#maybe hints of ace/queer trauma here too

[roxynychus]

There’s a small moment at the end of the Barbie movie that's stuck with me. Literally a blink-and-you'll-miss-it gag, yet it just resonated.

[Fairly major spoilers if you haven't seen Barbie yet] [Also note I'm writing this in a half-conscious frenzy at 2 am so I hope it makes sense]

It happens after the Kens return from their war turned homoerotic musical number to find the Barbies have retaken Barbieland, and Main Barbie gives Main Ken the speech that he’s Ken-ough just being himself without her. One of the other Kens says something like he doesn't care about patriarchy anymore, he just misses his friend Barbie. It's a throwaway line, but it hit me.

Like it reminded me being a kid and having friends who were girls, and how easy it seemed to do that when we were that young. We were all just kids having fun together. Like yeah we registered that we were different genders, but it hadn't really sunk in for us yet what that "meant".

But then as we grew up, society's weird gender dynamics got forced onto us more and more. We couldn't just be friends anymore, not without some kind of romantic/sexual undercurrent being assumed. Suddenly it was "complicated". After all, men and women can't just be friends, right? Someone's gonna catch feelings, right? You're the man, you gotta impress a lady and start a family and be the big strong breadwinner, right? It was weird as fuck, suddenly being told that it was somehow improper to be platonically close with people I'd known for my whole life. Especially as a queer man who has never felt comfortable trying to be traditionally masculine.

And that's just how it was for me as a cis dude. Learning more about what women and girls experience has especially driven home how harmful this enforcement of strict gender dynamics is.

Same, Ken. I don't care about patriarchy either, I miss my friend Barbie, too.

[yourbookcouldbegayer]

I’m writing a book that has robot and cyborg characters and they’re sorta a allegory (is that the right word?) for queer people. The story follows two robots, a cyborg, and a human as they manage accepting themselves and each other, dealing with trauma, and fighting for freedom against a system that hates robots.

Originally this book was just for me, but now I’m part way through and I kind of want to publish it, so I have some questions about how I’m handling the queer symbolism.

Firstly, in this story, all children are made in labs. In this world, this is how it’s always been done/this is just straight up how kids are made. Also, the labs are kinda a third party to society at large. But anyway, the point is robot, cyborg, and human children are all made the way they are on purpose (#born that way). But some humans argue robots are wholly unnatural and that cyborgs should ignore those parts of themselves and try to hide them. Does this symbolism come across? Can you tell just from that description that robots are stand ins for people who’s entire identity is queer (like say their trans aro and pan or something), cyborgs are like people who have only one or two queer identities and humans are cis het allo and all that.

Also. Should I let human characters also be gay and trans? Since it’s only meant to a representation for how queer people are treated and not supposed to be a one to one thing. I’ll leaning towards yes, let them be gay and trans and ace and aro and all that, but I’m just not sure.

Should I just not publish this at all? I feel like it’ll come across as problematic. Originally, it was a kind of like a way to vent and express my own experiences, but then I thought that others could enjoy it. But there’s a good chance that it’ll won’t come across right or be weird/too confusing.

Just from reading this my view of it isn't that it's a 100% allegory for queer identities as a whole. To me it reads more like an allegory for gender with focus on nonbinary, trans, and other identities which fall under those umbrellas. That's not to say that to others the general queer allegory won't come across because I definitely think it will as what you've explained here certainly is able to be read that way. I'd leave this open to followers for their opinion on how they view this and I'd say it can't hurt for you to seek out other perspectives on that aspect in particular

I think that it wouldn't really harm anything to have characters be gay, trans, or other queer identities. Your focus seems to be more on the discrimination of robots so I'm not certain if there's a need to directly state anyone's gender or sexuality but hinting at it could work. As well as maybe the identities being considered non-traditional/non-society norm, might allow you to explore your allegory more if human characters are possible sympathizers or stand up on behalf/in support of the robots and cyborgs

As for publishing this, that's entirely up to you. I can't say whether you're work might get misinterpreted, all works run that risk. Truly as long as you do a read-through or a few, of your work which you will have to do for editing purposes, you'll catch things, be able to expand on things that might make the allegory clear.

All in all, it is your world, so you have the freedom to play around with it

[plushrumpvevo]

"why wouldn't more men identify as ace?" here's a hint: maybe because men are hypersexualised too, just differently! to express any deviation from allosexuality is deviant amongst cis men. this holds true across both straight and queer male circles, but is especially true for the former, because toxic masculinity means you are either sexually attracted to chicks, or you're fag, whether you're attracted to men or not, and if you are, you better be sexually interested too or you're a freak. if you don't think that the institution of toxic masculinity and social standards amongst cis men would make a huge dent in how many men would id as ace, you're either missing or ignoring part of the picture.

that said, trauma definitely does influence the identity of some aces, and higher rates of sexual assault in women would account for some gender skew. I don't doubt that some women misidentify the way described here, but to paint it so prevalent is just misleading

i hate sex positivity so i’m biased but, i have to wonder what role it played in creating so many asexual micro-identities. i can’t relate to sex positivity’s image of the liberated woman having Super Sexy Sex with tons of dudes every day and enjoying wild (patriarchy-approved) kinks that are Totally Empowering, so i must be demiromantic gray ace right? if sex positivity framed what you think “allosexuality” must look like, small wonder people (especially women) felt the need to splice attraction and carefully categorize themselves by how and when they felt attraction.

sex positivity offers one relationship to sex and attraction, and asserts that this is the one relationship that will liberate you (from patriarchy i guess?). and if you’re like um, no, not for me (which is very valid and probably applies to a lot of women)? that can be pretty alienating! i felt that way too, and because of it, i was considering calling myself demiheteroromantic greypansexual or somesuch thing for a time. i moved away from that identity at the same time i started to see sex positivity as very harmful to women.

sex positivity is super flawed but its pervasiveness has made it feel like that’s the norm, and if you’re not that norm you must be Something Else. when in reality that’s just a bad lens. each and every one of us has a different relationship to sex and attraction and neither sex positivity nor mogai micro-identities can of account for all that nuance.

[softly-speaking-valkyrie]

Want To Know What Bad Mental Health Looks Like For Bisexual People?

You wanna know what it is to live with people who don’t see your sexuality as real?

You wanna know what it is to live with people who think you settled for being ‘straight’ when you date someone who looks the opposite gender?

You wanna know what how bad it is when those people are your parents?

Alright then, buckeroo, I’ll fucking tell ya. And when I’m finished, and you’ve read this, don’t ever fucking think that bisexual people don’t suffer another layer of discrimination and ridiculous trauma that the other queers don’t have to suffer. 

I’m a pre-transition transgender woman who is bisexual (has known for 6 years) and is currently dating a pre-op transgender man. 

So to the outside uninformed world, I look like a dude just dating his girlfriend. And in case you need clarification, I’m not.

In the summer of 2017 after splitting up with my previous ex-girlfriend and following the worst argument with my drunken mother and father (back when they both used to drink) I came out to both of them as a bisexual, after confiding in both my grandparents who were incredibly more accepting than both of them combined. 

My parents were both, and still are both, typical conservative and right-wing thinking people who make homophobic remarks at times, don’t really ‘agree’ with people being transgender and transitioning, and have never been accepting of queer people in general. Yes, I still told them, still came out and tried to explain everything. They’re the kind of people who would say they can’t be homophobic because their friend is gay. But nevertheless, I told them I was bisexual.

Immediately my mother announced her views that bisexuality was not a thing at all, that I was going through a phase of thinking I still liked girls and that I was secretly gay and would eventually come out as gay (remember, they don’t know I’m trans, and I can never tell them following this) and date men exclusively. I told them I had slept with a man before getting with my ex (at the time) and that I still liked men equivalently to women. My mum still was not having anything of what I was saying. It was still a phase, or I was confused, or the typical bullshit ignorant fuckery parents and assholes spout because they’re too fucking stupid to listen to the people who are talking about it. No, she was right and I was wrong. Soon, I’d realise I was straight and it was a phase, or I would realise it was gay. 

The next thing she said was that no matter what I shouldn’t be telling anyone else about it, because it would then spread around the whole area we live in and everyone would be talking about them and how they had a gay son. 

Yeah, you read that right. My mum was purely, exclusively and only concerned with how this was going to affect her and her precious family dynamic. On that note of ‘family’ - my Dad had cheated on her sloppily and she forgave him and took him back, they’re raising my currently 7-year-old brother to be just like they are, they hate everyone around the area, don’t go out and neither currently speak to either of their parents. So, y’know *Vin Deisel’s voice* ‘Family’.

Oh, and if you’re wondering what my Dad thought on the subject of my being bisexual, he didn’t have an opinion. And given that he spends all day working or playing stupid mobile games that aren’t Pokemon GO, had cheated on my Mum when said brother was only 3, and is an all-around baby boomer ape, I saw that as a positive. 

But I digress. 

Skip forward to this time last year, late June of 2018, and I reconnected with an old friend who is my current partner (the transman I mentioned at the beginning), and we fairly quickly got together. My mum was really happy, like really happy, because she’d seen my previous two exes and how fucking maniacal and psychotic they both were and deemed this new ‘girlfriend’ as a good influence on me. We hadn’t really talked about me being bisexual at all in the year that had passed, and I’d never brought a man home because of course I fucking couldn’t, but I’d just been the same me as always. So when I brought ‘her’ home, my mum must have... you guessed it - “Oh yes! He’s straight!” Because remember, adults know fucking everything and if you haven’t brought a member of the same sex home to meet the family even though they don’t want you to, then goddamn it, you’re as straight as a ruler buckeroo. 

So now we’ll skip ahead to say this year, 2019, and I’ve been slowly trying to influence the family into being more accepting of other people, other cultures, and other identities. I’m being a little harsh about it because, I’m a sarcastic fuck and cannot stand ignorance, which is really ironic when both parents think I’m ignorant myself. They really like that word ‘ignorant’, which makes this cautionary tale down-right Oscar worthy. Anyway; I have a rainbow flag in my room at this point, which my Mum also put away/tried to hide from me at one point. Not only that but I have a bisexual flag pin, a rainbow flag Valkyrie pin, and a rainbow Royal Post Box pin all on my leather jacket (because being futch is beautiful) and as well as that I have rainbow suspenders. It’s pretty obvious as well from my room and all that I do, that I’m a feminist and I really really really love and cherish women. I’ve dropped hints about queer culture as well over that year gap, but my Mum is starting to get really annoyed at how ‘progressive’ I’m being around the house. She’s taking offence to how much I’m championing women’s rights, queer’s rights and people of colour’s rights, especially when we both watch The View and talk about all the horrible injustices happening in America and around the world on marginalised people. 

Then, she starts to watch Gentleman Jack (and I’m actually embarrassed to say she’s watched it all and I haven’t even started because I’ve been writing my book lately), which really fucking surprised me given at how sapphic it is. 

And then we get to today’s football match of the Women’s World Cup. England vs Cameroon and I had watched most of the game at work but got home as the second half came to a close. And here’s where you’ll find out just who my mother is. 

Mother: Look at the ref, he can’t even keep them under control! Me: Mum, she’s a woman. You can’t have a male referee in a women’s football game. Mother: What? Look at it! It’s got no tits, it’s a man! Me: Have you seen what a sports bra is? Mum, you can’t have a male ref for a women’s game! It wouldn’t be right! Mother: Well the managers are men! Seriously, look at it! Look at it! It’s a man! Its got no tits and look at its face! It’s a man!

A small loud-voiced debate ensues because my little brother starts copying my Mum and claims the referee is a man or a male. I keep saying she’s a woman, because not only is she that just by looking at her, the goddamn announcers said she was. Moreover, I was just trying to correct my Mum from using ‘it’ as a way to describe a person. I even told her outright you shouldn’t use ‘it’ when talking about a person or someone you don’t know. 

Having none of it, my mother kicked off louder than a steam engine at me. After about a minute of me and Dad talking about how good the match was to watch and how Women’s Football is amazing to see, my Mum starts to hurl abuse at me and points the finger, even so far as I was fearful to get beaten. And I have been before, even at 22. But this is not me saying I get routinely beaten, nor am I saying that my experiences are the worst kind and that I suffer more than any other queer. That is not what I’m saying nor insinuating. I’m only telling you what I get and why other queers might not get this verbal and emotional abuse for the same reasons, and here’s why. 

Mother: I am sick of you fucking having a go at me for all the gay shit! You’re not the only one who supports the gays! You’re not the only one! No one is allowed to have an opinion around you are they! Not when it comes to this gay shit are they? Fuck off! You’re horrible! You’re a horrible little fucker just because you support the gays! Well you’re not the only one! You think you fucking know me! Yeah well you don’t know me as well as you fucking think you do!

For the record, once again. I came out in 2017 as bisexual, and my Mum thought it was a phase and that I was confused. 

And some more disclaimers - this isn’t the only case of this shit, and there’s worse that I don’t want to put in here. I’m only writing this because it literally just happened. But this is why queers of other sexualities might not get this. Ace people and pan people would get this too, and we can all attest to the fucking fury and hurt it instills. 

Even after coming out, I’m still considered straight. 

EVEN AFTER COMING OUT, I’M STILL CONSIDERED TO BE STRAIGHT.

And not only that, I’m fucking punished for not acting straight. Even after coming out, and affirming for two years that I’m not, I’m still considered straight and punished and seen as lesser for not acting it. What the fuck?

And yeah, I realise now just how stupid it is writing this, but adults are fucking horrible and this is what it’s like. 

I actually wish these people were not my parents and were just dead. It would be easier. Or maybe if I was just dead it would be easier for the world as a whole? Can’t even tell anymore. 

Who cares? No one cares. Sorry for making this. But this is what shitty mental health looks like. 

I fucking hate this world.