#maybe its cause im demirokantic demisexual. and know i wont feel particularly butterfly feelkngs or warm or excited
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Realized im now afraid of dating
#rant#shame theres no tjerapy for that :/ wjat kinds there are i already kinda went over witj a therapsit twice#its more just. i now feel super sick to my stomacj and terrified when approacjed in a romantic context by a stranger#its FINE if they wanna be friends and we get to know eacj other THEN say if we wanna date#but if a stranger comes up to me like: lets date? fucking makes me sweat and feel awful#maybe its cause im demirokantic demisexual. and know i wont feel particularly butterfly feelkngs or warm or excited#fkr like 3-5 months even if i DO develop a crush. and so tje fear hits: fear theyll break up with me before i even know if i could like them#fear theyll want sex or kissing before i feel atrraction. then break up witj me when im not ready yet#fear ill Pretend to like them just so i can stay with them for 3 months to see if i Could like them romantically#and the idea of Pretending and people pleasing in thqt way makes me sick to my fucking stomach#and then of course: the fear i do finally develop a crush in 3-5 months at which point theyre annoyed i didnt like them as much in#the initial months. so they dump me for someone wholl sleep with them sooner. and im heartbroken for 2-5 years#but mostly im concerned with my irrational fears: that theyll hate that im not able to crush for a few months IF ever#and they wont commujicate that. and theyll break up almost immediately thinking im cold when im just slow to develop feelings#and then if i liked them As A Friend well ill be SAD. and if we couldve falllen in love i wont know cause i didnt have time to find out#i didnt used to be afraid of all this. but i haveny dated in 5 years so i guess it just has settled in due to lack of practice :c#id rather suffocate than practice tbh. id rather get to know potential dates as FRIENDS for 3 months first ;-;#but ppl dont really wanna do that :c#id really like long term love and sex. but uh. no idea how im going to find it if short term dating scares me this bad#like abxiety attack and not my usual self bad (so they cant even get to know regular ne and see if they like me--they can only meet Anxious#Freajing out scared mejo)
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