#maybe some slight internal transphobia

[baconcolacan]

The T4T tomtord has me thinking DEEPLY like….

As kids Tord would be just the most UNBEARABLE egg there is out there. He’d be hanging out with Tom and just ask shit like ‘Hey Tammie? Do you…ever feel like you’re someone else??’

SURPRISINGLY he’s the reason Tom gets an early awakening cause he keeps using him as a fucking soundboard for his eggthoughts and Tom’s just ‘Ohhh yeah I get it now’ and knows he’s a boy from a young age and it takes Tord until at LEAST sophomore/year 10 to realise he’s trans.

And yes, he still used Tom as a soundboard for all those years until then. Tom TRIES to give him hints, he never catches them.

[thiolliers-consort]

Trans Kaeya x male reader🩵❄️

Warnings: reader and kaeya don’t end up together, paranoia, kaeya has breasts, internalized transphobia, slight ooc, self indulgent cringe, no beta reader (we die like men), fluff, little bit of hurt comfort

❄︎ in my heart, Kaeya is not easy to get with. He will flirt and he will make moves on you, but he has no intention of ever being with anyone because he can’t see anyone supporting his identity.

❄︎ he doesn’t tell people that he’s trans. Diluc and Jean know, but everyone else just believes that Kaeya was just a very feminine looking child. He didn’t wear dresses or skirts in his youth, so it was easy to just go with that.

❄︎ you were new to mondstat, and didn’t know anyone. You were able to get a job at Angel’s Share since it was so low staffed. The owner was a nice man and he showed you the basics of bartending.

❄︎ you had a few regulars, all of whom the owner warned you about. The regular he warned about the most was the Calvary captain, Kaeya.

❄︎ after meeting Kaeya, you didn’t understand why he would need a warning. He was talkative and friendly with the other patrons, but when it came to ordering a drink, he seemed on edge. Maybe a little nervous.

❄︎ you thought he was cute, so you made it your mission to have a conversation with him. It was hard since he was very popular. Anytime you could’ve talked to him, you had to go talk to someone else. Just your luck.

❄︎ you actually had days off Tuesdays and Wednesdays. You usually spent these days in bed, but you needed to go into town for some eggs. You weren’t expecting to see anyone important, so you just went out in your wrinkly dress shirt and a pair of trousers that were much too big.

❄︎ you successfully grabbed your eggs, but when you turned your head, you saw that man. He wasn’t near you or anything, but you could see him standing in front of the fountain. You walked in the opposite direction of him towards the flowers stand.

Kaeya felt a tap on his shoulder, and turned his head. He didn’t know who he expected, but the new bartender at his brother’s establishment was definitely not it. “Oh! Hello Mr.~lastname~. Is there anything you needed today?” You nodded and kaeya cocked his head to the side curiously.

“Uhmm, here you go…” you looked away and held out a small bouquet of calla lilies. Kaeya stared down at the flowers and gently took them from you, “oh.. well, I just don’t know what to say… if I didn’t know any better, I’d think this was a confession.” He looked at you with a playful smile, his cheeks and ears flushed with a deep red. “I just wanna get to know you! It’d be wrong for me if I didn’t make an effort to know my regulars.”

❄︎ you two talked when you both were free, which nearly never happened. The only days you both had off together was Wednesday, but those were the days you liked to sleep the most.

❄︎ you told Kaeya this one evening when he was at the bar. He offered to change his off days to Tuesdays, but you insisted that he shouldn’t change his schedule just because of your sleep schedule.

❄︎ do you think he listened?

❄︎ No.

❄︎ you two spent many Tuesdays together. They weren’t always eventful, but they were all very pleasant. Everything was going well until he spent the night for the first time.

You just finished eating after Kaeya went to the bathroom to get ready for bed. You put your play in the sink and walked to your room. The door opened and you could barely process what happened next. All you knew is that you apologized and shut the door after Kaeya yelled. “Was he naked?” You asked yourself. You saw something, but it definitely was like he was completely naked. To be honest, you couldn’t fully comprehend what you saw in time.

The door slowly opened and you turned to see Kaeya wearing a button down sleep shirt and some shorts. You put two to two together and it finally clicked in your head that he had breasts. It didn’t really matter to you though.

“Are you ready for bed?” You asked him as you walked into the room and took off your over shirt and laid in the bed. “Are you… uncomfortable?” Kaeya looked concerned and a little ashamed, but you didn’t see why it was such a big deal. “I’m not uncomfortable just because you’re built a little different from me. We’re friends right? I love you unconditionally, no matter what you were born as or what you identify with.”

❄︎ Kaeya was very happy to know that you supported him. You were now the third only person that knew, and he trusted that you wouldn’t tell anyone else.

❄︎ there was a point of time where you did express an interest in pursuing him, but he had a lot of feeling about it. He was paranoid that you might’ve only tried since you knew he was trans and maybe didn’t truly see him as a man.

❄︎ you reassured him that you did see him as a man, but that you respect his boundaries. You’ve given him a lot of patience and so much more than he could’ve asked for.

❄︎ once again, Kaeya is hard to get with. Just be patient with him and give him the love he deserves. He might give you a sliver of a chance.

Happy pride month to this man specifically

[newtthetranswriter]

A Trail of Notes

Art: Drawn by me.

Paring: Denki Kaminari x Transmasc! Nonbinary! Reader

Word Count: 6461

Summary: As Y/n’s best friend and crush’s birthday approaches, their classmates encourage them to confess to the blonde boy. After deciding secret notes hidden around would be best, the wait and mystery caused tensions to spike and mistakes to be made. Will it end in Y/n’s favor?

Warnings: Talk of needles and shots as reader is on Testosterone, misunderstandings, Sero is a dick in this, implied internalized transphobia (on reader’s part), I think that’s it but let me know if I missed anything

A/n: Starting off with a responding Happy Birthday to my favorite phone charger Denki Kaminari. Anyways this was very self indulgent as one there are not enough Denki fics out there, and there are not enough truly transmasc/nonbinary reader fics. That being said, a lot of the things mentioned about T-shots and feelings about oneself are things from my own experience and therefore may not line up with every trans person’s experience.  Anywho, I hope you enjoy and as always remember to hydrate or diedrate.

   “Come on Y/n, I understand that you’re nervous and don’t want to risk your friendship with him, but if Kaminari is dumb enough to end a life long friendship over some feelings, that’s on him.” Of course it was Minatrying to reason that if admitting my feelings cost us our friendship it was Denki’s fault.

   I sighed leaning back against the frame of her bed. “It’s not that I think he would end the friendship over it. I know he wouldn’t do that. It’s the fact that it would be awkward as hell, plus I know I have zero chance so what's the point in trying?” I explained. 

   I could hear the collective sigh of everyone in the room. The next person to speak up on the topic was Momo “It may look like you have zero chance but have you ever talked to him about his romantic interests or are you just assuming because all you’ve seen him openly show interest in is women?” Of course she would be the voice of reason for this discussion.

  I shook my head no, but before I could argue further, Jiro decided to also give her opinion. “Yamomo and Mina both make valid points. If you haven’t talked about his preferences you can’t assume that you have no chance. And if you do try and things become awkward or you stop being friends, it’s on him. A good friend would hear you out and talk out how things should move forward.” 

  Looking at my three friends I couldn’t help but sigh in defeat. “Why do I ever think you guys will agree with me on this?” I asked with a slight laugh. “I understand what you guys are saying up here,” I said pointing to my head, “but in here I’m terrified of losing the one person who has always been there for me.” I finished pointing at my heart. 

  The comment earned looks of sympathy from the girls of Class A. “Honestly it would be better for you to just tell him so you can get the weight off your chest. And in the worst case scenario we will all be here for you.” Mina offered. There was a pause before she spoke again. “Why not tell him on his birthday?” She suggested now moving from trying to convince me to confess, to brainstorming ideas on how I should confess.

   “What if you like leave a series of notes giving hints to who you are and on his birthday give him the final one confessing who you are?” Hagakure said, her voice as bubbly as always. “It’d be like a little game and you could gauge his reaction to each note and if he figures it out early maybe he’ll confess first.” She rambled on.

   The rest of us couldn’t help but laugh at her giddiness, if we hadn’t been just talking about me you could almost assume she was planning to confess to her own crush. “I mean that could work but how would I get the notes to him. If I’m not gossiping with you guys, I’m hanging out with him. It’s not like I'd have time to slip notes into his bag or locker without him noticing.” I pondered.

   Everyone took a moment to think of a plan. “Hey why don’t you write all the notes and then you can give some to each of us and we can distribute them.” Jiro suggested.

   “Yes we can be like your wing women, placing the notes in places only he can find and with you being his best friend he’ll probably tell you about the notes so you can hear his reactions without him having a clue that you know about it. And then you can give him the final note on his birthday and it’ll be perfect.” It was Mina’s turn to show her excitement over me finally agreeing to admit my feelings to the class's resident phone charger.

   I couldn’t help but smile at my friends and their support. “Thank you guys, I know dealing with me and my self doubt has been a lot. But yeah I like the idea of giving you guys the notes to hide but I’m not getting my hopes up about the outcome. This is just to get it off my chest and if he accepts, great if not, I’ll just have to move on and make one of you help me with my t-shots each week.” I tried to play off my nerves with a slight laugh, before deciding it was time to change topic. “Now enough about me, why don’t we focus back on the real reason we are all crammed in this tiny room and watch some movies.” There was a collective cheer of agreement and with that our night commenced.

   The next day I managed to get a small window of time after classes and training to write my notes. They were simple and didn’t hold enough information to give away who I was right away. The first couple were just stating small things that he does around everyone that I found endearing. In the next ones they were a little more specific and detailed little things he only really did around our friend group. Those were the ones I planned to give the girls to hide, the final note which was being saved for his birthday party at the end of the month, was longer. I wrote out a series of events that led to me figuring out my feelings for him and signed it. With all of the notes ready I put them in my bag and left to give them to Mina to distribute and hide.

  Opening the door to my dorm I did not expect to see Denki standing there ready to knock. “Oh, Denki what’s up?” I asked, moving the bag of love notes out of his line of sight as if he could see through the contents.

  “Well it’s Wednesday so I was going to remind you that it’s shot day.” He explained. “I also would be interested in watching a movie afterwards?” Denki asked with his signature smile.

  I had to fight the urge to just hand him the bag of notes right there. One of the many things I loved about him was his acceptance of who I am and his help with things like reminding me about my T-shot every week. “Thank you for the reminder, and you know I'm always down for movies after my shot. Just let me take this to Mina real quick and then we can get started.” I said moving past him.

   Of course, me mentioning needing to take something to Mina piqued his interest. “Ooo what are you taking to Mina, can I see it?” He asked, trying to grab the bag from my shoulder.

   Gently smacking his hand away I couldn’t help but laugh. “No you can not see it. And before you ask I will not be telling you what it is. Now go get everything ready, I’ll be back in a minute.”

  I watched as Denki sighed before moving into my room. “Fine, keep your secrets. But I will find out.” He said as he began grabbing everything needed for my shot and whatever movie was to follow.

   Letting out a laugh I shut my door, heading to Mina’s room. Reaching the Pink girls door, I knocked quickly. “Here are the things we talked about yesterday. Please don’t put them where just anyone can find them, and if you guys want to hide one or two in his room it’ll be empty for like the next two hours.” I informed getting ready to head back to my room.

  “Wait, how do you know his room will be empty for the next few hours?” She asked, wiggling her eyebrows at me.

   “First if what you’re implying was happening there would be no point in those. And second, it’s shot day and after we do my t-shot we always watch a movie in my room. Now if you don’t mind there is a wild pikachu in my room unattended and I would like for him to not find the final piece of that puzzle.” I explained pointing at the bag in Mina’s hands. She just chuckled and waved me off.

   It took three days for Denki to find the first note. And just like Mina predicted he told me right away that he found it.

   “Y/n you won’t believe what I found in my desk drawer.” He said plopping on the sofa next to me in the common room of Heights Alliance.

  “Was it your brain? I know you’ve been looking for it for a while.” I asked sarcastically, earning a playful shove from the blonde.

   “First rude. Second, no, I think it’s a love letter from a secret admirer.” He began to explain. “Whoever wrote it didn’t sign it but from what they said it’s clear they like me.” The fact that he wasn’t automatically assuming it was a girl gave me just a little bit of hope.

   Knowing that I needed to play along, I kept my face surprised that he would get such a thing. “Are you sure you didn’t write it yourself to brag to Minneta about someone having a crush on you?” I joked, this time earning a small zap from his quirk. “Kidding but what did they say?” I asked for two reasons, one I wanted to know which note he found and two hearing him say it could give away his feelings on it.

   “It says ‘One of your best qualities is how even if your quirk has a setback, you still push your limits to be the best hero you can be. Plus I think you look cute when you short circuit.’ It’s nice to know that someone appreciates me even if my quirk makes me stupid sometimes. They also called me cute so it's a win for me.” There was no denying that the smile on his face was brighter than when we found out we both got into U.A and by chance the same class.

   I got lost in thought admiring his smile, and it seemed he noticed because he zapped me again but this time by poking my nose. “Hey don’t shock my nose. Anyway, It is nice that someone appreciates you even when you’re in dunce mode.” I said poking him in the side. He just rolled his eyes at me. “Jokes aside, who do you think it could be?” I asked playing the game of clueless friend.

   This got him to smile again. “Well from this note there’s no clues as to who it could be, but clearly they have seen me short out. And they had to have had some way to get the note into my room?” He said, tilting his head in thought.

   “With that logic it could literally be anyone. You shorted out during the sports festival so anyone watching would have seen it. As for having access to your room, they could have asked anyone in our class to put it there. So in other words you have like zero leads.” I explained.

   He sighed leaning back against the couch. “You’re right. Damn, maybe they’ll leave me more with better hints as to who they are.” Denki pondered out loud. 

   Before I could ask any more questions, the rest of our class slowly started making their way into the common area. When Denki noticed Kirishima and Sero he jumped up and started bragging to them about his new secret admirer. Jiro, who had also just entered the room, saw the blonde's excitement and took the seat next to me.

   “So I take it he found one.” She whispered to me not wanting to draw any attention to us. I just responded with a small nod. “Well he seems happy about it, what did this one say?” She focused only on checking on me and not the chaos being caused by the slowly growing group of boys jealous over Denki’s note.

   “It’s about his quirk. It says that his admirer likes that even with the set back of it, the fact that he still tries his best to be a hero. It also said that they think he looks cute when he does short circuit.” I explained, talking as if I had I had no clue who wrote it, just in case someone who was unaware of the plan overheard.

  She just nodded. “That’s not a lot to go off of. Does he have any ideas on who it is?” She asked.

  I shock my head. “No, cause anyone who watched the sports festival would have seen him short circuit there, and anyone could have asked any of us to place the note for them.” I told her what I had explained to the blonde. “He did say he hopes that whoever it is leaves more notes for him, so at least it seems like he wants to know who left the note.” I said slightly quieter. 

   It was another two days before Denki brought up his secret admirer again. “I found a couple more notes. One was in my backpack and said ‘your smile is electrifying’, cheesy but shows they have a sense of humor. Then I found one in my locker that says ‘You’re one of the most accepting people I have ever met.’ While neither of these notes really give me any clues as to who they are, clearly I know them.” He explained sitting on the floor of my room, while I tried to do my homework.

  “Well at least you know they are kind if they think you are the most accepting person they have ever met. Too bad they're wrong you are a big bully.” I said clearly joking with him.

  I heard him scoff before he responded. “Fine, see if I help you with your T any more.” I could hear the playfulness in his threat. 

  I decided to play along. “Fine, I'll just have Eijiro help me. I’m sure head be happy to help and he’d actually make fun jokes while we watch movies after.” I said turning to stick my tongue out at the blonde.

  He uncrossed his arms looking at me slightly shocked. “That rock would not be helpful, plus who’s gonna charge your phone when you lose your charger?” Denki joked back. Letting out a laugh, I just nodded in agreement turning back to my homework. Not noticing the way he had begun inspecting the papers stacked on my desk.

  It was about a week before his birthday when the notes were mentioned again. This time we were at lunch with the rest of the Bakussquad, and it was Kirishima who brought them up. “Yo, Kaminari have you found any new love letters from your secret admirer?” He asked across the table.

  His question made everyone turn to look at Denki, well everyone but Mina who shot me a look before joining in on looking at the blonde. “Yeah, I found a couple more.” He said rubbing his hand against the back of his head. It almost seemed like he was suddenly nervous about the topic. 

  “Come on man, tell us what they said this time.” Sero pressed. It seemed that everyone was invested in the Kaminari secret admirer plot. “Have you narrowed it down to what girl likes you?” Sero continued.

  Hearing Sero’s question paired with Denki’s nervousness, caused my heart to deflate slightly. As I turned away from the conversation I made eye contact with Mina, and it was clear she also picked up on the awkwardness of the situation. I just shook my head slightly, looking at my food while still listening to the conversation. 

   “Well I don’t want to assume it's a girl leaving the notes. And also I think I’m going to keep the contents of the notes to myself for a bit while I figure it out.” Denki explained to our curious friends. His decision earned a chorus of groans from the surrounding guys.

   “Come on man, you’re telling me you don’t think some hot chick is leaving you cheesy little love notes? That’s every guy's dream and you’re saying ‘I don’t want to assume it’s a girl’. Who else would it be?” Sero pushed harder.

   “All I'm saying is it doesn't matter who’s leaving the notes. I want to give them a fair chance.” Denki’s words raised my hopes, if only slightly. But in all honesty it wasn’t a surprise he was willing to give his secret admirer a chance no matter who they are. After all I did say he’s the most accepting person I have ever met.

   Sero was about to offer up another rebuttal when Bakugo cut him off. “Dunce face said he doesn't care who’s leaving the notes and wants to give them a chance, so just accept it. Just because you’re jealous doesn’t mean you can push your hopes onto him. Now eat your damn food and leave it alone.” With that the conversation was dropped. I silently thanked Bakugo for unknowingly saving me from the torment of hearing Sero’s stupid arguments about how the admirer was clearly a girl.

   After lunch that day, no one really mentioned Denki’s secret admirer. The only people who really brought the topic up were the girls who had been in on the plan. They just asked me if he had said anything else about it or if he had figured it out. Unfortunately all I could tell them was that he was keeping any information about the notes to himself. While I respected his choice to keep it secret until he was ready to share about it, I was nervous that he figured it out and just didn’t want to tell me so as to not hurt my feelings.

   Mina and Hagakure had done their best to assure me that he was probably just trying to figure it out and if he did know it was me he was just trying to figure out how to tell me.

   Their words did very little to reassure me, so here I was sitting alone in my room four days before Denki’s birthday. It being Wednesday, I was waiting for Denki to show up to help me with my T-shot. For the last two years that I have been on T, he has always been there to help me with my shot. But as it approached 9 o’clock, a sickening feeling came over me. He always came by at 7 and we would do the shot before laying down and watching a random movie while making stupid jokes, but he was two hours late.

   I checked my phone hoping to see an apology text or explanation for him forgetting, but saw nothing. Sighing, I stood up going to head to the kitchen for a glass of water to calm my nerves before trying to figure out which of my friends I would be most comfortable with giving me a shot. Turning the corner to cross the living room I quickly spotted Denki joking with the rest of the Bakusquad, phone charger hanging from his mouth as he charged one of the students' phones. It seemed the only person who noticed I had entered the room was Mina who made eye contact with me. From the way her face morphed from a smile to a look of concern told me I wasn’t hiding my disappointment well.

   After the silent conversation with Mina using just our eyes she moved to meet me in the kitchen as I continued my journey to get some water. “Are you okay? You were looking at Kaminari like he already rejected you.” She asked quietly but still trying to lighten the mood.

   I sighed as I put my glass on the counter fighting back tears. “It's just for the last two years, every wednesday, without fail, Denki has helped me with my t-shot because he knows I can’t give myself the shot. And I waited for two hours hoping he was just running late but he’s down here laughing and being his usual dorky self. And even though I want to be mad at him for forgetting something that has happened consistently for two years, I can’t help but think our weekly tradition is keeping him from spending time with all his other friends.” By the time I finished talking, there was no hiding the tears.

   Mina quickly pulled me into a hug telling me to just breathe. “First, you need to breathe. Now why I know I’m not Kaminari but I’m willing to help you with your shot. So let’s just head up to your room and you can walk me through it and then we can talk about everything. Okay?” She asked, pulling away slightly.

   I whipped my eyes with the back of my hand and nodded. She quickly pulled me out of the kitchen and towards the elevators, ignoring the shouts of our friends asking where Mina was running off to and when did I get down stairs.

   Once we reached my room I sat on my bed and told Mina where all the things needed for my shot were, and how to give me the shot. It didn’t take long for her to figure it out and once she was done, she threw the used needles and syringe in the red sharps container on my desk before sitting on the end of my bed. “Now I know I said we would talk about everything, but I feel like what you need right now is to just lay down and watch a movie with yours truly and then tomorrow at lunch we can get Jiro, Yamomo and Hagakure and we can talk about the Kaminari situation. Okay?” She suggested grabbing my remote and getting the tv ready. I just nodded understanding that I should probably let my head clear up a bit before talking about what all has happened this last week.

   And just like she promised when lunch came around, Mina ushered me over to the table where the other three who knew of my crush on Denki were sitting. “So Y/n care to share with our lovely friends why we’ve gathered them here, and why a certain pikachu is currently looking at you like a crime was committed?” Mina asked as I sat down with my food.

   Once I registered her entire sentence I quickly looked over my shoulder and sure enough Denki was looking right at me. It was hard to read the look on his face but it was clear he was upset about something. Turning back to the group of girls sitting in front of me I sighed. “First I don’t know what his problem is. He has barely spoken to me since Monday. And as for why we’re sitting here and not with our other friends, I think Denki figured it out and is purposefully avoiding me.” I stated matter of factly, having thought about it all morning and decided that was the only reason he would have missed a weekly event that happened for two years.

   “He hasn’t spoken to you since Monday and you think he figured out you’re the one who wrote all the notes?”Jiro asked, still slightly confused by what’s happening at this moment. I just nodded thinking I was pretty clear with what I had said.

   Mina just sighed. “Y/n, I doubt he’s avoiding you. Plus you can’t just say that and not explain your reasoning.” She said looking at me before turning to look at Jiro. “What happened was last night Kaminari never showed up to help Y/n with their T-shot like he has been doing for the past two years. And when they went downstairs to get a drink of water, Kaminari was hanging out with all the usual suspects, myself included, like he hadn’t just messed up his and Y/n’s entire routine.” She explained to the confused girls sitting with us.

   Yamomo turned to me. “I’m sorry he did that. Were you able to get your shot taken care of without him?” She asked, I had told everyone that even though it’s not a big problem to skip a dose it was definitely something I didn’t want to risk.

   “Yeah, Mina helped me with it. I’m just hurt that he didn’t tell me wasn’t going to be helping me with it. Had he said he didn’t want to do it I would have been fine with it, but it’s like he completely forgot or just felt like telling me would cause problems. The missing my shot mixed with the not talking to me has me convinced that he figured it out. Why else would he be avoiding me, if he’s not trying to think of how to let me down easily?” I rambled, the more I thought about the possibility the more stressed I became. “What if I was right and confessing to him will just ruin our friendship and now that he figured out that I’m his secret admirer he wants absolutely nothing to do with me?” My anxiety was clear and the four girls sitting with me shared a look of concern.

   “If he wanted absolutely nothing to do with you, why is he still staring at the back of your head like he’s trying to get you to notice him without him saying anything?” Hagakure asked, before she continued. “I think it’s more likely that if he figured out that it’s you, he’s trying to figure out how to ask you out himself. As for forgetting about last night Bakugo did force him to short circuit during training pretty bad and he wasn’t back to normal until around 7:30 so he probably really did forget. Not that it’s an excuse but I’m sure he probably figured out he forgot and feels bad.” She reminded us of what happened the previous day in training.

   I nodded looking back to my food. “You have a point, but I’m not sure if I should go through with giving him the final note. I’ll just give him the normal present I was going to give him and forget all of this happened. I mean he’s probably expecting one of you guys to be behind the notes, not me.” I said feeding into the thoughts that had been eating at me since Sero’s comments at lunch on Monday.

   “That is the one of the dumbest things I’ve heard you say all day. First you can’t give up now, if he really is avoiding you for the reasons you think he is, the note won’t change that, and getting it off your chest will give you space to heal. Second, there is no way he suspects it’s any of us girls in the class. I was there when Sero was asking him about ‘what girl’ likes him, and we both heard Kaminari saying ‘ it doesn't matter who’s leaving the notes. I want to give them a fair chance.’. Not to mention every mention of the secret admirer he made before that he never once referred to them as a girl or a guy. He always uses they/them when the topic comes up, shooting down assumptions that whoever is writing them is a girl. All of that would lead me to believe that he at the very least couldn’t care less about the gender identity of his admirer.” Mina said, disproving all of the evidence I would try to use to argue otherwise. “Now please on Saturday when you hand over the present you got him, promise that the final note will be part of it.” She finished.

    I looked at her stunned, not having expected the reaction but knowing she would be truthful with me no matter what. If she really thought there was a chance Denki was avoiding me on purpose she would have said something. “Do you guys agree with Mina?” I asked the other three at the table. They all nodded in agreement, well Hagakure gave me a thumbs up but still they made it known they were on Mina’s side. “Okay fine I’ll give him the note on Saturday, but if he does reject me I expect a night of ice cream and anime.” I said, earning a chorus of approval from my friends.

   The next couple of days were pretty much the same as the rest of the week. Denki avoiding me, my worries trying to tell me to give up. And now all the girls in Class A are aware of the whole citation thanks to Mina having apparently accidentally ranted, while the girls were all getting ready for training after lunch on Thursday. It seemed like any time I was alone with any of them, they would try and cheer me up saying shit like he’s missing out if he rejects me and how he’s an idiot if he throws out a life long friendship over it. At this point I can’t wait for his birthday party so I can rip the bandaid off and either cry or smile and stop hearing their weird comments.

   Luckily I didn’t have to wait long for his party to start. Once Denki got back from visiting his family off campus, the party started. It was mostly just everyone relaxing in the common area, chatting and joking, with the added bonus of some random party games we came up with. Eventually we ate the cake that Sato had made, and gathered around Denki while he opened everyone's presents. I personally didn’t pay much attention to what everyone else got him, just focused on anxiously waiting for him to reach mine.

   After about five or six presents he grabbed the neatly wrapped present I had placed in the pile. When he read the name, I watched as his eyes went wide before he made eye contact and gave me one of his electrifying smiles. I couldn’t help but hold my breath as he opened the gift. As he carefully opened it, he froze for just a second before grabbing the folded piece of paper sitting on top of the gift and stuffing it in his pocket before returning to the larger piece of the present. Seeing him stuff the paper in his pocket, told me everything I needed to know; so before I could be faced with any further heartbreak, I whispered to Mina, who was sitting next to me, that I was going to my room. Before anyone could say anything I was out of the common area.

   Denki’s P.o.v

   After opening yet another great gift from my classmates, I reached down and grabbed a decent sized rectangular box that was perfectly wrapped. Reading the name carefully written across the top, I couldn’t hide the surprise on my face. I quickly made eye contact with Y/n across the room, offering them a wide smile before beginning to open the gift. As I unwrapped it, it became clear that it was a shoe box. Opening the top the first thing to catch my eye was the carefully folded piece of paper that perfectly matched the notes I had been finding in my things the past few weeks.

   Not wanting to read the contents in front of the whole class, knowing exactly what it meant, I put the paper in my pocket. Brushing off the joy of having my hopes confirmed, I turned my focus back to the larger part of the gift. Inside the box rested a pair of custom high top converse. The base color was black but had clearly hand embroidered yellow lighting bolts and Chargebolt across the side in white. After taking in the handcrafted detail I turned back to where Y/n had been sitting to thank them, only to see Mina sitting next to an empty space.

   “Where did Y/n go? I didn’t get a chance to thank them for these awesome shoes.” I asked, trying to hide my disappointment.

   Mina gave me a sad smile clearly knowing what I was feeling. “They went to their room, and I think that if you really care for them you should go talk to them.” Somehow that one sentence told me that if I didn’t go now, then I would probably lose my best friend.

   Without saying anything, I set the shoe to the side and raced towards the stairs deciding that taking the elevator would take far too long. Climbing the stairs taking two at a time I finally reached Y/n’s room. I didn’t even hesitate to knock.

    Y/n’s P.o.v

   I had only been in my room for about four minutes when I heard someone knocking at the door. “Go away Mina, I don’t want to talk about it right now.” I yelled from my bed burrowing further into the blankets. All I wanted to do was wallow in self pity and not face anyone until Monday.

   It was quiet for a moment before I heard the door open. Before I could even turn to yell at the intruder I heard the one voice I did not want to hear. “Well, I guess it’s a good thing I’m not Mina. Now would you please tell me what’s wrong.” Denki asked, sitting next to me on my bed.

   I was not expecting him to follow me. “Why are you here? Don’t you have a party to be at?” I asked, trying to cover the fact that I had been on the verge of tears moments ago.

   “I’m here because when I looked up to thank my best friend for the amazing shoes they got me, they were nowhere to be seen.” He said tilting his head to the side looking confused. “What’s wrong Y/n?”

    Wiping my eyes one last time I sat up and looked him in the eyes. “What’s wrong is I finally built the courage to tell the most important person in my life how much they mean to me and when he finally had my full confession in hand he just stuffed it in his pocket like it was the last thing he wanted to see. On top of that He’s been avoiding me all week, forgetting a weekly tradition that we’ve been doing for the last two years.” I told him not having the energy to lie, and evidently not having the energy to fight back the tears I had tried to wipe away.

   Denki remained silent for a moment processing and trying to figure out how to respond. When he didn’t answer soon enough I was about to tell him to leave when he cut me off. “I’m truly sorry I made you feel like I’ve been avoiding you, I was just scared. After finding the last couple notes talking about things only our classmates would know and I started to hope that it was you who wrote the notes. I think I was just scared to truly accept that you actually feel the same about me. As for putting the note from your present in my pocket, You are important to me and I wasn’t sure if you would want anyone else to know what is written here.” He explained placing the letter in between us on the bed, before continuing. “I may not be the best at expressing my feelings but I want you to know that from the moment I found the first note, I hoped it would be you. And I do not know how to make up for missing your shot on Wednesday, but I promise that I will never miss one again as long as you will still accept my help.” As he finished he grabbed my hands and looked at me with the most sincere smile I had seen in a long time.

   “Do you truly mean all of that?” I asked, sure I trusted him but the years of feeling like no one would actually like me for me had left a mark. “I don’t want you saying all of this just because you don’t want me to be upset. I’d understand if you don’t want to be with me because of the whole trans thing.” I said looking down at our joined hands.

   Before I could get too deep into my self-deprecating thoughts, Denki moved one of his hands to rest on my check, tilting my head so I was looking him in the eyes. “The ‘whole trans thing’ is one of the reasons I love you. What I mean by that is, you have faced so many struggles in life because of who you are and I couldn’t be prouder of the person you have become. You wake up every morning and tell society to go fuck it’s self because only you can truly know who you are, and thats one of the bravest things any one can do. As for all the other reasons I love you, I guess you’ll have to let me take you out so I can tell you each reason.” 

   Hearing him say those words lifted my heart. “Thank you Denki, I’m sorry I jumped to conclusions and assumed you wouldn’t feel the same.” I said, glancing down.

   “No, I'm sorry for not telling you that I love you sooner.” He said, placing a kiss to my forehead. I couldn’t hide the smile that took over my face. “Now let’s make up for our missed movie night and who knows how many kisses I have to make up for not giving you.” He finished placing a kiss to the tip of my nose.

   As he stood up to set up the movies I remembered one crucial thing about the day. “Wait Denki, you left in the middle of your birthday party. Shouldn’t we at least go back down so you can open the rest of your presents?” I asked, watching as he walked back to my bed.

   He paused to think for a moment. “Nah, I have to make up for being an idiot and ignoring the most important person in my life.” With that he laid down on the bed pulling me into his side as he played the movie.

   “Okay, if you say so. I’m sorry I ruined your birthday party though.” I said as I cuddled closer to him.

   Denki just placed a kiss on the top of my head. “You didn’t ruin anything. You gave me the best birthday present I could ask for. Now shh the movie is starting.” I nodded, deciding he was probably right and focused on spending time with Denki.

[cebwrites]

Hi, I really liked the Sanji x reader headcanon you wrote where he had to unpack his internalized homophobia about another guy being into him. I was wondering if you would be willing to do something similar for Sanji being in a relationship with someone, and then his partner comes out to him as transmasc? I could see a lot of ways angst could go with that one, like maybe Sanji realizes he's been hurting him unintentionally bc of how he acts w/ guys? If you don't want to though I understand! o/

a/n: hiiii sorry for taking so long on this but i absolutely wanted to the moment i saw it!! i've just been fielding a bit (a lot) of writer's block lately ;w;

reacting to his partner coming out as transmasc (Sanji)

transmasc reader, nonbinary Sanji at the end cw: transphobia, Sanji's internalized homophobia word count: 1.3k

Just a budding pirate at nineteen and horrendously closeted, he doesn't quite realize how his overt repulsion towards men has negatively affected you - he certainly doesn't want to think about it as those thoughts bubble to the surface when you finally sit Sanji down and set the record straight

How you've been learning more about yourself over the course of living with and leaning on your new nakama, seeing different kinds of people and feeling bits of your true self echo and reflect back at you through them, how you feel like even though it's scary, you know this is the best course of action for yourself from here on out

You wanted him to be the first to know, hoping that despite everything maybe he'd be able to put his hang-ups aside to focus on moving forward with you as a couple, addressing those underlying problems later on but together

Sanji doesn't

He's quiet as you explain everything, excitement clear but there is a wariness in your eyes he doesn't miss, he can feel the slight shake in your hands as you hold his

At the end of it, he gives you a pat on the shoulder and a stilted smile, lights another cigarette as he stands to leave with a mention that he needs some space to think for a while - then he's gone

Sanji feels like his world is crumbling, everything he did to be as "straight" as possible dissolving before his eyes, he doesn't notice how much he hurt you in his ignorance or maybe he knows but doesn't want to address it right now

It definitely creates a wedge between the both of you and you agree to separate for the moment, it also puts him at odds with other members of the crew - the awkwardness in the air that crewmates falling out would create in the first place aside

Zoro who never hid himself from day one doesn't pick on Sanji for fun anymore or answer his playful jests, when they spar it sometimes feels like Zoro actually wants to cut him down - he's never been one for being super open anyway but now Zoro doesn't even tolerate casual conversation with him

Robin still smiles at Sanji, she's still relatively the same around him, still thanks him when he flamboyantly swings around to serve delicately handmade afternoon snacks while confessing his undying love to her and Nami both; but something about her feels a hell of a lot colder than before - she's polite but cordial, she doesn't make little comments about his food like before and it's almost like she avoids his presence alone she can help it

Alone, however, after all the other Strawhats have gone to bed and it's just Sanji cleaning up the kitchen and her on night watch, is how she confronts him about all of this

Robin who's been stealth for as long as she can remember, asks Sanji if he'd stop fawning over her if he found out "the truth", she tells him that surely he's noticed her shift in attitude, how Zoro refuses to look at him in the eye let alone talk to him one on one, how it almost seems like she doesn't quite feel safe around him anymore

It's in that moment that Sanji realizes the weight of what he's done and just-- shatters; all his fears, his shame, the ugly internalized feelings he picked up in the process of learning to be a person, his anguish at all the hurt he caused you - Sanji had always loathed the kind of man who would cause his partner harm (and in his head that partner would always be a woman) just like how his father made Sora's life miserable, and now he'd become such a detestable thing, they all spill out onto the kitchen floor along his tears and the undercurrent of regret that flows with it

Robin tells him that she doesn't have to do this, that he's entitled to no one's time given the way he's acted, but a part of her still cares for him because she sees him struggling, hard enough to hurt someone close to him, that if he doesn't address this now he's only going to continue doing that - Sanji's eternally grateful for her patience and grace

He tells her over a cigarette for what it's worth (and he's aware it isn't much) he doesn't think of her any differently, she's just as much a woman now as she was all the days before but Robin doesn't need his approval for that, Sanji then hesitantly goes into the pained relationship he's had with masculinity, his biological father, Zeff, and how that all probably - no, definitely - fed into his sordid reaction, even though there's nothing that can excuse it

Robin is understanding from a small distance as he explains, at one point a hand manifests to soothe Sanji's back when he's in the throes of it, and later on she shifts closer to put her actual hand on his shoulder once his sobs even out

The smoke stings his eyes already raw from tears when Sanji lights another, expressing that even with how he's incredibly in Robin's debt for listening to him in such a low moment, that he regrets not being able to have this conversation with you instead, not that any of this could justify the awful ways he treat you, that he owed an apology to Zoro too, and the rest of the crew for acting this way

So that's exactly what Sanji does, he apologizes by way of his cooking - the next evening he makes everyone's favorites, having to skimp a little on breakfast for emotional reasons, but for dinner he goes all out, a silent apology for causing all this tension in the first place

A few nights later, he comes to you with a tray of your favorite treats, Sanji makes a mental note to thank Usopp and Brook for keeping the boys' quarters empty enough for this to happen, then mentally prepares himself to undergo that emotional turmoil one more time for him to be honest with you provided you even want to let him in; if you don't want to hear it he's more than understanding

But if you do, he explains it all over again, how this was never your fault and only had to do with his aversion to masculinity because of the male figures in his life, how Judge and his older brothers made him feel lower than dirt itself for even expressing positive emotion to the same gender, how even though Zeff raised him with the best intentions, his 'no talk/tough love' policy only served to make Sanji repress himself even more

He's once again a mess by the end of it but he's ready for the emotional outpouring and he's able to stiffen his lip enough to make it through to the end without pausing to just sob for a minute, literally on his knees with the sincerest (if not a tad dramatic) heartfelt apologies to give him another chance

You feel for him, you really do - like Robin, you see someone who's in a lot of pain and at odds with his own identity lashing out at the people around him, people whom he loves and reviles the idea of putting in harm's way

And that's precisely why even though you accept his apology, you tell Sanji you can't be with him the way he is right now, holding his callous hand with a pained, rueful smile of your own

Post time-skip Sanji is a lot more assured in themself, he's addressed all his hang-ups and sorted through their trauma and comes out a lot better for it, when you look at Sanji now you see a person with a solid grasp on themself, someone you're enthusiastic about rebuilding a friendship with now that you're both living as you are

And if it turns into something more, old sparks from both your ends get reignited, stifled loves finally allowed to bloom, you aren't bothered by the thought of that at all

[jenyifer]

The Trainee Ep 2 initial reaction

Slight disclaimer I did watch the episode 1/4 3/4 because YouTube is a cruel mistress and I’m dumb lmao. But I assume if anyone has seen my watching series you’d know I don’t really offer much of intellect anyways sooooo

Let’s get on to the photo review

Quick note here Ryan is a lot more relatable believable character to me in comparison to Chef Prem? I think it’s good writing and set in these scenes with Ryan at his dad’s shop really do a lot to establish who he is as a person. We can see his family circle is hard working and maybe isn’t the best with their feelings. We still see Ryan’s family does take care of each other in important ways and understands to some extent. Also very relatable to be a recent grad with no direction or going to university without passion because you know your family needs you. Idk I like Ryan. He’s not quirky for quirky sake. He’s believably broken in predictable ways.

Ugh couples are the worst. Also performative gestures like this are so stupid now you might say it’s comedy. However I’ve enjoyed a couple office romance interns edition and it’s ways sickening. Just like highschool sweethearts that kind of sweet where they are blind or trying to make others jealous because of their own inadequacies with themselves

I’ll say this it is good for new members of staff to learn to speak their mind quickly because if they don’t contribute you are missing out on new ideas and eyes. Also Jane/Off is so handsome my brain would definitely malfunction. A person in control who knows what he wants 🥵 sexy. Also Off’s irration just scratches a good itch in my brain makes me think of Sean 😩😩

A very important bonding activity converting the non nerds to the joys of Harry Potter and other pop culture. A dance as old as time. My older coworkers try to get everyone to watch their pop culture references too. It’s really an unspoken office life normality. I really wasn’t expecting so many references though. But I still love Harry Potter because idk I see the good parts of the story and adore it. Yes yes I can now see the racism and the transphobia (the dream of Malfoy’s cronies turning into girls) also preachiness about sexism when needed. But I also see the fandom that raised me. The various queer friends I met because of my love of the boy who lived. Something I won’t have had in Mississippi. The books that always comforted me since I was 6 years old quoting the first book. the theme parks that still take my breath away when I go to visit Universal Orlando on the weekends. The queer and loving people who work there and are all too happy to make a child’s dream come true or adult look in wonder at something they have missed. (Sorry for the tangent)

Oh no it’s Gun’s arguably greatest talent crying in character. I felt like I could feel the fear and panic building in Ryan to this point which… if you aren’t crying in the first several days at your big kid job because you feel like an imposter who can’t do shit and will never be trusted? I can’t relate to you. Hell I got a new job a couple months ago. For a month I cried most days when I got home because I felt so awful about my capabilities even though I’ve worked 7 years in my field. It’s normal. Also Jane being shocked by this is hilarious you aren’t telling me he hasn’t broken someone down into tears before.

Oh no here it is folks Jane just enjoying Ryan’s energy and believing in him for no reason. Gun’s tears are very potent and can melt any wall I’m surprised Jane isn’t pulling him in for hugs.

Jane trying his best to keep Ryan without directly forcing him to stay was masterful as a boss. As a Simp it could use work but it’s a start put the ball in Ryan’s court with hope. Jane wants Ryan to grow and experience life which is good as a boss.

Awwwwwwwwww happy gunnie/ryan he’s so tired and anxious now he’s found solace in Jane’s words nothing can bring him down. He’s precious someone put him in my pocket.

[gremlinandacrow]

Crackle Short (Angst)

Yet another Crackle post! This time it's a short story and is nothing but musing! But it's also them going through a gender crisis.

I didn't write this with a specific time in mind, other than sometime after a session my group had in December! And also I'll admit when I initially wrote this earlier this month, it was out of some good old, wonderful, inspiration~ So thank @adrenalineangel for this short story!

Content Warning: Internalized Transphobia, mentions of past injuries, and a slight emotional outburst near the end!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Crackle’s latest form was taken from him, he legitimately has this thought gnawing at the back of his head that keeps going, “This doesn’t feel right.��� At first, when he can’t shove that thought away by fighting or spending time with his friends, he reasons that…It was fun “pretending” to be a girl. He was like Emanuel when he does drag. But then his brain tells him, “But you prolonged it. Didn’t you feel happier?”

Hah, no, he wasn’t! It was just…A long joke! A-and if the joke wasn’t him being a girl, it was obviously the fact that he was a human again. Ha! Yeah, last time he was a human, he fell for Merlin’s tricks and paid for it!

“But when Norie reversed it, you weren’t hurt physically. Your skin didn’t feel like it was being torn apart…Right?”

…Not physically. That same, bubbling emotion he felt when he lost his first human form was there: Guilt that had once locked itself into his heart.

Except why was that guilt back? He didn’t destroy anyone’s sons-

…He wasn’t tricked into destroying anyone’s sons this time.

During the long nights, when he was female…He slept easier. Whenever he had the chance to wear something frilly, dresses especially, he laughed louder, brightened more. Tonight, after nursing plenty of drinks at the tavern, he still couldn’t sleep. He faced the cracked ceiling, alone with his dreadful thoughts.

He couldn’t be normal in any sense, could he?

No, he couldn’t have been born alongside a clan of dragonborns. He couldn’t go off on an average adventure, where all he’d do is eat, drink, and electrocute anyone who stood in his party’s way. Most of all, he…He couldn’t even look, or act like a true dragonborn.

Deep within the concaves of his chest, he felt more guilt crawling and eating away at him.

So what if he was happy? He didn’t deserve comfort, especially not after what he’s done. A monster never learns, it destroys, and that is all it will do until it is slain.

Ugh. That battle he had a while ago…That was his best work. Things went to plan…Except when he was stabbed. He gripped his midsection like the wounds were still there. That fire that burned as he felt his guts spill and be arranged back, thanks to Quinn, was still a potent memory.

…Quinn. They weren’t like most people. They…They didn’t seem to care about who they were. In fact, any anguish they faced was because someone, or something, stopped them. They’d figure out some loophole in no time after that. They were one of the smartest people Crackle ever knew.

And…He wondered how they knew who they were. Was it instant, like his breath? Or…Did they too stay up at night, wondering if…If something was wrong with them? Though, Crackle never saw an imperfection in their best friend (aside from that one time they won against him in a race, but he was definitely over that, trust him). Honestly, they reminded him of…Snaps.

What did they say, when Crackle first became a girl? He...Looked nice as a girl.

He should tell them. Maybe they’d clear it up, say it was a joke! Or that it didn’t count, or-

Crackle shut his maw closed. He felt a slight build-up of sparks prickle his throat, wanting to escape. It had been…So long, since he spewed his electricity over a “tantrum” (or what Pops deemed as one). Why was he so upset over this?

He glanced at the doorway that would’ve led to the other rooms. The tavern was big, larger than most other places the party crashed at. Everyone had their own room. It was…Interesting for Crackle. Even in the deepest recesses of his mind, he couldn’t recall a time where he had his own space. Maybe that was the real reason why he couldn’t sleep-

Before he realized it, he faced Quinn’s door. It was the dead of night. If they weren’t sleeping, they were either still down at the bar drinking, or studying alchemy, or…Or…

He felt stupid standing here. He…He knew Quinn. They’d be pissed he knocked on their door in the middle of the night, sure, but…They wouldn’t dismiss him. They wouldn’t treat his words like a baseless mutter or some insult that they’d think was directed at them.

He hoped that wouldn’t be the case. But he’s been wrong before.

Raising his knuckles, he was about to knock on their door. He wasn’t sure what he’d say, but…He’d rather bite the bolt, if his thoughts were nothing then at least he’d let the metaphorical sharp point stab his throat. That would be the consequence of unloading his burdens. As he knocked, the hollow sound seemed to boom across the hallway. He hoped, no, he prayed that no one else would wake up.

This was something he trusted Quinn, and them alone, with.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hope you liked reading this! ...More Crackle posting soon, I promise they've had their happier moments! And sorry to those who don't exactly understand all the references I just love Crackle and the campaign and aoghksjhajkhfjkgajlk

[monkeythefander]

Nonbinary/Trans Enough?

Summary: Sometimes Logan wonders if they’re nonbinary/trans enough.

Content Warning(s): Logan angst, slight dysphoria mentions, and what I think can be considered transphobia & internalized transphobia (I’m not entirely sure). Let me know if I need to add anything else or if I tagged something wrong.

Click below the cut to read the fic

—————————————————————

“You say you’re nonbinary, so I’ll do my best to support you. However I’m confused because you never showed any signs as a kid.”

Logan lays in their bed at night, using the solitude of their bedroom to think over a conversation with someone from earlier that day. Is it really that hard to believe that they’re nonbinary?

It’s true that as a kid she did traditionally girly things. She liked wearing dresses and playing with dolls. She loved princesses, fairies, and mermaids. But she was a kid. She just liked what she liked. And these were the things she was exposed to at an early age, so isn’t her enjoyment of them understandable?

He likes wearing leggings. He’s worn them for years because they’re comfy and easy to put on. He also didn’t think he had the option to get more traditionally masculine pants. At stores, he was always shown things in the women’s section and always given things from the women’s section. He felt accepting clothing he was given was the polite thing to do if they outfit fit and was comfy, so he would take shirts given to him even if they felt too feminine.

They don’t feel a huge amount of discomfort with their body. They wish they had a flat chest at times, but they are able to be somewhat okay with what they naturally have. Is that okay feeling the result of having to live with what their body gave them for years? Probably.

She didn’t change her name. Yes, Logan is her given name. She considered changing her name to something that she associated less with her former girl-self, but no other names ever stuck. Logan remained her name.

He also still kept she/her pronouns. “She” doesn’t feel entirely wrong. He doesn’t cringe hearing “she.” But just “she” feels wrong. He likes they/them and he/him. So he uses they/she/he pronouns and hopes people will use them interchangeably. He knows that by looking at him most people will probably default to “she” and they wouldn’t be wrong since he still uses “she”. He still feels hurt though. If someone defaults to “she” then they must just see him as a girl. But he still uses “she”, and learning new pronouns for someone can be hard, so he probably shouldn’t even be so upset about it…

So they still like some girly things, wear leggings, don’t have a chest binder, didn’t change their name, and still kept she/her pronouns. Are they nonbinary/trans enough?

They want to do more to feel like themself. They want to get a chest binder and want to experiment with clothes from the men’s section. But they have no idea how to even go about doing those things. They lived as a girl and feminine for so long, and who knows how people will truly feel about the changes they want to make. Is this hesitance actually a sign that they’re faking? Do they even truly know what they’re talking about? If other people don’t fully believe them, then maybe they’re wrong…? They only started questioning their gender identity after they found out they/them pronouns and being nonbinary was a thing. They didn’t question their girl status for years. Are they just overthinking things….? No… nonbinary feels right to them. It does.

Logan covers her face with her hands as she feels herself start to tear up. She knows the only person who truly knows her is herself, but she can’t help but want others to truly believe her. To see her as the nonbinary person she feels she is, and as a result affirm her identity and help strengthen her trust in herself.

But he’s not sure if or when that belief will ever happen. If he didn’t show any signs as a kid, then he might never be trans enough for others to fully believe him…

Why isn’t their word enough?

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End Notes: Thanks for reading this fic that’s essentially me projecting some things onto Logan. If you can somehow relate to anything here, then I hope knowing you’re not the only one feeling this way brings a bit of comfort. You also are trans enough (you may not believe it but you are).

AO3 link for this fic: https://archiveofourown.org/works/60004657

[delaneythedyke]

hey, there's a post doing the rounds that makes a joke about how easy it would be to force fem some people and eggs got brought up, and now people are talking about the prime directive and stuff and no one asked for it but here's my input as a former egg and current trans girl

i would not have listened. like ok, did you ever read Nevada by Imogen Binnie? well, it's a transfem classic, I recommend it. but im gonna spoil it a little. basic James is an egg and is starting to figure it out, but it really looks like he can use some encouragement, and Maria crashes into his life and tries to help but probably makes it worse.

obviously, that's a piece of fiction and not how things go all the time in reality. but think back to when you were figuring yourself out. if an older trans fem barged in and said, "You are transgender," how many of us would have listened? I wouldn't have.

like there's so much shame and internal transphobia to climb over first. It might not be helpful to drop that on someone suddenly.

maybe some slight encouragement to try presenting differently or to consider what it might be like to be another gender but whatever you do, I just feel like it's a situation that has to be approached slowly and with some tact

or tell me to stfu nerd and do what you want, I'm just some bimbo on the internet I can't stop you

[sychosid]

baby, don't deny what your poor heart needs

trans! 1-2-3 Kid/Razor Ramon

hi! On my bullshit again but god I've got Kid/Razor on the mind and I wanted to write something purely self indulgent between commissions. So here's some absolutely dripping in personally inspired trans narrative Kid.

Anyway I got to talking with Scotty and we talked about how getting your first suit as a trans man is such a big thing, and I thought it'd be sweet if Razor bought Kid his first suit.

I have a whole list in my head of headcanons for this version of Kid I may or may not post?

Also loosely related to Xentex's lovely standalone fic for his trans Diesel muse.

TWs:

needles/injections in the first part, nothing descriptive, internalized and mentioned transphobia, NSFW content.

[Ao3 Link]

Kid was laid flat on his stomach on the cushy hotel bed as he watched Razor tapping away air bubbles from the syringe in his hands. Ever since he began running with the Cuban, he insisted on doing Kid's t-shots for him. He had said it was something nostalgic for him. Kid was a little annoyed at first, but he was quick to relent given that Razor was a hell of a lot better at injecting him than he was. It sucked to have to do his shots in his thighs, and having to wrestle right after usually would put him in a ton of pain.

Instead, having the shot done by his hip was just more comfortable.

"What're you wearing to the charity dinner?" Kid asked, smushing his cheek against the pillow he was resting on as he caught Razor's eye.

"Eh, maybe just gonna throw a white suit over the usual on and call it a day." Razor shrugged. He was already replacing the needle. Kid didn't know how Razor had it all memorized. It basically took him half an hour to get through all the steps, having to consult the worn out instructions sheet he kept with the vials. Sure Razor had a good memory, but he did it with so much ease.

"Man, even you're wearing a suit?" He pouted. He'd basically asked every wrestler what they'd be wearing at this point. Shawn was gonna be in a suit, Diesel was going to be doing just a button up with a sportcoat, hell even the Bushwhackers had suits! Kid didn't even own a button up. Most events Vince made them do were casual enough he could get away with a t-shirt, jeans, and his leather jacket. But this one was all fancy, way more formal and stiff than anything Kid had attended. The last time he wore a suit must've been…never. He frowned more, realizing he'd never owned a suit.

Razor ruffled his hair, taking him out of his thoughts as the taller man rounded the bed. He pulled Kid's waistband down, wiping the injection site down with an alcohol pad.

"What, you're not?" Razor asked, waving his hand over the alcohol to dry it off.

"I don't have a suit, Raze. Never did. Always had to wear dresses to big stuff." Kid sighed. He couldn't help the way it made him feel. His mom had always spent so much on those dresses, he never had the heart to tell her he didn't want to wear them. He knew how important having a daughter was to her; for a long time he was worried he'd just break her heart so he kept quiet.

He was thankful puberty never hit him too hard, though. A loose enough shirt usually got the job done to hide his body.

Kid came out to his mom when he first broke into wrestling. He couldn't make himself wrestle the women's division, or in any women's promotion. His mom had struggled with it. They fought. He moved in with his grandparents who were somehow more understanding.

The King had helped him out a ton, too. He owed him for being the reason he got to wrestle in the men's divisions.

"Ready?" Razor's voice brought him out of the past. He nodded, the slight sting hitting him as Razor pushed the needle through the skin he held taut. "So you never had a suit? Never been fitted for one?"

Kid shook his head as Razor pulled his hand away, depressing the plunger. "Never Raze. Makes me kinda nervous, going to buy a suit. I mean I can get one off the rack at Macy's or something I guess, but I can only afford the discount stuff and all that's too big on me. I'll look like a kid playing in his dad's clothes."

"Then get one tailored, chico."

"I don't think I need to tell you why that makes me nervous." Kid scoffed, rolling his eyes as Razor pulled the needle out, replacing it with an alcohol pad held gently against his skin. "Like, y'know what if they take inseams and they like…notice."

"If you pack they won't." Razor took care of disposal as he spoke, gently pulling Kid's waistband up.

"I don't know man…you know I usually don't anyway.

"Oyame, chico. I'll take you to my tailor. He won't say shit to you, he made suits for Vinnie. Does suits for dykes too. I'll explain it to him, okay?" Sharps disposed, Razor sat on the edge of the bed with a smile as he looked down at Kid.

The young man wouldn't admit it to his face, but he loved when Razor actually smiled. Not that slimy smirk of his, but a real smile. He couldn't help himself from smiling back.

"Alright Raze, but I don't know if I can afford that."

That got him a smack to the back of the head.

"The fuck you think I am? I'm gonna make you pay for this? It's a gift, niño. From me. You wear that shit and if anyone asks, you tell them Razor Ramon got it for you, got it?" He had pulled the toothpick from his mouth, pointing it at Kid as he spoke, making him laugh.

"Yeah I hear you big man. Mr. Ramon so kindly bought me my suit."

"Damn straight." He leaned down, pushing Kid's curls back as he placed a kiss to his forehead. Kid stuck his tongue out in response, before sighing.

"Thanks Raze."

"You're running with me. That means you get the best, or nothing." Razor patted him on the back, "we'll go tomorrow, all right?"

"Alright. You're the boss, Mr. Ramon."

"Damn right I am."

—

Razor managed to pull off a pretty comfortable experience for Kid's first time getting fit for a suit. Measurements weren't any different from when he would get fitted for wrestling gear, there was just a lot more to measure. Thankfully, his tailor offered private rooms so Kid didn't have to deal with any of the anxiety provided by someone potentially walking in.

He also couldn't deny the way it made him feel a lot more like a man to even go through the experience of getting fitted.

To save time, they had picked out a premade suit to be altered, given the charity dinner was that weekend. Razor had been pretty upset he couldn't pay for a suit to be made for Kid, but Kid reasoned that he didn't even need to wear them all that often in the first place.

Come Friday morning, the suit was ready.

Razor had picked it out, not that Kid had a problem with that. It was navy, with a black trim on the inside. According to the big man himself, he chose it because cool colors suited Kid more than blacks or anything warm.

For the most part, Kid had no idea what Razor would be going on about so he just nodded along and agreed.

Still, trying it on was something different. Razor had pretty much picked out everything else: the dress shirt, shoes, tie, belt…

“I’m worried I’m going to look stupid.” Kid was frowning as Razor was tying his tie for him.

“Ay niño, you look handsome. You look like the man you are.” The taller man chided him, speaking with a cigar in his mouth as he tightened the tie up to his neck. “That comfortable?”

Being called handsome by Razor of all people always made Kid’s chest swell with joy. “You really think so?”

“Don’t be stupid. The fuck would I lie to you for?”

Kid grinned as he was scolded, putting on the coat jacket as it was handed to him.

“There’s three buttons, you just button the top two.”

“Got it, boss.” Kid rolled his eyes, secretly appreciative of how much Razor gave instruction. If it wasn’t for him, he’d end up going to the dinner looking like he rolled in right off the street and Vince would’ve had his head for it. Slim fingers worked on the buttons before straightening the jacket out. He had to admit, it was a lot more comfortable than he expected. There was something nice about having the layer of the jacket to hide any awkward bumps the dress shirt wouldn’t.

“Alright. Now that’s a handsome guy. Turn around.” Razor was grinning at him pulling his cigar out of his mouth as he looked down at Kid. With one hand, he gently turned Kid around to face himself in the mirror.

Kid normally tried not to let his emotions really get to him in any big way, but this time he couldn’t help it. There was just a prick of tears in his eyes as he looked himself over in the full body mirror. Head to toe, he looked like he actually belonged in men’s formal wear. The pants gave enough of a drop near his crotch he wouldn’t be too uncomfortable even if he did pack, the jacket drew away from his chest and gave him a boxier looking frame instead of emphasizing how petite his body usually looked. Even his shoes didn’t look too small. He couldn’t help but smile as he checked himself out in the mirror.

“That’s not all. Here.” Razor pulled a small box out of his pocket, giving it to Kid. “Open it, c’mon.”

“Geez man, just like wait a second.” Kid huffed, pulling the golden cover off of the small box. Inside was some actual gold; two gold cufflinks and a chain. He was stunned, mouth slightly agape as he looked down at the gift and then at Razor.

“It’s real gold, chico. We’ll have matching cufflinks. And I figured you can wear the chain with just the shirt sometimes. When I take you out, I mean. You’ve been rolling with me this long. I can't have you without at least some gold, yeah?” Razor looked real proud, moving closer to Kid, pulling the cufflinks out of the box and affixing them to the ends of the sleeves of the jacket.

“Raze, this is too much isn’t it?”

“What, you stole my money and now you’re too good for my gold, huh? This shit is as real as it gets, chico.”

“Okay you like, already got over that. And I mean, this is different. You bought this for me. This must’ve been expensive.”

Razor took a puff of his cigar before he pointed it at Kid. “Nothing is too expensive for Razor Ramon, comprende?”

Kid huffed, before grinning. “Only because it’s you Raze, am I even worried that you spent money like this on me. I’d be out the door with anyone else.” He looked at the cufflinks, admiring the way they complimented the deep blue of the jacket.

Razor just shook his head in response as Kid looked himself over again in the mirror.

“I almost don’t want to take it off.”

"Mm. I can help you with that niño."

Kid watched as Razor put the cigar out in the ash tray. The larger man stepped in closer, pressing himself flush against Kid's back. He rested his chin on Kid's left shoulder, clearly scheming something.

Kid watched the two of them in the mirror. For once he didn't feel like he was fighting to look like a man, especially next to Razor. Not that anyone said shit to him ever since they started rolling together. Anytime some jobber even whispered that Kid looked "girly" in the locker room, they'd suspiciously have some injury and never end up on any of the shows.

Razor's rough hands began wandering around Kid's body, undoing his belt buckle as he watched the reaction of the younger man. Kid squirmed, feeling his face get hot.

"Razor…" He huffed, watching his belt being tossed aside as his dress shirt got pulled out. His coat jacket was pulled off next, laid gently on the ottoman to their side, and Kid wasn't sure if he wanted to be transfixed on the image in front of him or look away. "I can undress myself, c'mon. You know I don't like looking at myself like this."

"Kid." Razor's voice was stern, and the lack of a nickname made the slimmer man stand up a bit straighter. "You look so fucking handsome. C'mon, look." He grabbed Kid's face, turning him towards the mirror.

Kid's eyes met with his own, struggling to face the feelings stirring inside him. His eyes wandered down as Razor's deft hands undid his buttons, one at a time. Exposing skin. Before he undid the last few buttons, Razor slipped a hand in to cup his chest, calloused fingers rubbing at his nipple. Kid bit his lip, trying to stifle a moan as he looked away. Quickly, a rough hand turned his face to the mirror.

"Don't look away." It was a command.

The reflection was uncomfortable. His clothes were the only thing that made people see him as a man. Some days he didn't mind looking at himself. Hell, usually he didn't, but it wasn't like he spent time checking himself out in the mirror naked.

Kid watched his flushed face, the way he kept biting his lip, the lazy but hungry look in Razor's eyes as he fondled him. He kissed up Kid's neck, sending shivers down his spine. Wet, sloppy kisses to his ear made his knees nearly give out.

"You look so handsome, niño." He was practically purring into his ear. That low, rumbly voice was made of wet dreams.

"I look–"

Always a little dramatic, Razor pulled the dress shirt apart, fully exposing his torso. "Like a man."

The shirt was discarded as Kid looked on at himself. The way his chest curved. Razor grabbed at each pec, squeezing them, playing with him. Kid whined, leaning back against the broad chest behind him.

"Remember what I told you. If anyone tells you you ain't a man, you come to me?"

He nodded. "Yeah, I remember."

"That counts for you too. Cause you've got more machismo than half the guys we work with. This chest? This face? These hips? All a man's." With each body part, Razor put his hands there and gave a squeeze.

Kid was happy he wasn't prone to tears, because he'd be crying just about now. He knew he was a guy. A man. Not just some boy. And he knew his body was a man's body, but being around a bunch of cis guys who were bigger than he'd ever be, comfortable being nearly naked in a way he'd never be; it would give him some pause sometimes. Maybe Razor noticed. Maybe he saw how Kid had been lately and knew he needed his.

"Alright don't get a big head about." There was that smack to the back of the head to ground him. He shot Razor a nasty look, getting a slimy grin in return. "Sit."

He was gently pushed back onto the chaise chair, until he sat down on it.

Razor kneeled in front of him in a sight that Kid wished he could take a photo of. He watched as the man at his feet undid the laces on the oxfords, slipping them off his feet and placing them to the side. He lifted Kid's heel up to his mouth, kissing his ankle.

Kid wanted to squirm at the sensation. He held his breath watching Razor, who looked up at him and gave him a wink. He pulled the dress socks off before moving up, kissing at Kid's thighs through the fabric of the pants. His hands snaked up the outside of Kid's thighs until he was grabbing a handful of his ass, kneading his fingers into it.

His lips made it up to Kid's stomach, before kissing back down to his happy trail. His hands slid around to undo the fly as he looked right at Kid. Razor pulled his pants down, until they were completely off, and laid them next to where Kid sat.

The Cuban firmly pressed his lips to Kid's crotch, eliciting some small moans from him. His fingers snuck into the waist band of his boxers, pulling them down to expose Kid fully. Razor tasted how wet he was, his tongue licking through his folds and up to his clit before sucking on it.

Kid couldn't keep himself from moaning then. He panted, Razor working him up quickly. His hand found it's way to that slicked back, curly hair as he pulled Razor forward. It didn't take long for Razor to make him come, fucking him with his tongue and sucking him off like he was.

Climax overwhelming him, he tried to wriggle away from the overstimulation but strong arms kept him in place. Kid bit down on his own hand to keep himself from nearly screaming. He collapsed backwards, feeling his muscles twitching as they tried to relax, not even noticing that Razor had pulled his boxers back up.

Breathing slowly, Kid slowly sat up. He didn't know when Razor had grabbed his cigar and relit it, but he sure had.

"Gotta say of all the guys I've given head to, you're my favorite." Razor teased him, taking a puff of his cigar before blowing the smoke in Kid's face.

The smaller man frowned as he waved the smoke away. "Oh shut up."

He stared down at his legs for a moment.

"Thanks Razor."

"No problem niño." Razor ruffled his curly hair, before stepping away. "Get dressed, let's get outta here."

"Sure thing, Mr. Ramon."

[antique-traveler]

i remember you mentioning you’re planning on writing trans matt, and i’m so excited. trans matt is so special to me and i feel like he isn’t written enough. like if u squint hard enough you can act like matt’s scars are top surgery scars. like i fr believe that foggy would get curious one day and go through ALL of matt’s scars with him (kinda like that one scene in season two with elektra) maybe in college or sometime right after they just met

anon this was such a good idea god i loved writing this so much. the other trans!matt piece is still very much in the planning stage rn (also i'm debating if i want it to be mattfoggy or xreader, lmk y'all's thoughts) but thank you for giving me an excuse to write something kinda short and sweet :-D

2k, T, warnings: slight internalized transphobia, references to sex but not nsfw

[note: foggy's reception to matt coming out is definitely kinda clumsy, but i wanna let y'all know it's not transphobic. i just figure that it's 2012 and he's probably not very educated on modern gender theory, yknow?]

Matt’s gotta know he’s hot, right? Sighted or not, surely he knows that every member of the human race swoons at his biceps and jawline and smile. Foggy knows that if he had muscles like that, he’d never put on a shirt, ever, but somehow Matt seems almost… self conscious of his body. 

Granted, they’ve only known each other a few weeks, so Matt could still be getting over some new roomie shyness, but Matt’s not shy about anything else, is the thing. He doesn’t hold back when he complains about his professors, he gladly circles an arm around Foggy’s shoulders when they stumble home together after a long night of drinking. Despite all that, though, Foggy’s still only ever seen Matt shirtless, like, twice. Foggy had only gotten a brief glimpse of Matt’s fucking six pack abs before he turned around to pull a sweatshirt over his head.

He’s obviously smokin’, Foggy already knows that, even if his hips are maybe a little wider than the average underwear model, but Foggy notices something else, too: Matt’s got scars. He’s not covered in them, Foggy only counted four or five, but they’re certainly noticeable. There are a couple thin, white ones on his back, the line running across his shoulder and collarbone near his neck, and the dark, diagonal line just to the right of Matt’s belly button. Most noticeable, though, are the two long, faded lines that span over his ribcage, sort of underlining each of his well-defined pecs. 

Foggy’s not one to judge, and they certainly do not detract from Matt’s hotness, but Foggy knows that that amount of scars is pretty rare for a run-of-the-mill twenty-two-year-old, and he’s seen enough horror movies about evil nuns to be a little skeptical of the orphanage where Matt grew up. 

Foggy tries to bring it up one night in early October when they’re both getting ready for bed and he sees another flash of Matt’s muscular bare back.

“Hey, Mattothy?” Foggy asks, trying to sound as casual and nonchalant as possible.

Matt pushes his head through the top of his hoodie and is adorably unaware of how messy his hair is when he turns to face Foggy. “Yes, Foggward?”

“What’s the deal with all the scars, man? Are you in, like, a secret ninja fight club or something?”

Matt pales a little bit before letting out the most forced laugh Foggy’s ever heard. “No, it’s a… it’s a long story, Fog. Maybe I’ll tell you later.”

Matt definitely won’t be telling him later, Foggy knows that much. Clearly he doesn’t want to share with the class, though, so Foggy begrudgingly lets it go for now. “Alright, bud,” he says after a moment of raising an eyebrow that Matt can’t see. “Well, I’m calling it a night.”

“Don’t let the bed bugs bite,” Matt says with a reserved smile.

Foggy flicks off the lamp on his nightstand and lays back on his pillow, trying not to form theories about all Matt’s scars as he drifts off.

><><><

Two nights ago, Matt gave Foggy the best blowjob he’s ever given, and he’s been riding the high ever since. He knew that Foggy was attracted to him, of course. Knew it from the moment he stepped into their dorm for the first time and all of Foggy’s blood immediately flew south for the winter, but to find out that that attraction was more than just physical, that’s the part that Matt didn’t expect. Matt’s never had a friend like Foggy before, and he’s pretty sure that for a while he just thought that all best friends gave each other dreams about getting married and retiring to a lakeside cabin, but now he knows better.

This thing between them is so new it’s barely even a “thing”, just kissing and giddy laughter, but it’s still the best thing that’s ever happened to Matt. Better than putting on his first testosterone patch, better than legally changing his name to Matthew Michael, even better than running his fingers over his chest for the first time once the bandages were off. Remembering all those moments, though, reminds Matt of the one thing that might ruin this amazing new thing he and Foggy have between them. For now, Foggy hasn’t actually asked to sleep with him yet, for now, Foggy hasn’t discovered the box of T patches tucked away under Matt’s bed, for now, Foggy doesn’t know that Matthew Michael Murdock has only been Matthew Michael Murdock for three years.

So anyway, two days after clumsily stuttering through a confession and smiling into a first kiss and kneeling slowly in front of Foggy, the two of them are getting ready for bed. Matt’s only just pulled his hoodie off over his head when Foggy speaks up from his bed.

“Hey, Matty,” he says before Matt can put on a sleep shirt. “Come over here.”

Matt awkwardly holds up a t-shirt and quietly asks, “Can I just–”

“Nope,” Foggy laughs. “I don’t think you know how hot you are if you’re that eager to put a shirt back on. You do realize that six packs are actually incredibly attractive, right?”

Matt feels heat rush to his face and makes his way to Foggy’s bed. “Uh, I guess? I didn’t really know if what I could feel was very visible, in my defense.”

Foggy just scoffs and pulls Matt onto the bed with him, wriggling around until they’re both laying side-by-side, facing each other. Once they’re both settled in, Foggy pushes forward and kisses Matt gently, like a compliment. Matt smiles as he pulls away, and he can feel Foggy’s eyes roaming over his body.

After a moment, Foggy’s breath catches and he finally asks, “Will you actually tell me where you got all these scars?” Matt’s heart drops and before he can object, Foggy cuts back in. “And you’ve already evaded the question once. You’re not ‘long story’-ing your way out of this one, mister.”

Matt feels his mouth go dry and tries to keep his cool. He hesitates for a second, then shifts on the bed so he’s lying on his back, face still pointed at Foggy. If Foggy can’t see the two on his back, maybe Matt won’t have to tell him about Stick. He cautiously raises a hand to run over the scar across his shoulder.

“This one,” he starts, “is from my accident. It wasn’t very deep, but it was still too long to go without stitches.” The breath that Foggy lets out is shallow and sad, so Matt attempts to lighten the mood as he describes the one on his belly. “This one comes with a very exciting and dramatic backstory. I got it when I faced off against an evil foe named appendicitis.”

Foggy thankfully laughs at that, but soon he goes quiet. “What about the ones on your chest?” He lays a gentle finger on the puckered skin below Matt’s nipple and Matt feels his pulse skyrocket and bile threaten to gather at the back of his throat.

He’d hoped he’d get a little bit more time with Foggy before telling him, hoped he’d get just a couple of weeks of being loved by someone who viewed him as a man without question. He knows that everything’s about to change now, though. If he’s lucky, Foggy will just let him down easy, they can finish out the semester as distant, awkward roommates, and then Foggy will request a room change for the spring term. If he’s not lucky… well, Matt doesn’t want to think about what will happen if he’s not lucky.

Foggy must notice Matt’s demeanor change, because he shifts a little closer to him on the bed and rests a hand on his shoulder. “Are you okay, Matt? I’m sorry if I crossed a line or something, you don’t have to talk about it if–”

“No, Foggy,” Matt cuts him off, “it’s okay. I, um… this is something you need to know about, before this thing we have goes any further.” Matt takes a deep breath and turns his face  up towards the ceiling. “I’m transgender. The scars are from when I had my… my breasts removed.”

Foggy goes completely still next to him, so Matt swallows the lump in his throat and tries to continue as confidently as he can. “I came out a few years ago, but I’ve always been this way, you know? I just couldn’t really talk about it at St. Agnes. My dad left me some money, and you know I’ve picked up some tutoring jobs, and a lot of that money goes towards…” Matt trails off and clears his throat. He’s almost done, just a little bit more and then he can let Foggy be disgusted. “So I– I came out sophomore year of undergrad, and I changed my name, and I have these patches I wear with hormones in them. I, um… sorry that this probably isn’t what you were expecting.”

Foggy doesn’t say a word for a moment, just breathes slowly through his open mouth. In a small voice, he finally says, “You, um, you have a… a bulge, though?”

Matt feels the weight of his packer from where it rests against him in his boxer-briefs and blushes what must be a bright red. “It’s fake. It’s a silicone thing so I can, you know, use a urinal and stuff.” When Foggy stays silent, Matt finally turns his face back towards him and feels a rebel tear slip out of the corner of his eye. He wishes he’d kept his glasses on. “Foggy? Can you please say something?”

“Matty, I don’t–” Foggy cuts himself off, then moves to prop himself up on his elbow. “You didn’t think I’d wanna end things over this, did you?” 

Matt’s jaw drops open and he flushes again. “I, uh… kinda?”

“Is this why you didn’t want me to… reciprocate, the other night?”

“Yeah,” Matt admits before pushing himself up to lean against Foggy’s headboard.

Foggy sighs and seems to weigh his words. “I’ve never met anyone else who’s… like you. I’m definitely surprised, but… Matty, I really like you. I think you’re smart and funny and kind and, like, really hot, and none of that changes just ‘cause you’re– ‘cause you used to be–” Foggy stops mid-sentence and lets out a heavy breath. “Shit, I’m probably saying this all wrong. What I mean is that I care about you a lot, Matt, and I wanna keep doing all the… kissing and stuff. I don’t care if you don’t have a dick or if you used to have boobs or anything like that.”

Matt laughs wetly and lets the relief wash over him. “Thank you, Fog.”

“Is it weird that I said ‘boobs’?” Foggy asks with a shaky laugh. “I feel like ‘boobs’ was an inappropriate word for the gravity of this conversation.”

“No,” Matt gets through in between giggles, “you’re an adult, you’re allowed to say ‘boobs’. It’s not like I have them anymore, anyway.”

Foggy smiles and gets a little more serious again. “I’m attracted to you as a man, okay, Matt? Like, you were the confirmation that I’m not straight. I wanna make sure you know that.”

“Thank you, Foggy,” Matt says again, still smiling. Foggy leans over and kisses him hungrily and Matt kisses right back. Matt feels Foggy’s lips on his own, and every movement feels like a promise, like he’s pressing Matt’s name into his own mouth.

Foggy pulls away after a few minutes and lays a hand on Matt’s hip. “You know, if you’re okay with me going, uh, down there, I’d be happy to… return the favor from the other day.”

Matt blushes for the hundredth time that night and his whole body starts to fill with warmth. This is what he thought he’d never get, this is the dream scenario that he barely ever let himself consider for fear of disappointing himself. He nods as Foggy starts to undo his fly, and drops his head back down on the pillow. 

Now this is the best thing to ever happen to Matt.

[that-bi-bitch-writes]

Dreams of Indigo (Ch.3)

Pairing: Hitoshi Shinso x Non Binary Reader (can be read as Male Reader)

Word Count: 845

Warnings: Use of He/They pronouns, lots of swearing, mentions of bully, angst? edginess (i hope not). THERAPY, Brainwashing, Mentions of Transphobia, Self Discovery, Coming out, Illegal actions

Storyline: Reader is a teenage vigilante basically. Unlike the main characters Y/N doesn’t attend UA and somehow seems to keep finding themself in the company of the LOV but they’re not a villain. Call him a vigilante or an anti-hero whatever, just don’t call them a villain.

A/N: Happy Chapter 3!!! I’m sorry it’s short but after this I think there will be more actual action and iconicry so please be patient and I hope you like this.I do unfortunately have to start drafting OCs and you’ll see why when you read. Shoot me any questions, my inbox is open to anything but requests as of now. This is cross posted on wattpad (@that-bi-bitch-writes) and Quotev (@DumbEnbyJuice)

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Chapter Three: (3rd POV)

Trans rights!- Y/N L/N

•        •        •        •        •        •        •        •       •       •      •        •        •        •        •

The first time Y/N used their quirk again was sometime after they went on what most people would call a self journey or whatever. Basically after Y/N had made Keitaro cripple himself, they had to confess to their mom about the bullying and the slight trauma caused by their father walking out on them. One thing led to another and he thank the lord ended up in therapy.

After hours of talking with their therapist about the incident and why it happened Y/N was able to recognize that their quirk had the potential to be dangerous but it could also be really helpful and extremely useful for personal gain (the law does not apply to bad bitches). With a new outlook on their quirk ,Y/N started to trust it a little more despite never having used it again. 

Fortunately for him Y/N’s therapy was not even remotely done there. 10 years of their life was spent building themselves on the idea that they were quirkless and everyone hated them because of it. Receiving a quirk that immediately was used to hurt someone else in a fit of anger does not exactly make all that go away. As dramatic as it sounds Y/N had to learn who he was. He wasn't quirkless, which meant he had to stop being so hard on himself and pushing away anyone who could maybe want to befriend them. Imagine how that went

‘I push people away because i’m scared of getting hurt, how cliche’

POV Change

Being enrolled in a new school was stressful but relieving. You were pretty much removed from the toxic environment that allowed you to be bullied, and practically no one at this school knew what you did. And you were at the beginning of the stretch of your life where you discover what makes you tick. 

Now was the time where you could begin to figure out why you didn’t feel like a boy but not really a girl either. At first you thought it was because you were gay. But gay people don’t necessarily feel a disconnect from their gender identity. That and sometimes you were attracted to women. You were confused, not blind. 

Surprise surprise you actually trusted your therapist so you talked to her about it and she handed you a couple of pamphlets about LGBTQ+ culture and made you feel like a dumbass when she recommended you google some of your problems.  ‘Why didn’t I think of that’ you blanched

Google was helpful. Tumblr was not. Note to self avoid micro labelling. But after extensive research you discovered you were non binary. It wasn’t that hard to figure out to be honest. There was an obvious disconnect between you and the gender binary enforced by most people around you. And in a world with quirks and mutations people are born all kinds of ways, so being outside of the norm wasn’t all that big of a deal unless you were ......quirkless. Ironic.

Coming out to your mom was scary. But you’re a bad bitch and nothing can kill you. Except an anxiety attack and maybe a gun, but that's irrelevant . Your mom didn’t really understand the difference between being a gender nonconformist and Non-binary but she loved you, so she asked you to explain and be patient with her and you agreed as long as it was obvious that she made an effort. Plus there wasn’t much change in pronouns considering you went by he and they pronouns. She really didn’t understand how you could be a he but not a boy but the use of a familiar pronoun was welcome. 

The official second time you used your quirk you basically brainwashed your entire school. It was for a good cause. Every class year was gathered together and you figured what better time to come out than now.

“I heard a rumor that you all respect trans people and their pronouns. I am Non-binary and go by he/they by the way.”

And that was how in your second year of middle school you simultaneously came out, ended transphobia, in your school at least, and encouraged other people to embrace their truths whether it be in that moment or later on (brainwashing cures internal transphobia and sets people on the path to becoming themselves. huh, who knew). You got detention for unauthorized use of your quirk but hey, you were helping people. They should applaud you. You settled for a week’s detention and no one contacted the police.

the police may never know what you did, but basically brainwashing the entire student body and the faculty didn’t exactly go unnoticed. There was an upside and a downside. The good part being you catching the attention of a certain indigo purple headed first year. What could possibly go wrong? Yoi have someone that will maybe fall in love with idolize look up to you. The bad side is you brainwashed the entire school and maybe now everyone will be weary of what you say. Hooray!! Happy first day of school.

[sanderssidesfanfiction]

Royal Growing Pains - Chapter Eighteen

Warnings: Homophobia, transphobia, misgendering, sympathetic Deceit

Royal Growing Pains Tag

Roman and Damien continued dancing all around the ballroom until Logan saw fit to stop them, at which point Roman felt considerably better, but not better enough to do much more than just stand around and make jokes. “Should I teach the two of you some steps to other dances for more contemporary songs?” Logan asked.

“Oh, I don’t want to think about what I’m going to have to do once the first dance is over,” Roman bemoaned.

“Think of it this way, my dear: if you know how to dance more you’re less likely to have to talk to the homophobic and transphobic parts of your family,” Damien pointed out.

“You have a point, and I hate that you have a point,” Roman sulked. “Okay. I’d go through some of the steps, once I’ve gotten a break to drink some water.”

Logan held up a finger and walked over to where he had placed the stereo down, tossing Roman a bottle of water. Roman yipped and his hands smacked the bottle a few times before he finally caught it. Damien was laughing and Logan just stared blankly at him. “I should have considered you might not be a good catcher, my apologies,” Logan said. “After all, you don’t seem to catch hints, and water bottles are not that different from the hints someone in this room has been dropping.”

“Logan,” Damien growled, and Roman was stunned. He had never heard Damien growl quite like that before. “Don’t.”

“All right. I won’t,” Logan said simply. “I’ll let the two of you ponder over what I mean.”

Roman twisted the cap on the water bottle, breaking the seal and taking two large gulps of water before gasping as he spoke, “I know. Obviously, you’re talking about the treasure hunt that is undoubtedly going to happen when Damien remembers we have to have wedding bands.”

Damien turned as pale as a ghost. “Oh, god, oh no, oh shit!” Damien breathed. “The wedding bands! Roman, I need your ring size, quick!”

“I...I don’t know my ring size,” Roman said, blinking and trying to bite back his laughter.

“What are we going to do?!” Damien asked. “We need wedding bands, but we don’t have any!”

“Relax, Damien. If our mothers don’t have a plan, we can easily go into town and get them. Maybe we can go down after my fitting and take a look at different rings, find something that both of us like?” Roman offered.

“Okay...okay...” Damien breathed. “We can do this. It’ll be okay. We can take care of this and no one has to be the wiser to the internal panic.”

“Internal?” Roman asked with a smirk. “Damien, your panic seems pretty external to me.”

“Shush,” Damien said, scowling and pointing a finger at Roman, but not looking at him. “I am not debating you when I’m this stressed.”

Roman whistled and looked at Logan, who appeared just as surprised as Roman felt. “Your Highness, it’s all right,” he said hesitantly. “Everything will be fine. I’m sure that your mother has plans to find the perfect rings for the two of you. She was talking to me about jewelers the other day, in fact. Deep breaths.”

Damirn took one deep breath, then another, and then a third. “All right,” he breathed. “All right. I’ll try to remain calm. Being in a panic won’t help anyone anyway.”

Logan nodded. “Now, I do believe that Roman has his fitting in a couple minutes.” Roman’s stomach flipped. “Which means I might conclude our dance practice for now and make the two of you practice more later tonight. Damien, do you want to walk Roman to the room Remy is using?”

“Oh, uh, I can walk by myself...” Roman said weakly. “It’s not a problem, if Remy is right where he was the last time.”

Damien looked somewhat shocked. “Are you sure? I can walk you, my dear, it would be no trouble...”

“I’m sure,” Roman said with a nod and a smile. “I don’t want you to have to worry about me making any more jokes in poor taste. I can walk by myself and give you time alone to worry about the rings and the like.”

“My dear, if you’re trying to get rid of me, it won’t work,” Damien said with a slight smile. “It’s okay if you make a joke or two. I rather appreciate your kind of humor.”

“Are you sure? I mean, when I tried to make a joke about love, that definitely...fell flat,” Roman said.

“It didn’t fall flat, I simply wasn’t expecting it, my dear,” Damien said smoothly. “I did appreciate the fact that you were trying to make the best out of the situation we’re in.”

Roman’s stomach settled a fraction, but he still felt uneasy. He knew that Damien could never love him because of Roman’s body. And Damien wasn’t revealing anything about his feelings towards Roman, good or bad, so Roman had to assume that Damien merely felt neutral about their relationship. A good friend, perhaps, but nothing more. No matter how much Roman may want them to be more.

Damien offered his hand to Roman. “Come on, my dear, allow me the pleasure of walking you to Remy?”

Roman reluctantly took Damien’s hand and Damien walked him out of the ballroom and down the hallways. Roman sighed. His stomach was still flipping, and every time he looked at Damien he felt worse. Damien seemed like the picture perfect prince. Someone who didn’t mind Roman’s jokes, who didn’t mind getting dirty but was still a perfect gentleman when the time called for it. And honestly, Roman could see himself falling in love with Damien naturally, if they had met casually. But Damien could never feel the same, and it made Roman feel miserable.

Damien squeezed Roman’s hand. “I can hear the wheels turning in your head, my dear,” Damien said. “Everything will be all right, understand? We’ll get you out of your house and you can be whoever you want to be. And I have no doubt that Remy will make the suit you’re going to wear positively stunning.”

Roman offered Damien a weak smile. “Thank you,” he said.

“That’s not what you’re worried about?” Damien asked, frowning.

Damn it, Damien was perceptive. “No, not right now,” Roman admitted.

“What seems to be troubling you, my dear?” Damien asked, looking Roman over.

“The problem is that he has the hots for you and you can’t see it, babes!” Remy called from down the hallway.

Damien scoffed a, “Please,” and Roman felt ten times more miserable. That just confirmed his suspicions. Damien was disgusted at the thought of Roman being attracted to him. Roman had half a mind to cry, but he bit back his tears the best he could. Now was not the time to cry. He needed to wait until Damien was gone, or else Roman would admit that he loved Damien and Damien would have to confirm that while trying to comfort Roman. And Roman didn’t want to put either of them through that pain.

Damien sighed and turned to Roman. “I’m afraid this must be where I leave you, my dear. My parents wanted the suit to be a surprise for me,” Damien said. “But my mother is undoubtedly in the room, and we shouldn’t leave her waiting.”

Roman gave Damien another weak smile and a nod. “I’ll see you after the fitting,” he said. “We have some things to plan for the wedding, after all.”

Damien offered a strained smile and a nod. “And we’ll figure out what to do about the wedding bands,” he said.

“Yes, we will,” Roman agreed. “Deep breaths, Damien. Everything will be all right. You said so yourself.”

“Boys, stop being gay and let me get Roman in his suit!” Remy groaned.

Roman laughed and walked away from Damien, towards Remy, tossing a wave and a wink over his shoulder. Damien raised his hand up in a tiny wave and walked back down the hall. Roman groaned as he walked into the room Remy was using. “I realized something, Remy: I’m completely screwed.”

Remy sighed. “Saw it coming, babes. Everyone knows you’re hopelessly in love.”

“Well, hopeless is right,” Roman sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

The Queen was in the room, standing in front of a mannequin, observing it. “Roman, everyone in this castle knows you’re in love with my son aside from my son himself. Don’t even bother arguing that you’re not in love.”

“Never said I wasn’t,” Roman said with a shrug. “Just said I’m hopeless.”

“Okay, why are you hopeless?” the Queen said, turning to glance at Roman.

Roman crossed his arms and made a noncommittal noise, hunching his shoulders. He certainly didn’t want to admit what he was thinking, regardless of how true it was. He didn’t want to paint Damien as a transphobe.

“Babes, if you’re having body issues, I guarantee I can help with some of that dysphoria with the suit I’ve put together,” Remy said.

Roman sighed. “Am I that easy to read?” he lightly groused.

“Only a little,” Remy said with a shrug. “Your Majesty, do you mind letting me show His Highness the suit?”

“Of course not,” the Queen said, backing away from the mannequin and letting Roman get a good look at the suit.

Roman couldn’t help it; he stared. The suit was a pristine white, exactly like a bride’s dress would be, but that wasn’t what was giving him pause. Across the suit’s chest was gold frill and trim, with a bright red sash cutting across it from the right shoulder to the left hip. On each side of the arms, there was Roman’s family’s crest, the castle under the sun. He grinned when he saw it. “Wow, this is great,” he said. “I love the work you put into it.”

“I’m glad, babes, but I need to know it fits you, too,” Remy said. “D’you mind putting it on before you say anything else?”

“That’s fine,” Roman said, walking over to the suit and pulling at his T-shirt to get it off without much of a second thought. He glanced at the Queen and offered her a small smile. “You don’t mind my stripping in front of you, right?”

“It’s necessary to put on the suit, so I’ll allow it in this instance,” the Queen said with a playful smile.

Roman took off his bra and put on the top of the suit, recognizing the shortness of breath he got from a binder. “Is the binder sewn into the material?” he asked.

“That it is, babes, and that was not easy, lemme tell you,” Remy said. “But I figured we should probably have it built in just in case. And I made sure to give it just enough room that if you got wet, you wouldn’t suffocate.”

“Thanks, I appreciate it,” Roman said with a little grin.

“Let’s get you into the rest of the suit and in front of a mirror,” Remy said.

“Okay, okay!” Roman said, holding his hands up in surrender. He changed out of the skirt he had been forced into today and changed into the suit pants. Remy walked over and dramatically flipped the mirror the mannequin had been next to, so the back of the mirror was no longer facing him, and Roman got a proper look at himself in it. His jaw dropped and he gawked, unable to help himself. “Woah,” he breathed.

His chest looked completely flat when he turned to the side. Tears were pricking his eyes and he brought a hand to his mouth, grin threatening to split his face in two. “I love it,” he said.

Remy walked around him, gently yanking on the material, smoothing this and that and looking at him from every angle. “And everything seems to be a perfect fit, which is promising,” he said. “This is good.”

“It also means that we have a good portion of the afternoon now free,” the Queen said with a grin. “Because we had to allow for the possibility of Remy taking hours to tweak. But since everything was done right the first time, we have more time before our next meeting with anyone important. Which means it’s time to look into rings at the jeweler’s.”

“Oh, yeah, Damien and I talked about that during our dance practice,” Roman said.

“I assumed as much. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there, my dear, I had to talk to your mother,” the Queen said. “I’m unimpressed, and I thought higher of her than her behavior the past couple days.”

“It’s okay, she disappoints everyone sooner or later,” Roman said drily.

Remy cackled and the Queen covered her mouth, but Roman could see by her eyes she was smiling. “Get back into your day clothes, dear, we don’t want to give the game away by you walking around in your suit.”

“Oh, true,” Roman said, taking off the suit and changing back into his day clothes. Inwardly, though, he felt a wave of dysphoria building. All he could think about in a skirt was the way his body had betrayed him. He couldn’t stand being seen as female. It just didn’t feel natural to him.

The Queen put a hand around Roman’s shoulders and thanked Remy as they walked out of the room. “Feeling better, dear?” the Queen asked.

“I felt better in the suit,” Roman said. “It almost allowed me to forget.”

“Forget?” the Queen asked.

“Forget that my body doesn’t feel like mine,” Roman said.

“I know it must feel that way, dear,” the Queen sighed. “But I hope that with time you’ll find ways to identify with your body and feel like yourself when you look in the mirror.”

Roman offered her a grim smile and a small, “Maybe one day.”

They made their way to the front of the castle, and Roman was just feeling worse as he heard his mother talking in the hallway. He could hear Damien as well, but not what he was saying.

Turning down a hall, Damien said, “See? Here they are now. I told you my mother would find her.”

Her. The word hurt more than it usually did. Roman bit back tears.

His mother was giving him a once over. “Are you feeling all right, Veronica? You look ill.”

Trapped. He was trapped, nowhere to go. “Fine, Mother,” Roman said with a wave of his hand. “I’m a little tired, but fine.”

His mother nodded and promptly moved on. “Rose, are we ready to look for the rings? I think these two need to find their matches before the day is up.”

“Yes, everything went well with Remy, he won’t need to see Veronica for the rest of the day.”

Roman thought his throat might close up. He never wanted to hear that name again.

Damien was looking at him with concern, but Roman couldn’t bring himself to focus on anything except the conversation unfolding in front of him. The Queen dropped her arm from around Roman’s shoulders, and Roman felt only marginally more like he could breathe. Everything seemed too bright and too dark, too loud and too quiet at once. “Do you have anything in mind for the rings?” the Queen asked.

“No, not really,” his mother said with a shrug. “Something more feminine in style and cut might be nice, though, for Veronica. She has the fingers for it, after all.”

Roman was crying before he even realized what was going on. His entire body was trembling and he slowly backed away from the two women talking. Damien’s mouth was moving, but Roman couldn’t hear him over the use of his deadname, the wrong pronouns, the reminder that his body would never be capable of love by someone who was cisgender.

Without much thought, he turned and ran, breath heaving in gasps as he cried. He wasn’t sure if it was audible or not, he certainly couldn’t hear anything over the ringing in his ears.

Roman’s left foot got caught on his right shoelace and he toppled to the floor, palms and knees stinging at colliding with the tile, and no energy or desire to get up. He laid there, continuing to sob, the ringing fading away until he could hear how pathetic he sounded, crying over something as stupid as a comment on his hands. He didn’t bang his fists into the floor, too tired to even think about showing any signs of a tantrum.

Footsteps sounded behind him and three people skidded to a stop in the hallway. “Veronica, how many times do I have to tell you not to run away from situations you feel tired of? I know you may want to rest, but that is no excuse—”

“—Stop that!” Damien exclaimed. “Stop scolding her! Can’t you see she’s had enough already?!”

Roman didn’t respond, pretended he couldn’t hear when in actuality every use of the wrong pronoun stabbed him in the chest.

“My dear,” Damien said softly. “May we talk? I didn’t get to speak much to you this afternoon, and I would like to further our discussion privately. Maybe help you feel better?”

Roman sniffled and finally pushed himself up onto his forearms. “What’s the use?” he sobbed. “It won’t change anything. To bring up the obvious is only going to hurt me more.”

“My dear, you may think it’s obvious, but no one else here knows what’s going on,” Damien said. “Please. Let us help you. Let me help you. You don’t have to talk to all of us at once, but please at least tell me? I can pass along the message if it’s too painful for you to tell anyone else.”

“I don’t want to,” Roman said softly. “It’s too painful. I don’t want to.”

Damien helped Roman to his feet as Roman continued to cry. “Then let’s just talk about other things for a while,” Damien said. “Let’s just sit down the two of us. I’ll do everything I can to help make you feel better.”

Roman looked down at the ground, blinking as a few more tears fell. He really didn’t want to do this. He didn’t want to admit to Damien why he felt so terrible. But he knew. He knew if he didn’t say something now, he’d just have to do it later. And later he might not have the promise of being alone. “Can we speak in the library? Alone?” Roman asked.

“Yes, of course,” Damien said, wrapping an arm around Roman’s shoulders and guiding him away from their mothers. “Let’s talk in the library.”

Tag List: @lunareclipse-13@sanders-sides-crofters@blushy-gigglee-mess@wannacrymetoo@kaytikitty@magicalspacepanunicorn@bootsinthesun@pricklyfish777@flowersanddinosaurs@leiasolo77@birdybabybird@enby-phoenix@luna–28@justagaygoose@the-prince-and-the-emo@fandomsandanythingelse@randommuffinyt@snekky-boi@thesoftestlittlepuffballwegot@twilight-trix@abby5577@escalatingtoofast@friendlyfacestabbing@remus-is-stinky@foggybanditdreampeanut@ghostskull300@sprinklestheditty@canvas-the-florist@askthesnake@samuel-the-gay@determination-saved@juicy-cashew@demidork84@why-should-i-tell-youu2@nerd-in-space@aphriteblack@loganpatton@lilbeanblr@kittyboof8@irish-newzealand-idian-dutch@sanders-trash-4ever@hamilspntrash@swords-and-kittens@phantomfander@narniasfinestavengingsociopath @rjmeta@ambersky0319@anni-cat-flower@idosanderssidespromptssometimes@nafsbluebery@redisawerewolf23@voidvirgil@msu82@angstyfanfiction

[newtthetranswriter]

PLEASE WRITE THIS WHEN U HAVE TIME. I know your requests are closed, but I wanted to request this because my memory is very bad & I forget a lot of my ideas.

transfem reader w toji fushiguro (or gojo if you’d rather write him) who has gender dysphoria about her body? maybe she does everything she can to appeal to the stereotypically feminine view—makeup, hair, heels—but when she sees the women that flirt w her boyfriend, she can’t help but feel inferior. maybe her body’s too rectangular or her chest is too small.

I can’t seem to find any fics like this, and I really like your blog 🙏🙏 again, please write this when your requests are open.

Word count: 1932

Pairing Satoru Gojo x Trans!Fem!Reader

Warnings: Self doubt, mentions of transphobia (internalized and old fashioned views), ooc gojo?

A/n: Hello Thank you so much for requesting. I know you said I could wait to write it until I opened requests again, but I just felt inspired by this so I hope you enjoy it. Also I went with Gojo mainly because I'm not the biggest toji fan. I am trans masculine so I’m not 100% sure if I captured the feelings trans fem people feel so if there are any mistakes please let me know. Anyways enjoy and remember to Hydrate or Diedrate.

Dating Satoru was a dream come true. I mean seriously never would I have thought such a high ranking member of Jujutsu society would even look my way let alone The Satoru Gojo. But I guess I got lucky, and even though Satoru is one of the most loving people I have ever met, I can’t help but to doubt myself.

Afterall life as a transgender person is hard enough as it is but add the strict and stuff beliefs of the older generation of Jujutsu sorcerers and you have a breeding ground for self doubt. Everytime Satoru and I are in public or have to interact with one of the other clans, my mind is flooded with terrible thoughts. ‘How can Satoru stand to be seen with me, there are so many more beautiful women out there.’ or ‘He’d be better off with a cis woman who is truly beautiful.’ It’s hard to quiet these thoughts when I’ve heard these comments from the higher ups in passing and sometimes I believe them.

And today of all days, the thoughts are more precisdent as me and Satoru are out on one of the few dates we get with his busy schedule. I had spent hours before trying to look as beautiful as possible to make this date perfect, I had Shoko help me pick a nice outfit and the perfect pair of heels. I spent most of the day perfecting the perfect hairstyle and make-up look for the night. Eventually with major words of encouragement from Shoko and Satoru himself I was ready, I even started the night feeling confident that I looked amazing.

But alas all good feelings come to an end. Once we were at the restaurant, I couldn’t help but notice all the beautiful women staring at Satoru and I mean I can’t blame them but it just caused the thoughts to surface again. Noticing my slight shift in mood Satoru turned to me, “Hey is everything okay?” He asked as he placed his arm around my waist. Not wanting to worry him I just smiled and nodded at him. “Okay… but you know if there’s something bothering you let me know, Ok?” He said, I could tell he was skeptical but he dropped the topic when the hostess asked us to follow her to the table.

Once seated we talked briefly about how his students were doing and how curses were becoming more annoying as of late before dropping the topic of work and just talking about tv and plans for the next couple weeks. “And I was thinking that we could go check out the new mall that opened up recently, I saw some beautiful dresses I thought you might like and would love to get you a few,” Satoru explained as he looked at the menu in front of him.

“That sounds lovely.” I responded and was planning on continuing the conversation when a waitress approached the table.

Looking at the young woman, I couldn’t help but notice how she was the picture of feminine beauty. Curvy in all the right places, perfect hair and subtle but gorgeous make-up. “Hello I’m Ally, I’ll be your server tonight, can I get you any drinks?” Hearing her speak for some reason made my heart hurt, knowing I would likely never sound as young and girlish as her. 

I noticed Satoru looked at me and I quickly wiped the look of doubt off my face before he could say anything. I guess it worked because he turned his attention back to the woman, and quickly ordered us some wine and an appetizer we had agreed on. The waitress wrote the order down before excusing herself to take care of the order. Once she had walked away Satoru turned back to me. “Are you absolutely positive nothing is wrong?” He asked as he placed his hand over mine on the table. Once again not wanting to sour the mood of the evening, I nodded and said I was fine and turned the topic back to the previous conversation.

After we got our drinks and we ordered our entrees, I couldn’t help but notice that our waitress was checking in on us more than what is normally expected. She would stop by the table every time she walked by to check if the wine was to our liking or if we needed anything while we waited for the main course. I quickly picked up on how she would get slightly closer to Satoru’s side of the table each time, it was also clear that Satoru hadn’t noticed the subtle comments being directed at him. I couldn’t help but think that he was saying anything about it because he liked being hit on by a cis woman. Maybe he secretly hates the fact that I'm trans and just doesn’t want to hurt my feelings. Eventually the thoughts got the best of me and tears started to well up in my eyes and it was taking everything out of me not to burst into sobs.

Once the waitress left again saying she would check on our food, Satoru turned to look at me, and I could see his eyes widen exponentially even through his dark sunglasses. “Hey, it’s ok. What’s wrong and don’t say nothing, something is clearly bothering you.” He said gently but sternly as he squeezed my hand and pulled his sunglasses off so I could make unobstructed eye contact. 

Not having the strength to hold it in any longer I let out a few of my thoughts, maybe a little too loud for the setting but I couldn’t hold it in. “Why are you with me Satoru? You could have anyone, so why me?” It took the white haired male a second to process what was said but before he could speak, I continued. “I’m not beautiful like every woman here, I’m not curvy in all the right spots, my make up looks like a middle schooler did it, so why do you stay with me, when you could have a real woman?” I hated saying it but it was true in my mind, or at least I believed it. I wasn’t thin with big boobs and a big butt, I’m just flat. My figure is the opposite of curvy, I have broad shoulders and the flattest chest. I can’t grasp how someone so handsome can sit across from someone like me and say that I’m beautiful when so many better people are around.

After my mini outburst it was almost silent in our area of the restaurant. Satoru just looked at me stunned, he knew I suffered from dysphoria but he thought he had done a good job helping me feel better. The six-eyes user looked down at the table before speaking. “I know you have trouble believing me when I say this but you are the most beautiful person I have ever met. I don’t care if you aren’t curvy or if you struggle with make-up sometimes, No matter what you are beautiful to me.” As he said this he stood from the table and whipped the tears that had escaped my eyes from my face. While he was focused on me I noticed our waitress coming back this time with our food in hand. Seeing me look in that direction Satoru waved over the woman. “Can you have those put in togo boxes for us? My partner and I are done here.” I looked up at him shocked, but before I could protest he spoke again. “And before that can you please have your supervisor come speak with me?” Now I’m extremely confused.

“Satoru, what are you doing? I thought we were going to eat here?” I asked, confused, as I watched a nervous looking man approach. Satoru just stood up straight, put his sunglasses on and turned to the man who I’m now guessing is the supervisor.

“You must be the supervisor. I would like to file a complaint about the waitress who served me and my lovely partner here.” Satoru spoke in his formal tone he reserved for the higher ups, it was clear he was upset but he sounded so calm. “I was just trying to enjoy one of the rare occasions when I can pamper my Love, and your waitress spent most of the night hitting on me. Now I tried to be understanding and let it slide, but after numerous comments that clearly made my partner upset, I have decided that we will be taking our food to go and we will not be returning to this establishment.” While I didn’t expect that, I wasn’t expecting the look of concern that washed over the man’s face at my boyfriend's comment. “I will also be pulling all support from this restaurant that is provided by the Gojo estate.” With that final comment Satoru turned to me and offered his hand for me to take, as I stood up, the waitress from before brought our food now in to-go boxes and handed it to Satoru.

With food in hand we started to exit the restaurant, but before we could reach the door, the supervisor ran after us calling for Satoru. “Mr. Gojo please reconsider, I’ll fire this woman. Flirting with customers is against restaurant policy. Please do not pull the funding.” At first It seemed that he was actually upset about what the woman did but with the last sentence it was clear he was actually more worried about the money the Gojo clan apparently provided the business. 

“No, I will be pulling the funding. You clearly care more about the money then how your employees are treating your top investors.” Satoru said not even looking at the man. With that we left and went home.

Once we were home and finished with our food, we laid down in our large bed and just cuddled with each other. Breaking the silence I asked a question I had been thinking about since we left. “Why did you do that?” I felt him looking at me clearly confused by the sudden question. “I mean tell that guy you were pulling the funding from the restaurant, I didn’t know the Gojo clan had investments in such things.” I was confused.

I felt Satoru chuckle as I laid on his chest before he spoke. “First, The Gojo clan has investments in a lot you don’t know about. Secondly I told him that because I meant it.” I lifted my head to look at him. As if reading my mind he continued, “I’m not going to support a business that only cares about the money and only has a problem with staff being disrespectful when their funds are threatened.” I nodded and was about to say something before he stopped me. “Plus I could tell you were uncomfortable the entire time and were just holding back for my sake. I want you to know that if there is ever a problem I will deal with it.”

“Thank you Satoru.” I said laying my head back on his chest. I decided it was probably time to go to sleep when I let out a small yawn. 

As I drifted off, I heard Satoru speak one last time. “I love you, Y/n, don’t ever forget it. And I mean it when I say you are the most beautiful person I have ever seen, I could never wish for more.” With that he placed a kiss to the top of my head and we both fell asleep enjoying each other's embrace.

[fugaciousgloom]

Hajime isn't a boy.

Komahina Week 2020 Day 3: Genderbend AU

Warning: Transphobia, slight/mentioned homophobia, internalized transphobia.

---

Hajime glared at her reflection in the mirror. Her mother's makeup seemed to be taunting her, sitting on the other side of the counter. She hated it. Everything. Her short hair, her broad shoulders, her flat chest. She didn't understand why nobody could see the problem.

Hajime Hinata was not a boy.

Hajime Hinata was a girl.

And Hajime Hinata should not have to wear the boys uniform to school.

The uniform consisted of black pants, a white dress shirt, and a tie. Usually, pants wouldn't bother her, but walking into a school where all the other girls are wearing skirts and all the boys were wearing pants would drive her insane.

Hajime tried to explain it to her parents, but it was hard to get the words out. Especially when they would make passively mean comments about gay and transgender people like it was no big deal. They often referred to them as "defected" or "broken". It felt awful.

It was scary, being someone she isn't in a home where she could be kicked out for even dressing like a girl, let alone transitioning.

And it didn't help that she still liked girls. That was actually how she realized she was one. She kept imagining herself with other girls, but as a girl. It was strange, especially when she was younger and in middle school.

Hajime was snapped out of her thoughts when she heard a call from downstairs, "Hajime, breakfast!"

She sighed, gazing longingly at the make up again before turning and walking out of the bathroom.

---

Downstairs, Hajime's father was rushing to get ready for work. He glanced at her when she made it to the bottom of the stairs, "Looking sharp, son."

Hajime cringed internally and nodded at him. She walked towards the kitchen, grabbing a plate and piling eggs and sausage onto it. As she sat down to eat, she heard her father's voice again, "Do you need a ride to school?"

"No, thanks." She replied, glancing over to him as he shoved his keys into his pocket, "Sonia and Gundham are going to meet me on Quarterline Street a little ways away from here."

Her father nodded, "I've always liked that Sonia girl." It was almost teasing, which made Hajime blush a bit. She didn't like Sonia like that, but since she was one of her best friends, people always assumed she did. It was quite annoying.

She quickly finished her breakfast and shoved her computer into her bag. Slinging it over her shoulder, she waved goodbye to her mother as she headed out the door.

---

True to their word, Sonia and Gundham were waiting when Hajime made it to the corner. The former was wearing the girls uniform, including a white dress shirt, a pleated skirt, stockings and black Mary Jane's. Hajime found herself envying her friend, tugging at the collar of her shirt self-consciously.

They had been her best friend since second grade after Sonia spilled her milk all over Hajime by accident and Gundham tripped over them while they were cleaning the mess. Sonia invited them to her birthday party as an apology and they found they had a lot in common.

They were also the only people she had told about her secret. They were a lot more accepting than she thought they'd be, and both shared their own secrets in return. Turned out, they were both gay.

When Sonia spotted Hajime she waved enthusiastically and ran over to him, "Hajime, how are you?"

Hajime laughed as she flung her arms around her, "I'm doing fine, how about you?"

The two talked as they made their way back to Gundham, who looked like his usual brooding self. He had his scarf pulled up to his face, obviously self conscious of his outfit. He wasn't wearing his jacket and explained that the lack of cover was making him feel a bit awkward. At least, that's what Hajime got out of his theatrical way of speaking.

The school's dress code was very strict. Nobody was allowed to wear any accessories that covered the uniform that the school didn't provide or sell. This included jackets. Hajime had to spend twenty dollars on a jacket when his one at home was perfectly fine. Sonia, however, was allowed to wear hair accessories, which she took advantage of.

On the walk to school, Sonia did most of the talking. She gushed about a girl she met at opening school night (an event that Hajime hadn't even bothered to attend, mostly because she knew her parents would make her dress up for it) and how she was so excited to see her again. Gundham also talked a bit about his mother's pet shop and the chaos they had gone through preparing his little sisters for school that morning. Hajime liked listening to their stories, but never contributed much.. Her mother stayed at home all day and her father worked some nine-to-five job she had never bothered to ask about. Other than their rants about politics and religion, he didn't have much to lament on.

The three made it to school and Gundham begrudgingly took off his scarf. It was a bit strange, seeing him out of his usual attire, and Sonia seemed to agree as well. She kept commenting on the minimal stubble he had acquired over the summer, making Gundham glare at her. They all had a good laugh about it as they made their way into the door.

The hallways were white and lined with gray-green lockers. The luminescent lights flickered slightly, and Hajime immediately knew they would end up giving her a headache. Sonia, who seemed right at home, rushed them all over to student check-in.

The booth had a reasonably long line, leading all the way from the table to near the entrance. As Sonia dragged them to the end, her eyes lit up. She waved at a girl with pink hair and beckoned her over. The girl didn't seem to mind losing her place in line and tugged on the girl next to her's sleeve. The two made their way over and greeted Sonia warmly.

"Chiaki, Nagi!" Sonia pulled them into a hug, "It's nice to see you again!"

The pink haired girl (presumably Chiaki) pulled away, "Hi Sonia, who's your friends?"

"This is Gundham Tanaka and Hajime Hinata." She gestured to each of them respectively. Hajime waved slightly, glancing at Nagi. There was something about her that she couldn't describe... it was a weird feeling.

The five waited in line, talking and getting to know eachother. Well, except for Hajime, who was satisfied avoiding eye contact with Nagi and listening to the others talk. This only seemed to peak the other girl's interest, as she kept trying to look her in the eye the entire conversation.

After about fifteen minutes of waiting, they finally made it to the front of the line. They each got their schedules and a school map, as well as a packet about school rules.

"Who's your homeroom teacher, Hajime?" Sonia glanced over Hajime's shoulder, skimming her schedule.

Hajime turned towards her, "Oh, I have Ms. Monomi."

Sonia frowned, "Darn, I'm in Ms. Yukisome's class..." she glanced at Chiaki, only to brighten up when the other girl expressed that she had the same homeroom.

"I, too, have the acclaimed Ms. Yukisome." Gundham spoke up from by is spot next to Chiaki, "Therefore, I shall accompany you to class."

"I have Ms. Monomi." Nagi claimed, smiling at Hajime. It made her heart pound for some reason. "So I can walk to class with you."

Hajime nervously glanced away, but he could hear the huff that escaped the other. She was obviously getting annoyed. From where she stood, Hajime could clearly see Sonia smirking at him. She just quirked an eyebrow at her.

The group talked for a but longer before the bell interrupted them. Sonia, Chiaki, and Gundham left together, leaving her alone with Nagi.

The walk to class was silent aside from Nagi's persistent quiries. Hajime suppressed a smile. She thought the rambling was almost cute, but quickly suppressed the thought.

They were right outside the classroom when Nagi blocked her path, "I understand I'm trash, and you probably don't want to talk to me, but why are you avoiding me after just meeting me." She takes a breath, muttering the next part mostly to herself, "Usually, it takes at least a full conversation for people to stop talking to me."

Hajime was caught off guard, "U-um... I'm sorry?"

Nagi stared at her for a few moments before sighing and turning around, "I don't bite, you know..." she then walked into the classroom.

Hajime stood there in the doorway for a second. Did she make her upset?

Damn, I really screwed that up. She thought, following Nagi into the classroom. The classroom was crowded to say the least. Only a few kids had sat down, the rest wandering around the room or chatting with peers. Hajime watched as Nagi sat down at a desk near the window, pulling out a book to read. She hesitated, then sat down next to her.

Nagi glanced over at her briefly, "You don't have to sit next to me if you don't want to." She said, "It's not a big deal."

"No, I want to." Hajime replied, "and I'm sorry for being awkward when we met, I have... a lot on my mind."

Nagi opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off by the door opening. A young woman wearing all pink and white walked in carrying a bunch of binders. Her outfit looked more like something a little girl would wear rather than an adult. "Before we get started with class, everyone needs to find a seat!"

Hajime turned to listen to the teacher, but she could still feel Nagi's eyes on the back of her neck.

---

Hajime stood in the hallway later that day, staring at the bathroom door. The mens bathroom door. She grimaced, moving forward to push open the door.

There was nobody inside, making her sigh with relief. The last thing he needed was to make things even more awkward than they already are.

As she was washing her hands, she avoided looking into the mirror, not sure that she could even handle her own reflection at that moment.

When the door swung open, she flinched, staring harder at her hands. Maybe if she ignored them, they'd finish quickly and go away.

The person walked by at a fast pace, surprising Hajime a bit. She turned to look, but they had already disappeared into a stall. They obviously hadn't wanted to be seen, so she quickly finished washing her hands and left.

---

Sonia, Gundham, and Chiaki caught up with Hajime outside of the bathroom. Nagi and him had split ways after homeroom, so she wasn't  exactly sure where she had gone. They all walked to lunch together, talking about their days so far.

Sonia led them all to a table at the back of the cafeteria. Hajime listened to them all talk as he pulled out his bento. Gundham sat next to him. He leaned forward a bit, talking in a low voice.

"Are you alright, mortal?" He asked, "I noticed you vacating the men's restroom on our path to this dining area."

Hajime sighed, smiling at his friend, "Yeah, I'm okay. Just a bit uncomfortable."

Gundham gave him a quick, understanding nod, before listening in on Chiaki and Sonia's conversation.

It was about a quarter way through lunch when Nagi joined them. She explained that she had gotten lost on the way there and had to ask a hall monitor for directions, "Turns out I was on the opposite side of the school." She smiled warily, "I don't even know how I ended up there."

They all had a good laugh at her misfortune, making Nagi pout, before going back to their normal conversation.

---

They all packed up their lunch when the bell rang. Gundham and Chiaki headed out first, as their next class was on the other side of the building.

Sonia led them to their next class, talking the whole way. Hajime was used to her talkative nature, but obviously Nagi wasn't. It made sense, seeing as Chiaki was a quiet person.

They were almost to class when Hajime felt Nagi cling to the back of her shirt. She jumped, turning to look at the girl. Nagi wasn't looking at Hajime, instead looking past her and down the hallway. She followed her gaze, eyes landing on a tall girl with pink pigtails. She was tailed by a meek girl with purple hair, and a tough looking girl with short, brown hair.

The group made their way down the hall, stopping in front of the door to Nagi, Hajime, and Sonia's next class.

Though she didn't know her personally, Hajime recognized the girl from the magazines her mother read. Junko, if she remembered correctly.

Sonia stepped in front of Hajime, "Excuse me, I believe this is our next class."

"Hold on," Junko held one finger up, "Are you with Nagito over there?" Hajime felt Nagi's grip tighen on her shirt.

Sonia quirked an eyebrow, "You mean Nagi?" She nodded, "Yes, I am."

A small voice came from a girl behind Junko, "Uhm, J-junko... maybe w-we should just g-go to class?"

"Shut it, Mikan!" Junko hissed.

Mikan out her arms in front of her face, flinching backwards, "Ah, I'm sorry!"

"Excuse me!" Sonia placed her hands on her hips, "You have no right to speak to her that way. Apologize at once!" Her voice was authoritarian and, if it were Hajime, he would have listened immediately.

Junko ignored her, instead acknowledging Hajime, "Seems like Nagito has a boy toy." Hajime held back a flinch, "He probably doesn't know, otherwise, he wouldn't even associate with him."

"Him?" Hajime muttered, connecting the pieces in her brain. When Nagi released her shirt, she spun around. The white haired girl had backed up, face wet with tears. She looked ready to bolt at the slightest movement.

When the late bell rang, the brown haired girl tugged on Junko's sleeve, "We need to go to class." She began, "Otherwise, we'll get in trouble."

Junko looked like she was going to object, but nodded, turning on her heel to walk into the classroom. Hajime kept her gaze fixed on Nagi as she speed walked towards the bathroom, wiping her tears with her sleeves.

Hajime followed her, watching as Nagi paused at the women's bathroom door. Instead of going inside, she slid down the wall outside the door, covering her face with her hands.

She sat down next to her, placing a hand on her back as she calmed herself down.

"I'm sorry."

Hajime blinked, surprised by the sudden apology, "What?"

Nagi looked away, "You probably don't want to be my friend after this."

"No," Hajime shook his head, moving to sit in front of her, "I do!" Nagi looked at him skeptically, and Hajime sighed. She placed her hands in her lap, "I don't know how to explain it, but I... I'm the same way."

Nagi's eyes widened, "Really?"

Hajime nodded, whispering, "I've known since I was little." He smiled, "But I see that your parents are better with that than mine."

Nagi nodded, fiddling with her hands in her lap, "Well, I live with my grandparents." She smiled, "They let me grow my hair out and wear the girl's uniform."

The two sat in silence for a bit before Hajime stood, offering a hand to Nagi, "We should get to class before we get in anymore trouble."

Nagi accepted her hand and pulled herself up, smiling at Hajime, "Thank you."

"Anytime."

---

I didn't know how to end it.

Anyways, thank you for reading! I hope I did it justice. I'm not trans, so if I did anything wrong, please let me know.

[lunchlich]

I wanted to make a little masterpost of my Marvel fics that I can update every so often, so it’ll be easier for the tumblr crowd to find them. Here’s all of the Marvel fics I’ve written under the cut, sorted by ship and with a short description/keywords and warnings. UPDATED: Dec. 2 2018

IronStrange

Out of Sight, Out of Mind

Tony's loses his sight after an accident involving one of his suits.

Ongoing | 730 words | Rated T | Angst, Hurt/Comfort

Red Light

Stephen comforts Tony when he has a panic attack in bed. 

One Shot | 1,300 words | Rated M | Hurt/Comfort, Mentioned sexual content

Stucky

Heart on Your Sleeve

No more hiding. No more secrecy. That's why they were headed out to a pride parade today, to celebrate how goddamn lucky they were to be here, how lucky they were to have each other. To show their love off, to give a big old middle finger to anyone who opposed it and to tell them that they're here to stay, for good. No more. Steve almost tears up thinking about it, what his first pride parade with his fiance means to him. 

One Shot | 4,011 words | Rated T | Fluff, LGBT themes, mentioned period typical homophobia. Mentioned Clint/Natasha.

Too Loud

'Tony and Stephen are at it again' Is a group chat that gets way too much use from some annoyed and recently-woken up Avengers in the middle of the night. 

One Shot | 1,066 words | Rated M | Humor, Domestic Avengers, Secret relationship, Implied sexual content, Ironstrange.

Ten Cents

Steve and Bucky enjoy the comfort and secrecy of Bucky's new apartment. 

One Shot | 1,077 words | Rated G | Fluff, Pre-war, Trans Steve, Smoking

You Are

Steve’s dysphoria is really, really bad.

Ficlet | 395 words | Rated T | Dysphoria, Internalized transphobia, Pre-War, Trans Steve, Slight Hurt/Comfort

Dino Dash

Okay, so, getting into a car with a stranger is always a stupid idea. But this guy was nice and helped him out, and the coffee shop was only a couple of blocks away by now. He decides it's too much to walk that much further right now, and he doesn't want to call a taxi just to take him to the coffee shop. He can save that for getting home.

It's a stupid idea, but Steven Grant Rogers is a certified dumbass after all.

One Shot | 2,375 | Rated T | Modern AU, Meet-cute, Artist Steve/War Veteran Bucky | Available in Podfic form here

He’s Making A List, and Checking it Twice

It's the Christmas season of '35, and Bucky's got a few presents for Steve. 

One Shot | 2,037 | Rated G | Christmas, First Kiss, Pre-war

Like Spring

Maybe having one only bed in their new apartment won't be so bad after all. 

One Shot | 531 | Rated G | Sharing a Bed, Domestic Fluff

Brooklyn Leftovers

Steve Rogers puts everything on the line to make his dream come true: to tour the country with his little queercore punk rock band. 

1/? | 1,252 | Rated M | Band AU, No Powers, LGBTQ Themes, Road Trips

WinterFrost

Fly Me To The Moon

Bucky plays a song he really likes for Loki.

One Shot | 1,003 words | Rated G | Fluff, First I Love You’s

Please Stand By The Shore

Bucky Barnes befriends a merman who'd been cast down from another world long before Bucky had even been born - through the pair is split up for some seventy years, the sea-dweller genuinely believing his friend had died until he finds him walking along the same pier where they had met.

Ongoing | 8,513 words | Rated M | Hurt/Comfort, Mermaid AU, Angst, Not canon compliant, Past abuse, Past sexual abuse

SamSteve

Chocolate Missile

Steve fucking loses it. The most unsexy laugh, too, loud and abrupt, a couple of snorts thrown into the mix. The kind of laugh that makes his stomach tighten and his chest heave.

One Shot | 2,093 | Explicit | First times, Laughing during sex, Trans Steve

Out of This World

Sam paints on Steve's back.

One Shot | 624 | Rated G | Non-sexual Intimacy, Body Painting

American Pi

Right Here, Right Now

Steve and Bruce go on a... Date? 

One Shot | 1,143 | Rated G | Awkward dates, Bad flirting

Cartinelli

Lipstick

It's a little too early for Peggy to fully comprehend Angie's stories, so she finds a way to shut her up until she can get some coffee. 

One Shot | 583 | Rated G | Romantic Fluff, Sharing a Bed

Steggy

Know You’ll Wear My Make Up Well

Steve had briefly mentioned being interested in trying feminization, at some point, and Peggy really went all out. She was so... So good to him. Arranging this just for him. She'd remembered his passing comment from months ago and from the looks of it, had been planning this since. Just to make her meek little slave happy, make him pretty. 

One Shot | 5,472 | Rated E | D\s Relationships, Feminization, Femdom

No Ship/Non-Ship Focused

Is It That Obvious?

Tony wasn't sure what to think or feel about this. Or what he should even do with the new information presented to him, for that matter. Wasn't how he was normal? Wasn't everyone like this? Wasn't he just a bit... less-functional than the average Joe? Apparently fucking not, according to his therapist and newly diagnosed ADHD.

One Shot | 1,246 words | Rated G | Mentioned IronStrange, Tony has ADHD, Learning to cope, neurodivergency

Let’s Put The Glass Down For Good

Tony finds out he and Peter have some unfortunate things in common.

One Shot | 2,434 words | Rated T | Alcoholism, Past sexual abuse, Past child abuse, Heavy angst, Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a happy ending(?)

Sharing

When Bucky has days where he just can't talk, he finds comfort and solidarity with Bruce.

One Shot | 1,054 words | Rated G | Autistic Bucky, Autistic Bruce, Friendship, Jewish Bucky, Background Stucky

Five Times Steve Rogers Felt Different, and One Time He Realized Why

Alternatively, the times Steve doesn't quite feel right in the role given to him at birth, and the time he finds comfort in realizing he can break out of it.

One Shot | 2,331 | Rated G | Trans Steve, Pre-war, Coming Out

[duthea]

Soulmate (Ma)rks - A Maru-Ma fanfic

Pairing: Yuuri/Wolfram

Summary: At some point in their life, everybody gets a mark on their wrist that tells them the first words their soulmate tells them... But not on Earth. Thus, to Yuuri the mark on his wrist, written in a language he’s never seen, just looks like meaningless scribbles.

Genre: Soulmate AU, Romance

Warnings: Contains slight internalized homophobia and transphobia, though toned down from canon.

"Hey, Conrad, do you know what this is?"

"Ah, that's-"

A bizarre-looking birthmark.

That's all it had been since I was born. It was a real annoyance how people kept asking about it whenever they saw it, just like how people kept going "Harajuku Furi" whenever they heard my name. Besides that small annoyance, it didn't affect my life.

But now, I figured that maybe it was to blame for my current problem of sudden and unexpected "I Fell Into Another World Through A Toilet And Now Everybody Keeps Either Throwing Rocks At Me Or Calling Me "Your Majesty?!""-ism.

"-A soulmate mark, Your Majesty."

"Ahh, I knew it, it had to be something like that..."

Yeah, this little thing was probably what marked me as a demon king in the first place.

"You can't read it, right? Would you like me to tell you what it says?"

"So it's writing? Sure, go ahead."

Conrad took my hand and looked at it as if he were a fortuneteller at a fair.

"This is the new Demon King?"

"You're the one who claimed I was, you know."

"Ah, no, that's what the mark says, Your Majesty."

"The mark? Ahh, I see, I see..."

So it really was like that. This marked me as the Demon King, huh? But why such an uncertain way to state it? With a mystical mark on your skin, you'd think it'd be more like, "This man shall be the Demon King," or something. Way to be flaky, birthmark.

So I dropped that issue and changed the subject, asking about something else, and Conrad didn't say anything more on the subject.

I really should've asked more about that, in retrospect.

But no, by the time my horse bucked me off and I fell on my rear in front of the Blood Pledge Castle, I'd forgotten all about it.

As I sit there wincing with my butt sore, I hear a voice from above.

"This is the new Demon King?"

I look up, and whoa! An incredibly, amazingly, angelically beautiful boy with golden blonde hair and eyes as green as the bottom of a lake.

"What a pretty boy..."

I mutter, staring at him dumbly.

He makes a weird noise, his eyes widening and his mouth falling open.

Ah, I made a fool of myself, didn't I? I'm doing such a bad job of being a demon king.

"What did you just say?!"

The pretty boy demands, stepping closer down the stairs.

"Ah, sorry if I offended you... But I don't think it was really that offending in the first place. I mean, I only called you pretty... Well, uh, you can forget that if you want, we can pretend it didn't happen..."

As I say that, I get myself off the floor, wiping sand off my butt. What an uncool first impression.

"So it really is you," the pretty boy says, glaring at me.

"Well, yes, I suppose it is..."

Conrad and Günther both said so, after all. Look, it was difficult for me to accept I'm the demon king too, so cut me some slack.

"Humph! You'd better not expect any special treatment from me!" the pretty boy huffs, turning his nose up.

"I'm not? I mean, this is all new for me, so I wouldn't know to expect anything anyway."

He considers me for a moment, then crosses his arms.

"...I suppose I'm at least happy you're here, anyway," he says, cheeks flushing a bit red.

"Oh... Really? Thank you." 

I guess he's one of those "tsunderes" my brother keeps raving about. But anyway, it's not like this was romantic or anything! He was just happy to have a demon king, just like Conrad and Günther were!

Speaking of them, they finally arrive on their horses, asking if I'm all right, and the sullen-looking Godfather-type man I saw before brings my horse back to me.

Through the conversation that ensues, I find out the angelic pretty boy was named Wolfram von Bielefeld, and sullen Godfather was Gwendal von Voltaire... and both of them were Conrad's brothers. How?!

The pretty boy- er, that is, Wolfram- keeps glancing my way throughout the conversation, and looking away in a huff when he catches me looking at him. He's not too happy with me as a king, is he? Well, sorry about that.

---

After an eventful few hours, which included a dangerous yet sexy meeting in the bath, having my allegedly royal butt exposed to some maids in an unfortunate accident, being shown several paintings of my much-more-royal-looking precessedors, finding out about the methods of succession in this country, and more, I was about ready for today to be over. Unfortunately, it looks like dinner's gonna be stressful too...

The three brothers that don't look alike sit with me at the table, in full uniform, and apparently their sexy queen of a mother, the previous demon king, too. So the atmosphere is unbearably awkward! And the sexy queen- I mean, lady Cheri- started flirting with me after greeting her sons? Is she really their mother? I mean, Gwendal looks older than her!

"Mother!" the youngest brother, the only one with family resemblance, snapped at her. "Stop that! I feel disgusted just watching you! Think about your station and his!"

The mother pouted and complained, but drew back to bother Wolfram instead, to my relief.

The dinner started, and I wasted no time making etiquette mistakes. And even worse than that, the conversation seems to move to critiquing my ability and readiness to be the demon king, with both Gwendal and Wolfram against and Conrad for, while Cheri takes no sides. And here I was starting to think of Wolfram as my ally, but it looks like he only barely tolerates me...

When Wolfram insults my mother, I've moved to slap him before my thoughts catch up to me. Ah, I'll regret this later, but my sense of justice won't let me stand still at a time like this.

Wolfram stares at me, his cheek reddening, thrown off by the smack.

The room is silent. Conrad's chair clatters as he stands up.

"Your majesty, take it back immediately-"

"No!"

Yeah, I'm not apologizing. Even though I wasn't thinking, I won't take it back now, no matter what trouble I get into.

Wolfram stares at me, slowly raising a hand to touch his cheek as I rant at him in defense of my mother. Ah, but I'm glad I had enough sense not to punch him. His face is pretty, after all, so I wouldn't want to harm it.

Cheri claps her hands together and speaks in a happy tone that throws everything off.

"How wonderful! The engagement is complete!"

Huh, what? Engagement, as in... what? Cheri's talking to her youngest son, and I turn to Günther, my dear tutor, hoping to gain some kind of understanding on what I did wrong. His explanation, while enlightening, isn't exactly relieving.

"Ma, ma, marriage??! I proposed to him?! When?! What?!"

When I slapped him, apparently. Günther starts to cry, but I'm not sure they're tears of joy. Actually, I almost want to cry myself.

"How dare you..."

The youngest son finally regains his wits and manages to talk, low and threatening. He steps closer, his beautiful eyes glaring at me fiercely.

"Just because we're soulmates doesn't mean you can do what you want, you mixed scum!"

Wolfram's shouted statement leaves everyone staring in surprise.

"Huh? We're what?" I ask. What a bizarre thing to say. Soulmates... like the red string of fate and such? Maybe it has a different meaning in this world. I turn to Günther, who's leaking tears so much he can't form words. No help from him this time, I guess.

"He's your soulmate?!"

That surprisingly loud exclamation came from Gwendal just as I was about to turn to Conrad for help.

"Wolfram, have you confirmed it?" Gwendal asks his younger brother. "Have you seen his mark?"

Wolfram, eyes widening in some sort of a realization, shakes his head.

"Then, what were your first words to him?" Gwendal asks. He's surprisingly frazzled about this... whatever "this" is.

Cheri waits in excitement next to her son, ready to hang on to his next words. Everybody else in the room seems to be holding their breath, waiting for Wolfram to say it.

"...I said, "This is the Demon King?""

Everybody turns to look at me in an instant. Cheri with her eyes shining, Gwendal with a wide-eyed glare, Wolfram with wary expectation, and Günther with his face wet. Conrad, my only ally in this moment, steps in front of me.

"...I can confirm. Having seen his Majesty's mark with my own eyes, I can tell you it matches."

"And- and the- Your Majesty! What were your first words to lord Bielefeld?!" Günther chokes out through his tears.

"Huh?! What the... That's kind of a weird thing to ask... Uhhh..."

Thinking back to it, didn't I say something embarrassing like...

""What a pretty boy"... I think? Man, how embarrassing..."

"It is him! Ooh, Wolf, it's him! How wonderful!" Cheri launched herself to hug her son.

"I can't believe it..." Gwendal muttered.

"C-co-co-congratulations, y-your ma-ma-magesteeehhh!!" Günther blubbered.

The second son only smiled.

"Wait, wait a second. Can somebody please tell me what's going on? Conrad?"

"Ah, that's right... You don't have soulmate marks where you're from, Your Majesty?"

"Of course not! Why would we have something I don't know anything about?"

"You see, in our world, everybody gets a mark on their wrist or, in rare cases, elsewhere on the forearm. That mark is called the soulmate mark. It's called that because written on that mark are the first words your soulmate will ever say to you."

Conrad explained this calmly, but I was getting less and less calm with every word he said.

"Say what?! Are you telling me that this weird birthmark, it's not the symbol of me being the demon king, but something like a red string tied around my little finger? And- Hold on, are you really saying that ever since I was born with this mark on me, I was predestined to fall off a horse in front of Wolfram and have him looking down on me with derision and say the words written on my wrist?"

"Something like that. Well, it isn't as if the way you meet was predestined, simply the words you'd say to each other."

"Isn't that seriously weird?! And anyway, does that mean the embarrassing sentence I said while stunned by- I mean, the thing I said back there, was that written on Wolfram's wrist since he was born?"

"No, it only appeared around fifteen years ago."

Fifteen years ago... When I was born?

"That's right!" Cheri said, still hugging Wolfram, who was staring at me with an unreadable expression, his face red from either anger or blushing.

"You know, when my little Wolf got his soulmark, he was soooo happy! He went around showing it to everybody! Saying "Mother, look! My soulmate will call me pretty!""

"Mother!!"

Wolfram's red face was definitely a blush now.

"Don't tell him that! It's not like I knew my soulmate would be a wimp like that!"

"Who are you calling a wimp?"

"You, you wimp!"

Wolfram escaped from his mother's hug and stepped towards me, anger in his eyes, red on his face.

"Listen up! I don't care if we're soulmates! I refuse to accept your proposal, and I refuse to accept you as my king!"

While yelling passionately, he sweeps his hand over the table and sends several pieces of tableware clattering to the floor. A knife falls near my foot.

"Whoa, be careful!"

"Your Majesty, don't pick that up!"

"Huh?"

But I'd already picked up the knife, and as it turns out, that means guns at noon. Well, not guns, but a duel anyway. Having stated his terms, Wolfram turns and exits the scene, leaving my allies, Günther and Conrad, to explain about the terms of the duel.

At least it sounds like I can choose our weapons and method of dueling.

-----

Well, it didn't really help that I could choose.

That's what I think as I lie in a bed. I don't remember how it ended, but it seems like Wolfram's flaming beast knocked me out. Günther is by my bedside, fussing over me. He's saying I slept for three days. Uwah, how badly was I beaten?

As I voice my thoughts, Günther claims I wasn't defeated at all. That I instead used water magic and defeated Wolfram and saved the girl. No, Gwendal saved the girl. Well, anyway, the girl was saved. What girl? The one that was accidentally in front of Wolfram's magic, of course.

Speak of the demon, and he appears. Wolfram enters through the door just as Günther is telling me about how he was scolded by his mother, and my tutor takes a look at him and decides to leave. As much as I'd rather not be left alone with the demon prince that could've killed me, supposedly I won, so I guess I'll wait and hear what he has to say first.

"You're still a wimp!"

Ah, it's like that. He pouts and crosses his arms, turning his right cheek to me.

"...But I suppose you have some merit to you. Next time, fight with all you have from the start."

"Why would I want to fight you again? Aren't we supposed to be allies? And what's with that high and mighty act? Didn't you just come to apologize after your mother told you to?"

"What do I have to apologize for?"

Jeez, this royal brat...

"Anyway! You have some promise, but you have a lot of growing to do! I'll accept you as my soulmate for now, but you'd better work hard and become worthy of me!"

"Why do I have to be the one who'd have to become worthy? You think I'd be happy to have a soulmate who insulted my mother and hasn't even apologized?"

Wolfram stares at me as if I'd grown a second and third head.

"And furthermore! What's with this "soulmate" system? Am I supposed to fall in love with you because of a mark on my wrist? That's just wrong! Falling in love, you know, it should be free! You see somebody and you feel that tingle in the bottom of your stomach and try to gather courage to confess your feelings and follow her around and then find out everything you thought you knew about her was a lie and feel betrayed even though you never even really knew her and she was a grown-up and you were a kid and it would've never worked out anyway and it's not like she really directly lied to you anyway and I've gotten off topic, and that's not really what love should be like, but it is what it could be like, but the uncertainty of love and loving and being loved back, you know, that's all lost if you just follow the mark on your skin that tells you who you'll fall in love with."

I had to take a deep breath after that long rant that kinda got away from me.

"Did that happen to you?"

"Huh?"

"Somebody you thought you loved was lying to you."

Wolfram makes a surprising, private question. Was he actually listening to what I was saying that closely? That's a surprise, I thought he was more selfish and thoughtless than that, but he's actually paying attention.

"Well, that was a long ago... It wasn't really that big of a deal. She was just a pretty grown-up that I had a crush on and followed around sometimes as a kid... And anyway, they say first loves never last..."

"What was the lie, then?"

"She turned out to be a man."

"What, that's it?"

"What do you mean, "that's it?" It was a huge shock to me!"

"If you loved her, why would her being a man change that?"

"If you found out somebody important to you was actually something you didn't think they were, wouldn't you be shocked too?"

Wolfram blinks, then nods thoughtfully.

"...So it's like when I found out Conrart was half human. I felt betrayed and lied to. So that's what you mean..."

"Why would him being part human change anything?"

"Why would a woman being a man change anything?"

"Ah."

I realize we're from different worlds with different values.

"...Maybe my reaction to that is as alien to you as your reaction to humans for me."

"What are you mumbling about?"

"I was just thinking that maybe we could both learn from each other."

"What would you have to teach me?"

"Baseball, for one."

"I've seen it. Doesn't look interesting."

"Come on, you're insulting my favorite hobby, there..."

My stomach grumbles, and Wolfram calls for a maid to bring me breakfast. Breakfast in bed, huh... What a luxury. Wolfram takes a seat next to my bed and helps me eat, since I've just recovered.

"I don't think there's any need for this... I mean, isn't this way too lovey-dovey?"

"We're soulmates and engaged, so that's to be expected. Here, open up. Ahhh."

Wolfram says it with serious concentration.

"I can do that myself! Give me that!"

I take the spork from his hand and feed the omelette-like thing to my own self.

"Come to think of it, how does the soulmate thing work? Do people fall in love because of the soulmark, or is the soulmark there because they'll fall in love? And does everybody with the soulmark really fall in love with their soulmate?"

"...Who knows. But not everybody marries their soulmate. Some people just never meet their soulmate, and sometimes, for whatever reason, they just decide not to go with their soulmate even if they meet them. Like my mother, for example."

"I see, so lady Cheri... Huh?! Wait, but wasn't your mother all about love? Why would she not go for it?"

"My mother is all about free love. She wanted to have many lovers, and she didn't want to be tied down by one man, so she decided not to tell her soulmate about her mark when she met him. Besides, she says that if it's really meant to be, they'll meet again in a better place and situation and fall in love for real."

"Wow, that's admirable..."

Wolfram's emerald eyes darkened suddenly.

"Yuuri! Are you planning on following her example? Even though you already proposed to me! I won't forgive you if you cheat on me!"

"Cheat on you?! We're not even married! And it's not like I meant to propose to you!"

"Well, you refused to take it back, and I won't let you! We're engaged and that's it!"

"You know, it's not just your engagement... Hey, come to think of it, I haven't seen Conrad. Where is he?"

"Why are you talking about him suddenly? Don't tell me, you like him?"

"I'm just wondering, that's all! And why should I defend myself anyway? It's just, I would've thought he'd be here if he heard I woke up, since it's been three days..."

Wolfram told me about the conflict Conrad and Gwendal had to go quell, and I was ready to go help them, but Wolfram insisted I finish my breakfast and take a bath before heading anywhere.

But really, what's with this situation I've ended up in... A part of my mind still insists it's a dream I'll wake up from, coughing up toilet water from my lungs, but no. This is reality.

---

After my bath, I ask the maids to leave so I can get dressed on my own, but Wolfram enters my room as they're leaving. Hey now, I'm a teenage boy! If I can't change my clothes with a group of young women in the room, a beautiful boy I'm engaged to, supposedly, isn't much better!

"Yuuri, are you still going?"

He looked oddly timid as he said that, though his voice was still strong and clear as ever.

"Of course! If Conrad's out there fighting, I can't just sit still back here! After all, I am supposed to be a king, right?"

"If that's the case, I won't stop you. Get dressed already so we can go!"

"You're coming too, Wolfram?"

Wolfram bristled at that, crossing his arms with a "Hmph!"

"Of course I am! As a soldier of Shin Mazoku, as your fiancée and as your soulmate, it would be utterly disgraceful if I didn't go with you! You're a rookie of a king, after all!"

Was that last part necessary?

"Well, do as you want, but can you step outside?"

"What for?"

""What for..." I'm going to be taking off this towel and getting dressed, you know? You're going to be staring at me naked before soon if you don't leave."

He at least looks a bit embarrassed at that! But even so, he makes no effort to move at all, staying rooted to the spot stubbornly.

"And? We're engaged after all, so what's the problem?"

"It's because we're engaged that there's a problem!"

After all, as a baseball boy I'm no stranger to getting naked in a small space around other naked boys my age. But in a situation like this, where I'm the only one nearly naked, we're in a bedroom, and the other party is my fiancée, it's completely different!

"...Eh."

Wolfram's face freezes in a strange expression.

"Eh?!"

Still frozen, that same face turns red.

"Yuuri! You... Could it be, you're..."

He turns away in a single movement, like one of those british soldiers with the hats, the heels of his shoes clacking together.

"Well! It's not like I have anything against pre-marital activities! But considering the situation at hand, it would be best to refrain for now! So, I'll leave you to it!"

With that, he marches out of the room, posture still impeccably straight, and closes the door after him.

He misunderstood. He very clearly misunderstood something very badly! Still, the result is what I was hoping for, so I get dressed quickly.

He's waiting right outside the door as I exit. He glances at me, which turns into an irritated glare as he stares at my neck. What is it? You know this is making me, your soulmate, very nervous, right??

"Conrart gave you that pendant, didn't he?"

He says that in a low tone, still glaring.

"Ah, yeah. You don't like it?"

"Tch!"

Does it not suit me? Am I committing a crime of fashion? Well, I'm not all that suited for jewelry, after all. Still, it's an important present from Conrad.

Wolfram takes out a small box from his pocket. Wait, I know we're allegedly engaged, but isn't it too soon for...?!

But what he takes out isn't a ring, but an intricate brooch. He moves in to attach it to my uniform jacket, and I get a long close-up look at his golden hair. It looks really soft and silky... I'm struck with the urge to touch it, to run my fingers through it and get those stray strands in order. My hand hovers over his hair, just millimeters away, as I tell myself not to touch it.

Wolfram straightens his back, his head making contact with my hand, which, staying where it was, naturally slides to rest on his cheek, my fingers brushing his hair.

Ah, it is soft.

Wolfram's lips part slightly as he looks at me, our faces close. His eyelashes are so long, and his eyes so green. Somehow, he's even more beautiful up close.

-Wait, wait, hold on, I'm standing in the hallway staring deeply into a pretty boy's eyes with my hand cupping his cheek. If somebody came and saw this, they'd- Well, they'd think it was natural, since that's the kind of world this is. But if Günther saw, I get the feeling he'd leak tears and make a mess.

"Yuuri..."

Wolfram whispers, reaching to cup my hand, which hasn't moved anywhere.

"Do you want to forget the journey and stay in your room with me?"

My breathing stills for a moment, but I tug my hand from his, resolute.

"What are you saying, Wolfram... Your brothers are out there fighting."

"They'd want you to be safe."

Because I'm the king, huh...

"I'm still going. I want to help defend that village."

Wolfram's eyes darkened, but he nods.

"All right. My men are already prepared to ride, so follow me."

"Huh, you've already prepared that far?"

In that case, if I had agreed to stay, wouldn't we have left them waiting?

"You know, you don't have to come with me."

I say that as I follow him through the corridors of the castle.

"You can't even ride a horse on your own, you rookie."

Augh, he caught me.

Suddenly, he turns around sharply, stopping so quickly I almost crash into him, and locks his determined green eyes with mine.

"And I already told you! If you're going, I will follow you!"

He reaches out and touches the brooch he put on me with a single graceful finger, then lets his hand fall, turning to go again.

"You're not the only one who's worried, wimp."

The words he says are quiet, and I almost miss them under the sounds of our footsteps echoing through the halls.

But I do hear them.