#maybe i shouldn't use the queue feature that much

[cyanparadis]

When will my writing blog is gonna get deflagged 😭😭😭 ?

[fuckterfs-deactivated20221212]

Hello fellow tumblrinas of all genders or lack thereof, unless I messed something up with the post scheduling today is the third of june.

It is not often that I make serious posts myself, if something is serious and important I usually don't have the necessary know-how nor the time to make my own posts and just reblog posts about those topics, like recently the palestinian genocide or the fact that deserts shouldn't be turned into green forests or lawns, or anything to do with USanian politics. Some of you may have seen one or two of my posts about german politics such as the new Selbstbestimmungsgesetz that will allow trans people like me to change their legal name and gender without a million gates to get past first.

All this to say, this post is not about the most important thing in the world, but it is about something I know about and that is important to me.

About sixteen, soon seventeen years ago, VALVe released a class-based team shooter with a cartoony style that they not much later made free to play. Anyone, so long as they have a steam account, can download this game named Team Fortress 2, and start playing. In it, you can buy clothes, weapon skins, weapon sidegrades and silly dances for real money, and making any purchase enables voice chat and normal chat as well as fundamental game mechanics like calling for a medic. The nine classes are interesting to play and play against, and along with the unlockable sidegrade weapons this game provides lots of variety when it comes to play styles.

But in its current state I can't recommend you to try it.

There are two(ish) ways to play the main game modes:

Casual matchmaking, which is free, the option at the top of the menu and managed by VALVe on their game servers as well as "protected by VAC"

(competitive matchmaking, which if I recall correctly costs money and is mainly people who are pretty good at the game and not those playing for the first time)

Community servers, which are further down the list of ways to play and only accessible through a very unintuitive community server browser, they are usually moderated by real human moderators using a functional anti cheat

(there's also "Training" but it's not against other real players and tbh sucks)

If you start up the game you're most definitely going to start queueing into a casual match, let's say Capture the Flag, because it's on top of the list of gamemodes, but it doesn't really matter what game mode you choose.

And maybe half the time you're going to join a Double Cross match full of other players from all over the world, containing queer people, actual racists, trolls, and one or two people only typing in Cyrillic. These games are fun, you'll learn stuff about the game, about the classes, about how annoying snipers and spies can be, about how much fun it is to airblast an enemy into the abyss, about good spots to put a sentry and about bad spots to do so.

The rest of the time you will join a 2fort match where most people are named something like ESCAPETHEMATRIX, and you will learn about how free to play players can still hear their distorted voice chat music on loop, about how it feels to get headshot by a slow moving sniper who doesn't even look at you every time you leave spawn, about getting vote kicked by five bots and not being able to do anything about it.

Sometimes you're lucky. Sometimes the real players outnumber the bots and you can vote them out one by one.

But until that is done, unless that is done, the game is unplayable.

There are many problems with TF2. Two years ago, during the first #SAVETF2 event a lot of those problems were voiced. But that was part of the reason that attempt failed. There was too much focus on updates lacking content, weapon balance being less than perfect in some places, free to plays not being able to use core features of the game, so that most important problem, the bot crisis, hasn't been in focus enough. It's okay that the game is not getting update-sized updates like Minecraft or Fortnite are. It's okay that some unlockable weapons are pretty much always better than stock. Those are imperfections, but they don't make the game unplayable. Maybe the problem started with the name.

#FIXTF2

That's the name this time. And it's true, TF2 doesn't need saving, it's already broken. We demand that VALVe fix the biggest issue with TF2.

We want a functional anti cheat.

VAC aka VALVe Anti Cheat is supposed to prevent cheaters and bots from ruining the game. It has not done that for many years, and is, according to people with more technical knowledge than me, merely a suggestion, and not a real anti cheat software. Community servers have found ways to eliminate cheating and bots entirely in their games, without the funding of a billions-of-dollars company that makes a lot of money off of TF2.

Creators like Megascatterbomb have made efforts against the bot problem, compiling lists of bot accounts and publishing them, and while VALVe profits off the bot hosters, these bot hosters have harassed, doxxed and even framed him at local authorities for domestic terrorism. This man wanted to help keep his favorite game playable and instead he got investigated by the police for allegedly planning to bomb a university.

How do I know that VALVe profits off of those bot hosters? Well the bots use voice and text chat, meaning they have to have made a purchase for each account.

Some of you reading this might already know about all of this, some of you might have made your own post today, but others may not even know TF2 exists or thought the problems got solved two years ago because VALVe made one (1) twitter post.

If you haven't already, please sign the petition at https://save.tf/ , maybe get more info at https://fixtf2.tf/ where you can also find links to more informative youtube videos. The petition will be delivered to VALVe HQ along with the tens, possibly even hundreds of thousands of names belonging to people who signed.

Thank you for reading. It would be nice if you reblogged this, the only way we can get TF2 fixed and stop it from being abandoned is if lots of people know about this.

[neurodivergent-uni-support-group]

When your brain refuses to function with the same strategy everyday

I've recently finished writing my dissertation after 3.5 months, so am still just about living in academic mode. Unfortunately one thing I haven't seen people who struggle with executive functioning talk about as much is the fact that I can find a strategy that completely clicks with me and works perfectly, but then won't even help me get five minutes of work done the next day. So, I'm gonna slowly build a masterlist!

This was originally supposed to be specifically about how to find the right music to function with but might as well broaden it out a bit. If anyone has any strategies/music/website recommendations that work particularly well for them, let me know and I'll be happy to add them!

Music

Lofi Girl Livestream - Starting with the obvious one, but it's well-known for a reason! The song styles remain consistent enough to not get distracted by changed while still being different enough to keep the brain working, people are constantly in the live chat so there's an element of bodydoubling, and it's a livestream so you don't have to worry about changing songs partway through work. Plus if lofi hip hop's not your thing, they have a synthwave version too.

There's a platypus controlling me but it's lofi (1hr edition) - Getting a bit weirder now, I will admit, but I stand by this one 100%! At least once in every assessment period I will have it set to loop and playing for a full day. If instrumental music leaves too much room in your brain to be distracted, this one usually does the trick. The first couple of rounds might seem more distracting than it's worth but half an hour in, you'll be golden!

Mario Kart Double Dash Full OST - This doesn't specifically have to be Mario Kart Double Dash, but it is a fun one! Basically just think of a game that makes you feel nostalgic or comforted or happy, see if there's a full OST for it and hopefully it'll help. Other soundtracks I'm a fan of using are Danganronpa 2 and Professor Layton, but it depends what kind of speed/genre you prefer.

Minecraft but it's raining - Kinda similar to the previous one but this time it's particularly peaceful OSTs with extra sounds on top! The one linked is the video I use the most but it's the same few songs repeated over and over for 10 hours so depends whether you work better with repetition or variation. There's also an Animal Crossing one here.

8D Lofi Girl (2hrs) - If normal lofi and added rain isn't cutting it, 8D might be the way to go! Since the music is constantly changing direction it adds a bit more interest to your brain. It's only 2 hours long but there do seem to be a fair few others on YouTube so shouldn't be too difficult to turn into a playlist or queue.

I'm Still Standing - Just the song. I just put it on loop and for some reason it sometimes works. Pick whichever song you want for this, though maybe keep it for final day crunches and be prepared to never be able to listen to the song again outside of work.

Websites and Apps

Forest - The main programme I've been using this time around! You set a timer and choose a tree, and every time you complete a time period of work without going on one of the apps/websites on your blocklist, another tree is added to your forest. It comes as both a Firefox Addon and an app, which can either be used synchronised or separately. Be warned, if you do want to synchronise them, you'll need to buy the premium version of the app, but it's a one-time payment of £3.89, so if it's something you can afford, it can be really useful.

Noisli - A mix of background noise and generally useful features, this one's a website and an app. It has lots of different background noises and you can mix and match them to make your ideal work setting. There's also a timer and space to type within the website if you don't want to move outside of it during work!

[aquarianlights]

I think.... I'm depressed. I know this was before 2020 happened, so it shouldn't be because of what's been happening all year. I feel like I'm stuck no matter what I do and my situation won't change. maybe it never changed looking back all the past years. I asked some friends on what to do but they don't know any advice on what they can offer either. I don't know what to do without anything involving financial decisions, which isn't realistic. I feel like this is the best I can do in my life and that's the most control I have. I'm worried I'll get screwed over more as time goes by.

Everyone always seems to think therapy *always* will cost money, but there are options for free and extremely reduced price therapy out there. Idk why people don't take advantage of sliding scale therapists more. 5 dollars per week may not be doable (it's not doable for me rn, so I get that), so if you find the right organization or the right sliding scale, they'll slide down to 0. But since sliding scale is based on income, if you're employed, you need to look for a community organization that offers free therapy. Some are the type that get you in the next day, but most are the type that take a while to get into.

These are in most places, including very small towns, but they're more likely to be in cities or suburban areas. If they're not directly in your area, they're definitely in a surrounding are.

Sliding scale/free therapists may not always be ideal, especially for people like me that have more ab-psych things to deal with, but the more basic things that all psychs & therapists are trained to deal with like depression and anxiety would be able to be handled by a sliding scale/free therapist. All the free and sliding scale therapists I have seen have been good, but obviously don't have the training to help with things like my borderline personality disorder or my schizoaffective disorder. However, depression, they could help with. But when I don't have money or insurance, it's better than nothing in my opinion.

Other options are text lines, where you text with a counselor or volunteer. I've used these twice and they've been a great resource in a pinch. I think the ones with actual therapists (therapists are not psychologists btw) cost money, but I'm not sure. 🤔

Another option is outpatient treatment centers. Basically a place you go when you're suicidal to just be around those who can watch you & have someone to talk to until you're okay. I'm not sure how available these are (or if that is even the right thing to call them 😭) because I only became aware of their existence when I moved to Colorado & haven't been able to find an equivalent in any other state. 🤔 But I haven't really looked much or that hard coz I'm not looking for that kinda care rn but... this is a GREAT option for some people and it was wonderful for me at one point.

This was a place I went where you just basically check in for 12-24 hours or you can drop in to have an appointment with a counselor who is a volunteer. Inside the facility, they have rooms and a shower and a communal kitchen and a communal day room as well as other things. We were basically allowed to do whatever we wanted. I forget if we were allowed to bring our phone or laptop... but I *think* we could. 🤔 I know what I'm describing sounds a LOT like a psych ward for those of you who have been to a few psych wards in your lives, but trust me when I say I did NOT feel like I was in a ward at ALL. If I had, I would have bolted or never checked in at all.

The purpose of this place was to have a place to go when you're feeling suicidal and/or like you're going to harm yourself, but really don't want to and don't want to end up in a psych ward. It's where you can be around others who can watch/monitor you and have someone to talk to if you want/need to.

There is a stipulation that you can't leave until the time is up that you signed for. And there was only one person there with an actual degree in psych, but they had to okay you before you left. Everyone else who was there as counselors were volunteers who could just relate and wanted to help. It was like living in a mini commune with a bunch of people who genuinely understood what I was going through and genuinely cared and that was exactly what I needed in that moment when I was really on the verge of attempting. I went there a few times, actually. When I was still suicidal, I searched all over for a place like it in NC, but all I found were psych wards with 72-hour holds, which was NOT what I was looking for. The thing I experienced was so incredibly different and what I had been looking for my whole life basically. It was magical and if someone else can find one of these outside of colorado, let me know. Or if someone knows what these are actually called coz Idk what to really call them lol.

This is really silly and more of a last resort thing and should NEVER be used in the place of therapy, obviously, but there are apps out there to help cope until you can get in to therapy and just to help with little things in your daily life. Maybe try to figure out what is bringing you down specifically. Do you need to work on organization? Do you need to improve your ability to calm down & relax? Think about things like that and there are apps out there to help. There's even an AI out there that I tried out for funsies that has some features to help with depression, called Replika. Again, therapy is #1.

I do wanna add I have never heard of a free psychiatrist, but I did have a couple sliding scale psychiatrists in my life, so if you're looking for medications (which might be a GREAT step in the right direction! 🥰) it will be much, much harder to find a sliding scale psychiatrist than a sliding scale therapist or psychologist. 🙁 I don't think there are many around, honestly.

But yeah those are just some options I can think of off the top of my head that either don't cost money or cost very little money and/or go off of your income. And when they go off of your income, they generally try to take what you verbally say to them into account as well. So if you cannot afford anywhere near the number the calculations come up with, it's not always like... a set in stone number. Some places will be more than willing to discuss a lower price or even a free option with you. Other places might say "no, that's the number. Take it or leave it." It's hard to say till you make some calls.

This is all speaking on the US, btw. I haven't a clue on other countries. 😬

I hope this maybe helps someone a little lol. Idk why everyone always forgets about sliding scale/free therapy. The amount of times free therapy and sliding scale therapy has saved me when I was uninsured and/or didn't have money is ridiculous. 😅And it's not like they're only in big cities or something. They're legit everywhere, including small rural areas. It just takes some time, effort and lots of exhausting phone calls to find them. 😬 Which is the part a lot of people just don't want to do/deal with. Which is understandable.

I'm so sorry you're struggling. 😞 I hope you can find something soon or something happens for things to get easier. If you ever need to vent, feel free to jump in my inbox. I always have my queue running, so it might not look like I'm here, but I do check my asks about once a week. 🥰

Stay strong. 💞💞💞