#maybe i have anger issues idk but maybe it's just a reaction to the worst takes u have ever seen

[deceitfuldevout]

First and Last

Dark!Tom (The Party 2017) x ExWife!Reader

Word Count: +3,234

Warning(s): +18, Non con, ANGST, Domestic violence, Mentions of overdose/overdosing, Drug usage, Addiction, Forced drug usage, Heavy domestic violence, Forced breeding Accidental OD, Really long because I don't have a life.

Author's note(s): I wanted to post this before my trip. Idk if I want to make this into a 2 part series maybe if its good than ye 😃

You run into your soon-to-be ex-husband at a friend's party. He's determined to get a second chance. But some things never change. 

You met Tom in college. Both of you were part of the same friend group and would see each other often. He was persistent in pursuing you. Eventually mustering up the courage to ask you out. You said yes because you fell for him first. But it was Tom who fell harder. He was your first love, first kiss, first everything. After a year of dating, he finally pops the question. Everything seemed to be going fine at first. 

That was almost a decade ago. He's not the same man you fell in love with. Something inside him changed. There were times where you were unsure whether it was the drugs talking or how he truly felt. He would try to hide it but failed miserably. You can't remember how many times you've found his stash, which always resulted in an argument. You were sick of his excuses. It eventually got worse with his intake. He would arrive home half sober. You were sick of seeing him waste away like this. You remember finally deciding that enough was enough. 

After catching him at home for the fifth time, you decide to take action into your own hands. In a fit of anger, you retrieve his hidden stash and flush it down the toilet. When Tom found out his reaction wasn't what you had predicted. Not at all. He dragged you to the bathroom and demanded to know where his supply went. It was the first time he'd ever laid his hands on you. Instead of apologizing for bringing them home, Tom held you in a chokehold until you told him where they were.  

Never in your life would you imagine Tom of all people reacting in such a way. When you finally confess what had happened, he loses his temper. It terrified you how strong he became while under the influence. You were no match for his drug-fueled rage. Your wrist is still sore from how he held you down last week. There were bruises that were still healing for all the times before. But this one had been the worst punishment yet. He left you there on the bathroom floor, naked and sore. Tom hadn't bothered to look your way. He zips up his pants before leaving in search of his next 'fix'.  

That wasn't the first time he put his hands on you, but it was the first time you had left him. You received a string of desperate phone calls, voicemails, text messages all from Tom. You returned home to find him on his knees with a bouquet in hand and tears in his eyes. He apologized and promised to be a better man for you. That was shortly lived. When you arrived home from a late shift, you caught Tom using it again. This time it was different, you found Tom overdosing. You lunged towards him, "Tom?! Tom!" cradling his head in your hands, holding him close. It was the first time you've caught him. A part of you feared this wouldn't be the last.  

Tom had tried to make it up with sex, but you couldn't be around him anymore. You felt almost revolted how he didn't care. Having him around only reminds you of the pain. This time instead of throwing a fit, yelling, or crying. You simply packed all your things and left. What could you do with a man who refuses to change? Leave. You left for your mother's place, finally accepting that it wasn't your fault. 

The divorce papers were mailed to him. For a while now, Tom knew there was something wrong with him. He was just too stubborn to admit it. You'd spoken with a lawyer and there was a court date issued. In a few months from now, you will no longer be referred to as husband and wife.  

For the first time in years, you've finally let the feeling of guilt go. No longer were you going to let this define who you were. You weren't a failure as a wife. Because it was never your fault in the first place. Soon enough you were doing the things you loved again, even began to pick up a few new hobbies. That spark of joy began to return. You started dressing up in nicer clothes, going out, actually spending quality time with friends and family.  

Sometimes there would be a moment when you'd feel for Tom and wonder what he'd be up to. But then again did you really want to know? It would usually be the same thing, him being higher than a kite. Still, you couldn't help but mourn at the loss of your marriage. When you were young and promised to love each other until your very last breath. You still loved Tom, but he loved other things more. 

You were looking forward to your old college friend's New Year's party. A healthy dosage of socializing to get you out there again. You had the opportunity to catch up with everyone there. It felt as though no time had passed. You danced around, joined in some games, things were going well. But there was a lingering feeling that someone, somewhere was staring at you.  

That's when you spot him, Tom, sitting quietly at the end of the room. Your breath hitches at the sight of him twiddling his thumbs. There's a part of you that regrets not filing a restraining order. Tom always had a habit of showing up unannounced. You weren't in the mood for whatever he had to say. So, you left his sight, down the hall, to the nearest restroom. 

You sat on the counter, removing your heels for a moment. A groan escapes your lips as you rub both feet, knowing very well they would ache in the morning. Shit, you were really gonna feel that. You splash your face a few times, hoping that it would combat the summer heat. Completely unaware of the sound of the door opening. It was as if you knew who was behind you, turning around to find Tom leaning against the door. You gave him a glare, "Get out," you were in no mood for his emotional ambush. He ignores your request and calmly states, "I just want to talk to my wife," 

"We're not--" 

"Legally, yes, we are," he corrects. Always so condescending. It was one of the things you couldn't stand. How he would belittle your intelligence. It was the little remarks he'd make to shut down any effort you gave. He made you feel unwanted. He was the one who decided to push you away first.  

If only he could see past his own selfishness that you truly wanted to save this marriage. But in order to do so, he would need to admit that it was an ongoing problem. You didn't have to worry about a mistress, no. You had to worry everyday about finding him dead. You've caught him overdosing a few times. It eventually took a toll on you. To the point where you lost weight from the stress. Tom rakes his hand through his locks, "Of course you don't want to see me, nothing ever satisfies you," a snarky remark to try and get under your nerves.  

With the amount of alcohol in your system, it worked, "Are you kidding me?" you scoff, "Don't you dare lie to me Thomas, I tried everything, everything to fix us, can you say the same?" you growl in his face. Maybe it was the liquid courage that gave you a whole new attitude. Whatever it is helped with confronting him. His reaction, however, was not what you expected.

He smothers you into a deep kiss, pulling you into his embrace. You try shoving at him in an attempt to catch breath. Finally breaking free from his grip. For a moment, he's seems visibly hurt. You scold, "What you wrong with you?!" it wasn't fair. After all the hurt you've been through, Tom still tries to insert himself into your life.  

You deserved better. You try to shove him away. Instead, he shoves you against the wall, "Can't you see..." he presses his sweaty cheek against the crook of your neck, "You're my everything..." his voice sounding more desperate with each word. You scoff, "No, Tom, you can't do this..." tears began to brim, threatening to spill. His eyes are filled with worry, "No...now, baby please don't cry..." his expression is saddened but there are no tears. He kisses each cheek, ignoring your sniffling. Tom held you in place by the shoulders, "I couldn't stop thinking about you," it's true. You were his first love.  

Tom had longed to see his wife again. To feel her, touch her, caress and worship every part of her. He wanted to make things right, truly. But she just got up and left him. Like he was trash. What made her so high and mighty? He's so sick of seeing you always playing the role of a saint. For once he wants to see you get downright nasty with him. His breathing became frantic, "Can't you see? I'm addicted to you," there's a mischievous look on his face that you were more than familiar with.  

You place a cautious hand in front to create distance, "Tom, listen to me, you’re high right now, you're not in the right--" you were muffled by his hand, "No! No! Listen to me!" his voice booms. His sudden mood swing scares you. So much so that your nails dig into his wrist. He hisses in pain, "Stop it! Just stop!" he grits his teeth. When he releases his grip the first thing you do is make a run for it. But before you could even set foot out of the restroom you're pulled back by the hair. You fell on your back, hitting the marble floor.  

It sends the air out of your lungs. That's when you start crying, shriveling up into a ball, begging for him to stop. This was how your arguments always ended. Tom crouches down, "Oh...baby I'm so sorry..." He grabs a towel, pushing it against the bottom of the door to ensure that it's soundproofed. He then pulls you into a hug, locking his arms around your waist. Tom rocks you in his embrace, "Please...please don't cry shh.." He doesn't want to see anymore tears spill. He's thankful for the music being loud enough to muffle your cries. He lifted you onto the counter.  

You look down at the floor, refusing to look him in the eyes. Tom presses his forehead against yours. His eyelids flutter shut, "Let me make this right..." he reaches into his pocket, pulling out a small bag, "Here... this'll help with the nerves," he swipes his fingers on his tongue before dipping it in. He swirls it a few times, coating the digits with the white powder.

When he brings it to your mouth you turn away with disgust, smacking his hand off, "Get it the fuck away from me! You fucking tweaker!" you claw at him. He's hurt by your words. How could you? He really is trying to stop. It's harder than it looks. He's tried just about anything you could name to fix his marriage. Nothing, not a damn thing worked. Every time he'd come running back to that same euphoric feeling. When you left, he started using it again, more than ever.  

If only he could get you to try it out, then maybe, you'd understand. He presses you against the counter, using his bodyweight to hold you in place. You sob, "Please...please Tommy...don't do this..." he grips both of your wrists, ignoring your pleas. He looks at you with a maddening look in his eyes. You knew he was out of it. There was always that nothingness behind his irises. To think that this man was once your devoted husband.  

He muffles your cries with a clean hand. He has an idea for the other. Tom hisses, “M’gonna make you take it, make you feel really good...” he reaches in between your legs, pushing aside the lace. Tom brings the snow coated fingers to your folds. He bites his bottom lip, concentrating on finding your opening. He slowly starts to insert them, ignoring your cries and pleas for him to stop. Tom starts pumping his coated fingers in and out of your channel.

You let out a muffled scream under his palm. Stray tears falling down and landed on his wrist. He felt almost bad, but you'll understand soon enough where he's coming from. Just wait and see. You'll love it as much as he does. Fuck, every vein in his body felt like it was on fire. It's easier getting hard while using, too easy. His dick almost hurts form how hard it was. He spat a wad on the tip, coating it with a bit of snow before hovering it over your folds. He presses it against your opening.

A wide grin spreads on his face, "Sh...please...don't flinch sweetheart I just wanted to feel... can I feel my own wife's pussy?" He moans. A mewl escapes your lips. Tom chuckles, he knew you'd love it as much as he does. His hands grip your neck, he doesn't know how strong he's squeezing, not while he's using. It felt nice feeling you clench on his length. He’s on an adrenaline high right now. He’s not going to stop anytime soon.

He rapidly thrusts his hips in and out your channel, indulging in the feeling. Two of his most favorite things combined. Oh, how he’s missed you. Tom picks up his pace. He leans down to plant wet, sloppy kisses across your bare neck. He retreats his lips, groaning against your ear, “I promise you I'll make up for everything, I'll even give you a baby like you've always wanted...” He knows it’s the one thing you’ve always wanted to be. A mother.  

Your eyes shoot wide open as you scream into his palm to stop. Tom pops a pill in his mouth. He swishes it around a few times before forcing your mouth to open. He removes his palm only for a moment, before shoving it inside. It's too much, too much...You felt like you were flying, no, falling? Your heart couldn't stop beating and every single last one of your limbs felt like jelly. A visible vein bulges on the corner of your temple. Only a faint gargle leaves your lips, "F-fuck...T-tom...please..” sniffling for him to stop.

He coos, “M'gonna give you a baby, ok? then we'll be a happy family..." He sighs in admiration. Fuck, you looked so beautiful. Always so compliant. Don’t worry, he’s going to make sure you’ll never get rid of him, “This was mine the day I put that ring on that finger..." He finishes with a roar, coating your insides with his spunk. Tom is almost satisfied, almost. He doesn’t want to waste a single drop. He carefully removes his cock from your channel, plugging you back up with his fingers.  

Tom takes the small baggie. He coats it with your arousal. A deep moan escapes his lips, "Just hide it for me, yeah, can you do that love?" Two of his fingers are buried deep into your channel, he scissors them apart a few times, testing the waters. Then he starts to push it in. You were too buzzed to even fight him off.

His fingers have always caressed that spot you just couldn't quite reach. Tom sighs, “Beautiful...fucking beautiful...” words that he hasn't used in years. Tom throws his coat on the floor. He carefully places you on it, taking no note of the blank expression on your face. He hadn’t noticed your eyes rolling back. He pressed his head against the door to hear if anyone was lurking. If the coast was clear, he could leave.

He places a chaste kiss on your cheek before leaving, placing a tie on the doorknob to ensure no one would wander inside. Tom prepares his car for the both of you. If you were thinking of escaping him, think again. He would keep you hidden until you were surely pregnant. You’ll have a part of him with you forever. He returns to the house with a pep in his step, opening the door to find you still lying on the ground.

That’s when Tom finally notices the faint frothing on the corners of your mouth. He crouches down, “No...” he should’ve seen this coming. You weren’t used to any kind of drug. You’ve never smoked a day in your life. Tom pulls you into his arms, “No no no no...no please...” he shook your unconscious form, “Please! Stay with me!” he shook harder, “Please! Fuck!” Finally breaking down. Tom couldn’t imagine spending the rest of his life without you. For it to actually come true was his biggest nightmare, “Please! Don’t leave me!” He rocks both of you back and forth.

Tom tries his best to control his breathing, reaching into his pocket. He calls the one person he knows would help, "Lenn...I'm in deep shit," he chokes. Tom prays that his brother can make it on time. For years now, Lenny had been the one covering up for his little brother. He could hear Tom on the other end of the phone, “She--she’s not waking up...” That’s when Lenny races out his office in search of his twin, "Tom, listen to me, where are you?"

Whatever shit his little brother has gotten into this time, he better hope it doesn’t ruin his record. Lenny hadn't spent years in law enforcement just to lose it all in one day. If word got out that the local detective’s own brother was a tweaker, he’d have to kiss that promotion goodbye. However, Lenny isn’t going to let him get away so easily. Unlike Tom, his brother is colder, more calculated than emotional. He's always surpassed him in every way possible. Well, almost. Lenny hates to admit it, but Tom had the one thing he finally beat him at, you.  

You were the color added to his life. Without you his world was just...black and white.

[fantomette22]

(For Bloodborne)

10, 16, and 18?? 💀

I answered 10 here ! As for the rest it is quite long so putting it under there. Hope you ready 😅

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

Hm... wait I need to remember all the things I don't appreciate... and try not to make ennemies 😓 (it's really not my goal it's just personal preference mostly. Seriously depending how things are explained and presented there's lot a thing I can actually enjoy! While I would dislike when it's just throw and spam without context.)

Hm well you know as for characterisations when it's reduced to like 2 traits or extreme good / extreme bad it's hm... yeah. I mean I know I ain't a good exemple but I barely share dark headcanons 😓 but they do exist hehe.

Of course absolutely don't mind and love silly shenanigans (when you're hanging with your friends and having fun it's not always very serious) and also more dark and matures ideas. When people share it doesn't mean it's all they think to the characters! Gotta take the all picture!

But it does bother me when people believe in almost caricatural interprets like it's canon and talk down on others with different views. Somehow like they are the worst thing...like wtf.

Also well typical extreme talk about Gehrman, Maria and mostly Laurence I suppose (maybe a bit Lulu aka the holy blade but it bother me a bit less because people are generally not spamming to or being annoying as much as the others. Oh Micolash too). When people reduced them to just 2 things or an extreme. I feel it really doesn't fit with the infos within the game. I'm not a fan at all. They are all morally grey and humans. They are not clearly all black or all white. they are morally gray, they are humans!

In more details now. Well for Gehrman you know my stance already. Clearly yeah he had some issues in his life and did bad things but clearly I don't think he was a misogynistic asshole and all the stuff. Like it just don't make sense to me. I don't even wanna vent about it today XD

As for Maria well. Look I don't have a problem with the headcanon of her being a butch lesbian. I mean it's even one of my AU actually. (to put it really really simply. Bc I like having several interprets disconnect to each other in their own settings). It can be very interesting in an overall big story I think. The problem I have is when it's apparently her only unique traits and if you think or headcanon otherwise for any reasons you are apparently the worst shit to exist and getting block. Being labelled as sexist, homophobic etc. Well idk but that kind of reaction kinda tell me who the real -phobic one is 😕 really that is sad like wow who hurt you people?! to have this much anger to people just trying to have fun. Thankfully it's clearly just a minority of people who are agressive like this. And I hope they will grow, gain maturity and realise there's really no need to be that mean about such a thing. But it's been a while saw smt like this so I prefer to put this behind me there's hope.

As for Laurence I'm not really a fan of him being the ultimate bitch devil (or angel but nobody has that take almost. That would be a change. the tragic vicar who only had good intention but accidentally fucked up and try his best until the end😔 I mean I don't agree with that either but that's a change). I mean by this, that I think he did both. Good and bad things. That he had honorable intentions at first but overcome by a bit of ego and pride he fucked up really bad. And then realised his mistake but it was too late to correct it... his theme inspire great strength but who end in tragedy and pity. So overall tragic these too. Him being depicted as just a smug unlikable bitch is something I have a hard time with. I mean yes I like to imagine him being a smug bitch too at times for sure! it's fun but not like all the time and making it his entire personality. If that make sense. I don't see how he could be an important religious figure, doctor and having so much support by just being a manipulative ass all the time. Especially if he start from ground 0.

And hm... i have nothing again it and people so that we're clear but hm EXCEPT in certains very specific context* I am not personally a fan of Laurence being drawn with horns on his head. It just isn't my cup of tea. I'm not sure to understand what's the interest don't make sense to have Laurence looking normally human + just horns but it's just me.

*EXCEPT WHEN : symbolism and symbolic art (no prob I like those actually. Horns + when he's burning in human form for exemple onlooking like religious symbolism) ; "decoration" like lil detached horns, like you would put flowers or sparkles or little emoji next to a portrait of a characters ; before he transformed but with other signs of beasthood (actually him human with horns can be nice but I prefer when it's like mini horns not full cleric beast ones + idk a giant arm with claws and fur growing, eyes looking weird, teeth growing, his hair being longer and messy etc).

Now last I will stop after...

I think a whole fic or interprets on a really dark and realistic Bloodborne universe like our world can be super interesting! But I don't enjoy when people seem to think Bloodborne is 100% our 19th century with just a couple of eldritch things in it? Ok it's closer to us compared to medieval fantasy like DS or elden ring. But I feel it's fantasy too. if we had a map I won't be surprise if that's not Europe or a map that existed in real life. Lot of things don't fit to be actual victorian era. It's just inspire by it : invention and technology aren't on the same lvl. Either they are missing important inventions or are too advanced. (Molotovs appeared during spain war and were named like this during WWII) people don't seem to have 10 children working in factories or mines as well. Women are doctors, academic, hunters etc No steam machine or electric bulb but who knows. I could make an entire things... Looking at all the real life inspirations for the game is great! Create a very realistic story is very cool! But I would personally be more on the side that's it's more of a victorian fantasy. Like Sekiro can't be in our world or how Dark souls is a medieval fantasy as well and isn't medieval age accurate.

Oh boi i forgot about victorian london. Jokes are fine but bloodborne is more inspired on Prague and eastern europe i feel. You and Katy developed it more anyway

18. it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...

Ok I don't know how to answer this so have a list (of ideas in my head I need to share /write one day lmao) :

Maria backstory (no seriously I want stories on her childhood, her family, what happened, how she felt toward them. Conflicted? Good terms but separate ways? Actually work for them for a while? Disowned? I wanna know! If she's actually close to Annalise ? More important in royal family that we know? Or really a random noble related to them?) Is her pyromancer real?! why she dislike blood blades?

How she got her Rakuyo

How she met Gehrman? her training? WHAT HAPPEN I NEED TO KNOW uxkcblkDOLFMBOEAMl: (sorry XD) work for Laurence & co too

Important lore Charcacters backstory before this whole mess (Laurence, Gehrman, Ludwig, Willem etc yeah basically everyone lol I won't do the entire list XD but how did they meet each other what bound them what happen.)

Stories how the healing church + blood transfusion actually came to be?

Byrgenwerth era (yeah sorry I love it XD)

So yeah overall timeline before the hunter arrive (help)

Cainhurst, Annalise, vilebloods, potential KING of Cainhurst

So yeah Logarius too

Loran, Isz and pthumerians lore??

Dores and Gatekeeper my beloved

Caryll (yeah just Caryll)

Izzy and bestial hunters. How the bestial rune was forbidden, why Laurence had it etc

Ok is everyone except 5 persons gonna ignore the fact freaking Gehrman can make more than just weapons?! well wood stuff are oblivious but how did bro can make such refined clothes hello?!?!

Religion practise how it works in Yharnam, how citizens and clerics actually practise it.

What's their history, their legend, how the geopolitic within the country is and others XD (it's more a critic about the game in itself than fandom really) In truth I'm a bit sad we know lot of countries and regions within Dark Souls but almost none with Bloodborne! Like many people are from foreign countries and we have 0 names compared to the dozens in DS. we just have like vaguely Yamamura asiatic country, Eileen's one, Valtr's city, Loran and Isz. As for Gascoigne Gilbert Brador and all the others we don't know anything. In Dark Souls we have names and we know where people came from : Catarina, Astora, Forossa, Mirrah, Carim, Vinheim, Lordran etc)

Event being seen by random citizens or young characters growing up could be interesting!

I mean many characters again

I might stop here or it will never be over sorry... I'm not even sure it's really slept one but I wish we have more. There's just so many possibilities and things that can be created!

[beepsparks]

Okay. Imagine the YDKJ hosts (you can count Bob in, if you want) but their personalities are the complete opposites of what you HC them to be

1:06 am, 4/28/2024

Ooh now this would make for an interesting AU idea…. Might actually doodle this at some point

This is long as hell… wee

Guy would have the most obvious and craziest change, being that he’d be WAY more unfriendly, mean, and possibly angry with just a TOUCH of maybe.. lazy (considering it’s usually hard to get Guy to actually be angry over something and not just his usual reaction to being upset, where in the games which seems to be just CRYING OVER IT), so uh, try to avoid him. You don’t want a man that could snap you in half to be angry at you!!

Now one may assume I’m gonna make Schmitty overly nice, but he IS a nice man given the chance, he’s just grumpy at times and has anger issues, so I’d say if his personality was swapped, he’d probably become hyperactive. Since I normally see him as somewhat calm and a tiny bit laid back (idk sometimes it’s hard to figure out people’s personalities for me diebjebr), if Schmitty’s personality was swapped, he would act like he’s just had 10 cups of coffee and he could fight god, probably pisses off Guy a lot. Also he’d probably talk like that one line in YDKJ TV where Schmitty tries to mimic that really fast commercial voice you hear all the time in TV ads. Also since this is the host of QUIPLASH I guess I should mention his humor, normally Schmitty would laugh at dumb jokes, but if his personality was swapped, you gotta tell him the most clever, well-thought-out joke in all of mankind or else he’ll suddenly stop and stare at you like you did something really weird.

Nate would probably be all “I don’t care anymore”, wouldn’t bother to get himself ready for anything and probably shows disinterest in basically everything (when normally Nate would at least TRY to look energized or something), try to talk to him about ANYTHING and he’d probably be IGNORING whatever you’re saying. Idk tho, again it’s hard for me to EXACTLY catch onto character personalities lol.

Buzz is a difficult one… I know for one thing, he’d probably be way more reserved about his interests and may even attempt to hide them. Maybe he’d be quicker to snap if someone wasn’t treating him right rather than bottle it up and THEN snap? Now this is more based on my experience playing volume 2, but personality-swapped Buzz would probably be a little more mean, too (since he doesn’t even try to insult me in that game tbh). Not sure how his self esteem would be, though… he could either think he’s better than all of the hosts, or he could think he’s the worst host in history. Maybe he swaps between the two constantly, who knows.

Cookie I tend to imagine as a man who’s ego is through the roof, and he’s willing to verbally kick people down in order to keep that confidence. (Idk if that counts as a personality trait tho) So if Cookie’s personality was swapped, this man would be absolutely pathetic and think he’s awful at everything. Also since he hosts Fibbage, I suppose another thing is that he’d be an awful liar. Also he’s probably way less unhinged than normal Cookie is. Despite I’ve seen a lot of Cookie clips, his personality, like the others, can be pretty complex so it’s hard for me to exactly hit the mark lol.

I suppose I’ll throw in Bob bc why not, even if I don’t know much about him or his personality yet… probably doesn’t try too much, either, doesn’t like bright colors, and likely is into REALLY OLD STUFF rather than whatever aesthetic he’s got going on + “whatever the kids seem to like these days so I look more relatable and entertaining”

[bloodiegawz]

Salamandra Barrera 🦎 [WIP]

[official render N/A]

Nicknames: Sal (Ace, Grim, Epel), Lizzy (Cater), Madame Macabre (Rook), Axolotl (Floyd)

House: None, but she does live in Ramshackle Dorm

Class: None

Age: 19

Birthday: October 13 (Libra)

Height: 165cm

Dominant hand: Right

Homeland: New Mexico, USA

Likes: Salamanders, embroidery and patches, fire/flames (as in watching them)

Dislikes: Being bothered or nagged, not understanding things, most sports and academics

Hobbies: Gardening (particularly succulents)

Favorite food: Huevos rancheros

Least favorite food: Blueberries

Talent(s): Fast reaction time

Signature spell/Unique magic: None

Other: Heals remarkably fast and can't be killed. She doesn't feel pain very well, and even major injuries likely won't stop her.

--/--

- That is a whole zombie.

- Although she has speculated, she doesn't actually know how she died (carbon monoxide poisoning).

- Incredibly strong for her looks.

- Fun fact if you cut off one of her limbs she would literally just straight up grow a new one

- Many of the students view her as an older sister and look up to her. She is not sure how to feel about this.

- Although she isn't shy about her past and will answer if asked, she prefers not to bring it up. Mostly she worked at a 7/11 for eternity until she died.

- Was expelled from 2 schools before high school.

- She has unchecked anger issues, and while she recognizes it, she hasn't had resources to get help... and still doesn't because Crowley is the worst ever. It's better to try not to press her.

- You can usually find her in Sam's shop helping around, or running errands for teachers. She's gotta get by somehow.

- Actively refused to be let in as a student. Although she joins studies with friends every once in a while to brush up and learn the basics in this world, she can't stand a classroom or lecture hall setting.

- She smells vaguely like cigarettes, mint, and cinnamon.

- She can eat and taste food and drinks but whatever happens to it afterward is anyone's guess, since most of her organs have basically stopped working.

- Her eyes are constantly half-lidded, as if she's drowsy (though she very much isn't and we don't actually know if she can sleep anymore)

--/--

power of friendship? wrong. power of incredible violence

ahh sal my babygirl there is so so much wrong with you but idk maybe the anime boys will make you better. and if they can't i guess you'll get worse

[beeejayy]

Crona or Medusa gorgon?

Or if you really want to go out there with it maybe Maka’s mother

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ 😇🧸👻👽💤💝🫂💔🪢👗📓🔪🌟🥇🍫🎭❤️‍🔥💄🖕😺😬😭😶

Okay. I'm doing all of the above. It'll have to be split into multiple posts tho LOL so Crona goes first.

🏳️‍🌈 a sexuality hc- I legit don't know, Crona definitely likes girls tho 👍

🏳️‍⚧️ a gender hc- nonbinary :)))))

😇 a religion/ lack thereof- uhhh even tho I love religious symbolism ESPECIALLY relating to Crona... I really doubt Medusa sat Crona down and was like "okay Crona, open your Bible to page 25-"

🧸 a hc about their childhood- bad. We all know it's bad. I feel like Crona was rarely fed regular food either. The most they'd get WAS the souls they had to get to become a kishin. Also Crona didn't get a bed I don't remember seeing a bed in that room they were always put in.

👻 a hc about what scares them- everything.

🎶 a hc about music- they like rock, loud music but also nice melodies like "a home for flowers (omori soundtrack)" or "his theme (undertale soundtrack)"

👽 a hc about a weird quirk of theirs- they will randomly tick like- spaz out. Yes this is me projecting.

💤 a hc about their sleep- they don't care about sleep. They hate being alone with their thoughts there is rarely peace with sleep. That is until they start having sleep overs with maka..

🦾 a disability hc- Ragnarok. OKAY SORRY ANYWAY I have no idea this fella is full of bodily issues.

💝 a hc about their love language- they will give gifts and when they feel comfortable enough they will just keep saying nice things over and over again :)))

🫂 a friendship hc- I honestly like their potential/actual friendship with every character idk they just need people to be with a found family okay.

💔 an angsty hc- they don't trust any mothers. That sounds stupid but they have mommy issues and anyone filling in a mother role for them makes them uncomfortable at first. They don't know how to handle anyone trying to take care of them because they've never been taken care of. It's better to not know than anything.

🪢a hc about their family- the closest thing they have to a family member besides Medusa is Ragnarok. Honestly I think the two COULD learn to get along. Just like actual siblings they don't like constantly being near eachother. Idk tho I might be wishfully thinking.

📓 a hc about their hobbies- Crona likes to write!!! Poetry!!!! They genuinely do like it!!!

👗 a hc about their clothes- they like to wear what's comfortable. They've worn dresses their whole life it's a comfort.

🔪 a hc related to fighting/violence- they genuinely don't like fighting, they just let Ragnarok take over when they fight.

🌟 a hc about their desires/wishes- Crona just want the black blood gone. It's unrealistic but something ideal

🏅 a hc about what they're best at- FUCKING CONTORTING THEIR BODY MY GODDD

🍫 a hc about food- they like bitter foods. This fella is a dark chocolate lover LMAO

🎭 a hc about what they lie about- probably how Medusa treated them. Just hear me out, they probably don't like the reactions everyone has so they always downplay their childhood. Crona is a bad liar btw.

❤️‍🔥 a romantic hc- they are HORRIBLE at romance. They will work themself up to even TRY holding hands.

💄 an appearance hc- they probably either let their hair grow all out or shave the whole thing. Or both they can do both.

🖕 a hc relating to anger- anything related to their mom, them betraying everyone and something bad happening to Maka can get them kinda mad.

🐱 an animal related hc- they don't like snakes.

😭 a hc about the worst thing that happened to them- they still don't feel like everyone trusts them. They feel uncomfortable around Marie and Stein, it's not their fault Crona just. Feels bad still.

😶 a random hc- they have slightly crooked teeth

Thanks for the ask ^_^

[lindirs-gaze]

all odds for your newest oc? :)

thanks queen 🥺🥺

these are for Hanako, my Danganronpa OC. putting them under the cut bc it's a lot. also spoilers if anyone cares about my fic plot

1. What memory would your OC rather just forget?

disregarding all the stuff she's already forgotten, probably some of the interactions she had with older guys when she was younger. she knows deep down that it was Not Good, but she's not ready to confront the feelings that come with it so she tries not to think about it at all

3. What is your OC's fatal flaw? Are they aware of this flaw?

idk if this counts as a fatal flaw but the fact that she Never Ever wants to confront her issues is a big flaw. i think she's aware to some extent, but the nature of the problem is that she won't acknowledge it. she would have to be dragged kicking and screaming into therapy

5. How far is your OC willing to go to get what they want?

i think Hanako is more likely to hurt herself than others. she doesn't have much of a problem with stealing or lying, but she wouldn't hurt someone else unless, in her mind, they deserved it.

7. What's one way your OC has changed since you first came up with them?

this is hard bc i literally don't have anything written down for Hanako, she exists entirely in my head. i never even wrote an outline for her fic. from what i can remember, her anger and issues sleeping have developed over time. her loneliness is also something that's come up the more i write for her.

9. Do you have a specific lyric or quote which you associate with your OC?

no actually, i have a ton of songs that i'm using as chapter titles for her fic but nothing specifically for her. maybe Cough Syrup by Young the Giant

11. What is your OC's weapon of choice? Have they ever actually used it?

tattoo gun and yes. but in terms of a weapon for actually fighting, i think Hanako is a "pick up the closest object" kind of fighter. but to go along with the needles theme I could see her preferring an awl

13. If you met your OC, would the two of you get along?

probably not, Hanako is abrasive and i am a sensitive little bitch

15. Does your OC have a faceclaim? If so, who?

not really bc i'd feel strange having an irl faceclaim for animated characters. but i did make a picrew of her:

17. What is the worst thing you have put your OC through story-wise?

officially? probably seeing her girlfriend dead and finding out her other friend was behind it. unofficially? i have lots of despair-era stuff in mind hehe

19. How does your OC behave when enraged?

she chooses violence. she's the type to scream and shove and swing her fists. her periods of rage don't last very long but they're intense.

21. Does your OC have any illnesses or disorders? How do they handle it?

just good old undiagnosed depression, maybe a splash of insomnia in there. she self-medicates when she can, or otherwise just tries to distract herself with music and drawing

23. What emotion is the hardest for your OC to process? How about express?

i don't know if there's a word for this emotion but Hanako struggles with the feelings that come with being wronged. her go-to reaction is anger, but anything deeper than that is something she really tries to ignore.

as for expressing emotion, i think she has a hard time with genuine affection. she feels uncomfortable but tries anyway.

25. What is your favorite thing about your OC?

probably that even though life has treated her like shit and she tries to put up this facade of being aloof and uncaring, she still tries to be kind to people. her little moments of kindness are some of my favorite to write :)

[willandmichael]

"people are allowed to have a different opinion" okay and i still want them obliterated

[devildomimagines]

could we maybe get the brothers' reactions to an mc that has a lot of bottled up anger issues? kinda similar to how satan is with his wrath, but they just... can't stay mad for very long; they can be upset, sure, but mad? angry, even?? maybe for like, idk, a minute before it just fizzles out.

Sure thing! I love exploring emotions so let's go~

Belphegor

He doesn’t totally understand the rage but he’s lived with Satan long enough.

Though don’t get him wrong, he’s been angry before, frustrated and grieving to the point of murder *cough* but typically he doesn’t have the energy to expend.

Belphie definitely knows the feeling of fatigue once the anger has run its course and left you burnt out.

He offers you support in those moments, calm and quiet so as to not fan the embers.

If he’s awake, he recognizes the first signs of your anger. Your short replies, the tension in your jaw and the way your fists clench and unclench.

He’s never seen you let loose but he secretly wants to see the destruction you could cause.

If he catches it in time, he’ll pull you away from the situation, claiming he needed you for a nap.

Beelzebub

The same as his twin, not typically angry but understands from being around Satan.

The only times you can remember seeing him in a fit of anger were when he was denied food one too many times or when his team lost their Fangol match.

Beel doesn’t think you would be as explosive as he has seen Satan be but he also doesn’t want to take the chance and have you get in trouble.

I like to think he’s pretty attuned to his human, he can sense when their heart rate raises or feel the tension in the air when their anger flares.

He immediately takes steps to extricate you, even if that means throwing you over his shoulder and booking it out the door.

I think he would go to Satan for things that he does to calm down to try to help you. He wouldn’t name you, to keep your privacy, but unfortunately he’s a terrible liar so it’s pretty obvious.

Since he’s built like a brick house, he offers to be your punching bag if you ever need it, he swears he wouldn’t feel a thing. It’s tough to stay mad long enough to take him up on that offer but it’s appreciated.

Asmodeus

I think Asmo has the best understanding of wrath having heard it from the source directly.

Satan has monologued Asmo’s ear off about everything from how he felt to how he dealt with it.

When Asmo sees the same anger in you, he immediately jumps in, just as he would with Satan.

The only thing that won’t work on you would be Asmo’s charmspeak. Since you aren’t affected by his Avatar, he can’t sweet talk you down off fury’s ledge.

He knows other tricks, breathing exercises or distractions work just as well and he’s noticed you’re much quicker to recover than Satan would be.

He worries for the times you’re not with him, would you use his tricks or would you let the anger fester and bubble up under the surface?

The easiest solution in his eyes is to always be with you, no need to worry if he’s always available to you.

Satan

Satan has felt the familiar pangs of wrath coming from you previously and he gets it. Good lord does he get it. He’s never related to someone more than you, once you’ve disclosed this about yourself.

He nods when you describe it as the anger starting out slow and red-hot like lava creeping through every vein in your body. 

Then it’s all consuming and all you can feel is the fire of wrath. In those moments you recognize the need to punch, kick, or scream; something to relieve the fury.

But before you can act on it, the rage is gone. You’re left charred and feeling empty inside; the fire having consumed your being and left nothing alive.

He can share various things he’s learned to keep his own wrath at bay but it doesn’t always help so he’s promised to be your outlet when you need to let go.

He’d rather you explode at him than finding you in the aftermath of being burnt out. It breaks his heart when you give him that look that both says “you’re too late” and “I’m sorry, I tried.”

Satan would never be disappointed in you, so he reassures you all the time, “There’s no need to bottle up your emotions around me.”

Leviathan

We’ve all seen him get angry in game, mostly exploding at Mammon.

In those situations, when he’s comfortable, he’s very expressive, but more than the other brothers, he understands bottling up undesirable emotions that you don’t want to deal with or have others deal with.

He knows firsthand how that doesn’t help, if anything it escalates the issue in your own head. It’s like an echochamber of all your worst thoughts being amplified.

Levi offers to always listen to you rant, wherever, whenever. It’s the middle of the night and Beel’s destroying the kitchen on the other side of your bedroom wall for the 6th night that week? Give him a call. Asmo dragged you out to a club and you’re tired and want to come home? Call him, he’ll come get you. Mammon sold one of your personal items? He will gladly add it to the list of things he pesters Mammon about.

Just as you have listened to his rants on video games, anime or manga, he’ll be there to listen to your rants if it helps your anger.

He doesn’t know specific techniques to help but he can offer examples of what they did in the anime, “My Roommate Leaves Dirty Dishes in the Sink for so Long That They Get Moldy and Now I Need to Use One of the Moldy Dishes. Is It Passive Aggressive to Ask Them to do the Dishes or is it Just Aggressive?”

If you don’t want to talk about it then he’ll offer to take out your anger on some video game baddies as a substitute.

Mammon

Not gonna lie, he might be the cause of your anger sometimes.

When he’s not going through your things, he’s pretty clingy and a bit pushy. He doesn’t always say what he means and talks himself in circles when he doesn’t want to admit to something. It can be annoying if your personality doesn’t mesh well with that.

Mammon is, however, very quick to pick up on the shift in your demeanor. 

He’ll roll back his last action whatever it may be. If he threw an arm around your shoulder, he’d remove it. If he made a joke, he takes it back and apologizes. 

If it wasn’t something he did then he jumps to your defense, often putting himself in between you and the offending party.

He usually gives Satan space but Mammon wants to help you if he can.

I could see him being very sweet to you after an episode, trying to soothe the edges that came undone, even if only for a second.

Lucifer

King of swallowing emotions, let me tell you.

If you wanted advice on how to not bottle your emotions, this is not the demon for you.

He does understand the rage though. How it burns and devastates anything that comes in contact and how it can take on a life of its own……

Lord Diavolo help you if this is ever directed at Lucifer but if it’s not then he will happily offer his services to smite the cause.

Lucifer may worry that your wrath feeds off of and develops with Satan’s. The worst possibility being you start feeling resentment towards him just like the fourth born.

He will learn your triggers and will make an effort to avoid them if possible to keep your anger to a minimum.

Lucifer will always be available to talk to and would be comforting and accommodating behind closed doors.

[ofmermaidstories]

merms how did u read my mind about kacchow and scribbles?? 😳

this is not to say weeds & kaching aren't perfect together; I just love scribbles' gremlin attitude and seeing what they would be like in another life (haha) was crazy good

in SJLT there's a moment when izuku is kind of petty about the fact that despite his intimate knowledge of katsuki, he wouldn't have pegged weeds as his first choice. is scribbles the kind of person deku would expect him to go for?

on a slightly related note, if it's true then the idea of deku going after someone who reminds him of kablam is actually quite funny and very on brand for him lol

enemies-to-lovers is really, really, really popular for bakugou. which is a pity, because it’s like, my least favourite trope LMAO. i’m sorry, i know it’s popular for a reason (it works so well with kacchow as a character! and it’s dynamic—which is especially helpful in a Y/N setting, where you need to compete with canon connections) but it’s just not a thing i gel with, these days. maybe i have too many anger issues; maybe i’m too tired. falling in love with someone shouldn’t be the hard part, though. 🥺

idk. bakuscribbles works better than bakuweeds in some ways bc weeds is relatively passive, in comparison and we like fun, as readers. 🥺 we like drama! and bakuscribbles would be massive drama LMAO, because scribbles is stubborn and peevish and not afraid to be rude. with izuku, scribs is inspired to do better from like, day one, because that’s just who izuku is. izuku wears his heart on his sleeve and looks at the world and believes in it—it’s inspiring. it illuminates the parts of scribs that scribs doesn’t want to deal with.

with bakugou, scribs would just dig those heels in, LOL. it's a bias confirmation: scribs would see the worst in him, and be proven right bc scribbles’ behaviour would provoke reactions that lend themselves to that. i think scribbles would end up doing a lot of damage, actually—like the chapter draft debacle, but worse. 🥺 scribbles could really hurt kabluey's feelings, if you went that route. and i know that the (non-horny) point of an enemies-to-lovers trope is like, the grovel/redemption but... 🥺 so much of the pro hero life is hard—so much of it is primed to explode (literally and figuratively), to crumble or end, just like that. kacchan deserves an easy love, because nothing else in his life will be, LOL.

if decchan ever imagined anyone for kakaface, it probably would’ve been like… All Might, in a wig, LOL. Another Pro Hero! Someone brave and strong and fast, who could keep up with kablam. match him for pace and stroke. those would be important qualities to all of them—especially given their careers. scribbles is similar to kazoo, in some ways; the nonchalance (faked for scribbles, genuine for bakugou). not being afraid to bark back. izuku has a type, LOL. on brand indeed. 🥹

(I like to think one key difference tho is that scribbles doesn’t fight him; scribs might run away from their feelings, but they want to be around deku. that’s not a fight, not how izuku and katsuki’s relationship was, for so long. whatever outside bullshit is influencing it, the core part of just wanting to be near someone you kinda like is—easy.)

[lovecolibri]

Tim coudn't have chosen a worst co- show runner if he could. That's why even 4x14 felt so strange we had some great scenes in between her BT fanfiction. That's why she was the only one that saw buck that way, that's why 5x07 and 5x09 were BT centered. Honestly hope she get fired like tonight. Thanks to her a lot of people lost all the enthusiasm for 5b, we will how the ratings will go on monday

I'm sure she won't get fired but hey! We manifested it on another show so who knows! 🤣

I honestly always felt like 4x14 was giving me whiplash! We had the shooting scene and ride to the hospital, the Chris scene and Will scene (both of which Tim apparently fought to put in because she didn't want them), but in between All Of That, we had the reporter of all people being the only one to see (that we are shown or told) Buck right after?! Bobby's reaction to Buck seemed weird given what we learned this season about Buck's parents, Buck didn't even get any hugs?! From anyone except Chris?! This was a perfect Bobby/Buck bonding opportunity or even a moment for Chim and Buck, or Hen and Buck, but instead we got....the reporter who didn't actually offer any comfort and only managed to take advantage of Buck being a literal mess, not to mention using the same kind of language his mom used to berate him. The "you didn't chase after me" line will never not make steam come out of my ears in anger 😤😤😤, the kiss in the middle of everything, her being at Eddie's welcome home party when no one from the 118 was there?! I get them not wanting to overwhelm him his first day back home, and maybe they were all on shift, but it was such a weird look. IDK, the vibes and the story they were trying to tell with 4x14 was just kinda all over the place. And yeah, it's set up to show BT being doomed from the start but like, pick a different episode and stop missing good emotional beats just to wedge her into an episode she didn't belong in.

Same with 5x07, and 5x09, we didn't need any of that! Her other brief moments were important to show the cracks in the BT relationship and Buck slowly isolating himself, getting no emotional support from her, and falling back into bad habits as everything else is crumbling around him, but we didn't need any of her backstory to do that, especially when we know next to nothing about Ravi, and being down several characters means we could have spent more time with the ones we DO have still around.

That's the concern I have about the new character coming along as well. People are already demanding that she's more than a love interest and needs to have her own arc and be her own character and it's like no! No she doesn't! That's not her purpose here! If she was a new main being added then yes (but also no because I'd rather see more about Ravi than them adding another new main and learning about them instead), she would need to be her own character but she's not (at least not yet but if y'all don't shut up she might be and then we'll be right back where we were with 5a), she's here to be a foil for Buck. He's not been pushed to the brink yet, and if Breaking Point taught us anything it's that he's got a least one more bad life choice left in him. Buck's been languishing in the dark feeling suffocated for too long. He's getting ONE (1) hit of adrenaline that makes him feel alive again, and he's gonna go off the deep end a bit. And none of the firefam will push him towards that because they know about his issues with acting expendable. Lucy does not. Just like Lena had no way of knowing Eddie was not going to use fighting as a healthy outlet, but turn it into something else, Lucy won't know that Buck has zero regard for his own life and isn't just out there having a good time.

I actually am really excited for this arc and I think it's going to be so interesting to see, and the potential for good Buddie and Buck/Bobby scenes to come out of it, but I probably won't be able to fully enjoy it until we know for sure she's gone forever. 🤷‍♀️ I have faith, but like, not that much faith. Before 4x14 it would be a different story because I honestly thought they were making it so clear BT were bad together that them getting together was not even on my radar. 🙃🙃🙃

[chateautae]

I really liked the character development of Taehyung. I don't know why anybody has not pointed it out yet.

But Taehyung in Chapter 7 was so agressive, he used to get angry real quick, jealousy was in his nerves.

Even in Chapter 10 he was a bit agressive ( u know the way he talked) , he had anger issues.

But in Chapter 14, the anger issues were all gone(probably because he took therapy) and he didn't get angry even when oc talked about getting an other dick *in a fun way ofc* (if it was chap 7 tae , he would have been so insecure)

The way he was supportive of her work. He encouraged her so much .

Also i remembered the scene in Chap 14 when oc was afraid of Taehyung's reaction towards her pregnancy , and i was like broo ur husband is so supportive just fucking tell him.

But now i know why she was afraid, because taehyung had anger issues, he used to get agressive real quick , which resulted into oc hiding her pregnancy from him. Even though our mid tae! was improving our oc has seen his worst side, has seen his anger.

But in the last chapter Taehyung really became a fun guy from an agressive one.

Also agressive is not the correct word i think. I used it because my vocab is not that good .agressive associates with violence. But taehyung was never violent.

Idk the correct word

I will write more of my analysis , just let me go and read mod again for the 100000th time.

Bye ..

Need to read mid again so i can write an essay in ur inbox.

Omg it makes me so happy you recognized his character development loves!! Usually wifey oc and mid!tae's character development in maybe I do are spoken of as a pair, but I don't think we've ever specifically focused on mid!tae, huh? You're absolutely correct loves, Taehyung's anger issues were something deeply-rooted inside him because of his childhood, so seeing him flourish out of his initial response of anger towards situations and rather becoming more supportive and understanding was definitely growth on his part. You're right again boo he wasn't necessarily aggressive, but mid!tae was definitely very... angsty? He was tense and rigid, closed-off, guarded himself to a fault, but when you read the story you really do see wifey oc tear down those walls, make him feel seen, dissemble his defense mechanisms to get to his ooey-gooey center, and I think the most telltale scene of this is definitely in chapter 5 when she comforts him after their fight. He quite literally doesn't accept her hug until he can't help but give in to her warmth, and that was a theme i really tried to exemplify between the couple. Taehyung was always cold, but wifey oc's warmth is what thawed him and allowed him to shine as a person, while wifey oc felt cold as a person, and Taehyung's innate warmth thawed her self-deprecating thoughts.

PLEASE i loved this so much babes, keep the essays coming!! And thank you for re-reading maybe I do, it means everything 🥺💓

[elizabethrobertajones]

Hello there. I have a question (more like a thesis): What would have happened if Cas told the Truth anywhere between season 7 and 15? Do you think it would have had the same impact on Dean? Logically speaking Cas could have told him anytime.

Oh gosh, yes. I mean Dean’s reaction in season 15 is still the best it could have been really :P He was in the best place and most accepting of himself and he still had a BSOD for a moment and then Cas had to shove him away so he could go die... (Assuming you take the on screen boring presentation of what happened as canon and not throw in the reciprocation, tears, pull in for a kiss, etc that we know exists either in our hearts or on Jackles’ phone.)

I’ve been thinking about this and the parameters we’d have to apply if we were gonna get something like the show being self-healing back to its self as we know it but we were allowed a confession. Also the show has to be as punishing as ever. So these are my personal theses on each season... 

Season 7 the confession would have to be after Cas comes back, and everything in 7x17 that looked like Dean was jealous of Daphne and Meg textually was meant to be read that way in the set up for the confession. To make it the most painful obviously we still get Cas exactly as he was all through to the end of the season and he never really says anything too different but then right when they’re having the “cursed or not” discussion he’d bust out of nowhere that he supposes it is inevitable Dean would talk him into going on this dangerous mission to get Dick because obviously Cas loves him. And Dean, who is in a weirdly zen sort of place in the remaining minutes of season 7 after Bobby’s send off and final words that helped him go make up with Cas, is in a similarly season 15 oddly okay spot, mental health wise. At least. COMPARED TO ALL THE REST OF SEASON 7. But I still personally have always read it as a genuinely good place for him that could have endured much longer if not for *gestures everything that happened after stabbing Dick* and obviously making up with Cas was step one and a huge part of his process. 

(idk if you’ve noticed but 7x23 pretty much has no Sam and Dean interaction after Bobby’s send off, and their last good broments are really scarce; it feels sort of natural for abrupt calamity and no time for teary farewells in a season with a strong commentary on grief, which also hyperfocuses the attention on Dean n Cas there.)

So I think Dean would maybe be stunned but maybe quirk a sceptical smile like “He can’t mean it like that and anyway he’s currently coo-coo, this doesn’t mean anything hahaha oh Cas :)))” and then idk shake his head and move the story on and Cas just turns one longing look after him like “dammit that didn’t work out like planned” 

Anyway then the exact plot beats of 7x23 follow, exactly as seen on your screens, but we’re left going into season 8 and Carver era with Dean far far more messed up about Cas and it can force clarification in 8x02 in Purgatory where Cas is entirely adamant he meant what he meant and furious at Dean for being mad at him and Dean’s mad at Cas for all the season 8 reasons so they continue angsting at each other but Benny’s reaction shots are just 10x funnier. This is followed by Dean’s reciprocation of “I love you” instead of “I need you” in the crypt scene in 8x17 and from there honestly it’s been built up into canon in such a way that the emotional arc of the show has to go off the wheels and I can’t keep to the self-healing model to continue following the “real” plot and contain this much raw power.

Coincidentally, if the first confession is in season 8, it would be “what broke the connection” after a season 8 where nothing was different up until that point. Cas flaps off while Dean is still processing that the answer was “You. I love you.” and Dean is left yelling at the empty crypt like “What the hell, Cas?!” 

Then he’s as mad at him as he was in canon except instead of being borderline a really bad overreaction into his anger phase which we have to weather as miserable fans tethered to this ship who know sometimes Dean gets mad and yells at Cas for no reason, he’s reacting proportionately. It’s always seemed like 8x22 only makes sense if Dean is furious at Cas for confessing and fleeing except, obviously, in our “”real”” canon, it can only be like Cas confessed and Dean took it that way and also felt embarrassed how far he went with his own feelings only for Cas to run. 

This would make the bar scene with the cupids in 8x23 make a lot more sense too, and after they get the cupid bow Dean’s going to turn to Cas and give him a nervous smile, and then - Naomi flaps in like she does and distracts them away from reciprocation. 

I think this one could go long - maybe even season 13 Cas being dead and Dean being like “FUCK I never got a chance to work things out with him” and 13x06 onwards is where we get any actual work on the ship, because Carver era was so determined to be emotionally gruelling and unsatisfying and relentless from one issue to the next. And the confessions are so bound up specifically in the moments of miscommunication or failed attempts, cut off conversations etc that whether Destiel is canon or not, they’re never gonna get to talk it out under those conditions. Cas is only explicitly the grieving wife and jealous ex to Crowley’s smug take over of Dean’s affections rather than subtextually. 

The season 9 confession... I feel like we’d come perilously close to the Monkey Paw curse we once envisioned of Buckleming making it canon because they love jumping the gun on plot points and making them too obvious. So the end of 9x03, Cas is really blatantly angling to come in with a big “Hey I’m human can I live in the Bunker look at me I learned to do The Sex can we do it now” kind of vibe. All the enthusiasm he was giving to eating that burrito in the background while “Zeke” was trying to get him kicked out, but with lusting over Dean :P 

If we avoid that we can leap to Mr Bobo Berens and his first episode, and have this thing handled by a pro, as it’s already very much about Cas as a homeless queer man with a bad ex he still loves rolling into town where he’s just trying to make a new life and play straight - I mean human - for his own survival. I suspect the confrontation with Iphraim would make it really obvious that Cas didn’t just want to live as a human but had an eye for living as a human with Dean, and then he’d attempt a confession right before Dean would accidentally talk over, like, the L in “love” honestly, to tell him that sorry things do still stand that you can’t come back with me. Leaves Cas utterly devastated but Dean is none the wiser and he drives off and Cas pines piningly at the pine trees in his Gas n Sip. 

Again the end of season probably would force the real confession, since there’s a ready made moment in 9x22 where Hannah tries to force Cas to kill Dean and he gives it all up for one man. Cas can just lower that knife and be like, “No, I love him,” talking to his shoes and Hannah rather than meeting Dean’s eyes. Mark of Cain Dean is fuuuucked up at that point but we still get the moment where Dean carries Cas’s bag into the bunker and sits down with him and tries to care about his health and now also this confession. Sussing out what the heck is up with Cas, and maybe he looks like he’s playing it cool and is still so messed up but Cas is vulnerable, and finally Dean starts to reach across the library table for his hand, and it’s a moment where maybe things could have started to go better for them...... Cue Gadreel walking into the library, Dean going feral, blah blah demon!Dean, blah blah explicitly stated Drowley, blah blah muuuch healing and Cas giving Dean a wide berth for a lil while. Though, in this scenario, 10x22 is far worse but has the reverse crypt scene moment, so Dean can be more obviously unable to kill Cas because he loves him, and then he walks out, followed by season 11 and Cas being returned to them. Unfortunately. Yep. Another finger curls on the Monkey Paw... 11x03 by Buckleming would absolutely be where Destiel goes undeniably canon as it is their first real interactions post Mark of Cain. Our only consolation - directed by Jensen Ackles.

Season 10 confession, hm. Poor Cas. He has the option of 10x03, of confessing and then immediately apologising and walking off to handle stuff with Hannah (thanks Buckleming!) or the Burger Date, where Dean may be slightly less stunned stupid but still likely to laugh it off and not believe it. There’s not much heavy tension between them most of the season so it’s possible that the only time Cas would really get is to confess in 10x22 while telling Dean that he would have to watch him murder the world, and that would suck because I love you. At which point the story dictates that Dean beats Cas to paste so it’s a very bad look. Season 10 destiel confession is the worst. 

Season 11 may be better because Cas has options to be jealous of Crowley and Dean’s connection to Amara multiple times and then Casifer happens and that can really play up things in a season where a confession is coming. 

I think the Beer Run in 11x23 might be the only viable place, where Dean grabs Cas and takes him out for that drive for last drinks before the end of the world. Cas gets the “you’re our brother” thing and just lays into Dean with the certainty of someone who knows this is it - now or nothing - with “You know that’s crap, Dean. You wait until the end of the world and you can’t even say it. Well I can; I love you.” 

Cue awkward tension, well-placed interrupting Moose, and then the world very much not ending so that when Dean n Cas hug and kiss in front of Mary in 12x01. Well. There’s even more explaining to do to her. Since we’ve made it to Dabb era, I believe any confessions from this point onwards can just slot into the show as we got it from there since it’s entirely compatible to start season 12 assuming Dean n Cas are literally married and never be contradicted by the text in their behaviour. But since we’ve had canon Destiel since whenever, obviously the final episodes are good instead of. That.

Season 12... Going to have to go with the first sniff of true canon coming in Lily Sunder with just a few lines leaning even further in the Cas’s Angel Family Are Homophobic Assholes metaphor, leaving Cas’s relationship with Dean even more live wire exposed. Followed by The Mixtape Scene where Cas is going to confess to Dean and get him startled up out of his seat, accidentally knocking the mixtape to the floor and for a moment it’s like, did he throw it is he mad? but then he’s smooching Cas, fade to black, return to scheduled programming but the whole line about Cas stealing the Colt from under Dean’s pillow makes fuckin sense, as well as the fall out argument and how mad Dean was at Cas followed by how devastated he was at Cas’s death. This just means Dabb era continues as planned except we get a kiss in 13x06 under that big glowy cross, and some more smooching here and there when things are good from then on. 

Season 13... Hm. Cas has to do the confessing and I don’t think he’d throw that at Dean on return from death so unlike if Dean was the one who was being made to confess obviously the aforementioned glowy cross scene obviously would be it for him... Cas could keep that bottled up much longer, especially as he has so much to do with Jack this season. It’s entirely possible we go through the whole season and then Cas lobs it at Dean as a final card when he’s making his Michael decision and we actually see the scene that we didn’t get, where Cas has to watch Dean getting possessed. Except Dean is like, tearful and furious like why would you tell me that now, and anyway i’m doing this for you as well dumbass but fuck you but also how dare you anyway I need to be an archangel now and save our - your - son, bye. Cue Cas sitting there not just in total horror at what happened but also kicking himself for fucking up the moment :P I guess this way at least we can have that moment where Dean is un-Michaeled and tells Cas he’s going to shower and finger guns at him, and now we can have Cas wordlessly and furiously follow him. 

Season 14, we get Cas at Rocky’s bar confessing to Dean while figment!Pamela cheers the whole thing on. If there was EVER a time to use the power of love to snap Dean out of it, Cas upsetting his cosy routine with “this isn’t real, I’M NOT HERE IN YOUR FANTASY” is absolutely the time to pull a reverse crypt scene which has such low stakes in terms of neither of them needing to punch each other when Michael is an external aggressor.

My ONLY issue with this is that Sam has to witness the whole thing and we would get reaction shots and I am a weak mortal who will start cackling at them when I’m supposed to be having the transcendent moment of canon and the whole thing would be ruined just because of the way Jared gurns when doing reactions to dean n cas interacting. Wow thanks. Thanks a lot. 

[azucanela]

[HOME] IS WHERE THE SHIP IS [PT.2] 

HOME MASTERLIST

SUMMARY: in which a lot of doors are slammed, because zuko is an angsty mess. but it’s okay, because at least he has Y/N by his side as everything becomes a big mess.

WORD COUNT: 7.1k

WARNINGS: mentions of death, threats

A/N: sorry this took so long! i hope you all like it! also im at 400 followers wow klasdkhkhaks idk why haha, anyways remember to drink water my friends

This shouldn’t be possible. 

Staring at the young boy in wonder, Y/N can’t help it as her mouth gapes open. He’s Airbending. Making him the last Airbender, making him the Avatar. The issue, Y/N L/N is the Avatar. Or at least, she thought she was. Maybe she was just a cheap knock off? So many thoughts circled through her mind as her brows furrowed, the Southern Water Tribe was the last place she would’ve expected someone who was well over a century old to be hiding out. Though the ‘old’ man, appeared to be younger than Y/N. 

Regardless, from the look in Zuko’s eyes as he took the young boy into custody, he had hope that they could return home without Y/N arriving in a pair of cuffs and immediately being sentenced to either death or life in prison.

It was nice to see him happy again.

Ever since they’d discovered her ability to Waterbend, making their search for the Avatar pointless, Zuko’s small sliver of hope to return to the Fire Nation had diminished. Iroh had noticed this sudden change in attitude, and made several attempts to brighten the young boy’s mood to no avail, though he had no idea about the major issue the pair was dealing with. Or perhaps he did, Iroh was a mysterious man, with a mysterious amount of information. Y/N had contemplated asking him for information in regards to the possibility of two Avatars several times, though she elected not to, fearing she would arouse suspicion.

Then again, who would Iroh tell? He clearly wasn’t fond of his brother, and it appeared his loyalty lied with tea, pai cho, and Zuko, who had no intentions of allowing Y/N to fall into Fire Nation hands, but Zuko didn’t like the idea of living in a ship for the rest of his life.

At this point, home is where the ship is. 

Y/N found herself staring at the child capable of Airbending as they took him to the brig, a wave of sadness washing over her. He was a kid, he didn’t deserve this, he had done nothing wrong other than exist. Now that she followed the guards as the placed him in one of the cells in the brig, Y/N wondered what would become of him if he was ever in the Fire Lord’s presence, she tried to shake off these thoughts though, sighing as she turned away. He was probably just as confused as she was, well maybe not as confused, he was blissfully unaware of the second potential Avatar on the boat. 

“Get some food, I’ll watch over him for now.” 

The two guards that had escorted him here alongside her exchanged looks, before turning back to her, “are you sure, ma’am?” 

It was easy to forget that Y/N was basically a guard as well, a glorified one, but a guard nonetheless. Being Zuko’s right hand had come with a lot of responsibilities when they were in the Fire Nation, and keeping him alive had been one of them. It had obviously come with several benefits as well, but Y/N tended to forget in recent times. 

“Yeah, go on ahead. Just don’t leave me for too long, eh?” She waved them off. Given Zuko’s attitude, one of them had to maintain good rapport with the other members of the ship, otherwise they likely would’ve revolted a while ago. It was a job for two, one that her and Iroh shared. Regardless of rapport and general kindness, Y/N wanted a moment alone with the young Avatar, she had questions. Lots of them.

It appeared he did too as he looked at her, she’d sat herself across from his cell, sword strung over her lap. “So..” Y/N began, “where have you been the past century?”

He looked up at her, head tilting, likely in confusion as he responded. “In an iceberg. I kinda went into hibernation I guess, to keep myself from dying during a storm.” He plopped down onto the floor of the cell, “what happened the past century?” The boy asked in turn, looking at Y/N curiously, his hands bound in chains.

With a frown, Y/N replied, “nothing good.” She stared at her hands, feeling shame flood her. Her nation’s actions had never been... good. And she didn’t want to be the one to tell the young boy about the genocide of his people, but it had to be done, “in case you haven’t heard, the Air Nomads were... eradicated. The Fire Nation is now striving towards world domination.” It was the truth, the sad truth, the Fire Nation had been working towards the goal of world domination for quite some time now, and it seemed they might be successful. 

This boy could ruin all of that.

His face visibly darkened at this explanation, looking away, his voice seemed to harden, “yeah. I heard.” There wasn’t really much else to explain, the war had been the only constant in all this time, Y/N couldn’t find a way to see the brightside, probably because there wasn’t one. Just a side filled with incredibly bright flames that would likely lead to the end of the world.

Swallowing nervously, Y/N’s lips formed a tight smile, “I’m Y/N. By the way.” Maybe it was weird, but Y/N wanted to form a friendship with this kid, something about him felt different, and she wanted to understand what exactly that was. 

A small smile found it’s way onto his face, though the remnants of what was likely anger, sadness, and confusion were still evident on his face as he replied, “I’m Aang.”

It felt odd, sitting across from him as their eyes met. Like there was something buzzing in the air, like something was wrong. The hairs on the back of Y/N neck rose, and she felt goosebumps form on her skin as she gave the young boy a smile as well. His mouth seemed to gape open, brows furrowing in confusion as he prepared to speak.

“Miss L/N.” Called out one of the guards, earning both the attention of Aang and Y/N, who had been mesmerized by the mysterious feeling in the air. “I came to relieve you of guard duty.”

Y/N’s smile remained as she turned to the guard, “thank you.” Though she wished she had more time to speak with Aang, it was clear he’d felt whatever it was as well. Not that she could ask him about it with anyone else around, though she’d been on the ship for years now, her lack of trust in the crew remained the same. 

Inhaling deeply, she stood, and she could feel the gaze of Aang on her as she walked away, the odd feeling slowly dissipating the further she got from him. Now, a new feeling filled her, guilt. They’d locked away a child who awoke in an entirely new world, only to find that his entire civilization was dead.

Frustrated, Y/N brought a hand to her temple and sighed as she made her way to her room. She opened the door, and went to slam it, except her hand never touched the door, though she did fly against the wall on the opposite side of the room as she did slam the door.

With a gust of wind.

That’s new. 

Y/N cursed, shaking her hand aggressively as she glared at it, she sat up from her position on the floor, her room now in disarray thanks to the random gust of wind. Y/N moved to pick up one of many things that fell on the floor when her door swung open, a million different excuses for the mess were suddenly running through her mind as she tried to think of one that actually made sense. Opening her mouth as she looked up at the intruder she realized it was none other than Prince Zuko, who tackled her in a hug. 

None of this made sense. 

Her arms slowly wrapped around him as her brows furrowed, confusion flooding her as Zuko spoke, “we did it!” Listening to his words, she realized that she hadn’t heard his voice sound that happy in a while, and Y/N couldn’t stop herself from smiling momentarily. Key word being momentarily, as she soon recalled that it was a literal child that would be their ticket back to the Fire Nation, guilt consumed her.

Y/N did not support this, and despite the way Zuko smiled for the first time in forever, she contemplated releasing the Avatar once she got the chance, for a variety of reasons. Not that Zuko needed to know that as she replied softly, “yeah, we did.”

“We can go home, Y/N.” He released her from the hug to look her in the eyes, his hands remaining on her shoulders.

Raising a brow, she teased him, “I thought I was your home.” A light pink dusted Zuko’s cheeks at her comment as she continued, recalling that day, “didn’t you even say I was your girlfrie-”

“What happened to your room?” He asked in an attempt to change the subject, finally beginning to look around, his brows furrowed.

Y/N hollowed out her cheeks as she gave him a sheepish smile, “raccoons.” 

Yeah, that was the worst excuse on her list. It was better than nothing though, stressing Zuko was the last thing she wanted to do, and an accidental Airbending incident while the last Airbender was on board the ship would probably stress him out. 

Zuko opened his mouth, likely to tell her how stupid that sounded, though he was interrupted by another person shoving Y/N’s door open, “Y/N, we have a proble-” Upon seeing Zuko, the guard froze, pausing his sentence. Y/N already knew the news must’ve been bad if the guard had wanted to come to her first, likely expecting Zuko’s reaction be rather explosive. It was well known on board the ship that the only person capable of minimizing Zuko’s temper was Y/N, which is why most bad news tended to come from her, after another crew member told her. This seemed to be one of those instances, though it had gone wrong seeing as Zuko was in her room. 

The guard’s eyes met Y/N’s momentarily as she nodded for him to continue. Zuko simply rose a brow at this interaction. “The Avatar has escaped.” 

Everything went downhill from there. 

The attempt to recapture the Avatar went rather poorly, and Y/N hadn’t really done much in assistance if she was honest. The boy had started glowing, that wasn’t something normal people did, then again he was the Avatar. Y/N couldn’t help but wonder if she could glow as well, even as Zuko questioned her lack of action. 

Due to his failure to recapture the Avatar, Zuko’s mood seemed to worsen immediately, and his anger was mostly directed at Y/N. She was a talented Firebender who had done little to help recapture him, partially because she was focusing on ensuring half the crew didn’t die of frostbite. Not that Zuko was taking this into consideration during his bout of rage.

Had Y/N been more focused on him, she probably would’ve knocked some sense into him, but she figured Iroh had it handled as she handed the final crew member a blanket before returning to her incredibly messy room. Serving only as a reminder of another one of her problems. 

One, the only Airbender in the world had just disappeared, shortly after she discovered she could Airbend, leaving her without someone to teach her. Two, this probably would’ve happened regardless since Y/N really didn’t want to sentence a child to death at the hands of Fire Lord Ozai. Three, Y/N had no choice but to figure out how to control all her abilities, or else another accident could occur and she’d expose herself to someone who wouldn’t be as merciful as Zuko.

She’d mastered Firebending and Waterbending for the most part, though it was difficult without a master, she’d managed to teach herself just fine. Y/N wouldn’t deny that training in secret was difficult, with only an old Waterbending scroll to aid her, but something was better than nothing. And she was doing better than the Waterbender from the Water Tribe, so that was good news she supposed.

Zuko had been helpful, nobody questioned it when he ordered a random stop on the coast and they’d disappear for hours at a time. He’d been supportive of her endeavors to learn how to control her abilities, training alongside her, Y/N had noticed the way he was slowly incorporating Waterbending movements into his own Firebending, though he’d deny it if she pointed it out.

There were peaceful moments on the beaches they practiced on, ones that reminded her why she’d joined Zuko in banishment, why she cared for him.

Right now was not one of these moments.

As Y/N picked up a book that had fallen onto the floor due to her Airbending incident, placing it on her desk, the door swung open for the third time that day, hitting the side of the wall. This action knocked down her book, and Y/N didn’t need to turn around to know who it was as she extended her arm outward to signal for Zuko to remain silent as she inhaled deeply, trying to maintain patience. 

“Reconsider whatever you are going to say.” Y/N began, closing her eyes, “because I am this,” she puts her fingers ridiculously close together, “close to ending your life.” 

He rolled his eyes at her words, but closed the door more gently and leaned down to place the book back on the desk before speaking, “why didn’t you do anything to help against the Avatar?” When they’d discussed it earlier, she hadn’t given him an answer, mostly because she was busy melting the other Firebenders out of the ice that had entrapped them during the fight with the Avatar and his new friends. But Zuko sounded calmer than he had earlier, which meant he'd taken her threat seriously.

Good.

“He’s a kid, Zuko.” Y/N replied incredulously, continuing to go about cleaning her room. She bit her tongue as she contemplated pointing out that they were kids too, they shouldn’t be dealing with this. “And he’s the only person who could possibly understand what I’m going through.” Her voice is quieter as she says this, as though there’s someone else in the room who could hear her. Despite the fact that she’d been training with Waterbending, they had tried their hardest to avoid discussing the fact that she was the Avatar. Or, kind of the Avatar. 

Zuko grimaces at her comments, looking away from her awkwardly, “we deserve to be living in a palace.” Y/N swallows nervously, his words only serving as a remind of their past, her past. 

“You didn’t seem to mind leaving that behind when we found out what I could do.” Y/N retorted, staring at him as he desperately tried to avoid her piercing gaze.

These words seemed to strike a chord in him, and all the unspoken words from the day they found out seemed to be revealing themselves as they spoke, “because we had no other choice!” Zuko exclaimed, gesturing wildly, “now, we have a chance at returning to the Fire Nation.”

Picking up a small box, she placed it onto her desk alongside several of her things, “what if we just didn’t go back?” Y/N proposed quietly, staring at the small figurine. She’d had the thought multiple times, maybe it would’ve been easier to convince Zuko before they’d found another Avatar. Prior to discovering the Airbender, there had been no point in searching the world for the Avatar, and settling down somewhere would’ve been far more ideal than living on a ship for the rest of her life. Iroh had expressed similar feelings despite his blissful ignorance of the Avatar living alongside him, though he supported his nephew’s endeavors, “what if we ran away from all this Zuko? Your Uncle has always wanted to start a tea shop we could-”

“Are you crazy?” Zuko asked, “Y/N we are so close. If we find him again then my father will restore my honor. “ He insisted, and the desperation, the pain in his voice almost hurt Y/N as well, the fact that he still believed in his dreadful father. Y/N opened up her mouth to respond, only for Zuko to continue, “don’t you care?” 

Y/N wanted to scoff at this comment, and couldn’t help the way her fists balled up as she felt anger consume her. Did she care? She had gone to banishment with him despite the protests of the Fire Lord himself, and he was wondering if she cared? After everything Y/N had done for him? She couldn’t help but feel bitter as his words washed over her and suddenly, all the things she’s done for his sake came to her attention. Oh god, if only he knew what she did.

He’d probably kill her.

Y/N quickly shook away those thoughts as she responded, “I refuse to condemn a child to the likes of your father.” Zuko wouldn’t acknowledge it, even after 3 years, but his father was horrible. Y/N knew from experience how far his ambition went, she knew how much he was willing to give up for power. Y/N tries to ignore those memories as she exhales sharply before replying, “we've both seen what he’s done to his own children.” 

Zuko is silent at this comment, his eyes narrow at her  and Y/N quickly realized she struck a nerve, grimacing as she mutters, “I need... to go see Iroh.” She’s grappling for any excuse to escape this conversation. And Y/N supposed this was better than the raccoon excuse she had used earlier. 

Y/N quickly decided that she could apologize later as she made her way to her door, sparing Zuko a glance to see that he was staring at a painting that had fallen during her Airbending incident, one of Y/N, him and Iroh. The glass of the framed image had cracked, and Y/N couldn’t help but wonder if that was a sign. Her secrets were piling up, and today only made it worse. From Airbending to the... interesting connection Y/N seemed to have with Aang. She couldn’t let him get into Fire Lord Ozai’s hands at least until she had a better understanding of this connection, for all she knew, if Aang died, she would too.

Heading over to Iroh’s room had once been an excuse, but now she had a mission, she was going to ask him about the possibility of two Avatars. And perhaps drink some tea for the sake of calming down, though her fight with Zuko hadn’t gotten too heated, she knew the tension between them would remain for days to come. Though they had no choice but to get over it, the two worked side by side each day, and they both needed a clear head to get through each painstaking day on the ship without complications.

If Y/N had an attitude like Zuko’s, the crew might just abandon ship.

Coming upon Iroh’s door, Y/N begins to reconsider her decision, maybe he was napping, or busy in some other way. Perhaps, this wasn’t the best idea, and consulting with Zuko before doing something so drastic would be better. Then again, she wasn’t really on speaking terms with him at the moment, so she summoned her courage and knocked on Iroh’s door, a small part of her hoping that he wouldn’t open it.

Y/N’s wish didn’t come true as a smiling Iroh opened his door, “Y/N, welcome.” He greeted. Iroh’s room smelt of tea and candles, and looking at it now, Y/N realized he was a rather organized person with very few belongings. Though, the things he carried with him clearly had sentimental value. “What can I do for you?”

“Do I have to need something to come see you?” She asks playfully, Iroh had always been someone pleasant to converse with, even before banishment. Though these years traveling together had certainly brought them closer together, bonding over Zuko was a common pass time, though their friendship had long since expanded into other topics of conversation.

Iroh hummed in response, sitting down in front of his tea kettle, “so you don’t need anything?” He begins to boil the water, retrieving some tea leaves from a cabinet that Y/N is sure has an endless supply.

“I do have a question.” Comes her reply, taking a seat across from him. “About the Avatar, and such.” 

Taking two teacups, Iroh looks to her curiously, “there are a few things we could discuss in regards to the Avatar.”

Y/N considered how she could word this without sounding suspicious, and she quickly realized that her options were rather limited as she opened her mouth, “I was wondering what the other Avatar sightings could’ve been, if.. this kid is the real Avatar.” What she said wasn’t a lie, there had been dozens of sightings of other people bending more than one element. And from the research she’d done, most of the people who were allegedly capable of bending more than one element died at a young age. 

Iroh hummed in understanding, pouring the tea into the cups he’d set out for the two of them, “do you know what a Dualbender is?” He asks, looking to her.

Y/N nods slowly, “I’ve heard the myths, but I don’t know much. Some question if they are just that, myths.” She’d considered the possibility that she was a dualbender, and made an attempt to research the topic, but there wasn’t much information since it was rather rare. That and the fact that the name ‘Dualbender’ implied the capability of bending two elements, and Y/N could evidently bend three. 

“Well, the Fire Nation has encountered a few in the past.” Iroh explains, “Dualbenders are born when the Avatar experiences near-death.” He blows on his tea, staring into the dark liquid, and Y/N follows suit. “To put it simply, they’re mistakes. A failed attempt to continue the Avatar cycle because the Avatar at the time doesn’t actually die.”

Y/N’s brows draw together at his words, a mistake? She decides that’s a lovely way to regard herself as she speaks, “the Avatar said he was frozen in an iceberg all that time he was gone.” Iroh doesn’t question how she attained this information, simply nodding along to her words, “would that qualify as near-death?” Aang had referred to it as a state of hibernation, and Y/N wondered if this could explain her existence. Regardless, this meant that she wasn’t the Avatar, or an Avatar. She was a mistake. If Y/N had to guess, she wasn’t capable of bending Earth, and given how long the Avatar had been in his state of hibernation, that’s the only reason she was capable of bending three elements of four in the first place.

“Yes, I believe it would.” His eyes fell onto the small circular window of his room, looking outside it at the crashing waves. “There are likely several dualbenders out there. Or...” Iroh paused, likely considering his next words as he turned back to Y/N, “an incredibly powerful one.” Y/N couldn’t help but curse Iroh for his mysterious way with words, though he likely knew nothing of her little secret, it sure felt like he did as his eyes pierced into her very soul. 

“Interesting.” Y/N said, trying to seem disinterested, sipping her tea nonchalantly. 

Iroh raised a brow, “speaking of the Avatar. What are you going to do now that we’ve actually found him?” Y/N wanted to laugh at this statement, nobody had expected to actually find the Avatar when they set out on this trip. 

“What do you mean?” She asked, tilting her head at him in confusion.

Exhaling deeply, Iroh sighed, “should my nephew successfully bring the Avatar back to the Fire Nation, you’re going to a have a problem.” Understanding washed over her as she met Iroh’s eyes.

Y/N’s face darkened at his comment, “I’ve tried to convince him not to go back, to abandon this.” 

“But he refused.” Iroh said knowingly, his nephew was certainly set in his ways. Regardless of how many times both Iroh and Y/N had broached the topic of giving up on the search for the Avatar, he’d always rejected the possibility. Though Y/N had never managed to actually have a discussion with him about it until today since she never thought that they’d see the day that they actually found the Avatar and had a chance to go home. She thought she had time. 

Iroh shook his head, “Y/N, you need to tell him.”

Her timeline had just been moved up. 

Scowling at the reminder, Y/N turned to Iroh, “I don’t regret it.” She affirms, placing her tea down to face him, she says this mainly to convince herself, not Iroh. Though she appreciates him and all that he has done, confrontations like these are less than favorable. 

With a shrug, Iroh replies, “I didn’t ask if you did.” 

“You didn’t need to.” Y/N grumbled, her mood souring. This day had been horrid thus far, and Iroh was not helping. 

Picking up her up to take another sip of her tea, Y/N jumped at the door slamming open, exhaling deeply in an attempt to calm herself. She already knew who it was, only one person on the ship had that bad habit. 

“Uncle, I need-” Zuko paused upon noticing Y/N.

“Thank you for the tea, Iroh.” Y/N spoke with a tight lipped smile, before giving Zuko an empty look and sitting up, “I was just leaving. Have fun.” Stepping past Zuko, Y/N contemplates bumping shoulders with him, but ultimately decides against the petty action as she gently closes the door behind her. 

She doesn’t notice the way Zuko reaches out for her as she exits, or the way he groans in annoyance as he brings his hands to his face. 

Iroh gave the young prince a look, “what did you do?” He asks, putting away Y/N’s cup of tea, and bringing an empty cup down for Zuko as he gestured to the now empty spot in front of him.

“Hey, it wasn’t just me!” Zuko exclaimed, plopping down on the floor across from his Uncle, watching him pour a cup of tea before taking it begrudgingly. 

Iroh hummed in response, “then it sounds like you need to have a conversation with Y/N. Not me.” He pointed out. It wasn’t the first time they’d both come to him after a fight, Iroh was aware of the bond the two shared, and the mutual denial of how extensive it was. But recently, things seemed to have changed, and he wasn’t sure if it was for the better or not. 

Zuko scoffed, sipping his tea, “she’s being mean.” He almost scowled at how childish his words sounded, but her reference to his father had caught him off guard. Then again, he’d insinuated that she didn’t care, even though she had traveled the world in search of someone they thought didn’t exist.

Okay, they’d both said things they regretted. 

Maybe Zuko was right, maybe Y/N was being mean, but that was mainly because she had bigger problems than capturing the Avatar, Zuko only knew about... some of those problems. 

Entering her room, Y/N sighed, looking around to see it was now clean. Likely a courtesy of Zuko. Actions speak louder than words, and Zuko wouldn’t be the one to apologize verbally, she knew that much. Making her way to her bed, Y/N collapsed into it, this day had been longer than she’d expected. 

Sleep sounded nice right about now.

Y/N opened her eyes to see she was in the air, rain pouring violently down onto the saddle she was seated in. Thunder rattled above her, and she could see a flash of lightning strike down into the water, spinning around, she noticed that all she could see for miles was water, the ocean seemed endless.

Moving to look over the saddle, Y/N saw fur, quickly realizing that she was on Aang’s Sky Bison, her mouth gaped open in shock, turning to the front of the animal where a panicked Avatar sat, attempting to steer the creature to safety. 

Scrambling towards the front of the Sky Bison to try and speak with Aang, Y/N extended her hand, only to see that she wasn’t wearing traditional Fire Nation clothing, instead her clothes left her arms exposed. A tattoo of two dragons snaking around her arm, one colored white and the other colored black, the image leaving Y/N’s brows furrowing in confusion.

She didn’t have a tattoo. 

Shaking off the confusion, she quickly realized there were bigger problems at hand than a mysterious tattoo before grabbing Aang’s shoulder. He turned to look back at her, eyes red due to the tears streaming down his face and mixing with the water pouring down on them, panic clear in his face, though his eyes seemed to widen in shock at the sight of her. 

Y/N wondered who would’ve spoke first had they not begun to fall towards the water, quickly getting sucked in by the current. Sstruggled to keep control of her body, and though her vision was blurry, and her eyes stung due to the sea water, she could make out Aang and the Sky Bison in the water, swimming towards them despite the burning sensation in her lungs. 

She reached for him, preparing to swim upwards as quickly as she could to ensure they both survived, but he began to glow, causing her to falter. Though Y/N quickly realized she had no choice but to grab him or they’d both die, and her hand shot out to grab his arm. 

Once she’d made contact with her, the tattoo snaking up her arm began to glow as well, and she felt panic flood her.

Everything went white as they were encased in ice.

Shooting up from her bed, Y/N gasped out for air, as though she’d actually been drowning, her hand coming to her neck. The shock of the dream almost distracted her from the rapid series of knocks coming from her door, her head whipping towards it as she blinked, once, twice, before sitting up from her bed and shakily making her way towards it. Y/N opened the door, to see Zuko’s hand preparing to ram against her face now that the door no longer stood in his way, along with several other crew members standing behind him.

They were all in sleepwear, and Y/N suddenly realized she’d fell asleep in her Fire Nation armor, looking to them for answers as to why they’d gathered in front of her door. There was a panicked look on Zuko’s face as one of the crew members that had noticed her confusion explained awkwardly, “you were screaming, Miss L/N.” 

Oh. 

Y/N let out a small laugh of embarrassment, her hand coming to her neck, “sorry about that guys. Bad dream.” She looked away from them, trying to determine what to say next.

Zuko spoke first, turning back to the crew, “you heard her.” When they did nothing, he continued, more frustrated, “leave!” He exclaimed, as though it was obvious, and the crew members that were there suddenly nodded rapidly, saluting the two of them before returning to their quarters.

Zuko turned back to Y/N, his face red as he sighed, “are you okay?” He grumbled out. 

Y/N nodded slowly, bringing her arm up as she recalled the tattoo from her dreams, sliding up the sleeve to see that her arm remained free of a tattoo.

It was just a dream.

“Yeah.” She mumbled, inhaling deeply. “Sorry to wake you.”

He’s still staring at her as he repeats, “you were screaming.” 

“Apparently.” Comes her response, but looking at him, Y/N realizes he was more worried than he’d let on. “You wanna come in?” She asks, opening her door wider.

Wordlessly, he enters, slipping past her and into the room. Zuko immediately looks to her bed, the sheets are messily tossed across it, spilling onto the floor. Some of her pillows had also found their way onto the floor as well. The thin layer of frost that coats her wall reminds Y/N of what Aang had told her earlier.

He’d gone into a state of hibernation within an iceberg, after a storm.

She had just witnessed the day the Avatar went missing. In her dreams. Or maybe it wasn’t her dreams, how could she dream such a thing up, and so vividly? 

It felt like she had been there.

Y/N realized her list of problems was growing rather rapidly at this point as she looked up at Zuko, who had already been staring at her, opening and closing his mouth as he searched for the best words before he finally said, “you wanna talk about it?”

He’d never been good at comfort, Y/N knew this, and the fact that he was even offering brought on a new wave of emotions for Y/N as she extended her arms outward, hoping he’d understand.

Zuko’s cheeks flushed, and he made his way towards her, allowing Y/N to wrap her arms around his neck as his came around her waist. He was stiff in the hug, and Y/N wasn’t shocked by this, though she was shocked he agreed to a hug in the first place.

She found comfort in the warmth of his arms as she spoke, “I’m fine.” 

And maybe those words provided comfort for the both of them.

But her mind was swirling with thoughts, and Y/N can’t help but feel distressed as she realizes her list of problems won’t stop growing. She’d have to deal with mastering Airbending now, though the entire culture was wiped out, and most valuable artifacts had long since been stolen from the Air Temples and sold for who knew how much. The only other person who could teach her Airbending was the enemy, and someone she’d have to chase down.

That someone being Aang, who she appeared to have some odd connection with, one that Y/N couldn’t understand at all. For some reason, his past was appearing in her head, and she didn’t know what to do about it.

Then there was the fact that she might have to worry about returning to the Fire Nation should they actually manage to capture Aang, years ahead of schedule. And if they did return to the Fire Nation, Y/N would have a lot of explaining to do. Even if Y/N wouldn’t die at the hands of the Fire Lord, she might die by Zuko’s hand instead.

Her final problem was Zuko. 

Yeah. He was a big problem. In more ways than one.

Y/N was only reminded of this fact as she was practically dragged out of bed the following morning to help handle the ship repairs that were very necessary given how much damage the ship had taken during the skirmish with the Avatar. Zuko had barged into her room, and Y/N wondered when he left last night, as he was now fully dressed and the sun was out. Neither of them mentioned this though, and nobody on board mentioned her little incident, thankfully. Though Y/N had a feeling that was because Zuko had threatened them, she didn’t approve of this possibility, but for once, she was grateful for it. 

With a sigh, she descended down the ramp of the ship, heading towards Iroh. Y/N couldn’t help but feel worried that Zuko wasn’t in sight, he had a tendency to make poor decisions, considering the fact that Y/N was pretty much his impulse control. 

“Good morning, Y/N.” Iroh greeted, beaming at her. “Lovely day isn’t it?”

Thus far, her day had gone pretty bad, considering she had woken up screaming, but Y/N nodded in agreement nonetheless, “yeah. This port seems to have a lot to offer. I might go shopping a bit.” Though this didn’t sound very ideal as she recalled what had happened the last time she’d visited a port market. Being held at knife point was not one of her favorite memories, nor was the fear that had swallowed her whole that day for several reasons.

Y/N had tried to avoid markets since then. 

“Sounds like a good idea.” Comes a voice from beside her, in the corner of her eye Y/N can make out the figure of someone in Fire Nation garments. Turning, she quickly realizes who it is. General Zhao, one of the higher ranking members within the Fire Nation.

Y/N hated him.

He made his way over to her and Iroh, and bowed his head to the older man, “the Dragon of the West. An honor to meet you.” Though, as he speaks these words, Y/N has a feeling that he doesn’t truly mean them, given his rather condescending tone. Iroh regards him with a more respectful tone, his brow raised on the man’s sudden appearance.

Maybe murder is the answer.

General Zhao turned to her, “Miss L/N, correct?” 

Y/N nodded, a tight lipped smile on her face, “yes. You’re General Zhao, no?”

He returned her smile, which she suspected was as fake as hers, before responding, “that would be me. I believe I recall your strategies helping us win a few battles.”

“Actually, her strategies have helped the Fire Nation win dozens.” Y/N sighs as she realizes Zuko has arrived, and the look on the General’s face makes her wonder what he’s hiding. “Y/N is a valuable asset.” 

The General raises a brow at Zuko’s words, “then why isn’t she in the famed War Room at the palace?” 

It’s a silent reference to Zuko’s banishment, and everyone knows it. “As Prince Zuko’s right hand, I’ve joined him in the...” Y/N faked a grimace as she tried to diffuse the situation, “unsuccessful hunt for the Avatar.” 

This seems to satisfy the General, the fact that Zuko has failed, but Y/N had a feeling Zuko was glad she had lied in regards to the Avatar as his hand comes to the small of her back. “If you’ll be excusing us, we have repairs to tend to.” 

“Yes.. might I ask what could have caused that damage?” 

Y/N was starting to wonder if she should write out an actual list of excuses, such a thing would be helpful for moments like this, “we ran into a glacier in the South Pole.” Zuko explained nonchalantly.

“Why don’t you join me on my ship while you wait? We could have a nice cup of tea.” The General suggested, though Y/N already knew he was baiting both Zuko and Iroh.

The way Iroh lit up at the mention of tea was rather obvious, and he quickly exclaimed,  “sounds like a wonderful idea!” Though Y/N appreciated the action, since Zuko was acting rather suspicious. 

Y/N wasn’t shocked when the General found out they’d discovered the Avatar, and she wasn’t shocked when Zuko challenged him to an Agni Kai, just disappointed. But Y/N was definitely angry when her own name was mentioned in the Agni Kai.

The two stood across from each other as General Zhao spoke, “when I win, I will be taking Miss L/N, and the rest of your crew. Along with any information you have in regards to the Avatar.” 

If looks could kill, Y/N would’ve ended the lives of both the General and Zuko as she glared at them, though her attention was mostly on Zuko, who stood in front of her. “You can’t just bet me like I’m some sort of object.” She hissed at him, “if you lose-”

“I’m not losing you.” He responded, and Y/N doesn’t miss the way his cheeks flush as he clears his throat when he realizes what the sentence sounds like. Y/N found it funny that he still found time to be embarrassed despite the violent situation at hand. “Or the crew.” He adds, though the look from his Uncle causes him to look away.

Y/N scoffs in response, trying to ignore the burning in her own cheeks, “I’ll kill you if he doesn’t.” She grumbles, leaning against the railing of the ship. But it’s an empty threat, they both know this, they also both know that Y/N is very capable of killing him. 

When the fight begins. Y/N wouldn’t deny that she was shocked when she’d actually witnessed how much Zuko had improved in the past few years, under Iroh’s guidance. Though the General was certainly talented, Zuko skillfully dodged his blasts of fire, leaving Y/N to wonder how much Zuko could’ve possessed had he always been under Iroh’s charge.

Life would’ve been very different.

It doesn’t last as long as she anticipated, and Y/N wouldn’t deny that she didn’t think the odds were in Zuko’s favor, even as he dealt the final strike. Y/N was sure Iroh was practically beaming with pride as he watched his nephew win the Agni Kai, that and since he’d spared Zhao’s life.

She certainly wouldn’t have. 

And the way he turns around to strike Zuko, even after losing, makes Y/N wish she had been the one in the Agni Kai in the first place as she steps in front of the blast. She parts her hands, directing the fire in opposite directions before a sword of fire is clear in her hands, the tip held against the General’s throat. Iroh had pushed Zuko behind him protectively, and Y/N stared down Zhao, though she can’t see Zuko, she can practically feel his anxiety.

The General has been bested, and yet he’s grinning at her as he says, “so you are as good as they say.”

Y/N decides she doesn’t really want to know what they say as she responds, “stay down. Or you’re dead.” The sword of fire dissipates into the air, and Y/N begins to walk towards Zuko and Iroh.

“Your talent is being wasted.” He calls out as she leaves, but Y/N ignored him, smacking Zuko upside the head as she moves ahead of him, though she remains alert. 

Zuko can’t help but feel as though the man is right.

A/N: everytime i start a multipart fic i always gotta write a really short part one because its like the pilot but then part two is like hi im too many words

anyways i hope you all enjoyed it! im trying here lol its 4AM, who needs sleep, i do my best work sleep deprived.

PART 3

taglists[lmk if you want to be added or removed via comments or askbox]

home: @toobsessedsstuff​ @x-a-delama-x​ @haylaansmi​ @a-hopeless-fan​ @danicalifxrnia

zuko: @outerxorbit​ @shawni-h​ @lil-lex1​ @boxofteenageideas​ @izzieserra​ @eridanuswave​ @bigbuckyenergy​ @celamoon​ @savemesteeb @shephard17895​ @ijustwannabecanadian​

atla: @bubblebars​ @jada-cleo​ @Art-flirt @the-deli-meat

[blockgamepirate]

Okay I think I've figured out how I feel about the Tommy switching sides thing.

It's not really what I wanted, what I wanted was for Tommy to realise that Techno was right about the power structures distorting his friendships and causing his problems. But I'm also kind if relieved now because for one thing it could have been so much worse, he could definitely have chosen worse times to turn against Techno. This was fairly harmless in the end, aside from the inevitable hurt feelings. Which does suck for Techno but at least he still has Phil (... for now). If he had NOBODY left then it would have been really bad.

And the other thing is that Techno IS mostly just out for revenge at this point which isn't really helpful and if Tommy had stayed with him it would only have fueled his disturbing tendencies and turned everyone against him too while not really solving anything.

It's good that him and Tubbo had some revelations today. It seems like they are realising some things they needed to realise before being able to fix their friendship. Not sure if they're fully there yet but still.

That said I do hope he learned something from Techno, because he really needs to figure out the part about power causing problems before they just repeat it all. But I guess he kinda did need to get back to Tubbo before being able to progress to that point?

Idk. Maybe one day I hope. He DEFINITELY owes Techno right now, taking Techno's words to heart would be the least he could do.

In any case I kinda think Techno did everything he could for Tommy, that is: what Techno the character would realistically have to offer, because he's not a perfect person and has his own flaws and issues. He was never gonna be Tommy's therapist but he was able to support him as he climbed out of the worst mental abyss he'd ever been in and to explain to Tommy pretty much exactly WHY Tubbo exiled him, why it WAS wrong and why it could happen even if Tubbo WAS otherwise a decent person (= because he was in a position of power). And that was all Tommy really needed from Techno. He's back on his feet, he's working on fixing things with Tubbo and everyone... he can take it from here. And in fact it's better for him this way.

Sooo yeah for Tommy, as long as he doesn't immediately repeat his past mistakes, this is good, probably.

For Techno, though... yeah it sucks. It really sucks. At worst it could drive him even deeper into vengeful rage, and/or distrust and paranoia.

So far, he seemed to take it kind of well though? Aside from teaming up with Dream which isn't great, but at least he isn't any more trusting of Dream, and his reaction to Tommy's betrayal was so much calmer than last time. Last time he just started killing people and told Tommy to die, this time he actually said he respects Tommy's decision, despite everything. (I mean he's still gonna kill people but he was gonna do that anyway. That was pre-established murderous intent, not brought about by Tommy's actions.) And yes it was a bit passive-aggressive but I think that was called for lmao.

So idk, hopefully he'll be okay. Or well he's not really okay, he has massive anger issues that he was working on until the Butcher Army entirely reset all his progress. But he seems to have grown in some way. Or maybe he just feels more of an attachment to Tommy this time and is genuinely too hurt to even go into a rage. In which case: ouch.

But screw it, he deserves better allies than Tommy anyway. Ideally he'd have allies who DIDN'T support the terrorism but still supported his actual ideals, but I guess that's not an option so it's really just Phil, who might be kinda enabling his worst aspects but at least is a supportive friend.

[katsidhe]

7.02 final thoughts? (Idk if this one has been requested yet)

7.02 Final Thoughts

*rubs hands* Ah, yes, the episode that got me into SPN. I could talk forever about season 7. 

Fun drinking game: take a shot every time someone makes a different colorful idiom about Sam being insane. Hint: you’ll die, because I counted 25.

(I WONDER WHY Sam didn’t want to tell Bobby or Dean about his active symptoms of psychosis. Truly, a mystery for the ages.)

Even setting Hallucifer aside, this episode highlights so many of the things I high-key LOVE about season 7: the erosion of Sam and Dean’s support network (as tenuous as that already was)—take away Bobby’s house, take away angelic healing, take away the Impala, make them vulnerable and alone and crumbling under the weight of the trauma they’ve accumulated. The broken leg, Sam’s head injury and seizure in the ambulance? Strapped down, badly injured, the fates of their friends uncertain, headed into the belly of the beast? ICONIC. Over the top. Amazing.

It’s a similar kinda thing to Jody’s predicament—sure, she’s capable enough ordinarily, but if you give her surgery and drug her and leave her alone in a hospital with a liver-eating monster on the prowl, the stakes look a lot different, don’t they? I’ve seen this episode approximately one gazillion times but every time I get tense for her.

Quick thoughts on the Leviathans, which have a reputation as an underwhelming SPN villain. Perhaps because of how unsubtle and half-baked they are as metaphor for corporate greed/capitalistic consumption, perhaps because of how their promise of truly terrifying Old Ones, Cthulu-esque devourers, never quite came true (except for a bit in 7.01 and 7.02, yikes!). But honestly I’ve always liked them—I like how their organization and assimilation of knowledge drives the Winchesters deeper underground than even the Apocalypse did; I like how they made the Winchesters’ entire world into something mundanely unsafe and miserable; I like how they showcase the horror of a enemy composed of lockstep drones, the way that Heaven (and Hell, sometimes) tries to be, but never truly manages; I like Dick Roman’s gleeful ravenousness; I like their spooky mouths; hell, I even like the Dick jokes. 

Bobby’s solicitousness towards Dean, and how awkwardly he talks to Sam a little later in the episode, is very emblematic of how bone-deep uncomfortable he is around an honest-to-God mental illness, and, well, around Sam’s issues in general. Which doesn’t make him a bad person, or unsupportive, necessarily. But it’s very evident that he’s got no clue what to say to Sam or how to handle him, that he’s leagues more comfortable dealing with Dean’s problems (as has often been the case regardless of Sam’s mental health).

A related, but separate point: the lengths the show goes to to emphasize “look, Dean’s not okay,” while Sam’s in the middle of a psychotic break… It baffles me a little every time I see this episode, when Bobby walks away from Sam all “yyyyeah I gotta go do some work” and then is immediately all “ok but Dean, how are YOU feeling?” It’d be one thing if Dean weren’t emotionally demonstrative, and if Sam were—if Sam, at this point in the episode, was so obviously struggling to such a painful degree that Bobby wants to make sure Dean’s not overlooking his own reactions. But that’s not really the case. Apart from some flinching, Sam’s been very matter-of-fact about the whole thing so far.

This is our first deep-dive into Sam post-Cage, a full season about he returned. And I love it to pieces, you guys. I love how these inescapable, soul-deep consequences are the inevitable answer to the moral of Sam’s story, where he interred himself with his worst nightmare, forever.

Dean after Hell is clawing for moral high ground. Dean focuses on this bleak kind of virtue, this idea of martyrdom and righteous struggle that eventually unspools and reveals itself to be fundamentally unmoored. He needs some kind of redemption for himself after what he was forced to do in Hell; he needs to own his destiny, and he needs that destiny to be meaningful and good, and he channels his violence outward in that cause.  

Sam does not take any kind of high ground. He hurts... himself. He gnaws inward. No illusions about how “messed up” he is—he sidelines himself before Dean or Bobby can say a single word; he figures he needs to be on top of it, needs to get out ahead of the danger he could represent and reassure his family that he knows he’s a hazard. Sam has learned to repress and downplay and hide his traumas and his freakishness both to avoid feeling stigmatized and to avoid being a burden on the people he loves, especially on his brother. So when Dean reacts with fear (understandable) and anger (less so), Sam takes it in stride.

Hallucifer is probably my favorite thing this show has ever done. I could probably write another thousand words on Hallucifer alone—on how Sam’s using this face for coping, for compartmentalizing; both to hurt himself and to keep himself company, to sort through his pain and arrive at a place where it’s at all tenable for him to exist. 

Sam’s skepticism about professional mental health treatment—his idea that this is a problem he can handle himself, that a doctor would "just stuff [him] full of pills”—is clearly one born of the family mold. This is his dismissive response to Hallucifer!Dean’s accusation that Sam won’t be able to cut it on his own. This denial, this idea that Sam knows he needs to get a handle on this, and therefore that he MUST do it himself, make a science of it, is fascinating. 

On the subject of denial: Hallucifer poses a simple question to Sam: are you sure you got out? And Sam’s NOT sure. Faith that he’s free is yet another maybe-lie that Sam must tell himself with maniacal intensity this season, for the sake of his own sanity, to avoid the voice in his head telling him to shoot himself. 

That Scene in the warehouse. Dean’s advice to Sam is to trust in Dean as the cornerstone of his reality. Asks him to build his whole world on his trust in Dean. What choice does Sam have? Who else can Sam rely on? What else can he do? There is no one else, nothing else. There’s only Dean, or Lucifer. It’s a dichotomy. It’s so CHILLING.

Especially in the context of what we know comes next—7.03, where Dean lies to Sam’s face, murders Amy, and uses Sam’s ~insanity~ to defuse Sam’s (justified) anger. And then, season 8, and 9, and 10, and, y’know what, the entire show. 

Sam drives his thumb into his bleeding hand, and it’s SPN in a nutshell—forever choosing the claustrophobia of the path of slightly less resistance, forever clinging to the misery of a life that’s only just this side of bearable, burying yourself in the toxic fallout because the alternative is unimaginably nightmarish—using the trappings of free will, of defiance, to choose to claw holes in yourself so that someone else won’t. There is no escape.

Dean’s threat of murder-suicide on the phone is so clearly meant to be sympathetic. And yes, on a certain level it absolutely is; and then on another level, it’s, y’know, MURDER-suicide, where Dean’s taking explicit responsibility for and ownership of Sam’s life, even though Sam’s pretty clearly lucid. Dean’s assuming as a matter of course his ability and right to make that decision for Sam. How Dean views and deals with Sam’s instability in season 7 lays major groundwork for Dean’s willingness to let in Gadreel in 9.01.

[ace-oreos]

Ohhhh I have one! Alpha and Anakin going on a stealth mission but anakins not exactly stealth and they are both getting frustrated with each other. IDK just think buddy cop Alpha & anakin is funny

Haha I really like this one, anon! Their personalities are so different, it’s pretty fun to poke at how they’d bounce off each other and clash. 

“So, Skywalker,” Alpha begins, wondering if it’s worth trying to phrase this delicately, then immediately deciding against it, “do you make a habit of being a beacon to every Sep within a five-klick radius?”

“No,” Skywalker says, frowning. “Why?”

Alpha would almost be disbelieving if this wasn’t Kenobi’s Padawan he’s dealing with. As it is, the kid’s baffled expression isn’t as much of a surprise as it should be.

“Because you’re doing a pretty good job of letting every hostile who has eyes know exactly where we are,” Alpha informs him tersely. 

Kenobi, at least, can take a hint. And an insult. Skywalker, on the other hand, is still inexperienced enough to take it solely as the latter, and his first instinct is to push back. 

“You’re not exactly a paragon of stealth yourself,” he shoots back. The righteous anger pinching his face might be amusing if they weren’t deep behind enemy lines with every chance of getting ambushed. 

Alpha inhales slowly. It’s better for them both if he doesn’t let his temper get the best of him, but maintaining discipline isn’t the easiest thing when he’s been saddled with a kid fresh out of the Temple who doesn’t know much beyond charge them head on. 

“Maybe not, but I’m not standing out in the open waving a shabla lightsaber around for the whole planet to see.” A look of mild alarm is slowly dawning on Skywalker’s face, and Alpha dares to hope that he might be getting through to him. “I hope you’re planning on watching your own back. I’ve got more important things to do.”

“Master Kenobi sent both of us,” Skywalker says pointedly after he gives a cursory glance over his shoulder. 

Alpha sighs. “The way I remember it, he sent me and someone else decided to tag along.”

“He said it’ll be good experience,” the kid insists.

“Getting your head blown off is a learning experience, I’ll give you that…”

Skywalker scowls but obediently slides back into position beside Alpha. Satisfied that the issue is resolved - at least for the moment - Alpha returns to studying a holo map of the enemy base. The whole thing would be much simpler if he didn’t have to account for Kenobi’s Padawan; infiltration and sabotage are second nature for an ARC. 

He contemplates sending Skywalker back to the outpost where he’ll be someone else’s problem, but he’s all too familiar with the kid’s tendency to go out of his way to get involved exactly where he shouldn’t. In the long run, it’s probably safer if the kid is here where someone competent can keep an eye on him - but that doesn’t do much to alleviate Alpha’s frustration. 

Besides, Skywalker would probably just remind Alpha that even though he’s a Padawan, he’s been through a number of escapades with Kenobi and come out just fine, thank you very much. Alpha isn’t the ranking officer here, either, which means Skywalker is free to do as he pleases. 

He’s just putting together what might be a feasible strategy when Skywalker says abruptly, “You’re not what I thought you’d be.”

“I could say the same for you, Commander.”

“Was it weird, growing up with people who look exactly like you?”

“... this really couldn’t wait?” 

Skywalker shrugs. “Just curious. Master Kenobi says Kamino is very different from the Temple.”

You think? 

Alpha takes time to lament the absence of someone who would find conversation much more agreeable - Fordo, maybe; he’s about as social as any of the Alphas can be - before answering carefully, “It is. Whatever you’re imagining, it’s probably worse. They never thought of us as - why am I telling you this?” 

Skywalker shrugs again, but there’s a hint of triumph in his face. “Because I asked.”

It’s nothing short of a miracle that Kenobi’s put up with him for so long, Alpha thinks. He’s not sure he likes the kid’s vaguely smug expression, and the words are out of his mouth before he can stop himself. “If you’d put half as much energy into your lessons at the Temple you wouldn’t be a liability right now.” 

Something like hurt flashes across Skywalker’s face, but it’s quickly replaced with anger. “Maybe if you weren’t dead set on playing hero yourself I’d actually learn something from you.”

“I’m not trying to be a hero, I’m trying to get off this useless rock alive,” Alpha snaps. “And it’s not my job to teach you.”

“I’m not sure my Master would agree…”

“That means a lot, seeing as he’s sitting comfortably in the outpost right now.” 

“It wasn’t his decision,” Skywalker says heatedly. “The GAR needs him alive - Master Windu even told him as much, and Master Windu thinks he’s the worst thing that’s happened to the Order since - ”

He breaks off with a wince. Alpha doesn’t know what anger feels like in the Force, but it can’t be pleasant, judging by the kid’s reaction. He’s not exactly sorry for it, either; Skywalker as good as said Alpha’s life is nothing compared to a Jedi. It isn’t anything Alpha doesn’t already know, but it’s a slap in the face nonetheless. 

“Sorry,” Skywalker mumbles. 

“You ever try stopping to think for a second before you run your mouth?” Alpha’s voice is tight as he wrestles with his temper. 

“Sorry,” the kid repeats. There’s genuine regret in his voice. 

Alpha lets out a sigh. He can only imagine what Fett would say if he could see one of his ARCs bickering with a half-baked Temple brat. 

“Look, I want to get this done before the Seps realize we don’t have enough numbers to hold off a full-scale attack. If you want to help, fine. If you’re going to get in the way, I’ll work around you. But I’m not wasting time arguing with you. Good to go?”

“Yes.” Skywalker pauses. “Lieutenant.”

Progress.

“I’ll do as you say,” Skywalker adds earnestly. 

Alpha smiles in the safety of his helmet. “Sounds dangerous.”

“Uh… I’ll at least try to listen?”

“Fair enough.”

The kid grins. “Wait ‘til my Master finds out. He’ll be after you trying to figure out how you convinced me to follow orders.”

Alpha keeps his amusement to himself. “You want to follow orders now?”

Skywalker shrugs. “I think I ought to.”

“Then do me a favor and keep your shabla head down.”