#maybe if u shut the fuck up 4 like even just 10 mins. u would surprise urself w how much u can get done

[iloveyouw]

16 Nov 2022 omg its my brothers bday 9.30am ish

here is my attempt on giving my life review.

1/5 stars. hate the old me actually but here goes. honestly dk if this is what u want, but i think i shall express it in my own thoughts.

when i was with Gary i was young. he was my first love. and it wasnt how i thought it would be. i think he is a great person, but and a subpar boyfriend. thats maybe cos of our age gap. i always felt very small with him and i hate being "shut down", i was young and energetic. i had goals and dreams. i wanted to be an art director. when i was 19, we all had that conv of what do we see ourselves 5 years later. i said i dont know. it feels far away. little did i know the worst years of my life was about to happen. when i was 19 i was already a broken person. what happened to me the first time to an unknown stranger, it felt forced. i wasnt ready 100%. i was pessured because back then the ppl around me were not virgins anymore. it felt like i was in a rush to prove myself. i know. i know. that sounds fucking, incredibly dumb. what can i say? i was young and stupid. i always find the need to lie about my numbers. i told gary he wasnt my first, just because im scared of feeling more than less than if it were the case. i told him he was my third or second. i dont rmb, i rmb lying about it. i was ashamed, he had like 9 or 10. again, incredibly stupid. i could never be myself. as i grew older, i always learn and find myself being ashamed of who i am. who i was. who i would eventually turn out to be. theres just, always a reason to be ashamed of myself.

when i broke up w gary i wasnt in love with him anymore. i did not give him proper closure. he was left in shambles. right away, i went to exploreeee, i am 20 now. i was scared of hooking up. haziq warned me about how the first times would be like. its a thin fine line to thread. i threaded it and narrowly escaped. matt. the first hook up. i took it pretty well. it was awkward as hell. like fucking awkward. uncomfortable awkward. but i wanted it. i wanted to try. i knew i had support. i always make sure i am cushioned if i fall. horrible thing to say yeah; well matt used me. i didnt know that until 6 months later he snapchatted me and ask if i were around. he didnt even remember i dont live there. i met 7 australians in the span of 2 weeks. well sorta. i rmb being ghosted by 1 and i left 1 half way. i rmb i told him (i need to pass my roommate the keys to the apartment, its v last min srysry) and i up and leave, we were at a bar LOL. i was scared. so minus that 2 i met matt, jerry, guy 1 (where we just made out), guy 2 (where i just gave him a bj lol horrible too), alex (the one that begged me to go over). matt wasnt an issue, i forgot how he looked like, but i rmb his dog. and i rmb it being extremely awkward. but i told haziq i think i got attached. but i was not la. i was confused at that time. but it deep down i know it wasnt anything. horrible guy for expecting me to go back 6mths ltr.

jerry. he was a great person. he didnt use me. jerry wanted to hang out with me and get to know me, like actually. within a week, we met like 3 or 4 times? it was different yknow, he treated my like a local and respected me! he brought me to get groceries beers, hummus, snacks and we sat at a park. it was a beautiful day and view. weather was great. we talked. thats the first time. then the next one he brought me to a rooftop bar!! v cool place along the melb street. i miss that place. not the disgusting men. but i fell in love with melb!! then after he brought me over. but we didnt hook up yet. we sat at the porch and listened to our fav music. i shared turnover with him and he shares his with me. i dont remember though. after awhile it go warm we head in, ordered pizza and watched black mirror. he was the one that got me hooked to the show!! he bought everything including ubers and shit. we smoked a joint and it was very common there. everyond had weed in their pockets. like 9 out of 10 people have. then i got comfortable with him and thats when we hooked up! i stayed the night i think. then next morning he sent me back. i think he was in the midst of moving, so the next time we met was his new place? really cant remember. but we hooked up again and he was the first guy that bother to pleasure me. come to think of it. gary like nv go down on me before. not any that i can rmb of anyways. back to it, i didnt know how to cum lol so i pretended it was nice but really i dont know how to feel. and then i cant rmb but i think he send me to school that morning and when he dropped me was like alot of traffic and i almost got banged haha and he texted like be careful u almost got smooshed. so thats nice. thats all ah. to me jerry was a nice cute little relationship that we both got like a lil attached but knew it couldnt be anything. and nothing better than both parties feeling mutual yet agreeable. so i liked that! plus he was essentially doing my dream job, abit different but still hes creative! (back when i had dreams)

and then comes the shitty people that i always try to forget, like the one that ghosted me -.- and the one that i knew i wasnt gna get anything out of it but felt obliged to meet since we agreed. then i sucked him off which honestly, did i want it? back then maybe. but it felt more like, compliance. which i know, again, horrible. then the skinny one, at least he have the decency to buy me a drink... but thats the least he could do honestly. not worth, 0 worth. but i tried saying no. and i wasnt firm enough. so that happened. i will give him credit for sending me back the next day. although it made me feel like shit so he ought to. honestly he ought to do more but ugh whatever.

dumb dumb dumb and dumbest thing about to happen u ready? i came back and that was when i knew kegan. so i give u an example. it wasnt the exact dates ah, but its how rmbed it to be. nov i knew qai, dec i knew kegan, jan i got tgt with kegan. so qai was there all along. he liked me, i just didnt like him like that. we kissed cos i didnt know what to do. I KNOW HORRIBLE TOO LOL but he wanted more and i pushed him and said no. i knew i didnt want to have anything like that with him. i guess i dont know how to say no. its true. then kegan lai liao lor. first time we met i think we talked first. yknow, hes an asshole. he had to cheek to tell me (when we were alrd tgt) that the first time we met he purposely suggested somewhere near my place so i would say yes) i got baited wtf. i have something thats unrelated that i can tell u about kegan, if u wna know i tell u but im not gna write here, but just for my reference it is about matthew.

first time we met, i just came back from australia. im "new" and "changed", yknow, not timid jo anymore. proud of what i did. c00l. so i acted like im not afraid of meeting new people and hooking up. "its normal what" mentality. so first time meeting kegan, i told him "u want or not" HAHA and then he said i was bold and he liked me. and i tell u kegan is the biggest loser of all time. i fucking hate him. hes the biggest shapeshifter, he is NOT who i thought he was and he was amazing at doing that. again, maybe the meth. omg do i have a special spot for him in my heart cos i turned out to be him... living a fake identity and trying to run away but get pulled back by meth.... ok i stop here for now. i go think about that first then cont LOL its been an hour ish alrd. i dont know if this is what u want. i will just post it it can serve as a reminder for me to... although im afraid of whats to come... hais. ok nnww

side note, in melb i walked alot. i walked everywhere. i rmb walking for like 3-4 bus stops and go shopping alone, i just opened my google maps and see a mall, i maps my way there, then this old lady asked me for directions, which was very cute!! i acted like im a local haha and used the map to show her where she was going, then she gave me coins LOL and forgot what she said, but smth like get ice cream or smth. so thats very cute.

[kirieshhhka003]

So... Can I have Gyro Zeppeli's nsfw alphabet, pretty please? 🤭🤭 thank you so much, love you!

Thank you for your request, my lovely anon, I love you too💚😘

Note: in all NSFW alphabets I describe how this character acts during sex with different partners, NOT with someone they love

Warnings: NSFW

Gyro Zeppeli NSFW alphabet

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Gyro is good at aftercare. He gives his partner massages, strokes their body and cuddles up with them. If partner ask for something(like glass of water or running a bath for them) Gyro would do it as fast as he can and return to canoodling with them

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

On partners Zeppeli loves their thighs, especially if they’re sick and plump, he squeezes and plays with it, licks and marks them. On his body Gyro loves his dick, he likes if a lot and finds it pretty

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

The amount of sperm Gyro produces is average, it’s very watery and almost transparent, has very salty taste. Blonde doesn’t care much where to cum, everywhere on partner’s body is great for him, but creampies have special place in his heart

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Once, when he was 18, he was almost caught fucking his “best friend” by his father. Gregorio heard some weird noises coming from Gyro’s room, but when he checked it out, there was nothing strange there. Gyro heard his father’s steps and hid himself and his friend Alberto in a wardrobe and kept fucking him while Gregorio looked around his room looking for something that caused those sounds

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

At the age of 17 Gyro already was pretty experienced, so, his body count is reaching 100, maybe even more, he’s literally expert in sex, he knows what to do, where to lick and stroke, when he should slow down and when to fasten his pace

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

His favorite positions are 69 and all related to missionary. Gyro loooves when female partners sit on his face, squeezing his head between their thighs

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Gyro is always goofy, it’s just the way he is. Sex isn’t something serious for Zeppeli, he’s sure that it must be comfortable for both partners - jokes and puns are the best way to chill both him and partner out and set on a right mood

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Gyro always has a short bush down there, it’s color matches his drapes. On his partner Gyro doesn’t care much, some interesting intim haircuts really turn blonde on

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Gyro is goofy, but he’s also very passionate, he kisses and caresses partner’s body, whispers something dirty into their ear and praises them. “Damn, babe, look what you’re doing to me. You’ve already made me cum for four times and I’m reaching my next orgasm. You’re such a little precious whore, aren’t you, huh?”

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Gyro is very horny and is up to sex almost all day, so if there’s nobody who attracts him physically nearby, he’ll just do it by himself, using his hands(and maybe steel balls). Everytime Gyro gets bored - he masturbates. Jacks off every night before sleeping, and, sometimes, after waking up, but it depends on his mood.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Oh, there’s a lot of. Dirty talking, daddy kink, creampies, choking, marking, cock warming, facesitting, facefucking, outdoor sex, squirting, edging, degrading and dominance over him

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Everywhere, every location is fine. Of course he has his limits and would never fuck at the place where kids may see him, but all other places are good

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Literally anything. A pretty guy winked at him - Gyro has a tent in his pants. A few dirty words whispered in his ear make him 100% ready, it takes almost zero efforts to make Zeppeli going

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

There are not a lot of things that Gyro would refuse to do, he’s willing to try out everything! But everything related to shit, wormit or blood is his NO, don’t even ask for it

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Loves both giving and receiving. Gyro may spend hours eating out/sucking off his partner. When it comes to receiving Zeppeli loves to see partner’s red teary face while they’re choking on his dick. The sight of it makes him cum down their throat almost immediately

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Gyro’s pace is usually normal, not too slow but is also not fast. But it depends on his partner and on how close Zeppeli is to orgasm. When he’s nearing his high during sex, Gyro’s thrusts become rougher and faster, but when he teases his partners he moves so slowly, that it almost hurts

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Absolutely loves them. What can be better than being sucked off during a 10 min lunch break? When it’s so much hornieness and so little time, quickie is a perfect solving of a problem

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Outdoor sex is one of his biggest kinks, Gyro gets so thrilled by a thought that someone can catch him fucking some pretty girl(or guy🌝), adrenaline sends shivers running down his spine, all his senses go crazy, stars shine bright in his eyes

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Usually Gyro goes for 4-6 rounds, each of them lasts for about 10 minutes, but blonde lasts longer during oral sex(but it really depends on his partner’s skills)

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He doesn’t have any toys, but he has his steel balls! They are perfect vibrators that stimulates all right places and nerves

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

It really depends on blonde’s mood. There are times when Gyro just wants to blow off the stem and things such a teasing or edging only piss him off more. But when he’s feeling tricksy he may spend hours between partner’s legs, fucking them mercilessly, almost letting them cum, and stopping the last moment

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

This man never shuts up, he talks and talks and talks... He has a really dirty mouth, praises mingled with swearings slips of his tongue, moans and quiet groans accompany his every thrust

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Gyro doesn’t like to be a bottom with male partners. His ass hurts the next few days and he can’t ride his horse properly, so he always insists on being a top

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

His dick is 5,5 inches when fully hard, not curved and isn’t veiny. The tip is slightly smaller that the shaft and is very sensual

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Gyro is very horny. Really really really horny. Most of his thoughts are about sex, masturbation, naked bodies of his partners and, sometimes, about Johnny’s ass. He wants to fuck 24/7, his sex drive is crazy

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Gyro isn’t one who needs to rest after sex, just a few minutes to catch his breath and he’s ready for new adventures

Masterlist | Smut Masterlist

[tfw-no-tennis]

hhhhhhxh

more abt hxh bc my last post was too long n i had to split it off holla

so i left off talking abt when gon woke up....i love how polite gon is to pretty much everyone - hes such a good lad all the time. s/o to his aunt for raising him right (tho i think hes also just a rlly good boy inherently too)

also is he named gon bc ging was like ha ha im boutta be GONe lol seeya kid!!!! like ????

i find it interesting that kurapika and hisoka fought....we really havent seen them interact at all yet. also hisoka is so smirk-y i hate that bitch...what did he say to kurapika?????? 

this poor red shirt old guy lmao hisoka is SO clearly uninterested in fighting him and then he fucking dies. rip mdude

what did hisoka whisper to HIM??? guess we’ll never know #RIPLegend

oh mannnn if killua had just won against pokkle then he wouldnt have had to deal with illumi doing That to him :( my smug son......

leorio is such a good dude....also its so funny to me how tall and lanky leorio is, espec compared to the other 3 main characters lmaoooo

or maybe those 3 are just rlly short??? i mean gon and killua are literally 12, but whats kurapikas excuse

GODDDD I HATE THIS BIIIIITCH. FUCK OFFFFFFF tho the evil piano music slaps. but jeeeeesus illumi is so creepy and awful, and seeing him take off his disguise is not any better a second time...he and hisoka truly deserve each other wrow

does illumi have hair powers??? cause it kinda looks like it. or maybe hes just gay and dramatic 

ok but the sick electric guitar riff (?) that played when illumis face was revealed was lowkey kinda hilarious

man i was so wrong abt killua knowing that that was illumi :( poor kid

killua is immediately freaking out and meanwhile illumi looks bored as hell. dude ur the worst 

killua: [freaking out] illumi, completely blank-faced: hey 

I HATE HIMMMM even tho his catman design is regrettably kinda cute

why do illumi and hisoka both have such snatched waists i hate this

wtf so killua has another different brother??? i assumed he attacked illumi....how many fuckgin zoldyk sibling are there?????

leorio ur too normie for this conversation lmao. also wow fucked up family huh

killua looks so like...small and helpless, which is so at odds from what we’ve seen of him so far :( this poor kid

illumi totally has some weird brain powers man callin it now 

gon: wow killuas family sounds wack...  satotz: oh lmao you havent even heard the rest 

KILLUA ;_; 

this poor baby assassin :( :( :(

IMMM INCONSOLABLE. HE WANTS TO BE FRIENDS W/GON.......ARE YOU KIDDING....AUGHHHHHHHH

meanwhile gon decided he and killua are BEST FRIENDS like 10 mins after they met. GOD 

like in the recap ep he called killua his best friend ;_; and meanwhile killua doesnt even think they ARE friends god destroy me 

this calming classical music is throwing me off vbhjfjhbsdkgndks

i sense that leorio and kurapika are rapidly acquiring a new son

DAMN THIS IS SO FUUUUCKEDDDDD illumi is such a crusty bitch wow. leave killua alone asshole 

all that stuff abt killua like, only thinking he wants to befriend gon but really wanting to kill him....that sure sounds like some ‘worst fears’ type of shit for someone like killua....illumi is such a classic abuser wow

i have 2 know is satotz like, repeating this entire conversation verbatim in a calming monotone to gon rn. like....

LEORIOOOOO I LOVE UUUUUUUU AUGHHHH him telling killua it doesnt matter if illumi is his brother, fuck that guy, beat him up as usual and leave.....ooooughhhh leorio is such a good dude ;_; 

and the OF COURSE him saying the obvious - that gon and killua are ALREADY friends....i love this, i feel like leorio said all the exact things the audience is thinking...yet it still didnt get thru to killua bc hes so rattled by illumi appearing, and the abuse in general 

i think if gon were there things wouldve gone much differently 

of COURSE crusty bitch illumi is like oh ok now i have to kill gon.....biiiiitch i hate uuuuu 

also that just shows that hes lying to killua (which we already knew obvs), bc if it were inevitable that killua would kill gon to like, test himself or w/e, then why not just wait for that to happen? that would have a much bigger impact on killua than illumi killing gon....its obvious that illumi is just manipulating him, but killua is too BSOD to be able to tell (also, hes 12)

ok bitch illumi is preaching abt not needing friends but he and hisoka are definitely fucking and theyve been teamed up for the entire hunter exam it seems.....what a hypocrite. hate this guy

god im so glad we didnt rlly get to see whatever the fuck illumi did to that random hunter examiner guy’s face. jeeeeesus. also i cant tell but i wonder if him forcing that info out of the guy was the result of his freaky mind powers or if the guy was just like oof ouch pins in me face

LEORIO AND KURAPIKAAAA THE PROTECT GON SQUAD!! and joined by new member hanzo!!! who ironically beat gon up for 3 hours str8 like, a very short amount of time ago lmao. but still i love that sm

illumi u dumb bitch.....tho i dont buy for a minute that he didnt already realize that killing gon would disqualify him...he defs just wanted to get under killuas skin even more :^( 

KILLUAAAA ;_; when he goes to step back from illumi but illumi tells him not to....ughhh HATE this guy, leave this poor kid alone. no wonder he wanted to leave

illumi saying theres only 1 way that killua can stop him - does he mean by killing him, or something more specific, like some forbidden zoldyk murder technique? 

‘your beloved gon’ wow gay. theyre 12 and theyre dating ok. killua is literally that kid whos like wow i wonder if gon likes me...and meanwhile gon is like wow cant believe me and killua have been dating for 3 months now

leorio saying ‘we wont let him kill you or gon’ ;_; leorio ily sm...thats like the exact right thing to say - hes offering protection and reassurance as an adult figure...unfortunately killua is clearly too freaked out to even process anything outside of illumis gaslighting and abuse 

also illumi is defs doing something to killua w/his eyes via his freaky mind powers. js

illumi i hate you stop being weirdly cute. augh 

classic abuse tactics, being like ha ha nvm i wasnt gonna kill gon! jk!

killua just shutting down completely after that :( :( noooo

and then he kills that old guy and leaves, ‘proving’ that illumi is right....noooooOOOO

and now we boutta see gon go FULL shounen protag for the first time, oh FUCKKKKKK yesssss

this is the first time we’ve seen gon angry oooh man and of COURSE its on killuas behalf,....im so fuckign emo already looooord

god ok the episode preview where its gon saying ‘do leorio and i look alike?’ YES U DO LOL youre father and son so jot that down 

oof, gon and illumi have such fundamentally different POVs on like, family and life and morals, and you can tell by their 4-line exchange before gon does the ICONIC one-handed grab’n’fling

AUGHHHH gon saying hes gonna rescue killua....SO good...he recognizes that killuas family is wack as hell and killua shouldnt be w/them - the classic ingrained ‘found family is more important than blood family’ stuff

tho thats an interesting contrast to gon himself, whos looking for his deadbeat dad

‘but it wasnt his choice’ that so good ily gon BEST boy, hes so perceptive and good......he knows that killuas hand was forced and that he needs to be RESCUED (love that word choice) from his shitty abusive family

of course kurapika and leorio voiced complaints ;_; best parents 

kurapika should be a lawyer tbh 

leorioooo ;_; such a good dude, saying he should be disqualified instead 

HOW is leorio a stronger combatant than that old dude hvbajufjbsja that guy had some moves it seemed, and leorio has,....a knife? a briefcase? the classic premed attitude of ‘fuck it, i could die anytime, lets do this’? like.....cmon vhabjdfjbhsf i refuse to believe this man is of any use in a fight. ill believe it when i see it

pokkle pls ur not plot-important enough to be jumping into this convo rn

tho i am curious abt what hisoka said to kurapika. tho i agree that thats irrelevant to the discussion 

gon repeating satotz’s wisdom :’) and saying that killua will definitely pass if he takes the exam again...ough

gon is SO GOOD i cant get over it !!!!!!!!! AUGHHHH....recusing killua from his abusive family and making it so killua never has to see them again is like...so good. what a good good perfect boy.

also thats like, the perfect response to this. killing illumi would just start a ton of drama, and killua would be conflicted abt that....but removing killua from his situation is perfect 

ok ive ranted a lot ill talk abt the rest later woohoo

PREDICTIONS: 

i predict that hisoka will show up in this upcoming zoldyk arc somewhere bc illumis gonna be in it (i assume) and theyre dating. also hisoka is a central character so itd make sense for him to show up in the second major arc. tho tbh this could end up being completely false and i wouldnt be that shocked lmao

i think leorio is gonna get Big Sad someday bc hes like, so normal compared to the other MCs, and also hes suuuuch a bleeding heart (i love him....) so i feel like thats gonna lead to some sadness for him once his friends start doing crazy shit or w/e 

also i predict that if he gets nen itll be like healing nen or st. does that even exist??? idk jack shit abt nen lmao 

i think that illumi has hypnosis powers or something, even just based on design alone. it could defs be for aesthetic (character design in hxh is wild), but his eyes look noticeably different from any other characters. also he was doing some freaky shit to killua. also i held this prediction before seeing the part where this is brought up so we’ll see if its right lmao 

as for this upcoming arc -  ruth and i are wondering if itll be similar to the vinsmoke drama in one piece - character goes back to abusive family, squad goes to rescue them...and then character refuses to be recused. w/sanji it was partially bc the vinsmokes threatened to kill zeff, his TRUE dad, but i predict in this case it could be more like the zoldyks saying ‘look killua these 3 weirdos showed up looking for you, convince them to leave or we’ll kill them’ and killua will be like, oh shit bc like.....think abt it. the vinsmokes targeted zeff (and not the strawhats) bc they knew they could easily kill him. same goes here, i assume - a family of trained assassins vs Good Good Fishing Rod Smell-Power Boy (who hasnt thrown a single punch yet), Lanky Dr Man With A Switchblade We Havent Seen Him Use Onscreen, and Mx 2 Wooden Sticks, Bloodlust, and Arachnophobia - 3 For 1 Deal! its a no-contest. so thats one thing i could see happening, potentially 

im way too tired to remember my other predictions rip lmao

[pacman-tattoo]

countdown [rich g. x reader]

( can I request. rich. loke anything with rich. maybe when ur taller than him? possibly with a non gender specific reader, but I'll take everything. expecially written by u bc goals )

i love rich. so much.

also there arent enough fics for rich

aka if u see a rich fic then @ me babes

warnings: general swearing tbh uh rich is probably out of character and I Tried

     Four years. Four years, a hundred days, four hours, and thirty minutes. That’s what your wrist had said the last time you checked it - only days ago, so you only expected to have said days taken off and didn’t bother looking at your wrist the entire move, assuming everything would stay the same. Then at some point on the morning before your first day at Middleborough, you had managed to shove the sleeve of your hoodie down and caught a glimpse of the timer there - only expecting the seconds to be ticking down from years.

0 yrs 0 days 5 hrs 12 min 20 sec

     Your heart had stopped in your chest - four years and a hundred days had disappeared within... how long had it been like this? Since Friday? Fuck, you weren’t sure. Now you just stood in the bathroom, watching seconds pass by, counting down to the very moment you’d meet your soulmate. What if they weren’t a good person? What if you were doomed to be soulmates with an asshole? You pressed your back against the door, staring down at the seconds that kept ticking down, minutes wasting away before your eyes.

     You had to wonder how they were feeling. How they might have woken up and seen the timer at their wrist jumped - hell, they might have realized it when it first happened. You hoped that maybe they did realize when it first happened - that you were just dumb for a moment. Maybe their heart raced at the thought of meeting you, or maybe they didn’t notice.

     Oh god, what if they didn’t notice?

     The sudden pounding at the bathroom door was enough to offset your thoughts as you tore away from it, pulling it open only to be greeted with the sight of your younger sister, Sam, looking annoyed.

    “Mama said we need to go wait for the bus,” she said, arms crossed across her chest, “and mom said I couldn’t leave without you.”

     Well, at least someone’s looking out for you, if your sister isn’t. “‘Kay,” you said, shrugging off your current thoughts about time ticking past and soon to dash into your room, snatching your bag from the floor before making your way downstairs.

     In the kitchen sat your parents; Charlotte and Joanne, two lovely women who met in their twenties after their countdown ended right at a bus-stop where Joanne had been on her way to an interview and Charlotte had ended up taking the bus after her roommate borrowed her car. It was a cute story that you adored growing up and you still enjoyed from time to time - especially when you started thinking about your own soulmate.

     “Oh my god, [y/n], come on.” Sam brushed past you, shoving an apple into your hand, and dashing out of the house before your parents could say a word to her.

     “Have a nice day, honey,” Charlotte - or, well, mom to Sam and sometimes for you - called out. You forced a smile and left to catch up to your sister.

     For the most part, the bus was as you expected it - no one really paid attention to you and Sam as you slid into a seat. Sometimes you caught the glance of someone whispering - who are the new kids; have you seen them; the little sister’s kinda cute, i mean, shit- and you suppress a small smile at the last one and shot a glare in the direction of where it came from - fuck, her older- yeah i saw them glare at me, shut up, they’re looking-

     Sam elbowed you. “Stop.” 

     You chuckled. She smiled a little in return. At least Sam could calm you.

     Hours passed by quickly, a schedule shoved into your hands before you were guided to your first class. Classes went by quickly, your eye pinned to the disappearing seconds, minutes slipping away from you until the bell jerked you from your thoughts. Lunch. You were going to meet your soulmate at lunch. Maybe then it wouldn’t be so awkward.

0 yrs 0 days 0 hrs 3 min 10 sec

     You bit your bottom lip and made your ward toward the cafeteria. You got lost. You asked a nearby student. They pointed you in the right direction. You glanced at your wrist again.

0 yrs 0 days 0 hrs 1 min 4 sec

     Your heart was racing. Second by second went by as you slowly wandered down the hall.

0 yrs 0 days 0 hrs 0 min 20 sec

     This was fine. You were fine. Everything was fine.

 0 yrs 0 days 0 hrs 0 min 11 sec

     You held your breath. Ten.

     Nine.

    Eight.

    Seven.

    Six.

    Five. 

    Four.

     Three.

     Two.

     One-

    “Fucking - watch it!”

     For a split second there were hands on you, shoving you roughly toward the lockers as you tore your eyes away from your wrist. The clang of metal and the pain that spread through your back was enough to get the attention of other students - most of which only glanced over at you, hesitating to look away until you stood back up and took that as a sign you’d be alright before continuing on their way. You fought back any tears - if not from being snapped at and shoved aside, from the pain that lingered in your back. How hard did he push you?

    “Woah, hey, are you okay?”

     You looked up to see some kid with headphones standing in front of you, his hands shoved into the pockets of a red hoodie. He stared at you, only for you to slowly nod, taking a deep breath as you pushed away from the cold metal behind you.

     “Could be better,” you said with a shrug, before staring at the boy for a moment - wasn’t he in one of your classes? 

     “You’re the new kid, right?” He said after a brief pause. You nodded. “I’m Michael.”

     “[y/n]. So, uh,” you glanced back in the direction that boy had gone in, before looking back to Michael, “is... everyone like that? Because, I mean, a little heads up would be nice.”

     Michael shook his head, “just the assholes.” There’s a pause before he speaks again. “What were you staring at?”

     You frowned slightly - staring...? - before it clicked. Your timer. You shoved your sleeve down your arm as you gazed at the flashing numbers: 0 yrs 0 days 0 hrs 0 min 0 sec.

      “Michael?” You looked back up to him. He shook his head, pulling down his own sleeve - his timer still counting down. Then who...?

     Oh no.

     Oh no no no

     This wasn’t happening

     This was not happening

     “Michael?” You managed to croak, voice shaking, “who just pushed me?”

      He stared at you for a moment. “... Rich?” You nodded frantically, and you swore you must have been shaking because Michael stepped back, giving you a little space. “Hey, are you alright?”

      You shook your head, jutting your wrist out to Michael. He looked form your face to the timer, before scanning over the line of zeroes. “Wait. You’re not saying that Rich-”

     “... I don’t know. I just don’t know.”

      It turns out things at Middleborough had changed before you arrived. Aside from what you heard - Jeremy Heere used to be a nerd, didn’t he? But... he’s actually pretty cool... Rich is friends with him, at least. And Jake seems to be friends with him! Didn’t he have some stupid shit with some sort of sheets... - you had Sam to report shit to you since, apparently, word traveled fast.

     “Some dude in your grade,” she had said, cutting away from a story about this one dork in band, “pushed his fucking soulmate earlier.”

     “Hm.”

     “Yeah. Rich something.”

     “How do you know it was his soulmate?”

     “Well...” She began, “I heard it from Matthew... who heard it from this guy, Nathan, who��s friends with this other guy. Dustin, I think. Apparently Dustin knows shit."

     “Did they say who he pushed?”

     “Nah,” she said, “at least, no one seemed to know them.” She paused, looking to you, “why are you so interested?”

      You shrugged. “Soulmate shit. I think about it sometimes.”

      She didn’t believe you. But she dropped it, “what kind of an asshole pushes anyone around?”

     You only shrugged again. You didn’t know - nor did you want to know, honestly.

      Too bad you’d have to find out eventually.

     One week later and somehow word had spread. New kid’s soulmate timer is at zero. They met their soulmate? Lucky. I wish I could meet my soulmate. Wait, was it zero when they first got here though? Rich Goranski’s timer is at zero too. What if they’re soulmates?

      No. That’s stupid. They wouldn’t be soulmates. 

      But what if they were?

     “He-ey, new kid!”

      You winced at the sound of a chair scraping along the floor as it was turned Some guy with frosted tips and a smile that could win over anyone’s heart instantly was sitting in front of you, leaning over the back of the chair. You’d only heard of this guy and even then you didn’t remember his name. Something like Jason or James or-

      He awkwardly introduced himself when you didn’t respond. “I’m Jake. We have math together?”

      Close enough. But you forced a smile. “[y/n].”

     “So. Where are you from?”

      This was weird. Since when did Jake - popular kid/prince charming Jake, apparently - talk to you? You rattled off your hometown anyway. “It’s nothing special.”

      He only smiled again. “So... I was thinking... maybe you’d like to come to this Halloween party I’ve been planning. You’re new and-”

     “I don’t do parties.” That was... a lie, kind of. You could go to a party - when you knew people there. Parties weren’t always your thing, but they could be fun.

     “Rich will be there,” he said, “and you can meet people.”

     “I don’t know Rich.”

     “Oh. Yeah. Right, sorry,” he said, “just... think about it. Here,” he picked up a stray pen off of your desk, scribbling a string of numbers onto the corner of a piece of paper, “you can text me if you wanna come.”

     So you did. After you talked to Michael about it and somehow managed to convince him to give you a ride there and back - something he seemed a little to glad to give you, for some reason. So you donned some Harry Potter costume you found after a quick trip to the store, not giving half a shit whether people complimented or made fun of you because Harry Potter was fucking great and they could deny it if they wanted.

       Rich hadn’t seen you. He didn’t see you when you arrived, he didn’t see you while you wandered the party with red solo cup you hadn’t sipped, and he didn’t see you when you finally ended up sinking into a spot on the couch. But at some point during the night he felt a shock travel down his spine, steering him in another direction, and had words constantly whispered to him to guide his every movement. Eventually it got to him.

       It wasn’t until he finally drank something - even the smallest sip - that he saw you, sitting alone. New kid. The one with a timer set to zero. The one he shoved only seconds before his own timer had zeroed out. So he crossed the room and threw himself into the seat next to you, catching your attention as the sudden shift nearly made you spill your drink. He didn’t speak first, and after a moment of silence from you, he assumed he’d have to.

       “You’re the new kid?” He said. Smart move, Rich.

       You only nodded. How many times had you heard that? But you spoke after a second, “[y/n].”

      “I’m Rich.” He smiled a little. The words were simple, but at least he didn’t force them - usually he had to throw on some aura, some mask that made him look cooler and careless and a bit of an asshole at times, but something about it just... he liked it.

      “I know.”

        Of course you did - he fucking shoved you in the hallway- fuck he wished he knew what to say to you. Where was-

       He winced slightly at the sudden Japanese that was thrust into his head - what the hell? You were staring at him. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck- Maybe if he gave you a-

       More Japanese. What the fuck was up with-

       He stopped. No. No, you were his soulmate for a reason, right? That meant you’d love him, right? No no no you were a stranger and-

       Suddenly there was more Japanese. Was that the reason why the fucking thing never let him drink?

      Well. It’d be a pretty fucking weird coincidence if you weren’t his soulmate. But why hadn’t he seen you after that moment? It was like you were just... gone. Invisible. Like someone had just erased you from his sight-

      “Rich?”

       He stood abruptly, muttering something under his breath. Fuck fuck he didn’t to fix this, he just had to find-

       You watched him leave.

       Fuck, you should have said something else to him. Maybe you could just find Michael and leave and maybe buy discount Halloween candy tomorrow with him. Maybe play that video game he kept talking about - the game he played with Jeremy. Pretend that maybe you could put off talking to Rich for another day.

       When you found Michael, he was dead silent and visibly distraught. Fuck discount Halloween candy, you’d buy whatever you could from Walmart and the two of you could game until you passed out. Michael deserved that. He deserved a distraction - and maybe he’d open up to you if he wanted to about whatever bothered him. So you showered him with stupid jokes and soon found yourself in his basement playing Hey You, Pikachu! -  which led to a conversation that consisted of “dude, you have a Nintendo 64?” and “yeah” - and making more stupid jokes that actually managed to make Michael smile.

       ... You might have told Pikachu to fuck off once or twice after it didn’t listen to either of you.

       You didn’t remember falling asleep on the couch, and honestly, who did? But the last thing you remembered was Michael playing Paper Mario or something and mumbling something. But you did wake up to a worried Michael, and the sound of a phone buzzing endlessly on a nearby table 

      “[y/n]?” Michael had whispered, “fuck, they said that-” he caught himself, “someone set Jake’s house on fire.”

      “Someone?” You mumbled, sitting forward slowly. Your phone buzzed again. You reached out and managed to snag it.

      He hesitated. Oh no. But then he spoke, softly, “...Rich.”

       You felt your blood run cold. Rich? Rich set Jake’s house on fire? Another buzz. Sam. Sam’s endless messages plagued you, pestering you about every detail and asking if you were alright and then the messages became more frantic. You managed to text her back a ‘I’m okay,’ which disrupted the rhythm of her panic-filled texts.

       Then she was calling you.

       You looked to Michael before answering, standing and stretching your limps as you walked away from the couch.

      “-Holy fuck, [y/n], what the fuck? I’ve been texting you for - never mind. Did you hear about-” She paused for barely half a second, “are you okay? Where are you-”

      When you interrupted her, you heard her take the smallest breath, “I’m fine, Sam. I’m with Michael.”

    “... Are you okay, though?”

    For a moment, you thought Sam somehow knew about Rich, about your timer, about everything you’d been hiding. You’d be lying if you said that you weren’t conflicted, though. Just - almost everything you saw of Rich just confused you. But just the way he crashed next to you, the way he gave you the smallest of smiles after he introduced himself - something just seemed... off.

    “[y/n]?” Her voice is soft. It’s nice.

    “Yeah."

    “When are you coming home?”

    You looked over to Michael, then pulled your phone away long enough to catch a glimpse of 9:43 a.m. “In a few hours. Before lunch, at the latest.”

    “... Alright. Mom and mama were freaking out - but-”

    Suddenly Sam was gone and you were met with the frantic shrill of Joanne, “[y/n]? Are you alright? Baby, you aren’t hurt, are you?”

    “I’m fine, mama, I left before anything happened-”

    “Where are you? Text me the address, I’ll come get you-”

    And she did. You thought that maybe you could get a few hours to yourself, just to think, but eventually you were in the backseat and you had Charlotte’s hand reached around the seat in one hand and Sam’s in the other and the dull silence between the four of you. It was the sort of silence you only heard about, the silence that came from an almost and the silence that came from the silent thanks that it was only an almost. Sam squeezed your hand. You squeezed back.

       When you got home, neither Charlotte nor Joanne asked any questions. The buzz of your phone brought you back to reality. First an unknown number introducing themselves as Jeremy - who, from your experience, you had no intention of talking to. How he got your number, you weren’t sure, but he asked how you were considering Rich (as if he somehow fucking knew, you had thought before shoving it away into the back of your mind) and you told him you wanted to be left alone. He pushed you slightly. You told him to fuck off. He didn’t text back.

       Then there was Michael. And then another unknown number - Dustin. You told Michael you’d talk to him later. Dustin you told to fuck off. You needed to think.

       Alone.

       Thursday morning, weeks later, you decided to skip school.  It turns out that Beth Israel - where Rich was currently - was a city away. Not that it was a problem - with enough research you found the easiest way was to hop on a train, make it there and find the hospital and way until visiting hours started, and then talk to Rich - who would hopefully be awake now. You managed to hook Michael into your plan - somehow convince him to drive you to the train station and pick you up - and were able to convince Sam to cover for you (and supply you some money she’d been stashing away with a few promises that you’d have to repay her later). So you met Michael and shoved your bag into the backseat of his PT Cruiser, and swung into the passenger seat. Halfway to the station, Michael had spoken to you.

      “What are you gonna do?”

       “Talk to him. About... this,” you said, motioning to your wrist.

       He nodded. “And?”

       You shrugged at this point, “find out what the fuck we’re gonna do. Look, if... he’s an asshole, I don’t want to be associated with him.” You paused. “Does that sound bad? Yeah, that sounds bad, fuck, I just don’t know what I’m gonna do, I just... I just want to talk to him.”

       Michael didn’t speak for the rest of the trip. Not until you had gotten out with your bag, saying he’d be there as soon as he could and just to watch out for yourself and the usual warnings you probably only ever heard from Joanne. You nodded and finally left him to go buy a ticket and find a place to wait. Almost twelve dollars later, you wished you could still count as a child.

       Oh well. Time to go see Rich and pray you don’t get in trouble.

       By some stroke of luck, you did manage to get through the hour ride and the walk to the hospital unscathed. You looked like some lost kid wandering into the hospital, asking a older lady behind the front desk where you could find the intensive care unit, before wandering and managing to find an elevator from her vague directions, punching the number for the floor. After a few seconds, the elevator jerked to life just after the dread began to build, but then it shuddered to a stop before the doors slid open and you were quickly out of the metal deathtrap.

       The waiting room was quiet, littered with few people, some softly chatting as they waited for someone to join their little party, few just reclined back with their heads against the wall - except for one teenage boy who decided to slump down and rest against the shiny plastic back cushion of the couch. It didn’t look comfortable, but he didn’t budge of shift in any way, so you could only assume he was fine. 

      While wandering aimlessly trying to find Rich’s room, you nearly ran into two men. One reeked of a mix of beer, cigarettes, and cheap cologne - and you only assumed he was trying to mask the other two scents. He looked nervous, hunched over slightly and his hands jammed into his pockets, only glowering at you for a second before stepping around. His friend - or younger brother or son, you weren’t sure - only mumbled an apology as he looked at you with eyes too familiar.

       But he and the other was gone before you could say anything.

       The scent lingered. Rich didn’t fucking know how he got in there, but he was glad he was alone once again. Well - at least Gabe was a nice sight. He rarely saw his brother sometimes so, even if his dad was there, there was at least something. And now he had balloons that Gabe probably bought from the gift shop - GET WELL SOON stretched across one in bright letters and the other one of those yellow balloons with the smiley face on it, both tied off and set on a table that’d be out of his reach even if he wasn’t in a cast.

       He looked to the ceiling, breathing deeply and shutting his eyes. Everything felt too quiet. Now he didn’t have a fucking Muppet telling him what to do - not that Rich didn’t still like the Muppets, but having Constantine hanging over his shoulder all the time wasn’t exactly making him love the Muppets.

       The door opened. Was it time for a nurse already? Fuck if he knew - he was just waiting for whenever he could get out and get home.

      “... Rich?”

       Wait.

       “... Are you awake?”

       He looked over to the door, and for a moment he swore he was dreaming. You wouldn’t be standing there - but you were.

       You kind of forced a smile as you shut the door behind you, walking over to his bed. “Hey.” 

       “Hey.”

       He stared at you. You reached to the straps at your shoulders, gently squeezing at them - a habit he swore he saw Jeremy do in the past. It was... weird, seeing you do it. “How are you?”

       “Fine.”

      “That’s... good, I guess.”

      “Why are you here?” He asked... rather bluntly, honestly - but he definitely didn’t expect you.

      “I wanted to talk. About... us.” You drew the sleeve back, holding out your wrist to him, “I think we’re-”

      “Soulmates. Yeah... I’m sorry.”

       Holy shit, he had a lisp.

      “[y/n]?”

      “Did you know?” You asked, “after you pushed me, I mean.” He shook his head. Well, at least there’s that out of the way.

      “Sorry,” he said again. You went to speak, but stopped, “look - I’m sorry I’ve been an asshole. But...” He paused, “we’re soulmates and...” Another pause. “I’m different now.”

       “Are you?” You asked. You’d heard of this shit before. “Rich, I just - I don’t want to get involved in something if things are going to be like they were before-”

      “They won’t be. Look-” he began, only to pause as he gathered his thoughts, “there was this... pill.” Drugs? “Like... a computer a-and it implants in your brain - and it tells you what to do. It’s called a SQUIP and-” He paused. “Jeremy Heere has one.”

      “Jeremy?” Then something came to mind - Jeremy Heere used to be a nerd. Jeremy used to be Michael’s friend. ... Then... maybe it was Jeremy who hurt Michael at the party- “Why?”

      “Mine told me to.”

      “Why did you have one?”

      “I... didn’t want to be a loser and someone said it could help me change into someone that my soulmate - you would like.”

      “Rich-”

      “Look, I’m sorry - but I want a chance. We’re supposed to work somehow, right?”

       You nodded. “Then... maybe after you get out? We can talk. We can be friends and shit.”

       He smiled. He had freckles. He’s adorable.

      “I didn’t tell my moms about you,” you admitted, slowly sitting down on a clear spot on the bed.

      “Moms?” He said slowly.

      “Yeah. Uh. Moms. And my sister - Sam, she’s younger than me,” you said a bit too quickly, “but I think I might tell them - if that’s fine with you, I mean.”

      “Uh. Yeah, go ahead.” He paused, “wait- he glanced over to the calendar, days  written on fully up until today, where only little writing was - “it’s... Thursday? Why aren’t you at school?”

      “I needed to talk to you,” you said, “and... today worked, I guess.”

      “Go to school,” he said.

      “Dude, I’m already here. Besides, the train I need doesn’t arrive until almost one. So... you’re stuck with me, Rich. Deal with it.”

       You and Rich talked until the hospital kicked you out of the room. You had refused to go to the actual hospital cafeteria for any sort of food, but Rich managed to convince you to stop by somewhere - a vending machine, food truck, anywhere - to get something to eat. It was kind of cute how he worried about you, telling you to be careful on the way home. So you promised you’d take care of yourself and set off from the hospital.

       You made it home in one piece, waiting on a bench for Michael to drive up - and after that, it was a nice ride home. Your mothers didn’t know, and Sam didn’t say anything about it to you. You weren’t sure how to break the news to your family, so you sat around for hours before dinner, googling and reading through countless guides and how to articles. Your heart nearly stopped when you heard the sharp knock before Sam called out that dinner was ready.

      Alright. You were just going to tell them that you met your soulmate over a month ago. No big deal.

      ... Very big deal.

       Big enough that you didn’t speak for half of dinner and didn’t realize the conversation fell silent. So you looked up and did the smartest thing.

      “I met my soulmate.”

       And by smartest thing, you literally just blurted it out without a second thought. That’s one way to break the news. Sam stared at you, Joanne kept looking from you to Charlotte, and Charlotte... was smiling like crazy.

      “Sweetie, that’s wonderful! Who are they?”

      “His name is Rich-”

      “Wait,” Sam immediately interjected, “you’re...”

       You nodded a little. “Yeah. I’ve... known for a little over a month-”

      “[y/n], what the hell?”

      “Language, Sam,” Joanne warned gently, “why didn’t you tell us sooner?”

       You shrugged. “I guess... I was scared?” You lied.

       They bought it. Charlotte gushed over the idea of you and this Rich boy, before immediately swatting away the thoughts of an actual relationship so soon because you were young and you had time to figure out what you and Rich were, only to be interrupted by Joanne - who shot you a wink as she nudged Charlotte to recount the story of when they first met. Then you brought up the idea of going back up to the hospital on Saturday - and then that was another round of questions. So you lied again, coming up with some bullshit excuse to why he’d be in Beth Israel. And while they didn’t buy it as easily as they did with your other lie, you had permission and money and planned to go visit Rich again.

      Eventually Rich got out of the hospital. The two of you began talking, and by extend - you and his friends began talking. You hadn’t gone to the play, but apparently one way or another the rest of the cast ended up with those... supercomputer pill things. They were nice, for the most part, even if you felt a little out of place. But at least there was Michael - who had his best friend back and definitely seemed much more chipper due to it - who was at the incident, but didn’t end up with a... SQUIP? You weren’t sure what it was - but Rich was different now and... he was actually kinda cute, when you really thought about it. He had a habit of saving a seat next to him for you, sometimes scooting closer and glancing to you to make sure this was okay, right? you were fine with this, right? no? alright - back i go, which eventually stopped happening as you grew used to having Rich next to you.

       Sometimes he’d send you dumb memes at three in the morning when he couldn’t sleep. You’d smile and offer to talk if he wanted - and usually he’d reject the offer, insisting he’d be fine. The first time he opened up to you was during winter break, when he ended up spending the weeks almost entirely at your house. Maybe that had been the turning point. Where Rich would open up to you, making vague comments about regrets turn into him reaching out, even the smallest bit, and letting you in. Where Rich would sometimes find your hand as intertwine his fingers with your own, not saying a word because you were an anchor when thoughts of what he did and who he was started to bother him. Where Rich would stand next to you, inches shorter but quietly resting a hand at your hip, or the way he’d rest a hand on your arm as he pulled up something on his phone to show you, or maybe how he’d oh-so-casually rest an arm around you.

       The group noticed. Sometimes there’d be a movie night and Rich would preserve the spot next to him - whether it be on the floor or couch - just for you. You left the room once to grab another drink, only to hear the sound of Jeremy crying out seconds later and the sound of the group immediately either laughing or giving Jeremy shit because “dude, that’s [y/n]’s spot, rich isn’t gonna let you sit there, why’d you even try” and you fumbled with the can of soda at the thought of Rich actually keeping your spot. The group noticed how the two of you were constantly touching in some way, whether it be you slipping your hand into Rich’s, or the fact that Rich would rest a hand at your hip and you didn’t bat an eye at that, or the fact that sometimes you’d kind of just snuggle into Rich whenever he’d wrap an arm around you.

       And apparently, Rich had this whole love-struck look whenever he looked at you, according to Christine. He’d just sometimes watch you as you wrote or doodled or focused on anything, sometimes forgetting about what he was doing before smiling a little. He just stared at your lips, drumming his fingers impatiently against his leg.

       And then one day, he just kissed you. You’d slipped your hand into his after your last class, rambling on about some homework or something, and when you turned around he just went for it - smashing his lips against yours awkwardly, cutting off your thoughts before pulling away. For a few moments, the two of you stood there, before you gently squeezed his hand and stumbled over your words, trying to resume what you’d been saying only to end up asking if he wanted to go out sometime.

       He did. So you went to the mall and ended up making out behind a clothing rack.

       Honestly, it was pretty great.

       Even if someone (i.e. a certain Jakey D) saw and got a shitty picture form afar, and somehow said picture ended up in the group chat barely five minutes later, and there was no mercy in teasing you and Rich.

       It was still worth it.

      “Babe,” Rich complained, sitting on your bed as he watched you pack. “Why do you have to leave?”

       Apparently, your mothers made the plan to go visit family on prom weekend. You tried to get out of it at first, saying you were responsible and you could drive them to the airport and stay home - but that idea was shot down since they knew about you and Rich and you haven’t seen your aunt or your cousins in a while. The timing was terrible, but you frowned and stopped complaining. You told Rich, who was disappointed because you two could have fucking wrecked prom - his words, not yours - but shrugged. You jokingly said he could take Michael, and next thing you knew you had a text from Michael asking why Rich asked him to prom and not you.

      “Family thing.”

      “Why?” He asked.

       You shrugged. “Couldn’t wait? I dunno. Have fun at prom, alright? We have next year. Or you could hide in my luggage - you’d fit.”

       “Shut up,” he mumbled through a badly suppressed smile.

      “Make me.”

       So he kissed you. His hands were cupping your face at first, and you kind of stumbled into your bed, awkward at first before sort of melting into the kiss. 

      “Rich-” kiss “I still-” kiss “need to pack-”

      He frowned as he pulled away.

      “Just let me finish, then... we can pick back up where we left off.”

       You never thought you’d have the whole pull away from each other and act like you weren’t just making out moment that you saw on TV, but... you could check that off of your bucket list. Thankfully, it had only been Sam. Which didn’t mean you didn’t get shit for it, but it was better than anyone else walking in on you.

       Rich looked cute in a tux. Michael looked cute in a tux. All your friends looked cute in prom attire and you were sitting in your aunt’s living room in shorts and a t-shirt as you cursed Florida. One of your cousins was leaning against you, curiously peeking over your arm at the stream of hearts you were sending Rich.

      “Is that your boyfriend?” She teased, smiling up at you.

       ... Were you and Rich technically dating? You shoved the thought back. “Yeah.”

      “Is he your soulmate?”

      “Yeah.”

       She gasped softly, “wait, really? You met your soulmate?” She was grinning ear to ear.

      “Yeah, Bee.”

      “Do you love him?”

      Did you? How do you answer a kid like this? You kind of smiled as you sent him a text to have fun and b safe after adding on another heart. “I think so.”

      rich: love you

     “Does he love you?”

      [y/n]: love u too 💗

     “Yeah. I think he does.”

      She looked at you with that childhood innocence. The sort of look - as if you were a fairy tale to her. “Are you two gonna get married?”

      God, that was a thought. “I don’t know.”

      You were tempted to text him again - asking him what you two were. Were you two officially dating? But you decided against it. It was prom night and the two of you could talk later.

      You still sent him a text later - two in the morning later, but still later. It was simple and short, but it was still something.

      [y/n]: i love you. i’m glad it’s you.❤️

      You put your phone on the table nearby, shifting uncomfortable on the couch - where you had volunteered to sleep after letting Sam take the guest room, since sneaking into the kitchen to steal a cookie that your uncle made was a thousand times easier when you didn’t have to sneak down stairs that creaked no matter where you stepped.

      Your phone buzzed to life after a few minutes of near silence. You moved, picking up your phone and clicking it on.

      rich: i love you too

[lovesthekpop]

Bias Tag(s)

I was tagged by @xiulayallday

Rules: write down the last 15 associated tags with your bias I have 3 so 45

Minseok [I feel like I played myself here] (All of these tags are from my Minnie side)

1. #dudde i love you #just marry me already #god he’s so beautiful #why does he look hard but also soft I wanna touch him

2. #listen here he is a million cheesecakes #i luv him sm #i’d do anyhing for u #&  i mean it anything #except give u money i’m hella broke sorry & in dept #i know this could be a deal breaker but pls marry me still ;-; #shut up jackie go to sleep it’s 5am

3.#😩😩😩😩 #not to be nasty but can he marry me so we can do what married couples do #you know live together sleep together #eat together #tell each other dumb jokes i feel like he’d appreciate my jokes #watch dumb shows #read books together #teach each other our native tongues #cause like i want to be tought korean from but i also wanna teach him spanish #min marry me already #lets be clean freaks together #but most importantly lets gain weight together 😀😀 #I love you #this is my vow ;-; #i had more things but i got a call and forgot some of them 😕

4. #dude chill

5. #no no #don’t do that

6. #wow he’s really out there aiming for ny life #i think thats how he has managed to look this young he is taking our life source to extend his own 😩😩😩😩 #shut up jackie

7. #uhh can he look at  me like that?

8. #tht sweater matches  my mood #i need it #also when are u going to marry me #minnie pls marry me ???

9. #he’s so beautiful??????? #!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [it’s an absurd no. of ‘!’ idk if i got it right] #i’m so ready for mins cheeks to make a comeback

10. #help i’ve fallen and don’t want to get up #i fell for min #fellow xiustans still alive and well or alive and barely holding on #im the second one

11. #look at him the most beautiful man i know #😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢 #I really love him and would like it if he would marry me someday

12. #even the back of his head is attractive and looks good 😩😩😩 #marry me

13. I would like to thank not only god but jesus too for the gift that is kim minseok #also dude just marry me already # i will learn to make ur favorite foods and i will gelp u clean and we can be really domestic #we can board games and burn jenga together

14.  #y’all i love him #he told me to choke & i said gladly #anything for you

15. #can someone stop him? #can he walk around with a bucket on his head? or a paper bag like that one guy from the fairly odd parents #it’s for my own good #i kind of want to live long enough to continue supporting his career but he wants me dead #;-;

[I have more of these golden tags pls follow my min side for more ;-;]

Zhang Yixing (these next 30 are from this side)

1. #oh my god look at him #i love him #i miss him #i wanna kick sm in the balls for him #he’d proably laugh and it would be angelic #anyways i wanna hear him laugh and i wanna know if he is taking care of himsslf #you healthy? u sleeping well unlike me? #u eating well #u pooping well? #u peeing well? stayibg hydrated #i miss u

2. #lotto era was so good to us and we were ungrateful #i miss you xing #;-;

3. #i miss u xing #i’m logging out as soon as it turns 13 i got 3 minutes

4. #the holy trinity #exo-m #i miss yixing #accidentally rb to primary blog

5. #;-; #his headband says we are one 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

6. #2 pm

7. #yixing is so cute^^^ #😭😭

8. #and we are expected to survive ??? #excuse me i’ll die at a ripe age of 21 & wont get to live to be 22 bc i died the week before lmao

9. #;-; #i luv u ;-;

10. #uhh… no thank you

11. #maybe her bias was yixing and thts why she was able to marry 😂😂😂 #excuse me im dumb

12. #😩😩😩

13. #i feel so blessed #have i been posting to my main?? #hold up ima go check that

14. #I have been blessed #;-;

15. #he’s so cute 😩😩😩😩 #yixing baby i’m sorry they are bullies and like to bully you u ibn cent precious man child [I was like wtf does that even mean but it was supposed to be innocent lmao spelling on point]

Jongdae [most of the ones i tag for jongdae is cute little kim jongdae so i’m going have to find some with more variations in my tags and dig deep]

1. #hello there mr. rude little kim jongdae #cute little kim jongdae

2. #bitch no!!! #cute little kim jongdae

3. I’m jongdae #and then say i’m still too sober 😂😂

4. #lmao ur tag #his own abs havr to out themselves its tru #😂😂😂 #cute little kim jongdae

5. #lsud euahr #cute little kim jongdae

6. #why do i keep following kjd blogs? #also my car sickness is acting up so i’m gonna get off for a bit from tumblr

7. #i saw a man so beautiful i cried #cute little kim jongdae #er #beautiful little kim jongdae

8. #yes #hes so cute already and then with children look at his smile ;-; #when i get only 3 hrs of sleep I get extra emotional and i’m crying rn #cute little kim jongdae

9. #ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh [its supposed to be all 140 characters 😩😩] #dud the chooty looks nice

10. #jongdae i feel you man I don’t like nopales either

11. #😩😩😩 #i’m suing

12. #if u need help i’m here #answering tags #cute little kim jongdae

13. #filed under exo-m/cbx maknae vs exo maknae

14. #before i read the tag i was all like this is the most extra thibg i have ever read about jongdae’s hair but tru

15. #what the fuck is cactus salad??

I tag: @pinklavendae @3ouncesofwhoopass @exo-waithowdidigethere @enbywankenobi @exordiam @mandopoppies @7deer-ofthe-dawn7

[euphoricguk]

Out And About

Member/Pairing: Jimin x Taehyung/VMin 

Genre: Pierced! Jimin AU; Nerd Brother! Taehyung AU; High School! AU; MxM

Word Count: 1.6K 

Triggers/Warnings: Cursing

Author Note:  A while ago I wanted to write a Pierced! Jimin AU because well...do I need to say more? I also wanted to try some new stuff on this blog so here’s my gay mxm debut. Hope y’all enjoy~

“...Anyway, he failed me because I didn’t write the paper so, now I have detention.”

“I fucking told you that guy was an asshole when you signed up for his class. ‘Wholesome, educational environment’ my ass... You’re still coming tonight though, right?”

Jimin was seated on top of the blue lunch tables of the cafeteria, back curved as he looked down at Yumi who was seated on the bench in front of him, stuffing her face with a ham and cheese sandwich from the deli.

“I planned on it,” she said before swallowing her bite, quickly leaning back down to take another one, “but I don’t know. I’m not going to screw myself over and fail his class and have to retake it next year, so...I kind of need to go so I can make up the paper, you feel?”

“I get you, ” he trailed off. Easily distracted, Jimin’s eyes roamed the seemingly endless flocks of students crowded in the food court, a look somewhere between disgust and interest plastered across his face. Only when he saw a girl coming out with a slice of pizza did he remember he had been starving all day.

“Let me get a bite,” Jimin said as he reached down toward Yumi’s sandwich and, in turn, got his hand swatted at.

“Go get your own food, loser.”

As his lips turned up into a smirk, the sun shined down directly onto his face, making his nose ring glisten in the spring daylight.

“Fuck you,” he said, jumping down from the table and picking up his backpack.

“No, thanks. I don’t like little girls.”

“Ha ha, very funny.” After grabbing his drink, Jimin began walking away from the table, slipping his sunglasses onto his face as if he was some kind of pop star. “Aye!”

Yumi looked up from her sandwich and closed her mouth, which was preparing to take another bite. “What?”

“Did you ever get around to asking your brother if he wanted to come with us?”

A few weeks ago when the idea of throwing a party first came up, Jimin had suggested that Yumi ask her little brother to come along, too. 

Taehyung. 

The class nerd that had straight A’s, played tennis, and read books for fun.

“Taehyung? Kim Taehyung? The 11th grader? My little brother? Why would you want him to come hang with us,” Yumi asked in complete shock the day Jimin asked her about it.

Yumi’s friends, quite obviously, were not the straight A type. More like...straight C’s and D’s...and the occasional B from Jun or Yumi in subjects that a 6th grader could pass.

“I don’t know,” Jimin had said while he laid in the grass field of the park him and Yumi frequented, “we never invite him to go anywhere with us and every time I come over to your place, he’s always in his room studying something… Seems kinda boring, don’t you think?”

Yumi, who was lying down next to him, feet toward his head (she had kicked him in the face a few times “on accident”), sat up at his statement. A look of confusion and disbelief was on her face as she thought about what her best friend had just told her.

“Bro. Did you like...smoke or something before coming here? What you’re saying doesnt even make any sense. First of all, you hated my brother when you first met him in middle school and once we became friends you still picked on him. Now, all of sudden, you feel sorry for the dude? What the fuck Jimin.”

“Look,” he shouted and then huffed in frustration before continuing. “I’m not saying he’s my best friend. I’m just saying. It wouldn’t kill you to just ask him. All I want you to do is ask, okay? Jesus Christ.”

Squinting her eyes at him suspiciously, Yumi only shrugged and replied with a simple “Okay.”

“Yeah, I asked him,” she turned around and placed one leg on each side of the lunch bench and faced Jimin. “He said no.”

“Oh… Uh, okay cool. Later. You better come tonight.”

“Worry about yourself, Chim Chim.” As a reply, Jimin simply put up a peace sign as he walked away.

“Yumi!”

“What do you want, Tae? I’m kind of busy.” Yumi rummaged through her drawers as she searched for something to wear, throwing clothes all over her room.

“Have you seen my highlighters? ...And can you like, not change in front of me, please,” Taehyung said as he covered his glasses.

“No, I havent and calm down I have a bra on. Just turn around if it bothers you so much.”

“Ugh, okay. Thanks,” he said as he turned around to leave.

In the middle of tying her shoelaces, Yumi received a message.

Hey, sorry but i cant make it 2nite. stomach ache

From: The Dork™, 10:09 PM

“Hey, Tae! Come lock the door, I’ll be back later. Make sure you eat something besides graph paper and science textbooks,” she yelled up at Taehyung’s room before walking out.

Uh...why aren’t you coming?

From: Yumi , 10:26 PM

Damn r u blind or something? s t o m a c h a c h e

From: The Dork ™ , 10:28 PM

I saw the “stomach ache” but that’s bs and u know it

From: Yumi, 10:29 PM

so y dont u wanna go dude?

From: Yumi, 10:29 PM

idk just not feelin it

From: The Dork™ , 10:31 PM

K well I’ll drink a beer for u

From: Yumi , 10:33 PM

hav fun brooooo!1!!!!!!1111!!1!1

From: The Dork™ , 10:34 PM

-_-

From: Yumi , 10:35 PM

“Did you see Min when he tried to walk on water and almost drowned in the pool?” Yumi laughed when she pictured the look on his face once he got out. Fumbling with her keys she made her way upstairs, plopping down on her bed as soon as she could.

“I know!! It was crazy… Well, I’m gonna go grab some food. I might call you later tonight.” She nodded and hung the phone up, rubbing her belly while it grumbled.

Despite almost tripping three times while going downstairs, Yumi successfully made herself a gourmet meal called cereal. As she ate at the dining table, out of the corner of her eye, she spotted a pair of black boots that looked awfully familiar to Jimin’s. Same color and everything.

Hm. That’s weird. 

Maybe he left them here last time he came, Yumi thought to herself. Placing her bowl in the kitchen sink, she began her retreat back up the stairs where she nearly face planted only once.

When u were here last week did u leave ur black boots?

From: Yumi , 3:29 AM

Opting to read his reply in the morning versus waiting for it, she locked her phone and threw it on the computer chair to the left of her. Just as she was about to fall asleep, eyes closed and snuggled up to her pillow, Yumi heard giggling coming from the room next door to her.

Taehyung’s room.

Tae, your cartoons seriously aren’t that funny shut the hell up and go to sleep, she mumbled to herself as she turned over and grabbed her blanket to cover her ears.

Rather than getting up the first time, Yumi decided to give him a chance to knock it off himself. The first time she didn’t say anything. The second time she didn’t say anything.

However, the third time… The third time she couldn’t help but growl in frustration as she sat up, pulled the blanket off of her, and made her way across the hall to her brother’s door. Without knocking, Yumi stormed into his room.

“Kim Taehyung! It’s like 4 o’clock in the fuc-”

She couldn’t tell if she was hallucinating at the moment, but she was positive she saw Taehyung, her little brother, and Jimin, her best friend, cuddling with each other on Taehyung’s bed.

“I… Am I insane or…”

Both Jimin and Taehyung looked beyond shocked as they stared wide-eyed at Yumi standing in the doorway, looking equally as shocked, if not more.

“Uh,” started Jimin as he cleared his throat and sat up in Taehyung’s bed, “well...you’re not insane…”

“Wait, wait, wait. You two are… You and him are… YOU DITCHED ME TONIGHT FOR HIM?!”

“Yeah… Sorry about that I would’ve told you b-”

“I can’t believe you guys kept this from me. How long has this even been going on,” Yumi asked, shifting the weight on her feet and crossing her arms over her chest.

“About six months, right,” Taehyung answered as he looked at Jimin, who was fiddling with the jewelry hanging from his lip (a nervous habit of his), for confirmation.

Scoffing at the situation and her own cluelessness, Yumi was still thoroughly speechless. For a few awkward, silent minutes, no one said anything. Taehyung and Jimin couldn’t help but stare at Yumi, who was clearing trying to make sense of the situation as she furrowed her eyebrows and bites at her nails while staring at the ground.

Her sigh is what breaks the thick, silent air.

“Look, I just came in here to tell you to shut up but, obviously, this,” she motioned toward Jimin and Taehyung, “wasn’t what I was expecting.”

“Yumi, we can expl-”

“First, there’s nothing to explain. The situation is pretty clear since most guys don’t hold hands and cuddle in each other’s bed unless there’s something going on. Second, your relationship doesn’t bother me, although I would’ve liked to know about it. I’m not mad at you,” she looks at Taehyung and then at Jimin, who she shoots a glare at, “...two.”

Yumi turned around to begin walking out of the room and stopped just before closing the door.

“And stop giggling so loud. Some people do enjoy sleeping,” she said and then closed the door after.

“...well, that d-”

“And good night, losers,” Yumi yelled across the hall before closing her bedroom door.

Masterlist | Requests: Open!

[chokemeseokjin]

for that ask thing... do em all... all 170... do it 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀

OK LET’S DO THIS

1: How tall or short do you wish you were? I wish I was like 5′6″ tbh i’m too tall2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not) fucking dragon mate3: Do you have a favorite clothing style? I like kinda cute pastel shit but not really girly? does that even make sense?4: What was your favorite video game growing up? Nintendogs?5: What three things/people do you think of most each day: My gf, bees and flowers6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say? Approach with caution, cries easily and afraid of loud noises7: What is your opinion on Mo being unfaithful to Jimin? Unsurprising and relatable (ily)8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic] IDK9: Are you ticklish? incredibly pls don’t touch me10: Are you allergic to anything? I’m lactose intolerant so… yeah11: What’s your sexuality? bi bi bi12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa? tea i am a brit after all13: Are you a cat or dog person? B O T H14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson? vampire fam that’d be so cool15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber? either Dan and Phil or Tomska, Dan and Phil are one in my head ok shut up16: How tall are you? 5′10″ :)))17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to? Evie bc that was what i was going to be called and I would prefer it,,,,18: How much do you weigh? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!] idk fam19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits? kinda?20: Do you like space or the ocean more? S P A C E FAM THE STARS ARE JUST !!!!21: Are you religious? nah22: Pet peeves? When ppl walk really slowly in the middle of the fucking pavement23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]? nocturnal24: Favorite constellation? gemini obviously where my hoes at25: Favorite star? Kim Seokjin26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls? the fuck are they?27: Any phobias or fears? the dark n clowns28: Do you think global warming is real? yes???29: Do you believe in reincarnation? yeah i guess I do30: Favorite movie? Super 8! Pls watch it! support my kids!31: Do you get scared easily? yes like seriously easy32: How many pets have you own in your lifetime? 233: Blog rate? [You’ll rate the blog of the one who’s asking.] BEST BLOG EVER 10/10 WOULD LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE AMEN34: What is a color that calms you? Pastel blue35: Where would you like to travel and/or live? Japan and Hawaii! 36: Where were you born? hospital in my home town37: What is your eye color? very blue38: Introvert or extrovert? introvert39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs? I think they’re interesting but the ones in magazines n shit are bullcrap40: Hugs or kisses? hugs pls41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now? my gf :(42: Who is someone you love deeply? ur mum43: Any piercings you want? more on my ears and maybe my nose44: Do you like tattoos and piercings? yes!!!!45: Do you smoke or have you eiver done so? i have yh46: Talk about your crush, if you have one! how to describe min yoongi,,,,47: What is a sound you really hate? metal being like dragged along something u know what i mean48: A sound you really love? kim seokjin when he gets lines :))))49: Can you do a backflip? no i’m not jungkook50: Can you do the splits? nearly lol51: Favorite actor and/or actress? I lov Andrew Garfield with all my heart 52: Favorite movie? u asked this already but I’ll chose another one soooooooo um Breakfast Club bc i am a white girl53: How are you feeling right now? sleepy54: What color would you like your hair to be right now? same colour it is now tbh55: When did you feel happiest? sleeping56: Something that calms you down? watching youtube videos specifically gaming ones idk why but it’s rlly calming57: Have any mental disorders? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!] probably lmao58: What does your URL mean? i want. kim seokjin. to choke me. ok? are we clear? 59: What three words describe you the most? a fucking loser60: Do you believe in evolution? yeah61: What makes you unfollow a blog? posting rude/mean stuff or just if I don’t enjoy their content anymore, i don’t mean any harm or anything lol62: What makes you follow a blog? if it’s pretty/memes63: Favorite kind of person: nice people who’re funny and caring and actually give a shit about me and other ppl, not just themselves64: Favorite animal(s): meerkats, giraffes n bees65: Name three of your favorite blogs. @oh-no-its-mo​ @jinsasleep​ @taechy​66: Favorite emoticon: i’m on my laptop!!!! the sparkly heart!67: Favorite meme: um idk? the in tarnation one is p funny atm tho68: What is your MBTI personality type? fuck i can’t remember the rarest one i know that for sure69: What is your star sign? Gemini, come fight me70: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog? no jfc she wont even sit when i ask the hoe71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most? denim mini skirt thing, tights n some cute top 72: Post a selfie or two? no73: Do you have platform shoes? i am tall enough74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself? I hate potatoes 75: Can you do a front flip? no jfc76: Do you like birds? yah77: Do you like to swim? I’m baically Rin tbh78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you? Swimming i have no balance 79: Something you wish didn’t exist: donald trump80: Some thing you wish did exist: free traveling 81: Piercings you have? 5 in ma ears82: Something you really enjoy doing: writing and dying83: Favorite person to talk to: my gf84: What was your first impression of Tumblr? yo it was awful i was superwholock bullshit asshat i still hate myself for it i’ve been here too long85: How many followers do you have? 983!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes? FUCKING HELL NO87: Do your socks always match? no88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely? yes89: What are your birthstones? emerald 90: If you were an animal, which one would you be? dragon91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be? oh fam a fuckin scabious they’re the shit92: A store you hate? superdrug93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day? i had 6 one day it was a mistake94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds? flyyyyyyy95: Do you like to wear camo? yes sir96: Winter or summer? summer97: How long can you hold your breath for? i can swim a length of the pool underwater98: Least favorite person? donald trump99: Someone you look up to: is it cheesy to say namjoon?100: A store you love? the fat ass topshop on oxford street101: Favorite type of shoes? cute ballet flats102: Where do you live? LDN 103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why? bacon104: What is your favorite mineral or gem? i just thought of that fucking goat meme bye105: Do you drink milk? no i would die106: Do you like bugs? some107: Do you like spiders? small ones108: Something you get paranoid about? e v e r y t h i n g109: Can you draw: a little tho i’m sure others would disagree110: Nosiest question you have ever been asked? idk fam i haven’t rlly been asked one111: A question you hate being asked? is ur hair naturally that colour112: Ever been bitten by a spider? no113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach? yah114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days? sunny!115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now: my gf jfc how many times have i answered with that 116: Favorite cloud type: penis shapes ones117: What color do you wish the sky was? pink118: Do you have freckles? yah 119: Favorite thing about a person: their laugh120: Fruits or vegetables? fruit121: Something you want to do right now: sleep tbh122: Is the ocean or sky prettier? sky123: Sweet or sour foods? sour? i dont rlly like sweet stuff much124: Bright or dim lights? in between aaaaaye125: Do you believe in a certain magical creature? unicorns i read a book when i was little that convinced me126: Something you hate about Tumblr: drama and ppl caring too much about shit that dont matter127: Something you love about Tumblr: making friends and seeing ppls amazing art!128: What do you think about the least? what a weird question um idk slugs?129: What would you want written on your tombstone? fucking finally130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now? Saitama? to see how much it would hurt131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself? my entire being132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures? i dont smile at all if i can help it133: Computer or TV? computer134: Do you like roller coasters? sort of135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness? motion yess not sure about sea136: Are your ears lobed or attached? attached137: Do you believe in karma? yes138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are? a strong -4139: What nicknames do you have/have had? El, Ellz, Petra, Sharpay, bitch, hoe, shut up ellen140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends? yeah141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink? nope142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others? Good most of the time143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help? giving!!!!!!144: What makes you angry? rude people145: How many languages do you speak fluently? two146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries? anyone who’ll have me tbh147: Are you androgynous? no148: Favorite physical thing about yourself: my eyes?149: Favorite thing about your personality: i guess i’m kind idk150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person. my gf (again), Jess and Ellie151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose? dinosaurs, i would make them my children152: Do you like BuzzFeed? their snapchat thing always makes me laugh153: How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner? [If you have one.] through this god damn website thanks to pepekwan,  romance at it’s finest kids154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons? yes155: Do you like to play with others’ hair? yes156: What embarrasses you? literally everything157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious: again, literally everything158: Biggest lie you have ever told: i’m straight 159: How many people are you following? too many160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)? 46,715 JFC161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)? none162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)? 1,758163: Last time you cried and why: i can’t actually remember 164: Do you have long or short hair? medium!!!!!!165: Longest your hair has ever been: nearly to my waist166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religon? never really affected me tbh, people can believe what they want to beleive as long as they’re not hurting anyone/ pressuring anyone to believe in it too167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created? not really no168: Do you like to wear makeup? yeah u dont wanna see me without it169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds? no?????170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully? yes I have ur welcome Mo ily

i didnt check this so sorry if there are mistakes lol 

[alxxkim]

December 2

I’m currently listening to Overwhelming while eating candy corn Jin got me for my bday (so its been a month and yet) and I feel like I have a lot to say that I don’t have someone to tell to all in one sitting so here it goes. A few weeks ago I decided to stay at Biola for the spring but now I am having second thoughts. I am WAY happier at school away from my family/house and the thought of living at home 24/7 aka how summer was aka hell makes me actually want to kill myself. I really hope that there’s a chance Karina and I both go to Fullerton so we can have a place together.  It sounds so fantastical but also just imagining how amazing my life would be is just all I am looking forward to. I think that I am going to end up enrolling late and not get any classes I want because people have already signed up for classes and most are full lo l but yeah. I am suffering from writer’s block. I tried writing tonight and I actually started crying as I was singing but it just didn’t feel right. I really want to write songs that I can 100% sing-cry to and make it feel so right. I just haven’t found it yet.I wonder how Jon Bellion wrote these songs haha. His lyrics are just so fucking wholesome and relevant to so many aspects of my life. Listening to him tho makes me feel so fucking confused cause the first time I saw him, I was “happy” and brown haired and dating John and the last time I saw him in September I was black haired, single, and broken. I still am those three things. Work has taken over my life again.  I am scheduled Friday-Sunday for the next 2 weeks and as $$ as that made me think I was be, honestly it just doesn’t feel worth it right now. Granted, when I get paid, I will probably feel otherwise.  I’ve been telling myself and others that I am okay with things with John. I honestly can’t fucking tell what I am.  I obviously miss him. I am doing fine without him, I will keep doing fine without him, but I miss having that person. I guess it’s slowly transitioning to the point where you miss the feelings and not the actual person. But just typing that made me realize how false that is. I miss John a lot. He was so funny and caring and loved me so much. I honestly think I can now realize that he loved me just as much as I loved him. And I loved him so fucking much. Just being next to him made everything okay.  The night my mom found an empty cartridge in my room and messaged me about it asking and I thought I was done for, and all I did was just cry, John was just there and as terrified as I was, I was okay because of him.  I think its because its December and the holidays are coming and last winter was probably one of the best parts of my life so far. My 6 week winter break was full of shabu, Fiona, my new polaroid, and just freedom. I was so happy I had Sen Nick and Tyler. I was so happy I had my friends at home. Everything was just so nice. And I had the plan to go to slo with Faith before break ended, and it was just so nice. I miss that feeling of being so excited to see John again. As hard and fucking unfair the distance was being with him obviously made it worth it.  I wish I realized how unhappy John was.  But there’s nothing I could’ve done.  And I need to accept that so that I can stop hating myself for not being better.  Maybe I need to take the next semester off.  Maybe I just need to find new things I could enjoy. I don’t think I want to go to Disneyland next week with my family. My sister isn’t talking to me again. I feel like the family is broken again but its just with me. I’m slowly turning back into the person I was during the summer. There are so many people in my past that I want to rekindle things with and just fucking get a meal to catch up, but I can never do that. I don’t want to talk about John I don’t want to talk about how unhappy and depressed I am.  But I am so tired of pretending like everything is okay. I feel like deleting all social media again. Looking on insta after shifts is just shit because I just feel this urge to fucking post but i have nothing to post because I spent my night inside working. Last night was really fun though. I got off work at around 11 I think and came home and showered and was just going to be on my phone for hours till I was okay enough to sleep. I knew Shin wanted to fuck haha but I told him that I felt like shit so he called me and asked what was up and why I’m depressed.  He actually listened even though I was barely telling him everything because then he would probably think I’m insane if he doesn’t already but yeah he told me to just focus on things I love and that it really helps. It’s so admirable how much he loves working out and playing basketball. But yeah we talked for nearly an hour until he decided to get me and I came outside when he said he was here and as I walked out i noticed he was outside walking to me and he gave me a hug and we drove behind Target and sat there for maybe like 30 min just talking and listening to jbel and the script LOL HE SANG THIS ONE SONG SO FUCKING LOUD he said hes never sung that loudly in front of anyone before hahaha i wish i knew what song it was but i will cause he plays it daily. i just hate asking so im gonna have to snake a peek at his phone the next time it plays. my toes were rlly cold and so he started warming my right foot with his hands and blew air into them a lot haha it was so cute and he gave me a dank ass fucking foot massage holy shit. it hurt like a bitch but in the best way possible. my feet/ankles are always so fucked when i work. so it was especially dank. I also didn’t wear makeup and he said I look better without makeup haha i was like ooooooooooooooooooooook but rlly yeah i was happy he said that especially because I’ve been wearing makeup daily because I just hate myself without it. But that day I had a bare face and actually felt okay. He kissed me and he kept saying how he loves kissing me so much. Omg and we made out to jon b like im sorry but it was fucking amazing. ok we also fucked to him too HAHAHAHA  And then kevin told us to cruise outside cydni’s house cause him paul and esther were smoking so we went and as we pulled up, paul looked at us through his open window and we both laughed in the same explosive way HAHAHAHAH and they told us to shut the fuck up jk they just sushed us ahahahah omfg. it was just too gold. i really don’t want to ever smoke in front of shin again but yeah I couldn’t just say no to weed haha so we hit a piece which burned the shit out of my throat and I was pretty faded I guess and shin kept coughing cause we werent hotboxing the car but it was still potent and i felt bad :( and he was like IS SECONDHAND FADED A THING hahahaha and esther had her juul so i hit that and then we left the car to smoke and i smoked a stoog. oh yeah so immediately after we got out of the car to walk to their car in the beginning, we were just standing outside their car as they were sitting inside and shin like immediately took off his jacket (the warm flannel we got at pacsun whom he loves) and gave it to me even tho he was wearing a tshirt and shorts ugh. i took it off before smoking cause i didn’t want it to  smell so he put it back on and he was like “you can wear it once youre done smoking” haha. and he offered to give it back on the way back to his car but i said i was ok. then on the drive to my house i stuck my body out the window to vent out the smell LOL and it was cold as fuck but felt cool esp with shin’s crazy ass driving hahahahah and i was like i wish you had a sunroof and he was like “yeah thats my bad” and i was like NO BITCH IM NOT TRYING TO COMPLAIN ITS NOT UR BAD I MJSUT SAYING lol and shin has told me how much he hates smoking and the extent of it and how its so unattractive to kiss someone whos smoked so im like welp but as i was getting out of the car he was like yeah fuck u u smell i aint kissing you and i made a pout as i was getting out and he was like no wait and he kissed my cheek hehe. and before that he asked if i was feeling better and i said yes and thanked him and he said yeah of course anytime in a tone like ofc bitch. haha i love when he kisses my head T^T but yeah i came home around 4:40 or however long it took to get to my house and I was happy and hickey’d up and i was just so happy we ended up doing that. 

i slept right before 7am and woke up like 11 so yeah i barely slept which is probably why i felt so off today. but i just stayed in bed till my hair cut which was at 2 and kathy was so shocked to see i cut my bangs LOL going on and on about how i never wanted bangs and then i do it and i WISH I DID NOT TRIM THEM LAST WEEK CAUSE THEYRE SO SHORT NOW CAUSE THEY WERE SO UNEVEN AND I LOWKEY HATE MY HAIR AND I WISH I DIDNT GET IT CUT SHORT UGH I FUCKING HATE MY LIFE but im gonna work with it and we’ll see.  I wanna change my hair color again but idk what to change it to.  Then i went to emily’s and we picked up at unity and smoked and caught up and she was doing her interior design homework and i had to leave cause of work which sucked cause i just wanted to actually hang out but i covered shin’s shift today cause he spent all day studying so im glad i got to help him out and if it were anyone else’s shift i would’ve hated myself lol. but he didn’t call me until like 1 or something but i knew he would call eventually and he said he wanted to finish his work early so we could’ve hung out but he has way too much and so we just talked but i could barely talk cause my bitchass sister always fucking goes off about how inconsiderate i am so yeah lmao but yeah and i told him i got off work early to which he said he knew cause i got home around 11 and i ate and he calculated it and theres no way i couldve eaten after getting off at 10:30 and got home HAHAH like he cared enough to think about that.... and then i told him i have work tomorrow 11:30-5 and he said then maybe he’ll come bring me boba 

i dont expect him to but maybe he will im so fucking over work

i cant believe its already sunday tomorrow and i have to go back to school for chapel i think.  fucking kill me. i just want to have free time