#maybe I'll kms
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no amount of sleep is helping this headache
#🫀.vents#tw sui ideation in tags#I wanna switch out#but apparently the reason we keep doing that is because our abuser kinda trained us to switch based on what would keep them happy#which is why I'll get kicked so much#because sometimes people don't want me they want someone else#just repress it make yourself smaller#if you're being a downer switch out#if you're not providing sex and entertainment switch out#whatever#maybe I'll kms#maybe that'll help#maybe it'll at least stop the headache#or maybe people will start caring about me again
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"Bring back cunty F1" "Bring back F1 drivers who don't care about PR and just say what they think" "Bring back F1 where the drivers are actually allowed to be rivals"
You fools. You insolent buffoons. You can't handle the Ferrari drivers taking shots at each other in separate interviews. You can't handle Max saying what everyone else is thinking. You can't even handle Lando Norris existing. And you think you would survive watching Multi-21 happen in real time? Or, God forbid, classic F1? I'm laughing.
#the truth is that anyone you think is bad on the current grid? There's someone from the 2010s who is leagues kilometres light years worse#talk to me when mclaren makes oscar crash intentionally so that lando can win. then maybe I'll consider what you're saying.#this is mostly a joke but if you feel offended by it then tell me to kms in my asks. do it off anon if you're not a coward#formula 1#formula one#f1#lando norris#mclaren#ferrari#charles leclerc#carlos sainz#red bull team#red bull racing#red bull f1#red bull formula 1#max verstappen
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cherry bomb (1/1)
aka engine purr pt2
bucktommy, mechanic au, age gap, dom tommy, sub buck, degradation, humiliation, slut-shaming, dirty talk, riding, biting, spanking, frottage, daddy kink, under-negotiated kink, semi-public sex, jealousy
rating: E
words: 20k
summary:
“I told you, I’m fine,” came louder this time. “Just need help getting out.” Chimney frowned. “Wait…” Buck pulled down a bunch of needles from the crushed hood. “...I know that voice.” “Sit tight, sir, we’re working on it.” “Hen.” Chimney rapped her arm. “You know that voice.” There was a big frond obscuring the windshield. Buck pulled at it next. The motion brought down all the rest of the branches and the needles over the left side of the truck, a heap of foliage sliding down with sound. Dropping the rake and dusting off his hands, Buck stepped away. His eyes came up at the cracked glass and followed the path of jagged lines to the driver. He went still. Hen and Chimney’s voices echoed one another, the name said a little incredulous, a little curious. Quieter under all that, Buck heard his own whisper, “Tommy.”
new year's eve, the 118 responds to a call; buck comes across someone he told himself to forget about months ago
read on AO3
#*showing up to new year 3 weeks late*#does anyone still want this fucking thing#pls like it or i will kms#bucktommy#bucktommy fic#911 fic#my fic#911#mimi.txt#i'll deal with formatting etc stuff tomorrow also the tag list uhmmm maybe
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you know i act very hee hee ha ha about it but sometimes being in the humanities is very scary when all anybody talks about is how you're really dumb if you pursue a humanities degree and how there's no way that jobs exist in the field that you love and that it's not worthwhile to do literally anything but stem. even though i know this isn't true obviously especially bc i'm surrounded daily by people who disprove this but damn........... can we stop being so mean :(
#is it naive to think that if you just do what you love and try your best things will work out? maybe but i don't gaf#bc like what else are you supposed to do??????? i've never understood the narrative that if you suffer through a degree and a job that you#don't like purely for money that somehow the rest of your life will just fall into place and you'll manage to be happy#you know what. i actually think that THAT'S naive.#like maybe some people can live like that but i simply couldn't . so i'll take my chances with my 'useless' degree bc at least i don't want#to kms.#also it's literally just a lie that there are no jobs for anything other than stem like sure maybe not if you want to guaranteed make a#million dollars. but if you're normal that's just not true. and i know this bc i know so many people that have jobs that people don't even#know exist. but are doing important work AND they're happy#crazy stuff huh. so i have to believe that it'll go that way for me bc there's just no other option#so actually i'm back to being hee hee ha ha about it bc i've decided that it's fine.#and you're a bitter jaded hater if you believe otherwise
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Do any of you gyns have experience with medically stopping your period through continuous birth control (or some other method)? My doctor keeps offering because I get insanely bad periods and I'm thinking of taking her up on it.
#I know there's probably so many side effects but I'm so tired of being in pain and feeling like I wanna kms 1/4 of the time#the stability and consistency sounds nice aha 😭#atm I feel like my organs are being eviscerated and I'm not focused on work#at the same time tho it's like is it worth it to have side effects the other 3/4 of the time?#ugh#maybe I'll try those weed tampons or smth#personal
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#sometimes i get this overwhelming feeling i'll always be stuck in italy bc i'm destined to suffer here#and i just want to km#probably life sucks everywhere#but i really hate everything about italy#i don't see why people are proud to be italian while current italy is a shithole#i'd like to have a future#i feel like if i stay here all my work is useless#yesterday i passed an exam and i got 29 (/30) and i feel nothing#everyone said i would have started feeling better once i started uni#i feel the same#the only difference is that now i have to do stuff and study spanish#which isn't really for me#maybe i should have died in the womb or sth#emma and her stupid vent
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started spiralling about how long two old men had (potentially) known each other and now i know way more about the fc bayern campus than i ever needed to
#naturally this is about#thomats#but seriously#since they were 11/12?? maybe??#and they still see each other regularly??#and consider each other good friends??#yeah i'll just kms#if anyone has an actual source instead of my blind speculation i'm begging you show me#thomas müller#mats hummels
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highly considering going out to denver for my phd when the time comes like I think half of my mental illness is from being too far away from a mountain range for my health
#I think denver would be nice but I am petrified of moving somewhere I have no connections#like leaving all my friends here would suck so bad but also if I live in michigan forever I'll kms#I gotta talk flynn and cait into starting a commune in colorado w me#and it's not like I haven't moved before i really have no attachment to houses or towns or states#I've just always moved With someone or In with someone I already know yk#but I think maybe it would be good for me
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The consequences of my poor financial decisions are here!!
#blame Kat for this lmao. she got the Yangchen novels first and I very easily give in to peer pressure (that wasn't exerted. but whatever)#three days earlier than scheduled too. which worked out perfectly bc I picked them up on the way home from grandma's#and carried them for 2 km. 2 hardcover books + the thick cardboard boxset they're in#+ the backpack full of food my grandma gave me#in the rain#I nearly fucking died#I'm not made for this level of physical exercise 😅#okay moving on#nia stop calling things like this poor financial decisions challenge#it cost like. the equivalent of 40 bucks#I have 30 times as much hidden away in my sock drawer#and I am usually responsible with my spending. I'm allowed a slightly more expensive treat every once in a while#also my dad doesn't know but I'm sure if I would him 'hey I spent 3.8k on a pair of books is that okay'#he'd be like 'why tf are you asking when have I ever said no to you spending money'#but again. I do try to be mindful#which is why as much as I want the lok art books and could probably ask for money for them. I won't#bc they cost an arm and a leg and I cannot morally allow myself to spend that kind of money#anyway. getting distracted again#do you know how hard it was to get these? I checked like 3 marketplaces before I did#and I was fully ready to get them in russian because non-classical english books are impossible to come by here#sanctions and all that. but somehow I did. and it only cost half the money in my bank account#I don't even know if Russian editions exist. these books were written before the war and before the gay propaganda ban but still#I didn't find them when I looked. maybe they don't sell them now that the law is in place or smth#I don't really care enough to look it up#the point is. I now own the books and can happily read about best girl kyoshi whenever I want#if the stress for an upcoming event doesn't kill me. that is#also I have read rok before but it was 3 years ago so my memory is vague. and I just realised how much thinner sok is?#I'll have to check the page count later
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i think the reason why i almost had 3 mental breakdowns each night for the past 3 days is because this was the month that all the friend drama bullshit started, and all the emotions from that is hitting me again now.
it doesn't help that i'm actually getting triggered from unrelated friend stuff irl. nothing is even happening! the most minor conflict of all time, and i go into a panic attack and feel nauseous. shit sucks
#literally nothing is happening and i almost threatened to kill myself in his text messages because i'm so pissed off at him#i'm pissed off at him because he hasn't been talking to me. but has noooo problems talking to his bf#i text him multiple times throughout the day cuz i'm worried about him? no response#i text his bf to make sure my friend is okay? ''yeah he's feeling okay! he's been talking to me just fine''#i know in my mind that it is fair that he would maybe prefer to talk to his romantic partner about stressful life events or whatever#but i'm still so angry at him for not saying ANYTHING to me.#i would have been fine with a simple ''i'm not in the mood to talk rn''#and then he gets confused as to why i might be a little upset at this#thank god i have some self control or else i would've *actually* ruined our friendship by saying like ''fuck you i'll just kms then'' LOL#either way. haven't been having good evenings/nights lately#hopefully i'll get over it 👍
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Man. Idfk what the hell I did to piss off whoever the fuck keeps doing it, but this is the 4th time that my dental hygiene stuff has been tossed, & it seems to only be my stuff being tossed.
#em.txt#vent#negative#yea so it was some floss from my old job but whatever. so i bought new floss & it was. also tossed.#full container used for maybe a week. so i bought no more floss#& then it was my toothbrush#& now there is every bit of toothpaste on the counter. but mine.#the old toothpaste container with barely anything in it? still here. both the child flavored ones? here#even the one with no cap. my cousin's stupid fucking synsodyne? here. MINE? GONE.#WHY?#it's been over the last like 5 months & it's getting to me#i intentionally don't keep anything of mine outside my room because i came from a place where not guarding your stuff got it thrown out#& it's happening again & it's putting me back in that old loop#thinking abt kms over some toothpaste in case you eanted a vibe for the mental state rn#it's pretty dire. bleeding for over a month with 1+ year of untreated thyroid problems does that to you#plus all the other shit i got going on man it's like. why am i here why do i hold hope you know#i guess for the love of the game. whatever. I'll delete this later
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I've been thinking for a while that tumblr seems to be more dead than usual and it's... starting to get concerning? I'm looking at the pride, lgbt, etc. tags and even in the top tab most post have less than 1k notes, which is crazy for the "queerest place on the Internet". Tags from fandoms get the "I'm trending" thing but then you take a look at the latest posts and most of them have barely any notes and the top posts are from a couple of days or even weeks ago. Drawings don't get that many notes unless they are from both popular accounts and/or popular fandoms and even then the notes pale in comparison to what the same drawing gets on twitter... Maybe if I already was in a stable community/net of mutuals I wouldn't mind the inactivity so much but when you're trying to make friends this sucks a lot ngl!
#m#negative#maybe it's time to make the move to twitter but do i want to#my tl it's one negative piece of news after the other and every time i go to twitter something happens that makes me depressed for days#and it's incredibly hard to get views on twitter if you don't have slightly more popular friends to rt your art#i could try cara or blue sky but just thinking about having to get acquainted with a new website makes me lose all energy#maybe i could go back to instagram but it's impossible to get invested in other people's accounts and it's an image based website......#alternatively i could kms which is easy and free and would also solve all the other problems i have in my life#unfortunately i have obligations to do so I guess I'll just keep fantasizing about the sweet release of death
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Tu 11th mei hai na? All the best loll bohot high level ka torture hoga ab...
No I'm in 12th actually yipeeeee jee prep yipeeeee
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maybe i do think about how pike is "angel, oz, and xander all rolled into one." bc that's crazy
#i have thoughts ....#a lot of those thoughts are incoherent bc buffy herself i dont think knows how to handle that lmao#like wdym someone who's bestie but also incredibly helpful and makes life less difficult#bc its kind of a funny thing to have that when she doesn't wanna acknowledge or accept it#bc that would mean she /wants/ the help and feels overwhelmed all the time#and that would be bad :(#bc she's BUFFY!#maybe i'll just kms#/joke#going through the horrors › ooc.
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(ooc)
I forgot to be excited about it yesterday but. I finally got my preorder locked in for the 20th anniversary (colored) collector's edition set. And a set of drumsticks... obviously....
#everyone say THANK YOU PINE when i get them and share the cool new things with you all. bc my wallet HURTS#it hurts. so so badly.#but... w o r t h i t....#((if i had more money i would get the b&w set as well. i sincerely wish i was joking. this series has me in a chokehold.))#ooc#txt#im actually insanely excited for the drumsticks i cannot lie to you. i want them in my hands already#idk if they'll ship separately or if I'll have to wait til they send out my box. i could be chill live either way. but it would be cool to#+ have them sooner idk.#((maybe if i was feeling Bold I could ask my dad where the hell his old drumset ended up... like hell would he let me have it if it DOES (+#(+) still exist... and i dont have the space... but like. i would Make the space))#((idk this is the bimonthly sudden and intense longing to play an instrument that isnt My Fucking Vocal Chords maybe))#(((and my kim pine obsession obviously... but ive always liked the drums. literally only stepped back from them as an option bc they'd my +#+ dad's Big Thing.)))#that's supposed to be be chill/live. (technically it was not supposed to have the live at all actually but im not fighting the tags rn)#also they're*** my dad's big thing#kms... (/j. i do so hate it when i let one slip though... ugh)#im too scared to go back and tag this on the post this is actually relevant to btw but. im healing chat... 4/13 needs to be roxie day....#(<- forgot about it being The Homestuck Day somehow)
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i can tell my antidepressants are working because i feel about as bad as i think i can but without the like. absolutely bone-crushing, bodily felt levels of despair. that being said it sucks to know that it isn't just a brain chemistry problem, i also fucking hate being alive
#or maybe i need to go up on said antidepressants. idk.#anyway i cant see a future where i am happy with my life but i'll give it another 10 years before i kms. the ole college try. as it were
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