#maybe I'm just tired and listening to vigilante shit

[jonathanbyersphd]

S1 Nancy would've punched Jason (yes I'm still thinking about it)

[igotanidea]

Dirty work: Jason Todd x reader

A/N: I am a firm believer that even in his post-patrol haze and surge of energy all Jason Todd needs from his beloved princess are hugs, not fucks and i will die on this hill.

***

The adrenaline was still fuzzing in his system, even after hours and hours of his night job in Gotham. It was stressful and hitting on all his sensitive spots hidden so deep under the surface. Muscles moving in the trained motion he practised milion times before, each instinct spurred on by imagination running wild.

Hurt, scared, innocent kids, left to tend to themselves on the streets.

Ordinary citizens exposed to the aftermath of whatever drama and destruction the mobs and gangs decided to wage that night.

Terror on the street on women who were working the night shift, trying to make a living, make ends meet.

And the same shit going on over and over again every fucking night, because fucking someone had a fucking moral code. Because fucking someone refused to put an end to something terrible, too afraid to stain his fucking soul.

Red Hood didn't have a soul to save anymore.

Not after everything that happened in his life.

Dirty wokrk, but someone had to do it.

One life taken, dozens of other's saved. Felt like constantly being at war and the heat of the fight made it so much easier to forget about the sacrifices made along the way.

Red Hood was strong, tough and ready to take on the hardest responsiblity of cleaning Gotham of scumbags and crimnals.

But after?

Once the first rays of a morning sun loomed on the horizon, Jason knew it was time to go home. Take off the mask. Became an ordinary man once more.

Hoping, wishing and praying she wouldn't kick him out again this time. That she would take him, despite the blood on his hands, the injuries on his body and deep scars on his soul.

Not a Red Hood anymore.

Jason Todd. Human. Man. Boyfiend.

The energy was still high when he climbed to the apartment and stood on the wooden floor, carefullly avoiding that one screetching floarboard, almost stepping on his toes to not wake her.

"Jason."

Years of vigilantism and dealing with shit.

Hightened instincts and senses.

And yet, Y'N's voice in the morning, in the empty, quiet apartment made him jump from surprise, causing her to giggle, causing the surprise to give way to a wave of warm feelings.

"Morning, sunshine."

"Depends. Did you bring me breakfast?" she teased

"Since when do you eat breakfast?"

"It doesn't matter if I do!" she got out of the bed, yawning widely, rubbing her eyes and stepping closer to him, taking his helmet off, mindful of the explosived installed there (biting her tongue to not say something about using a protection that was simultaniously life threatening) "You are supposed to preach me about not eating healthy and feeding me with the best groceries. Croissaints, fancy salads, low fat cheese. All that stuff!"

"Are you for real?" he frowned in confusion upon her words. What was going on here?

"Nah, I'm joking cause I can tell that under all this pose you're tired. Though maybe a bit of laugh would do you good. Even if it;s at my expense" she smiled cupping his cheek and meeting his eyes "What do you need? hugs, kisses, cuddles? Or somehing more intense?" that was an obvious hint she was willing to help if he needed some action to blow off some steam.

"Can you just be with me? I just need your presence next to me. Knowing this is all real and I won't wake up alone again." hearing those words coming from Jason was the biggest leap of faith. He was not the one to admit to feeling tired or that something was weighting on his conscience once out of the mask. Never in the million years. But with her - it was simpler, easier, knowing she would just listen and observe rather than fill the silence with silly questions and talking and preaching and lamenting about his behaviour.

"I'm here. I promise, it's all real. You're not alone." She nodded calmly.

Jason produced the tiniest smile and let her guide him to the warm bed with the soft sheets smelling like her, with her arms wrapped around him like a soft cocoon.

And it was just fine.

No need to talk or to explain or to fight anymore.

Getting rid of this feeling that nothing made sense, his efforts were futile and no one would ever understand him.

Finally, a little bit of peace and maybe - just maybe - the tiniest amount of happiness brought by the steady beating of her heart in his ear and the gentle movement of her fingers in his hair.

True meaning of intimacy between two people.

Bonding for life.

[lonestarss]

liveblogging my first time listening to midnights

(warning: long ass post)

lavender haze

this instrumental is fun, i like this

oh this is good! i wasnt expecting it to sound so peppy

very 80s-esque ig? idk how to refer to it

i was expecting a slower, more gentle sorta song, not this

ok i love this

maroon

oh this is different from lavender haze, much less lively

this feels so sadly romantic

that chorus was so good minus the reference to red shades. maroon scarlet and burgundy are not the same color girl

"that's a real fucking legacy" i love how she says that

her voice is so much more faint and mature, it really adds to things

anti-hero

before we begin uh. i have not heard good things about this song. not getting my hopes up

"i have this things where i get older, but just never wiser" she just like me frfr

oh this chorus is not...

"sometimes i feel like everybody is a sexy baby / and i'm a monster on the hill" be so fucking fr rn

the chorus is fucking back. goddamnit.

love the way she says "everybody agrees"

snow on the beach

this instrumental sounds like something in an animated film, if that makes sense

"life is emotionally abusive" real

these lyrics, oh this is so nice

very nostalgic and calm, i'm enjoying this

is that lana's voice? i can't tell

y'all were right. where tf is lana i don't see her

you're on your own, kid

oh my god, this is so

"i waited ages to see you there" woagh

"i search the party of better bodies / just to learn that my dreams aren't rare"

these lyrics bro. i can't explain it but they're making me feel some kinda way

like lavender haze, i was expecting something slower

but i still liked it!

i've already listened to midnight rain, so we shall skip it!

question...?

"fuckin situations, circumstances" me when i have to do things

no taylor, i have never been kissed

"politics and gender roles / and you're not sure and i don't know"

i could see this playing at like. a wine tasting. for some reason

vigilante shit

i'm going into this expecting girlboss taylor, but we shall see

oh my. i like

okay i really like this one. this instrumental fucks

that bridge tho. this song is so

lately i've been dressing for revenge!!!!

bejeweled

immediately the beat is running away from her...

okay, it's getting better i think

why did she say "and we're dancing all night" like that

her flow is weird asf but the instrumental is kinda fun ngl

like anti-hero, it's... alright. not amazing

labyrinth

ooh? this is an interesting intro

these vocals are so nice oh my

"lost in the labyrinth of my mind" i love that line. maybe it's because i'm a maladaptive daydreamer idk

this song is kinda what i expected you're on your own, kid to be. it's lovely and gentle and melancholic, like you could cry and sway to it at the same time

that was so nice omg!!

i've also already listened to karma, so we shall skip it too.

sweet nothing

is this gonna be a sad song. i feel it

aww, these lyrics are nice. not really sad but more wholesome ig? like finally coming home after a long, tiring day

this song is so sweet omg??

ough. why am i feeling so many emotions

the piano was really nice! very pretty song <3

mastermind

the intro... hmm

oh wow. this reminds me of blorbo from my head hold on

this is such a pretty sound. reminds me of the nighttime, ironically

"i'm only cryptic and machiavellian because i care" inch resting...

hmm... as the end to the album, it's really good. definitely one of my favorites!

[incorrectgallaghergirlsquotes]

If you're down to talk Midnights and Gallagher Girls, I'm just curious on your pairings/characters you chose, and I have brain rot of this series and album now.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on why Cammie and Zach for Anti-Hero. I totally agree honestly they all relate to the song, but I went straight for Abby relating to it the most.

Snow on the Beach: I immediately thought of Preston/Macey and I'm just curious what made you think of Joe/Rachel and Bex/Liz. Like specific lines or just the vibe of the song?

Vigilante Shit: I went for Catherine, but I'm curious again about the four you chose. Like is this the four of them conspiring together and backing each other up, is it them individually? It reminds me so much of No Body, No Crime and your fic that's a part of the Spotify Wrapped.

The way we're becoming besties lol

Anti-hero: Now none of the characters are actually anti-heroes, they're all heroes pretty much. But who cares?

The first line that hit me over the head that made me give this to Cammie was "I should not be left to my own devices". I think we all know why lmao. By extension, I don't think Zach should be left to his own devices either Mr. Running-Away-Was-My-Idea-She-Just-Did-It-Without-Me. We've all also agreed Cammie has nightmares well into adulthood so the "I wake up screaming from dreaming". Then the way it goes on reminded me of how she felt like her friends and school all turned their backs on her in book 5 "One day I'll watch as you're leaving/cause you got tired of my scheming (for the last time)/It's me, hi/I'm the problem it's me" and the rest of the chorus. I can see the same lives fitting Zach's character as well just in a slightly different way. And then everyone, they've been through a lot.

I can totally see Abby though especially in the second verse and the following pre-chorus. We see her come into book 3 with this fun, young personality and then by the end she's been hardened. The next times we see her she's got more an all business sense about her. Which is devastating considering she either managed to retain that personality or bounce back after Matt and now it's gone (maybe again). And here are these girls with her niece and they're the new young, hopeful, excited spies.

And then "Did you hear my covert narcissism I disguise as altruism/like some kind of congressman?" is SO Macey coded

Snow on the Beach: So for Joe/Rachel and Bex/Liz I focused on the lines that reflected longing for someone. Both couples spent a long time as friends kind of dancing around their feelings- so yes! Macey and Preston too, I completely agree! I go back and forth on if I see this from Joe or Rachel's perspective, I think it could go either way, and the same with Bex and Liz. I think the only thing keeping me from going full in on Macey and Preston is I see the two of them as will-they-won't-they and Joe/Rachel, Bex/Liz as mutual pining and that's the vibe I get from the song. I keep going to pull specific lines but I just end up wanting to paste the whole song!

Overall it's really cute. It paints a really sweet scene to imagine with any of the ships

Vigilante Shit: For my list I mostly tried to think about which characters would listen to the song and like the vibe/lyrics so I picked those four but I can DEFINITELY see Catherine. I guess I blocked her out because she's more villain that vigilante but that's my nitpicking lol

My thoughts overall have evolved a little since I made this list but I had to get it out of my head otherwise I wasn't going to post anything this week because it's just this. And I'm absolutely down to talk about it more if anyone else wants to!

[buttercandy16]

Desert Rose

Pairings: Sam (Desierto) x reader

Genre: Dark, Thriller

Summary: 

While trying to pass through the US border you and your sickly little brother along with a group of Mexican migrants encounter a deadly fate in the hands of a merciless, deranged vigilante and his faithful but vicious Malinois dog. What happens when the said vigilante took a sinister interest in you and decided to spare you and your brother in exchange for your surrender and obedience, and maybe more.

Warning(s): DARK, angsts, sinister intentions, violence, explicit language, obsession, possessiveness, Dub-Con, manipulation, death, mental illness, hurt/comfort, smut(?)

(y/n) - your name

(b/n) - brother’s name

A/N: Be warned I’m not an expert writer and mostly just writing this fic down for my own pleasure. This is probably my second-ish published fanfiction and it’s 100% shitty (for me). So please bear with me and I hope that you’ll still find this enjoyable to read. *fingers crossed*

Also, special thanks to my creepy soulsister @negans-attagirl for being an awesome beta reader, lots of love 😘

Part 1 || (Y/N) P.O.V

It had been an hour ago since our truck broke down in the middle of the US borders and now I'm currently sweating like a dog under the desert sun while trying to keep up with the rest of the group that my brother and I came along with.

"(y/n)? Are we there yet? I feel so tired"

My eyes went down to the little boy looking at me with tired eyes while trying his best to continue holding on to the end of my jacket.

"Nope, but don't worry buddy we'll get there soon, just hold on for a bit, okay?" Smiling to him reassuringly.

To be honest, I have no idea how long it will take for us to get there, and I'm beginning to feel worried for my little brother since I know that it wouldn't be long till his lungs decide to work itself up. My brother is suffering from a serious illness called Chronic Bronchitis and that is the main reason why we need to migrate to America. Back home I have an on/off job that can barely feed us, the doctors I can afford for (b/n) aren't that good either and I know that the only way I can help my brother is to cross the border and do everything that’s needed to make him eligible for the treatment. So here we are, illegally crossing...

BANG!

A loud gunshot echoed throughout the desert stopping us from our tracks. I held onto my brother’s hand tightly preparing myself to run when needed. Once our guide Lobo called out to us the next thing I know we were sprinting to the fields.

Minutes of running we finally stopped giving us some time to rest while Lobo and Mechas, another guide of ours, surveys the area for any signs of danger. Looking down at (b/n) I could clearly see that he was trying his best to control his breathing. I quickly reached for his inhaler and gave it to him. Once done inhaling the medicine his breathing was beginning to normalize, and so was mine.

“Hey bud, you good?” I asked while putting his inhaler back in his backpack.

“Yup! All good. Umm (y/n) what was that gunshot about? Are they gonna shoot at us?” (b/n) asked thoughtfully. Thinking about what to say I finally settled to a somewhat more comforting answer, “Of course not, must be something else. No need to worry okay? I’m not gonna let anyone hurt you”

“You promise?” holding out his pinky for me to take.

“Promise. I’ll do anything for you” and I know that I will, no matter what.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_

(A few moments later)

Resuming our journey once again, (b/n) and I were trying our best to keep up but we ended up getting left behind along with a teenage girl which I came to know as Adela, Ramiro her sleazy guardian, a lanky man named Moises, Mechas who’s currently berating us to move our ass, and another male migrant which I forgot his name.

Lobo and the rest were already way ahead of us and as much as we tried to get their attention, we ended up getting ignored.

Letting out a frustrated sigh I averted my attention below and what I saw made me freeze on the spot. It’s a truck, SHIT!

“Everybody, get down now!”

Everyone immediately complied. I pointed down to the truck just a couple of miles away from us, as a man stepped outside the car. Moments later a dog jumped out of it and it seems like the man was giving it something he found on the ground to smell on. The dog ran in the direction of the rest of our group and I know from that moment that something bad is about to happen. He ordered his dog to get in the truck while he retrieved something deadly... Oh lord! That looks like...

“A sniper” Moises shakily stated, finishing my terrified thoughts.

I held onto my brother preparing for the worst.

The man positioned himself near a cliff while aiming his gun towards our fellow migrants. And then the first shot was fired…

BANG! BANG! BANG! The gunshot continued while we shockingly watched what was happening in front of us...One by one, our fellow migrants were crashing to the ground painting the desert floor with the blood of the innocent.

Covering my brother’s eyes and ears with tears welling up in the corner of my eye.

I was so terrified that I didn’t even realize that the gunshots stopped. I was pulled back to reality when Adela was frantically pulling my arm while telling me that we need to go. Getting back to my senses I pulled my brother with me while we dashed to where we came from. Sweat falling from my forehead while my breathing became labored and still, I didn’t stop running. I’ve only paused for a moment when I heard (b/n) breathlessly say that he can’t breathe.

No no no please not now. Crouching down to my brother’s level, I took his bag while in search of his inhaler. That’s when I noticed a rip from the bottom. No this can't be happening. I tried to search for it but it’s gone. Looking at my brother his breathing was becoming erratic. So I held him in my arms while I rocked him back and forth “Hey bud, look at me. (b/n) look at me and listen to my breathing okay? Your alright buddy”

“What on earth are you doing?! You have to get up now or else they will catch up!!” Moises yelled at me.

“I can’t. We lost his inhaler somewhere and he’s having an asthma attack. I need to calm him down or else he won’t be able to breathe!” my voice filled with desperation as I just yet noticed Moises terrified expression. Something was behind us...

When I followed his gaze I saw the dog running towards us. Oh, god!

Moises’s eyes were full of guilt as he turned away from us and started running. “ No! Please don’t leave us please!!!” I cried desperately but to no avail. When I returned my gaze to the dog I can see that it was getting closer and closer. I know that we wouldn’t be able to outrun it no matter how much I tried. Looking down at my brother who was still having a hard time controlling his breathing. Time to deliver a promise… I gently placed him right behind me, standing up to my full height readying myself for what’s about to come. 

The dog immediately jumped right at me while it sinks its canines in my arm. Crying in agony from the pain that ripped right through me, my brother’s breathy cries can be heard from behind me while I tried to get the beast off, stumbling on a rock I fell down on the ground and then hit my head hard on a rock. Fighting for consciousness my vision was getting blurry, I was barely feeling my mortal wound. I even failed to realize that they were no longer any canines sinking into my arm. Lolling my hazy head to the side, with a blurry vision I could see a pair of black heavy boots slowly approaching me. The sound of dust, his heavy boots clinking with each step and my desperate cry for my brother were the only sounds in the otherwise silent desert.

blink* boots by my side blink* shadow above blink* soft caresses on my cheeks blink* I was losing my consciousness... With tears in my eyes I can barely hold on,  but before losing myself to the darkness I can hear him mumble on… the words of the devil have sealed my fate and from then on I knew I will never escape.

“Beautiful, my desert rose,” he said. 

yup, I'm fucked.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_

TAGLIST:

@happysgal @negans-attagirl

Comment below if you want to get tagged for the next chapters 😘💚

[humanwritesviolations]

Ladies and gentlemen, it's time to head into the vault, to dig up some shit from years in the past.

Lemme just grab my shovel and...just a little...no no I got it it's fine...man, this is heavy with opinions, I bet it's a beaut!

...hmm, ranting about white folks. Well, whatever sticks to the wall, I guess. Roll 'em.

Representation

Dated: 3 years ago

Source: Dropbox

As a white man, I'm tired of listening to white men's stories.

Every time I watch TV or a movie, I'm subjected to and bombarded with story after story of Rich White Man, Scrappy White Man, Underdog White Man, Clever White Man, Brilliant White Man, Genius Scientist White Man, Unruly Doctor White Man, Tough Cop White Man, Strong Capable White Man.

White man, white man, white man, white man, white man.

If I wanted to hear a story about a white man, I would talk to most of the people I interact with at work, or in my social group, or on the internet, or literally anywhere in my life. I have four brothers and dozens of cousins, a bunch of friends and a lot of coworkers. The sum total percentage of white men in my life is probably around 80.

So why do I also need Christian Bale's Batman, Robert Downey Jr's Iron Man, Finn Jones's Iron Fist, Benedict Cumberbatch's Dr. Strange and Sherlock, Hugh Laurie's House M.D., Mark Hamill's Luke Skywalker, Harrison Ford's Indiana Jones, Henry Cavill as Superman, Andrew Garfield and Toby Maguire as Spider-Man and about a thousand others I could name? Yes, I get that most of these characters are iconic and timeless and are being brought to life on the big screen, some for the first time and others for the fiftieth, but why are these stories so interesting that they need to be told and retold? What makes these characters so compelling while others are left to the side?

The Avengers are full of almost as many white men as Congress. Where is my Black Widow movie? When do we get to explore Falcon's story? Is Nick Fury (thank you to Avengers Ultimate, by the way, for going a different route with him in the first place) ever going to have some light shine on his background?

And don't get me started on "people don't want non-white male superheroes." Jessica Jones was heavily lauded by critics and views alike, and sits at 93%/90% on Rotten Tomatoes for critic/viewer response, respectively. When Luke Cage was released, it broke Netflix. BROKE. NETFLIX. It's at 96% Fresh.

And what about non-superhero stories? Well, Luther is 90% Fresh on Rotten Tomatoes, and Idris Elba is about 150% Fresh in real life.

Even if you say that the protagonist doesn't matter, that it's the writers or the producers or the actors that make it good and not whether the star is white or black or male or female, I would agree with you - and say that if it doesn't matter, stop stacking the deck with white guys. Nick Fury was a J. Jonah Jameson lookalike in the original comics, minus the Hitler-stache, and now he's Samuel L. Jackson. You don't get cooler than that, and we're talking about a guy whose actual name is FURY. To be fair, who better to play him?

But if it doesn't matter in one direction, it doesn't matter in every direction - get us some representation.

"Sure," you might say, "but what about video games?"

Alright, let's compare apples to apples. Let's take a game that was well regarded and compare it to its sequel - I'm talking, of course, about Watch Dogs. Mainly because it's a good example, but also because I've played both of them.

Watch Dogs, starring the absolutely wooden Aiden Pearce doing his best impersonation of Christian Bale's Batman minus the charisma, clocks in at 80% on Metacritic. That's a pretty good score - I've paid full AAA price for games that rated lower than that. Its sequel stars Marcus Halloway, a young black hacker aspiring to follow in similar footsteps as our aforementioned hacker vigilante, who starts off his story by exhibiting personality traits such as humor, emotion and the ability to talk to other people without outward brooding. I've read a lot of user reviews that claim tokenism, calling out the game as a "cuck-liberal fantasy" that "drinks the Kool-Aid" to "wash down the blue pill" and other such terms intended to write off a thing as being too inclusive.

It scored 82%.

Now, you could make the argument that every aspect of the game was improved, and that you don't care about the characters or their backgrounds/races/nationalities. You could argue that it's a better game because of the gadgets, or the missions, or the story, or the UI or anything else. You'd have a good point - but you would be missing mine.

I'm not saying a black protagonist made for a better game. I'm saying that a game with a black protagonist WAS a better game. I'm saying that representation does not automatically turn off the audience. I'm saying that you can make a thing starring a not-white/male character and have it work.

But yes, I'm also saying that Marcus Halloway is a three-dimensional character while Aiden Pearce is a lifeless stawman. "Brooding white guy" is not cool anymore. It's boring. It's samey. I didn't care about Aiden, I didn't care about his strained relationship with his sister, I didn't care about his guilt over his niece.

I cared more about the drunken did-they-didn't-they one-night stand Marcus had prior to the opening credits of the sequel than I did about Adrian's entire story in the original.

I don't need another white guy hero. I don't want to see the trials of a rich white guy, or a scrappy white guy. Show me the struggles of a Chinese man. Show me how a black woman deals with life in her neighborhood. Show me what it's like to live a day in the life of a Mexican teenager. What's going on with the woman in Sub-Saharan Africa whose cousin was just arrested for a crime they didn't commit? How does a slice of Syrian life look in 1987? Afghanistan in 1998? Egypt in the 1960's? Zimbabwe at the turn of the century? Give me something interesting. Give me something original. Give me something new.

Give me something I haven't seen before.

And maybe give someone else a hero for a change.

[dick-g-ayson]

For the prompts: Enamor me + JayKon? I'm thinking one of them is trying to woo the other one, but in a so weirdly specific way that the other one is like 'is he trying to tell me he likes me or is he trying to kill me?' But honestly, go wild! I love the way you write them anyway! :D

Jason killed the engine on his bike, and reaching up with shaking fingers, pulled his helmet off.  The buzzing that had been roaring in his ears the whole ride back to the Cave didn’t cease.  If anything, it got louder.  He swung off the bike and hung his helmet over the handle.  He stood there for a few moments, hands fisted at his side, fingers spasming, convulsing almost, as he tried to calm himself down.

All he could hear was the yelling, gunshots, and more screaming.  He clenched his eyes shut tight behind the whiteouts of his red domino mask, taking slow, deep breaths, and holding them for a few seconds before releasing, only to repeat the process all over again.  Breathing exercises ingrained from his time as Robin, as much a habit as cleaning his guns was, as much a ritual as anything.

They weren’t helping tonight.

Too much noise in his head, too much yelling, too much screaming, and he doesn’t know if it’s echoes from earlier that night, or from his past, but it’s all too loud, and toomuchtoomuchtoomuch.   His spiraling thoughts grind to a halt as a rough hand gripped his shoulder.  He barely restrains himself from drawing his gun when Nightwing spins him around.

“What the hell was that, Hood?”  N's voice is dark and low, creeping closer to Bat than bird.

Jason blinked behind the dom, realizing he hadn’t even heard Nightwing pull up into the Cave on his own bike.

“I think it’s called apprehendin’ assholes, bu’maybe th’lingos changed, an’ no one bothered t’tell me.”  Jason’s reply sounds robotic even to his own ears, but Nightwing didn’t seem to notice, or care, and Jason isn’t sure which one hurts more.  Jason pulls his arm out of the other man’s grip, taking a step back, still trying to calm the noise in his head.  An incessant sound that keeps threatening to drown out the world around him.

“You know that’s not what I meant.”  Nightwing’s voice sounds hollow and far away, like he’s at the end of a tunnel, and Jason struggles to stay focused on it

“Then maybe y’should spell it out f’r me Goldie.”  The Cave feels too small and too big all at once, their words echoing back at them, noise pressing in on his skull.  “‘Cause all I did, was make damn sure that three idiots won’ ever peddle t’kids again.  An’ I didn’ even kill any of’em.”  All Jason wants is to go back to his apartment.  He wants out of Red Hood, wants the quiet of his apartment, the comfort of his space.

Nightwing is talking again and it takes more willpower than Jason realized he possessed to focus back on him.

“......One of them may never walk again, another might lose his hand, and you think that’s okay?”

Jason titled his head as he took in the older vigilante, who was sounding so much like Batman it was making Jason’s skin crawl.  “Lemme think abou’ tha’ fer a second...yup, pretty much.”

“Why......no I don’t care why. What the hell were you thinking?”

“I was thinkin', tha’ since I swore I wouldn’ kill anyone, tha’ makin’ sure they could never hurt anyone again was th’next best thing.”

“Jason -”

“No, y’don’ get t’lecture me, Nightprick.  Y’wanted m’help wit’ this, y’know m’stance on peddlin’ to kids.  Why th’fuck would y’expect any other outcome?”  Jason turned and made a grab for his helmet, more than ready to be done with this whole night.  He’s stopped again by Nightwing’s hand wrapping around his arm.

“Don’t just walk away, Jason -”

“Let go of me.”  Jason had gone completely still as soon as Nighwing’s hand had grabbed his arm, tense and coiled like a loaded spring.  His skin was crawling and burning at the same time, that odd dual sensation that he got whenever someone touched him without premission.  There were very few people he accepted random touches from.  The first Robin was not one of them.

Nightwing slowly let his hand drop and Jason immediately stepped out of reach, fighting to keep himself from shaking hard enough to notice.  Not that he thought Nightwing would, as far up on his high horse as he was.

The roaring was loud in his ears again, drowning out everything.  He could hardly hear himself breathing, let alone if his  brother  was trying to say anything to him.  He jammed his helmet on his head and swung back onto the bike in one smooth, controlled movement, body moving by muscle memory alone, as he kicked the bike into gear.  He sees Nightwing throw an arm up to cover his face, blocking the dirt and rocks the bikes tires kick up as Jason peels out of the Cave.

“What do you mean you haven’t heard from Jason in over a week, Dick?”  Tim’s voice is sharp, and he doesn’t miss the way his older brother’s shoulders tense slightly.

Dick crosses his arms over his chest, looking down at Tim steadily from where he’s leaning against the kitchen counter.  “It’s exactly what it sounds like.  We got into it after he went too far when we took down a drug ring.”

Tim rolled his eyes, walking across the kitchen to pull down a glass from the cupboard, and getting some water from the fridge.  “You know how he feels about drugs, Dick, why -”

“He nearly killed 3 people.”  Dick’s tone is flat, emotionless, Batman.

Tim froze, glass resting against his bottom lip, blue eyes widening.  “That’s...he hasn’t gone that far in a long time.”  He took a sip from his glass, and placed it back on the counter before turning his head to look over at Dick.  “Did you ask him why?”

Dick look offended as he answered, letting his hands drop to rest against the counter, fingers curled around the edge.  “Of course I did, who do you take me for?”

Tim stared at his older brother impassively for several moments, taking another sip of his drink.  “Did you ask him why and if something was bothering him?  Or did you just demand to know what he was thinking?  Because those are two very different things, Dick.”  The silence that followed Tim’s statement his more than telling enough for Tim, and he walks over to the sink to dump the rest of his glass.

“Look, it doesn’t matter -”

“Of course it matters Dick!”  He whipped his head around to glare at Dick.  “This is Jason!  He always has a reason for the things he does, even if we don’t always – nope.”  Tim slashed a hand through the air, cutting Dick off when he opened his mouth to speak.  “You know what?  I don’t have time for th-” Tim was cut off himself when his cell started ringing.  He covered his other ear as he brought his phone up to his opposite.

“Conner?”

“Hey, I know we all just got back, but anyone at the Manor heard from Jay?”  Tim winces at the worry he can hear in his best friend’s voice.  “I tried calling and I’m not getting any answer, and y’know how he feels about me listening for him.”

Tim nods even though he knows Conner can’t see him.  “Yeah, he hates it, but he’s gonna have to forgive you this time.  He and Dick got into it, and no one’s seen him in a week.  I’ll text the girls and see if they’ve heard from him, but I’d just start looking for him yourself if I was you.”

“Right.  I’ll text you when I find him.”

“Thanks, Kon.  I owe you.”  Tim hit end call button on his phone, and glared at Dick over his shoulder as he turned to head out of the kitchen.  “Don’t follow me.”

Conner glanced around the dimly lit street for what felt like the hundredth time as he landed lightly on the fire escape outside the window to Jason’s apartment.  It was mostly habit, what with Batman’s no metas in Gotham rule, that had the superman clone glancing over his shoulder.  Batman was currently out of country on a trip for WE, since Tim had been off-world dealing with Titan business.  So, he had no reason to worry about Captain Broodpants popping up and kicking him out of his city.

He unlocked the window, hitting the correct sequence to disable the alarm, and quickly slipped inside, closing the window quietly behind him.  Once he was inside the apartment, he took stock of his surroundings, trying to gauge what kind of mood Jason was in.  He winced when he saw the state of the living room alone.  Every pillow, couch cushion, and blanket were missing.  ‘Shit.  It’s been that kind of week.”

Conner walked through the living room, heading towards the room Jason usually holed himself up in when he had a bad day, or just wanted some quiet.  A quick glance in the two bedrooms showed the blankets and pillows missing from them as well, and the hall closet had been emptied.  The twin mattress was even missing from the spare room.

He came to a stop outside the room at the end of the hall, the one Jay usually used as an office. It had only two entry points, the door into the room, and the window out to the rooftop access ladder, that Jason had installed with Conner’s help. One entrance, and one exit.  A great set up for a quick escape should Jason need it.

He rarely used it, but liked having it as extra security on days he was feeling vulnerable.  Not that he would admit that was the reason to anyone, but Conner wasn’t stupid, and he knew his boyfriend’s tells.  Jason had told him once that he used to sleep in similar set up’s, when he was living on the streets, and when he first arrived at the Manor.  Would sleep in a narrow space with a quick way out the back end that an adult couldn’t get into, so he’d have a way to run if he needed.

Conner took a breath and knocked on the door, not even touching the handle until Jason acknowledged he was there.  While getting shot wouldn’t hurt him, Jason would feel bad once he realized what he’d done.  There was silence for several minutes, but before he could knock again, he heard Jason mumble at him to come in.  Conner frowned as he turned the handle, opening it slowly in case Jason changed his mind.  Jason’s voice sounded rougher than it normally was, and Conner wasn’t sure if it was from disuse or screaming.  Both thoughts made his heart hurt.  He carefully slipped into the room, taking in the mass of blankets and pillows that had been carefully arranged into a blanket fort.  The mattress was on the floor, the table Jason usually used as a desk was turned on its end, on the shorter end, blankets and sheets strung between it and the bookshelf full of Jason’s books, creating a cave of soft white and quiet blues.

Conner, picked his way across the contents of the desk that had been strewn across the floor, before sitting at the entrance to Jason’s current safe haven.  “Hey Jay.”  He pulled his knees up to his chest, resting his cheek against them, peering inside the fort.  He could make out Jason near the back, curled up as he was, knees to his chest.  He was dressed in sweats, bright blue, fuzzy socks, and what looked like one of Conner’s sweaters.  The sleeves were a few inches too short on Jason’s longer arms, but Conner recognized the colour, it was one of his older sweaters, soft and worn in.

Teal eyes lifted up from where Jason had them buried in his knees.  Conner frowned internally, at seeing how pale Jason was.  All the bats were pale, but Jason was almost sallow, sickly, telling how long Jason had been holed up in here.

“Y’gonna yell at me to?”

The rough, scratchy tone of Jason’s voice brings Conner out of his contemplation, and he gives his boyfriend his full attention.  “Of course not.  Why would I yell at you?”

“Seems t’be everyone’s favourite pastime lately.  Y’may as well join th’party.”

Conner shrugs, small smile on his face.  “I haven’t heard your side yet, just Dick’s from Tim, and I refuse to pass judgment until I have the whole story. Regardless -” He hurried to continue when he saw Jason open his mouth.  “When have I ever yelled at you over something like this?  Come on Jay, you know me better than that.”

Jason could only look at him, dumbstruck, eyes blinking rapidly, before he squeezed his eyes shut tight, burying his face back in his knees.

“Can I come in?”  Conner made sure to keep his voice level.  While he didn’t know what had set Jason off into this spiral of depression and self-loathing, he was determined to try and help anyway he could, even if that meant leaving the apartment.  It had happened before, and it wouldn’t be the first time, or the last.

It was several seconds of silent waiting until he saw Jason give the barest of nods, but the muttered ‘please’, had him carefully moving into the blanket structure, being mindful of where he put his hands and feet as he crawled in.

Jason sat close to the middle of his fort and Conner made sure Jason had a clear shot to one of the exits if he felt the need to leave quickly.  It had taken a lot of trial and error to get them to where they were now, and Conner was not going to mess up the trust that they had between to satisfy his need to wrap himself around Jason, to protect him from a world that tried to tear it down, just as much as he tried to build it up.

Conner sat behind Jason, both arms wrapping carefully around the others shoulder’s, letting his legs lay flat on either side of Jason’s still raised ones.  He rested his forehead against the back of Jason’s neck, and just breathed.  He did his best to match Jason’s rhythm, and then gradually helped Jason to take deeper, more even breaths, until, twenty minutes later, Jason relaxed against him.

Conner waited a few more minutes, giving Jason time to settle, before asking, “Did you want to talk about it?”

“Wha’s there t’talk about?  I screwed up, again. I -” he cut off with a hiss when Conner tightened his arms around Jason’s shoulders, nipping at the side of his throat.

Conner speaks into the warm skin of Jason's neck, making sure he hears and feels every word. “You didn’t break Bat’s rule, you didn’t screw up, and that wasn’t what I meant.”

Jason took a breath, body starting to shake as he thought back to what exactly had started him on this spiral.  He raised one of his hands, tangling it with one of Conner’s, squeezing as hard as he could.  Not for the first time, thankful that he couldn’t hurt the superman clone.  His other hand was rubbing the soft material of the borrowed sweater he was wearing, using the dual sensations to help ground himself.  Soft skin, tough as steel, and worn cotton, a comfort he had discovered in his early days at the Manor.

“My mom.”  Jason coughed, took a shuddering breath as he tried to gather the words.  “My mom died last week – not last last week, but at this time o’year.  Drug overdose.  I didn’ want t’go, I didn’ want to help N, knew I wasn’ in a good place, but he asked, an’...” he trailed off shrugging broad shoulders, turning slightly so he could tuck his head under Conner’s chin.

“He asked, and you didn’t want to disappoint him.”  He felt Jason nod against his neck.  Conner had lots of things he could have said to that, about how Dick should have realized something was up, since Jason rarely turned down a chance to take out drug dealers.  Even if Jay had been hiding it well up until after the bust, Dick should have noticed that something was up with his younger brother, once they made it back to the Cave.  He didn’t say any of those things now, though.  Jason knew them all already, but they wouldn’t do him any good to hear it now.

So, he said none of those things.  Instead he shifted so his chin was resting more firmly on Jason’s head, and turned the hand Jason was holding so he could bring it to his mouth, kissing the rough calloused palm gently.  “How about we get out of Gotham for a bit?”  He brought his legs up so he was bracketing Jason in, blocking out the world a bit more now.  It was a bit of an awkward position, since Jason had five inches on him and some bulk, but they’d been doing this kind of dance for several years, and they made it work.

Jason sunk down a bit in Conner’s hold, tucking himself more firmly against the clone’s chest.  “An’ go where, ‘xactly?”  He didn’t sound opposed to the idea, mostly just curious.

“Well I may have pulled a few strings before we left and got us some tickets to a performance of ‘A Midsummer Night’s Dream.’ at the Globe Theatre, in about two days.”  He bit the inside of his cheek to keep from smirking when Jason sat up straight, twisting around to look at him, teal eyes suspicious and wondering at the same time.

“Really?”

“Yeah really.”  Conner leaned forward and gave his boyfriend a quick kiss.  “You mentioned awhile ago that you wouldn’t mind going someday.”  He shrugged now, a little unsure of himself.  “So, I figured why not now?  It’s been awhile since we’ve gone anywhere, we’ve both been busy with Titan or Outlaw business, I think we’ve earned a vacation.”

Jason was silent for several moments, before he was twisting in Conner’s arms, going up on his knees, top of his head brushing the roof of the fort.  Conner let his arms drop from around Jason’s shoulder’s to his waist, raising a dark brow as his taller boyfriend was now looking down at him.

He sat still as Jason lifted his hands to cup Conner’s face, leaning down to give the man a proper kiss, one that Conner eagerly returned. Once they separated Jason kept his forehead resting against Conner’s, a small smile on his face that Conner couldn’t help kiss the corner of.  “I know I don’ say it enough, Kon, but thank you.”

Conner didn’t ask for what, he knew, so he cupped Jason’s jaw and pulled him in for another kiss.  “That mean we’re going to Jolly, old London then?”  Conner made sure to ask with the worst british accent he could muster, just to see Jason glare at him.

“Only if y’promise to never do tha’ again, Superclone.”

Conner laughed, squeezing Jason tight around the waist. “Deal.  Now come shower with me, I think I still have some alien gunk on my back that I can’t reach.”

Jason smirked down at him, flicking his nose with a finger, slipping out of the mass of blankets and pillows, when Conner grabbed the slightly stinging appendage.  “Knew y’only loved me for m’back washing skills.”

Conner watched as Jason crawled out of the tent of sheets and blankets, admiring the way Jason seemed to look graceful and predatory, no matter what he did.  “I can name several other reasons.”  Conner muttered just loud enough for Jason to hear.  Jason glanced over his shoulder, a look of disbelief on his face, before it slowly slid into a shy grin.  He didn’t say anything else as he exited the tent, standing straight, groaning in satisfaction when his spine popped and cracked.

Conner floated himself out of the tent, watching as Jason stretched out the kinks from being in a confined space for so long.  Jason froze when he saw Kon watching him, like he’d been caught doing something he shouldn’t of been, before smiling softly again, turning back around and heading out of the room. “You comin'? Or ar'ya jus' gonna stare all day?”

“Oh I’m planning on doing both.” He waggled his eyebrows suggestively even Jason shot him another glare.

“Not ‘ntil yer clean, Cloneboy.”

“Whatever you say, Jay.”

Conner smiled as Jason laughed. It still sounded rough around the edges, but the fact that he was laughing now, eased something Kon’s chest he hadn't realized was wound tight.  He fingered the little box that was in the pocket of his jeans, the soft feeling of the leather covered box easing him and making his heart hurt at the same time.  He had more than one reason for the trip, beyond getting Jason out of Gotham for a breather.  He was going to owe Tim his life ( Jason already owned his soul) for the interference he was going to have to run, but it was so going to be worth it.