#maybe this could be like a 5 times barry did something stupid in regards to rafe and didn’t know why and the 1 time he hashtag realized

[futuremrscameron]

okay but how has there not been a rafebarry fic where rafe overdoses while hanging out with barry and barry freaks out cause 1. rafe is overdosing and 2. he’s got this rich boy in the cut so he can’t call 911 cause the emts will just #know and they’ll call the cops and barry will go to prison but when he looks back at rafe foaming at the mouth and convulsing he knows he can’t let him die. he doesn’t want him to die. so he calls 911

or maybe he drives him to the hospital himself idk but something like that yk?

[hohoz]

How RE Village (8) SOLVED almost every problem that I had with RE Series

Okay - a few weeks ago I made a post that was “The ones that suffer the most” where I showed and explained my main problems with Chris and Jill and the RE series in general 

RE 1 is my fav game of this series and probably one of my all time favs, I player every RE there is to be played except 4 (because I dislike Leon, sry) 

Recently, specially after 4, the franchise had a few problems, specially in writing/map design/lore 

Resident evil 5 for example (I love this game) but it has it flaws, Chris there is only driven by anger and action - Sheva is used as a tool for lore exposition and to be Chris’s new partner 

PLEASE: be aware that game at that generation didn’t have much lore - with some exceptions, like God of War 1 2 3 were a simply game with a simple lore, and the most recent GoW has evolved a little bit in the storytelling

Until we hit rock bottom in RE6 - I know a lot of people like this game, but this is only and action game, bad writing and generic stages. 

Chris there is so mistreated that makes me mad (if you want to read more about this go to my other post “the ones that suffer the most”)

Until RE7 appeared, Capcom had a new engine and they wanted to do a game that was more horror like - since RE is know for being a Survival horror game.

I liked 7 - some people complained about Ethan being without emotion and others complained about the mold, a few didn’t like the FEAR vibes from Eveline. 

I personally enjoyed the game, I thought RE series was going back on track, that game has it’s problems but it was really nice compared to what we had in 6.

After that game I had a conversation with my best friend and I said that I wanted a game that portrayed Umbrella’s fall since the only game that shows this is Umbrellas Chronicles (and that is most a resume of what happened)

And I said: “Bro, I wish that when they made that game, they could tie some mythological lore and human evolution before Umbrella - using Spencer, this would solve LOT OF STUFF and open new ways to handle this series”

and guess what - this happened in RE8 and kudos to the one writer that did that, i have my gratitude. 

RESIDENT EVIL 8 is probably one of the BEST RE games that we had IN YEARS

And I want to address all thing that I loved in this game and do some predictions to what will happen in the next games.

“WELL WELL IF IT ISN’T ETHAN WINTERS” (The Father of the year)

My father was not a great guy... really, so I want to be the best dad ever, I really want be like Ethan - a guy who is ready to sacrifice and fight every monster in the way to save my family. 

Ethan was a character that in RE7 was used to make us fell like that it was us in the Baker’s house, so that is why he didn’t had that much personality (in my opinion) but they changed that in RE8, here he has nice dialogues AND a diary 

He has one of the best story line in the whole REverse, a guy that did EVERYTHING in his power to save his daughter - and you saw that playing the game, every sentence line that he delivered, he tried to save others too and even tho Chris said to him stay put ... but he couldn’t, he had to go to the altar, he had to help Chris, he had to go forward and keep going, specially after having the tools to face Heisenberg. 

The plea from a father, that was his last wish, after he heard that Mia was alive he knew that someone had to stop that monster, he made a promise to his daughter “Daddy won’t let those weird fairy tale monsters get you” so he trusted Chris, to be the one that teaches his kid how to be brave and strong

I will not address Chris and Rose situation here because this is Ethans part and he deserves completely all the spotlight, his sacrifice was 100x times better than Steve (CV)/Piers(6)

My cheers to Ethan Winters - You have my respect !

Revelations -> RE8 

So leaks from earlier times said that RE8 sucked and Revelations 3 was amazing

Revelations FYI is know for using old tales in RE stories 

Revelations 1 - Dante’s Inferno 

Revelations 2 - Frans Kafka 

Revelations 3 - Dracula 

But since RE8 sucked, Capcom said to the REV3 team that they could make REV3 become RE8 and they accepted 

Revelations series is one of the best in the games, they handle Jill in a way that I love, Claire and even Barry - so they deserve all the spotlight for making this awesome game - you CLEARLY can see that they love this series and that they treat all the characters with the love that they deserve. 

Keeping that in mind, they are the same team that made Rev 2 and in REV 2 we have this file here 

So they had a plan for Jill and we can see that in RE8 - I will address that later but keep that in mind - this team cares for the old characters, they were the ones that brought Barry back to the games :V 

Chris Redfield 

This is a hard one, because he is my fav character and I usually have the most critics regard him, since I’ve expect a lot from Capcom 

In the latest games they made him kind dumb, only muscles type of guy and an alcoholic that let all the people in his surroundings die (RE5,RE6,Vendetta) 

RE6 treats him the WORST

But in RE8 he had an amazing part in the storyline, it was obvious that he wasn’t evil and they FIXED HIS EYE COLOR - FINALLY 

I still don’t like the model face that much but it’s way better than 7 - so I believe Capcom, I still feel that he need more jawline 

But let’s go to the most important thing - here he really feels like a squad leader and a veteran, he has his team but he is the one in the front line, he covers and ask for help when he needs, everything about his line delivery makes you feel like “Woah, this guy is a badass, he is not some stupid guy only driven by emotions”

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR FINALLY GETTING THIS RIGHT 

If you remember my post about the ones that suffer the most / Jill is also in that list and I will talk about her a little bit later but if my guess is right RE8 saved her character aswell

Another thing that I enjoyed here is the fact that he is kind of a mercenary / Neo Umbrella kind of guy, even tho he is one of the founders of the BSAA

So I will give you all my score to this game: 

9/10

I won’t give 10/10 because of some technical issues, the cursor lock didn’t work and mouse sensitivity was i dunno, not the best. 

RE8 and the future (PREDICTIONS)  - Jill Valentine, Chris Redfield, BSAA, Neo Umbrella, Ada Wong and Rosemary

First let’s look Rose

The first time I saw Rose all grown up - I thought to myself : She has the same problem as Eveline (age a lot faster than normal) 

But she also absorbed Miranda’s power since the metalicite (something like this) thought that she was a better host. - so maybe she will live longer or something because I doubt that they will do a 14 years time skip. 

This is not the same as Terra Save logo (Claire’s job) but it kind reminds me of it - her shoes appeared at least 3 times in this cut scene so maybe they are trying to show some hints with this 

She really reminds me of Jodie (Beyond two souls, a game where a girl has a lot of power and the gov uses her in missions and stuff, but she also is learning how to be her own person) 

Another thing here is that they don’t have a logo in this car, it really reminds me the car that Chris as using in RE8 

This supports the theory that Chris’s organization is dealing with her instead of the BSAA, the she is a hot headed girl and that she had a lot of powers. 

So here you can say that she is just a kid because she is a teenager, but what if she actually grows older really fast (like Eveline) maybe this is just 1 year later / 2 yrs later. (after RE8)

So this is the tricky part, this is Chris’s guard/soldier, someone that Chris trust to stand by her side, in my mind I do believe that Chris is kind of a father figure to her, so when this guys says this he is thinking about hot head Chris but she replies “Yeah” thinking about Ethan - (she has the mold memories, so she can actually remember Ethan’s memories) 

Now let’s look at this 

BSAA 

So in REV1 is hinted that BSAA is not the best organization in the world, but since our heroes work there we think that they are the good guys right ? 

In REV 2 (it’s important to remember that the team that created RE8 is the same from the REVELATIONS and they had this file here in REV2)

This email is from Jill and what does Jill have ? T-Virus 

Wesker is a different case since he was a project and she had the vaccine but this would make a lot of sense if they had this tests with Jill to get the T-Virus

If that is the case, they explained Jill’s absence in the main games, could even explain why Chris left BSAA and opened a new window to a lot of possibilities 

My Predictions: 

- Chris had trouble dealing with BSAA and Jill’s case, he wanted to get her out of there, maybe he removed her from there but that resulted in him being expelled from the force

-Jill may or may not know what they are doing with her blood, but she will have a huge part in the BOW used by BSAA 

-Chris is married to Jill (sorry- I had to place this here, in a perfect world he has two kids with her and they all love aunt Rose) 

-Chris will hopefully be a father figure to Rose and they will be in a game together since in the end they came to get her

-Rebecca is still involved in BSAA activities (leak from new REV3) if you consider Vendetta canon, she maybe the one that used Jill’s sample of blood to create the virus soldiers

-Barry maybe retired 

-I don’t think Leon will be in this game, but he will get his RE4 Rmk 

- I do believe RE9 will be release after Code veronica rmk and MAYBE they will do a game about Umbrella’s Fall (Chris and Jill in Europe against Red Queen and BOWs) 

But that is it, you can see a lot of elements from old RE games in RE8, they tried to do something really smart and the game felt amazing to play, that was something else and it’s been a while since a player a RE game that made me feel that way <3

[sgt-paul]

I have been reading some interviews and I don’t like how Paul talks about Jane. Why does he downplayed her so much? Meanwhile Jane has never said anything bad about him. I think Paul have a tendency to downplay people that are close to his heart, the same with John. Maybe is because both of them abandon him. What is your opinion?

hi! well, i think i would start this answer with a barry miles’ quote concering MYFN, where he makes a very vital point: 

“…[Paul] only asked for two changes. One was a girlfriend who he had seen on-and-off for some years right up until the day before his marriage to Linda, who we cut out completely, and the other change was one of tone. Linda had been diagnosed with cancer and throughout the taping of the questions this fact hung heavily over the proceedings. As the book concerned only the Beatles period, with a final section on the death of John Lennon, it was inevitably very much about Jane Asher as well. In some sections, though by no means all, Paul asked for the phrase ‘and Jane’ to be taken out when I was describing some event they had attended together ‘because it makes the book seem like the Paul and Jane story.’ I could understand why he didn’t want it to seem that way, particularly as Linda was ill, and so I made all the requested changes.”

this quote from barry lets us get an insight into paul’s mindset at the time, which is quite important to consider, when we’re reading about his relationship with jane in MYFN. if paul is being so picky about the “and jane” phrase, we sure as hell are not going to get from his part some lovey-dovey reminiscing, or for that matter mature and deep analyzing. so what stays is the objective, rightful representation of jane’s extremely important role, along with paul’s occasional passive aggressive, evasive, sometimes a tad childish behaviour, and the bare minimum of acceptance regarding his love for jane. okay, it’s not all that bad!! sometimes he’s lovely, and he seems like he would be willing to talk seriously, but as the book proceeds, it’s like he is becoming less and less willing to acknowledge stuff (at least that’s how i remember it…). and you know, for example when it comes to his songs, he’s usually name-dropping jane if it’s about arguments, and that can create a very one-sided picture to some. and sometimes that can also lead to a few stupid lines from him like: “I suspect it was about another argument. I don’t have easy relationships with women, I never have. I talk too much truth.” which he said about for no one…wtf dude (although these songs and paul’s opinions on them are extremely telling as well, as they often deal with his worry and anger over jane’s lack of presence and what he perceived as her lack of commitment) thankfully barry is a great balance overall!..  

i know i’m only discussing this one particular bio, but since most people use this book as the main source of paul’s take on their relationship i feel like it’s important to put his comments in context. + i don’t think this quote is only exclusive to MYFN, it also shows us what his general perspective became over the years. 

as to why he is behaving like this when it comes to jane, there are probably multiple reasons. 1. as mentioned by miles, linda’s illness had clearly affected the picture paul was about to present on his relationship with jane. obviously he wasn’t going to gush over their relationship and upset linda who is already going through a lot. instead he’ll be nonchalant and evasive, and with this he’s basically protecting linda’s emotional state, which is totally understandable. 2. i mean… he was prooobably very much hurt by jane’s sudden final decision, and that “tainted” his whole approach. 3. he wasn’t the “prevailing party” in this case, he’s got a big ego and great pride, can you imagine him going “yeah of course i was devastated when jane broke up with me because i was acting like an asshole, and although the end was almost inevitable, we were engaged and losing her was a terrible feeling and shock and i tried to get her to forgive me but she didn’t want to hear about it, and in the following weeks/months i went through one of the most hectic periods of my life” … of course not.. so he tried his best to minimize the significance of this event/era. 4. i’m also sure that the fact that jane has never spoken about their relationship puts him in an odd position (shoutout to jane for being one of the classiest ladies in beatles history). 5. and we all know that he is an extremely private northern dude, so unless it’s “necessary”, he doesn’t go into serious details about his relationships and his feelings.

(there is a great great post concerning their relationship, written by the crew of the akom podcast, i can only urge everyone to read it)

of course i’m not trying to make paul’s opinion and his experiences less valid either, we all know that him and jane did have serious problems and difficulties in their relationship, and we could go on discussing them for hours. for the full picture, you gotta look at the situation from every side. this also applies to not getting all your information from paul’s retrospective interviews etc, but also from people who were around them at the time.

(the girlfriend “who he had seen on-and-off for some years” is maggie mcgivern, they met in 1966 and maggie even accompanied paul to paris that year. as miles says, they were seeing each other right up until paul’s marriage, paul went to see her a few days before the wedding. which, and this is just my personal speculation, might have had something to do with the big row paul and linda had the night before the ceremony. so anyway, in her case as well, it’s clear that the fact that they avoided mentioning her can be traced back to, well, first of all paul’s marriage to linda, and also linda’s illness.)

as for the parallel with john, it’s an interesting one, but personally i have never really seen him downplay his relationship with john like that, and even if he had said things that can qualify as downplaying, i don’t necessarily think the two situations would be comparable. but i’m open to hear more about your thoughts, maybe i’m just missing something!

also, sometimes paul’s just an asshole, simple as that, lol :)

[embracesadness]

Bluepulse Week 2017 - Day 5: Rumours

(Late post for rumours! Have half of today’s written up and I’ll try to post it for today! Okay, enjoy!)

Bart Allen. Vital signs show that your heart rate has increased tenfold since arriving within the Velocity's vicinity. Suggested course of action: Eliminate him.

"Khaji, for the millionth time, we aren't eliminating anybody. Honestly. You suggested vaporising grandma Iris today just because she didn't fry the pancakes to look like little seals!"

The Iris shows no concern or regard for the Bart Allen's need for seal shaped, battered nutritional contents.

"No comment." Bart sighed, walking up to Jaime's front door and ringing the bell. There was a beat of silence from the alien-thank God-and also within Bart's mind. He had to admit, he was nervous coming here. He was always nervous coming here, though.

Mostly because Jaime was here.

Not that he had a...crush on Jaime or anything. That would be stupid. And dumb. And it wasn't like the older boy could ever like him back.

This scarab's highest functioning and priority depends on reasoning and logical problem solving skills. The Bart Allen's insistence on completing this task is inane.

"Are you upset that I'm doing your job for you in doubting every single one of my decisions made in life?" Bart snickered to himself, then looked around to see if anybody had bore witness to his absolute insanity.

Kill the Jaime Reyes.

Bart sighed in defeat. Then again, he should have expected this from the alien on his back. He was pretty much used to the weird looks and raised eyebrows his ramblings received. And having Khaji Da as a partner-for-life was just normal to him now, even if it was a constant reminder of what Bart had gone through in his life up until that point.

It was sort of funny the way things worked out sometimes. Bart remembered how much he despised the Blue Beetle and his cold, harsh demeanor. How much he hated being a slave to a regime that treated humans like corpses or-even worse-sacks of meat.

And he remembered vowing to kill the monster that had taken so much away from him and his people.

Then the day he arrived in the past to finally find and kill the Blue Beetle he became what he had sworn to destroy.

There was an explosion by a building where the Scarab was located according to the directions he had been following on his tracking device. One minute he was walking towards the building, the next there was a huge explosion, heat and this awful burning pain in his back.

Then everything went dark.

Bart woke up back at his grandfather's and grandmother's, tucked into bed with a bowl of soup laying next to him. Nothing seemed to make much sense at first. Then he realized what was on his back and slowly put everything together.

Honestly, Bart had no idea who the Blue Beetle of the future was. He didn't know if the REACH eventually killed him off and replaced the source material with another or if he truly had despised himself all of those years.

He tried not to think about it.

Still, living with Khaji Da seemed impossible at times. Especially when the damn thing tried taking over constantly at first. However, after a while, the two had both simmered down and seemed to have set some simple ground rules. It was easier to deal with it that way. For the both of them.

The door finally opened and Bart grinned as soon as Jaime came into view.

"What's up, her-ma-no?" he laughed, winking over at the latino boy and then realizing what a stupid thing that was to do, why had he done that?

"Your pronunciation is truly something to be marvelled at, esé." Jaime chuckled, a small smile plastered onto his face. Bart smiled even wider if that was even possible and Jaime tilted his head to the side, motioning for Bart to come in.

"You entering or no?"

Do not trust the Jaime Reyes. He plots to terminate you. Eliminate him at once.

"No!" Bart hissed at the scarab. Jaime's eyes twinkled with confusion. Bart shook his head almost immediately, blushing.

"No! Not yet." he covered, "I have to take my shoes off first."

Jaime looked down and nodded. "Yeah, good call. Mi mama would freak if I got dirt all over the house."

"Aren't you running in here at lightning speeds all the time, though?" Bart questioned, kicking off his shoes and entering the house. Jaime bristled and motioned to Bart to keep it down.

"Dude!" he exclaimed, "What if mi familia was home? They would've heard you!" He looked around and sighed. "Besides," he continued, "I run to your grandfather's house if I need...anything."

"Geez." Bart laughed, "No need to be so secretive!"

The Jaime Reyes' heartbeat is irregular. Possible reasoning for this anomaly is that he is plotting to kill you. Suggested tactic: Destroy him before he can.

"On second thought." Bart spoke aloud, "Maybe some things are best kept secret in your head."

Jaime scoffed. "Duh." He wolfed down about four packages of Chicken Whizees at an incredibly fast pace right before Bart's eyes. The boy smiled.

Jaime had been normal before Bart had come back and all of this stuff had gone down. Sadly, after arriving on earth, the REACH began taking in human prisoners and experimenting on them like there was no tomorrow. They took runaways; people that nobody would end up looking for in the end. Somebody who could just...disappear.

People like Jaime's best friend, Tye, who just so happened to disappear whilst all of this was happening. Jaime, catching wind of what was going down, decided to go on a wild manhunt to find what had happened to his friend. He stuck his nose too deep into somebody else's business and ended up getting himself captured in the end as well.

They awakened his metagene, thus gifting him the power of superspeed. Jaime was one of their majorly successful guinea pigs. Tye not so much.

But Jaime was one out of two of the most important experiments they had going there.

Bart was the other.

He'd stupidly gotten himself captured after trying to track down the stolen kids himself as well. They quickly noticed who he was and just what was on his back and suddenly they were trying to reboot the scarab in order to get it back on mode.

Bart had never been more terrified in his life.

He and Jaime were stuck in a room together for the majority of their time there. Chained to one another, facing a barren wall. They were even put in pods close together as to not get them mixed up with all of the other "failed" experiments out there.

During this time, Bart and Jaime grew closer than ever. They learnt pretty much everything about each other. Jaime told Bart all about Tye and his family. About how he was terrified of these new powers invested within him. Bart told him about the bleak future ahead of them and having to come to terms with becoming everything you'd ever hated.

They were each other's rock. And Bart could even admit on having a crush on the older boy. Not a big one, though. Just a small one...

Okay, maybe a big one.

Eventually they were rescued by a group of younger heroes known as the "young" justice league. Actually, they didn't really have a name. They were just them. Not like the Justice League, anyways.

A bunch of kid heroes running around saving a bunch of kid screw-ups.

Jaime and Bart were two of the last out since they were kept under maximum security. They'd grown so used to holding each other when things got rough that when these strangers came and tried to separate them they screamed and cried and begged to not be taken away from one another.

They didn't let go of each other. Not even when most of the other runaway kids dispersed. Not even when Jaime went home for the first time after everything had gone down. A member of the Team had had to explain what had happened to his parents. They were very understanding but it was still very difficult to fathom that their son was now so...different.

And then there was also the fact that Bart went with him everywhere. They physically could not be apart.

Therapy eventually undid all the damage inflicted upon them and they could finally go without being with one another constantly, but it was still difficult for both of them to function without seeing the other at least once a week.

Joining the team made it simpler to see one another. Jaime began receiving lessons from Bart's grandfather, Barry, who became his mentor. Just another reason to see the boy. Bart would fly to Jaime's occasionally and Jaime would run to Bart's.

Back and forth across the continent. Just like that.

Bart never would've dreamed that his life would end up as it had. That a person could have that much of an effect on him. But they did. And it was just so incredible.

"Earth to Bart. Heellloooooo? Isanybodyhome?" Jaime was speeding around him, flailing his arms about. Bart blinked back into the world of living.

"Hello! Yes! I am here! And alive."

Only until the Jaime Reyes deems it acceptable to initiate your destruction.

Bart resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Stupid scarab. Jaime giggled, grabbing a Chicken Whizee and popping it into Bart's mouth.

"You're so cute when you do that." he admitted to Bart, chewing on his own delicious snack. Bart cocked an eyebrow.

"Oh, am I?"

"Yesindeedyouaremygoodsir."

"I don't understand speed talk."

Their faces were getting closer and closer to each other.

"No?" Jaime questioned, "Doesn't your grandfather teach you anything?"

And closer.

"Not much." Bart admitted cheekily, "He spends all his time with you after all, the golden child of-"

The space between their lips suddenly disappeared and all Bart was aware of was just how soft and beautiful Jaime really was. He felt the spanish boy vibrating under the pressure of the kiss and Bart smiled into it.

Warning: Danger detected within the immediate vicinity. The Jaime Reyes is attempting to suffocate this organism.

Bart giggled at that. The two finally separated for air. Bart reached up and wiped the little bit of spittle off from his lips. Jaime blinked, staring at him with these wide eyes.

"I don't know why I did that." he admitted softly, still staring at the younger boy in front of him, "I just felt like doing it, I guess."

Bart grinned seductively. "Then feel like doing it again."

Jaime's eyes widened even more. Bart's eyelids shut softly as he approached the speedster and wrapped his hands around his midsection. Jaime laughed and leaned in closer.

"My pleasure."

For some reason, ignoring Khaji Da became a more simpler task than it had ever been.

[auburnfamilynews]

Photo by Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images

SEC football is finally here

Holy crap we did it... We actually did it... We made it to game week!

After whetting the palette with a light three weeks of silly Big 12 and ACC games, the main course is set to arrive this weekend in the form of SEC football. Granted, week 1 in the SEC ain’t exactly great but it signals the end of what has to be one of the worst off-seasons of all time.

You aren’t officially a football blog until you drop some #PowerRankings so today I’ll take a stab at where I think things stand in the SEC before the season kicks off. Barring a shocking upset, I don’t expect this list to change all that much next week but I also wouldn’t be surprised if something unexpected goes down this weekend...

#1.) Alabama

SP+: 1 | FPI: 2 | FEI: 1

Boooooooooo.... Yes I know, I am a bad barner. But I like to at least feign the ability to approach things with an unbiased mind and as lame as it might be until someone takes the Tide down this fall, they’ll be the consensus favorite. Sure Tua and company are gone but plenty of offensive weapons return and that young defense is a year older with All-American linebacker Dylan Moses back to manage things in the middle. The biggest question facing the Tide is whether or not Mac Jones will be the guy or if hotshot 5-star signee Bryce Young is ready to take the reigns. A depleted Mizzou team is unlikely to provide much of a test but I’ll be interested to see how these QBs look.

Next Game: @ Missouri

#2.) Georgia

SP+: 4 | FPI: 5 | FEI: 6

I know there are those that would disagree with me having UGA over UF right now but until Dan Mullen can actually beat Kirby Smart, I favor the Dawgs. Yes, UGA has plenty of questions on offense with a brand new OC, likely a redshirt freshman QB, a retooled offensive line, no D’Andre Swift and questions at wide receiver but this defense is still stupid good. They will likely lose a game they shouldn’t due to a special teams score or an offensive turnover but they are also going to beat quite a few teams by just suffocating their offenses. I suspect this questionable Dawg offense will look just fine against a very bad Arkansas squad.

Next Game: @ Arkansas

#3.) Florida

SP+: 5 | FPI: 11 | FEI: 12

Is this the year? The Gators have been impressive under Mullen with two straight 10+ win seasons and two NY6 Bowl victories but “struggles” on the recruiting trail and no SEC East titles have UF fans craving more. This feels like the year for Mullen to get over the hump but the Gators lost some firepower off that front 7 and along with some important offensive weapons. Mullen has also struggled to do much offensively against Smart’s D in the past. We’ll see if they can finally get over the hump in 2020 but they better watch out week 1. Lane Kiffin has some dudes on the offensive side of the ball and it wouldn’t shock me if he put up some yards on this Gator defense. Just not sure the Rebels can stop anyone.

Next Game: @ Ole Miss

#4.) LSU

SP+: 13 | FPI: 7 | FEI: 4

I am sure #4 feels disrespectful to some LSU fans considering they are the defending champs but I suspect it will end up being too high. The Tigers have recruited at a high level so there’s plenty of talent still on this roster but losing both coordinators, a plethora of off the field personnel and 10+ starters including a Heisman winner, two 1,000 yard receivers, a 1st rd running back, 4 OL starters and multiple early NFL defensive draft picks is not easily replaceable. There will be a step back. How far back? Not sure yet but I will be shocked if this team only loses 2 games this fall. The Pirate sails into town week 1 but I doubt they have the firepower to threaten LSU out the gate.

Next Game: vs Mississippi State

#5.) Auburn

SP+: 11 | FPI: 9 | FEI: 7

While SP+ and FPI both like AU more than LSU, I am applying the same logic I did with UGA/UF. Until Gus proves he can beat Ed Orgeron, I am going to have a hard time putting AU over the Bayou Bengals. The Tigers return plenty of skill players and arguably the best LB corps in the country but must rebuild both lines of scrimmage and break in new starters in the secondary. Per usual, AU is one of the bigger boom/bust teams in the SEC this fall and they don’t get a walk in the park this weekend. UK is a veteran, physical team hungry to earn some respect and start the season with a statement victory.

Next Game: vs Kentucky

#6.) Texas A&M

SP+: 10 | FPI: 14 | FEI: 17

The honeymoon period is over for Jimbo Fisher. He could hide behind recruiting deficiencies of the previous regime and a brutal schedule but now it’s time for the $75 million man to show the big payday was worth it. The Aggies are one of the sexier picks this off-season to challenge Alabama but I am skeptical. I think they will be very good on defense but Kellen Mond hasn’t proven he can win the big games and I don’t think they are loaded with elite skill athletes. They won’t be tested week 1 though against a really bad Vanderbilt team.

Next Game: vs Vanderbilt

#7.) Tennessee

SP+: 19 | FPI: 36 | FEI: 39

I don’t really know what to think about this Tennessee team and neither do the computers. Just look at the differences between SP+, FPI & FEI. The Vols have recruited well under Jeremy Pruitt and rallied together after an awful start in 2019. This weekend is an interesting first test against a Gamecock team that was not very good last fall.

Next Game: @ South Carolina

#8.) Kentucky

SP+: 22 | FPI: 24 | FEI:41

At this point, you know what you are going to get from Kentucky. They are going to attempt to punch you in the mouth on both sides of the ball and physically beat you up for four quarters. It won’t be pretty all the time but it won’t be a cakewalk either. The Cats return plenty from a team that found a way to win 8 games without a QB last season. Now with Terry Wilson back behind one of the best OLs in the SEC don’t be surprised if Kentucky takes down someone list above. Quite a few folks think it could happen this weekend in Jordan-Hare...

Next Game: @ Auburn

#9.) Ole Miss

SP+: 38 | FPI: 31 | FEI: 32

The Lane Train has returned to the SEC and he inherits some fun toys on the offensive side of the ball. John Rhys Plumlee, Jerrion Ealy, Snoop Conner and Elijah Moore are legitimate playmakers who have a chance to put up some big numbers under Kiffin. However, I am not sure if the Rebels will be able to stop anyone this fall which means that they should be apart of some fun shootouts. Week 1 vs Florida is an interesting matchup where I could see the Rebels piling up some yards on the ground but struggling to keep the Gators out of the endzone.

Next Game: vs Florida

#10.) Missouri

SP+: 44 | FPI: 46 | FEI: 38

Gonna be honest, I don’t know much about this Missouri team. I know former Gus Malzahn analyst Eliah Drinkwitz is the head coach. I know that Nick Bolton is a beast. I know they are down a bunch of players due to covid so they are likely to get killed this weekend. But who knows? Maybe they’ll make make the Tide sweat a bit and give us all something to giggle about over the weekend.

Next Game: vs Alabama

#11.) South Carolina

SP+: 36 | FPI: 39 | FEI: 48

It turns out if you have trouble winning at Florida you might also have trouble winning at South Carolina. If not for the strangest of all upsets last fall over UGA, I am not sure if Coach Boom still has a job this fall. But now with the pandemic strangling athletic department budgets chances are good he’s got at least 2 more in Columbia. He’s brought in Mike Bobo to fix his always broke offense and Bobo in turn brought his former QB Collin Hill to run the offense. I am very interested in this week 1 matchup because I don’t really know how good or not good these two teams might be this season.

Next Game: vs Tennessee

#12.) Mississippi State

SP+: 48 | FPI: 57 | FEI: 26

Two years ago, Mississippi State looked to have made one of the sneakier hires of the off-season plucking away Penn State offensive coordinator Joe Moorehead. Turns out his northeastern ways did not vibe well with the cowbells of Starkville so he’s gone to the northwest and in his stead stands the Pirate. Mike Leach is finally in the SEC and at Mississippi State of all places. He brought at transfer QB in KJ Costello that should make what I expected to be a REALLY bad offense slightly better but despite what our colleagues might think, this is a rebuild season for the Bulldogs.

Next Game: @ LSU

#13.) Arkansas

SP+: 75 | FPI: 50 | FEI: 82

Chad Morris escaped before being roasted on an open pit by Hog fans and in his place is a Razorback of a man in Sam Pittman. Pittman is a well regarded offensive line coach who is now making the jump to head coach. He made some impressive coordinator hires in Kendal Briles (yuck) and Barry Odom. But talent is the big problem in Fayetteville even with the addition of Feleipe Franks so chances are good a single win should be considered a success for Pittman this fall.

Next Game: vs Georgia

#14.) Vanderbilt

SP+: 110 | FPI: 75 | FEI: 93

After tasting success under James Franklin, Vanderbilt has return to its roots under Derek Mason as the worst team in the conference. Early in Mason’s tenure, Vandy was at least salty on defense. Now the Dores are bad on both sides of the ball and likely to add gasoline to the Aggie hype train this weekend.

Next Game: @ Texas A&M

War Eagle!

from College and Magnolia - All Posts https://www.collegeandmagnolia.com/2020/9/21/21444132/sec-power-rankings-week-1

[fytaem]

Sorry bothering with this but I can’t take it anymore Jonghyun and Taemin being compared who is most successful as soloist. For God’s sake is as if you make a comparison between Leonard Cohen and Michael Jackson who was most successful, geez. I know stupidity / ignorance / immatureness can have an excuse but on top of that being wicked, that hasn’t any excuse so could you make a statement regarding this matter in your straight style, please. Thank you for your hard work and dedication.

Anon, I’ve written like hundreds of opinions about both of them and people still won’t change their minds because they find easier to be bitter rats than cool shawols. But here we go again, lmao. A very long text, no joke.

SHINee hasn’t become a successful group because they are five identical human beings with same thoughts, they’re 5 different individuals who have found the best way to use their similarities and differences to go directly for one and only aim. I’m pretty sure there’s still people out there who truly appreciates SHINee’s music, because they keep doing amazing music, quality music, and after 5 years as a shawol I can’t believe in anything but in their artistic progress. And when we talk about individuals, we also talk about different contents as artists when they go solo. We don’t even have to think about Jonghyun and Taemin, we can think about all the stages that SHINee members got in Dome stages. They’re all truly different, but amazing in their own ways: there’s not only the SHINee vision about art, but also Onew’s, Jonghyun’s, Key’s, Minho’s and Taemin’s. They’re able to express art, to express their feelings, to express their sensations in their own ways and that’s an amazing progress. We would truly be kinda bored of them if it wasn’t for their individual and different projects. It’s truly amazing not only that they’ve remained in the industry together for 9 years, but also how they want to develope their individual work without leaving behind the SHINee aim. Not many people in the industry has this same attitude, so at first we’re EXTREMELY lucky for having all of them right here, right now. And I feel so thankful every single day.

Now to jump to talk about Jonghyun and Taemin (if any day you want me to talk about Onew, Key and Minho, please ask me for it because I’m living for them too): personally I believe Jonghyun was born to be an artist. Of course he has developed a professional work since he became a SHINee member, but the fact that he has such a sensitivity, such an imagination since such a young age it amazes me so much, I feel so attracted to Jonghyun’s artistic side. He has started to composing only some years ago, but he has been writing, imagining songs, imagining texts - even books - since forever. Not everyone has this magic art inside since so young, and Jonghyun is that kind of extraordinary human being. He has found a way to share his soul with us, because he’s not afraid of exposing his inners thoughts, emotions and fears, he has opened his soul a lot to us and I think people still doesn’t appreciate this fact. You can get this feeling, for example, in Story Op.2: Elevator and Let Me Out (my favorite is Fireplace, Fireplace is my life, please love this song more ty) hide SO much of Jonghyun’s living experience, hide a lot of powerful feelings. Maybe some people haven’t developed yet a special sensitivity to appreciate music, but personally I’ve felt truly attracted to music since very young, and since Jonghyun started to be a soloist and a composer he has touched every single spot of my soul. He does REAL music. And we’re not talking about success in charts, we’re talking of real music, of music that can also reach every spot of your heart too; he does music to please sensitivity, to please sensuality, he can truly activate lots of feelings in you, and you don’t even need to know the lyrics, only to stay quiet, to listen to his voice and the melody being his mate, and the magic calmly starts. But Jonghyun isn’t only a sensitive singer, but a very funny and powerful singer and performer. She Is is the album that shows all of his different sides too. He knows he can transform his sensitivity into songs that can also make us go crazy, as White T-shirt, Dress Up, but be back to his soft and private side with songs as Moon and Suit Up. (My favorite is Aurora ok. My life jam. MY LIFE JAM. I’m gonna play it rn.)

I’m still surprised that only a few of us shawols can understand Jonghyun on stage. I wasn’t able to follow many of Jonghyun’s stages for The Letter (I must backtrack a lot, sobs), but for example I’ve found some fanaccounts that show pretty clear how he wants to be on stage. Jonghyun, for example, has wanted to do direct contact eye with some shawols during his performances. Even shawols got extremely shy, but Jonghyun asked them to not be afraid, because that’s what he wants to do as a performer, as a singer and as an artist: to stay in touch with people, to make fans know that he’s also one of us, a human being with all the things that involve to be one. Also Jonghyun doesn’t talk openly about his thoughts, feelings and past experiences because he randomly wants to, but because he wants to continue giving us more of himself, because he wants us to understand his art, not only to listen and to look at it, but to understand. In Kpop industry, many fans just come to get a simple product that they can enjoy, but Jonghyun goes beyond that, he truly makes us think about what he’s doing, he wants us to truly feel what he’s singing about - and this kind of fans don’t want to think, so they get mad, that’s the real thing. This is why his stages don’t need anything but to listen and watch him, because the magic comes from him. Jonghyun doesn’t even like dancing, but still he gives us amazing dancing performances, because he knows that the true quality of an artist must be showed in different ways, not only through a good voice.

Basically, Jonghyun is an artist that was born inside the Kpop industry, but he’s going beyond the barries of Kpop to do music that doesn’t search only for a success in the industry and money, but to show real art of a person that’s not usual between Kpop singers. And I know it will be still to hard to people to understand his art and they will keep rejecting Jonghyun because he doesn’t make it easy for everybody. But personally I love it so much. I love Jonghyun, I love his vision of the world, I love his art and his sensitivity, his warm soul, his good taste in music. So yes, all these bitter individuals can continue coming here to bash Jonghyun and repeat the same bullshit all the time to try to convince me, but I love Jonghyun so much because I’ve learned to understand his world and I love his world so, so much, that much that he has become part of my own world.

These last days I’ve read a youtube comment that said something like “don’t say Taemin is talented, because he wasn’t born with talent, because what he is today is the result of years of hard work”, and being totally honest they were truly right. Taemin wasn’t born being a talented person. Let’s say Taemin did born with a connection with ambition, because someone who looks normally at Kpop idols doesn’t start to practice individually to develope a dancing talent, and that’s what actually Taemin did when he started watching artists as Rain and Michael Jackson. He was accepted in SM castings because he trained all by HIMSELF, without any dancing or singing education. So, only with that, you could know already that Taemin since a very young age was determined to only one objective, and that determination, that ambition took him to get into the castings. And things haven’t changed at all: his determination and ambition both are the real clue of Taemin’s success. He didn’t know how to sing, he only had some dancing skills that he learned alone... did he give up? No, he kept working. He is where he is nowadays because of work, only work, hard work every day of his life. He didn’t leave for being behind, but decided to keep working to reach the high level of SHINee members. Taemin wasn’t born being a talented person, but his hard work made him become able to be a real artist. Now he truly knows what he’s able to do, now he’s able to express himself, to make us know more about Lee Taemin. I feel many people believed that when Taemin released Danger he would keep moving in the same line of music, but that wasn’t true. If you all watched Taemin’s solo concert, you’ve noticed how much he has changed as an artist but also as a person.

Taemin has such a big ambition that he got what he actually wanted: a round stage so everyone could watch him. He wants all eyes on him, and not because he wants to be the center of attention, but because he wants people to appreciate every detail of his performance, every detail of his voice. Taemin is an electric, energetic, surprising performer, he’s showing us his passion for music in this amazing way but still he won’t lose the class, he’s still performing inside of very determined ideas because of Taemin’s kind of perfectionism. Still with all of those amazing song that make us go crazy, he has started to show his most sensitive and artistic side, and surely we’re all thinking about DOOR stage now. Not everyone can perform a stage like that with such intensity, with such passion. Taemin has become an artist that is growing up every day and showing to us all his different sides, and we should be thinking a lot about this, because we’re talking about a person that’s EXTREMELY introvert and still manages to use music to set free many of his experiences and feelings. That’s truly complicated as an introvert that I am, and the fact that he’s using his voice and his body to express all of his dreams and ambitions is a very admirable exercise as a human being. It’s still hard for him, for example, to compose music, but definitely because he wants his words and music to be perfect, this is why he picked Soldier, because it probably completed all of Taemin’s expectations, and maybe Cry For Me didn’t. 

Taemin worked hard to become an idol, but he has gone beyond that too and he’s developing a precious art. His music isn’t also a random thing: his music is as much as electric he is. He has done amazing songs that make us dance, but the existence of ballads in his discography isn’t only to give variety to his music, because Taemin is someone who truly appreciates slow songs, he truly loves them, and probably one of the reasons is because through them is the best way he can show his most soft and sensitive side as he can show his incredible development as a singer. 

So I’ve been writing this for a long time already and Flame of Love’s dance version has been released. Just watch it and contemplate how a beautiful and artistic man he has become. When I discovered SHINee for the first time I was impressed by Taemin’s presence, and years keep coming, time continues its own path, and Taemin’s presence is still beautiful and magic. That’s how hard work can truly make you become the best person you want to be.

I totally understand if people don’t feel attracted to Jonghyun’s or Taemin’s music, because you might not feel attracted to all types of music as I do. Still, it’s so ugly that still nowadays people decide to fight who’s more successful, when through all this (infinite) text we’ve been thinking about how they had two different stories and how they decided to express their art in different ways. People that still believe Jonghyun and Taemin must compete against each other are only people that are interested in the Kpop industry: popularity and money. Jonghyun and Taemin have gone beyond that. Also, no matter if they’ve lived in different ways, they’ve learned from each other a lot, and this is why they constantly talk with each other about their development as artists, because they’ve found out that no matter which is the kind they offer, they both want to show us their art and they learn from each other. This is an amazing friendship, they love each other so much. So yeah, bitter people can still fight each other if they still believe being in SHINee means a competition against each other, when they had personally showed they’re interested in deeper and more beautiful ways of expressing their art than fighting only for what random individuals believe because they can only focus on one person and not enjoy every beautiful member of SHINee.

To all those bitter individuals, that still won’t get the meaning of everything that I’ve written: grow up or leave.

[fastxandxtardy]

OOC: It’s been a long long time

Hey everyone. I’m so sorry I have been gone so long. I only just now managed to watch the Flash finale too. Which, omfg, I think it was a good thing that I waited so long for watching it because it made me feel even more depressed

I can’t promise I’ll be here regularly again but I’ll definitely try.

Things aren’t going so well. The more I learned, the more I started to realize that I don’t have an identity. It’s hard to explain but it feels as if some parts of my development stopped during my early teenage years. As if I’m only now going through puberty. It’s also fucking frightening and sometimes it’s just way too much. I feel at war with myself almost constantly. I was always unsure about what I wanted in life but I didn’t think it was that deep. I always had to take into account what others wanted from me in order to not get punished or hated. And after I got out of that abusive situation, I focused everything on trying to get a college degree without even knowing if that is what I want. Now I still don’t know what I want or need. It’s all question marks. I’m even questioning my lack of interest for intercourse. Maybe that’s because of me not having fully matured yet? I don’t know. Even the decision to never have children of myself. Right now I still stand by that decision, but what if that mother instinct kicks in when I’ve fully matured? By then it could be too late. Those are things I’m wondering about.

I also get angry. That is the most frightening of all. I don’t know how to cope with that feeling. Sure in the past I could get annoyed, but it was never worse than that. Or it was sadness instead. But now I feel real anger and hate and idk. Maybe I foolishly thought I was just too nice a person to have that feeling. I don’t know what to do with myself when I feel that. I can’t yell or something like that. I hate yelling. I always cringe when someone raises their voice in an angry manner, even if it’s not directed at me. So I wouldn’t be able to do it myself. I can try to write things down but I don’t know if that really helps.

I also have a very strong feeling like I don’t belong on this world. Or at least, not in this society. Maybe it’s also still because I haven’t fully matured yet. But my thinking, my logic, it’s just so different from other people. And the way this world functions... it just doesn’t work for me. My group members have said that I’m refreshingly naive and even unworldly but that for my own sake, I need to broaden my world so that the naivety fades. But I don’t know if I want that very last straw of myself - that I can still hold onto - to fade away too. Then there’s also the pain and emptiness I feel because of the past. Some part of me was broken and it doesn’t feel like it can be fixed. Sometimes that makes me feel really desperate. Those times it feels like things will never get better and that pain, that sorrow will keep returning my entire life. It makes you feel completely hopeless. The last time I felt that low, two weeks ago, I looked up information about ways to commit suicide. It’s never gotten that far before.

Afterwards, I was shocked of course. And the following quote also helped me to realize that and come to my senses again. “Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.” That really struck me. But I can’t say it’s entirely out of my mind now. It never is these days. There’s always the thought ‘I wish it could all end.’ Every single morning I think ‘Here we go again.’ Because the pain never seems to end. And it’s stupid things that can trigger it. When I see parents with their children, or hear my group members talking about their children. It aches. Every time I look at myself or fail at something, I can hear my step mother in my head mocking me. I’ve come to realize that the way I look at myself is the way she looked at me. My thoughts have molten together with hers during those 6 years. That’s what I also mean by having no identity. I can’t see myself because I look at myself through her eyes. And I don’t fucking know how to use my own eyes. That’s so damn frustrating. I KNOW all these things and can’t do fuck all about it.

Because of all that the therapeutic team has decided to let me stay longer. Normally my end date was 22 September but they can see I need longer. I need to come to terms though with the fact that all my problems can’t possibly be fixed in that time period. I need to give myself time. Something I have difficulty to accept because I’ve already given it 8 years time! When will it ever be enough? I’m just so tired of it sometimes. It’s exhausting.

I do my best with the therapies and all but it’s all theory. Easier said than done. Getting it into practice is what I’m still failing at. My fears too. Goddamn spider phobia. I was supposed to go home today. I did go home, and luckily my roommate decided to walk with me to come check my place to make me feel safer. Big fucking spider in my room of course. All that theory about how to deal with fears helped nothing in the face of danger. All the exposure exercises I already did... It changed nothing. I started panicking, crying, hyperventilating and cowering beneath my bed sheets while my roommate dealt with it. And I came back with her. I couldn’t stay there. Even though she killed it, there was no way I could have stayed there. I was soaking wet from the panic and looking red everywhere even an hour after. 

5 months and nothing changed. I don’t think it’s strange I’m losing hope here.

I’m not going to fully go into what I thought of the Flash finale. Other than a few highlights. Maybe I can go in more detail another day.

MY BARRY BETTER BE BACK BECAUSE DJFLSDJFDKSFJK > <  (I cried and sobbed and my roommate was shocked that a TV Show could have such an effect on me) and Savitar is a mean manipulative asshole! Goddamn it, I was totally buying him agreeing to getting help from team Flash. Barry and Iris were totally genuine about helping him! That was just so cruel! I was so so proud of Barry for taking the high road like that (inspired by Lenny omg!) I was like “Yes! That’s my baby!” and then that mean bastard! I sympathised with him! I was so ready to give him a second chance like Barry did because I BELIEVED him, and then he just went around and tried to kill everyone! (And screw him I was so digging the idea of Savitar wanting to change! If anyone ever wants to do something like that RP wise... hit me up ; ) or dark Savitar is fine too. I’m a sucker for Barry/Barry) And HR ;  ; like, I knew someone had to die but... fuck. That precious cinnamon roll. And just BARRY! I can’t even. He needs to come back okay. MY Barry. I’m now afraid that he’s going to be very different when he comes out of the Speedforce. I heard on YouTube that Grant said he’s going to be evolved or something. I really hope that doesn’t mean Barry won’t be Barry anymore. Barry is my baby. I love him being someone who tries to see the good in people. I love how he’s still trying to find out what kind of hero he wants to be and how far he’ll go when it comes to justice. That he’s willing to give even the villains second chances! Even if it doesn’t always turn out right... Like with this goddamn bastard Savitar! But it’s that same characteristic that made Barry able to see the good in Len too. And actually inspired Len to be a hero! It’s also that which made Eo somewhat conflicted when it comes to our Barry. He still very much hated the Flash, the one he knew in the future, but he obviously cared about Barry and realized he was different. Even going as far as to say the reason why he hated him didn’t matter anymore. (Yeah, I still miss S1 Eo. I’ll always keep missing him.) And to end the whole Barry thing, anyone can say whatever they want about Barry, but I will defend my baby until the end of times. He did not deserve that. This can NOT be his finish line. Stupid Speed Force.No one should have to be in there. You know what else is frustrating? I still had a lot of questions regarding Savitar. Guess I will never see those answered then.

I also watched Gotham and wow that... I mean, some things were so cliché, the whole virus thing. (although evil Lee was HOT - I mean whut > > ) it made my eyes roll. But then BRUCE nearly killing Alfred because of the conditioning that Shaman or whatever he was did to him. BARBARA finally getting roasted. Quite literally too. But holy shit, by Tabby! That was a shock. Where did that ship go so wrong? I never really warmed up to Babs... she was way too over the top for me and not in a good way like Jerome or the Riddler are. She had her great moments, but overal she was just annoying to me. And her acting like she was better than Tabitha? Uhm no. I actually liked their relationship before she got such a massive ego. And I didn’t particularly like Butch but the way she constantly bossed both of them around was really obnoxious. Batcat completely got killed too. (let’s hope it doesn’t last) And Nygmobblepot... like... I love Oswald. I adore him. God knows I shouldn’t. There’s just something about him that always makes me feel sorry for him and root for him. He’s always kind of been the underdog. But what he did now, when you think of it, is fucking creepy. Kinda disturbingly excitingly dark too, because of the whole extremely possessive aspect about it. The ‘If I can’t have you, no one can.’ thing and also ‘you’ll be mine one way or another’ vibe of it all. I don’t buy that he doesn’t have any feelings other than hatred for Ed anymore. Maybe not love right now, but definitely lust. I see that as more plausible a reason than “I want you around as a constant reminder to never make that mistake again.” for keeping him as a trophy. If he felt nothing for Ed at all anymore, he would have killed him and mounted his head on the wall or something. But no, he made the very conscious choice of leaving a way open to bring him back. Ed’s frozen with Fries’ formula, not dead, technically. Also Os’ “I’m fine for now.” indicates there is still a lot he plans on saying to him later. Once he feels that Ed has been punished sufficiently. And in a weird way they’ll be even then. Whether Ed will see it that way remains to be seen of course. But come on, Ed, you’ve both done horrible things! Either way I believe that Oswald never intends to keep him as a frozen centerpiece for his club forever. The acting was once more superb. Robin Lord Taylor always keeps amazing me.

Okay, by now I’ve been writing this post for several days already ^^' oops. While I didn’t like the horrible feeling the Flash finale gave me because of what they did to Barry, I am glad I watched it so that I could finally come on here again. I missed you guys <3 Things won’t go back to the way they were - yet - but I’ll try to visit occasionally. I hope you’re all doing fine!

[canaryatlaw]

Today was okay-ish. Not great really. I'm still just in a weird space, mentally. Still can't get my mind to stop racing. I did call my psychiatrist today but he wasn't in that office today, but they took a message and said they'd have him call me, and asked if I needed to be today, so I said I mean it's okay if it's tomorrow but today would be preferable. I didn't get a call back today. Sigh. And it's just that much more difficult now that I'm working 9-5 because when am I supposed to do things like call my psychiatrist or anyone else that is only open 9-5? When am I supposed to go to the doctor ffs? I have one appointment scheduled for late June at 8 am. I'm sure that's gonna go over well with my brain. Sigh. Now I'm getting worked up over this which is the last thing I wanted to do. I think I'm gonna go up to 4 mg of Xanax a day though. It's still within the threshold he said I could try to figure out. I just want to talk to him about it because this guy knows my brain better than probably even me and when something that used to work is no longer working it's not a good sign. I should move on now though. Alarm went off at 7 and I successfully convinced myself to get out of bed by 7:01. Got ready, poured my cocoa krispies and then looked at my milk and it had apparently curdled when the refrigerator does was stuck open for some reason when I got home yesterday. Great. At least I figured it out before I poured it onto my cereal. So I hurried around grabbing some oatmeal (one of the disposable cups) and some cinnamon toast eggos. Made the bus so that's good. I got to the office and went to go see my supervisor but she wasn't in her office, so I just went back to mine and started working on the stuff she gave me yesterday. Not that long after she showed up at my office and said she was gonna be taking a personal half day but would make sure I had enough work, and that she'd probably be going down to court at 10:30 if I wanted to join her so I said sure. Kept working until then, then went down to court and absolutely nothing interesting happened when I was hit by another one of my wow you're going to close your eyes every 3 seconds now and be incapable of keeping them open spells that I've been getting lately when I'm sitting still and focusing on one thing, and at some point after that started my supervisor came over and said it looked like all the cases were just getting dates so it wasn't gonna be interesting if I wanted to go back upstairs. I'm not sure if she saw that I was visibly falling asleep or not, lol, but I took the out. It was a little past 11 at this point and I think then was when I called my psychiatrist. Then I didn't really have any work to do so I closed my door and set my alarm for noon and took a nap. I woke up at like 11:45 so I was probably only "out" for like 30 minutes, which I figured I'll just work through my lunch to make up for so it'll be fine. I mean, power naps are a thing right? And as long as I get the work done it's not like anyone cares, so....not a big deal lol. So I then opened my office door and started conversing with the two ladies who have the offices across and next to mine. The offices are kind of set up mostly in these 3 pod systems, and this is the first time I'm actually in a full 3 pod, since first semester the office next to mine was empty and last semester I was just kind of off in a corner. So we talked as we worked and that was cool. One of the ladies gave me some DCP packets to do, which they seem to think is like the worst thing ever and kept apologizing for giving me such a boring assignment and I'm like.....dude, I spent an entire semester doing this basically. This is child's play lol bring on the packets I can do them all. So I did all 4 then reported back to her and expressed my concern about the investigation into the last one that was somewhat lacking (whenever an allegation gets unfounded on the grounds that "it's the kids word versus the foster parents word so I'm gonna believe the foster parent" the kill bill sirens start going off in my head). So that was good. She then asked if I wanted to do some trial prep for a TPR, so I spent the rest of the afternoon sorting through a rather large file to write up a timeline of services that mom and dads 1&2 did or did not do (no polygamy, just two different dads for two kids). It wasn't terribly thrilling but it was fine. I left right around 5 to catch the 5:13 train, which I'm gonna have to start leaving a little bit earlier for because the last two times it's been a few minutes early and I've barely made it (it's typical for me to get in anywhere between 8:50 and 9, so I figure 5 minutes here or there evens itself out). Trip home was fine, quickly threw some dinner together and tuned into the flash, most of my excitement stemming from knowing that watching this week's episode meant getting to next week's episode when my bby Len is coming back haha so more of a means to an end than anything else, but I actually really liked the episode! I definitely like, snorted when they showed that in wiping Barry's memories they screwed over Savitar too and now killer frost was like welp, gotta help them fix it lol. The scene with her and Cisco though, like stop it broke my heart so much <\3 like JUST LET CAITLIN BE HAPPY DAMMIT IT ISNT THAT HARD UGHHHH so that made me sad. The main part with Barry was pretty comical, him and Iris were adorable together even with the inevitable this isn't their reality looming over their heads. And they managed to get the probable cause hearing fairly by the book, so I didn't get too pissy over that (I mean, there's no way that would be the only possible way to keep the guy in custody and he would HAVE to be released otherwise, so that part was totally unrealistic, but I realize that was just a necessary plot point). But overall I really liked the episode and then of course the first shot of the preview had me flipping a shit immediately because LEN IS STANDING IN FRONT OF THE WAVERIDER and we already know he was wearing oculus clothing in other shots on the sizzle reel and ugh.......I really don't want to get my hopes up but I can't help it, they're already sky high. I really wouldn't be surprised if it's another fake out, though I would probably be the angriest I've been with them at this point. I guess we'll see where that goes. It took me about 6 minutes to remember that prison break comes on right after the flash (and by remember I mean going to the my shows list to watch B99 and see oh shit it's recording) but I caught up to live pretty quickly. I felt pretty distracted during this week's episode, probably just due to weird mental head space again. But I'm glad they're making progress and then they were like 3 episodes left!!! and I was like what????????? This is way too short lol. But I'm very much looking forward to that teased Michael/Sara reunion for next week because I know it's gonna be epic. Lol, at the end of the episode they're like "Michaels dying!" and I was like lol, when is Michael Scofield not dying? Also, at this point I'm just convinced Michael doesn't know how to give up on anything so he just keeps trying crazier and crazier ideas until one of them inevitably and inexplicably works. But I am enjoying that. So after that, I did watch Brooklyn 99. I may be totally wrong on this, but I could've sworn B99 used to be a half hour show??? I'm probably just wrong but I definitely thought that. This episode at least seemed very distinctly split into two parts, both of which were pretty great. The Rochester partying was hilarious of course as was them recreating what happened. Then there was the whole Amy/Jake storyline with her taking the sergeants exam that led to that super sweet scene of him just being like this is your dream and it's been your dream before we started going out, I've always known you were gonna be my boss anyway and it was really adorable (and then he went all die hard and it was really funny). And yeah, that pretty much capped my tv for the night. I got into a Twitter DM convo with one of the DCTV podcast hosts (I'm being intentionally vague here) regarding the appearance of the waverider in the trailer and they weren't happy about it and was just kind of ranting at legends and normally we just have stupid and amusing conversations about our shows so it got kind of awkward for a minute there but we both calmed down and were like okay it's fine people have opinions lol. And plus they have an entire podcast to rant to about their opinions, so the need to do it to me personally isn't really there. We're fine though, I like them and I enjoy talking to them. And that was pretty much my day. Tomorrow is Wednesday and my third day at "work" for summer. Did I mention I'm the only law clerk in the office right now? My name looks so lonely on the sign in sheet, lol. Most people are still in finals, I just finished really early and wanted to make sure I made it back in time for the child death case to be up so here I am. I'm probably the only law clerk in the building at this point 😂 but yeah, as far as I know I'll finally be going iron the field (maybe I should pack a change of clothes? We didn't discuss this) or maybe she's coming to the courthouse but I'll be interviewing a 5 year old girl who was removed from her mother's care about 2 weeks ago after reports of physical abuse and that mom was a heroin addict with visible track marks on her arm, and she was always referring to her daughter as "that little bitch" and like throwing her around, and also they were living in like complete desolation, like there were holes in the floor and no heat (and this is Chicago and even though ITS FUCKING MAY it's still been freezing) and many other such examples and yeah, it wasn't good. The DCP investigator seemed to think the girl appeared as a normal happy, healthy 5 year old so that's encouraging. I guess we'll see how that goes. Okay, time for bed now. Goodnight punks. Stay awesome.