#me assembling an army to give me hugs and build me a deck

[microsuedemouse]

you know the character trope - pretty much exclusively used for villains - of the woman who possesses the power to make any and every man around her fall in love (lust) with her, and thus she builds an army of slobbering man-drones to do her bidding? I often seem to have a similar effect, except only on men maybe 20+ years my senior, and instead of inspiring sexual desire I bring out their fatherly affections.

I don’t know exactly why this happens, but it’s been pretty consistent throughout my adult life, and especially obvious when I’m working in retail (and also during my summer at the optometrist’s office). it comes up a lot at the grocery store. I can think of a couple instances of this phenomenon off the top of my head, like the time I quipped to a customer that I had to do something ‘so I don’t get in trouble.’

“Pshh, that doesn’t happen!” said the guy behind him in line, immediately.

“Yeah, I can’t really imagine it,” agreed the man in front of me.

“All she’d have to do is smile and all would be forgiven!”

“Exactly!”

(Both older gentlemen, both being utterly sweet even while joking around. 😭)

Or, as another example - if you’re working in the last hour-ish of the day, you’ll see a lot of the night crew trickling in, and many of them will do a quick shopping run before they clock in, so at cash we get to know their faces. One of the night managers, Mark, is a very pleasant guy around my parents’ age. One evening I was bagging Mark’s groceries while my coworker Colin rung him up, and Mark glanced over and commented how much he liked seeing me when he came in. “Her smile just lights everything right up, eh? Don’t you think?” he asked, looking expectantly at Colin.

Colin, who is nine years my junior and did not know me well enough yet at that point to be 100% smooth playing along, initially just grinned, with a touch of amusement (whether more at Mark or at my own mild floundering at the compliment, I’m still not sure). When he realised Mark was looking for an actual response, he just chuckled, “I’d say so, yeah.” At which point Mark nodded, pleased to be in agreement, and paid for his groceries.

I do not know how I have this effect on people at 28 years old, even taking into account the fact that I’m often mistaken for younger. When I was an adorable (plus smart and polite - killer combo with the grownups) little girl, it made sense that dads loved me. Now? Who knows! I mean, I’ll certainly take it over being hit on, which I’m extremely grateful to say has never happened to me at work. The only flirting I receive is the silly and decidedly harmless kind that comes from grandpa-type men who are, sincerely, just being playful. These interactions aren’t the untoward kind - they’re more reminiscent, to me, of the way my own dad treats my female friends: respectful, fond and sweet, caring. The vibe is like, this man would probably be happy to give me some sound advice and a lift home from the slumber party.

But yeah. I very consistently bring out the fatherly/grandfatherly affection in seemingly any man over the age of 50 or so who has an ounce of paternal kindness in him. And I do so more than many of my female friends or coworkers do. Is it because I look so young? Because I don’t wear makeup and I dress more like a kid than a ~Grown Woman~? It’s true that in my head I’m little more than an overgrown child, but does that energy actually come through - in a positive fashion, no less - to other people (and especially dad types)? Do I just exude some kind of undefinable Beloved (Grand)Daughter vibes?

I don’t actually remember what on earth got me thinking about this tonight, tbh. But I had to get my rambles out, so here you are. This is my weird tiny useless superpower: I attract fatherliness, entirely without meaning to. I feel like there must be a way to leverage this ability, but I’m not sure what it is? Also I’d be a terrible supervillain anyway.