#maybe someday I'll have the energy to actually write these out but it's nice to have the core info recorded at least

[vasheden]

So, I ended up doing all of these. I initially used the prompt as an excuse to actually make their first kiss, then it got away from me. Full pics and ~lore~ under the cut.

First kiss: This happened in a dream facilitated by Feo Ul, which is why he's in pajamas and Kaia's got her normal clothes. Kaia was doing really badly with the light poisoning, and was having serious doubts about her own survival. She was starting to crack around her eyes, and was constantly in more pain than she had ever experienced. Feo Ul brought Aymeric to her one night while she was sleeping so she could say goodbye, and she finally confessed all of her feelings and apologized for putting all of that on him. He just kissed her and held her while she cried.

Wedding: Their ceremony was huge, with guests from every place Kaia had helped out. She dressed in the red and black of House Fortemps.

Morning kiss: I just really wanted something warm and cozy. Happy domesticity.

Goodbye kiss: And now we're back to angst! This is their goodbye on the airship landing before she headed back to Sharlayan to board the Ragnarok. He kissed her hand while looking her in the eyes and swearing to be there for her, begging her to come home safe.

Surprise! Another cute little scene of Kaia dragging him away from his desk. He works too hard. (and yes, it's an ear bite rather than a kiss, but I'm counting it)

For flustered, I went back to their very first meeting. She had never had a proper knight treat her like a real Lady, and didn't really know how to handle it. (Haurchefant did, and immediately started making excuses to leave them alone together.)

And for dramatic, we have their reunion during Kaia's recovery in Sharlayan. Aymeric hopped on an airship immediately after the Ragnarok landed and Estinien messaged him to say she was badly injured.

For the free space, I just reused the caught in the rain kiss. It's the first one I ever did, and I still think it came out really well. Plus, it's just another happy little slice of life for two people who have been through hell and really deserve a break.

[tashacee]

Hey Taaash! i hope that your day is going wonderfully, because you deserve it uwu Probably i'm late to the party but have you seen that headcanon/theory where they say that Four is actually Wind ancestors? Because their shield is very similar and at the beginning of Wind Waker Grandma said to Wind that it was passed down in the family. (honestly i'm kind of a sucker for this theories maybe as much as the found family trope. Just delicious) Also, what do you think would happen if the untarnished chain or Mask!Wild with his chain met Calamity!Wild (the one from the Hyrule warriors)? (sorry for the long ask, i'm just very curious)

HI!

I personally LOVE that theory, it's really nice to think they're all connected. Maybe Wind's Grandma's soup is a recipe that Four's Grandpa also made, passed down through the years.

HMMM yes! I am now adopting this theory.

OOOH okay as for part two of the ask...

Hmm. I kind of want to write both of these but have no plans in the short term for it so...

Okay i'll do Mask!Wild.

Ah, the Bean. He'd recognise his Hyrule immediately, and would figure out that it was pre-calamity pretty fast. The bean is smart, after all.

The others might not. Not immediately. Even if they know about his death and resurrection at this point, they may not figure it out immediately. After all, they've never seen Wild's face, much less how he looked pre-calamity, and have never met his zelda. So what if the Champion of this era has a similar tunic, several of them have literally worn the same tunic as a previous hero.

But Wild knows.

And Wild is very protective of his younger self.

Age (Age of Calamity Wild) doesn't really know what to make of this Chain of heroes that's appeared, and especially not the one in a mask. He's silent and skittish and nervous, but where he is concerned, Wild is downright ferocious. He even snapped back at the King when he was on one of his tirades against Age and Zelda, getting between them like a terrier and speaking for the first time since Age had met him.

(That's when the Chain figure it out. Rhoam has such big Fuckwad energy it's unmistakable)

I don't know if Wild tells Age who he is. Age probably figures it out, though. He's a smart guy.

That's all i've got for now, but will probably write this someday!

[rosyjuly]

@kritischetheologie tagged me for the 20 questions for writers game, thank you c!!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

twenty!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

76,628. it's kinda insane that i wrote 51k under just six months last year.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

currently only writing for f1, but i've published works for star wars, peaky blinders, the old guard and batman. on another account that has been liquidated many years ago i had footy rpf and teen wolf fics.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

carry each other (hal jordan/bruce wayne), worked the blade (seb/mick), to the finnish line (seb/charles/kimi), spoils of war (seb/mick) and a favour returned (seb/lewis).

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i do, unless it only says "please write more of this", because i don't have anything polite to reply. but i love getting replies from authors too, so only fair to return the favor. there are definitely times when i just re-read a bunch of comments and they can really help to lift my mood or feel better about my writing.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

lmao that would be the prince au break up sex fic, someday to say out loud. making george ask alex to tell him he loves him even if it isn't true and ensuring that he can't and won't believe him... partly why it's hard for me to go back to writing prince au is because it was very easy for me to project my unmedicated depression onto george, and (thank god) i'm not in that place anymore.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

mmhh my star wars fic maybe? i'm not overly fond of happy endings, the best i deal out is a hopeful but kinda open ending. out of my f1 fic it's a favour returned, i guess -- there's some talk about longer term commitment and trying and failing to say that they like like each other, or consolation prize, where mick admits twice that he's been thinking about seb.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

not in the classical sense i guess or not that i've seen.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

boy do i. i mostly write smut and use it as a catalyst to nudge a relationship to another level. i don't really get the what kind? question. what kinds are there? wholegrain?

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

haven't written one yet, but i've been toying with the idea of an f1 and the expendables crossover.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

if i had a nickel for every time someone pulled entire lines from a fic of mine and barely paraphrased them, i would have two nickels, which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

on my old ao3 account, yes! i haven't been approached on the new one and i don't think i'd give permission now.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

prince au aka the myth of devotion with gabby @prettydangrotten. sorry to be sappy on main but galex truly one of the best things on the internet that's happened to me just for the friends i've made because of them :)))

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

all time? propably stiles/derek or eames/arthur from inception. also it was sterek that first got me to tumblr, back in like 2012 or something.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

ugh right now it feels like i'll never finish anything again. but i have a long star wars wip that's like 75% done but i haven't touched for three years. there's a roc sebmick fic i started and i actually know how it should go from start to finish, but i've been struggling with writing this year, so, i don't know.

16. What are your writing strengths?

i've been told the internal struggle/tension that narrator is facing is pretty tight and i do agree :) i also think the porn i write is nicely physical and pretty hot.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

longfic. like. i wish i could do it -- i had a 54k wip on my old ao3 account -- but i don't have the energy or the commitment. this is also why i struggle with WTB and SOW -- i want to write more to both but i feel like they are snappy and valuable as they are and i'm worried i'll ruin that if i add more.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

english isn't my first langauge so all dialogue is in another language in fic for me. i'm not super fond of adding another language on top pf that.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

teen wolf!

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

spoils of war or prince au. prince au has probably the most of me and gabby is incredible and one of the best writers and kindest persons i know and i feel incredibly fortunate to have created something with her. spoils of war was a challenge on a lot of fronts but i'm proud of the storyline and it has some of the best lines i have ever written i think. and it got @antimonyandthyme and me very close :))

aaaand i'm gonna tag @prettydangrotten @des-iderate @grideon @antimonyandthyme and @husbono.

[hetakiba]

5 mutuals and 15 questions! 🥳🥳 I'll tag up here: @sleepydane <3 @xfrostinax <3 @inklingg <3 @moonjuicewiththepresident <3 @wi1dlights <3

Were you named after anyone?

Technically after my father, not the same name but same initials

When was the last time you cried?

Just last night! One of the youtubers I've followed for a while announced they were having a kid in a really nice way :') very soft I am

Do you have kids?

😨 no...

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

🤔 maybe with my family, but I wouldn't say tooo much

What's the first thing you notice about people?

How they speak I guess? If I perceive it as an attempting at friendliness or not...? Mostly, I try to match how polite/professional I am in speech with how polite/prof they are (not to say I'd be rude if they were but not as uh friendly/open if they seemed like they weren't...?)

What's your eye color?

Blue!

Scary movies or happy endings?

I guess I'd have to say scary movies because overall, I watch a shit ton of scary movies and would even if the ending wasn't happy? But also, other than horror movies, I'm not usually gonna watch too much that I know has a 'sad' ending

Any special talents?

Hmm 🤔 my memories pretty good...? Can't think of anything

Where were you born?

America, Ohio in specific (todays my b-day actually!)

What are your hobbies?

Writing, some drawing, I do a bit of crocheting. Reading and watching 🤔 analyzing media. I like catch and release fishing and kayaking too, though I don't actually do much of either, sadly

Have any pets?

Sadly no, would really like some someday

What sports do you play/have you played?

I've never been on any teams but I liked playing badminton and basketball in gym

How tall are you?

5'4 as well!

Favorite subject in high school?

I guess math 🤔 I liked history and english too, but I didn't like the homework as much

Dream job?

Hmmm... probably something that's hands on and maybe something to do with nature 🤔🤔 I like work that has really clear direct impact, and gets some energy worked out, and also fits conviently into my ideal schedule 👍

[autumn-reader]

What would Kim Dokja do? Whatever it is, do the opposite.

It's good advice, he does so much wrong and I know I need to be better, but god if it isn't tempting to be like him. To shut up, to lie, to keep the peace, to sacrifice, to refuse to get close because I KNOW it'll only hurt me. I know I need to learn from his mistakes but you make that so so hard to practice

You get mad at me for never telling you things that bother me or things that I enjoy, you never ask save when you're criticizing me. You want me to show gentle care and compassion, to show engagement for your stories and endlessly love them, you've never even thought to look at mine in return. You want me to drop everything and step aside, be understanding to you and your perspective and how you're just "like this", you can't even spend one breath understanding me.

You never listen to me, you never look at me, you never ask me things, all you do is get mad at me and the ones I love, then you get mad AGAIN when I go and fix those things, when I get closer to people, when I pour my heart into things, when I finally make progress. Have you ever said that you actually like the things I do unprompted? Can you even reciprocate my positive feelings towards you without gagging? Can you accept, for even a moment, that I like them too and have my own feelings?

When you learned that I started writing about her with them, what did you do? You threw a fit and shoved yourself into the situation, said you wanted to see what I wrote, then never brought it up again. The only thing you've said about her in the past month is criticize her. Criticize me.

"I'm just being honest, this is how I am" then why aren't you honest about the good things? Why do you cringe at every bit of affection I try to show you, why do you never say that you like the things I do, why do you never show engagement for me and what I find important? Or, is it just that there's no enjoyment to be honest about?

You always get mad when we talk about fire emblem, when they talk about a character of theirs that you don't know, when something gets talked about and you "can't keep up with the conversation". You know they're coming, that they're going to keep happening, that they're things we still talk about. All you do is get mad, you never even try to go out and understand us.

Half of me never wants to speak to you about this. It wants to just hate you endlessly, make you feel like shit, scream at you, prove that you never actually cared in the first place and never will. That half also wants to make it so you can't do anything BUT listen. To shut you up and have you actually consider us for once, to actually look at us like a person, and care even a little, even if it's just politeness. Gods what I wouldn't give for at least a little care. Gods what have I already given up in feeble hope?

The other half of me also doesn't want to speak with you about this. It wants to move on, to leave this hate behind, to somehow understand you enough that the weight of the knowledge can wipe away these pesky, messy emotions. It wants it to be fixed without the chances of you ever getting mad and ruining it. Somehow I'll figure something out and everything will be fine. We both know it won't be.

I've put so much time and effort and energy into being considerate of you, into caring and listening and comforting and understanding, I've put so much into seeing as much as possible just so I can see your side. I've read through paragraphs and paragraphs, stayed up late considering every chapter, every line, following it to the letter to see you, to be able to say that I understand, to make you feel seen. Hopefully someday you'll actually open your eyes and look at me too. Maybe it'll be when I finally talk to about all this shit. That'd be nice, wouldn't it? That you'll finally realize all the shit you've put me through, you'll apologize, and then it'll all get better. I'll be surprised if you remember to ask me even twice. Hell, I'd be surprised if you even read a single paragraph of the writings I curated just for you. You've done so little I'd be surprised by anything at this point.

Whatever Kim Dokja would do, do the opposite. Kim Dokja wouldn't have tried even half the things I've done. But even still I have to avoid his pit falls. I have to keep doing the opposite, I have to fix things myself without sacrifice. I have to talk, and try, and not just let you walk all over me anymore. It'd be so easy to just see you as another character, to go back behind that wall so you can never reach me, to just read and watch you while you scorn everything I stand for. But I don't want to do that anymore. I don't want to live behind that wall because if I start going behind it again, I'm gonna end up seeing everything through that wall, not just you. I'll be locked away from everyone again, and I won't let myself live like that again. I hate living behind that wall. So go throw all your venom out, get mad at me, be pissed and explode saying how I'm never considering you like you always do, or maybe, just maybe, take a second and look at me this time. Actually look at me. You say you care, so please, for the love of anything, just fucking look at me. Look at me and tell the truth.

Time to suck it up and do the opposite.

[abishekmuses]

10/4/24 00.25

Today I literally have no idea what I'm going to be writing about - so this will be a super stream-of-consciousness like post.

First off, let me start my reviewing my day so far. As I write this, it's about half past midnight. It's been a reasonable day. Nothing crazy. I did manage to start off my 2 pomodoro medicine thing. Which is something. Not nothing for sure. I'm 30 and i'm starting to study medicine - this is my reality. I told myself that I should stop doing the pointless exercise of thining back to 2014 or 2012 and castigating myself for not doing it then. I've been doing this exercise for a long time and it's utterly pointless.

Might as well get with the reality and start now. Last few days have been interesting in that I've been seized with a manic lust for life, experiences, pleasures and adventures. the Abishek of the last few days is the roving adventurer. The insatiable maniac. The one whose energies just want to bounce endlessly. I've also been feeling extremely sexual. My loins are on fire! I can't seem to get my mind off the idea of women for more than a coupleo f hours at a time. Suddenly, i realise with a vengeance, as it were, that there are hot women around and that they have belly buttons and nupples and they do such things as take men's penises in their mouths. It's been wild. But i want to reiterate to myself that I chose this period of celibacy intentionally and volitionally. I wonder how I can get myself into that frame of mind that I occupied in the beginning of this period.

Hmmmm.

I was also thinking yesterday how even as an adolescent, i was aware of my "body" "holding me back" by getting nervous - I remember talking about it to sudhan for example. My answer back then was to "interfere" with the mind and make it not so - try and defeat my anxiety with cockiness - basically forcing myself to do the thing- get on stage, talk to the girl etc. I want to remember those times of my life more through writing. Let's get there someday. So far, so much of my emotions and thoughts revolve around the "problem period" since 2012 - actually even later? I wonder why I'm so predisposed to high heart rate etc. I can't even remember when this started. I think it was always the case. I just think i didn't notice it. I didn't have any awareness about it. I remember ayesha telling me not to get excited. I remember stuff like that. I remember renu telling me that with weed i finally "stopped bouncing off the walls". i think i was always like this - but i guess there was an additional component that complicated it when I started having real problems in life - when I got expelled, started cheating on sandra and feeling major guilt about it, started sleeping days and spending nights drinking, lying to my parents, doing lots of drugs, spending entire months away from school etc - this added a whole new layer to that natural predisposition towards sympathetic arousal.

I am quite excited about planning a few trips after all this monasticism. I'm thinking hampi, goa, rishikesh but let's see how it all works out. There's a lot more of this to be done. I also remembered today that one of the major components of this 90 day thing was physical transformation - and it's kind of on hold right now because of the back injury. But i think that's an excuse. My sleep cycle has been fucked - that's the major problem - i feel like I don't have time and I feel like i'm always behind - plus all the emotional release of course. So, this is good. I think I'll read some osho and go to sleep fairly early today. Then, I'll be able to get up and have two proper sadhana sessions from tomorrow and maybe do a nice and proper rehab session in the evening?

By doing my rehab properly - even though it's not "high yield"- feeling or "high impact", i show myself that I value my body's mobility and functionality. I show myself that i learn from my lessons and that I'm committing to a life of physical mastery. Now would be a great moment to remind myself of that socrates thing.

I really enjoyed my call with Runar today - there's always something so life-affirming and joyful about these copywriting sessions we have. I don't know what it is - maybe it allows me to live out this fantasy of an alternate reality where im a creative ad-agency worker or something? i don't know. I just love it though!

I feel behind on things a bit - substack, essays, writing more content deliberately, going through those tabs, building my personal brand, doing outreach for more writing work etc. Not to mention write all that content for ONiO and actually make good on my commitment to make 1500$ by the end of last week lol!

Let's get up in the morning and hit the road running?

What do I want to get done tomorrow?

finish at least 3 articles? or let's say 2 conservatively. As a rule! but aim for 3

make more content for linkedin

extensive rehab

two shambhavis

early pomodoro finish

reading!!!! (just for fun) - to be able to do that with a free mind, I need to finish all the other stuff earlier and fast!!!!

Ok i'll write my affirmations now, read some osho (but chocolate first!) and go to sleep!

[amtrak12]

AO3 Wrapped for 2023!

I got tagged by @purlturtle for this, so thank you! :D Let's see how I did on fics in 2023.

Overall Stats:

Works Published: 2 - because a Pushing Daisies snippet snuck in there lol

Word Count: 92,498

Kudos: 475

Hits: 14,729

Bookmarks: 161 (99 public and it's killing me ahaha I just want a nice round number again D:)

Subscriptions: 285

(All of those stats are heavily, heavily skewed towards one fic over the other as you'll see below :P)

Individual Stats:

Most Popular by Kudos: Can We Keep Her, my Lucifer S3 time travelling toddler rewrite at 471 kudos. (Out of my 475 total for the year LMAO. I told you the stats are skewed!)

Most hits: Can We Keep Her (Lucifer) again with 14,688 hits. Listen I really only wrote one fic this year. The Pushing Daisies one barely counts.

Longest: Can We Keep Her (Lucifer) at 92,307 words published as of today and still growing. Fun fact: This is also my longest fic ever published! So it would've won this category in any year.

Shortest: Three Lifetimes (Pushing Daisies) at 191 words. I did have other one shot ideas after my rewatch but I had to save my energy for the Lucifer WIP.

Most Comments: SHOCKINGLY (not), it's Can We Keep Her (Lucifer) with 186 comment threads/415 total comments. My greatest wish when this fic is all said and done is to hit 1000 total comments because I'll never be able to hit that in any other fandom I could ever be in for the rest of my life. And if it does turn out to be 30 chapters long (or more!), then I'm actually on pace to achieve it :')

(And this is where I go more into fic recs than talking about my own fics, because I did not write (or read tbh) enough to have proper answers for this section.)

Fics that made me cry:

Writing: The [redacted] scene for Can We Keep Her that I've played a million times in my head but haven't actually written yet cause I'm only halfway through the story. Maybe also the time travel reveal scene which gets posted in January, but that's lived in my head for so long, I can no longer tell what feelings it evokes.

Reading: never have I ever by jrrmint (Lucifer). S4 Chloe/Lucifer smut. It doesn't make me cry, but it does make me ache because it's Season 4, aka the angstiest season, and this fic makes it even messier than canon was which is just beautiful in the 'I have a history of loving soap operas' way. :D :D It also taught me cheating is a trope I will eat up with a goddamn spoon for this ship. Like HOLY SHIT! Eve, I love you, babe, but I need more Chloe/Lucifer S4 cheating fic pronto! O_O

(NOT S3 cheating fic. It does not work as well, because the Chloe/Pierce relationship was already a stupid decision -- by both the writers and the character -- so let's not add even more stupid decisions on top of it. However, everybody's already hitting rock bottom in S4 (and at different times too!) so that's why the cheating trope works so deliciously there.)

Fics that made me smile:

Writing: The opening scene to chapter 7 in Can We Keep Her still makes me laugh so much. Rory's manipulative little "My heart hurts :(" ploy absolutely kills me, plus all the other 'Day 2 of a baby angel' chaos that's happening. Also all of chapter 9 with the Deckerstar family domestics of putting Trixie and Rory to bed. A++ me. Makes me grin everytime.

Reading: If He's a Tramp (He's a Good One) by maybemalapert (laconicsims) -- Lucifer joins Chloe and Trixie on a trip to Disneyland, set (and written) in early S2. I'm absolutely loving reading the Lucifer fics in chronological order/reverse page order on AO3 since I came to the show after the entire thing aired. And this little one shot was wonderful <3

Group Activities:

Gifts: No gifts given or received this year.

Collaborations: I did do something here, though! I was a beta reader in the Bering and Wells Big Bang event. :) I helped with Dawn of the Dragonborn: Heart of a Hero, Heart of a Predator, Heart of Dovahkiin which was written by Rinari7. Not finished yet, but hopefully someday! Because the outline was really detailed and incredible. So, so, so fun AU even if you know very little about Skyrim (like me)!

Events: Also the Bering and Wells Big Bang. I still absolutely could never be a writer for such an event because I get too stressed and freeze whenever I try. But I really enjoyed being a beta reader! Less pressure lol

[pens-swords-stuff]

Hello Undine!! It has been a HOT MINUTE, but it is I, Kewpie Anon!! I had actually sent you a reply a while back, but as I was writing it, my computer crashed🙃. I have ADHD, so all the executive function I mustered to write up my long ass reply faded away...SO HERE'S A TLDR; turns out the mayo we use in our household isn't even kewpie LMAO??? I asked my mum and she was like 「キユーピーって味が酸っぱいから嫌い〜」and I was like *white man blinking gif in Mandela effect*. So I opened the fridge...and it's this brandless mayo bottle with a yellow cap. No clue who the maker is, but it ain't kewpie. So there goes the entire basis of my internet persona😂. ALSO!! I have always loved the キユーピーたらこ CMs, and I aspire to inflict that chaotic gremlin energy upon my friends. Anyway, what finally kicked my ass into gear to reply was this: seeing that you identify as greyasexual biromantic. **SPIDER MAN GIF INTENSIFIES CAUSE I DO TOO?!?!** I am shook. I only know one other person who is biromantic, and it was only because of them that I realised I was too. It sure answered why I had pined for my high school best friend while not wanting anything physical with her. So, yeah!! Solidarity!! Now, here's my question to you: do you read Japanese novels? If so, which ones did you enjoy? Sadly, while I am a fluent speaker, my kanji knowledge is lacking (but I'm working on it!). I'd love to hear your thoughts😊. Cheers!

Kewpie anon!!! It's so nice to hear from you. I was actually just wondering how you were doing a couple days ago.

I am so sorry about your mayo dilemma; that's got to be a huge shock!!! Mandela effect: it's SO real. It's funny, my mom and grandma say the exact same thing about Kewpie mayonnaise. Maybe you're an Ajinomoto family like we are?? We can just pretend that your internet persona is just based off those ICONIC Kewpie tarako commercials and nothing else. Or you know, the actual kewpie dolls.

And oh my god maybe we're actually the same person??? That's incredible, we have so much in common. I personally don't know many biromantic people either!!! Talking about stuff like this is so important, because it took me a really long time actually learn that asexuality was a thing, and even longer to realize that it made a lot of sense to me. I am so glad to have met you omg

I haven't read many Japanese novels, mostly because I always gravitated towards video games, manga, how to draw books, video game guides, and psychology books when I was in Japan, back when I was younger. I got a bit more interested in reading Japanese novels when I started high school, but then I stopped being able to go to Japan every summer like I used to. Which obviously means, less exposure to Japanese bookstores which is a SHAME because they are incredible?? It is insane how enjoyable it is to read Japanese nonfiction books. They're so cute and pretty with so many pictures and diagrams and art while being really easy to read and ughhh

I have no idea when I'm able to go to Japan next, but I'm definitely looking forward to grabbing more novels to read!

Here are the books that I have on my bookshelf right now. I used to have more, but my mom and I are going through a massive house cleaning and reorganization right now, so I packed away the others in boxes.

I actually haven't read most of these yet.

Of these, I've only read ビリギャル. I remember when it was a huge deal several years ago and I picked up it a little while later. It was really good and super inspiring.

I am a huge mystery fan, and because I don't know many Japanese authors and what books are good, you can definitely tell that I trend towards them. 暗黒女子、探偵倶楽部 and その時までサヨナラ are all mysteries. I'll read them someday I'm sure. I think they were all really popular back when they came out because they were on display and had the little notes written about them, you know? So I'm positive that they're amazing.

I haven't read those 王様ゲーム books yet either, but I did read the original 王様ゲーム trilogy (the ones in the picture are the sequel trilogy, I think). One interesting thing that I noticed was that I picked up a lot of psychological horror type books when I was in Japan several years ago, even though I'm not a horror fan. You can read the Wikipedia article here if you're interested! I don't know if this type of story is your jam, but I'm a huge fan of the death game subgenre, so it was right up my alley.

On a similar psychological horror/death game binge (I got all of the horror books at the same time. I must've been going through something), I read モニタールーム and リアル鬼ごっこ.

All of those horror books were really haunting, and my family asked me if I was okay several times as I was reading them. But they were really good; I couldn't put them down.

One book that I remember reading for a 読書感想文 when I was in elementary school is 虹色蛍. It's a story about time traveling to a 昭和 era Japan and while I don't remember the details, I remember it having a pretty profound impact on me as a kid. If kanji is a bit of a struggle for you (isn't it for everyone?), this might be a good one to read since it's geared towards younger audiences, but the story still packs a massive punch and adults can enjoy it too.

I also remember one of my Japanese school classmates lending me ケータイ小説 back when they were a thing called テディベア. I think this was the first Japanese 文庫本 that I read ever. It's definitely a tragic tearjerker, and me and my friends at Japanese school all spent 休み時間 crying our eyes about over this book because my friend had all of us read it.

I know there were a few others, but I can't remember what they're called 😭 I don't even know what to google so I can find them. I'll definitely let you know if I remember anything else.

I'm also studying kanji! I attended a Japanese school every Saturday, so I do know most of the kanji. I can read it just fine to survive everyday in Japan and read books. And if I don't know how to read it, I can use context clues to figure it out. But writing them is definitely a lot harder for me! It's easy to get away with not writing them because we have cell phones and computers to type them out on (I always have my cell phone in hand when writing in Japanese to see how to write the kanji), but I have a couple of 漢字検定 workbooks that are around 六級 and 七級, that I've been slowly working through to brush up on my ability. I want to be able to write them! And my Japanese handwriting is atrocious so I've been practicing them too. When I go to Japan next, whenever that may be, I'm definitely planning on buying several kanji workbooks all the way from elementary school level to high school level so I can practice. And the ones for elementary school kids look really fun, so...

Let me know if you have any reccs for me too. I'm always so overwhelmed at bookstores to make a purchase because they all look so good!

Also I have this very good link for watching バラエティー番組　for free without subscription,,, Let me know if you want it. I love watching them.

[samshogwarts]

My review of 2020

Or: I say thank you.

First of all, sorry for the long post 😅. You guys know I don'tike long posts without a "read more under the line". But I nade the post with my mobile phone.... Aaaaaaaanyway. Also sorry for all the tags. I hope I don't annoyed someone with it <~<. So let's continue:

I think this year has been a particularly difficult year for everyone. As 2020 is drawing to a close, I mentally let the year pass again.

The bottom line is that I have to say that 2020 was turbulent for me, but not necessarily bad. Much good, but also bad, has happened. And I want to start with the bad things right away.

At the beginning of the year, my depression and eating disorder relapsed. I've always had trouble talking about it because I know my friends can't handle this issue. I felt pressured because they wanted to do things with me, but I couldn't. So I withdrew completely, hiding my emotions and wearing a mask.

At that time I created this blog. At first I didn't want to create my own content, just follow the content of @ladycibia, @hogwartsmystory and @kyril-hphm. Incidentally, that is also the reason why I call these 3 blogs the Big Three. So it's their fault that I'm here. Lol.

And then the first Hyops message came at the end of March. A very good friend of mine got Corvid-19 and lost the battle against the disease a few days later. I still remember how the news pulled the floor from under my feet. It feels like I completely lost faith in everything and I started to realize how dangerous this year could be. 

But life goes on and so I visited a friend and her family in early July. It was the anniversary of her husband's death, who was also a very good friend of mine. He died of cancer last year and I couldn't go to his funeral. So I wanted to stop by on the day he died. I actually thought I could do it. But when you read a friend's name on a tombstone for the first time.. Guys, that's a punch in the stomach like no other and I can't really describe how it feels. I had made up my mind not to cry in front of his wife or children because it was hard enough for them. Didn't work.

And of course this year meant to go one better.

Another friend of mine died of the virus in mid-August, leaving behind a wife and a child. Again, I was unable to attend the funeral. And to be honest, it still bothers me way more I want to admit. In two years I lost three wonderful people who meant a lot to me and I couldn't say goodbye to any of them. When I see the three of them again after my death, you can be sure I'll kick their butts for it.

But August was the worst month for me in many ways. In addition to the death of my buddy, my father's family also volunteered. And that means only one thing - trouble.  And properly. I haven't had contact with this family for over 12 years for good reason. Now one person from this family has passed away. And first of all, I don't really care if anyone of them would die. I don't even know the person who passed away. But I wasn't told either by my grandmother or my father. So my deadline to cancel the inheritance has expired. Of course it was debts. You have to know that the inheritance rights of my country are very complicated. The reason my father or grandmother didn't tell me about it was because they didn't want to bother with the paperwork. They always had the opportunity to contact me via Facebook or my half-sister. But that would mean work for them. And while I was walking from lawyer to lawyer to court to court, I was allowed to hear sayings from my grandmother that I apparently have achieved nothing in my life. Nice to know that some people never change. I'm still struggling with this matter to this day and will probably not be able to fully clarify this until the beginning of 2021.

At the end of October everything seemed to be taking its revenge and I passed out at a friend's house. Nobody knows exactly what happened until today, but my friend took me to the hospital where I had to stay one night. That was Halloween. And I'm such a big fan of hospitals hahahaha hahahaha. After that I was allowed to wear an ECG for 2 weeks and it turned out that my heart values ​​had deteriorated. Why not. Let's just take everything with us this year!

Rounding out the negatives this year was my (as a teenager) best friend's suicide. I have to say that I haven't had any contact with this person for 9 years. However, it is the one who cut herself in her youth and then called me afterwards because she didn't know what to do. It was also the one I tried to get into therapy for 2 years. But her mother was always against it. And it was exactly this mother who was standing in my mother's shop, telling her about her daughter's suicide and that I was probably in the farewell letter. I don't know exactly what it said, but the mother now blames me for her daughter's suicide. And do you know what's craziest about the whole thing? I agreed with her! I really thought it was my fault because I knew how sick my former friend was. Yet I was the one who ended the friendship (for many reasons that had nothing to do with her depression). And I still wonder what would have happened if I had acted differently.

But enough of the negative things! A lot of nice things happened this year too. Among other things, I have found a new job within my group, earn more money and have pleasant working hours. I've renovated my apartment and I've started saving money on a new one. My two nieces are now going to school and I am a proud aunt. My male best friend and his girlfriend (my best harry potter friend) are pregnant and are expecting their first child soon and my mother's health is better.

But one of the best things that happened to me this year is this blog.

I already mentioned that I actually only created this blog to stalk the Big Three. I didn't want my own content at all. But I discovered more and more blogs and these incredibly great MCs that I thought I wanted to do whole too. And so Samantha O'Connell was born.

I received so much great support and encouragement on this platform. I don't think many people even realize how much that means to me. Especially this year.

I have also found great and lovable people here, some of whom I also call my friends. Even if we come from other countries, speak other languages ​​and may never see each other in real life, you are my friends and I am grateful to know you.

@annabelle-tanaka-official : I'll start with you of course! XD on tumblr you are just my best friend. I don't write as much with anyone as I do with you. You are such an incredibly talented person and so warm hearted! Over the year we have invented so many insiders that soon nobody will know what we mean.  Be it the monster hug, or that my cats are your spies or our many RP scenarios, which I really enjoy and which always make me laugh. I thank you for that!! I love you so much and I am so glad that we are friends! *minster hug*

@lunasilvermorny / @lunasilvermore : you are next to you !!! XD the next person I write to almost every day. What started with a little conversation about among us has turned into a friendship. I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to streaming with you next year (and this year)!!! You are such a good listener that strengthens me. Your support is so nice of you too! Just the fact that you have subscribed to my YouTube channel xD (because of the language I even have an idea). I'm looking forward to the next year with you! Thank you so much for dealing with my craziness and still likes me! 

@kyril-hphm : muahahahaha. You can't escape me !!! Yes, what should I say? One of my big three even made friends with me. One of my Senpais noticed me! And then it's a lovely fluffy marshmallow! I still think it's funny  that we have such similar circuits and hearts! Nevertheless you are an incredibly honest, loving and talented person. I've never told you before, but sometimes I stare (for 20 minutes +) at your drawings to improve my style (just not working so far). You are an honest person and I am happy every time we talk, or when you react to my content. I would like to say thank you for that too! You are great and you can trust yourself more.

@carewyncromwell : my Chinese fireball, my Disney princess. Yes, for me you exude the aura of a Disney princess and nothing can change my mind. So! You were one of the first friends I made here on tumblr and one of the first to write with me! I still remember how proud and nervous I was back then! Just when I was in the hospital on Halloween and couldn't sleep that night, you kept texting me and distracting me from my fear. That means a lot to me. You are such a creative and lovable person too. Ah, that's just amazing. Your comments or hashtags always make me grin or laugh. Thank you for all your support and help!

@catohphm : my fluffier Ravenclaw brother!!! Of course you can't be missing either. I also write with you almost every day and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your kind words and your support. I just love the energy between Samantha and Cato. And it's always fun to write RP with you!  Thank you for being such a lovely and kind person!

@mira-shard : MIRAAAAAAA! It's kind of funny how long we've basically walked next to each other without talking to each other. And now I don't want to miss you anymore! You are such a fun and happy person. Writing with you is just fun! I also love your cosplay photos. Someday I'll come to visit you, and then we'll do cosplay shootings together until the camera bleeds! I would also like to thank you for your support and your kindness. 

@sirfluffig : ha. I hope you didn't think you were escaping me! Where should I start with you? Maybe that you were one of the first to give me such lovely feedback on Samantha? Or this super funny stream and that you helped me to stream in English? Or just like that, when we talk about our MCs or pen and paper. It's definitely always fun. I want to thank you for that and I'm looking forward to playing together again soon (get Among us)

@nightrhea-hphm : * run into you in slowmotion * Night! My wonderful supportive Gremlin! I've grown very fond of them over the years. And your support and feedback are just amazing. I also love the friendship between Night and Samantha. I think it's very similar to ours, right? You are also such an incredibly creative and lovable person. You make you feel like it's ok to be who you are. Thank you!

Of course there are many, many more like @rosievixen, @wangxianforever000 , @mollydarling-hphm , @morningstarinwinter , @hogwarts9, @hphm-brooke , @raymondhope-writer , @nikyiscreepy , @immagrosscandy , @mizutoyama , @ariparri-hphm and many many more.

I want to thank you all for your encouragement, support and feedback. You are the reasons why I am adding more and more details to this blog, why I dared to start with the fan comic and many more. 

It's still so amazing for me to meet so many talented, creative, kind and funny people. 

This year showed me again that life isn't just black or white. Life is Grey. Good things and bad things happen. Sometimes one side more than the other side. But as long we are taking the next step, life wl continues. Just keep in mind, as like you support me, I want to support you. So if you ever wanna talk, no matter what, remember you guys can always contact me. 

I'm really looking forward to next year and already have so many plans. I can not wait any longer. Enjoy the last days of the year, stay safe and most important: they the way you are guys! 

Love you all so much.