#maybe I'll get to do that.and I'll be happy and everything will be alright
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anyways fucking. fucking hell
#Dear fuck why is this shit so hard#Who cares if I say it once in the notes of a post noone will read anyways#just. fucking hell people aren't lying when they say that this age is the fucking worst to live in#I just wanna hope that things will get better I am gripping that promise so so hard rn#I'm just so goddamn tired and. just.#At least when I'm older I'll have the possibility to dissappear and never hear or talk or deal with these people ever again#Just. fucking god this is hard#and everyone says to keep going caus things will get better. I don't have any hope anymore but I guess I just gotta keep going#And I wanna make a big deal out of everything and make so many people hurt with that one permanent desition but I know it aint#worth it and stuff. just fucking hell.#was it so hard to ask to live somewhere safe. I just want to worry abt normal things#I dont wnat to have to do things that don't suit me I shouldn't be doing any of this I should just worry abt.#who fucking knows. I should be able to just worry about dumb internet drama and using soci.al media too much or whatever#But I can't worry about that that's just not how it works#And I remember that maybe I could have a nice life where. where I get to breathe for once and I get to be happy and taken care of#And then I get hope and I tjink things can change and then i am forced to remember what happens when I dare to think such dumb shit#things won't change. at least not now. no hope just gotta endure this shit and wait till I am old enough to just. get out of here and never#Look back and stuff.#maybe I'll get to do that.and I'll be happy and everything will be alright#It's hard to imagine that will happen. Most likely won't. but I dont know#And here I am. I should be saying this to my the.rapist or some shit but instead I'm venting on a tumblr blog just.#I should probably go to sleep#just. How naive of me to think that things would have gotten better.#And a part of me thinks it's stupid to say this shit here like it feels like I'm just doing this for attention or some shit and I dunno#Maybe I am doing it for attention. hoping that someone will read this dumb little cry for help and at least tell me that I'll be alright#but I know that won't happen but still I do this. just in case
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