#maybe later i will make a post about her dynamic with ither characters and how thede two points are connected

[satellitesunset]

don't be shy, write the Rachel Berry essay 😏😏😏

oooo I'm glad you asked because I have a lot of opinions

Rachel is established as socially awkward, overachiever, egoistic, driven and ambitious character who is so sure of her talent (singing), who's very competitive and she often feels she should have the spotlight.

it does make me wonder, her overachieving tendencies? why did she feel the need to be so over-the-top about her abilities? how much of who she presents herself is a defence mechanism caused by feeling unworthy or not enough?

I think these are the main points to discuss

childhood

parents and heritage

having two dad's, being jewish; and considering when and where Rachel was raised, at the very least, she was definitely bullied for that.

she is shown to take pride in her heritage and her dads, and it makes me wonder how much of it was influenced by being shamed for them.

the presence of a mother (or lack thereof)

Shelby's plotline in S1 with Rachel in my opinion is a key into understanding Rachel as a character.

it's one of the early moments were see a vulnerable side of Rachel; who she is beneath the confidence and the attitude, a hesitant child who wanted approval and love (of her mother)

being an outcast

throughout flashbacks we see her as this energetic child who liked to do things her way, someone who stood out, that and the two points above, with the fact she was never considered conventionally attractive (in canon at least, compared to other characters), she was definitely heavily bullied and probably lonely.

I think the point is mostly prominent with the fact she joined every club the school could offer; she wanted to make Friends, to find people who share common interest she wanted to be part of something, like she actually belonged (expressed by a quote said in the 'pilot' I think)

we are shown that her attempts were fruitless, as she still didn't have any actual friends, which I feel like she blamed her self for (*check internalised criticism)

we can conclude that:

Rachel takes pride in things she was bullied for

she seeks approval and wants to be loved (two points I will expand on)

she probably didn't have any friends growing up

overall she probably felt like she doesn't belong anywhere (the theme about not belonging will be reoccurring a lot).

she tried to get people to like her

she's really clueless

notable personality traits

internalising Criticism

this is the part where I feel like I'm projecting because I'm kinda speaking from experience as someone who shares a couple of traits with Rachel

I always think of a young Rachel Berry, being teased at for being too different, being told that she's too loud, that she talk too much, or that she's not enough, from not being pretty enough to not being good enough.

in a way she blamed herself for not having any friends (being too loud, a lot to handle...) she convinced herself she wouldn't have any Friends

I feel she got criticised a lot as a kid and that why she gets so defence when someone even says something negative to her (even if it's necessary) specifically her singing (which I will get to in a bit)

disclaimer I am by no means excusing her actions and I do think a lot of her actions are unjustifiable

confidence (mainly in her singing)

singing, the only thing (in Rachel's mind at least) that she was undoubtedly good at it. (which is a view also shared with other characters at times)

I think this point is tackled well in 'Laryngitis', She believes that her singing prowes is her only asset, but I think there is even more to it.

she had always been good at singing, it was a reason for her success (she won a lot of trophies which I believe in a way provided the validation she needed and wanted), and she was able to express herself freely through it.

and once she lost hope in trying to make any friends, she, for the lack of a better term, weaponise it, for her it wasn't a skill or a hobbie, it was what will allow her to be successful (being a Broadway star, another point I will get to later), a reason for people to like her (or at least respect her).

ambition

to continue from the last point, growing up, friendless and lonely, being a Broadway Star was her only source of hope, a thread of 'things-will-eventaully-get-better'.

again I am by no means excusing her actions

but I do think that's why she was stubborn about getting solos and being in the spotlight, for so long that was what kept her going, the promise that one day she will be a happy performer (as a replacement for having friends)

egoistic

I think I build to this point smoothly, Rachel for so long, didn't have any friends, she was always by herself, she wasn't used to putting someone's needs before her own, she isn't used to having to care about someone's feelings, so of course she wouldn't know what to do, she didn't have any experience with being friends (she probably didn't know the first thing into being friends with someone)

the point I'm trying to make is, Rachel is a generally well-intentioned person, who after trying everything but failing to make friends, which lead to her feeling like she has to be overconfident and good.

basically Rachel wanted to be a good friend, she wanted to have friends, to feel like she belonged, but she didn't know how because for so long she was outcasted by being herself, and she was clueless on how to be a friend.