#maybe i'll finish this (eventually). more likely it will rot in my folder of stuff i've made that i never actually organize.

[yellow-rose-embalmer]

This was not what he expected. People tend to return that particular gesture. But... even if he didn't understand why, he couldn't stop himself from falling apart, just a little, as bright yellow petals caught his eye. An all too familiar flower, one that he's given many times before, and one that those closest to him have received. His voice struggles to say the words "Thank you", and it comes out strained through tight vocal cords when he does, but he cannot hide his body demonstrating just how near to his heart this has landed.

He knows it's the first time they've met. He's sure there's no possible way the man beside him could have known how much this meant to him, how present the flower has been in his life, how it winds its way into him for better and worse. And yet, he smiles under the mask, evidence within the crinkling in his eyes. His heart picks up its pace (ah, that sneaky reminder he's alive...), hands careful in their hold upon the flower, as if afraid to damage it in any way.

Carefully, he sets it down beside him, mentally noting where the thorns are for when he picks it back up. He could stand to respond, couldn't he?

Reading over, he pauses, twirling his pencil in his hand (or, more accurately, attempting to, the motion being more akin to fits and starts rather than smooth motions across his knuckles) as his stomach churns and tightens and sinks all at once. The purpose... that is a difficult question. After all, he hasn't had to write this way before. And... raw thoughts, those uncooked, those that had no editing or backtracking. If he didn't filter himself... oh god. He would surely be left for dead. He would have been long ago. It was only because Jerry taught him the right ways to keep himself upright. Yes, that must be it. That was how he survived this long.

Finally, he writes, hand tense, gripping the pencil noticeably too tight. [I imagine it would be easier in some ways to write down whatever comes to mind. Though... I fear such things are unpalatable at best for many people. I would hate to put you through having to read such things, and... this may be selfish, but I do not want to say something that makes you leave. At least with rules, I know a fraction of what might be wanted from me.]

[All that aside... I've never actually written like this before, letting my thoughts out all at once. I do not know if I am afraid of what happens if I do not keep myself up to standard, or if these nerves are a consequence of not knowing how to talk about all this. I... hardly know my feelings, so I hope this suffices.]

"Oh... Oh dear. I... do not know quite how that feels on your end, but if you need anything for it, I am more than happy to provide. I'm... not a proper doctor, or anything, but... I have some cleaning materials and bandages that I carry with me."

"...I won't ask what happened with your eye, if that's any concern. You don't need to put everything on display to a man you just met, after all."

@yellow-rose-embalmer

Besides, even if you were a doctor, I doubt you could help me. As for my eye, well, it's quite simple. I could tell you about it as long as you don't, uh, want to lick it.

[voidjelli]

20 questions for fic writers

Tagged by @cnnmonbimee!! Thank you for tagging me himeeeeee <3

1. How many works do you have on Ao3? 19 across 2 accounts :3

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count? 281,075

3. What fandoms do you write for? I used to write for the Good Omens and Johannes Cabal fandoms, but recently I've been writing only for JSHK. Originally my jshk account was going to be just an alt but at this point the brainrot is so ingrained that my og account is just gathering dust now lmao

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

More Trouble Than You're Worth (M) | Words: 183,372 | Kudos: 893

Nothing But (Even More) Trouble (E) | Words: 11,205 | Kudos: 181

Torpor (T) | Words: 5,676 | Kudos: 131

Tit For Tat (E) | Words: 2,739 | Kudos: 123

Mostly Cloudy, Chance of Showers (G) | Words: 1,231 | Kudos: 117

The More Trouble landslide always makes me laugh haha. Just no fucking contest. Wipes the floor with everything else.

5. Do you respond to comments? I try my best to do so! I love getting comments and I always get excited when an author responds to my comments, so I try to respond to as many as I can. Sometimes, though, there isn't much to say in response, or I just get anxious--so there are some that I leave alone.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Hmmmmm. Much to think about. I think it's a tie between Full Course and Gossamer, My Gown. Probably Gossamer is angstier in general, but Full Course has more gore. But it's hard to pick because in my mind...despite the angst in the stories, they're both...happy (ish?) endings lmao. Bittersweet at the very least. Things turn out. Don't worry about it.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? More Trouble!! Definitely More Trouble. It's sickeningly sweet. Absolutely tooth-rotting lmao. I love it. They suffer so much in canon I just had to give them a well-deserved break.

8. Do you get hate on fics? Not yet 👀. Maybe someday I'll write something that earns me the 'fandom disgrace' badge. But as of now, I've been relatively lucky and things have been quiet.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? I do! I love writing smut, I think it's really fun lmao. The stuff I've published tends to be on the sweeter side (very 'overwhelmed with lust and adoration / going braindead with love / fucking as an exploration of character vulnerability and earnestness') but I like to branch out now and again.

10. Do you write crossovers? I tend not to. I like to write AUs, sure. But straight-up crossovers aren't really my jam.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? I don't think so!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Nah. I've had someone make a podfic of one of mine, but no translations :3

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Once or twice. Nothing published, though.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? I'm a Hananene/Amanene whore. I'm obsessed with them. The babies. The lovelies. The sweethearts. The idiots. So tragic. So sweet. My favorite goobers ever ♡♡♡

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? [sweats] nobody look in my WIP folder lmao. I'm hopeful that I'll get to most of them eventually, but the ones on the farthest burner are an alternate endgame for Hananene, and a Night Circus AU.

16. What are your writing strengths? I'm good with imagery and metaphor, I think. It comes from my background in poetry :3c

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Plotting. Definitely plotting. I'm more of a gardener than an outliner, so if a fic is long and has actual. like. Plot? I can really struggle to get my feet under me.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I think it's fine in moderation. If you're conveying actual important information, I think it's best to write it in whatever language you're writing in, so people don't have to translate for themselves. But if you're just using it for spice or to center a piece in a certain area or culture, then I think it's fine. Just make sure you're actually saying what you think you're saying. Don't like...half-ass a translation or anything lmao.

19. First fandom you wrote for? Johannes Cabal! I love him so much I highly recommend the books, they're some of my absolute favorites :3c One grumpy German necromancer against the world! ♡

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? Of course, I'm so so proud of More Trouble, and I loved writing it. But I'm also really proud of Something Borrowed, and I'm very proud of Full Course. Out of all of them, I'd have to say Full Course.

I can't think of anyone that Hime hasn't tagged already (bless u, Hime for thinking of me, again ♡) but if anybody wants to just go for it and say that I tagged them, feel free! :3