#me just laying in my borrowed bed aware of how I’d actually finish the far past Kajemac fic I started two months ago

[novelconcepts]

Someday I’m gonna write again and when I do. Oh. Watch out.

[sharksabrejr]

You and Finn

Warning: Explicit and angsty and love triangles

August 2013

Finn is not the type to remain in bed long after waking up. No matter how tired he was or how late he came to bed or if he was in someone else’s bed, years of training and learned discipline had instilled in him that he spring out of bed the moment that he was awake.

But seeing you still asleep next to him, Finn pauses, and instead of jumping to his feet, he props himself up on his elbow to face you. He nuzzles closer, gazing at you and brushing back the hairs that fell on your face. Not for the first time, Finn thinks of how he’s already broken several of his self-imposed rules for you.

“You’re watching me,” you mumble into the pillow.

“I am.”

“Stop it.” You open an eye and groan. “I must look horrid. I forgot to remove my makeup before I fell asleep.”

“Can’t.” He kisses your bare shoulder. “You’ve bewitched me, woman. I can’t look anywhere else.”

You draw the sheets up to your chest and place a hand over your mouth when Finn leans down to your lips. Undeterred, he kisses the area where your jaw and ear meet. “Finn, let me brush my teeth first,” you whine. “Morning breath!”

“I don’t care.” Finn’s words are muffled, lips still buried in the crook of your neck. You let him move your hand aside and graze your mouth with his tongue, opening your lips slightly to let him in. He kisses you deeply, drawing back only when you’re gasping and smirks at you with some satisfaction. “Babe, you should see what I’m looking at right now. You’re beautiful.”

You bite your lower lip shyly. “It’s been a while since I’ve done this,” you admit.  “I’m not used to having a man in my bed.”

Finn runs his hand on your inner thigh, enjoying the hitch in your breath whenever his fingers brush against your mound. “It sounds like we should take more time to familiarize ourselves with each other then.”

July 2013

Finn joins his friends at the table during the midst of a heated debate. “A girl does not dress like that and just come in a place like this to read a book! I bet you, she’s just waiting for a guy to hit on her,” Gallows insists.

“I have some breaking news for you Gallows, women dress up and put on makeup sometimes because they feel like it,” Matt Jackson fires back. Except for Finn and Nick Jackson, the rest of the table laughs.

“Who are we talking about?” Finn asks curiously. Discreetly, Nick jerks his head in the direction of the bar where you’re sitting. Oblivious to the conversation taking place, you flip to the next page of your novel.

Fale squints at the title. “Remarque. Good taste.“ He scowls at everyone’s nonplussed stares. “What? I read! Fuck all of you!”

“Oh wait, she’s not reading now,” Karl remarks. Finn looks, and sure enough you’re now looking in their direction, more specifically, his. Seeing you’ve been caught, you flush and set your eyes back to your book, appearing a bit more determined in reading than before.

“Fuckin’ hell, how long did that take?” Gallows cackles righteously at Finn.

“Ah, she can’t help herself. Just take a look at this mug!” Karl nudges Finn good-naturedly. But Finn’s not listening. He’s still looking at you intently.

Across the room, your finger traces the spine of your book, cheeks still pink. Finn can’t think, can’t move, can’t breathe.  His chest feels like he just got the wind knocked out of him. He’s vaguely aware he’s staring, but he’s frozen in place. You overwhelm all of his senses.

His friends watch him with varying degrees of humor and bemusement. “Finn!” Nick calls him, to no avail.

“Shit, I think he’s a goner,” Karl says with a laugh.

You’re paying the bartender for your absurdly pink drink and get up from your stool, ostensibly to leave, and Finn crashes back down to reality. He could not- would not- let you disappear into the night. Ignoring his friends, he runs to catch up to you but you slip out the exit and fall from his sight.

He runs out to the street looking around wildly, but you’re nowhere to be found. Despondent, Finn dismisses the idea of returning to the club and keeps walking.

The idea of him running after a girl sounds laughable. Finn’s never had to chase after anyone- it’s not an exaggeration when his friends joke about how he has to swat away female attention. He just literally ran after a woman he didn’t even know. What in the hell had just happened that made him abandon all reason?He’d only seen you for a few minutes and he could not stop thinking about you.

Finn continues to walk around in circles, for how long he didn’t know when he suddenly scoffs. This was ridiculous. How could he be feeling this much… loss  over someone he didn’t even know?

Ignoring the pang in his chest, Finn decides it’s time to turn in. He heads to the direction of the railway station, only to see you walking out of the adjacent ice cream parlor.

Finn does a double take. It is you, licking a cherry blossom cone and still cradling your book. You approach him slowly, shyly tucking a lock of hair behind your ear. Finn just watches you, trying to commit as much of you as he can to memory. Your body pauses but your eyes- bright and vulnerable- betray your thoughts.

Finn reads you easily. Relief.

You’re looking at him expectantly now with those eyes and Finn realizes your lips are moving. “What?”

A corner of your lips turn up. “I said, how long have you been waiting for me?”

October 2013

It’s not perfect. You’re indecisive- it’s impossible to take you out anywhere without you taking an hour to decide on which pen to buy or which coffee to order. You’re flighty, taking up yoga as a hobby one week and then giving it up for piano lessons the next. You’re terrible at pretending to be interested in Finn’s comic books or Legos, and your taste in music is godawful.

But damn if Finn isn’t falling hard for you.

He’s the first one to say it. Several ex-girlfriends had told him “I love you,” and a few times he’s responded in turn. This is the only time where he’s certain his feeling is genuine.

You spend more time in Finn’s flat than your own nowadays, so he’s not surprised when he finds you with a book on his sofa when he comes home. Finn doesn’t say anything to you just yet, familiar now with how grumpy you get when you’re interrupted from your reading. You don’t acknowledge his arrival, but toss the cushion on your lap aside. Finn kicks off his shoes and lays on the sofa with you, resting his head on your lap.

Finn pulls out his phone, just to have something to do until you put your book down, but you’re freshly showered and he can smell his conditioner on you and you’re running your fingers through his hair and it’s all too distracting. He peeks up at you, observing how your lips move to mouth each sentence you’re reading and the way your granny glasses are perched on the bridge of your nose. Light freckles are scattered in the area where your nose meets your cheeks, barely perceptible even when you’re not wearing make-up.

“You’re staring at me.” You don’t take your eyes away from your page. Finn hums affirmatively in response. Finally you finish your chapter and after taking care to place a bookmark before you put your book away, lean down to kiss his forehead. “It’s just as distracting, you looking at me like that,” you scold him, but you’re smiling and you lean down to kiss him on the lips this time.

It was something that had been gnawing at Finn for weeks, almost immediately since he’d met you. Every time your lips meet, he’s sure. “I love you,” he says when your lips part. “I know it’s hardly been a month and I don’t want to scare you off, but I do.” Your face falls. “I want you to know. It’s okay if you can’t say it back.”

“That’s the thing.” Your eyes speak volumes to Finn. “I can say it back. But you know as well as I do. We’re on borrowed time, Finn.”

April 2014

“No no no brother,” Karl tells him repeatedly. “You’re not throwing your career away over some girl you dated for four months.”

Japan is fourteen hours ahead of the States. You’ve been gone for three months now. There’s been a lot of texts, phone calls, and Facetime, but it’s not the same. Coincidentally, or maybe not, the amount of phone calls from Matt Bloom since you left has increased.

Your eyes widen in shock when you open the door and see him on your doorstep. Finn is dismayed by your reaction. It had been months since the two of you had seen each other in person. He wants to hold you, to kiss you, but you stand there with your arms around your shoulders, as if shielding yourself from him.

“Finn…” you start to say, but your expression tells Finn what you’re going to say next so he beats you to it.

“Just wait. I want you to know it’s taking all of my willpower not to take you in my arms right now and kiss the hell out of you, but I want you to hear me out first. Will you do that for me?”

After a long moment, you nod slowly. You hold your door open and step aside to let Finn into your apartment.

August 2013

Finn and you plan on him meeting you at your apartment and walking to the restaurant together. So far, you have only able to meet for coffee once before his schedule for the G1 made it impossible for him to make any plans until now. Although you hadn’t had a chance for an actual date until tonight, the texts between the two of you have been frequent, and steamier with every back and forth.

Finn takes a couple of deep breaths before knocking, trying not to appear too eager. You cock your head to the side and grin when you open the door for him. “Hey there stranger.”

Finn smiles back, licking his lips as he eyes you up and down.  He takes a long moment to appreciate your outfit, a sheath dress with a sheer neckline that stops high above your knees. “You’re stunning,” he compliments you. “That dress… wow.” He pretends to fan himself.

“Thank you.” Your blush shows under your makeup. “The dress is my roommate’s. I’d introduce you, but she volunteered to spend the night with one of the other teachers when she learned that I had a date. She’s very optimistic-” Too late, you realize that you’ve said too much and your flush deepens.

Finn chuckles. “Well, I like her already.”

“Can I get you a drink before we go? The restaurant’s a bit of a walk.”

“A glass of water would be good.” Finn follows you into your tiny kitchen, his eyes glued to you. Not unintentionally, he stands close to you, so that when you turn to reach for a glass, your face is inches away. Instead of backing away, you stay rooted in place, meeting his lusty gaze unflinching.

“I’ll stop if you tell me if I’m going too fast,” Finn says. “It’s been a really long three weeks. I could hardly wait to see you tonight.”

“You seemed so busy, I was worried I was texting you too much.”

Finn’s hands circle your waist and beckons you closer. “No, talking to you was always the highlight of my day.”

“Really?” You purse your lips, trying to contain your delight.

“Yes. I can’t tell you how much I… appreciated the last few photos you sent.” He wags his eyebrows.

Your cheeks feel like they’re burning. “You seemed so stressed I thought you’d like some distraction.”

“Yeah, I definitely liked the distraction.” Finn pins you against a nearby counter top, never breaking eye contact. You close your fingers around his wrists.

You close your eyes at the first brush of his lips. It’s a sweet kiss. Chaste. Gentle. Incomplete. His hands tighten around your waist, and you feel him trembling. You could sense that Finn was holding back, that he was bursting to do more.

“I won’t break you know,” you say when he ends the kiss. “Kiss me- the way you want to.”

It’s all the permission Finn needs. A little more roughly, he traps you among the counter, his left hand wandering to the small of your back. You look up at him through your eyelashes with bated breath.

It’s a hot embrace. Finn’s lips move on yours fervently, plying your mouth open with his tongue and leaving your mouth searing. His fingers spread along your jawline, stroking your cheek. You submit to his caresses easily, and- to your own surprise, you press yourself against the front of his pants in invitation.

You break apart, a little worse for wear. “Are you hungry?” Finn asks you huskily.

“No,” you gasp.

You never do make it to the restaurant.

You take Finn’s hand and lead him to your bedroom. Teachers quarters are notoriously cramped, and your tiny bed takes up more than half the bedroom. You beckon Finn to sit on the edge of your bed. You waste no time straddling him and joining lips again, your hands busy unbuttoning Finn’s dress shirt. Unexpectedly, you giggle when you see his chest and torso.

“What’s so funny?”

“It’s silly I know, but my god Finn…” You marvel at the hard, sinewy muscles of his abdomen. “Have you ever had a carb in your life?”

Finn pretends to think about it. “Not really.” He flips you to your back and works on the nape of your neck, his knee nudging your thighs apart. Your back arches off the bed at the first touch of your panties, his forefinger and thumb rubbing at the crux of the damp lace. His attention turns back to your lips simultaneously, and you write beneath him.

You pout at him when he pauses. “Babe, stand up.” He helps you to your feet, your legs much shakier than when you first got on the bed. “Turn around. Brace your hands on the wall.” Finn reaches up your dress, tugging down your panties.

You help him pull your dress up to your waist, and then you have to bite your arm to muffle your scream. Finn spreads your rear cheeks apart, his mouth going straight to your inner lips and laps at your wet folds with gusto. Humming, he pulls you closer, his tongue darting into your cunt. You’re quite unprepared when he suddenly slaps your bottom, the sting resonating through your core and forcing a shudder.

“Please, please, please,” you beg. Finn acquiesces, the underside of tongue rolling against your swollen nub. He reaches around to hold you steady you when your knees go weak, pressing down on the skin beneath your belly button. This amplifies the sensation, and you ground against his face. He smacks you again, and the simmering in your lower belly heightens until your legs are so wobbly you’re about to fall forward. Finn draws you to the bed, instructing you to get on your knees above his face. Your palms on the mattress behind you, you rock yourself on his mouth until you’re squealing.

Finn gives you a break to get rid of your dress and bra completely and hardly gives you a warning before his arms reach under your thighs and pull you back over his face. “Relax,” he murmurs when you stumble on the bed. “Lean into me.” With little effort, you succumb to his mouth.

His pants now within reach, you make quick work of the buttons and run your fingers over his bulge. You savor Finn’s sharp intake of breath below you when you pull his cock from his boxers, grasping the base and massaging him softly.

Finn grunts, and his assault on your clit quickens. You laugh, drunk with pleasure, and lean forward to skim your tongue on the length of his cock, rewarded with a deep groan. You close your lips over the head. “Mmm.” You suck your cheeks in and slide your mouth down slowly, flattening your tongue against his shaft.

He slams his head back on the mattress. “Fuck. You want me to blow my load before we even get started, woman?”

Elated by his response, you repeat the motion several times, alternating your hand and mouth. Finn tries to distract you, palming your breast and flicking your nipple but you’re implacable. You’re about to claim victory when Finn inserts a digit into your pussy and you regretfully retreat.

He adds a second finger and pumps them in and out, until you’re ready to scream.

“Condom?”

“Second drawer on the desk.”

Finn hastily slides the latest over his cock and flips you back on the bed,  positioning himself above you, and enters you in one swift stroke. You take a deep breath, it had been a while since you’d been with a man, and it takes a minute for you to adjust. He waits for you patiently, tracing your jaw and planting soft kisses on your neck and collar.

“Okay.”

He starts slowly, to ensure your comfort, and you spur him to go faster. His pace is maddening, thrusting into you almost languidly, maintaining a rhythm that would build you close to ecstasy, but always withdrawing at the very last moment. To no avail, you try to press him closer, but Finn’s hold keeps you immobile.  “Fuck you,” you grit your teeth at him, frustrated to no end. He replies with a cocky smile and an abrupt roll of the hips that causes you to whimper.

“I’m having as hard a time as you are. You feel so good, love.”

Your arms and legs cling to him when he finally allows you to come apart, an explosive release that almost has you swooning. He heightens the intensity, his movements against you becoming faster and more erratic until he shudders and collapses into the crook of your neck.

Arms intertwined, you lay there for a time, enjoying the close proximity of your bodies. Finn shifts his head up to give you a long, lazy kiss. Automatically he goes to get up from the bed, but your arms grip his shoulders in protest. “Don’t get up.” As a rule, Finn doesn’t stay overnight at a woman’s place- it disrupts his routine, and your twin bed was much too small for the both of you. You join your forehead to his, eyes hopeful. “Will you stay?”

May 2014

The contract is on the desk in front of Finn, and one of the most important men in the industry holds out a pen.

Your voice echoes in the back of his head. It’s not going to work! I love you, but I’m not coming back. I don’t want to be so far from my family again. I received a really great job offer here, and… I think I met someone.

“So what do you say?” Hunter asks him. “We’d really love to have you.”

December 2013

You spend your last days together in Finn’s apartment, rarely leaving his bed. It goes unsaid, but it’s a last minute attempt to drink in each other as much as you could. On the morning your flight is set to depart, Finn opens his eyes to see you already dressed and ready to go.

“Shit, I’m sorry babe. Why didn’t you wake me up? Just let me throw something on and-”

“No Finn,” you say gently. You sit on the space of the bed next to him. “I’ve already called a taxi, it’ll be downstairs soon.”

“I told you I’m going with you to the airport.”

“You have a show tonight! The last thing you need is to waste five hours in Narita waiting for my flight to take off.” Your eyes shine with unshed tears and you try to joke. “It’s not as if phones doesn’t exist, we’ll talk to each other all the time.”

Finn erupts. “I don’t care if I’m there all day! Fuck my match- you’re leaving and I’m not going to waste a single second that I could be with you.”

“I’ll apply for a travel visa as soon as I can. We’ll take turns visiting each other-”

“I’ve been in my line of business for fourteen years. You think I haven’t seen how long-distance relationships go for my lot? You’ll be there two months and then you’ll tell me you’ve met some prick-”

“What about you!” You scream back. “Even when I’m with you those wannabe models are throwing themselves at you and don’t even have the decency to wait for me to have my back turned-”

“I’ve never paid them a lick of attention! It’s only been you since I met you!” Everything that you hadn’t discussed comes out. “I told you I love you and I meant it and you’re goddamn looking at me like you’re saying goodbye. You really suck at hiding your feelings, babe.”

“Half of your buddies are fucking around on their wives and girlfriends. I’m being realistic. They told me what you were like before.”

“Why are you throwing this at me now! Tell me to my fucking face, do you want to end this?”

You bow your head. “I don’t want to go,” you sob. “I’m in love with you. I’m sorry it took me so long to say it. I was trying really hard not to- this was all supposed to be temporary, I never planned to make a life here.”

You lean into Finn’s shoulders and automatically his anger dissipate and his arms circle you protectively. “This is me being selfish. I don’t want you to go with me to the airport. I’m not going to get on that plane if I don’t leave now, Finn. Please don’t make this harder for me.”

possibly more to come if I don’t delete my tumblr��� 

[talesofgrace]

About 12 months ago I decided that my garden needed doing. Actually it was before 12 months ago but it was this time last year that I knew what I wanted to do it it. It needed reflagging and the garden needed to be dug up and new grass laid. Problem with all of that tho is that it costs money, however I was in luck (kinda) I needed to remortgage so I planned to borrow a little bit to get it all sorted and get someone in to do it for me.

Turns out getting a garden flagged is a bit more expensive than I first thought. The area that needed doing was about 70m2 (give or take a meter or two). I got some quotes that were just too much for little old me to afford so I started thinking “how hard can laying a patio actually be……” So I set to work watching you tube videos and speaking to my uncle who knew more than a thing or two about this stuff! He told me about what I had to do and how to go about it. He did this with a caution of how physically hard work it would be and how it was a very big project but never said it was something I couldn’t do, just to be mindful.

Turns out it’s extremely physically fucking draining. Lets just say I went to Ibiza for a week to relax after it….

Anyway as you may (or not) have read before I managed to shift all the dirt that was dug up from my ex and put it back to where it belonged and without any tools and that looked roughly ok. Its still in place now anyway so I didn’t do to bad.

So for those that are interested I hired a man with a digger and he had a mate that had a dumper and luckily he had a mate with a grabber so they set to work clearing out the area that I wanted flagging. on a side note I was so desperate to play on the digger….some of you may be aware that I love tractors and really want to drive around on a JCB so if any of you know someone that has a JCB I could drive around in I’d be the happiest person ever just let me know.

So with that all dug out drains were the first thing that needed to be put in. Id asked my uncle what was best for this and we agreed that running them down the side of the house into the main gully would be the best. So the gully needed changing and the trench for the drains needed digging to.

  Now came the small task of laying all the crusher runner/MOT2 or whatever you want to call it. 13 tonnes of the stuff needed laying!!!! That my little lovelies is no small task! And not only did it need laying to a specific depth but it also needed laying with a bit of a gradient so that when the flags eventually went down they drained the water off. So off I set with my wheel barrow and spade. While this was going on several older men walk past my house to get their papers in the morning and each use to give me tips and tricks on how to get the most out of what I was doing and also peered their heads in to see my progress.

1st tip shovel from the bottom of the pile you get a better fill on the spade

2nd tip don’t over fill the wheel barrow, your legs can last longer than your arms can!

(the second tip was actually a life saver)

The dogs did everything they could to get in the way, sorry I mean help me out.

don’t forget your gloves

These are wobbly

Tea break yet?

Just Checking all is in working order

Time for a site inspection

  As you can see one of the days it rained so I tried to carry on anyway, turns out this was a bit of a bad move because everything was just so soggy and I was making more of a mess than I needed to really.

Anyway after the crusher was down and all whacked by a big wacker to compress it all down, laying the sand came next.

I decided to use a dry bed of sand and cement to lay the flags as again my uncle suggested this would be best and easier for me. So it was 4 parts and 1 part cement into the mixer then into the barrow then onto the floor. This was the trickiest bit because this needed to be as level and as flat as possible to make my life laying the flags easier. With the trusty help of google I learnt a little neat trick of using plastic pipes to ensure the correct depth and then used a pipe over the top to scrape it down. The this all needed to wacked down with the wacker.

Turns out the dogs like sand, it must feel nice under paw just as I got it all perfect they kept deciding to run through it. needless to say they were chased into the house and not aloud out until it was compacted.

  I decided to do the flag laying in sections because of the size of it. And off I went laying how I felt looked good. after compacting I was advised to rake over lightly to give the flags some grip and it would help me bed them too. Overall the sand was pretty bob on and I just needed a little bit extra now and again to stop them wobbling. (I used the very technical method of standing on them and rocking back and forth as they weren’t flat flags so a sprit level wouldn’t of been any good) What I didn’t realised was that the flags came with a pattern to lay them down as a bit of a rough guide until the 3rd pallet. Ooops.

    Then came the concrete for the drains. Now I’ve never mixed concrete before and I didn’t know how much I’d get and how far it would go. I ended up needing to take a quick trip to B&Q to get some more and had to use my car as lights to guide my way. As I wasn’t clearly thinking I forgot that would drain my battery so needed help from my mum the next day. But I did manage to lay a bed of concrete. So winner really.

It took me from the 5th September until the 16th September to do this project and I much say I’m very proud of myself. The flags stayed where they should have over the winter and when it’s raining it drains off too. I have recently invested in an angle grinder with a Dimond tip blade so that I can finish off the edges and cut the flags and Ive done all the grouting too.

Over the Easter Bank holiday I sat there on the edge with the dogs either side of my in the full sun and I couldn’t of been more prouder of myself. And in that moment Id of given anything to of been able to FaceTime my granddad and my uncle or invited them around to see what I’d done.

Bring on the next thing

(this video was done just after the majority of the work was done so about 90% finished, tired but proud)

Before

After

  before

after (not grouted though)

      The Story of the patio About 12 months ago I decided that my garden needed doing. Actually it was before 12 months ago but it was this time last year that I knew what I wanted to do it it.