#maybe ive been lazing about doing fuckall while she works to keep the ship stable
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#posting this here cause i know no one will see it#i am in the uncomfortable position of relaxing while my partner is kinda forced to finish the work i haven't completed#i lay hearing her work diligently while i relax with my leg up#she has to the work of two people while im just lazing about#i hear the dishes clatter#her speaking to herself about the stress and anger shes under#not anything she feels good doing but i know she's angry with me#not conciously of course its not like i broke my ankle on purpose#maybe she was tired before and this is her final straw#maybe ive been lazing about doing fuckall while she works to keep the ship stable#this is the ultimate form of what ive been doing#bringing the relationship down to where all the responsibility lies onto one persom#there is no easy way to talk about this#rationializing this only ends in seld harm as i expect my fears have translated into this physical injury#i litterally broke a part of my body and am blaming myself for not being able to help the ones i love the most anymore#if there is life after death i would find a way to not mourn the life that id lost#id use it as an excuse in order to blame myself for how my death would inconvince people#im pathetic
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