#me of the flag and also aromanticism is cool as fuck i think

[automatonknight]

id: a digital drawing of sol badguy from guilty gear. he’s shown in his strive outfit. his clothes are colored pink and dark turqoise and his hair is blonde instead of brown. he’s shown sort of floating and holding the outrage behind himself by the bandage on its handle, hovering his free hand over the blade. he has a neutral expression on his face and he’s looking off to the left. the background is a pink circle that gets lighter towards the centre. end id

[moved-to-piersgender]

5. How did you figure out you are aro?

6. What is your favourite part about being aromantic?

9. What is your favourite aro-spec identity flag?

17. Do you have any aro related labels that don’t fit into the other groups (like loveless / lovequeer / amatopunk / etc)?

Someone got to 6 before you so I shall answer the other 3.

5. The specifics have been lost to the sands of time, it was a bunch of things that snowballed into me finally taking on the label when I was 20 or so. I live in a very conservative state so even as a kid there was this huge emphasis on getting married and starting a family even as a kiddo, and I just... didn't relate. I'd get the "oh, you'll find someone someday" spiel and just dismiss it with a "yeah ok sure" indifference. I figured out I didn't want kids pretty early on too. When everyone in junior high was pairing off and playing grab-ass I remember distinctly feeling like I was surrounded by aliens (and not the cool kind).

When I was around 14 or so I was subjected to an absolutely odious church activity where we made "wedding cans" where we were supposed to talk about our dream wedding, write a love letter to out future spouse, talk about how many kids we wanted and what we were going to name them, all sorts of drivel like that that we were supposed to open up and show our spouse later for some reason. And I just felt...dirty. And pissed. I played along (putting deliberately stupid answers to everything) but opened the can up a few days later, went outside, soaked everything in it in acetone, and burned all the paper to ash (very safe, I know 😅)

Similarly, when I was 18, those same ladies IMMEDIATELY started trying to set me up on dates with all the single randos around the ward, which similarly pissed me off. What was I, a fucking broodmare? I ripped the lady who was the ringleader of it a new one, which I did feel a little bad about because she really thought she was being helpful, but still, it put a stop to it REAL fast.

So I put the pieces together that most of humanity- even many otherwise intelligent people- have some kind of internal impetus to paie off and breed that I just...don't. AND a lot of what's conventionally considered romantic- pairing off, partners "belonging" to each other and having no lives of thier own, the way you're expected to throw all other connections in your life out the nearest airlock once you find The One- and anything that reminded me of that expectation made me feel downright sick. (I deadass thought my siblings would stop loving me whenever they dated someone. It sucked)

So when I found out that aromanticism was A Thing it didn't take me long at all to realize that that's me. I ID'd as "just" arospec for a while to pacify the last of the "you'll find The One someday" arguments but eventually I dropped even that pretense.

9. Can't go wrong with the classic, I think. I'm a sucker for anything with that green, black, white and grey color scheme because of it. I've always liked the triangle demiromantics get even though that's not a label that applies to me.

17. Amatopunk is based as fuck and something the entirety of humanity needs a crash course on. I've also been drawn to the "evil aro" concept a bit recently because while I'm not loveless I very much do fit some of the negative stereotypes and am not sorry at all about it (I'm highly romance repulsed and not at all interested in coddling the feelings of allos that put romance on a pedestal.) Also while not aro labels, evilpunk and voidpunk both heavily overlap with my experiences as a neurodivergent aro person (evilpunk with how society demonizes living for yourself and not living a life of constantly putting other's needs before your own, voidpunk due to humanity's obsession with romance being another thing that seperate me from them.)

[fruitquake]

listen. idk what your headcanons for reg are,,, but,,,, aroace reg coming out to sirius?? brotherly feels??? if you don't vibe with that just bless me with those two brothers, i need to see them hug

mate, i literally love this prompt. here, i hope you like this and that it gives u all the black brother feels <3

hope it’s okay i made this a muggle au, they’re just what i do best lol

(also: at first sirius is quite ignorant but pls read the whole thing before judging)

-

Regulus’ heart was beating like a hummingbird’s as he raised his hand and knocked on the door to his brother's room. 

“What do you want?”

Sirius no doubt knew it was him. Their parents never knocked.

Regulus opened the door, struggling to control his breathing. “Uhm… Sirius?”

Sirius was sitting on his bed, laptop in front of him. He rolled his eyes when Regulus entered. 

“Hang on, guys,” he said to the computer screen. Regulus recognized the faces on the screen as Sirius’ friends: James, Remus, and Peter. He took out his headphones and finally looked at Regulus. “This better be important.”

“It is!” Regulus said. It was important. If Sirius knew how much courage it had taken to come in there in the first place, a kind of courage he likely wouldn’t be able to muster again, he would understand the importance. “Please, there’s something I need to tell you.” 

Sirius sighed, turning towards his computer again. For a moment, Regulus thought he was being given the cold shoulder, but then Sirius said to his friends: “Gotta go.”

He hung up and closed the computer, then looked back at Regulus, eyes softening as he noticed how nervous he was. “Everything alright, Reg?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Regulus answered in a shaky voice. Why was he so nervous? Surely, he didn’t have to worry about Sirius not accepting him, when Sirius himself understood what it was like to be… different. 

Sirius himself hadn’t gotten the luxury of coming out on his own terms. Regulus had found out about him and Remus last summer, despite Sirius’ attempts at hiding their relationship. At first, it had been difficult to look at his brother the same: Their parents’ bigoted views had gotten to him, however much he tried to deny it. But over the course of the year, he’d gotten so much better, and then… Well, he’d started to realize he wasn’t “normal”, as their parents put it, either. 

He’d thought he was gay at first. It was the only other option he knew and if he didn’t fancy girls, he had to be gay right? He’d ignored the fact that he didn’t fancy guys either, constantly telling himself that it would come eventually. But then he’d discovered the term “Aromantic”, and everything had made sense. 

“Come on, Reg,” Sirius said, gesturing for him to sit down on the bed. “Tell me what’s up.”

Regulus sat next to him. He wasn’t scared to tell Sirius anymore. He was ready. “I'm asexual,” he told him. “And aromantic.” 

The blank look in Sirius’ eyes was hard to read. “Sorry, what’s that?” he asked after a moment. 

“Well,” Regulus said. “You like boys. Some people like girls, and some again like both…”

“Very well observed, Reg.”

“And I,” Regulus told him. “I don’t like anyone. At least not in that way.”

Sirius stared for a moment, then he shook his head. “That’s not a thing,” he said. “You can’t just not like anyone.”

“No, it is a real-”

“Maybe you’re gay,” Sirius interrupted him. “Trust me, at first I was confused, too, as to why I didn’t like girls.” 

Regulus wanted to cry. His own brother didn’t believe him. “I’m not gay,” he said. 

“There’s nothing wrong with being gay!”

“That’s not what I’m saying!” 

Sirius was taken aback by the sudden raise of Regulus’ voice. He’d tried to hold the tears back but there they were, pooling up in his eyes and slowly rolling down his cheeks. 

He managed to catch Sirius’ shocked expression before turning around to leave. Before he shut the door, he briefly turned around to look at Sirius. “I thought you of all people would understand.”

-

My love <3: everything alright? we haven’t heard from u all evening and u usually never stop spamming the groupchat

Sirius looked at the text from Remus, thinking about a good response.

Sirius: Dw I’m fine. Just had a bit of an argument with Reg

He bit down on his lower lip. To call it an argument wasn’t entirely fair. He quickly added another message:

Sirius: I think i might have fucked up

My love <3: how so?

Sirius: Well, it’s kinda hard to explain in text. Can I call you?

My love <3: ofc

Remus picked up after the second ring. “Hey,” he said. “What’s going on?”

Sirius hesitated, before asking: “Have you heard the word “aromantic” before?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Well,” Sirius mumbled. “Reg told me he was aromantic. And... asexual? But… That’s not a real thing, is it?” he asked.

“Yes, Sirius, it is a real thing.”

Oh… “Shit,” he whispered, the image of Regulus running out of his room with tears in his eyes playing in his head again. “I definitely fucked up.”

“You told Regulus it wasn’t real?” Remus asked. 

Sirius sighed, rubbing his eyes. “I… Yeah.” He wanted to try and defend himself but did he really deserve that? “I’m a terrible brother,” he mumbled.

“Well, it was definitely not okay for you to invalidate his identity like that,” Remus said. “But it doesn’t make you a terrible brother. I know how much you care about him, Sirius. You just need to make it up to him and, most importantly, let him know you support him.”

Sirius nodded. “Right,” he said. “Yeah, you’re right, babe. I need to do that.”

-

The music from Regulus’ headphones was so loud he barely heard the knock on his door. He paused the music and sat up in bed, unsure if he’d really heard anything. 

He heard the next set of knocks quite clearly, though, and his brother’s voice which followed them. “Hey, can I come in?” 

Regulus thought back to his conversation with Sirius yesterday. That’s not a thing. You can’t just not like anyone.

“No,” he answered. “Leave me alone.”

“Reg, please,” Sirius said. “I have something for you!”

“Go away.”

There was a pause, and Regulus thought Sirius might’ve left, but after a while he said: “I’ll just slide it under the door, then.”

Regulus turned on his music again and turned away from the door, but he still saw the piece of paper sliding through the small space underneath the door. He didn’t care. Whatever it was, he didn’t want it.

The song ended and a new one began, the loud bass drowning out the world. But it couldn’t silence his curiosity…

He glared at the piece of paper on the floor, before finally giving in and picking it up. 

His heart caught in his throat. It looked like a handmade card of sorts. In the middle, Sirius had drawn a heart, one side in the colours of the asexual flag, the other coloured like the aromantic one. Above the heart he’d written, in pretty cursive letters: “Sorry,” and underneath: “I was a dick.” The “was” has been scratched out and replaced with “am”.  

Regulus teared up, but this time they were tears of joy, as he rushed out the door. He almost collided with Sirius, who was still standing in the hallway. He glanced nervously at Regulus.

“I know this doesn’t make things right,” Sirius said. “But… I hope it counts for something.”

Regulus nodded, looking down at the card still clutched in his hands. It was clear that a lot of effort had been put into it.

Sirius put his hand on Regulus’ shoulder and he looked back up at him. There was a sincere look in his eyes, something Regulus had never seen from him before.

“I’m sorry I was so ignorant, and so quick to judge,” Sirius said. “That’s exactly how people treat me for my sexuality, so… I really should’ve known better. I’m sorry.”

Regulus bit down on his lower lip. He wasn’t going to cry in front of his brother again; it was embarrassing enough the first time. 

“I just want you to know,” Sirius said, “That you have my full support, Reg. I… Yesterday, after our conversation, I spent hours doing research and I found out some really interesting things. Did you know sexuality is a whole spectrum?” His eyes glistened with excitement. “Like, asexuality and aromanticism are even spectrums of themselves! Isn’t that cool?”

Regulus couldn’t help but grin. He was having trouble concealing his own excitement. “Yeah,” he said. “That’s cool, Sirius.”

Before he even realized what was happening, Sirius pulled him into a hug. A real, warm, brotherly hug. Regulus couldn’t remember ever being hugged like that before. He didn’t quite know how to feel about it.

“Y’know,” he said, arms hanging awkwardly in the air as he wasn’t sure where to put them. “I really appreciate your support, but this is kinda weird. We never hug.” 

That only made Sirius hug him tighter. “We do now,” he said. “C’mon, just roll with it, you’re ruining the moment.

Slowly, Regulus returned the hug. It actually, strangely, felt… Good? “Thank you,” he mumbled, feeling safer and more loved than he remembered ever feeling before. 

Sirius chuckled. “We should do this more often.”

[ungracefulace]

Ngl, I feel so bad for exclusionist aces and aros and those questioning. Like, lets take a break and imagine thinking ones asexuality or aromanticism isnt inherently LGBT+ for whatever reason. And so you make a exclus blog or follow them because you agree with what they say. You interact and join exclusionist discords and whatnot and you have a whole subsection of internet friends bonded with you over your discourse opinion. And you get these allo exclus giving you a pat on the back for being a "good" aspec and you're comforted by the whole "valid but not LGBT" line.

But, youre still ace or aro. And you have 2 choices for how you can handle that. You can only vaguely address your identity in posts that tokenize yourself "I'm ace/aro and I think inclus are awful" or responding to posts like "well I'm ace and you dont support ME !!!" And if you choose this method you see that exxlusionists think youre great and dont bother you about being ace or aro, and because you are aspec and youre supported by exclusionists, exclusionists support aces and aros.

But the other option is you show ace and aro pride, and you actually talk about ace and aro issues. Then every time you reblog pride art with an aro or ace flag you get the people you're friends with and your followers sending messages about why that flag was there and if youre an inclus now. If you dont preface or end you aspec post with "but we arent LGBT!!" then people will add it or ask about it for you, even if its just "aces have problems too". You get mocked if you say anything criticizing the exclus community and how they talk about aces, or straight up ignored even though you still completely and totally agree that aces arent LGBT. Then you realize that this whole subsection of internet friends that youve grown close to are only actually accepting of your identity if you ignore it or if you downplay any negative experiences youve had being ace or aro (unless you are using it to say how you still arent LGBT). And you dont want to be an inclusionist, because you still dont think you are LGBT by virtue of being aspec.

Thats just a really shitty situation and it goes double for those who are questioning since if they show any hint of "am I ace??" Theyre friends are quick with the "not wanting to fuck isnt an orientation" or something similar. Exclusionist blogs are literally fueled by hatred and dismissal of aces and aros, from everything to our experiences to our entire orientation depending on the blogger. And as an ex exclus I know what an awful environment that is if youre ace, aro, or decent. Theres a reason that a lot of ace and aro exclusionists have been turning away from discourse after failed attempts at getting their community to see that theyre being shitty. And it sucks that a lot of these people have also had shitty experiences with inclusionists so they dont want to talk to us either. But I do hope they learn some self love and stop accepting this because for whatever reason they're cool with it.

[shooshopath]

Ngl I lowkey regret coming out to my mom

90% of our conversations are already filled with condescension willful ignorance and her getting way too touchy/close to me so idk why it bothers me more when it’s about being bi but here we are ¯\_( ツ)_/¯

Idk venting into the void usually only helps me when its not mom related but here comes the rage train I guess!!

Friend got me a bi flag as a holiday gift and my mom saw it and as soon as she asked me what country it represented I could sense the oncoming train wreck with my third eye

Me, internally cringing in preparation of the inevitable: it’s the bisexuality flag

Momtron: Oh! What does that.....mean

Me: It means I think guys are cute......and girls.......and other people.......

Momtron: ...........*fake surprise noise* ,,,,,,,Then I am also bisexual.  

And then I started boiling in rage because like....beyond the blatant bullfuckery a) I KNOW she knows what being bi is, she’s worked with lgbt groups before, she just wants me to say it for her weird fucked up mind game reasons, b) I have come out to her THREE TIMES now, and I’m willing to give her a pass on the first because she legitimately missed that one but now it’s just irritating and sorry! You’re gonna get the same answer from me every time!  I’m not getting any more straight!, c) I know she already knows from the second time because she’s super obvious and acts like a hetero whenever anything queer/lgbt is in tv and will Not Look At Me), d) I know this is hard to believe, but your attempt at changing the definition of bisexual isn’t going to make me think girls are any less hot!  Sorry!

The rest of it was also a fun little mess in which I got to explain what bisexuality was while she pretended not to understand but I ended up just cutting to the chase and telling her I wasn’t dating anyone rn and didn’t have plans to because we all know what she actually cares about is if I’m dating a feeeeemale and she did her whole condescending little smirk smile thing and dropped it.

Also she does this thing where whenever one of us tries to have a Serious Conversation with her and she’s uncomfortable with it or know she’s losing the debate she’ll start nitpicking on some aspect of our physical appearance and constantly bring it up as a way to derail. And she was doing it here except SHE was the one who started the conversation in the first place so she kept on derailing and rerailing herself, it was fucking wild. So basically the entire conversation happened above was constantly interspersed with her zooming in on my face like a vulture and complaining that one of my eyes looked moldy (it makes more sense in Chinese)

It’s basically like mom weasley except with more gaslighting and Incredibly Blatant Manipulation Tactics That She Pats Herself On The Back For Despite Being Incredibly Blatant 

Hahaha I thought my dad was going to be the weird one about it but he’s been surprisingly chill beyond being an occasional awkward turtle. Honestly, I don’t know why I thought otherwise like when have I ever had a healthy relationship with my mom about anything.

She’s already 60% of why my self esteem is fucked in the first place and why I feel the need to constantly compare myself to others, was it too much to ask for her basic acceptance on this ONE part of my life? I don’t even know why I feel guilty about typing this out because it’s fucking true.  Part of its conscious and part of its unconscious and I know she loves me but so many of the things she does are specifically designed to chip away or criticize or look down on me and for someone who supposedly cares so much about diversity, anything beyond asian/asian american experiences never really seems to matter to you that much, does it?

I don’t even understand my own sexuality! I still have moments at least once a day where I feel like a fake and that’s not even bringing in all my conflicted feelings on my asexuality and aromanticism. It’s confusing and frustrating and I really wish I had a queer or lgbt or whatever adult to talk to about it! But I can’t ever act unsure of it or even discuss ace/aro shit because she’d use it against me.  It’s the same reason why I’ve never gotten closure with her on ANYTHING, if I try to initiate an actual conversation with her about it, all I’m going to be met with is her loving condescension, incredibly obvious attempts to change the subject, her inevitably forgetting it right after and me having to go through this shit all over again.  It’s not even worth linking her to articles because she’ll say she’ll read them and then never do it.  I know her, and she’ll never even make the effort.  I’m fucking tired.  I don’t know how people have healthy relationships with their moms because it’s always been tied up in passive aggression and narcissistic traits for me.

Surprise!!  Venting didn’t make me feel better!!  I’m angrier than ever!! Cool!