#me in hell: WHERE THE FUCK IS TETSUJI MORIYAMA

[dayurno]

kevin day is like. he's a child star. he's experienced an incomprehensible amount of labor abuse and inhumane working conditions. he was taken from his home country by a close relative with bad intentions. he's a cult baby. he grew up in captivity underground. every bad thing that could happen to a human being has happened to him at some point. he is happier than most of us when he can kick a ball for a living.

[sapphoherselz]

howdy!! two literal people have asked for some andreil rec so here they are!! my most favest fics EVER in the first 60 ao3 pages (I'll keep updating tho as I read!)

Not yours to bleed:

The Pros were never in the cards. Not for an ex-medicated alleged psychotic with a dysfunctional family and an Exy career he’d rather not have. But even if it wasn't his first choice, no matter what happens, it can’t possibly be worse than that one fucked up sophomore year when he stood toe to toe with the Yakuza-and won.

At least, that’s what Andrew thinks until a familiar face shows up.

Another Raven!Neil AU. Or, the one where the boys don’t meet until the Pros.

 

**Updates every other Wednesday, whatever hell may come.**

The Sun Still Rises:

Somewhere on the road, Mary Hatford gets pregnant with her second child. When she passes, she leaves behind not only Neil, but his toddler brother. Survival is difficult without also raising a kid. Worn out and desperate, Neil still somehow ends up at Palmetto, only this time, he brings his four-year-old brother with him.

TALE OF A MARTYR IN XII PARTS:

Neil closes his eyes and counts the things that he knows:

One: Death has a name.

Two: He has met Death before. Several times, in fact.

Three: Someone is trying to kill him. Permanently. But it's only kind of working.

Or, the one in which Andrew is the Grim Reaper, Neil is very, very good at dying, over and over and over again. They teach each other a few things over the centuries.

Hearthlines:

The Fae king and queens have gone away, closing the knowes behind them and abandoning their offspring to the mortal world. As the Fae have spread far and wide, their bloodlines thinning if not vanishing forever as they flee from mortal persecution... two Fae have found a way to reopen the knowes - Kayleigh Day and Tetsuji Moriyama. The Fae regroup once more, the balance of power shifted amongst them, and 'changelings' appear now and then in the mortal population.

Andrew Doe is one of those changelings, a young child suffering in the foster system, shunned by his peers for some reason and hearing voices in his head.

Alex - the latest name gifted to him by a charm - is on the run along with his mother from his father, using their talents as shadow walkers to slide between worlds and stay one step ahead of the powerful Fae. Except even that is not enough anymore. Except that's not Alex's only talent.

*******

An urban fantasy where I throw Fae, necromancy and magic at TFC characters, pretty much!

Scared to Live (But I'm Scared to Die):

Neil Josten goes to the Nest for Andrew, but he stays for a lot more.

~

"I'm sorry Coach," he muttered.

"For what kid?" Wymack shifted. "You've got to give me something to work with here."

Wymack watched the thin traces of sorrow as paper exchanged hands and he was looking down at a contract with the Edgar Allan Raven's.

"I signed them Coach, I'm sorry."

~

The one where Neil doesn't come back from Winter Break.

Amor Vincit Omnia:

“I said it already,” the man said, “Your cluster.”

“But what does that mean?” Neil asked.

“It means that you are no longer just you,” the man said tersely, “Congratulations.”

It didn’t feel like anything worth celebrating.

A Sense8 AU where the foxes all share one subconscious and kick a lot of ass

The Real Thing:

Andrew was more than willing to turn down the Ravens' offer to be their newest goalie, unwilling to play five more years of Exy - let alone for someone with a too-sharp smile and a manic gleam in their eyes.

That was, until he realized that a member of their Perfect Court was his soulmate. (That was, until Riko Moriyama realized that Nathaniel Wesninski, the Ravens' #3 in waiting, was Andrew's soulmate.)

Andrew always knew that Fate loved tormenting him, he didn't need a reminder yet again via a too-attractive soulmate who appeared to loathe him. Yet things aren't always what they seem, especially in the Nest.

mad girl says she's wolf-proof:

Keeping her grip light on Nina’s throat, Andrea drops her gaze to her plump lips. She smiles—coldly, slowly. Fangs on fangs. Salt tombstones. It is not a nice smile, none of Andrea’s smiles are, but Nina’s eyes are stuck in it regardless. “And I will answer, all the better to eat you with.”

 

(Andrea Dobson vs girlhood and lycanthropy.)

lessons in caretaking:

Neil was acting shifty, and Andrew knew why; that motherfucker was leaving. Despite the promise between them, Neil was prepping to run. Andrew wasn't upset about that, not at all. After all, if notorious Neil "No-Swing" Josten needed to leave after Andrew admitted his desires regarding his proximity to Neil's shorts, who was Andrew to stop him. But that doesn't explain why Neil was stealing socks, or why he wanted Andrew's clothes.

Whatever. That was probably unrelated.

Sauntering Vaguely Downwards:

They’ve known each other since the Beginning. Not the Beginning Beginning—they didn’t meet until after the War in Heaven, where they kept to their own sides, or until after the subsequent Fall. It wasn’t even until after the Exodus from Eden, but only by a couple minutes. They’ve witnessed the rise and fall of empires, sampled all the cuisines the world has to offer, and weathered several very silly fashion trends.

Andrew doesn’t think they’re friends, exactly, but it is natural to become accustomed to the presence of the only other being who has been around more or less consistently for six millennia. It wasn’t anything more meaningful than that.

A Good Omens AU where Andrew is a grumpy angel, Neil is a sharp-tongued serpent, and it takes them literally six thousand years to figure out they belong together.

[codename-adler]

My niche aftg take is I think the most unrealistic part of the series is exy’s rise in popularity, like you’re not gonna make me believe that enough colleges were willing to bankroll a brand new co-ed sport (especially USC) that they were able to set up multiple NCAA divisions for it

is it really though? that unrealistic? look at us. literary wolves and escapism artists. caring about a book about a sport. i mean, we don’t even get to watch it! and still we fall. still we read. nora’s action scenes are written so fluidly and are such captivating parts of the story, it’s like waterfalls of gold cascading into the most neck-breaking riverbeds.

i do, however, understand that i have no mf clue about how sports league get birthed and how the NCAA works. i’m not even from the U.S. so perhaps you do have some ground to stand on…

what i’ll give you though, is that Exy’s creation seems a bit too quick to be plausible. but again that’s where suspension of disbelief needs to come in, and nora does the job well. she’s developed the sport enough to explain it and divide it very clearly, and to illustrate it, but the thing with Kayleigh and Tetsuji was shady as hell and murky at best. why to Japan? why wasn’t lacrosse enough? what was the study? how did Kayleigh Day, a woman in sports, convince the world? how many years did it take? when was Exy introduced in the Olympics? how did Kayleigh manage to make Exy mixed? how much involvement with the Moriyamas did she have? keep in mind that i have never and will never read the EC. the answers may be there but i’ve never known someone to speak about it…

my conclusion is that if we could really see a game, we’d get it. immediately. i don’t think we all fully realize how much skills, precision and smarts it takes to play Exy. it’s probably one of the most demanding sports out there, intellectually. there are so many factors to keep in mind, so much coordination to keep up.

also it’s fucking violent. with a wide, wide range of players, thus sizes. if you don’t stay for the refinery and superb techniques, you stay for the bloody, epic brawls. it’s a good show. lots of drama. it’s got everything, really.

anywhoo, anon, thank you for the ask. it was exactly what i wanted to know more about! it got me thinking, and i like that you stopped to imagine how exy would actually establish itself in the world, realistically. would love to catch a game with you.

[exybackliner]

I might be jumping into a discussion I lack context for, so forgive me if the below is beside the point.

While the Moriyamas may own the Wildcats, I don't think owning teams is where most of the smart money is. The NCAA has perfected the science of grinding college athletes into a fine paste of unimaginable profit and not having to worry about the absolute wrecks it spits out the other end, but that can only go so far though before you start having recruitment problems. The real money to be made is on the supply end for the merch and equipment. Regardless of what the end results are for the Ravens the Moriyamas got in on the ground floor since Tetsuji was one of the creators of the sport and Kayleigh is dead. Riko, Kevin, and the Ravens were a hell of an ad for Exy merch, equipment, and brand deals.

I definitely think the Ravens got less and less viable as a team as Riko became more of an issue and as Tetsuji's prestige on the college level gave him the ability to act with absolute impunity. What we learn in TSC about just how vile the team culture was even outside of Riko's inner circle suggests to me that even without the events of TKM the Ravens were probably already in the "find out" phase of the fuck around cycle. The way the Ravens train must result in a high injury rate at the college level which would result in a lot of early retirements as the damage accumulated over 4 years and on if they have a pro career - which is going to affect recruitment eventually.

The above is why I think the Trojans have more players go Court, not just because they leave college better adjusted but because they may get better players all around. Sports parents swap notes, watch stats, and min max as much as they can because having kids in sports above a certain level is prohibitively expensive. The goal is not to send your kid to the winningest college team, the goal is to send them to the school that gives them the best chance of success coming out of it. Given how quickly the Ravens cracked after the Nest was dismantled I would think the suicide rate after graduation for any players who don't manage to go pro must be insane. If the kids coming out of one school go home absolute wrecks or don't come home at all and have shorter or less prestigious careers even if they do go pro, you send your kid to any other school. If my kid is good enough to go anywhere, I'm sending them to the Trojans because the Ravens are too high risk for not enough reward. It's not too hard to figure out that if the Trojans were less focused on sportsmanship and the Ravens were actually held to account, USC would probably win just as much.

Thinking about it from the above perspective, I think the Moriyamas probably needed to put an end to Riko and the Ravens soon anyway. The public at large may not have noticed the issues with the players coming out of the Ravens, but the families would and it was only a matter of time before an investigation happened if it wasn't happening already.

I think the Moriyamas probably own at least one pro team, maybe they just funnel some there? Maybe Tetsuji and the Ravens have progressively gotten worse and more toxic and cult-like over time and it’s only in the last like few idk 5-10~ (idk how time works) years that they’ve been spitting out even less and less functional longterm players? Maybe they produce new players fast enough to replace the ones that burn out? Maybe there have been inquiries before but they were able to squash them but not this time? Thanks to Thea’s existence we know they’re capable of producing players that can do their job, or at least were at one point capable of it

I remember there being that line in one of the books that says something along the lines of “More Trojans made it onto the National Court than Ravens did” or something and I wonder if the way they’re socialised is a contributing factor as to why?

Like when you actually think about it, even if the Moriyama’s have their own pro team (which is likely I think if not canon already) they’re like… not as prepared as other athletes for being professionals on their own. They’ve never had press duty, and they’ve never been important enough to have their personal image matter that much, they’re not exactly prepared in that way to be their own athletes instead of just… Ravens.

I feel like the quality in Ravens athletes vs the amount of time the Master was the Coach/the amount of time Riko was playing on the team are like… two lines going in opposite directions on a graph, you know? I once again like to imagine the downfall of the Ravens involving a bunch of pro athletes coming out and talking about what happened in the nest, and I think somebody will be eventually see the correlation between how many Ravens went pro/made court and how long the abuse had been going on in the nest.

[nekojitachan]

Okay, so, the urge to write this hit me (maybe in part because of the new fic). Though I’ve been thinking of it off and on since I wrote it... two or three years ago? I finally got back to it. Raven!Andrew soulmate fic with Raven!Neil (Nathaniel). First part can be found here (I managed to find it).

Uhm, warnings for the Nest (vaguely) and for threats of non-con (that are not carried out). Mention of Nathan, too.

******

Andrew felt a manic, medicated smile spread across his face when Aaron chose not to sit next to him in the Intro to Biology class they’d both signed up for; he was tempted to throw a pen at his twin’s head before he slumped down in his seat and barely paid any attention to what was a blow-off class for him. As soon as the bell rang, he was out the door and waited in the hallway for Aaron to come out. When his brother cautiously stepped outside, he grabbed onto Aaron’s left arm and dragged him aside.

“What, no brotherly love today?” Andrew asked with a bright (false) grin. “Do I stink? I swear I showered after morning practice.” The other students gave them a wide berth, especially when they caught sight of Andrew’s black and red track jacket that all the Ravens had to wear outside of the Nest.

Aaron cursed beneath his breath as he shook his head, then switched to German. “Look, it’s for the best, okay? Just leave me alone.”

“Why?” Andrew’s eyes narrowed as he thought about Riko. “Did someone say something to you?”

Aaron ran his right hand through his hair, which was shaggier than Andrew’s (than his ‘nice’, Raven-styled haircut). “Do any of the other students talk to you? Sit next to you?” When Andrew scoffed at that, Aaron scowled. “It’s not because you’re an asshole, but because everyone here leaves the Ravens alone, it’s like you’re part of some special clique and they don’t like anyone messing with the status quo even if they’re a Raven’s brother. So just… call me or something, maybe we’ll get together on the weekends someplace away from campus, but I can’t chance losing this scholarship. I’m sorry.” Aaron gave him a casual wave as he walked away.

Andrew stood there for a minute as bitterness filled him at how easily Aaron cast him aside, focused on himself as always. It didn’t matter that Andrew had crossed the country for him, had risked his own life to get rid of Tilda for him, had joined the Ravens… well, partially for him.

The asshole hadn’t even managed to get hold of any alcohol for him yet.

He was late to his next class, an American History one, but the professor didn’t bat an eye at his arrival even though she’d chewed out another student last week for doing the same thing. Andrew barely paid attention to what was being said again, confident that he’d pass everything like he always did.

Once the class was over, it was time to head back to the Nest, what joy. He ran into Ben on his way to the stadium and basically ignored his ‘partner’ the entire time. Ben was long used to it by then, and appeared happy when they came across other Ravens, ones who would actually talk to the sophomore.

They spent time before afternoon practice working on their class assignments, which never took long for Andrew to complete. He spent the rest of the break reading through the ridiculously long email Nicky had sent him (why did his cousin bother now that he was back in Germany) and glancing through the stats on the Northeastern Huskies, the team the Ravens were to play that Friday. The Huskies weren’t in the overall top three for the NCAA Division I, but they were for the Ravens’ region so it was considered an important game.

Well, by everyone but Andrew.

Practice was the usual ordeal, was Riko acting as if he was the boss of everyone as he barked out drills and plays, as he expected to be thrown the ball as if he was the only striker out on court. It was Tetsuji watching everything with his emotionless, beady eyes as if he was a starving vulture, quick to lash out with his cane at the slightest mistake. It was Nathaniel acting as if Andrew didn’t exist at all.

Andrew was so tempted to say to hell with them all and head off campus to find the nearest liquor store, but he wouldn’t risk Nathaniel showing up the next day beaten again, or Aaron losing his scholarship.

(He didn’t care about Riko or Tetsuji fucking with him, was more than strong enough to handle whatever they threw at him, but refused to let others be punished in his place.)

Instead, he remained in the goal and blocked almost all of Riko’s shots on it just to annoy the asshole.

(He thought he saw Nathaniel smile once when Riko stalked off in anger, but the expression was gone a moment later.)

The rest of the week was spent with Tetsuji and Riko pushing the Ravens to be perfect (or damn near it) by Friday’s game, to memorize the Huskies’ stats and previous games. Considering that it was only the second game of the season, Andrew took to glaring at the soul mark hidden beneath his left armband; he didn’t believe in regret, not exactly… but he had some rather negative thoughts over Riko and Kevin bringing Nathaniel with them when then came to recruit Andrew.

The campus was festooned with black and red (remove the latter and it would fit Andrew’s mood perfectly), with students wearing Ravens jerseys. Most wore Riko’s and Kevin’s, but Andrew rolled his eyes when he saw Aaron sport his; the moron gave him a brief wave and a nod in acknowledgement, then went to sit with a group of what appeared to be new friends.

How nice for him.

Andrew felt his lips twitch then tug back into a mirthless grin when the loose sleeves of the black and red jersey that Aaron was wearing revealed that the black mark on Aaron’s left forearm was still a shapeless blob, that his twin hadn’t found his soulmate yet. Ah, so only Andrew had been inflicted with that particular curse as of yet, though Aaron was like Nicky and actually looked forward to finding his ‘other half’.

The fool.

Soon enough it was time to return to the Nest, to suffer through yet another recap of the Huskies’ players and probable game strategy (which he’d long ago memorized) before a quick lunch and then ordered to get ready for the game. Andrew noticed that Nathaniel wasn’t with the team for once, and managed to hold on to his curiosity until he noticed a man who appeared similar to the young backliner (his soulmate) stride along the outer ring; he was dressed in an expensive suit which was tailored to fit a muscular build, his dark red hair stylishly cut short (and lacking any type of curl), his eyes the same arresting pale blue as Nathaniel’s. Yet they were utterly lacking of emotion when they glanced out at court… and seemed to linger in Andrew’s direction for a few seconds.

Andrew nudged Ben’s left foot. “Who was that?”

Ben appeared stunned that he’d been asked a question. “Eh? Who?” He glanced in the direction Andrew nodded and frowned. “Oh, that’s Nate’s dad, he shows up now and then, usually on a big game day. Comes before the game starts and always leaves right after.” His frown deepened as he gazed at his racquet. “I don’t think they get along well, Nate’s always withdrawn after his visits and….”

Andrew did some frowning of his own. “And?”

Ben jumped a little at his question and pitched his voice lower. “I wouldn’t say anything, but you’re his soulmate. You’ve seen his scars.” Andrew’s jaw clenched at that statement. “Sometimes after his dad visits, he has a new one.” Ben pointedly looked away after that.

It took a minute or two for Andrew to get the urge to go after the man and bash his head in with his racquet under control (the fact that the abusive bastard had been followed by obvious bodyguards helped just the tiniest bit).

(It also raised the question of who the hell was Nathaniel’s father, what was he doing at Castle Evermore, and why Tetsuji allowed him to abuse one of his most talented players?)

Andrew was distracted from thoughts of violence by Tetsuji ordering the Ravens to warm up and participate in drills as Evermore slowly filled up with eager fans. That wasn’t entirely true as he did feel inclined to smash his racquet into one preening Riko Moriyama, busy mugging for the cameras and fans, and yet again wondered just how incompetent the doctor was who put him on his ‘lovely’ meds.

Maybe Aaron could get a nice lawsuit out of him eventually ‘snapping’ when the inanity of it all finally drove him to bash everyone’s heads in.

A boy with a heavy stick, a ton of issues and forever increasing anger management problems could dream, couldn’t he?

He was actually grateful for the damn game starting, just because it meant that soon it would be over. Andrew was slated to guard the goal in the second half, and so got to sit bored on the bench while a bunch of idiots ran around on the court.

At least, until a Huskie sub striker (#17, Donaldson, junior) seemed to grow annoyed at Moreau blocking him from the Ravens’ goal and swung his racquet into the backliner’s side, right below where the protective padding ended. Part of Andrew nodded in approval of the nasty and effective blow while another was annoyed that he wasn’t the one to land it.

Oh, and that it delayed the game’s end while Moreau was checked and carried off the court.

It was clear that the Huskies hoped to take advantage of the Ravens losing their number one backliner to an injury, but the team was composed of some of the best Exy players in the division. Hebig and Federov managed to do a decent job of defense in Moreau’s place, so Andrew didn’t have to work too hard once he was out in the goal; he only let a couple shots through, with the final score being 12-7.

The stadium erupted into cacophony when the final buzzer rang out, with the Ravens smug over their victory and the Huskies disgruntled. Andrew didn’t give a damn, he merely wanted to shower then sleep, done with Exy for the time being.

Riko and Kevin were expected to do their preening for the camera bullshit, but Andrew noticed how an excited Federov went up to Riko before the asshole left and talked to him, a huge leer spreading across his face when Riko nodded.

Something about that expression made Andrew’s skin crawl (it wasn’t the sweat drying on it or his drenched uniform); it sunk in when he was in the shower scrubbing clean.

Federov’s expression resembled Drake’s when he’d come into Andrew’s room at night.

By the time he rinsed the soap away, dried off and put on clothes, Federov was nowhere to be found. Andrew didn’t see any of the male Ravens missing (other than Riko, Kevin and Moreau), so that left the women and… and Nathaniel.

Shit, Nathaniel, whom Federov would stare at from time to time. Whom Federov would try to talk to, but Moreau always interrupted him and pulled his partner away. Andrew thought it was just Moreau being a dick, but now….

He broke into a run towards Nathaniel’s room, and was grateful for once that there weren’t any locks on the doors in the Nest as he threw the door open.

Federov had a struggling Nathaniel pinned to the bed, hand raised to hit him (hit him again, judging from Nathaniel’s bruised face and bleeding lip). The bastard looked up in time for Andrew to punch him on the cheek, which knocked him aside, and yelped in pain as he was hauled off the bed and thrown to the floor, where his ribs were stomped on twice. Hard.

“Stah- ah! Stahhp,” the bastard screeched as Andrew kicked him once more for good measure, only to find himself pulled off balance by Nathaniel.

“Stop it,” Nathaniel said, his voice weak and a bit slurred from the split lip. “You’ll get in trouble.”

“Like I give a shit.” Yet Andrew found himself unable to look away from his battered soulmate, from the hopelessness in Nathaniel’s eyes and the blood on his face; while he was distracted, Federov scurried out of the room like a four-legged crab and slammed the door shut behind him. Andrew clicked his tongue at the thought of having to track down the bastard to slit his throat before he returned his attention back to Nathaniel. “Why’d you stop me?”

“Because Riko would be mad,” Nathaniel said as he slumped back on the bed. “It’ll just make things worse.”

“Worse than someone raping you?” Nathaniel flinched at that but didn’t say anything, just closed his eyes and huddled into a small ball, his black sweatshirt torn to reveal some of the awful scars on the upper right part of his chest, including one which looked like an iron burn on his shoulder.

Andrew felt something turbulent scour through his chest at the sight, felt it rail against the drug in his blood, and spun around on his left heel then stalked into the small bathroom attached to the room where he wet a couple washcloths with cold water and grabbed a towel. When he returned to the bedroom, Nathaniel watched him with a wary gaze as he approached the bed.

“For your face,” he said as he held out the washcloths. “You might want to do something about the swelling.”

Nathaniel was still for a few seconds before he uncoiled enough to accept them. “Jean will-“ He winced when he must have realized that his partner was stuck for the night in the medical department.

“Will what?” Andrew prodded as he smiled, jealousy and anger straining at the chemical chains the damn drug forced upon his impulses. “What’s he gonna do, hmm?”

“Yeah.” Nathaniel wrapped his arms around himself and appeared younger than seventeen years old. “There’s… there’s icepacks in the minifridge.”

Andrew glanced around and found the fridge on the other side of the room, by what he assumed was Moreau’s desk; when he opened it, he found it stocked with a couple bottles of water and several icepacks. Huh, seemed they were prepared for a few booboos, how interesting.

He went back to the bathroom and grabbed a couple hand towels to wrap the icepacks in, and returned to the room to find Nathaniel gingerly wiping the blood from his face. Once it was cleaned up, he handed over the icepacks and got up to grab the large sweatshirt (Moreau’s) which was draped over the back of the nearby chair and threw it on Nathaniel’s bed. “I’m spending the night here.”

Nathaniel’s eyes (well, the right one, the left was swelling shut) widened at that. “I’m fine! You can-“

“I’m not leaving in case the asshole decides to come back,” Andrew stated as he dropped down on Moreau’s bed. “You willing to be smacked around some more?”

That earned him a virulent glare. “You’re the asshole. And how do I know you’re not gonna… gonna take his place, huh?” For all of Nathaniel’s harsh words and nasty looks, his slender fingers plucked at the sweatshirt he’d draped over himself as if it was a safety blanket.

Someone didn’t have a lot of faith in him, did they? Andrew didn’t blame his soulmate, not with everything he learned about the Nest with each passing day. “Because I’m not like anyone you’ve met before,” he said as he kicked off his sneakers and stretched on top of the duvet.

Nathaniel scoffed loud enough that his throat had to ache. “They all say things like that,” he mumbled as he pulled on the sweatshirt, his gaze downcast. “That they’re special, that they’ll treat you nice, that it’ll be wonderful.” He rocked back and forth once the shirt was on, his eyes unfocused as if he was remembering something and the words sounding rote as if they were someone else’s. “It’s nothing but lies.”

Andrew remembered Nathaniel’s father, the man with the emotionless eyes, and wondered if Nathaniel’s parents were soulmates as well. He wondered if they were one of the pairs who served as cautionary tales, as reminders that not all soulmates had happy endings.

He wondered if that’s what Nathaniel had been talking about when he accused Andrew of being just like ‘him’ when Andrew had let his frustration slip, back in the breakroom.

(Why Nathaniel was so comfortable with a man who wasn’t his soulmate.)

Andrew once again struggled with his drug-addled emotions, with the urge to break things, to stomp out of the small, black-walled room and the Nest and Edgar Allan, to carve off the damn soul mark from his arm and… and the thought of leaving Nathaniel defenseless stopped him cold. Instead, he clicked his tongue and rolled over onto his side until he faced the wall. “Shut up and go to sleep.”

Nathaniel muttered something in Japanese, but got up a few minutes later to go into the bathroom, and several minutes after that shuffled back onto his bed and turned off the light. Andrew lay on the bed and finally relaxed when he heard his soulmate’s breathing slow about half an hour later.

He didn’t get much sleep that night, not when he waited for Riko or Federov to break into the room to take Nathaniel from him.

Nathaniel gave him an incredulous look in the morning when all he did was climb off Moreau’s bed, go into the bathroom to take a piss and then leave, desperate for coffee and his medication (not necessarily in that order). He stopped by his room first to take a pill and was on his way to one of the break rooms for caffeine when he had the dubious joy of running into a smiling Riko.

Warning bells went off immediately in his sleep-deprived head, because if Riko appeared happy about something? It rarely was good for anyone but Riko.

“Good morning,” Riko all but purred as he blocked Andrew moving down the hall.

“Not until I have my coffee,” Andrew muttered as he stared toward the break room, determined to walk past the asshole.

“Ah, not quite yet.” Unfortunately, Riko was nimble of foot and one hell of a determined asshole. “I want to talk to you about last night.” When all Andrew did was grunt in response, Riko’s left eye twitched and his smile slipped slightly. “You may be pleased to know that Jean has been declared fit to play in this Friday’s game, after a couple days of light practice. That’s good because Lev will need a few days to recover from your… disagreement last night.”

Andrew focused his attention on the manipulative asshole. “From me ‘disagreeing’ with him raping Nathaniel?”

Riko’s nose scrunched as if he’d heard something disagreeable. “You’re new to the team so you don’t understand how certain things work. And that’s how if someone does very well during a game? They get something nice as a reward.”

Rage flooded through Andrew, made his hands twitch to wrap around Riko’s throat at that ‘reward’ bit despite the latest pill; he only resisted as he thought about Aaron. “Nathaniel isn’t a ‘reward’,” he forced past teeth clenched tight.

The look bestowed upon him was one of immense pity. “There’s so much you don’t know, rookie, including how wrong you are about that.” When Andrew’s hands clenched into fists, Riko wisely took a step back. “But that’s not to say that he can’t be your reward, right? After all, he’s your soulmate,” Riko taunted.

“I don’t-“ About to spit on Riko’s offer, something in Andrew made him stop. “What do you mean?” Was this a way to keep Nathaniel safe? Out of Federov’s reach?

Riko’s smile took on a predatory edge. “I’ll admit, I was skeptical when Kevin claimed you were this amazing goalkeeper, but I’ve seen your ability.” Now the smile was wiped away by something resembling annoyance. “When you bother, that is. So here is what I’m proposing. You shut down the goal while you’re out on court during the game? Nathaniel is yours.”

Andrew was quiet as he thought about that, as he thought about his soulmate being safe. “I can’t always guarantee a complete shutdown, not against some teams.” When Riko opened his mouth to argue, he held up his hand. “Up to three goals, and only during the top three teams,” he bargained. It meant he’d have to push himself, would have to work for it (dammit)… but if it meant that Nathaniel would be safe….

He was such an idiot, wasn’t he? No matter how smart he thought he was, how he’d learned his lesson the hard way, here he was willing to bleed out for a pretty face and wide blue eyes.

(For someone who might be as fucked up as him.)

(For his other half.)

“Two goals,” Riko countered, “and Nathaniel is all yours, no one else is to touch him.” Then he laughed, the sound more cruel than amused. “Well, by a Raven at least.”

“He’s mine,” Andrew bit out as he stepped into Riko’s personal space.

There was a flash of fear in the asshole’s eyes before he flashed his usual wide grin and stepped back. “There’s pre-existing claims on our dear Nate, best get used to it.” Riko gave a mocking laugh as he walked away. “You’re so out of your league, Doe.”

Andrew brushed aside the reference to his previous life as he stared figurative daggers into the asshole’s back (oh for them to be real). Once Riko was out of sight, he headed to the break room for a much-deserved mug (or three) of coffee.

It was when he was on his second refill when he realized that he desperately needed answers, and that they most likely would only come from one of his least liked Ravens – Moreau.

*******

So now I’m trying to figure out - is the Perfect Court 1-10 or 1-9???? Obviously when I wrote this, I thought it was 1-9, but I’ve seen so much artwork since then that shows Andrew as ‘10′ so....

Probably back to the new fic unless another prompt/old fic snatches my attention. Though I’m sure I’ll get back to this at some point because ANDREW AND JEAN.

[aledethanlast]

In classical art, the subject is always depicted in the moment before the climax of the scene. A discus thrower, coiled around himself in the second before the throw. Man, a hair’s breadth away from touching God.

Imagine, then, a modern classic:

The boardroom of Castle Evermore’s East Tower was so quiet the drop of a pin could be equated to a cymbal crash. Starlight was struggling to replace electric lighting through the panes of tinted glass, and so the room kept being thrown into irregular light.

“I never wanted this chair, you know.” His hands stained the polished oak table, creating dark handprints in the dust. His back was straight, staring dead ahead, no expression to be had. Perfect neutrality, so similar yet so fundamentally different from Andrew’s. “People always thought that was my big plan, to sit here in my father’s chair. I didn’t. Not ever. I just wanted to be allowed into the room.”

Opposite Riko, a chair didn’t creak. The dust didn’t stir. A breath didn’t fill the silence. In this moment, reality deferred its presence to a voice: “Is this not better?”

“How, on earth, could this possibly be better?”

“The Moriyama name. All that power, yours to take. Not that you didn’t take it before.”

Riko tilted his head and narrowed his eyes, either for emphasis or to attempt to see better. Unclear. Unimportant. “I. Never. Wanted. It.”

“But god knows you took to it like a fish to water.”

Riko grew incensed. His temper was a tempest, always would be. It would coalesce into a storm barreling down a singular path, hell to whatever and whoever was caught beneath. Riko never cared. Maybe he should have. “I should kill you.”

Now that, that earns him a laugh, but not an amused one. It’s the chuckle you get out of the person forced into the butt of the joke. “Riko, you should’ve killed me eight years nine months and four days ago.”

He doesn’t respond. It’s not his turn to speak just yet.

“But you decided to kill him instead.”

Another beam of light, just a flash, but it’s enough to cleave the man’s face. Ironically enough, the blue of his one visible eye blazes more sharply than his hair, red like dying embers. The curls of his youth — and his father — are gone, instead it’s all slicked back severely, highlighting his widow’s peak. Even his face belonged to the Classics: calm, reserved, but speaking of strength and solidity. A role model and aspiration for those who gazed upon it.

How foolish.

Nathaniel. Eight years, nine months and five days ago, that name was a taunt, a secret Riko lorded over his head. But Nathaniel never cooperated. He insisted on resistance, dug his heels in when he should’ve run. It was funny at first, watching his feeble attempts to push stone walls, but it was hard to keep laughing when Nathaniel was tearing down his world brick by brick.

So Riko had tried to tear down his foundations.

He’d eschewed any pretense at dignity. They’d found Minyard’s body in pieces, half rotted on a riverbank in Georgia. It was funny at the time. A final knockout blow to the Foxes.

It was one of the very few things Riko ever grew to regret.

“Do you want an apology?” Riko asked. Finally, something surprised Nathaniel, even mildly.

He arched an eyebrow. “Why in the hell would I want an apology?”

Riko shrugged. “I suppose you wouldn’t just be here to gloat.”

“Gloat. Gloat over what, exactly?”

Riko was growing tired of this circular thinking. He had half a notion that Nathaniel didn’t even plan what he would say when he came here. Perhaps he didn’t even intend to talk at all, for once. “You’re joking right? You’re telling me you aren’t head to make some grand speech about your revenge, to smear the blood on your hands in my face—“

“Big words, considering the circumstances.”

“You really want to compare our sins, Wesninski?”

“Actually, I was talking about you ruining the table.”

Riko lifted a hand off of the dark wood. In the dim light, the red smears barely shone, like oils not yet dry. “Yes, well. You’re not one for doing things cleanly, are you?”

“Clean,” Nathaniel said. “Interesting word choice. My mother didn’t die clean. Andrew didn’t die clean. The Moriyama’s don’t do clean. You do fast, you do messy. I felt like returning the favor.” Emotion crept into his voice. Like he actually cared about what happened here tonight.

“You want to know who wanted clean, Riko? The Matsumotos. They wanted to see you fall apart from the comfort of their own home, the international courts fighting over who gets what.”

Riko’s brows furrowed. “Then why are you here?”

“Because fuck clean!” Nathaniel rose up from the table, leaving streaks of bright red where his hands touches the table. Riko’s clothes were ruined, but at least he was wearing black and red, hiding the damage. Nathaniel, on the other head, only had dress slacks and a white button-down shirt, highlighting the trail of blood which rode up his sleeves and torso. Finally, classical idealism evolved, as it always did, into the climax of hellenism. “You destroyed everything I had, so I’m returning the favor. Honestly, I was nicer about it than you were. I let you be there when they died.”

“You took my family,” Riko said, thinking of the bodies still cooling downstairs.

“I did.”

“You took my reputation,” Riko said, thinking of interviews gone wrong,of article after tell-all after mysterious security leak, of letter bombs and failed merchandise and unsold tickets.

“I did.”

“You took Exy,” Riko said, looking to the windows. Outside, Castle Evermore stood derelict. Glass shattered, seats stolen, court ruined. Nobody but Riko had visited this place before tonight in years, not even Tetsuji.

“I did.”

Here, then, is our climax: a man robbed of everything, confronted by his mirror. A cycle at its conclusion, the wheel snapping at the spokes. This is where it ends.

“I should push you out this window. Nobody would recognize the body. Not that anyone would come here to see it.”

“Try,” Nathaniel said. A new sound joined the conversation. An old friend of them both, devoid of allegiance but never undependable. The sound of a cocking gun.

“I’d take you down with me.”

[nickireadstfc]

The King's Men, Chapter 1 – Hello Foxhole, My Old Friend

In which the Foxes are introduced to Meat Grinder Neil, Nicky misses an opportunity for a memeworthy Christmas gift, we find out some things about Jean, and Andrew and Neil chill on a rooftop or whatever.

Sounds good? Then it’s time for Nicki to read The King's Men.

Hello hello hello, we’re back! Welcome to the one, the only, the glorious, all-surpassing, awe-inspiring, shade-throwing, capslock-inducing and feels-wrecking finale to this hell of a ride called All For The Game - welcome to The King's Men.

Let’s start at the very front: A cover, as always, says more than a thousand words, and this cover has one clear message it shouts in the faces of those familiar with the series, clear as day and ringing like a bell: IT'S SHOWDOWN TIME, FUCKERS.

Two Exy racquets, one orange, one black, crossed, clashing. The title, half-orange, half-black. Nora Sakavic' name at the bottom, also half-orange, half-black, menacingly laughing in my face like Rumpelstiltskin on crack, glee-drunk on my surely following future tears.

Whee-hee. Let’s fucking go.

(Also, the chapters are getting much longer by this book, so y'all will have to deal with these posts being longer as well. Soz.)

          Even after a semester at Palmetto State University and a couple weeks practicing on the largest Exy stadium in the United States, Neil was still struck breathless by the Foxhole Court.

Neil, my boy, you never disappoint. Even through hardship, bruises and cuts, one thing can always be relied on: Your gigantic boner for Exy. Get a room, you two.

          “It’s time to go,” Wymack said.

          That was enough to make Neil get up, although his battered body protested.

Oh yeah, quick reminder for anyone who might have forgotten (although – why the fuck would you ever): Neil is currently walking minced meat with Trauma Jetlag™, a literal prison tattoo, and #allnatural #naturaleyes #naturalhair #nomakeup #nofilter.

Because of that, he’s obviously not that keen on running into his squad at the moment. Can’t exactly blame the dude.

If I looked like Freddy Krueger with a facial tramp stamp, I wouldn’t go around instagramming selfies either.

Especially when I willingly ran into the arms of the dude who is nationally known for giving out facial tramp stamps.

          Wymack had even locked the office in his short absence. Neil had been in there enough times to know Wymack didn’t keep anything particularly valuable on his shelves. The only thing of any import was Neil’s duffel. (…) On Neil’s first day in South Carolina he had asked Wymack to protect his things, and seven months later Wymack was still keeping that promise. It was almost enough to make Neil forget all about Riko.

Guys, this just in: Wymack is still the best damn person alive. #dicksoutforwymack

The best damn person alive also already warned the Foxes Neil looked like a human punching bag in order to prevent them from having an actual heart attack when they see him. Yay, have fun explaining yourself to them, hombre.

          Matt moved soundlessly for a few moments before he finally managed to choked, “Jesus Christ, Neil.”

          “It’s not as bad as it looks,” Neil said.

This just in: Neil is Veronica from Heathers, minus the 80’s hair-do.

In order to fulfill his self-appointed role as Neil’s mother hen, Matt then swiftly goes and punches newly-arrived Kevin in the fucking face – which is generally a sentiment I can support, although it really is not his fault this time.

          Matt stared at him for an endless minute, then said, “I want to break [Riko’s] face in six places. If he ever comes within a thousand yards of you again –“

Same, Matt. Fucking SAME.

Matt being protective of Neil will never not give me a healthy dose of The Feels™.

One confrontation down, four to go: What do Aaron, Nicky and Kevin have to say to Mr Meat Grinder?

          Unsurprisingly, Aaron was the safest one to look at. (…) Neil gave him a moment to see if he’d ask, but all Aaron did was shrug.

Glad to see the usual amounts of sympathy and care coming from one half of the Minyard Murder Twins.

Although I’m doubting the other half will muster up any more affection.

          Nicky, on the other hand looked absolutely crushed as he took in Neil’s wrecked appearance. He reached out as soon as Neil was close enough and wrapped his hand around the back of Neil’s neck, (…) carefully pulling Neil up against him.

Also, glad to see the usual freaking normal reaction coming from Nicky, aka some goddamn comforting hugs for once in this cold, cold monster squad.

Nicky hugs are the best hugs.

          At least Kevin had the decency to speak in French. “Tell me the master didn’t approve this.”

Every time Kevin still calls Tetsuji “the master”, a little tiny thing inside my heart dies.

10/10 would protect my tiny big ass traumatized son.

          “Riko said he’d hurt us if I change it back. All I can do is duck my head and hope for the best.” (…)

          “How long do you think he’ll let you hide before he forces you to show [the tattoo] off? The press will be all over this (…). He’s trying to get you found.”

Well, duh.

I’m already looking forward to Neil regaining his confidence, and then I’m looking forward to him sassing the absolute everloving shit out of whoever tries to come for him for his appearance and tattoo.

          “He wouldn’t waste his time unless he thinks we really are going to be a problem for his team That means something, doesn’t it? (…) Kevin, you do what you do best and focus on Exy. Take us where he doesn’t want us to go.”

Hell effin yes.

We’re gonna fucking make it to finals, and we’re gonna fucking shoot that dumb Exy ball so hard around those Raven Fuckers’ heads that we shoot the asshole smirk right off Riko’s ugly face.

Yas.

          Nicky looked between them as if making sure they were done, then scooped his gift bags up again and held one out to Neil.

          “Belated Christmas present,” he said, a little sadly.

NICKY LET ME LOVE YOU.

Trust this dude to always bring the sunshine around at the end of the day.

          “I’ve got Andrew’s with me, too. Actually, I got you two the same thing because you are like the most impossible people in the world to buy for.”

Knives, hair dye, black T-Shirts, cigarettes, a coupon for an anger management course,… Andreil gift-shopping ain’t that hard, homie.

But scratch all that - Nicky got them each a winter coat!

This would have been even better if Nicky hadn’t gotten the same coat for each of them, but literally the same coat – because now all I can imagine is Neil and Andrew stuck in one coat like a Get Along Shirt.

If someone makes this into fanart, I will pay you in Ben & Jerry’s. I’m being dead serious.

Four reunions done and the most important one still to go – one road trip to Columbia later:

        “If you’ll sign in, I’ll ring Dr. Slosky and let him know you’re here.”

        (...) Neil was the only one who hesitated when his pen touched the paper. Riko hadn’t let him be “Neil” at Evermore. Every time Neil answered to it on the court, Riko beat him for it. (…) Riko wanted him to know how much trouble he’d caused the Moriyamas with all of his alibis.

Jesus fuck. Is there literally anything he didn’t get beat for at the Batcave of Extra?

Actually, don’t answer that.

Also, hate to be that person again but – shouldn’t he have gotten to that bit of trauma way earlier? Wymack and the Foxes called him Neil so many times already, why is this only kicking in now?

I legit don’t have an explanation and I think it may just be a continuity error. If anyone does have a good explanation, shoot me an ask.

They sit down to wait for Andrew and to everyone’s surprise (including mine), Kevin uses the wait to do something so incredibly out of character my figurative wig was instantly snatched:

Being a compassionate person.

        “I know what he’s like,” Kevin said. Neil looked at him, but Kevin was studying his hands. “Riko. If you want to talk.”

Fucking what.

        It was the most awkward and uncomfortable thing Kevin had ever said to him. Kevin was known for his talent, not his sensitivity. (…) That he tried at all was so unexpected Neil felt it like a balm to every bruised inch of his skin.

Oh my GOD.

HE’S TRYING, he’s trying to make Neil feel better, he just wants to help and to comfort him I’m gonna light myself the fuck on fire I can’t handle this.

These Kevin/Neil feels are ambushing me out of nowhere. I was almost over this dynamic, god damnit. What the fuck.

        “[Jean’s] father owed the Moriyamas a great deal. The master paid those debts in exchange for Jean’s presence on our court. He was property, nothing more. You are the same in their eyes. (…) I know it means he did not hold back.”

Wait – does this mean Jean initially got the same treatment that Neil just had to suffer through?

WELL, FUCK.

Jean Valjean has instantly risen in the ranks of my faves.

SWEET FRENCH SUMMER CHILD. YOU DID NOT DESERVE THIS WHAT THE FUCK.

No wonder he’s a (seemingly) heartless bitch now. Kill or be killed, I guess.

        “Were you ever going to tell [Coach that he’s your father]?”

        “I was going to when he signed me,” Kevin said. “I couldn’t. (…) [Tetsuji] has never raised a hand or voice against Coach before because Coach has never been a real threat to him. I didn’t know if a confession would change things. I couldn’t risk it.”

Kevin :’( protecting and caring for Wymack :’(( just like Wymack protected and cared for him :’((((((

Before I can get too emotional over this, though, the happy Kevin/Neil Honest Conversation™ is cut short by the arrival of everyone’s favourite murder maniac, minus the meds.

(Back at it again with the alliterations, y’all.)

        If Neil hadn’t known Andrew spent the last year and a half fiercely protective and territorial of Kevin, he’d think they were strangers. Andrew treated Kevin to a bored inspection, then flicked his fingers in dismissal.

Apparently, Andrew is not that different off his meds but continues to be a Stony Sinnamon Roll, Too Indifferent To This World, Too Dead Inside™. Well, bummer.

I don't know what I expected, since we did meet him sober before, but I think I thought when he'd be off his meds permanently he'd be... More? I guess? More of a person, I mean. Less walking void, and all that jazz.

Maybe he'll come around. Give the sinnamon roll some time.

Neil and the squad, finally complete again, drive back to campus, and as they get out we get a glimpse of something amazing we'll have more of later this chapter:

It's prime fucking Andreil time.

        [Neil] straightened and turned to find out Andrew had shifted closer. There was nowhere for Neil to stand except up against Andrew, but somehow Neil didn't mind. They'd been apart for seven weeks but Neil keenly remembered why he'd stayed. He remembered is unyielding, unquestioning weight that could hold him and all of his problems without breaking a sweat. For the first time in months he could finally breathe again. It was such a relief it was frightening; Neil hadn't meant to lean on Andrew so much.

ALL-FUCKING-RIGHT.

Alright alright alright. So NOT ONLY is this gay as shit as it is, and Neil is (whether he realises it or not) super fucking in love by this point, but - "Andrew had shifted closer", bitch, what.

Don't you dare tell me that boy isn't fucking infatuated with our favourite runaway drama queen.

In today's issue of The PSU Andreil Times: Heart-Eyed Little Shit Thinks He's Being Sneaky, Fails Miserably. More news on page 19.

When Neil is done waxing poetic about Andrew's ~strength~ and his ~*~unyiedling body~*~, he goes back to his dorm for part 2 of The Matt Confrontation:

        „Neil? We're here when you want to talk about it.“

        „I know.“

Is that... Neil... close to accepting actual help from outside...

Amazing.

        He knew just from looking at Matt that Matt would accept any truth Neil gave him right now, no matter how cruel or unbelievable. He'd done the right thing by going to Evermore; he was making the right choice in standing his ground here with the Foxes. (…) If [what happened] was the only way to keep his teammates safe from Riko's cruelty, it was an easy price to pay.

Okay ya brb while I drown myself in my own fucking tears.

FOX FAMILY. STOP RUINING MY FEELINGS. I'm supposed to be cool and witty here but I can't even do that because I'm just too emotional over this.

And the fun doesn't stop here, oh no.

Are you guys ready?

I know there are some people fidgeting excitedly in their seats right now because they know what's about to come up – the grand finale to a wonderful third-book-kick-off chapter:

The goddamn rooftop thing.

        Andrew turned to face him. „I'll take an explanation now.“

        „You couldn't ask for answers inside where it's warm?“ Neil asked.

Glad to see that even when faced with his (by now Confirmed™) crush, Neil still doesn't lose his sass.

But of course, Neil is not one to keep secrets from his murder boyfriend, and so he tells him of the Christmas Fuckery – which Andrew is decidedly not fucking liking, because of course Neil left Kevin's side and therefore kind of broke their deal.

Whoops.

        „Why did you go?“

        Neil didn't know if he could say it. Thinking about it was almost too much. Andrew was waiting, though, so Neil choked back his nausea. „Riko said if I didn't, Dr. Proust would-“

        Andrew clapped a hand over his mouth, smothering the rest of his words. (…) „Do not make the mistake of thinking I need your protection.“

Okay, but don't you, though?

Neil says it himself later on, and he's entirely correct: Andrew watches everyone's backs, who's gonna watch his?

He may be an expert in back-watching, but even the most back-watchiest back-watcher in the world can be out-back-watched, my dude. And who's gonna come rescue you then, hm? HMM??

Neil fucking will, of course.

        „The next time someone comes for you, stand down and let me deal with it. Do you understand?“

        „If it means losing you, then no.“

SHIT WHAT.

Since when are our boys so damn open with their love declarations?? This was so outta nowhere?? I'm fcukign?? Having a heart attack??

And following that – of course. The one, the only, the iconic:

        „I hate you,“ Andrew said casually. (…) „You were supposed to be a side effect of the drugs.“

        „I'm not a hallucination,“ Neil said, nonplussed.

        „You are a pipe dream,“ Andrew said.

BOY.

SHIT.

IM FCIKIGN FUCKKNGING FKUCKKVMFGNICHNNNKNX

The fact that Andrew thought his feelings (THAT ARE NOW CONFIRMED, I REPEAT, CONFIRMED ANDREW FEELINGS FOR NEIL HAVE BEEN SPOTTED) were a temporary thing, unreal, a side effect of being high out of his mind, is just like kind of, casually ruining my life. No biggie.

No fucking biggie.

Andrew quickly realizes he may have admitted too many feelings though, and in a feeble attempt to save his cold front and fragile masculinity, he throws Neil's keys off the roof, because just giving them back to him normally wouldn't have been Manly™ enough.

However Neil, once more, is able to show us that he can give as good as he gets (innuendo absolutely intended):

        Neil wasn't sure why he did it, but he plucked Andrew's cigarette off the sidewalk and stuck it between his lips. He tipped his head back to meet Andrew's unwavering gaze and tapped two fingers to his temple in Andrew's mocking salute. (…) It felt like a win, though Neil wasn't sure why.

Fucking hell.

These two are going to a) improve this last book exponentially and b) absolutely fucking ruin my life.

Nicki out.

As always: If you like what I do here and you want to help me continue writing fun things for you, please consider buying me a coffee. Every lil bit does absolutely help, getting me through uni and all that jazz. Thanks so much!!

[ohsweetflips]

hawk in the raven nest, chapter twenty-nine

A/N: please read end notes as it regards notes abt the final chapter of this fic

read on ao3

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chapter list

Corruption was crawling over the walls of Castle Evermore. It loomed over Nathaniel, staring down at him, as he exited the car. Lord Ichirou’s driver said no word to him before driving off. Nathaniel watched the car leave before turning his stare back to the building. The early-afternoon sun glinted off the windows and Nathaniel felt that he could look through it into the inner, dark, twisted set up of Castle Evermore.

Nathaniel looked forward to the only door that led to both freedom and hell, depending on whether you were leaving or entering. He allowed himself to step through the door that Kevin escaped through, knowing that this was one more step closer to the end.

Tetsuji was not in his office. Nathaniel nodded at the empty room. He was in the right to not be in Nathaniel’s line of sight. Tetsuji was just as guilty as Riko was. Riko didn’t have on-hand connections with Kengo and Lord Ichirou’s contacts, who else would he had gotten them from?

Nathaniel wondered if Tetsuji was proud of what he did, of the manipulation and abuse he put on the children and adults that have been put in his care. He had taken lives that had potential and crafted them into what he wanted them to be, even if it required breaking them so that they could heal catered to him.

The court was empty. Nathaniel didn’t have his phone on him, he left it in the locker room because he didn’t think he would need a phone when he was dead, but he didn’t have to look at the time to know that the Ravens were meant to be practicing.

He didn’t know where Tetsuji was, but he knew where Riko would be. Riko would be downstairs, feigning confusion over where their backliner had gone, expecting to hear news that he was six feet under. He would pretend to mourn over Nathaniel, as if he meant more than dirt to Riko, while rejoicing over the fact that he thought he won. Maybe Tetsuji was hiding, maybe he knew that Nathaniel survived, but Riko believed that he had come out on top.

Riko was going to wish that he went into hiding.

Nathaniel crossed across the empty court and through the empty locker room and descended the stairs. The thin, dark stairwell was suffocating. Nathaniel could feel the chill rising up from the depths of it but he willed himself forward. No matter how much his chest seized or how his eyes had yet to take adjustment to the dim lightning, Nathaniel was not afraid.

When Nathaniel reached the Ravens’ lounge, Riko Moriyama was already staring at him. He must have heard the door open and hoped that it was anyone else but the boy he thought he killed. Nathaniel stared back. Riko’s neck had finger-shaped bruises around it and his eyes were full of what could only be described as sheer panic. It was just him and Nathaniel in the lounge, all the others had flocked somewhere else. Now would be the only time that Riko revealed any true weakness that did not stem from mania. No, this look in his eyes, this fear, gave Nathaniel the idea that Riko finally realized that he was not going to win. Riko knew that things were going to change when he broke Kevin’s hand, knew things were breaking when the Directors searched their dorms, but right here, right now, Riko now knew that what he had done was irreversible and that his demise was inevitable.

Nathaniel wondered what it would feel like to snap Riko’s neck with his own hands, to give him even an ounce of the pain that he caused everyone else. But Nathaniel decided that that would be too nice. Riko deserved nothing short of complete and utter suffering. Nathaniel would make sure that Riko watched his own destruction and that it killed him.

Nathaniel blinked and saw his father behind his eyes, but this was not a Wesninski attitude. A Wesninski killed because, to a Wesninski, there was no other option. You either worked with him, or you were dead. A Wesninski had no sense of justice, no sense of fighting for the people who couldn’t fight for themselves. Nathaniel felt something in his heart pull, and he hoped it was pulling away from Nathan Wesninski.

“You’ll have to try harder than that next time,” Nathaniel said. “If you even get that far.”

Riko stared. Nathaniel placed two fingers to his temple and then flicked them out in a bid goodbye to his captain.

He turned and headed down the hallway to the single-digit dormitories.

He didn’t process stopping, but he found his hand on the doorknob of a door that was not his. It might as well have been because the door led to a room that felt something like what home was supposed to feel like. He wasn’t thinking, he just pushed the door open because it was something that had become natural and had become his and it hadn’t occurred to him until he stepped in and saw blonde hair and hazel eyes and a tattooed five that he was never supposed to be here again.

“Nathaniel,” Andrew Minyard’s voice blew through him and Nathaniel watched as Andrew took fast steps to close the gap between them. Andrew’s steps were heartbeats in Nathaniel’s ear and that life broke something inside Nathaniel that had been waiting to burst.

He didn’t realize what was happening until his face was already wet but, for the first time in a very long while, Nathaniel Wesninski cried.

“You idiot,” Andrew said in a voice that Nathaniel could hear no menace in. “You absolute fucking idiot.” Andrew kicked the door shut behind them, keeping him and Nathaniel in their own bubble of privacy.

Nathaniel’s knees buckled and the only thing that stopped him from collapsing was Andrew cushioning him to the floor. He pressed his hands to his eyes, trying to stop the tears that continued to fall as sobs racked through his body.

“Nathaniel, breathe,” Andrew ordered, his voice sounding far away in Nathaniel’s ears.

“I can’t,” Nathaniel rasped out.

He was never supposed to see this again.

“You’re here, Nathaniel.”

If timing had been one second off, Nathaniel would have been dead.

“I was never supposed to see you again.” Nathaniel’s hands reached forward, desperate for something to hold onto, needing something to keep him from falling any further, but stopped an inch from Andrew’s shirt. To breathe hurt, his body trembled, and he needed Andrew, but only if Andrew would accept him back.

One of Andrew’s hands grabbed Nathaniel’s and pressed it to his chest, while the other clasped the back of his neck. He brought Nathaniel in closer and Nathaniel rested his head in the crook of Andrew’s neck. He breathed him in, finding that Andrew was the one thing to clear his lungs of cobwebs and stop his heart from killing him with each beat. To feel Andrew’s own beneath his hand reminded himself that he was here and that this was real.

“I was never supposed to see you again,” Nathaniel repeated, his voice weak and muffled in Andrew’s neck.

“I don’t think I’d be able to get rid of you that easily,” Andrew said with no malice in his voice.

Nathaniel managed a smile and a wet laugh. “You aren’t that lucky,” he mumbled.

“Nathaniel,” Andrew said, the syllables coming off his tongue smoothly. “I distinctly remember telling you to not come crying to me when shit went wrong.”

Nathaniel nodded, Andrew’s shirt crinkling in his grip. “I’ve never been the best listener.”

“So I’ve learned.”

Andrew then let him sit in silence, breathing him in until he was able to calm down. Finally, he pulled away, using one hand to still hold onto Andrew and the other to rub at his eyes. He then turned his gaze up to Andrew.

“Nathan Wesninski is dead,” he said.

“And you managed to escape him,” Andrew noted.

“Lord Ichirou killed him,” Nathaniel explained. “He followed orders that weren’t his Lord’s. It was a fatal offense.”

Andrew nodded. “It appears that Riko is doing our job for us. He’s a bigger idiot than you are. You just almost get yourself killed and be the martyr that no one asked for. He, however, makes faulty plans that will eventually kill him.”

Andrew’s tone was even, but Nathaniel could hear the hardness of his words. He wasn’t going to ask about it, he wasn’t going to press, but he had a feeling that Andrew had not taken Nathaniel’s disappearance lightly. He then thought of the bruises around Riko’s neck and found his answer.

“He would have hurt you,” Nathaniel said quietly, hoping that Andrew would understand.

“I don’t care about that,” Andrew said, and the that implied that there was something else Andrew cared about more, or perhaps someone else.

“I do,” Nathaniel said. “If I hadn’t broken off our deal, it would have eventually killed you. We Ravens are supposed to go down together, but I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I knew that I killed you, too.”

“You’re an idiot, Nathaniel,” Andrew said, leaning in closer. “Yes or no?”

“Yes,” Nathaniel breathed, tension leaving his body as their lips pressed together.

Love wasn’t a word that was commonly used in Nathaniel’s vocabulary. It was a concept he never learned. Ravens didn’t love, they fucked. And if they even wanted anything more, they didn’t have the time. The Perfect Court wasn’t allowed it. They weren’t permitted any luxuries that would distract them from the success that their future held. Love was something that was unknown to Nathaniel, and he used to find himself fearing it. The love that his mother had for him turned fatal, and even that love would have just introduced him to a life of always running away. To love meant to give someone enough of you and trust that they wouldn’t break you. The thought of giving Nathaniel enough of himself to someone was always terrifying to him. He had always focused on surviving, he couldn’t risk letting feelings and another person get in the way of that. But as Nathaniel studied Andrew, he realized that he trusted Andrew with pieces of him and trusted Andrew to not break them. He trusted Andrew enough to perhaps compromise his future and risk his own life if it meant being able to achieve freedom with him.

Nathaniel realized that, perhaps, the word love had never really been so foreign to him.

Andrew stayed with Nathaniel that day. It wasn’t a decision that the two spoke about, but it was one that was already accepted. When Nathaniel was composed enough to leave, he stood, and Andrew did, too, and that was that.

Night came, and Nathaniel was sitting on his bed, his legs tucked up to his chest. Andrew was sitting across from him, his own legs crossed. The clock on the bedside table said that it was just past midnight. The entire day, the nest made no sound, and no practices were held.

Nathaniel stared down at the bandages around his hands and wrists. He could feel the gashes and burns under them.

“They’re going to scar,” he said quietly. He turned his wrists over and back, trying to see if he could see the way they’re healing under the bandages.

“They will,” Andrew agreed. There had been no sadness in Nathaniel’s voice, and no pity in Andrew’s. Nathaniel appreciated that.

“I want them to heal,” Nathaniel continued on, keeping his eyes locked his hands. “The Trojans play the Foxes in two days. And then spring championships is in two weeks. I want the Foxes to win against the Trojans, and then I want to play against them.”

“Even after playing the martyr,” Andrew said. “You’re still a junkie.”

Nathaniel nodded. “Even after playing the martyr,” he repeated. He then looked up at Andrew. “I need to call Jean.”

Andrew raised an eyebrow in silent question.

“I just… need to,” he said. He needed to tell him about what Lord Ichirou said, but more so, Nathaniel just wanted to know if he could hear his old roommate’s voice.

Renee Walker’s number was still where Nathaniel shoved it in his bed side drawer. He was impressed with Riko for not going through his shit when he thought that Nathaniel was dead. Probably the first time in Riko’s worthless life that anyone was ever impressed with him.

Andrew watched him as Nathaniel attempted to dial the neatly written number. Nathaniel assumed that Andrew finally grew tired of watching Nathaniel’s bandaged fingers fumble and mess up the numbers over and over because, eventually, he took the phone from Nathaniel and dialed the number himself.

“You still have her number,” Andrew said.

“Jealous?” Nathaniel asked while the phone was ringing, his eyebrow raised and a smirk on his lips.

“Didn’t think you were the type to blindly trust strangers.”

“Well you also didn’t think I was anything. And yet.”

“You’re nothing,” Andrew said, but Nathaniel swatted his hand to quiet him because Renee answered on the other line.

“Hello?” she said, her voice soft. He could hear other girls talking behind her.

“Renee,” Nathaniel said. “It’s Nathaniel.” A short pause. “Wesninski.”

“Oh,” Nathaniel could hear the surprise in her voice. “Nathaniel, hello. Is everything alright? Are you okay?” She must have been assuming that, since Nathaniel was calling again, Evermore must have been burning to the ground. The girls in the background stopped talking.

“I’m fine,” Nathaniel said and leveled Andrew’s heavy stare with his own. “That’s not what’s important. I wanted…” He worried his bottom lip. “Is Jean around?”

Renee paused on the other end. “Actually, he isn’t,” she finally said and something that felt like either disappointment or fear went through his gut. She must have sensed Nathaniel’s sudden shift in attitude because she quickly followed up with, “He’s safe. I can’t tell you where he is. Not yet. You’ll find out. But he’s safe.”

“Well, this is kind of important,” Nathaniel urged, hoping that she’d give him something, anything. “Is there any way I could contact him?”

“I’m sorry, Nathaniel,” Renee said. “But I think it would be best for you to learn from Jean on your own, when it happens. He’s not…” She hesitated and Nathaniel knew what she was attempting to find a way to word nicely.

“He doesn’t want to talk to me,” Nathaniel answered for her. “Or any Raven in general.” The feeling of fear in his gut lessened while the disappointment amplified.

“I’m sorry,” Renee repeated with genuine sorrow in her voice. Nathaniel still wondered how a girl who seemed to be so nice and so normal was a Palmetto State Fox.

“It’s okay,” Nathaniel assured. “I can understand. Well, if you hear from him, wish him the best.”

“Always,” Renee said, and Nathaniel found himself glad that Jean had recuperated with people, or at least one person, who was able to support him.

--

The Foxes had their game against the Trojans. The Ravens were gathered in their common room, staring at the TV. Most were prepared for a laughing stock. The nine team Foxes against the twenty-eight player Trojans with people like Jeremy Knox, Sara Alvarez, and Laila Dermott on their line (no one was going to mention that the Foxes had Kevin Day)? Most Ravens were excited to see the Foxes finally fall. Even Nathaniel admitted to himself that he was terrified; this was the last stepping stone that separated Fox from Raven and it was, by far, the largest one.

No Raven had mentioned Nathaniel’s return, or his sudden disappearance. They all acted like he never disappeared and that Evermore did not halt to a stop with his absence. He wondered if Andrew tried to strangle Riko in front of everybody and they were just refusing to mention it. Nathaniel wished that the Ravens would start to speak up more seeing that their Captain was dragging them down, but it appeared that old habits died hard because Nathaniel assumed that Riko told them to stay quiet. And stay quiet they did.

Nathaniel and Andrew were sitting on the loveseat together, their eyes glued to the TV. Riko was directly across the room for them in his usual recliner. Nathaniel had to admit to himself that he feared how confident Riko looked; Riko expected the Foxes to fail miserably.

The Trojan stadium was decked in red and gold. Even through the TV, Nathaniel could hear the intensity of the screams. The Trojans were just finishing their warm ups, the Foxes soon theirs.

In the short minutes that the Trojans had before the game, captain Jeremy Knox was pulled aside by a reporter.

Nathaniel assumed that Kevin must have felt blessed in the presence of his favorite athlete.

“Jeremy Knox, hello,” the reporter said, smiling.

“Hi!” Jeremy beamed a smile that put the sun to shame. Every athlete in Class I Exy knew that there was a reason that the Trojans one the best sportsmanship award, and it started with their captain.

“Are you ready for tonight?”

“As ready as we can be,” Jeremy said. “The Foxes have proven this year to be determined athletes. I know for a fact that tonight’s game won’t be easy. While we have earned our place here, so have the Foxes. We’re just going to have to play our best and give it our all out there.”

The reporter nodded eagerly. “Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but I’ve heard rumors about Jean Moreau, a former rival of yours, returning to the court next season. How do you feel about that, knowing that you could be facing his team soon?”

Jeremy nodded. “Oh, yes, I’ve heard that, too,” he said. “But I’m not worried because, Jean is returning to the court, yes, but he won’t be back in black.”

Suddenly, everything Renee said clicked into place.

“We were worried that red and gold wouldn’t fit Jean’s complexion, but we know we can make it work,” Jeremy continued on, smiling. “We just have to get him in the sun for a little bit and he’ll be good as gold.”

Nathaniel didn’t pay attention to what the reporter said. He, instead, was focused on Riko and the dead stare he had towards the TV.

Two of Riko’s Perfect Court had left him for rival teams.

A laugh actually bubbled in Nathaniel’s chest -one of satisfaction for seeing Riko come closer and closer to crumbling, one of joy for knowing that Jean was truly safe- but he covered it with a cough into his fist.

“Another waste of potential,” Riko said. It sounded like he said it so that his nerves would calm, and not because he believed it.

Nathaniel wanted to quip back that no, actually, Jean was going to do amazing on the Trojans, but he wanted to go into Championships with as few black eyes as possible.

Andrew and Nathaniel still shared a look, however.

Seconds before the Trojans were supposed to be called out, the announcer said, “We have just heard from the court, apparently there has been a change in the Trojans’ lineup.”

All Raven eyes were on the TV.

“To mimic their opponents,” the announcer continued. “The Trojans have decided to adjust their lineup so that they, too, only have nine players for the entire game. When Coach Henderson and Captain Jeremy Knox were asked about the sudden change, they said that they both agreed on it. It was Knox’s idea, and he wanted to see if the Trojans were good because they truly were, and not just because they were a team of twenty-eight going against a team of nine.”

Holy shit, Nathaniel thought. The Foxes could do this.

The Foxes, because of their small numbers and the fact that their third striker, Janie Smalls, barely played in games anymore, were forced to play both halves with barely any subs. For months, they trained playing full hour and a half games. While being small in number, they most likely dominated other teams in endurance. A huge team like the Trojans never had to worry about not having any subs; they could switch out people as they pleased.

It seemed that Jeremy Knox not only had a sense of fairness, but knew how to make an even match.

“Jeremy Knox is an idiot,” Riko said, his voice full of scorn.

“Jeremy Knox is smart,” Nathaniel said, making forceful eye contact with him. “What he said was completely right. When you have so many players, you can switch out who you want. You don’t need endurance. Obviously a team like that is going to be better against a team of nine, no matter their endurance, because one set of players are new and energized while the other set have already been playing for fuck knows how long. Exy is a sport based on skill and strategy, and constantly switching out players isn’t a sound or fair one. Playing nine and nine shows which team really deserves their win.”

“I don’t recall fucking asking, Wesninski,” Riko spit the final word out thinking that it would hurt Nathaniel. Nathaniel smirked, knowing that Wesninski was going to be what hurt Riko instead.

Nathaniel had never seen the Foxes fight harder. They knew, he knew, the world knew, that they were only one game away from Championships, and that they’re opponents would be their most difficult ones yet. They knew they were down in players, some might argue skill, too, but they were up in endurance. And for this game, it was enough. The Trojans played their heart out for the first half, finishing it two points ahead of the Foxes. It was a start of the ignorant; they didn’t know how to make nine players last for an hour and a half. They played as if they would be switched out for next half.

The Trojans might have known how to make a powerful start, but the Foxes knew how to make a powerful finish.

When the final buzzer rang out with the Foxes two points ahead, Nathaniel actually found himself excited for Championships. The Foxes had proven to be worthy rivals, and even if Nathaniel knew what the outcome would have to be,  he was ready to see the fight that the Foxes had.

--

Kevin answered his phone on the second ring.

Andrew and Nathaniel were seated in Nathaniel’s room, across from each other on his bed. It was an hour after the Foxes’ game ended and Nathaniel was eager to talk to his old teammate.

Even though Riko wouldn’t try anything so close to Championships, Nathaniel still locked his door just to be safe.

“How does it feel to beat your celebrity crush as a Fox?” Nathaniel asked when Kevin answered. Andrew rolled his eyes.

“Great,” Kevin said. “We fought hard. It was a deserved win.”

Nathaniel was pretty sure he heard Matt Boyd shout “Fuck yeah it was!” in the background.

“Actually complimenting the Foxes?” Nathaniel questioned. “In their presence? Kevin, you’ve changed.”

“Fuck off,” Kevin said, but Nathaniel wasn’t completely kidding. When Kevin left the nest, he was a destroyed man, physically and mentally. He had never been in a situation where he did not have another half. He never had to be on his own. It was always Riko and Kevin. For the first time, it was just Kevin Day, no one else tacked on. Joining the Foxes, Kevin was difficult. He was frustrated with himself for not being able to play and even more so with his new teammates’ reluctance to listen. Kevin thought he was at rock bottom with no chance of getting out.

But Kevin did. He followed Nathaniel and Andrew in wanting to destroy the Ravens, but also started to become his own person outside of them. The Kevin he knew from the Nest would have never been so bold as to go as far as revealing the corruption of the Ravens on live television.

Kevin changed. He was a right-handed Exy player, #2 for the formerly last place Palmetto State Foxes. He was stronger, he had a better footing on the ground and wasn’t waiting for someone to pull him along, directing him how to breathe.

Kevin Day was in a better place.

“I guess we’ll be seeing you in about two weeks,” Nathaniel said.

“Twelve days,” Kevin replied. “Be ready.”

“We will be, but that’s actually why we called,” Nathaniel said. He then put the phone on speaker. Andrew’s eyes drifted to the phone now held out in front of him but said nothing. Nathaniel lowered his voice as he continued to speak. “The Foxes need to win. We all know that. But we can’t throw a game. If either of us look like we’re not trying in the first half, Coach will take us off the court.”

Kevin sighed. “I was thinking the same thing. We’ve been practicing Raven drills here, we know the techniques that can be used by and against us, but it still won’t be easy.”

“It never was easy,” Andrew suddenly said. He then took the phone from Nathaniel’s hand. “There’s one thing that can work, but you need to play smart, Kevin.”

“What is it?” Kevin asked.

“Pick a number from one to ten,” Andrew said. Nathaniel furrowed his eyebrows.

“Andrew, what does that-”

“Pick a number or I’m hanging up and breaking the phone,” Andrew threatened.

Kevin huffed out a breath. “Fine,” he said, then hesitated, thinking. “Six.”

“That’s how many points you get first half, play it well,” Andrew said. “But listen closely, Kevin. I am not giving you a point each time you try to shoot. You and Gordon have to earn it, otherwise you’re not getting it. Nathaniel will not be giving up his game-” Andrew’s eyes shot up to him. “It’s solely you and me. Play the first half well, for once second half starts you’re all on your own and what happens, happens.” Andrew paused, letting the gravity of his words sit over the three. “Have your Foxes ready because the Ravens aren’t going down without a fight.”

“I wouldn’t want them any other way,” Kevin said. “We’re ready here. Everything will be left on the court.”

“Remember what I said Kevin,” Andrew said. “Six, and it’s not guaranteed. Don’t expect an easy fight because I’m giving you something.”

“I know you’re not that nice,” Kevin said.

“I’m not,” Andrew agreed. In lieu of a goodbye, he merely turned speaker off and handed the phone back to Nathaniel.

“Twelve days,” Nathaniel repeated.

“Yeah,” Kevin said quietly. “Anything else?”

Nathaniel hesitated. Kevin was eventually going to find out what happened to Nathan Wesninski and what Riko did. But he didn’t feel like that was a conversation to be had over the phone. “It’s March now,” he went with instead. “You’ve been with the Foxes for almost a year now. How’s it been?”

“It’s been something,” Kevin said and let out something that sounded like a laugh. “But… we’ve all worked hard. These people… my teammates… they’ve helped. I thought I was going to be coming here to help them and only that but… I got so much more than what I expected.”

Kevin really, truly changed.

What he said next, Nathaniel didn’t catch.

“What?”

“He knows,” Kevin repeated. “I told him.”

Nathaniel thought for a moment, trying to figure out who Kevin was talking about, when it suddenly clicked in his brain.

“You told Wymack?” he asked. “How’d he take it?”

Kevin’s voice was so quiet that Nathaniel had to strain to hear it over the background noise. “He was upset, but not because he didn’t want… this. He wishes he could have been there more. He wants… we both want to be closer. I haven’t had the opportunity for an actual family since my mom…” Kevin trailed off and Nathaniel understood. He thought of Kevin, the boy who had his mother taken from him by the same people who took him in afterwards. Kevin, who was forced to live under a stadium for his entire life, stuck with a man who could care less about children and an exy brother who would only betray him in the end.

“I hope you get that opportunity again, Kevin,” Nathaniel said.

“Yeah, me too,” Kevin said. “Thanks.”

Nathaniel nodded. “We’ll talk to you-”

“Wait, Nathaniel?” Kevin interrupted.

“Yeah?”

There was a pause on the other line. Finally, Kevin said, “Good luck.”

Nathaniel smiled, even though Kevin wouldn’t see it. “You too, Kevin.”

[c-valentino]

Clipped Wings

Fandom: All For the Game - Nora Sakavic

Rating: M

Characters:

Riko Moriyama/Kevin Day, Neil Josten, Ichirou Moriyama, Andrew Minyard

Warnings:

Graphic Depictions of Violence, AU

Summery:

Riko Moriyama survives the meeting of Neil and his brother after the Raven’s lost game - but at what price?   Kevin would never accept that some people declared a life not worth living anymore - least of all the young man he had grown up with. 

Chapter One - Broken crown

“Riko Moriyama is Not suicidal”, Kevin Day said with conviction.

“Well, seems he is”, Matt answered, “Did you seen his interview? He stepped down. Looked like a ghost.”

Last week, the Ravens had made it public: Riko Moriyama was stepping down as team captain and leaving the Ravens. All hell had broken loose on social media. Watching the interview had made Kevin’s skin crawl, but he had spoken to no one about it. His own team was still celebrating their well-deserved victory and Neil’s freedom.

This evening, the Exy sports community had held its breath when the news about Riko Moriyama’s suicide attempt had gone viral. The young striker had been found near death after OD’ing. Riko Moriyama doesn’t do drugs, Kevin thought bitterly. Something was very wrong here.

A week ago

Tetsuji stood up and left the room after Neil had entered, only Riko was left behind sitting on a couch, the white of his cast poking out from under his sleeve. Neil looked at it with satisfaction.

“You have cost the Ravens their coach. Are you satisfied?” Ichirou was facing him, observing him, and Neil felt a cold shiver running down his spine. He straightened and turned his gaze away from Riko.

“Your people are safe, as are mine. Yes, I’m satisfied.” How someone could smile as coldly as this man, Neil couldn’t comprehend, yet it came so easily, so naturally to this man.

“Let them call you by whatever name they like. You will always be a Wesninski at heart.” Ichirou gestured to Neil, beckoning him closer and he obeyed. "This situation requires a clean slate. " Ichirou stepped over to his little brother who didn't realized it at first and then looked up in utter bewilderment. "Get up," Ichirou ordered and Riko stood, head lowered. "I'm sure you've realized that words from my brother mean precious little," the older Moriyama addressed Neil without facing him.

"You are right about that…,” the backliner had to agree. The whole situation was a little unnerving for him. Riko, who had usually something to say, was as silent as a grave.

“I usually am,” the mobster said in a quiet, thoughtful voice that revealed that he had already moved on to other matters. “Now, let’s get this out of the way.” He grabbed Riko by the back of his neck and shoved him forward. The younger Moriyama stumbled two steps in Neil’s direction but didn’t utter any sound of protest. “謝れ,” Ichirou told him in that same quiet voice. Neil kept looking between them, but then it was Riko who lowered his head again, this time in front of him. “もっと,” his brother ordered him. The younger Moriyama gritted his teeth, then bowed, actually bowed, in front of Neil.

“I apologize,” he said, and Neil could hear how much that had cost him. The backliner looked questioningly at Ichirou, asking himself if this should mean anything to him. Yes, it was unexpected, but an apology hardly cut it in this kind of situation.

“You seem unsatisfied,” the crime lord observed.

“I didn’t say that,” Neil replied, remembering his place. He looked back at Riko, who had straightened again but refused to meet his gaze.

“You didn’t have to. And why shouldn’t you be? I hear my brother took care of you last Christmas.” Neil only nodded. “Did he show you his favorite knife?” Neil’s thought he could feel his scars burn as that memory was dragged out of him again by the man’s cold voice.

“He did,” he replied, fighting to keep his voice even. Riko didn’t react.

“I thought he might. It was a gift from your father, actually.” Neil narrowed his eyes at that. Ichirou held one hand up and one of his men stepped forward to hand him the very knife Neil had last seen at Castle Evermore. It was definitely the same one; he’d have recognized it anywhere. Ichirou faced his brother and handed him the knife. For an absurd moment Neil imagined the striker using it to attack him or his brother, but Riko hesitated before he took it, then stood there like a mannequin. The firstborn son spoke in a low and commanding voice to him. Neil couldn’t understand anything he said. He had never learned Japanese. Whatever Ichirou said though, it made Riko’s eyes widen and the color drain from his face.

It took him a while, and then, after forcing a few breaths in and out of his lungs, Riko muttered a single, hoarse, “No.”  It sounded almost pleadingly in Neil’s ears. The older brother huffed in disgust. He took the knife back and Riko gave it up without resistance.

“I’ve told my brother that he could choose one of his fingers to cut off. It seems though that he is too weak to go through with it.” Too weak, Neil thought, or just not stupid enough? He wouldn’t do it in Riko’s place. “Now, since he is a fool, he just lost his right to choose. So why don’t you do it for him?” The man offered the knife to Neil instead.

“What?” The young backliner just stared at it, unable to comprehend for a second.

“Cut his finger off.” It wasn’t an offer, nor was it a request. It was an order. Neil’s eyes switched between the knife and Riko. The young striker looked absolutely horrified but still didn’t protest. Neil had always guessed that his family wasn’t the only dysfunctional one; now he knew it for sure. Slowly, he reached for the offered knife. He deserved it, he thought bitterly, Riko fucking deserved it. Not only for what he had done last Christmas. He deserved it for Seth, for Jean, for Kevin, and most of all for Andrew.

“You know what?” he hissed at Riko, “One wouldn’t be enough.” He meant it to be intimidating.

“In that case, go ahead. Take all of them, if you like.” Whatever plea had crawled up Riko’s throat when hearing his brother’s words died and turned into a choking sound instead.

“You fucking deserve this,” Neil hissed in a low voice as he stepped right in front of the self-claimed King of Exy. “I should take your thumbs. Let’s see how you are going to hold a racquet then. I should ruin you hand, like you did with Kevin.” He practically spat his friend’s name at the young man in front of him. He waited for Riko to defend himself, to attack him, to try to run away; but none of that was forthcoming. The young man just stood there right in front of him, terrified.

“Don’t do this,” Riko whispered, his voice thick with fear. “Don’t take them, please!”

“Did you make Kevin beg too?”

“Don’t…”

“Did you make him beg?” Neil suddenly screamed.

“No, I didn’t,” Riko gritted out, and the young backliner was right in his face, gripping the knife until his knuckles turned white.

“What about your pet doctor Frankenstein? Did he make Andrew beg? Huh? When he drugged him, when he fucking tortured him, touched him, humiliated him, did he make him beg?”

“I don’t know,” Riko whispered and swallowed hard when his voice started to fade.

“Why should I believe you?”

“Nathaniel, I swear—“

“Don’t call me that!” And suddenly the knife was at Riko’s throat. He hadn’t even realized it. But there it was, his own hand holding it to that pale neck. “You might not get it, but not all of us beg for our father’s approval. —Not like you’d ever understand.” Riko just closed his eyes and and forced one deep breath in and out of his lungs.

“You know… Since you enjoyed inking me so much, why don’t you let me show you what I think would be perfect for you?” Neil asked, his tone carefully stripped of all emotion. He grabbed the young Moriyama by the hair, then pressed the tip of the knife into his skin, right next to the tattooed I on his cheek. He cut downwards diagonally, slicing the smooth skin deep enough that it would leave a scar. Blood was running down Riko’s cheek, the red a harsh contrast to his pale skin. The striker was taking harsh breaths now, his eyes clenched shut, his tightly clenched fists trembling at his sides. He was shaking with the restraint it took him not to bolt or attack Neil in this situation. The consequence of either would be fatal.

Neil took the knife away and admired his handiwork. He felt strangely detached from the whole situation, as if he was watching himself. He had cut a ∤ into the young Moriyama’s cheek. ‘Does not divide’ —he couldn’t think of anything more accurate. Riko would never come between him and any of his friends ever again. He wouldn’t let him.

“You would have made your father proud,” Ichirou said from behind him and Neil’s shoulders stiffen. He yanked Riko’s head back viciously and let go of him.

“Maybe. That’s the last thing I want though,” Neil answered, then turned around. He handed the knife back to the mobster, offering him the hilt first, while holding on to the bloody blade. Ichirou accepted it, then cocked his head in question. “I won’t cut his fingers off. I want to crush him on the court.” It was his chosen battleground in this crazy world of criminals. It was where he actually could fight and beat them.

“Oh, I’m afraid you won’t get that chance again. You see, my brother is retiring tonight.”

“Retiring?” Neil couldn’t believe it. First Tetsuji, now Riko.

“He will never play Exy again.” Neil didn’t dare to turn around and look at Riko at that moment. He didn’t want to see what that sentence had done to the young man. Never play Exy again? Unthinkable. Exy was the air they breathed. Exy was what they lived for; he, Kevin and Riko. Someone had cut them from the same cloth before they were born.

“May I go now?” he requested. He needed to get out of here. He had gotten what he had always wanted; his freedom. He couldn’t wait to get home, to go to sleep and wake up the next morning, knowing he was a free man. It was such a foreign concept to him.

“You may,” Ichirou dismissed him. Neil lowered his head respectfully, then turned on his heels to leave the room. Behind him he could hear the mobster giving orders in his ice cold tone again. His two men stepped forward and grabbed Riko by the shoulders and hands, straightening his fingers.

“Ichirou,” Riko pleaded weakly. It took two men to hold him down while his brother raised the knife and cut along the fingers of his outstretched hand, deep enough to bare the white of bones, slicing through nerves and tendons of all four fingers. Blood was gushing from the wounds in a red river down Riko’s arm, dripping to the floor and staining the carpet, while one of the men bent his fingers back until the bones almost snapped and splintered. The older Moriyama didn’t cut his brother’s finger off. He just made sure Riko would never regain the feeling in them again, would never regain their full motor-function, or hold a racquet tightly enough to step onto the court. His brother would never play again. The young King of Exy was screaming by then; in horror, in despair, in pain —Neil didn’t know, but the sound from behind the closing door chilled him to the bone, would never leave him ever again.

                                                                                                                next>>

[nickireadstfc]

The Raven King: A Summary – The Plot Twist King

Shocks and revelations! Sassfests! Backstory awesomeness! Team spirit! The Josten Glow Up™! Me losing my shit! But most importantly – plot.

Sounds good? Then it’s time for Nicki to sum up The Raven King.

In 2013, now-renowned author Nora Sakavic blessed us with The Raven King, book two of the All For The Game trilogy. In this second installment of orange gay sporty murder shit, ex-runaway, part-time sassmaster, and all-time Exy nerd Neil Josten meets the Edgar Allan Ravens, a team that is exactly as dark and fucked-up as their completely unsubtle name suggests.

Especially Neil has reason to fear them: Star player Riko Moriyama, also known as That Fucker™, and his father Tetsuji are Neil's crime lord father's crime lord bosses and are exactly 0% fooled by his runaway act. However, as Neil is a 100% impulsive savage sassmaster, he consistently picks fights with them anyways, which Riko repays by revealing his true identity to Kevin.

But that's not all there is. Just when the Foxes' start to form some actual team spirit and real friendships, our heroes experience the shock of the century: At the Hemmick's family Thanksgiving, goalie, snarkmaster and court-approved maniac Andrew Minyard is raped by his long-time childhood abuser Drake. In his brother’s defense, Aaron rushes in and kills Drake - a ruse set up by Riko Moriyama.

In order to free his boyfriend teammate from the Moriyama-bribed doctors Andrew was sent to for rehab, Neil agrees to spend Christmas with the Ravens, which is exactly Not A Fun Time. There, he is tortured, abused, cut, burnt, tattooed against his will and generally made to look as if he had a fun encounter with a meat chopper. Bruised and beaten, Neil returns home to his Fox family and swears everlasting vengeance on The Raven Fuckers.

And that’s The Raven King for you.

Did I like it? Hell fucking yes.

Did I prefer it to the first book? Hell fucking yes.

Seriously, The Foxhole Court was wonderful, all good things in there, all the exposition a girl could want, but The Raven King was where shit finally, finally started going down.

There was PLOT. There were brain-mushing twists and jaw-dropping revelations, breath-stopping shocks and heart-clenching emotional moments galore.

This, as predicted last time, was the book where the arc of suspense picks up speed. It’s a basic - but effective - trilogy setup: The first book sets the scene, introduces the theme and the characters and gets the reader invested in the story. The second book dishes out the truly gripping plot points, keeping the reader at it and paving the way for the big finale. Finally, the third book is where shit truly goes down: Here, the last big twists are revealed and everything culminates in an epic finale.

It is Every Trilogy Ever, and it works like a fucking charm.

Personal highlights of this book include, but are not limited to:

THE FALL BANQUET SASSFEST. EVERYTHING ABOUT IT. I will probably never shut up about this ever. "Dan, I said please" honestly ICONIC. 

"I don't think Riko likes me very much"

The second banquet, but for entirely different reasons - reasons being Neil's newfound guard dog attitude and my newfound tears

Renee’s backstory can I get a hell yeah

Nicky teaching Neil how to cellphone uhmmm sign me the eff up

THEY FINALLY HAVE TEAMWORK AND DO STUFF TOGETHER MY LITTLE HUFFLEPUFF HEART CAN'T HANDLE THIS

Thanksgiving. We don't talk about Thanksgiving but. Honestly that chapter.

The very last two chapters scared the crap out of me but honestly, they were so well-written and so amazing so suck it I'm including them here seriously they were so good

DADMACK

Same as last time, but updated: Opinions on characters!

Neil is still my son, but wow, introducing Son 2.0 in the Updated Version: Now featuring Facing Your Problems, Dealing With Shit and Actual Responsibility! With a guaranteed 20% less emo and 100% more awesome! Buy now, get one punch in the Raven jaw for free. No, seriously, Fearless Neil Josten is my favourite Neil Josten. He is right on the same level as Sassmaster McSavage Neil Josten, followed by Responsible Neil Josten, with Angsty Dramatic Runaway Neil Josten coming in last. (Sorry, book 1.)

Andrew has risen through the ranks of my favourites faster than mentos in a coke bottle. I LOVE HIM. Thanksgiving has cemented this. He is my small gay angry knife murder son and I will protect him five-fucking-ever. He is the main reason I am hella excited for TKM because Andrew!! Off!! His!! Meds!!! Imma pass out I'm so excited.

Kevin has definitely improved as well – the awesome 'I Have Adopted This Team And I Will Make Them Great, Suck My Dick Riko' scene, anyone?

Nicky has won back my heart for good by now - the Teaching Neil How To Phone Incident has definitely rid him of any and all past mistakes in my book. Also, he is the fuck precious and continues to bring sunshine into all our bleak lives. 

Aaron has gained mad, mad sympathy points in this book. He suddenly has a PERSONALITY, you guys. Also, the Thanksgiving incident. THE THANKSGIVING INCIDENT. Anyone hating on Aaron from this point on can fight me. Also Katelyn is an a+ cutiepie.

My opinions on Renee, Matt and Dan are pretty much the same as before, if heightened by the reveal of all of their awesome backstories. An ex-street gangster, an ex-junkie and an ex-stripper all loving and supporting each other and being their own family?? Sign me the fuck up.

The only one I'm still kind of 'meh' about is Allison. Where's her backstory. Pls. I want it.

Wymack, Abby and Betsy are the Fox Parent Triumvirate, my opinion on them hasn't changed either. Also Dadmack!

And my opinion on Riko and his bastard posse should be clear. Kind of split on Jean (he's a victim etc etc, still doesn't excuse him imo, but maybe he’ll become more likeable later), but that's about it.

Let's take a look at some predictions I made last time, shall we?

They’ll deal with Seth’s death – some better, some worse pretty much exactly sums it up, go me

The banquet thing will happen and it will be hella awkward and hilarious and something Super Dramatic And Important will happen OH MY SWEET SUMMER CHILD OH MY OH MY

Neil will master the Raven drills Kevin is making him do and it will be EPIC so he did pass them apparently, but I actually had to read back on this to be sure, sooo - no epicness. instead: heavier racquets! when will Kevin chill, the answer is never

Andreil will continue having Important Gay Moments™ uhmmm hECK YES lotsa andreil in this book, ya girl is happy

The “Kevin and Riko know Neil” situation will not be addressed (!) (I’m expecting that to be in the last book, near the final epic smackdown) GIRL YOU WERE EXPECTING WRONG BAHAHAHA

Neither will we meet Neil’s father (again, last book) ok I'm sticking with this tbh

However, we will meet Tetsuji and shit will go down oh hon

Also, we’ll meet some Ravens I suppose, since it is the Raven King after all "WE WILL MEET SOME RAVENS, I SUPPOSE" oh HON OH HON

We will find out Renee’s backstory y e e e s

We will find out something – if maybe not everything – about the Minyard-Hemmick backstory Y E E E E E E E E S oh dear

Some more kisses will happen. I don’t care who kisses whom. Probably not Andreil (yet). Let it be Abby and Wymack. Aaron and his irrelevant girlfriend. I don’t care. Give me kisses. excuse you, "irrelevant" psshh, but yeah that's the only kisses in this book :(

And because I don't learn from my mistakes, let's do this one last time - Shit I Think Will Happen In The Kings Men:

HANDS UP FOR CANON ANDREIL I'm sorry, I know this is happening, tumblr told me :/

Will they kiss tho?? Will they have actual love declarations?? Sexy times maybe even????? WHO KNOOOOOOWS

I will love the USC Trojans 1000% if they are huffy puffs I will love them

Someone's gotta die who are we kidding

Hopefully no one of our guys

We will finally get that sweet Allison backstory (come on girl don't let me down)

We will meet Neil's dad. This cannot not happen.

Some championship shit will happen in which the Foxes either a) win or b) don't win but The Real Prize Was The Friendships We Made Along The Way

Nicky's bullshit dad will get the court case he deserves (if this doesn't happen I'm the fuck quitting)

Cats are probably important somewhere

Phew. That's it for this book, then. As always, thank you guys are so much for sticking with me through this. You are the backbone, the spirit, the motivation of this blog. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

See you soon with the third - and final - book. I am not ready.

If you like what I do here and you want to help me continue writing (still working on that laptop), please consider buying me a coffee! Thank you so much <33

[ohsweetflips]

hawk in the raven nest, chapter twenty-three

chapter summary: okay so you know that song that goes "oh shit,,,,,,,,,, oH SHIT" ??? yeah

tw(s): nsfw ahead

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Nathaniel wasn’t worried for the Foxes. While the Ravens had lost two of their best players, causing a need for athletes out of the Perfect Court to step into Kevin and Jean’s place, the Foxes had a national champion and worked using Raven drills and tactics. By the time January rolled around, the Foxes had their place secured in the spring championships and were on their way to being in the death matches. With Kevin on their line and Nathaniel and Andrew motivating the Foxes from the outside, the Foxes increased their point gaps and wins.

The Ravens remained on top while the Foxes worked from the ground up. It was much easier to remain on top than to start from nothing; Nathaniel’s confidence in the Foxes was growing sturdier and sturdier.

The orange grew less obnoxious each time Nathaniel saw it on their TVs in the lounge.

What added glitter to gold, though, wasn't just the Foxes wins or knowing that Jean was in a better place; it was what happened on February 17th. Lord Kengo Moriyama was a powerful man with a tendency for violence and murder. He was the one who called Nathan Wesninski to his side to be The Butcher, the executioner for the Moriyamas. Lord Kengo was the man who was going to have Nathaniel killed because he didn't believe his lackeys’ positions should be passed down through family. The only reason Nathaniel was still alive today was because he proved he was good enough at Exy to be a Raven.

Lord Kengo Moriyama was also an old man, and with his age came sickness. Over the course of almost three months, more and more people who worked for the Moriyamas came into Evermore to discuss the depletion of their Lord’s health. They had to figure out what would happen when he finally died and his first son Ichirou took the family business.

On February 15th, that day finally came. February 17th was the funeral, and while Kengo’s brother Tetsuji was attending, his second and abandoned son Riko didn’t even receive an invite from his older brother. Nathaniel, being one of the many who hated Riko Moriyama along with his family, felt no pity for Riko and no grief for Lord Kengo.

Riko, however, felt otherwise. Despite barely even knowing his brother, and his father for the matter, his hairpin trigger temper was more sensitive than usual. Nathaniel knew it wasn’t because his father was six foot under; being ignored by his own family was just another blow to his too-high pride. In the Nest, everyone was forced into treating Riko like their king because he was of a higher position of power; they might all be top Class I Exy players, but Riko was a son of Exy. He had more power in his little finger than they all did combined. The Moriyama family, however, had an immense amount of power that trampled Riko’s, and Riko was worth nothing to them. It was one of the few times Riko didn’t have people bowing down to him, and he was not enjoying it.

Nathaniel was glad that Jean wasn’t here to face what was going on. Despite his absence, Tetsuji still called for them to have a captain’s practice while they were gone, which meant that Riko was left in charge. They didn’t run any scrimmages since no one was there to referee, which meant that they practiced drills for a good two hours, Riko berating them and all. Nathaniel’s body was tired and he was tired of Riko. At the two hour mark, Riko ripped off his helmet to really begin ripping them apart.

“You’re all fucking worthless, everyone here. You all think you’re topshit because you’re a Raven? What a fucking joke, you won’t be anything on this team, in your pathetic lives, if you don’t step up and-”

Nathaniel had taken his own helmet off during his rant. He decided to speak up. “Do these insults apply to yourself?”

Nathaniel might as well have slapped the words out of Riko’s mouth. He fell silent and turned his eyes to Nathaniel, as did his team. Andrew in goal leaned on his stick, though Nathaniel could feel his eyes boring into him. “What?” Riko asked, too quietly. Nathaniel could hear the murder in his tone, but that didn’t stop his next words.

“I get it Riko, I get it,” he started. “You had a complicated relationship with your dad. No really, I do get it. My dad never called me on my birthday, either. I probably won't be invited to his funeral, too. It must suck to naturally get all this power from your family but now be forever unable to call up dad and be like, "Hey dad! Guess whose life I just ruined today!" But, and now I’m just going out on a limb here, I don't care. You have done everything in your power -which is quite a lot since the good ole Moriyama family gives the most power to its pricks- to make our life here living hell, and now you want us to sit back and let you berate us more than usual because your dad kicked the bucket? No, we would have actually felt bad if you were, you know, not the scum of the earth, but, you know, things can’t always be as it should. So please, at this point, it would just be better if you carried out your temper tantrum by yourself and let us continue our practice in peace. Maybe finally make your dad proud by shutting the fuck up.” Nathaniel made a pointed pause. “Thanks.”

Nathaniel realized that saying these words to Riko Moriyama was about as suicidal as anything, but he wasn’t going to take them back, and he sure as fuck didn’t regret them.

If Riko was able to strangle him in front of everyone, he would have. However, he was held back by witnesses and the fact that the Ravens couldn’t suffer another close call, so he resided to punching Nathaniel across the jaw. Nathaniel had seen him bounding up to him, ripping his gloves off, but he didn’t bother trying to back away. Riko wouldn’t do anything more in front of a crowd, and if he tried to run, it would only be worse when Riko had him alone.

The punch was strong enough to knock Nathaniel to his feet, and he thought about how Riko would have loved to do this the night Kevin premiered for the Foxes.

Riko loomed over Nathaniel, and Nathaniel’s jaw ached. Heat was blooming over his entire face, yet he managed to throw a savage grin onto his face. “You’ve been waiting to do that. Now, don’t we have a practice to continue?”

Riko scowled at him. He picked up Nathaniel’s helmet, which had fallen out of his hands on impact, and dropped it onto his gut. “Get the fuck up,” he said before pulling on his own.

Nathaniel pushed himself up. He pulled on his helmet and stood up, barely letting his body adjust to being knocked down so fast and then picked up at the same rate. His head hurt and he was exhausted, still he pushed himself on to finish the practice. He wasn’t going to give Riko the satisfaction of knocking him down.

When practice finally came to a close, Nathaniel was set on spending his day sleeping, or at least avoiding Riko until their practice that evening. He was about to enter his own room when he heard a voice behind him.

“Nathaniel.”

He turned to see Andrew standing in his own room’s doorway. Then, Nathaniel decided that he would rather spend the day with Andrew than alone in a room too big for one.

Andrew shut the door behind them and turned to stare at Nathaniel. Nathaniel sat on his bed and stared up at him. Andrew silently followed him and sat down besides him.

“Are you going to continue being an idiot and running into Riko’s fist?” Andrew asked.

“Probably,” Nathaniel said with a shrug. “He says so much bullshit, someone has to call him out for it.”

Andrew shook his head. “You’re an idiot.”

Nathaniel smirked. “You like me, though.”

“We’ve been over this before, I hate you,” Andrew said. Nathaniel didn’t believe him. Still, Nathaniel played into it.

“Of course you do, you obviously hate me so much.”

“One-hundred-and-eight percent, Nathaniel,” Andrew said.

Nathaniel’s gaze on Andrew softened. Each time the percentage increased, the percentage that Nathaniel didn’t believe measured hatred, warmth spread more and more in his chest. He enjoyed the presence of Andrew, enjoyed how easy all of this came and how he could just be with Andrew around.

“Staring,” Andrew muttered, though Nathaniel didn’t miss Andrew’s eyes scanning his jaw where bruising and swelling had most likely began to occur. He jutted his chin out to Andrew, and Andrew only waited a moment before gently taking his chin in his hand. He tilted Nathaniel’s head, observing the damage done, and gently probed at the swelling.

Nathaniel wanted to make a joke of Andrew, who claimed to hate Nathaniel, offering so much attention to his barely-there injury, but he didn’t want to ruin the moment. He wanted to remember this, remember Andrew with something that wasn’t quite softness in his eyes but something close enough.

Nathaniel hadn’t realized how close their faces had gotten until he was staring right into Andrew’s eyes. Andrew’s eyes flicked from Nathaniel’s own to his lips. “Yes or no?” Andrew asked, his voice barely filling the room.

“Yes,” Nathaniel said without hesitation. He’s never been more comfortable than with Andrew.

Andrew pressed his lips to Nathaniel’s. His hand still cupped Nathaniel’s jaw and warmth radiated through Nathaniel’s body. Everything he felt for Andrew ran through his veins and ignited his heart. With Andrew’s lips on his own, he never felt more at peace and more alive. He was more with Andrew, more than just a number or an Exy player. When he was with Andrew, he was Nathaniel Wesninski, he didn’t have to hide behind a three or a helmet, and that meant more to Nathaniel than he could ever think about saying.

Nathaniel fidgeted with his hands, wanting to find something to do with them but not wanting to cross any boundaries. He wanted to hold onto Andrew, hold onto him like he would be the last joy Nathaniel would ever have, but all he allowed himself were fingers reaching but never making contact. Andrew must have noticed his yearning, for he took his hand away from Nathaniel’s face and grabbed his wrists, pulling his hands to his hair. Nathaniel wasted no time in fisting his hands in Andrew’s hair, finding comfort in the touch.

At one point Nathaniel’s kisses started to stray from Andrew’s lips, but the moment they touched his jaw he pulled away slightly. “Is this okay?” he asked lowly.

“Keep going,” Andrew said, his voice gruffer than Nathaniel expected. Still, Nathaniel nodded and continued to kiss down Andrew’s jaw and to his neck. Andrew’s hands balled in the front of his shirt as Nathaniel restrained himself from leaving marks along Andrew’s neck. When he made his way back up to Andrew’s lips, Andrew’s hands started to inch downwards but paused at the hem of Nathaniel’s sweatpants.

“Yes,” Nathaniel breathed out the answer to the unspoken question against Andrew’s lips. Andrew’s one hand clamped itself behind Nathaniel’s neck as the other reached under his sweats and boxers. Nathaniel gasped at the touch and his fingers tightened in Andrew’s hair. Nathaniel’s breathing was coming in quick breaths and he felt hot under Andrew’s touch. His pulse was flying so fast that he wondered if Andrew could hear it.

When Nathaniel came to completion, it was in heavy breathing and words tumbling out of his lips that sounded a lot like Andrew. His eyes were clamped shut and his hands clutching Andrew’s hair. It took a moment for his heartrate to straighten out, and when it did, he finally opened his eyes and his blue met Andrew’s hazel.

“Go back to your room,” Andrew said.

“But- you-” Nathaniel’s eyes flicked downwards.

“I can take care of it,” he said. “Leave.”

Nathaniel nodded and managed to stumble out of Andrew’s room and into his own. His legs felt wobbly with the thought of Andrew and he laid on his bed, motionless, for a couple of minutes before finally moving to get changed.

[ohsweetflips]

hawk in the raven nest, chapter twenty-one

A/N: this fic will officially be 30 chapters

chapter summary: a man plagued with being in the wrong place at the wrong time (volume iii)

tw(s): extreme violence and mentions of self harm

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At one point during the drive, Nathaniel offered to drive since Andrew had drove both ways. Andrew told him no, and that actually ended up being a good thing since Nathaniel fell asleep all the way back to the Nest.

Nathaniel woke up when the car stopped. He rubbed his eyes to clear the sleep from them, blinking to get a focus on his surroundings. The sun had set, leaving the parking lot pitch black. Only dim streetlights kept the parking lot slightly illuminated, though the stadium was bright and alive. He looked at the clock. It was six o’clock; their evening practice wouldn’t be starting for another hour and a half.

“Just in time for practice,” Nathaniel said.

“Such a junkie,” Andre muttered before shutting off his car and throwing his door open. Nathaniel followed suit and walked after him to the door they came out of.

Tetsuji’s door was left unlocked, and when Andrew pushed it open they found Tetsuji and Riko. Tetsuji was sitting at his desk and Riko was in front of him. Nathaniel assumed they must have been talking, most likely about them, but now they both had their eyes on the two in front of them.

“Did you miss us?” Andrew asked.

“How dare you two think you could leave here,” Tetsuji growled, rising from his seat. Riko just smirked and leaned back to watch the show. He thought he already won.

If this was Nathaniel from a couple months ago, he would have crumbled in fear. He would have fallen to his knees, like he was meant to, and just wait for Tetsuji’s beating to be over, and then be sent to Riko for more. Fighting back, however, wasn’t an option then; now it was nearly a requirement. “Cabin fever, you know?”

“Don’t talk back to me!” Tetsuji shouted. Neither Nathaniel nor Andrew flinched. Tetsuji pulled his cane from the side of his desk. “Kneel,” he commanded. Neither did so. “You will not disobey me like this! You know your place and your purpose here, so kneel.”

When they silently refused to do so, Tetsuji swung his cane back. Then, all Nathaniel felt was a burst of pain on the side of his knee and his legs buckled underneath him. His knees slammed to the floor and Andrew’s did the same a moment later.

He heard Tetsuji mutter something to Riko, though he couldn’t catch what it was because only a second later Tetsuji was bringing the cane down on his back. Nathaniel hissed through his teeth but tried to stay as upright as possible. He hung his head and curled his hands on the ground, trying to hold himself together. He saw movement in the corner of his eye, but didn’t get the chance to look for Tetsuji whipped the cane on the same spot. Nathaniel felt his skin split underneath his shirt and knew that there would be scars left over. He braced himself for another hit that didn’t come.

Instead, he watched Riko step away from Andrew with a knife in his hand. Nathaniel panicked, quickly bringing his eyes over Andrew to see where the damage was. However, instead of finding something new, he found that something was missing. Andrew’s hands were pressed to the floor and his wrists were bare. In front of him, Andrew’s black armbands were cut off.

The first thing Nathaniel saw were scars dragged along Andrew’s wrists; the next was Tetsuji bringing his cane down on them.

Nathaniel was ready to call out for him to stop, to beg Tetsuji to only go after Nathaniel, when Riko knelt in front of him with his devil smile and gripped Nathaniel’s jaw.

“Welcome home, Nathaniel,” Riko beamed.

Nathaniel spat in his face.

The grin fell off Riko’s face and turned into a look that could freeze Hell. He took his hand away from Nathaniel’s jaw only to slap him across the cheek a moment later. “You’ve made a very bad mistake, Nathaniel,” Riko hissed.

“So did you,” Nathaniel replied.

Riko’s stare was blank. Nathaniel hoped it meant that he realized his trail wasn’t cold, and that they knew what he did. He wanted Riko to realize that he wasn’t going to get away with it, but Riko was too prideful to consider the consequences of his actions.

“Riko,” Tetsuji snapped at his nephew and Riko backed away from Nathaniel. Nathaniel looked out of the corner of his eye at Andrew. Andrew’s hands were clenched into fists, with blood dripping down his wrists and most likely soaking through his shirt.

Nathaniel sucked in a harsh breath as Tetsuji brought the cane down on his back in quick successions. He alternated between him and Andrew, constantly striking the same spot multiple times before moving on. Nathaniel felt the blood dripping down his skin and his back throbbing, but he just kept his head down, eyes snapped shut, and hands clenched. At one point, the pain became too unbearable to the degree where Nathaniel though he would lose consciousness.

But he sucked in a breath, and didn’t allow himself to break. He remembered when he was ready to give up, when Kevin had left and all hope was gone for him. Riko had destroyed him, had broken him down, and he wasn’t planning on picking himself up. He was scarred, bloodied, and bruised, life was turning into Hell, and he was ready to leave himself on the ground and barely crawl to survival. He was weak, and he hated himself for it, but he wasn’t planning on changing that about himself.

Now, Nathaniel couldn’t let himself stoop that low again. He couldn’t let the pain and the despair pollute him when he had a corrupt captain and coach to destroy. Survival was always hard, living was always an unreachable concept, but with Andrew and Kevin at his side now, both seemed in arm’s reach. He couldn’t give up now, not when Riko expected them to. Giving in and giving up was no longer an option. He couldn’t be the Nathaniel Wesninski he was a couple months ago. The Nathaniel Wesninski then only hoped to survive until the day he left Edgar Allan, he was angry about the way his life had panned out and yet refused to do anything to change it.

No, not only couldn’t he be that Nathaniel anymore, he would never allow himself to be like that again.

So, after drawing in a sharp breath when Tetsuji paused his beating, he looked up at Riko and said in pained words, but still words he meant, “You’re going to regret every fucking thing you have ever done to us.”

Tetsuji shoved his head back down and slammed the cane on his back. He waited for another blow, forcing himself to stay conscious, except the hit never came. He looked up to see Tetsuji throw his cane next to his desk.

“Get the fuck out of my office,” Tetsuji snapped at them.

Nathaniel managed to pick himself up off the floor, but was shoved out the door by Riko. He hissed when Riko’s hand smacked on his back, and barely avoided tripping. He kept himself going, though, and made sure that him and Andrew stayed at each other’s sides. There was no way either were going to let the other fall behind when Riko was on their heels. Riko had now seen three of his Perfect Court walk peacefully out of the Nest; there was no telling what he was going to do next.

When they reached the dormitories, Nathaniel thought Riko was finally going to leave them alone, but instead he came up close behind him and whispered, “Are you going to go see Jean?”

Nathaniel felt his heart drop to his stomach.

While accompanying Andrew to Columbia, Nathaniel had pushed the Nest out of his mind. He couldn’t let himself think about what was going on back there because that would only turn him into a panicking mess. He saw the Nest as something he would have to deal with when he got back.

Now, however, he realized the selfishness of his plan, for Jean was the one left with Riko. Jean was the one left to reap Nathaniel’s consequences.

Nathaniel, through all the burning and all the pain, scrambled to get to his room. His back burned and his knees ached but he still tried to move as fast as his mind was. He hadn’t even seen Jean yet and the disgust he felt at himself just kept rising to higher and higher levels.

When Nathaniel almost shoved the door down and got a look at Jean, he wanted to be sick.

Jean Moreau was a man plagued with always being in the wrong place at the wrong time. While they lived in France, his father couldn’t pay a debt he owed to the Moriyamas and instead gave up his son. He was brought to Evermore, kicking and screaming, doomed to a successful life if he could survive the pain and misery that came with it. He was paired off with Nathaniel Wesninski, a boy who was in the same boat as him. Both having been given to the Moriyamas and then Riko, they found understanding in each other. At one point they called each other friends, but as they grew older they became allies to each other. If they each had to survive through the torture, they had to help the other one stay afloat, too.

Now, though, it was as if Nathaniel threw Jean into rough waters with no life vest.

Jean Moreau, poor Jean Moreau, was curled up on his bed. Bruising that went from his right eye to his nose adorned his face, clashing terribly with his ill-looking complexion. His nose was disfigured and obviously broken. A cut was slashed on his cheek, narrowly missing the tattooed four, and dripped blood had dried onto his face. Bruises the size of fingers had his neck in a chokehold. Bruises and cuts continued up his arms, and Nathaniel was positive he could see dried blood on Jean’s shirt. The damage that couldn't be seen in public was always worse, and after seeing what was done to his face, Nathaniel could only imagine what was done to Jean’s body. It was Riko who did the damage, and Riko liked to hit where it would hurt the most; perhaps Jean was in this curled, fragile position because it hurt too much to think about moving. Nathaniel had a feeling that Riko left Jean like this, battered and immobile, for Nathaniel to come and find.

“Jean,” Nathaniel choked out as he rushed to him. The only thing he could think of saying next was, “I’m so sorry.”

This seemed to be the first time Jean noticed his presence. His eyes focused on Nathaniel, and he immediately struggled to get farther away. However, when he tried to push himself up, his left arm buckled and he let out a pained cry before collapsing back on the bed.

“Jean, I-” Nathaniel stammered. “I’m so- let me-”

“No!” Jean snapped at him. His voice was rough from disuse. Noticing Nathaniel had seemed to strike painful life back into him. Still, he tried to move himself farther from Nathaniel despite how much his body must have been burning, though Nathaniel didn’t miss his strained breathing.

Nathaniel wanted to reach out, wanted to help him, wanted to do anything, but instead he sat back on his heels. An apology wouldn’t work. To apologize would be pathetic; it was Nathaniel’s carelessness that threw Jean into this mess. An apology wouldn’t heal Jean.

Most of all, though, Nathaniel knew he couldn’t do anything. The damage had already been done, there was nothing Nathaniel could do. Jean didn’t trust him anymore. The alliance they had was broken when Nathaniel stepped out of the Nest. Jean had every right not to trust him. All this time, Nathaniel had constantly thought about Riko needing to reap the consequences of his own actions, and yet Nathaniel didn’t even consider what would happen when he decided to leave.

He was the reason his mother was killed, and now his bad decisions would be forever remembered on Jean.

Then Jean, broken, bruised, bloodied Jean, looked at him and barely said, “What happened to sticking together?” His words were so quiet, so tired, but Nathaniel still felt like he was punched in the gut.

Nathaniel swallowed thickly and retreated to the pathetic, “I’m so sorry.”

Jean said nothing.

Nathaniel then slowly pushed himself up off the ground. He winced at the pain that sprang from his knees and went through his whole body. He grabbed a key ring from his bedside table. “I won’t let him get to you,” he said quietly. It was an empty promise; Riko had already gotten to Jean. “I have to…” he sighed and dragged a hand through his hair. “I’ll be right back.”

Jean said nothing.

Nathaniel pushed open the door, cast one last look at Jean, and stepped out. He locked the door behind him. A lock wouldn’t stop Riko, but Nathaniel felt better knowing that Riko would at least have to apply force to get in.

Really though, Nathaniel hoped Riko wouldn’t try. Jean had been through enough. Whatever Riko had planned, Nathaniel deserved it. If Nathaniel vowed to himself to not break, he owed it to Jean to stand between him and Riko.

Nathaniel’s feet naturally carried him to Andrew’s room. He knocked twice before pushing the door open; Andrew’s roommate barely stayed in there anymore.

From the time it took Nathaniel to get from his room to Andrew’s, something inside of him snapped. Guilt faded away and anger replaced it, or perhaps the guilt turned into anger. He was angry at himself, angry for being so careless. He put Jean in danger and didn’t even consider it until the damage was already done. It was his fault, and yet, when he saw Andrew’s face, his anger boiled over. It was wrong to point dirty fingers at Andrew, but he couldn’t stop himself from saying, “You said you would protect Jean.” Andrew stared at him blankly.

“You said you would protect him,” Nathaniel repeated. “You said you would be a buffer between him and Riko. You said you would try!” Nathaniel’s insides curled at hearing his voice rise. Andrew didn’t say anything. “But you let me follow you to Columbia, and now Jean’s hurt. I left him here and followed you and Riko stepped in and- and beat the shit out of him! And now- and now he doesn’t trust me and you said you would help but you-”

“I never told you to follow me,” Andrew interrupted, his voice firmer than his expression let on. “That was your choice, and your choice only. You knew from the moment you asked for my help that I made no promise to keep Jean safe. I said I would try, because that was all I could do. It wasn’t me who made you forget all of that and blindly follow me out, ignoring the responsibility that you had to Jean. There are some things that you work your ass off to prevent but those things still happen because life fucking sucks-” Nathaniel flinched “Other things, you have to accept that you were the reason. Be angry all you like, but I’m not the one who’s at fault here, and I believe you’re smart enough to know that.”

Nathaniel’s anger burned out as quickly as it began. He pulled at his hair in an attempt to ground himself from the crushing guilt he felt. He swallowed around the lump in his throat. “It’s all my fault,” he managed out. “Jean is hurt, and he doesn’t trust me, and I don’t blame him. I just-” he huffed out a breath and ran a hand over his face. He had felt too much in too short of a timespan and he didn’t know how to handle it. He thought the guilt was going to eat him alive. “I managed to hurt the person who has stuck by my side since I was a child, and I did it with my own stupidity.”

“It is your fault,” Andrew said. His bluntness spiked in Nathaniel’s heart. “You didn’t come here for a fight, and you didn’t come here for comfort. I’m not here to give you any. You knew that Jean was your responsibility, he always has been as you have always been his, but you abandoned that when you left- something that I never asked you to do. These are the consequences of your actions, now it’s time for you to fix it.”

Now it’s time for you to fix it. Nathaniel let the words run over and over in his mind. He knew Andrew was right; if Nathaniel was so hell-bent on surviving and getting out of here, he owed it to Jean to actually protect him through it. He and Jean had stuck with each other through everything, they had to, but nothing had ever gotten to this level. When they were beat, they were beat as a unit. They had to pull each other up off the ground and keep moving forward. Now, though, Nathaniel had left Jean vulnerable and Riko took no time to go after the weak link.

Nathaniel had put Jean in this situation; he was never going to let something like this happen again.

Nathaniel took a deep breath and nodded. “I will,” he said. “I’m going to go back to my room.”

“That would be the smart thing to do.”

He left Andrew’s room.

When Nathaniel approached his door and took the keyring from his pocket, Riko came down the hall. A devil’s grin decorated his face. “Tetsuji cancelled practice,” he said. “He doesn’t want to deal with incompetence.”

“Good for him,” Nathaniel quipped. “He finally recognized your worth.” Riko looked like he was about to snap back. “Yes, I know, I should watch what I say. I should know my place. But I don’t think it would serve you best to retaliate right now. If you take out another one of your Perfect Court, how do you think Coach would react?”

They both knew Nathaniel wasn’t talking about just Jean.

“Get the fuck out of my sight,” Riko, with clenched fists, hissed.

“Glady,” Nathaniel said and opened his door. Jean hadn’t moved from where he was before. Nathaniel didn’t hesitate to put the lock on behind him. He was about to tell Jean that he was there if he needed anything when he realized that the other had fallen asleep. A part of him wanted to wake him and at least help him into a different change of clothes, but he decided that it would be better if he didn’t touch him. He didn’t think they were close to being at that level yet. Instead, he just grabbed a throw blanket he kept in a bin under his bed and lightly draped it over him.

For the rest of the night, he stayed up, sitting on his bed. He listened for any violent hands trying to open the locked door and constantly kept checking Jean out of the side of his eye. Sleep came in small amounts, usually only when he dozed off and was jolted back awake at hearing movement outside.

The morning came slowly, and by the time they were summoned for morning practice, Nathaniel’s body felt worse than it ever had. His back stung and every time he moved he thought he would irritate the cuts on his back. Still, though, when their door was slammed on, Nathaniel pulled himself out of bed and Jean flinched awake.

The most reassuring thing Nathaniel could think to ask Jean was, “Do you need any help?”

“No,” Jean said, and Nathaniel hadn’t expected a different answer.

Their morning practice proceeded as normal, at first. Nathaniel’s body screamed with each movement, but he had spent years perfecting the art of continuing to practice while being in immense pain. He was able to keep himself going, and made sure to not stray far from Jean throughout their drills and scrimmage.

Everything proceeded as normal, that is, until Jean collapsed on the court halfway through first half. No one had checked him, he hadn’t tripped, his body had just given out on him. Nathaniel sprinted to him. Behind them, he could hear their teammates shouting at Jean for him to get up. Jean struggled and barely managed to get himself off the ground.

“Jean, you need to get up,” Nathaniel said, kneeling down next to his fellow backliner. “Even if we get you to the benches, you need to get up.”

“No- no, I don’t need your-”

The court froze when the court door slammed open. “Wesninski! Moreau!” Tetsuji shouted at them.

Jean’s breathing hitched.

“Can I help you get over there?” Nathaniel asked quietly.

Jean hesitated before nodding.

Nathaniel stood and hoisted Jean up. Jean, who had trouble trying to get himself off the ground, had even more trouble trying to stay upright. After only a few steps, he ended up practically draped over Nathaniel and using him for full support. Nathaniel struggled with the extra weight on top of him; Jean towered over him in height. But he didn’t stop moving. He had to get Jean off this court.

“Get the fuck out of here,” Tetsuji growled when they reached outer court. “Fucking disgraces, both of you. Shouldn’t even be on this fucking court-”

Nathaniel didn’t stay to listen to what else he had to say. He assisted Jean into the locker room. “I’ll come back for your stuff later,” he said. “Can I help you out of your gear?”

Jean was barely keeping conscious. Nathaniel had to ask again to get a response, and it was only a tired nod. It was a struggle getting Jean’s gear off quickly and safely. He didn’t want to irritate his injuries (which, yes, were much worse under his shirt) but he didn’t want to stay in the locker room for too long in case Tetsuji decided he wasn’t finished with them. He pried his eyes away from the slashes, black and blue bruising, and welts that covered Jean’s back and torso. Jean was only letting Nathaniel help him because he had no other option; if he was more awake, he wouldn’t approve of Nathaniel seeing what had happened at such close proximity. Nathaniel wasn’t going to cross his boundaries when he was so vulnerable.

Eventually, he was able to get Jean down into the dorms and into their room. Jean immediately collapsed on the bed and, once again, Nathaniel threw a blanket over him. He then looked over his roommate.

Nathaniel had thought that, to fix the mess he made, he would have to stand in between Riko and Jean. Jean might never accept that, might never trust him again, but Nathaniel wouldn’t defend him so that one day he would possibly be accepted again. He would defend him because it was what he was supposed to be doing this entire time, and he couldn’t allow himself to fail Jean again.

Now, though, he realized that he could go one step further. There was something Nathaniel could do that would keep Jean out of Riko’s claws for good.

Jean had passed out, from pain or exhaustion or both, the moment he hit the bed. Nathaniel worried his bottom lip, looking at him for a moment longer before shaking himself off. He then turned and fumbled through the clothes he had left lying around, and didn’t stop until he found a small, crumpled up piece of paper from the pockets of his sweatpants. He read over what was written. The neat handwriting was an offer for a new beginning, just not for Nathaniel.

His fingers shook as he dialed the number. The girl on the other line picked up after the second ring.

“Hello?”

“Renee,” he said. “It’s Nathaniel, we need your help.”

--

By that night, Jean was gone and in Renee’s car.

[nickireadstfc]

The Raven King, Chapter 15 – Take A Chill Pill, Your Highness

In which the Ravens display levels of Extra previously unbeknownst to man, I have a fit over Actual Biological Dadmack, Jean Valjean is immortalized in meme, and I generally don’t take the Ravens very seriously – until I suddenly take them very, very seriously.

Sounds good? Then it’s time for Nicki to read The Raven King.

Y’all ready for a fun festive chapter filled with tinsel, merry goodwill and all of that shit?

Because that is exactly not what we are having today.

Instead, our boy Neil is on a (potentially one-way) trip to Evil and Scary Raven Land of Doom.

FUN FUCKING TIMES AHEAD.

STRAP YOURSELVES IN.

           There was no way he could tell [the Foxes] the truth. None of them would let him go through with it.

Ya, guess why – cause it’s a dumb fucking idea, Josten.

No, no, I’m being unfair, I get it. I get why he’s doing it, and you know what? I’m not even judging him for doing it. My unhealthily loyal ass would probably do the same.

Neil tricks the Fox squad into letting him go to Evil and Scary Raven Land of Doom by telling them he is instead going to Angsty and Only Slightly Scary Land of Family Drama – which the Foxes buy, of course, as they all want to see Neil happily united with his family.

As do I, except I know that leaving Fox Tower puts Neil in the opposite direction of his family.

Brb crying softly.

           [Neil] had it half-packed when he realized the bag was too small. (…) Even when his bag was full there were things in his drawers. Neil was at once confused and heartened, and he pressed a hand to his folded shirts. It was proof he was coming back, something he hadn’t had since he was a child.

BRB WAILING LOUDLY.

Neil :((((( my boy :(((((( lifelong runaway :((((((((( has found a home to come back to :((((((((((((((

I’m fine, there’s just a bit of fox family feels in my eye.

           “I’m coming back,” Neil said, more for his sake than Kevin’s. “You promised you’d finish this year with me. I’m holding you to that.”

:((((((((((((((((((((((((((

You better come back, Josten. In one piece, healthy and with ya boy Andrew in tow, holding hands preferably. YOU BETTER.

           He’d been raised to run, to sacrifice everything and everyone to ensure his own survival. His mother had never gives him ground to stand on. Maybe that was why he hadn’t been strong enough to save her in the end. A jumble of lies had nothing to fight for.

           But Neil was a Fox. Andrew called this home; Nicky called him family. Neil wasn’t going to lose any of it.

Ya girl’s gotta have her holiday appropriate reaction GIFs.

And with that, our favourite sassy (and recently self-sacrificing) angstbag leaves for West Virginia.

           Jean was waiting for him in arrivals. (…) “You shouldn’t have come here.”

When even the Fucker™’s lieutenant knows you fucked up, then you really fucked up.

Jean Valjean and Neil leave for Edgar Allan, and upon arriving Neil finds that not only do the Ravens all own the exact same uniforms, formal wear, and bitchy facial expressions, they also have matching squad cars. With like, customized licence plates and stuff, for extra Extra-ness.

           “This isn’t a team,” Neil said. “It’s a cult.”

And little did I fucking know, this was going to be the spot-on summary for everything that followed in the next couple of pages.

The Ravens take “squad goals” to a whole another level – meaning a level no sane human would ever fucking want to get on.

Everything is black – from their walls to their furniture to their sheets to their towels. Heck, to their fucking team underwear, probably.

Evil and Scary Raven Land of Doom? Scratch that. Extra and Dramatic Raven Land of Trying Too Hard, more like.

Even their fucking hallway is on brand.

           Everything was painted black, the pnly light and color was a red tube of light down the middle of the ceiling. It wasn’t quite bright enough. When Jean slammed the door behind them Neil almost tripped down the stairs.

Okay, but how do they not trip down there all the time. My clumsy ass would have gotten more bruises from that staircase alone than from actual Exy games.

You know you’re in Extra and Dramatic Raven Land of Trying Too Hard when even the staircase is bootcamp.

But seriously: Living surrounded by so much black, always subterranean except for class or away games, essentially locked up with a bunch of people who form a military hive mind, but no real friendships?

You can bet your ass all Ravens walk out of there with a nice little cocktail of mental health issues.

And oh, look – Riko’s got his ones already.

           It gave Neil chills to see [Kevin’s] space preserved like this. It was like Kevin had gone out on an errand, not that he’d transferred to another team entirely.

           “Riko’s in denial,” Neil said. “Someone should tell him Kevin isn’t coming back.”

Nice to see that our boy Josten doesn’t plan to shut his too-sassy mouth any time soon.

I mean, it would generally be exponentially better for his general survival, but what a dull chapter that would be.

Immediately after his arrival, Neil is shown to the stadium, and while that is impressive and all, the fuckery starts once again when he his shown to his jersey – and yes, his jersey.

Apparently, expecting his – ahem – “transfer” in summer, the Ravens had him a full gear made, name on the back and all that jazz.

“That jazz” here being things like selling his soul and at least 1 1/2 kidneys to the god of Extra, probably.

HOW ARROGANT ARE THESE PEOPLE, Jesus fucking Christ.

However, when Neil disrespects the Holy Raven Uniform, things starts to get interesting:

           “Ravens operate on a pair-based system, which means from now on until you leave I am the only ally you have. My success is your success,” Jean said. “Your failure is my failure. (…) Do you understand? They want us to fail. They want to take starting line-up from me.”

Holy hell.

Things just got massively, massively interesting.

First of all: WHAT THE FUCK. What sort of twisted attempt at companionship is this, forcing people to depend on each other – and only each other, mind, as the Ravens are forbidding from having friends outside the team.

Second of all: Well, well, well. Apparently, Neil is not the only one who has something to lose. As far as I can tell, Jean Valjean’s future is in Neil’s hands.

Bread guy, what did you do to make Coach Fucker™ so mad at you?

Whatever it is – Neil is now expected to play with the Ravens, of course. And hopefully not die, that would be spleen-fucking-did.

           “The master is moving you to defense where you belong. He will want to know why you abandoned your position. I hope you have a good explanation for him.”

Seriously, can they like… chill on the whole master thing?

I know it’s supposed to be scary and intimidating, but honestly, it just makes them downright ridiculous.

I don’t even know if that’s on purpose. I hope it is, but if this is seriously supposed to be intimidating, that is some bad fucking writing. Sorry, but also not sorry.

Jean Valjean blabs on some more about the master and belonging to the Fucker Family™ and bla, bla, bla – and just as I was about to get seriously annoyed by it, he nonchalantly drops the single greatest bit of information in this chapter.

           “Kevin is not like us; he is valuable but he is not property in the same sense. He escaped because he had family to run to.”

           “Andrew?” Neil guessed.

           “I said family, you hard-of-hearing imbecile,” Jean said. “His father. Your coach.”

WHAT

WHAT IN THE FUCKING WHAT

W Y M A C K???????????

KEVIN’S D A D??????????¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿???????

I had to put the book down and just straight up YELL for a second.

ACTUAL FOX DAD WYMACK.

LIKE, ACTUAL ACTUAL BIOLOGICAL FUCKING DAD WYMACK.

DADMACK.

Y’all knew this and kept quiet about this, I am so proud.

Also DADMACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

           “If you don’t believe me, look for yourself. The last time I saw his mother’s letter it was tucked inside one of those broing book of his. He’s read it so many times he might have worn the words off the pages by now, but it’s worth a shot.”

The mental image of angsty teen Kevin poring over this letter that’s promising him a family beyond the cruel black walls of this abuser’s prison, reading it so many times the paper almost falls apart, tear stains etched onto the pages, is doing things to me.

YOU GUYS, I’M HAVING FEELINGS.

Ahem. All good, all good.

On with the program.

           “You’re all insane,” Neil said.

           “Says the runaway who joined a Class I team,” Jean said. “Says the man who came here today when he should have run. You are no better than the rest of us.”

……Damn, bread boy. Jean Valjean here has got a point, y’all.

Neil, stunned by that unexpected Too Real shade, even manages to put on his uniform.

           “I can’t even keep my ten?” Neil asked.

           “(…) This number suits you better. Did you know? In Japanese, ‘four’ and ‘death’ sound the same. It is only appropriate that the Butcher’s son should wear this number.”

Also, of course, he is fourth in line after Riko, Kevin and Jean, and together they naturally for the Raven’s Awesome Exy Dream Team that is Definitely Happening.

Dream the fuck on, drama boys.

(A tiny voice on the back of my mind is reminding me that I have seen Neil wear a small ‘4’ tattooed on his cheekbone in countless fanarts and cosplays.)

(A tiny voice is getting swiftly ignored.)

Neil has to strip in front of Jean Valjean in order to test his uniform, over which he is surprisingly not angsting out as much as I thought he would. Character Development Josten strikes again, y’all.

And just as I was beginning to wonder when the actually bad shit would happen – here comes the fuckery.

           Neil looked back to see Tetsuji and Riko in the doorway. Tetsuji had brought an ornate walking cane with him. Neil had never seen him with it before and hope that meant Tetsuji was suffering some sort of injury or illness.

That Fucker, Senior™ embraces the traditional Dramatic and Slightly Disturbing Moriyama fashion and orders our boy Josten to kneel.

Neil, of course, embraces the traditional Hilarious, Yet Suicidal Josten fashion and sasses himself straight in his own grave.

           “You will kneel,” Tetsuji said.

           Neil had a feeling he was going to regret this for the rest of his very short life, but he smiled and said, “Make me.”

Neil, sweetie, I love you so much, but in your own self-interest please learn to shut the fuck up.

           He saw the cane come up, but it was too fast for him to dodge. (…) Tetsuji didn’t stop beating him until he finally passed out.

What the fuck, WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS FUCKER SENIOR. WHY.

WAS THIS NECESSARY.

The answer is: In Moriyama world, yes.

And not enough with that – freshly woken up from his pain-induced power nap, Neil is expected to play.

As in, play Exy.

As in, play Exy in a position he hasn’t played in forever, with a team literal leagues above him, with a physical state that should be in a hospital, not on a court.

Oh, also Riko hits him every time he comes near him, which is all the fucking time.

So, you know. FUN TIMES ALL AROUND.

           Every time Neil fell, though, Jean was there to pull him off the ground. (…) They were in this together, just like Jean warned Neil. Every time the other team scored they were both punished.

I’d love to thank Jean for doing this and for being kind of the only person Neil has in this hellhole of a temporary home, except we know Jean is not doing this because he’s such a nice fucking person, but because he got assigned to do it. And by “assigned” I mean “threatened into doing it”.

Still, this sets the stage for Jean potentially becoming a likeable character in the future, and I’m excited to see what comes of this angry French baguette.

           “You ignorant child. This is the Raven’s Nest. We go by our time, not yours. We run on sixteen-hour days. You’ll see.”

wE gO bY oUr TiMe, NoT yOuRs, wE rUn oN sIxTeEn-HoUr DaYs

ARE YOU FOR REAL

WHAT LEVEL OF ARROGANT AND EXTRA

I am so fucking done.

Except, I’m not – I wish I was, because that would have made the next bit a bit more bearable.

Here goes the one actually scary part of this chapter.

           Riko sat sideways on the mattress besides Neil. He looked at Neil like he was imagining skinning Neil alive and feeding Neil the bloody scraps. His expression said he was getting off on the fantasy.

HELL FUCKING NOPE.

           “I am going to love hurting you,” Riko said, “like I loved hurting Kevin.”

           “You are one seriously fucked-up individual,” Neil said.

Neil, sweetie, do you remember that part about possibly shutting the fuck up.

They tie Neil to the bed. Awesome. As if I didn’t have enough horrible mental images from this series that involve people gripping headboards.

Also, did I mention the part where Riko has a fucking switchblade.

           “Who is your King, Nathaniel?” Riko asked.

           Neil spat in his face.

There’s a cool lil list of Things You Could Have Possibly Done In That Situation, and this is not fucking on it.

Of course, Riko now lets Neil make the questionable acquaintance of his knife – which is to say, he almost fucking guts him.

What the fuck. What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck.

Neil, I love you, and I appreciate your sass in all its forms, but this has just become 50 Shades Of Fucked Up just now.

Phew.

Dreaded Christmas chapter done.

Surprisingly, though – this chapter did not shock me as much as I thought it would. I went in this expecting the Absolute Worst, and though it did hit me pretty hard I was kinda… prepared, I guess? Thanksgiving was definitely much, much worse.

Which does not mean I am not still going ‘WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK’ in a continuous loop in my head.

If you like what I do here and you want to help me continue writing (affording a laptop and such), please consider buying me a coffee! Thank you so much <33

[nickireadstfc]

The Raven King, Chapter 6 – The Return Of Sassmaster McSavage

In which the Foxes and the Ravens meet, no one has any kind of chill, everyone has eaten a healthy dose of Extra and Dramatic for breakfast, and no one can keep their mouths shut – but most importantly, in which shit gets so, so fucking real.

Sounds good? Then it’s time for Nicki to read The Raven King.

You guys.

You GUYS.

Remember how you keep telling me I’m not even ready?

Yeah. ABOUT THAT.

I am writing this immediately after just because I could not wait to comment on the absolute FUCKERY that went down just now.

I am writing this immediately after just because I could not wait to comment on the absolute FUCKERY that went down just now.

Fun drinking game: Take a shot every time I swear in this chapter. I have no chill left.

Let’s start at the beginning.

           They pulled onto the interstate with thirteen people on board: the Fox team, the two-man staff, and Aaron’s and Nicky’s dates.

Shame. I would have paid to see Andrew and Renee going as wonderful platonic goalie BFF dates.

It quickly becomes obvious that we’re in for a wild fucking ride when Mighty And Stoic Kevin Day already starts having panic attacks while still on the bus.

           It wasn’t just Riko Kevin was afraid of. In twenty minutes, he’d be facing his entire former team. (…) Neil didn’t know much about [Tetsuji Moriyama]. The one time Kevin mentioned him he’d slipped and called him “the master”. Neil didn’t need to hear anything else after that.

Oh yeah. THAT SHIT.

Seriously what the FUCK is up with that family. This is 24601 shades of fucked up.

Wymack, sensing Kevin’s panic (not that that’s fucking hard at the moment) resorts to some ah – unorthodox methods to keep his striker calm.

           Wymack pulled a bottle of vodka out of the bag and put it down beside Kevin. “You have ten seconds to inhale as much of this as possible. Go.”

           It was alarming how much a man could drink when he needed an emotional crutch.

Kevin doesn’t need an emotional crutch, Kevin needs an emotional wheelchair. An emotional prosthesis. Jeez. I’d be drinking, too, if I had to go meet my lifelong abusers face-to-face at a fucking banquet, having to make polite conversation with the people who broke my hand, my self-esteem and probably my will to live.

Also, I’m starting to consider Wymack not the dad of the team, but more the grumpy uncle –  not huge on emotional sappiness, getting them hard liquor, constantly calling them out on their bullshit, yet loving them all fiercely. #dicksoutforwymack

           Wymack (…) turned to Neil.

           “You,” he said, “attempt to behave this time. Don’t pick fights with him today.”

           “Yes, Coach.”

Meaning: So, so many fights will be picked today.  So many. You are not even ready for all the fight-picking my short-tempered sassy ass is about to do.

With that, the banquet is off!

           Thick cushioned mats covered the polished floor to keep table legs and chairs from scraping up the wood. (…) Neil had never seen so many people on an Exy court before. There was still plenty of room to walk around between the tables, but Neil hated seeing a court repurposed like this.

Oh my gooooooood shut the hell up you obsessed knob. It’s not being used right now, so we might as well use it to fit everyone for the banquet. It’s just a wooden floor, for fuck’s sake.

And now – this is where shits starts getting good.

Did I say Neil was Extra™? Did I complain about Kevin being too dramatic?

Forget all that. Meet the true masters of Extra And Dramatic™ – introducing: The Edgar Allan Ravens.

           The Ravens hadn’t brought dates. They hadn’t brought any colour along, either. All twenty-two of them were dressed head-to-toe in black. The twenty men wore the same shirts and slacks, and the two women wore identical dresses. They even sat the same way, all with their right elbows on the table, all of them with their chins in their hands.

ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS.

Uniform is one thing, but sitting the same way, like ARE YOU ACTUALLY REAL. HOW IS THIS AN ACTUAL THING ACTUAL PEOPLE FUCKING DO.

Of course, some sly fucker in the organization committee had the hilarious idea to sit the two teams directly across from each other. Of fucking course.

Dan, ever the model captain, introduces herself and her team to Riko, as if he didn’t get completely annihilated on national TV by her striker just a few weeks ago.

That Fucker™, however, isn’t having it.

           “I know who you are,” Riko said. “Who here doesn’t? You’re the woman who captains a Class I team. You’ve done admittedly well despite your disadvantages.”

           “What disadvantages?”

           “Do you really want me to start listing them?” Riko asked. “This is only a two-day event, Hennessey.”

OI SCREW YOU YA BIG FUCKNOODLE. I will not have you insult my treasured lionheart daughter like that.

Also, I thought her name was Wilds? The fuck is a Hennessey.

(Side note: I am sorry you guys, this recap is going to be ridiculously long. Every single line here is gold. Blame Nora for writing the sassiest, shadiest, most shocking and just in general best chapter of this series so far.)

It’s time for a new character introduction, one I’ve heard many of you ramble on about on the interwebs – that French dude.

           Neil didn’t recognize the man, but he didn’t need to ask. The black number three tattooed on his left cheekbone meant he could be no one but Jean Moreau.

Lovely. Another one of those dumb ass face tattoo fuckers. I’m filing you as French and pretentious, my dude.

           “You look familiar,” Jean said in heavily accented English.

           “If you watched Kathy’s show you saw me there,” Neil said.

           “Ah, you are right. That must be it. What was your name again? Alex? Stefan? Chris?”

           In eight years on the run Neil had been through sixteen countries and twenty-two names. Hearing one name from Jean wouldn’t mean anything. Hearing three wasn’t a coincidence.

Alright, French and pretentious AND TERRIFYING. COOL.

What the hell??? How??

           “Blame my mother,” Neil said. “She named me.”

           “How is she doing, by the way?” Riko asked.

That Fucker™ knows. He knows.

This was bound to come around at some point. Kevin being too traumatized to recognize Neil was nothing short of amazing, but I guess we can’t always be that lucky.

It was nice knowing you, Neil, because your ass is fucking dead.

           Neil might have answered, but Dan beat him to it with an annoyed “Don’t antagonize my team, Riko. This isn’t the place for it.”

           “I was being polite,” Riko said. “You haven’t seen me antagonistic yet.”

And I don’t think I fucking want to, hombre.

Excuse me for a second while I nerd out over the most unexpected reference of this entire series:

           Neither of them [Kevin and Jean] had anything else to say to each other, but they stared each other down unblinking. Andrew lost interest before long and leaned forward.

           “Jean,” he said. “Hey, Jean. Jean Valjean. Hey. Hey. Hello.”

……………………………. did you just.

JEAN VALJEAN. AS IN, BREAD DAD. AS IN, THE PROTAGONIST OF ONE OF MY FAVOURITE MUSICALS/FILMS/FANDOMS OF ALL TIME.  Like, I’ve done Les Mis cosplay. Several times. That’s how dedicated I am.

I AM #SHOOK.

However, I am decidedly not liking Jean Valjean – or either of That Fucker™’s posse, actually. They first take a few moments to talk shit about Andrew (“publicity stunt”, can you fuck the fuck off) and then they come for my firstborn daughter Renee.

           The woman now on Riko’s right gave a loud snort. “If someone like that replaced you in goal, you must be downright terrible. I can’t wait to watch one of your matches. I think it will be entertaining. We would make a drinking game of it but we don’t want to die of alcohol poisoning.”

           “Yeah, that’s be a shame,” Dan said with heavy sarcasm.

DAN <33333

My darling angel, however, doesn’t take the bait.

           “Do we have to start off so poorly?”

           “Why not? You’re poor at everything else you do,” the woman said. “Is it honestly fun to be so terrible?”

           “I imagine we have more fun than you do, yes,” Renee said.

Correction: My darling angel does take the bait – and brings the fucking shade.

           “Fun is for children,” Jean said, looking away from Andrew.

           If he’d been going to say anything else, he forgot it when he got a good look at Renee.

First of all – “fun is for children”, can you fucking chill, Monsieur Pretentieux Superlatif.

Second of all – what’s that “suddenly stopping talking when he sees Renee” thing about?? Do they have shared history as well? Is he just blinded by her angelic beauty and wants to bone her?

I am absolutely NOT LIKING the latter possibility. Protect my daughter.

The Ravens continue being The Absolute Worst™, talking about how Kevin “belongs” to them (can u fuckin not) and should come to his senses and return to them (as fucking if).

           “You should reconsider our offer before we rescind it for good, Kevin. Face the facts. You pet is and always be dead weight. It’s time to –“

           “What?” Andrew turned a wide-eyed look on Kevin. “You have a pet and never told us? Where do you keep it, Kevin?”

ANDREW LET ME LOVE YOU. I had to laugh so hard at that, oh my god. That’s the only proper way to respond to something like that, tbh.

That Fucker™, however, has found a new target to harass – ya boi Neil, who has kept admirably quiet so far and has probably bitten off his own tongue at this point trying to avoid bursting out in sass rants.

That is, until That Fucker™ comes for his mom.

           “What a coward,” Riko said with exaggerated disappointment. “Just like his mother.”

Cue the moment I stopped breathing.

           “You know, I get it,” Neil said. “Being raised as a superstar must be really, really difficult for you. Always a commodity, never a human being, not a single person in your family thinking you’re worth a damn off the court – yeah, sounds rough. Kevin and I talk about your intricate and endless daddy issues all the time.”

HOLY FUCKING –

           “I know it’s not entirely your fault that you are mentally unbalanced and infected with these delusions of grandeur, and I know you are physically incapable of holding a decent conversation with anyone like every other normal human being can, but I don’t think any of us should have to put up with this much of your bullshit. Pity only gets you so many concessions, and you used yours up about six insults ago. So please, just shut the fuck up and leave us alone.”

I had to take a moment. I had to put the book down and fucking scream for a moment.

SASSMASTER MCSAVAGE STRIKES AGAIN, Y’ALL.

I AM YELLING AND CLAPPING MY HANDS LIKE AN EXCITED SEAL FFS NEIL I L O V E Y O U.

           Neil leaned forward and look down at the table at Dan, who sat with her face buried in her hands.

           “Dan, I said please. I tried to be nice.”

Oh my GOD. That is just the cherry on top of the sundae of EPICNESS that just went down.

I SAID PLEASE.

I cannot handle this. I cannot. Holy shit.

           Jean turned on Kevin and spoke in quick, furious French. “What the hell is this?”

           “His antagonism is a personality flaw we’ve learned to live with,” Kevin said.

Pfftftftftftt. Kevin is entirely done with this situation and I love it.

However, fun times are immediately the fuck over, as Jean Valjean hints at someone having “bought” Neil and assumes Kevin had recruited him because of that.

And just as I was beginning to wonder hat hell he is talking about – he drops this.

           “Riko will have a few moments of your time later,” Jean said. “I suggest you speak with him if you do not want everyone to know you are the Butcher’s son.”

WHAT.

WHAT.

OH SHIT T H E Y K N O W I FUCKING SAID IT OH SHIT WHAT.

Kevin, who has skillfully repressed his memories of Neil up until this point, is about as shocked by this development as I am and has to go have some emergency vodka, like, asap.

Neil, on the other hand, shows some wonderful, wonderful signs of character development.

           “Neil, if you can’t be here say so,” Wymack said. “Abby can take you elsewhere until it’s time to leave. Get out of here and get some fresh air.”

           It was the perfect opening, but Neil couldn’t take it. If he did, he really would go, and he wouldn’t come back. Running wasn’t easy, but it was easier than trusting Andrew. But Neil remembered the weight of a key in his palm, its metal soaked through with another person’s body heat. He remembered Andrew’s promise to see this year through with him.

           “No,” Neil said, finally finding his voice. “I knew this was going to happen. I just wasn’t ready for it. I’m fine.”

Ma BOY <3 Neil slowly learning to trust people and deal with his problems is my No 1 kink.

Actually, No 2 kink. No 1 would be Neil absolutely shade-wrecking people.

They leave their mess of a seating arrangement and find some new spots elsewhere, and later go mingling with the other teams. This goes surprisingly well, mostly due to the fact that it gives Neil and Kevin an excuse to talk about Exy and Exy alone – which is, as we all know, the only fucking thing those two morons can talk about.

However, those admirable avoiding tactics only go well for so long.

           It took him a few seconds to realize the Ravens were coming. The entire team was crossing the court toward Kevin, walking in V formation like a flock of birds going south.

Are you serious. What level of dramatic holy SHIT.

Did they, like, form this like a dance formation before walking over? Riko instructing everyone where to stand, ‘no, you over there, leave equal amounts of space, come on guys, just form a diagonal line, we need to get going, we need to look intimidating, gUYS’

Or do they do this so often that is has become second nature by now and it’s just how they go everywhere?

I genuinely don’t know which option I find funnier.

But wait – it gets better.

           Riko stopped further away than Neil thought he would, but Neil understood a moment later. The rest of the Ravens kept going, flipping their V until they’d trapped the three Foxes between them.

I am crying so much how is this a thing you do, literally what level of Extra and Dramatic™ are you ON, I cannot deal with this.

Please – next time I comment on how extra the Foxes are being, remind me of The V Incident.

Now, just as I was thinking ‘oh shit, this is going to go south again so quickly’… Foxes to the rescue!

           Renee appeared out of nowhere at Kevin’s other side. She looped one arm through Kevin’s and held her free hand out to Jean. “Jean, wasn’t it? My name is Renee Walker. We didn’t really get a chance to talk earlier.”

           Confusion eased Jean’s stoic mask into something more than a little uncomfortable, be he accepted her handshake. “Jean Moreau.”

For real, I’m so interested in what the fuck is going on with these two. My money is on shared history. This could be my Renee’s-backstory-hungry brain talking, but reading their passages this sounds v v likely.

Did someone say backstory??

           [Matt] held out his hand but didn’t look surprised when no one took it. “Guess the pleasure’s all mine.”

           “We’re sure it is,” the Raven striker said, “seeing how you’re dating a prostitute.”

           “Stripper,” Dan corrected as she showed up and wound an arm around Matt’s waist. (…) “Hopefully you’re smart enough to distinguish between the two professions. If you’re not, I have serious concerns about your academic standings.”

FUCK, YEAH.

DAN, MY GIRL MY DUDE MY DAUGHTER.

She was a stripper! Holy shit! And she’s not ashamed of it, but admits it freely and is even proud of it! Holy! Shit!

Positive depictions of sex workers in pop culture is so, so rare, and I’m so happy we get some here. I did not expect this and I’m v pleasantly surprised right now.

           “Hennessey, right?” one of the strikers said. “Such a good name for such a fierce spirit.”

           “We were a little disappointed that you didn’t sign up as part of the entertainment tonight,” one of the others said. “We were looking forward to the show.” (…)

           The striker grinned at Matt over [Dan’s] shoulder, then tilted forward and sucked a deep breath against her neck.

           Dan brought her stilettos between his legs inn a vicious punch.

I repeat myself: FUCK. YEAH.

Also, that’s what a Hennessey is. Noted.

Fun backstory done – That Fucker, Senior™ has arrived. Tetsuji Moriyama is about everything I don’t want near my Foxes, combined into one slimy sack of asshole. The whole “master” thing still both scares and infuriates me.

However, we don’t have to spend long enjoying his absolutely unenjoyable company as Neil is called off to have a little tête-à-tête with That Fucker, Junior™.

           “Nathaniel, it has been so long.”

NATHANIEL???????

Did we just discover Neil’s true name, holy shit?????

Nathaniel is a beautiful name, though. I’ve always liked it. Shame.

Apparently, the way That Fucker™ could find Neil so quickly was by getting a glass with Neil’s fingerprints on it from Kathy Ferdinand. Well, fuck.

           Riko started across the room on slow steps. “Jean says Kevin did not know who you are. After seeing Kevin’s reaction, I’m inclined to believe him. (…) But you must know who you are, so I am very, very curious to know what you think you are doing.”

Bitch, aren’t we all! Aren’t we fucking all!!

And now- we’ve reached the point where shit gets so, so painfully real.

Did I say earlier I stopped breathing when Neil was dragging Riko?

Fuck that. That was nothing compared to what followed next.

I was not remotely ready.

           “You have already cost my family a sizeable fortune and eight years of trouble.”

           “How?” Neil asked. “The money I took was my father’s.” (…)

           “Nothing your father owned was his!” Riko snapped.

What.

           Riko grabbed Neil by the shoulders and slammed him into the wall. Neil’s head hit hard enough to rattle teeth.

           “I refuse to believe she never told you. All this time running and you never asked why?”

What.

           “You were not running from your father, Nathaniel. You were running from his master.”

WHAT.

WHAT IN THE FUCKING WHAT????

           What Riko was suggesting was impossible. The Butcher was one of the biggest names on the eastern seaboard. He made Baltimore his home, but his territory extended from D.C. to outer Newark. He had a fiercely loyal syndicate and a penchant for grotesque executions. (…)

           If the Moriyamas really were powerful enough to keep a man like the butcher under lock and key Neil was so far in over his head he might as well be six feet under.

That is amazingly worded, well done. Also, I’m kinda peeing my pants here.

If I’ve looked this up correctly, that’s a territory about twice the size of New York City.

Like. Imagine controlling New York City. And then that – TWICE.

And THEN imagine controlling the guy who controls all of that, and then some more.

Yeah. You dead, bro.

           “Learn your place. I will never tolerate this level of disrespect from you again. Do you understand?”

           Neil was already in his coffin. He might as well nail it shut. “Yeah, I understand you’re a complete asshole.”

Riko: Neil, no.

The Foxes: Neil, no.

Common sense: Neil, no.

Me: NEIL, FUCK NO.

Neil: Neil, yes.

Thankfully, Matt arrives in order to save Neil from digging his sass-induced grave even deeper, and after some nice threats about ratting his shitty ass behaviour out to the ERC, Riko finally fucks off.

           “I don’t think Riko likes me very much. Should I be disappointed?”

Are you fucking serious bruh. Are you serious.

           Matt looked skyward as if searching for patience.

Which is, incidentally, the No 1 reaction people have to Neil speaking more than a few polite sentences at a time.

Never talk to me or my short-tempered sassmaster idiot son ever again.

And with that trainwreck of an encounter, the Foxes take their curt leave from the banquet. Some more comments are made – Neil and Kevin will have A Talk™ tomorrow, Andrew got called Doe earlier by Jean Valjean  because that was his preliminary surname when he entered the foster system (which probably means the Ravens also know more about Andrew than we should be comfortable with) – but all of that pales in comparison to the absolute FUCKERY we just witnessed.

Holy shit.

I have to go, like, breathe into a bag for five hours.

See you Wednesday.

If you like what I do here and you want to help me continue writing, please consider buying me a coffee! Thank you so much <3

[nickireadstfc]

The Foxhole Court: A Summary - The Exposition Court

Exposition! Legit so many fucking character introductions! ‘!!!!!!!!’ moments! Foreshadowing! Show, Don’t Tell! Opinions! Predictions that will no doubt end up being Absolutely Fucking Ridiculous! Yay!

Sounds good? Then it’s time for Nicki to sum up the Foxhole Court.

In 2013, now-renowned author Nora Sakavic blessed us with The Foxhole Court, book one of the All For The Game trilogy. In this first installment of orange gay sporty murder shit, protagonist, runaway and professional sassmaster Neil Josten signs with the Palmetto State Foxes, a ragtag sports team of outcasts and lunatics, in order to escape his Fucked Up Past™.

On his team he finds Kevin, a childhood friend of his with an equally Fucked Up Past™, and Andrew, a messed-up murder maniac on meds. They play Exy, which is the three-way lovechild sport of lacrosse, ice hockey and bad decisions, and Kevin takes it upon himself to train Neil into the prodigy he sees in him.

But The Plot is coming for them: Kevin’s childhood abusers, Riko and Tetsuji Moriyama, and their team, the Edgar Allan Ravens, have come into their district, and they are set on taking Kevin back to their magical land of abuse and kind-of slavery, destroying the Foxes’ athletic reputation and generally fucking up everyone’s lives.

But the Foxes are not going down without a fight, and after an epic smackdown between Riko and Neil on national television, Neil is accepted into their dysfunctional family of fiercely protective psychopaths, and together they stare down into the abyss of whatever fucked-up shit is yet to come.

And that’s the Foxhole Court for you.

Did I like it? Hell fucking yes.

Do I think it’s probably going to be the weakest out of the three? Also hell fucking yes.

Let me explain.

The Foxhole Court mainly consists of one thing: Exposition. Nora Sakavic takes her sweet time introducing Neil as a character, unfolding both his backstory and his personality bit by bit, and introducing everyone else the same (although we are clearly not done with the backstories by any stretch of the imagination) as well as giving us a good feel of what Exy is and why we should care about this orange sportsball.

However, one tiny unimportant thing is kind of suffering under all that, and that is the plot.

Don’t get me wrong. I LOVE exposition. I love getting to know characters, I love them having plot-unrelated banter, give me all that good shit. There hasn’t been one bit in TFC where I was bored or wanted to skip ahead (which, if you know my attention span, is a big thing). But we can’t deny that not much has happened so far.

In fact, there have only been five parts in this entire book where I was truly off my socks, either in excitement or shock or just general WHAT THE FUCK-ness:

When we find out Kevin’s (and Neil’s) backstory, fucking wHAT, I was blown away. I had not expected the book to be this serious. A+

The entire club scene with the monsters drugging Neil and Nicky kiss-raping him. I had stuff to say about that.

Neil telling Andrew like 80% of his Troubled Past™, I am deceased

THE MASTERPIECE THAT IS NEIL SASSING THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS OUT OF RIKO CAN I GET A HELL YEAH

Seth overdosing being murdered by Riko, aka the latest installment in our popular series WHAT.

And while everything else has been lovely as well, this speaks volumes for the plot which has, up until this point, been kind of on the down low, save for the moments mentioned above.

The good news is: In all likelihood, Seth’s death at the end of the book marks the point where exposition is now the fuck over. Dramatically, it would make sense to now stop fucking about and get down to business, to defeat the huns Ravens and really get to grips with the plot now in the second and third book.

(( Also, side note on the Seth situation: Let’s take a lil look back at chapter 6:

          “The death threats were creative, though,” Nicky said. “Maybe this time they’ll follow through and actually kill one of us. Let’s vote. I nominate Seth.”

Like wHAT KIND OF SWEET ASS FORESHADOWING.

Huge thanks to spookymiscreant for pointing that out. <3 ))

As for writing style, I’m pleasantly surprised. Self-published authors sadly often tend to tell too much and show too little, they describe lots and lots of things the reader could have figured out on their own and it takes a lot of immersion out of the reading experience.

Not so our dearest Nora, oh no. I’m immensely enjoying how she often just hints at feelings or thoughts of characters with just little details she drops every now and again. This works so well because those details often aren’t consciously recognized by a quick reader, yet they are vital in shaping our views of characters and scenes, providing true immersion and a full reading experience. Top notch, A+, 10/10 would author again.

(I’m too lazy to look up examples for that right now, but you all know what I mean anyways, and I’ve pointed a lot of things like this out in my recaps as well because I LOVE IT.)

Now, characters! Where do I fucking start. I’m thinking I’m just gonna throw my opinions on each of them in here and see whether they’ll change throughout the next two books.

Neil, my son. I’ve really, really grown to like him. Homeboy is still majoring in Extra and Dramatic, and I will still drag him mercilessly for it, but I like it. I like his style of narration, I care for his emotional well-being, but most of all, I like his sass. Seemingly every time he has to speak to someone for more than three sentences, he just cannot help but be the savage comeback prince he was destined to be, and I’m living for it. I hope he has lots and lots of dialogue in the next two books. I’m still not over that Riko scene. Love him.

Kevin is... I don’t actually have a clear opinion on him yet. I find him interesting as a part of Neil’s history – still not sure whether I’m buying that he doesn’t remember Neil at all –, I was stunned by his backstory and I absolutely want to fucking gut Riko for everything he’s done to Kevin, but that’s about it so far. He just….. didn’t click with me yet. Let’s see what comes around in the future.

Andrew is growing on me, I think. I’m not his biggest fan yet – he did do some fucked up shit (//eyes the club situation YET AGAIN//) and I absolutely hate him when he’s on his meds – but he’s v v interesting, both as a character and because of the med situation. And honestly, I think this is exactly what’s intended with him. Andrew was not made for immediate attachment, he was intentionally written to grow on you. And I kind of like that, it makes his character more round, more fully-formed, gives him more dimension. Also, I love him in combination with Kevin and Neil. Also just with Neil, obviously. He’s buying him clothes. Who is chill about this, not me.

Nicky……… My problematic sunshine idiot, I still have a very complicated relationship to him. I think Nicky is (as far as I've read) a wonderful example of a fuckboy who means well, meaning someone who does shitty things as a joke/bc he doesn’t think about them/bc it’s been socially engrained in him that they are okay to do (see: the kiss thing), but realises they are shitty afterwards and wants to better himself. Also, I’m just really, really grateful to have someone who brings a bit of laughter into this angsty shitshow. And gayness. Oh, how I am grateful for the gayness. Actually, who are we fucking kidding, I still love Nicky.

Aaron – who even is Aaron, seriously. I still know literally next to nothing about this dude. Apparently his mother was quite fucked up. Not close with his twin brother. Okay. Next!

RENEE, my daughter, my love, my darlingest little murder snowflake. We still don’t know much about her, but for some reason she just instantly clicked with me. She is so unbelievably kind and sweet and probably hiding like, three axe murders. GIVE ME ALL HER BACKSTORY AND GIVE IT TO ME NOW. She is probably my second-favourite character so far, together with Neil.

I’ve gathered that quite a lot of you like Matt?? I can see why, I guess. He’s a ray of sunshine as well, and an unproblematic one at that. He probably would have deserved to be captain as well. Tall Billie Joe is a good egg. <3

Pretty much all of that goes for Dan as well. Good human being, good team person. Takes no shit. Very Gryffindor. I’m wondering what her backstory is tbh, because so far, she seems like an actually stable, healthy person, which we all know cannot be true in Foxland.

I’m still sort of indifferent to Allison. She hasn’t given me reason to hate her yet, she also hasn’t given me reason to like her. I feel bad for her because of Seth’s death, though.

And Seth… Well. We kind of discussed that already.

As for the Parent Triumvirate: Idk if this ever came up, this may be news to you, but hAVE I MENTIONED I REALLY REALLY FUCKING LOVE WYMACK. Seriously. He is my favourite character, from chapter fucking one. He is the only person who can rival Neil in terms of unbound sass, which makes him great to begin with, but most importantly, he is caring, compassionate, and just the fucking kindest person in this book, yet takes no shit and doesn’t baby anyone.

           “Did you think I made the team the way it is because I thought it would be a good publicity stunt? It’s about second chances, Neil. Second, third, fourth, whatever, as long as you get at least one more than what anyone else wanted to give you.”

This is the best thing anyone has said in this entire book fucking fIGHT ME. HOW DOES ONE NOT LOVE DAVID WYMACK TO THE HEAVENS AND BACK. #dicksoutforwymack

Abby and Betsy are both shaping up to be Really Cool People as well. As well as with Wymack, I love their “I’m gonna be supportive kind and good to you, but I’m not going to take any shit from you” attitude, which is precisely the way to run a team as dysfunctional as the Foxes. A+ parenting, 10/10 would love again.

Lastly, some predictions about what will happen within the next book! We’ll see what came true. I cannot wait to cringe at myself and my idioticy/blissful unawareness eight weeks from now.

They’ll deal with Seth’s death – some better, some worse

The banquet thing will happen and it will be hella awkward and hilarious and something Super Dramatic And Important will happen

Neil will master the Raven drills Kevin is making him do and it will be EPIC

Andreil will continue having Important Gay Moments™

The “Kevin and Riko know Neil” situation will not be addressed (!) (I’m expecting that to be in the last book, near the final epic smackdown)

Neither will we meet Neil’s father (again, last book)

However, we will meet Tetsuji and shit will go down

Also, we’ll meet some Ravens I suppose, since it is the Raven King after all. There was this Jean guy?? I’m intrigued

We will find out Renee’s backstory

We will find out something – if maybe not everything – about the Minyard-Hemmick backstory

Some more kisses will happen. I don’t care who kisses whom. Probably not Andreil (yet). Let it be Abby and Wymack. Aaron and his irrelevant girlfriend. I don’t care. Give me kisses.

And now all that’s left for me to say is, again, thank you thank you thank you to all of you who read this blog. All of you who give me your thoughts and comments on everything, who keep this project going and who drag my motivation back in by its hind legs every time it wants to run screaming into the other direction – you are the sole reason this thing exists. You all rock and I love you infinitely.

We’ll meet again next Sunday with The Raven King. xx  

Side note: I’ve gone through the blog and organized all asks/replies dealing with frequently discussed topics, go check them out! All links are listed on the Read All Chapters page as well.

The demisexuality discourse

The mental health discourse

The Seth discourse

America vs Everywhere Else things

Side side note: Remember when I said I was going to rename all the chapters Percy Jackson style? So I may…… be doing that soon…….. keep ur eyeballs peeled friends!!!

[nickireadstfc]

The Foxhole Court, Chapter 2 - Twinyards!

In which we reveal Exy’s origin story, my namesake appears, Andrew has some Serious Issues™ and the Twinyards pull off the oldest twin trick in the book of twin tricks, however their punny name totally redeems them.

Sounds good? Then it’s time for Nicki to read The Foxhole Court.

Not gonna lie – I’ve been dying to read on since the last chapter. God, I just wanna sit down and burn through the entire book in two days. No. Patience, Nicki.

We start off the second chapter with yet another new character – Aaron Minyard, who is an all-black unfriendly fucker like his twin, minus the murder tendencies.

              “Neil,” Aaron said in lieu of hello, and he pointed. “Baggage claim.”

            “Just this.” Neil tapped the strap of the duffel bag hanging off his shoulder. The bag was small enough to be a carry-on and large enough to carry everything Neil owned.

What the fuck, this is the saddest thing I’ve read all day.

Aaron proves to be exactly the same shade of Extra and Dramatic as everyone else so far as he doesn’t give a flying hoot about lung cancer, polite conversation, or basic traffic regulations.

            “It’s too nice of a car to wreck,” [Neil] said pointedly.

            “Don’t be so afraid to die,” Aaron said as the car kept gliding across the four-lane road to an exit ramp. “If you are, you have no place on our court.”

Literally chill out, Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way.

Neil, unbothered by the waves of Extra currently rolling around, takes this car ride as an opportunity to talk about his favourite subject: Kevin.

            “Kevin stays on campus?” he asked.

            “Where the court is, Kevin is. He can’t exist without it,” Aaron said derisively.

What a nerd. I love it.

However, Kevin’s immense nerd-love for Exy is actually explained shortly after and answers my most burning question from last chapter: WHAT THE FUCK IS EXY IT MAKES NO SENSE SPORTS DON’T GET FAMOUS THAT FAST BLA BLA BLA.

Shut up, past!me. Nora Sakavic is gonna learn you a thing.

            Kevin’s mother Kayleigh Day and Riko’s uncle Tetsuji Moriyama created the sport roughly thirty years ago while Kayleigh was studying abroad in Fukui, Japan. What started as an experiment spread from their campus to local street teams, then across the ocean to the rest of the world. Kayleigh brought it home with her to Ireland after completing her degree and the United Stated picked it up soon after.

OKAY. First of all, thirty years is a long time and it’s fully plausible for a sport to develop this kind of following and news’ coverage in that time. For example, snowboarding was only developed in the late 70s/early 80s, yet today it’s even a Olympic discipline.

(Also, my comparison with competitive cheerleading from last chapter might have been unfair. Cheer counts as a minority sport in the US as well, yet fangirl/boy-level stalking is fully possible with American teams. Soz.)

Second of all, KEVIN AND RIKO’S PARENTS INVENTED EXY??? WHAT?!?!?

I’d be an arrogant son of a bitch too if that had happened to me. Holy fucking what.

            Riko and Kevin were the face of the Ravens. To many, they were considered the future of Exy. (…) Except Kevin Day signed with the Foxes in March – not as a coach, but as a striker.

[fergie’s ‘london bridge’ voice] OH SHIT.

            His fans went from feeling heartbroken to feeling betrayed. Palmetto State hat borne the brunt of that rage since. The university and stadium had been vandalized upwards of a dozen times and there’d been numerous fights on campus. It would only get worse when the season started and people saw Kevin wearing the Foxes’ colours.

Fictional Sports World gets Actual Sports World’s obsessive fan violence spot on.

Also, I feel sorry for the students going to Palmetto State Uni who don’t give a fuck about Exy. Like, can y’all crazy sportsballheads stop vandalizing our campus like some people are trying to get an education here thank you. It’s like going to Hogwarts and just trying to live a chill regular life. Not happening.

As they arrive at Wymack’s house, a much-needed ray of sunshine appears: Nicky Hemmick.

            Nicholas Hemmick was the only one who looked genuinely happy to see Neil. (…) “I’m Nicky.” Nicky gave Neil’s hand another hard squeeze before letting go. “Andrew and Aaron’s cousin, backliner extraordinaire.”

            (…) “By blood?”

            Nicky laughed. “Don’t look it, right?”

I would like to point out that this is the first time a character genuinely laughs in this entire book. And we’re on page 22.

What a guy. I’m honoured to be his namesake (with minor spelling differences). Please don’t turn out to be an aggressive fuckwit as well please.

Some predictions on Nicky’s character:

- his kink is bein’ friendly and havin’ a good time

- drama kid

-��g l i t t e r

- super open abt his sexuality, just loves love, essentially pansexual

- can fuck u up but does it nicely because he wants to support you and help you grow as a person

- would die for his friends (and dogs)

- essentially my headcanon courfeyrac from les mis okay shut up

Ahem. Moving on.

            “You have a nice car for someone who thinks he’s poor,” Neil said. (…)

            “Aaron’s mother bought it for us with her life insurance money,” Andrew explained.

Okay but - Aaron’s mother? What? Surely Aaron’s mother is Andrew’s mother as well if they’re twins?

I don’t believe this is lazy writing. What is going on there.

            “It’s not the world that’s cruel,” Neil said. “It’s the people in it.”

I don’t even want to know how many fangirls use this as their blog headline/Facebook status/moodboard caption/wrist tattoo.

            [Neil] was too busy staring at Aaron’s pants pockets. They were much too flat to be hiding a pack of cigarettes, but Neil had seen Aaron put the pack away before crossing the street at the airport.

Are you telling me Neil is too busy staring at Aaron’s ass (which is actually Andrew’s ass, spoiler alert) to notice when to walk into Wymack’s apartment because that might be the best thing that’s happened so far.

(Unless we’re talking about front pockets, in which case, nevermind).

And then this happens:

            “What was that all about?“

            Neil’s blood turned to slush. It wasn’t the words that got him but the language Nicky used. German was Neil’s second language thanks to three years spent living in Austria, Germany, and Switzerland.

GERMANY! The mothercountry! Land of beer, sausage, and superfluously-stocked hardware stores!

Now the only thing I can imagine is Aaron and Andrew as coldmirror’s Torsten und Torben. I’m not even sorry.

            “Team’s still split fifty-fifty on whether or not [Coach Wymack and Abby] are boning. Andrew refuses to vote, which means you’re the tiebreaker. Let us know ASAP. I’ve got money riding on it.”

To no one’s surprise, Nicky is Ultimate Shipping King. I love him more by the minute.

However, these short moments of glee are immediately overridden because this happens:

          Too late, Neil remembered Nicky’s exasperated accusion in the living room: “What the hell did you say to him, Andrew?” Neil had assumed Nicky was referring to their first meeting in Millport, but Nicky had been talking about the car ride from the airport. It wasn’t Aaron who picked Neil up from the airport after all.

WHAAAAAT.

I mean… this is the oldest twin trick in the book, really. What is this, the Parent Trap?

No kidding, I’d pay to see the Twinyards with ginger pigtails dressed in early 20s fashion.

Also, Twinyards!! How did I not see that before!! Thank you, fandom, for finding the punniest names for everything ever.

(If you’re wondering whether I’m still laughing over this name as I type this: I am.)

Apparently, Andrew has some serious anger management issues and enough court-regulated drugs in his system to kill a small child, effectively making him a hardcore drug addict against his will.

WHAAAAAAAAAAT. No, seriously, WHAT.

The angst just does not stop, you guys.

Also, Wymack is back!

#dicksoutforwymack

          Neil looked down at the key in his palm, at the security Wymack so easily and unquestioningly gave him. Maybe Neil wouldn’t get any sleep tonight, and amybe he’d spend the next couple weeks waking up every time Wymack snored a little too loud, but maybe Neil really was okay here for now.

Oh don’t mind me I’m just crying in the corner whilst stabbing myself with my own materialized emotions.

What. A. Dude.

On a last note: How sexual was the elevator scene. I can’t even quote anything or I’d need to just slap the entire thing here because dear god, the gay is not even subtle at all.

          Neil couldn’t anticipate Kevin. (…) But Andrew was just a psychotic midget, and Neil had grown up around violence. Handling him would be easy.

Two things:

1. 20 bucks says it’s not gonna be fucking easy ho boy

2. Maybe chill on the m word, my dude.

Ughhhh. Is it Sunday already?