#me experiencing SA then getting brilliant grades then suddenly not due to accommodation issues
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The thing about me is there's any part of myself I can understand worth anything it will always be ability to academically achieve so when the things that debase or ruin who I am prevent me from succeeding there I WILL be so much more suicidal than based in the actual distress of the thing. I can handle anything if it's pain I must suffer through, but I can't handle failure.
#this is why the only 2 times i didnt get As i nearly killed myself#but like when I was 16 it was because i genuinely thought I had no hope and that was due to horrific dissociation & abuse#and tbr..... while i doubt that 1 grade did it my life HAS been hell even if its been better than then#and last December when i was hospitalised#that was really bad lol#me experiencing SA then getting brilliant grades then suddenly not due to accommodation issues#how to explain its about what has been done to me#personal
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