#maybe i'll make something better later
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14th anniversary of 1D 💕✨
#mine#not liking it too much#but well#it is what it is#sometimes you have to do some shit things#1d#one direction#1d anniversary#ot5#maybe i'll make something better later
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I'm gonna be honest with you guys, the urge to do the same thing I did with the oitd silhouettes, aka slap text posts onto the art with no knowledge of their canon personality other than what they did in the trailer and pulling from the fandom's perceived personality for them, for the new oxventure characters revealed in that trailer is so real
#and there was only reactions in the trailer#willowfine seems sweet and nice#robin kinda gives off pathetic boyfail to me (in a similar way to dob's pathetic boyfail energy) while also hiding something#lug's character art makes me think he's kinda cautious fsr#but Mike just smiling in the trailer makes me think he's pretty happy-go-lucky like Egbert#tho that could just be him talking with the team about a silly thing he's doing or during his character introduction in the actual episode#I have a similar situation with cressida#cressida's character art seems kinda annoyed and thinks she's above people like Prudence did#however Ellen seems scared or at least shocked or worried so cressida might actually be caring and kind like Ellen's other characters#then we have our new resident goth: happen#I kinda get the vibe that he's a more silent character that gets the job done quickly#like ice bear#but also maybe struggles with emotional connections#even if I'm wrong in my vibe guessing I'm sure I'll like them#I'm already slapping aroace headcanons on some of them#them being happen lug and willowfine#maybe cressida too#actually if I think too much about it I'm just gonna slap aroace headcanons on all of them#so they're all aroace unless I'm proven otherwise aka if I think another headcanon fits better#not a text post#this was gonna be a delete later but a lot of my thoughts are in the tags now#oxventure
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i thought their voices made for a pretty interesting combination, so i made a little test thing to show it off
ust by Zoë (@/half-a-head)
#my video lol#my audio lol#i guess it counts as both?? can i really call it cover tho if its so short#oliver vocaloid#根音ネネ#nene nene#machigerita#vocaloid#utau#yeah whatever i guess i'll put tags for organization. asjdngkjfnkjfjdmg i can fix/edit them better later if i decide eeeee#this mix might still have its issues but pls 😭 it was my first time using cakewalk so dont b mean to me#and it wasnt meant to be something super final and polished anyways again this was just a little fun test so ye. idk if ill make a full ver#i also wanted to make a better little video but since it wasnt a full thing and i was running out of time i just made this instead#which i still think is good for these purposes anyways? i do need to practice/experiment more with aviutl#maybe a bit of a morbid song choice for their bdays lmaoo... but HEY IT COULD BE WORSE#(looking at how i drew piko getting his fucking heart ripped out by bestie miki for his bday last year lmao)#and also if youre a vsynth in my computer unfortunately you are doomed to my morbid ass song taste lol i dont make the rules#well. i do. its my computer. and per the rules actually yes sing little fucked up songs for me vsynths... hahahahah...
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“You ever notice that no matter what happens, the stars keep shining? The sun keeps rising, the flowers keep blooming. Either they don’t know the world is ending, or they don’t care, or… or maybe they know everything will be OK.”
#dialogue#my writing#writers on tumblr#writers#writeblr#hopecore#maybe i'll post dialogue snippets like how i post prose snippets#i wrote this just an hour ago#so it might not be that good 😅#but whenever i write something i get excited about it and want to share it right away but then get nervous about it#because what if it's not as good as i think it is? what if i find a way to make it better later?#and waiting sounds like the smart thing to do#but this time i went “forget it i'm going to do what makes me nervous till anxiety learns to shut up”
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g*lmar rly has to be the best skajrim character on the real like even if you don't like him he just is . literally The best one i think......... on dat note i also imagine that he and ulfr*c despite being fairydust BFFs for lyfe genuinely have the worst communication skills ever seen
#text#but i already talked about how g*lmar is weird about ulfr*c anyways#literally jubilant and feeling special cus he's the only person ulfr*c actually trusts and speaks to outside of formal conversations#he's a very manly man too (like N*loth) for wanting to just control everything... well actually having ulfr*c under 'control' is enough 4 -#- him. unlike n*loth who wants to be above everything that moves. literally not about him tho#i hope that other st*rmcloaks develop a habit of going to hide downstairs in the palace whenever they can tell the vibe between -#- g*lmar and ulfr*c is off because they're gonna be yelling at each other and throwing shit around for 40 minutes in a few seconds#i don't believe they'd fight insanely often but being at an active war probably gets them heated more. Often than usual; and their -#- conflicts are never resolved. i feel like they just don't talk to each other for a good 2 days and act like nothing happened#they're way too manly and prideful to actually let the other one 'win' so they just don't say anything ever post-arguing#Tbhs g*lmar actually really likes that ulfr*c is so unstable and harrowed because it makes himself feel very good and reliable -#- but he has his limits 😂LMFAOO i bet sometimes he gets really tired of him being so traumatized. very rarely but he does think about it#i'll have to desribe that a bit better later tho... don't know how to word it atm#but maybe he wants to punch him or something BYE. no...... 💔savage as hell#he likes it in a very general sense of ulfr*c's personality especially between them but doesn't like it when it causes them to clash#this might just be mostly ulfr*c's doing cus i doubt he's actually talkative about his past issues and Troubles (torture mayhem) and -#- can't communicate anything about it or set boundaries when needed. he just gets mad or very avoidant. No fixing that tho#well it's just shameful to him so he'd rather do nothing than even admit anything to anyone Everrrrr#why does his life suck so bad LMFAOOOOOOOOO#their nasty musty mutualism .. leeching off your traumatized Bff so that he can make you feel good by saying he needs you in particular#while U pay him back with some support.......SOME#Oh well#that zero communication between some sk*rim characters looks yammy as fuck to me. A;lways. ALWAYS#nelvas is power dynamic induced...... g*lmar&&ulfr*c trauma-caused... elituli Um😂 t*llius doesn't even know any hobbies she has#bye this is why they're serving so hard
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#not sure if its because it gets dark sooner#but I'm in a bad mood#i cannot meet with people i'd like to meet#i cannot do my hobbies#I'm not going out#and I don't see it getting better#i feel quite isolated somehow#tbh#i think its that lately i haven't fone anything tjat was mentally challenging#like a nice group table game#or a complex tv show that makes you think#or a movie#and i can feel my brain shrinking or something#don't like the feeling#i need to fo things that make my brain work#or I get bored#and i need to meet people outside my core group of family#.... don't know#I'll delete this later i guess#maybe its just a bad day somehow#but i feel i wanna scream to the void out of frustration a bit#i feel I'm not doing what i want#but what i think others want#and its affecting me#dont know#I'll stop now#had to get it out or something
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Wanted to start working on projects for my part-time school this weekend but instead all I have the energy to do is lay in bed and play mario kart or lay in bed and listen to music
#i started taking meds two days ago and over those two days i've felt even more dead energy-wise than before. if that's even possible#i hope this passes sooner than later because the semester's almost over#and i want to prepare something better to pass this course with than those projects that everyone did in class#and then it will finally (or rather already. time feels fake) be summer and no more obligations of such type. for now#altough i'll admit these last few months were rather easygoing#in terms of stuff i had to do for a set deadline and such#it would have been a much harder time for me otherwise#at least i'm getting this stuff sorted at last. slowly but surely#and enjoying my time gaming and listening to 4-5 albums a day on average as of the last two days#maybe 2024 is the year when my mental health problems finally caught up with me#but then with some dedication and direction i can also start getting out of it for once and for all#like i actually want to be proud of what i've done this year. because it's a lot#and it's things i wouldn't have found myself capable of just a few months ago#like. making this blog and actually sharing my feelings and thoughts somewhere#years of being your own only confidant really messes with your brain and ability to function as an adult it turns out#but yeah i hope i can get this sorted now and the meds help and make it easier to go about my previous plans for making myself feel better#i'll try not to post about this too much but i really needed to get this out today#i know many people vent on tumblr anyway but my brain will always make me feel bad about anything and everything i do lol#vent tag
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grian: "i'm not gifting you the heart, i'm giving it to someone SPECIAL."
(silence)
scar: (hangs his head) "wow..."
grian: "aw ok i'm sorry- no no i'm not even gonna fall for this, i got guilted into helping you out last time, and you got a ton of stuff! i'm not being fooled"
#jaw kind of dropped when grian said that bro. UNCALLED FOR#anyways theres something so interesting to me about. grian being mean to scar and then as soon as scar acts hurt#grian's instinct IS to apologize. but then he changes his mind and is like no no im not gonna be guilted im not gonna be fooled#<- WHICH TO BE FAIR. this is scar we're talking about here. but also#its very interesting to me. with my little ''grian does care about scar he just has Emotional Issues from 3rd life that never really#went away'' mindset. this feels like progress. from just being mean to scar and not caring about it#its a little thing but the fact that he goes to apologize at first. makes me think things are looking up#i feel like they're already on much better terms this season which um. considering how last season ended is a little surprising#but not really considering. scar never seems to blame grian or get mad at him for anything he does#and idk if grian feels bad about his ''betrayal'' at all so to both of them its like not an issue and therefore doesnt affect#their current interactions#NOW. this could age very poorly. im still not over the bait-and-switch that was last season w barely any interactions and then That#they could act all niceys to each other this season and then later down the line when everythings crazy something terrible could happen#and i'll go insane over it. but for right now im uncharacteristically an optimist when it comes to these two. maybe they can finally just#be niceys to each other the whole time. i doubt it but maybe!#serena.txt#infizero.live#slsmp spoilers
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after watching muppet tv series episodes basically at random for a bit, i finally finished all of the jim henson hour!!
some thoughts below, but overall i really enjoyed it, even though the shifts between tones in some episodes was kinda jarring at first lol. i feel like more people should know about this show, especially after seeing all the technology they used in the secrets of the muppets episode.
digit is still a character created specifically to my interests and i am still so so sad he isn't in anything else :( literally just a socially awkward semi-robotic latex puppet who loves synth music. he is perfect and they threw him in the closet never to be seen again.
all the other new characters were very nice, but i especially enjoyed the "bean bunny is there to be cute so no one else has to" bit. while i also appreciate him as "guy to throw around" it's a fun added layer to his character!
i think sci-fi -> ocean transition was the most jarring to me, after the sci-fi episode ended with turning louie anderson into a non-marketable plushie i was expecting ocean to be more silliness, and it was up until clifford tells the story of how ted danson ruined the ocean and kermit solemnly says goodnight. and then i still had to watch lighthouse island after this!
i did have to get used to the jim henson hour -> storyteller/other segments transitions but i am very glad i did not skip them or the non muppetelevision specials. my favorites were probably the true bride, the soldier and death, dog city (MUPPET DOGS ARE PERFECT!!!!) and the song of the cloud forest (as a dedicated member of dave goelz nation). i also got unexpectedly invested in living with dinosaurs even though i'm not sure much was explained or resolved that well, the human cast was really good and dog is such a good muppet (why is there no official plush of him!!)
i knew gorilla television wasn't in it much but i didn't expect them to only be in 2 episodes, one of them being in the batch that didn't in the original run. they could've done so much more......i liked their concept as being "above" muppets despite their segments not being that much more cool or complex lol
favorite episode was probably videotape? i might have to rewatch to define it but also like. the music just keeps on rolling along. all night party. the true bride. banger after banger
also jim himself is funny too. the concept of the thought lion for him to bounce off of is so good because in the true bride he's a mystical giftgiver and to jim he is just his really weird cat. awesome dynamic
i really wish more people had watched this show cause it has a lot of fun bits!!! it's so weird to me that so much muppet stuff is lost media or could have been lost media if it wasn't recorded, and this is one of them!! my ideal blu-ray now is a blu-ray of all the episodes of this restored/hd plus a selection of other movies/works by jim (i gotta watch some of his pre muppet show work, including his weird experimental films) but it will probably never happen cause of copyright stuff </3.
#muppets#the muppets#the jim henson hour#jim henson hour#i need to make clips or gifs or something just to make more people watch this show.....even in the very weird quality lol#maybe i'll focus on finishing muppets tonight next since i found some more higher quality videos of that#i. should really watch more of the muppet show i'm still stuck on season one but#(stares at the 108 episodes i still have to watch) it's a lot#page of rambles.txt#that will be my text post tag for now. maybe i'll think of something better later
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First impression of TOTTMNT: a little better than I was expecting, but not quite as good as I was hoping
#im enjoying the animation more than i thought i would#but something about the timing is off and its making a lot of the jokes not quite land :(#i just hope its first episode jitters and that it'll get better with time#or who knows maybe rise just spoiled me#but also the fact that they just jumped straight into a multi-episode thing is? weird?#its literally the first episode and it feels like its leading up to a season finale#idk I'll have my thoughts more in order later#tottmnt
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Me, frowned and concentrated: ...grbzghagdg...
My husband, sits next to me: Hey, bun. Drawing?
Me: Mm-hm.
Husband, watches for a while: So cool.
Me, relaxing a bit: Thanks, sunshine.
Husband: Why don't you make it like this, though?
Husband, takes my tablet and does some of his graphic designer's magic: See?
Me, like a primeval man that saw a fire for the first time: Eh??? Wh— H O W O____O
Husband, smiles: I'll show you again. That's simple.
Me, with a nervous laughter after a short lesson: ...do you even realize that by teaching me those tricks you've just opened the Pandora's box? :D
#yeah so... maybe now I'll finish my arts a lil bit faster :'D#making them faster doesn't mean making them better but still the quantity sooner or later will affect the quality... right? xD#i won't tell you what he has shown me or I'll feel myself even dumber than I am feeling now#just believe me that this was something ridiculously simple and I could have googled it but I didn't (shame on me) :'D#me and my husband#heldig life stories
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#will probably delete this later but I needed to get it out somewhere#like I am so goddamn lonely. and it is making me feel LITERALLY as if I'm about to descend into genuine madness#but the PROBLEM is that. in order to not be lonely. you need to find other people. and you need to have reason to believe that those#people will keep wanting and making an effort to communicate with you#and the thing is THE THING. IS. that you cannot control what people do or feel. I have no say in what people think of me.#I have to rely on other people to build new relationships. and that is just not. something that I can do.#it's not something that makes SENSE for me to do anymore. so I try to figure out how to just not want human connection at all#you know maybe if I intentionally isolate myself or grow my cynicism on a regular basis I'll get desensitized to the point#where that's just genuinely not something I want anymore. so then I'm not lonely but I also didn't have to rely on anyone else being#trustworthy and accepting and willing to care about me to get to that point#but. I mean maybe some people can do the denial thing but I can't. I've been trying for years. and that carved-out-hole in my chest#hasn't gotten any better. it hasn't filled up or healed over or gone away. it's just gotten bigger.#but if you're genuinely convinced that you're just built in a way where no one is ever going to really love you...what the fuck do you do?#if connecting with other people is something I want but it's (in my probably-biased estimation) completely inaccessible because I am#an inherently shameful and unpleasant person just by virtue of existing...then I'm just stuck at an impasse. and I'll always be crying#over something I can't logically ever have. why bother pursuing it if I am just going to be rejected or hurt or disparaged or tossed out or#neglected or sidelined or any number of bad outcomes? if that's how pursuing any kind of new interpersonal relationships is going to end#then why bother? the only thing to do would be to learn how to be completely unreliant on other people in any way forever right?#but THAT'S not logistically feasible EITHER and I've already proven that I can't fucking do that so what's left? just always be miserable?#I DON'T WANT TO RESIGN MYSELF TO THAT!!!!#sorry. it's. getting to be late december & around the new year is when it always gets Bad™ so we're just. gonna be like this for a few week#In the Vents#ugh all of this would be better if I still lived near Best Friend™#anyone who gets to live near/with their Person™ PLEASE know how lucky you are and don't take that for granted
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looking back at old doodles is so weird bc every single time it's like "ahh i remember that one, that doodle i made only for me and ark and that one mutual to enjoy... wait what do you mean it has 200 notes-"
#i always forget that i actually have a decent chunk of followers jfhdgk#does suck when you look back at one and it makes you wanna delete your entire internet presence bc it sucks so much KFJDHG#it made someone happy it's okay it made someone happy it's okay (<- said through gritted teeth)#i dont like deleting old posts even when i hate them bc i liked it at the time. why would i be so mean to my past self :(#aaaaaugh i wanna draw but i have absolutely ZERO motivation. the resistance drawing was made in a sudden burst of ''I Have To Do This''#i just wanna make silly doodles aaaaaa... maybe i'll think of something later#chat#was looking back through my simon tag if you were curious. i wanna draw him again it's been a bit#i suck at drawing him as a human tho. idk why he's just REALLY hard to draw#i like the sloth better >:(
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i'm not beating the dog allegations by wearing my collar to be better ready for Emotional Support Animal Duty, am I?
#i think i'm HILARIOUS#it also is helping a lot#might give myself a break from it later today just to make sure i don't overtax myself#it serves a dual purpose of making sure I am ready for anything and also gives my partner something to play with (me)#it's apparently very fun and funny to tease me :3#partner has taken great joy in tugging on the collar a little cause it immediately derails my everything#it's super unlikely i'll wear this places anyone on here will be able to use this information#so it is safely shared here :3#but yeah#the vibe has been a little in shambles and by god i will retriever my way into making everyone feel a little okay about it after all#i know i can't fix anything or make it actually better but if i can be calm and capable and accepting over here#i can at least not be adding to the problem#it's a process#working out the kinks in it (heh) as we go since i've never actually tried this actively before#but idk maybe it'll do something lol
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Oh my goodness... I have collected... a new bestie!
#bleu.txt#I do not know what to tag to give him!#Maybe something from an old song would be clever? I know lots of people do tags like that and that sounds like fun#But what song... hmmm...!#Something referencing his source would also make sense... but he does NOT enjoy what happens in that very much!!#So I think it would be better if I came up with something nicer hehe#[TAG IN PROGRESS]#<- I'll replace that later!
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I guess I should start looking into apartments for next year. I don't know where I'm going to be working after I graduate yet, but I'll have a car by then, so it shouldn't matter too much. And I'm hesitant to move when I don't know where I'm going to end up... but I will be honest, I cannot live in this place for another year. They've increased the rent by a literal 50% since I started living here 3 years ago, the air conditioning doesn't work, I have to do laundry by *coin operation*, and worst of all there is no patio or balcony to speak of. I need outdoor seating!!! For my mental health!!!! Adding in the fact that it's far too cramped with all the furniture I got from my dad...
Yeah. Even if I only live there for a year, I Got to move.
Gonna be working on sorting through all the shit in my apartment, especially the boxes from my dad. Once I get a car, I wanna make it my personal project in the next year to cut down on the shit that I own. Go through my old clothes and donate anything that I Never wear and Never would. The goal being that by the time I do move, I want there to not be a fucking boatload of shit to move. There's still all this furniture but like. Eh. Ya kno. Still wanna make it better than it could be.
#speculation nation#dont have my dad to help me move anymore. which means im gonna have to figure out how to take this bed frame apart.#ive never done it before. it was always him doing it. but im fairly smart. it's probably pretty intuitive.#just. kinda sucks. and i'll have to keep track of what screws go where and whatever for putting it back together.#i think i wanna get a 2 bedroom apartment. even if it's just me. so i can have a room i can shut off from the cats#primarily for plants lol. and maybe some other shit. stuff i dont want the cats to access.#i wonder if it'd be too early to start looking for an apartment for like... june of next year.#the earlier the better if i wanna secure something nice. but also idk if theyd even have things listed for a year from now.#wouldnt hurt to look at least. put some feelers out. see what's available out there.#i'll kind of miss this place. my first apartment ive lived in on my own. and the last place that both sammy and cassy lived.#i will be honest. kind of a shithole. but it's mine yk?#but ive outgrown it. and also i could Really do without all the bugs from having a partial basement unit hfksbfmd#might look online later today. just to see.#housing around here is in pretty high demand bc of the college so if i can secure smth early. that's probably the best for me.#give me more choices. etc etc. ya kno.#important for me to think about this now anyways bc my rental company is gonna b pestering me in like a month or two to decide if ill renew#give me a reduced offer for rent from what theyd be increasing it to. which. lmfao. 50% increase is 'reduced' from what it could be.#i... really am so lucky that my dad had his life insurance policy set up like he did.#having money to fall back on makes all of this a lot less scary. up to and including being able to hire ppl to help me move#if. it comes to that. my family would still in general be willing to help probably. but man we're all getting older.#and i know i got too much shit. so. if it came down to it. yeah i could hire moving helpers. if i needed to.#and it makes me feel more secure in moving despite not having a job lined up yet#bc i still have Plenty of money. unless the next apartment is like horrifically expensive i could last several years with what i got.#so. yeah. looking into moving next year. big things. it's the time to think about it though.
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