#maybe the only media that justifies its vomit scenes

[shortscircuits]

gonna start rewatching beef once a month to cure my emetophobia

[kingthreshie-official]

Now that I've had some time to sit with the epilogue story after a bit of going back and rereading it, I don't know if I should be excited for the future of these stories or not. I'm going to put my rant and contexts under a readmore because this is going to be me vomiting at a textbox and assuming someone else on the web will get it. But it's going to be a mix of thunder Junction and the epilogue.

When it comes to Magic the Gathering, I go back and forth with myself often about whether the story comes first or the cards come first. Some sets, Like (I will argue) Both Eldraine sets, Seem to have a lot more focus on their stories, and then make very flavorful cards based off of that. Other sets, like thunder junction, feel like the gimmick and cards were designed first, and then all of that had to be pasted into a story. While I get that it can be hard to make gameplay and story always line up, as you have to tow a line between a player always being confused, and a player feeling railroaded or obligated to stick to the story, Wizards never really has to deal with the stakes of "railroading too hard".Decks are always 100% customizable, you can't take that agency from a bunch of jerkasses at a table, so they have the ability to lean harder into their story than a lot of other games media does. The Writing decisions made by the stories team have the potential to completely adjust what cards get made if wotc was bold enough to follow through with actual adjustments to their world. But OTJ proves that that will never happen, and that any exciting consequence can be stepped back on in 2 stories for one card that will probably make a lot of bank, or to see a villain in a cool hat.

To be fair, Marchesa looks really cool as a cowpoke. her hat is very cool. But justifying going back on her fighting so hard for her kingdom just for a supposed villains set feels like a regression of her character, especially since she has almost always had someone else do her bidding. And a lot of the Villains seen in thunder junction didn't seem to be used or changed for the better, a lot of them felt like set pieces that could have been swapped out with anyone else in that story, and the results would have been similar. I can't think of any significant reason what it *Had* to be Tinybones, Breeches, or Eriette. The only characters that stand out to me as being irreplaceable in the main story are Oko (driving plot forward for Kellan), Geralf/ Gisa (Geralf patched one or two wounds, Gisa is a wild card that causes problems, but she is OH so Memorable I cannot imagine that train scene without her) and Annie Flash (Again, Kellans Concious/Catalyst to make sure the "right thing" for Kellan is done, and provides some context as to How and why Akul is dangerous.). And to be fair, I didn't mind that up until the final chapter. It was fun enough, not a world shaking MTG story but considering we're still at the beginning stages of seeing a world with Omenpaths (as players. This is set 3? 4?) And there's still a lot of questions to ask about creatures and planes (the Gisa and Geralf side story goes into this so well. I love those 2 they are ICONIC), It did its job OK and I wouldn't have had anything to write home about.

Until Jace.

I will admit, I'm not a huge fan of Jace, but it's mostly because he's boring. You know that once he's involved in plot the stakes are basically off, as regardless of how perilous the situation is, or how heinous of an action he performs, He's going to make it out with a few cuts/bruises/maybe a memory wipe and everything else will basically go back to a degree of status quo. It's not fun following a character who you know is going to be mostly fine and alive by sheer virtue of him being there. And I get its because over time he has become *the* mtg Mascot, but that's why I thought Phyrexia/March of the machines was interesting. It was finally a consequence for Jace that he couldn't fully shake himself out of, and his presumed death felt like the end of an Era and a potential for something new and interesting. You know, until he showed back up. And the story shows him getting out of what should have been certain death with a fever and another road trip back to Vryn. And I realized that I have been Punkd for the past few stories and of course nothing changes anymore its Jace Fucking Beleren and he's going to win again. And of course it's with Vraska again, If they make me go through the crime of having to listen to those two in an audiobook format again, at least this time I know not to order from drive through while listening to MTG story (so one of us has consequences, and it's not him). Being able to beat out glistening oil with a fever also felt cheap, but that may just be because I feel like there's better MTG characters that we lost due to the oil.The fact that we may never get them back feels like a kick to the shins.

However, I am also not totally doom and Gloom about Jace's reappearance in MTG story because we see a bit of the return of "Jerkass Jace". Contrary to my opinions about Jace, Jerkass Jace is a relic of a bygone Era and I Missed him so much, because he was unbearable! A total monster! An absolute pain to everyone around him! Unlikeable, Clever, and selfish! Cared about nobody! Jerkass Jace was so ethically bankrupt that I am going to be honest he may have the potential to turn this entire thing around. The BBEG MTG villains (Phyrexia, Eldrazi, the Dragon formerly known as Nicol Bolas), have been the predictable and therefore kind of dull villains for the longest time now. You can usually predict which one is next by the results of the previous ones fights. But Wizards could make Jace the big bad evil guy with Jerkass Jace! I think that would be incredibly refreshing. Get a new face in the Villains spotlight with a character who's powers have the potential for it (and as Annie mentioned, he is hiding something) and it could be really interesting! Jace has the motives! It could be a great way to bring intrigue to him! (And not the eldrazi. Or bolas using an omenpath and dipping off Ugins plane) Nobody will see it coming let him go NUTS!

[thescreenreader]

ML (2018)

“No Laughing Matter”

Director: Benedict Mique

Writers: Benedict Mique (story),  Benedict Mique (screenplay) 

Stars: Eddie Garcia, Tony Labrusca, Lianne Valentin, Henz Villaraiz

Blood runs red across the screen and the cinema fills with the screams of a horrified audience as “ML” opens the door to a dark room full of secrets and evil. Eddie Garcia takes centerstage as the ruthless, hardened “Colonel” who is stuck in the dangerous times of Martial Law. Looking sharp in his military uniform - with eyes sharper still - Colonel stares down at his captives, rocking to the music of classic metal, assorted torture implements in hand.

The young characters in the film represent a certain attitude towards martial law. Life-of-the-party Jace (Henz Villaraiz) takes the arrogant stance of a die-hard Marcos fan. Carlo (Tony Labrusca), on the other hand, simply believes matter-of-factly that Martial Law served a good purpose, while echoing the common lines of apologists on social media. Meanwhile, his girlfriend Pat (Lianne Valenti) embodies the naiveté of a sheltered generation. Disappointed at the ignorance of the youth, their professor challenges the class to interview people who lived through that time. Carlo, certain but curious, looks for the right person to open his eyes and finds himself at the doorstep of the neighbourhood murderous maniac. 

Benedict Mique brings the gut-wrenching terror of the Marcos era martial law to the millennial generation using the language of its target market. “ML” is presented with the edge of a gritty, bloodcurdling psycho-thriller you would not normally expect in Filipino cinema. It is first made digestible for a young audience with visually-satisfying color grading and music that marries retro and millennial. But make no mistake, “ML” quickly turns around and shows its true colors with the unabashed confidence of a seasoned murderer. Spine-tingling music scratch at the ears and claustrophobic camerawork encage the theatergoers in an experience they themselves walked into, the same way the characters walk into the torture chamber they wished upon themselves. 

What follows is a series of vomit-inducing scenes that assault the senses which could have easily turned into a gore fest if it weren’t for Mique’s clever integration of parallelisms into the story. Literally, the film uses millennial language as the old Colonel is seen manipulating the characters using a smartphone. But the most inconspicuous move is the use of dark humor. It is an ironic experience to catch oneself laughing hysterically in between shouts of terror, and maybe feeling a pang of guilt afterwards, but that is what exactly occurs in the cinema. The dialogue and narrative is filled with irresistible comedy that the crowd breaks into laughter during even the most violent scene. One can say it is completely disturbing for people to laugh at the misery of others, especially the trauma of real-life martial law survivors, some of whom are in the cinema. Yet that is exactly what the film speaks about - it IS disturbing. And Mique illustrates this by dangling a bait before the viewers, giving them the platform to become oblivious participants in the cycle of violence. 

Thus, beyond the blatant on-screen declarations of “it’s martial law,” meaning is made in an interactive process.  With their reactions, the crowd themselves demonstrate how the stories of martial law victims are treated by people in present times. Most of all, the film exemplifies the defining role of humor in the deliberate invalidation of serious socio-political issues happening today. The storytelling is not only reflective of society’s insensitivity towards victims of injustice but is also cleverly manipulative of its audience.

There are several other parallelisms throughout the film, such as the Colonel’s senility. The old man is not only portrayed as the archetypal villain but also as an ordinary grandfather who knows affection for his own family. He has moments of kindness and genuine care, but forgetfulness brings out his vicious instincts. The coexistence of good and evil is what makes the Colonel a frightening representation of society. Evil after all, has no single face. In reality, it does not present itself as a monster, but as actions justified by a twisted commitment to a greater end. The Colonel’s savage bouts of forgetfulness reflect the Filipino people’s own tendency to never learn from the past, resulting in acts of cruelty that make history repeat itself. Other scenes in the film’s denouement also resemble events that occurred post-martial law and in recent years. As the fate of the Colonel and Carlo are sealed, we see how society’s indifference breeds injustice - with or without a tyrant.

“ML” is a  must-watch in the cinema. While its message is hard to miss in any scenario, the interactivity of the meaning-making process is fully experienced with a huge attentive crowd. There, an additional uncredited character exists: the unsuspecting society portrayed by a crowd so easily swayed into fear, laughter, and grief by whatever happens on screen, unmindful of the implications of their reactions in each passing moment. 

What happens inside the cinema is symptomatic of what happens outside of it. “ML” simply reveals how in the timely discourse surrounding dictatorship, many disturbing realities come to light: how effective humor can be used as a distraction, how impressionable people are as a group, how difficult it is to resist an impulse for violence, how ideas can become viral enough to shut down the truth, and how collective memory can so easily be twisted and turned into a lure that will make people willingly give up their own freedom. Thus, like a social experiment, the film stands as a mirror, reflecting how in the current state of the country, spectatorship ironically equates with participation, how strongman politics can wow an audience into submission, and how turning a blind eye to a political manipulation of facts has serious implications on the erosion of present society’s moral fiber. 

[sbcojn]

30 random facts about me for the sake of finding ourselves in the so called century of the self

...and because i am effectively trying to keep myself from studying for a statistics exam and from falling down a negative spiral of thoughts.

caution: if over sharing people annoy you do not read this, keep scrolling or log off. 

i have a long a*s first name, which sounds like math and let's everyone, who ever reads my name and who has not met me in person yet, think that i'm a dude. thx mom for adding a dutch variation to it as well and for wanting your kid to have an extravagant unisex name, which no one is able to pronounce correctly! :') 

my mom, my grandmas and my second oldest cousin are my idols and i talk about them all the time. i understand that it's creepy and annoying to my social environment but i can't help it and idgaf! i adore them, i want to be them and i love them soOoOo much! every single one of them is such a badass boss lady, who is not afraid of working hard, making sacrifices and never asking for anything in return. just by watching them handle life they taught me everything i need to know about it. i admire how they each are so comfortable with themselves that they don't ever feel the need to justify who they are and what they do. i am very blessed to have them in my life and to be related to them.

i lived in indonesia until i was 3-4ish. 

during an exchange program from hotel management school in switzerland my mom somehow fell in love with that country and moved here with me. 

here she met my stepdad, who for me is my real dad. he adopted me as soon as he met my mom and treated me as i was one of his own. i actually have most of my characteristic traits in common with my dad and that's why i hate when people remind me of the fact, that i am not blood related to him. just let me construct my own reality b*tches! i am thankful for everything he did for me and for all the sacrifices he made. in spite of being too young for that kind of responsibility he looked after his family with boldness and bravery. i love you more than everything and i am truly sorry for being such a hard a*s to you when i was little and when i was going through puberty lol! 

i have a little brother, who is 4 years younger than me. he is my true partner in crime and was ALWAYS on my side no matter what. i was so afraid when my parents told me that they are going to have another kid, because i thought that meant that they needed to get rid of me. but i was over the moon when he was born. he was such a cute fat a*s baby and i instantly felt the need to mother him when i was only four. lol sorry for treating you like a baby born bro! but i loved and still love you so much and i will always help you out like you did, no matter what happens! 

if you touch my family i will  D E L E T E  yours! 

when i was little i watched to many disney movies and sailor moon. i was  o b s e s s e d  once my dad caught me posing like sailor moon in front of the mirror and i wanted to die! another time he caught me singing disney songs on the balcony... and i didn't know how to speak english then. i only knew how to speak indonesian and german so i sang the songs in some kind of fantasy language, which to me sounded like english and tried to enact those dramatic singing scenes on the balcony or while looking out of my window.......

although i started my life as an extra af child i always acted shy in kindergarten and elementary school. through the entire time my teachers made it mandatory for me to visit an extra class for non-native speakers. for most of my childhood every teacher thought i could not properly speak german and i was too shy to tell them that i certainly could speak german. my parents were so confused because at home i would always order them around and as soon as i was in school i was even scared to breath too loudly. so fake though :') 

my chemical romance, nirvana, pearl jam, billy talent, radiohead, the flatliners, a day to remember, architects, new politics, jimmy eat world and paramore used to get me through every situation in puberty. i was kind of cocky and prided myself on my taste in music because i thought the music i listened to wAs So EmOtIonALLy dEep aNd No OnE mY aGe WouLD bE aBLe To ApPrEciAtE iTs dEpth. and to be honest, every time i listen to this kind of music now i am not able to appreciate it. it makes me sad and i am kind of emotionally stable now lol! kind of says a lot about the genius of this genre though but i can't do it anymore! listening to it takes my mind to places i don't want to go back to. thank you for your service but i am happy and became kind of an emotionally semi-stable mainstream b*tch, when it comes to music! k, thx, bye! lol

i have a scar on my forehead in between my eye brows. it was caused by playing hide and seek in the dark. me and my child hood friend thought this was a revolutionary idea and we got sooooo hyped. we ended up running into one another and her tooth finally got stuck in my forehead lol. 

i always did good at school but i don't remember how. i don't remember studying a lot. all i remember is how i couldn't focus on sh*t for longer than 5 minutes. this became a huge problem as soon as i entered middle school. from then on i always got in trouble with my teachers because they wanted to downgrade me but my parents never agreed to that. and they would always be angry at me for not doing enough for school but in fact i just didn't know how to effin' focus. i remember studying my butt off but still didn't know what i was doing exactly and somehow still managed to graduate grammar school after nearly dropping out twice and showing up for class for only like half of the time. since entering middle school i was an average to really really bad student, who got eaten from the inside by teenage angst and who had an attention span of a baby. after taking care of my ADD and growing up a little all i really want to do is study. but not math/statistics man. i still hate math though. i am one of the few asian people, who is bad at math. 

i love to consume pop culture in every format! in my opinion it is brilliant and entertaining. idgaf what everyone else thinks really. therefore...

i need to state that i am a huge supporter of kim k becoming a lawyer!!! yes, she is loaded but still the fact that she uses her platform and therefore her influence for a greater cause is more than admirable. as well as the fact that she has started to pursue a law degree after having four children, who are still small and managing a bunch of businesses at the same time. i mean studying law is hard af. just imagine being in your mid thirties, having to manage a dozen of businesses, keeping kanye west out of trouble, taking care of four small kids and studying law, while the world is publicly doubting you and hating on you for doing something more than great even. i mean i know people my age, who financially get supported by their parents, still live at home and have no other responsibilities other than their own education and they still can't do it. and i don't think it is something to be ashamed of because i know it is hard. but actually my whole point is that people love to hate on the kardashians and it gets boaaring. 

i actually think that ariana grande's music video to her song thank u next is a pop cultural masterpiece! 

i loved working at mcdonald's as a part-time job. i loved the people, who worked there. they were happy all the time and just cared about making enough money to look after their families. although mcdonald's literally stands for capitalism and commerce - there even is a term in political philosophy 'mcdonald's world' - and is one of the biggest corporations worldwide, i have never came across people, who are as precious as they are! they always looked out for one another and were all time ready to f*ck up everyone, who messed with their co-workers. i have never experienced a better working-environment since then. 

i am 25 years old and i still love playing sims. while i'm at it i love to watch dr. phil. recently i just spent my whole tip money on expansion packs. i am not even ashamed. but sometimes i have trouble adjusting to the real world after a gaming session. while walking around in the city i get inspired by buildings, which just make me wanna go home and build it. like what are friends, i don't need friends, i just want to build an imaginary fancy ass house. i also get upset about the fact that there is no cheat code in real life for deactivating your primary needs like sleep. i could have been a doctor and a piano prodigy by now man! or f*ckin' motherlode my bank account at least if you know what i'm sayinnnnn'. 

when i was little i dreamed of dying my hair blonde one day, getting fair skin, having blue eyes and a f*cking nose bridge. i hated my asian look. at some point i even got jealous of fellow asian people, whose skin was lighter than mine. then i went through a phase, when i kind of felt okay with how i looked but damned western beauty standards and mainstream media for making my five year old self and a lot of my other asian sisters feeling shitty about the way they looked. 

sex tourism was a huge part of why i struggled with my ethnic look as well. there were times, when i even felt slutty wearing skinny jeans. and i think this needs no further explanation. thank u next. 

i love the praisintheasian movements! and i adore the man, who in my eyes initiated that movement, mr. eddie huang! since fotb came out i stalked him on every platform! and while stalking (lol) i gradually began to understand how i can be okay with being asian and even celebrate being asian. i want to have coffee with this dude and i have so many questions to ask him and so many things i want to tell him! asdflkasjfd!!! but i am 500% sure that if i would ever meet him i would cry, vomit, laugh and then run away. or maybe i would act so creepy that he will put a restraining order on me. so writing down the possible outcomes of meeting eddie huang - maybe let's just not meet my idol then. 

when i'm retired, i'll own a bistro somewhere in indonesia with the best coffee, wine and my favorite food. and i'll give my best to use organic and regional food items and at the same time plan the menu after a zero-waste logic. every monday there will be book club. and every friday there will be local artists performing. i would recruit my staff properly and pay them a respectable wage. my bistro would be kind of a local meeting point. lol how realistic. let a gal dream! (the percentage of that happening is like non-existent. that's why i bought myself the sims 4 expansion pack 'dine out' lmfao)

one of my favorite books of all time is 'woyzeck' by georg büchner. just look it up! i am not worthy of describing this master piece. 

i will always chose hanging out wherever comfortable and chill over going out and partying. one of the main reasons is that most of the people there annoy me. in zurich the consumption of cocaine is insane and i find it annoying, unnecessary and petty. just go home if you're tired man. there is nothing attractive about a cocky ass person, who is high on cocaine! and maybe consider therapy if you need that kind of stuff to feel better about yourself. not really feel like wasting my time and money at those kind of venues. i am too boring for you anyways. srynotsry. 

something that has bothered me for a long time now.... to all those kind of feminists, who get offended by my perfectly winged eyeliner: you missed the point sis. bye 

i never understood how doing things that make yourself feel cute could be offensive to anyone or violate anyone's ideology. just don't look at me then ffs. thx muaaaachhhh. 

i am really bad at lending books from the library. i consider not doing that anymore until the day i'll become rich. from that day on i will hire an assistant, who will keep track of borrowed books. 

every time before my period starts i cry about dumb ass shit. and i am okay with it now. i am trying to keep in mind and actively remember that having my period could be the reason for this monthly emotional outbreak. but an individual still can forget the cause of the outbreak, which leads to a dramatic downward spiral every.single.time. howwwwww biiishhhh

i will not attend school/work/anything if i forget my headphones. i will turn around, go back home and get my fucking headphones. and at times, when the cash is flooooowiiiin' i'll just buy a new pair even they only pair available would cost me 40 bugs. but that is like the highest price i'd pay though lol. (7 lunch menus at my uni thoooo)

if you force me to read something in a car i will vom all over you! 

astrology kind of fascinates me and i am done being embarrassed about it lol. 

[someguyranting1]

What’s in a Scene? How SAO Became the Worst Anime Ever

Sword Art Online is ass. OP to ED and everything in between, the whole thing stinks and I hate it. But I didn’t always. As a matter of fact, when the series first started airing, I thought, “This is okay. I mean, I’ve seen better, but I’ve seen worse, too. I’ll see where this goes.” Somewhere between that and this, though, that stopped being my response to the show. At a certain point, I could no longer form words and was mostly just vomiting blood for the duration of each episode. And I’m not alone in that. Pretty much everyone over the age of 12 agrees that this show sucks.

What they don’t agree on is WHEN it started sucking. When did Sword Art Online get terrible? Some would say it happened when they locked the only likeable character in a rape dungeon and made Kirito’s sister want to fuck him. Others would point to the gratuitous tentacle rape scene, and boy, gee whiz, there sure is an excessive amount of sexual assault in this show. Then there’s the “I told you so” camp who say it was terrible all along and all of the bullshit just made you realize that after the fact.

For me, there’s a precise moment when Sword Art Online goes from being okay to being one of the worst fucking shows ever, and it’s all Yui’s fault. Yeah, you heard me: your innocent daughteru ruined fucking everything. Let me explain.

In the beginning, Sword Art Online had some stuff going for it. Not a lot (the fight choreography was always pretty bad, the cast was always bland, and the premise was never original), but it had a solid sense of tone. We’d seen “trapped in an MMO” stories before, but never with this kind of horror tinge to them. The world of Aincrad had this oppressive air hanging over it. From very early on, there was this sense that just about anyone could die at any moment. The first few episodes do a great job of establishing that. And while it didn’t break any new ground in terms of character writing, it had some good stand-alone episode plots, like the one where all of Kirito’s friends got murdered, and the whole murder mystery thing where they’re trying to figure out how somebody was breaking the rules of the game, and… Actually, those were the only really interesting episodes, but hey, lots of okay show have had less.

The main thing that the show had going for it early on was that underlying sense of dread. It felt like something where nobody, except for this one guy, was ever really safe. Nobody important died after the first few episodes, but that was fine...for a while. If the show was kill-happy all the time, that would be a problem in itself. You’ve gotta pace these things. It’s hard to get attached when characters are going in and out through a revolving door.

Still, by Episode 10, there had been enough near misses that it seemed like Kirito and his harem might be a little too invulnerable. It seemed like the right time to kill someone off to raise the stakes. It’s at this point that they chose to introduce Yui.

If you don’t know (congratulations, you’ve saved yourself from a shitty show), Yui is a little girl who Kirito and Asuna find wandering around the woods near their home and decide to adopt as their daughter. She’s sweet and innocent and might as well be walking around with a timer counting down to her sad death. It’s cheap and lazy enough to introduce a pure cinnamon roll character purely for the sake of killing them off, but that’s not nearly bad enough writing on its own to drag this show down to the total dog shit territory it now occupies.

The bigger problem with this is tied to what Yui is. Yui is actually a fully-sentient AI, which means that she’s the only character in the entire cast who, if killed, could be brought back. And that’s very, very bad for the show because if Yui dies and is then brought back, that renders the threat of death from a narrative standpoint permanently meaningless.

Remember: as of this episode, that’s the ONLY interesting thing about SAO. Death in media isn’t interesting because, “Oh, they’re dead! That’s sad! I’m sad!” It’s interesting because it inherently changes the dynamics of a story. A character who was once a force in the narrative now ISN’T. Any arc that they might have been going through is cut abruptly short, and from this point forward, the writers can’t rely on their presence to move the story forward or build up other characters.

Most stories never pull that trigger, and I’m cool with that because, like I said, it’s hard to write around. I’m okay with a show being a little toothless as long as the story is engaging and the characters are fun. Also, there are plenty of ways to make your characters suffer without killing them off.

However, when a show acts like death means something and then does something that very transparently reveals that the writers aren’t willing to sacrifice potential plot lines, it’s like watching Mickey Mouse take his head off at Disneyland: it ruins the magic. There are RULES against this kind of shit. If a character dies and is then brought back, you might as well write, “And then they got on a bus for a couple of weeks,” for all the fucking difference it makes.

Obviously when the show was airing, I was really dreading this prospect. I was hoping that the show would pull something out of left field, maybe fake me out and kill Asuna or Kirito off, instead of do the stupid, obvious thing that it was definitely going to do. But then, I got to the end of Episode 12 and I watched Kirito and Asuna mourn for little baby Skynet, and it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.

IT WAS WORSE! They don’t just kill Yui off in the most trite way possible; they do it while immediately undercutting all of the dramatic weight of the moment because, as Yui is being deleted, Kirito pulls some techno wizardry out of his ass to store her in an inventory item. And because of that dumb dragon feather episode, we know that means she’s coming back. They could AT LEAST have left it ambiguous as to whether or not they could bring her back, but, “Nope! Can’t let anyone think their waifu might not come back! They might stop watching and giving us money!” However, even that isn’t the most asinine thing about this scene.

In this moment, as they reach the game master’s console in the depths of this dungeon, Kirito reveals the heretofore unknown fact that he’s a PhD-level programmer, thus irreparably ruining his character forever. Kirito was already stupidly overpowered, but at least it made a bit of sense. He was a beta tester, so his base skill level being higher than most other players’ was justified. Doing Kendo in real life gave him good reflexes. He also spent, like, the first year of the game solo queuing instead of socializing to reach his ridiculously high experience level. That became less believable as he also proved to be the most eligible bachelor on the entire Internet, but you can at least justify that as girls having a crush on him for saving their lives, rather than that coming down to any innate social skill on his part. It’s easy to justify a lot of things about Kirito because he has no defined personality at all. However, when you add to those traits the fact that he’s got the scripting skills to not just hack the game from inside it, but to custom-write code in the space of a few seconds to store data as an in-game object, I’ve gotta call bullshit.

Hacking games requires time and at least some knowledge of the source code. There’s no way Kirito has that. Even if the thousand or so carefully selected beta testers for SAO were data-mining the shit out of the game, they only had it for a little over a month during summer vacation and they only saw a fraction of the content. It would be hard to get a full picture of how the game works in that time frame under NORMAL circumstances, but SAO is also the first game of its kind, built from the ground up for incredibly complicated, brand-new proprietary hardware.

Already, Kirito’s doing something that nobody outside the company should know how to do, but even if we assume that there’s a command already in place to store a script as an in-game object, think about what he’s storing. Yui is a fucking AI, the most complicated kind of program conceivable. Her code needs to be immense to account for the broad variety of situations she might need to deal with, and it also needs to be capable of rewriting itself on the fly in real time. Kirito is taking that huge, complex code, saving its current state of operation, and converting that information into a custom item in a game whose script he must be figuring out in real time, all in the space of a few seconds. NO! NOT FUCKING POSSIBLE!

In this moment, Kirito ceases to be a real human being and I lose all suspension of disbelief for this entire show. It’s just not believable that any person could be capable of pulling off the shit that we’ve seen him do up to this point. Maybe some of it, but not all of it, and especially not A FOURTEEN-YEAR-OLD FUCKING CHILD!

Also, as if he wasn’t special enough already, the scene establishes a few moments earlier that he and Asuna are the only people to ever experience love or joy in SAO during the entire two years that the game has been running. This is so fucking stupid, it hurts!

This scene amazes me for how thoroughly it manages to ruin the entire show. It would be bad enough to ruin the whole story by implicitly admitting that they never plan to kill off anyone who’s had any kind of character development ever again (unless dying is part of their story arc), but in doing so, they also manage to make it impossible to relate to their PROTAGONIST. From this point forward, the show has no dramatic stakes. It CAN’T have any. Kirito’s been established to be able to do basically anything, and we now know for a fact that no one important will ever really die.

Furthermore, if you want to nitpick, this scene raises a ton of questions, too, the big one being, “WHY?! Why is THAT what Kirito did with his backhand access?” If he had the time to isolate a huge, complex program and store it as environmental data and write a custom script to save that file to his personal computer, why didn’t he, I don’t know, globally reactivate the game’s logout function? He had access to the fucking source code! And that would’ve been a lot simpler! There was probably just one value he needed to set from True to False, or maybe a few lines of code that had been commented out. Comparatively speaking, it would have been easy, and he’d have been saving, I don’t know, upwards of, like, 7000 people’s lives? But no. Preserving his wife’s Tamagotchi is a lot more important than that.

There’s been a lot of complaining in this review and not a lot of hard analysis, but that’s because there’s not much in this scene to analyze. This is one of the most flat, boring scenes that I’ve ever watched in anything. Every shot is static and dull, especially the obvious, predictable reaction shots that it uses to ham-fistedly attempt to tug at your heartstrings. Furthermore, the set is a blank, white room with nothing going on. There’s basically nothing to even look at here. That said, if nothing else, I guess I can take solace in the fact that nobody was even trying when they made the scene that ruined the whole show.