#maybe I'll just do an outline of stuff to mention in my documentation

[anothermonikan]

yeah professor I can't do my assignment. yeah no my F/O has deemed me too sick to work. yeah she wants me to go back to bed with her immediately. yeah. sorry <3

[darlingkirstein]

can I ask how you go about developing your stories/plot? I think coming up with an idea is (semi) easy because ✨vibes✨ but how to you actually turn that into a story? there's so much (character, backstory, plot, arcs, etc.)

I'm anxious to know how it is your going about developing home beckons the wanderer. Are you using any sort of method? I can't see you using a "point a to point b" method. It feels more complicated.

I know what I want to write but developing that is daunting. (In general and time wise)

Are you at all getting impatient with the development of your stories? Sometimes I forget a story can't just instantly be entirely plotted within the span of a week.

I apologize if this was too invasive, feel free not to answer, but if you do, I greatly appreciate it <3 take care love

it's not invasive at all!!!! these are all super great questions — and i hope my answers can be helpful and ease some fears!! and ofc, always feel free to ask more questions if you have them! :) i'll include some screenshots from my planning documents because i am a visual person so maybe you are too and that'll help :)

every story is different for me, and some are far more demanding and complicated than others. but, generally, it's outline, outline, outline. i have never been able to just write without having an outline backing up, unless it was for a one-shot or something more simple. another tool i have found extremely helpful and honestly essential for me is discussing my barebones ideas with others and watching them grow with the combined brain power behind it. if you have people in your corner supporting your ideas, let them help you!

so, for developing a story, start with your major idea. then, just start coming up with little ideas, anything, doesn't need to be in order. discuss with your friends, whatever helps! write those ideas down somewhere. i personally use a combination of my notes app, google docs, and the app notion to organize my thoughts.

notion tends to be where i start — i'll jot down little ideas i have, basic stuff needed to kickstart the rest. here's an example for the cult au:

google docs tends to be where i flesh whatever i did in notion out and have it more accessible. here's an example from thespian's coquetry:

for me personally, i have recently started spending a lot of energy into the development of the story/background before writing it. that also tends to be why i take forever to update/publish. let me get into the four things you specifically mentioned! characters, plot, backstory, arcs.

characters: stories depend on characters, and they need to feel real and have the capability to connect with the reader! i myself sometimes struggle with feeling like i don't do a well enough job with this. the main thing here is motivation — what drives this character, what is their goal/purpose, what makes them do whatever they are doing for the story? this goes hand in hand with their personality and their actions, so deciding what motivates them is important! this also ties into their backstory, so yeah it's important! their motivation will progress the story and explain their every action, so start there!

i can reference hbtw here actually, because it may be the story of mine where the character motivations are clearest — eren is motivated to go home to his family again, while mikasa is motivated to sustain herself financially by taking eren on their little quest. these motivations kickstart the plot and are essential to how it'll progress.

tldr; start with motivation, build from there, go to personality, hobbies, interests, quirks, etc.

backstory: this can be two things! either it's the actual world-building itself or its individual character backstories. since you're particularly interested in hbtw, I'll reference its development!

this story has been an absolute beast in terms of backstory/world-building development. this is why i say my process is dependent on the story, because this one is very involved and time-consuming. this is the place where you'll need to be the most patient if you're writing anything with a complicated world to develop. i am attempting to make hbtw as original as possible, so that involves a lot of building from scratch. right now, with the help of @strscrossed, i am working on the development of the eight regions in eldevane — this involves geography, economics, people, religion, history, and more. for example, i developed a history of eldevane's rulers and major historical events because, even though the story takes place decades later, i wanted to lay down a strong foundation to make the world feel real. this story is kinda stuck in world-building hell right now because i want most of that finished before proceeding because of how much eremika will be directly interacting with the world and its little intricacies. this is a daunting process, and its time-consuming! more on the frustration later.

basically, overall, my method for backstory development is to take it one step at a time and go slowly. there are also a lot of great resources for developing the world! http://arcadia.net/Cruinne/DnD/Articles/worldbuilding.html#language — this is an extremely (maybe overkill) detailed list of world-building things to consider in fantasy/sci-fi/etc. settings. the details matter, basically! also, consider your favorite medias and look at all the details there that feel small and inconsequential but develop the world and make it what it is. same with characters. what do you find interesting about this character's backstory? it is no danger to study fiction that you consider to be great? if you love it, you can learn from it :))

arcs: gonna do this first because it leads into the next bullet point. when you're starting to develop the plot, what helps me personally is putting a little shape to the plot, dividing it into crucial sections that are encompassed by one major plot point/resolution. if you divide your story into chunks, it may make development easier. for thespian's coquetry, i divided the story into three 'acts' and an epilogue to divide the plot more evenly in my head and make it less overwhelming.

this way, i'm able to break things down — when i think of a new plot point, i sift it between the three parts; where does it fit most? this makes placement of things less overwhelming, because it'll at least be confined to act i, ii, or iii. so decide these major headings and i find it'll help you compartmentalize things more accessibly.

plot: this is where its tricky for me. i have the exact same problem with every single multi-chapter story that i write; i know the beginning, and i know the ending, but it's everything in between that is muddled and less clear.

so, if you're me, you imagine the start, then (or oftentimes first) you imagine the ending — now, what has to happen between those two points for the ending to feel earned? what plot points will draw the characters closer to this pre-destined conclusion? most important in this is conflict. what conflicts happen to drive the plot? there will more than likely be multiple answers. there will be the overarching conflict/challenge (the dangerous journey of taking eren back home in hbtw is the overarching challenge) — but there will also be mini-challenges that serve the big one overhead. this can be inter-character conflict, quarrels, fights, disagreements, etc., but it can also be more external — challenges in their journey, little roadblocks that must be overcome to progress the story and maintain interest. there is only so long that a story can sustain itself without some degree of conflict; if things are smooth sailing forever, what's the point? if eren and mikasa's journey to eren's family happened without bumps along the way, sure it might be cute and wholesome, but it's not interesting, and the beautiful thing about stories is how they can interest and ensnare the reader's attention.

so, create little conflicts, big ones and important ones, and smaller ones more readily resolved. conflict drives the story. i think if there's one thing to take away from this total yap session of mine, it's that. seek conflict, and you'll find a plot.

please let me know if you have any questions or want me to clarify anything about everything i just said!!! i know it's a lot!! but i wanna be super helpful for your story!

now, you're absolutely right about hbtw being a very non-linear process. most, if not all, of my stories are developed like that. you develop as the inspiration takes you — i have been jumping between developing backstory/world-building which has bled into plot point development. it's one big system that works together — figuring out one thing often leads to another eureka moment in another aspect. me and stella developed the religious ceremony for eren's home region and that bled right into the story.

to answer your last question, ABSOLUTELY. i'm a very impatient person in all aspect of life, but i find it so frustrating when the ideas in my head cannot be immediately translated onto page. i was at first trying to rush through hbtw world-building before i was starting to burn myself out and realized that doing that was counterproductive and a total inspiration killer. this has been a very big challenge for me with all my stories. i'm rather meticulous, and i need to know the details and everything before starting, but sometimes i just want to be done with the planning and plotting so i can start. it's a perfectly normal feeling (or, i hope it is LOL)! you're eager to get your story somewhere, and you feel like there's an invisible wall that you keep banging your head against. i know that feeling well! writing can be an exhausting process, but it's the end result, finishing a story/chapter and sharing it with the world that feels very rewarding.

my overall tips for story development:

be patient and go slow — stories deserve nourishment, not ham-fisted neglect! your story deserves the time it needs to flourish!

jot down every idea you have. every single one. even if you're not sure you'll use it — better to have and not need then to need and not have. you really never know!

it's okay to go out of order! don't force yourself into a linear path if that doesn't feel right — it's never felt right to me! develop in whatever order you need to develop.

lean on your friends if they're willing! i probably would've given up on a lot of my stories already if not for my friends. (special shoutout to @random-millennial, @likesunsetorange, @strscrossed, @sinigangsta-ao3, @karizard-ao3, and others for always being willing to help me/listen.)

use online writing resources! there's so many articles and reddit posts (feels shameful to recommend reddit) and such with experienced writers happy to share their experiences and provide advice!

model after media you enjoy — can be books, movies, shows, manga, whatever!! figure out what you think the creators/authors/screenwriters did well and consider emulating it. you obviously like it for a reason! everyone gets inspired by someone else. don't feel like you're not a 'real writer/artist' because you reached out for resources or inspiration. you are real, and you're doing it!

HAVE FUN!!!! i'm a hypocrite because i often take all this way too seriously and get easily frustrated but promise, it's more fulfilling when you're really having fun doing it :))

i hope some of this was helpful!!!! apologies for the total yap session, i know this might be sorta overwhelming??? hope not! like i said, feel free to reach out with more questions, and i'd love to help you out individually if you'd be interested! all love and best wishes on the development of your story — manifesting nothing but success your way, and thank you for trusting me to help!

[tleeaves]

Wasting Beats In This Heart Of Mine - how it would have ended

Hello, folks! As some of you already know or have heard me mention previously, my TLH fanfic WBITHOM is coming to an end. I am no longer comfortable with it being in the public eye since it involves a lot of personal stuff for me, and so I have decided to delete the fic entirely on every platform it's been published on (that's Quotev, AO3, and Wattpad) rather than rewrite the entire thing. This will also finally give me the chance to focus on other written works. Maybe I'll return to fandom with a rewrite one day for anyone interested, but for now, the future is dedicated to other things. The fic will be deleted in 48 hours, so readers on Quotev and AO3 have a chance to download the unfinished fic if they so desire before then or just have one last read. I ask that no one rewrites or adds an ending to my fic and publishes it anywhere without my knowledge and permission. Never put an author's work through AI either. I still have several copies of my fanfic and its outline, so I will always have evidence of where the story comes from.

WBITHOM is a monster, with the master document coming to well over 150,000 words and the fic so far being ~146,000 words (the entire outline and all my notes makes up over 4,000 words, yes). I predict that, had I finished the fic, it would come close to 188,000 words (so, there was a decent ways to go still). It's the biggest thing I've attempted, but because of that, it is also the most time-consuming (it's been almost a year and a half of writing, and each chapter either takes two full days to write or weeks) and it takes up the most space in my head, not really leaving room for the other ideas I want to explore.

So, as someone suggested, I thought I'd give readers who were hoping to see the fic to its proper end some closure. That's what this post is for: how it would have ended. Along the way, I'll explain some things too about recurring themes and motifs and all manner of behind the scenes and thoughts behind my ideas.

Character Arc Summaries

As readers know, this story follows the characters of Lila Raftis, James Herondale, Cordelia Carstairs, and Matthew Fairchild. They're all the most significant figures, though we do see other perspectives and side characters too. Essentially, Lila Raftis struggles with loneliness due to a myriad of other issues she has to work through, and James Herondale's arc starts with his depression and turns into a journey to authenticity where he feels like his own person and not just what he has been written or expected to be. Cordelia Carstairs' physical state of being lost extends to how lost she is within, and she ends realising that she has been continuously defining herself through other people. I see her as leaving London and the love triangle with James and (unconfessed) Matthew (and Lila) to deconstruct a lot of the ideals she was trying to live up to and why. As for Matthew Fairchild, I made the deliberate decision for him to turn into a werewolf and have that separation from Shadowhunter society so that he could pursue the arts and build a better life that he would find more satisfaction with, also eventually becoming sober. I took inspiration from his time at the academy, particularly when he turns to Lila in one of the earlier acts and asks if it's so bad to not be a Shadowhunter. At first, he regrets turning, but I planned for him to wind up relieved.

Honestly, while this work is very self-insert (and that's not a bad thing generally, but I've been finding it uncomfortable as time goes on, so that's why I prefer to take it down and keep it to myself), it was also my way of going How It Should Have Ended for the TLH series as a whole. I started it before ChoT, yes, but that book only led to minor changes and alternate paths taken -- I was already using ChoI as a base to steer these characters in the directions I thought they should go.

The Rest Of Act Three

The rest of Act Three of the fanfic is summarised below (...at length. It's a lengthy summary).

We ended the fanfic on the chapter where James and Lila returned to London, 1903 of his dimension. He was gravely wounded in his left arm, which ends up being amputated despite the efforts of Lila and Lucie (and Gus' help too). This is, of course, a reference to the recent fan art of James where a headcanon went around that the reason we couldn't see his other arm was because it just didn't exist. I took it and ran, which was not planned. I knew I wanted James injured so that Lila could return the care he once had shown her when she was wounded badly, but it wasn't going to be as severe as it ended up being. This is how we ended up at the Institute instead of 48 Curzon Street as I had previously planned for the chapter. James was going to be fine, but Cordelia had decided to confront Lila about several things, and they'd end the night having kissed -- which in turn leads Lila to going for a walk to clear her head and her subsequently getting kidnapped by Jonathan Bell (the Other James from another dimension). Anyway, the change did make some of these plot points awkward (😭) hence why I spent ages editing the make out between Lila and Cordelia because I could not decide how it should start and end. It was a nightmare. As Silver pointed out, it didn't make a whole lot of sense in the order of events (Cordelia should have gone to see James first), but I was in a mad rush to finally release the update since I knew people were waiting. The kidnapping also was not quite as dramatic as I envisioned it, but oh well. I'm actually quite happy with the rest of the chapter though.

From there comes the rest of the fic that readers probably will not get to experience, so that's why I'm writing this out, so you at least know the mysteries that I won't get to reveal and how we get to the end.

Jonathan Bell kidnaps Lila and, through the use of shadow, they end up in Paris, France. This is where Matthew also fled after his mother released him from the Silent City cells after he persuaded her into it. Lila ending up there and being away from both James and Cordelia, and spending more one-on-one time with our antagonist and Matthew since the earlier parts of the book was always intended.

Jonathan is revealed to have possession of another silver pen, which is a reference to a previous fanfic I wrote (also deleted) called Chain of Lies, where the pen could literally rewrite reality if you used your own blood for ink. In Jonathan's dimension, Lila ended up staying in his world and marrying him, but she also dies of a mysterious sickness during their honeymoon, so he uses the pen to go back in time and cancel their honeymoon, under the impression she would not get sick. Instead, she was hit by a car several days earlier, and died in the accident. Jonathan goes back again to stop that from happening, but Lila ends up dying again anyway, over and over again in different ways, every time Jonathan reverses time to prevent each event from occurring. Eventually, he goes so far back in their timeline together that he's reliving the December when they met, and that's how he knows how to divert the accidents in WBITHOM that threaten harm to this other dimension's Lila (are you still with me?). But before that, he created a time loop in that December of his dimension just trying to keep Lila alive for two years of his life whereas everyone else remained the same, but stuck in time. It's supposed to be very angsty and tragic, and it's a demonstration of one of James Herondale's core traits eventually twisting horribly wrong: how he would do anything for those he loves, whether that be family, friends, or lovers.

This character flaw/strength is something I reference lightly a few times throughout the fanfic, mostly in the ways he is concerned about the safety of his family and friends which he tries to find out from Lila, who has read Chain of Iron and knows what the future is supposed to be, and then how he reflects on how he does not know what he would do when someone he loves dies. Honestly, the issue is that he cares too much about people, which is both a good thing and a bad thing, depending on how far it goes. Jonathan is the literal embodiment of what would happen if James' care went too far, if it bordered on obsession, if he wanted to keep someone from dying so bad that he would sacrifice everything else, even the universe.

So, Jonathan finally confesses to the time-loop and explains that as a drastic measure, he tried finding Lila in another dimension to see if he could save her there, but this tearing of the time-loop to escape it worsened a tear that Cordelia had already created in her fight with Belial and the Mandikhor to such a point that it started growing and expanding and destroying the fabric of time and space between dimensions and the universe as a whole. You know, wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey... stuff (Doctor Who reference for those who get it). The thing he did not realise though is that in this timeline, Lila is not meant to die, so long as she goes back home instead of staying in 1903 (he still doesn't know this, it's just a fact I would have explained to the readers when we meet Circe, the employer of Poppy Morad (P.M.) and Saint Nicholas). This is supposed to leave Lila conflicted, because as much as she wants to hate his guts for being the reason for her family disappearing and the worlds ending, even this Other James is a reflection of her own nature, which is another thing that's been lingering beneath the surface for the duration as the fic: while James has a doppelganger that demonstrates who he might become if he cannot accept loss, he and Lila have similarities boiling beneath the surface that go unnoticed until an outburst we saw Lila have where she basically accuses James of being just like her (not complimentary at the time).

Lila as a character is someone who cares deeply, but is willing to sacrifice herself and others to protect what or who she cares deeply about (yet we also see her choose self-preservation over self-sacrifice a few times before she truly starts acting in service of others). Her circle of people she cares about is more limited than James', but the shared sentiments still stand. Plus, the way Jonathan has acted this entire time has always bordered on unnerving or odd -- I did that on purpose. He's been driven to obsession, where he's basically an extreme of what James and Lila believe in. And he is both James and not James in this way, if that makes sense. We see in one of Lila's nightmares earlier in the book Jonathan saying it does not matter which version of him he is or which version of her she is -- they belong together. Fully delusional at this point, but it's meant to be scary. I'm kind of obsessed that Jonathan is also a mirror for Lila to see how she might look to her James: someone who knows you way too well, but you've also never met nor know much about at all (she might know James but she does not know this one), who's inexplicably fixated on you (granted, James did not even begin to guess Lila's feelings, and hers were rather superficial in a way until they spent more time together).

Anyway, basically, the start of this rewrite of Chain of Lies pretty much began with these dynamics between the two Jameses and Lila. It was a whole thing with diagrams and late night ranting to my poor sister and everything.

So, of course, Lila is conflicted and she also does not know how she's supposed to get Jonathan to reverse the problem he has created -- whether he's also supposed to go back to his dimension and whether that will be enough to repair the tear. Most of this happens in the Notre Dame cathedral because I said so (I like cathedrals as settings, sue me if you dare).

Meanwhile, Matthew has been in Paris and totally avoiding Charles, so he also hears nothing of Will and Tessa being notified about James' injury in London and leaving by portal. But he does hear some French Shadowhunter gossip about the Consul's werewolf son's disappearance when he discovers Lila being taken to the cathedral by a masked man. Then ensues a solo rescue operation. Honestly, I always have a lot of fun writing Matthew, it's hard not to include him more. Anyway, the rescue is successful, and he takes Lila back to his hotel room to lay low for the night before he gets her back to London with the others (since he recognises that they must have no idea where she is, what happened, and she's an integral part of solving this whole mess, as people are still disappearing in this world).

I had a really nice scene planned that I'd been waiting the entire book to write, but basically Lila and Matthew spend a sober night together (as opposed to their time in the Silent City together) where they talk about all their woes, including their love lives, and eventually they get on to the topic of how they could have smoothed over both their dilemmas if they just had each other as lovers, if only their similarities were not such that would probably be self-destructive at this point in their lives. Because we've seen often in the book other characters compare these two, but it's these two themselves who recognise that, yes, they are alike in some ways, but not the ways it counts in order to have a healthy romantic relationship. They settle on being good friends. Matthew also takes her measurements so they can pick up some quick changes of clothes since Lila's still wearing her grimy outfit she wore during the explosion. And she also brings up that she knows he's an artist, but asks that she have the chance to sketch him, and he offers to do so in return, so they spend the rest of the night drawing, which I just find so sweet. There's not much significance in that at face value, it's just cute, but I also see Matthew embracing an old hobby as one of the first steps he takes in moving on from all his pain and finding better outlets for it.

Also, the platonic nature between Lila and Matthew, the complicated romance with James and Cordelia, and then all the familial themes and side-plots going on are all part of an idea I had going into this that I wanted to demonstrate many facets of love and the importance of each in their individual right. If anything, given the extreme slowburn I've come at James/Lila/Cordelia with particularly, I want to end this book purposefully with none of them winding up together because so many other things mattered more than their romance, and even the kind of loves they have for each other are a reason they don't end up staying because they would all rather see each other safe and not see each other at all than know they might cause other problems by being in the wrong dimensions.

Anyway, because I do multiple perspectives for everything, while Matthew and Lila and Jonathan have their bit going on in Paris, back in London we see James coming to terms with his disability and in all his rumination over what's happened and Lila being missing but him being unable to go out and find her, James finally (FINALLY!) realises his romantic feelings for Lila. This also leads to a scene between him and Cordelia where they both discuss Lila and their feelings for her. Cordelia also confesses how she has felt for James for a long time, but she also explains that she wants nothing to come of it anymore because she does not see herself settling down with him like she previously thought. James is a bit stung by this (I mean, my guy had no idea about Cordelia's true feelings until now and then she also springs a rejection on him at the same time when he's just begun to realise some of his own feelings around her) but is ultimately relieved since he feels he needs more time to figure out who he is and the life he wants without the bracelet numbing him.

We also would have seen Poppy Morad and Saint Nicholas again and their increasing distress and alarm with how difficult Jonathan Bell has been to track and control since he's hared of to Paris with Lila.

When Jonathan finds out Lila's gone, he feels betrayed and frustrated by his failure. Because while he feels he has saved her, she's refusing to be his as she once was in his dimension (also why he was confused and then against her leaving and going home earlier in the story). The world is breaking down around him (we start to see parts of Paris going up in flames, not unlike London 2021 of Lila's dimension) and he's about to go track Lila down again (but now he's going a bit more heavily into Villain Mode).

We also see Poppy Morad closing in on Jonathan as he returns to London when she's defecting orders from Circe, her higher up, to take him down instead of corralling Lila's effects on the timeline.

Lila and Matthew return to London on Christmas Eve just hours before the end of the world properly starts in 1903. This is also when she and James interact for the first time since he passed out on the bridge several days ago. I was a bit undecided on how I wanted this scene to look, other than I needed them to finally confess their feelings for each other in the rain like a cliche after they have an argument where Lila says that James has everything she wants (and this is where we realise the root of her problem in this whole book is not simply loneliness, but a dissatisfaction with herself and her life, which has lent itself to the more superficial issues she's been having) but that ultimately she also just wanted him though she knows she cannot be with him without risking everything. So, when James confesses his side, they decide to spend what little time they have left with each other as best as they can. (And this where I as an author push them together like Barbie dolls and go "now kiss").

Have I mentioned this story has too many layers and plot points and it's been driving me mad this entire time I've been writing it? Anyway.

They quickly determine with The Gang™️ that "Belial" and "Lilith" are not who they seem to be anymore, because while Alastair just got arrested for the murder of Lilian Highsmith (oh yeah, that happens while Lila and Matthew are in Paris, because I wanted a reversal where it's Thomas who stands up for Alastair when he's accused of murder, just for funsies) everything else that has happened seems to be related to whoever this P.M. (remember when Cordelia was also accused of murder because Filomena thought she saw Cordelia when she was attacked?) and Matthew body double is (spoiler: Poppy Morad and Saint Nicholas are codenames for other versions of Cordelia Carstairs and Matthew Fairchild in another timeline, I'll explain more about this later, but what you can probably surmise already is that this alternate Cordelia has taken the place of Belial within this dimension and is the one murdering all the victims (including her father. That was a difficult point, because we see in a PM and Saint Nick scene that he's concerned about whether she can go through with it) and Matthew has taken Lilith's place in some minor ways (like hiding and then handing back Cortana at the right moments)).

Anyway, because Lila's kind of behind on some events, she goes to confess to Cordelia (but explain how she also feels about James), when Cordelia says there's a lot more she wants out of life before she pursues romance again. That she's been so consumed by it, by finding love, by getting married, she's lost who she is beneath it all. (Have you noticed the theme for every character in this fic is basically authenticity and finding oneself despite whatever circumstances they find themselves in?)

Then, we also would have seen Lila dedicate herself to taking down Jonathan herself since he's the main problem that's tearing things apart and perhaps if he's killed then he can no longer influence time and reality.

Vaguely, I had planned that James and Lila would have what my outline says is "an emotional night together" because it could mean literally anything and I wasn't totally sure where I wanted it to go. So. Interpret that one how you will with whatever you prefer, honestly. Anyway, while that's happening, we see Matthew go home to his mother who is, understandably, worried sick and mad because he never wrote to her like he was supposed to and Charles return without him. We see Matthew collapse into her arms and just sob. That was the plan. It's important to me that he's actually vulnerable with her for once and that he, a young man too big to be in his mother's arms, lets himself be held anyway. There was also supposed to be a wholesome Thomastair moment that I hadn't really planned, though I knew Alastair would go home with Cordelia afterwards and she would start her journey to forgiving him. We also would have seen her kneel in front of Sona to confess A Whole Lot Of Things about what's been happening in her life, from as early as the marriage blanc and the Blackthorn Manor incident. Basically, everything is supposed to be hopeful even if it hurts just a bit and feels a little bittersweet. Because then in the chapter this all would have taken place in, we'd end with Saint Nicholas and Poppy Morad collecting the pithos from Christopher who picked it up in the background of everything (basically, all the Belial storyline has still been operating as it should, except it's being orchestrated by PM instead of Belial), when Jonathan sneaks up on them and fatally wounds (he had the intent to kill) Saint Nicholas, who he is shocked to find out in that moment is an alternate Matthew.

AND THEN, next chapter we would have had at the tolling of midnight, signaling Christmas day, PM the alternate Cordelia (whose character is the way it is because she's been hardened by some long and traumatic years -- she and alternate Matthew have a tragic backstory that I've been keeping in my back pocket that wasn't really necessary to be explained in the story, but if you want to know more, just ask) drags a dying alternate Matthew back to their tent where Circe, their mysterious employer, is torn away from her work elsewhere to start enacting emergency world-fixing in this timeline. This is also when we find out Circe's identity: she is Cassandra Clare, once again (if you read Chain of Lies) who's codename was derived from the common shortened CC she's referred to in fandom, who has universal powers and basically controls (to an extent) a good portion of the universe. Like a god. But also not. It's a whole mysterious thing that I never intended to explain because I think some things are better unexplained.

THEN, Jonathan shows up to 48 Curzon Street, covered in blood and calling for Lila. A fight between him and James (and sort of Lila who's attacking Jonathan though he refuses to attack her) ensues before he ends it all by taking out a silver pen (The Silver Pen) where we see 'Nikoletta' engraved on it, and writes a time-loop which snaps the final threads keeping all the timelines and dimensions in order.

Act Four Explained Slightly More Briefly

This is the final act of the book and also the shortest. It was planned to only be about six chapters long. Now, I was most excited about this part of the book because I had ✨visions✨. No, literally, the entire inspiration of this entire fanfic came from a dream I had about James Herondale as Spider-Man, me impersonating Cordelia Carstairs and not knowing how to do Shadowhunter things, Santa Claus as Father Time, and the end of the universe, and this is where we would have finally get to see it all come together.

We kick it off with an entire chapter dedicated to a lot of scenes similar to what I've written earlier in the book with Lila and James' nightmares, where nothing makes complete sense and yet the reader is meant to feel on the cusp of understanding something alongside the characters before the dreams usually end. Only they don't here. The dreams are reality, but reality is broken, and there is no waking up because there is also no sleeping and there is no normal but faint memories of what came before. So not only is the environment ever-shifting (think of it almost like a kaleidoscope and you have maybe a quarter of my vision here), but the people also keep "glitching" between different versions of themselves at different points in time and in different realities even (sometimes the doubles join and then they split apart, it's a weird nightmareish sort of thing in my mind), and so they also have different memories and levels of knowledge about things that have happened and what's going on. We see it mostly through Lila and James' perspectives. There's supposed to be a lot of angst and a feel like everything is a fever dream.

In the next chapter, things only start to get slightly ordered when Jonathan Bell finds Lila and says he'll rewrite the universe she wants so that it's perfect for her, and can have it be anything she wants, so long as they are together (major creep vibes though, honestly, as sweet as this might sound to some). This is also me addressing a problem from my original fanfic before this one, Chain of Lies, where I basically gave that silver pen waaay too much power, and now I'm demonstrating what it can do and so, like the one ring to rule them all, it must be destroyed (once Lila or someone else gets a hold of it to rewrite and fix the fabric of everything). Alastair saves Lila from Jonathan this time (he's still a bit prickly, but we see he still cares about Lila anyway), and demands she go find Cordelia to end Jonathan (Cordelia has Cortana which can cut through anything, which is important). Then we also would have seen that James is stranded somewhere with a fluctuating Matthew (the vision is that he keeps changing states from a werewolf to a living corpse to himself at various ages) and they are attempting to find PM, the alternate Cordelia, who knows Circe who should be able to fix everything as PM explains (she got separated from Circe and Saint Nicholas when the world went crazy). She leads them partway before she's taken by the collapsing world (she disappears basically, because that can still happen to people). When Lila finds her Cordelia, she's in the Paladin state (imagine glowing eyes and a vague aura of scariness with a glowing sword and you've got it) and it takes a bit to get through to her so they can make a plan to take down Jonathan.

Chapter after that, we have Cordelia distracting Jonathan so Lila can steal the pen, but she realises she does not know how to write an ending that does not kill all the Jameses since, as Jonathan once put it in her nightmares, "it does not matter which version of him I am... we are the same". This hesitance gets Cordelia fatally wounded, though she's not quite dead yet, but it's the final push Lila needs to kill Jonathan with Cortana (as also seen in a dream she had ages ago without realising it), and Circe finally manages to pull enough worldly strings in this chaos to pause time long enough for James and Lila to reunite to do the re-writing with her.

From there, we have two alternate paths. I called these basically "the happy ending that could have been" and "the bittersweet ending that was", which I was inspired to write by The Umbrella Academy (if you know, you know, I won't spoil it for anyone else who doesn't).

In the happy ending that could have been, we see the characters a couple years down the line. We also find out that Lila would not have died like she did in the other universe. She and James are together and they end up planning to propose to each other on the same day, which is the day after Lila successfully ascends. Then we see Cordelia and Matthew travelling together across the world as friends. After that, we would have seen Thomas and Alastair having dinner at the Lightwoods'. Finally, the Raftis family believe Lila is missing, presumed dead, but after a couple years they are finally moving on.

The bittersweet ending that was though is where Lila goes home. The friends she's made in London 1903 see her off before James takes her back to her dimension where they'd have one final goodbye on Blackfriars Bridge. That night, Cordelia gets on a train to set off and travel on her own. We also see Matthew, who has already picked up Oscar a couple days earlier, going to Gus' flat to complain that Oscar misses Gus and would not stop whining until they came by. We see Matthew finally tentatively suggest a first date, and Gus would accept. We close this part of the ending much like we started the book, with James walking alone in the night, just as he was when he left the Devil Tavern and his story took a different direction to canon when he found himself outside Cornwall Gardens where he met with Alastair. This time, James is alone, and he's feeling a little hopeful about the future ahead.

We get one final chapter before the epilogue where it's mostly Lila's perspective as she finally gets to experience Christmas with her family in 2021 and I planned for the beginning of some family healing and bonding to occur. Then we would have seen future James once more, who it turns out is now tasked by Circe (CC) with maintaining the space between dimensions, but this means he can't be in any one for very long since it's a lot of work that takes up time.

And now we get to the epilogue. Every time I imagine this, I get a little emotional. The epilogue would have began several years in the future with Lila dropping a bi-annual letter into the Thames, which I liken to the River Styx, in that it's where all lost things end up. We see, rather comedically, that she has moved out with the money she gained from some things she "stole" from Curzon Street, as well as her mysterious finding of the adamas, which scientists in her world are still amazed by. We are surprised to see though that when she goes home, she's living with the version of Matthew who nearly died in his previous role as Saint Nicholas, because CC gave him a chance to live out a new life elsewhere, in a dimension where there was not another version of himself. He and Lila seem to be doing well.

We cut to James of around December 1905 who has gone to visit his family at the Institute, where Lucie and Jesse are pouring over Cordelia's latest letter from abroad. James says he was just at Matthew's flat, and Gus was telling him about theories of time travel that the mundanes at the university Gus attends were discussing. We also find out that James himself has written a book, a science fiction piece with a ridiculously long title, about different worlds and the doubles of people that exist. After the dinner, he goes to Blackfriars Bridge and produces several of Lila's letters out of a pocket before stowing them away and shadow travelling to her dimension to leave a letter for her.

The fanfic would have ended on James' letter, which mentions briefly that he is having nightmares again of Belial's return since they have heard nothing have what happened with CC. Aside from that, the letter is rather sweet. But we see that Lila never gets a chance to read it, because CC collects it first and burns it with a lighter while humming "it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas".

Concluding Words

And that, ladies, gents, and fair folk, was how Wasting Beats In This Heart Of Mine would have ended. It has potential for a sequel. One I never want to write except in my head because, man, I am so exhausted by this fanfic alone after I already did it as a rewrite of Chain of Lies. If anything, this is the sequel to Chain of Lies and the next potential story would be the third book. It's been a long few years, I'll tell you that.

Some final things:

If you're wondering about that green coat I was always mentioning: it was supposed to be my tell, along with the gold-ringed eyes, for Saint Nicholas being an alternate Matthew, who is also the leader of the SoHo wolf pack in his origin universe. For Poppy Morad as the alternate Cordelia, who worked as Matthew's partner in time shenanigans, it was the fact that people forgot her face once they saw it because of a facial rune she applies (one that does not exist but she has courtesy of working for The CC). That's why people often knew they saw Cordelia, but could not remember the details of that meeting, if they managed to remember her at all.

The reason Lila has essentially what I call "a death aura" is because of her alternate selves, many of whom die, and it's something that leaks between worlds as the walls steadily break down.

At some point in Le Grand Reveal Of The Time-loop, Lila realises that the detailing on Jonathan's mask matches the floral detail on the back of The Joker card she's been carrying around with her sister's initials this whole time, which hints at just how significant some of the objects in this story are and the meanings they can give (The Fool and The Master being other common names for the card, related to its unpredictability and capability of being anything).

Jonathan wears, obviously, his crimson cape, but his clothes are a deep navy blue and this is part of my reference to Spider-Man and the original dream that inspired all of this.

Future James does indeed have diamond stud earrings. I said so.

At the end of the book, CC would have reinstated Lilith and Belial (whom she removed for previously causing problems in other dimensions where they became too aware of alternate timelines) with altered memories, so the stories can generally continue where they left off (some a couple years later, which has some interesting effects if I wrote the next book, in theory).

And I think that's all I have. But if anyone has any questions at all, feel free to reply to the post to ask, message me, or put it straight into the ask box, I'm more than happy to answer since I'm already depriving you of a properly written-out neat ending to everything. Reminder that I am deleting the fanfic WBITHOM in roughly 48 hours from the time of this post, so after that it will not be available on any public platforms for reading. I am not taking down any of my other fanfics (except for the few that I already have some weeks ago).

Thank you to the readers who have supported me on this longass journey. You were often the reason I kept going when I wanted to give up on writing fanfic, especially writing this one, which has been a very trying process (I mean, it took me half a day just to explain the last approximate third of the damn book, for crying out loud). I appreciate the kudos, the comments, and all the enthusiasm. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Take care now, and I'll see you in the updates of other works in the future.

-- streettealee

P.S. special thank you to @thevagabondexpress who endured many hours of me blabbering way too much about this fic and these characters, who I pestered to give me feedback as I fretted over whether I was doing everything right (spoiler: there's no right way, just better ways), and who cared about this when I struggled to. You suggested I might find a way to give readers some closure. And so I also give thanks to @faithfromanewperspective, who went nuts for an Australian OC (understandably, as I would too) and blazed through my entire fic and encouraged me inadvertently to start updating again after a long dry spell. You still absolutely get to see my drafts and outline next time we catch up in person, but I hope for now that this is a good description of the rest of what the book would have been and it gives you some closure, as well as for the other readers. Thank you also to @quantummeep for reading and commenting! I can never get out of my head how even early on in your reading you recognised all the plot threads that I had been weaving together, and it meant so much to me that you appreciated the level of detail I tried to work with.

Thank you all and to the other readers who also supported me 💛

[maurofonseca]

I don't know if you talked about it before, but how much do you have planned out for your own comic idea you've posted parts of before? Or generally how do you prepare and outline your own story ideas?

both too much and not enough, if you learn from me do so only to learn what not to do lol

Gonna ramble a bit, so adding a read more.

I've got a lot of ideas and concepts, enough to do like 5 years of continuous monthly comics, but I can't really do that, I'm physically unable to, need to pay rent etc. So I've got a lot of ideas around in word documents, on sketchbooks, etc, and then a rough plan in my head- a starting point, and the decision to make it into short stories, something I can do in a few pages and be concluded, rather than launch into "this is going to be my 1035 chapter manga" and then be unable to continue just one chapter in (as has happened in the past).

So, end of the day, what does this mean. I've got a roadmap in my head of the immediate first three chunks, think of it like "years" though again, I can't really do this consistently enough for that to make sense. I know I want to do the story of the Tournament that was mentioned in my small comic I did to intro the characters; I know I want to do a few stories first before that, leading to it; and I know I want to, aside, do the stories I was planning to do with Public-Domain-Mickey, and have them also lead to the tournament, a crossing of two different comics in the same setting, basically.

So, where's any of this going? Well, I've had a lot of Sonic comic work, so not much of anywhere. My plan for most of this year was to put the "lead to tournament" and "tournament" arcs in the backburner, maybe for 2025 and 2026, and focus on the Public-Domain-Mickey story first. The plan was to draw it by now, I had the breakdowns done, I'd roped a friend to help write, I was gonna do it in about 40 pages, etc.

And then I realised that worldwide law is not just different from US law, in this case it's VERY different, and outside the US Mickey will only be public domain decades from now. So now I need to rework that stuff, make substitute pastiche characters, and the urgency of "have it done by Jan 1 2024" is gone. So now I'm thinking different formats- maybe do the full-page short stories with Lalla etc, and the not!Mickey ones as a newspaper strip format?

And of course, again, it's easy to plan forever and do nothing, or to bite more than you can chew. So now my plan is again to just sit down and plan a 12-or-so page "pilot" story about Lalla Shepherd, Jackie Pollard, Lily Rock, etc, the start of it all. If I can do that, then I'll think what I do next. But the plan is to keep it focused on short things- not huge 150 page graphic novels, small amounts of pages, preferably divisible by 4 so they're easily postable in social media like Twitter or Bluesky, etc.

As for how do I plan it and draw it proper etc- I follow the advice of a pretty terrible man whose youtube I used to follow, and I divide the story in 3. Beginning, middle, end. I quickly assign an idea to each of those elements. Then, subdivide- the beginning, middle, end of the Beginning; the beginning, middle, end of the Middle; etc. Keep doing it like this and you'll have enough pages eventually

That's the theory. In practice, of course, it's not as easy. I don't do well writing directly- I do that to organise ideas, but to make comic pages proper, my brain needs visuals, so I start doing thumbnails, and getting a feeling for "this can come here, this can come there, this is taking too long so I can remove this page, I need a page here".

Once I'm happy with that, I can start going into pencils; but also, I start thinking dialogue. I add dialogue to the thumbnails (now resized up, of course) so I can have a feel for how much text per panel, etc. Now, I've got a lot of complexes about language. I want my characters to read naturally like the language they're speaking, or are supposed to, which is a problem for me when writing characters that're mostly either from fantasy-Britain or fantasy-US. So by this point I consider my dialogue just a rough draft, and I get friends from those nationalities to go over it, make them feel natural, etc, and I assign it to characters in specific- asking US friends to verify the dialogue of fantasyUS characters, but not of fantasyUK characters, etc. And then for Lily, since she's fantasyPortuguese, I write her dialogue in Portuguese and translate it to English, to intentionally leave any bits of odd grammar or turns of phrase. It's me projecting my own insecurities on my English lol

Dunno. End of the day, I've not written that much stuff myself. I've mostly in my life been either an illustrator or a comics penciller of other people's scripts, so I don't have the most experience here. Hoping this helps something, and hoping I can finally in 2024 justify all this bluster with having actual comics for reading and sale.

[heartbeatbookclub]

2, 21, 27

(this is for the writing asks in case u couldn’t tell)

(me seeing this ask in my inbox after reblogging the post again)

2. What are some common elements of stories you are tired of seeing? What would you avoid writing about?

That's a good question. I don't typically think about stuff I dislike in a story, hmm...Well, I've already talked about a good bit I dislike in popular interpretations by the DDLC fandom, but a big thing I don't like that I don't think I've mentioned is the tendency a lot of writers in the fandom have to simplify or soften the harsher elements of DDLC to something more easily understandable.

That's not exactly a surprising thing in my opinion, but it's still annoying, typically. Like you can describe these things, like "Sayori has depression", or "Natsuki has a bad relationship with her dad", and people toss these ideas into their fic based on that without forethought of how that might impact each characters' reaction to things, at least beyond a surface level.

These serious issues impact each character's personality in incredibly complex ways which make them each compelling, but more often than not, they're either used for some kind of torture porn, or they're more or less a background element to whatever story they're trying to tell. It frustrates me to see, because within + especially, they're written incredibly well!

In general, I guess my biggest pet peeve is stories that don't respect the idea of "suspension of disbelief". I'm a bit of a stickler for stories that feel grounded in some kind of reality, or at least being consistent in that respect. Broadly speaking, I don't use this as a hard and fast rule for everything (I'm willing to give exceptions to fanfiction that I like in spite of it for one reason or another), but typically that's what annoys me most in a story that isn't outright bad.

I typically avoid writing things I'm not passionate about, or things I don't feel comfortable with. Not necessarily that I don't feel comfortable with the subject matter, more that I don't think it's my place to write it. They say write what you know, and if I have to do a shitload of research to be sure I'm doing it right, I'm probably not going to write about it.

21. How do you come up with titles? Do you use placeholders or tend to change your titles when writing the first draft?

I will be the first to say that I'm TERRIBLE with titling things. I have like 15 separate Untitled Documents in my Google Drive, all of varying subjects, all of varying length & quality. I have a document right now just titled "ddlc fics" and it's where I keep a bunch of separate outlines and drafts for concepts I have. The same goes for works of visual art--my portfolio has like 5 separate "untitled"s.

I'm a very spontaneous kind of writer. I get an idea which stops me dead in my tracks, and I have to do something for it. I open up an untitled document and just slap some words onto the page. Sometimes I do placeholder titles just for the sake of being able to find it later, often I just leave it until I can think of a more proper title.

Typically this doesn't pan out, hence the lack of titles, though I often like the result of the writing.

I'm a huge fan of one word titles. Rather than trying to put together a full sentence or some clever wordplay, I can just assign one word to a fic which entirely defines the vibe. I'm a big fan of language, and one of my favorite things is how single words can carry so much meaning.

I usually only title things when I intend to publish/finish them. More frequently, concepts just get little fragments which I never publish anywhere. Maybe I'll put some of those somewhere visible.

27. Do you have playlists for your wip? What are some of the songs in it?

Not typically! I sometimes will put together a specific soundtrack fitting to certain vibes within something I'm writing to then post in the fic (I used to do this more often), but it depends on my dedication to the vibe & the songs I have available for it.

The one other fic on my AO3 currently makes use of this to great effect, or so I'm told.

I don't typically actively listen to music while writing, because it distracts me & makes it more difficult to clarify my thoughts. Writing is the one thing I don't typically do with some kind of background noise, actually!

If I do, it's usually something really chill and low volume, just for the vibes. Usually it involves classical music, or vaporwave, or just my "mellow tunes" playlist.

Here's some from there.

I have a lot of music I could recommend people, really, but that's not what this blog's for... :>

[mistresspandora-archive]

Paaaaan (picture me whining like my 9-year-old), you mentioned writing in small bits and pieces. How do you deal with continuity and flow of your writing. I'm slowly working my way through a second draft, and I'm seeing (and I know I'm missing) lots of places where I seem to have written a sentence, walked away, and forgotten what I wrote in that, then written a second one that's too similar. Any advice?

On the preparation side of it, the more detailed my outline is, the easier I find it to stay on target. For something short like a one-shot, it might be as simple as a list of goals. For something longer, I might summarize the story in paragraph form and use that to stay focused. Note cards. Beat sheet. Lately I've been using an app called Shaxpir that let's you easily reorder pages (it's a fancy notebook basically), and I'll title the page with the goal of the scene.

Then while I'm writing, I have playlists that I listen to, but this might be weird for some people. Every WIP doesn't have its own, but I have one for the major genres or series (e.g., Gods of War has a playlist, Die for This Kingdom has a playlist, the WWII stuff has a playlist). Having a consistent "auditory vibe" helps me to at least keep my narrative voice more coherent.

Honestly, though, for the most part I just fix it in post. I hop in and out of my documents frequently enough that rereading the current paragraph is usually sufficient to jog my memory.

After I get the first draft down (often piecemeal), I let it simmer for a day before I reread it. The first pass is looking for major flow, big holes, that sort of thing. I make patches to the plot and narration here. I also identify places I need to add some meat, and trim the fat from others.

I have DEFINITELY come across sentences that made absolute no damn sense. I just delete them. Third and fourth passes are polishing and refining.

I think it really just comes with practice. Writing with a coauthor made me more comfortable with this. So @iihappydaysii and I write back and forth on a story, and part of our editing process is making sure that it sounds like one voice (it helps that we take turns editing too).

So maybe the advice there is treat your draft like you weren't the only person who wrote it? Use comments and track changes to edit, then go back and accept or cancel those edits, so you can see what you've changed in multiple ways. Focusing on a markup also can keep you from getting that highway hypnosis while you're editing.