#maybe i dont wanna look like an idiot while walking but still enjoy the deliciousness of chocolate ice cream

[lettersfrombeyondthegrave]

I'm sorry it makes me a bit mad when a shop gets my hopes up by saying they do milkshakes

And then it HAS to have boba in it???

Milkshakes are milk, ice cream and ice !!! If I want boba I'll ask for the boba tea like god intended!!! Tapioca balls in my milkshake are NOT canon

[rockhoochie]

Dean Winchester x Reader

Summary: Dean insists he has a talent of tongue. You decide to to put him to the test.

WC: ~1400

Warnings: light bondage (use of restraints, blindfold), voyeurism if you squint, no actual sex just lots and lots of dirty talk (which includes: masturbation, oral sex, squirting, ass play)

A/N: No set up, no plot, just Dean talking all kinds of filthy in a drabble that got away from me .@the-chocolate-moose, thanks for the prompt/request! Obviously got my juices flowing...Thanks for reading and enjoy!

Dean insisted he could make a woman come without actually touching her.

You insisted he was full of shit - it takes a lot more than dirty talk to actually get a woman off.

But he wouldn’t let it go, adamantly proclaiming it to be true, so sure of himself that he quipped, “wanna bet?”  Never one to miss an opportunity to be right, you accepted with an incredulous “talk is cheap, asshole, you’re on.”

And that’s how you found yourself in the dungeon, wrists and ankles gently but firmly bound to the chair you sat on, fully clothed, and one of Dean’s neckties stretched over your eyes. 

He’d been quiet for a few minutes now...you could hear his footsteps walking circles around you, hear his steady breathing. He was probably waiting for you to stop giggling like an idiot. 

You had to admit, you wondered if he was actually as good at this as he claimed to be. His looks alone were enough to whip any woman into a frenzy; add in some naughty words and saucy phrases tumbling from those plush lips, carried by that sexy, gravelly voice, and…

“You sure look pretty like this, YN, all tied up and eager. Like you’re ready for anything. Then again, you look sexy as hell all the time.”

Your eyes rolled up into your head, lashes fluttering against the silky blindfold. This wasn’t fair - you didn’t think he’d literally be muttering into your ear, the heat of his breath warming the skin just behind it, the lightest vibration of his lips buzzing against your flesh. 

“You got no idea how long I’ve wanted to do this, sweetheart...to have a chance to tell you how much I think about you, tell you all the dirty things I think about…”

You exhaled, a little surprised at how ragged it sounded. And when you breathed in again, the air seemed warmer, thicker...it made your limbs feel a little heavy and your skin seemed to be covered with goosebumps.

“I think about you all the time, YN,” Dean continued, dropping his voice lower. “So beautiful...you got no clue how beautiful you are to me. Everything about you... the way you laugh, smile... I just love watching you do anything. Sometimes you drive me damn near crazy.”

All those words were somehow seeping into your pores. You could feel your nipples harden against your bra and you suddenly felt hot.  

“I got a confession to make... walked in on you in the shower once. You didn’t see me but I saw you, all wet and naked, hot water running over your perfect tits and down the crack of your tight ass... Christ, just the sight of you got me so fucking hard...thought about that for weeks. Still picture it when I’m jerking off, thinking about all the things I wanna do to you…”

You licked your lips and swallowed - your throat felt dry. And there was a tension crimping in your belly and you felt the faint the beat of your pulse between your legs. 

Damn it.

A whimper escaped your lips - you couldn’t help it. 

“You make the prettiest sounds, YN... you know, I can hear you when you’re fucking yourself. All those little moans and sighs...and I imagine you’re laid out your bed, one little hand playing with your tits while you have the other working between your legs, wet fingers thrusting in and out of your pussy... then I start wondering what I could do to get you to make those noises for me.”

You squirmed in your seat,  a flush spreading all through your veins.

“I know I’d kiss you first. Long and hard, just taking in the taste of your lips. And once I get my tongue in your mouth I’d start taking off your clothes, strip you down to your panties, and touch every single inch of your gorgeous body... sweetheart, you’re so soft and and smell so fucking good, but touching you ain’t enough...I gotta kiss you everywhere. Your neck, shoulders, fingers, your tits...I’ll spend time on your tits. Maybe suck on them for awhile, give those pink nipples a little bite.”

“Dean…” you whispered, hips rolling of their own volition, your core reaching out and coming back with nothing.

He hummed, planting little kisses behind your ear, lightly pulling your earlobe between his teeth. “Bet you’re getting so wet right now…”

“Please…” 

His lips found a heavenly spot on your neck, and you felt him smile right before his teeth grazed your flesh.

“Your skin tastes so good...bet your hot little pussy tastes even better.”

“Holy fuck, Dean…”

“I knew it,” he growled, “You love getting eaten out, don’t you, YN? Love a head between your legs and a thick tongue fucking your tight hole...It’s so perfect cause when I’m jerking off, and gettin’ close to blowing it, I just imagine what you taste like...probably like fuckin’ honey, all sweet and warm. I think about gettin’ on my knees while you’re all spread out, legs wide open, that beautiful pussy on display just for me, and I can see how soaked you are...fuck, it drips out of you, and when I get closer I can smell how bad you want it, so I get myself a slow, sweet taste and lick up your cream…”

You were completely gone, lost in the haze of Dean’s voice and the pictures he was painting with his sinfully delicious words, your breaths coming faster while your limbs strained against the ropes.

“Mmm, fuck baby, you taste so good...so fucking wet and I’m just devouring that pussy, licking up every drop... I just can’t get enough, can’t get my tongue far enough inside of you so I’ll slide my fingers deep into your hot cunt, find that sweet spot and fuck you with my hand...and you keep begging for more so I’ll bury myself three fingers deep...maybe slip one in your ass…”

The noise you made at that was beyond pathetic, but you just didn’t care. He was making you insane. 

Dean chuckled, nibbling at your neck, and running a palm along each of your thighs.

“Oh you’d like that, huh? Such a dirty girl ...yeah, I’ll make you cum so hard you’ll squirt, YN... I’ll keep nailing that sweet spot over and over, fucking your tight asshole with my finger and sucking your clit until you cum all over my face…”

You were trembling, back arching, moaning and sighing and begging. Slick had pooled at your entrance. Your clit was throbbing. The muscles of your cunt twitched and grasped at nothing, begging to be touched and filled and fucked…

“Then I’ll flip you over on your hands and knees, fuck you from behind and make you cum again... give you my thick cock so I can feel you clench and quiver all over my dick…and you’ll take it so good, baby, you’ll take every single inch of it nice and deep and you’ll be screaming it feels so good, the way I’m fucking you so hard...you’ll beg for my cum, sweetheart, beg me to fill up your pussy ‘till it’s dripping out of you…”

“Oh god Dean, fuck!” you cried, and almost out of nowhere, your climax flooded through you, hot and needy and electric, spreading from your core to the tips of your fingers. Your blindfold was lifted, restraints loosened and removed as you panted, satisfied from release but wanting and needing so much more. When you were finally able to focus, you noticed Dean staring down at you, his bottom lip tucked behind his teeth and his hand palming at the bulge in his pants.

Without preamble you rushed him, crashing your lips against his as he grabbed the back of your thighs, hoisting you up in arms. You were vaguely aware of being carried down the hallway, and soon you were laid out on his bed, legs wrapped around his waist as Dean stared at you with dark, emerald eyes.

“YN, I -”

“Shh,” you hissed, placing a finger over his lips. “Talk is cheap. Now put up or shut up.”

Master List

Tagging the Collective (SPN Tag Spreadsheet, SPN Pond Tags, My Tags):

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[kibybun]

The Feeling is Mutual

Yandere Hawks x Yandere + Tsundere reader

Tw: yandere, obsession, stalking, cussing, violence, murder

Enjoy!

----------------------------------------------------------------

You were currently running for your life. Why? Because you're a badass. But really, a sleazy pervert thought he had the right to touch you. Too bad, you punch quite hard.

"Get back here you little bitch!" The pervert was definitely strong due to his muscular build but you were definitely fast.

Thundering footsteps take the quiet alley by storm as you start to pull ahead of him.

"Go suck a dick, you bag of cat piss!" You look back to mock him but your feet disapprove. Your face scrapes against the lose gravel along with your hands and knees. "Fuck...."

"Wanna repeat yourself?" He comes to a stop at your side, bends down, and yanks you up by your hair.

"You disgusting bag of cat piss!" Once again you're too cocky for your own good. You spit in his face and he throws you against the wall.

"Little bitch!" He wipes his face before grabbing your throat, pinning you to the wall, and raising his fist.

"Do it, you bag of cat piss!"

His face fumes red as he tries to hit you, only to be stopped by vivid red feathers.

"What the hell?" His grip on you loosens so you take the opportunity to kick him in his precious no-no square. He collapses in pain and grovels on the ground.

"Hehe do I get a thanks for saving that pretty face of yours?" You instantly feel your blood boil but as you look at your "savior" the only thing you feel heat up are your cheeks.

His whole appearance was absolutely delicious but what caught you most was how god damn beautiful his wings are.

"Hehe what's wrong, like what you see?" This over grow chicken then takes it upon himself to flex his arms and wings.

You scoff. "Nope." 'What. The. Fuck. What's wrong with you me!?!' You turn to hide your blushing face to help imply your unimpressed demeanor.

"Owwww you wound me! Anyway why were you running from that guy, doll?" You choke on the air, trying to register the pet name he gave you.

"Pfft doll? Try coming up with something more original, stranger." As you make your witty remark, both of you fail to notice the pervert silently escaping. It wasnt like he mattered anyway.

"Fair point, angel. Name's Hawks." He holds out a hand for you to shake. Somehow this name was even more cheesy but you loved it.

"As if that's better..." 'Shut the hell up with your sass!'

You go to shake Hawks' hand but before you can grab his, he grabs yours. He swiftly but gently pulls your hand to his lips to place a kiss atop of it. You snatched your hand away at mock speed.

Embarrassed and flustered to manage to stutter out, "H-hey! That's disgusting! I still have no idea who the hell you are!" But you loved it oh so much.

He merely laughs. "Well you can trust me, plus I dont know who you are so, what's your name?"

"What do you mean 'you can trust me'?"

"Awe, ignoring my question? Anyway what I mean by that is I'm pretty trustworthy. Being number 2. hero and all." Hawks leisurely puts his hands behind his head.

All you felt was utter shock. Not only did the number 2. hero come and "rescue" you but he has been FLIRTING with you.

"So? I still dont know who you are." 'Oh my god, you absolute idiot you have no hope.' But he just laughs it off.

"Still a valid point so let's make a deal. I give you my first name and you give me yours plus your number." You have to stop yourself from gagging at how adorable and cheesy that was.

You give him a deer in the headlights look.

"Oh c'mon! I'm basically putting my whole identity on the line and all I'm asking is for your digits plus a name."

"But why?" 'Stop questioning it and take it!'

"Why not?" You give a final scoff before mumbling something. "Can you repeat that a little louder angel?"

"(y/n)."

"(y/n). (y/n).(y/n).(y/n).(y/n).(y/n).(y/n).(y/n).(y/n)."

"What the hell are you doing? Stop saying my name." 'No, please keep saying it.'

"I'm saying it eight times so I never forget it. Cuz, ya know, eight on its side is the infinity symbol." He smiles the most innocent and pure smile anyone could make.

Your heart squeezes as you cant handle this. "That's dumb..."

"Maybe but you still need to give me your number."

"Name first."

"Ooo assertive, I like!" He steps closer causing you to step back.

'Please come closer.'

Very quickly your back hits the wall and Hawks brings his face dangerously close to your ear.

"Keigo." His voice was deep and had the effect of honey in your ear. It happened slowly leaving the sound stuck in your ear yet still traveling through your body.

As quickly as it happened, Keigo had pulled away and passed you his phone.

"Keep my name a secret, 'kay?" He smiles and winks only causeing you to function less and less.

"Whatever..." You put in your number and name, passing the phone back to Keigo.

"Thanks angel! I'd love to text you right away but I'm still on patrol so be sure to look out for my text later!" He swoops up your hand again to give it another kiss before flying off.

"Hey!" His response was laughter. As you begin to walk back towards your destination your face cools and you hold your hand close.

'He's suck a dummy but he's my dummy.'

Around 6:30 pm you receive a text from an unknown number.

'Hey angel.'

'Hey over grown chicken.' "Why the hell are you being so mean?!"

'lol are you calling me big?'

'Nope, tiny with succulent wings.'

'So you're only using me for my wings?! 😭'

'Yup!'

'Daw you dont need to lie to me angel.'

'But lying is so fun~'

'So you were lying!'

'....shit.'

'Ha! I knew I was irresistible.'

'Irresistible to carnivores.'

'You're an omnivore.'

'I have amazing self control.'

'Oh? prove it.'

'Pfft how?"

You leave the kitchen with your snack and plop on your bed. You were too engrossed in your conversation with Keigo that you didnt notice him peering through your window.

He simply adored how you try to contain how happy you become when you get a message from him.

Now was the test to see if you truely had amazing self control. Your phone buzzes and you quickly switch to your messages only to nearly die.

Inches from your face was the sexiest abb picture you've ever seen. His body was so well toned and to add to the picture his wings make up most of the background with very little blue sky poking through.

You were too distracted oogling and drooling over a simple picture it took a moment before you noticed his next texts.

'How's that self control treating ya?'

'I bet you're drooling over me.'

You pout, send a reply, and set your phone down.

'I think I'm a vegan now.'

After a second Keigo can notice the panic on your face as a faint "was that too mean?" was heard.

'Then I guess I'm the forbidden fruit.'

You bite your lip as you switch over to social media. Before your little banter started you were stalking his accounts. You didnt follow him or like any of his posts so he wouldnt be given that satisfaction but you truely did like them.

The only thing you disliked was how there were other girls who thought they could ever get with YOUR Hawks. He asked YOUR number and gave YOU his name. Clearly he was yours.

'Hey, you still there?'

'I like forbiden fruit. I have to shower. I'll text you in the morning, sweet dreams❤'

Keigo's heart flutters at the simple message. He flies home to shower as well.

While in the shower you slowly think of ways to eliminate the girls who think they can look at your Darling.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Two weeks have passed and have you been a little busy bee. You had to work to sustain life but you made it to every event your beloved was at. You made it to every meet and greet, interview, photoshoot, villain attack, his window at night. It really helped that you have a stealth quirk, so that way you wont be entirely in debt!

It wasnt like Keigo to not notice he was being followed, he knew exactly what you were doing, but he felt too endeared that his angel was watching out for him. He was also quite impressed on how you were able to sneak into his interviews and photoshoots.

Keigo felt guilty not being able to give you the attention you deserve but he tries to make up for it by watching you on his patrols and after you leave his house to go to sleep.

Tonight was no different as Keigo was perched on your apartment balcony. You liked to sleep with the curtains drawn back so you can see the stars but you always forgot to lock that door. Did you ever lock it?

Keigo silently fusses over how dangerous that is as he opens the door and kneels down at the side of your bed. His left hand holds on of yours as his right cups your face.

He was addicted to watching your sleeping face. So innocent. Plus he got a break from your adorable tsundere additude. Dont get him wrong, he loved it just he desires affection too.

He slowly retracts his hands to pull out his phone to take a picture. He probably had hundreds of pictures of your sleeping face but he needed to document everything. Tonight you must be having a bad dream, evident by the fact your eyebrows were scrunched and you sticking your tongue out ever so slightly.

"You need to stop being so adorable angel." He takes his pictures and kisses you forehead.

He wanted nothing more than to cuddle you but he had an extra early patrol. He slides the door to your balcony closed and flies off.

When you wake up with your mouth dryer than a desert. "Blah..." You grab your phone and text Keigo.

'Goodmorning early bird.'

You knew he'd be awake. You had memorized his schedule. Today after patrol he had a meet and greet then a photoshoot.

'Morning beautiful.'

You truely cant help smiling and blushing at all the cute things he says to you.

'How'd you sleep?'

'What's this? Concern????'

You roll your eyes at his teasing continue to eat your breakfast.

'Keep teasing me and it wont happen again.'

'lol sorry angel, I slept ok but it would've been better with you~'

Did he just say that? Oh my god he just said that.

(y/n). exe has stopped working. As your brain starts to reboot, your phone pings.

'How'd you sleep?'

The witty comments part of your brain was still rebooting, preventing the tsundere in you to actually work.

'Maybe if we spent the night together we'd sleep better.'

Now this caught Keigo off guard. He expected to be called a pervert or weirdo. Not for you to agree.

'Do you maybe wanna watch a movie tonight?'

He gotta shoot his shot sometime. Why not now?

Your brain could not comprehend what was happening. Were you dreaming? No, your sure you're awake. Was he joking? No, he didn't seem like the type to jokingly ask that. Maybe the world was just rewarding you for being so dedicated and loyal. That's probably it.

'Where and when?'

Keigo does a few flips in the sky to try and ease his excitement. Too bad that fails. "Its a date!"

'6 @ my place?'

'You better pick me up on time and have dinner prepared.'

'Anything for you angel!'

"Oh my fucking god it's a date." You jump up and down excited, running to your closet to pick out your outfit.

Since it wasnt a fancy restaurant or anything you decide to go more casual. A cute sundress maybe? Either way you put on your outfit and head out the door to go to your darling's meet and greet. It wasnt too far from your apartment so you were able to take a leisurely stroll there.

As you arrive you see the big crowd already forming. You didnt want to get your outfit dirty so you decide to stay more towards the back. A peppy blonde girl pushes you slightly to the side.

"Bitch.." you mumbled under your breath.

"Uh what did you just say?"

Not wanting to embarrass Keigo or have him have to separate a girl fight you decide to step down. "Nothing."

"Good choice bitch."

As the two of you reach the middle of the crowd, the girl takes out her phone. It was hard not to ease drop when she is purposely talking in your ear.

"Hawks is so hot. I bet he has a big dick too. Maybe after this he'll let me take some of that stress off of him~!" She puffs her chest out trying to get a reaction from you.

On the outside you're calm and collected but inside all hell was breaking lose. You wanted to snap her neck, pull out her fingernails, and slice off her tits.

Seeing as you're unfazed she continues. "I bet he'd be screaming how good I make him feel. He'd ask for my number and I'd break his heart. He is just a hunky of meat after all."

That's it.

You activate your stealth quirk and she questions where you went. You pull out a knife you always have on you, just in case, and glide it against her throat in a swift but silent manner. She collapses to the ground and a shrill scream sounds, alerting everyone near.

Before you run, you look at Keigo. His eyes meet yours. You know he can see you even if you were invisible. You know he knows you just killed her. His face holds disbelief but his eyes shimmer and smile for him.

You run from the crime scene and wash the blood from your hands.

Six o-clock slowly arrives and there was a knock on your door. You know its Keigo but you dont know how he found your adress. Opening the door you see him smiling so brightly.

"My little angel shed her white wings!" He traps you in a hug. You gladly hug him back.

"You're not mad?"

"Of course not! You did it for me didnt you?" You look up at him and nod. "Then its perfectly fine." He smiles at you before picking you up bridal style and closing your door.

"We better hurry, dinner is getting cold."

Loosely based on my Stalker x Stalker headcanons! Thank you so much for reading, have an amazing day!

Kiby~💚

[theobsessor1]

A Silly Idea

summary:  Deceit should know better, going through with another one of Remus’s ideas. He thought it would have been a one time deal, just something for them that night to experiment with his more reptilian side. But he’s starting to regret it with the growing nest of eggs, and horrible uncertainty of feelings swirling in his chest...he might be in some trouble here. 

pairings: qp Demus, implied intrulogical

Warnings: implied eggpreg, implied mpreg, implied mpreg, (i dont go into detail about any of this) 

 Word count: 1959 (wish to support me buy me a coffee :3)

Chapter 1 of “Say Something” series

Deceit growls as he pops back into the subconscious. He could never understand those-those buffoons! He just wanted to help Thomas, just like any of them, refused to listen to him!

They were such idiots!

He sighs, taking off his hat to run a hand through his hair, tossing it to the coffee table as he comes around and plops himself down on the couch with a huff. 

Conjuring himself a glass of wine in one hand and summoning the television remote in the other. Planning to spend the rest of the evening mind-numbingly watching the tv and drinking wine till he passes out. 

A perfect plan for his dreary mood. That is of course what he planned but not everything seems to want to go his way today. He surfs through the channels as movement in his peripheral catches his attention. A short flicker of his tongue snatching the faint scent of blood and some kind of soap confirms that Remus has appeared on the other side of the couch. 

“HelloOoOo my fave pair of snitties!” 

Deceit scrambles to not spill his glass as Remus drops onto him, burying his face into the snake sides chest all the while cackling and wrapping his arms around the other in a tight grip like an octopus entrapping its prey with its tentacles. 

“Really now is that all you see me as Remus?” Deceit fakes an offended scuff “Just some over glorified snits for you to use as a pillow?” he tries to keep from smiling, lips twitching with a slight smirk as Remus giggles...or well his equivalent of giggling. 

Remus takes a moment to settle, keeping his head resting on the other dark sides chest as he finds a comfortable position for his legs. He can hear the creative sides stim toy, the joints of it crackling slightly as he uses it, can feel the side glancing up at him as he takes a gulp of wine before returning attention back to the television. There’s a strange unnatural whining growl that comes from the duke “I could knock their skulls in! Ripp off their arms and feed them to dogs! Or just steal their kneecaps!” Remus makes a quick gesture of snatching something “They would have to listen to ya if they can’t escape!” Deceit lifts an eyebrow, shaking his head. 

It’s the same thing almost every night, coming back frustrated and drowning his anger in alcohol, Remus threatening the proclaimed light sides...always the same. 

Deceit gently shakes his head “Thank you Remus, but I must decline… They might listen to my words but they would not hear my meaning...They never do.” 

Remus takes the time to think for a moment, eyes darting at all the channels Deceit is still scrolling through before he finally just settles on a nature documentary, seems the topic for the day is snakes. 

“...You wanna talk about it?” he finally asks, offering up an ear to listen, and let him babble like Deceit would offer him. The snake side can hear him fidgeting more fervently with his stim toy, trying to keep quiet and allow him to vent. It’s a kind gesture, but Deceit was tired of venting. 

Tired of it all. 

He wanted change. 

“What is there to talk about...Virgil fights against me, Patton is trying to do what he sees right, Roman is lost, Logan listens but follows the rest of the flock.” Deceit can’t help but sigh, he can’t fault them for how they act. Yes he gets angry at not being listened to, but they are only trying their best...even if their best isn’t the greatest...hell they have recently been ignoring one of their own!

Remus growls faintly, unhappy as he gives Deceit a tight squeeze. Mumbling to himself in the ways that would get one labeled as a madman. 

Deceit hums chugging down the rest of his glass before willing it to refill, a smirk playing on his lips “Speaking of Logan, how are those secret adventures to his room going?” He attempts to change the subject with practice ease.

He holds in a snicker as Remus’s cheeks become dusted pink, the intrusive side hiding his face in the other’s chest. “I tried to gross him out again, try to spook em, ripping out my heart and dropping on the book he was reading. And the delicious nerd had the audacity to get excited and ask to dissect it!” he humbles into Deceit’s chest before looking up at his scaled face distraught and still blushing lightly “It was horrible!” 

Deceit lets himself laugh this time, chuckling at Remus’s demise, “oh it sounds absolutely dreadful.” 

Remus nods before hiding his face again, hips wiggling slightly with a frustrated shriek that causes Deceit’s ribs to seemingly feel like they were rattling, he merely runs his hand through the duke’s hair letting him scream it out. 

It takes a few minutes for the side to finish, mumbling something about gross feelings, Deceit’s ears ring softly from it, but he doesn’t mind. 

The room settles back into a comfortable silence for the moment, the only sounds being of the creative sides’s stim toy and the television’s narrator drowning on about the process of a female snake going through pregnancy. 

“Dee-Dee can you lay eggs?” Deceit startles, giving a surprised blink, too used to sudden outbursts. Remus had quickly sat up, staring at him with wide mischievous eyes and large maniac smile on his face.

“Ree, if you hadn’t noticed, I’m male and that’s a female snake on screen. I highly doubt I could.” He replies almost fondly to the strange idea. He can see the other’s eyes flickering over his face as his thoughts raced. You could almost see them flashing through his eyes if you stared into them.

“But what if you could?” Would you eat it, cracking it open to slurp out the insides?” 

Remus cackles bouncing slightly “Or-or maybe keep it around and let rot. Turning it into a festering ball of stink!” 

The snake side couldn’t help but wrinkle his nose “As delightful as that all sounds, I don’t think I would do any of that. Though you’re welcome to do so with yourself.” He can’t help but raise an eyebrow as the side moves closer, breath smelling of his latest snack. 

“Do it with me! Let’s make an egg!” Remus moves closer, softly knocking their foreheads together and shaking his head to nuzzle their noses against each other's. “I bet they would be massive! What do you think we would make, some mysterious mix of snake and octopus wriggling inside ready to devour souls hehe!” 

Deceit can’t help roll his eyes, he loves Remus, but really he is not going to willy nilly and start making eggs with him. Remus probably didn’t even actually care about making eggs the sneaky bastard. 

He gently pushes the Duke away “Remus-” 

“Pleeeeeese Double Dee, just some egg making between two bros cause they gay!” ugh, well now how was he supposed to say no to that. 

“Alright fine, I’ll sleep with you tonight-” Remus’s face had gone from pouty to instantly a wide smile that would unsettle anyone “But only once! And then we go to bed after.” 

Remus lets out a dramatic groan as he climbs the back of the couch and flops onto the ground on the other side “Fiiiine, you’re no fun…” 

“Oh yes, I’m such a party pooper aren’t I” Deceit drawls sarcastically before quickly downing his second glass of wine, disappearing the glass with a small poof before standing up and walking around the couch to his fallen friend “Really would think you’d be grateful, considering I’ve let you change my anatomy before~...” Remus had never let go of that one special snake fact he learned from Logan. 

The creative side bolts up from the floor with the sound of bones popping “hmm I do so enjoy that little change~” he purrs towards Deceit, childishly wiggling his eyebrows before grabbing the snake sides hand to tug him off to his room. 

One would be surprised by how clean the duke’s room actually was, save for the mystery stains of course. One could never be sure if its blood, paint, ketchup. Or many other things in the splattering of dark colors in the carpet. 

Everything sat neatly in its place, bed against the back wall, with sheets semi neatly made, weapons rach against a side wall next to the closet and a desk on the other side of the room. Littered with papers with chaotic scrollings and detailed doodles all over them. A couple of shelves lined with Shelves sat over it, lined with grotesque clay figures, disfigured to missing limbs or pouting out guts. 

Remus lets go of his hand to scramble onto the his bed, snapping away his clothes and summoning a bottle of lube on the bedside table. Looking to Deceit with eyes like a predatore ready to eat him alive. 

Deceit can’t help but smile heatedly as he returned the look “So, where do you want me~” 

******

Two weeks!

Two weeks after Remus’s silly idea! 

He foolishly hadn’t thought he was serious about it but here was evidence on his bed that Remus had indeed changed up his anatomy somehow. 

Two weeks of feeling strange. The first couple of days, just extreme hunger and then a complete loss of appetite the rest of the time. Feeling uncomfortable at all hours, only lessened when he was in his snake form. 

He hadn’t understood why it had been happening at first, but with what sat on his bed in front of him...Well he can connect the dots. An egg on his bed, feeling tired and sore...he’s thankful he’s imaginary. 

The egg was surprisingly aesthetically pleasing, going from a bright green-yellow color on top mixing and shifting into a dark olive green to the bottom. The egg was seemingly layered almost like a pinecone and large enough to take up Deceit’s whole hand… well it hadn’t been that size when he first laid it, thank Thomas.

 It had only grown bigger a moment after...Would it keep getting bigger?

Deceit ran a gloveless hand through his hair, hardly any clothes on as he had just woken up for the day and, spending most of his time as a snake, he hadn’t needed them. 

What was he supposed to do with it now? Remus hadn’t said anything after their night together about the eggs. He wouldn’t put it past the duke if he had forgotten, with that mind of his often racing so fast, jumping from idea to idea. 

He could always just bring it to him and remind him of it...but for some reason that made his gut twist unhappily with this strange tightening feeling in his chest.

...He supposed making a nest for it wouldn’t hurt? It’s not like something would actually hatch from it right?... He hoped nothing did, anyway. Surely he wouldn’t be good for the child, if it hatched. 

With another huff, he conjures up two large fluffy blankets and small throw pillows making a nicely sized nest in the corner of the room. It looked like a comfy sitting nook for reading, to disguise the fact that the egg was there.

It’s fine... It will be fine. He fed himself the lie, willing it to wash over him and calm his nerves. Tasting its bitter scent. 

The snake side forces himself to turn away and get dressed for the day, he still has a job to do. He can figure out a better plan to deal with the egg later. 

It was just one egg. No harm.

Everything was fine. 

It’s fine.

[salty-dracon]

ace hang plays my darling, a visual novel

DELICIOUS BOYFRIEND! | My Darling Full Playthrough | Ace Hang Plays

Lily: So let me get this straight. It’s a very short visual novel? And it’s... interesting?

Brid: Yeah. 

Val: Okay, so the last visual novel you recommended us was that one with the pigeons. So, if it’s a half hour long game that you liked, it’s probably either really good or terrifying. 

Brid: I guess you’ll never know which one until you start playing it. 

Arthur: Should I.... keep my eyes closed? 

---------

Arthur: Hey everyone, Ace Hang here! I’m Arthur!

Lily: I’m Lily!

Val: I’m Val!

Brid: And I’m Bridget! And we’re playing My Darling, a romantic visual novel game that I found on YouTube last night and thought the guys would enjoy playing!

Lily: You terrify me, lady. 

Val: See, I didn’t know that Hatoful Boyfriend would be like, a borderline horror game until you got me to play it for my channel. 

Arthur: Seriously? I always knew it was a horror game. 

Val: What the fuck? You didn’t tell me? 

Arthur: Brid and I were discussing it the other day, and she told me not to tell you anything about it. 

Val: But our playthrough of Calling Cipher- ugh, whatever. Point is, every time Brid recommends us a game, it’s either really good or a horror game. And with a title like “My Darling”, it’s probably not because it’s good. 

Lily: Um, do I get to roast the anime boys? 

Brid: Please. Do it. Literally half of the reason I picked this one out was for you to roast the anime boys. 

Val: And the other half? 

Brid: .... You don’t need to know that. 

Arthur: Are you going to use someone’s murder plot on us? 

Brid: What the fuck, of course not!

Lily: Okay, you red-haired bitch- NOT YOU BRIDGET- time to destroy your self-esteem. 

Brid: *snort*

Lily: Oh, uh, “What’s your name?”

Val: Okay, we gotta think of something stupid. Like, the level of your Noctis Umbra videos stupid. 

Lily: I mean, My Dude worked well, but like... we need something better. 

Val: Yeah. Uh, how about Bro? Oh, but I’m not sure how well that would work... since we’re probably playing a girl... 

Lily: It can be a gender-neutral bro. Like how I call everyone “dude”? 

Val: Good point, but like, Brid doesn’t want us to ruin the immersion. 

Brid: I say go for it. You could actually pull that one off. I don’t think gender is a big factor in the game.

Lily: Seriously?! We can do the bro stuff?!

Brid: I mean, besides all the pink. 

Val: BRO!

Arthur: BRO!

Lily: BRO!

Brid: BRO!

---------

Arthur: Can I voice him? Val gets to voice all the hot guys. 

Lily: Please, I wanna see your take on him!

Arthur: Okay. Let’s go. “Welcome!” His shading is, uh, interesting. Oh, look at his apron. “Best cook”. I bet he’s a good cook.

Lily: I bet he’s a shit cook.

Brid: “This is Takuya, my partner. We’ve been together for five years and are deeply in love.”

Val: So... not a dating sim? Unless we get to cheat on this guy?

Brid: “In the evening, when I come home from work, he greets me with a smile and hastens to prepare dinner. His words are so sweet.”

Val: I don’t trust him. 

Lily: God, if her internal monologue is just going to be “god he’s so cute” instead of “i love him” or something cute like that, it’s gonna suck. Gotta make it gay, man.

Brid: You want me to do a guy voice?

Lily: Please. 

Brid: *laughing* Okay! *lowered voice* “Good evening, my darling, I see you’re wearing the apron I gave you!”

Lily: TITLE DROP WHOOO

Arthur: “You noticed? Yes, I like it a lot!” Because he’s the best cook! See! It says so!

Brid: “Good. It suits you very well.”

Arthur: “Don’t say that kind of thing, bro!”

Brid: Bro. 

Lily: BROOOOOOOO

Brid: “Sorry, I couldn’t help it, bro. He is so cute.” 

Val: And then, we get into the hentai. 

Arthur: “I’ll take your things and put them away. Why don’t you rest in the living room while I go get dinner?”

Brid: *regular voice* “You’re right. Just let me take my phone. I search my pockets but can’t find it. Takuya has a strange expression. It looks like something is bothering him.”

Val: He stole our phone. 

Lily: Why are you so suspicious of him?!

Brid: “I completely forgot where I put it. It’s annoying, since I’d like to read the news.”

Arthur: “Don’t worry. I got you a newspaper. I know you like reading the news in the evening, so I buy you a newspaper every night! And you know why.”

Val: ... why? 

Lily: Beating up spiders? Garfield style? 

Arthur: “Screens poison couples. They cause addiction and isolation.”

Brid: “Yes, I know. That’s why we have no TV or computer.”

Lily: ... 

Val: ... 

Arthur: ... 

Brid: ... 

Lily: Uh, what the fuck? 

Arthur: Are we in some kind of abusive relationship?

Val: ... Yeah, what the fuck? No phone, no TV, no computer... are we being held hostage?

Lily: Okay, maybe you were right not to trust this guy. 

Arthur: “Anyway, the only person I want to see or talk to is you, Bro.”

Brid: Aw, thanks, bro! 

Arthur: You’re my best bro, bro!

Brid: I love you bro! 

Arthur: I love you too, bro! 

Brid: “You always say sweet words to evade the issue. You’re lucky it works pretty well.”

Arthur: “Stop teasing me!” Okay, like.... I don’t like him. Already. He says sweet words to evade the issue, of no screens, and him probably stealing our phone. 

Val: Seriously, look up Idiot Plot on TVTropes, okay? Because this is an Idiot Plot. 

Lily: Seriously. 

---------

Brid: “I forget a lot of things, because I have amnesia.”

Lily: Amnesia? Okay, this is bullshit-

Brid: I actually looked this one up. It’s called anterograde amnesia. You can’t form new memories. 

Lily: Oh, like Soren Sprocket from AA6!

Brid: Yeah, like him. 

Lily: I knew that was a real thing, I just wasn’t sure what it was called. Still don’t trust this guy. 

Val: Yeah, me neither. 

Arthur: “Here’s your lemonade. Look, I even put a straw in it to make a festive atmosphere. It’s your favorite color.”

Lily: ... wow, that’s, uh... 

Val: I hate this guy. So much. 

Arthur: Like can you imagine how sad her life must be? Goes to work, doesn’t have screens at home, kisses her boyfriend over a straw that’s her favorite color... 

Val: I do not trust this guy. I just can’t.

Brid: “Hey, thanks for staying with me.”

Arthur: “Bro... ”

Brid: Bro, you mean everything to me. Like, no homo, bro, but, I’m so happy you’re here for me. 

Arthur: I love you too, bro. I’m never gonna leave you, because you mean everything to me, bro. 

Lily: Bro. 

Val: BROOOOOO

----------

Lily: Awwww, he’s feeding us now. Beef and potato stew? Licious. 

Brid: Y’know, I don’t understand why couples find it cute to feed each other. It’s like, have you ever tried to feed a baby? Like, they take it all fine till they’re like, 12 months, but once the baby develops teeth-

Val: Oh my god, I used to have to feed my cousins- they were like 4 at the time, and twins- I had to feed them some stew with green peppers, and they’d just knock it out of my hand, even if they wanted it. I got frustrated so easily and then made one of them cry when i shoved the spoon in too hard. You have to be really careful. 

Lily: ... Ouch.

Val: Yeah. Man, I felt so bad after I did that. But feeding kids once they grow teeth in is hard.

Arthur: And yeah, if you’re fed while you have teeth, it’s like... awkward. I don’t know, maybe I’m used to having food randomly shoved into my mouth with a larger bite than I eat. 

Brid: Oh, big mood, I hate it when people try to feed me with a bigger bite than’s usual for me. 

Lily: ... 

Lily: Am I the only one that actually likes being fed? With a spoon? 

Val: ... He’s absolutely feeding us dead bodies. I’m so sure of it. 

Lily: WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?

Val: I DON’T TRUST THIS BITCH HE’S PROBABLY LIKE A CANNIBAL OR SOMETHING

------------

Brid: “I lean against the wall to pick up the towel. Suddenly a part of the wall collapses, revealing a small hole. This part of the wall looks like it was sealed and then painted over.”

Val: DEAD BODY

Lily: ... Yeah probably. 

Arthur: Oh boy. 

Brid: “I peer through the hole, seeing pipes- and among them, a human head, legs, and torso.”

Val: HE CUT UP A BODY

Brid: “A corpse.” Val, look at the art. He did not cut up a body. 

Val: HE KILLED A BODY

Arthur: “Body” implies that it’s already dead. 

Val: HE KILLED A PERSON

Brid: There we go. 

Lily: Wait, so he killed a person? 

Brid: Who’s ‘he’?

Lily: ... Brid, you just said ‘He killed a person��. 

Brid: No, Val said that. 

Val: And you agreed with me. 

Brid: You never specified who ‘he’ was. 

Val: There’s only one other guy in the story. Takuya.

Brid: “He” could be God. 

Val: Does Mr. Shitty Teal Apron look like God to you? 

Arthur: You’re God. 

Val: DAMN RIGHT I’M GOD

Lily: ... Wait, what were we talking about? 

---------

Brid: “I saw a body in the bathroom.”

Arthur: “I think you just had a bad nightmare. Everything will be fine, don’t worry! I’ll take care of it after I do the dishes.”

Brid: “There’s a BODY in the BATHROOM and all you can think about is DISHES?!”

Arthur: “A healthy house begets a healthy mind. We must eliminate all kinds of nuisance to be at peace.” ... I don’t like this guy.

Lily: BOI

Val: HE MURDERED THAT BODY

Lily: DAMN RIGHT HE DID

Arthur: Oh boy. Th-Theories? 

Val: He’s a cannibal. He’s trying to get us to be cannibals too. That or he’s raising us like livestock to eat. Promised Neverland style. 

Lily: Zombie apocalypse. He’s trying to keep us sane. Only uninfected meat is humans. He wants to feed us meat. 

Arthur: ... He’s absolutely going to snap and try to kill us if we say we don’t love him. It’s going to be scary. 

Brid: ... Yeah, it’s fucked up, huh? 

---------

Brid: “I hear some strange sounds downstairs. Why is he cooking at this hour?”

Val: CANNIBALISM

Lily: YEAH

Arthur: TAKUYA DONT EAT PEOPLE

Brid: *stifling a giggle* “The noise sounds like a knife cutting something.”

Val: GUESS THAT BEEF STEW WASNT REALLY BEEF HUH

Lily: I THINK YOU’D KNOW WHAT BEEF TASTES LIKE 

Val: AMNESIA

Lily: GOOD POINT

Brid: “I pause for a moment, worrying he’ll be angry.”

Lily: HE LOCKED US IN A ROOM. FUCK HIM. 

Arthur: I SWEAR HE’LL SHOW UP AND BE COVERED IN BLOOD

Lily: OH GOD

Arthur: It’s like, we walk in, and he’s covered in blood, and he’s like- Naw, bro! I know you see all this blood on my chest, but calm down! It’s just pig blood, see? Was making some fresh pork for you, bro!

Brid: *cracking up* Aww, bro, it’s all over yourself! All over your sexy, manly arms!

Arthur: Yeah, bro. I need to wash this stuff off, but there’s too much and it’s all stuck to my hairy chest, bro!

Brid: I’ll help you, bro! Let’s take a shower together so we can clean it all off, bro! 

Arthur: Sounds awesome, bro! No homo, bro!

----------

Brid: Aaaaand there’s our big bloody boy. 

Lily: Please never say anything remotely like that again. 

Val: Try and explain your way outta this one, you fuck. 

Arthur: “Bro you had to stay in the room! Go back there now!”

Brid: “I push Takuya away and repress the urge to vomit. The air is filled with the disgusting stench of blood. The countertops are covered in red. Several garbage bags lie on the ground, filled with distinctive shapes.”

Val: Is he... not a cannibal?

Lily: Don’t ask me.

Arthur: “This person is a man who hung around you. He was bad, so I took control of things.”

Brid: “You killed a guy!”

Arthur: “I had to!”

Brid: “You’re crazy!”

Lily: As if that weren’t already clear from him throwing out all of our screens. 

Val: Yeah. Wait, didn’t they say she went to work? Doesn’t she get to see screens there?

Brid: “His eyes darken.”

Arthur: “Don’t say things like that. All of it. I did it for you.” Great, creepy eyes now. He’s gonna kill us next. Fuck.

Brid: “I feel a rush of adrenaline as I rush towards the entrance.”

Lily: GRAB A WEAPON!

Val: THAT BITCH HAS A KNIFE

Lily: OH FUCK

Arthur: D-Don’t yell!

Val: LIVING ROOM NOW

Lily: UNDER THE TABLE

Val: HE HAS A KNIFE

Lily: SHE HAS A TABLE

Arthur: “Bro, come here.”

Lily: RUN

Val: YEAHHHHH SHE GOT OUT

Brid: You guys are having way too much fun with this.

Lily: RUN FOR THE DOOR

Val: FUCK HE CAUGHT US- OH GOD HE’S CLOSE

Lily: AAAAAAAA WHY DOES THE GAME DO THAT

Arthur: Are you two okay?!

Val: No. We’re not. We hate this guy.

Lily: With a passion. 

Val: OH FUCK A CROSSROADS. BEDROOM OR BATHROOM

Lily: UHHHH. OH FUCK. BATHROOM. 

Val: Yeah, he’ll lock us in the bedroom!

Lily: GOOOO

(Arthur and Brid click the option while they’re enjoying Lily and Val’s shouting)

Brid: “I pick up a hair dryer.”

Lily: OHHH IS SHE GONNA STRANGLE HIM WITH THE HAIR DRYER?!

Val: FUCK YEAH GIRL

Lily: GO FOR IT BRO!

Val: Or... smack him. That works too, I guess. 

Lily: IN. THE FUCKING. BALLS. BITCH.

Val: TURN DOWN FOR WHAT!!

Brid: “I run out.”

Lily: YEAH RUN BITCH RUN

Val: GET OUT THE WAY!

Lily: YEET OUTTA THERE SIS

Brid: “But something catches my ankle.”

Lily: AWWWWWW

Val: COME ON. FUCKING. YANDERE ASS. FUCKER

---------

Val: Aaaaand now we’re bound and gagged. 

Lily: This guy is the worst. I hate him. 

Brid: Seriously. 

Arthur: “If only things could go back to the way they were... ” he says, covered in blood, still trying to hide the belongings of the dead guy. “we would be so happy.”

Lily: Hate this guy. 

Arthur: “This man ruined everything.” OH MAN, I think he’s actually a yandere. Yeah, that makes him a yandere, right? Killing someone for his one true love? Or maybe he’s a good guy, who knows. Maybe. I don’t know. I think the creepy eyes aren’t, uh... helping his case.

Lily: Yeahhhh.... 

Arthur: “I’m sorry this all happened. It won’t happen again. Just please know that I’d do anything for you.”

Brid: THEN PERISH

Lily: OHHHHHH

Val: THEN PERISH YOU FUCKING CANNIBAL

Arthur: But he’s not even a cannibal... 

Lily: Close enough. 

Brid: “You’re not my boyfriend, you’re a thief!”

Arthur: “Does this mean... that the drug is no longer effective?” THAT SPRITE IS DOWNRIGHT TERRIFYING. OH MY GOD LOOK AT HIS SMILE. I DO- I DO NOT LIKE THAT.

Brid: Yeah, that transition’s a bit scary, huh? 

Arthur: I’m going to have nightmares about that. 

Brid: You don’t have to look at his eyes. 

Lily: So he was drugging us. 

Brid: “In the depths of my memory, I see a man, not Takuya, embracing me tenderly. We went on dates and holidays together... but then I remember that he was the man whose face I saw in the wall.”

Arthur: Damn... That’s... evil. 

Brid: Fuck this guy. “You ruined my life!”

Arthur: “Don’t talk nonsense- it was him! You were happy with me. But he didn’t deserve you. You should be happy for everything I did for you.”

Brid: “You killed my boyfriend and drugged me to make me think I had amnesia!”

Arthur: “The drugs were useful. I cooked them into everything I made for you. It made you think you went to work and came back at night. It was impressive.”

Val: Man, I don’t think I’ve ever been on a drug trip this bad.

Arthur: “We can go back to the way things used to be.”

Brid: “Go fuck yourself, asshole!”

Val: THATS MAH GIRL! YEAH GET EM

Lily: FUCK YEAH! 

Arthur: “Stop talking to me like that. You were much more docile in bed... ”........ Oh my god. What the fuck. That’s so fucked up. 

Val: I want him dead. 

Brid: I’m gonna kill this guy. Seriously, what an asshole, right? 

Val: So let me get this straight. He killed our boyfriend, kidnapped us, drugged us so we thought we were going to work every day and coming home to him, lied to us about being in a relationship for five years and r*ped us while we were out cold. 

Lily: Yeah, guess so. What the fuck, man. 

Val: ... Fuck this guy.

Arthur: I... really want to see this guy get justice hammered. 

Brid: “You’re crazy!”

Arthur: “Yes, I’m crazy! Crazy about you! But don’t you remember? You said you loved me too.”

Brid: “I could never love someone like you!”

Arthur: “You lied to me! Don’t toy with my feelings! This has to stop. I’m going to make sure you stay with me forever!”

Val: He’s gonna kill us. 

Brid: *trying not to laugh* Ohhhh yeah. 

Arthur: “Why didn’t I think of this before! It’s so romantic. They say making love unites bodies but only for a moment... how would you like to be a part of me forever?!”

Lily: Is he gonna do that thing in Black Butler where he’s gonna sew our bodies together?!

Arthur: Oh, GROSS. 

Val: ... That... happened in Black Butler? 

Lily: Yeah, it was a major plot point and everything. Like, the main villain was like, hey, let’s sew Ciel’s parents’ bodies together. To make a perfect human being. Union of male and female, y’know?

Val: ... Wow. Maybe I should watch it. 

Brid: I like that one better than what actually happens here.

Val: Wait, what?

Arthur: “I mean... eating you.”

Val: WAIT I WAS RIGHT ABOUT THE CANNIBALISM?!

Brid: ...

Val: BRID?

Brid: ...

Val: BRID.

Arthur: “Don’t worry, you’ll be happy inside me! I’m happy just thinking about it!”

Val: GETTING CONFIRMATION HE’S A CANNIBAL IS SOMEHOW SO MUCH WORSE THAN JUST SPECULATING ABOUT IT

Brid: “Please don’t do this, I beg of you-”

Val: I HATE THIS BRID

Arthur: “Oh, right. I never made dessert.”

Val: “Bad end: Cannibal Love.” Yeah, okay. So, uh, what the fuck, Bridget? What in the goddamn fuck was this? He ate us! 

Brid: I just really wanted to see your reactions to the cannibalism. 

Lily: You’re a monster. I’m afraid. 

Arthur: I enjoyed it. Sort of. 

Brid: I know. It was just for the reactions. 

Arthur: I will have nightmares, Brid. I hope you know that.

Brid: Takuya the evil cannibal yandere rapist isn’t real and can’t hurt you. 

Arthur: Takuya be like... there. On the title screen. Smiling at us. Only it’s creepier now that we know he’s a yandere. 

Brid: There is a true ending. But, uh, if you don’t want to see it-

Val: How do you get it?

Brid: Hold on, let’s get some water, and then we’ll have to restart the whole game pretty much... 

---------

Brid: Hey everyone, Ace Hang’s back, with some more My Darling, we got some snacks and water, and we’re gonna try for the true ending this time. 

Arthur: I’m not ready. I’m not ready. 

Lily: It’s okay, man. You’ve done great so far. Just a little bit more. 

Val: Yeah. Do it for us. Who wants to kill this bitch.

Arthur: Yeah! Okay, so uh...

Brid: You’re offered one choice at the beginning of the game that’s like, “I love you!“ or “You doubt me?“. We chose “I love you” the first time. If you pick “You doubt me” you get the true ending. Kind of out of place, but hey. And for the other events in the game, like us finding the body in the bathroom, finding Takuya cutting up a dead body, and the big chase scene where we try to run away from the cannibal yandere, are all the same.

Val: Unfortunately.

Brid: Yeah... Anyway, let’s get back into the action. He’s got us tied up on the couch right now.

Arthur: “I asked you if you loved me, and you never gave an answer. I want one now.“

Lily: Kind of a weird spot, yeah.

Arthur: “Despite everything, do you love me?“

Lily: NO

Val: FUCK NO

Brid: ABSOLUTELY NOT

Arthur: YOU HAVE MADE SOME VERY QUESTIONABLE DECISIONS MY GUY

Brid: “I don’t love you. I love the man you killed.”

Arthur: “Shut up about him!“

Brid: He threatens me with his knife.

Arthur: “I stabbed him a hundred times!“

Val: No ya didn’t, ya fuckin’ liar. You stabbed him 99 times. Bitch.

Lily: *dying of laughter*

Brid: “He’s leaning near my face while shouting. I kick him.“

Lily: YEAH GIRL!! WHOOO GET EM

Val: FUCK HIM UP! FUCK HIM UP!

Brid: “I catch the knife in between my fingertips and cut my ties.“

Val: Wait, what?

Val: Wait, wait, hold up. If you caught a butcher knife with your hands, you’d be-

Lily: Listen, if your wrists are bound like this,*holds up hands with wrists together* you could potentially rotate your wrists enough to- see, like that.

Val: No, no. That wouldn’t work. See, your hands would be so tightly bound that-

Brid: What are you guys talking about?

Val: If your hands were bound, could you use a knife to cut your ties?

Brid: BDSM fanfics wouldn’t tell me that one.

Lily: You read BDSM fic?

Brid: You don’t need to know that.

Arthur: What if she cut her legs first, pressed the knife up between her legs, and cut her arms like that?

Val: Great idea, but unrealistic. See, your sneakers aren’t exactly- and especially your bare feet won’t-

Brid: It just happens, okay. Come on, get back to the game. “I see him standing up, quickly grab the keys, and run away.“

Lily: Jesus, how hard did she brain him? If I brained an attacker, I literally would not be able to escape like that.

Val: He fucking deserved it. That’s why.

Arthur: He deserved every ounce.

Brid: “I run out of the house, my breath shaky. I stumble around, scared. There is no one around. Suddenly, I feel a hand on my shoulder-“

Val: STAB HIM

Lily: SHANK THAT HOE

Val: SHANK HIM

Arthur: IT’S PROBABLY JUSTIFIABLE SELF DEFENSE

Brid: “It’s a neighbor and her big dog.“

Lily: Oh thank God. I mean, dog. Oh thank dog.

Arthur: Doggo.

Lily: Okay, so is my zombie apocalypse theory true?

Val: Who has a dog in the apocalypse?!

Lily: “Hey, I was worried about you! Did you move? I saw a stranger enter and leave your house a few times.“

Val: A few times?

Arthur: So basically, he’s only been keeping up the delusion for a few weeks at most.

Val: Why do you say?

Arthur: Groceries. Assuming he had enough money.

Val: ?

Arthur: Beef goes bad in four days usually.

Val: Oh.

Arthur: Potatoes last forever though. And several times means he’s not been there for more than, like, a year.

Val: Oh, well that’s good, at least.

Arthur: I mean, it’s still bad.

Val: Yeah, but like, it’s good that it wasn’t for five years.

Lily: Yeah.

Brid: “Quick, we need to get out of here! He’s coming!“

Lily: “Who’s coming?“

Brid: “The dog starts growling. In the distance a shadow detaches itself from the wall. I recognize him. He’s coming towards us.”

Lily: “What the hell does he want?!“

Brid: “I can’t move. Takuya approaches us with a threatening look.“

Lily: “Stay away or I’ll set my dog on you!“

Val: *ARF*

Arthur: “Bro, come here. We’re going home.“

Brid: “No way, you murderer!“

Lily: Bitch, I’m real close to setting my dog on you!

Val: *ARF ARF ARF*

Lily: How are you doing that?

Val: I’m a man of many talents.

Lily: Sure you weren’t a furry once?

Val: Shut up.

Arthur: “So you hate me? I thought I was doing the right thing... Why don’t you love me? Why can’t you see that I have so much to offer you?“

Lily: Oh, I don’t know, maybe because you kidnapped us and stabbed our boyfriend?!

Val: Mood.

Brid: “How could I love a person like you?!“

Arthur: “I wanted to build you a better life! I saw you crying on a bench once, and I wanted to save you. Every tear you shed stabbed my heart. Come home, and we’ll pick up the pieces together.“

Lily: If Takuya knew what sin was he wouldn’t care.

Brid: “We’re done here.“ “Police sirens ring out. Takuya looks frantically in their direction and then mine before taking off at top speed. The neighbor tries to restrain her dog-“

Val: *ARF*

Brid: “... from running after him. A police car enters the alleyway.“

(screen fades to white)

Arthur: ... Oh, is that it?

Brid: “A year later, I changed the course of my life. I moved away and began making new memories, but this experience will forever remain in the back of my mind. But I could never forget that man. He’s always there in my tainted memories. One day, I received a letter from an anonymous source:“

Brid: “I only ask that you forgive me.“

Val: ...

Arthur: ...

Lily: ...

Brid: ...

Val: YOU CANNIBALIZED US IN THE OTHER ENDING YOU ABSOLUTE FUCK. YOU YANDERE FUCK.

Lily: Is he out of prison?! How’d we get the note?! What the fuck?! What the Cinnamon Toast fuck is going on here?!

Arthur: Why. Would. Anyone. Forgive you?! What, do you want a sequel where you kidnap her a second time?!