#maybe some weird karma from that prevented help from coming idk

[idlyingabout]

I spent some 10 months working in this retail supermarket shop that's close to home and after quitting the only experience that's stayed with me is those rare few times when i would see other queer people just existing in public. Maybe it's because I'm kind of a coward and could never be that openly out, or the environment in this area of the city that I know is very christian and very hostile (the things that i've heard my coworkers saying...) but I came to treasure those rare moments in a very special way. It can feel kinda lonely here, where sometimes it seems like it's just me and the friends I met in artschool and the people in other areas that i see on instagram, weirdly far away from me, and knowing that it'll be decades before we achieve anything meaningful in this country, but seeing someone being so open and brave like that makes me wanna keep going y'know? Maybe someday I'll live in a future where my teacher from artschool didn't have to travel to the USA to get married, and I can go to the beach with my friends and have twin scars on my chest.

[drippingviolets3]

Sooooo, a lot has been happening with me recently and since I might be sick (and desperately need my medication adjusted-) I’m going to do a part two to that one thing where I rated danganronpa characters based on how they would comfort me after that one instance where I got bullied for being 💅

Hajime: 6/10: His free time events low key make me want to strangle him sometimes for his attitude, and I’m STILL traumatized by that one nut scene, but he’d still do more then the bare minimum despite being awkward about it.

Chiaki: 6/10: I know she would never say this, but for some reason she’s giving me Zuko’s “Thats rough buddy” response from ATLA 😭. I don’t think I would be able to tell if she’s actually listening or caring, so I’d be discouraged, but Chiaki would definitely try to find some way to distract me.

Nagito: -10/10: Mf would deadass look me in the eye and tell me it was a necessary stepping stone to achieve the brightest hope or some shit he can gtfo.

Twogami: 8/10: For the sake of staying in character he would pat me on the back with a broom, but would definitely have some words of wisdom to share with me, maybe share his food, idk.

Teruteru: 7/10: Here me out, since Teru is canonically bisexual, coming from one queer to another, he’d know when to drop the pervert shit and actually help. His advice would be shit but hey at least he’d make me something to eat.

Mahiru: 3/10: I can’t stand this bitch I gotta be real with y’all 💀. While she would agree that it was bad and such, she’d still get onto me for how I reacted and tell me to stop crying. We know she doesn’t really do anything to stop bullying so she’ll just do slightly below the bare minimum and dip.

Peko: 12/10: MY. WIFE. Okay I might be biased but I do think she’d just slowly draw her sword out to kill the mfs but would retract it the moment someone said “Peko, no.” Would she know how to comfort me? Probably not. But will she make sure that karma is delivered and that it hurts like a bitch? 100% yes.

Ibuki: 5/10: I think she’d also canonically queer, but she’s obnoxious and is weird in a way that kinda feels forced to me tbh? Idk how else to describe it, but I do know that while she would do her best to help, she’s not the person I want to be around in that kind of mess.

Hiyoko: 4/10: It depends on if we’re friends or not. If we were she’d probably tear the bullies a new one before promptly getting curb stomped, or she’d just make fun of me and tell me to get over it 💀.

Mikan: 2/10: She’ll want to help but would probably make it worse by tripping, crying, and apologizing.

Nekomaru: 9/10: He’d be such a dad about it, give the bullies a firm talking to and maybe yell at them if they catch an attitude. Overall he’d be bodyguarding me around that bitch 24/7

Gundham: 7/10: He’d give me a hamster to hold and would go off on one of his tangents about being a demon lord and how he’s make them burn in hellfire and shower the underworld in brimstone, but I won’t be paying attention because I’m holding a hamster and that makes life better 💞

Akane: 5/10: Similar to “Peko, no” but instead it’s like swiper the fox where you gotta scream “AKANE NO!” Three times in a row to prevent her from going on a rampage.

Sonia: 6/10: The sweetest and gentlest thing omllll 💞💞💞. She’d make sure I’m in a safe mental space so I won’t hurt myself and brings me pillows and blankets and such. But if she gets really pissed, home girl will deadass threaten the group to leave me alone. If they catch an attitude they’re gonna have to throw hands with her whole fucking country (and it is mentioned that everyone in her country learn how to work army machinery in elementary school so 💀)

Kazuichi: 5/10: I don’t know if he knows what a bisexual is 😭. He’d try to support me but his confusion would be so evident that it somehow makes me laugh enough to where I’m less sad.

Fuyuhiko: 20/10: This man has access to an entire fucking yakuza and you think that bitch will get out unscathed? He isn’t good with words, but actions speak louder than words so he gets straight to work. By the next day that bitch would be in the hospital and get PTSD by looking at babies, knowing it was a baby gangster who knocked her teeth out

[ivis-00]

I’m bored so here

Credits got to @booknrd and @redqueenfandom

Tag is here: https://booknrd.tumblr.com/post/169439591221/this-is-the-most-unique-one-ive-seen-please-yes

1)I don’t have iTunes so I just played my daily mix on Spotify on shuffle:

Body Gold by Oh Wonder

I Still Wait For You by XYLØ

Down in Flames by Ella Vos

We Won’t by Jaymes Young

Superstar by Broods

Phase Me Out by VÉRITÉ

2)My nephew. It’s been a year or so since he was born and I still have yet to see him in person.

3)Book: Edgar Allan Poe: Complete Tales and Poems, Short Story: ‘The Unparalleled Adventure of One Hans Pfaaall’, Quote: “April 8th.”

4)That’s a bit of a tough question. I guess it’s usually either my future (I’m a high school senior) and whether or not I’ll ever amount to anything, or about the state of the world (all the things going wrong, how we could have prevented or fixed them, etc.).

5)Lol no I’m not that special

6)Is being scared of just dragonflies a phobia? Like I know it’s pretty silly especially since dragonflies aren’t aggressive or anything but idk it’s a childhood trauma thing that I never got over. I’m less scared of them as the tears go by but still it gives me the creeps.

7)Don’t have one, but I’m very interested in learning about other’s religions.

8)Chilling. Just enjoying the fresh air. Maybe reading. But since it’s always hot here, I rarely go outside of my own accord. I hate the heat.

9)I’m just going to assume this means Western band: Panic! at the Disco

10)That I was gonna go back to sleep but I actually stayed up until 4am.

11)Yes and no. It’s a bit weird. Sometimes karma works magic, and other times it’s nonexistent. I don’t know whether to really believe it’s a thing or not.

12)It’s literally just my middle name and ‘the-fangirl’ written after it. It’s pretty self-explanatory. 👍

13)Greatest weakness is self-doubt. It’s stops me from doing a lot of the things I want to do. Strength is my stubbornness. I know that’s really contradictory, but once my mind is set on something, it’s very hard to convince otherwise.

14)I’m supposed to choose just 1? Cause that’s basically impossible. I’m just gonna day Jungkook from BTS cause he’s my ultimate bias (I know, how basic of me). Gotta represent my man y’all. But if I were to choose a female celebrity crush, for sure I’d say Halsey. Like damn.

15)For me, I always feel like taking out my anger physically through hitting and breaking objects (so that I don’t harm a anybody), or through screaming at the top of my lungs. It helps dispel all that energy so I’m too tired to even think about what I was mad about. But my Hispanic household is very strict on these types of things and I’ve pretty much had to force myself to adopt a passive-aggressive method of dealing with my anger. Just thinking of this makes me mad cause there’s so many things I’ve had to put up with in my family because I can’t express my anger to a figure of authority (since it’s seen as disrespect).

16)I used to have a seashell collection, but now I just collect books and like little memorabilia from different places and events that I feel have left some sort of mark on me.

17)No. I haven’t exactly accomplished any of my long-term goals. I’m pretty stuck since I don’t have complete control of my life with my mother always breathing down my neck.

18)I hate loud talking in quiet spaces, or even just senseless yelling. Many of my family members tend to yell as they’re “talking” on the phone whether they people involved in the conversation are hard of hearing or not. But I’m the bright side, I love the sound of rain and luckily for me, it tends to rain pretty often here (unfortunately that also means it gets really humid).

19)What if all my efforts amount to nothing?

20)I’ve never really seen any conclusive evidence that ghosts exist, so for right now it’s a bit of a middle point for me. Since we don’t exactly knows what happens after death either, there’s still the chance that ghosts can exist. Aliens is something I’m more open about. In a universe so big, I find it difficult to believe we’re the only living things in it. Aliens exist, but we just haven’t found them and they might have not found us. That’s just my personal take on it.

21)Right arm: my nightstand; Left arm: air

22)Coffee.

23)Any one of my family parties (except the one where I ended up winning 8 consecutive games of domino, that was awesome). Or even just a party with people I don’t know. Just parties.

24) 1-Brendon Urie. I just think he’s such a beautiful and genuine person. You don’t find many people that give off the good vibe he does. I admire is vocal skills like crazy, but I’m mainly drawn in by his personality. You can see that he really does care about his fans and appreciates everything they do for him. And he’s not bad on the eyes either. 2-Troye Sivan. He’s another individual that I find beautiful inside and out. His voice is so soothing and he has such a relaxing aura about him that I really like. And the blonde hair works for him like wow, end me. 3-Patrick Stump. Now some people (I’ll fight you), might disagree with my opinion since he’s put on some weight. I’m the kind of person that can find anybody attractive so long as they have a great personality. Patrick, to me, is a gorgeous human being and the fact that he’s chubby doesn’t bother me in the slightest. I find his cheeks to be adorable (which is odd coming from someone younger than him, but bear with me). It’s also comforting seeing someone that’s like me: not your everyday image of a perfect celebrity/person. He’s just an amazing person and I really admire him.

25)To become the best version of ourselves we can possibly be, and to serve others.

26)I’ve finally got my learners permit but I have yet to actually sit in front of the wheel. I’m a bit terrified considering the area I live in isn’t the safest place to drive.

27)I don’t remember the name but I know it was a movie about two lonely elderly people (a man and woman) who find comfort in each other’s company. It was really cute.

28)A broken arm when I was like a couple months to a year old. Not gonna get into details but just know that it was a long ass time ago and I haven’t severely injured myself since.

29)Webtoons

30)Not really.

31)Takes too much energy so no. Doesn’t mean I forget, though.

32)Pisces

33)A ticket to my school’s lip sync battle (students vs teachers). It was definitely worth it.

34)Why not both? 😉 (I lean slightly more towards love, but eh.)

35)No

36)A real, genuine relationship? One.

37)For guys and girls it’s different for me. I’m more shy around guys that I have a real interest in and tend to avoid them at all costs. So I’ve never actually been in a relationship with a guy. I’m slightly more forward with girls. In the end, I’m not too sure what kind of “secret weapon” I have since I’m pretty socially awkward and not typically seen as dating material.

38) My best friends are at their houses being just as unproductive as me.

39) Watching YouTube videos. I can’t even remember which ones.

40) If you’re looking for somebody that’s very spontaneous and blunt, I’m your gal. If not, keep walking. I like to think I’d be friends with me since I find similar qualities that I have in my friends (though that’s not to say I want my friends to be just like me; I need people with differing views to keep me grounded).

41) Fuck the job, I’m saving the dog. And if my boss had even the slightest bit of compassion, he’d understand why I was late.

42) I would tell the people closest to me (my mom, select friends, etc.). But I’d insist they not treat me any differently than if I were completely fine and not dying. I’d spend my remaining days just having fun and doing all the things I’ve ever wanted to do. If I have a month to live, I’m not gonna waste it moping and crying over my mortality. I would like to think that I wouldn’t be scared. Everyone dies at some point, some sooner than others. As long as I am willing to live my last days to their fullest, I’ll be fine with dying.

43) Heavy by Oh Wonder

44) Proper communication. If you don’t talk, then how are you going to work out problems and get anything done?

45) Just be genuine. I hate fake people. That being said, if your genuine self is disrespectful and mean-spirited, I want absolutely nothing to do with you.

46) I like to think it does since you’re in a state of mind that few people have been in.

47) I’d like to say becoming vegan. I feel happier with myself for it.

48) Died from meme overload. I just can’t take myself too seriously.

49) A beating organ. If you were expecting something cheesy, sorry to disappoint.

50) Black, white, gray, green (none of that neon bullshit).

51) The phases of the moon.

52) Tonald Drump (for those specific individuals, it’s Donald Trump)

53) Depends in whose asking me, it could be any question. If my mom were to ask me if I’m straight, I’d hesitate. Still, I would probably tell the truth.

54) Idk, money making power? (gotta pay that college tuition)

55) My time in the Colosseum. It was awesome.

56) Anything to do with my biological father.

57) If we’re talking sex, I’m inclined to not answer since I’m still a minor (*cough* Jungkook/Halsey*cough*), but if it’s like legit sleeping, I want to say Lana Del Rey. Idk why but these are the people that popped up.

58) My bitch ass is headed to South Korea. ✌️

59) Yes.

60) Not even gonna explain:

Jungkook

Halsey

Marina Diamandis

Hayley Kiyoko

Brendon Urie