Thank you to all my readers who are still there for me since day 1, you all are the best! And sorry that the story will take a while to be completed, I'll try my best to still work on it bcs I love it too much to just leave it like that 😭

That's all I guess! Thank you again for reading this if you are reading it lol.

Love,

Nina ❤

[tsdirtyshirley]

I'm scared ppl will tell me to leave my partner if I tell them the dynamics of our relationship, so I just don't talk to anyone. 🙃 leaving feels impossible. if I leave, I'm worried he'll hurt himself. they don't really have anyone they can stay with either. I feel like I've isolated myself more & more as our relationship progressed. He's constantly saying how sensitive he is to rejection. He can justify self-pity like it's a professional sport. All the friends I tried to meet before they moved out to Maine with me, they "didn't give him the time of day". BABE I'D BE MORE WORRIED ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE GIVING 👀 Before he moved out to Maine with me, he was "worried you'll never be ready". A year later & he's still broke with no prospects. No babe I was worried that I'd be stuck paying for everything & that leading to resentment, & I am, so. it's frustrating as hell. I want it to work but I feel like I'm doing so much more & could be getting so much more back. it's scary to think about that! like wtf! I try to come from a place of love and understanding, but I only have so much patience before it's like... I *need* more. that's all there is to it. we are actually not that compatible I don't think. we've had a good run of years, there's still a place in my life for them, but is it sustainable the way it's currently laid out? every week it feels less and less so

[lizardlicks]

just wanted to pop in to say thanks, to you and xagave and whoever else helped put together the google doc of the distrait fic. i remember first reading it, back in 2014 or '15, at a time in my life when it felt like everything was crumbling around me and the world sucked and that fic, even if at times it filled me with unbearable sadness, it was something nice to focus on that wasn't the horrible situation i was dealing with at the time.

i'm currently facing another horrible situation that's out of my control and scary as fuck, and felt compelled to revisit that fic again, and was utterly disheartened that i couldn't find it (i hadn't known Fi nuked her ao3 account and was notably confused that i couldn't find the fic anywhere) and then i searched on tumblr and saw your post about the google doc and getting the chance to reread this has been so so nice. it's like visiting an old friend i haven't seen in ages and getting to reminisce about stuff and i just.

i really appreciate you and whoever else helped put it together so it can still be read, and i just wanted to let you know <3 (and if it's okay to come to you or anyone else to ramble about distrait stuff i'll happily come off anon because i need more ppl to yell with about this because it's such a comfort fic that i feel like i'll burst if i don't tell someone about it lol)

I sat on this ask because it gave me EMOTIONS and I wanted to wait to reply until I could compose something meaningful and WELP now it's Homestuck day, so I suppose it's appropriate.

I am so sorry for things going to shit on you, because god do I know that feeling. I hope that the scary ride is short, and that there's far more pleasant things waiting for you on the other side. I'm glad that this at least could bring you some comfort on your way.

Fi was my friend. I miss her so, so much. I sometimes. I wonder if maybe I could have done something, or said something that tipped the scales. I know she nuked because of racist assholes being unbelievably shitty and finally she got sick enough of it to disappear. I don't know if there was anything I could have done to be more supportive, or if their hate was always going to be stronger than the love and affection and regard I had for her, but I wish I had tried anyway. And I know that saving all her words that I could scrap together was selfish, but I just. Couldn't. Let them go.

I wish I'd made it clear how much her words and time meant to me. I wish I had told her how happy I was to sit up on a voice call late at night fighting off sleep just to listen to her reading something. I wish I could have let her know what it did to my heart every time she called me darling. I kept those things to myself out of fear. I don't know if it would have made a difference, but she deserved it anyway. So yeah. Yes. If you ever want to talk about Distrait, by all means, please do.

[golbrocklovely]

okay, i'm gonna do this review fast bc we all know how i feel about this episode anyway lol

here's my review of snc's third episode in their season 2 series

aka "Our Unexplainable Night at Crescent Hotel (w/ KallmeKris & CelinaSpookyBoo)"

so, hilarious enough, i actually didn't mind this episode in the beginning. kris and celina's funny bits at first were really good, and i never mind when they all joke around before the investigation. and even during, to some extent.

but this one…. went well past just occasionally joking around. this was full blown "let's go back to 2019 and freak out over every little thing and make fart jokes" levels of bad.

and while the content they made back with corey and jake wasn't bad, it's just not on the same level as they are now. they actually take this seriously. they do and put a lot more work in, so to see them revert back to what they were like before…. no thank you.

so the beginning was fun and i generally liked it. finding out the hotel had a cat manager is adorable. and the little cat door for the current cat?? so sweet.

the hotel itself is actually really gorgeous looking. i like the decor and i like that it's so high up that later on, it's basically covered in fog.

during the whole entire video, the only thing they actually caught that i think was interesting was the towel being moved. that's strange for sure. bc where it moved to is a significant amount of movement. so unless they were lying to us about going back into that room at some point, then i think that is some interesting evidence.

as for the figure kris saw, i do feel bad that she got really emotional. i can only imagine how scary it was to see. that being said, if i was literally in tears, i would probably need to remove myself or just take a bit to calm down just to continue on bc there's no way i'm going into a place that worked up nerve wise. the spirits, whether good or bad, would be FEASTING off of her energy. i wouldn't be surprised if after this investigation (and then this weeks video) that kris was just drained.

the key turning in her hand… eh. i think it was just the weight of the key and an old ass lock.

i noted that 35 minutes in, over half way thru, the investigation never really seemed to start. like there might have been a title sequence for it, but…. it never felt like they actually took the time to chill and start the investigation. there was no settled moment in this video. everything was amped to 11 and loud. and i could not stand it for the life of me.

there was literally a point i had to TURN DOWN the volume bc they were screaming so much. like……………. no words.

their tour guide was fine at first but as time went on, i could just feel the theater kid vibes coming off of him (take it from the theater degree holder, me lol).

and someone else pointed it out, i forget who, but with how loud snc got that i wouldn't be surprised that if at some point they get kicked out of a hotel for being that obnoxious. i think that's my problem with them going to haunted hotels. unless they are completely alone or have rented out a whole floor or something, there's no way to tell if the bangs and random shit they hear are guest or ghosts.

two things i would like for snc to remove from their arsenal of devices: the cat ball and writing planchet. neither one are believable or interesting on camera to see be used/go off. just… get something else. use literally any other device. please.

fun fact about the meat locker: the apple smell that colby smelled and the rancid one kris was smelling was probably mold. mold to me sometimes smells like apples, but smells bad to my mom. so… that's fun sksks

also, idk if anyone else noticed or agrees, but the video's editing kinda came across like super rushed and not finished. i mean, they didn't even end with a preview for the next episode. that almost never happens. it almost felt like they stitched together what they could to make a video and dumped it out hoping ppl would enjoy.

overall, this video blew. i feel bad rating it low, bc i did laugh quite a bit, but i kept getting annoyed and everything was just TOO MUCH, so i'm gonna rate this like a 1/5. part of me thinks that harsh, another part of me thinks it's not harsh enough. if snc had sold this video as really fun, borderline jokey type of "paranormal" video, i probably would have liked it a bit more. but even then, i don't think so. the parts i enjoyed were cancelled out from the fact that the whole thing felt like a joke and was just too loud. so… hopefully if they ever collab with this duo again, maybe they will turned down a bit. possibly literally.

and this week's video… omg. just finished it not too long ago. it's so good. i'll try to post my review later this week and not like how i have been which is after next week's video lol

[i-want-my-iwtv]

Is it just me, or are most people in the VC fandom women? (Not saying I mind, I'm just legit curious if and why.)

(Reminder: I am/was not a gender studies major, nor a student of fandom. This is just an entertainment blog and all that follows is my opinion only.)

This is a highly sensitive topic that people study academically for many fandoms, and I will hardly do it justice here. But I felt it was important to share what I can, anyway. Some links are under the cut for further reading about this topic, even though they do not apply to VC fandom specifically.

The short answer is that, from my experience, yes, most ppl in the VC fandom seem to be women. This is based on the past 20 years of AR’s booksignings I’ve attended, online communities, interviews/articles over the years, AR’s FB (her own posts + comments from her People of the Page), and AR’s Twitter. However, I would add that she absolutely does have fans who are men, NB, agender, genderqueer, transgender, etc. It would be difficult to do a thorough demographic study of all of her fans (current/past/specific time period(s)/etc.), so I wouldn’t know what portion of the fanbase is made up of women.

Let’s take a brief look at our superfan from movie!IWTV:

^What is superfan thinking? Does she think Santiago is a REAL VAMPIRE? Does she want to die? … or, is she simply a groupie of that media and enjoying it as a fantasy situation? We don’t get her backstory in the movie, so we may never know.

^Santiago has had to deal with hecklers and admirers for years so he’s not really fazed by her disrupting his show, and when he shuts her offer down, it draws a laugh from the audience. Laugh at the fan who confessed her love for the fantasy of it all and offered herself as tribute. 

Before we specify why women are in VC fandom, one thing to consider is What is fandom? In my opinion, it’s a group of people who are drawn to a shared space bc of a shared interest in specific media. Within that, you still have to reach out to individuals in order to become friends. You don’t necessarily have to agree on every aspect of the media you each enjoy, but having chemistry certainly helps. Participating in fandom can also mean creating/consuming fanworks without having any personal connection with other fans. Sometimes it’s just in posting fic and/or leaving kudos. Some join a skype chat group so that they focus primarily on their personal connections with other fans. It’s a wide spectrum and there are different ways to engage with other fans within a fandom.

Why VC fandom? We all have our reasons for being in VC fandom. I would prefer not to speak for other fans as to their reasons, but everyone is welcome to respond in the comments/reblogs of this post, or message me on/off anon, and I might gather up those responses and add them to this post. 

Why I was drawn to VC: Personally, I’m a woman, and I’m in this fandom bc the canon/fanon is intellectually stimulating to me. I’ve made some of my best friends here. We share a love for these characters and we discuss them at length. This does not mean we 100% support everything the characters do in canon. We enjoy them as fictional characters, not necessarily as role models.

Secondly… I had posted a personal account about my reasons for being into VC canon, but later deleted that post bc I was informed that my reasons weren’t acceptable. That VC was not for straight women. I’ve given it a lot of thought and I’ll briefly tell you my reasons for being attached to VC, under the cut. 

Brief historical context:

These books are/were written by a straight white woman, and she’s always advised her fans to “write the book you want to read.” She currently writes for herself, presumably, as she does not use an editor in the traditional sense. She began VC in the early 1970s with the short story, “The Master of Rampling Gate” (which eventually became the full novel IWTV). The short story was published in Redbook magazine at the time, which is/was a magazine for women, and the short story was written in the vein (pun intended!) of the older gothic romance novels that were extremely popular in the ‘60s. 

^In fact, this edition of IWTV is straight-baiting, as the only female love interest that Louis might have gotten into that physical position with would be Babette, and that… definitely doesn’t happen.

IWTV is a dissection of Louis’ feelings, and Louis was a stand-in for Anne herself. VC in general has a lot of emotion, both in the dialogue, and the introspection woven into the narrative itself. The fact that these books are mostly written from the 1st person perspective is a very intimate means of communication to the reader, and makes the novels that much more emotionally rich. Some might say that such emotional writing tends to appeal to women.

The books are intimate. There is a constant thread of intimacy throughout which seems to appeal to women of all sexual orientations, in my opinion. I started the series with IWTV when I was 11 yrs old and I’ve heard from other fans of other genders that they also started VC when they were young, even around the age that I did. Being right before puberty, maybe that adds some extra addictive quality to it, that it explores a kind of intimacy when we’re in the phase of life where we’re just becoming interested in sexuality. I remember mooning over pics of Brad Pitt in my table group at lunch, and we would talk about him, but I doubt any of us would have wanted to actually kiss him at the time, we just wanted to speculate about dating and romance!

After the first book, the intimacy continues with TVL, where we get Lestat’s backstory, and as the series progresses, it just keeps going. Whichever book new VC fans enter the series, they’re going to hit that vein, more or less. It’s not as strong in the most current books, but it’s still there. I would say that AR found that the way she wrote the first 2 books was so well-received that she felt validated in her style of writing, that it was appealing to her readers, and continued to produce it.

There’s also quite a lot of wealthporn, where the characters describe their expensive clothes, jewelry, or lavish surroundings, none of them have to hold a dayjob or anything menial like that. Since many of us do not currently enjoy such luxuries of material goods and/or freedom of leisure time, it’s another element that might make it appealing to certain demographics. There’s a ton of wish fulfillment in the books. 

Hit the jump for a little more.

My reasons for being into VC

Basically, I was bullied when I was 11 (for having a bad fashion sense and bad teeth), which is right around the time that someone gave me a copy of IWTV. I had always loved horror novels and scary stories as a way to study monsters and see if I could unpack them and better understand them. I drew inspiration from the way the VC characters handled their own obstacles, I loved getting Lestat’s backstory, he was not just a colorful antagonist, he had his own reasons for acting the way he did. Reasons are not EXCUSES, but in understanding monstrous behavior, we can equip ourselves to weather it when we see it in real life. Eventually, I got braces, grew out of my 90′s grunge phase, and while the bullies changed form over time, I learned how to deal with them. 

Could I have drawn inspiration from other books/movies/music? Yes! And I did. But VC, for the intimacy of the stories, for the vibrancy of the characters, for so many reasons that I can’t go into on a post I’m trying to keep brief… this is a piece of media that I’ve held onto over the years. Not the only one, but certainly the main one, for me.

A few good posts to check out re: women in fandom:

And I don’t mean to attack you, Anon, but these posts are written with a tone because there is so much criticism of what women in fandom are not allowed to enjoy. Please read at your own risk, but they have some very good points about why women might be into certain things in fandom.

a comprehensive guide to mlm shipping habits in transformative fandom

THE DEPTHS OF MISOGYNY THIS PLACE PLUMBS

villain-relatable marginalization 

[sstarkiid]

do all of the lovesick asks bitch. expose urself

wow, ok.

read more thing bc this is long and embarrassing

1: Do you have a current crush?

Two actually but who's counting

2: How long has your crush lasted?

Uhh a few months n then the other one is weird i can't answer that lmao

3: 5 songs that you have associated with your crush?

I'm……..not that sappy I can give u like one

Ice prince : Runaways by ATL

Space boy : Stars by Fun.

4: Do you think they've ever liked you back?

I mean. It's very likely.

5: Will you ever reveal your feelings to them?

Yea probably

6: What’s holding you back from making a move?

It's not that I haven't made a move but like. I am Fear.

7: Are you frightened by your feelings for them?

A lil

8: Do you think they could ever love you?

Maybe???? but i’m kind of an optimist

9: Do you love them?

Lol next question

10: Have you ever had a crush on someone you really shouldn't?

DEFINITELY. I CAN'T NAME ANYONE SPECIFICALLY BUT THE ANSWER IS PROBABLY YES.

11: Do you think anyone currently has a crush on you

...IT'S VERY LIKELY.

12: Ever had a crush on what you thought was a platonic friend?

Hi Jared

13: What would you do if your crush revealed they felt the same?

I'd probably need a second to process it but like probably hug ‘em idfk

14: Has your crush ever hurt you?

Nope!!!!

15: Have they made you cry by breaking your heart?

Nope!!!!!!!!!

16: Why do you like them?

Ice prince is fun to tease idk we go back n forth a lot but he's also a softie n listen he's dramatic enough to keep up w/ me

Space boy tells u like it is and he seems kinda scary or not,, nice at first maybe but he's actually also soft !!

They're also both hot as hell oh my god

17: Do you think you'll ever get over them?

I mean. If I had to I would but...  I don't WANT TO.

18: Do you have 1 specific song that is strongly associated with a certain memory or interaction with them?

Mmm not really?? Not yet?? It'll happen dw

19: The moment you knew you had feelings for them?

We both got scared of the firework finale on the 4th and I squeaked and he like held onto me n it was really funny n cute n I was just like “ok this is a thing now great”

Uhh I was doing the typical girl thing where I send screenshots of a conversation to a friend only the friend is his sister so………..i blame her it’s literally all her fault

20: What would they have to do for you to stop liking them?

Murder someone probably

Or y'know

Something equally as shitty n illegal

21: Have you ever fallen asleep with them?

Yea. Both. Napping is cool.

22: Held their hand?

Mmhm! Both but like that's not that weird

23: Kissed their cheek?

Yup. Both.

24: Kissed them on the lips?

Yeah. Both. Actually.

25: Gone down on them/ they've gone down on you?

N O P E

26: Had sex with them?

Nuh-uh.

27: Where on your body have they touched you?

This is…. A weird question I don't like it

28: Does their touch set your skin on fire?

Fire.

Ice prince.

Fire.

HM.

29: Do you get butterflies when they touch you?

Ok maybe

30: Do they make you smile like no one else can?

Y e a

31: Does their presence calm you?

Mmhmm.

32: Does it make you go crazy being around them and not 'being with' them?

Not… until recently but---

33: Are you friends with your crush?

Both of ‘em!

34: Have you always been friends?

Uhh I guess w/ Ice prince yes but not the other one

35: Last thing they messaged you about?

One was abt a dog, other one was abt coming over to hang out

36: Best phone call with them?

Hands down any call when I've been driving so I make my brother talk to them instead those are always fun

37: Last time you hung out with them?

I. I literally started answering this in one of their houses.

38: Ever been drunk together?

I DON'T DRINK

39: Fondest memory of them?

The fireworks show n then probs a few days ago when we just drove around n talked abt stuff

40: Ever made a mistake with them?

Mistake??????????? i don’t make those

41: Regretted not making a move?

Every day of my life but also I have literally kissed both of them so which is the truth

42: If you could go back in time to that moment, what would you do?

Nothing ‘cause I'm a big baby

43: Do you think that would change your current relationship with them?

Nope

44: If you could get a 100% honest answer from them, what 3 questions would you ask?

ok first FUCK THIS QUESTION

Ice prince

Do u. Actually wanna date or am I just the most gullible person ever

.......................so how do you feel about polyamory

Do u actually hate the puns or do u secretly enjoy them I need to know.

Space boy

Are you aware that you can literally text me for anything at any time?? Bc u should be

Were you ever afraid to talk to me?

Will you promise to talk to me before doing stupid shit so that at the very least i can tell u that ur an idiot,,, but like. affectionately.

45: Did they wish you Happy Birthday on your birthday?

My birthday is in like another month and I didn't know either of them really last year so they better

46: Have they ever tried to make a move?

?????????

Idk tbh

47: If so why did you miss it?

‘Cause I'm clueless as hell

48: Have they ever been infatuated with a friend of yours?

Don't think so

49: Are they single?

Lol yeah they're definitely single

50: Where were you when you felt the most for them?

IT'S ALWAYS WHEN THEY'RE SLEEPING they both just look so cute n peaceful n I get all mushy n wanna protect them but I'm weak as hell so

51: Any specific place you associate with them?

Mmmm not really

52: Films that make you think about them?

Disney films in general

Marvel movies for Ice prince bc NERD

53: Have you picked up a habit because of them?

I don't think so but it's also not unlikely

54: What was your first impression of them?

Ice prince seemed antisocial and idk abt space boy we were like 5 yrs old technically so who knows man

55: Has it altered since then?

LMAO YES

56: Do you remember the first thing you talked about?

Probably musicals bc I can't shut up ever and he was confused

And uhhh no unless u mean like when we started hanging out bc it was candy

57: First time they touched you?

COLD

HE DID IT TO SPITE ME AND IT WAS FUNNY BUT IT WAS SO COLD HOW

And I'm 99% certain I made him high five me before we ever spoke bc I'm a nuisance

58: Have they ever lied to you?

Not that I know of

59: What are their eyes like?

Ohhhhh my GOD

really......clear?? that’s not like. a good way to describe em but u know when u look up at the sky and it’s like. wow there are no clouds!! n then u feel the breeze and it’s kinda cold but it’s not unpleasant it’s?? p nice??? like. that.

cool as FRICK like what the hell i’m actually jealous they’re a rly pretty nice shade n then suddenly it’s!!! different!!!! and it’s like!!!!!!!!!!!!! a surprise a v good surprise which is fitting u just gotta look a lil and he’s full of lil surprises

60: What are you most attracted to about them?

well,, for one they’re both hot as hell, so. that. in general.

if u know anything abt me i’m a sucker for pretty eyes

i also like the “soft but pretends to not be” because i think it’s cute they’re also really good to cuddle with

61: Can you see a future with them?

well i can’t see one without ‘em so something’s gotta give here right?

62: Have you sabotaged things between you two?

i freaking hope not

63: Why? What were you afraid of achieving? Love? Happiness? Content? Disappointment?

why does this thing assume you said yes to the above question that’s kinda rude

64: Could they make you happy?

already do

65: Do you dream about them?

if we’re friends and you haven’t appeared in one of my dreams and done smth weird or random are we actually friends??

side note does daydreaming count LOL

66: What's something that only you two do?

i don’t think i “gently bully” anyone nearly as much as i do ice prince also the only one who actually can cuddle w/ me properly in the summer i’m js

uuuummmm go on random drives in the middle of the night so tht zoe can make out w/ ppl instead of texting our sorry asses

67: Does liking them make you feel vulnerable?

you. have. no idea.

68: Have they ever given you anything?

food has definitely been exchanged and shared. i’ve stolen sweaters. uh.

69: Have they ever used you?

.........not that i’m aware of??

70: Have they abused and manipulated you due to your feelings for them?

nO WHAT TH E

71: Have you ever spent quite literally all day and night thinking about them?

that’s......a bit much i might be pathetic and somewhat desperate but like i do kinda have a life

72: Have you ever accidentally nearly walked into moving traffic cause you were thinking about them?

no but i’ve walked into walls because i was tired and thinking abt stuff so that’s a thing i probably have done

73: Ever worn anything knowing it would draw their attention to you?

YEAH LMAO I DO THAT ALL THE TIME IN GENERAL i like attention fight me

74: Have they ever made you feel so safe and content everything else slips away?

y e ah

75: Ever held you so close you could feel their heartbeat?

mmhmm

76: Truthfully do you think you belong together right now?

[taylor swift’s you belong with me playing in the distance]

77: Have they ever seen you completely vulnerable?

um. no.

78: Do you trust them?

i would trust all of my friends with my life

79: When you see them what feelings are strongest?

i just get?? really happy n i turn into a little kid i swear to god how does he put up with me

n he makes me feel really calm n content n just. good. u know.

80: Are they in love or interested in someone else?

d e a r l o r d i h o p e n o t

81: If they asked you to kiss them, would you?

in a heartbeat

82: Will they be in your life a year from now?

they BETTER BE

83: A moment where you so nearly gave into your feelings for them and did something about it?

i have literally kissed both of them and not because of dares what kind of,,

84: Do they know you have feelings for them?

i’m not exactly,,, subtle

85: Do you have a favourite picture with them?

no but i have favorite pictures of them

86: Your ideal date with them?

hey. concept. a double date. but like. instead of 2 couples it’s just me w/ both of them wow

87: What's their name?

it’s rly obvious that i’m talking about porter and connor fuck you

88: Have you ever been in their room?

i’ve been in connor’s but porter n i mostly chill other places

89: Shared a secret with them?

yeah but it’s not a secret if i tell the internet now is it?

90: Have they ever made you a promise and broken it?

don’t think so

91: Have they ever disappointed you?

nope!

92: Whats the most problematic thing about them, which you overlook due to your feelings for them?

uh. idk. porter’s kinda closed off to other people at first i guess that could be problematic. i’m patient w/ that shit so it doesn’t bug me as much idk

general relationships or lack thereof w/ other ppl tbh for both of them i think 

93: Have you ever had to compete for their affection?

no

94: For as long as they're in your life could you handle just being friends?

that’s what i do with p much everyone else but another way to approach this is if u couldn’t be together would u shut them out and the answer is no?? bc that’s kinda shitty

so yes

95: Ever looked for a sign to make a move?

every?? single second of every day but once again i have literally kissed both of them uh

96: What's standing in your way from being with them?

general anxiety

a single conversation

...lmao

97: Would you let them use you for sex?

this implies that,, they don’t care abt me and only themselves n they’re not really?? like that so?? it wouldn’t happen like that??

realistically knowing myself i wanna say no but i probably would which is Not Good i know

98: Ever had a bad feeling about them that's screaming for you to get out while you still can?

no. like. literally the opposite. wtf

99: If you could go back in time, would you avoid ever meeting them?

NEVER

100: You have 1 wish about them, what would you wish for?

that porter finds someone who makes him feel warm n fuzzy on the inside even if it’s not me

n for connor that one day everything is stable and everything is ok

anyway hey jared U SUCK