#maybe it'll spark something...

[misscammiedawn]

"Your mind makes it real"

So I was watching the new Folding Ideas video on meme stock and how a cult formed around a number of ideologies regarding financial systems and short selling.

I like watching videos like this. Dan Olsen does a number of good videos on different online conspiracies such as Flat Earth and NFTs and then you have HBomb doing the same thing with anything from Colecovision to the war on christmas and alt right grifts.

And whenever I research these sociological trends I become uncomfortably aware of the fact that I exist within one of these little closed circles. (Well, more than one given the communities and support groups around psychology and mental health, but I'm here to talk about Kink today)

Hypnosis, especially within our community, is entirely held up by a series of beliefs with an internal language that creates a massive divide between those in the know and those out of the know and it literally only works because we believe it works.

In many ways what we do is as much sociology as it is psychology.

And I kind of that it's okay for that to be true so long as we all occasionally remind ourselves of that fact and never abuse the power we each possess as authors of that shared narrative, because much like under hypnosis our hypnotees are suggestible and need to have care in what we provide to their open mind, educators within the community have an eager and open audience that stretches further than we know and regardless of intent, our beliefs and teachings will become their facts and reality as surely as had we have programmed a hypnotee to believe them as they wake on the count of 1--2--3!

Okay. Let me break this up a little.

Does this mean I think hypnosis is fake and we're all just going along with it?

One of my partners and I have had conversations about subjectivity in both hypnosis and mental health spaces before and we hate that one of the most approachable quotes comes from an author that leaves a bad taste in our mouths.

"Of course it's all happening in your head [...] why on Earth should that mean it's not real?"

One of the big differences between the online erotic hypnosis community and the NGH (National Guild of Hypnotists) who rue our existence is that we do not require legitimacy to function when they themselves exist in a half-truth state where when receiving both of my certifications it was impressed that we needed to perform an uneasy dance of providing services without practicing medicine because hypnotherapy is not licensed psychology in the same was that chiropractors are not performing medicine.

Within *certain portions* of hypnokink we are perfectly okay with the idea of being wrong and of sharing ideas.

Wiseguy said it best in his class "The best induction is the one that works" and what works works because it is effective in that moment between that particular hypnotist and that particular hypnotee.

Likewise, the more educated a person becomes, the more effective hypnosis becomes. Understanding trance is a tool to achieve it faster. Even a cold hypnotee who is being introduced for the first time receives an education via pre-talk which we tend to believe is more important than the induction itself.

You know what I mean when I talk about pretalk, right?

"We all go in and out of hypnosis multiple times a day" "Highway hypnosis" "Flow state"

These are all real and observable things and we can view hypnosis impacting a mind on an EEG.

Hell even Oh No Ross and Carrie (a podcast where they join insular communities with intent to learn if they are cults/grifts) did an episode on hypnosis and conceded that the principals of suggestibility, hypnotic state and conditioning are all just... how the brain works... and that you can't really dive into fact/fiction when it's essentially telling a person to do something and they either do it or they don't.

It's not mind control. It's suggestion and even within our circles we all agree that mind control is a fantasy.

So I guess... it's as real as we all agree it to be.

The issue is that group agreement of all the little elements is held up by The Community as a whole and... maybe we should talk about the vulnerabilities at play there.

What do I mean when I talk about insular communities?

Recently I read a REALLY good line on a quote on Twitter that speaks to what I mean here:

And this is what I mean when I talk about belief systems inside and outside of the community. It's a good post as I firmly agree with what it communicates.

The Online Hypnosis Community is a term with no specific borders. In my reality it's the orbit that happens to take place around those who are known, trusted and teach at the primary US erotic hypnosis convention circuit.

However I know that in reality the online hypnosis community contains multiple pools and factions that I either strictly ignore, such as ones surrounding dangerous figures like NeuralNets and Nimja or ones I am not close to, like local kink scenes for cities across the world including those where English is not a first language or mlm communities where I do not really have a place, to niche pockets such as the furry hypnosis community, dronekink and even the tiny little subniches such as Empty Spaces and HDG which have splintered off into entire little separate universes with their own language and core beliefs.

For the most part this is a beautiful thing. What I'm describing is no less a divide between interests as being a member of the "Video game horror" scene and not visiting the niches of Indie Game Horror, Japanese Horror, creepypasta mods and such.

Every community has pockets like this.

But the more specific and tight a community becomes, the more "insular" it is. Language and widely held beliefs begin to gather in tighter pressurized windows. One need only look at how brainwashing and conditioning are viewed collectively in darker corners to see the difference and this is to make nothing of things like political and social beliefs in certain corners.

In those dark corners "You can't be hypnotized to do anything you don't want to do" is an essential lie WITHIN their insular community so that they can maintain a degree of plausible deniability and power over their people.

So what's your point?

That is the question, isn't it?

I guess the answer to that is... "always question what you believe, why you believe it and don't assume everyone around you does or should think the same thing."

When discussing red flags in the community on Discord and Twitter with other educators, I've always said the biggest red flag an educator can have is teaching that there is believing they have all the answers.

ALL OF US are working in this space from a belief system. An organic and living one which is impacted by our interactions with the kink, with one another and with the world around us.

No one individual in our community holds all the answers. Not me, not the authors of the manuals that we push, not Richard Nongard, Milton Erickson.

It also means we need not be defensive about our hobby and beliefs. Many will never accept what we do as actually having any basis in reality and that's okay. We're making spaces for play and some will just see us as overactive roleplayers who are tricking ourselves into believing things and to that I always say:

"You're dang right we are. That's the point."

It's not magic. It's not hard science. It's just belief, confidence and a willing to play along.

I could bust out the EKG studies or describe the altered states of consciousness and I will ALWAYS preach how suggestible a person is in and out of hypnosis and the dangers of what we do because those dangers are real and present. But at the end of the day, I want to take a moment and evaluate "what if I'm wrong?"

And the correct answer to that is "will I or someone else be hurt by my ignorance or misaction" and act accordingly.

But that's me. That's my belief system and I am aware of the fact that what we do is entirely built upon our belief that it works and that we are being safe and sane and fun.

That doesn't make me right. That doesn't mean I didn't learn some bad lessons.

It just means I want to keep doing better and I trust that the people around me are all doing the same. With hope of growing. Learning more about individuals and the community as a whole and trying to make this place better.

Because... if I stand in front of a room and teach a class that carries some bad ideas. They'll take seed.

And let me tell you something...

This community is FULL of bad ideas

I've been here since the early days. I was there when Warp My Mind and Wendi.com were the two sites that popped up when you went searching for files. I was there during the implosion of Inraptured and the transphobic meltdown of Isabella Valentine. I have witnessed hypnocon board after hypnocon board fall apart. I've seen scandals and dramas and chaos.

I was there when Bimbopolitic was outed as a CIA plant for fucks sake. Please don't ask follow-up questions. My head is still spinning from that saga of events.

and that inevitably means I have internalized some dumb shit in my day. I've been unlearning it as much as I can over the past 5-6 years. But it's there.

Likewise a lot of the books I read and grew up on are based on the beliefs of less than wonderful human beings. Milton Erickson is no rolemodel, but damned if his theories aren't worth looking at.

This is one thing I respect about sleepingirl's NLP Book. The conceit was to study what PUA instructors taught and see what could actually be used from an objective standpoint. Actually interrogate the beliefs of NLP from a "I don't know anything" standpoint.

If I have any point in my whole ramble of a post it's that. Approach learning things with the curiosity of someone who is willing to learn and doesn't know any better but with the wariness of someone who has been burned too many times and knows that there's bad actors all over and everything needs to be turned over a few times to examine.

At the end of the day I just want a safe community full of positive ideas and if there's one thing I've learned about hypnosis it is this "positive associations stick, negative suggestions are harder to ground"

Both in the good way and the bad. Unlearning things is hard.

Let's just be aware that we're all playing in the same sandbox. Share our tools and try to build something beautiful.

and never stop asking "...am I sure about this?"

*Shrug* Or don't. It's just a suggestion <3

[ghosts-of-love]

right ok so if I happened to need to write some random short things in order to be able to maintain an even number of fics on ao3 (weird brain thing), what kind of ghosts stuff would you wanna see?

[ryuuna]

will you ever go back to drawing mass effect??

maybe one day (like when mass effect 5 drops) but likely not anytime soon :')

[thewomenofwindsor]

That’s Catherine’s interest, early childhood! She has done so many other short term projects and not everything needs to be permanent

Not everything..but more than one..and i truly don't care anymore..

which is kinda the problem..does anyone

[minisugakoobies]

This is giving Joysticks (Woodpecker's rival restaurant) vibes

JOYSTICKS ☠️ The staff at Woodpeckers hate those guys. They look forward to beating them every year in the annual summer games.

Jesus, Felix tried to drown Wooyoung! 🤣

I mean I get it, I too want to see him dripping wet, but damn. 💕

[acommonanomaly]

what silm character should i draw next? when i try to think or make any decisions my brain just makes a flatulent sound and then powers off

[merigoldaround]

I know there's a chance my writing streak won't last the way it's been these past couple days, but I finally finished the first chapter at 10,6k words and I feel a bit like this:

[notsosecretlyalesbian]

Oii, só para falar que estou sentindo muita falta dos seus gifs 💔

Espero que esteja tudo bem por aí!

Oii meu anjoo 🤧🤧

Obrigada pela mensagem e por gostar dos meus gifs, tá tudo bem sim!!

Final do ano passado foi pura loucura. Não tinha tempo pra assistir nada, quem dirá fazer gifs. Tava pensando nisso esses dias, também estou com saudade de fazer gifs e estar mais por aqui ❤️

[psychopomphs]

considering making a clangen sideblog for fun ... ive been really enjoying my first clan but im already 11 moons in so idk ;-;

[willgrahamscock]

let me tell you something if you're a creative person who's afraid of posting because it might not get the recognition you hope for.

do it anyway, alright it'll get 11 or 30 notes or hits on ao3. 100 at most. now imagine all those people coming up to you individually, to tell you they like your art, your edit, your poem, your fic. I bet that you'd feel such overwhelming love.

but here's something else- do it for future you. post it for the future you who will stumble upon it again and rediscover how happy you felt creating, future you who has lost the spark maybe or future you who'll look back and think wow I had so much fun throughout the years growing in my craft. post it so you can show your friends you'll make later down the road

post it so you have tangible memories of all the things you've loved through the years.

[jade-bright]

In another world of my au, where Sterek find out the other is supernatural before Stiles loses his spark, his mom is adamant that he should really start learning how to mend bones and other parts of the body incase something happens to him (especially now that he's spending time with a family of mostly were's).

And you know adhd and stuff, he keeps putting it off (plus he surprisingly rarely ever breaks any of his bones,) until one day some shit happens to Derek where one of his bones break (be it from a tussle with his siblings or something else) and suddenly Stiles is like, "hey I know you got like super werewolf healing, but could I try to fix it?" and Derek kinda just let's him, I mean, it's not like he could make things worse, and even if he does, they just got to break it again so it'll heal properly.

Just like that, the Hale's often overhear things like:

Stiles: Alright, so someone can be paralyzed from the legs down if the nerves or something are like messed with in the spine

Derek: You want me laying down or sitting?

Laura, in the kitchen listening in: wtf?

-

Stiles: Mom says I should work on mending shattered bones. You think you could break just one piece of your bone to start off easy?

Derek: Mmm, maybe

Peter, passing by: Try breaking it like breaking off pieces of spaghetti

-

Peter's the only one completely unfazed by what they're doing, all the other Hale's are just still reeling that there's someone just as weird as them (Peter seems to be the only one who remembers who Stiles' mother is, "Día, why do I smell blood?" "Oh that's from the bottles of menstrual blood me and Mama have" "...why" "Mama's witch friends say you never know").

Noah, after he found out (walked into Stiles' room to see Derek laying on the bed shirtless with Stiles straddling his hips on-top of him with his hands over his ribs and a look of concentration on his face. When asked what they were doing, they just answered magic/biology homework), asked Claudia if he couldn't just practice on animal bones like Heather ("But Noah, this way he gets to familiarize himself with the anatomy of the human body" "The kid's a werewolf Clauds" "Same bone structure").

*Realized midway through how very Addams family energy I put into this, whoops.*

[luveline]

𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐛𝐨𝐲𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝'𝐬 𝐨𝐤 —

i'm watching season two of criminal minds and getting very sad and frustrated about how no one is noticing spencer's withdrawals. could you maybe do one where bau!reader notices that he's not okay and confronts him about it? our baby boy deserves all the help he can get at this point 🥲 love you endlessly!

love you!! cw drug use

"What are you doing?" you ask. 

Spencer pushes his book toward you wordlessly, an intimidating tome of Russian literature. 

"No, like, what are you doing?" 

Spencer sits up. His sunken eyes look for your tell, a twitch in your lips like this might be a bluff, but there's no feigned emotion to be found. "I don't know what you're asking me." 

"Is it downers?" 

A spark of life behind tired eyes, his face contorted by anger, Spencer hisses, "What are you talking about?" 

"Oxycontin? Xanax? Half the time you're looking at us like you hate us and the rest of the time you're quiet." 

"I don't– you're being ridiculous," Spencer says. 

"Your hands are shaking, Spence." You cross your arms over your chest and take a step closer to his desk. While you'd asked him somewhere far from private, driven by a need for truth, you care about him —that's why you're asking. You know you've gone about this all wrong. "You're coming down," you whisper, "and it looks painful." 

Spencer just stares at you. 

"Why don't we go to the cafeteria? Get something warm to eat?" you suggest. He's lost weight he didn't have to lose lately. 

"I'm never hungry," he says. 

You take it for a confession, an admittance that he's been doing something he shouldn't be. Withdrawal and drug use alike can cause a lack of appetite. Maybe he's upset you've brought it up, just… 

"I can't watch you being not okay anymore," you say. 

His surprise is obvious. "I didn't think anybody noticed." 

You can't speak for the others or their motivations. All you know is that you care about him too much to pretend it isn't happening. You'd hoped Spencer would tell you about it himself, if he needed help. You hadn't realised that might come off as you not paying attention.

"You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to tell me, I shouldn't have– I'm sorry for being sudden."

"I haven't exactly been approachable," Spencer says bitterly. 

"I love you," you say. "Be a dick if you want. But I love you and I want you to eat more than dried fruit, so. Come with me for dinner." 

Spencer stands up quietly, no fuss. He pulls his jacket on and unlucky his hair from the collar, expression like a lost puppy looking down at you. You stare at him, his under eyes dark as wine and the slight hollow of his cheeks, the stubble like a shadow on his jaw. 

You go up on tiptoes and wrap your arms around him. "I just want to know what's wrong so I can be here for you," you say, crushing his hair to his neck with your cheek. You readjust your hands, trying to convey how you feel, the want to hold him together, put his misaligned pieces back in the right place. "I don't want you to be alone." 

Spencer clears his throat, but he hugs you back in his way, making himself smaller and shorter to fit in your embrace. 

"It'll be okay. Yeah?" You speak into his hair, a reassurance for him alone.

Spencer just hugs you harder. 

[bunnys-kisses]

hii bunny can I get blueberry muffins and a crepe on the house? served by lewis hamilton?? thank you!

bakery menu

want to suggest your own order? hit up the menu to see what we're serving up!! thank you so much for the prompt and i loved what you wanted! enjoy!

blueberry muffins ("i don't think it'll fit.") + crepe ("pretty girl.") + on the house: juice (cockwarming) served by lewis hamilton (formula one)!

cw: smut/pwp, cockwarming, size kink, praise kink, personal assistant!reader, secret relationship, missionary

"pretty girl." lewis' voice was a sing-song when you passed by him in the paddock. you looked over and saw him approach you with something behind his back, "there's my pretty girl!" when he got close enough he showed you the flowers that were behind his back, "and how are you today?"

you looked him in the eyes and chuckled, "oh no, what do you want now, lewis?" you looked at the flowers soon after.

"nothing, nothing at all. can't i spoil you, my favourite p.a has been doing so much lately. she deserves a thank you." he smiled before he leaned forward and kissed you on the cheek.

you chuckled and patted him on the chest. you took the flowers and asked, "should i find a hotel key card in here?"

he shrugged a little, "maybe. guess you'll have to see the find out."

after qualifier you ended up at lewis' hotel room with the card between your fingers. you sighed a little when you slid the key into the slot then opened the door.

"hello, hamilton." you said in a sweet voice.

he got up from his seat on the couch and headed towards you. in a white t-shirt and sweatpants. he draped his arms around you and kissed you on the face, "glad you could join me tonight, i know you must've been so busy."

you leaned up to kiss him on the lips, "you have to be more careful, lewis. if someone gets the wrong idea, it could be trouble for us."

he smiled, "then i'll have to simply tell the world how much i adore you, my p.a." he then kissed you once more before he pulled away and lead you to the bedroom.

he was a sweet talker you knew that, anyone who looked at him for more two seconds knew that he could talk his way out of any situation. you found it endearing, his soft words in your ear. in all fairness he was only sweet as honey to you.

bringing you flowers, expensive little gifts from far off places, those strong arms around you. the kisses on your neck, he wanted you in all the way he could have you. you were beautiful, ethereal in a way that he could not put into words.

he took off his t-shirt an you admired the sight of his tattoos. you ran your hands down his chest and went in for another sweet kiss. he was like that, lips like sugar and a hold that made you melt like caramel in the hot sun.

"you did well today, hamilton. i'm proud of you, i see you still have that spark of yours." you chuckled as you splayed on hand across his broad chest. he really was handsome, but you bit your tongue as you continued to drag your nails lightly across his skin.

"only when i know you're waiting for me at the finish line."

you held his face and kissed him sweetly on the lips, when you pulled away, you continued to hold his face, "where else would i be?"

he smiled, "at my house, under my covers. watching me on the big screen with your hand between your legs."

you laughed, "too funny, someone has to keep you in check." then you started to take off your own mercedes branded t-shirt for work, followed by your pants. you were left in a white bra and grey panties.

"fair and i'd want no one else." he got out of his own clothes and you were on the bed. he helped you get onto his lap and let you sink down on his cock. but instead of the two of moving together.

you sat there, keeping his cock warm in your slick pussy. the kisses between you two were hot but there was no movement elsewhere. you stayed still, letting him keep you full.

it was nice to feel so close to him, after the weekend you had so far, it was nice to take a break and let the two of you just feel close together. you peppered kisses along his jaw and face, and he melted into them.

you moved your hips a little but he placed both hands on them to keep you still. he chuckled against your lips before he said to you, "you're not going anywhere."

lewis had a perfect size cock for you, which let you feel nestled against him. you sighed contently as you continued to kiss him with a certain passion.

"i'm so proud of you." he said softly, his lips on your skin. he exhaled deeply and remained close to you, 'you were so nice at qualifier, how you look when you're doing your job. it's honestly a cute sight. miss professional making sure that i'm where i need to be." he then joked, "it'll be good when you're herding the little hamiltons."

you laughed and then held his face to look at you, "really now, lewis? how about we do one thing at a time. i refuse to be your stay at home bride."

he smiled, "of course, i wouldn't expect anything less." then rolled his hips a little up into you. he knew you were on birth control, but still let him sink in bare.

it was a level of trust that made his heart skip. you moved a little bit as well, letting your arms drape over his shoulders. he soon got you onto your back, you looked even more perfect under him.

he nuzzled your neck and got your arms around him. his cock slipped back in with ease and he got his legs around you. he thrusted up into you and felt the curl of pleasure in his gut.

you were beautiful, he couldn't believe it. you just looked like a perfect image under him. you briefly let go of him to push hair out of your face as he continued to thrust in and out of you.

"you look so beautiful, it would be illegal for a woman this beautiful to be around the paddock. i see how they look at you, the crew, the press, even other drivers. makes me realize how lucky i am."

"why because i don't even notice them?"

he chuckled and kissed the bridge of your nose, "yes, because you only look back at me. i guess that makes me lucky." he planted both hands on either side of you to give you more leverage.

you held onto him, then pressed his face into your chest. he groaned against the warmth of your skin. it was like touching the sunlight on a summer's day. he continued to move against you, his cock rutted against your insides. it all felt so good.

"you're a beautiful woman." he said.

"and you're not too bad yourself." you said as you lightly raked your nails across his shoulders. his lips landed on yours once more as the two of you moved together.

when he broke the kiss, he got comfortable with his head against your heart as he fucked you. the two of you moved together as one, it felt so nice being laid out under him. he could hear your quickening heartbeat as he moved his hips.

he continued the praises, he kept his pace steady with you. but even then he knew he wasn't going to last long. your warmth was comforting and your affection for him was strong. he held onto the bed under you and quickly moved his hips.

"you're actually quite handsome." you said softly, "you just look so pretty. even post-race, that's a whole other beast."

"of course, i have to look good for you after all that." he laughed.

he picked up the pace, and lips were all over your chest. he pressed into you further and loved the feeling of you under him. you held onto his shoulders further.

"you look beautiful like this. you are so painfully beautiful."

you came first with an arch of your back. you held onto him tightly and let out a sweet string of moans. you looked beautiful under him, right as you should. you orgasm hit like a train and you felt yourself be drawn under the waves of pleasure. it made your heart jump, it felt so good.

"please, lewis." you panted.

"i've got you." he replied softly as he put all of himself to it an finished inside of you. he kept up the pace and eyed you. he felt the thrill of pleasure through his body as he gave it a few more heavy strokes before he finished inside of you.

you whined, "holy shit. so good."

he slowed to a stop and rested against you for a moment, he pressed a bit of his weight onto you. it didn't crush you, i was rather comforting. you trailed your nails through his hair and kissed his forehead affectionately. he made a soft noise into your chest.

the labels of your relationship changed by the hour in some cases. lovers, friends, co-workers, all you knew was that you were in each other's orbit. as he looked up at you and you craned your neck to kiss him on the cheek, you could see a future in those beautiful brown eyes.

you rubbed his cheek and asked, "why don't we get something to eat, just the two of us? like a date."

he leaned in to kiss you on the collarbone as he settled down next to you, "that sounds great, but just give me a few minutes. i'm still getting myself together."

you'd give him more than a few minutes, you'd give him a whole lifetime. <3

[mostlymihawk]

Intimidation

Mihawk, Shanks, and Koby x GN reader

Prompt: How they react when they find out you're being threatened/held hostage.

CW: Threats, blood, abuse mentions

Mihawk:

You try to hide it from him at first.

Someone had come into Mihawk's castle, slit your throat, and told you to pass on the message that "my next cut won't be so shallow" if Mihawk didn't stop hunting him.

You're determined not to be Mihawk's weakness, so you force yourself to get it together.

You pull yourself off the floor, change the bloody carpet, stop the bleeding, and tell Mihawk you've suddenly developed a fascination with scarves.

It works for about an hour, if that.

Maybe it was your fidgeting, the way you jumped at shadows, your darting eyes, shaking hands...you had so many tells.

Finally he takes you by the hand, leads you to bedroom, sits you on the bed...and pins you down with his eyes as he gently tugs the scarf away and reveals the wound.

You break down immediately and tell him everything, including why you wanted to hide it.

He is utterly silent as the words flow out of you like a burst dam, until you have nothing left and you're sobbing brokenly in his arms from the pain.

Mihawk needs a minute to digest everything you've told him.

"...You are not my weakness, you are my greatest strength. You are the lifeblood that pulses in my veins, the fabric of my very soul, the deity before whose altar I kneel in reverence every hour of every day."

Being a warlord of the sea, he is often seen as a dog at the marines' beck and call, but the reverse is also true.

His delicate fingers bandage your would with near-surgical precision, and then Mihawk calls in a favour.

A few scant days later, the freshly-replaced carpet is bloodied anew with the blood of the correct victim.

Mihawk loathes blood on the carpets, but it does make a nice tapestry to serve as a warning to any others fool enough to attempt to harm his betrothed.

Shanks:

Mid-brawl, you're grabbed by the opposing captain.

It's all very cliché, but he won't let you go no matter how hard you struggle.

"Alright, stop. I surrender. My life for theirs."

The enemy captain is grinning ear to ear as you're roughly shoved aside and caught by Shanks' first mate, Benn Beckmann.

He shushes you and hides your face in his chest to muffle your pleas as Shanks steps right up to the barrel of the gun that had just been levelled at your temple.

The captain asks if Shanks has any final words.

"...I lied."

The half second's delay as they struggle for control of the gun is enough for Yasopp to end it.

You're inconsolable for the rest of the day, but Shanks is too glad you're alive to be terribly upset about the insults hurled his way or the bruises he'll have on his chest later.

Koby

He knows something is wrong right away.

He's the nervous wreck in this relationship, so when you've lost all your spark he asks what's wrong, and gets suspicious when you're scared to tell him.

Drags you straight to Garp's desk, no matter how much you beg him not to or how much you insist they'd kill him if you got the marines involved.

"Listen...I've been where you are. For two years I was held hostage on a pirate ship. If you let yourself be scared into silence...it'll never get better. We have to fight this, it's the only way."

That said, he has absolutely no idea how to fight an entire pirate crew.

Thus, Garp.

Garp reminds you both that, as Koby's significant other, a threat against you a threat against the marines, the world government, and, by extension, a threat against humanity.

The pirates extorting you are all swiftly captured, imprisoned, or brought to justice.

What did they really expect to do against the might of the marines, after all?

"You see? They wanted you not to get the marines involved because they knew they'd never stand a chance if you did."

[ikeucity]

𝗝𝗘𝗔𝗟𝗢𝗨𝗦 𝗢𝗙 𝗝𝗘𝗡𝗡𝗜𝗘. ― (제이)

「 ᴘᴀʀᴛ (1/4) ᴏꜰ ᴋᴇᴜʀɪ'ꜱ ʟᴏꜱᴇʀ! ᴇᴅɪᴛɪᴏɴ ᴀᴜ 」

pairing. loser!jay x reader wordcount. 33.7k warning. this story contains sexual content (18+), explicit language, jealousy, and miscommunication. mild angst, fluff, and humor, as well as awkward tension. lighthearted themes of slight degradation/humiliation and insecurity are present, along with consensual smut. mdni.

jay's been crushing on you forever, but he's too shy to make a move. just as you start to realize you like him back, he starts seeing someone else. jealousy kicks in, but things take a turn when you discover his secret—a "jennie" that changes everything.

"so you're telling me, you thought making yeonjun jealous was gonna save your relationship?" you say, staring at hanna like you're trying to knock some sense into her. you emphasize each word, hoping it'll spark at least some shred of doubt about her terrible decision. she's just sitting there, swirling her juice, while you pick a grape from the fruit bowl between you both at the kitchen island. and here she was, your best friend, diving headfirst into another trainwreck, as if you hadn't been through this with her a dozen times before. "i mean, you don't think he'll care? you know him," she mumbles, eyes glued to the counter. you let out a sigh. "oh, he'll care alright. but not in the way you're hoping." hanna’s fingers fidget with the glass in front of her, the condensation dripping down her wrist. she avoids your gaze, chewing on her lip like she’s debating whether to defend her ridiculous plan or just give in. typical. you can’t help but shake your head, taking another grape and popping it into your mouth. "look, you’ve pulled some wild shit before, but this… this is different. yeonjun isn’t the type to play games, and you know that. jealousy’s not gonna make him come crawling back, it’s just gonna piss him off." her shoulders slump, a little defeat sinking in. “i just… i don’t know what else to do. he’s been so distant lately, like i’m not even there. it’s like… he’s already checked out, and i’m just waiting for the final nail in the coffin.” you roll your eyes but soften your tone. "hanna, if he’s acting distant, trying to push his buttons isn’t gonna bring him closer. you gotta talk to him, be honest, not… whatever this is." she finally looks up at you, eyes a little glassy. "what if he doesn’t care anymore? what if i’m the only one still trying?" that hit deeper than you expected. you lean back, exhaling slowly, thinking of all the times you’ve seen her chasing after something that was already slipping through her fingers. “then maybe… maybe it’s time to let it go, hann. if he’s checked out, then why keep pushing?” silence lingers between you two for a second, the sound of the clock ticking in the background louder than it should be. hanna brushes her hair behind her ear, voice small. "i just don’t want to lose him." you sigh, reaching out to rest your hand on hers. "i know. but sometimes, losing someone is better than losing yourself trying to hold onto something that's already gone."

hanna’s lips quiver like she’s about to say something, but nothing comes out. she just nods, the weight of your words sinking in. for once, she looks like she might actually listen. "besides," you smirk, trying to lighten the mood, "you can always make him jealous when you’re happy and moved on. that’ll hurt way more than this petty shit." she lets out a small laugh, wiping her eyes. "yeah, maybe." "there you go, thinking with your brain again. it looks good on you." you give her a playful nudge, grabbing another grape and tossing it into her lap. “oh, shut up,” she laughs, finally sounding like herself again. but even as she smiles, you know the weight of her situation isn’t going away anytime soon. you can only hope she’s strong enough to face it head-on this time. just as the conversation settles into a more comfortable silence, the front door creaks open, and you glance over to see jay shuffling in. he’s back from classes, hoodie pulled over his head, backpack slung lazily over one shoulder. his eyes dart to you immediately, widening slightly before he looks down at his shoes like they’re the most interesting thing in the world. "oh, hey… didn’t know you were here," he mutters, voice barely above a mumble. his cheeks flush pink, and he scratches the back of his neck in that awkward way he always does around you. he might’ve been quiet and a bit of a loser, but damn if he wasn’t hot, like someone ripped out of a movie. you’ve known him for years—ever since he was that scrawny kid who always hung around his sister, but now, he’s filled out, tall, lean… though he still can’t seem to act normal around you. "hey, jay," you greet casually, tossing him a quick smile. you can practically see the gears in his head stuttering, like he’s not sure what to say next. he clears his throat, adjusting the strap of his backpack. "uh, did you guys… were you talking about something important? i don’t want to interrupt or anything." hanna rolls her eyes at him, giving him a look that says, 'you always interrupt.' she turns back to you and lowers her voice dramatically, like she’s giving away some huge secret. "don’t mind him. he’s just here to stare at you for a bit." "what?!" jay’s face turns a deeper shade of red, his eyes widening in panic. "hanna, shut up!" he shoots her a death glare, but she just smirks, completely unbothered. you laugh, trying to ease his obvious discomfort. "nah, we were just talking about how your sister has terrible relationship advice." jay shuffles awkwardly, clearly not sure how to respond, and hanna snorts. "yeah, don’t get her started on that," she adds with a teasing tone, "she’ll lecture you for hours." "i do not lecture," you defend yourself, leaning back on your chair. "i just give good advice to people who clearly need it." jay chuckles softly, still not quite meeting your eyes. "well, i’m sure your advice is better than hanna’s." he sneaks a quick glance at you, and you catch his gaze for a second, noticing how his eyes linger a little too long before darting away again.

it’s kinda cute, actually, the way he gets all flustered around you. he might not be outgoing like his sister, but there was something about the way he awkwardly stumbled over his words that made it obvious he was into you, even if he didn’t have the guts to say it. "so, uh, i should probably… go study or something," jay mumbles, backing up slowly toward the hallway. he glances at you one more time, the corner of his lip twitching like he wants to say something but can’t find the words. "good luck with that," you say with a playful grin, watching him fumble to leave. "yeah, thanks," he mutters, practically tripping over his own feet before disappearing down the hall, leaving you and hanna alone again. once he’s out of earshot, hanna bursts into laughter. "god, he’s so obvious. i swear he’s had the biggest crush on you since, like, forever." you smirk, picking up another grape. "yeah, i noticed." "hanna," you start, popping another grape in your mouth, eyes glinting with amusement, "would it be so weird if i actually hooked up with him?" her jaw drops, and she gapes at you like you just suggested the most forbidden thing in the world. "are you serious? jay? my little brother jay?" she whispers, half laughing, half in shock, but there's a glimmer in her eye like she's trying to picture it. "what? he's hot. awkward as hell, but still… hot." you shrug, completely unfazed by her reaction. you could see it now—the way jay would probably blush like crazy, fumbling around nervously, but you didn’t mind.

something about it was kind of endearing. hanna raises an eyebrow, leaning forward with a smirk. "okay, but can you imagine how flustered he’d be? he can barely look you in the eye without turning into a tomato." "exactly. it’d be cute," you tease, a wicked grin spreading across your face. "i mean, he’s been crushing on me forever, right? might as well make his day." "you're insane," she laughs, shaking her head, but you can tell she’s not actually against the idea. "i can’t believe we're even having this conversation. he’d probably pass out if you even kissed him." you laugh, thinking about how jay would probably freeze up, all wide-eyed and nervous. "maybe, but i bet he’d be fun to mess with. who knows? he might surprise us." "ugh, you’re terrible." hanna rolls her eyes but can’t help grinning. "but honestly? if anyone’s gonna break him out of his awkward phase, it might as well be you." "exactly," you say, giving her a knowing look. "besides, if you’re out here making bad decisions with yeonjun, why can’t i make one with jay?"

hanna groans, burying her face in her hands. "oh my god, this is so messed up." you chuckle, tossing another grape at her. "don’t act like you haven’t thought about it. he’s been staring at me like a lost puppy for years." she peeks up from her hands, a mischievous look in her eyes now. "alright, fine. but if you actually do it, you better tell me everything. i’m not missing out on that gossip." "hanna, you don’t find that weird?" you raise an eyebrow, genuinely curious. "you’re telling me you wanna know how he'll potentially fuck me? your brother?" she snorts, completely unfazed, shrugging like it’s no big deal. "i mean, yeah, why not? i already know he’s got a crush on you, and if you’re actually gonna do it, i might as well get the details." her eyes glint with that mischievous spark again, like she’s enjoying this way too much. you lean back in your chair, still staring at her in disbelief. "that’s some messed up shit, hanna." she laughs, shaking her head. "okay, maybe it is, but c’mon. he’s a grown-ass man, you’re a grown-ass woman. if you hook up, it’s not like i’m gonna pretend it never happened. besides, think of it like… research. you can tell me if he’s as awkward in bed as he is in life." "oh my god," you groan, rubbing your temples like you can’t believe you’re even having this conversation. hanna just grins, leaning on the counter. "look, if anyone’s gonna handle jay, it’s gotta be someone i trust, right?" "yeah, ‘cause nothing says trust like spilling the details of how your brother fucks," you mutter, but the smirk creeping onto your face betrays you. "fine. if, and i mean if it happens, maybe i’ll let you in on the tea." hanna claps her hands together, clearly way too excited for this. "oh, i’m holding you to that. don’t chicken out now." you roll your eyes, laughing despite yourself. "you’re unbelievable." "so are you, thinking about banging my brother," she shoots back with a wink. "touché." you chuckle while running your hands through your hair, the thought of actually doing something with jay making your stomach flip.

there’s a part of you that’s curious, but it’s also so damn messy. “what if he takes it too seriously? or what if it’s just fucking awkward?” hanna leans back, crossing her arms, watching you spiral. "look, it’s not like you’re making a marriage proposal. it’s just a hookup, if it even happens. jay’s awkward, sure, but i doubt he’d make it weird." you sigh, feeling the weight of all the shit you’ve been dealing with pile onto this already bizarre situation. "i just… i don’t know, hanna. it’s been a rough few months. i feel like everything’s been dry as hell lately." hanna raises an eyebrow. "you mean, like… with sunghoon?" you groan, covering your face with your hands. "don’t get me started. that whole situation was a shitshow." "okay, spill. what went down?"

you take a deep breath, staring at the ceiling for a moment before finally letting it out. "it was just… boring. like, no spark, no nothing. we were together for months, and I swear, it was like he was just going through the motions. half the time I couldn’t even tell if he was interested." "huh," hanna nods, thoughtful for a second. "so you broke up with him?" "yeah, finally. i couldn’t take it anymore. it felt like i was dating a brick wall. no passion, no fire, and don’t even get me started on the sex. dry as fuck." you scoff, leaning back against your chair. "i tried, hanna. i really did. but how can you stay with someone who makes you feel like you’re invisible half the time?" "honey, you deserve way better than that," she says, her voice softer now. "it’s not your fault that sunghoon couldn’t keep up. maybe you just need… you know, someone who actually wants you." "someone like jay?" you joke, half-heartedly, but there’s a flicker of something in your chest when you say it. hanna smirks, not missing a beat. "hey, i'm not the one who said it, but now that you mention it… he might just be what you need. awkward as hell, sure, but he’s been into you forever, and at least you’d know he’s trying." "ugh, i’m just tired of all this shit. the dating, the breakups, the dead-end relationships. it’s exhausting." she nods, giving you a sympathetic look. "i get it. but maybe it’s time to stop worrying about all that serious shit and just have fun. if it’s jay or someone else, who cares? do what makes you happy for once." you stare at her, taking in her words, feeling the weight of it all slowly lifting off your shoulders. maybe she’s right. maybe it’s time to stop overthinking everything and just do something for yourself.

it’s been months since that conversation with hanna, and somehow, you never followed through with it. maybe it was just something you thought about when you were in a dry spell, coming off a shitty relationship with sunghoon. at the time, jay seemed like the sweetest option, the safest—someone who wouldn’t complicate things. and hanna? she was fine with it, encouraging, actually. but still, nothing happened. you chalked it up to a moment of weakness. yeah, jay was hot, awkward as hell, but hot. it was like a loser got trapped in a really good-looking guy's body, the kind of guy who was too shy to realize how much he had going for him. but maybe that’s why you never pushed it—it wasn’t serious. just a fleeting thought after all the mess you went through with sunghoon. yet, recently, something’s been gnawing at you. hanna’s been casually mentioning that jay’s been seeing someone, dropping it in conversations with that teasing smirk she always has. and, well… it piqued your interest. way more than it should have. you try to tell yourself it’s nothing. but deep down, there’s this weird feeling, like something’s off. it’s not jealousy, not really. it’s more like curiosity… or maybe even a bit of possessiveness. after all, you’d been his little crush for years. it was kind of flattering in its own way, knowing he was always there. "so, jay’s seeing someone, huh?" you finally ask hanna one afternoon, trying to sound casual as you lean back against the couch. hanna glances at you with that all-knowing look, already sensing something beneath your tone. "yup. can you believe it? he’s finally getting out there. i was shocked at first, but i guess he’s growing up." "yeah, he’s definitely grown," you mutter, thinking about how much he’s changed in the last few years. hanna smirks, clearly not missing your choice of words. "what’s that tone? you jealous or something?" "jealous?" you scoff, but it feels a little forced. "no, just… surprised. i mean, it’s jay. he’s never really dated, right?" "he hasn’t. but people grow up, y’know? he’s not the awkward little kid anymore, even though he still kinda acts like it," she says, grabbing her phone and scrolling absentmindedly. "he’s been going out with this girl for a few weeks now. cute, right?" you shrug, trying to play it off, but you can’t help the little sting of annoyance. weeks? that long, and you had no clue? "yeah, sure. cute," you mutter, glancing away. but your mind’s already spinning, wondering what kind of girl has caught his attention.

hanna raises an eyebrow, catching the subtle shift in your tone. "why? you miss him or something?" she teases, smirking over her phone. "no," you snap a little too quickly, then clear your throat, trying to act unbothered. "just curious, that's all. haven’t seen him around here in a while." she laughs, shaking her head. "wow, you really do miss him. he used to be around all the time, and now you're noticing when he's gone." she sets her phone down, looking way too amused by this. "admit it—you’re lowkey jealous." "i’m not jealous," you huff, crossing your arms defensively. "i just didn’t think he’d be the type to dive into a relationship, that’s all." "oh, so now you’re judging his love life?" hanna grins, leaning in closer, clearly enjoying this. "look, it’s not like they’re serious or anything, but yeah, he’s been busy. getting out there. i thought you’d be happy for him." "i am," you say, but it sounds half-hearted, even to your own ears. "it’s just weird, that’s all." hanna watches you for a second, her smirk softening. "oh my god," she says, suddenly realizing. "you had your chance, didn’t you? back when we talked about it months ago, but you didn’t follow through, and now you’re regretting it."

"what? no!" you protest, but the way she’s looking at you makes you feel like you’ve been caught. "yeah, you are," she presses, laughing softly. "you thought about it back then, and now you’re wondering if you should’ve just gone for it." you open your mouth to argue, but nothing comes out. maybe she’s right, just a little. maybe part of you did think jay would always be there, orbiting around, waiting. now that someone else has his attention, it feels different. unsettling. just then, jay comes stumbling in, looking flustered as hell. his hair’s a mess, cheeks flushed, and he’s wearing clothes that clearly scream date night—button-up shirt slightly wrinkled, dark jeans that fit a little too well, like he actually put thought into the whole thing. the sight of him in that state makes your heart do a weird little flip, but you force yourself to stay cool, act like it’s no big deal. jay looks at both of you, eyes wide, clearly shocked to find you there, but he lets out a breathless, "hey," like he’s trying to play it off. you catch the faint tremble in his voice, though, and it makes you smirk internally. he’s so damn awkward, it’s almost adorable.

"hmm, hey," hanna says, immediately zeroing in on his disheveled appearance. she crosses her arms, her lips curling into a grin. "where you been, jay? out on a date?" jay freezes for a split second, looking like a deer caught in headlights. "w-what? no, i wasn’t… i mean, i just—i was hanging out with some friends."

you can’t help but snicker at how awful he is at lying, and jay shoots you a quick glance before looking down, his cheeks growing redder. "friends, huh?" you say casually, trying to hide the amusement in your voice. "didn’t know your friends wore that much perfume."

his face flushes deeper, and hanna’s on him in a second, eyes gleaming with curiosity. "wait a second…" she leans in, sniffing the air dramatically. "oh my god, you’re actually wearing perfume. like, something a girl would wear." her grin gets even wider. "jay, did you steal her perfume or what?" "no!" he stammers, taking a step back, clearly overwhelmed by the interrogation. "i didn’t—i mean, i wasn’t stealing anything. i just—i don’t know, maybe i hugged her or something, okay? it’s not a big deal."

the way he says her makes your stomach tighten, but you shove it down, refusing to let it show. instead, you raise an eyebrow, giving him a nonchalant look. "so there is a girl, huh?"

jay looks like he’s about to combust on the spot, his words stumbling over each other as he tries to defend himself. "i… it’s not like… yeah, i’ve been seeing someone, but it’s not serious, okay? we’re just hanging out. nothing crazy."

"hanging out," hanna echoes, clearly enjoying every second of this. "is that what we’re calling dates now? ‘cause, bro, you look like you just came back from date night."

jay groans, running a hand through his messy hair, clearly desperate to escape the conversation. "look, can we just not do this right now? i’m gonna go to my room." and with that, he rushes past, practically bolting toward the hallway.

but not before you catch it. the scent. that sweet, floral perfume lingering on him. it’s subtle but unmistakable—definitely something a girl would wear, and something that would drive any guy crazy. you can’t help but feel a strange knot form in your chest as you watch him disappear into his room.

"huh," hanna says, leaning back on the couch with a satisfied grin. "he’s really getting out there. good for him."

"yeah," you mutter, trying to act unaffected, but the perfume, the thought of him with someone else—it’s still swirling in your head. "good for him."

you sit there, staring at the spot where jay had been just seconds ago, the scent of that damn perfume still hanging in the air like some ghost that won’t leave. hanna’s sitting back, satisfied with her little interrogation, but you can’t help the weird pit forming in your stomach.

you try to shake it off, acting like none of this bothers you, but it does. way more than it should.

you stayed over at hanna’s that night, and the tension from earlier stuck with you like a bad itch. jay never left his room, not once, which only made your curiosity gnaw at you even more.

what the hell was going on with him? who was this girl? you tried to push it out of your mind, but it clung to you, especially with the scent of that perfume still lingering in your thoughts.

you and hanna were playing mario kart, both of you on the couch. or rather, you were playing, while she kept glancing at her phone, clearly distracted by a stream of notifications from yeonjun. every time her phone buzzed, she'd snicker or blush, completely zoning out from the game.

"yo, if you’re just gonna text yeonjun the whole time, i might as well play alone," you teased, bumping her with your elbow as she nearly drove off the track.

"huh? what? no, i’m playing," she muttered, not even looking at the screen as her character crashed into a wall. "yeonjun just sent me something funny, that’s all."

you roll your eyes, about to give up on getting her attention back when the doorbell rang.

"huh, who’s that?" hanna said, barely glancing away from her phone.

you pause the game, both of you looking toward the door. hanna finally gets up, heading over to open it. when she swings the door wide, you see him standing there—jay’s friend, heeseung. he’s clearly flustered, his hand shoved deep into his pockets, his shoulders hunched slightly as if he’s uncomfortable being there.

"heeseung?" hanna asks, surprised. "what are you doing here?"

heeseung shifts awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. "uh, hey. is jay here? we were supposed to hang out, but he hasn’t been answering his phone. i figured i’d just come by and check."

you almost smirk. god, another one of jay’s friends who was a total loser in the cutest way possible.

like jay, heeseung had everything going for him—good looks, tall, decent style, but somehow still gave off the energy of a guy who’d stumble over his own words if you looked at him too long.

"he’s been locked in his room since he got back," hanna says, rolling her eyes. "probably doing god knows what. you can go knock if you want."

heeseung glances at you for a split second, then back at hanna. "uh, yeah, cool, thanks."

as he makes his way toward jay’s room, you can’t help but chuckle under your breath. you knew heeseung and jay well enough—they were practically glued to each other most days, playing games together, screaming over discord at all hours of the night. and here he was, showing up like some worried girlfriend when jay wasn’t answering his phone.

"he’s definitely still in there," hanna mutters, sitting back down next to you. "but if anyone can drag his ass out, it’s heeseung."

you nod, but your mind is elsewhere. jay, locked in his room all night, avoiding everyone. was he embarrassed? hiding from whatever happened earlier? or was it something else?

your curiosity eats at you, but you shove it down, focusing back on the game as heeseung knocks softly on jay’s door.

the muffled sound of voices drifts down the hall, heeseung’s awkward murmur and jay’s low, strained reply. you can’t make out what they’re saying, but the tension lingers in the air, heavy and thick.

"heeseung’s probably just here to game with him, like always," hanna says, half-watching the screen. "but i gotta say, that boy’s a mess too. sometimes i don’t get how they even function."

you snort. "yeah, but they’re good guys. even if they’re both clueless."

hanna grins. "true. but damn, if only they weren’t such awkward losers. they’d probably have girls falling all over them if they weren’t so… i don’t know, them."

you laugh, shaking your head, but part of you can’t shake the nagging thought about jay, the girl, the perfume… and why he’d been acting so strange ever since. damn.

looks like jay eventually let heeseung in, because after a few minutes, you hear the low murmur of voices coming from his room. nothing loud or out of the ordinary, but just enough to confirm that heeseung’s been granted access.

you continue playing mario kart with hanna, your mind half in the game and half still on jay, wondering what the hell is going on with him.

hanna keeps glancing at her phone, and you don’t miss the small smirks she gives whenever a notification pops up. it doesn’t take long before she’s fully lost in her own little world, yeonjun obviously at the center of it. you roll your eyes.

“you’re not even playing anymore,” you say, bumping her with your elbow as she drives straight off the edge for the third time in a row. “might as well just text him if you’re that distracted.”

“ugh, fine,” she mutters, tossing her controller down with a dramatic sigh. “he’s been dying to talk, and I can’t concentrate anyway.”

you raise an eyebrow. “what’s going on with you two, anyway? things getting serious or what?”

hanna bites her lip, the kind of half-smile that tells you everything and nothing all at once. “we’ll see. he’s been acting all sweet lately, but I just want to clear some things up, you know? make sure we’re on the same page.”

“mm-hmm,” you hum, not buying her casual tone for a second. “sure, sure. go have your little heart-to-heart.”

she rolls her eyes but doesn’t argue, getting up and grabbing her phone. “i’m gonna go to my room and talk to him. don’t get into too much trouble while i’m gone,” she teases, disappearing down the hall with her phone already pressed to her ear.

you’re left sitting there, the room suddenly quiet except for the distant sound of jay and heeseung talking behind closed doors. you play a few more rounds of mario kart, but it feels pointless now that hanna’s gone and your mind is drifting back to jay again.

curiosity gets the better of you. before you even realize what you’re doing, you find yourself walking down the hall, toward jay’s room. your footsteps are light, almost cautious, like you’re not even sure you want to be caught doing this. but something about the whole situation—jay’s sudden flustered behavior, the perfume, the secrecy—it’s gnawing at you, and you just need to know.

you stop just outside his door, pressing your back to the wall, trying to hear what they’re talking about. their voices are low, but you catch snippets here and there. heeseung’s calm, steady tone contrasts with jay’s more hesitant, awkward replies.

“…so, how’d it go?” you hear heeseung ask, his voice muffled through the door.

there’s a long pause, and you can practically feel jay squirming from the other side. “…it was fine. great even but, god. it’s just… different.”

“different how?” heeseung presses, and now you’re straining to hear every word, your heart racing a little.

jay lets out a sigh. “i don’t know. i mean, she’s cool, but… i keep thinking about—”

you hold your breath, leaning in a little closer, desperate to hear what he’s going to say next. thinking about who? what the hell is he talking about?

but before you can catch the rest of his sentence, something creaks under your foot, the sound louder than you expected in the quiet hallway. you freeze, heart pounding in your chest, praying they didn’t hear you.

there’s a brief silence from inside the room, then jay’s voice, a little more alert now. “…did you hear that?”

shit.

you back away slowly, trying to move as quietly as possible, but your pulse is racing, and you can already feel the heat creeping up your neck.

your pulse quickens, adrenaline spiking as you slowly back away from jay’s door, praying he doesn’t open it and catch you red-handed. your foot moves carefully, barely making a sound as you step back down the hall, but you can hear the faint creak of the floorboards under your weight.

“nah, probably nothing,” you hear heeseung say, his voice trying to calm jay down. “this place is always making weird sounds.”

“yeah… maybe,” jay replies, but you can tell he’s still on edge. you hold your breath, waiting, listening for any sign that he’s going to open the door and find you there, eavesdropping like a total creep.

but the door doesn’t open. instead, their conversation picks back up, though jay’s voice is a little quieter now, more cautious, like he knows someone might be listening.

you exhale slowly, stepping back further into the hallway, feeling the tension in your shoulders ease just slightly. that was too close, you think, your heart still racing as you slip back toward the living room.

but despite the close call, your curiosity hasn’t been satisfied. if anything, it’s only grown stronger. what the hell is jay thinking about? why did he seem so off today? and who was this girl, this mysterious person he’s apparently been seeing?

something about it all didn’t sit right with you, and it was starting to get under your skin. as you make your way back to the couch, you try to shake it off, but your mind is still buzzing.

you hear hanna’s door creak open down the hall. she’s probably still on the phone with yeonjun, but knowing her, she’s already caught onto your little adventure. you hear her muffled voice through the walls, sounding serious, like she’s deep in conversation.

you try to focus on the game, but the more you think about it, the more frustrated you get. why do i even care so much? you ask yourself. jay was just a guy.

a sweet, awkward guy who’s been crushing on you for ages, sure, but still… why did the idea of him with someone else, even just hanging out, feel like it was getting to you so much?

you sigh, your grip tightening on the controller as you speed down the mario kart track, barely paying attention to what you’re doing. you know you’re overthinking it, but that doesn’t make the sick feeling in your gut go away. you hear a faint laugh from jay’s room, and your stomach twists.

hanna comes back into the living room, phone still in hand, but the conversation with yeonjun clearly over for now. she glances at you, raising an eyebrow as she flops down next to you on the couch, her eyes immediately narrowing like she’s picked up on something.

“you good?” she asks, half-amused, half-suspicious. she probably noticed the way you’ve been sitting there, controller in hand but not really playing, clearly lost in thought.

“yeah, i’m fine,” you lie, a little too quickly.

she smirks, shifting her position to face you better. “sure, sure. you’re ‘fine,’ but you look like you’re thinking way too hard about something. spill it. what’s going on?”

you pause, debating how much to say, but you know hanna isn’t the type to let things slide. she’ll keep poking until you give her something. you sigh, tossing the controller down in frustration.

“okay, fine. i’m just… curious.”

“about?”

“jay.”

hanna’s smirk widens. “oh? now we’re back to jay, huh? what happened while i was on the phone? did something weird go down between you two?”

“no,” you mutter, though that knot in your stomach tightens again. “it’s just… i don’t know. he’s been acting strange. like, he’s all flustered and avoiding us, and then there’s the whole thing about him seeing someone. i guess it’s just throwing me off.”

“hmm.” hanna leans back, crossing her arms as she studies you, clearly amused by your little dilemma. “so you’re bothered that jay’s hanging out with another girl. interesting.”

“i’m not bothered,” you say, but even to you, it sounds weak. “it’s just… weird, okay? he’s always been around, always crushing, and now suddenly he’s off with some other girl, wearing perfume and shit.”

hanna chuckles, shaking her head. “god, you really are jealous, just admit it. you had months to make a move, and now that someone else might be catching his attention, it’s messing with you.”

you shoot her a glare. “jealousy isn't the right term. i told you i'm just curious.”

“right,” she says, clearly not believing you for a second. “so curious that you probably tried to eavesdrop on him and heeseung just now, huh?”

your eyes widen slightly, but you try to keep your cool. “what? no. i didn’t—”

hanna laughs, cutting you off. “oh, please. i know you, and i definitely heard you sneaking around the hallway while i was on the phone. don’t even try to lie.”

you groan, burying your face in your hands. “fine. maybe i did try to eavesdrop a little. but it didn’t help. they were talking in these vague half-sentences, and now i’m just more confused.”

“so why don’t you just ask him?” hanna suggests, a grin tugging at her lips. “i mean, if you really want to know, just corner jay and get him to spill. he’s terrible at hiding stuff anyway.”

you consider her suggestion, feeling a mix of curiosity and frustration bubbling inside you. “and what exactly do i say? ‘hey, jay, so i noticed you’ve been acting weird and smelling like another girl. care to explain?’”

hanna bursts out laughing, shaking her head. “honestly? yeah. he’d probably be so flustered, he’d tell you everything just to avoid the embarrassment.”

you roll your eyes but can’t help the small smile creeping onto your face. “you’re terrible.”

“nah, i’m just honest.” hanna nudges you with her elbow. “c’mon, it’s not like he’s some big mystery. he’s jay. awkward, sweet, and totally wrapped up in you. if you want answers, just ask.”

“maybe,” you mumble, still not convinced but knowing she’s probably right.

"should i ask heeseung?" you blurt out, half-joking but also half-serious. maybe heeseung would give you the details without all the awkward stammering that jay would.

hanna raises an eyebrow, looking at you like you just suggested something crazy. "heeseung? are you kidding me? he’d probably fumble even worse than jay."

you laugh, but there's a part of you that wonders. heeseung—god, another awkward mess but that’s also why he might just crack under a little pressure.

"i mean, it’s not the worst idea," you say, shrugging. "he might slip up and say something."

"honey, heeseung can barely hold a conversation without tripping over his words, especially when he’s nervous. and you asking him about jay? yeah, good luck with that." hanna grins, clearly entertained by the idea. "besides, he’d probably just defer to jay, tell you to ask him."

"ugh, you’re probably right," you groan, sinking back into the couch. "it’s just… ugh, something feels off, and i can’t let it go."

hanna tilts her head, studying you with that look she gets when she’s about to get all deep and sisterly. "okay, real talk? why does it bug you so much? i mean, seriously. if jay’s seeing someone, why does it bother you this much?"

you pause, not really sure how to answer that without sounding like a complete mess. because honestly, you hadn’t thought too hard about it until now. why does it bother me?

"i don’t know," you finally admit, sighing.

"hmm," hanna hums knowingly. "so maybe it’s not just curiosity. maybe you liked the attention. or maybe… you like him more than you realize."

"no," you protest immediately, though the knot in your stomach tightens a little. "it’s not like that."

"okay, okay." hanna holds her hands up in surrender, smirking. "but if you want to know what’s really going on, you either ask jay or wait for him to spill. heeseung’s not gonna give you any answers."

you sit there, chewing on the inside of your cheek, the idea of confronting jay still gnawing at you. “yeah, but asking jay feels… complicated.”

“well, then,” hanna says, nudging you with her elbow, “you’ve got a decision to make. either get the guts to talk to jay, or just let it go and stop driving yourself nuts about it.”

you lean back, eyes fixed on the ceiling, wondering if you’ll actually have the nerve to confront jay. the curiosity is killing you, but there’s that part of you that doesn’t want to know… because what if it is serious with this girl?

realizing that maybe you shouldn’t dwell on this too much, you sigh, leaning back on the couch. maybe it’s just your ego getting in the way—getting worked up over the fact that jay’s attention was elsewhere, no longer revolving around you like it had for years.

it stung a little, yeah, but was it really about him? or was it just that weird feeling when someone you always thought would be there suddenly wasn’t?

you rub your temples, trying to shake off the thought. if it’s serious, do i even want to know?

you’ve already been through enough drama with sunghoon. getting tangled up in whatever jay had going on wasn’t something you needed right now. especially when your feelings about it weren’t even clear.

"maybe i’m just making a big deal out of nothing," you mutter, more to yourself than to hanna.

"huh?" she looks over at you, raising an eyebrow.

"maybe it’s just my ego, you know? i’m probably just annoyed that jay’s not giving me all his attention anymore. and if it’s serious, i really don’t want to mess with it."

hanna watches you for a second, her smirk fading into something a little softer. "yeah, maybe. but it’s not wrong to feel weird about it. he’s been your little puppy for so long, it’s gotta feel strange to see him with someone else. but like you said, if it’s serious, maybe it’s better to just leave it alone."

you nod, feeling a bit of relief in her words. leave it alone. yeah, that sounded like the smart move. you didn’t want to ruin anything for jay, not when he’d finally found someone that seemed to have his attention.

"yeah," you say, more certain now. "i’ll just let it go. if he’s happy, that’s all that matters."

"huh, look at you being mature," hanna teases, though there’s a warmth in her voice. "proud of you."

you snort, rolling your eyes. "don’t get used to it. but yeah… i think it’s for the best."

you both settle back into a comfortable silence, the weight of your curiosity easing a bit. jay was figuring out his own life, and as strange as it felt, you couldn’t hold onto the past forever. people moved on, and maybe it was time you let him do the same without all the second-guessing.

weeks pass, and things between you, jay, and hanna settle into a weird but manageable routine. jay’s still around, but not as much. and you’ve mostly convinced yourself to stop overthinking it, especially when hanna lets slip that things with jay’s new girl seem to be going well.

every time she mentions it, you nod along, offering a polite "that’s great," even though you feel that familiar, subtle tug of something you can’t quite name. but you push it down and try not to dwell on it.

then one weekend, hanna decides to throw a party at her house. nothing too crazy, but she’s invited a bunch of friends over, and the idea is to just relax, drink, and let loose for a bit.

you’re half-excited, half-dreading it, especially since you know jay will probably be there too, along with a bunch of his friends, including heeseung.

"hanna, do we really need this party?" you ask a little nervously, standing in her kitchen the day of, helping her set up snacks and drinks. "i mean, are we celebrating something? or are you just in the mood to stir up chaos?"

she grins at you, mischievous as ever. "oh, you know me. stirring up chaos is my specialty. plus, we haven’t had a decent get-together in forever. and i need an excuse to dress cute and get drunk, so here we are."

you laugh, shaking your head. "fair enough."

“plus, yeonjun’s coming,” she adds with a wink, clearly excited about that little detail. “and i want him to meet some of my friends, show him off a bit, you know?”

“ah, so this party is really for yeonjun,” you tease, nudging her with your elbow.

“well, yeah,” she laughs, “but you’ll benefit too. lots of people are coming. you might meet someone.”

you roll your eyes but smile, part of you hopes he won’t bring his new girl to the party, though you hate yourself a little for even thinking that.

as the night progresses, people start trickling in. the house fills with the buzz of conversation, laughter, and music. you find yourself sipping on a drink, wandering between groups of friends, making small talk but keeping an eye out for familiar faces.

it’s a decent crowd—mostly people you know through hanna, but enough new faces to keep things interesting.

then, just as you’re starting to relax, jay walks in. and of course, heeseung is with him. jay’s wearing his usual casual style, but something about him seems different tonight—more confident, maybe? or maybe it’s just the way he’s been acting lately, more sure of himself. you can’t help but notice it, even though you’ve been telling yourself to stop.

your eyes flicker to his side, half-expecting to see the girl he’s been seeing, but to your surprise, he’s alone. no girlfriend in tow, just him and heeseung, who looks equally as awkward but still manages to make it work somehow.

hanna spots them and waves them over, and before you know it, you’re standing in a small group with jay, heeseung, and a few others, trying to act casual.

“hey,” jay says, his voice a little quieter than usual as he gives you a small, shy smile. "how’s it going?"

"good," you reply, forcing a smile back.

he nods, looking like he’s about to say something else when hanna jumps in, handing him a drink and teasing him about finally showing up. you take a sip of your own drink, trying not to stare, but you can’t help feeling that tug again, even though you promised yourself you were over this.

heeseung, meanwhile, is standing awkwardly beside jay, clearly a little uncomfortable in the social setting but still trying to make conversation. “so, uh, this party’s pretty cool,” he mumbles, scratching the back of his neck.

"yeah, it’s nice," you say, giving him a reassuring smile. "hanna always knows how to throw a good party."

"for sure," heeseung agrees, glancing around like he’s not sure what to do next.

as the conversation flows, you notice jay stealing glances at you every now and then, the party vibe is definitely kicking up a notch. the music’s louder, people are getting rowdier, and the drinks are flowing fast.

you’re on your second, maybe third drink, the buzz slowly settling into your veins, helping to loosen up that weird tension you’ve been feeling since jay walked in.

you're standing with jay, heeseung, and a couple of others, and it’s not long before everyone’s talking shit and laughing a little too loudly.

heeseung, bless his awkward heart, is still standing off to the side, clutching a drink like it’s a lifeline. the guy’s not exactly built for parties, but he’s trying. you watch as he takes a big swig of his beer, his face immediately flushing red, creeping up his neck and settling in his cheeks.

you can’t help but smirk, leaning in slightly as you raise an eyebrow at him. “damn, heeseung. you okay? you’re turning red as fuck.”

heeseung sputters, looking down at his drink like it’s betrayed him. “what? no, i’m fine. just, uh, warm in here, y’know?”

“sure, sure. it’s the alcohol, isn’t it?” you tease, giving him a playful grin. “you’re a lightweight, huh?”

he flushes even more, if that’s even possible, and you can’t help but find it kind of cute. maybe it’s the alcohol talking, but seeing him all flustered like this has you feeling a little bold. “you know, it’s a good look on you. red suits you,” you say, giving him a slightly flirty smile.

heeseung’s eyes widen a bit, and he looks like he’s about to choke on his drink. “w-what? no, i—thanks, i guess?” he stammers, clearly not expecting that. he shifts awkwardly, trying to hide his face behind his cup.

jay, who’s been listening in, raises an eyebrow at your comment but doesn’t say anything, his eyes flicking between you and heeseung like he’s trying to figure out what’s going on. you can see the confusion on his face, like he’s not sure whether to be amused or annoyed.

you can’t help but push a little further, just to see how flustered you can make heeseung. “you’re cute when you’re drunk, heeseung. maybe you should drink more often.”

heeseung’s practically glowing red now, his grip tightening on his drink as he lets out a nervous laugh. “uh, maybe I’ll stick to water,” he mumbles, clearly flustered out of his mind.

“nah, live a little,” you tease, leaning back casually, taking a sip of your own drink. you’re definitely feeling a little bolder than usual, the alcohol making you loosen up while jay’s still watching the whole interaction.

hanna comes over, laughing loudly with yeonjun hanging off her, clearly already tipsy. “yo, what’s going on here?” she asks, grinning as she looks between you, jay, and heeseung.

“nothing,” you shrug, “just giving heeseung some shit for turning into a tomato after one drink.”

heeseung groans, covering his face with his hand. “can we not?”

hanna snickers, nudging you. “i see you, though, giving him those flirty little comments. careful, or you’re gonna give him a heart attack.”

you laugh, shaking your head. “nah, he’s fine. aren’t you, heeseung?”

heeseung gives a weak thumbs up, still too flustered to respond properly, and you can’t help but find the whole thing hilarious. jay, though, is still watching you carefully, like he’s trying to figure out what game you’re playing, his jaw clenched just slightly. but you ignore it, deciding to have a little fun with the night.

“so, jay,” you say, turning to him with a smirk. “how’s the new girl? thought you’d bring her to the party.”

jay’s expression tightens for a split second before he relaxes, shrugging casually. “she’s busy. couldn’t make it.”

“oh,” you hum, “too bad. would’ve been nice to meet her.” the words come out a little more pointed than you intended, but the alcohol’s loosening your tongue.

jay just nods, sipping his drink, not saying much, but the tension between you two is palpable now. heeseung’s still standing there, awkward as ever, completely oblivious to the undercurrent of the conversation.

hanna gives you a look, raising an eyebrow. “damn, what’s going on with y’all?” she asks, half-laughing. “we’re supposed to be having fun, not having weird-ass standoffs.”

you shrug, trying to play it off. “just making conversation.”

jay doesn’t say anything, just watches you, his eyes narrowing slightly like he’s trying to figure you out. the tension’s thick now, and you can’t help but wonder if he’s caught on to your curiosity about him and his new girl—or if he’s feeling the same weird shift that you are.

the party is in full swing now, reaching that peak where everyone’s either too drunk or too deep in the vibe to care anymore. the music’s loud, thumping through the house, and the living room has turned into a makeshift dance floor. people are swaying, drinks sloshing, and you find yourself caught up in the energy of it all.

you spot hanna in the middle of the room, completely lost in the music, grinding on yeonjun like her life depends on it. she’s got her arms draped over his shoulders, moving with him in sync, her hips swaying to the beat. yeonjun’s hands are on her waist, pulling her closer as they move together, both clearly tipsy but having the time of their lives.

you can’t help but laugh at the sight of her. god, she’s really going for it tonight. you’re feeling the buzz too, a few drinks deep, and before you know it, you’re out on the floor as well, the beat taking over your body.

the room is hot, the air thick with sweat, perfume, and alcohol. the bass vibrates through your chest, and you let yourself move, swaying to the rhythm, feeling the weight of everything melt away. the drinks have loosened you up, and you don’t care who’s watching. it feels good to just let go.

you close your eyes, losing yourself in the music, your body moving in time with the beat. you can feel the warmth of the people around you, the brush of bodies as you dance, but you don’t think about anything except the way the music pulses through your veins.

a few minutes pass, and when you open your eyes, you catch sight of jay standing near the edge of the room, drink in hand, watching. his gaze is fixed on you, his lips pressed into a thin line, eyes dark with something you can’t quite place. it’s not just curiosity—it’s heavier, more intense.

the moment your eyes lock with his, you feel a jolt of something run through you. the alcohol in your system makes everything feel bolder, sharper, and you don’t look away.

instead, you let your body move a little slower, more deliberately, the music still guiding you, but now there’s a purpose behind it. you’re aware of his eyes on you, and you’re playing into it.

heeseung’s still somewhere in the crowd, flushed red from drinking, probably too shy to join in on the dance floor, but you’re not thinking about him anymore. your focus is on jay, standing there, watching, the tension between you two crackling in the air like a live wire.

hanna’s laughter cuts through the noise as she and yeonjun get even closer, practically wrapped around each other, and you shake your head, smirking at how wild she’s gotten. but then, almost instinctively, your eyes flick back to jay, and he’s still staring, not even trying to hide it.

as your hips swayed to the rhythm, you suddenly feel an arm drape around your shoulder, stopping you mid-movement. confusion flickers in your mind, and your eyes stay on jay for just a beat longer before you turn to see who it is.

then, you hear someone scream in your ear, trying to be heard over the booming music.

"hey!"

you blink, pulling back slightly, and there he is—sunghoon. your ex.

the shock hits you like a cold wave, making your whole body tense up. of all people, it had to be sunghoon. you immediately feel a rush of irritation bubbling up inside you, remembering all the reasons why you left that dry, emotionless relationship behind.

"sunghoon? what the fuck are you doing here?" you yell over the music, your face scrunching up in disbelief.

he smirks down at you, clearly tipsy, his grip on your shoulder firm but not exactly welcome. "just wanted to catch up!" he shouts, his voice laced with that familiar cocky tone, like he’s doing you a favor just by showing up.

you glance around, realizing how close he’s standing to you, the weight of his arm making your skin crawl. really, sunghoon? now?

"catch up?" you shout back, trying to shake him off. "there’s nothing to catch up on!"

he leans in closer, his breath hot against your ear, and you feel a spike of anger mix with the awkwardness of the moment. "come on, don’t be like that! i was just thinking about you, y'know?"

your patience snaps. "dude, we're done. way done. move the fuck on already," you snap, stepping out from under his arm. your heart’s racing, and you quickly glance back at jay, who’s still watching, his expression unreadable now.

sunghoon looks taken aback, but that smug grin stays plastered on his face. "alright, alright. no need to be so cold. just thought you might’ve missed me."

"missed you?" you laugh, bitterness creeping into your voice. "nah, not even close."

sunghoon shrugs, clearly not getting the hint or just ignoring it, but you’ve already tuned him out, your eyes flicking back to jay for a brief second. his gaze is still on you, and you can tell by the way his jaw is clenched that he saw everything. there's a flicker of something dark, maybe jealousy, or maybe something else entirely.

you turn back to sunghoon, fed up. "look, you’ve got about ten seconds to fuck off before i make this real awkward for you."

sunghoon finally gets the message, rolling his eyes as he steps back, hands raised in mock surrender. "alright, alright. whatever. you’re missing out."

"yeah, sure," you mutter, watching as he stumbles off into the crowd. good riddance.

the moment he’s gone, you exhale, feeling the tension start to lift.

hanna, still wrapped around yeonjun but now clearly paying attention, turns to look at you as sunghoon walks away. her face is a mix of confusion and amusement, her eyebrows raised. she’s clearly not drunk enough to miss the drama unfolding in front of her.

"what the fuck was that?" she shouts over the music, looking between you and the direction sunghoon disappeared in. "why the hell is he here?"

you let out a frustrated sigh, running a hand through your hair. "hell if I know. i didn’t even know he’d be at the party. guess he just felt like showing up to ruin my night."

hanna looks equal parts amused and annoyed. "that guy’s got some fucking nerve. acting like you’d just fall back into his arms or something."

you shake your head, still fuming. "he’s delusional. fucking idiot."

hanna watches you for a second longer, then nods toward jay, who’s still standing on the edge of the dance floor, his eyes locked on you. "well, seems like someone else noticed that little encounter. what’s going on with him?"

you glance back at jay, who quickly looks away as soon as your eyes meet. even from across the room. part of you wonders what’s running through his head.

"nothing," you mumble, though you know that’s far from the truth.

hanna snorts, giving you a knowing look. "yeah, well, whatever it is, you should probably talk to him. looks like he’s been staring at you all night. and now with sunghoon back in the picture? don’t let this shit fester, babe."

"shit, what do i even say?!" you mutter, more to yourself than to hanna, but she hears you loud and clear. she leans closer, still swaying a bit from the alcohol and the lingering high of dancing with yeonjun, but her focus is locked on you now.

"easy," she says with a smirk, “you just walk over there, look him dead in the eyes, and say, ‘so, were you watching that whole shitshow, or do I have to fill you in?’”

you groan, rolling your eyes. “yeah, sure, because that’ll go over well.”

hanna raises an eyebrow, nudging you toward him. "you’re overthinking it. just go talk to him. you got this."

"yeah, easier said than done," you mutter, but you force yourself to move. you’re not about to let this weird tension drag out any longer, especially with the way your stomach flips every time jay looks at you like that.

you take a deep breath, pushing your way through the crowd until you’re standing in front of him. jay’s eyes widen the second he sees you up close, his usual quiet confidence completely unraveling as he visibly tenses up. god, he’s already a mess, and you haven’t even said anything yet.

"hey," you start, trying to sound casual, but the alcohol’s making your voice a little too soft, too loose. "you’ve been staring at me all night, you know?"

jay’s face turns bright red, his gaze immediately darting to the floor. "i—uh, i —I mean, maybe I was a little," he stammers, rubbing the back of his neck in that awkward way he always does when he’s nervous. "it’s just, well, you look—"

"jay," you cut him off with a smirk, stepping a little closer. "you’re a terrible liar."

his face flushes even more, and he tries to hide it behind a nervous chuckle. "yeah, okay, maybe I was staring. but it’s hard not to when—"

"when what?" you ask, raising an eyebrow, feeling a little bolder than usual thanks to the alcohol. god, this drink was definitely getting to you. everything feels looser, like the tension between you two has been stretched so thin it could snap at any second.

"i mean… look at you," jay mumbles, barely meeting your eyes. "it’s hard not to stare when you look like that."

the compliment catches you off guard, but instead of letting it throw you, you press on, pushing the conversation to where you really want it to go. "and what about that girl you’ve been seeing? can't you make her come over for some fun? party's great, shame she couldn't make it."

jay looks completely flustered now, his eyes going wide as he stumbles over his words. "we’re not, like, serious or anything. just hanging out."

"still 'just hanging out,' huh?" you tease, taking another step closer, and now you can see the way he’s nervously shifting from foot to foot, his cheeks flushed red. god, he’s a cute mess.

"yeah," jay mumbles, his eyes flicking up to meet yours for a brief second before he quickly looks away again.

you laugh softly, cutting him off again. "relax, jay. i’m not grilling you." but the way your heart’s racing tells a different story. why does this feel so intense all of a sudden? maybe it’s the alcohol.

jay’s still staring at the floor, shifting uncomfortably, clearly trying to gather his thoughts, but he’s failing at hiding how flustered he is. "i just… didn’t think you’d care."

"why wouldn’t i care?" you ask, your voice softer now, trying to ease him out of whatever mess of feelings he's stuck in. his eyes flicker up to meet yours, vulnerable for a moment, but then he looks away again.

"you’ve never been so curious about me before," he mutters, his voice barely above the music. "we’ve known each other for years, 'cause of hanna, but… you never really asked me questions about myself."

his words hang heavy between you two, the weight of years of unnoticed glances and quiet moments suddenly crashing down. it's not an accusation—just a quiet truth. you'd always been caught up in your own world, and jay had been right there the whole time. you felt bad.

“jay…” you start, but the words don’t come out as you hoped. it’s harder than you thought, confronting the reality that you’ve been blind to him all this time.

he finally looks up, meeting your gaze, and for a second, you can see the frustration and confusion bubbling under the surface. "yeah?"

you hesitate, not wanting to dive too deep into all the messy feelings swirling between you two. instead, you decide to lighten things up, if only for a moment. "where’s heeseung, anyway? thought you two were inseparable tonight."

jay blinks, looking surprised by the change in topic. "uh… heeseung? he’s probably somewhere getting even more drunk," he mutters, glancing around the room briefly. "he disappears when he drinks. tries to avoid embarrassing himself, i think."

you can’t help but chuckle at that. "yeah, i did see him turn red after like one drink. kinda cute, honestly."

jay’s expression softens slightly, the tension between you both easing, though he still seems unsure. "yeah, that’s him," he says, his voice a little lighter now.

"so… what about you?" you ask, biting your lip, your heart beating a little faster. "i mean, are you avoiding embarrassing yourself, too?"

jay laughs nervously, rubbing the back of his neck as he glances around, clearly feeling a bit off-balance. "um, yeah, i’m trying. but i’m starting to get a little drunk, so…" he trails off, placing his cup on a nearby shelf with an awkward, almost cute, gesture.

you can’t help but smile at how flustered he is, but the air between you is still heavy with the unsaid. it’s like there’s this invisible line you both keep dancing around, but neither of you is willing to cross it.

“you’re not doing a bad job so far,” you tease lightly, stepping closer. your heart’s pounding, the alcohol loosening your tongue more than usual. “though i wouldn’t say you’re avoiding embarrassment. not entirely, anyway.”

just then, as if summoned by the awkward tension hanging in the air, heeseung comes rushing in, his face red, flushed even more than before. his hair’s a mess, and he’s panting slightly, looking like he just barely made it through whatever disaster he’s been avoiding.

“hey, guys!” he blurts out, clearly drunk, his words slurring just a little as he stumbles into the room. his eyes flick between you and jay, not noticing the thick air of tension he just walked into.

“thought i’d find you here—what’s going on?” he says, grinning like he hasn’t just completely derailed whatever moment you and jay were having.

you and jay both freeze, caught off guard by heeseung’s sudden appearance. you can’t help but laugh softly at the timing, shaking your head as the moment you were sharing with jay evaporates into the background.

"heeseung, man," jay mutters, trying to keep his voice steady as he looks at his friend. "where’ve you been? you’re looking… rough."

heeseung waves him off, stumbling slightly as he leans on the wall for support. "don’t worry ‘bout me. just had a few too many, I guess." he grins, then looks at you with that drunken charm only heeseung could pull off. “but damn, am i interrupting something? you two look like you’re in the middle of a moment.”

jay groans under his breath, rubbing his face in frustration, while you can’t help but snicker at the situation. of course heeseung would show up now, right when jay finally had some alone time with you. well kinda—minus the other people partying.

“nah, just talking,” you say, waving him off, though you catch jay giving you a quick glance, his expression still a little tight. “what about you, heeseung? you look like you’re about to pass out.”

heeseung grins sheepishly, his face still bright red from drinking. “maybe. but I’m still standing! barely,” he jokes, clearly unaware of the tension between you and jay. "but hey, good to see you two getting along. for a second, i thought i was gonna have to play wingman."

“wingman? for who?” you tease, feeling a bit more playful now that the moment with jay has been interrupted.

jay shifts uncomfortably beside you, clearly caught off guard by heeseung’s drunken boldness. his eyes flick to you, waiting to see how you’d react, and when you just laugh and shake your head at heeseung’s comment, jay groans under his breath.

fuck, heeseung.

unable to hide his embarrassment, jay moves quickly, throwing an arm around heeseung in a side hug. but it’s not exactly friendly—more like a half-hearted attempt to pull him close and, at the same time, silently threaten him into shutting the hell up.

"yeah, okay, man," jay mutters through gritted teeth, rubbing heeseung’s shoulder in a way that would seem affectionate if it wasn’t for the slight squeeze of warning. "you’ve had enough. let’s not make things worse for you."

heeseung, still too drunk to fully catch on, just laughs, grinning as he looks between you and jay. “what? i’m just being honest! i mean, the guy’s been staring at you like—"

jay tightens his grip on heeseung’s shoulder, cutting him off with a forced chuckle. “alright, alright, that’s enough out of you.” he pats heeseung a little harder than necessary, shooting him a look that practically screams shut the fuck up before you make this worse.

you can’t help but find the whole thing amusing, watching jay struggle between mortification and trying to keep heeseung from spilling any more embarrassing truths. “looks like someone’s about to get dragged home,” you tease, biting back a grin as you watch the two of them.

jay throws you a look, his face still red from embarrassment. “yeah, and it’s about to be this guy,” he says, giving heeseung one last squeeze before loosening his grip.

heeseung, still grinning like an idiot, doesn’t seem to mind. “whatever, man,” he mutters, swaying slightly. “i’m just trying to help.”

you laugh, shaking your head. "help, huh? i’m not sure how much help you’re being right now."

"he’s not," jay groans, letting go of heeseung and stepping back, trying to recover from the mess his friend just created. his eyes meet yours again, still flustered but with a hint of nervousness, like he’s wondering if you’re taking this all in stride.

"but he’s right, you know," you say suddenly, your voice teasing but carrying a little more weight now as you look at jay. "you were staring."

"i-i… don’t have a rebuttal for that," jay stammers, his face flushing deeper as he struggles to maintain his composure. you can tell he’s embarrassed, completely thrown off by how the night’s turned out, and it’s honestly kind of adorable.

just then, heeseung suddenly sways, looking like he’s about to pass out. jay’s eyes widen with worry, and without hesitation, he wraps an arm around his drunken friend. “shit, he’s about to drop,” jay mutters, looking at you quickly. “i need to get him to my room before he makes a scene.”

you nod, stepping in to help, guiding heeseung’s other side as the three of you stumble through the house. the party’s still loud in the background, but the farther you get, the more it fades into a distant hum. it’s almost a relief when you make it to jay’s room, the door shutting behind you, instantly muffling the chaos outside.

as jay sets heeseung down on the bed, you take a moment to glance around. damn. you haven’t been in here in years, and it’s clear things have changed.

gone are the comic books and posters that once covered his walls. now, jay’s room has a more refined, almost minimalist vibe. his gaming setup is still the centerpiece, of course, but everything else—his sleek furniture, expensive-looking decor—makes it clear that he’s grown up in more ways than one. who knew jay had such expensive taste?

"wow," you say, unable to help yourself. "i remember when me and hanna used to sneak in here and steal your comic books."

jay chuckles, glancing over at you as he pulls a blanket over heeseung. “yeah, those were the days. back when you barely even noticed i existed,” he says it lightheartedly, but there’s a hint of something deeper in his voice.

you laugh, shaking your head as you take in the room. "well, your room’s definitely grown up. fancy, even."

jay smirks, leaning against the wall, finally a bit more relaxed now that heeseung’s out cold. “what can i say? things change. i figured it was time to upgrade.”

“clearly,” you say, raising an eyebrow at his setup. “you look like you’ve got your life together now.”

“well, appearances can be deceiving,” jay mutters, a slight smile playing on his lips as he crosses his arms, looking at you with that same vulnerable expression from earlier.

there’s a quiet moment as you both stand there, the weight of everything unsaid hanging between you again. the party feels like a world away now, and for the first time tonight, you’re both alone.

as you stand there, the weight of the moment heavy between you and jay, you feel your legs move before you really think about it. you sit down on the edge of the bed, glancing at heeseung, who’s already out cold, sprawled out and snoring softly. the sight of him, completely knocked out, makes you chuckle softly under your breath.

“looks like he’s done for the night,” you murmur, leaning back slightly, your hand brushing the soft fabric of the bedspread. jay’s bed. it’s something small, insignificant even, but the realization hits you—you’re sitting on his bed.

and jay… well, if you could see inside his mind right now, it’d be a mess of chaos. holy shit, she’s sitting on my bed. his heart’s pounding, his brain scrambling to process the fact that the girl he’s been crushing on for years is casually sitting on his bed, her presence making the room feel smaller, more intimate.

god, if only it’d smell like her. jay inwardly groans, leaning against the wall, trying to play it cool. but every second you stay there, it feels like his mind is short-circuiting.

he’s had dreams about this exact scenario—well, maybe without the passed-out heeseung—but still, this was close enough to make him freak out inwardly. he’s trying not to stare, but he’s doing a terrible job of hiding how flustered he is.

“he’s gonna be feeling that tomorrow,” you say, looking up at jay, noticing how he hasn’t said much since you sat down. his face is a little too composed, like he’s trying not to let on how much this is messing with him.

jay laughs, but it’s awkward, his throat dry. “yeah, he’s gonna hate himself in the morning.” he forces himself to focus on something else—anything else—but his mind keeps drifting back to the fact that you’re sitting on his bed. fuck.

you glance around the room again, taking in how different everything feels now. “you’ve really grown up, jay,” you say softly, a teasing edge to your voice. “i mean, i remember when this room was all comics and random junk. now it’s… well, it’s like you.”

jay’s eyes snap to yours, and he swallows hard. “yeah, well… like i said, things change.”

there’s a charged silence, and you can feel the tension settling between you two again, heavier than before. jay shifts awkwardly, running a hand through his hair, trying to figure out what the hell to say.

say something, idiot, his mind screams.

but the sight of you, sitting there so casually on his bed, your presence filling the space, is making it impossible for him to think straight. all he can think about is how he’s wanted this—wanted you—for so long, and now you’re here, and it feels too good to be true.

"so, are you also turning in for the night?" you ask jay, your voice soft but teasing, as you glance over at him.

he freezes for a second, not expecting the question. his eyes flick to heeseung, passed out on the bed, then back to you, sitting there looking way too comfortable for him to handle. holy shit, what do i even say?

"uh, no, not yet," he stammers, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. "i mean, i probably should, but…"

but the sight of you sitting on his bed, casually asking if he’s turning in for the night, is making his mind spin. fuck, this is not how I thought tonight would go, were you thinking he still had his own bedtime?

you raise an eyebrow, your lips curving into a small smirk. "what? you too flustered to sleep?"

jay groans inwardly, his face turning even redder. "no, i just—i wasn’t planning on crashing yet, that’s all."

you chuckle softly, leaning back slightly, your hand still resting on the bed. "well, it’s your room, so if you wanna sleep, don’t let me stop you."

jay’s heart is racing. sleep? with you sitting there? yeah, right. he’s practically screaming inside, trying to figure out how to play this cool, but everything feels impossible right now. the tension, the proximity, the fact that you’re casually sitting on his bed like it’s no big deal—it’s all driving him insane.

"nah, i’ll, uh, hang out a bit more," jay says, his voice a little steadier now, but his eyes give him away. he’s nervous, caught up in the moment, and trying desperately not to make it awkward.

"you sure?" you ask, teasing him just a little, sensing how flustered he is.

"yeah, i’m good," he mutters, but his eyes are still glued to you, and you can feel the weight of his gaze, the way he’s struggling to keep his composure.

there’s a silence between you two, but it’s not uncomfortable. it’s charged, like something’s building, and neither of you is sure what the next step is.

"you’re acting weird," you finally say, breaking the tension with a playful smile.

jay laughs, but it’s nervous. "yeah, well… it’s not every day you sit on my bed, you know?" he admits, his voice quiet, but his words hit deeper than either of you expected.

"what?" you almost laugh, your eyebrows shooting up in surprise. the fact that jay had been talking to a girl recently—someone who clearly had his attention—somehow makes this even more amusing. the contrast between his awkwardness now and the idea of him being confident enough to date just hits differently.

"you’re acting like this is the first time a girl’s sat on your bed," you tease, the words slipping out with a smirk. you lean back a little, watching him squirm. "but you’ve been talking to this girl, right? what’s her name again?"

jay’s face flushes even deeper, and you can see the panic flash in his eyes for a second. he scratches the back of his head, clearly uncomfortable now. "yeah, well… that’s different."

"oh? different how?" you ask, still teasing, but now there’s a genuine curiosity building inside you. it’s hard to picture jay this flustered around someone else, especially when he’s always been so awkward with you.

as your eyes drift around the room again, they land on the corner where his trash bin sits. everything else in his room is pristine, almost too perfect, but the mess around the trash catches your attention. then, something makes you pause.

huh? your eyes narrow as you take in what you’re seeing—a used condom wrapper, crumpled at the top of the bin.

the movement catches jay’s attention, and he follows your eyes to the corner of the room. the second he realizes what you’re looking at, his whole body tenses, and his face flushes red again, but this time, it’s not just embarrassment. defensive mode activated.

“shit—it’s not what it looks like!” jay blurts out, scrambling to say something before you can even comment. his voice comes out high-pitched, panicked, and he throws his hands up as if he can somehow stop you from thinking what you’re clearly already thinking.

"oh, really?" you raise an eyebrow, your voice teasing, as you glance between him and the trash bin. "because it looks like someone had a little fun recently."

"no, no, no," jay stammers, his eyes darting around the room like he's searching for an escape. "i mean, yeah, but it’s not—fuck." he groans, rubbing his face with his hands. "this is so embarrassing."

you bite your lip to keep from laughing, but the grin’s already spreading across your face. "jay," you say, trying and failing to hide your amusement. "you don’t have to explain yourself. i mean, it's a condom wrapper. it speaks for itself, man."

he groans louder, clearly flustered and struggling to defend himself. “okay, fine, yeah, but—look, it’s not what you think..”

you tilt your head, genuinely curious now, but still teasing. "i mean, it’s pretty simple—girl, guy, wrapper—”

“please stop,” jay groans, cutting you off, his hands covering his face in full-blown embarrassment now. "this is literally the last conversation i wanted to have tonight."

"oh, come on," you laugh, leaning forward. "i gotta hear this."

"it's not that big of a deal," jay mutters, still trying to dodge the conversation, but you can tell he’s squirming under the weight of your teasing.

"oh, but it is," you tease, your grin wide now.

he lets out another groan, this time softer, more resigned, as he sinks back against the wall. "this is so fucking embarrassing."

jay, still visibly flustered and probably dying inside from the teasing, looks at you cautiously. his eyes flick from you to the bed, then back to you.

you can tell he wants to sit down, maybe get closer, but there's one problem—heeseung, sprawled out like a deadweight, has taken up almost the entire bed. his legs are hanging off the edge, and you’re already sitting on the last bit of available space.

jay hesitates, biting his lip as he steps closer. he looks at you, almost shy, clearly debating whether he should even attempt it.

"there’s, uh… not really anywhere for me to sit," he mutters, his voice low and awkward.

you glance at the bed and can’t help but snicker at the situation. "yeah, heeseung’s kind of hogging all the space, huh?"

jay nods, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. "yeah. guess I’ll just stand."

you look up at him, still teasing, but there’s a part of you that can’t help but feel a little bad for how awkward this is for him. “well, you could sit, but you’d probably have to, uh… move me.”

jay’s eyes widen slightly, and you can practically see his brain short-circuiting as he processes what you just said. “move you?” he stammers, looking even more unsure of what to do.

“yeah,” you smirk, leaning back a little, enjoying watching him squirm. “unless you want to sit on me, which might be a little… much.”

jay’s face flushes bright red, and he looks at the floor, clearly trying to figure out how to navigate this without combusting from embarrassment. “i’ll… uh, I’ll figure something out,” he mutters, taking another hesitant step closer to the bed.

“you sure?” you tease, watching him struggle. “i don��t bite, jay.”

he swallows hard, still standing awkwardly beside the bed, clearly torn between wanting to sit and not wanting to make things even more awkward than they already are.

jay, clearly at the end of his rope with the awkwardness, finally sighs and says, “can you please move?” his voice is a little hesitant, but there’s a hint of desperation in it, like he’s trying his hardest to keep it together.

you raise an eyebrow, surprised he actually asked, but you can’t help but smile. “oh, so now you’re just kicking me off the bed?” you tease, but there’s no bite in your tone.

“no! no, that’s not… that’s not what I meant,” he stammers, his face flushing even more, clearly mortified at how it came out. “i just—there’s no room and—ugh, never mind.”

he rubs his face with his hands, groaning in frustration, and you realize how much you’ve been teasing him all night. maybe it’s time to ease up.

“alright, alright,” you laugh softly, finally scooting over to the side a bit, making room for him. “relax, jay. i’m just messing with you.”

he looks at you with a mixture of relief and lingering embarrassment as he awkwardly slides onto the bed next to you, carefully avoiding heeseung’s sprawled-out limbs. the bed dips slightly under his weight, and you’re suddenly much closer to him than you expected.

the air between you feels hot again, the teasing fading into something heavier, more serious. you glance over at jay, who’s still looking flustered, but there’s something in his eyes now—something deeper.

"thanks," he mumbles, not quite looking at you, but you can see the tension in his shoulders relax just a little.

"so?" you drawl, your voice teasing, hanging in the air between you two for a moment. but before jay can even process what’s happening, you stand up quickly, the sudden movement causing your perfume to linger in the air around him. it’s intoxicating, and for a second, jay freezes, his heart caught in his throat as he watches you leave the room with a playful smirk and a slam of the door behind you.

he’s left sitting there, staring at the spot where you’d been, his heart sinking for just a moment, thinking maybe that was it. maybe you were done messing with him for the night.

but not even a minute later, you re-enter the room, the sounds of the party still going strong behind you. you’ve got two cups in your hands, and without a word, you walk back over to him, handing one to jay with a small grin.

"here," you say simply, offering the cup.

jay takes it, still looking a little dazed, blinking up at you like he’s trying to piece together what just happened. "uh, thanks," he mutters, his fingers brushing against yours as he takes the cup from you. the tension is back—thick and palpable—as you sit back down beside him.

"you thought i was ditching you, didn’t you?" you tease, leaning back against the bedpost, watching his expression closely.

jay chuckles nervously, taking a sip from the cup to steady himself. "maybe a little. i thought i scared you off."

"please," you laugh, shaking your head. "takes more than awkward flirting and heeseung passed out on your bed to scare me away."

he laughs, too, though there’s still that undercurrent of tension. he looks down at his cup, then back at you, his smile softer now. "i’m glad you didn’t."

there’s a beat of silence between you both, you’re sitting close enough now that you can feel the heat radiating off of him, and for the first time tonight, jay’s not looking away.

"so," you say again, your voice softer this time, but still carrying that teasing edge as you lean just a little closer to him. "you gonna tell me how you got your cherry popped?"

jay practically chokes on his drink, eyes widening as he looks at you in shock. his face flushes a deep red again, and for a moment, you think he might actually implode from sheer embarrassment.

"w-what?!" he stammers, his voice cracking slightly, clearly caught off guard by the question. "i… shit—"

you raise an eyebrow, cutting him off before he can finish. "jay, c’mon. i’m not judging you or anything. just… curious. seems like there’s a story here."

he groans, covering his face with one hand, clearly dying inside. "this is so embarrassing," he mutters, more to himself than to you. "you’re really not gonna let this go, are you?"

"nope," you grin, taking a sip from your drink, enjoying how flustered he’s getting. "i mean, you’ve been hiding it from me this whole time. it’s only fair I get the details now."

jay exhales sharply, clearly torn between wanting to crawl under a rock and just giving in to your relentless teasing. finally, he lowers his hand, meeting your gaze, though his face is still burning red.

"fine," he mutters, glancing at the floor like he’s trying to find the right words. "but it’s not… it’s not what you think, okay?"

you lean in, eyes glinting with amusement. "oh, now I really wanna hear this."

jay rubs the back of his neck, clearly uncomfortable but knowing he’s not getting out of this one. "it was just… one time. with someone I met, like, a few weeks ago," he mumbles, his voice quiet. "it wasn’t a big deal. nothing serious."

"someone you met?" you ask, tilting your head in curiosity. "was it the girl you’ve been talking to?"

he hesitates, then nods slowly. "yeah, her. but… like I said, it wasn’t serious. just… something that happened." he looks away again, clearly embarrassed, and you can tell he’s trying to downplay it.

you study him for a moment, the teasing smile still on your lips but softening a little. "so, was it good?" you ask, your tone gentler now.

god, you wished you didn’t ask. the moment the question leaves your lips, and jay’s face flushes even deeper, you feel a strange twist in your stomach—an unease that wasn’t there before. sure, you’d been teasing him all night, but now, the answer feels heavier than you expected.

"i mean… yeah?" jay says, his voice awkward, paired with that nervous laugh you’ve grown used to. but there’s something about his response that stings, a strange tightness in your chest as the reality of what you asked settles in.

you force a smile, trying to push through the sudden tension you didn’t expect. "well, congrats on finally joining the club," you say, though your voice lacks its usual bite. shit, why does this feel weird?

jay chuckles, but it’s quieter now. "yeah, well… better late than never, right?"

you nod, taking a long sip from your drink, trying to focus on something else, anything to get rid of this strange feeling gnawing at you. but it’s too late—the image of jay with someone else, feeling that same awkward tension with them, suddenly makes your stomach churn in a way you can’t explain.

you glance at him again, noticing how his eyes avoid yours, his face still red from the conversation. why did i even ask that? "and you like this girl?" the question leaves your lips before you can think twice about it, hanging in the air between you like a challenge. you’re not sure why you asked, but now that it’s out there, you can’t take it back. jay looks caught off guard, his eyes widening slightly as he processes the question. he blinks, taking a deep breath, clearly not expecting the conversation to take this turn. “i mean… I don’t know,” he mutters, looking down at his hands. "again, it just… happened." the way he says it, casual but unsure, only makes that weird, unsettled feeling in your chest tighten. you nod, trying to play it off, but something about the whole situation is starting to weigh on you. "just happened, huh?" you say, your voice softer, but there’s an edge to it that you can’t quite hide. jay shifts uncomfortably, clearly sensing the shift in your mood. "yeah. we don’t really talk anymore. it was… it didn’t mean much." you look at him, studying his face for any sign of regret or emotion, but he seems genuinely unsure. it didn’t mean much. that should make you feel better, but it doesn’t. not really. it just leaves more questions hanging between you both—questions neither of you are ready to answer. "so, no feelings?" you ask, and the words come out a little sharper than you intended.

"no," jay says quickly, his voice steady but cautious. "no feelings. it wasn’t like that." but then, jay’s expression shifts into one of deep thought, his brow furrowing slightly, but a small smile tugs at his lips as he takes a sip from his drink. you watch him closely, noticing for the first time how much he’s already had—his glass is halfway done, yet he doesn’t even seem the least bit drunk. except for those bloodshot eyes, you think, startled by how well he’s handling the alcohol. you swore you gave him a strong one, and yet here he is, not even wincing as he swallows. and just as you're about to comment on it, jay sets his drink down and glances at you, the smile still lingering on his lips. his voice is calm but holds something beneath the surface, something you can’t quite place. "there is someone i'd like to fuck though." your eyes nearly bulge out of your sockets at jay's sudden, blunt confession, the words hanging in the air like a bombshell. what the hell happened to the shy, stammering guy from earlier? he’s sitting there, calm as ever, sipping his drink like he didn’t just drop the most loaded statement of the night.

your heart races, caught between the shock and the possibility that he might be talking about you. he’s been crushing on you for years, right? that’s what you’ve always thought, that underlying tension you’ve both danced around. but now, the way he’s speaking—completely unflustered, so damn confident—has you second-guessing everything. was I wrong? did he get over me?

the room feels like it’s shrinking, trying to read the shift in his demeanor. he’s not the awkward mess you’re used to. he’s subtly changed—grown into something more composed, more sure of himself—and it’s throwing you completely off balance.

"w-whoa, okay, that’s… bold," you manage to say, your voice faltering just a bit. you want to ask him if he’s talking about you, but something about the way he’s sitting there, totally relaxed, makes you hesitate. fuck, am I not the one he’s talking about?

you swallowed thickly, "so…" you start, trying to sound casual, but your voice betrays your nervousness. "anyone i know?"

jay tilts his head slightly, his gaze still locked on yours, and for a split second, you think you see something flicker in his eyes—something familiar. "yeah," he says simply, his voice smooth and controlled. "you know her pretty well."

the words send your heart racing even faster, and now you’re caught in the middle of two conflicting thoughts: is it me? or has he really moved on?

you force a laugh, trying to break the tension that’s building in the room. "oh, so we’re playing guessing games now?" you say, hoping to keep the conversation light, but there’s a tightness in your chest that won’t go away.

just as you're about to press him further, heeseung suddenly shifts on the bed, letting out a groan as he stirs from his drunken slumber. the sound breaks the moment like a snap, making you both jump slightly.

jay glances at heeseung, his calm demeanor faltering for a second as the distraction pulls him back to reality. “shit,” he mutters under his breath, clearly frustrated by the interruption. he leans over, checking to make sure heeseung isn’t about to puke or do something equally as disastrous.

you, on the other hand, take the opportunity to let out a breath you didn’t even realize you were holding. thank god for heeseung’s terrible timing, you think, but part of you can’t shake the frustration of the conversation being cut short. who the hell is he talking about?

heeseung groans again, rolling onto his back, his arm flopping dramatically over his face. “fuck… what’d I miss?” he slurs, still clearly out of it.

jay sighs, running a hand through his hair as he straightens up. “nothing, man. you’re fine. just… go back to sleep.”

you glance at jay, wondering if he’s relieved by the interruption or annoyed, but it’s hard to tell. his expression has shifted back to neutral, his earlier confidence tucked away behind a mask of casual indifference.

heeseung groans again, clearly not going back to sleep anytime soon, and you watch as jay leans back, his posture more relaxed, though you can tell he’s still tense underneath.

but heeseung, in his half-conscious state, has other plans. "don’t tell me you’re fucking jennie again, i swear to god," he mumbles, his words slurred but loud enough to slice through the tense air in the room.

you freeze, blinking at heeseung's unexpected outburst. jennie? again? your mind races, and you glance at jay, waiting for his reaction.

who the hell is jennie?

jay stiffens, his eyes narrowing in frustration as he quickly looks between you and heeseung. "heeseung," he mutters sharply, "shut up, man. you’re drunk."

"what?" heeseung slurs, barely managing to sit up slightly. "you said you were done. don’t get back into that shit."

jay looks mortified now, his eyes flicking to you, and you can see the panic settling in. great, so there’s another girl in the mix? your stomach tightens at the idea, and suddenly, the confidence he’d been showing earlier makes a lot more sense.

the silence that follows is deafening. you cross your arms, waiting, your heartbeat racing as you stare at jay, demanding an answer without saying a word.

jay clenches his jaw, running his hand through his hair, clearly scrambling to figure out how to explain this without making things worse. but how the fuck do you explain something like that?

the truth—that "jennie" isn’t a person at all, but a branded sex doll jay bought to… well, think of you—is something he could never, ever tell you. even just thinking about it makes his stomach twist. he feels a surge of guilt, embarrassment, and frustration, especially because the way you’re looking at him right now makes it clear you’re already jumping to conclusions.

but there’s no way he can let you keep thinking that jennie is some girl he’s hooking up with. he knows that this is the moment that’ll define the rest of the night and the rest of his life considering you were hanna's best friend and he girl he's loved for ages.

he takes a deep breath, clearly struggling to find the right words. "it’s… not what you think," he says, his voice strained, clearly aware of how bad this looks but unable to give you the truth just yet.

"no, y/n, no," jay blurts out, his voice more desperate now, standing quickly as you begin to move, forcing a smile as if you're trying to brush off the situation.

"it's fine, jay," you say, though the forced smile on your face doesn’t reach your eyes. "seriously, i do realize it's none of my business, sorry for being too nosy, i swear i didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable."

you stand, fully intending to leave the room, the tension between you both now so thick it’s suffocating. you glance at heeseung, ready to use him as an excuse to get out of there, but before you can, jay reaches out, stopping you with a hand on your arm.

"no, wait," jay says, his voice strained but determined. fuck, he thinks, he has to say something—anything—before this spirals further out of control.

in a panic, jay’s eyes dart to heeseung, who’s still half out of it, sprawled on the bed. without warning, jay leans over and smacks him hard on the leg, making him jerk violently.

"ow, what the—" heeseung yelps, jolting awake, his head spinning as he finally takes in his surroundings. his eyes land on you, and a slow, confused grin spreads across his face. "oh… hey, y/n. didn’t realize you were here," he slurs, rubbing his eyes like he’s just now figuring out where he is.

"yeah, well, i'm here," you say, your voice clipped as you try to hide your frustration. you cross your arms, glancing at jay, who's still standing there, looking like he's barely holding it together.

"heeseung, man, you gotta help me out here," jay mutters under his breath, his hand still lingering on your arm, trying to figure out a way to salvage this whole mess.

heeseung, still half-drunk and confused, blinks at jay before looking between the two of you. "help you out?" he echoes, his voice thick with sleep. "with what?"

"just… don’t say anything else, alright?" jay groans, his face flushing with frustration. he doesn’t know how to explain this without making things worse, but heeseung’s loose tongue is the last thing he needs right now.

heeseung’s brows furrow in confusion as he tries to piece it together, but then his face lights up like he’s just remembered something. "ohhh, right! jennie!" he blurts out, still grinning like an idiot.

jay freezes, his hand dropping from your arm, and for a second, he looks like he might actually strangle heeseung.

"yeah, jennie," you say, your voice cutting through the air like a knife.

jay looks at you, his heart sinking. fuck. this is it. if he doesn’t explain this now, it’s over.

"heeseung, get the fuck out," jay snaps, his voice low and tense, frustration finally boiling over.

heeseung blinks at him, clearly still too drunk to understand the gravity of the situation, but even in his drunken state, he seems to realize that jay isn’t messing around. "uh… yeah, okay, man," he mumbles, swinging his legs off the bed and stumbling to his feet, barely managing to stay upright.

"seriously, heeseung, just go," jay adds, his tone sharp, eyes never leaving you as he waits for heeseung to get out of the room.

heeseung, still dazed, finally stumbles toward the door. "alright, alright, i'm going," he slurs, shooting you a sheepish grin as he passes by. "sorry for, uh… y'know." and with that, he’s gone, the door clicking shut behind him.

the room falls into an unbearable silence, the air between you and jay thick with tension. you stand there, arms crossed, your heart racing, waiting for him to say something—anything to explain this jennie situation.

jay sighs heavily, running a hand through his hair as he looks at the floor, clearly struggling with what to say next. "y/n…" he starts, his voice softer now, but still full of nerves. "i need to explain."

"yeah, you do," you say, your voice cold. "because right now, it sounds like there’s some girl named jennie who you’ve been fucking, and you’ve been lying to me about it this whole time."

you didn’t want to sound like a jealous girlfriend or anything, but the words came out sharper than you intended. you hadn’t meant it that way, but something about the whole situation got under your skin.

jay, however, didn’t even catch the implication. he was too hyper focused on making sure you didn’t get the wrong idea, too panicked about you thinking there was some actual girl involved. he didn’t even realize you were interested—actually interested—in him.

jay winces at the sharpness in your tone, his face reddening. "no, no… it’s not like that," he says quickly, taking a step toward you. "jennie’s not… she’s not a girl."

you blink, caught off guard by his words. "what do you mean she’s not a girl?"

jay rubs the back of his neck, clearly mortified. "she’s, uh… she’s a… sex doll."

your jaw drops, and for a second, you don’t even know how to respond. "a what?" you ask, your voice a mix of disbelief and shock.

jay’s face flushes even deeper. "yeah… i know. it sounds bad. but jennie’s not some girl i’ve been hooking up with. she’s just… this thing i got a while back, and… fuck, this is embarrassing."

the room goes silent again as you process what he just said, your mind racing. a sex doll? you’re not sure if you should laugh or feel weird about it, but suddenly the whole situation takes on a completely different light.

"so… jennie’s a doll?" you say slowly, trying to wrap your head around it.

jay nods, his face still burning red as he glances at you nervously. "yeah. and… it's stupid, i know," he mutters, shifting awkwardly, clearly wishing he could be anywhere but here.

"but i bought it, and… practiced?" his face scrunches up, like he’s wincing just at the thought of admitting it. he starts pacing back and forth, rubbing the back of his neck, clearly mortified by what he’s confessing.

"practiced?" you repeat, your eyebrows shooting up in disbelief. holy shit.

"yeah," jay mutters, his voice tight with embarrassment. he runs his hands through his hair, groaning as the weight of his confession settles in. "y/n, can you leave? i’ve literally embarrassed myself in front of you, and there’s no way I can ever come back from this. laugh all you want, okay? just not here."

before you can respond, jay’s hands are already on your shoulders, gently but firmly guiding you toward the door. you’re too caught off guard to protest, still processing everything he just confessed. the awkwardness, the vulnerability, the tension—it’s all hitting you at once, and before you know it, you’re standing just outside his room.

“jay, wait—" you start, but he shakes his head, his face flushed as he tries to avoid eye contact.

"seriously, just go, y/n," he says, his voice rough as he closes the door partway.

he’s clearly mortified, and you can hear it in his voice. it’s not like the shy, awkward jay you’ve known—it’s different. heavier. but before you can say anything else, the door shuts in front of you with a soft click.

you stand there, staring at the closed door, your mind racing. the tension between you, the rawness of jay’s confession—it lingers in the air. you’re not laughing. you’re not even thinking of laughing. all you can think about is the vulnerability in his voice and the weight of everything he just laid out in front of you.

and fuck, if you didn’t find it hot. what the hell?

you’re standing there, outside jay’s door, and the only thing running through your mind is how his vulnerability, the embarrassment, the rawness of it all—it was unexpectedly hot. you bite your lip, feeling your pulse quicken as you replay the conversation in your head.

what the fuck is wrong with me? you should be laughing, cringing, anything but standing here with your heart racing like this. every word jay said, every embarrassed stammer, it’s all stuck in your head. it should feel gross, but fuck, it doesn’t. instead, it’s making your pulse quicken and your thoughts spiral.

he’s a pervert, and it’s making you wet. you’re standing here, outside his room, thinking about jennie.

your body reacts in a way you didn’t expect, and you hate it, but you can’t stop it. your mind runs wild with questions, wanting to know everything. what gets him off, what he’s into. this wasn’t the night you planned, but the way you feel now? you can't deny it. it’s wrong, but it’s fucking hot.

you knock on the door, breath shallow, your body betraying you as you try to get a grip. jay’s voice comes from the other side, shaky and tired, “y/n, just… go. please.”

the words hit harder than you expect. he doesn’t even open the door. he just shuts you out.

what did you expect? you think, backing away, feeling the sting of rejection. you pushed too hard. maybe he’s just too mortified to deal with it, maybe he thinks he’s fucked things up beyond repair. either way, he told you to leave, and you have no choice but to walk away.

you step back, away from his door, your pulse still hammering in your chest. you start to walk, heading back to the party, but your mind is still on jay—on everything he didn’t say, on everything you didn’t get to hear. fuck.

the following days, jay avoided you like the plague, barely making eye contact, leaving rooms when you entered, keeping his distance like he couldn’t bear to be near you. but it did nothing to stop the way your thoughts kept drifting back to that night. if anything, his avoidance only made it worse, made you obsess over it even more.

you couldn’t stop thinking about him—about what he’d confessed, about the doll, about what he wasn’t telling you.

you even googled the jennie brand, desperate to understand more about what jay had been using, what he had been thinking about all this time. and fuck, the results sent you spiraling. there were all sorts of types—full body, partial torsos, hyper-realistic models with intricate details.

it was almost overwhelming, seeing just how many versions there were. some were life-sized, some were just the lower half, and the descriptions made it clear these things were made to feel as close to real as possible.

your mind ran wild, picturing jay with one of them. which one did he get? was it a full-sized model that he could hold, position, fuck like it was real?

you couldn't stop yourself from imagining it—him in his room, with that doll, your name on his lips while he fucked it. your pulse quickened, your body betraying you with how much this idea turned you on. what the fuck is wrong with me? but you couldn’t stop. the more you thought about it, the more you wanted to know everything.

and the more jay avoided you, the worse it got. it wasn’t just the doll—it was him, everything he’d been hiding. fuck, you needed to talk to him, to get him to open up again.

you were helping hanna load some groceries into the kitchen, bags of chips, bottles of tequila, mixers—everything you’d expect for one of her infamous parties. she was chattering away about the guest list when she suddenly paused, her face scrunching up.

"shit," she muttered, checking her phone. "i forgot the lemons for the tequila shots."

you raised an eyebrow, a slight smirk tugging at your lips. “kinda essential for tequila, don’t you think?”

hanna sighed dramatically, already grabbing her keys off the counter. “i know, i know. i’m such a mess. i’ll run to the store real quick and grab them. you cool here for a bit?”

you nodded, trying to keep your tone casual as you asked, “is jay home?”

hanna paused, looking over her shoulder. “nah, he’s not. he’s been out doing… whatever, avoiding people, i guess.” she laughed, rolling her eyes. “he’s been acting weird lately.”

weird, you thought. yeah, no shit.

"i’ll be back in an hour tops!" hanna called, heading out the door. as soon as it closed behind her, the house fell into a thick, heavy silence. you stood there in the kitchen for a moment, hands on the counter, the weight of everything suddenly pressing down on you.

jay’s not home. your heart raced at the thought.

your eyes flicked toward the hallway, where his room was. you knew you shouldn’t. this is wrong, you told yourself. but your curiosity had been eating at you for days—about him, about jennie, about what exactly jay had been hiding.

and now, here you were, in his house, alone. the temptation was gnawing at you, pulling you toward his room.

just a quick look, you rationalized, biting your lip. your feet moved before your brain could stop you, carrying you down the hallway, closer to jay’s door. you reached for the doorknob, hesitating for a moment as your heart pounded in your chest.

your mind continued to pull you in different directions, don’t do this. this is wrong. but fuck, you couldn’t help it. the need to know, to see for yourself, was too strong.

you twisted the doorknob and pushed the door open slowly, peeking inside. jay’s room was neat, not surprising, the clothes draped over the back of a chair and shoe boxes placeed neatly on one of his dressers, the faint scent of his cologne lingering in the air. but what caught your attention was the nightstand next to his bed.

your pulse quickened as you stepped further into the room, your eyes locking onto the drawer. could it be in there?

you knew it was wrong but your hands were already moving, your fingers curling around the drawer handle, tugging it open.

you felt a surge of frustration as you rummaged through jay’s room, your heart pounding in your chest. where the fuck is it? you’d already checked the nightstand—nothing. under the bed? completely spotless, not even a speck of dust. goddamn, jay was keeping his room way cleaner than yours, that’s for sure.

your mind raced as you stood there, the last possible place calling out to you—his closet. you bit your lip, knowing you were going too far, but the curiosity was killing you. you couldn’t let it go. you stepped over to the closet and pulled the door open, trying to shuffle through the clothes without making it obvious that someone had been snooping.

the scent of his clothes hit you all at once, that familiar cologne mixed with something purely jay, and god, it went straight to your core. without thinking, you grabbed one of his shirts and brought it up to your nose, inhaling deeply.

what the fuck is wrong with you? you felt a wave of heat rush through you, your body reacting to the smell of him, the idea of him—the thought of what he does when he’s alone in here.

your fingers brushed against more hangers, searching, but with every passing second, you were losing hope. maybe he got rid of it, you thought, feeling a pang of disappointment. heeseung did say he threw it away. maybe he was too embarrassed to keep it after all that.

you sighed, letting go of the shirt as you stepped back from the closet. fuck, what were you even hoping to find? maybe this was all a mistake.

just then, your thoughts were cut short by the unmistakable sound of the front door slamming shut. your heart jumped into your throat. no way that’s hanna—the store was like thirty minutes away. it was impossible for her to be back already.

panic set in immediately. shit, shit, shit. you froze in place for a second, your mind racing as you tried to figure out what to do. you couldn’t let jay find you here, rummaging through his room like some creep.

your heart pounded in your chest as you heard jay’s footsteps nearing. you barely had time to think, instincts kicking in as you quickly darted toward the closet.

you slipped inside, shutting the door as quietly as possible, your breath shaky. good thing this closet has gaps between the wooden slats, you thought, praying he wouldn’t notice anything out of place.

your body was pressed tight against his clothes, the lingering scent of him overwhelming your senses again. the heat between your legs intensified as you tried to focus, tried to calm your racing heart, but it was impossible. the thrill of being caught, the tension in the air—it was all too much.

from your hiding spot, you could see through the narrow slits, watching as jay entered the room. his face was unreadable, but he didn’t look happy. he seemed tense, he stood in the middle of the room for a moment, eyes scanning the area.

shit, shit. you held your breath, trying to stay as still as possible, your body pressed up against his hanging clothes. your mind raced, wondering if he knew—if somehow, he could sense that you’d been snooping, that you were still in here.

jay walked over to the nightstand, his back turned to you as he opened the drawer, rifling through it like he was looking for something. his movements were quick, agitated, and for a moment, you thought maybe he was going to leave again.

but instead, he stood there, his hand lingering on the edge of the nightstand, his shoulders tense. “fuck,” he muttered under his breath, so low you almost didn’t hear it.

you swallowed hard, biting your lip as you watched him, your heart still racing. does he know? you had no idea what was going to happen next, but the anticipation, the danger of it, was making your entire body hum with tension.

jay didn’t seem to notice anything suspicious at all, his tension dissolving when his phone buzzed in his pocket. you held your breath, your pulse hammering in your ears as the sound felt too loud in the cramped closet space.

your hand instinctively clasped over your mouth, trying to muffle the sound of your own breathing. shit, calm down, you told yourself, but fuck, it felt like you were going to give yourself away any second.

"yeah?" jay answered, voice low, irritation lacing his tone.

heeseung’s voice came through the phone, loud enough for you to catch snippets of the conversation. “dude, what the fuck? you ditched class without even telling me? we could’ve bailed together!”

jay sighed heavily, clearly agitated. "i didn’t want to hang out. i just want to be alone right now."

you watched through the narrow slits of the closet door as jay pinched the bridge of his nose, pacing back and forth in frustration. fuck, this was a disaster.

you were crouched in his closet like a fucking lunatic, and the tension was making everything worse. jay's mood, your presence, the fact that he didn’t know you were right there—it all made the air thicker, heavier.

"yeah, well, next time fucking tell me, man," heeseung barked, clearly pissed. "you’re being weird as shit lately."

"i’m fine," jay snapped, his voice tight with barely restrained anger. "i just need some space."

you could feel his agitation rolling off him in waves, making you hold your breath even harder, terrified that one wrong move would give you away. his words stung more than you wanted to admit. space. was this because of you?

jay ended the call with a sharp "later," his frustration palpable as he tossed his phone onto the bed. the device landed with a soft thud, but you were too focused on him to care about anything else.

with a grunt, jay slung his backpack off his shoulder, letting it fall to the floor with a heavy thud. he stood there for a moment, running a hand through his hair, his agitation visible in every tense movement of his body. then, without warning, he grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head in one swift motion.

you froze, your eyes widening as you took in the sight of him. damn. jay was lean, muscles subtly defined in a way that caught you off guard. the soft light in the room highlighted the curve of his shoulders, the smooth skin of his back, the way his chest rose and fell with each agitated breath. your heart pounded harder as you stared, the heat between your legs intensifying.

it was impossible not to gawk at him. he was right there, shirtless, and you were hidden just a few feet away, watching like some kind of perverted voyeur.

jay muttered something under his breath, clearly still pissed about the call with heeseung, but you weren’t paying attention to his words. all you could focus on was his body, the way his muscles shifted as he moved. you bit your lip hard, trying to keep from making any noise, trying to control your breathing as your gaze roamed over him.

your thoughts were racing, a whirlwind of desire and guilt and sheer panic that he might catch you at any moment.

jay moved across the room, and you snapped out of your daze just in time to see him reach down toward the bottom of his dresser. is that a shoe box? you squinted, straining to see what the hell he was doing, still trying to keep yourself as quiet as possible in your cramped hiding spot.

he pulled out the box, staring at it for a moment before he opened the lid, revealing something inside that you couldn’t quite see from your angle. but whatever it was, it clearly rattled him.

“fucking hell,” jay muttered under his breath, the frustration clear in his voice. he stared down at the item inside the box like it held some kind of power over him, like just seeing it brought all that pent-up emotion crashing to the surface.

your heart pounded in your chest, curiosity eating away at you. what was in it? you bit your lip, your mind racing. it had to be something personal, something connected to everything he’d been hiding. your pulse quickened even more, your thoughts spinning wildly.

was that it? jennie?

jay ran a hand through his hair again, exhaling sharply, his body tense as if he were warring with himself internally. you could see the weight of whatever was going on inside his head, the way he seemed on edge, like he was at his breaking point.

you stayed perfectly still, not daring to move, not daring to make a sound. your heart was racing, your body reacting in ways you didn’t expect, torn between the thrill of being this close to his secret and the realization that you were seeing a side of jay no one else had.

jay pulled it out of the box, and fuck, there it was—jennie. the damn sex doll. except, it wasn’t a full-sized model like you’d imagined. it was just the lower half, tiny, just the silicone molded vagina and ass, small enough to fit in his hands.

your heart pounded in your chest as you watched him stare at it, almost like he was examining it for the first time. the way he looked at it—fuck, it was like nostalgia, like there were memories attached to this goddamn thing.

the little breath he let out, the way he turned it over in his hands, the silicone object slightly bouncing as he held it—was he going to use it?

your jaw dropped, hypnotized.

jay's fingers moved slowly, spreading the lips of the doll’s pussy open, staring inside like he was mesmerized. oh my god. your breath caught in your throat, trembling as you watched, his hands stretching the silicone flesh, spreading it as if he was testing its elasticity.

your entire body froze, torn between the raw arousal pooling deep in your core and the sheer disbelief that you were witnessing this. what the fuck, that was so hot for no reason.

your breath caught in your throat, and you nearly let out a whimper as you watched jay slide two fingers into the silicone flesh, stroking it slowly. the sight was enough to send a wave of heat straight through you, pooling between your legs. his fingers moved with practiced ease, like this wasn’t the first time he’d done this, like he knew exactly how to make it feel real, even though it was just a damn toy.

fuck, you thought, your entire body trembling. he’s really doing it.

jay’s face was focused, almost intent, as he worked his fingers inside the doll, his jaw clenched like he was trying to keep his composure. the little noises of the silicone as he moved—it was fucking obscene, and yet you couldn’t tear your eyes away. every part of your body felt like it was on fire, like the tension was going to drive you over the edge just from watching him.

the image of him, fingers deep inside that tiny doll, stroking it like he was getting ready for more—your breath shallow as you tried to stay perfectly still, terrified of making any noise, but it was so hard not to react.

your body was betraying you, the heat between your legs making you press your thighs together, desperate for relief. you were watching something so raw, so private, and the fact that you were witnessing it in secret only made it worse.

jay sighed, pulling his fingers out of the doll, the slick noise almost too loud in the quiet room. as he moved to the bed, still holding jennie in his hands. he didn’t rush, there was something methodical about the way he moved, like this was just another routine. he laid back against the headboard, his shirtless body stretched out, the sex doll resting casually on his stomach, like it was no big deal.

your mind was spinning. he was just lounging there, scrolling through his phone like he didn’t have a tiny fucking sex doll laying on top of him. your legs trembled, heat coursing through you as you tried to comprehend the absurdity of it all, but also how insanely hot it was in a way you couldn’t explain.

his fingers absentmindedly toyed with the edge of the silicone, stroking it occasionally while he scrolled through whatever was on his phone. his face was relaxed, almost casual, like this was something he did often—just him and the fucking doll. and you've never been more jealous of a pocket pussy in your whole life.

you watched, barely able to breathe, as he smiled slightly at something on his phone. his thumbs moved quickly, typing away—probably responding to something or commenting on a post.

then you heard it, heeseung’s voice, loud and obnoxious, screaming some game jargon, the sounds of gunfire and explosions cutting through the air. of course, you thought, recognizing the chaos. heeseung had probably posted some video of his latest gameplay, and jay seemed to be getting a kick out of it.

then, suddenly, jay’s face grew somber, and you froze in place, holding your breath. your heart nearly stopped when you heard your own voice boom from his phone.

"LET’S PARTYY!!" you and hanna’s voices echoed, loud and clear—it was the video you’d posted earlier when you were out shopping for tonight, holding bottles of tequila, grinning like idiots. oh no, you thought, realization hitting you like a ton of bricks. he was watching your story.

his expression shifted, his smile fading into something more complicated, like he was torn between emotions he wasn’t sure how to process. you saw him sigh, his fingers pausing as he stared at the screen for a moment, biting his lip in thought. his eyes then darted down to jennie—and your breath hitched when you saw him squeeze the silicone doll tighter, his knuckles whitening slightly.

shit, you thought, trembling, feeling a rush of heat go straight through you as you watched him. the weight of everything became almost unbearable. he’s thinking about you. you could feel it. he was sitting there, staring at your story, your voice ringing in his ears, and here he was, gripping the fucking sex doll as if that could somehow make the tension inside him go away

and just like that, jay cursed under his breath before shoving his phone aside and ridding himself of his pants in one swift motion. "y/n," he groaned, the sound muffled as he buried his face in his pillow. your name on his lips, so raw, it sent goosebumps all over your skin.

he shifted onto his stomach, laying there with jennie still clutched in his hands, bringing it closer to his face. you could see the way his muscles tensed and relaxed, like he was trying to keep control but couldn’t. his fingers traced over the silicone as if it were you, his frustration and desire clear in every movement. he still scrolled through his phone for a moment, but it was aimless now, just something to distract him while the thoughts in his head spun out of control.

he groaned your name again, this time a little louder, his breath ragged as he gripped jennie tighter. your heart pounded so loud you were sure he could hear it, your entire body frozen as you watched the raw desire spilling from him.

you almost gagged, your hand instinctively flying to your mouth as you watched jay shamelessly dive in, pressing his face against the silicone pussy lips of the doll.

he licked it, his eyes closed, brows furrowed in concentration, like he was imagining it was you instead. tongue prodding through it's lips, slowly flicking, the sound of him sighing in satisfaction, mixed with the obscene wet noises from the doll, had you shuddering.

jay was fully immersed, his body tense and rigid as he buried his face deeper, licking slowly and deliberately, like he was savoring every second of it. his hands gripped jennie tightly, pulling it closer as if he couldn’t get enough, his lips dragging over the silicone with such intensity that it made your stomach twist. fuck, he’s really into this.

you could see it on his face—eyes shut tight like he was lost in some fantasy he couldn’t pull himself out of.

jay groaned again, shifting suddenly as if the pressure inside him had built up too much. with a strangled grunt, he propped himself up on his knees, reaching for something on his nightstand. your breath hitched when you saw the bottle in his hands—lube. okay, how had you missed that? the bottle wasn’t even labeled, just some clear liquid, but jay handled it with ease, like this was routine. wow, subtle, you thought, biting your lip as you watched.

he squeezed a generous amount into his palm, slicking it over jennie with slow, deliberate movements. his fingers teased the silicone clit, even flicking it as he smothered the doll in lube, his breathing growing heavier. when he slipped his fingers back in, he let out a dreamy sigh, his head tilting back slightly, lost in the sensation.

and then, finally, jay pulled his cock out. your eyes widened, your breath catching in your throat. god, he was big. thick, meaty, his cock slapping against his lower stomach with a heavy, wet sound. he was neatly groomed, the veins running down his shaft prominent, and the sight of him—so raw, so exposed—made your head spin.

your pulse raced as you watched him stroke himself, his fingers spreading the lube over his cock, making it glisten in the low light of his room. every movement was slow, and fuck, you couldn’t take your eyes off him. the heat between your legs was unbearable now, your body reacting to every single detail, to the way his muscles flexed, the way his breath hitched as he touched himself.

jay lined himself up with jennie, groaning your name under his breath again, and the sound sent a shiver down your spine.

"y/n," jay moaned, the sound of your name falling from his lips as he hovered over jennie, teasing the head of his cock against the slick, wet folds of the doll. "shit, you want it?" he groaned, his voice low and strained, full of pent-up desire.

your heart pounded in your chest, the heat between your legs unbearable as you watched him, his movements slow, teasing. your fingers trembled as they slid down, almost against your will, slipping under the waistband of your shorts.

the sight of him, the way he was moaning your name, the way he was fucking thinking about you—it was driving you insane.

jay bit his lip, his body tense as he pushed just the tip inside, groaning louder as his hips shifted. "fuck, y/n, you’d feel so good around me," he murmured, your fingers moved instinctively, rubbing against your aching clit as you watched him, adrenaline coursing through your veins.

you couldn’t stop. you were caught in the heat of the moment, every word he said, every movement of his hips, making your entire body throb with need. his hand gripped the base of his cock as he slowly slid deeper into the doll, the wet sound of it obscene in the quiet room. you try to mirror his movements, your fingers working faster against yourself.

"take my fucking cock," jay groaned, his hips moved in a slow, almost torturous rhythm, his cock disappearing into the slick silicone, but all he could think about was how you’d feel wrapped around him. .

"your pussy is so tight... so fucking good," jay moaned, his voice ragged as he thrust deeper into jennie, but in his mind, it was you. every movement, every sound, was for you.

"you like that?" jay pants, his hand gripping the edge of the bed as he sped up, his thrusts growing more erratic, more desperate. "tell me how good i'm fucking you." he mumbles, he was losing himself.

you sigh shakily, trying to keep from making a sound. his back arched, muscles flexing as he pumped faster, harder, the wet sounds of him fucking jennie filling the room. your name fell from his lips again, a low growl, and it sent a shiver straight through you, pushing you closer and closer to the edge.

you’d feel so good around me, his voice echoing in your head.

jay gasped, his pace growing faster, more desperate, the bed creaking beneath him as his hips snapped forward. you could practically see the head of his cock pushing so deep into the tiny silicone hole that it nearly bulged through the other side. he was literally fucking through the damn thing.

you imagined what it would be like if he were inside you instead. if he could do that to a toy, what would it feel like to have him that deep, to be stretched out around him?

he let out another strangled moan, his hands gripping the doll tighter as he drove himself harder, his entire body trembling.

"y/n—shit, fuck yeah," he groaned, his voice shaking. if he was inside you, he’d ruin you, fuck you so deep you’d feel him everywhere, fill you up until you couldn’t take anymore. the thought made your thighs clench together, your fingers moving faster as you imagined him pounding into you, that same desperate need in his voice.

"i'm close, fuck—" he panted, his breath ragged, his hips slamming against jennie as his cock drove deeper. "i bet sunghoon could never fuck you like this."

oh god.

"you want my cum? huh? want me to cum in your pussy?" jay seethed, you were drenched, your hand shook as you carefully pulled down your cotton shorts and panties. you leaned back, pressing into his coats to muffle any noise you might make. the soft fabric cushioned your body, but your mind was miles away, completely fixated on jay—his moans, his body, the way he was losing himself.

you were dripping, your fingers sliding through your slickness, the pressure building as you bit down hard on the edge of your shirt, using it to stifle any noise that might slip out. so fucking close, to being caught driving you wild.

through the gaps in the wooden slats, you peeked at him, his muscles straining as he thrust harder. "come on, tell me," he panted, his voice thick and desperate, "i always fill you up so good don't i? tell me you fucking love it before i pump you full of my cum."

your body jerked as his words sent shockwaves through you, like you could feel the way his cock would pulse around you, you were drooling. he’s close, you thought, biting harder into your shirt, your body shaking as you rode the edge with him, knowing you were about to fall apart just as he was.

"yeah? you want it? beg for it." jay's voice was rough, desperate, the words pushing you over the edge as your fingers thrust in and out of your soaked cunt, the knot in your stomach forming. your eyes squeezed shut, god, you were about to cum.

but then, without thinking, you let out a soft, breathless moan. "please," you whispered, the word slipping out before you could stop it.

shit.

the sound hung in the air, and in an instant, everything stopped. the wet, obscene sounds of jay fucking the doll, his grunts and heavy breathing—all of it came to a sudden halt.

your heart dropped, panic flooding your body as you slapped a hand over your mouth, eyes flying open in shock. you totally fucked up, your breath caught in your throat as you stayed completely still, frozen in place, hoping beyond hope that he hadn’t heard you.

but it was too late. you could hear jay shift, the silence between you deafening. his breathing had changed—quieter, more alert.

"who’s there?" his voice was low, edged with confusion, and you knew he had heard you. you pressed your hand harder against your mouth, your entire body trembling with fear and embarrassment.

you heard the unmistakable sound of shuffling—jay was moving, probably scrambling to put some clothes on. panic seized you, and you dug yourself deeper into the closet, your body pressing against the fabric of his coats in a pathetic attempt to hide. your heart raced, pounding so loud you were sure he could hear it through the door.

then, the closet door creaked open slowly, and your eyes went wide in sheer terror. jay stood there, half-naked, only in his boxers, a fucking bat clutched in one hand. his hair was a mess, his chest still glistening with sweat, but the most absurd part was that his cock was still hard, tenting his boxers like he hadn’t come down from the moment at all.

"who the fuck is in here?" his voice was low, edged with tension as his eyes scanned the closet. he hadn’t spotted you yet, but it was only a matter of time. your entire body trembled, pressed against the back of the closet, trying to make yourself as small as possible.

and then, his eyes landed on you.

jay froze, his expression shifting from confusion to sheer disbelief. "y/n?" his voice cracked slightly, like he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. the bat lowered, forgotten in his hand as his brain struggled to catch up.

you were caught—there was no way out now.

jay’s eyes locked onto yours, and in that split second, the disbelief on his face morphed into something darker—something between confusion, anger, and sheer disbelief.

“are you fucking serious?” he growled, his voice low, dangerous. he let the bat drop to the floor with a dull thud, stepping closer to where you were crouched, his broad, still-sweaty chest rising and falling heavily. his body towered over you, cock still rock-hard and tenting his boxers, the tension in the room suffocating.

“what the fuck are you doing in my closet?” his voice was tight, like he was holding back a storm of emotions—rage, shock, but there was something else too. desire. his eyes flickered with it, almost daring you to explain yourself.

you were trembling, mouth dry, scrambling for words but coming up with nothing. fuck, you were pinned in place, completely trapped. his messy hair, the wild look in his eyes, the way his body practically radiated heat—it all made the situation unbearable. you swallowed hard, still pressing yourself further against the coats, like there was anywhere to hide now.

“i… i heard something,” you stammered, knowing how dumb it sounded, especially as his gaze dropped to your shorts, which were still tangled around your thighs. the way his eyes darkened when he saw how exposed you were sent a wave of humiliation and arousal crashing over you.

“bullshit.” jay’s voice was thick, his body stepping closer, looming over you. “you were fucking watching me, weren’t you?” his tone was accusatory, but it wasn’t just anger. you could hear the edge of it—the thrill. he was piecing everything together, and as the realization set in, his breathing deepened, his cock twitching in his boxers.

you tried to speak, to deny it, but your voice caught in your throat as he crouched down, his face inches from yours now. “you were hiding in my closet, getting off while I fucked a doll, and now you’re trying to pretend you weren’t?” his voice was low, almost a whisper, filled with something dark and dangerous.

"s-sorry, i know how this looks," you stammer, your voice barely a whisper as the weight of the moment crashes down on you. your words hang in the air, fragile and trembling as you watch him, feeling the heat radiating off his body. but it’s not enough—not even close—to stop what’s about to happen.

jay’s gaze darkens, his eyes lowering, and then he sees it—really sees it. your shorts are pulled down mid-thigh, your panties already pushed to the side, leaving nothing to the imagination. the briefest glimpse of your pussy lips catches his eye, and you can see his jaw clench. his face tightens, and for a second, he just stares before rolling his eyes, like the fucked-up situation had just reached another level.

“fuck,” jay mutters under his breath, running a hand through his hair, clearly trying to process what he’s seeing.

“you’re… unbelievable,” he says, voice tight as his eyes roam over your body. it’s not judgmental, not anymore. it’s a mixture of frustration and desire, the kind that’s simmering just under the surface, waiting to explode. “and i thought i was fucked up… but this?”

his hand twitches at his side like he’s debating what to do, but you can tell—he’s already made up his mind. the heat between you two is undeniable, and shit, you can feel the way your own body is betraying you, the slickness between your thighs only making this more intense.

“come here,” jay growled, his voice rough, commanding, the words hanging in the air like a challenge. his dick was still straining hard against his boxers, thick and heavy, the outline so obvious it made your breath hitch.

your mind was spinning, trying to make sense of the situation, but nothing clicked. this was jay—the same jay who blushes when he talks to you, who’s always awkward and shy—and now look at him.

you were practically shaking the whole time, and you didn’t know if it was from fear or the undeniable desire coiling tighter and tighter inside of you. you should be running. but you also liked this side of him too. you should be pulling up your shorts, getting the hell out of here. but you couldn’t. not when his eyes were locked onto you like that.

“what are you waiting for?” jay’s voice was low, dangerous, and fuck, it sent shivers down your spine. his tone, his body language—he was different now, no longer the blushing boy who used to fumble his words around you. this was the real him, the one who’d been hiding beneath that awkward exterior all this time.

you swallowed hard, your legs feeling weak as you stood there—your pussy still slick, the heat pooling deep inside you, pulsing with the same desire you could see in jay’s eyes.

“i’m not asking again,” jay said, his voice tightening, frustration and need clear on his face.

jay walked back to his bed, each step deliberate, slow, like he was giving you time to take in what was happening. he sat down on the edge, his elbows resting on his knees, his dark eyes locked onto yours. his gaze was intense, unwavering, filled with something raw and predatory.

“sit with me,” he said, his voice low, steady, but there was a challenge in it. the way he was looking at you—it made your pulse race, your legs feel like jelly.

part of you screamed to leave, to stop this before it went too far, but another part of you—the bigger part—wanted nothing more than to follow him, to see where this would lead.

he sat there, waiting, daring you to close the space between you. his eyes flicked down to your exposed thighs, taking in how your panties were still pulled to the side, how ready you were, and his lips twitched, almost like he knew what was going through your head.

the way he was looking at you, commanding you without even having to raise his voice—it made your entire body ache. your heart pounded in your chest as you hesitated for a moment, your legs trembling as you took a shaky step forward.

jay didn’t move, just watched you intently, his elbows still resting on his knees, waiting. “i don't fucking have all day,” he muttered, his voice even rougher now, his patience running thin.

and without even thinking, you moved. you reached down, hands shaking as you tried to pull your shorts back up, the embarrassment burning your face. your mind screamed, but your body was on autopilot. you were halfway there, about to cover yourself up. you couldn’t even dare to look at him, your heart pounding in your chest like a drum.

jay’s hands hovered over your thighs, not quite touching, but close enough that you could feel the heat radiating from his skin. his breath was deep, ragged, like he was trying to steady himself, trying to believe this was really happening. fuck, it was like he couldn’t even believe you were standing in front of him, shorts halfway down, so vulnerable, so exposed.

“stop. don’t pull them up.” his words were sharp, commanding, leaving no room for argument. your hands froze, still gripping the waistband of your shorts, your breath catching in your throat. the intensity in his voice sent a shiver down your spine, and you slowly let go of the fabric, letting your shorts hang awkwardly around your hips.

jay’s gaze was dark, hungry, roaming over you with an intensity that made your skin prickle. his eyes lingered on the space between your thighs, the way your panties were still askew, showing more than you ever meant to. he leaned back slightly, his elbows still on his knees, but his entire posture screamed control.

“come closer,” he said again, softer this time, but no less demanding

his eyes flickered, tracing every inch of your body, and for a split second, you could see it in his face—the disbelief, the hunger, the way he was completely entranced by you. his fingers twitching as they hovered near your thighs, like he was waiting for permission, like he was afraid to break the moment.

and then his eyes dropped lower, down between your legs. could he smell how wet you were?

the realization hit you hard, making your entire body burn with anticipation and need. you were soaked, dripping with arousal, and it was impossible to hide. his breathing deepened even more, nostrils flaring as his eyes darkened, the tension between you snapping tight like a rubber band about to break.

“fuck,” jay muttered under his breath, his voice low and strained, almost reverent as he took you in. his fingers finally grazed the soft skin of your thigh, so gentle it almost didn’t feel real. “you’re so fucking wet,” he murmured.

jay’s hands moved with purpose now, one of them sliding between your thighs, fingers brushing dangerously close to where you were dripping. his other hand gripped your inner thigh firmly, pushing it to the side, spreading you open to get a better view. his eyes darkened as he stared, taking in the sight of you exposed for him.

his thumb brushed over the slick fabric of your panties, grazing your swollen lips, and the sensation sent a shockwave through your body. your breath hitched, your legs trembling as you tried to stay steady, but it was impossible with the way he was touching you, the way his gaze devoured every inch of you.

oh god—it was too much, but fuck, you wanted more.

"care to tell me why you were spying on me?" jay asks, his voice dripping with satisfaction as his thumb grazed your slick skin. the sensation made you tremble, your legs barely holding you steady. he leaned in closer, his breath hot against your thighs as he stared up at you, his eyes dark with amusement and lust.

"i'm dying to know," he added, his voice low, teasing, as his thumb pressed harder, sliding against your swollen clit.

you couldn’t speak, your mind spinning from the intensity of his touch, from the weight of his question. you knew he could see exactly how much you wanted this—even though you shouldn’t.

"i… i'm sorry…" you stammered as jay’s thumb circled your clit again, sending shockwaves through you, making it impossible to form a coherent sentence. your knees almost buckling as they shook.

he smirked, clearly enjoying how flustered you were, how much control he had over you in this moment. "come on," he murmured, his voice low and teasing. "you can do better than that, can’t you? tell me why you were spying on me."

your breath hitched, your brain short-circuiting, all you could feel was his hand between your thighs, the slick heat pooling there, and the way he was pushing you to the edge.

"i said i’m sorry," you whispered, your voice shaky, barely able to get the words out as jay’s thumb pressed harder on your clit.

jay’s smirk widened, his fingers still working you over, teasing you relentlessly. "sorry doesn’t explain why you were spying on me," he murmured, his voice dripping with amusement as his other hand gripped your thigh tighter, keeping you in place. "but I guess I don’t mind the answer as long as you keep squirming like this."

he leaned in closer, his breath hot against your skin, eyes flickering with something darker. "go on, tell me more. unless you’d rather just show me how sorry you are."

"fuck, jay, wait," you gasped, trying to shove his arms away, panic and pleasure swirling together as your hands pushed against him. but jay was stronger, his grip firm and unyielding as he fought against your weak attempts to stop him. his fingers dug into your thigh, pulling you closer, nearly making you stumble, but before you could find your footing, he locked your thighs in his arms, trapping you in place.

your heart raced, and you barely managed to steady yourself by planting one foot on the edge of his bed. the shift in position sent a jolt of heat through your body, his face dangerously close to where you were slick and exposed.

"you’re not going anywhere," jay muttered, voice low and dark, his breath hot against your inner thigh as he held you there, his grip relentless.

"i'm waiting," jay growled, his voice low and dripping with impatience as his fingers gripped you tighter, pulling you even closer. "tell me, why the fuck were you spying on me?"

"did you like it?" jay asked, his grip on your thighs tightening. "how I fucked jennie?" the question hit you like a shockwave, your breath catching in your throat. you couldn’t answer, couldn’t even look at him.

he smirked, clearly enjoying the power he had over you, the way you were unable to form words. "yeah," he hissed, his voice dark and taunting. "i think you did. the way you were watching, hiding in my closet, getting yourself off. you liked it, didn’t you?"

your body responded even as your mind screamed for control, the heat between your legs pulsing harder with each word he said.

"confident much?" you managed to say, but your voice shook, the words were meant to sound teasing, defiant, but they came out weak, unconvincing as you tried to regain some control over the situation.

jay’s smirk only deepened at your pathetic attempt to push back. his eyes were locked on you, dark and full of desire. "oh, come on," he muttered, voice low and mocking as his hands traced your trembling thighs.

his fingers slid dangerously close to where you were slick and exposed, making your breath hitch. "i can feel how much you liked it," he continued, voice rougher now. "you’re soaking, and all because you watched me fuck a toy, imagining it was you."

"but it was me," you weakly bite back, the words barely leaving your lips as your body trembled under his touch.

jay's fingers, which had been teasing your pussy, suddenly stilled. he pulled them back slowly, staring at you with disbelief, his jaw clenched tight. "you are so fucking unbelievable," he growled, voice low and thick with frustration.

then, without warning, he thrust a finger into you roughly, but the slickness of your folds made it glide in smoothly, the feeling almost too good. you let out a shaky breath, your body arching toward him involuntarily.

"first," he hissed, his voice full of raw intensity, "you make me fucking admit that I jack myself off with a sex doll, just for you. the person I've been wanting for years now, making me feel like a fucking loser. embarrassed. fucking ashamed. like I'm some kind of pervert."

his finger flicked deeper inside you, sending a shockwave of pleasure through your core, and you gasped, biting your lip hard to keep from crying out.

"and then you," he continued, his words dripping with disbelief and lust, "you end up in my closet, watching me. are you a fucking perv, too?"

yes, you thought, the word echoing in your mind, but you couldn’t bring yourself to say it out loud.

jay’s eyes bore into you, his finger still buried deep inside you, but he wasn’t moving, just staring, his voice low and dangerous as he asked, “are you here to embarrass me? is that it? is that why you were spying on me—to make fun of me?”

his words cut deep, and you could feel the weight of his frustration, the vulnerability he’d just exposed to you twisted into something dark. he thought you were here to humiliate him? but it couldn’t be further from the truth.

you opened your mouth to respond, but no words came out. you didn’t know how to explain that this wasn’t about making fun of him—it was about something far more fucked up.

“because you know about my stupid crush on you, right?” jay’s voice was dripping with frustration, his finger still inside you, but unmoving. “is this your way of getting back at me? laughing at how pathetic i am? you think it's funny?”

his words stung, his tone laced with anger and vulnerability, he thought you were here to humiliate him, to make fun of the fact that he had been harboring a crush on you for years. that all of this—his shame, his embarrassment—was something you found amusing. fuck, you could see it in his eyes, how much this hurt him, how much he thought you were here to tear him apart.

"jay, no," you finally answer back, your voice shaky, barely audible. "i didn’t come here to make fun of you." your breath was catching in your throat, the shame in his voice cutting through you, making your heart ache. "it’s not like that… i—"

but before you could finish, his finger twitched inside you, rougher this time, and you gasped, your body betraying you once again, sending a jolt of pleasure through you. "then why?" he pushed you further, his eyes narrowing. "you wanna tell me what the fuck this is, if it’s not to humiliate me?" "i got curious," you hiccuped, your voice shaky. "i… never thought it was funny… i thought it was hot."

"i wanted to know what jennie looked like… what you were into… i… shit—" you struggled to get the words out, your breath catching as jay's fingers twitched inside you again, this time with more intent.

your voice trembled, barely holding it together as you tried to explain. "i wanted to know what turned you on." the words slipped out before you could stop them, raw and honest, cutting through the tension like a blade. your heart pounded in your chest as jay froze, his eyes widening just slightly, disbelief flickering across his face.

"what?" he asked, his expression faltering a bit. his finger inside you twitched, but this time it wasn’t out of frustration—it was from the shock of your confession.

"i thought it was fucking hot," you whispered again, your voice barely more than a breath, the shame still heavy but mixed with the undeniable arousal coursing through you. "watching you… thinking about how badly you wanted me. fuck, jay… i wanted it, too."

"but i'm just a loser, aren't i?" jay’s voice was rough, his breath heavy as his fingers curled inside you, sending a shockwave of pleasure through your body. "why would you…?" he trailed off, his voice breaking slightly as if he couldn’t quite believe what you were saying, or what was happening between the two of you.

"the way you ignored me for years," jay muttered, "i liked you so much, y/n. fuck. you made me feel like an idiot." his fingers stilled inside you for a moment, his eyes locking with yours, full of emotions he had clearly been holding back for too long.

you shook your head, barely able to keep your thoughts straight as his thumb rubbed your clit, pushing you further toward the edge. "you’re not a loser," you whispered, your voice shaky, trying to hold on to whatever control you had left. "fuck, jay, I never thought that." "can you promise you're not just here because you wanted to see how pathetic i am?" jay's voice cracked slightly, and when you looked at him, you saw his eyes were glassy, tears he was trying so hard to hold back. the sight of him like that—so vulnerable, so raw—made your chest tighten.

you frowned, shaking your head, your heart breaking at the thought that he believed that. "i promise jay… it’s not like that," you whispered, your voice soft but firm. "i swear. i’m not here to make you feel like shit. i’m not here to laugh at you."

his fingers loosened their grip on your thigh, his expression faltering as he struggled to process your words. you could see the pain etched across his face, years of doubt and self-loathing surfacing in that one question.

his hands loosened their grip on your thigh, and you moved to sit beside him on the bed. though it did feel extremely uncomfortable for your bare, wet pussy to be kissing his sheets. lowkey, you were concerned it would leave some sort of stain.

jay’s eyes searched yours, desperate for reassurance, for something to tell him that this wasn’t some twisted game. you could see the uncertainty etched across his face, the way he was still bracing himself for the worst.

"jay," you whispered, reaching out to cup his cheek gently. the moment your fingers touched his skin, he shuddered, his eyes fluttering shut for a second, like he couldn’t believe this was real. his breath hitched, and when he opened his eyes again, they were soft.

jay’s expression twisted, like he was struggling to absorb everything, your touch, your voice. his lip trembled slightly, and he looked at you like he still couldn’t trust that you were really here with him. "why now?" his voice barely audible, like he was afraid of the answer.

you leaned in closer, your forehead resting gently against his. "because i didn’t know how much you meant to me until now," you admitted, your voice soft, but full of the truth. "and fuck, jay… i didn’t realize how much i wanted this."

"sure, you’re kind of awkward," you say with a soft smile, your thumb still brushing against his cheek. "but i see you jay. i don’t think you ever realized."

he blinked, his lips parting slightly in surprise, the vulnerability still there in his eyes, but now mixed with something else—hope.

"i’ve even been talking to hanna about hooking up with you," you admitted with a nervous laugh, watching his reaction carefully. "crazy, right?"

jay’s eyes widened, and for a moment, he just stared at you like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. "you… what?" he stammered and he blinked rapidly, clearly processing what you’d just confessed. "yeah," you laughed softly, the sincerity in your voice making him listen even more closely. "like, it started out as a light joke between hanna and me, but then i realized i was genuinely interested in you. you were so cute, jay. always blushing, stuttering around me." you paused, his eyes never left yours.

"but before i could actually act on it," you continued, your voice softer now, "you started seeing that girl. and if i wasn’t sure about what i wanted before, fuck—i knew it the second i got jealous."

jay blinked, processing your words, his face a mix of disbelief, "no way," he muttered, shaking his head like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

"yeah," you nodded, a smile tugging at your lips. “although i did start to doubt your feelings for me when you got your cherry popped, i’ve known for a while. it was hard to admit to myself, though. i thought you’d finally moved on because… well, i wasn’t giving you any time of day.”

jay blinked, taking in your words, his expression shifting as you continued. “but i knew, jay. you weren’t exactly subtle,” you teased gently, a small smile tugging at your lips.

he let out a shaky laugh, running a hand through his hair. "i thought i was being so careful. i was so sure i was hiding it," he muttered, clearly embarrassed. "but i guess i was just making it worse."

"yeah," you chuckled softly. "but in a way, that’s what made you so… you. and now...here we are."

"then when i found out that you have a jennie," you chuckle, remembering the rush of that moment. "i… couldn’t stop thinking about it." the memory played in your mind—the way your pulse raced when you stood outside his door, the thoughts that swirled in your head.

jay's eyes widened, a mix of embarrassment and disbelief flashing across his face. "what the hell," he cursed under his breath, his voice shaky, "that's so fucking hot."

the confession hung heavy between you, the air thick with tension, but there was no mistaking the desire in his gaze. his fingers twitched like he wanted to reach out, to close the space between you, but he held back for a second, just staring at you, processing everything.

“i never thought you’d… even think about that,” he said, his voice rough with disbelief. “fuck, i thought i’d scared you off for good when you found out.”

"well, you didn't," you assure him, shaking your head, your voice soft but firm. you leaned in slightly, your hand still resting on his cheek, your thumb gently brushing his skin. "i wasn't scared off… if anything, it made me want you more."

jay’s breath hitched at your words, his eyes searching yours for any hint of doubt, but all he found was sincerity. his hands twitched, and he finally let himself close the gap between you, his lips dangerously close to yours, as if waiting for permission.

“shit,” jay whispers, his voice cracks, so close you can feel his breath on your lips, shaky, uncertain. his eyes keep darting between yours and your mouth, like he’s trying to hold himself back, trying to ask for permission. “can i kiss you?”

it’s a small sentence, but it knocks the wind out of you. everything else slips away—the noise outside, the world beyond this room—it’s just you and him now, and that invisible pull that’s been dragging you closer for longer than you want to admit.

your heart stumbles in your chest, the words barely making it out of your mouth. “yeah.” it’s a whisper, shaky, almost too quiet, but it’s enough. “kiss me, jay.”

and fuck, he doesn’t hesitate. the second the words leave your lips, he’s on you, lips crashing into yours like he’s been starving for this—like he's been holding it in, building it up. his hands grip your waist, tugging you closer until there’s no space left between you, nothing but heat and need.

his kiss, it’s desperate, almost frantic, like he’s afraid this is all a dream that’s gonna slip through his fingers if he lets up even for a second. your back hits the bed, jay’s hands never leaving you, pinning you there like he’s not about to let go now, not after years of this silent tension hanging between you.

“fuck,” he breathes out, voice thick with something heavy, something real, hovering just above you. his eyes—god, they’re dark, full of hunger, full of need as he takes you in, sprawled out beneath him, lips swollen, breath ragged.

his hands, they slide down your sides, fingers digging in just enough to make you gasp, like he’s scared you’ll disappear if he doesn’t hold on tight enough. the heat from his body seeps into you, muscles tight, chest rising and falling like he’s trying to catch his breath but can’t. neither can you. it’s too much, but not enough all at once.

“can’t believe i’m not fucking dreaming,” jay mutters, voice low, rough, his lips finding your neck, leaving these messy, desperate kisses along your skin. “you have no idea…”

his hands, they move fast now, fingers yanking down your shorts and panties in one quick motion, not even giving you time to think. the cold air hits you, makes you shiver, but it’s nothing compared to the heat from his body, from the way his hands are already running up your thighs, gripping hard, like he’s got you exactly where he’s wanted you all this time.

“fuck.” it’s more like a growl than a whisper as his fingers brush over you, teasing, feeling how soaked you already are. he pauses, eyes locked on yours, like he’s trying to wrap his head around the fact that this is real, that he’s touching you like this.

“you’re so fucking perfect,” jay mutters, almost to himself, voice hoarse. his fingers slide through your folds, teasing, and you can’t help it—your hips jerk up, body desperate for more. the heat between you is unbearable now, the tension ready to snap, and you know you’re both way past the point of no return.

his eyes locked on yours as his fingers slid through your wetness, groaning softly, like the sound came from deep in his chest. “you’re soaked,” he rasped, voice rough and full of hunger. “can’t fucking believe you’re letting me touch your pussy.”

the way he said it, raw and unfiltered, sent heat flooding through you. “i’ve imagined this so many fucking times,” jay groaned, desperation lacing his words, grinding against you, his cock hard and pressing into your heat, teasing you with every movement. his hands were everywhere—your waist, your thighs, your breasts—like he couldn’t stop himself, like he needed to touch every inch of you.

his breath came in ragged gasps, each grind of his hips sending jolts of pleasure through you, making you ache, making you want more. “you smell so good too... fuck,” he muttered, his voice hoarse as he buried his face in the crook of your neck, inhaling you, fingers tightening around your hips like he didn’t want to let go.

you could feel him trembling, his whole body shaking with need, his lips rough as they found your neck, kissing and biting, leaving marks that burned in the best way. “i’ve wanted you for so fucking long,” he murmured between those ragged kisses, his hips pressing harder against you, desperate. “y/n, you don’t even fucking know.”

his hands fumbled at your shirt, shaking as he tried to lift it off, the two of you clumsy with urgency. you raised your arms, helping him, and as soon as your breasts were exposed, his eyes went wide, a low moan slipping out of him. “oh fuck, look at those tits,” he groaned, voice thick, raw with lust.

he didn’t waste a second, mouth latching onto your nipple, sucking hard, his tongue flicking over the sensitive peak, making you gasp, making your back arch into him. his hands were rough, kneading your breasts, squeezing like he couldn’t get enough, completely lost in the moment, in you.

he groaned deep, overwhelmed, his hips still grinding into you, the pressure of his cock against your core making you dizzy with want. “you make me so fucking horny,” he rasped between sucks, his voice hoarse, breathless, but still, he kept going, devouring you like he couldn’t stop.

“i could do this forever,” jay growled, voice dripping with need, frantic but somehow still in control, still holding back just enough. his mouth left your breasts, trailing a slow, deliberate lick from the valley between them, and the look on his face when he did it? he was worshipping you, eyes dark, tongue hot against your skin, every touch sparking fire.

his mouth traveled lower, each slow, wet lick lighting your nerves on fire, his hands gripping your hips tight, keeping you still beneath him. when his mouth finally reached your pussy, his breath was hot against your folds, and he paused, eyes dark and hungry as he looked up at you, holding your gaze as he licked a painfully slow stripe over your clit.

your back arched, a moan spilling from your lips, fingers tangling in his hair, pulling him closer, desperate for more. jay’s eyes rolled back as he tasted you, his tongue swirling over your clit again, this time with more intent, more need. he growled against your pussy, the vibrations making you shudder as he moaned, his tongue lapping at your juices like he was starved for it.

he gripped your thighs, holding you steady as he devoured you, licking and sucking with this desperate hunger, lost in the taste of you. “you taste like fucking heaven,” he mumbled, voice rough and low, his tongue flicking over your clit again, sending shockwaves through your body, your moans filling the room as he buried himself in you, drawing out every bit of pleasure he could.

his tongue never stopped, flicking over your clit like he was starving for you. then his fingers slid in, two of them, so easily, and he groaned like he could barely handle how fucking hot and wet you were. shit, jay thought, his breath catching, the sensation hitting him harder than he expected. this is way better than finger fucking jennie.

“fuck... you’re so warm, so wet,” he muttered, his voice thick with disbelief, like he still couldn’t believe he was touching you like this. his fingers curled inside you, hitting that perfect spot, and it made you clench around him. his whole body shuddered, mouth still moving on your clit, tongue syncing up with his fingers. this is what it feels like, he thought, the reality of you pulsating under him driving him insane.

“fuck, y/n,” he groaned, flicking his tongue faster, his fingers working harder. every moan, every gasp from you had him responding without even thinking—sucking harder, curling his fingers deeper, like he was feeding off your pleasure. he can’t get enough of this.

you whimpered, fingers tight in his hair, tugging him closer, desperate. “fuck, jay,” you gasped, and the way you said his name made something snap inside him. he was losing it. completely.

“cum in my mouth,” he begged, voice rough, almost frantic. “can you squirt? please, i even practiced—fuck—please tell me you can. i need it. come on, y/n.” fuck, did i really just say that out loud?

you barely had time to process it, your body trembling on the edge, and his fingers kept hitting that spot with such perfect, relentless precision that you couldn’t stop it even if you tried. “please,” jay groaned again, his breath hot against you, his desperation raw and real. “i want to taste you, fuck, give it to me.”

and then you shattered.

you cried out, your body jerking uncontrollably as the pressure inside you finally snapped. holy shit, your brain barely functioned as you came, hard, and then it happened. oh my god, you squirted, and jay’s eyes went wide, filled with awe. then he dove in, tongue lapping at you like a man possessed, his face soaked, and he didn’t give a fuck. he was in it, devouring every drop.

“mmm, yes,” he groaned, dragging out your orgasm, drawing every last wave of pleasure from you, and you were shaking, gasping, thighs trembling as his tongue kept going.

then, he pulled back, just enough to look at you then... he spat right into your pussy. fuck, he thought, watching it drip down, rubbing it in like he was memorizing the way your body looked under him, your slickness spread wide, like he was getting off just watching you.

“i need to be inside you,” he growled, moving up, hovering over you, his cock pressing at your entrance. the tip teasing against you, the heat from him making you moan. “shit, you’re just letting me do this? why the fuck aren’t you stopping me?” his eyes fluttered shut, biting his lip. this is real. she’s really letting me do this.

“just put it in, jay,” you said, impatience in your voice as you grabbed his cock, tapping it against your pussy, and fuck, he almost lost it. “fuck,” he muttered, voice shaky, eyes glazed with lust. “and i was just imagining this...”

he teased you, barely pushing the head inside, pulling back, torturing both of you, and he could feel himself shaking, barely holding it together. “oh, fuck,” he groaned, pushing a little deeper, the stretch making your breath hitch.

“ask me,” you whispered, voice soft but full of need, staring up at him, your body trembling beneath him. god, you wanted him, but you wanted to hear it. you wanted him to ask for it, like he had with that stupid doll.

jay’s eyes snapped open, confusion flashing across his face, his cock still teasing at your entrance. “ask you?” he whispered, his voice hoarse, his hips twitching like he was barely holding himself back.

“yeah,” you breathed, your hands sliding up his back, nails lightly digging into his skin, pulling him closer. “ask me if i want it, like how you asked jennie earlier.”

he froze. his mind went blank for a second, and it was like every dirty fantasy he’d ever had about you just came crashing down into this moment. there’s no fucking way he's living another day without hearing you say it again.

“you really want me to?” his hips twitched again, the tip of his cock pressing into you just enough to drive you both crazy. “fuck,” he whispered, his voice raw, trying to get a grip on himself, but he couldn’t. not when you were looking at him like that.

“you want it?” he asked, his voice low, rough, his eyes locked with yours.

“yes,” you moaned, your hips moving back to meet his, teasing him, pushing him to the edge. “i want it, jay,” you whimpered, voice shaky, needy.

he fucking broke.

“you’re gonna fucking kill me,” he groaned, the last bit of restraint gone, and with one slow, deliberate thrust, he pushed inside, groaning loudly as he felt your tightness wrap around him. “oh fuck, fuck, i’m actually inside you,” he grunted, his jaw going slack as he sank deeper, eyes half-lidded, barely able to handle how good you felt around him.

his hips rocked slowly, sliding in and out, and he caught you watching him, watching how his cock disappeared into you. “you're crazy,” he groaned, voice low, teasing, “really watching me fuck you, huh? you like that?”

his hips rocked harder, pace picking up, his control slipping fast. “shit, you even got off watching me fuck a doll, didn’t you?” jay growled, his voice rough, his thrusts harder, more desperate now. he was losing it, completely wrecked.

he crashed his lips into yours, swallowing your moans, kissing you hard and messy, both of you gasping for air between each frantic movement. fuck, fuck, fuck, was all he could think as he drove into you.

“you fucking wanted it, didn’t you?” he muttered against your lips, his hips slamming into you. “did you get jealous?”

“yes,” you whimpered, trembling under him, nails digging into his back, pulling him closer, your moans spilling into his mouth.

his mind was spinning, his body shaking as he collapsed on top of you, his chest pressing into yours, his skin burning hot against yours. he was completely gone, wrecked by you, and there was no coming back from it now.

“oh god,” jay gasps, his breath ragged and hot against your neck, his lips pressing into your skin like he’s trying to mark you, desperate and trembling. “your pussy... fuck, yes. fucking—” his voice cracks, and you can feel him unravel, feel the restraint he’s been holding onto just slip away. his kisses trail along your neck, soft, shaky, his hands gripping your hips like they’re his lifeline.

“thought i’d never have you,” he whispers, and it’s not just the words—it’s how he says them, the rawness, the honesty in every syllable. his hips move slow, deliberate, deep like he’s savoring every second, every thrust laced with something more than just desire now. it’s intimate, vulnerable.

his heartbeat hammers against your chest, wild, erratic, like he’s barely holding it together. every kiss, every breath he takes, feels like he’s trying to memorize you, like he can’t believe this is happening.

“i’m so fucking happy,” jay whispers, his lips brushing your ear, voice thick with vulnerability that he’s never shown before. “can’t believe i’m fucking you. i don’t know what i’d do if this wasn’t real.”

your fingers trail up his back, tracing the muscles beneath his skin, grounding him, pulling him even closer. you’re here. this is real. “i’m not going anywhere, jay,” you murmur, your voice soft but firm, like a promise. “this is real. i want you too.”

jay shudders at your words, his breath hitching in his throat, his forehead pressing against yours as he struggles to hold himself together. “yeah? you want my cock?” he moans, his body trembling with how much he’s feeling. but before you can answer, he growls.

suddenly, he grips your thigh, throwing it over his shoulder with one swift motion. the new angle makes his thrusts deeper, harder, and you gasp, your body jolting with every thrust. fuck, that’s perfect, he thinks, biting his lip as he watches you squirm beneath him. he straddles your other leg, his hips moving with this almost brutal intensity, pounding into you like he can’t get deep enough.

“jay,” you yelp, every thrust knocking the air from your lungs. his hand grips your waist, tight, almost possessive, while the other hand squeezes your breast hard, his fingers digging into your skin, sending a sharp mix of pain and pleasure through you.

he leans over, pressing down on your stomach with one hand, and the pressure makes you feel every inch of him inside you, stretching you until you’re trembling. “holy shit,” you whimper, the sensation overwhelming, your walls clenching around him as his thrusts grow more desperate. fuck, i’m losing it, he thinks, but he doesn’t stop.

“fuck, i love your pussy, y/n,” jay pants, his voice rough, breathless as he slams into you harder, deeper, his cock stretching you so perfectly. “looks like you don’t even need jennie anymore, huh?” you tease, barely able to get the words out between gasps.

jay’s eyes flutter shut, his thrusts faltering for just a second before he goes even deeper. “hell no,” he breathes, his voice thick with lust. “i don’t think i ever wanna use her again.” not when he has this, he thinks, every thrust driving the thought deeper.

he leans forward, his hips snapping into you harder, faster, like he’s proving something—to himself, to you. “oh god, y/n,” he mutters, his voice raw as his hips move in a brutal rhythm. “i don’t think i can ever get enough of this.”

“gonna use this pussy instead,” jay growls, the words sending a shiver down your spine. god, i could stay buried in her forever, he thinks, and the thought almost makes him lose it.

you gasp, your body arching beneath him, the pleasure too much, overwhelming every sense. “fuck, jay,” you whimper, your nails digging into his arms as he drives into you, relentless.

“this pussy’s mine now.” he mutters, his breath hot against your skin as he leans down, his chest pressing into yours.

as he presses closer, his cock pushing even deeper inside you, you can feel the stretch, the pressure building inside you with every thrust. he tangles his fingers with yours, pinning your wrists above your head, his grip firm but gentle, just enough to hold you in place.

“oh shit, baby,” he groans, his voice low, filled with awe as his cock sinks impossibly deep, his hips stilling for a moment, letting you feel every inch of him. “i can feel your walls squeezing me. fuck, i’m so deep.” too fucking good, he thinks, his breath ragged as he watches your face, drinking in every moan, every gasp.

“you like that?” he pants, lips brushing your ear, his voice rough with need as he starts moving again, thrusting deep and slow, your body trembling with every push. “feels good, doesn’t it? fuck, look at that face.” god, you were beautiful, his hips faltering for just a second as he watches you fall apart beneath him.

he crashes his lips against yours, swallowing your moans, kissing you hard and desperate, both of you gasping for air between each messy kiss. his hands tremble slightly as they cradle your face, holding you like you might slip away.

then he anchors his hips, thrusting deep, holding himself inside you. his breath catching as he buries himself to the hilt, stretching you completely. you cry out, loud and unrestrained, the intensity almost too much.

“agh-too deep!” you gasp, your back arching off the bed, your body trembling as the sensation overwhelms you. jay groans, forehead pressed against yours, savoring the way your body tightens around him, holding him there, buried deep inside you.

“yes,” he breathes, his thrusts slowing down as his lips find your neck again, pressing soft, deliberate kisses against your skin. his breath is hot, ragged, and you can feel the emotion behind every move, every touch.

jay pressed a soft kiss to your neck, lingering there, almost like he was gathering the courage. his voice dropped low, barely a whisper, “can i leave a hickey?”

you could feel how hesitant he was, even though everything about the moment was electric. his hips slowed down to this deep, grinding rhythm, making your body hum, but there was this tension in the air as he waited for your answer, lips brushing your skin like he was holding his breath.

you giggled, giving him the green light. “of course.” no sooner had the words left your mouth, jay latched onto your neck, sucking hard. but he was impatient, the longer he stayed there, the more desperate he became, and before you could blink, he flipped you over in one quick, sudden motion. you yelped in surprise, the sound swallowed by the heat between you.

you gasped, straddling him now, his cock still inside you, and the new angle made you shudder. deeper, different, and it hit you right where you needed. fuck, this guy, you thought, half in awe of how quickly he turned the tables.

jay sat up, pulling you flush against his chest, one hand gripping your waist, the other already cupping your breast, his mouth latching onto your nipple. his breath came out hot and ragged against your skin, his lips leaving marks, bruising you like he wanted to claim every inch of you.

something sparked in you. you pushed him back, flipping the script again, feeling this rush of confidence you hadn’t felt before. god, you've never been fucked like this before, raw, real, his every touch pouring emotions into you that went way beyond just the physical. jay’s eyes stayed locked on yours, the look in them—this desperation, this need—it made your heart race.

but a small, nagging thought crept in, making your chest tighten. would this fade? would we fizzle out like every other relationship you had? you couldn’t stand the idea of losing this, losing him. you rocked your hips harder, chasing away the thought, moving against him with intent, feeling every inch of him deep inside you.

the way jay looked up at you, completely captivated, made you feel powerful. like you were everything he needed and more. and fuck, you wanted him too. not just now, but always.

“i want you, jay,” you whispered breathlessly, your hands pressing into his chest as you leaned over him, feeling the heat of him against you. “i want you to keep coming back for me.”

his eyes darkened, a growl rumbling in his chest. “you think i’m gonna stop now?” his voice was thick with intensity, hands gripping your hips tighter, pulling you down onto him, harder. “fuck no.”

his hips bucked up, matching your movements, each thrust deeper, harder, until the connection between you felt electric, like nothing could come between you now. “you’re mine,” he muttered, his voice low and breathless, his eyes locked onto yours as he watched the way your body moved above him. “and i’m not fucking going anywhere.”

“shit, come here whenever you want,” jay groaned, his voice ragged as he thrust up into you, his hands tightening on your hips like he never wanted to let go. “i’ll even bail on heeseung—fuck, i don’t care.”

his words made your head spin, the desperation in his voice clear as he lost himself in you. his eyes were locked on yours, filled with pure need. “you’re all i fucking want, y/n,” he growled, thrusting harder, his emotions crashing into every word.

“even if—” he struggled to speak, breath hitching as his hips snapped into you with more urgency. “even if you just want sex—I don’t care.” his voice cracked, his balls tightening, and you could feel him losing control, the tension in his body building with every thrust. “just let me have this again,” he panted, his body trembling, his eyes pleading even as he fucked you senseless. god, he’s so fucking cute, you thought, even now, as he was wrecking you. “please let me fuck you again, i’ll make you feel so good.”

you straightened up, taking full control as you rode him, your hands pressing against his chest, guiding the pace. jay’s eyes widened, his jaw dropping as he watched you, completely at your mercy. fuck, she’s gonna kill me, he thought, losing control fast.

“you’re gonna ride me?” he asked, his voice filled with disbelief, hands gripping your hips like he needed to ground himself. but he was already shaking beneath you, overwhelmed by how good you felt. “shit, shit, shit,” he gasped, voice cracking as he let out a near sob from the pleasure.

“fuck, you’re gonna make me cum—” jay’s voice broke, panic lacing his words as his climax rushed toward him. his grip on your hips tightened, like he was afraid to let go, but you didn’t stop. if anything, you pushed harder, grinding down on him until he was practically trembling beneath you.

“it’s okay,” you whispered, breathless but steady. “i’m on the pill. cum inside me.”

his eyes flew open, shock and disbelief written all over his face, his entire body shuddering as his control slipped completely.

“gonna pump your pussy full,” he groaned, his hips bucking up uncontrollably into you, chasing his release. “oh god—” his words broke off into incoherent babbles, his head thrashing against the pillow as his hips stuttered beneath you.

“shit, stop, i—fuck,” he whined, his voice cracking, his hands shaking as he tried to hold back, but it was too late. “i’m cumming, i’m fucking cumming,” he groaned, his body jerking violently as he emptied himself inside you, his entire world tilting. wave after wave of pleasure wrecked him, leaving him gasping for air.

jay’s body jerked beneath you, his breaths coming out ragged, his voice trailing off into soft, desperate whimpers as he rode out the overwhelming pleasure, completely lost in you.

you followed suit, your body trembling as the intense pleasure hit you all at once. your orgasm crashed over you, powerful and uncontrollable, and before you knew it, you were squirting all over jay’s cock. his eyes went wide, jaw dropping, staring at you like you’d just done something otherworldly.

"what the fuck," he hissed, voice shaky with disbelief. "you’re squirting all over me, y/n. shit, that’s so fucking hot."

his grip on your hips tightened, fingers digging into your skin as he rocked up into you again, unable to stop himself. the sight of you cumming like that, completely undone on top of him, had his head spinning. his chest heaved as he groaned, his own body trembling from the effort to hold back. "fuck, you’re incredible."

both of you stayed there for a moment, panting, the intensity of everything that had just happened sinking in. jay’s body was still shaking beneath yours, but his touch softened, his hands resting gently on your hips now, completely different from the rough, desperate grip he had moments ago.

jay was the first to break the silence, his breath shaky as he spoke, still clearly flustered. "so, um... was it just the dick? or... did you like me back, too?" his voice cracked a little, and he tried to play it casual, but his eyes gave him away. he was staring at you, nervous, waiting for your answer, still not quite sure where you stood.

you couldn’t help but chuckle softly, leaning down to press a kiss to his chest. "jay, seriously? after my whole confession earlier?" you teased, your fingers trailing lightly across his skin. "if I just wanted your dick, I wouldn’t have let you stay inside me like that."

he blinked, clearly processing your words, his expression shifting from surprised to something more bashful. "wait... so you actually like me? like, like me like me?" his voice cracked again, his face flushing red as if he hadn’t just fucked you senseless. the contrast between his confidence earlier and this adorable awkwardness now made you grin.

"yeah," you nodded, smirking at him. "i want something more. it’s not just about the sex, jay. though..." you bit your lip playfully, watching his blush deepen, "that was pretty damn amazing too."

jay’s eyes widened, his heart pounding visibly in his chest. for a moment, he looked like he couldn’t quite believe what he was hearing. he opened his mouth, but all that came out was an awkward, shy laugh. "holy shit, i didn’t think... i mean, i never thought you’d like me like that."

"why wouldn’t i?" you asked, leaning down to kiss his forehead, watching him melt under your touch. "you’re sweet, you’re cute, and you just rocked my fucking world."

jay’s face turned a deeper shade of red, and he awkwardly scratched the back of his neck. "can i, um... kiss you again?" he asked, voice barely above a whisper, still too shy to believe you’d say yes. his eyes were so full of vulnerability, like he couldn’t quite wrap his head around the fact that this was real.

you giggled, finding his awkwardness endearing, especially after everything you two had just done. "you don’t have to ask anymore, jay," you teased, leaning down to kiss him softly. his hands hesitantly slid up to cup your face as he kissed you back, slow and sweet.

when you pulled away, jay’s face was still flushed, his lips parted as he stared at you like you were the most unbelievable thing in the world. "i seriously can’t believe this is happening," he muttered, shaking his head slightly, a shy smile tugging at his lips.

"so... you’re my girlfriend now? or is there, like, a process?" jay asked, his voice soft but filled with nervousness, his eyes darting around like he wasn’t sure how to approach the situation. his awkwardness was so damn endearing, especially after everything you two had just done.

you couldn’t help but laugh, sitting up slightly, still straddling him. "a process?" you teased, grinning at him. "jay, i think after everything we just did, we’re skipping the process."

he blushed again, but a sheepish smile tugged at his lips. "right... yeah, that makes sense." he looked away for a moment, clearly trying to gather his thoughts. "so, uh... i guess we’re... official?"

"i guess we are," you smirked, leaning down to kiss him again. "unless you want to fill out some forms or something."

jay chuckled, his hands sliding up to rest on your hips as he grinned up at you. "nah, i think i can live without the paperwork. but, just to be clear..." his voice softened, the playful tone fading into something more vulnerable. "you really want this? like, not just curious about... you know?"

you rolled your eyes playfully and gave him a gentle smack on the chest. "jay, i’m serious. i want you."

"can i kiss you whenever i want now? or do i have to ask every time?" he joked, though you could tell there was a part of him that was still hesitant, like he couldn’t quite believe that this was real.

"you can kiss me whenever," you beamed at him, pressing your lips to his again. this time, his arms wrapped around you, pulling you closer, his awkwardness fading into pure happiness.

as you both lay there, the warmth of the moment sinking in, jay’s eyes wandered around the room... and then froze. in the far corner, barely visible beneath a pile of clothes, was jennie, his infamous sex doll.

"shit," jay muttered under his breath, his voice soft but filled with disbelief. "jennie." he laughed awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck as he looked back at you, clearly embarrassed. "i guess i won’t be needing her anymore, huh?"

you followed his gaze, smirking as you caught sight of the doll. "yeah, probably not."

jay flushed, the situation sinking in fully. jennie had been his secret, something he never thought would be exposed, especially not to you. but now, with you there, he seemed to find it more funny than anything. turning back to you, his embarrassment shifted to something more playful. "but i never thought you’d be such a perv, y/n."

you raised an eyebrow, giving him a teasing smile. "oh yeah?"

"yeah," he chuckled, still shaking his head in disbelief. "watching me like that... hiding in the closet. fuck, i couldn’t believe it. i mean, it was so hot—but still." he paused, biting his lip, his eyes locking with yours. "you’re a perv."

you laughed, giving him a playful nudge. "you’re one to talk. you’re the one with a sex doll."

jay groaned, covering his face with his hands, his cheeks bright red. "yeah, well... i had my reasons," he muttered, peeking at you through his fingers. "but fuck, y/n, the fact you were watching me? that’s something i’ll never forget."

"and you liked it," you teased, running your fingers lightly across his chest.

"hell yeah, i did," he grinned, pulling you closer, his hands sliding up your back.

"you okay with a loser like me?" jay asked, his voice soft, the insecurity creeping back in despite everything. his eyes searched yours, still needing reassurance.

you smiled warmly, brushing his hair back from his forehead. "jay, you’re not a loser."

he blinked, clearly taking in your words, his expression softening. "i just... sorry, i never thought you’d actually want me, y/n. i’ve liked you for so long, this is like... a dream."

"well, you thought wrong," you teased, leaning down to kiss him gently.

just as jay was about to respond, the door suddenly burst open, and in stormed hanna, her eyes wide with shock.

“what the actual fuck?!” she yelled, freezing as she took in the scene of you both tangled up in bed, clothes scattered everywhere. “oh my god, no fucking way.”

jay nearly jumped out of his skin, scrambling to pull the blanket up, his face flushing bright red as he stammered, “h-hanna! it’s not—it’s not what it looks like!”

you couldn’t help but laugh, though you were just as mortified. "uh, hey, hanna," you said sheepishly, tugging the blanket higher up, trying to hide the obvious.

"are you serious right now?" hanna stared at both of you, arms crossed, her expression somewhere between disbelief and amusement. "you two... really?!"

'okay, calm down,' you said, still laughing a little, trying to compose yourself. 'it just... happened.'

"just happened?!" hanna screeched, eyes bouncing between you and jay like she was watching a soap opera. "i leave for five minutes, and now you’re... this?"

rolling your eyes, you corrected her, "you were gone for an hour, actually."

jay looked like he wanted to sink into the floor, his face a permanent shade of red as he mumbled, “yeah... it kinda just… happened.”

hanna groaned, throwing her hands in the air dramatically. “oh my god, you guys are ridiculous. at least now i don’t have to listen to you both pine after each other anymore.”

you and jay exchanged a glance, clearly embarrassed but unable to suppress the smiles creeping onto your faces.

“wait,” hanna said, suddenly pointing at jay, “so this means i win the bet, right?”

jay groaned, burying his face in his hands. “oh, come on, hanna!”

"what bet?" you asked, raising an eyebrow in confusion, looking between hanna and jay, who now seemed like he wanted the ground to swallow him whole.

hanna grinned, relishing jay’s discomfort. “oh, didn’t jay tell you? we made a little bet. i told him you liked him, but he was too much of a chicken to believe me.”

jay groaned louder, his face still hidden in his hands. “hanna, please.”

hanna ignored him, enjoying herself way too much. “so, i bet him that if he ever got his act together and made a move, you’d be into it. and look at this!” she gestured dramatically at the two of you tangled in the sheets. “guess who just won?”

you couldn’t help but laugh, shaking your head. “seriously, jay?” you teased, poking his arm lightly. “you made a bet about this?”

jay peeked up from behind his hands, his face flushed. “i didn’t think i’d ever actually win, okay? i was convinced you’d never be interested in me like that.”

“well,” you said with a smirk, leaning in to kiss him on the cheek. “you should’ve listened to hanna.”

hanna clapped her hands, laughing. “maybe now you won’t be so awkward around her.” she paused, then raised an eyebrow at jay. “or are you still gonna be shy, even after all this?”

jay mumbled something under his breath, but you caught the words 'probably still awkward.'

hanna, clearly enjoying every second, leaned against the doorframe with a smirk. “so… was he good?”

‘hanna, leave!’ jay shrieked, his face burning as he hurled a pillow at her. she dodged, laughing, the pillow bouncing off the wall.

“fine, fine!” she said, raising her hands in mock surrender. “i’m going, but listen up, jay.” her tone shifted slightly, becoming more serious as she pointed at him. “if you hurt her, even once, i’ll disown your ass. seriously.” hanna shot you a wink and left, the door clicking shut behind her, leaving the room in a quiet that felt a bit too loud after all that chaos.

jay let out a long, tortured groan, flopping back onto the bed and pulling the blanket over his face. "i can’t believe that just happened."

you couldn’t stop the giggle that escaped, leaning over and pulling the blanket down just enough to see his flushed face. "don’t worry," you teased, "you survived hanna’s wrath, and i think you did pretty well."

jay peeked out from under the covers, his cheeks still red but a small smile tugging at his lips. "yeah?" he asked, his voice a little unsure.

"yeah," you whispered, leaning closer, your lips brushing his cheek, "more than fine."

jay’s eyes softened as he stared at you, his face just inches away from yours. he nuzzled into your neck, finally relaxing now that hanna was gone. his breath was warm against your skin, and you could feel the tension between you both melt away.

jay’s eyes softened, staring into yours like he still couldn’t believe what was happening. his arms slid around your waist, pulling you closer. "y/n," he whispered, voice barely audible, "i really like you. like, a lot."

his confession hung in the air, and you couldn’t help but smile, your heart fluttering. you ran your fingers through his hair, pulling him close, feeling the weight of everything he’d just said. "i really like you too, jay. more than i realized."

jay’s face lit up, the shy smile on his lips widening as he nuzzled into your neck, his breath warm against your skin. "fuck, this feels like a dream. i can’t believe this is real."

"it’s real," you whispered, pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead. "and i’m not going anywhere."

he pulled back, just enough to look at you again, his face still flushed but full of warmth and relief. "yay," he whispered, his voice soft but filled with happiness as he grinned shyly.

you laughed softly, pressing another kiss to his lips. the two of you settled back into each other’s arms, finally able to breathe in the quiet, the chaos of the past few moments melting away. whatever awkwardness or uncertainty was there before had faded into something real, something that both of you had been waiting for.

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pile 3 ----> pile 4

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🌸 meditate on the pics and pick whichever one calls to you the most. you might feel drawn to more than one pile, which means you may have messages in other piles for you as well! if you don't feel particularly drawn to any pile, the messages in this reading might not be intended for you. since this is a general reading, take what resonates! 🌸

🌸 Pile 1:

I'm getting that this date is something that was a long-awaited thing. Like you or your person might have been planning or dreaming of this for quite a while. You might have met this person at a very crucial time of your life, almost as if the stars aligned perfectly at that moment, and they've been fairly impactful to you. Maybe you met them at school/uni or somewhere relevant to your educational field. This is a person that has been overall pretty important to you in your life, for maybe some sort of karmic lesson, and your connection has been fated to occur.

Pile 1, this is someone you're carefully considering as a serious option. And I feel like the date is a way for you to determine the course of your future with them. A lot of individuals who picked this pile are independent thinkers with a discerning judgement on people. Lots of sapiosexuals too. You want someone to match you at your level and it seems like the date between you two will be a very stimulating experience. The two of you will have a lot of deep conversations and get to know each other better at an intellectual and philosophical level.

There's a good chance of this relationship ending up in marriage for a lot of you. A proposal or offer from your partner. However, I feel like the future of the relationship isn't really that good? Like you're both very fine people but after a while the initial passion and spark would just die down, making the relationship feel very stagnant. Some of you might even stay and do your best to make it work even though it really isn't working. I'm also getting the possibility of cheating for some? If the worst happens, I feel like the best thing to do is to let go and give yourself freedom.

🌸 Pile 2:

Maybe a lot of yall in pile 2 have a tendency to get lowkey delusional when it comes to matters of love. Like getting infatuated and idealising the other party, mostly living in fantasy and maybe you guys read way too much love tarot. I'm seeing a lot of you guys won't really go in with a clear head for this date overall. Hampered intuition, reading too much into lines, limerence, etc. When you actually do get to date your person I'm seeing that it'll finally ground you and make you see them for who they really are and evaluate your own feelings and the future of this relationship from a more realistic lens.

Maybe a lot of you guys' partner here is rich or at least financially stable or abundant. They may even have generational wealth. You guys are going to get spoilt on your date though. Lavished materially, lowkey sugar daddy/mommy vibes, etc. You guys might go to a really fancy place and enjoy a luxurious date with them. However, there's a chance there's a sort of power imbalance in the end, like maybe they're someone who is on a more powerful position systematically or in any other way, they have power over you. I'm getting it's mostly financially though for most of you guys.

Overall, you might end up feeling disillusioned from your previous notions and expectations in this date and they might feel restricted or caged in some way by how you view them. It's like they'll realise that the idea you have of them in your mind does not represent who they are. You might even end up having conflicting views/mentalities.

🌸 Pile 3:

I feel like this is a connection thats mostly fueled by physical attraction/lust which is passionate, fiery and can be all-consuming. You might have been in a bit of a slump before the date occurs and I'm getting that one or both you felt unfulfilled by the current situation of your relationship/where you stand with each other. Maybe the relationship you guys have is something that's a bit unconventional so it can get tough.

It seems like the date will end up in heartbreak for one or both you in some way. I'm getting a serious breach of trust and breaking a promise or vow you had made to each other. It can either end in a break up or continuing to nurture a tattered/unfulfilling relationship. For most of you the one who betrayed the other is your partner in this relationship. Maybe you've wanted to be official with them for a while only to have the devastating realisation that it's not feasible to happen.

After this date, your feelings for your person might dull down or even fade completely. You might get your joys shattered and end up deciding that happiness for you doesn't lie here. As for your person, I'm ngl they seem very physically-driven. They might be trapping you in some way in this relationship in a way that isn't healthy. Like, even if you're unhappy, your person doesn't see it and continues to thrive and take and take while keeping you constrained, not letting you break free of unhealthy cycles. Their feelings for you are mostly lust.

🌸 Pile 4:

The dynamic/relationship between you two might be kinda slow-moving and the lowkey. Maybe you both took a long time to ask each other out finally and was in a sort of stalemate before deciding to go "screw it, you only live once" and shooting your shots. Since it feels like something that happens more haphazardly and on impulse, the date might be slightly awkward for you guys. One or both of you may stumble over your words a lot or kinda not know what to do. This feels kinda frustrating yet adorable from an outside perspective and there might be a lot of internal cursing involved lol.

However, once you actually get through it, you'll realise it really wasn't that bad and overall end up quite fulfilled and happy. At the end, the date might actually go pretty well despite the initial awkwardness once you get the hang of it. If you guys do continue with your relationship, it might actually lead to a lot of growth and development for both of you. I'm also sensing that there's a lot of travel involved? Maybe you guys are from different cultures or cities, etc.

You might be the more composed and rational one during this date and be lowkey analysing everything. Virgo vibes. You might end up intimidating your person a bit lol. Your person on the other hand is full of anxiety and nervousness and it might be more visible on their end lol.