#maybe my sense of humor is wonky or something but hes so fucking funny

[electroniccollectiondonut]

the darkling is the funniest bitch in ravka I swear. literally all of this is in the span of less than twenty pages he's great

[nakachuchu]

Love is in the Air or Not | Kuroo Tetsuro + Yaku Morisuke

SYNOPSIS: Harry Potter AU - Two boys are pining for you.

READER: female

WORDS: 2093

WRITTEN: 03/17/2021

NOTES: I rewrote this a lot of times and I read it so many times that I started hating it, so I'm not sure if anyone will actually enjoy it but I spent too much time on it.

You were one of the rare girls who didn't give into Kuroo. He was known at Hogwarts for being a player and being absolutely wicked at sex. It was why girls always crawled to him—but not you.

He wanted to know why it was so easy for you to resist his charms. He thought he was quite attractive, and for you to not agree was an insult.

Kuroo approached you while you were talking to a friend. You slowly turned around and looked up at the tall man as your friend shuffled away.

He grinned at you. "Go out with me."

You laughed with a smile as you reached up to fix his tie. "You're crazy."

The corner of his mouth twitched. "Is that a no?"

"It's a big no."

"Why not? I'm a catch," he said.

"Because it's obvious you just want to fuck me," you retorted.

"Aren't you even a bit curious?" he asked.

"No, but I am hungry," you said as you walked away from him to grab a muffin.

You didn't care for relationships or boys, so Kuroo was a no-go for you. You cared more about your friends and getting good grades.

The next day, Kuroo approached you once more in the common room. It was times like this where you wished you were sorted into a different House.

"Go out with me?" Kuroo asked with a flower bouquet in his hand.

The flowers looked as if he pulled them out of the dirt from the courtyard, and you wouldn't be surprised if he did.

You shook your head. "I'm not taking these."

Kuroo's arm swung back to his side. "Why not? Girls like flowers."

You fought back the urge to snatch those flowers and smack him on the head with it. "Not all girls like flowers and not all of them want to have sex with you," you retorted.

You left the common room without taking the flowers. Yaku walked in the room with a muffin in his hand and a book wedged in his armpit.

"Feels bad, doesn't it?" Yaku asked.

Kuroo's eye twitched. "Mouthy already, huh?"

"You tell me."

"Smartass," Kuroo commented with a snort.

"I don't know. Why don't you ask my ass? Here, it's been really calm today."

Yaku turned around and stuck his butt out. Kuroo rolled his eyes and shoved his back before smacking him with the flowers. Yaku turned back and whacked him in the face with his book.

"Dick," Kuroo muttered.

"Asshole," Yaku retorted. "Did you ever stop to think that maybe Y/N doesn't like you?"

"Every girl likes me. They just want to be fucked."

Yaku rolled his eyes. "I'm going to the library. You're annoying the fuck out of me."

"Please do, midget."

Yaku ignored him and walked toward the library with his school bag. He didn't expect to see you there, standing by a bookcase though. He approached you hesitantly and you smiled faintly once you saw him.

"Hey, Yaku," you greeted.

"Hey, Y/N. How's your day so far?" he asked.

"Kuroo hasn't stopped bothering me. It's a miracle he's not here right now. You didn't shrink him and hide him in your robes, did you?"

Yaku smiled as he stuck his hand in his robes and patted his body.

"I don't think he's in there, but if he is, then I probably squished him by then."

You chuckled. "With that ego of his, there's no way we'll be able to shrink him."

He snorted. "You can say that again. I could power a whole town with that ego."

"Try the whole world," you retorted.

The two of you paused before bursting out in laughter. Students nearby curiously looked at you and the librarian shushed you. The two of you zipped your mouths and did your best to not laugh.

You never failed to make him laugh. It was why he liked spending time with you.

The two of you met in your first year and it wasn't difficult to become friends with him. He was a bit shy at first, but eventually came out of his shell when you started smiling and telling jokes to him during class.

"What are you studying for?" you asked.

"Charms," he answered. "You?"

"Potions."

Yaku nodded. "My best subject is Potions."

"And my best subject is Charms," you replied.

"Wanna be study partners?" he asked as he nervously scratched the back of his neck.

"It would be an honor."

The librarian shushed you again.

The two of you looked at each other before forcing down your laughter.

You enjoyed spending time with Yaku. He was humble, smart, and had a wicked sense of humor.

"Y/N, another Outstanding for you!" the professor said as he passed back your test.

You smiled gratefully. Charms always came naturally to you.

"Kuroo, Poor. Was this lesson too difficult for you? You usually do so well."

"Ah, well, I've been a bit under the weather. Maybe Y/N could tutor me since she's so smart," said Kuroo lazily.

"That sounds wonderful!" the professor exclaimed.

You froze and dropped the book you were holding onto the desk. "Please repeat that, Professor. I'm afraid my hearing is a bit wonky these days."

"You should tutor Kuroo!" he repeated. "Lunch is about to start, so everyone may leave. Y/N, I expect you to help Kuroo raise his grades."

You and Kuroo left the room, side-by-side.

"There's no way you purposely failed that test to get me to tutor you, did you?" you asked.

"Who knows?" he questioned with a smirk.

Truth was, he did fail on purpose to get time with you. But it wasn't because he had a crush on you.

He didn't do crushes. It was difficult for him to get attached to someone because no one was worth his time.

"Your technique is all wrong," you critiqued. "Why do you move your arm around like a dead worm?"

After class, you immediately dragged him to a corner of the library to coach him.

Kuroo rolled his eyes. "You're meaner than you look," he said. "Everyone thinks you're this saint, but you're really not."

You raised an eyebrow. "I think I'm pretty nice."

"If you're nice, then go out with me," he countered.

"I'm not that nice."

"Are you sure? I'm pretty cute," he said.

"That's a good joke," you retorted.

He rolled his eyes. "Okay, but I actually do have a good joke. Why did the ketchup blush?"

"I don't know. I don't like ketchup."

"He saw the salad dressing."

You blinked. "That's...horrible. Are you a dad? You're making dad jokes!"

"Hey, they're good! Look, look, I have another one, okay? What's the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A man will actually search for a golf ball."

You snorted. "Okay, that's actually—" You started laughing. "That's actually pretty funny."

Kuroo never noticed how cute your laugh and snort was. He liked it when you loosened up around him, so he continued to tell bad jokes.

"Stop making me laugh!" you scolded. "I'm supposed to be tutoring you!"

Kuroo laughed in return. "Think of this as a break!"

"We've had a ten-minute break with me laughing and you telling jokes!"

Other students in the library were starting to get annoyed with the two. At first, they were intrigued by you spending time with Kuroo, but they started to get annoyed with how loud you were.

"There's nothing wrong with that," Kuroo responded.

"Maybe. Unless you're actually failing Charms."

"I'm not. I'm actually smart, you know."

You hummed. "No, I don't think I know."

"Will you go out with me?" he asked again.

It was so sudden, that you didn't know what to say. And when you looked at how serious he was, you nearly agreed.

But you had never dated someone before, and Kuroo was known for being a player.

"No," you said softly. "But for good reason. Maybe you should ask out someone else? Like you said, you're a catch."

He nodded. His mouth felt a bit dry and there was a bad taste in his mouth. He felt a bit uncomfortable but understood what you meant.

The two of you met in your first year, but you only knew him through Yaku. Their families knew each other, so they grew up together.

You and Kuroo weren't close to each other, but if you were around Yaku, Kuroo would normally appear to tease him.

Along the way, he got intrigued by how you never gave him the time of day.

The Winter Ball was coming up. Students were asking each other out left and a right. Everywhere you turned, a student would be asking another student to attend the ball with them.

"Are you going to ask anyone to the ball, Yaku?" you asked as you sat down next to him in the library.

He suddenly seemed frigid. "No!" he exclaimed.

"Shh!" the librarian angrily shushed.

"You seem very eager about that. It's all right. You don't have to tell me anything."

He fidgeted with the ends of his robes. "Y/N, do you want to go to the ball with me?"

Yaku liked you. It wasn't hard to tell, and while you could picture a relationship with him, you weren't ready for one.

You froze, the book in your hand balancing on the spine. "I wasn't planning on going to the dance. I don't like loud, crowded places," you explained. "Sorry. It's definitely not you. Um—let's just study, okay?"

He felt dejected, but it was better than you rejecting him for another person. He nodded and opened his book.

Kuroo looked up from the couch in the common room once he heard the door open. You casually walked in, waving to others with a book wedged into your armpit.

He got up from the couch and walked over to you. You paused as he stood in front of you with his signature smirk.

"Do you want to go to the Winter Ball with me?" he asked.

"Yaku didn't put you up to this, right?" you asked.

"No. Did he do something?"

"He asked me to the dance, like, an hour ago. I'm going to tell you what I told him. I'm not planning on going," you said. "Dances aren't my thing. I'll just be in the common room."

You turned around and headed up to your dorm.

Dances weren't Kuroo's scene, either, but he asked because he wanted to get to know you better. But, he didn't mind the idea of spending time with you alone while the others were at a dance.

Kuroo left the common room to find Yaku to get some answers. Because Kuroo wasn't stupid—regardless of how people thought—he knew Yaku would be in the library.

"Do you like Y/N?" Kuroo asked as he approached him.

Yaku nodded, looking up from his seated position. "Yeah, I do. Do you?"

Kuroo scoffed. "I don't know. She's pretty cool though."

"Who knows? Maybe she'll actually end up liking you—when pigs fly," Yaku added.

Kuroo scoffed. "She'd definitely pick me."

The boys stared each other down silently.

On the day of the dance, you were left alone in the common room. The fire was going and you had a book on your lap.

It was quiet and peaceful, and you liked it. Until two bumbling idiots ran down the stairs while arguing with each other.

You looked up from your book. "Really, boys? You couldn't have gone to the dance like the others?"

"Well, the girl we asked didn't want to go," Kuroo retorted as he jumped over the couch and sat next to you.

Yaku quietly sat on your other side. You closed your book and placed it on the table in front of you.

"Fair point," you said as you waved your wand to turn on the radio.

You leaned your head back and closed your eyes.

"What are you doing?" Yaku asked.

"Taking a nap. We're not going anywhere," you retorted.

The two boys looked at each other as you drifted off to sleep. You didn't mind their company as long as neither of them bothered you—mainly Kuroo.

"She'll never date you," Yaku said.

"How do you know that? I'm a catch. I bet she'll date me."

"I doubt that. I have a better chance than you," Yaku retorted.

Kuroo rolled his eyes. "A midget like you would never win."

The two began to quietly bicker with each other. They were rivals, after all, and this was only the beginning.

[popculturebuffet]

The Loud House Reviews: The Boss Maybe/ Family Bonding

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Loud House weekly coverage continues as Leni is pushed into the deep end of responsiblity and taking over Lori’s old role of babysitter while her parents are gone and promptly drowns in a sea of comedy clubs, human body parts both on screen and in the fridge, old men in holes and indoor beach volley ball. 

First things first: Last week I forgot to mention Rusty’s mustache freezing off as god, wether it be the judeo-christian god, Odin, that prick Zeus, the flying spagehtti monster or one of many other gods out there. Perhaps all of them did it at once out of hatred for the little weiner. Maybe one of them finally answered my prayers which in that case, that was nice and all but there are far worse things going on i’d prefer you took care of. Also the “stuff I couldn’t fathom” turned out to be just more loudcest, because of course it did. Loudcest is like David Spade, you think it’s finally gone or isn’t doing as much but then it comes around and makes the wrong missy and you waste 90 minutes of your life thinking i’td be so bad it’s good when it’s really just boring and a waste of it’s main actress talent. I lost track of that metaphor, but Loudcest is like david spade in that people like it for reasons I can’t fathom and it hasn’t quietly faded into the background for reasons I can’t fathom, though at least david spade was funny once. So maybe Loudcest isn’t like david spade. or maybe i’ve been taking too long with this bit. 

But whlie last week was a bit wonky it also had a lot to setup.. but now it’s time to see what the show does with all the setup over, and a lot of new possiblities ahead. PItter Patter!

The Boss Maybe Ah now this is exactly what I was hoping for this season. New situations brought about by the year-up and all the changes it brought, with the same old heart and humor and character progression that drew me back into the show. This is the kind of episode i love and have talked about in the past and dosen’t fall into any of the shows usual pitfalls in the process. Just great. I could end it there but I haven’t shut up before why do it now.  So this episode focuses on Leni who I talked about a bit last week and easily had the best plot and in general tends to have good episodes, both before and after the show became an ensemble piece, and even in episodes without her tends to slide in just fine. She’s always a nice breath of fresh air when she shows up. 

I think that’s due to a number of things. For one it’s how sweet a person she is: She’s genuinely nice, kind and well meaning. While she is dumb as a box of rocks that resemble Pauly Shore, what I like is her stupidity isn’t malicious, or overused for misery. She causes comical injuries from time to time with it but she’s quick to apologize iff she realises it and usualyly has no ill will to anybody unless provoked or fighting Lori over a dress despite them wearing the same clothes all the time. I know standard animation thing but it’s always weird to me when shows with a stock outfit for a character have a fashionista, and prefer when shows have stylish characters actually change outfits like Kim Possible did with it’s title character, Xiaolin Showdown did with Kimiko and of all things LIttlest Petshop did with Blythe. Granted Blythe is a nothing of a character but still, credit where it’s due. But I do get this is also a nick show and they givet hem the budget of 50 cents and a network memo that says “BEG US FOR MORE MONEY” written in blood, so fair enough. 

That aside she’s just plesant to watch. The other factor is Liliana Mumy. If you haven’t heard of her , she’s a vetran voice actress whose been doing this on and off since she was a kid, voicing Panini on chowder as a child and later going on to voice Beth in bravest warriors among other roles. Why she only does work so ocasionaly I have no idea but when she does she’s great. She’s also the son of fellow child actor BIll Mumy, aka the guy who as a kid played Anthony Fremont from the Twilight Zone classic “It’s A Good Life”, which if you haven’t seen it is about a small child who has the power of a god and thus can banish people who are “bad”, i.e. disobey him and thus rules over a small town as a creepy and cruel despot. Oh and he can read minds so if you dare to have a thought he dosen’t like your getting banished, with no telling what that means or where anyone disappeared goes. It’s good stuff. Highly recommend it, Mumy is absolutley terrifing and a brilliant actor even at that age and I wish he’d done more as an adult. I also bring it up because Lily played his daughter when they did a sequel episode during the UPN version of the show, set decades later and showing just what the little terror was like grown up... as well as what happens when his DAUGHTER gets the power. It was also really good and worth a watch after the first one. Good stuff. 

TLDR: Leni is one of my faviorites, so’s her voice actress, i’ve rambled enough about unrelated stuff at this point. 

We open at the mall, where for Leni life begins after schol, that’s when we bend all the rules time to hang with all her friends in the place where she belongs!

I mean technically she’s 17 now, but she was 16 when she started this job and none of them were 16 by the time the show ended so nyeh. This started in season 3 when the show started giving the girls not just their own stories but their own supporting casts., storylines, love intrests etc. Luna and Luaan got their romance plots with Sam and Benny, Lori got her college plot towards the end of the season, Lynn’s friends started showing up in her plots more, Luna’s mortuariy club went from assorted background friends of hers to a full fleged supporting crew, and of course Lincoln’s friend group started to become a recurring part of his plots away from his sisters. 

For Leni, being one of the only three kids that could legally work at the time, another possible plot to dig into, and with Luna having way less incentive to get a 9-5 job with her music to work on and the fact we’ve seen her use said music to make money once in a blue moon, Leni was a good choice. It gave her something she was good at besides fashion, even if it’s fashion adjacent and gave us a new supporting cast for those stories: Her boss Mrs. Redinger, your standard “i’m tough by fair” type, and her new friends Fiona and Miguel, two fellow fashion savy teens played by actors i’d never heard of but who do a damn good job and play off her well, with both being a bit sarcastic but Fiona being a bit more mopey and deadpan and Miguel being a possibly but defintely gay teen. Both play off her well by being more down to earth and more wiling to be negative, but still enjoyable enough to be around you can buy them being friends with Leni and their a stellar addition to the cast. I wish, much like we’ve gotten with Liam lately, we could see more of them outside leni stories. Their a treat. 

But I really like Leni’s work there. Besides the cast it puts Leni in a role of responsiblity she excels at. My only real problem is her boyfriend, maybe I dunno, Chaz, one of the ONLY love intrests from l is for love to get mentioned again and one of the more intresting ones, never shows up despite also working at hte mall and the story potetial of them working for rival stores or the same store. I mean I can’t blame them for not throwing another love intrest on the pile when they had two ongoing romance plots, but now both Luna and Luann are on steady ground with their steadies, it’s time to pull that trigger, get off hte ground and eat that horse. Also let LIncoln have one again will ya? It dosen’t have to be stella but Girl Jordan is right there, i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again.. where is she. And if not her just make one you’ve proven to actually be really good at it. 

Where was I? Ah yes the mall. Leni is doing great at her job, suggesting some gloves to scoots, who ceases being skeptical when a hunky younger man of 30 something compliments her on them them chases off after him. If you don’t remember who scoots was that’s the old lady on a scooter who makes troulbe and appareltly can still get it. Good for her. Granted this is coming from someone who ships eda and stan pines still even though it’s now revealed she’s 30 but... frankly I don’t think age is a concern with her and stan can make this joke, so it evens out. 

I mean he would right? I”m getting off topic even more than usual, point is Leni is doing great and her boss takes her to the break room for cake room... it’s just the one cake but can you imagine a cake room? that’s the life. Just a fridgerated room full of cake. 

Turns out she’s EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH. And she didn’t have to chain squidward to an ancient battle ship to get it or anything. After some confusion, Fiona has to clarify it’s NOT her birthday because of course she does, Leni is proud. Full of cake and pride she tells her mom whose decided to reward her good job at work.. by dumping a bunch of respnosiblity on her.  I kid. Rita is being somewhat resonable here. She asks Leni to take over Lori’s old role of babysitting/making sure the other 10, now 9 kids don’t burn the house down... no really she actually specifies that when leaving in the next scene. Which.. fair enough.. you have 11 kids, all likely to plug in a lot of stuff especially Luna and Lisa, said Lisa is a mad scientest who ends up nearly being the one to do it this time, Lynn has no common sense, and the younger ones who aren’t mad scientst are still reckless and vain and combattive respectivley so the odds of a house fire nearly breaking out on any given night are 1:1. But Leni in a show of self doubt that’s rare for her is scared (Though her revealing that by answering a question of how she’d feel about about babysitting the kids with “Scared” was fucking gold. I swear Lily’s deliveries are always so great. ), and while Rita assures her she’s not sure. But as I said, she is being resonable: While Leni’s not the brightest she’s kind, she’s been shown even before her recent major award she’s responsible, she’s babysat for other people’s kids, and she’s kind. I mean they COULD put Luna or Luaan in charge but while when I first read the preview blurb for this episode I was cuirous why they didn’t think of that or thought they would, this episode does a good job presenting WHY they’d do it, while other episodes fill in the gaps: Luna is a bit reckless and Luaan can get caught up in her bidness and as we know once a week goes through the green door and comes out a gamma monster fuled by the sound of her own laughter, a horrible mixture of the joker and madman.. the leader’s insane brother. I’m a huge nerd, you all know this. Leni is the right choice.

Despite her nerves Leni has little choice but to take it on and Mr. Loud proudly sees her out with ye olde english as he and Rita, with lily in a cute little knight’s helmet in tow, are going to a renisance fair to cater, with Lynn Sr needing the backup. And while you may say “what about his staff”.. their either going with and he just needs an extra pair of hands since it’ll be nuts, or some of them are staying behind to man Lynn’s Table while he’s out on his catering gig. I mean the man has plenty of time for his kids, he’s not at the restraunt 24 hours a day. Someone else has to run it when he’s gone. I asked internally why they didn’t just take them along.. then reminded myself that taking all 11 kids to the faire at once, without anyone to watch them and likely having to call in favors when jsuta s likely, Lynn Sr and Rita can take them all another day with presumibly free passes as part of the catering job as that sounds like the kinda thing he’d do. Also Senior’s into scarf’s now thanks to Leni, which I love. Looks good on him. Hank should give her a call. Ascots may be out but I think he could rock a scarf. I’ve had ventures on the brain.  What follows is naturally Leni having several panic attacks as chaos naturally insues btu without Lori’s lifetime of experince dealing with it. IT’s a nice dynamic: Leni, as we’ve established, has always been sort of Lori’s sidekick, her best friend, her amigo. Sure they fight, siblings do that, but they’ll always be there for each other when it counts. SHe’s never really had to THINK without her or be without her, so throwing her into the deep end of taking care of the kids really leaves her shook. It’s a HARD job, it’s probably why the louds don’t bring in babysitters often: there are 11 kids to look after, 10 now and only 9 tonight but still a LOT of them and most of htem pretty high maintince. It was just easier with Lori because she grew up knowing each of them, knowing each of their weaknesses and putting the fear of her righteous wrath into them. They’ve spent their whole lives looking up to her, literally and figuratvely, as their big sister and respecting her as the biggest authority in the house that’s nto her parents, sometimes bigger. Those aren’t just big shoes to fill , their Galactus size and that combined with her big sister worship leaves Leni understandably scared, lost and frequently paralized with anxiety this episode.  No really multiple times she just freezes and one times she screams. As someone with Anxiety disorder I related to this.. sometimes you either just break down or you just FREEZE from the stress and everything hitting you at once and have no idea how to progress while people are still barking at you to do something. It’s a lot but it was a nice touch that really added to her sympathy.   And her anxiety is also understandable when she’s being hit with 80 problems at once, which i’ll tackle all at once here rather than in order as this episode has a really frentic and good pace: while it follows the formula of “Leni runs into a problem, Leni freezes, then Leni gets help from Lori twice hten mr.grouse, more on that in am inute”, the quick pace and great jokes help keep things from feeling too repetivie. 

Anyways the chaos: Just from the start Lucy puts a possibly human liver in the fridge, Lana eats all the cookies then gets skunked by her pet skun, and Lola and Lynn get into a fight over 5 bucks Lynn found, and since Leni can’t just let one kill the other as nature intended she has to fix all this.. mostly by removing the smell with tomato juice and scaring off the skunk and cutting the dolar bill in half. Money dosen’t work that way as both sisters point out but frankly it’s Lola and Lynn, I don’t care who they feel. 

Meanwhile two of my other faviorties get into a tiff over their room: Luaan turns it into a comedy club and kicks luna out, with Scoots and her new man returning. Again, get it girl, get it, and Leni, under Lori’s advice, pretneding to be a fire marshall.. only for Luna towarsd the end to turn it into her own rock club. Lisa creates a corossive super substance that burns a hole in the floor, Lana continues to grapple with the skunk and finally Lincoln and Clyde.. watch a scary movie despite Lucy’s warnings.. and Lucy does something else.. I think? It was a chaotic episode with a lot of set pieces so forgive me if I forgot one of them. Honestly she’s the most well behaved there.But yeah as per the cliche Lincoln and Clyde, after Leni gets the wifi fixed with Mr. Grouse’s help, they get super scared and freaked. Everyomne is freaking, the house is falling apart and Senior wants permission to wear a pinky ring via thought cloud.. which.. no man no. Scarves yes but no one looks good with a pinky ring. No one. And I say that as amporphous blob covered in hair, sweat and regrets. 

As for how Leni deals with all this she leans on Lori, calling her twice, but at inportune times: during a golf game and at the library where said phone gets taken. Granted, I don’t get why she didn’t have it on silent, as I would in those situations, but then we wouldn’t have an excuse to include her and it feels necessary to show WHY Lori can’t just help all night or reassure her sister and with Lori gone the panic only intensifies. As I said she gets paralized with fear and later just outright screams.. which attracts an irate Mr Grouse, the next door neighbor who I need to watch more of’s episodes. Including 12 louds of leapin.. I know i’m way overdue on that. This december. Promise. 

The old man who yells at Louds helps for a bit, helping get rid of a beach Lynn set up because she’s lynn, she has the consderation of a puppy, but eventually falls in a hole like most great heroes and most elderly people. I mean the ones up the street at the retierment home must fall in once a week. They get out of course because the assitant living mole lets them ride out as it digs into the walls. Or maybe that was just a hallucination.  Eventually though the start at her job comes back as she calls the only people she has left for help: Fiona and Miguel, who are at the mall in chairs because of courser they are, and both are confused why she’s so helpless: She’s fantastic at work, she’s kind, confident and smart.. about certain things, she can do this. Besides helping her confidence with this really sweet moment they also give her a good tool for how to use said confdience from work: just treat her siblings as customers. It’s also a nice call back to how we’ve seen Leni learn way back in season 1 during “Driving Miss Hazy” we’ve seen that she can have troulble grasping things, but when you put it in terms she understands, like fashion, or shopping, or in this case helping customers with their issues, she snaps into it. She learns at her own pace in her own way, it’s why I think sh’es neurotypical, and possibly ont he spectrum like yours truly: while her stupidity isn’t part of that the unqiue way she processes things has me supscious. either way it works. 

So with a new strategy Leni.. literally adresses them like shoppers, which is comedy gold. However it’s a valid strategy:  besides the visualation part by getting them to form a line, instead of trying to handle 2 or 3 problems at once she simply handles them one at a time: She scares the skunk off again, shuts down both competing clubs in the older kids room, uses water to take out lisa’s universal solvant, gives Lola and Lynn 5 bucks instead of just cutting a ten in half this time, and in the sweetest moment of the episode, reads Clyde and Lincoln a childrens book to clam them down. Sure it’s  a bit funny but their genuine relief and all threes adorable expressions really melt the heart. 

Leni finally wins, just as her parents get home and congradulate her, Rita’s faith not misplaced. While Rita probably knew it’d be an adjustment, and frankly should’ve prepped her sooner, she knows her daughter and knows waht sh’es caapable of. Also Senior brought home meet and gives leni a turkey leg who gives it to the old man who now lives in a hole inside their house. That’s his home now. Mr Grouse is just there now. Or I wish he was. But I guess you can’t always get what you want epsecially if it’s an old man living in a hole in the loud’s living room. Someday.  Final thoughts for The Boss Maybe: As you could easily tell I loved this one. Funny with a hell of an emotional core, and with great pacing espeially for a loud house episode, this was a joy to watch and easily one of the best episodes the show has done. Just a funny, breezy watch with a lot of subtext, intetional or not, regarding what we’ve seen of Leni and honestly i’m going to go with intetional. It felt really rooted in who Leni is, her relationship with lori, and her work without hitting you over the head with it. It just all flowed really well and made for a hard one to top for the season this early. I’m impressed and it gives me hope for the rest of the season. 

Family Bonding

This one was.. okay. As i’ve learned the hard way from doing Amphibia when an episodes just okay it’s best to breeze through it.. but I can give it this. While it’s mostly a standard loud house episode the ending.. wasn’t predictable. That’s for sure. I mean.. it left me with only one thought really...

But i’m getting ahead of myself. The episode’s plot is standard for the most part: Lincoln’s obessed with a new spy comic book about a james bond expy.. okay so that’s what Sterling Archer did besides physical therapy for the three months between his waking up and Season 11.  Anyways they soon get more exciting news from Lynn. New Neighbors! Before Rita can stop them, the rest of her family tramples over her and goes to make their aqunatince and of course be a bit overbaring with it before Rita rushes in with a spray bottle to spray them like a bad dog because frankly when your dealing with 11 people most of whom are really impuslive, sometimes dog training just works. You try raising eleven kids and see how long before your brain breaks.  Anyways after introductions and the mom turning down cherry pie, you monsters, lincoln sees strange flashing lights and a device and is convinced something is up and unable to convince his family and on a spy kick, recurits clyde. Now why he dosen’t call on Stella and Zach I dunno. And yes I said Zach and not my boy Liam. I have my reasons: Stella, besides being a faviorite of mine, is a tech whiz as shown in one of the comics and in the cookie episode, and Liam is already a paranoid conspiracy nut and as we’ve seen with Dale Gribble, they can be suprisingly useful. I mean Dale is not the best on common sense but he knows goverment bilaws in and out, is skilled with a gun or a bag of pocket sand, and has danny trejo’s octavio, whose basically danny but as hired muscle instead of a master actor, on speed dial. I mean we don’t know if Zach dosen’t have a danny trejo on speed dial or not. We never asked.  As for the other two while I love LIam, spying just dosen’t seem to be in his sizeable skill set and Rusty.. well rusty’s about as subtle as a man covered in screeching cats he glued to himself blowing an airhorn, while screaming the script to a micheal bay movie while doing the explosion noises himself.. which Rusty has probbbly done.  The real thing i’m getting at is I don’t get why, outside of Clyde and LIam, the writers think when LIncoln has an epiosde it either just needs ot be ClyncolnMcCloud or the ENTIRE group, when one or two would do the trick. YOu CAN seperate them out. People do hang out with diffrent friends at diffrent times. I know the show’s grasp on reality is tenous at best, we got to that last week with the whole one teacher for core classes thing with schooled and this week.. again we’ll get to it in a second, but friends DO hang out seperate. We saw each member of the Lincrew, minus stella because she didn’t exist yet, doing their own thing in Racing Hearts. It’s not that complicated. It’s hard to flesht hem out when their used as one solid unit and not unresonable to just use one or two. it’s a lesson I hope the show learns eventually and hope it’s sister show learns too. 

But yeah our dynamic duo spend the episode as youd’ expect; unraveling conspriacies and stalking the new family, though there are some funny bits. Besides Rita squirting her family like a cat or a dog, we have flip getting half his face shaved by a survelince drone and okay maybe just those two things. not bad bits, but the general concept of them roleplaying into mischief.. has been done before. The show’s done the detective bit before and the spy trappings really don’t change that. And you CAN do a good spy takeoff episode, this one just sin’t it and feels like your standard LIncoln and Clyde messaround with tuxedos. Which to be fair are pretty awesome but still. It’s pretty flat.  The climax though? I’ll give it this.. it’s pretty entertainngi if also 100% what exactly the fuck. So our heroes are naturally caught sneaking into the neighbors house and its eems they were wrong, etc etc, exactly what we expected the new kid will hang around.. at least we have a new character. Instead.. LIncoln accidently hits a knob and unveils a panel

So yeah... turns out the new family ARE spies, just for Peach Growers and plan to wipe out all cherries in royal woods. Yup.. look I know this universe is patently insane but even for loud house, even with all of lisa’s super science... even with the slapstick but this is just.. nuts. Like i’m fine with suspending my disbelif, this show is a goofy comedy, but this is a bit much. I LOVE it for being nuts but only in a “what on spagehtti monster’s green earth were you thinking”. I get swinging for the fences but Lincoln getting into a fight with a bunch of spies after playing spy, well beating them with slapsticks and stopping their plot to elmitie cherries..t his isn’t Kids Next Door. This just.. dosen’t work. Jeff Goldblum tell em why, my brains too broken to articulate this anymore

Yeah that. It’s just a weird climax and ends iwth LIncoln vetting the new neighbors.. which does it include girl jordon? Did they just write her out? If so why? Fans liked her, you can have more than one female character in Lincoln’s friend group. Zach is replacable. You can give me whatever the fuck this was, but not an intresting friend for him who has personality already. I get 50% chad but not your decision making. Gah. 

Final Thoughts for .. this. one This one really didn’t work. Besides the ending just not fitting the series specific brand of ludicrous, I mentioned KND for a reason as it made this sort of plot work fine by having it’s whole unvierse be really fucking weird and specific, it’s mostly just okay. We’ve seen this before.. well okay I haven’t watched many of the Lincoln and Clyde messarounds, but the formula’s about the same.  And that dosen’t work. For one you have a HUGE swath of new possiblities: A new school, Chandler coming back, new teachers and faculity, a new principal, and Lynn and LIncoln being in the same school, and you instead just.. retread the same crap. you have 4 of lincoln’s friends other than clyde to use but don’t let them in on the fun. And most agrivating to me you move new neighbors into the neighborhood while neglecting some of your old supporting cast and have them be villians of the week instead of adding someone NEW to the neighborhood. Give one of the other kids a new friend, or give lincoln a new friend to add to his group and replace liam, shake up the dynamic with him and clyde bya dding a third or, most obviously move one of his friends INTO the neighborhood, most obviously stella since you spent so much time building her up then have her addition affect Lincoln and Clyde. Sure we’ve had an episdoe of one of his friends getting in the way of them before, but this would be diffrent. This episode is just.. not great and was a waste of my time, espespcailly after following such a stellar episode. It’s probablyt he first genuinely bad episode i’ve covered on this blog. Now that probably won’t stand, i’ve seen genuiley worse but.. as a wise penguin once said. 

One last note. That Young Dylan graphic is really obnoxiou and obtrusive.  It’s the second most obnoxious thing i’ve seen on this network. 

I”m out for this week. If you want more check out my Amphibia reviews, as I just finished a new one today, my other loud house reviews in the newly minted nickelodeon tab or other stuff on my other tabs, send me an ask for reviews you’d like to see or pay me to review whatver you want for 5 bucks via direct message. And check this blog Monday for the return of weekly Ducktales coverage, and next weekend for the next episode of loud house, and throughotu the week for more reviews.  Until we meet again, GO TEAM VENTURE!. Play us out Mary Kate Wiles. If nothing else this episode let me use this song. 

[resetmypatientviolence]

Ménage à Trois (Drake x MC x Liam) [NSFW Alphabet]

It’s still Thirsty Thursday here, but it might be Frisky Friday for some of you... but here, at least... is the Drake x Jaela x Liam NSFW Alphabet. I’m warning you now: this is pure FILTH and it you don’t have nsfw or long post blocked and don’t wish to see this, please do so. Jaela’s just living the best life in this world, y’all.

Pairing: Drake x Jaela x Liam / Drake x Liam (yep, I went there)

Rating: NSFW

Warnings: Language; Pure fucking smut after the cut; most turned into mini-drabbles, but I don’t think you’ll mind.

Word Count: ... 5, 539. This is why it’s taken so damn long. Settle in.

** Adding tagging @boneandfur and @decisso for TRR Appreciation week since the tags are being wonky!

A= Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

She’d never tell either of them, but Liam’s definitely the better cuddler and draws a bath for her, even if it’s 2am and they’re just ready to pass out in each others arms. Though, there’s something about Drake and the way he whispers in her ear the moments after he comes that leaves her breathless, craving for more, even if he falls asleep shortly after, Jaela curled against his side after cleaning up.

Though… they can all agree they love the laughter after a ménage à trois, Drake and Liam’s hands resting on her body between them, caressing her, even after the intense lovemaking, both spoiling her, until they fall asleep, all tangled up.

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Liam and Drake both love their dicks—both because of that face Jaela makes when she comes, and she can say the same for them. “How the fuck did I get so lucky?”

“Because,” Liam says, tilting her chin up, smirking and wiping her lips with his thumb while Drake’s nails drag along her back, Jaela shuddering as he pounds into her. “You learned how to share.”

To say that she didn’t have any idea of what would happen the first time they all slept together would be a lie. She knew she’d be treated like a goddess, and that she was. Drake loves her ass, and it all started after one night of too much whiskey and wine, Jaela on Drake’s lap, rough hands squeezing it, trailing soft kisses on his second favorite part of her, her neck. Something about how she throws her head back when she laughs, or when him… or Liam… kiss her there.

Liam wasn’t exactly jealous, watching Drake and Jaela on the chair next to the bonfire, the light bouncing off the Washington woods—and their bodies—perfectly. But… he downed the last of his whiskey. Her tits looks amazing in that shirt, one button undone enough to flash that black lacy bra he loved, too. And he was drunk. So…, why shouldn’t he give it a shot? Turns out, the moment he touched her chest, fingers grazing over her stiff nipple, that was enough for her to pull him into a kiss—only for a moment—before looking between the two of them, all three of their eyes alight with something… new.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically…)

Coming in their mouth when they eat her out, or when she rides their face, is her absolute favorite way to come. There’s so much power in how Drake or Liam hold her closer, murmuring how great she tastes, tasting herself on their tongue shortly after.  

The boys, of course, have a favorite place to cum—and then their seconds. Naturally, coming in her is preferable, condom until they all aptly handled the matter of birth control—especially after that one time—but they both have their second favorites, in case they can’t, at least, not at first. Liam loves coming on her tits, and Drake in her mouth, both always locking eyes with her when they do.

But she fucking loves it when they come at nearly the same time, in or on her. And Drake and Liam do too.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Maybe that first threesome—oh god she still gets warm thinking about it—wasn’t exactly spontaneous. “Abdi… can I tell you something?” he whispers, finger tracing circles on her arm, naked bodies intertwined on their bed.

“Of course,” Jaela replies, smiling up at him, pushing aside hair from his forehead. Outside, there’s a distant howl, moonlight peeking through the tall pines. He shifts, taking a deep breath. Jaela props herself up, eyebrows furrowing. “You know you can tell me anything, Drake. Remember, that’s one of our rules: honesty.”

He nods, clicking his tongue. “Well… okay. I… I might have gotten off to hearing you and Liam… more than once.” A beat. “And it took so much willpower not join you two.”

Her eyes widen—but only for a moment, lips curling into a grin. “You know… I wouldn’t have minded.” Drake nearly sputters, pulling her back to him.

“What?!”

Jaela nods, hand trailing down his chest. Like her and Liam haven’t thought it? Like she hasn’t wanted it since well… since they got used to this? “Get a little whiskey into Liam, and get him to watch us, and I can bet we’ll make that happen. Tomorrow?” Drake can only nod, kissing her and rolling on top of her in response, ready for round two.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Being a former Prince and King had its perks, and thus, Liam extremely experienced with women. Drake is too, reaping more than just a place to live, by being the Prince’s best friend. They competed for and shared women—separately—until Jaela came around, stealing their hearts and bodies with just a look. And they make sure she knows all of their tricks… yet still manage to have something up their sleeve.

Jaela too, had her fair share of men. Some hookups, and a handful of relationships that never went anywhere in New York. Though, being poly was a new thing for her, even though Drake and Liam eased her into it. Hell, threesomes were new for her and not for them… though, Drake and Liam laughed that of the threesomes they had, it was surprising that they weren’t involved in one together back in Cordonia… and both wondered why they hadn’t before, gazes lingering on each the first time they touched.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying.)

She loves riding them, Liam or Drake holding her close and whispering sweet—or dirty as all hell--- nothings into her ear. But god she loves it when they take control and push her against a wall, bend her over, or just pin her down, sometimes looking up at both of them, grinning until one kisses her and the other lowers his mouth to her body, fire kisses heading down to her hips, legs on their shoulders before he dives in.

Liam, surprise surprise, loves being dominant with any position that allows him the control, controlling Jaela or Drake’s pleasure—in a sense, he loses all control when he comes, hips meeting theirs, lips on each others names but yet, he feels like the King he was, seeing how they writhe under his touch. Though, he doesn’t mind being the one under their control, their spell, really, but it has its time and place.

“Jaela, my Queen, I love you…”

“Hmm… but you’re no King…” She giggles, nipping his ear, rolling her hips, Liam gripping them tight, eyes flashing, more heat pooling in her stomach. Oh, that look. How far could she go? “Just a commo—” And in a flash, Liam pins her on the bed, holding her wrists time.

“I think I should tie you up for such blasphemy.”

“Whatever punishment fits the bill… my King.”

Drake, on the other hand, doesn’t mind being submissive to Jaela or Liam’s whims (course, they’re left with plenty of love marks when he’s in control) and loves looking into her eyes and holding Jaela close, whether if she’s on top or not. It’s also fucking hot looking into Liam’s eyes, too, when they three of them fuck, one behind Jaela and the other in front. Or, well, when she’s away and he and Liam are both a little drunk, or not, there’s something about getting lost in his eyes, too.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

After everything they’ve been through, and while there’s so much laughter and joy after they have sex, all three are serious in bed. There’s some goofiness, like the first threesome, all three getting used to each others motions as one, but the order of goofiness—or seriousness, goes as this, is determined around breakfast one snowy morning after a night of lovemaking, first her and Liam… but Drake joined in when he got home from work.

“I can’t believe you laughed when I nearly tripped trying to get to you, Abdi.” Jaela snickers, buttering her toast. It was a sight, Drake barely able to contain himself once he came in the room, Liam’s nod a signal for him to join—if the Statue of Liberty key chain turned outward on their door wasn’t signal enough—almost falling out of his pants.

“So? It was funny!”

“To be fair, Jaela,” Liam says, shaking his protein shake, eyebrow raised. “We were, moments before, quite serious—you had tears, dear.” Jaela rolls her eyes.

“Yeah, yeah… okay, I like to laugh here and there, you sometimes, do, Liam, and Drake…” Jaela and Liam both set their sights on him and he flushes, shifting in the chair.

“Uh…”

“Goes without saying, you serious marshmallow,” Jaela snickers, leaning over and kissing his cheek.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

Liam’s well-groomed if not nearly bare, fucking loving feeling all of Jaela or how her mouth feels on him. Drake’s groomed, but sometimes if he’s busy, he’ll forget and be a natural, not that Jaela—or Liam—minds either way. They just love him for him. Jaela mixes it up, honestly, because she busy too but their faces when she is bare always makes her night—and always means she’s about to get no sleep, whether with one or both.  

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

Even in the roughest of nights, there’s always an element of intimacy that starts in the living room—or out in the woods, or well, anywhere really. The small touches, the kisses that begin at the mouth and wander without a hurry…. The in the moment, holding each other tight no matter what, making the other feel loved.

Jaela, once more, wouldn’t say this to the other, but Drake has a certain form of intimacy that takes her breath away, how he looks at her. Was it because she was gone with Liam, vanished without a trace, until she contacted him? Or something else? Thinking he’s second best, even when, finally, they’re both equal in her eyes?

That’s not to say Liam isn’t intimate, god he is, by the way he moves and takes control. How he caresses a jaw as he thrusts from behind, fingers winding into hair and pulling—but never with enough force to hurt. Just enough to remind them who’s is in charge.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

Drake was ashamed, at first, when he did get off to Liam and Jaela’s sounds of lovemaking. Not his fault the first he listened in, they nearly knocked over a chair in the kitchen before retreating to their room and he had to investigate and… well, it was hot, hearing the woman he shares making those sounds.

As much as Liam loves being teased by Jaela, he (or Drake, of course, one of them, ideally) just wants to be the one making her feel like that. Not that he doesn’t mind catching her, pulling her into a kiss, kissing her fingers, or anything but….

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Jaela didn’t call him King Kinky for nothing, when they were in Cordonia. Or out of it, for that matter. Liam and Jaela racked up quite a few kinks: public and outdoor sex for starters, then temperature roleplaying, light bondage… to name a few. Drake never told them that it hurt him, before they found the happy balance they needed, to see the ropes and ties still around their bedposts. Part of the sacrifice, he guessed.

Little did he know he’d be happy to see those months later, and even happier to be tied up with them. First, Jaela taking control—before that breath of temptation spilling over into reality. “Fuck, Jaela—”

“Did I say you could talk?” She purrs, sliding a finger across his lips, pupils dilated as she rides him, nails digging into his chest. Drake gulps and shakes his head, hickies on his neck. She smirks, rising off of him. He opens his mouth in protest, straining against the silk tie, but is silenced, Jaela moving and riding his face, her pussy tasting so fucking good. “That’s better,” she says, gripping his hair and shutting her eyes.

Of course, the best thrill for Liam comes when he has control of them both, both submitting to him and his whims. He’s big into edging, watching them soar to the highest of highs—but not getting that release until he lets them, whether from him or with each other, so long as he can see when he’s dominate. Sometimes, they’re tied next to each other, sneaking glances, fingertips brushing as he kisses up Jaela’s body, but not leaving Drake without something to moan about, both begging for more.  

Though, working with Drake at the most intimate level… that was a thrill all on its own, both working to deny, but only to bring Jaela the greatest of pleasures. “Please, Drake—”

“Drake,” Liam says, and Drake looks up from his assigned task: eating her out. Liam squeezes her breasts, kissing her neck. “Remember what I told her about begging?” He nods, removing his mouth, standing up but letting his hand fall between her thighs.

Jaela throws her head back in frustration, groaning. “But—”

Liam tightens the silk around her wrists behind her back and pinches a nipple, eyes locking with Drake, both dark with desire, smirks on their lips. Drake steps back from the edge of the bed. “No buts. Knees, now.”

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

Liam and Jaela? Oh god, anywhere and everywhere, really. He can’t pick a favorite, because the high of the thrill—even if they’re in the bed—blocks out everything but his and her pleasure, bodies locked together, smiles on their lips and each other. That’s all that matters. Though, in Miami with her, it was fucking hot to do it on their balcony, ocean spread out all before them, the people dots below.

Drake’s a simply guy, and he just loves picking Jaela up, legs straddled around him, and carrying her right to the bed to make love to her, pressing her against the mattress, sheets tangled up between them. Though, outside has a special place in his heart, hands over hers as she braced against the tree, pine and spring and dirt and her scent filling his nostrils and sending him into overdrive, birds flying away from the noise.

Drake and Liam are weak in the knees for their shower, but they think Jaela doesn’t know. She got off work early, letting down her hair, ready for a shower. “Drake? Liam?” she called, rubbing her eyes. The house was quiet, no surprise at this time of night (and god, she’d kill them if they let the kids stay up late again), except for the shower. Liam’s bed was empty, and so was Drake’s. She paused, glancing around the hallway. Not like their house was small, nor was it big… but where the hell were they?

She approached the master bath—maybe one was taking one in the guest bathroom, too? Hand on the handle, she paused, as new sound breaking through the sound of water. Moans. Loud ones, too. Then, a tumbling of a shampoo bottle—followed by Drake’s and Liam’s all too familiar, groans when they came. Jaela smirked, eyebrows raised. So that’s how come her bottles were always out of order.

When together? Well, that is the bed, much to Drake’s delight. There’s something private and personal and complicated—in all the right ways—when they have a threesome and having it be anywhere else but their home seems… wrong. The townspeople never questioned the two rings on Jaela’s hands, assuming one was a family heirloom (which it was, in a way, from Drake’s grandmother) but bringing their ménage à trois outside of their bedroom, or home, would be… wrong, an unspoken agreement between them the moment Drake kissed her lips and Liam pulled down her jeans, trailing his hands up to slide off her panties before she fell onto hers and Liam’s—no, their, bed.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Honestly, the better question is what doesn’t get them going.

No, seriously.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

The sky’s the limit, and they’ll indulge each others fantasies either one on one, or if they all agree to it, but they have a few NO’s: sadomasochism, anything that draws blood, whipping, and jealously. That’s the biggest one: no jealously. If those feelings arise… then they work it out, however they can.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Jaela’s a spoiled woman. And she can’t wipe the smirk off of her face at the stupid PTO meetings, thinking that a half hour before Liam went down on her right after she put the brownies into tubberware… and it was her night with Drake tonight. “Jaela, what’s your recipe for the brownies again?”

“Oh uh… you know, the usual things?”

And she’s pulled out of her head again, back to the politics of school and drama and avoiding the pointed looks of too many Mary-Sue’s in this small town thinking it was a little odd that Drake was living with them a single man… and that one of her three definitely has his nose, but she never addressed that.

As for Jaela, well, she’s more than willing to drop to her knees at anytime, but they always beat her out for the gift of receiving. Drake, generally, prefers to give and just wants to bury his cock in her, usually, even if he does love coming in her mouth…. Liam is more of a giver, liking to wake her up in the morning with his head between her thighs, but he fucking loves her blowjobs. Liam and Jaela both find it sexy when he’s commanding, hand gripping the back of her hair while she takes all of him in, looking up and never breaking eye contact until he comes, Jaela smirking as his eyes flutter, head rolling back, and letting out that moan she loves so much.

Commanding Liam is gone and replaced with the tender one, asking if that was too much. Jaela wipes her lips and he shudders, holding her close. “It’s never too much, Liam,” she whispers. “I love it,” she pauses, tracing his jaw, eyes brightening. “Though… I would like to try something… if Drake agrees.”

Liam raises his eyebrow, matching her expression. “Pray tell, love.”

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

They’ve gotten their times nailed down to an art form, really. Working around the kid’s schedules is one thing, combined with their different work schedules, but they’re masters of knowing how long things are going to take, depending, of course.

Public is always quick, even if Liam wants it to go on longer. Drake can stay out in the woods for an hour with Jaela. Jaela pretends to not notice their long, ahem, separate showers. But the threesomes? Well, that’s setting up the candles, and exploring each others bodies with care, salt and sweat and heat beneath their lips, not matter how rough it is.

“There’s always times to savor you, love,” Liam says, tracing lines down her curves on one side, Drake on the other, kissing her neck. She needs to get to the fucking bake sale, she didn’t mind playing betty homemaker to keep gossip away, but goddamn, how could she leave them?

“The bake sale though?”

Drake chuckles, turning her cheek, looking deep into her eyes, the intensity from all those years ago still there, even with a few fine wrinkles. Liam’s hand, fingers nimble, run down her body and settle on her clit, rubbing circles, Drake keeping her face turned to him. He takes her lower lip between his teeth, and she shudders in pleasure. “Fuck the bake sale,” he whispers. “Fuck me instead.”

But Liam inserts two fingers into her, her answer lost on Drake’s tongue.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

Jaela’s a fan of quickies, and Drake has to roll his eyes when Liam and Jaela disappear in public for ten minutes at a time. “You know,” he hisses when they sit back down in the theatre seat, her hair disheveled. He smooth down a side, smirking, despite his tone. “This isn’t a ball where you can sneak into the closet and pretend your guards don’t notice.”

But Jaela grips Liam’s hand tight, eyes lighting up with the screen at the memory of Liam pressing her against the stall and fucking her senseless, holding her up, muffling their sounds with their lips on each other, fast and hurried. Somebody coughed when they left the stall next to them, but they didn’t care. “The women’s bathroom worked quite well,” she whispers, sliding another hand on Drake’s thigh, squeezing his shaft through the jeans. Liam snickers as Drake shifts, grasping hers, locking eyes. “Maybe next time we can try it?”

Drake gulps, but she sees the blush and flash of desire in the movie light. And indeed, that stall again proved useful, only this time Drake’s hands cupped her breasts through her shirt as he took her from behind, teeth nipping her ear. Another cough, too.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

Of fucking course. Jaela thinks fucking in the woods is risky enough, always convinced a bear is going to come out—but her and Drake have done nothing more than scare a few deer and birds. But, anything outside of their NO’s has been tried, thought of, a regular feature, or is on the list of things to do.

Jaela’s current want to do risk?

Fuck at that damn Mary’s house. She’s the one that look at her like she’s a slut when Drake comes around to events—like his child’s soccer game, supporting his and Liam’s—like any father would do. She’s also the one that commented one child looked so peculiar from the others. She should have slapped her there, but instead…

“I got it!” she says grinning between the two. “Now, I don’t care who, but she has this parent-meeting or whatever coming up next month. One of you are coming with me—” They both pale. “And you’re going to fuck me senseless on her newly renovated bathroom counter she won’t shut up about.” Liam’s eyebrows perk up, and Drake’s do too, but she senses his hesitance. She knows him too well.

Jaela approaches and Drake leans back on the couch before she straddles his waist, pressing into him. Drake grits his teeth. “Okay… I’m listening….”

“And I really don’t care if she hears. She can’t insult our child—our children, our life—without facing the consequences. So, anybody in?”

A month later, Drake holds her close, both panting, the gleaming light from the newly renovated bathroom also too much, but all Jaela can focus on is his thrusts, slow and drawn out, hand on the glass. Her nails dig into his back, trying to holding in a cry—but letting out the moan, pulsing as the orgasm spreads throughout her shaking body.

Oh, it’s worth the looks.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

“Fucking A Liam, she’s already came twice from you, I think she’ll sleep just fine tonight…” Drake groans, burying his head in the pillow. He just wants sleep and him and Jaela are still going at it, though, she looks tired too. Drake glances at the clock—it’s almost four and he has work at eight. He could have gone to his room… but something about curling up next to them after a night like tonight was worth the sleepless nights.

“Just a… god, Jaela,” he says as he comes, kissing Jaela before collapsing next to Drake, Jaela chuckling to herself, looking at the two perfect men in her life, skin on skin. Her hand floats over Liam’s body, and he pulls her close, chin on her head. “You’re beautiful.”

“Ditto,” Drake says, and then drifts off. Jaela takes in Liam’s scent, Drake’s not far behind. Oh, how she’d never get tired of nights like these.

Jaela whispers against his chest, “I’m so happy,” before she falls asleep, only to be waken by Drake getting up for work, Liam pulling him close for a moment before Drake comes to her, kissing her cheek, then shoulder goodbye.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Drake doesn’t own any, he doesn’t care for them. He’d much rather fuck them with him and only him, taking pleasure that only he can make them feel.

Liam used to share the same sentiments as Drake, until Jaela introduced him to first her vibrator, and how fucking sexy it was when she used it on herself as she gave him head. Like, hell. “Fuck, Jaela… that’s hot.” She stops for a moment, lips against the tip of his cock, the breeze of the Atlantic blowing across their faces, high on their balcony, happy to have found a place where they could finally relax and enjoy their escape.

“I thought you told me you were the only one to make my cum from now on?” Liam smirks, dragging a finger down her lips, parting them again.

“We’ve only begun the night, my Queen. Now, continue.”

So, he has a small collection that only him and Jaela use, tucked away, Drake never getting curious as to what goes on those nights, honestly.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Jaela thought she teased bad in Cordonia, separately drawing them in and out with a flick of her wrist or the longing glance out of the corner of her eye.

Oh, how she proved them—and herself—wrong the moment her and Drake finally caved and she had not one, but two, pairs eyes filled with lust on her when she bent over, making sure they saw the red thong. It was something about an audience that upped her teasing game, just waiting till one of them would cave—thought, it was the best when Drake and Liam would nod, then end the game with one at each set of lips.

Drake doesn’t mind teasing, he liked it more in Cordonia, if he was being honest. Something about pretending to merely be just their friend in Washington made it hard to grab her ass or whisper in her ear everything he’d like to do to her in the grocery story. He didn’t want to attention of the nosey locals, nor did he want their kids to think that it was wrong, what they were doing. So, he lets Abdi to the teasing (except when they’re in bed together, Drake confessing everything he wants to do with her, drawing each stroke, lick, suck, or bite out until she’s begging to come over and over).

If Jaela plays hard, so does Liam. Touching her, whispering in her ear, promising all the positions they can do in a timespan of a PTO meeting, in the closet… yet, only leaving her wet and him hard, Jaela tearing off his clothes—and she literally made a tear once—the moment they get home, teasing done and the real game beginning.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

There was a reason why Drake couldn’t help but get off to Liam and Jaela, you know. Between their moaning and dirty talk, could anybody blame him, really?

Drake, however, is pretty quiet, preferring to listen to how he makes them feel over his own voice, contained within his throat and only being brought out here and there—sending chills through Jaela and Liam when he does make loud, guttural sounds because that usually means they’re in the middle of something intense, special, and only between them.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

Jalea bites her lip, leaning back against the pillows, arms propping herself up. Drake and Liam stare at each other, and the tension—the nerves—in the room twists her stomach, just watching them, one hand on her and the other on each others arms. She can’t tell if it’s the alcohol or the sheer fact that this might be a turning point… for everything… with them.

They had three threesomes before tonight, both lavishing her with attention, sure their hands touching each other on her body, but never a kiss, no touching of each other, focusing on her, and what kinds of sounds she made under their joint effort.

Oh, but tonight… tonight was different. Like she didn’t notice the looks they shared in the heat of the moment—or hell, even back in Cordonia. “You can kiss,” she said and they snapped their attention to her… before going back to each other. Liam’s hand slide down Drake’s side and he shivered, glancing between Liam and Jaela, breathing quick.

“I…”

“Please,” Jaela says, sitting up and removing their hands. “Can’t you feel it? Haven’t you felt it?” She gets on her knees, and they still don’t look at her, Drake touching Liam’s cheek with a gentleness she only saw reserved for herself.

“You won’t be…?” Breathes Liam, now gripping Drake’s neck, their faces closer. Her hearts swells. What else could she feel but utter love for these men… and if they wanted to explore, who was she stop them? They all loved each other with everything they had.

Shaking her head, Jaela takes both of their dicks in each hand, both taking an intake of breath. Still, they stared, even as she began to pump, eyeing them each. “Never. I love you both. You love each other… why not… see what happens? We are sleeping together as one now. What’s holding you ba—”

And finally, fucking finally, they kiss, Jaela not knowing who’s lips touched the others first, Liam’s hands in Drake’s hair and Drake’s around his back. Jaela, quietly sat back and watched the show, letting their desperate, clinging moment come to fruition—until it turned to her, bringing her in center stage once more.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

Drake, above average (around 6 ½) and thick, not too much… but enough to make Jaela feel so fucking full that she could cry—and sometimes, she does, from the pleasure. “Abdi, Abdi—are you okay?”

“Just hormonal… and because you feel so good. Don’t stop, please.”

Liam’s slightly bigger, around 7 and thinner, in the slightest. Honestly, Jaela doesn’t care—nor do either of the men—because the competition is over and sometimes, they get to fuck her at the same time—ass and pussy—and Jaela’s convinced she’ll never walk straight again,

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Liam’s higher than both of them, Jaela’s higher than Drake’s, and Drake’s the least of the three—what? He likes cuddling, too—but all are high, passion still running high from their life in Cordonia. Life doesn’t always allow for sex as much as Liam wants, but goddamn if he doesn’t fuck one or both of them four times a week at the least.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Pillowtalking is fine, and Drake and Jaela like it to some extent, though they tend to fall asleep quickly or have sex one more time before they pass out, but Liam is the true king of pillowtalking after sex. To a fault, too.

Legs all tangled together, cool summer air blowing in through the window, drying their sweat and cooling warm, flush bodies, in a heap, light kisses and touches being exchanged between all three, there’s no difference, no matter, with the love they all have, her two rings sparkling in the moonlight. The kisses slow... conversation ebbs… except for Liam, still talking. Drake and Jaela don’t even know anymore.

“Liam…” Drake mumbles, head buried in Jaela’s shoulder.

“Liam…” Jaela follows, taking his chin and turning it to her, Jaela and Drake’s brown eyes focused on his. He stops, eyebrow raised.

“Yeah? I mean, did you hear about—”

“We need—” Jaela starts, but Drake interjects.

“We need some fucking sleep.”

Liam’s looks shocked, but then chuckles, arm lying across Jaela and hand resting on Drake. Maybe he did talk too much, but to be fair, sex on nights like tonight energized him. The world, full of possibility in the little corner of the world they found to be as one. What could he say? It was perfect. Just so perfect, their bodies entwined like it was always meant to be.

Note: Yep, poly AU Drake x Jaela x Liam are definitely going to be making a proper appearance at some point in time. Hope you enjoyed this little AU I’m setting up for them. Bonus points if you can put the backstory piece together.

[segadores-y-soldados]

Hey! I just wanted to say that you have one of the most beautiful writing styles that I have ever come across. Whether it's dialogue or descriptions, your words just flow so naturally. There's something extremely ethereal and graceful in the way you write; the pacing, the choice of words. Just goddamn beautiful. And my favorite thing about you, is that you have these little repetitions of phrases. Sometimes I find that they can overdone, but with you... They fit perfectly in the narrative. (1/3)

“They build upon each other, and are just great. Then you also do this thing where you stretch a phrase or a sentence over several lines. Now this can be jarring and make the pacing a bit wonky, but again, with you, it's wonderful. They make an impact, but they fit just gorgeously. And the details, the thought that goes into your works are just fantastic. And your portrayals of Jack and Gabriel. The way you write them is so memorable and the way you show the dynamics of their relationship (2/3)”“... fuck even just thinking of them and the way you write them makes me tear up. And don't even get me started on your meta posts. I have no idea if I'm even making any sense right now, but the bottom line is goddamn do I love your writing. You're just so freaking awesome, I don't know what else to say. You keep doing you, friend. Hope you have a lovely day, and thank you so much for sharing your works and thoughts with us. Okay anon, I took some cold meds and ate food and drank water, I’m feeling a bit more up to answering this. but first offHOLY SHIT This is genuinely like, the most incredible thing anyone has ever said to me??  I am losing my goddamn mind because like, wow, mom, holy fuck, what did I do to deserve such an incredible compliment??  Dude, seriously, IDK if you’re someone I talk to on a semi-regular basis or what, but if you ever wanna come off anon and just message me or talk to me, I am HERE buddy.  In a weird way, I’m kinda panicking because I’m thinking like, “Do I know this person??  Have I not told them how much I love them recently?? Because I love this person.”Seriously, dude, if you’re okay with my casual Cali attitude, I LOVE this.  I am BEYOND THRILLED you like my stuff this much. Okay, so beyond the gushing - I dunno what it is with me and repetition.  I was telling a friend not too long ago that, prior to starting my drafts of Old Habits, I haven’t written creative fiction in seven years.  SEVEN YEARS.  And I stopped because the awful, semi-bitter grad student who ran my Intro to Creative Writing class “felt that they should grade on a strict curve, so there was only going to be one A, two A-’s, like four B’s, etc” (don’t get me started on that class, fucking KILLED creative writing for me).  Overwatch content is the first real creative writing stuff that I’ve worked on since 2010. But I honestly don’t know really where the repetition thing comes from?  Maybe my sense of humor?  If you read my stuff you know I tend to go overboard with puns and jokes sometimes, haha.  But I just find something really fun in repeating things in new or different ways - usually I like to start with a phrase and then as I’m writing, my brain will continue to throw it at me in different moments.  Por ejemplo...“Soldier: 76 is going to die, or my name isn’t Reaper,” Reaper grumbles snidely, his words laced with a dark, bitter, vivid smokiness.  Sombra gives him a weird, confused look, asking slowly, “...But...your name...isn’t Reaper.  That’s just your mercenary tag.”(later)I don’t fucking deserve this, he decides darkly, bitterly, with a vivid smokiness to his thoughts as Sombra wheeze-laughs beside him.(ending)“Looks like my job here is done,” Reaper states dramatically, flicking the tail of his overcoat behind him.“...But you didn’t do anything,” Soldier says darkly, his words entwined with bitterness, and just a hint of that vivid smokiness that used to make Reaper weak.I am fucking WEAK to him, Reaper thinks dryly, turning to leave.Maybe one day I’ll actually have the strength to end him.---I have a tendency to break up sentences into dramatic little phrases to emphasize pacing or significance.  Usually, this is because this is how my internal voice is narrating the scene to me.  It has a lot to do with how my brain tells myself jokes.  Like.  Using excessive punctuation.  To really overemphasize.  The.  God.  Damn.  Point.  Or sometimes it means no punctuation at all and it turns into this semi-weird semi-rambling stream of consciousness flow that just keeps going and jfc when will it ever end will this joke ever stop itself is it even funnyBasically how I write those little dialogue pieces that I set free into the wilds of my blog is essentially how I think when writing.  My beta readers frequently get just strings of hypothetical dialogue pieces sent to them in the dead of night where I’m like, “THOUGHT OF A NEW INTERACTION, VALIDATE ME, I LOVE YOU, I NEED YOUR AFFECTION.” I am LEGIT ASTOUNDED that people like my stuff so much.  Like, even those little dialogue posts get hundreds of notes and I’m like.  How.  I just wrote these because they made me laugh to myself.  I just thought it would be funny to have Gabriel make a Bayonetta joke.  I cannot fucking wait until we reach the “chat dialogue parts” of Old Habits because they are a WILD ride, my friend.  They legit make me and my betareaders laugh so much.  And if people like how I write banter and dialogue and the flow of a conversation, they’re gonna like these.  I probably shouldn’t overhype but they’re some of the funniest stuff I’ve written and that includes the dumb Duck-Goose argument (which still gets me to cry all on my own). Wow this got really long, anon.  Seriously, if you ever wanna engage with me on this stuff off anonymous, just hit me up.  People who have messaged me can attest to the fact that I will just drop these random “hypothetical dialogue scenarios” into any given chat whenever the moment strikes.  I did one with my friends earlier today about Jesse’s belt buckle.  It led to a conversation about Lena’s crocs.  I mean.  That’s the Dumb Stuff™ you get when you chat with me.

[30secondsofcourage]

stay calm

for the first time in a while, i have consecutively been seeing someone who geniunely makes me happy. someone who has the same dumb, dry pun-intended humor that i strive to have.

someone who looks into my eyes when we are having sex and sees me for me during the whole process

someone who isn’t afraid to hold my hand in public or meet my friends or go on adventures and try new things or cook me breakfast in the morning 

someone who knows i was violated 2 years ago and doesn’t see me as damaged goods; but makes sure i am comfortable and feeling safe when we are intimate

i am truly trying to NOT get my hopes up with this man because Lord knows that has been my downfall in the past. sure, i have these positive, wonderful things above but it’s not all unicorns and rainbows

we live close to an hour apart from each other, one way, and add to that we both work full time with opposite hours so seeing each other is wonky more often than not

he has labeled himself a “heartbreaker” because realationships and monogamy are something he hasn’t considered or wanted for several years. when asked about what was going on with us (ie are you my boyfriend or just fuck buddies or what) he told me we are definitely dating in the sense of going on dates but he has been in serious relationships before and he doesn’t know if that is in his future ever which to me was a little scary but also, somewhat freeing.... 

for so long i have put such an emphasis on “being in a relationship” and how much fullfillment that would bring me but at the same time, it terrifies me. i am independent, i live my life very much to my own drum and having someone else thrown into the mix would cause massive waves in my life. maybe i don’t need a relationship after all to feel content and whole. but then part of me wants that one person whom you know loves you and wants to spend time with you and sees you without makeup and doesn’t scream. someone who will hold you when you are sad and cheer when you are glad. i do want THAT. but who says i can’t have that with Carl (oops his cover is blown)? 

i mean, we have been seeing each other 1-2 a month since the beginning of September..that has to account for something. and he willingly offered to meet my friends (and even invite himself to their wedding as my date). he made plans to go stay at a lodge out of town over a month in advance with me so that shows he sees me still being in the picture...i just hope i am not trying ot justify his behaviors and answers. 

i have always been good at reading people and trust my instinct when it comes to people’s motivation and character. genuinely, i belive Carl has a good character. flawed in some ways? of course aren’t we all. but i don’f feel used or something when we are together. he is happy, i am happy, we are happy together. my thoughts just keep screaming he is afraid. he is afraid because he does like you and has told you this but real, concrete connection is terrifying. he is so busy and so are you that having a relationship seems more of a stressor than a joy causer. not that he sleeps around much or something (we aren’t exclusive) but i am sure letting go of bachelor like tendencies for an attractive, smart, and funny guy could be a difficult switch.

so i guess what i am asking is, am i crazy? am I crazy for thinking this could have a future at all? i won’t know until we chat (if i can work up the courage) but here’s hoping i can keep my head and my heart calm for now