#mayeerant

[mxyee445]

Rant #1

Y’all need to get tf off of here. Stop searching, stop asking questions, stop trying to find solutions. (I’m not on here to search or find answers I already know everything I need to “know” I just like this community and reading lol)

There are no problems to be solved. Everything is an illusion. Yes your body, your face, the way your life is,

EVERYTHING IS AN ILLUSION.

If y’all really want a clear cut answer to your “how’s” “what” “when” “where” take a moment and look in ward. I mean it if you ask your self the same question that you’re asking these blogs what comes up? That is the answer in itself.

“The Wave keeps asking the water how come you can take any shape or form you want but I’m stuck as a wave, but what the wave doesn’t realize is that the wave itself is also water.”

There is no difference between the wave and water. Just like there is no difference between me and you. Or your self or your desired self.

Stop trying

Stop believing

Stop questioning

Stop listening

Stop feeling

Stop desiring

Just stop

And just be

That’s the answer

You want true peace and happiness(which are also illusions, just like any feeling,concept or idea) find neutrality. You don’t need to remind yourself or be on a strict mental diet. Just be.

[unikornu]

Sent my oc Mayeer on vacation in BDO  (⌐■_■) He’s chill, might stay tho. Good for him. Also birbs.

[cybercornu]

“With dem gals”

[ieisia]

Mayeer!!!

[imayantinurmala11]

Disuruh beli rujak. Berhubung we gak suka rujak, wr jadi bingung pas ditanya ama teteh yang jual

"disatuin aja?"

Apaaaaan yang disatuinnyaaa? Oo ternyata bumbunya sama si buah. Terus we juga bibguuung, biasanya gimanaaaaaaaaa

Yasalam Mayeer

[mxyee445]

Rant #6

Hello my loves, this gonna be a calm rant(maybe).

I want to first say stop searching. Reading or interacting in this community doesn’t mean you are searching unless you are reading to find an answer.

For me I find calmness and silence in reading posts on here about nd and seeing how everyone interprets it.

I have been very cautious of how I use words on here as I don’t want to confuse people with the words used for the reason that if I use some words you might take it literally and over complicate what I’m trying to say.

There is no reason for me to put in the effort to keep myself in check of how I speak/write. Why? Because words are merely words. There is no one definition or explanation or example on how to “just be”.

I found myself constantly wanting to explain things to you about nd, what I learned, how I can help you learn, how I could prove this to be true but soon realized I was doing that for myself.

Even when I thought “I understand everything, I am nothing, I am the silence/awareness/nothing.” When in reality words can’t describe what I am.

I started to take “do nothing” seriously, I live in the now because there is no past to live again and no future to experience yet. There aren’t predictions to be made about the future or trauma and sadness to be held from the past. The “past” despaired the second I stoped thinking about it the same with the future.

I don’t know how to put it but I’ve found so much calmness in my mind that had a million thoughts of future in plans and assumptions well also dwelling on the past. I didn’t do anything to get rid of them because there was nothing to get rid of from the start.

I would honestly recommend to stop reading posts for answers but treating them as diary entries from you to yourself. The pointers/the advice/ the stories, they are yourself giving answers to your questions.

We are all one.

[mxyee445]

Rant #2

Happiness doesn't exist, just like sadness doesn't exist. Guilt, fear, loneliness, anxiety all of them don't exist. I think all of us don't "want" or "feel" these "negative" emotions. So through pointers and going inward we let go of these emotions. What many get wrong is that you ALSO need to let go of "positive" emotions. Most people look into or find LOA and Non dualism as a solutions or the last hope to find Happiness, peace and fulfilment of your desire.

Why are you giving so much importance to something that doesn't exist?

why are you determining your life right in this moment of awareness is not enough?

Why is SELF not enough for you?

How does physical pleasure of objects, feelings, SP, or other things have more value then self?

Why do you let them have more value?

Yes YOU LET THESE EMOTIONS HAVE VALUE.

LET THEM GO

They don't exist, you pick and choose what "exists" or not. Your Awareness is what gives it "life", there is no existence there is nothing. existence is nothing without awareness why? because even when you die this body is gone, this life is gone what is not gone, the REAL you AWARENESS. Awareness is what gives nothing and everything existence.

Life is full of pleasure, pain, lust, forgiveness, success, failure, love, hate.

Do you now what all of these have in common?

they don't f*cking exist. Let them go.

yes happiness as well. Fulfilment. Succes. All of them.

LET THEM GO(no literally stop giving these things value they don't exist)

(i hope this made sense, If you have any questions comment them or do anons and ill try my best to answer)

[mxyee445]

Rant #3

There is no epiphany or aha moment. Acceptance is enlightenment. Indifference is self discovery.

many of us myself included(cuz all of us are one) can "understand" what many of these ND blogs say but i feel where we might have a lot of fault is that not many actually take it for face value. Yes when they say "everything is an illusion". that simply is, there is no how or why it just is.

the pointers aren't there to answer your hows or whys but rather make you think for yourself and let SELF speak.

there is no such thing as anything until you give it awareness/acceptance.

when you keep dreading on your "life" that isn't real you will continue to live that life. same as if you keep believing that you need your desires you're also living a life of wanting. i don't know how to make sense but to put it simple there is no one size fits all in this. and in reality your brain wont "understand" anything until you give up on the idea of understanding.

Stop seeking knowledge. Knowledge is you. i am you. that also means the fact that i have knowledge also means you have it.

I saw a post of someone(which is also you and me, we are one) saying how for them they live a world of peace and prosperity, that no matter what this materialized world shows they don't waver because they know there is no difference between the imagination and the physical. after all we are the ones who gave them meaning. every "second" there is awareness on "something", Good or bad, right or wrong. You give it meaning. so yes chaos is there because all of us have "negative" thoughts because anything is possible even things we assume to be bad. What ND is trying to tech you is to not let yourself devel on thoughts that don't align with you. Since everything is you even when thoughts produce "bad" things you gain to feeling of indifference to them allowing you to be in control of the awareness.

[mxyee445]

Rant #5

My loves, if your questioning or keep searching for answers I hope this helps.

When you wake up do you need to remind yourself your breathing, can see, can walk, or talk?

It is simple as that, that’s what I mean by “just be”

Don’t hyper fixate on trying to control everything or keep yourself in check.

Once you start letting yourself feel the neg thoughts/emotions ( who is labeling these thoughts as negative?) let it pass without giving it much thought. It is okay to spiral but remember you’re in control, and move on.

There is no need to over complicate things, feel, experience and live with knowing that nothing exists even when you give it awareness/knowing it still doesn’t exist.

There is no need to focus on things you don’t want to.

I want to also make something clear this is your life, do what feels right to you. You don’t need people to “confirm” what you’re doing. You are the good, the bad, the wealthy, the poor. YOU get to “live” without labels.

Since I don’t believe anything because nothing exists. I just be. I let whatever I feel in the now to be just that. I believe there is no future or past. So if an emotion arises that I don’t align with I quickly dismiss it. The ego is not the one feeling the emotion I am and there is no difference between me and ego. Since I am that I simply dismiss it as nothing.

Take away every label, go back to zero,

What were you before your parents told you your name?

What were you before you were taught to speak or learn a language?

What were you before they gave you a date that you call your “birthday”?

Fun fact this all you, the things the labels pushed on you was you giving it to yourself. That also means you can remove those labels too. So back and remove each one be label less, form less and

Just be

[mxyee445]

Rant #4

I started off on LOA tumblr i used to think i need to persist and keep assuming my dream life, then i ran into a ND blog and read up days worth of content. Then i kept searching for more "answers" because i felt like i didn't understand anything that i was reading. My questions of "HOW WHEN WHY WHERE" were never answered by any concepts. so i stopped and gave up. i sat there and let go of each desire i had wanted for so long but i took it a step further, i let go of every identity i had from memories to mistakes, everything. when i say let go i mean i stopped giving them room in my mind. i stopped feeling the emotions that these "past"(it doesn't exist) memories and regrets gave me i sat in neutrality. My brain kept running, it kept wanting and feeling and desiring but the only difference was i stopped trying to control it, there is nothing to control when nothing exists. that was the peace i was "looking" for i just be and let go of control.

[unikornu]

Dem Raiderz roam not just in fallout but anywhere to their greedy heart content. That’s why playlist is not abandoned and reached 101 songs now. Enjoy!  ¬‿¬ 

[unikornu]

Magos - WH40K Tech-Priest Armour and Weapon

Well, well. I didn’t get yet to make Mayeer but there is already a perfect armor mod waiting for him on nexus. Fuck yeah.

[unikornu]

oh shit yeah, totally forgot to send you some questions :0 Can we get 1, 11, 13, 22, 28, 35 for Lucy? 6, 18, 26, 34, 38 for Harrison?

No worries and thank you kindly ^^, 

Lucy first \m/:

1. How does your character sleep? Peacefully, fitfully? What position do they sleep in? What is their typical bedding like?

If alone she tends to sleep more light and nervously, usually spread all over the bed, rolling from side to side a lot, always waking up because she ran out of bed. She tends to bring some alcohol to bed in case she needs a little help to relax and if someone who shouldn’t be there might get a “tulip” treatment. (Broken bottle :P ). She also keeps at least one knife under a pillow or mattress. If sleeping with someone close to her she will be chasing them, half asleep. She wants to have at least a little touch contact to make sure they remained in bed with her the whole night. If drunk she will just squeeze that person a bit harder than necessary ;> If she is forced to sleep in open or unfamiliar place she just wont fall asleep, she will lie down with crossed arms and knife or pistol to her chest and close eyes, still being full on guard. 

11. How competitive is your oc? Is every little task something that they can win, or are they just in competitions for the fun of it? Is there anyone they’re most competitive with?

She is extremely competitive due to her past, wanting to prove Harrison she is the best recruit he had. It remained in her head that even if it no longer matters she wants to win for pride and fear of being replaced for a better model. It shows mostly at the Cappy Cafe evening fights, if she loses a fight she will still ask for another round even if she is bleeding all over and usually Gage needs to step up and pull her away. Before at arrival it was mostly to prove to raiders she deserves to be at Fizztop next to Gage but with Harrison come back and his judging eyes watching her fight the fear came back and the urge to make him mostly proud. 

13. What is your oc’s immune system like? Are they invincible to illness, or are they compromised completely from the slightest of dirt?

She is fairly immune and resistant to most illnesses, keeping herself clean but doing lot of dirty jobs did train her body very well. Waiting all night in rain for ambush, working all nights in a fairly “dirty” club, keeping herself in shape, lot of trainings for endurance with Harrison. The only problem is when she catches an illness she takes a lot to get rid of it mostly because she rejects the idea of staying in bed, waiting for it to go away.  

22. How long can your oc stay focused on one task before they get bored? Do they constantly have to switch things up or do they hyperfocus? What sort of things is it the opposite for?

If someone explains something for too long she will lose it very fast and drift off. She can focus only on one thing and that is killing and everything associated with it, unless its a task she does for herself like digging in a car or patching up clothes. If for example someone like Hector would start explaining her something in a...fact, science based long sentence and fly would be in the room after few seconds the trajectory of a fly would get her full attention. So she is focused but on a very few occasions that involve her business or her personal current needs.  

28. What is your oc’s typical walking like? Do they speed-walk everywhere, do they take quick short steps or long paces? On their tiptoe, the sides or heels of their feet? How loud are their footsteps?

Due to her size she takes a quick short steps but always stuffs at least one hand in a pocket, waving to sides with confidence and keeping her head looking to sides, watching for anything suspicious. She is the light step at work but when strolling through town or pissed off you can notice dust raising after her. But when a really good mood strikes her she walks in a way like below (i’m almost sure Gage likes it)

35. How easily does your oc get attached to things? Does everything have a sentimental value to them, or do they see nothing as more valuable than its practical use? What about with people/animals?

Everything that ends up on her dressing table or under bed has a sentimental value even if it was stolen and she gets easily attached to objects that deserve to end up there since they hold pre-war memory value in a shape of something her friend was wearing, mother or she was surrounded by at club. With people it depends on which side of the table they are. With strangers its only practical but once they cross a trust line they will turn 180 degrees in terms of value, she is hardly balanced. She cares about animals and while like with Mason dogs it is also practical to watch out for suspicious strangers around town she refuses to keep one for sentimental value because she wouldn’t be able to hold a blame if it would die in a action because of her or if anything happens to it. 

Harrison round <3 :

6.What is your oc’s vocabulary like? Does it match the way they talk? How would you describe their speech? 

He has an academic way of talking but slips a swear or two, especially due to his position and age, also because he feels like he has higher position. It matches his appearance and even whole posture. Example with talking to stranger would probably be smth like “Would you please kindly turn around on your toes and fuck off, dear sir?” He is smart and highly educated so has more rich vocabulary than a common folk around but the influence of local raiders add much more swearing. 

18. How charitable is your oc? Or are they more stingy with their resources and money?

He is more charitable than Lucy for sure since he doesn’t have many personal needs other than a small repair for his skeleton from time to time but for sure doesn’t give away too much. What he considers practical and worth using he will rather keep but as for money he keeps enough for a round of beer or two. Where Lucy throws a cap he will throw two. 

26. How polite is your oc? Do they do everything with the utmost courtesy, or do they completely refuse to say please and thank you?

He is polite even if angry once he sets up in Nuka World with the gang. Even if is done obliterating someone verbally he might even wish them a good day at the end. Yelling at Lucy for fucking up stuff but still sneaking a “thank you” for handing him a cup of coffee of something.  

34. What would someone blackmail your oc with? Would they be successful in getting what they wanted?

The only person that will blackmail him is someone who knows what he is or might suspect one way or another. The only thing he fears is revealing his powers and nature to bigger ears like Institute that might want to take him to laboratory for further observation but he won’t bend under a blackmail of someone smaller unless a lead scientist from pre-war makes a come back (i actually plan to snatch my MMO/RPG male oc for his role ^^ in future, also surviving bombs and coming to hunt Harrison). Funny thing with Lucy is that they still have contact with Institute and they don’t know jack shit still about Harrison’s powers. Its like that meme with guy sitting in a kitchen cabinet and police looking around having no clue :)))

38. What signs tell that your oc is nervous? Do they fidget, is it in their expression or the way they say things? Or are they very skilled at hiding it?

His face expression never matches what he feels but if nervous his fingers might start twitching or his head will jerk to the side since his synth body will get a disrupted energy power signals from his soul going “nervous”. He will feel even more stiff than he is usually since he will try to control himself and will most likely be very fast and direct with ending up any conversation to just leave and wait it over, alone. Its too risky to see him like that in a public. The gang learns his signals after a while and will even offer to hide somewhere till he feels better.  

[unikornu]

“ A face so pure, he's insecure ”

Raider’s Radio - Feit Station

[ieisia]

Rose Mary, Marie, Maria, Mayeer