#maybe no one care about this as much as i do ajshdlgsjk

[maschotch]

ok i know revelations was a couple episodes back, but there were a couple things i wanted to explore a little more in depth. specifically the iconic “what’s my worst quality” scene because im insane

this is suuuch an interesting moment because we really get to see hotch stumble as a leader. he’s questioning himself and the way the team views him--

so he asks his question: whats my worst quality

the others are hesitant to answer for various reasons. for emily and jj, the newer members of the team, they know it’s just not a good idea generally to insult your boss. and this feels like a trap. but gideon and morgan have been around him long enough to recognize his body language: frantic, shaky, and a certain strain in his voice. he’s vulnerable. and whatever they say now, no matter what they say, they know will cut him deep. so they don’t want to answer

hotch persists and pushes the others to answer. in his mind, for good reason. he thinks he knows what reid’s message is, but he doesn’t want to presume that he doesn’t have this trait: he has to make doubly sure that the others can follow his logic on this. he has this idea of who he is as a leader and reid’s comment throws doubt on that. he doesn’t want to be a narcissist, he needs to know that’s not how they see him.

it’s so telling that the first to answer is jj. she’s blunt and brutal with her assertion. it’s direct. you. are. a. bully. leaves nothing up for discussion, just saying it as if it were fact. to be fair, she’s gone through (currently going through) some pretty traumatic events these past few days, so she doesn’t exactly have the composure to express this any nicer.

but she answers quickly. too quickly. she didn’t have to give it a lot of thought to it: this is something she genuinely believes.

morgan instantly recognizes it. he may not know to what extent, but he understands at a base level that, even if he really is genuinely asking so they could move on to the next phase of interpreting reid’s message, hotch is going to take what they say to heart.

so he softens the blow. automatically his tone is more gentle. he’s speaking lowly, just under what he’d sound like in a normal conversation. he’s trying to keep it casual. and there’s something much less direct about his answer. “you can be” which, though just a few words, is worlds away from “you are” in meaning. it’s something he’s capable of, but not something that necessarily defines him. it’s a behavior, not a characteristic. 

emily’s answer is interesting, and honestly aligns with her character perfectly well. she’s not disparaging like jj, or even hesitant like morgan. she recognizes his intent and chimes in the way she would any other brainstorm session with the group. she’s not worried about his feelings, she’s just going to answer the question. this is just another part of the case, another path to the next stage: finding reid.

hotch has been hostile towards her from the beginning, there’s no doubt about that. it’s understandable that she’d want to see his distrust as something generalized instead of targeted. but, again, even though criticism is just as negative as jj’s (bully and misogynist are not exactly great attributes), there’s no derision behind it. she really answers the way she would if he was asking for suggestions on a profile. it’s.. almost enthusiastic? because she knows he’s onto something and she knows the next step is right there, he just needs their help to reach it.  

morgan is apprehensive. emily is, at the very least, not trying to insult him. which makes jj’s response stand out all the more. it’s not gentle. it’s not a suggestion. it’s not something you would say to a good person. “you’re a bully.”

again, we’ve got to scramble to put together scattered crumbs of a backstory for hotch, but i think by now most of us agree that hotch was, at some level, abused by his father as a child. and we know that hotch has taken great strides to keep whatever he may have inherited, whatever perotta relishes in, at bay.

he’s actively trying to be a better man than his father. trying to be a better father than his father. he’s so heartbreakingly gentle with jack. he doesnt yell, he doesnt talk down to him, he doesnt even make sudden movements.

i’ve only capped so many episodes, so i have limited options of interactions with jack. but honestly it doesn’t even matter--you could pull from any scene between jack and hotch and watch how tender, how cautions he is with his son. he doesn’t want to repeat that cycle of abuse.

they have to move on quickly to save reid, so they don’t exactly get to go over the conversation and he doesnt get a chance to process what they’ve said. but we know he doesnt let it go easily. and instead of getting frustrated with them and angry with them for anything they said, he sits and stews in it. bringing up a season later that hopefully their next unit chief “wouldn’t be such a drill sergeant.” knocking on emily’s apartment door to bring her back into the team after finding out how easy it would’ve been for her to throw him under the bus with strauss.

i think he tries. he tries to be better. he learns from others and puts thought and precision and care into his actions. he doesn’t want to be the kind of person his father was. he doesn’t want to be a bully. but that’s exactly what she calls him, and i can’t help but wonder how that particular comment made him feel.