#maybe pay for a gym membership and/or some fun course for myself? go back and actually get better therapy??

[ashes-in-a-jar]

I'm in that beautiful short stage in life where I finally started getting an actual normal income that is properly growing and have no more debt but I'm still in that poor-af-student-part-time-minus-minimum-wage spending mentality which is leading me to actually have savings?? Omg

[ak8shi]

Kuroo + Iwaizumi: HQ boys as workout instructors series

Suga + Bokuto ver.

warnings: light swearing!!

Kuroo Tetsurou

Your friend somehow convinces you to go to a kickboxing class, bribing you with ice cream afterwards

You: …what do you mean I have to leave my bed

Honestly you’re scared because you’re out of shape and definitely nothing close to a regular at the gym

You arrive at the gym with your friend, and you enter the kickboxing room

There’s around 15 people in the class, but the instructor hasn’t arrive yet

You stretch with your friend, mentally preparing yourself to absolutely die LMAO

Around five minutes before the class begins, this tall guy walks in with a duffel bag

To put it simply, HE WAS BEAUTIFUL,, and you definitely weren’t the only one looking

As he puts his things down in the corner, you can see his back muscles flexing under his tight black shirt he just hits so different in all black I’m about to bark

He takes out his boxing tape, wrapping his hands in it, and then he introduces himself,,,

“Hi everyone, welcome to beginning kickboxing! My name is Kuroo, and I’m going to be helping everyone with drills throughout the class. Let me know if you need anything before we begin.”

Let’s be honest, Kuroo’s workout playlist BANGS,, he’s a big fan of Roddy Ricch, J.Cole, Nicki, Kendrick, Meg, and Travis

You, praying: can I not embarrass myself in front of this man thanks !

He puts the music on, instructing everyone through a warm-up from the front of the studio

Kuroo is such a great teacher, and he somehow makes it so fun and engaging, king shit!!

Ugh he has such great energy and gets everyone encouraged and pumped up, he’s also SO smiley and approachable

After the warm up, everyone slips on their gloves with ease, ofc,,, except for you

Dear god he’s about to start and you’re not ready

Your friend isn’t helping you, she wants you to ask for help LMAOOO

You finally suck it up and raise your hand, and he walks over to you

Kuroo: hey can I help you out with that?

You: WHY IS HE SO HOT?? AND RESPECTFUL????

He carefully helps you get the gloves onto your hands, making sure you’re comfy before jogging back up to the front of the classroom you blacked out for a few minutes

He takes everyone through the movements, starting basic with how to hit the bag, posture, and form

Kuroo eventually gives everyone drills to do, and he walks around the room to see if anyone needs assistance

You’re trying your best and really getting into it, until he walks around and gives you a cute smile and a thumbs up please how am I supposed to focus on not dying when you’re like this sir

Your friend is nudging you,,,

“dude he’s totally into you, I’ve taken classes with him before and he doesn’t do that to just anyone”

Your stomach is erupting in butterflies at her words or maybe you’re trying not to yak, but you’re trying not to get your hopes up

The class is coming to an end, and it somehow went by so fast?? Maybe because you spent half of it staring at Kuroo’s arms as he hits the punching bag

You are super sweaty but the workout was refreshing and you definitely want to try kickboxing again ,,, especially if Kuroo is the instructor

He gets the attention of the class after going through a cool-down routine

“Thank you so much for being amazing everyone! I hope to see some of you in my intermediate level classes, or just around the gym in general, don’t be a stranger!”

You start to pack up your things, everyone else besides your friend and Kuroo having left the room

Your friend suddenly: bye! It was so nice meeting you today sis! Text me when you get home!

SHE LEFT YOU I-

You’re confused for a second since she literally drove you to the gym, but before you can say anything someone is tapping your shoulder

You turn around,,,shaking in your boots,,,, Kuroo is standing there with his bag slung around his shoulder, wiping his face with a towel

He looks so good sweaty please

Him: hey, was this your first session? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in any of my classes… I definitely would’ve remembered you ;) we all know he practiced this in his head for the entirety of the class because he’s a DORK in actuality

Bro all you can do is squeak out a “yes”

He asks for your number, and offers to train you personally at the gym,, HOT

You walk out of the building a blushing mess, and then you see your friend sitting outside in her car LMAO

Her, as you get in the passenger seat: so,, did you secure the bag

You: WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME

Her: I did what I had to do get you a friend

Iwaizumi Hajime

So you’re a regular at the gym, but you haven’t really tried any of the classes offered through your membership

You sign up for a spin class that takes place every Wednesday morning, thinking it would be nice to get a workout in before work

It was not

You had to wake up at 5 am to eat something and get dressed for the class, and you find yourself dragging yourself into the locker rooms to put your things away

With sleep still evident in your features, you go to sit at one of the spin machines, resting your head on the handle waiting for impending doom

A guy walks in rocking an all-white and grey fit and puts his things down next to you, but you don’t really pay attention to him or make an effort to look at him properly

Everyone slowly trickles into the spin room, chatting amongst themselves and you’re not really sure how anyone is functioning this early

Then,, the dude next to you stands up and turns around, speaking into his head set

“Good morning everyone, welcome to intermediate spin, my name is Iwaizumi and I will be your instructor! Please be ready to go in five minutes,”

You didn’t even realize you sat next to the instructor seat lmao, and you’re stunned by how nice the man’s voice is!!! Not only did he have a nice voice, but you also overlooked him as an instructor because he was so young looking

So once everyone is ready to go, he hops onto the bike next to you

His playlist consists of Bad Bunny, electronic, and a lot of RnB the taste jumped out

As you start the machine and it shows the route that the bike is supposed to take, Iwa starts talking about the goal of the workout and the motivation its going to take to finish

We love a professional !!!

The class is hard; mostly because it’s your first time but you make it through thanks to Iwaizumi’s skilled teaching style, and the way he doesn’t leave anyone behind even if they are struggling

It also helped that he was next to you most of the session you could see every droplet of sweat on his beautiful face and tanned arms

You feel great after every session, feeling like you’re accomplishing something, and you get to see your little crush every Wednesday

It definitely makes it easier to get out of bed in the morning

You make small talk with Iwa since he’s right next to you, and slowly it progresses into a really nice friendship

You help him set-up and clean-up the room before and after class, and he brings you coffee in return (he knows your order by heart🥰)

Him: good morning

You: fuck off loser👹

Him: I brought you coffee

You: ☺️hey Iwa

He’s honestly so great at his job, and he tells you that he got into cycling because of the side-training he did for volleyball

One session near the end of the cycling classes, you were having a rough time and in a bad mood because of work, and Iwa lowkey helped you work through it within that one workout session and you felt so much better by the end of it how does he do it

You, dying: Iwa I can’t go on

Him: You fucking panini head who said you were allowed to stop

The forty year old soccer mom on the other side of him: Iwa I can’t go on

Him: You’re doing amazing sweetie! Don’t hurt yourself, you got this!😘

…t-that’s when you realize you have feelings for him, but you’re not really sure how to go about telling him

You stress over it for the next week, and in no time you find yourself walking into your last class with Iwa as your instructor sad girl hours

You had bought him a sweatband as a joke and embroidered his initials on it, and you were planning on giving it to him at the end of class

He greets you the same as usual, and then turns and thanks everyone for sticking with the class

The session is amazing of course, but you’re feeling such a mix of emotions as the seconds on your machine dwindle down to 0:00

A few people come up to Iwa to thank him, and you purposely pack up your things and stretch super slowly

Finally, you are the only two people left in the room

He finishes cleaning off the seats, and then he turns to you as you’re turning the machines off,

His steel eyes are boring into you, and he’s cracking his knuckles nervously

“h-hey, would you maybe want to go out with me sometime?”

NOT WHAT YOU WERE EXPECTING-

You blush,, but in the best way possible;

You reach over to pinch his rosy cheek, obviously saying yes

You reach into your bag and throw the sweatband at him

He catches it, laughing as he admires the stitchwork on it

Him, knowing you embroidered it yourself: omg aw did Helen Keller stitch this?😍

You: for personal reasons I will be revoking my agreement to go on any kind of date with you

Before you leave the gym with your fresh coffee, you give him a kiss on the cheek and he literally can not stop thinking about how crazy he is about you !!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #299

“you look so beautiful tonight  /  reminds me how you laid us down and gently smiled before you destroyed my life.”

Ever done any drugs? Besides alcohol, no. How many people have you kissed? Three or four. What’s your favorite show to binge? I could only ever willingly *binge* Meerkat Manor and not get bored after like, two episodes. Do you watch porn? No, it's never appealed to me. What’s one of your fantasies? Being financially stable. :^) Do you have/would you get your nipples pierced? I've lightly considered getting one, but I really doubt I ever will. What’s the most overrated movie? /shrug. Let people like what they like. Tag someone you want to talk to but have been too shy to message. I'd love to get to know my Facebook acquaintance Courtlynn better; I've wanted to for a long time. I think we could be fantastic friends. We'll like each other's stuff regularly and occasionally leave comments, but we don't really talk. Do you like paper books or ebooks better? Paper ones, by a long shot. I just really like the feeling of a book and being able to clearly see how far in you are. I enjoy the smell and sound of turning pages. If you could live in a fictional world, what world would you pick? Probably Wonderland, realistically. I would say Azeroth, but too much world-threatening shit goes on every day lol. If money was no object, what would your wardrobe be like? G O T H Do you still have feelings for any of your exes? Yep. Do you drink? Very, very rarely. Almost exclusively during celebrations or on the once in a blue moon occasion we go to a sit-down restaurant. Do you read erotica? No. It would make me super uncomfortable. What color was the last candle you lit? I don't remember at all. Do you own a treadmill? No, but I want one. Have you ever signed up for a gym membership? Well, not exactly me. Mom and Nicole both had memberships to Planet Fitness, and I was able to come as a guest. It was just cheaper that way. What color was the last fish you had? That I owned or ate? Either way, idr. Is there a garbage can in your room? What color is it? No. If you play The Sims, do you download custom clothes, hair, etc? I don't play it. Does your animal sleep with you? Roman does, yes. He legitimately spoons with me lmao. Sometimes he'll move to the bottom of the bed, other times he'll sleep through most of the night there. Have you ever had to wear a hairnet? Yes. What is your favorite song to play on Guitar Hero or Rock Band? "Hotel California" by The Eagles on expert is so much fun and just feels good. The ending solo is just great. When you drink chocolate milk do you just buy the jug of it or the syrup that you can put into the milk? Almost always just the chocolate syrup. Do you own a robe? What color is it? No. What’s the worst abuse you have done to your phone? I know I've thrown it across the room once. Well, not my current phone, but a really old one. How did you meet your first love? High school. Well, you could maybe say Facebook. He sent me a friend request and I literally only accepted it because I thought it was another Jason. We talked via messenger some and then we ran into each other at school, and tbh I kinda knew I was fucked from there lmao. Have you ever worn the opposite sex’s underwear? I don't believe so, no. Have you ever kissed in a pool? Yeah. Are there any hobbies you have that you don’t perform in front of others? I absolutely cannot write in front of others, and I HATE drawing when people are watching. What do you do when you simply don’t know what to do? Odds are I'll probably be scraping the bottom of the barrel to find something in WoW that sounds even remotely fun, or I'll browse Facebook. How did you find out about your current favorite band? He's one of my mom's favorite singers/bands, so I grew up with some of his music, and when I was getting into rock and metal, I decided to go through her music case and listen to some of it. Ozzy's Black Rain album set the adoration into motion. Where are you most likely to go when you need clothing? The Internet or Wal-Mart, depending on what kind of clothes I need. When was the last time you tried to do something yet failed? I should have an answer for this very quickly... yet I'm unsure. I don't think anything *major* has happened in a while. Oh, this is a tiny thing, but I did look really hard for the pencil sharpener so my niece could finish coloring her drawing, but I couldn't find the damn thing for anything. Do you think your life is comprised more of success or failure? Lots and lots of failure. What’s one personality trait that’s not strong in you? Uhhh outgoing, ig. Are you a difficult individual to get to know? Considering I hide a lot about myself to try and be accepted, yes. When was the last time you opened up to someone and about what? Literally yesterday to my mom about this unreasonably massive fear I've had lately that she doesn't have much longer in her. I'm terrified she's going to get COVID or her cancer just comes back faster than we hope. To whom do you feel the most important? My mom. Is there something you want but might not ever have? Many things. What’s something you’re working to obtain? Mental stability. Do you tend to enjoy your dreams? No, considering they're usually violent and rarely just psychotic nightmares. Are there any projects or goals you’ve recently abandoned? Hm. What in life serves to keep you going? The hope it'll get better, and I'll reach a point of actually being happy and content with my life. What was the last good news you received? Nicole's trip to Maryland to bring back a baby was successful (if that sounds weird, she's a child social worker). He has a heart condition where if his heartbeat or something like that was irregular, she'd have driven all the way up there for nothing; the baby wouldn't have been able to take the ride. Are you more inclined to appreciate sweet or savory foods? Sweet. Are romantic relationships important to you at this point in your life? I mean I'd like to be in one, but I highly doubt it'd be successful, just given where I am in life. I'd be signing up for heartbreak. Who was the last person to apologize to you for something they did? I don't know. Probably Mom for something minor, like just bumping into me or something. Are you wearing a necklace, and if so, who got it for you? No. What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve done lately? Lately? Uh. I don't know, but I can guarantee to you it wasn't long ago at all, considering breathing embarrasses me, pretty much. Do you ‘think out loud’? Sometimes. Do you take gummy vitamins? No. How do you know the majority of the people you know? Former schools. Hell, or maybe various online locations. I just might have more online friends and acquaintances than in-person. Is there a random object you own that has a huge personal significance? I've talked about my pebble from my partial hospitalization program enough. Can you play electric guitar? I used to be able to play a little bit; I took guitar lessons for a short while in high school. Best I could do was the intro to "Crazy Train," but I'd still occasionally mess up. Are you one of those people who chew two pieces of gum, not one? Usually. Do you believe in ghosts/supernatural occurrences? Yes. Without the aid of mascara, do you have long eyelashes? Yeah. Is there a kind of music you listen to that helps you release your anger? Yes, usually songs that are also angry. How does it make you feel looking at pics with your ex and someone else? The only case this has ever happened was with Jason and his gf after me. There are no words to describe the fucking hatred I felt. I haven't seen pictures of him with an s/o in a long time, and I absolutely never plan on seeking them out ever again. What song are you listening to right now? "Rest In Pieces" by Saliva. If you’re not in college, why? I couldn't handle the stress anymore. Just couldn't. Do you own a studded belt from Hot Topic? I have a good number of old ones from high school, actually. I wore them all the time. I could never fit into them now. Favorite fictional character? Um, Darkiplier, duh. Most recent thing you are looking forward to? I think it's finally set in stone that I'm getting my tattoo redone soon. Thanks to my laptop saying "ha fuck you," it's not as soon as I originally planned since I had to pay to fix it, but Mom seems fine with helping me pay for my birthday. Not a guarantee that it'll happen on that date of course, given scheduling, but yeah. It should fucking finally be happening. How many stairs can you climb before you wanna pass out? This is too embarrassing to even answer lmao. Have you ever kissed someone with braces? No. Would you ever consider adoption? I don't want kids, and even if I did, I probably wouldn't. I feel like I'd personally need the "wow this is a part of me (and/or my s/o)" connection. Do you ever go hunting/fishing? I would never go hunting, and the only occasion in which I'd fish again is if Dad asked me. I don't like the idea of fishing for fun anymore, but that's like... always been our bonding experience, and I wouldn't tell him no. Do you know anyone who plays guitar? Knew. What are you currently sitting/laying on? My bed. Who are your godparents? I don't think I have any. Do you have any friends who are famous? I have two friends who are parts of bands, but idk how successful they are. I don't think either are like, huge. Nova Mortis if you're into heavy metal and I think Toukan does rap? When was the last time you stayed at a hotel? Hm. I have no idea. What side of a heart do you draw first? Uhhhh I think the left? What is your mom saved as in your phone? "Mama Bear." Do you want your tongue pierced? I had snake eyes for a while, but I took them out because I kept chipping my teeth. I miss that piercing, it was so cute, but it wasn't worth ruining my teeth. Ever made out in a pool? It's possible very briefly, idr. Do you like to have long hair or short hair? SHORT. SHORT. SHORT. Do you change your phone background a lot? Not really. Would you get back with your last ex if you could? Yeah. Have you ever been strip searched? No. Has the person you like ever seen you in your pajamas? Yes. What is your least favorite type of chocolate? White chocolate is way too sweet. Did anyone see your last kiss? It was at an airport, so probably. Do you want a boyfriend or girlfriend? I mean, I do, but I don't really know how smart it would be right now. Is there anyone you wish you could fix things with? A few. Who IMed you on Facebook last? My friend Girt. Were you kinda scared of the goths in high school? Hell naw man, I looked up to them lmao. What size is your mattress? (single,twin,double,queen,king) Queen. Do you like spaghetti? Hell yeah. It was my favorite food as a kid. What about lasagna? No; I don't like the cheese at all. Have you ever been stung by anything? What was it? Mosquitoes of course, as well as a bee once. Maybe other things, idk. Have you ever worn contacts? (even just to try them out) Yes, but I changed to glasses because I had too much trouble putting them in and taking them out. Have you ever had any suspicious moles removed? No. Have you ever been screened for STDs? No. Did you have your tonsils taken out? No. Did you have your appendix taken out? No. Do you have any collector’s glasses or cups or mugs? What is a "collector's" glass or mug? Were you your parents’ first born? No; I'm the middle child. Do you have a child? Is the father still with you? No. Were you born perfectly healthy or with some (or a lot) of health issues? I was born healthy. Good 'ole days. Did you ever catch any bugs or insects with your friends as a kid? Ohhhh yes, my neighbor and I loved doing that. My favorite was catching fireflies with my sisters, though. Would you prefer to travel around the world by yourself or with a friend? With a friend. I'd get lonely. Do you know anybody who has been diagnosed with cancer? A whole lot, sadly... I'm despising that disease more and more every day that goes by. I know far too many people who have it or have died at its hands. Have you ever had to take care of an intoxicated person? No. Do you and your boyfriend/girlfriend fight a lot? N/A. Do not stay in a relationship where fighting is common. Would you ever share a site password with a family member or partner? I mean sure, depending on the site and person, and the reason they (may) need it. Has anyone ever told you they couldn't trust you? Hm... I actually don't think so? Who in your family has the prettiest eyes? Idk, I don't see enough of my extended family to know. What is an odd food item you would like to try, or have tried? I'm sure there's something I'd like to try, but nothing I think about with consistency, really... Most "odd" food I find unappealing anyway. When/if you drive, do you go the speedlimit? When I did, I certainly always tried to, but I was bad at maintaining a stable speed. I went up and down too much. Are you an aggressive driver? Or more passive-aggressive? I was dangerously passive at driving. Describe a hairstyle you had as a little kid? Well, I had long hair with bangs. What routine of yours would you most hate to break? Probably stopping getting a soda first thing in the morning... That is like so deeply ingrained into my day and is a motivator to get up in the first place. I want to change this to where I'm not allowed to grab one until I've had a full cup of water, but yeah, that hasn't happened yet. Has jealousy ever ruined one of your friendships/relationships? Honestly? I think it's possible that Jason totally split on me because of it. We were in this very unstable "friends" position after the breakup and hung out very briefly and awkwardly twice (which I'm pretty sure he didn't want), and I think one of our last attempts at conversation was who a girl he was talking to via Messenger was. No, before any assumptions are made, I didn't snoop. He showed me something on his phone and I just inevitably saw the little Facebook chat icon of a girl I didn't recognize. I don't even remember his answer. I just know it wasn't too long later I was blocked and everything. What is one restaurant you would NOT recommend? I personally am not a Chili's fan. What was your last conversation about? Mom and I were just talking about what a mush the cat is, haha. Who is your favorite person to debate or discuss with? Yo fuck debates, I got mad anxiety over that kind of stuff. Are you more likely to praise or insult yourself? Why? Insult. I don't even believe myself when I try praising, so it's not worth the effort. I have a billion and two reasons. Do you enjoy cloudy days? Why or why not? Honestly, not very much anymore. I've found that it actually does affect my mood. I like some cloud coverage, though. Would it bother you to be forgotten after death? Yes, even though when you think about it, most of us will be. I want to do stomething so badly; not even particularly something major, but just contribute to things and causes that matter and slowly change the world for the better. It's especially likely I will be forgotten though at some point because I don't want kids, so my blood isn't carrying on. Do you tend to prefer healthy or unhealthy snacks? Ugh, unhealthy. Has anyone ever asked you for diet advice? I think so, back when I started recovery and lost like 60 lbs fast as fuck. I wasn't even dieting though, just... came off awful meds. What age is your youngest aunt? Ummmm I have no clue. Do you like bowling? Yeah, it's fun, but I'm not good at it. Do you like roasting marshmallows on a bonfire? Totally. Do you prefer sweet or sour fruits? Sweet. How're your dancing skills? Rusted to the point of just not functional anymore lmao. What brand of batteries do you usually get? I don't pay attention to the kind Mom gets. Are any of your friends pregnant or have kids? A lot of my FB friends have kids. At least two are pregnant, but I only consider myself remotely close to one. I'm beyond worried about how she's going to be as a mom. Where's the strangest place a fast food restaurant was located? I've certainly seen some questionable placement in busy areas, but none that are super odd. Do you stay up all night on New Years Eve/Day or go to bed after 12am? I don't care nowadays; I just stay up until I'm tired like every other night.

[prisoncitystories]

Fiction: Just Another Day at the Office

The smoke from the cigarette wafted freely through the air like the sultry melody of the dingy saxophone on the radio. I, however, was tied to a chair.

“What shall we do with the pig, Ms. Morgana?” The thug in the dragon mask said to his partner. 

“Surely, we can have a little fun before we gut him, Mr. Pendragon,” Ms. Morgana replied. The pair are part of the Round Table Gang, the latest colorful characters to hit the city with their own particular brand of crime. Of course, they chose the boring task of robbing banks but really who’s keeping track, right?

“Fun, huh? What are we playing? Parcheesi?” I say, with a smirk. Pendragon rears up a fist and drives it right into my gut. I feel his knuckles press against the skin through my shirt. Thankfully, this isn’t my first rodeo.

“Quiet, pig!” Pendragon said. “How about a different game? Five finger fillet?” Pendragon pulled out a knife, waving it back and forth in front of my face.

“Maybe we could play chess, instead?” I said, edging him further. He threw his fist into my stomach again, this time a little harder. Thankfully, he didn’t notice my slight adjustment to put most of the pressure on the back of the wooden chair. A few more moves and the knight would take the bishop.

“Yeah, wrong supervillain, mate. Chess makes my head hurt. Now, Ms. Morgana, she’s the only one smart enough to handle that black and white board.” He said, turning to her and grazing her ornate horse mask granting him a devilish purple-lipped smile.

“Oh? I just assumed you were the same annoying, narcissistic, backwards-” I said,  interrupted by a slap across the face from Morgana.

“I’ve trained you so well.” Pendragon said, pulling Morgana into a kiss. Who says crime doesn’t pay?

“If you’d like me to come back, I’d be happy to go. Otherwise, let’s get this threesome underway.” Pendragon stopped and turned to me. Even underneath the red dragon mask, I could tell I was getting on his nerves. It’s all in the eyes. The little flicker that hides a deep, deep rage and right now, my voice and face are like a broken urn full of oil.

“If you speak one more time, I swear to the gods I will cut your tongue out. Do you understand?” I remain silent. “Do you understand or are you just as dumb as we thought you to be?” He repeated much angrier.

“You told me if I spoke that you’d cut my tongue out. Not an outcome I’m betting on if we’re being honest here.” His face turned to stunned surprise and he brandished his knife again. He raised his leg to boot me backwards and I made my move. As he sent his leg toward my chest, I titled the chair back with my feet that could still touch the floor even tied up, sending me back faster than his boot could catch. While his boot was catching nothing but air, the chair was breaking against the cold concrete. I was initially a little jarred as my hands were the meat in a wood-concrete sandwich (which really hurt), but I quickly scrambled to my feet as Ms. Morgana regained her composure from the sight.

“Why you little bastard!” She said, sparking up her electrified gloves. I have to stay away from those. She stepped forward but her form was so uneasy. Unfortunately for her, confidence isn’t everything. She swiped like a cat and I only narrowly avoided a swift jolt by deflecting her strike with my forearm. I did the same maneuver but this time added a leg sweep, surprising her and sending her to the floor. I heard the clatter of a knife behind me as Pendragon swiped his knife, gashing my thin black necktie in the process.

“Eh, I never really liked it anyway. Gift from a few exes ago,” I said as he continued swiping. Similar to Morgana, I had to subdue him by using his strikes against him. I batted his arm aside as he hacked and slashed and when the moment opened up, I used a classic disarm and sent the knife out of his hand and back to the floor. Suddenly, I felt way too many volts pass through my leg, bringing me to my knees. 

“What kind of detective are you? You fight like a drunkard. You can’t even disarm us both.” Pendragon said. He walked over to pick up his knife again as Morgana stood back up and placed one of her gloves on my shoulder. “Any last words, pig? You blew your chances on a last request.”

“Is it just you and Morgana or are Percival, Lancelot, and Galahad screwing around in your pants too?” I said, baiting him again. As he drove the knife forward, I ducked to the side making him lunge a little too far towards Morgana. I grabbed her arm at her forearm and hand and pushed them into Pendragon’s gut and activated the shock gloves. The electricity ran through him and sent him toppling. I shot up and brought a swift elbow to Morgana’s chin, flooring her as well. I finished her off with a blow to her face. I walked over to the table where that cigarette was still burning. I picked it up, began a drag, but quickly pulled the disgusting thing away.

“Menthols? Dear gods, you guys really are stupid,” I said, throwing the cigarette on the ground, stamping it out, and clicking off the jazz music at the radio. I look around the dingy, chip-titled torture room and find my coat hanging on a coat rack. “At least they aren’t savages.”

I made sure they didn’t steal anything. Pockets still have all my belongings. For bank robbers, they certainly aren’t great at petty theft. I throw the brown trench back on and move towards the door. I slowly turn the handle and open the door to the hallway where fortunately the other members of the gang are not waiting for me. I handled Pendragon  and Morgana easily but three more thugs would land me back in the chair. Not to mention if they’ve added more since their last hit. We’ve been chasing them around the city for about three months, and they’ve robbed four banks in that time. We still can’t peg why they would need that much cash or how they could possibly spend it. They certainly aren’t investing in a headquarters.

Suddenly, I hear a voice from around the corner. I slink behind an open door in the hallway, making sure just to stand in the doorway and not shut the door. I spied through the peephole and saw a blue wolf mask. Lancelot. I think our dossier said he was a sharpshooter. Seems like he’d be useless in a fist fight. He was radioing to someone on his walkie.

“Pendragon, you done with the cop yet? Pendragon, I said are you done with the cop yet?” He put his walkie-talkie back in its holster and pulled out his sidearm. Something street trash would use, not really the mark of a deadeye. “By the gods, do I have to do everything myself?” He said, scoffing and stomping down the hall. I moved into the open room and behind the wall as he walked by towards the torture room. He opened the door and before he could reach for his walkie, I sprang into action and put him in a headlock. He quickly pushed back and slammed me into the wall behind us, but I held firm. I knew if he even got one good aim with his pistol, I was toast. He stomped his feet wildly, trying to bash me anyway he could. He bashed me back again, this time against the door frame, loosening my grip. We both fell to the floor, me out of breath and him gasping for air. We both took a second to regain our bearings and then shared a brief cutting moment. He got up quicker than I could and kneed me in the face. I shook off the throbbing pain and used the wall behind me to brace myself. 

“Percival, Galahad, get-” He started to say into his walkie-talkie but I gave him a solid haymaker to the head.

“Now now, none of that.” I said, taunting him. I used his imbalance to disarm him of his gun, sending it to the floor. He grabbed my neck, but I kicked his legs out from under him. I used the momentum of the fall to bring my forearm down on his face, disorienting him again. He relinquished my neck and I dealt him a clean knockout blow to his smug face. I stood up and dusted myself off and down the hall were the last two members of the Round Table Gang, Mr. Percival and Mr. Galahad, staring at me. I was admittedly a little disoriented from the last two altercations but I can’t imagine I was getting out of here without at least one more.

“Well come on then. Let’s go.” I said, putting up my dukes once more. I examined the two of them briefly, really hoping that Percival came at me first. He was small, compact. Intel said he was the demolitions expert of the group. Can’t be that great of a fighter either, although Lancelot surprised me. He adjusted his gold hawk mask. Mr. Galahad was much larger and muscular than his counterpart. Comically, he had a green cat mask. I don’t know what these guys’ fascination with stupid masks is. Galahad came stomping towards me.

I delivered several quick blows to his abdomen which frankly hurt my knuckles quite a bit. He just chuckled.

“That ain’t going to work, little man.” Unfortunately, he was right. I had to use his weight against him. He reared up for a downward strike, but I only narrowly avoided piledriver fist to the top of my skull. He came down on my shoulder which sent pain through my arm. I used the other arm to swing a fist, tilting his head to the side. He cocked his head back at me and I could see the annoyed look in his eyes. He grabbed me by the shoulders and sent me swinging through one of the walls of the hallway and into the room I initially hid from Lancelot in. Same dingy tile as the other room hit the back of my head hard.

“You call that a throw? Better invest in some gym memberships, mate.” I said, as he stepped through the me-shaped hole he just created. “Although your budget might be taken up by renovations.” He didn’t care for the banter. He stomped up to me and raised his leg up to smash me, but I rolled to the right. The tile cracked underneath and I got an idea. While his foot was still depressed, I swung my body around and kicked his stomped leg with all the force I could muster. His leg jutted further into the floor as he fell and the angle caused him to slam down harder than just a simple fall would do. I clumsily stood up and went to the groaning bastard.

“Nighty night, kitty cat.” I said, stomping his face and breaking his mask in the progress. I briefly take a look at his face. Ugly bastard, really. Maybe it was better with the mask intact. “Alright, Percival. We both know you’re a cowardly bastard so let’s get this over with. If you come quietly, I won’t have to break your nose too.” I said, walking out into the hallway and Percival was kneeling on the ground and he had already cuffed himself.

“Please don’t hurt me! Just don’t tell the others I surrendered.” I chuckled at the weakling. Just another day at the office, I suppose.

[bigbangsmasher]

“I thought you might be hungry, so I brought you this.”

It had been a rough day in the office for both of them. The good news was that they got to work together, with the El-Melloi Detective Agency and the Spirale Police Department collaborating on a particularly tough case. The bad news was that it was a triple homicide, which means the mood wasn’t very festive. Tsubaki’s condo was a convenient halfway point between their jobs, and so it became a kind of staging point where the two could unwind after the stressful day, and then go to sleep, wake up, and have another stressful day.

Of the two, Makoto tended to come back later; El-Melloi was very particular about how he wanted his employees to work. While she didn’t mind being thorough, it meant she didn’t have much energy when she got back.

Loitering outside the door and looking through her phone messages, Makoto yawns. This had been day four of the investigation, and it had been revealed that the homicides may have been connected to one of the big businesses in Fibonacci ward, which meant it would probably be going on for a while longer. The sleepovers are fun, but the work is just plain exhausting.

After a couple minutes, Tsubaki opens the door, her face a mixture of happiness and pity. “You’re really earning that overtime pay, aren’t you Makoto?”

Makoto gives Tsubaki a tired smile of her own. “Hoping for a good Christmas bonus, if nothin’ else,” she replies. No matter how tired she is, the smiling face of her best friend raises her spirits just a little.

I know what you mean,” sighs Tsubaki. ““I don’t think anyone knew it would be this complicated, or this tragic, either...”

“God, tell me about it. Melloi had me interviewing a widow earlier today... Nothing in the Academy trained me for that.” Makoto steps over the threshold, and both girls nod as their agreement comes into effect: once they’re both back, they’re not allowed to talk about work anymore.

Makoto tries to cram just a bit of her regular chipper mood back into her voice. “So, what’s on TV tonight, Tsubaki? Is there a new episode of Worst Cooks yet?”

“No, that’s on Sunday, Makoto. But there is a new Halloween Baking Championship.”

“Guess beggars can’t be choosers.” As the two make their way to Tsubaki’s room, Makoto gestures to one of the common bathrooms. “But before that, you mind if I...?”

Tsubaki nods, but after a moment her eyes go wide. “Oh, that reminds me! I bought you some towels so we don’t have to share, let me just-!” She darts into her room and comes back with some pastel-colored towels arranged in a painstakingly-even pile. “Nothing personal, Makoto, but you’re very...” She leans in, voice dropping. “You shed sometimes...”

“Aaaaa, stop stop stop!” says Makoto, feeling her cheeks color. “Please don’t bring it up! I don’t need any reminders!”

Tsubaki laughs, pressing the towels into Makoto’s arms. “I didn’t mean to be rude! It’s just- the bathrooms are common spaces, so please make sure you-”

“I’ll clean up, I promise!” she says, retreating into the bathroom. There’s just something heavily embarrassing about a personal reminder of how furry you are. Makoto already goes through ten times the shampoo that a normal person does, she doesn’t need to be fur-shamed.

A warm shower is a nice opportunity for Makoto to collect her thoughts on the day. Everyone uncovered clue is like a piece to a bigger puzzle, and while putting it all together isn’t Makoto’s strong point, she’s very good at squirreling all those little pieces out of their hiding places. It feels oddly nice to get back to doing some real intelligence work; investigations, interrogations, the odd intimidation, things like that. And it’s even nicer to be working with Tsubaki, if only because her friend has never had the chance to see how good she is at her job.

As Makoto shampoos her tail, she can’t help but reflect on how much nicer she has it in her Cotes ward brownstone. For starters, she has her own personal bathroom, and no one complains about how much hair she leaves in that one. After the case is done, she should invite Tsubaki over for some sleepovers in her own home to return the favor, and hopefully finally convince her to try some karaoke in Little Tokyo

Stepping out of the shower, Makoto stares at her reflection in the mirror for a few moments, carefully looking over the woman staring a back at her. Her bags are getting a little better, and she doesn’t look as tired now, which is a good thing. Has she put on a bit of weight? Maybe she needs to cut back on the snacking a little bit and pick up a gym membership. Are her ears still soft and fuzzy? Is her skin still soft and radiant? Are her abs still nice and prominent? Being in close proximity to her best friend every day seems to be having a positive effect on her mood and her self-care habits, so Makoto can’t help but wonder if there’s any way for them to share a space...

The sound of knocking on the front door and Tsubaki’s quiet footsteps brings Makoto back to the present, so she wraps herself in a towel and darts across the hallway to Tsubaki’s room. When Tsubaki does return, she has several bags in her hands and a gentle smile on her face. “Oh, Makoto, perfect timing,” she says, putting the bags on her small table. And then she says those eleven words every girl longs to hear.

“I thought you might be hungry, so I brought you this.”

Inside the bags is a number of styrofoam take-out boxes, and inside those is a fresh selection of sushi. Makoto’s eyes glitter as the food is revealed to her. “Ohh, Tsubaki!” she says, already in ecstasy. “You shouldn’t have!”

With absolutely no patience, Makoto reaches out and pops one of the pieces into her mouth, shivering with delight. “I could kiss you right now,” she groans.

“Swallow first, please,” says Tsubaki. Although she eats her own share of food as well, her eyes remain on Makoto’s tail, which is still slightly damp. After a few tense minutes of competitive cooking on TV, she poses the question that’s been itching to escape her lips. “Makoto, do you mind if I...?”

The beastkin sighs, adjusting her towel. “Yeah, go ahead. But please be gentle.”

With barely-hidden glee, Tsubaki moves behind Makoto, hairbrush in hand. With a surprising amount of tenderness, she begins to brush her tail, giving a happy sigh every so often. “We wouldn’t want this to look ragged, now would we?” she asks in a chipper tone.

“Hey, beats having to do it myself.” Tsubaki’s rhythm is surprisingly relaxing, and soon Makoto finds herself somewhere on the border between the sleeping and waking worlds. 

They can see each other whenever they want, they have no curfews, enough money to take it easy, and no NOL hanging over their heads. Life like this is like the Academy, but better. Minus a few familiar faces, of course.

Makoto gives a happy sigh, feeling Tsubaki’s gentle hands still working their way through her fur as her eyelids begin to droop. Her last thought before sleep takes her is a simple one: if only this moment could last forever...

[justalittlemango]

Hmmm

So uh... I haven't posted on this Tumblr for a while. A few months by the looks of it? That last post was the beginning of this year. And now it's 20th August 2021.

So what happened? Also ugh the formatting on this site. Welp, my last post seemed to be a lot about my now-ex. I'll call him Tit as I think that's an appropriate name. So yeah, he did come back sometime after I wrote that post. He came back. He seemed to have been feeling better. It was nice to see him happy and things pretty much went back to how they were before, even better if anything. Sadly that was only temporary! Well, I say sadly. Sad at the time. I don't care these days.

Something happened, he lost it over me doing literally nothing. I knew he had problems with my mental health but I don't like to be accused of all sorts when all I try to do is help. I knew at that time, that was the calling point. Cutting off ties. Because my health both mentally and physically could not deal with everything he was putting me through. I cut him off. It felt sad but I knew I had to do it. And fast forward six months later, there's been no contact between us. Thank god.

So.. that was always fun.. I lost my friends who I had met through Tit. I knew that was coming as well. I can still be mad over that, but at the end of the day, who's side are they going to stick by? Mine (someone they've only known for a few months) or his (someone they adore and known for years even.) I guess the outcome here was kind of obvious. I wish I could say I didn't care it happened, but it did hurt me. When I was already going through so much hurt just seeing that was not nice. Thankfully I was never confronted before it happened, I was just swiftly deleted/unfriended/removed and that's that.

That was the second time in a 7/8 month span that I lost friends because of these love problems. So all in all? I'm pretty fucking tired of that happening lol. Anyway, these people are irrelevant now and no longer play a part in my life. So I just need to forget about them.

So did things get any better? Yes! I met someone new. My Dommy. I joined this server in attempt to make some friends and play games with (since the friends I once did that with departed..) so I thought I'd shoot my shot there. It started off okay, I was making friends and it was fun. I met Dommy in there. There was something that caught my eye about him when I would see him chatting and stuff. We spoke to each other through DMs for a bit and played games together. It was so much fun. And the more I got to know about him the more I was like ... My god ... Because I knew I was going to catch feelings for him. Everything he was telling me about himself just made the feelings grow more and more. Like he just kept ticking my boxes in what I seek in a partner.

At first I didn't wanna catch feelings, mostly due to the fact he's 18, and I was 23 (now I'm 24 so yay). I felt the age gap would've been too weird and I wouldn't usually consider anyone that's under 21 to be a potential partner. But god it was so hard to think like that when the more I learnt about him, the more these feelings kept growing. He just knew exactly what to say. His personality and everything. He's so fun and kind. So wholesome. Positive. I find him so relatable too. I definitely didn't expect this for someone who is quite frankly, fresh into adulthood. But here we are!

Heh, let's just say I tried to dim my feelings down. And it definitely didn't work. And I remember thinking at first like, oh god he wouldn't want feelings for me I'm like 5 years older than him LOLLL. But boy was I wrong! About a month after chatting and playing games together (quite frequently too) - he told me he had a crush on me. And I remember how great that felt. It felt so... fucking... amazing. To read everything he said to me. I really didn't think he'd feel that way.. I had my suspicions on somethings but they were more just me being overly hopeful. And of course, I had to tell him I crushed him back. I had the same feelings. And ever since then it just continually grows.

26th May we decided to become long distance boyfriends. We both felt ready for it. Every day and night I got to spend with him on voice chat was SO enjoyable. It was so much fun. The love kept continuing to grow and grow. The more he told me about himself, the more he truly sounded like my perfect man. My soul mate even! And he felt the same way about it all. And now we're so clingy and romantic for each other all the time and I LOVE IT!!

Fast forward to August. We still here. We hope to meet up soon. We surround ourselves with such positive romantic energy. Inspiring each other to be our best selves. Heck, we both got jobs just so we can buy stuff for each other and visit frequently. And that's where we're at. We're awaiting the day for when we meet.

I'm so grateful for him. He changed my life around. I hit rock bottom and he full on dragged me out. Showed me that I can still love. Supported me through everything. Even with everything that happened after my ex. He was there. And still today, with everything I went through.. he had my back.

I love him so much. With everything I have. To the end of days. I've never met ANYONE like him. My past relationships don't even come close to what he and I have. And the crazy thing? He feels the same.. this is just magical. See, it would be TOO good if we were living in the same country. But alas, I am UK, he is US.. a few thousand miles away. But you know what? I'm making it my goal that we'll live together. We talk about having a family, living together, going on so many dates and just doing everything together.

It's my goal. Ultimate. Life goal. I don't want to die without being able to hold him in my arms. And very soon I hope, I will be able to hold him, watch him fall asleep in my arms and whisper "I love you" right in his ear. I 100% trust him. I've never been able to fully trust anyone in my life before. Not my previous partners or anything. But my Dommy? I trust him with my life.

But are there any issues?

Nope. Not really. Sometimes I still feel a lil weird about the age gap. I'll be meeting my boyfriend who's 18, as a 24 year old.. doing lovey things lol. Sometimes I worry about what others think about that, mostly his family. My family know about it and they think it's fine, as with my friends. I hope his family are the same! I mean, it's only 5 year difference. It's not that much at all. I just overthink it and it's a ridiculous thing to overthink! Because he is my soulmate. If anybody has a problem with it, then they'll have to deal with it. Cause I ain't going anywhere. And neither is he 😏 actually I think he'd get more sassy at them than I would!

But yeah. Uh. Anything else? Not really. He's a busy lad but I love that for him. He does so much for his family. He can do so much. Working, driving, going to college.. I'm so proud of him! And I think from what I know from his childhood, he deserves to have all these nice times with his family. So no, there are no issues between us. We have never even argued yet! And I couldn't imagine arguing with him.

So I hope next time I write here.. I'd have met him in person. And experience that. It would be the best day of my life.

____

Anyway! How am I? I'm fine right now. I'm struggling a bit because I have no money left. Kinda annoyed I spent my travel moneys on myself (because I had to.) I hope that issue will be sorted next month when I get my student loan, and hopefully this job that I interviewed for yesterday! Interview lasted over an hour and I'm only competing against one other person. So.. if I get that.. the money gonna be sweet. And you already know I'll be investing in travelling to see my Dommy!

But I also want to try to do my driving lessons. Get my own groceries again and my weight gain stuff because my body is far too skinny! I want to try and get a gym membership too while I'm at it. I say all this, but where the heck am I gonna find the time to do all this? Especially as a full time student! But I think we got this. Driving lessons aren't urgent, and even so they wouldn't take long if I do lessons in an auto. Since I've driven before. So maybe I'll only need 10 lessons.

I want to go the gym and build my body a little bit. Look a bit more in shape for when I see my boy hehehe.

So yeah, lack of money is my main issue here. I can't afford to go out and get my own food and supplements. So until I get my moneys, my mood is going to be patchy. It'll be worth the wait though if things go all out to plan.

Anything else on my mind? Well.. being back here in B'ham! I don't particularly feel safe here. Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy to be back with my parents. And not have to pay rent on a student house.. but that does come with some negatives... Quite a few negatives. These being.. lack of privacy, not being able to make a lot of noise late at night, not feeling safe in the city, issues with bathroom/showers, and the god forsaken slow internet.

Positives though? Being with my parents, in the big city where everything is, good stores and nightlife. Few friends are here. Though not too many I'm interested in seeing. Lol. I guess I'm in the middle of everything too so if I wanted to travel out of city to see someone , I have the option to do so.

So.. yeah! A lot more good than bad going on right now and thank god. Because how this year started was awful. It was literally the hardest time of my life to get through it. And everything that happened in the summer, I'm so grateful for. And my Dommy. I'm so happy he came into my life. I feel honoured and blessed to be in a relationship with him.

I hope things go to plan. I'm in my last year of university, and will be graduating next year. So that should be exciting! And then I have plans to study at BCU next year to do a master degree in UX! Which is exactly the kind of thing I want to get into! So that's a good two years of a steady income from student finance, and hopefully this part time job! So fingers crossed these plans will work out.

Those are my goals that I see in the distance. Travel to see my boyfriend, graduate and get onto that post-grad course! My short term goals. Oh and also get a part time job. Lol. My long term goals is to honestly.. immigrate to the US. I know it sounds wild. But it's what I want. I need to be with my boyfriend. Start a life with him. And spend the rest of my life with my Dommy. I don't know when I'd ever be able to live with him.. but let's just say you need to have a strong background to be accepted as a US citizen. But with the plans I got...it should work! Having a master's degree and hopefully someone will hire a UX designer from the US and sponsor me! With some luck.

How long do I think that would take? Probably sometime within the next 5 years.. I hope. If I'm lucky! And interesting to think, in 5 years I'm 28, and my boyfriend will be 23! Which I think is the perfect time in both our lives to find a place together to live and be happy.

I feel with that, being away from my parents via long distance is going to be VERY difficult. But I'd try my best to visit them for a month or so. And of course, I still want to support them even if I am living abroad.

Ok. Here is the end of the post. I hope I don't look back at this in a few months and laugh. I know not all of this will work out, but I hope most of it will! So yeah, here's to the future! To good health, happyness, and my boyfriend of course ;)

-mangiiii

[ayonde]

MBA Internship at Nationwide (Blog#7)

I did some quick maths to find that I was paying around $650/month for my shared accommodation in Gradplex. The problem was that you must vacate Gradplex during summer months unless you pay extra. I decided to move out of Gradplex. One of 2nd year student graduating in summer of 2014 sold me all her furniture for $100! Yup, bed, mattress, study table, chair, lamps everything for $100. I gladly bought it. One of my classmate who is also a Major General James Wright Fellow student had a pickup truck and helped me move. My new accommodation was a single room in a two bedroom townhouse. $450/month all-inclusive including WiFi, Washer – Dryer in-house etc. What I loved about my new accommodation other than the cheapest tag available was the location. The Indian restaurant – Nawab was a stone’s throw away, Movie Tavern and Subway was 7 mins walk, Food Lion for grocery was across the road and so was School of Education. Green line, Red Line, Blue Line all served the location. Moreover, the Gym was nice 10 mins walk through the woods, and walking to business school was 25 mins through the campus.

I dumped my furniture in my room. Search for a cheap accommodation in Columbus, OH on Craiglist. I found Indian PhD students at Ohio State University subleasing for summer in University Village. I took that deal. Flight was booked to Columbus from Richmond, VA. Vina dropped me to Richmond airport, and I welcome this phase of my life with open arms.

 Day 1 at Nationwide Insurance was exciting! Several hundred interns – all suited up ready to hit the ground running. You can tell us apart, suit and tie in the city bus. After the HR orientation at Nationwide One Downtown I met my manager Chris P. He took Ameya Joshi – who was doing his MBA from University of Illinois and Urbana Campaign (UIUC), and I to lunch. Chris told us more about what his team and what’s our role going to be.

We were in IT Portfolio Management that oversaw Infrastructure and Operations. First week was fun, getting to know everyone in the team, attending conference calls and doing whatever is asked.

I enjoyed my time in Columbus. Coming from a small college town I felt that Columbus was a nice upgrade. I would go to Rib and Jazz festival one weekend, science center the next.  Columbus Zoo in Dublin became my favorite destination. I ended up going there 2-3 times during my internship. I was also able to fulfill my dream of watching live WWE. I would have gone bonkers 10 years ago when I was in high school, but now I was 30 and hadn’t followed wrestling for many years. Still it was a great realization. Sports was plenty in Columbus. We went to a minor league baseball game and since Soccer world cup 2014 was ongoing, we watched it during lunch time at bars or later in the evening.

The first month at Nationwide went smoothly. $23/hour pay was very uplifting. I wish I could buy a used car! But that money allowed me to get a Car2Go membership and drive around in their tiny two seater Smart car. Two weeks into my internship there was a workout day where all the colleagues volunteered to take the army fitness test. 35 push ups, 50 crunches and a 2 mile run in 18 mins. I had focused on studies all my life and not getting my body into any shape except round. I knew I would fail miserably but I participated nonetheless, I wanted to try new things. My colleagues liked that spirit a lot. 

Pro-tip: Always participate in everything during internship. Someone is always observing you.

In the second month, I asked Chris P. about any plans to absorb interns into full-time roles. I found management communications and organizational behavior courses in MOD1 very useful as I tried to put them in use. I came up with my own personal development plan for the next two months and shared that with Chris. He liked it and tried giving me relevant tasks. As an intern I didn’t shy away from any work, be it data entry into a project management software or filling in for someone in a meeting.

 I learned about few Indian interns in the Service Delivery department who were offered full time roles in Project Management. I thought I would be a great fit as I already have experience leading projects and I am a certified PMP. I networked with many in senior management including people at director and VP level. I was told that inter department absorption of interns tends to get political.  I tried to get above the political bias and networked with several VPs of various departments. I thought that “Senior Managers and Directors could be bound by the political correctness but if a VP vouches my case, surely, I’ll get hired”

Not so!! Many interns had considerably less experience and no professional certificate in project management yet had a PMO job offer at hand and I did not. I cursed my stars for not being in Service Delivery. Maybe I was too old for job, or just not attractive enough as a candidate. Whatever maybe the reasons, the fact remained – I did not have a full time offer.

I decided to go again to the National Black MBA and the National Hispanic MBA conferences and registered for them. During my last days in the third month at Nationwide I spoke to HR and they explained difficulties in hiring Indian workers in Project Management. Getting a full time job, and sponsoring H1B visa was the easy part. Tougher task was sponsoring the Green Card. The federal inspector would contest that any PMO role is generic and not specialty occupation and the GC application rejected. I learned a great deal about sponsoring international candidates and difficulties in getting a GC for Indians and Chinese.

Now I had only one goal in mind – Get a full time job offer. I was trying everything. Applying online, finding W&M alumni to network, finding people over LinkedIn and introduce myself. I needed a break. I decided to fly back to India for 10 days I had between my end of internship and starting of 2nd year MBA classes. I finally got some time to spend with my family.

[wallywoo-blog]

Mindset & Planning

Sun’s up what’s up everyone and welcome to episode 2, of the The Struggle.  A podcast where different types of entrepreneurs are struggling to have a business, start a business, or get out of their day job from their side hustle.

If you guys don’t know me, my name is Walter, and I am a videographer.  I own my own video production business, mostly in weddings, but I am also a freelance videographer for Fox Sports San Diego, and an editor for a popular YouTube Golf Channel.

If you guys haven’t heard the last podcast, no worries.  Like seriously it’s fine.  It was just the introduction and I was really just trying to get my head around podcasting.  But as a quick reminder from the last, I basically said that there are three types of entrepreneurs and those are the gunslinger, the gambler, and the safety net entrepreneur.  All have similar mindsets, but in different ways of approaching entrepreneurship.  In order for me to explain that further, I will interview those different types.  Like I said in the last, I’ll be talking to a rapper, photographer, hair and make up stylist, and a dojo instructor.

One of the other additional things I will be talking about, is myself.  Specifically how I got to where I am.  And today, I will be talking about a section of it.

So if you’re listening to this in your car and commuting, or at work, maybe on your computer.  Relax. Take it easy.  It’s going to be good.

So where should I begin...Uhhh so let’s back this up about 10 years ago.  I would be around 24.

So imagine a filipino kid, and I mean it, I was somewhat of a kid.  I was living with my parents.  Playing video games, going to college but honestly not caring, and have a part time job, spending that money on cigarettes and texas hold em.  Yup.  I had an addiction in gambling.  Now a lot people really don’t consider that a disorder or any kind.  But let me tell you.  My emotions would run rampant, playing cards.  I loved it.  It was basically my escape from my actual life.

I had not a lot of savings.  More like $300 on my name, and about $5-8k in debt.  I was basically an idiot.

To be honest, I didn’t have a lot going for me.  I didn’t like what I was doing, and I didn’t care, which caused a good amount of laziness.  Now don’t get me wrong, I was a good worker.  I had fun at my work.  But long story short, I just didn’t have motivation.

Cut to 5 years after. And that was huge 5 years.  I had a change.  A big change.  I won’t go into huge detail just yet.  But let’s just say, it was an eye opener.  During those years, I had a change of heart about who I was, who I don’t want to be, and what I needed to be.  So my mindset changed.

I was 29 just about going to 30.  And I decided to get a full time job, and go to school at night to finish my degree, in Computer Science. at May 25th, I promised myself that I would be a better person and now, I do that every year as a check.  Like checking myself.  Where I was before, what I did this year, and what I can achieve now and into the future.

So around 2015 I forced myself to save money, get a roth or 401k, pay off all my debt, get my Bachelor’s Degree in Comp Sci, and get myself my dream car.  Which is a Subaru WRX.  Which by the way, if you guys don’t know this, I’m a huge anime nerd, and I watched Initial D, and that’s where I saw the WRX as that, being my car.

I did all that in 2 years.  So, with a mindset shift, I was able to achieve a lot of things when I really put my head down.  Now during these 2 years, I hung out with an old friend of mine.  He was an entrepreneur, and so was his girlfriend.

They were explaining how they were being their own boss and they were getting paid to do what they wanted to do.  I was, and I’ll admit this, completely and utterly jealous of that.  I wanted that.  Like, I wanted to get paid playing video games, or get paid to eat at restaurants like a foodie and give reviews, or even be a YouTuber and get paid to do that.

And that was when I got into Videography.  I watched people on YouTube and people on Instagram doing their take on filming.  And yeah let’s just do a tangent, so like back in the day.  My friends and I would film each other.  It’s called Neighborhood Ninjas II.  You can find that on YouTube, actually don’t that’s incredibly embarrassing. I loved filming, my dad had that VHS camcorder that was a shoulder mount thing that’s heavy as hell.

It was an idea.  That I can do that filming too.  And thinking I can do that.  Maybe not as well as the guys online, but let me try.

Anyways, I don’t want to go any further than that because that’s when my journey to be an entrepreneur began.  But the point of me talking about my story is mindset and planning.

I know, we hear that on Gary Vee, Andy Frisella, or any person doing any self-development books.  But if you think about it, mindset and planning go a long way.

So let’s say you have a goal of, I dunno, having $1000 in the bank.  And you get a paycheck of $500 every 2 weeks. So sure you can say you can save $1000 in a month.  But guess what, life hits you. you need to pay off your cell phone bill, rent, gas for your car, insurance for your car, groceries, hanging out with friends, 24 hour fitness, and of course your $10k credit card debt.  I’m getting kind of angry because this was me when I was 24.

Anyways.  Out of all that, you can sacrifice everything.  You don’t have to pay rent if you live with certain parents, you don’t need to have a car so you won’t have to pay for gas or insurance, you don’t need a gym membership and you can go running outside, and if you live with your parents you have free groceries.  Or you can not have a cell phone.  But no one wants to do that.  I mean really, think about that.  Imagine not having any of that. No rent, cellphone, car, going to get groceries, hanging out with friends, no gym. Nothing.  Nada.  Almost sounds like prison.

Anyways, with a plan, you can do that.  You can have $1000 in the bank.  Figure out all the expenses you have for the month.  See how much you have left instead of buying shit the day you get a paycheck, and then calculate how much you can save, and calculate how much you can have fun.  You can only save $20 a paycheck?  Cool.  That’s going to be 25 months til you get a grand in your bank.  $100? Dope.  That’s 10 months.  That’s what planning is.  But that is not the only plan.  You plan to have money in the bank, buy things that can benefit you or for fun.  As long as you have the mindset that goes along with that.

So I know I didn’t really talk about mindset as much, but I know plenty of people that I’ll be talking to, have a better explanation than I can ever say about it.

Oh yeah, and there’s also another big thing I haven’t talked about yet as an entrepreneur.  Every type of entrepreneur has a type of struggle.  What I found out from my 4 years of becoming one is this:

1. Financial Stability

2. Competition

3. Time

I haven’t explained that all in full.  But that will be in another podcast.  Anyways, I hope you guys liked this.  I know I was kind of rambling but hopefully you got some sort of value out of it.  And I’ll talk to you guys soon.  Take it easy.

[xtalmay]

I once was married with children

Once upon a time in a kingdom far, far away, there lived a simple girl with a lonely heart. Ha ha, jk. But seriously... I was once a pretty boring person. I had dreams and hopes, like everyone else. I wanted a man and a house and kids. I also wanted a career and a degree. But I wanted to be a stay at home mom also...... I wanted a lot. Lol. So anyway, when I was 18, I worked for Walmart. A good one too. It was busy, customer service oriented, and clean. It was the first supercenter in our area. Pretty exciting. I loved it. I was able to afford to move out of my parents house and into a rental with a friend from work. After a couple months, I think about three, I met a guy from work. At this point, I had not had a serious boyfriend... Not really. But anyway, this guy worked at Walmart as a unloader. I worked in layaway. So we got to see each other pretty often. I was super shy. Like super shy. I also hated and still do hate, PDA. Anyway, this guy's name is Jared. We started seeing eachother in August of 2003. I moved in with him in October of 2003. He also asked me to marry him in November of 2003. I was in love. He loved me. I didn't really know what it was about him that I loved,but I did. In March of 2004, we moved to NM from WA. Furthest I had ever been from my dad or any of my family before. It was rough. I was homesick a lot. But my parents flew me up to visit often. It was pretty cool. He never went with me. When I was 22, so 2006, I missed my family. I wanted to move back home. We didn't have anything going for us in NM. I was starting to hate the desert. We were broke. I couldn't find a job I loved. I missed the rainforest. He didn't understand. So I talked to my dad, and like a thief in the night I ran away from Jared back to my dad's house. Probably could have done that better...... But I didn't know how to leave. It was a rough time. But I missed him so much. All I wanted to do was go back. To him. Maybe I was infatuated. I don't know. But I went back. After only two weeks. When I turned 23,i wanted to try for a baby. I thought (stupidly) that he would change. Maybe care for someone other than himself for once. Maybe he would be able to put his child before himself. Boy, was I wrong. The summer of 2008, I gave birth to our daughter, Jade. 4 days later we got married. I really wasn't happy except with jade. She was my world. I was growing more and more irritated with the selfishness of him. He drove me nuts. I loved him, but I wasn't in love with him anymore. Little things. Like overdrawing our account every paycheck. He had to have games for his Xbox the second they came out. He couldn't wait till payday. I tried to get our finances in order. I couldn't. He always thought he knew better. We played a game I called the 'payday loan shuffle' would borrow from one to pay another. It was terrible. I hated it. I was constantly stressed out. Cried a lot because I felt helpless. When jade was 2 months old, I went to WA to visit and introduce jade to my family. While there, I had to have surgery to remove my gallbladder. What was supposed to be 2 weeks, turned into 5 weeks. While in the hospital, he would call me and constantly talk about how he missed me. And what was he going to do without me. And when was I coming home.... Not once did he really ask how I felt. Or if I was doing alright. Never cared about jade or myself. Just himself. It was all about him. I loved being up there, but in a way I missed Jared. Just enough. So when I got home, I asked him if we could move back. I missed my dad and my family. I wanted my kid to go to a good school. And I wanted to get out of the desert. He promised in 5 years we could go back. So I held onto that hope. And a couple years later my son was born. I didn't get to visit WA much anymore because plane tickets are expensive and I would have to travel with two kids now. I didn't go up for a couple years. I still missed my family. A lot. I tried being a more attentive partner. I was restless so I would ask to go on walks in the neighborhood. He would refuse. I asked to go out in the desert behind out house and lay in the back of the truck and stargaze. He would say yeah in a little while...... We never went. I was getting more and more depressed. When my kids were 4 and 2,i remember making Pancakes, and one of the drippings looked like a heart. And I remember thinking to myself that jade would like it..... But I just stared at it. No happiness was left. I was sad, depressed and wanted to cry. I decided that things needed to change. I'm not and never have been suicidal. Just sad. And depressed. So in January of 2013, I decided to get my own bank account and start a savings account. I had to do something to have a little control over our finances. Even if I was the only one paying bills, at least I knew they would be paid. Jared hated it. He hated our money being separate. He couldn't use my money anymore. His account was still overdrawn every payday. Mine never was. It was crazy how I had felt like it was my fault we never had money..... I guess it wasn't me after all. I was starting to feel a little better. I didn't have any loans in my name. I didn't have an overdrawn account. I was actually putting small amounts into savings. I was also able to convince him to have our tax return deposited into my account, since I wasn't overdrawn. Not sure how, but it worked. I was able to help him pay off loans. We got our bills paid up. It was a nice feeling. But then he was constantly asking me for money. Constantly. It was annoying. But I didn't give him any. I would pay bills. I was tapped out but the lights didn't get turned off. We had running water. The house was current. It was worth it. So I got a gym membership to try and get my life going again. A couple of friends from work had joined the same gym as me. Waylon and Kelly. They were cool guys and I enjoyed hanging out with them. So I mentioned to waylon one day at work that I was going to that gym and he said he and Kelly were too, and that I should join them. I agreed. It would be safer to go at night with two guys than by myself. Over the course of 3 months, I started getting back into shape, after ten years of being over weight. Ten years. Jeez. I finally was down 2 pants sizes. And almost 30lbs. It was awesome. I also became close friends with Waylon. We played online together a couple times. He fixed my computer for me. Just a really cool friend. After the gym we would go grab food, the three of us. And then hang out in the parking lot and chat for a while. It was fun. I felt like I had a life. Small as it was. But I looked forward to the time we spent together. I have always got along better with guys than girls. No drama. Lol. I was starting to be more independent and I stopped reporting to Jared. In April 2013, I decided to tell Jared I wanted a divorce. I had talked to my dad. I had talked to a couple really close friends. I was so incredibly unhappy. Once I made the decision to divorce him, I felt so much better. I felt like the pieces were falling into place. In the end of April, I told him. Officially. I didn't have anywhere to go. I couldn't leave my children. They weren't in school yet, so I didn't have to deal with that. But I also didn't make enough money to move out. So I moved into my son, Rileys room. He was a baby still so I had the room mostly to myself. One day in May, I was sitting on the couch and Jared says he wants to take the kids to the park. He had never done that with me before, I always took them myself. He never went for a walk with me. He never went stargazing with me. Never anything, unless it was beneficial to him in some way. Ever. He asked if I wanted to join him, and I looked right at him with a straight face, and told him no. I didn't want to go. He got super sulky. He then loaded up the kids and left. The second he drove away, I ran to my room, packed my gym bag with gym clothes and a couple outfits, and my travel bag of toiletries. I then jumped in the car and took off. I called my dad. I text a friend. I called Waylon. I didn't have anywhere to go. I just had to get out. I ended up at waylon's house. It was the last person I called and he answered. I felt liberated. I knew from that moment on, my life would be different. I knew there were better men in the world. I didn't know if Waylon and I would even work out. But I knew we were friends and we both needed a place to live. So we went and got an apartment together. We got a three bedroom apartment. We figured if he and I didn't work out, I could move in with my daughter in her room, and it wouldn't be a big deal. He agreed. We are both pretty level headed people. So that summer, I filed for divorce. I packed me and my kids lives up and moved into the apartment with Waylon. My kids were in Colorado visiting family and Jared had gone up there too. He was trying to figure things out. He kept thinking there was hope. Boy was he wrong. He came back with the kids. I went to the house and got them. And since then they have not lived with with their dad. After 3 months he got his new girlfriend pregnant. And then married her. They fought. A lot. Broke up. A lot. Got back together. A lot. It was sad. Unstable. Weird. But whatever. His life. He started off taking the kids every week. Then he slowly started backing off. Little by little. Over time it went from every week to every other week to now he takes them for about four hours every other week. That's it. For someone who loves his kids. And misses them. And wants to see them..... He sure never tries to see them... After his third child was born, he took three months off of work. During the summer. He never asked for the kids. He never even took them for extra time. He never even asked. Then another time he took a week off and never asked for them. Then he asked me if he could pick them up and take them for a whole week to the lake. I told him yes. And two days before he was supposed to take them, he canceled. I don't know the circumstances. I don't know anything. But he didn't take them and they were devastated. He stopped asking for time. He didn't take them for a month at a time. It was getting crazy. But the kids love Waylon. He is their dad. He's been here. He's raised them. He takes them to the park. He buys them things. He loves them as if they were his. He's a great man. What's frustrating is that jade is now 8.5 and she is a smart kid. She came home from visiting him this week in tears. She misses him and wants to stay the night at his house. I told him no because it's a school night. As mom, it's my duty to keep them in school. I have to. It's the law. So I sat her down and tried to ask her questions. Me: jade I need you to understand something for me. Jade: what? Me: it isn't me keeping you from your dad. You know that right? Jade:... Me: did he take you last week? Jade: no Me: did he take you the week before? Jade: no. Me: see? It isn't me keeping you from him. He doesn't come and get you. He doesn't ask to visit. He doesn't do anything. So, this isn't me. I'm not telling him no. He has had all sorts of time to spend with you. He has weekends. He has holidays. He has time. He doesn't take it. Do you understand? Jade: Yeah. Then she continued to cry dramatically. I don't think she understood. It's frustrating. I know she will understand one day. But I worry that she will be too much like me and believe his hogwash about hope. He will always make her feel inadequate. Like she doesn't try hard enough. And it will always be her fault. And that worries me tremendously. So I have to constantly try and comfort her. He pretty much ignores Riley, so that won't be so hard. But Riley only likes him sometimes. Mental abuse is still abuse. I'm confident in my decision to leave him and the proof is in the way our lives have gone since. I'm doing great, Waylon and I are fabulous. We have great jobs. We have a stable home environment. We are not crazy broke, but we are not crazy rich either. Jared has struggled. He has been in and out of relationships. He's filed bankruptcy. He owes the irs for back taxes. He's broke. He has a new girlfriend that seems pretty cool. But his life is still weird. I'm so glad I do not have to live like that anymore. I'm glad I ran away from home that day in May.