#me blah blah blahing with pretty pictures

[trashfireradiowaves]

nobody cares but im gonna dump my plant-based desires on you anyways

this is just a list of plants that i want with pretty pictures because why the fuck not

first off, i’ve already got one of these and it’s my baby and i love it so much-

Silver Pothos [Scindapsus Pictus]

[Photo Courtesy of Dave’s Garden]

These things are so pretty and the photo really doesn’t do it justice, irl it’s got the oddest silvery-dove grey color and the leaves feel all soft when you touch them and it’s just a Very Pretty Plant [mine’s name is bambi and it lives in a pot with my other pothos]. Pothos plants are fuckin’ indestructible and honestly they’d probably thrive through the apocalypse neither of mine are dead despite my best [accidental] efforts. Lowlight requirements, water when the soil feels dry, can live indoors or outdoors. Only problem- toxic to cats and dogs, so keep it outta reach of pets.

the Zebra Plant [Calathea Zebrina] is definitely on my want list

[Photo courtesy of Gardens Online]

it looks like a cartoon plant with the stripes and the mock leaf ridges and it’s so fuckin’ bright and big!!!  they can get like 3 ft tall and 2 ft wide and they’re perennials so they don’t die off and need replanting every spring, which, bonus. they like indirect light/partial shade and they do require more water and higher humidity than the pothos plant but you can help it out by misting it every day/every other day with a spray bottle. bonus- they’re pet safe for cats, dogs, and horses! 

next up: Persian Shield [Strobilanthes Dyerianus]

[Photo courtesy of Proven Winners]

these plants are a part-shade to full sun lover [though it’s insanely adaptable on the light front, really, it can tolerate a LOT] and they have leaves that i’ve heard described as partly iridescent, which is fucking awesome??? iridescent plants, man, that’s just fantastic. it’s another really big one, growing like, 4 ft tall and 3 ft around if you don’t trim it back. it’s partly drought resistant too! so it’s cool if you accidentally forget to water it ever so often, and you’re really only supposed to water it once the soil gets dry anyways. bonus- non-toxic for pets!

if i ever get a super sunny house, windowsill, or patio [god please let that happen some day] then i’m totally gonna get myself some 

Swiss/Rainbow Chard [Beta Vulgaris Cicla]

[Photo courtesy of Bonnie Plants]

chard is one of those weird vegetables that’s supposed to be an annual, but if you live in an area with little to no frost/cold weather [or you keep it indoors] then it can continue to grow through the winter like a perennial, which is fantastic. it’s pretty as hell, super bright, and EDIBLE! great source of vitamin k. different varieties have different flavors and while it needs a lot more sun than most of the other plants i want it can tolerate some shade [though the more sun you give it the better it will taste]. soil likes to be kept moist so remember to water this one! chard is also safe for pets, but too much of it can cause kidney stones, so keep an eye out on cats and dogs that try to nibble on the leaves- plus, whatever they eat you can’t throw into your dinner.

also delicious: Chives [Allium Schoenoprasum]

chives make really tiny, clover-like clusters of flowers and look like the big fields full of wildflowers you see in hollywood movies. they’re gorgeous, they tolerate all sorts of light conditions [though they do best in partial shade], and they’re ridiculously easy to care for. they like moist, well-draining soil and they’re completely edible, from the flower to the stem to the leaves [the part you buy in the grocery store] all the way down to the bulb. only negative- they are VERY toxic to cats and dogs, even though they’re edible for people. 

basically i just want pretty things i can eat