#maybe vpn and use calibre if you can?
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YOOOO DISCWORLD IS ON HUMBLE BUNDLE!!!
If you've been on the fence about starting these books THIS IS YOUR SIGN
#i like starting with Guards! Guards!#if you're looking for a starting place#but literally any of them are fine places to start#he's still finding his voice a bit with Color of Magic + Mort + Equal Rites is all#also as a note: you get the books on your kobo account / app#that's easy to add to calibre and read in anything else later though#this link says us only#i couldn't find a non-us one#sorry everyone else!#maybe vpn and use calibre if you can?
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Macbook Pro Openvpn Connect Download
A VPN protects your internet connection, so you can browse the web safely, enjoy your favorite websites and services, and access geo-restricted content from anywhere. It’s easy to configure a VPN connection on an iPhone, and we’ll show you the fastest way to do it.
OpenVPN is a full-featured SSL VPN solution which can accomodate a wide range of configurations, including remote access, site-to-site VPNs, WiFi security, and enterprise-scale remote access. Free Vpn For Macbook Pro free download - Hotspot Shield, VPN Gate Client Plug-in with SoftEther VPN Client, CyberGhost VPN, and many more programs.
What is a VPN on iPhone?
VPN, a virtual private network, lets you access the internet via a secure encrypted connection. This adds an extra layer of protection to your browsing, so nobody can snoop on your online activity.
There are two main cases when you may want to use VPN on your iPhone:
Protect your data online. VPN is a must while using public Wi-Fi. Such networks are typically unencrypted, so bad guys can easily get access to your passwords or credit card numbers. VPN encrypts your data and makes it unreadable to hackers, so you can safely check your bank account from a local coffee shop. VPN is also useful at home if you don’t want your ISP to snoop on your activity.
Access your favorite music, movies, websites, and services from anywhere. VPN makes your device think you’re in another location, so you can enjoy Netflix, Hulu, Disney+, and any other services that may be restricted for you.
How to set up a VPN on iPhone
The fastest and easiest way to add VPN to your iPhone is by using Documents by Readdle. Documents is the super app for file action. It lets you do what you want with your files, from watching movies to PDF editing. Documents features a built-in VPN service that works across all your apps.
Here’s how to configure a VPN with Documents:
Get Documents for free.
Launch the app and jump to the VPN tab.
Tap the big Start button.
That’s it! Now, you can enjoy safe and private browsing. You can also pick a different server location if you need to bypass certain geo-restrictions. VPN works across all your apps, even when you close Documents.
How to connect and disconnect a VPN on iPhone
Once you’ve added a VPN in Documents, you can quickly turn it on or off in the app:
Open Documents.
Jump to the VPN tab.
Tap Start or Stop.
How to manually set up VPN on your iPhone
We’ve just explored an easy way to add a VPN to your iPhone. Alternatively, you can configure a VPN connection manually in the settings of your device. You’ll want to use this method when you already know all the connection details. For example, your employer can provide this information to let you set up a corporate VPN.
If this is your case, follow these steps:
Open the Settings app on your iPhone.
Tap General.
Scroll down and select VPN.
Tap Add VPN Configuration.
Here, you can select the VPN type and fill in all the required settings.
After adding all the details, tap Done at the top right of the screen.
Once you’ve added a VPN configuration, a new VPN toggle will appear in the iOS settings. Just turn it on to start using the VPN.
If you’re looking for the easiest way to use a VPN on your iPhone, download Documents. Turn on a VPN with just a few taps, enjoy safety and privacy while using public Wi-Fi, and get access to your favorite content from anywhere.
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Are you experiencing those Wi-Fi problems with your Mac? For example, your MacBook Pro won’t connect to wifi, connected but no Internet or the network speed is super slow, etc.
Our smartphones may be equipped with the latest wireless data capabilities, but our MacBooks definitely aren’t. We rely on WiFi to do our daily work, and when it inevitably experiences an error of some sort, all you want to do is throw your hands in the air.
After all, WiFi frequently seems to be on the more technical end of things, shrouded in mysterious terms like “DNS”, “modem”, and “IP address”. It can be a bit intimidating to try and fix without worrying that you’re either doing nothing or making the problem worse.
But no one likes mindlessly refreshing a webpage and hoping the WiFi fixes itself in the meantime, so in this guide, we’ll show you a few ways you can take matters into your own hands to find a solution.
Do You Know?
You can troubleshoot network connections in the office or at home with WiFi Explorer. It’s an awesome app that shows you what’s going on with your network and helps you fix it when needed. The app offers a range of extensive details about all your Mac networks in the vicinity, including their band, signal quality, range, security status etc.
Your Internet Service Provider (ISP) is what determines your maximum internet speed, but your usage at home is what ultimately determines how well your connection functions. Whatever your provider advertises is always going to be more than the rates you actually get, but you can always make adjustments on your end to get things running faster.
Bandwidth is not the same as Internet speed. The Internet speed is how fast data can travel on your network, whereas your bandwidth determines the volume of information that can travel at that speed. A larger amount of bandwidth means you can request more data at once, which will make your connection seem faster, but it’s not worth paying for if you don’t use your Mac for much beyond Facebook and email.
It’s important to connect to secure networks even if it means using a Virtual Private Network (VPN) or proxy. While it’s tempting to use the free coffee shop WiFi, the lack of protective password puts your computer at risk because malicious users can use the shared network and attempt to break in. If you must use one of these networks, a proxy or VPN can protect your computer by isolating it from the other connections.
Connection Problems
Issue 1: Physical router interference
Cause: A router sends electronic waves, but these can be impeded by thick walls or other large blockages such as a row of metal filing cabinets.
How to Fix: If your router is currently buried behind a file cabinet, in a closet, or otherwise awkwardly placed you should move it to a more open and central location. If your router is already in a fairly clear area, consider where you’re sitting. Can you minimize the amount of distance between you and the router, or otherwise move closer?
Alternatively, consider purchasing an extended if you can’t seem to move the router to a location without too much interference.
Issue 2: Neighborly router interference
Cause: As we said earlier, a router sends electronic waves. These waves occur at certain frequencies and can be interfered with by other electronic devices such as microwaves or your neighbor’s router.
How to Fix: Most routers come pre-calibrated to certain frequencies or contain software that helps them pick the best channel. You can manually change the channel though by following a few steps.
Step 1: Find out your router’s IP address. This is usually printed on the router, but you can also check in System Preferences > Network > Advanced > TCP/IP > Router;
Step 2: Copy the IP address into the address bar of your browser and hit enter. You’ll be directed to your router’s settings;
Step 3: Select the channel you want. Make sure to choose a channel 5 to 7 away from the original, since many frequencies overlap;
Step 4: Use Wireless Diagnostics to monitor which frequencies make the biggest difference in your wireless signal.
You can get open wireless diagnostics by navigating to Spotlight and then beginning to type “wireless diagnostics”. It should be the first option.
Openvpn Mac Download
Open the app and click “Continue” to start diagnosing.
Issue 3: MacBook Pro or router failure
Macbook Pro Openvpn Connect Download Pc
Cause: When there doesn’t seem to any conceivable reason your WiFi shouldn’t work, it’s not your fault. Sometimes the MacBook Pro, the router, or both experience an unexpected error that’s invisible to the eye and impossible to figure out exactly what went wrong.
How to Fix: Your best bet at solving this type of problem comes in two parts: your computer, and your router. Follow these steps:
Step 1: Turn off the wifi on your computer from the menu bar along the top;
Step 2: Turn off your router by physically disconnecting it (or pressing the power button if it has one) so that all the light turn off;
Step 3: Restart your MacBook from the Apple menu in the top left of the menu bar;
Step 4: Once your Mac has restarted, turn the router back on. You’ll need to wait 2-5 minutes for all of the lights to come on and for the signal to begin sending again
Step 5: Turn your Mac’s WiFi back on, and allow it to connect to the network.
While this method isn’t guaranteed to work every time, it often solves mysterious wireless issues and with a little luck, your problem is minor and will be resolved with a bit of restarting.
Problems Once Connected
Issue 4: WiFi connection is spotty
Cause: If we’ve said it once, we’ve said it a million times: your router transmits waves, and when these are weak at your location, you’re going to have connection issues. In this case, you may have been able to connect to the network but now service is patchy at best. The cause is simple — you’re too far away for the frequency you’re trying to use.
How to Fix: There are two different ways you can fix this issue. First, move closer to the router if you can. This is the easiest way to attempt to solve the problem and maybe all you need to do.
The second way is to use a different frequency band than you normally would. By defaults, your router uses the 2.4GHz band, which is weaker than the 5GHz many router models have available. If your router supports 5GHz, you should switch to this instead- it usually appears as a different network in your WiFi list, with a “5GHz” or “5G” as part of the name.
For example:
If you have a large home, an extender might be a more practical solution. It will amplify the signal from your router so that it can reach the areas of your house that usually suffer from poor coverage.
Issue 5: WiFi connection is very slow
Cause: If things have suddenly slowed down, it’s highly likely you can point to another person to take the blame — someone else is eating up your bandwidth! Make sure to check your own computer first though, especially if you’re running multiple programs in the background.
How to Fix: The easiest way to figure out the culprit is by running a quick scan using Advanced Network Care, it’ll show you the connection speed issues found with your current network and fix it if needed. An alternative is a Wifi Explorer as we already mentioned above.
However, you can also fix that manually. Bandwidth refers to the volume of data that can be transmitted over your WiFi connection. Certain apps can require larger bandwidth and thus restrict the data available to everyone else.
If this occurs in your home, the first step is to check your own applications. The most common offenders are multiplayer video games, video-intensive apps, or files that are uploading and downloading. If your Mac isn’t running anything strenuous, then ask the others in the household if they are.
Macbook Pro Openvpn Connect Download Software
While you can’t get more bandwidth without paying for it, you can ask anyone on the network to limit which applications they use at one time. In the worst-case scenario, you’ll need to wait a few minutes while a download finishes or until the other person is done working.
Final Words
WiFi issues on Mac are among the most frustrating issues that can occur on your computer. They’re confusing, bothersome, and significantly slow your productivity. We hope the methods listed above help you resolve any issues you face.
Macbook Pro Openvpn Connect Download Windows 10
Do you use a different method to troubleshoot your wireless network? Tell us about it in the comments below!
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Vpn World-Wide-Web To Un-Block Youtube, Skype, Skype, And Face-Book
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Best Free Torrents
Sep 17, 2019. Aug 31, 2020. 25 Best Torrent Websites in June 2020. In our selection, the authenticity of the torrent files listed, along with the safety of downloads, reliability of the listing directory, number of genuine torrents listed and the number of seeders were among the more important selection criteria we based our research on. Following a thorough assessment, we compiled a list of the best torrent websites up. Apr 05, 2020. Feb 04, 2020.
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Here is a list of the best torrent sites for books.
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When starting to look for ebooks different sites have different pros and cons. It’s important to know which ones are the safest fastest and most efficient.
Here is a table of some favorite options.
Download mac os high sierra dmg without app store free. When you finish downloading books make sure to get one of the best e-readers so you can take your library with you anywhere. We reviewed those too so check it out!
If you are looking to learn more about the best torrent sites, in general, make sure you keep on reading.
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Before I dive right in I want to mention that it’s extremely important to use a VPN when browsing and downloading torrents or books from websites. A VPN can help mask your identity, location and more. NordVPN (ref link with coupon) is solid. Your privacy is important. Save yourself the headache of potentially dealing with legal repercussions later on down the road.
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Without Library Genesis I’m not sure I would have made it through university. Thank you to Reddit for showing me the light.
Library Genesis pretty much has every single book known to man and it provides it all to you at your fingertips.
At first, it’s easy to be apprehensive about using library genesis because it looks like something you probably should not trust.
How to get free college textbooks
I first started using Library Genesis in College to get textbooks I would barely ever use. Textbooks were expensive and I could not justify the hassle of paying for them at the time when I knew every read I could possibly imagine was on the internet.
They may not have the most recent version of your college textbook but it should be able to get the job done for you.
Library Genesis can be a bit weird when it comes to downloading actual torrents. They don’t always have enough peers but it does seem that the direct downloads almost always work. Make sure you have proper security measures set up on your computer before downloading just in case. I have been using it for almost 5 years without any issues.
Library Genesis is great for finding an obscure pdf of your college textbook or other books most large torrent sites do not have.
I find that I end up just checking Library Genesis before any other source.
Once you find your books make sure you use something like Calibre, an open source project to manage your ebook library. It has options to help you go mobile like Calibre Companion.
Zlibrary is very similar to library Genesis with a much nicer user interface.
The site works extremely well and can provide you with all of your book downloading needs. the only difference here is that you need to make an account.
They allow you to download up to 10 books daily with a free account and are supported off of a donation system to raise your downloading limits. It’s a worthy cause to support in my opinion.
The only real downside is that they don’t have torrents and it’s only direct downloads. This actually makes the process much smoother and you end up happy as can be.
Pirate Bay was my first love and will always have a place in my heart. It all started back when I was 14 I became a hardened internet criminal pirating movies just because I could. The Pirate Bay was and still is the place to be when it comes to finding books and other types of torrents online.
You can easily search any title on there and you will be able to find almost any type of file you can possibly imagine.
There are so many people on Pirate Bay that the Top 100 ebooks page is basically a “best seller”/”Best stolen” list.
If you are looking for Manga, Comics or Graphic novels there are numerous top 100 pages for you to also browse through.
This is always a great choice when looking for popular ebooks. Having the ability to use a magnet link helps keep you safer as someone who is downloading a lot of links so make sure to use this benefit when using The Pirate Bay.
The rest of the list is where I enter the territory of “maybe I’ll just buy the book or maybe I won’t read it because no one cares about it enough to torrent it”.
The Image at the top of this post was the homepage of the Pirate Bay when the domain registrars were trying to take them down. This was a very cool response by them.
Kickass Torrents is a great backup to The Pirate Bay when looking for a book. Most of the time they will just have the same options but sometimes you can get lucky and find exactly what you are looking for that you could not find anywhere else.
They have gone downhill quite a bit probably from getting shut down and other random things.
Make sure to use magnet links to help protect yourself when using Kickass and always read the ratings. This goes without saying for any Torrent site honestly. If there aren’t numerous people thanking the uploader in the comments it can seem a bit fishy. But sometimes this social proof can be manufactured so be careful. It just comes with the territory of downloading things you probably shouldn’t be on the internet.
Torrentz
Download android apps on chromebook. Torrentz is the main Torrentz search engine that I use when looking for books when I’m willing to hunt a file a down.
This is truly your last resort. If you can’t find it here you should probably just stop and do a direct download from Library Genesis.
Conclusion
I’m sure you can guess what I am going to tell you next. Yes, use Library Genesis, Zlibrary, The Pirate Bay, Kickass then give up in that order.
If you are looking for something more specific for instance reading comics online. We went through all the best ways to read those too!
All opinions are my own and do not reflect the views of Calibre Companion.
Don’t forget to get the preliminary downloads before starting!
Best Free Torrent Sites For Movies
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PRELIMINARY DOWNLOADFEATURES
NordVPN
VPN for safe Downloading
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Allows for Netflix out of the USA
Quick and Helpful Support Team
Kill-Switch feature
Fastest VPN
Great User Interface
24/7 Customer Support
FREE Desktop ebook Library Management
Open-Source
Easy Organization
IOS + Android library management
Easy Integration
Quick Setup
Affordable
Best Torrent Sites for Audiobooks
Best Free Torrents For Movies
Here is a list of the best way to download audiobooks for free.
When starting to look for audiobooks different sites have different pros and cons. It’s important to know which ones are the safest fastest and most efficient.
Below is a table of some favorite options
Audiobooks.com is the best for audiobooks. There is no question. They outperform Audible by a mile and have everything you could possibly need when audiobookbay doesn’t have what you are looking for.
We love using Audiobook Bay but at a certain point, the amount of money for the quality cloud service to access it on all my devices outweighed having to hunt for the books I needed.
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The Night Watch, part 3
Continued from here.
Dean closes his eyes against the pod’s blue lighting and ignores Gabe’s ping. He tugs at the standby cable and does his usual wakeup routines, but almost all of his threads of thought are on the dream-- dreams plural within a single-digit interval-- and what it might mean.
Systems scans and current assays are coming back clean, so it’s not something seriously wrong with him, but after so long going almost totally without, it’s odd to experience two dreams in so short a time. He wonders what the hell it is that’s going on to trigger two of them so close together-- the hotel pod? Maybe the friendly relationship he’d established with Benny and Gabe in the year prior to departure?
Some part of him’s shouting that it’s just proof that he’s still real, but he’s long since learned to tune out that kind of wishful thinking. He wonders, too, who the guy is that he keeps seeing. He looks a little like one of the doctors he’d caught a glimpse of during his hospital stay after the accident-- fuck if Dean could remember any of their names, there were like six dozen specialists working on him at any given time, and a lot of his memories from that first year are kind of fuzzy-- but why Dean would be seeing the guy now is beyond him.
Then again, that’s sort of what dreams had been like, before: a random jumble of memories, tossed out and turned into a story by the brain. He remembers that much, at least.
Without any solid data indicating anything off, he can only guess that it’s something to do with time-- maybe he’s finally to the point where shit’s evolved enough to do things like dream. Maybe he really is human under all the other crap-- maybe he’s still the same Dean, the same guy like Sammy had always said.
Dean shakes his head. Sammy had also been a bit of a bleeding heart, ‘mech’s rights’ sort of kid.
Whatever the case, he’ll take what he can get, even if it means more history talk that just reminds him of Sammy. If he’s lucky, his brain will spam a few memories of Sammy in a dream, and he’ll get to talk with his baby brother for a while. Something’s better than nothing.
The Takaoka-REST opens on its own just as Dean’s internal comm system starts jangling with a direct call instead of a ping. He pushes out of the pod and catches the external handle, throwing a glare Gabe’s way. <What the hell, Gabe? I have ten minutes,> he says once he’s reconnected to the RK-NGL intranet.
The mech, it seems, is only just situating itself in its standby dock. <An early start is required due to repairs in the forward arrays that have yet to be completed.>
Dean groans. He requests Gabe’s shift report, navigates to it when all he gets is a link, and scowls when, sure enough, there’s evidence of short-circuits in the array banks he’d just checked two shifts ago. There hadn’t been any sign of wear or tear then, but then again, little shit like this pops up all the time during transit. High-γ travel is part and parcel of modern life, sure, but it isn’t perfect-- Dean would be out a Sammy-supporting job otherwise.
As he scans the rest of the report, he has to do an actual double-take and scroll back to the top of the inventory section just to make sure he isn’t seeing things.
He’s not.
<Gabe?>
<Yes, Dean.>
<Why are there three empty creches in the passenger inventory now?>
It takes Gabe a little longer than usual to answer, like something about Dean’s query has it stumped. <Records confirm that Unit Dean Winchester verified and approved the inventory carried out by Unit GG4-BE during the previous rotation, where it was indicated that NOVAK J, GREY A, ROSS A were absent.> After a beat, it adds, <Recommended action: systems scan.>
Dean disconnects from the intranet and runs another scan, cursing. Those other two yahoos had not been missing during the last check. If he’s caught some weird-ass thing some jackass uploaded to the ship’s servers to cover their goons’ tracks, he’s going to hunt the bastard down and murder them himself-- no one fucks with his memory, end of.
The scan comes up clean, thank fuck-- he probably dodged some kind of time-calibrated bullet because he’s a paranoid bastard and never goes into standby without cutting his intranet connections to everything, ship included. Still, he reconnects to the intranet using his VPN and firewall protocols anyway. Paranoid bastards keep their heads un-fucked-with.
Gabe is satisfied with Dean’s scan results, but the mech’s dumbed-down transit AI doesn’t seem to know what to do with the discrepancy. It takes it nearly ten minutes (practically an eternity) to consult with the RK-NGL’s systems and come to an acceptable conclusion. <Records stored by Unit B3N-N1 and Unit RK-NGL are consistent with findings by Unit GG4-BE. Disregard the erroneous record.>
Fat fucking chance Dean’s going to disregard two people on his transit just disappearing from the records, but he acknowledges Gabe’s directive anyway. No point in arguing with the mech about it.
Swinging himself out of the mech toroid hatch toward the nosecone, he puts this latest weirdness on the proverbial back burner so he can get to the repairs that need doing.
The fix in the forward array is quick enough once he’s found the problem cables, but it still takes several hours of partial array shutdowns and status runs to isolate the impacted segment. Then it’s more testing on the bad segment, this time to find the offending bundle of wires, and then it’s another several hours to worm his way up to the bundle itself. It’s right up against the underside of the ablative cone, and his frame rings with cold every time he accidentally bumps into the aluminum plating. He thanks human laziness for the fact that transit security footage is only viewed by robots post-arrival-- cold can’t kill him, sure, but he still makes a very undignified scramble for distance and comfort all the same.
All told, it’s nearly three days after start-up by the time he gets an all-clear readout on every segment in the forward array and can finally slam that hatch shut behind him.
There are definitely times when he seriously considers a personality shunt for transits, just for his own sanity, and this is one of them.
He never goes through with it, but boy does he think about it.
*
Inventory, as usual, is about as exciting as watching steel oxidize, at least until he makes it to the first of the three berths Gabe had indicated as empty. Like he had been before, NOVAK, JAMES seems to be missing without any particularly suspicious indicators-- caul and seals are intact, biomonitor records show that the creche never registered any cargo mass, and the T-curve is consistent with an empty creche. He double and triple-checks everything, just to be totally sure, but there’s really nothing to find, so he shrugs and moves along to the next creche.
Several tiers down and way too much time later, Dean comes to ROSS, AZAZEL. He opens his ‘erroneous’ inventory record on his own desktop, then opens Gabe’s ‘correct’ inventory in the communal chat.
Seal quality isn’t something that can be hacked, contrary to what popular media would have folks believe. The seal indicator, a brittle, high-tension film of material applied to the creche interior and door seam by the creche mechanism itself, shatters completely from even nano-level breaches anywhere in the creche chamber and is impossible to circumvent. The ‘tampered creche’ trope is an old favourite in crime procedurals, but it’s a hell of a lot easier said than done-- by now, it’s something of a contest between Takaoka and Kryonik’s R&D groups to see whose anti-tamper measures troll would-be vandals harder.
Given that tamperers are usually out to kill someone, those R&D teams have a lot of latitude. Maybe even too much, but Dean’s not gonna be the idiot who actually says that.
As it stands, ROSS, AZAZEL doesn’t seem to have gone anywhere at any point, if he had ever been in the creche-- the indicator strip around the creche seam is still glassy and intact under the protective transit caul (also intact). Dean signs off on that item in the inventory, then moves down to the next: mass and temp.
During the last inventory he’d run, the creche had reported a mass of seventy-three kilos, but now it’s showing zero all the way back to launch. The same goes for creche temperature-- before, the T-curve had been typical for a one point eight meter, seventy-three kilo male with middling to high muscle tone and lower body fat levels, but now it’s just another near-textbook cooling curve for a given volume of standard starliner canned air.
When the creche’s cargo mass sensors return readings of zero all the way back to launch, Dean shakes his head, shrugs, and signs off on ROSS, AZAZEL as another missed transit. About four weeks later, he does the same for GREY, ALASTAIR after finding the same results.
Whoever the two are, someone’s gone to a lot of trouble to make it look like they’d boarded and launched with the RK-NGL.
*
“... and so now I’ve got two empty creches, a good chance that there’s some asshat passenger or passengers who are really just here to fuck up or stalk the missing guys and are probably gonna be real pissed when they figure out that their marks weren’t even on the ship, and I’m gonna have to stay on VPN the rest of the time in case there’s any other intranet fuckery going on. Can you believe this shit?”
Sammy’s berth just blips along, as it always has. It’s probably better that way; Sam would have cut off Dean’s bitching ages ago, and then Dean would have felt bad, and it’d be awkward as shit for like a day until Sammy got fed up with that, too.
Dean sighs and tips himself back against the chilly, un-cauled surface of Sam’s berth. “This transit sucks, Sammy. I mean, not as bad as that Landung-to-Dàodá clusterfuck, but it’s getting there pretty quickly. Send me some positive lawyer mojo, would you?”
Sammy blips.
It’s as much as Dean can hope for, really.
A little kid shrieks with delight as they fly down a slide; grinning, Dean remembers doing the same thing when he’d been about that age. He laughs when the kid’s mom catches them as they bolt past and gently reminds them to walk and not scream, please. Dean had been on the receiving end of a lot of those talks, too.
Next to him on the bench, S-RAE Guy-- Castle? Cassy-elle? Dean just remembers ‘Cas’-- stares at the playground with a look of squinty-eyed bafflement. He tilts his head. “What purpose does this structure serve?”
Dean blinks. “You don’t know what a playground is?” he squawks before he can stop himself.
Cas looks over at Dean with big, serious blue eyes. “I… cannot say I have ever seen one before.”
Okay. Either Dean’s sort-of-adopted the worst functional Stasis-Related Adverse Event on medical record, or Cas has had the shittiest fucking childhood ever. Dean’s not a total dick, so he’s not gonna demand why the guy’s never seen one before, but hell if he’s gonna let Cas the S-RAE Guy waltz off into the world without knowing what a playground is. “So little kids like to run and climb and crawl around on shit, right?”
Cas’ head tips in the other direction. Dean’s weirdly reminded of a bird. “I wouldn’t know. Am I correct in assuming that you do not mean ‘shit’ in the literal sense?”
Point in the ‘shittiest childhood’ column, there. “Uh, yeah dude, you’re correct on that.” He gestures toward the little kid, who’s clambering around upside down on the monkey bars while the mom hovers anxiously and tries to coax them down. “Kids’re still figuring everything out-- running, jumping, thinking, all that crap, and it’ll still be like ten years before one that age’s got anything that looks like common sense, so… they run, and jump, and climb, make up stories and games so they can do more jumping and running and climbing, and let me tell you, it does not matter where they are-- kids will do kid shit anywhere. That,” he says, jabbing a thumb at the playground structure as a whole, “is a way to trick them into doing their kid shit in one place, where there’s nothing to knock over, fall over on top of them, or--”
The kid slips and falls while they’re climbing down from the monkey bars. It’s an awkward tumble, but the smart-gel surface of the playground absorbs the worst of the fall, and the kid bounces right up again to go haring off somewhere else.
“A rigid surface would have been quite harmful in that situation,” Cas remarks. “I believe I am beginning to understand.” The way he’s watching makes Dean think he’s more focussed on the mom than the kid right now. “What differentiates a ‘kid’ individual from a non-’kid’ individual?”
Dean isn’t sure whether he wants to address the question or the weirdly-clinical use of ‘non-kid’ in a sentence. He’s reporting this dude’s case to Takaoka first thing in the fucking morning-- there’s no way the guy won’t get some kind of settlement out of it, and he’s probably gonna need all the help he can get, the poor fucker. “Uh,” he says when he realizes Cas is still waiting for an answer. “Kids aren’t adults, like us. They’re small, and they still run around and play and ask shit tons of questions and all that.”
Cas narrows his eyes. “I don’t understand. What stops us from running and playing and asking questions?”
“Uh,” Dean says, stumped. “Rules? Adults… they’ve got responsibilities, and jobs, and they’ve got to take care of their families and their houses and stuff like that. It’s real life, I guess. When you’re six it’s one thing, but if you run around and play tag and stick your nose in everything when you’re thirty-six, people’re gonna look at you like you’re nuts, and then no one’ll hire you.”
After a moment of consideration, Cas turns his gaze back to the child. “I find that sad. The kid’s activities look…” He pauses, as if searching for the right word. “Enjoyable. Do you think they would be?” Blue eyes turn down to broad hands with long fingers; Cas flexes them experimentally and Dean wonders if maybe his cluelessness really is the amnesia, and not a shitty childhood like he’d assumed. The movement’s so much like the one Dean had done when his hands were suddenly new again that… yeah, he really can’t help but think it’s an S-RAE thing. Takaoka’s so getting a long, in-depth email about this, because seriously, Cas deserves a goddamn fortune in restitution.
In the meantime, Dean needs to remember to answer Cas’ question and not just sit there planning lawsuits. “Uh, yeah? It’s all pretty cool, I guess. You wanna try the monkey bars?”
“The bars from which the kid fell?” Cas asks, and Dean nods. “I-- I do not think I wish to experience that immediately. They appear challenging. However, the climbing structure with many bars and handholds, and the… helical inclined trough, and walking through the local flora in search of small, exoskeletal organisms. Those appeal to me greatly.”
Dean blinks. “The jungle gym, the slide, and bug hunting?”
“Yes,” Cas says, very seriously.
When Dean looks back at the playground, the kid and their mom have departed-- it’s just Dean and Cas there, no one else in sight. A glance at Cas shows him staring wide-eyed at the jungle gym, and Dean finally reaches his breaking point. Cas looks a little bewildered when Dean pulls him to his feet and divests him of his beige coat and suit jacket, but when Dean starts tugging him toward the jungle gym, his face lights up with understanding.
Pretty soon it’s Dean being tugged everywhere. It’s worth it, though, because when Cas does finally smile, it’s this gloriously crinkle-nosed actual ray of fucking sunshine even from the very peak of an arc on the swing set, and Dean’s never seen anything like it in all his life.
*
“Why do adults deny themselves these things, Dean?” Castiel asks later. He’s only half-visible over the peachy blooms of some kind of flower; even though the question had been directed at Dean, his gaze is locked on a bee as it bumbles from petal to petal. “These things-- joy, discovery, spontaneity-- are real, too, are they not?”
Dean doesn’t have a good answer. “I… they are, Cas. I guess… we give up a lot as adults. Running around. Playing. Dreams. All that--”
“Dreams?” Cas asks. He tilts his head. “I thought dreams were a neural phenomenon during REM sleep.”
Dean sighs. Cas doesn’t remember playgrounds, but he remembers sciencey shit about dreams? Seriously. Letter. Takaoka. First fucking thing. “Dreams in the metaphorical sense. Things you want to do, to see, to be in the future. I wanted to be a physicist, and I was doing it, but sometimes real life makes it impossible to keep trying to follow a dream, especially when you’ve got other people depending on you. A kid doesn’t have that issue, so a kid runs around and dreams all these crazy dreams and just enjoys the shit out of everything, because they don’t know loss, or not-having, or… you get the idea. It’s the adults in their life who’re supposed to support them so they don’t have to know it. The more support you have, the more you can… do all that, I guess.”
Castiel leans forward and buries his face in the cluster of flowers. He seems thoughtful as he sits there and breathes. “Even if you give up pursuing the dream, though, it is still there?”
“Guess so.”
“Do adults create new dreams?”
“All the fucking time,” Dean says, and thinks of Sammy in his berth, and of the thesis that still sits waiting on the same drive it has since he finished it, and of a heartbeat-- a real one.
Cas looks up at the wobble in Dean’s voice. “I am sorry. I have caused you pain.”
Shrugging, Dean crams his hands in his pockets. “‘S not your fault, man. Human society’s shitty-- for most folks, living a dream is a luxury. Being an adult human means you learn to aim for what you can and find happiness in the little stuff. Warm weather. Cuddling with someone on a cold night. Pie fresh out of the oven. A good book. Seeing a new place when you get the chance to travel. Doesn’t fill the gap, and you’ll always have that part of you that’ll wish you could, but… it’s not all bad, okay? I promise, there’s a lot of good stuff for adults out there, too. We don’t get to run and play the same way, but we do… we do get to do things kids can’t, and a lot of it is awesome.”
He’s not sure who he’s reassuring-- Cas, because the poor guy’s gonna have to go back out into the real world someday, or himself.
Dean nearly jumps out of his skin when a gentle hand tucks something bristly behind his ear. Cas smiles at him from barely a foot away and lowers his hand; a peachy-white blob bobs at the corner of Dean’s vision.
“Maybe that’s a part of it,” Cas says. “Being an ‘adult human’, as you put it.” The corners of his eyes crinkle with his smile, and even though his blue eyes look sad, they look happy, too. “If things are as you say, then I think… I think perhaps that there is fun in being a kid human, but because adults have known loss and hardship, there can be deeper appreciation and gratitude for the good things.”
Dean stares. “Were you some kind of philosopher before you got freezer burn?”
He doesn’t even have time to feel bad about using the pejorative; Castiel literally fucking lights up with a grin and lets out a delighted laugh. “I could have been!” he chuckles, just before stealing the flower from behind Dean’s ear. He holds the blooms to his nose again; there’s a dusting of pollen when he moves them away. “Sometimes, you seem very sad, Dean, but if things are as you say,” Cas continues quietly, re-tucking the flower behind Dean’s ear, “then I believe that very, very few must have so deep a capacity for appreciation and gratitude as you. Your kindness for me when I was a stranger only deepens my faith. Thank you.”
Cas goes back to his flowers, and Dean kind of stands there, floored.
He tries to remember the last time that someone said something so honestly kind to him, and can’t-- even with his memory, he can’t. It’s barely anything, just a compliment and a simple statement of thankfulness for an act of basic human decency, and yet he feels almost overwhelmed.
It’s a good overwhelmed, though, like something in him is full and whole for the first time after a long, long drought. It’s good, and for once he doesn’t question whether the feeling’s real or just… an artifact, an echo of what the real thing had been.
Dean smiles. “Anytime, buddy,” he says, and goes to sit with Cas in the flowers.
#my writing#science fiction AU#destiel#slow burn#posthuman themes#space travel#my fanfiction#supernatural
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